#like idk it was a simple thing to explain and fix but he just wasnt listening

[anthraxplus]

gender affirmed! my dad didnt listen to me when i was describing my knowledge of a plumbing issue and he re-explained everything i had already told him twice 🥳

[firefly--bright]

all my daughters.

jean kirstein x gender neutral!reader (modern au)

summary : the crushing weight of everything and everyone changing is a bit too much. jean wants to bear the burdens with you.

warnings : hurt/comfort, mostly just therapy for my crumbling mental state, amateur symbolisms (?), established relationship, no use of y/n (im trying smth new) not proofread!!!!!

a/n : this is kinda like flaws but worse? idk I just needed to write something to comfort me and I'll be nothing if I don't use my writing to fix me <3 anyway! self projection as always but I love you if you relate to this and I'm always here to listen if you need someone to talk to. I'm also probably gonna take a hiatus after this fic but we'll see (I'm here to talk to regardless of that!) <3 i honestly don't expect this fic to get that much traction but anyway! enjoy!

taglist : @holding-ishu-and-a-book , @mrsnobodynobody

masterlist is linked in pinned post! ✿ requests for jean kirstein are open! ✿ enter my taglist ✿

inspired by these songs : all my daughters (demo) by dodie

ajib dastan hai yeh by Lata Mangeshkar

you were used to contradictory sentences. double negatives that were only meant to confuse you, double positives that you thought meant anything but, adorned with a sarcastic smile and a roll of the eyes that left you needing to figure the meaning out yourself.

jean was a walking contradictory sentence. he was a walking double negative, one that you didn't know how to understand. he was blunt but sweet, cold and warm, never being in one spot with his feelings, always on his feet but not running away. somehow he stayed.

all your friends were moving on. every one - sasha was moving out with her boyfriend niccolo, a chef who she had become extremely close to over the past year and who treated her in the highest of regards. your other roomate, Mikasa, was also moving out, but not with her boyfriend, eren, as you had suspected but instead for a chase of starting a new flourishing business of selling handcrafted oxidised jewellery online. that and being closer to eren, she had explained to both you and sasha.

Marco wasnt moving, per say, but he was already applying for his masters in law to broaden his perspective, and there was a prospect of him going abroad for his soon to approach future. he was currently visiting his extended family. Connie, surprisingly, was the first of your friend group to actually get a job at a marketing firm, and even if it was sort of exhausting, people praised Connie's charms and puns that made people buy the products. he was also helping Mikasa with her business, alongside eren and armin.

jean, currently making dinner for the pair of you in your mostly empty apartment, was also interning for an architectural firm. well, he hadn't started yet, but he did get accepted with the interview he gave last month.

and you? even though you were currently looking for new roomates to occupy the now empty spaces in the apartment, you felt lost. sure, you had a plan, and had also applied for a handful of internships, but that didn't mean you knew what you were doing.

you were used to keeping things and people in boxes. it started ever since you were in middle school and had just heard about books like Harry Potter and divergent, books that had a clear distinction of which people belonged where. you'd define people with those distinctions so it was easy to figure them out; it was easier to think of someone in a faction or Hogwarts houses or godly parent instead of actually trying to figure them out with all their complexeties. eventually it graduated into astrological signs that were probably all bullshitted anyway, and into MBTI types. there was always an explanation for something, and if it wasn't given them you'd find it out for yourself as you always had. but you couldn't go by those simple classifications anymore. they were too narrow and too claustrophobic.

but you also hated too-wide expanses that came with simply existing. the expanse of your unknown lifespan, the limitlessness of unlimited time, the enormous amount of things you had yet to learn. it was easy to get lost in nothing. how did your friends and family and all the people around you ever manage to make a clear path for themselves with a multitude of stops and landmarks when you didn't even have the basic gravel and stone and concrete to get started on making a road for yourself? would you be yet another chapter that ended in a fullstop in their thick books that they'd flip away from? the change - the uncertain steps - were never something you looked forward to.

helping mikasa and sasha move out was a challenge, another full stop in their books, helping Connie by teaching him how to properly format professional emails was another landmark that he passed, seeing Marco off at the airport before he caught his flight was another certain step.

the wide tumultous blue of the sea that you were floating in and it's unnerving depth used to be somewhat manageable. you had been swimming with your friends for a long time until your fingertips got all shriveled up, but now it seemed as though they had all swam away from you and towards a shore they were looking forward to, but you werent. the horizon line was all you could see, and you dared not to open your eyes underwater to see how deep the water was.

you were happy for them, ofcourse you were. you loved them with all your heart, and sections of your essential heart were left only for them with their names carved into the ridges of your brain. but the change was too much, too empty, too wide, too limitless, too uncertain.

a knock on the wood of your bedroom door made you turn your swivel chair towards the noise, and jean stood there against the doorframe, leaning on it. "dinner's ready. didn't know which movie to watch, though." he said, and only half of his words are registered by your ears.

you nod, your lips quirking up only slightly. "I'll be there in a bit," you say, watching Jean's brows knit closer together. you loved the way his forehead crinkled in obvious worry and concentration, but you didn't have the tongue to speak out your admirations.

he tilts his head. ever the observant, he asks, "what's wrong?"

his tone is patient. his words demand acknowledgement.

you sigh a little, knowing you can't hide anything from him. you thanked that quality of his, even if it was a little inconvenient at times, because his unrelenting persistence was the reason you felt so loved today, the reason you and jean had gotten closer in the first place.

your shoulders slump, "i dont know how to explain it," you say, because it's true, but also because even if you could explain it, you wouldn't know where to begin. but you begin anyway, even though you know it would end with you trailing off. jean would understand anyway as he always had. "just.... everything's changing... and I, i dont know, i dont really like change, I guess." there's a pause and you refuse to look at his face which you're sure is observing yours carefully as he always does. "it's just...too much." you say, shrugging at the end. "it's too much and I don't know how to deal with this. like everyone's dealing with it better than I am and I don't even know if I've....if I've grown much, if at all. i dont know what I'm supposed to do. i dont know what my role is, like i just, i wish there was an author writing my life so I'd know what to do because I don't know how to...how to do everything myself. i-" you didn't know when the lump had formed in your throat, refusing to be swallowed down anymore after being ignored for months on end. "i dont know anything, jean, and it's scary." you say, and your eyes don't shed tears even if theyre stinging. you wish you could cry just to get it over with.

you were probably overreacting. everyone was doing so great with themselves, and at the end of the day, it wasn't a big deal. so what if everyone would move on with their lives? wasn't that what was supposed to happen? so what if your friends would probably forget you? shouldn't you be glad that you had them in the first place? wasn't it better to have felt alive for the first time than to not have felt it in the first place?

warm and sturdy arms wrapped around your unshaken frame, and you were pulled away from your rolling chair to sit down on your bed. the mattress dipped comfortably under you as it always had and jean smelt like he always did and you took comfort in the predictability. your sheets would smell the same today and tomorrow and the day after, your clothes would be in the same closet, your mirror would be in its same place in the bathroom and jeans arms would always hold you softly.

he held you for a couple minutes as you wallowed in your own sea. your legs were in his lap, leaning your weight on his arms. your eyes were closed, and you felt his warm hands rubbing circles in their place on your thigh and on your back.

you speak again, feeling the need to be understood even though you already were. "i just wish that... that I could freeze time whenever I have a good day." you say, and it's the final nail in your coffin and the final scoop of dirt on your grave. it's all you have to say, it's all jean needs to hear as he holds you a little tighter.

he hums in thought, no doubt thinking of a proper response. sometimes you wish you could take a peek inside his head, just to see, even for a useless moment, what he was thinking about. and more selfishly, if it was about you.

but that didn't matter because who was jean if he didn't speak his mind? his cheek rests on the top of your head and you can feel his warmth, and you wish you could let his warmth spread all over you, you wish that it would ignore the barrier of your skin and go straight to your organs and muscles because your warmth hadn't felt like it had been yours for a very long time and Jean's heat would be much more than welcome. but that was wishful thinking and you feel him kiss the top of your head instead, and you accept it.

"you know," he finally starts, and you can hear his heartbeat. "when we first met I had one of the moments you're talking about. the want to like.... somehow freeze the moment and just relive it forever." he says. you don't move, you don't dare remove your head from his shoulder afraid that if you did, he'd be another thing lost to the depths of your mind.

he continued. "what I'm saying is, i know what you're scared of. that your friends will forget you and move on without you. but... i dont think they will. i dont think anyone can. don't you think just like you have parts of them in you that they have parts of you in them? I've seen it. sasha started talking like you like a month after you guys moved in together. Mikasa likes buying flowers now. Marco texts like you. Connie has so many jokes that only you'd understand. and i-" he says, cutting himself short with a small breathy chuckles that makes your heart dangerously stutter, "i dont think that, god forbid, if we were to ever not be together, i dont think that i would ever be able to forget you. but that's probably because I'm in love with you and that's not changing for atleast this lifetime," another short laugh, "i dont think any of our friends, any of your past friends could ever forget that you existed. i mean, you'd always be there. youd always exist even if it is in the back of their minds.

"and you don't have to know everything. it's not a race. it's just...a nice walk, if anything. you don't have anyone or anything to catch up to. you can take your time, love, and i know it's hard convincing yourself of that, but you can. and if it's any consolation," he says, grabbing your hand that had formed into a loose fist on your knee, encasing your hand in his, "I'm...I'll be here. even if we aren't talking, which I'm pretty sure won't happen, but even if it does, I'm here. i will be." he says, squeezing your fist.

his words breathe comfort into your lungs that rested inside the prison your ribs had become. your chest felt a little lighter, the stubborn knots in your stomach were slowly undoing themselves and maybe his words didn't undo any damage nor did they paint over it but they did help heal.

you breathe in deeply, burrowing yourself even further in his shoulder, and he thankfully gets the message as he holds you tighter, like he's the only twine holding you together. you nod, and he kisses the crook where your shoulders meet your neck.

"thank you," you whisper, something that could get lost in his clothes but he catches it and shakes his head. you know what he's going to say before he even says it and you smile a little.

maybe jean was a contradiction to himself, a double negative, a not not persistence. and maybe you did feel lost, maybe time had swam away from the desperate deathgrip you had on it. but jean was there. he wasn't a fullstop or a chapter, he was more of a "okay, and," sentence, something that continued over with a comma, and he wasn't a guide that held your hand towards the shore, but he was more of an insistent presence that helped you not drown by holding your hand. he wasn't the shore itself, but he did provide the comfort of finding footing against the depths.

not a race, not a stand, just a walk. a walk with your hand in Jean's, a walk with uncertain but hopeful steps.

not a book, not a chapter, just scribbles of incoherent but excited writing in a diary.

[ven-dett-a]

HAJIME (the yankee) HC (rlly testing what hc means in this case ig)

Okay so my favorite one other than the tattoo artist is flower shop (keep in mind im trying to keep in mind the timeframe the game happens in the best i can. Also that im a filthy American so idk japanese customs for some things heart emoji) Some basics that im not explaining just yet is i dont believe hajimes family is the best off financially, stable enough now but when hajime was younger there was alot more struggle. Id also like to add, My hc that while hajimes mom was japanese, Hajime was born in america and they only moved back to japan when he was 8. Theres reasons to this that tie into the hc above (specifically the fact im not mentioning his father) that ill explain later. I havent found any proof for hajime or tsuginos ages around this time so i imagine theyre 16 --- There was a flower shop owned by this little old woman, only opened during the spring and summer. It was located in a small strip with two other stores beside it, an old building a few feet behind the flower shop, between them was an alleyway where the dumpster for the flower shop sat. A bit far from the exit but she managed. One night when she walked out, there was a boy laying against the dumpster, no older than 12, hands pressed against bleeding wounds and his mouth and he tried to regain enough strength to get home. --- (This is set long before he meets tsugino for knowledge) As we know in canon hajime got into fights, tsugino mentioning this detail when describing hajime early on in tsog, "he would tell me stories on how he had defeated men who had tried go get in his way, or how he had beaten a shoplifter to a pulp... Such unimportant sagas." I imagine he didnt just start that suddenly, it had been going on for a while. And he seems prideful in the fact hes won, so its likely hed never tell tsugino about the losses. The beginning of this headcanons simple, Hajime lost a fight badly, he was over cocky and bit off more than he could chew. what little stuff hed brought was taken from him and he was just left there. The owner of a shop infront of the alleyway had gone to throw away the last bits of trash from the day and had found him groveling, hand covering his mouth to keep the noises of pain as quiet as possible as he was trying to stop the bleeding from some of the more serious wounds. The old lady had brought him into her store quickly, using what she had to help bandage him up. Violence outside wasnt uncommon, but for a young child.. While fixing the young boys wounds she had given a slight lecture about fighting, in response he turned his head away, if it wasnt for the fact he was hurt he wouldve just left. The old woman sighed as she continued working on bandaging his wounds. --- The shop owner continued bandaging the boys arm, but after a spout of silence.... "...who started it?" The woman asked as she knotted the bandage off. The boy didnt look at her for a moment, eyes glued to the floor, worrying his already busted lip between his teeth. It took him a few moments to finally grumble out the answer. "I did.." "Now why would you do that?" The old woman questioned his motives on a whim, she didnt know this boy, but wanted to know non the less. This is where hajime would go silent again, the woman beginning to work on cleaning up his blackened eye. --- The headcanon above comes into play here, hajime did provide an explanation finally, he did it for the money, street fighting had a payout and he was pretty good at it, his mom needed the help but places didnt want to hire a kid. The woman was silent after that until shes gotten him cleaned up. Before she sent him home however she told him to come back to her shop after school the next day. Surprisingly he did. A small loaf of bread in hand aswell, telling her it was from his mother as a thank you for helping him the night before. -- The old woman waved her hand. "Im not in need of that sweetie.. but if youd really like to thank me, could you help me get this display moved? Its hard on my poor bones.." --

he did. Hed help the woman with a few more things aswell. He didnt see the problem with it, despite everything he was taught manners. Once hed finished however she'd handed him an envelope, upon opening it there was money. She told him shed see him again tomorrow. He continued that process until the end of the season, it wasnt an official job persay, the lady explained once that he was being paid under the table, but it was still money. It was still helpful. Hed return the next season, and the next, and the one after that. Soon he was being paid as a normal employee. He didnt stop fighting, often times showing up to work with a few cuts and bruises, a black eye here and there. The woman stopped scolding him after a while, changing to asking if hed atleast won this one. Hajime had stayed working at the flower shop every season until his death. Visiting his grave youd always find new bouquets every week. its important to bring up why i think this fits him The old lady is there because i wantwd him to have mor interaction outside.of tsugino, but i think a job at a flower shop doesn't contrast his personality that much The concept of him being a delinquent but being one of the only people to like tsugino the way he is is very similar to him getting into fights but working at a flower shop for a elderly woman

[veryfuckingtrans]

Today i had another very stressful day for no good fucking reason like

-my boss was at the office and i had to sit near him

-i forgot my charger but thankfully it was still on my boss' desk. I took it when he wasnt there but then someone told him "was the charger there yours?" And he directly asked me and i had to explain i had taken it from his desk.

