#like idk i wont clean up after a grown man?

[thecolorsfucked]

if u absolutely "cant with the dishes in the sink rn" uk the ones UR SON does once biweekly then why are u eating ur food over the big dirty sink :)

[tokillamockingbird427]

hey katar again ! its random anon (now 🎧 anon because everyones random ^^) :)

after saying ill ask more asks in the future (in hopes of stepping out of my poor and very depressing comfort zone.), i have a very questionable “what if” hc i would love to share; merrick beardless. not cleanly shaven, i wont put the man under THAT much misery than i would like to but, its a very big difference to which even logan would gasp audibly. (i also hc he’s selectively mute, which was not mention at all last ask until i read ur response… shame on me.)

now, heres my perspective of how this could go, feel free to add on !;

1) the poor man is going undercover(alone or with other ghosts, ill leave that up to you.) mainly because merrick has a terrible sense of style and those who are close to him will probably recognize him from afar(inspired by your hc of who in the ghosts has the best/worst sense of style from a while ago, which i also agree with :)). but, the beard gives it away if you really see who the hell it is, so, he (regrettably) shaves the beard off to his demise. tears were shed, and not only from merrick. (a comment of merrick looking like mr.clean but with more facial hair was definitely made by someone.)

2) he got shaven because somebody decided to get revenge. (this parts completely up to you :D) Poor guy probably was in such a bad mood, and the comments did NOT help. hesh was probably the main one bullying poor merrick, along with keegan and kick, with neptune making a few comments and logan snickering and almost bursting out laughing everytime he sees merrick.(would be an accomplishment but in this situation…no.) if merrick was getting bullied before this, its fucking hell now.

anyways, thats the end of this ask ! its a little long like my previous ones which i apologize about. maybe even id even share another ask one of these days about another victim caught in my thoughts. :)

—🎧 anon

Good on you for stepping out of your comfort zone! Pleased that you decided I was a good first step lol. And neat sign off! 🎧!

"Not cleanly shaven" But imagine, hairless mole rat Merrick... A horrible reality in which he doesn't have that carpet of hair on his chest. Or arms. Or legs. Or his █████ (Explicit material censored)

Logan audibly gasping has me cackling. Bro never makes a noise, vocal or otherwise, but a beardless Merrick is literally so shocking he can't help it. Just slips out. GASP!

Okay okay, you say undercover, I say undercover too... but how fucking funny would it be if he had to be a dad to one of the other Ghosts? He'd be so done. "If you do not come by the dad instincts naturally you will be provided with them." and the Ghosts being the absolute shits they are (Because *all* of them are little shits.) would 100% be snuggling up to their "dad" at any given opportunity and making jabs about the missing face fuzz. "Oh yeah, he's been told he should grow a beard out, but idk I'm just so used to his face as-is. Been like that allllll my life." "Mom said I pulled all his face hair out as a kid, hasn't grown back since." "Some people say he looks like Mr. Clean, I think that's mean. I think he looks more like Lex Luthor." "Dad with a beard? Oh never. I don't think he can grow one!" Meanwhile Merrick just has to grin and bear it. Poor fuckin guy lmaooooo.

He gets his face shaved due to a bet he lost very sorely. As apart of the bet all the Ghosts get to shave one swipe off his face. (They all ganged up on him for this bet, hence the loss. I like giving Merrick a bit of a big ego, which is mostly harmless... to everyone but himself. Lol.) They all rip into him during the Shavening, which they have made an incredibly big deal, and while Merrick would like nothing more than to melt into the floor he's stubborn as a mule and refuses to back down or beg for mercy. (Which would not be given anyways.) It remains infamous in their history for years to come... mostly because Merrick concocted the most wild heist-esqe plan to get back at each and every one of the sorry fuckers who crossed him. A plan even Rorke can't rival! So good in fact, that I cannot even describe it to you. (Cheap cop out LMAO)

Please feel free to send more asks, ones even longer than this one, and don't apologize. I love seeing what other people come up with, and you are no exception, okay?

I eagerly wait another one of your asks in my inbox! :D

[ao731]

Ever since I was little, I’ve had trouble sleeping. At best I get 4 hours of sleep. And when I do get some REM sleep... my dreams are weird. I’m a believer that your dreams can tell you about yourself. But somethings...I think I’d rather not know.