-we had a fire drill and i felt like a stray dog just following people all by myself

-i got up the courage to sit with the other interns who had been nice to me at lunch. I told them i'm working in another project and all that

-i had to do a push to develop (update my code changes to the environment developers use for testing) but accidentally pushed to main (updated my changes to the environment real users use) because i was careless and i almost have a heart attack. There was a "undo" button but i'm still not 100% sure i did it right and i was so close to crying. This is an important system, if it stops working they will call the developers at 2AM on a Saturday to go fix it, and i just changed it accidentally

-the person responsible for my internship talked to my boss (very quietly and facing away from me) and then asked me when i finish my internship. Like girl aren't you supposed to know that? So i had to email my school tutor to ask her, and she might reply tomorrow or she might reply in two weeks, there's no way to know.

-the bus back home was so full we couldnt even move and people were very rude about it

-a friend wanted to go to the taylor swift concert and they asked me to sign up for the presale months ago. Today i got an email saying there were some tickets for sale last minute and i sent it to them. I hadnt talked to them in months and then they sent me a voice message, i'm still too scared to listen.

-i'm trying to do the design/user interface for the app we have to do as a final project (me and 2 friends. One of them changed something that broke the entire page and the other has not done one single thing) and nothing works and i am extremely bad at focusing on tasks so instead of having a simple working header i started to look up stock photos for the background and tried to see if i could use AI to create a logo for the page and i just spent so much time and nothing works and everything looks ugly

-i have not told my mum i'm hanging out with a friend this weekend, on friday we're going to a talk and on saturday to a party. This friend had drama with my sibling and my mum doesn't like her and gets upset every time i mention her

-my parents are looking into building a house and want me to go with them so tomorrow after work i have to go fucking talk with some architect i guess

Everything is so small and so insignificant but my chest hurts and i'm starting to get an eye tick and i feel like i'm gonna be sick on my way to work. I can't help but think anxiety meds would help right about now, but i sort of enjoy the way i can feel all my emotions intensely now. So idk. Shit's hard.

[ozzy-bozzy]

Hi! I love your writing style and was wondering if I could request something? (I’ve never requested anything so idk if I’m doing it right 😔)

If you’re able to (I completely understand if you can’t!) can you write something for Langa or Reki with a s/o with OCD tendencies?

I completely understand if you can’t!

hello love! Your request s just fine, you did splendidly for your first request!! (hope to see more soon)

enjoy!

Just like with an s/o that rambles or fidgets i think Reki wouldn’t pay much mind to any of it

If anything you help educate him a bit more beyond the stupid stereotypes the world knows about OCD

I feel like he knew that it wasnt just being a ‘clean freak’ or that it wasn’t as simple as wanting to keep your room organized

But that it was an actual disorder that was stressful and occupied a lot of your life

And Reki’s there to help comfort you when things get bad

He’ll be there to help remind you that the world isn’t ending and that the two of you can work through problems together

Reki also understands just saying that won’t help fix anything or change how you’re feeling so he’ll try and portray it through his actions to help get the message across

Might try and help you find different outlets to keep your mind occupied and busy

He’ll of course try out skating bc cmon its Reki, but he’s worried it might make things worse and doesn’t want to add to your pile

Buuuuuut he’s also aware of the possibility of it making things better

He has a long talk with you about it

Boy is concerned!!

Always looking out for you

Google always on hand to try and learn more in order to help you

He’s somehow both very prepared and also somehow not at all?

He’s a mess but he’s a put together mess

And this mess is going to be with you for every little step because all he wants to do is support you in any way he can

I feel like Langa’s mom keeps him educated and open minded

Not that he rlly needs help

Just that I think she’s the kind of woman to be very into the news and keeping up with the social world and talks to him a lot about it

And Langa's been all over the place so he’s already rlly open minded

And if you talked to him about any OCD tendencies you may have he doesn’t even think twice about it

Already looking for ways to help accommodate to you to support you in any way he can

If that’s surprising or anything and you tell him how important that is he’ll be confused??? Like lmao why wouldn’t i support you you’re my significant other i love you tf

He helps remind you of anything you might forget, helps others understand what you may be feeling or experiencing

His touch is also very light and gentle and if you’re having a bad day he’s there to comfort you so goddamn much it’s almost suffocating

It’s not just the hair i swear but the fact that Langa gives off such comforting and playful blue vibes (dont ask idk if i can explain it) makes him just so much more friendly

Im a Langa kinnie dont @ me

You’ll have to explain things to Langa too btw

He may be very open-minded and such but he’s still a very confused boy and doesn’t always take in his surroundings

Pls walk him through things hes gotta let his brain process things

But in the end Langa would be very supportive, dare i say more than Reki, but pls tell him what you need he cannot read a room to save his life

[heyitsyn]

Complicated

Shirabu x Reader

a/n: im not very familiar with shirabu on a spiritual level like i am w the other characters but ill try my best!! 

request:  okok haikyuu hcs: shirabu is reader’s childhood best friend and messed up their last game in middle school because he changed his setting style to accommodate ushijima,,, and reader, as the manager is very very pissed and they get into a huge fight,,, so once they get to stz they’re academic rivals, reader became the vbc manager just to spite him (oh yea they definitely still have crushes on each other but it’s hard with the current situation) only if it’s ok!! not a lot of ppl write for him :

this is kinda the best friends-to-rivals-to-friends again-to-lovers

requests open!!

lets get our inhalers bc this finna be a wild one luvs

so, basically,

you and him were actually childhood friends since he lived next door to you

lets say you met when you were 5 and you just stuck on to this slightly cold and dismissive boy who was the shy type

idk bout you but i actually like that type

ppl dont really understand how yall got along bc you were the extrovert and the laughing type of girl

he only stuck around bc you were actually a smart person who helped him occassionally w your organized notes

but he still appreciates your time and efforts to be his friend despite his personality

plus, you also liked volleyball and together you both would watch volleyball matches in his house where you would see him with a smile that he unconsciously wears

like when yall were 8, you gave him a volleyball for his birthday since he lost his old one when he was playing by the river

at first, he was like, ‘oh, thanks, i needed this’

but then as he started tossing it up and down, you could see that bashful smile starting to surface

you shrieked, 

bc you rarely see it and you think its super cute,

and just wrap him up in a hug and he turns all shy again but with a soft smile and a soft blush

‘thanks, n/n-chan’

uh oh, feelings

stinky

since he mainly focused on doing homework or studying, not a whole lot of kids really approached him to hang out since they thought he only lived to study and play volleyball

but you didnt care bc youve been friends w this bun for a long time and you know hes not really like that

he has fun moments too

since you were the manager of the volleyball team, you always try to showcase how fun he was by trying to take the team to bonding places 

the team does think that shirabu has fun but only if its w you

anyways

one afternoon, you naturally just go to his house w him since your mothers know youre practically best friends and so you basically live in each others houses

yall were about halfway through middle school so shirabu has been studying more to get scholarships for schools

he was studying on the little table while leaning against his bed while you were just lounging on his bed after studying

‘ken-channnnn’

oikawa 2.0

‘hm’

you pouted at the distracted reply before sitting up and wrapping your arms around his shoulder from behind him and placing your chin on his shoulder

‘lets do something fun!!!! im boredddd’

he wasnt really fazed by the skinship bc youve been like that to him since day 1

but thats going to change soon

‘i have a new sudoku book over there that you could do’

omg what

‘ken-chan!’

you shrieked in betrayal before leaping off the bed and grabbing his arm to stand him up

shirabu was actually annoyed that you were distracting his studying but seeing a wide grin on your face made him double stop

am i,,,, catching feelings?

nah, he just going through puberty

‘lets go to the fall market! yuki-chan told me theres a new food place that opened and theyre handing out free samples!’

you excitedly told him and continued shaking his arm to persuade him in going

‘n/n-chan, this is my only free day from volleyball to study. i need to pass the test on friday’

you rolled your eyes at that lame excuse

‘i know. i set up the schedule differently bc you have a big test on friday! but you would still have time to study!’

‘but im still unfamilair with the topic-’

‘cmon, ken-chan! youre so smart you could rival buddha!’

‘i dont think,,,,, thats a right comparison’

‘either way, we’re going to hang out and have fun!’

he honestly didnt know why he was at this crowded market w you

shirabu is a whole simp

‘omg ken-chan! look! takoyaki!’

you dragged him to the stall and the nice old lady smiled before taking your order

‘1 box please. ken-chan, you want?’

he shook his head no and started taking out his wallet to pay

but you stopped him

‘no, you dont have to pay since youre not eating’

‘but i want to’

‘ken-chan! you need to save up for college!’

‘no its fine im pay-’

‘here ya go, dear. free of charge’

you both stopped at the nice lady’s sentence

‘b-but’

‘no it’s okay. its cute to find a boy who’s willing to pay for his girl since that doesnt really happen nowadays. i hope you have a great rest of your date!’

‘it’s not a da-’

‘thank you, maam’

shirabu takes the box and leads you out of there

you smirk and poke his tummy

‘you want to go on a date with me, ken-chan~?’

he turns red and looks away

‘no. it wouldve taken longer to fully explain the situation so just go along with it to make it faster’

you giggled

‘hm sounds fake but okay’

you both continue to walk around the market and even buy a few things like a mini buddha statue or a pair of cat ears for both of you

with everything you bought, shirabu payed with it all

you were pouting as you walked and he noticed so he nudged you with his elbow

‘oi, what’s wrong?’

you crossed your arms

‘hm.. i dont like that ken-chan is buying and spending money for me on things that symbolize our fun. i want to give ken-chan something to remember this day too!’

shirabu grows flustered but hes really confused

youve always been a thoughtful person who tries to be independent but unconsciously ends up depending on others like him

but your thoughts of wanting to do something in return for him just sounds like heaven right now

lmao what a simp

he looks around for a place that could have something that sparked his interest but nothing caught his eye

until he caught a photo booth by the corner

‘oi, n/n-chan, let’s go there’

you followed his finger and you gasped

‘thats perfect, ken-chan! let’s go!’

you drag him to the booth and you giddily enter the coins for the machine to start

but he was starting to think this wasnt a good idea

he was in a cramp space with you pressed against him

but youve always been glomped to his side since yall were kids so what was the difference now?

bc you catching feelings, fool!

‘ken-chan! its starting!’

he finally snaps out of his flustered state and he raises a peace sign with a smile

with all the pictures, there were funny pictures of you and him,

well mainly you

but he was happy to have them w you

‘ken-chan, you know i love you, but when will you fix your hair?’

he glared at you

‘i like it so its staying that way’

you giggled at his attitude

‘okay, ken-chan. at least it would make you stand out in the crowd so i dont have to look for you!’

you hugged his waist and he froze up, suddenly feeling awkward with this familiar position

its okay, shes naturally like this so calm down

dontcrydontcrydontcrydontcry

after your hang out, he didnt even bother going back to studying

he just laid on his bed, looking at the strip of pictures with a fond smile

he was happy that you only showed that true, bright, happy grin to him

it was only for him

and he only showed his to you

bc you were you and you were the greatest thing, next to his parents, that he has in his life

omg that thought

he freezes and the picture falls on his face at that realization

omg, does he like you?

youre a great friend and his best friend and he wants to be your friend forever

but then, he realizes

youd separate one day and youd have a boyfriend and get married and have a family without him

no, he wasnt going to let that happen

he didnt like that thought

and thus, began his crush for you

and you were the same thing too but you noticed it later than him

oof, when this one girl confessed to him at the back of the school, you cried to him when yall got home

‘when ken-chan has a girlfriend, he wont hang out with me anymore! hes not going to be my friend anymore!’

it took some reassurance from him and more from your mom, when you got home, to realize that you liked your best friend

and thus began the skinny love stage

the whole volley team knew of your pining and tbh, they thought yall were dating but you were just like, nah, we friends

if anyone were to look at you, they would think the same thing

but ofc, yall are insecure hormonal teenagers who think that the other doesnt like them and if they confess, they would be rejected and that would ruin their friendship and they would not be friends anymore and they dont think they could handle that so its better to keep the feelings hidden and remain friends bc if theyre happy, theyre happy

oml my entire love life

this continued on until the last year of middle school

bc not only do you suddenly stop being friends, you became rivals

so as volleyball manager, you helped the team with whatever they needed in return of them doing their absolute best and winning the game

the last game of the year, you were slightly confused at the way shirabu was playing bc it wasnt the normal way he sets

before, his sets were so good that he could give it to any player and they would spike perfectly

but now, it was so different due to the simple, almost lazy, and very high tosses

the team was slightly irritated bc they couldnt keep up with the high tosses so they couldnt hit it

in between the sets, during break, you pulled him aside as you wiped off his sweat

‘ken-chan, youre not setting properly to the others. theyre getting angry because it doesnt allow them to spike right.’

he glares at you, with almost manic eyes

‘its their fault for not being able to jump high enough. in order to get a point, the ace must get a high toss to aim a quick spike’

‘but theyre not able to jump that high, ken-chan!’

you whispered, worried that he was going too intense and they would lose the game

all the hard-work the others put in, all to waste

‘i dont care. i must start early and change early so ushijima could hit my sets in the future’

‘but they’re not ushijima, kenjiro!’

you whisper-yelled

‘right now, theres no ushijima, no oikawa, its just you and the team. your team’

he was shook that you used his first name and the way you were actually telling him off

youve never been like that before

but he was blinded by his goal in the future

‘why is he our ace if he couldnt even hit tosses meant for an ace?’

‘because hes not the ace you’re hoping him to be!’

‘kenjiro, listen to me, these boys have worked their asses off for years to even come close to playing against seijoh or shiratorizawa. im going to do everything i can to make that happen and im not going to let them lose just bc you are too busy focusing on the future rather than the present’

with the way he looked at you, you really thought he would listen to you and play the way his team needs him to play

but no, he played the way he thought ushijima needed him to play

in the end, due to the foreign and unfamiliar tosses, they were unable to hit as much points causing them to lose

you could never forget the looks on your fellow classmates, who were also going to graduate this year, as they watched the ball that shirabu tossed, hit the floor right next to them

to say you were pissed was an understatement

you were F U R I O U S ™

you held the hands of the first years as they were devastated at their first loss

but you caught the eye of your ‘friend’ and he was biting his lip in irritation and anger

as your team was walking to their locker room to get changed, you pulled shirabu aside

‘what the hell’

he stared at you

‘we lost. we lost bc they couldnt keep up’

‘kenjiro! are you not listening to yourself?! you lost because you couldnt accept the fact that your teammates arent ushijima wakatoshi! you couldnt accept the fact that they’re not tall enough! strong enough! ace-like enough! and for what?! for the future?! the future where you’re going to set for someone like ushijima?!’

‘i vowed to set for a player like him, y/n! i want to toss a ball to someone as powerful and as talented as him! thats a promise i intend to keep’

you were dumbfounded 

he was acting on his own reasons and selfish intent, even costing them a game, for his preparation in the future

‘i cannot believe you right now. i didnt know you were so selfish, shirabu. of all the years i knew you, you were never like this. so what changed?’

at the almost betrayed look on your face hurt him bc weren’t you always there to help him? to support him? wasnt that the reason you became a manager in the first place? 

‘you dont understand, y/n. i need to change the way i play now because it will greatly benefit me in the future’

honestly, you didnt even know why you were so angry about this

sure, it was volleyball and it was just a game

you had high school to win it again

but maybe it was the fact that he wasn’t being the shirabu you knew

the ken-chan you grew up with and harbored feelings for for years

he was turning to someone that worked not for himself, but for some guy he has never even spoken to

you blinked away the tears and looked off the side, away from his face

‘right. the future. yanno, if youre already like this, i dread to think about how you would act once you get that goal of yours. but i know one thing. im not going to be there to see it happen’

god that last sentence

he felt a piece of his world crumble bc were you saying goodbye? were you leaving him?

‘i cant see you torture yourself into changing into a new person, kenjiro. so good luck finding someone who can’

‘oh yea? well, i dont need you! i’ll be perfectly fine on my own and find someone better than you! youre easily replacable!’

that was a big booboo love

that fight costed him more than a decade of friendship and a few years of love

despite living so closely together, you refused to even acknowledge him and when your parents got together, you’d find some way to be out ofthe house or you’d lock yourself in your room

he tried many times to get to you and even cried to you, begging to not leave him

but you willed strong and you left him alone

omg she handled this so bad and i cant w puberting teenagers

eventually, he got tired of chasing you and was now angry at you for picking a team of people youve only met for a few years over him who’s been there for you since you were 5

he was betrayed, cold, and sad

however,

without each other to be there, you both studied even harder and eventually, you were both able to get into shiratorizawa

initially, you wanted nothing to do w that school since you knew kenjiro was going to be in it and that bastard ushijima wakatoshi was too

um,,, babygurl ushi did nothing to you

but your mother really wanted you to go to a nice school since she wanted you to go to a nice college

since yall werent friends anymore, he didnt know you wouldn’t be in shiratorizawa

so imagine his surprise when he saw you entering his class with the girls uniform on and a completely new hairstyle and hair color and were you wearing makeup?!

lmao she acting like they broke up

anyways, all he knows, is that boys were already looking at you and vying for attention and dear god, he didnt know how to handle that

for the first month of school, youd think you would just be ignoring each other like you did back in middle school

but nope!

somehow, yall were now talking again!

except it was a mean type of talking

you see, shirabu studied as much as he breathed and you were just a naturally smart sister who didnt study as much

but you still were able to make it to the top and currently, you were the 1st in your entire class

‘ara ara? 1st again? better luck next time, shirabu-kun~’

he glared at you from his seat as you passed by with a smug grin

this fueding is giving me vertigo

‘shut up. at least some of us work for our grades’

that was so weak lmao

but you turned around to blink your eyelashes, slightly mocking him

‘eh? are you saying that i’m naturally gifted? yanno, shirabu-kun, naturally gifted people are much better than those who have to work for it. you play with ushijima-senpai, right? so you’d know the difference between you two.’

bringing up ushijima always pained him but he kept repeating it to himself that he was doing it so that he could go to nationals

sensing his silence as defeat, you waved your hand and went back to conversing w your other friends

this continued on again for a while and he was already sick and tired of it

not only was it beginning to get annoying, it was beginning to hurt

he cornered you at your locker

aaaaa kabedon!!!!!!!

‘listen to me and listen well, y/n’

yessir im listening

‘whatever the hell youre doing, cut it out. youre not going to rile me up anymore and im not going to give you the reactions you want. i dont understand why youre doing this to me but you need to stop before i make you’

ohgodyessir

ngl, that tone of his voice was the lowest youve heard and it made you so red bc that was just hot

but you gulped before grinning wolfishly, hand pressed against his chest and the other snaking around his neck

you pulled him down to your level so you could lean close to his ear

‘now you listen to me and listen well, ken-chan, youre not my best friend anymore so you can no longer tell me what to do, kay?’

shirabu was just flustered at the close proximity between your lips and his ears that he completely missed your warning

he only snapped out of it when you walked away, heading towards your next class

you sat in class that day, wondering how to tease him more

clearly, just words wouldnt make him irritated

gurl why you doing this

and you were stumped until you saw a red-haired looking guy accompanied by a gray-haired looking guy coming up to you

ofc you recognized them from the volley team since you’ve,,,,,,maybe seen a few practices

you thought theyd just pass by but they stopped in front of you and you looked up w wide eyes

‘can,,,, i help you?’

‘wow shes cute!’

the red head shouted and you shrunk under the gazes of these tall men

‘sorry about him. im semi eita, second year’

you shook his hand and you introduced yourself before soon finding out this other guy was tendo satori

‘so what do you need me for?’

‘you see, we’re kinda in need of a manager. and i think its better to have a manager who is close to a player in the team. i apologize to say this but i saw you and shirabu-san by the lockers the other day and i think its best to have his girlfriend as our manager’

‘g-girlfriend?!’

you shrieked, shocked that they thought you were

at this mention, you got a flashback from the festival and you soon turned bright red at the label of you being kenjiro’s girlfriend

‘and youre so cute y/n-chan! i can see what our darling kouhai sees in you!’

‘no, you got it all wrong its-’

then you stopped

omg this was the perfect opportunity

no gurl stop jesus take the wheel

shirabu would hate it if you were a manager bc that would give you more room to tease him

holy

then you smiled

‘i accept, senpais. i want to see my baby in action after all’

they were ecstatic since it was a hassle to find a manager who wasnt infatuated w ushijima

you exchanged contacts and soon, you were brought to meet the team

oh boy when kenjiro saw you at the door, he dropped the ball on his head

what in the hell were you doing here

‘guys, this is our new manager!’

you peeked out from tendo and waved at them

‘hello, my name is l/n y/n, first year. and im glad to be your manager’

noticing shirabu’s shocked form, tendo and semi shared a look and interpreted as, hes so happy that his senpais chose his girlfriend for him so now he could show off and play better and that could hopefully turn his attitude to be more grateful and respectful rather than this dismissive and disrespectful behavior

but shirabu was dying inside

oh god, youre totally going to tease him during practice and hes not going to be at his best and hes not going to be able to prove himself to ushijima

‘oi! shirabu-kun! come be grateful to your senpais for letting your darling girlfriend as our manager!’

‘hey baby!’

omg, what

again, you have a loud and expressive personality so you were kinda shameless so you just ran up and hugged him

aaaaa this is so embarassing wth

‘didnt you miss me? oh, youre so cute!’

god, he knows youre only here to spite him

right on point, good sir

ugh you were practically teasing him as the manager and you were having so much fun making him all flustered

but he was also spiteful 

sometimes, he would stick his foot out whenever youd run towards a player and hed laugh at you embarassing yourself in front of them

youd return the favor by accidentally throwing his water bottle at his face

‘oh, gomen, ken-chan’

the entire time, the team was baffled to see the usual stoic and dismissive shirabu so freely laughing and actually teasing you

they think its just for good fun and not the aim of hurting each other since yall are dating and youre just flirting

combined w being academic rivals and now rivals during the team, you both were unintentionally becoming close again

the brutality was slowly simmering to a low heat

and turn the over on at 350 degrees

now, it was just to make each other flustered

the crush that you thought was gone, was slowly digging itself out like the zombies in plants vs zombies

and my god you were annoyed

from now on, you were nothing but rivals and a parasite on his side

him feeling the same

dating would cause too much and the hurtful words would eventually come back up and you concluded that you were just too different

you didnt conclude shit

one time, the team was walking from practice to a nearby convenience store to pick up food

ofc you were picking out a billion foods and you just shoved them all to his arms

‘my darling boyfriend would pay for it because he loves me. ya know what they say, make his pockets hurt’

he glared at you 

‘as far as i remember, i wasnt dating a pig’

ngl, that hurt a little bc hes calling you a fattie

but he still went up to pay for it and you intentionally bumped him with your hips to annoy him but it caused him to drop his wallet to fall

and out came his money and that picture

the picture from nearly 3 years ago

you bent down to pick it up before he could even move 

god, yall were so happy and young back then

it was awkward silent since you didnt give it back and yall walked out of the store and the team was sensing the weird vibe around you two

‘oi, what happened? its so tense!’

‘did you fight?’

‘did you get caught making out by the aisles?’

‘ong shut up, kai!’

yall kai is a third year senpai that i completely made up since we dont get insight on the senpais before ushijima

but the team noticed the weird aura around you two and decided to walk away to give yall some space

‘can-will you hand it over now?’

shirabu mumbled

you nodded and pushed it in his hands

‘why,,,, why do you still have it?’

‘you gave it to me. of course id still have it’

you were silent before coughing

‘can we talk?’

‘its about time we do’

yall walked away from the team towards your home but were taking weird turns and corners to prolong the walk

you looked up to see him and you laughed

‘this is ridiculous. its not fair’

‘what are you talking about?’

he whispered

‘i was so angry at you for saying that you dont need me and that you could easily find someone better because i knew that and i didnt like it. but i was so hurt that it came from your mouth. out of everyone, i would rather die than hear you say that to me. i think thats why ive been like this. i dont know, im being stupid. i was being stupid.’

he stopped walking and clenched his fist while glaring at the ground

‘you told me you were going to leave me. you were telling me that you wouldnt be friends with me anymore. i had to choose between you or volleyball and i wasnt at the right state of mind at that time so i chose incorrectly’

you noticed him not beside you anymore so you went behind him to rest your forehead on his back so he would see you since he preferred to be honest while not looking at you

‘ken-chan, we messed up big time, didnt we?’

his body shook as he laughed

‘i guess we did’

‘it was only over a game. i was so mean and dramatic and ive called you names and said bad stuff about you and im sorry’

‘im not innocent either. i said those words to you and im sorry’

despite slightly making up now, you both knew those feelings would have to wait because you were only getting each other back

‘can we start over, ken-chan?’

‘you want to?’

‘yes’

‘then we will’

omg the whiplash this is giving me

so yall are finally becoming friends and your families are relieved yall made up again bc wowza those dinners were torturous

‘now that they made up, we can go back to planning their wedding’

‘MOM NO!’

slowly but surely, everything has been going steady and your friendship was getting better

but you didnt admit to the club about everything bc again, shirabu was like, ‘i dont feel like explaining everything’

you both still kept a rivalry but it was friendly this time with cute wagers like treat me to milk bread or banana milk

tOOrU oIKaWA’s fAvoRiTE fOod iS MiLK bREaD

he came over often and studied w you and yall would end up actually just watching a movie or watching brain games, unconsciously cuddled up on the couch

however,

this new closeness was doing damage to your heart bc you were again reminded of how much you liked this boy

initially, you thought it would just go away and never be seen again but it said

sIKe biH!

every time you saw him, youd unconsciously sweep away a stray hair and fix it to his weird crooked style

but whenever you do that, shirabu would get a close view of your face and omg you were freaking beautiful

and thats saying something from a guy who saw you through your awkward phase

hes unconsciously touching you more and showing more affection, even more than when yall were young

just being w you was emotionally exhausting as he holds himself back from doing drastic things but he was over it

he was done with all the years of pining for you so finally found the balls to do something about it

you were over at his place to study for exams and he was coming back up with juice

you were slumped over your calculus textbook with your hair in a bun and glasses on wearing his clothes

god theyre practically dating already

‘ken-chan, come help me with this’

he nods and goes to sit behind you

with his tall height, he was able to look over your shoulder and place his chin on it and tbh, you were so frustrated w the problem you didnt care about the closeness

‘you misplaced a decimal so everything got all wrong’

he mumbled

you gasped and made a noise of agreement before changing your answer

he didnt move though, instead wrapping his arms around yourwaist

‘oi, n/n’

‘hm’

this is a familiar scene

‘wanna go to the market tomorrow?’

at the mention of the market you stopped and leaned back

oh god your heart leapt at the feeling of his chest behind you but you composed quickly

‘should we?’

you turned to gauge his reaction at your closeness but he gently smiled

‘yea’

‘okay’

you havent been back to the market together since that day and it was so nostalgic as you both did the things you did back then

from the takoyaki to the stalls

it was so fun

but your heart was beating so fast

his smiling face and thoroughly enjoyed face was doing palpations in your heart

you looked away to stop staring at him and found the photo booth

‘look, ken-chan! the photo booth!’

he chuckled at the thought

‘should we go get another one?’