I work in a hospital now. And as you would expect, its been stressful over the past year. Its caused me to have really intense stress dreams. With how absurd everything has been, sometimes when i wake up... i cant unravel what was real... what was a dream. Sometimes, I call out sick. Too disturbed.... just needeing a mental health day. So i figure i'll write it out here. Worst case, I get it off my chest. Best case, maybe someone can tell me what they think.

So last nights dream started in an apartment. Shaped like one i lived in as a kid. But with all the furniture and colors I’d enjoy as an adult. A pretty yellow kitchen table. A multi-colored rug. Big sailors chests and bigger sofa’s and beds. Cozy and lived in and warm. But I could feel it wasn't my apartment.I’d never been there. It felt so inviting and familiar but new and exciting. A place I wanted to be but hadn't had the chance before.

 I was invisible... sometimes this happens in my dreams. I'm watching from an audience perspective, but then it will switch to me being one of the "characters" of the dream. If I dont get to far into the dream. If its closer to one of those 4 hours of sleep days, then sometimes I can control it. 

So I’m invisible and I’m a man. I'm a bisexual cis-female irl but in my dreams I'm male sometimes. IDK why, I don't really stress my gender identity or sexuality much. Maybe I’m wrong about my labels but its w.e.. I dont try to change those things in my dreams. Sometimes I’m a woman, sometimes a man. Whats important is that usually in my dreams I’m fixing something. My waking life is always fixing something and it bleeds into the dreamscape. I realize that this is so unlike my usual dreams. There is no anxiety. No task. I’m just looking around this nice space and I’m at peace.

So I’m male this time and invisible. And I’m not the only one here. I realize there a man in the kitchen. I know him and I’m so happy to see him. I start watching my "boyfriend." But I don't have a boyfriend IRL. When I wake up later I will realize he looks like Kieran Culkin from Scott Pilgrim. I’ll find it strange bc I’ve never had a crush on him. Barely ever seen him. The last time I saw Scott Pilgrim, I was crashing at my sisters house. Nursing a New Year Hangover. We had drank wine and I hadnt had to fix a thing. Rare peace. When I’m awake I will think maybe that peaceful hungover feeling had something to do with it. That space of clinging onto a night of tingling skin and loose limbs and quietly watching a movie is why I’ve used this man’s face. 

So anyway, I’m invisi-stalking my boyfriend. Lets call him Not-Kieran. He's looking hella stressed. He knows I want to come over later to see him. Hes frantically cleaning. But in a way I’m comfortable with bc I come from a "We cant let anybody know we SIT" family yet we NEVER invite ppl over. Anyway, I’m watching him clean and I’m just so happy just looking at him. I’m amused at first that he thinks i deserve all the trouble of cleaning but then i start getting concerned for him. 

He's mumbling to himself. Smacking his palms against his head every so often. Apparently his coworkers and family are stressing him. Not-Kieran is not Out to them. This comes as a shock to me. It feels wrong hearing his secrets. But i stay invisible. i don’t choose this. i don’t have control over it. He wants our relationship to be more serious but cant tell anyone about me. he seems so upset and i want to comfort him. i don’t want to be invisible anymore but i cant become a character. Something is stopping me. Something does not want me to interfere. I can feel it in my chest. Something bad is going to happen. i stroke his face and tell him its ok. i love him and i don't need him to change things for me. i don’t want him to feel pressured. i want to tell him, that i just want him to be happy. but I’m nothing but a ghost to him.

Then Not-Kieran starts talking to someone at the door. I cant see them. But I know they are aggressive. I’m nervous and upset as they start to yell at Not-Kieran. From what i can make out they are saying he's becoming agoraphobic. How didn’t I realize this. Everything seems fine when we are together. But I have trouble remembering what together is really like. I just know for some reason this feels wrong. This feels surprising. The Man at the door knows something is wrong with my boyfriend. They know something before I do. How does he know when I dont. They know something is wrong with my boyfriend. But they don’t know what. They are tired of waiting to find out. 

They come inside and I still cant see their face. No. They dont have a face. Just a space where a face should be. A place I instinctively know I should not look at. They come inside and they are still yelling. Still aggressing by boyfriend. He’s accusing him of being sick. Or is my Boyfriend admitting he’s sick. I cant make sense of the argument. I get the impression that something is changing about Not-Kieran. He’s not physically different just something is dark in his eyes. Something is tilted in the way he holds himself. Something is sharp in the way he gestures with his hands. He’s not the gentle often worried person I know him to be. 