‘yes! come on!’

you quickly inserted the money and shirabu had flashbacks

but this time it was going to be different

‘okay lets start!’

the first picture, it was a peace sign

the second one was a wacky one

but the next one, was different

‘oi y/n’

‘what?’

the shutter went off just in time of him kissing you

the bright light caused you to close your eyes and you soon forgot what was happening

all you knew you were kissing ken-chan

your best friend

turned enemy

turned friend again

and now,,, were you lovers?

this rollercoaster is quite loopy

he pulled away and rested his forehead against yours

‘im sorry if-’

‘no balls, do it again’

and this time you lunged back for another

and again, this time, not only did you give him another photo, but you also gave him your heart

la fin.

yall what did i just write

[bolandoando]

thinking about diane schuler and how dumb that documentary was for obliging her family’s denial, they denied her alcoholism they denied her weed addiction they denied her marriage issues they denied the possibility that maybe they didnt know her well at all. i think given the fact that her mother ran off w some guy when she was 9 leaving her to be the mom of the family even tho she wasnt even the oldest and her dad was right there, explains why diane was type A control freak perfectionist high maintenance and extremely against ever admitting fault or ever asking for help. her best friend was like oh she never even once told me about her marriage she never spoke about her mom she never told me she drank or smoke she never complained about being overworked or stressed and im like and you were her Best friend ? she didnt confide in nobody. im certain tho that her husband knew she drank and knew she smoked and obviously knew their marriage was nonexistent but he won’t ever admit to that. i think the fact that diane’s mom reconciled later on in life w everyone else in the family except for her shows that diane held some deep resentment and was also v stubborn and resistant to ever sitting in her feelings and finding actual resolution instead of just sedating herself and lying to herself and everyone else. her lazy dad let her miss out on her childhood and diane married the first guy she ever dated which is so dumb like even if he was perfect that wud still be so stupid and he told her he didnt want kids and she still married him w her plan of having a ton of children and there was no love no friendship btwn them no shared responsibilities no sex and she told nobody ? i dont think she wud ever admit that she needed a divorce bc that wud mean failure and that wud mean a broken marriage just like her parents’ and i do think her husband might resemble her dad like who lets their youngest kid manage a household ? anyway i just think the trajectory of her life is clear, instead of asking for help getting therapy not taking on a fulltime tv exec job not keeping up the façade of a marriage she drank and got high at night and ofc she wud be a high functioning alcoholic shes got that kind of willpower, i dont think that was the first time she drove her kids while drunk and idk that it was her goal that day to drive into traffic. i do think the fact that her husband once again let her take on the responsibility of driving the kids home while he just took the dog in his car may have something to do w her flipping out that day. i think she definitely did not trust her husband to care for their kids and while shes totally right that he sucks and is openly resentful of being a father, u can’t undermine ppl and expect things to get better, she somehow thot she cud go on forever just taking on everything and it all couldve been prevented if she had only at any point in time admitted that she had a problem i am rambling but its just interesting how ppls issues can seem so simple but are probably inescapable behaviors that can’t actually be fixed so easy.

[tylerwritez]

Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay  which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪  like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone  talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

[alleycat97]

Sleepover

Pairing: Eliana x MC

Description: Tired of her mother and sister fighting, Aria needed a break from trying to hold the family tigether. Close to exhaustion and no place to go, she finds the one person who can make everything better, Eliana.

Disclaimer: Not my characters. Please enjoy!!

...

“I know you took it! If I find out you took it, I’ll be mad at you forever!” Alexis stomped out of the room angrier than ever.

Your mother tried to plead with her, only getting angrier with her youngest daughter, she already told her she didn’t take her cherished sweatshirt but Alexis wasn’t satisfied with that.

From the first day of this vacation, from the day of her fathers funeral, Alexis and yall’s mother have been going at each other, sometimes for the silliest of things. No matter how hard Aria tried to get them together and see the light, no matter her efforts to bring them together. Whether it be a spa day, making drinks by the pool or coming together at the annual clam bake, the victories were only temporary.

Aria would make ground on her sister and mother only to have another thorn burst her bubble and she would have to restart. You would think her explosion at the breakfast table would have knocked some sense into her family but it was looked over and here they were, arguing over a sweatshirt. This summer was hopeless and Aria was done trying to hold her life, her family, and her fathers legacy together.

“THATS IT! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YALL’S CRAP!” Aria exploded, making her mother cover her mouth in shock and stopping Alexis in her tracks.

“No matter what I do, how hard I try to bring you two together, the worse off we are! Maybe we should just sell this stupid house! Maybe we should get out of this stupid town and never come back and never see each other again!”

“Aria...You don’t mean that.” Her mother tried.

“Oh? This family is a disaster because you two cannot get along! I’m tired of being the glue.”

“Where are you going?” Alexis asked.

“Its none of your business!” Aria yelled out slamming the door leaving her family members shocked.

Aria walked in frustration to wherever her feet took her, that just so happened to be a familiar cowboy bar downtown. It was late but a few patreons were there enjoying the music, drinks, and mechanical bull.

Aria slid onto a bar stool with her head slumped low. Then she slid up from behind the bar,

“Well hello to you.” Eliana greeted. “Aww why the long face?”

Aria let out a long sigh, “Its my mom and sister again. They’re fighting over Alexis’ lost sweatshirt.”

Eliana couldn’t help but giggle, she knew of Aria’s situation but the reasons kept getting sillier, “Well what’s so special about this sweatshirt.”

“It was my dads and he gave it to Alexis. She always wears it.” Aria explained.

Eliana didn’t need to figure out why it was special to the girl now. “So what happened?”

“Alexis came running downstairs freaking out over it. She couldn’t find it and automatically started blaming mom because mom told her it was time to get a new one.”

“So do you think your mom took it?” Eliana asked while she prepped some customers drink.

“Honestly? No. If anything mom probably took it to get patched up. Mom has tons of issues with dad being gone, so getting rid of his stuff is helping her get rid of her baggage. Hince the reason for selling the house. But she knows that shirt is special to Alexis, she would never.”

“So Alexis blew up at your mom and wouldn’t let her explain herself, you tried to intervene like usual but finally blew up for good?” Eliana asked wiping the bar down.

“Yes. And this time, idk. I’m so tired of trying to be the peacemaker. Dad would be so disappointed but I’ve done all I can do, I don’t K...know...why they can’t get along.” Aria tried fighting the tears but they overwhelmed her.

“Oh sweetie.” Eliana placed her hands in Aria’s and leaned over the bar. “I can’t say I fully understand your problem because I’ve never been there. Being the youngest of 3 older brothers and all. But one thing I know is that they are my family and no matter how much I may hate them at any given moment, I’ll always have their back.”

There was something magical about Eliana. It didn’t matter how awful she felt, or how bad her day was going, Aria knew the moment she saw the woman, her problems would go away. She was literally the most precious thing she had ever seen. From her talks about her turtles, to drawing doodles with her tongue sticking out, the woman was serious in everything she did and it was the cutest thing Aria had ever saw.

“Do you want something to drink? Maybe calm your nerves?” Eliana asked.

“No thank you. I should get going, I’m gonna go lay on the beach.” Aria said rising from her stool.

Eliana bit her lip in wonder, “Aria it’s 11pm! Just go home?”

“I’m not going home. For tonight anyway. I can stay on the beach, atleast it’s peaceful.”

Eliana cleared the register and stowed away the cash and quickly flipped the sign to ‘closed’ before ushering the straggling patreons out.

“Eliana what are you doing?” Aria quizzed.

“You’re coming home with me. It’ll be fun, like a old fashion sleepover.”

“But...but...can you do that?” Aria asked amazed.

“Well I just did. Come on so I can lock the door.”

Aria couldn’t contain her smile and excitement, Eliana grabbed her hand and they walked a few blocks to the woman’s apartment.

“Don’t laugh, it’s not much, but it does the job.” Eliana said pulling Aria through the threshold into her tiny apartment.

Aria looked around at the immaculate apartment, it was super cute with a beautiful view of the ocean. It wasnt large but for Eliana it was perfect.

“Are you hungry? I can fix you something if you would like?” Eliana asked trying to be a good host. Aria could tell that she was nervous.

“Oh no thank you. I’m fine. Come sit silly.” Aria said patting the couch.

Eliana did as asked and sat down beside Aria who gladly put her arm snuggly around the girl.

“Eliana relax. I can hear you thinking.” Aria said laughing at Eliana and her fidgeting.

“I’ve never actually had a sleepover before. I don’t know what to do.” Eliana let out. That was her greatest weakness and fear. Everything Eliana did had to be planned out thoroughly, she didn’t half ass anything and it had to be perfect.

“The Eliana Flores has never had a sleepover!?” Aria laughed out. Seeing the down look on her face, Aria stopped teasing and pulled her closer. “The best thing about a sleepover is there is no rules to go by. We make it up as we go.”

“Really? But I thought we had to gossip and do each other’s nails and talk about nonsense.” Eliana asked.

“Well yes. But we can do whatever you want to do. It’s your house, I’m just glad to be here with you.”

Eliana stretched her arms and let a yawn escape, “Sounds like someone is tired.” Aria laughed.

“I’ve been up for hours researching my turtle. I’m starting to get worried. It’s been weeks and I can’t locate her.” There was the passion Aria loved.

“Well how about we get some rest and I’ll help you search tomorrow, the least I can do for you taking me in.”

Eliana smiled, “Just as long as you talk to your family.” Aria had to agreed.

Eliana stepped into her bedroom and came out packing a pair of sweats, “Here Aria, these should fit you.”

Aria practically ripped them out of Eliana’s arms with excitement and stripped down baring it all for Eliana to see and hopped in her sweats wearing a huge smile.

Eliana stood in shock at the sight of a nearly naked Aria before she put her sweats on.

“Well? How do I look?” Aria said modeling the slightly baggy sweats, rapping her arms across her front hugging herself tightly.

“Oh. Um. You look. Yeah.” Eliana couldn’t put together a proper sentence earning a laugh from Aria. “So that’s means I look good?” Eliana nodded.

Aria sprawled out on the couch preparing to settle in when Eliana spoke up, “You can stay in my bed if you want. I can sleep on the couch.”

Aria got up and looked the woman over with a devilish smirk, “I got a better idea.” Aria grabbed Eliana and pulled her inside her room and hopped on the neatly made bed. “We will sleep together.”

“Oh” Eliana stuttered. “Ok, ju...just let me change.” Eliana grabbed her pjs and headed for the bathroom but was cutoff by Aria.

“No ma’am. Strip for me.”

Eliana’s jaw hit the floor. “You want me to strip?”

“It’s only fair Ellie, you saw my goods. I think the host should return the favor.”

Eliana nodded and slowly stepped out of her jeans and pulled her shirt off. Earning a satisfying moan from Aria. “Like what you see?” Eliana confidently spoke.

“Mmmmhm. I do I do I do.”

Eliana feeling confident finally pulled on her pajamas and Aria couldn’t help but laugh at the cuteness before her.

“What’s so funny?” Eliana inquired.

“Those pjs are the absolute cutest!” Aria squealed. It was just simple sleeping shorts and cami top covered in little sea turtles.

“If you hadn’t noticed I’m kind of obsessed with turtles.”

Aria pulled Eliana in bed and they quickly crawled under the covers. Eliana laid on her side like she normally did, and Aria slid up behind her, pulling herself firmly against Eliana and laid her arm securely over the woman.

“I know. That’s what I like most about you my little nerd.” Aria placed a kiss on Eliana’s cheek and the duo drifted off to sleep.

[kmelanin]

Hyunnie Baby

Hyunnie Baby

A/N~ Hi my Hyunniebuns. lol that was head ass. But okay so like i need yall to understand something. JEONGIN WILL NOT BE HAVING SEX IN THIS!!! but like he will be in some makeout sessions??? and if yall want more then maayybbeee. but like i know damn well half of hall were crazy at his age, so like sorry im a hardstan. like idk how to be soft. anywaysss...i wasnt going to post this, but when i seen it was over 10,000+ words I was like why not. 

Let me know if you would like to see more!

Warning: They are hybrids, so like yea. Also idk if things happend fast, and tbh i was stoned asf most of the time writing this. LOL. yea im warning yall, this might be a horrible story .-_-. 

Pairing~ lynxhyunjin X human yn X africanwilddogjeongin

______________________________

Jeongin-17/18 Hyunjin-18/19 Reader-20/21  (whatever age makes you happiest lmao)

You look up at the sign above you. E-Hybrids, it was a simple all black sign with white words. It was about a mile out of town. It had to have enough space to have suitable for all of the different Hybrids. This place let you adopt exotice hybrids. The government allows all sorts of hybrids to be adopted, only because they are hybrids.

You took time to do your research about hybrids. You found out that they weren’t able to actually shift into the animal they are, they just have a few characteristics. They were like test tube babies. They were made in a lab with human and animal DNA. They were made to be lovers, to be best friends, or to just be company. Whatever you want. But of course not everyone treats them right. Some were treated as actual pets, like actual trash.

You knew you always wanted a hybrid. You lived alone for that reason alone. You recently bought a home that had two bedrooms and two bathrooms. You've always dreamed about having one in your home, to be your best friend.

Honestly, you didn't know much people. You were always the odd one out. Everyone around you would remind you all the time about how different you were. Just because you were a little bigger than others doesn't mean you were different. But I guess that's how society works.

You dated two boys in your 20 years. But one just had a chub kink and one dated you because he was dared to.

But now at this point you tried not to care about anyone but yourself. You knew that hybrids would love you as long as you loved them. So maybe getting one would help your loneliness. They would love you no matter what. But you were nervous, because maybe your body is the main factor, if a hybrid couldn't be your friend then because of your body then you don't know what you would do. You were big boned, so you were always going to be thick.

You didn't care if your future hybrid didn't like you as a lover, a simple friendship would make you feel a lot better. But your heart jumped at the thought of them loving you, it made you giddy.

You walk up to the counter where a little red haired girl stand.

“Hello. Welcome to E-Hybrids, are you looking to adopt today?” She asks with a bright smile. You felt a little shy, and you didn't want to stutter so you just nod and smile a little. You tuck your hair behind you ears when she nodded back and pulled out a clipboard with some paper and a pen attached to it.

“I need you to fill this out. To make it easier choosing, we take what you fill out and we match you up to a couple of different hybrids to you, just to make everything easier. If that doesn't work then we can take you back, but it usually works” she explains and you nod along, showing that you understand. You read it through and start filling everything out. Your name, birthday, source of income, plus some more basic info. Then there was some on the type of animal you would like. You didn't want to put too much restriction on it, so you put feline or canine. The age you wanted, you put 18-21. There were some others and you quickly fill it out. Once you were finished you noticed that the lady was gone, so you stood and waited.

About five minutes later she comes back out of a door.

“Sorry, I was just getting the presenting room ready.” She explains and you hand over the clipboard. She quickly reads over it and she nods unclipping it and opening a sliding window off to the side and passing it through. Someone pops up and grabs it closing the window back.

“Okay, so my co-worker just took back your preferences to find hopefully you future hybrid. I noticed that you put canine or feline. I hope you know that here we have exoctic hybrids, so they won't be your normal dog and house cat.”

“Right, right.” Ah you were getting excited.

“Okay, so a few more things. The price depends on the hybrid you get, but if you would like to take them home today it will be a extra grab per hybrid.” You quickly nod. Suddenly a loud ding rings through the lobby area. “Perfect, so they found…” she looks down at the computer that also dinged with the louder one. “Three that matched your preferences. I will lead you to the presenting room, because they are part human, so you will be able to ask any questions you will like.” She smiles, she walks over to the gate that could let you through. She leads you through the door she came out of earlier.

It was a simple white room with two doors. One you come in and another. There was also a single chair.

“You sit here, we will give you ten minutes with each. After that just let me know who you want another ten with. After you are done meeting, either let me know if you are ready to choose, or let me know if you would like to see others. Have fun.” She smiles and leaves.

You sit down in the chair and you wait. You quickly look down and fix your posture and pull your shirt down a little to cover your gut up a little.

You were so nervous. You didn't have a certain type, but out of all of the hybrids you've seen, you've always felt drawn more towards the asian ones.

Suddenly the door opens. You head snaps to the other door and in comes the cutest little thing you've ever seen. He kept his eyes down as he walked towards you. His ear twitched which caught you eyes and you noticed how they were big and black, they were rounded with some tan spots. His hair was black and messy. He was wearing some black sweats and a white t-shirt. He walks in front of you and falls to his knees. He leans back on his heels so he sits comfortably.

You remembered on one of the websites you read that some hybrids are scared of meeting new people so they automatically submit so no one was afraid of them.

“Hi, I'm YN.” You say softly. You knew to start slow, let them get used to you. His ear twitched a little at the sound of your voice. “What’s your name?” you urge him on. You hoped you weren’t scaring him.

Slowly his head starts to raise and his eyes connect to yours.  His eyes widen when he took you in and you did the same. He was beautiful. His skin was so smooth and clear. His eyes are mono lidded which made the way he looked at you so much more intense.

“I'm Jeongin. My human side is Korean, and my animal side is African Wild Dog.” He says bowing his head down and then his eyes connect to yours once again. “What about you?” His head tilts a little and it was like his eyes were shining at you.

“Oh, I'm African American and Caucasian.” You say softly. You couldn't keep eye contact with him for long. His stare made your whole body buzz with nervousness. You looked down at your fingers, you started to fiddle with them.

“Oh? We both have some African in us?” His voice comes out a little higher. Your eyes snapped to his and he was smiling really big. It took you by surprise when you seen braces in his mouth. He must of seen the change in your emotions because his face fell.

“It's the braces huh? The other say that braces are dorky, so no one will want me.” He mumbles. You remembered reading that Hybrids were raised to be almost perfect. So by 18, they would have straight teeth from having to wear braces.

“Jeongin, how old are you?” You ask, remembering you put down 18-21. But his eyes widen and he leans up on his knees.

“I was told about your age range, I'm 17, but I fit all of the other things you written down but the age part. They were hoping it was okay.” He was panicking a little. His eyes were wide as his ears flattened against his head a little.

“Oh it's okay! It's okay.” You say trying to calm him down a little. You grab his hand unsure how to calm him. When you did his body tensed up and he squeezed your hand back and his eyes look down at them.

“I'm sorry, It just….I actually fit someones wants, and I was scared at first.” His eyes look back to you, his ears start to perk back up. “You are really really beautiful, I would love for you to adopt me YN.” He says and he raises your hand up to his lip and it shocked you when his lips touched the back of your hand and they were so soft. After his cheeks were burning red. You couldn't help but to giggle a little at how cute he was being.

“Did someone teach you that? Or did you come up with that all on your own?” You ask smiling at him. He keeps looking at you and away over and over as if he was to scared to look at you.

“I-I came up with it. I'm serious.” He says nervous, but you felt the seriousness in his voice. You nodded understanding. Did he really think you were...he had to be saying that just to say. You felt his hand squeeze yours again making your eyes look at his.

“You don't believe me? I don't lie, I don't think I can.” He says. You hated this feeling. You suddenly felt so much bigger than you actually were. You felt yourself start to panic. You can ruin something that barely had a chance to start.

“Jeongin, I'm 20 years old. I'm three years older than you. If I adopted you, would that bother you.” You say finally telling him your age. He shakes his head as soon as you were done talking.

“Of course not. That just means you are my Noona.” He says smiling hugely. The weird word he used threw you off a little.

“Noona?” You ask questioning him.

“Ya, the Korean side, we use that as a honorific.” He says and he starts to say something else but there was a rapid three knocks on the door. His face suddenly turned sad, he looked back to the door and back to you. Your heart broke when you seen how sad he looked.

“It was nice to meet you Noona.” He squeezes your hand once more and stands up pulling his hand away. Then he was gone.

About a minute later the door opens again and in comes two people, one has his head down and has really pretty tan pointy ears with black tips and another was the guy who grabbed your preference sheet.

“I'm sorry, the next one that was after the dog actually is sick and he is unable to come in contact with anyone. So here is the last one, let us know if you would like me to go and get some others.” He nods and leaves, leaving the hybrid in the room with you.

“Hi.” You say and his eyes snapped up to yours instantly shocking at how fast he looked up. Instead of walking over to you and sitting down like Jeongin, he walks sideways keeping his eyes on you. “What’s your name?” You ask smiling a little, you wanted to show him that you weren't going to hurt him. He kept his eyes on you still and he walked around you.

Based on your reading, you could tell he was a feline. He was stalking me getting a good sniff. Something his cat side does. Every hybrid was different. You stood up to say something since he was literally against the wall in front of you now. But a low growl escapes his mouth. It shocked you and you quickly say back down. You were scared, suddenly really nervous. He probably hated the way your body looked. He was probably wondering why his luck was so bad. You knew he could have way better owners.

You looked at him, you seen how his lips were plump and his skin was smooth and clear. His hair was black as well and messy like Jeongin. His eyes stared at you, his eyes were mono lidded as well, but unlike Jeongins intense soft stare. His was scary. You felt as if he was judging you.

“Ah, I'm sorry.” You say standing up and quickly walking towards the door before he could growl again. But once again you were stopped, not by his growl, but by his voice.

“Hyunjin. I'm Hyunjin. Please don't go.” You turned back and your knees almost gave out when he was right in front of you and he was peering down. He was so much taller than you. His face was still hard but you could see the sadness in his eyes.

You quickly nod. He bends down and grabs your hand and pulls you toward the chair, he sits you down then sits down cross legged in front of you on the floor.

“I'm sorry. I-you are-you scared me for a minute.” he says mumbling to himself. You probably scared him off with your rolls. “I heard you’re 20, I'm 18.” He says as he puts his other hand over yours. You didn't even realize that he was still holding your hand. “I'm part Korean, and part Lynx.” He says and his eyes flicked to yellow cat yes back. His ears looked so soft and you really wanted to touch them.

“You like my ears, huh?” He asks with a slight smile. “Go ahead and touch them.” he says quickly. You started to reach out, when the sudden three knock came. You eyes looked back down at him and his eyes were filled with sadness and his mouth was ajared. And it was like slow motion, he got up and walked away, his tail was swaying really fast. And you knew just by the basic house cat, he was irritated.

After a few minutes of getting yourself together, you finally left the room and met the lady at the front.

“Soo, how did it go?” She asks. “I'm sorry about Joji, he told us last minute that he was sick. So it was only the two. I can get others if you would like.” She says. She talks really fast so you just nodded taking the extra time to comprehend what she said.

“Actually, how much are the two?” When she told you, your eyes bugged out. You found out that Hyunjin was quite expensive, but Jeongin was in your budget so you weren't able to have both of them. Which is fine because you feel greedy already for wanting both of them.

“But, i have a little deal for you since this is your first time here. If you get Jeongin you will have to deal with his braces. So If you get Hyunjin, I hate putting it this way because they are priceless, but you will get both for the price of Hyunjin. Think of it as also a apology for not giving you your prefered age range.” She bows a little. You were shocked. This was...did you want two hybrids? Will they even like each other? A canine and a feline?

“I will say that the grand each to take home today is still in tack.” She says with a sorry face.

“Okay, why the hell not.”

“Perfect! I will give you a list of food they both eat and things you will need to buy. How would you like to tell them?”

“Um, I want to go to there room and tell them. Maybe trick them a little?” You say shrugging. She laughs a little nodding. She told you that she will get them to their rooms. Then she gets a map of the building and draws out directions.

You are soon walking towards Jeongin room. The hallways were extremely bare and so were all the doors. You only know you found his room because of the easy directions and the simple black numbers on the door. You didn't know what to do but knock. You waited a couple of seconds and until his door beeps and it opens. You peer in and see him laying down on his bed.

“Is it time to eat alread-” He pauses when he looks up and sees you and he stops talking. His eyes were wide and he slowly stands up. You were surprised at how much taller he was than you. But he was shorter than Hyunjin. You only knew because with Hyungjin, when he was in front of you, you had to look up to meet his eyes. But with Jeongin, when he walks up to you, you didn't have to look up as much as you did.

“Hi Jeongin.” You say softly, but you try to keep your excitement in, so it ends up coming out sadder than expected. You noticed that he noticed how your voice was. You knew that Hybrids were very observative.

“Hi Noona, did you come to say goodbye?” He asks, even though he was sad, he didn't want to make it more difficult for you. He thought you both had a little connection. But maybe his age was the final factor. He was too young for you, even though he was turning 18 in a couple of weeks.

“Goodbye? I was just coming to ask if you are ready to come home.” You say acting as if you didn't know what he was talking about. His face goes from a sad smile and cute puppy eyes to a surprised look, his mouth fell open and notice that his tail started to wag really fast. You looked at it and it was so cute and fluffy, his tail went from white to the tips to some brown and you weren't sure what the base look like.

“Really? You want me?!” He jumps up and down for a second with his eyes closed. But his eyes snapped open and looked at you, it was like he forgot you were there. He stops jumping and clears his throat. “You...want me?” He asks a slower than before.

“I do, if only you allow it though, I don't want to force.” You say, you didn't want him to go with someone he didn't want to. And with knowing the past, you wouldn't be surprised.

“Of course I do, Noona!” He says a little louder, he bent down to connect your eyes. You tend to look down a lot. You hated to see the looks you got. “You are so cute when blush.” he says looking all over your face. That caused your cheeks to burn even harder.

“Uhm, Hyunjin is coming home with us as well.” You say trying to move things forward.

“Hyunjin? The Lynx?” He asks his face dropping a little. You frowned in confusion. “He agreed? He always talks about his future family. They were suppose to come get him on his 18th birthday. He first met them when he was 6, and every year on his birthday since then. But when his 18th birthday came, they didn't. 6 months later, here we are.” Jeongin says softly. His words broke your heart. You couldn't help but to think, maybe he will come just to run away and try to find that family. You sighed.

“Well, let’s go see if he wants to come home with us.” You say grabbing his hand. He quickly nods and tells you he knows where his room is. You both walk down a couple of hallways and turn a few times. We stop in front of a door and you reach up and knock. The door beeps and it opens. You look in to see the Lynx sitting on his bed staring back at you. But then his eyes move to the being next to me, and he scoffs.

“So you picked the wild dog over me?” He asks, he looks away shaking his head.

“Hyun-”

“Can you leave?” He asks growling a little snapping his head back to you. That made Jeongin squeeze your hand a little. He pulls you back and he stands in front of you. But you noticed that he doesn't look at Hyunjin in the eyes. He keeps his down, but he won't budge from his spot in front of you. He was protecting you from what he thought was potential danger.

You thought about his suppose future family, maybe he wanted to stay here and wait to see if they do come. You understood he still had hope. You stood on your tippy toes over Jeongin shoulder to look at Hyunjin.

“I couldn’t choose between both of you. And I wanted to come and tell you both in person. But I understand if you want us to leave.” You sighed, standing on your feet normally. “I understand.” You pull on Jeongin’s hand wanting to leave. Your chest kind of hurt, he didn't want you. Jeongin was happy to leave, he pulled you down the hall. As he did you looked back and was shocked to see Hyunjin standing outside of his room staring at you as Jeongin pulled you along. He looked devastated. But your body was on autopilot, your empty hand reached out towards him. And instantly his eyes flickered to his yellow cat eyes and he runs after you. When his hand connected with yours, he had a huge smile plastered on his face. When Jeongin looked back it quickly disappeared.

“Finally, I knew you were not dumb Hyunjin.” Jeongin says looking back.

PART 2~

You finally walk into your home with the two behind you. It was only one level with a basement. You knew you messed up when you realized there were only two bedrooms, but now three people.

“So, It isn’t much. I actually didn't expect to have both of you here.” You say as the two hybrids look around your living room, which your front door was attached to. “So there are only two bedrooms. We will figure out sleeping arrangements later. Are you guys hungry?” You ask taking your shoes off and you pull out a needs list that the shelter gave you. You noticed that the only proteins they both can have is white meat and seafood. They could also have veggies and fruits, and noodles, and some dairy.

Both Hyunjin and Jeongin take off their shoes and they follow you to the kitchen.

Oh god, you weren’t used to this. Having two beings follow you around.

“Mhm, how about I show you around first then I’ll cook dinner.” You say peeping at the clock. You didn't realize how late it was. It was currently ten at night, and you were just getting home. Man, maybe a slight snack.

You show them around the kitchen, showing them everything that was available to use, then you go to the tv and show them how to turn on Youtube, or Netflix. Then you go to the first full bathroom, then the bedroom right across the hall. Then you show your bedroom and your bathroom. You don't go downstairs, but you mention that you wash your laundry down there.

You let them watch a movie as you make some shrimp and bowl ramen. When you were done, you put everything on the a big tray and take it out to the living room. You set it down in front of them and you sit in front of the coffee table. In front of the couch they were sitting on.

“We can go shopping tomorrow for more clothes for you both. Sorry. I thought I was prepared but it seems i'm not.” You shy away, you pick up a piece of shrimp and bite the tail off.

“It's okay.” Jeongin smiles softly and picks up some chopsticks and eats some of the noodles.

It was like your mind stopped, you didn't know what to say or do. So you just finish your food and wait until they were done. You then got up and took care of everything.

“Um, you two may use the first bathroom I showed you. That's your guys bathroom. But until then, i'm sure you both aren't comfortable sleeping together, so until I can get another bed, one can take my bed and one can take the other.”  You smile. Jeongin was the first to jump up.

“I call your bed!” He smiles big, throwing his hand up. Hyunjin just rolls his eyes. You get up and hold both of your hands out. You hold their hands and walk to the first bedroom. You look up to Hyunjin and Jeongin.

“Goodnight, guys. I’ll be on the couch.” You say. You weren’t sure if you should hug them or what. So all you do is smile and bow you head slightly. You turn to walk, but Jeongin holds on tightly. You look back and see a confused look on his face.

“You aren't sleeping in your bed?” He asks confused. His words took you off guard. Did he expect you too...no. You knew hybrids loved skinship. So you knew that meant lots of cuddling. You could already see it now, him touching you and not liking what he feels.

“No, no. Plus I need to catch up on some reading. Go to sleep, the beds are really nice.” You say and slip your hands out. “Good night guys. Ill be out here if you need anything.” You say. You open the closet door as they disappeared into the rooms. They shut their doors at the same time. You sighed, as if you could finally breathe again. You grab a extra blanket and pillow and go to the couch. You laptop was on the kitchen counter, you grab it and continued to read the rest of a websites article. In the rest of the reading, you found out something you wished you found before getting them.

|| Hybrids are made with certain genes. Think of it as a recipe that can be changed. They have the basic DNA strands to be a functioning human with animal traits. Then every hybrid has a different combination of certain genes. Making each one unique.

They were made to become your lover, or your best friend. Even though hybrids are very observant, they can't read you mind. Depending on the hybrid you will need to tell them what type of relationship you want. Some, mainly in the canine and feline families, they will instantly want to love on you. You will need to set it straight to them. If you don't, their feelings will grow and grow, and if you don't feel the same. You will hurt them. So tell them before it's too late.||

Oh fuck.

You were suddenly scared. You wanted to go back a day and finish reading the article, then maybe you would have more time to think about it. But no, they are literally in the next rooms over. You sighed. Now that you think about it, you weren't sure what you wanted. And you knew that you needed to talk to them. But what if they just laugh in your face.

You knew the go to answer would be friendship, tell them you want friendship. But do you? Do you want something more? Maybe one can be one and one the other? Fuck. If you knew this information yesterday, maybe you wouldn't of gotten two. You took a deep breath. You needed sleep. So you did.

As the morning comes around, and as you start to wake up, you noticed just how freaking hot it was in your house. Did one of them turn the heat up? When your eyes opened you were met but a face, not even a inch from you. Your heart dropped to your stomach and you screamed pushing yourself away. But you didn't expect two hands to grab your waist, causing your body to not hit the floor, like you thought you would. The hands carefully pull you the rest of the way off the couch and onto the floor. You were confused until you looked and seen your coffee table on the other side of the room. You look back and see Hyunjin on the floor and Jeongin on the couch. They both had a worried face. The Hyunjin looked at Jeongin with a irritated look.

“I told you not to lay with her.” Hyunjin says shaking his head. But your mind wasn't focused on it. It was focused on the face that you almost crushed Hyunjin. You were so careless.

“Hyunjin. Are you okay?” You ask looking all over. Making sure he wasn't showing a sign of discomfort.

“Of course I am. I should be asking you that.”

“I'm sorry Noona.” Jeongin chirps in. That damn word.

“I almost crushed you, I didn't know you were there.” You say. You looked away, you felt your cheeks heating up. You wanted to jump in a big hole and never come out.

“Crushed? How can I be crushed,” He pauses and you felt his presence get closer to yous. “ by a cloud?” He says into your ear causing your body to freeze up.

“A-a cloud?” You stutter. Was that a compliment or should you be offended.

“MmHmm. A cloud that I could eat up.” He says with a low voice, right into your ear. Then his tongue sticks out and kitty licks at your ear making you jump. You backed away and you looked at him with confusion all over your face.

“You guys…” You mutter. You look at both of them and notice that both of their eyes were a lot lower than usual. It made their eyes looked a lot more fierce, a lot darker than before. Then you spoke before you could stop yourself. “I think friendship would be best.” You were too scared. Scared of them looking at you and hating what they see. You don't want them to feel like they have to like you, just because you adopted them. It would be different if they were human, then they would be you kids. But in the hybrid world it wasn't like that.

When you finally looked up, Hyunjin had his knees to his chest and he was frowning not looking at you. When you looked up he turned his body away from you. Your eyes looked up at Jeongin, and his face made you miserable. But when your eyes looked at him, his face turned still, and he looked away.

“I just don't think i'm good enough to be on that level of a relationship with you guys. This way, you both can go and find whoever when you are comfortable enough.” You shrug. You thought that would be best. You knew it. But you guess you were wrong. “I know I should’ve told you sooner.” You felt as if you fucked up.

“No, no, it's okay. I don't think we will be...um...finding anyone else anytime soon. But thanks for telling us.” Jeongin say, he tries to put a smile on his face. You knew you said the wrong thing.

You didn't know what to feel at the moment, so you tired something else.

“It's like, I have a choice on what hybrid I want, but you guys don't...you guys don't have a choice.” You try to reason. Hyunjin doesn't say anything, his back was to you still. This was just embarrassing. You were making a fool---.

“We don't see it that way. Plus, if we didn't like you, you would've known when we first met.”

“It isn’t our fault you have body problems, maybe you should’ve figured that out before fucking adopting us.” Hyunjin stands up and he leaves the living room. You hear the bedroom door slam. Your heart was beating out of control and you couldn't breath, you felt yourself panicking. You quickly got up and ran to your room, leaving Jeongin behind trying to call you back.

Jeongin was sitting on the couch for about ten minutes after you left. He had to think for a second. He knew you were quite shy from the beginning, he also knew he shouldn't of acted the way he he did. Jeongin and Hyungjin were quite close, being the only korean hybrids in the shelter. So Jeongin knew Hyunjin quite well. It was hard for Hyunjin to show his feelings. He’s been betrayed more than he’s been shown love, so he can only show his anger. He can't help it.

Jeongin gets up and walks towards the hallway. He stopped in his tracks when he sees Hyunjin leaning against your door. He was on the ground with his legs up to his chest.

“She's asleep, I'm going to apologize when she wakes up.” He mumbles when he hears Jeongin walking closer.

“Let’s go in. She doesn't think she's good enough to be with us, so we have to show her.” He says, he opens the door slowly and walks in. Hyunjin gets up and walks in behind Jeongin.

Hyunjin was scared. He wondered if you would want him anymore. He knew what he said was way out of line. He wish he could go back in time and re do the whole thing. He wouldn't of said anything, he wouldn't of even acted the way he did.

He was afraid that you would do something to hurt him like the family before. But now since this little incident happened between you two, he knew that you were the one he needed. As he looked down at you as you slept on your bed. He could tell that you were once crying before, your lashes were still wet. He felt himself get extremely depressed, his chest started to hurt a lot. His body let out a loud and sad cry. He climbed onto the side of the bed your back was facing and he melts his body into yours. When his body wrapped around yours, it really felt like he was at home. He also knew that it was going to be hard to just be friends with you, he was going to have to try to change your mind, or at least try.

“Jeongin, can you leave?” Hyunjin asks, but he doesn't take his eyes off of you.

“What?...” he asks him shocked.

“I just want to apologize alone, I’ll give you your time alone later.” Hyunjin whispers when you start to move a little. Jeongin just nods, he doesn't hide his sadness but he leaves.

Hyunjin was against your back, but he was afraid to touch you with his hands. His didn't want to disturb you, but his heart was beating way to fast for him not to do anything.

He was so happy that you got him, when he first seen you, you made his heart almost fall to his ass. He was scared, he didn't know what to do, he didn't even feel like this when he suppose family would visit. Suddenly he was pulled out of his thoughts when you turned over, facing him. His eyes were wide and he froze as you got comfortable again, you face a buried into his chest. He tried his best not to purr. His chest would start vibrating, causing you to wake up. He frowns his face trying to hate the feeling of his chest warming up, he tried to ignored the goosebumps raising on his skin from you breathing hitting his skin.

He looks down and notices your lips, and how soft they were. He looks at almost every freckle that was laying on your face. Your lashes made him swoon, he wanted to caress and kiss every part of your face. He couldn't help it anymore, his chest starts to rumble. He felt better and less tense now that he isn't holding back his purring. Just like he expected, with in a couple of seconds your eyes open and your body freezes up. Your eyes look up at him, and back to his chest. Your hands that were scrunching his shirt up. You quickly let go and start to move away.

“I’m sorry.” You mumble over and over, you were still kind of dazed from just waking up. Hyunjin grabs your wrist so you don't move too far away.

“It's okay, I think I already love being close to you.” He says smiling a little. Your eyes snapped to his lips and your cheeks instantly burned. “I'm happy. I'm really happy you brought me home with you. So I'm extremely sorry for what I said earlier. I was just upset.” His eyes were staring right into yours. His eyes made everything so much more intense.

“Upset? I didn't mean to make you upset.” You whispers softly. That wasn't your intention, but then again you never took their feelings in for consideration.

“Last night, Jeongin and I talked about this. Not many people know that Hybrid feel certain connections when they meet people, and both of us, our connection is so strong with you. We were excited for our future together, we even agreed not to get jealous of each other. But when you said you wanted friendship, it just really threw us off, it threw me off.” He says lowly. He scooches a little closer as he spoke, one of his hands were now caresses one of your cheeks, your eyes were stuck in his. His face was so serious, but his eyes showed so much.

“You-you wanted more?” You were shocked, have they seen you?

“We both do. You are just so damn…” His eyes trail down, making your face blush so hard. Then his eyes snap back to yours.

“But you can say no. It's all up to you.”

Your mind was going crazy. You were so confused at everything happening in your life. First no one wants you, now two do? It had to be to good to be real.

“Your purring is so loud” you couldn’t help but to say it. It was the thing that woke you up. That's when you noticed his ears again. They stood out against his dark hair, so you didn’t know how you didn’t notice. They went down slightly when you said what you did. His face started to turn slightly red and his eyes darted some place else other than you.

“I’m sorry. I can't really he-.” he started but you quickly stop him.  One of your hands shoot up to his chin and tilt his head back up.

“No, it’s cute. Doesn’t it mean you’re happy or something?” You ask in a lower voice. His eyes looked deep into yours making you feel shy once again.  

“Yea, something like that.” he says softly back. You didn’t know what to do or say to not make it as awkward as you envisioned it.

“When we met, you said I could touch your ears, and i know it might sound weird...but they are so pretty..” you were mumbling, you knew you were. You had troubles with thinking before speaking.

“Please touch them, you never have to ask.” he says in a low voice but quickly.

“Are you sure? I don’t wanna inva-.” he cuts you off by grabbing your hand and bringing them up to them. The first touch had your hand moving by itself. He was softer than he looked. you touched the darker tip of them. You were so mesmerized by them that you didn’t notice Hyunjin looking right at you,  mesmerized by your face.

You slowly moved your hand down, dragging your nails in multiple different ways. As you got closer to the base you noticed how his breathing picked up and his purring was more interrupted. Was the base the sweet point? You decided to switch back and forth from ear to ear, softly playing with them. It made him whine out that you were no longer going lower than just the tip.

His whine made your insides melt, you gave him what he wanted almost instantly and started to run and scratch the base, and it was like he jumped. He didn’t expect you to just suddenly go, and that caused him to move his head into your chest making you freeze up a little. After a second you moved a little to lay on your back and you brought both hands up to each hair and that cause him to huff out and lay on top of you, his head still buried into your chest.

His movements were sudden, and you didn’t know how to feel. You knew he could feel you under him and that made you blush like crazy. You continued to rub his ears so he didn’t notice your weirdness going on in your head. You tilted your head a little to try and look at his face. You couldn’t believe he was real.

Your heart started beating even faster in your chest when you see that his eyes were closed. Could he hear it? His lips were sticking out slightly and you suddenly really wanted to touch them. Did they feel as soft and cloud like as they looked?

Then it hits you again, he wants more than friendship, he wants you. This god like creature wanted you?

Fuck, that scared you, you hated getting close just for them to stab you in the back, and break your heart. You knew you pushed people away. But maybe they were different. But then again you always thought that.

“Hmm, I promise Jeongin and I will earn your trust. We won't hurt you, Noona.” He whispers the last word as you scratched a little harder on accident, he seemed to like, so you weren't too worried about hurting him.

That damn word. You didn't know why it made you feel special, it made little butterflies flutter all around in your stomach. The way it just slides off of their tongue…

You've noticed how fast your thoughts went dirty recently. It made you slightly uncomfortable, only because you couldn't help it. You didn't know if you hid it well, or it was in plain sight.

You felt his fingers dig into your side a little which made you freeze a little.

“I have to use the restroom.” You mumble, and pause your fingers and remove them from his hair. When he peels himself off of you, you shivered a little from the cool air that was around you. You didn't realize how much heat he was giving off. You quickly went into your bathroom and you shut your door behind yourself. You quickly use the bathroom, and you freshen up a little.

But you suddenly felt really weird. You met them all done up, and you were scared that when they see you...then you realized that the whole little moment you had with Hyunjin, you were exposed. No makeup, no perfect posture.                                                              

Fuck. Your mind starts spiraling outward.

Did he notice? Did he care? Why should you even care? You can't help the thoughts...did they take pity on you? Did they know about your past love life? Did they notice your insecurities?

You quickly got out not wanting to keep them waiting. You quickly got dressed for the day in some loose light blue jeans with a black leather belt. You grabbed a white turtleneck and a pale yellow tshirt to go over with, with the word ‘live’ written across the bust. Your hair was now curly so you just throw it up in a messy bun. You quickly do a little makeup to make yourself feel a little better and you leave out of your room.

You went into the living room, and the kitchen but couldn't find them. You went to their room you gave them and knocked on the door. Within a couple of seconds the door opens and Jeongin pops out. He looked as if he wanted to say something but he freezes and his eyes widen.

“Noona. How did you manage to look so good in such little time?” He asks looking at you up and down. Before you say anything the door behind you opens.

“I don't know what's better, this or the no makeup and PJ look.” Hyunjin voices comes out deep behind you. You felt your cheeks heat up almost instantly.

“Definitely this.” You laugh it off a little and your eyes snap down. You quickly clear your throat. And look back up and change the subject.

“So, I'm actually really unprepared for this.” You say sighing. “I didn't want to go to the shelter with a certain hybrid in mind, I hate getting my hopes up. So I wasn't sure if I should get fem, or masculine clothes. So that's what I am doing today. Buying you both clothes, because well I don't think you want to wear these sweats anymore.” You laugh a little. Your heart pounding in your chest.

You don't see, but Jeongin and Hyunjin looked from you to each other and smiled really big. They felt their heart start to beat faster, making their bodies get a little hotter and their tails start to flick.

“But I also didn't realize how intense your diets were, so I hav-”

“You don't have to follow that. In fact can we not? We are part human.” Hyunjin asks. He hated how strict the shelter was. He understood eating healthy was perfect training for a future lover, but damn. “Fish is nice though.” He licks his lips. You laugh a little when his eyes sparkle. You could tell he was trying to make you laugh. It was so cute.

“Do you like sushi?” You ask, it sure sounded good.

“You’ll let us have sushi?” Jeongin bursts out with wide eyes.

“Well yea why not?”

“We had it once. Well the cats did. But they found out everyone likes all kind of sushi. Good sushi isn’t cheap. So we never had it again.” Hyunjin laughs a little. You felt yourself feel hypnotized as he was explaining and he shakes his head almost naturally and his hair moves out of his eyes, and as soon as it did his eyes goes right to yours. His monolids making the stare so much more fierce. You couldn't help but to look somewhere else, making him sigh.

“Well, if you guys come with me, it would be much easier to get clothes, plus ill order sushi later.” You give them a small smile, trying to convince them.

“Why wouldn't we go with you?” Jeongin asks confused. You looked up at him and his looked almost surprised. “Is it the hybrid part? It's okay if you are used to it.”

“What? No, no. It's just your clothes now, and I don't know…” You didn't know what to say really. You couldn't say that you were embarrassed of yourself. What would people think what they see two beautiful men on either side of you, you this walking tragedy. You sighed.

“Lets go, so we can get this over with.” You say trying to look happy. You hated feeling like this. You should feel wonderful right now, but yet all these thoughts. You turned around to walk towards the front door where all of your jackets and winter were was in a closet.

You got two feet away when a pair of hands grab both of your arms and pull you into a hard chest. You looked down and almost instantly recognize the large soft hands as Jeongins.

“It's okay.” He says softly in you right ear. He lays his head into the right side of your neck from behind. His body was giving off waves of heat it felt like, it made your body turn to a puddle. But you weren’t sweating. Your cheeks were burning, where his arms were around your body, burned.

A good burn. A burn that you need.

Your heart almost gave out when Hyunjin came around in front and instantly brought his larger more manly looking hands around your waist lower and more towards your hips, his head in the left side of your neck. You were so confused right now. You weren’t sure what the sudden affection was for. You didn't know what to do, what to think. You were so tense and stiff.

            || As hybrids they have a couple more senses then the normal human five. They can't ‘feel’ emotions, but they can sense them. In fact certain emotions, they will feel as well. When the human is happy, they will feel happy and giddy. When the human is sad then the hybrid will feel a heavy presence on them. Each emotion has a different reaction depending on the human and the hybrid. ||

Later that night, the three of your sat around the coffee table with chopsticks in your hands eating away. A movie played on the screen in front of you and you felt content. Their closet was full of clothes that they picked out, and shoes aligned with it.

They said they didn't need two mattresses and would rather have more room and one bed.

You couldn't help but to keep thinking about what Hyunjin said earlier. You had been wanting to talk to them all day about this.

When the movie was done, you turned the tv off and cleared your throat catching their attention.

“Um… I wanted to talk, to clear things up. Ya know hear your opinion.” You say softly.

“Finally. I've been waiting for this talk Noona.” Jeongin says smiling and he shifts his body a little to face you.

“You have?” Your eyes widened a little.

“Yea. I've realized that you like things just out there, because your mind runs when you aren't sure. So i'm ready to tell you want I want from you and I want you to tell me what you want from me, from us.” His voice was soft and serious. You felt yourself freeze up a little with they both grab your hand. They were so soft and so welcoming.

“Well...uhm. What do you want from me? I'm up for anything.” You say the last part more softly. You keep trying to look at them in their face. But their gaze was too much for you. Your words were honest. You’d be will to try anything. But that doesn't mean you weren't scared. Fuck, your mind just kept going on and on. You keep picturing their faces twisted in disgust when they see what’s under the clothing. “At any point, if you don't like anything...Just tell me, I’ll back away. You won't hurt me. I just don't want you to hide anything-” You were startled when Hyunjin pulled his hand away from you. You eyes were glued on him and his eyes were stuck on you. He moved in front of the table and pulled it away from you and Jeongin.

You wanted to ask him what in the world he was doing. But Jeongin pulls himself onto his knees, his hands still in yours and he puts either knee on both side of your legs. Your eyes were crazy wide and you look up to his face as he looks down at you.

“Jeongin…” You whisper out. Your heart was beating so fast, your mind was fuzzy. His body sat upon yours. He looks so small right in front of you, so good and delicious looking.

His free hand comes up and touches your cheek. His hand was so warm.  

“I can almost sense it. Deep down…” His hand trails from your cheek down a little, around your neck slightly. “All of the men who hurt you, hid you away.” He mumbles. Your body was tingling slightly. The only thing on your mind was Jeongin. Both of his hands go down and grab your hands, he brings then up and makes you grab onto his waist.

“I know you want to…” he whispers into your ear. His mouth was grazing around it, letting his soft breath hit your skin. You felt goosebumps rise on every part of your skin. “Come on, push me down Noona...make me yours.” Your body was burning...your mind was blurry. Your hands were squeezing him, pulling him closer.

He was so beautiful and you couldn't tell him no. He wasn't making you feel useless, he made you feel like you were the one in control. He was yours.. He is yours…

You pushed him down with one thing on his mind. You switched positions with him, you now straddling his lap. You drag your hands up his body and around his face. He sits up a little from his lying position.

You brought his face closer to yours. His breathing was rugged. His eyes never left yours.

“Baby…” You mumble against his lips. His body reacted just how you thought, just how you hoped, just the way you always imagined someone under you. His body trembled a little and his mouth parts and a little airy whine comes out. It made you smirk just a little bit.

“B-baby...I like it. Call me it again.” He mumbles, you felt his hips move a little and that's when you noticed his lower area, hard. “Please.”  Your tongue sticks out and lick his bottom lip a little.

“Baby...you’re mine?” You ask, your hips start to rock against him a little to get him going a little more. The elbow he was leaning on, It looked like his arm gave out, the one that was supporting him.

“I'm yours. I'm definitely yours. We both are. Please kiss me...please.” He begs, he looks so fucked out, so good. You had to give it to him, he begged without being asked, it made you tingle down below.

Finally you leaned forward to kiss him, and when he seen that you were leaning in, he meets you halfway. He got impatient and later you’d have to tell him that that wasn't allowed, but you couldn't stop a moan from escaping your throat. Your hands went through his hair so perfectly, it was so soft, and light. Your fingers played with his ears, making him moan and groan underneath you.

You wanted to continue and go farther down but you were stopped from a little whine coming from next to you. Your lips left Jeongin’s and your eyes were met with slightly glowing ones. The way he was looking at you, this eyes were low and dark, except for the slight golden glow. You didn't know what to call him, his nickname for you. The key thing to trigger a perfect response. Was he even like Jeongin, would he confuse your moves as ‘cute’, instead of hot and sexy.

“Hyunnie…” The nickname fell from your lips, not really sure about the name. But he seemed to love it, he bites on his bottom lip a little to try and keep in his slight whine, but it came out to fast, it was muffled, but it was enough for you. “Do you feel left out?” You ask softly. You kept your eyes on him as you crawled off of Jeongin to sit on your knees a couple of feet away from Hyunjin.

He was sitting on his butt, his legs sprawled out in from of him. He bends them as if he was going to come over to you, but he hesitates. He eyes look over to Jeongin, who’s hair was all messy, and his cheeks were still slightly pink. Then he looks over to you again. You look at him in wonder, you wondered what will make him tick, make him stop overthinking and just do.

You understood that he wants to do something, but his nervousness was getting to him.

“Is it true Hyunnie? Are you mine?” You ask, you start to crawl to him a little. Right until you were right in front of him, but you don't touch him. You were still on your knees, so he had to look up at you a little.

You hoped he would hurry and do something so you could move from this position. Your knees were killing you.

When he nods his head, you smile a little.

“Then why the hesitation?” You ask.

“Because I'm not sure if you want to love on, or want to be loved on” He answered with no hesitation at all, which surprised you, but not as much as his actual answer did. Your heart was already racing but now…

“What do you want to do?” You whispered.

“Both.”

It was such a simple word, but it did so much to you. You raise a hand and grazed it against his jaw, luring him closer. Slowly, he gets into a kneeling position as well, his eyes glued to yours. He starts to lean down slowly, his eyes trail down to your lips. He locks his target and starts to close his eyes. He was moments away when there was a sudden knock at the door.

When your eyes left him and looked behind him at the door, his chest rumbles out with a growl.

“Shh,” You say caressing his face softly, wanting him to keep calm. His hand comes up over yours, and his eyes were on you again, he looked down at your lips. He started to lean in wanting to capture your lips finally. But you back away from him wanting to open the door. You smile at his little pout and get up.

You go to the door and open it up. You were surprised to see your old friend TaeYong at the door. As soon as you opened it, his smile hit you and his arms were open ready to take you into a hug.

“YN! I've missed you.” He whispers and enters your home. You were highly confused and you quickly shut your door.

TaeYong was a guy that was truly special to your heart. Years ago, he was once your best friend and he stole your heart. In fact he stole it and left the country for school. He never knew you loved him at one point. But that doesn't stop your shockness when he enters.

“You have hybrids?” He asks entering the living room and sees them sitting on the couch.

“I-uh, yes. Just recently. When did you come back?” You ask confused still. You reach up and try to fix your hair, in case it looked strange.

“A couple of days ago, I'm staying with my sister now. What are their names?” He asks practically hounding over them.

“Jeongin, and Hyunjin.” You say slowly, you watched as Tae reaches up to touch Hyunjins ears when he hisses at him making him jump back.

“Ohh, Hes feisty.” He says laughing a little.

“Uh, I don't think he likes strangers.” You say walking between them.

“Right right. Well my parents are throwing a party tomorrow. And you know them, finger sandwiches and tea. Make sure you were a skirt or something.” He says walking towards the door.

“Wait what?”

“Remember when my mother would just throw random themed parties? Well this one, girls are required to wear skirts and boys are to where some type of dress attire. Please come?” He says clasping his hands together.

“I, I have to talk to them first. But text me the address and we might show up.” You say smiling. You felt a hand grab yours pulling you gently, making you back up slightly. You could feel the tension thickening. You weren’t sure how they would react around others, and so far you were going to go crazy yourself

“Okay! I really hope you can come, it will be just like old times.” He smiles hugly and he leaves out of the door. As soon as the coast was clear, the hand that grabbed you, yanks you down and you land in Hyunjins lap. His face a twisted in a frown as he leans down and quickly captures your lips in his. Everything happened so fast, so it took a moment for you to process.  

Your head was in one of his hands and his other hand laid on your waist. His lips were soft and cloud like, they were warm and rushed against yours.

But just as quickly as he there, he pulls away, letting you slid off his lap and onto the floor, shook as fuck.

“I don't want to go tomorrow.” Jeongin says from behind you. You look up at him.

“You don't have to.” You say smiling and nodding, but he just frowns again.

“I don't want you to go either. I-I don't…” His frown soon goes away and his cheeks turn red. You felt on alert, confused to his change in emotion. You lean up, tilting your head a little.

“What’s wrong?” You ask. He sat on the couch, you were on your knees leaning into him. Hyunjin comes and lays his head down on Jeongins lap.

“I don't want us to go either. I don't like him.” Hyunjins words come out softly.

“It's okay, we won't. What will we do instead?” You ask, your hands come up and start to play in Hyunjins hair.

“I don't care, as long as you're there.” Jeongin says smiling. He grabs on of your hands lacing his fingers through yours. Hyunjin grabs your other hand, the one that was in his hair and laces his fingers through yours as well.  

You remember reading somewhere that a Hybrid won't get overly possessive and protective until you've mated with them, or in human language, have sex with them. When you do, it's like they claim your whole body as theirs. But that's the extreme, the more you do the more they love you and become attached. You made the slight mistake by kissing them. It wasn't a whole mistake because you loved kissing them already, it's just, if you knew it would change how they acted so much you would've waited.

The next day, you woke up before them. You told them to sleep in the other room just to be safe, you didn't know what would happen if they slept in the same bed after you kissed. You might’ve been overdoing it, but you didn't know how they would act.

You opened your bedroom door, only to let in two bodies. You could tell they were leaning against your door. When their bodies fell over, their eyes popped open and they looked at you. You squatted down to their level.

“What are you two doing?” You say smiling a little and looking between them. They were both looking at you so deeply. Jeongin was the first to speak up.

“It's hard to sleep in that room.” he smiles showing off his shiny braces. You reach up and smooth out his messy hair, causing him to lean into your touch.

“Only because you aren't in it.” Hyunjins soft voice follows, he grabs your other hand. It was so strange to you, as you looked between them both, their eyes never left yours, their smiles were stuck, even though they were sleeping on the floor outside of your room.

“How long were you out here for?” You ask worried that they were out here all night.

“Um, we sat here around 11.” Hyunjin says quiety, trying to think.

“I went to bed around 10, why didn't you just come in?” You ask smiling a little. You stood up and they followed right after making sure your hands was in theirs.

“We didn't want to make you uncomfortable.” Jeongin says squeezing your hand a little.

“It's okay. I would've let you sleep with me if it was hard to sleep.” You started to pull them down the hall and through the living room and into the kitchen. “What are you guys hungry for?” You ask them letting go of their hands and walking to the fridge.

You come to realize that you might have to cook two different meals every time you cook. Which made you already sigh in exhaustion, you needed to teach them how to cook. You weren't sure what to cook for their very first official breakfast. You looked back to them, watching as they were talking between each other. They were sitting across from each other leaving the middle spot open to you, the other spot taken by the table sitting right next the the wall.

It was like they could sense you, at the same time they turned their head and looked at you. You quickly looked away and tried to busy yourself, hopefully to get passed the fact that they caught you looking at them. Your heart raced as you opened the cabinet and took out two packs of ramen. You then got out two pots and one pan. You quickly started to bowl the ramen. In the pan, you cooked some shrimp first and prepared it to eat, then you took it out, cleaned the pan then put a little bit of chopped up beef and started to cook it.

“Wow, it looks so good!” Jeongin voice comes out from beside you. You jumped at his closeness, not even hearing him walk up. You look at him as he looked down at the food that was cooking, you looked over and seen Hyunjin standing on the other side. He was too looking down at the food like it was the best thing he has ever seen.

“Do you guys wanna help?” You ask taking the beef out. “Go grab whatever veggies you want.” You say pointing toward the freezer. You made sure to get pre cut veggies that could be frozen, it will help cut down the cooking time. When they did, you instructed them that they had their own pots and to put however much veggies they wanted, plus their protein. They after they were done, they put in their flavor packs.

As they did that, you got out some more pans and started to cook some rice and scrambled eggs. You seasoned it how you liked.

You told them to go sit down, but they insist on helping until you could sit down as well. So you told Hyunjin to get some bowls and cups. Then you told Jeongin to get the jug of water out of the fridge. You put everything in the bowls and poured the water.

After it was all done, you all sat down and began to eat.

After breakfast, you told them that you were going to go and get ready for the day and that they should too.

You were in your bedroom, looking through your clothes. You weren't sure what to wear, or what you were even going to do today. So you stood up and left your room. As soon as you opened your door to walk out, you didn't get really far. You were frozen in place. Hyunjin walks across from the second bathroom into their shared bathroom. He was towel drying his hair, as another towel hung from his hips. Your mouth went dry as you seen how his upper body was still slightly wet. He wasn't super muscular, but his body sure was carved from the Gods themselves. You couldn't help but to look down, as lines shaped into a v went down. You were hoping he would continue into his bedroom, so you could snap out of it and wait until he was dressed. You felt like your eyes were stuck. As soon as his body disappeared, his head popped back out.

“Are you okay? You seem a bit pale.” He asks stepping back out of his doorway. It's like you don't have control over your own eyes, you look down right away. You couldn't help but to bite your lip a little as you watch his arms as he puts the towel he was drying his hair with around his neck.

Your quickly look up and clear your throat.

“Um...uh...you took a shower so fast?” You ask, your voice cracks a little. You could feel your cheeks starting to burn. Jeongin steps out in some basketball shorts. You wanted to cover your eyes when you realized that he was shirtless too, the towel around his neck covered up a little.

He was so innocent and soft looking as he looked between the both of us with a big smile on his face.

“The cat part of him.” He laughs and pulls the towel off of his neck.

“Yea...I like to do what I have to and get out.” He says quietly, making you look at him. He was looking at your with such a dark stare, it made you feel funny inside. You felt a warmth hit you in the stomach and you weren't sure what it is...but as he stepped forward that spot twisted and turned. You wanted to run and hide, but you also wanted to stare and touch.

“I personally love showers!” He runs off into the bathroom. You wanted to call after him, he felt like a safe haven that you didn't want to leave. Jeongin was the literal light to Hunjin dark and dangerous vibes.

You couldn't handle yourself around either of them yet. With Jeongin you felt like you should be the one taking care of him, so that helps a little with your self control. You would do anything for him, and it's scared you a little because you've only had him for a short period of time. But with Hyunjin, you felt like your knees could give out at any moment. His eyes would look at you so intensely, and you weren't sure what he was thinking, you weren't sure what you could do, or say without ticking him off. You knew he supposedly liked you, but you were scared of saying one thing and he completely changing his mind about you. He felt, they felt too good to be true.

“Yn.” When his name leaves his lips, your eyes catch his. “Follow my finger.” He holds his hand up holding out one finger next to his head. You frowned a little but nodded anyways slightly confused. He then brings it in front his nose. You focus on his fingernail, looking back and forth between his eyes and finger. He then touched the tip of his nose and started to drag down. Your eyes quickly followed.

Your eyes widen a little when the pass over his lips. As he slows a little and just to taunt you dragging at his lips, making them pull down. Flashes of him kissing you days ago flash in your mind, making your want to run away.

His finger then falls to his chin and goes down his neck, it then goes passed his collarbone and down his chest...you refused to look any longer.

“I'm...I still have to take a shower.” You looked at the ground, fight or flight right? You were over trying to fight.

Your hand was almost to the door knob when his hand pulled you back, so it was out of your reach.

“Oh come on… why are you so afraid of me?” His voice was soft, and it had a slight whine towards the end. Your eyes were stuck on the floor too afraid to look up. You felt his hands grab yours holding it for a slight second, he brought your hand up. You think that maybe he was bringing it up to his cheek, something your realize he liked. But instead your felt skin, but hard. You were confused and looked at what he was doing. Your mouth went dry has he pushed your hand downward making your fingers run over the hard divots.

“Hyu-” He cuts you off by stepping forward with one big step and you were suddenly against the wall. Your head was to the side and he stuck his head into your neck. He made sure to keep your hands against his stomach.

“You are the cutest little thing.” He whispers into your neck, causing shivers to run down your spine. “I'm not even doing anything and yet you are almost red as a tomato.” His tongue sticks out, licking a strip up your neck. You gasped out, not expecting his warm muscle to be on you. Your hands shot up to his arms to push him away. If you weren't leaning against the wall, your knees would've buckled beneath you. It was the need to get away from future embarrassment keeping you up.

“I'm sorry. You just smell so good. I don't ever want to leave this spot.” He buries his face deeping into your neck, and he raises your arms to hook around his neck, then he pulls you in closer.

“Hyunjin-” Your voice came out as a whine, surprising not only yourself but Hyunjin as well. A little growl erupts through him and he starts to kiss all over your neck, getting more and more rough. His hands traveled up, making sure you couldn't get away, and he started to leaves marks all over your neck.

He felt drugged, but in a good way. He was floating on clouds and your scent invaded his nostrils. His hands were grabbing at every possible part he could. One of his hands soon went under your shirt and shooting straight up your back. His lips started to make their way towards yours. Your eyes were rolling to the back of your head and he was nibbling below your jaw bone.

“Fuuckk.” You moan out, the pleasure all shooting straight down. As soon as his ears were blessed with your sounds, his lips were on yours without anymore hesitation. You didn't waste any time kissing him back either. His hand clawed down your back and both of his hands met at your waist and he pulled you up, making your legs instinctively wrap around his waist.

You instantly pulled away wanting to be let back down.

“Shh…” He shushes you and he kisses you again. But this kiss was slightly different, he embraced you so deeply that you completely forgot that he was holding against the wall. Your stomach and mind was going extremely crazy, at the fact that you've always wanted to be held against the wall, and now he was. So effortlessly.

________

So like I risked it all posting this. Let me know if you liked what you read by reblogging and giving me your love. I love you!

[stainedglassmaiden]

spoilers ahead - okay - so i just watched the siren on xfinitystream.

im so disappointed - or maybe ive just gotta think harder about it/watch the ending again - because it wasnt a common kind of style of a movie, and during most of it, i felt like it was going somewhere interesting . but thenn, at the end like in the last 5-10 minutes, idk, there were flashbacks or fantasies or something, i wasnt suree what was real or not, and it made the end confusing, and there be wayy less closure than i feel like there could have been!!! cause i feelll like maybee if they picked maybe onee of the confusing scenes/fantasies or something at the end, it could’ve made the closure and whole movie seem like 40% better and have more of a clear message. ughhh! they were soo close to having something interesting [and good+clear]!

some ppl had very negative reviews of it, because they didnt understand how the details related, but i think those were some of the most significant parts, and found how i thought they related, to explain and explore some themes in the story.

--

so the movies about a young man, whod never been in love and is mute and v christian, who is taking a break from his life in the church, to stay at a cabin on a lake. [although he had lost his voice in the first place when he was drowned type thing when he was young]. and his neighbor is a man whos lookin kinda rough, cause he lost his husband to what he thinks is a folklore of a monster in this lake, who drowned the husband. so now, this widower wants to find the monster and get revenge and kill the monster. and the background is, that the monster is supposed to be a woman based on like a siren [bc of the title] orr? -a slavic myth of a woman whos undead and haunts a body of water where she had drowned herself when she was unhappy with her husband/was heartbroken.

-

so! i thought it was unique bc it was a very simple set, and not much dialogue probs cause the man was mute, but that was alright with me! it wasnt uncomfortablyy quiet. it was fun for a rainy day, like a little melancholy and a little spooky and a little lovesick . idkk, it was a moodd, if youre in that mood lols, and want solidarity with a movie.

fun how they had diversity, with an asian woman playing the siren - you dont see much asian representation in western movies. and a gay man just casually thrown in there, not a big deal, which is also cool uncommon diversity representation a little bit . andd likee, ability-diversity with a mute character, and its not like a big deal, but maybe people like that would like to see people like their own selves reflected/represented in movies tooo, so they dont feel on the outsidee of the realm of “kinds of people who can be starred as kinds of movie characters” usually, you know? :).

-

some details that other people thought werent relevant and annoyingly random, were things that i thought weree very interesting and related to a message of the movie!

-like i thought the music was significant. it was this very like, etherial possibly what would you call it - like monk like, cathedral echo-y singing. you  know how theres that kind of music like in cathedrals? etherial? -andd its like the kind of music that sirens are traditionally thought to sing. like echo-y and kinda haunting. so i thought that tied the siren and the religious mute characters together. andd they were falling in love anyway. andd it sounds haunting-y and theyre both kindaa haunted by stuff in the back of their minds, like she, by her curse and her lost love in the past or whatever, and she wishes she could come back to land and be normal, but this curse is keeping her in the water - and him, by whether he should return to his church or not - since he had gotten a phone message from them saying like, dont strayyy from the churchh and dont sinnn come back to us!

thenn, i dont think his mute-ness is random either. i think it signifies the theme of like, misunderstanding and miscommunication [and how that can be frustrating]. like how she is frustrated bc shes seen as a monster [and is one] but shes also, sometimes just a normal girl, when the curse isn’t taking a hold of her. and the widower thoughtt he misunderstood her, when he wasnt sure if she wass actually the monster, because sometimes, she just acts like a lady, and he felt sorry that he was blaming her, since he was like, “theres probs no such thing as monsters, shes probs justt a normal lady”.

thenn, i dont think him being gay was random either i guess . people were annoyed about all these random choices about the characters’ characteristics, because they seemed random and distractingly irrelevant. but i think its relevant because idk i thought maybe because sirens were originally supposed to lure menn to their graves. so it makes it easier for him maybe, and more believeable that he wouldnt be able to be more focused, to try to kill her, and not be lured. even if it wouldnt literallyy work, maybe its just supposed to be symbolicc for their repellant -rather than luring - relationship.

something lacking in love - is another theme i think it was cool how they explored it in different ways. like how the mute man had never been in love, and when talking about that, the neighbor was like, “i dont know if i should feel sorry about that or not. can you imagine that?!”. and even when he did nearly get love with the siren, they could never really comfortablyy be alll the way in each others’ worlds, either on land or in the water. -not on land, because she has to always have atleast part of her body in the water, so shes always just kinda soggily, uncomfortably, sitting on the edge of the dock. they cant comfortably be in the water either, because firstly, he doesn’t know how to swim/is afraid of getting in the water, since thats how hed lost his voice as a child - and, because i guess the curse starts to take control of her when shes near other people when theyre in the water, and she needs to drown them. and, how both the other couples had had love, but then i guess they either lost their partner, or it ended in heartbreak.

it made me sad but was moving in a good way, how when she wasnt feeling the siren curse, they did try their best to change to be able to hang out. like she triedd to resist the curse and climbb out of the water to join him on land (although it didnt work). and how since she couldnt come out, hed lie on the dock withh her so she could stilll put her foot in the water. that was cute and thoughtful.

v low lighting though. like, i know we’re trying to make it spooky and a bummer, but also, i can barely see what youre doing. ever heard of likee, idk, a gray or dark blue filter for the camera, so its like the illusionn of night time, but doesnt actuallyy make things too obscure to see things?!

the choices of casting were nice though. i feel like the mute man and siren had chemistry you can feel, evenn if they couldn’t even talk much!.

the ending couldvee been clever. i just didnt really understand. but there wass a flashback or fantasy where idk, i think it was the mute man ended up becoming a siren tooo! (you could tell because his eyes became as big and dark as herss when she was under the curse being a siren), and then that was cooll cause thenn they were shown just bothh being sirenss in her little cove in the waterr, so they couldd be happy and togetherr all the time actuallyy, in the water! thatd’ve been a nice ending. although they would have to explain why hes a siren now, cause they hadn’t. i guess hed have to drown himself or get drowned, with/from a broken heart, just like she did, to become one. but why would his heart be broken, cause theyre ablee to hang out pretty much, when shes nott a siren, and shes not dead ..

butt, they did just end the movie (spoiler!) with him deciding to leave the lake (i didnt understand why?), and when he leaves, she seen kinda swimming up in the distance, to/towards his empty cabin. maybe thats just saying, “and thenn, they were never ablee to be together anywayy, and itd alwayss be like this imagee for them - how it was in the first place, with him on just on land, and herr, only and forever just kinda stuck lurkingg in the distancee, in the waterr - tooo far away from him/remote/[misunderstood! -and cant fix that [monster part] about herself] - to ever really be with him for real. :(.

hm. so i think idk, either make it clearerr, which of these endings are just fantasies,/why, or just choose onee of them, and committ to thatt message. for the movie. lols. orr if you choose the ending where he becomes a siren too, you gotta explain why that happened better.

plus, (spoiler) when the widower got killed and joined his husband at the bottom of the lake, i feel like that couldve been used to say something significant or to bring something full circle or make a point of some kind. but it didnt, so.. i kind of dont understand why that was done. although i cant think of a better ending for that character, and cant think of how else his story could’ve played out - because either he has to get killed by the siren, he has to kill the siren, or he has to never be able to catch and kill the siren - but either way, idk howw youd make eitherr of these possible endings come to an interesting and satisfying solution, for the scheme of the rest of the movie’s story. i guessss its kindaa cool that atleastt he ended up with his husband againn.. [at the bottom of the lake..] which is kinda dark - but its like , ..so ? that wasnt even his/the goal..!

so yea. i like this movie. its quiet and oddly sweet and kinda moody, which sometimes youre actually in the mood to watch. just kinda chilly. and spooky and nostolgic. im just frustrating cause i felt like it was onto something brilliant, then the ending was kinda noncommital and a flop.

but it seemed kinda thoughtful and cool how it was somethingg about like - the themes of frustration, misunderstanding, things not quitee fitting together in life, longing. which are things that arent usuallyy the point of most movies, so it was cool to get to reflect on those things [in media], uncommonly/for once, through watching this one.

[maybe the point/message of this movie was: Sometimes, you just try your best to make things work out (from the various examples of this being tried throughout the movie), but its okay to be sad and bummed when it doesn’t work out how you wanted it too, because that is how it has to end up sometimes (likethe husbands wanted to be together - and they didnt quite get what they wanted cause they didd end up together - but it was when theyre Dead at the bottom of the lake, -or how the siren wantss to overcome her curse, by healing and moving on from her previously broken heart, by trying to overcome riskss to fall in love againn with a neww man, and defying the curse trying to climb out of the water - but (for some reason?) sometimes, i guess thats just a fantasy, like all their flashbacks. so now shes just gonna be soggy and dripping and uncomfortable (physically and emotionally) in her humans clothes (not like, traditionally fun and comfortable and alluring like how mermaids who weree made to originallyy belong in the water, look.), just watching her potential [future] lovers and things she thoughtt were opportunitiess to heal from the curse, pass her by on land - while she watches them from very far away in the water. [im not suree how the mute one fits in to this message perfectly - but i guess maybe hes just the accessory to the siren’s part of the message].