Then shit gets real.

Not-Kieran picks up a knife and stabs the Man Without a Face. He keeps going. There is blood everywhere. But there was blood there before. Why didnt I notice there was blood everywhere before. He wont stop stabbing him...then he stops using the knife....He starts using his hands....his teeth. There’s blood everywhere. My boyfriend is covered in this man’s blood and organs. He’s ripping into this man who knew something was wrong before I did. Then he stops. He stops and says “Oh not again” 

He pulls up the sunny yellow kitchen table cloth and theirs a body underneath. Warm. No. Not a body...body parts. He removes the cushions on the sofa and reveals more body parts. He doesnt open the chests. The freezer against the far wall. I know. I know whats in them. 

What happened to my boyfriend. I’m not repulsed by him. I’m not disgusted. There is blood everywhere but I keep trying to look in his eyes as he flutters around the room. Hands smack against the sides of his head. “Oh, not again...oh not again.” such a soft sweet voice. And why does it still feel like something bad is going to happen. That feeling in my chest. It wont go away. How could anything be worse then this? My boyfriend is a murderer. No, no. Something is wrong with him. Something changed him. I dont want to believe he could do this but his hands are covered in blood. I cant rub away the splatter across his cheek. The darkness has left his eyes but I know it could return. 

How can this be a surprise when somehow I know these old bones. Like flashes. Little movie clips, Sepia toned reels of eat part in the pile. Each person they once were. I know what he’s done. Know he’s been doing this for a long time. Somehow I know he eats them. Days after the kill, like a feral animal in the woods finding a carcass. Know the things he denies. He likes holding a piece thats cold against his tongue. He likes putting the pieces, the parts that used to be a person, into neat little piles and licking at warm blood. 

Until he remembers he’s a man. Until he remembers that something has happened to him. That he is diseased and he cant go out. Can’t go out and shouldnt invite anyone in. Ever. Until he remembers and he cries. The kind of cries that wrack his body. He pulls at his hair. Smears more blood across his cheek and he cries. Cries like a child. Wet and weak. Like his body is hollow and he cant stop. He cant stop crying he cant stop smearing blood. The blood is everywhere and it always has been.

His hair has grown out. It’s suddenly days later. I’ve never been invisible this long. Never been a ghost this long. Never had to witness someone else’s sins this long. Never been powerless to stop his hand from shaking. He’s sitting in a pile of body parts. Trembling, he chews on them. And lays them out into piles. Then changes the order of the pile again and again. Chewing, arranging, crying. I still want to tell him...It’s ok, I just want you to be happy. Maybe my body feels the horror, feels repulsed by him. Maybe my body is sick but I’m a ghost and I still love him.

He beings to speak again. Just the same small and sweet tone he uses with me. But he cant see me. Can’t feel me touch his face. He’s talking to someone else here. I turn and sitting on a chair is a corpse. Its dry and burnt black. Skin like a dehydrated mushroom. Yet wet in places like something pulled from a swamp. It’s hair is twisted and matted hanging limply around a shriveled face. Nude and yet it’s body is so barely recognizable. Was it a woman. A man. Maybe I’m not supposed to know. It has no hands or feet. Just gestures with its stumps as it answers him. It speaks to him so lovingly. I know this man...this creature...though I’ve never seen them before. They werent in the perverse reel of carnage and cannibalism. I know him anyway and I know they love him. Do they love him just as much as I do?

 They’ve been here the whole time. Saw him with the Man With No Face. Saw him with countless others. He’s been here the whole time. But I didnt see him. I didnt see the blood. I didnt see this man that loves my lover. But I get the impression that he’s seen me. That he sees me still. His eyes have no pupil no color. Just a midnight dark orb in a shrunken skull. But those eyes turn in my direction as he speaks to Not-Kieran. Speaks in a soft lovely voice. Soothes him til he stops crying and beings to clean up the piles that were ppl. Speaks calmly and warm as my boyfriend rubs blood off his cheek.

The Shriveled man in the chair knows I still love him. He knows I know his secrets now. Knows I will be by this afternoon just for the chance to touch his face.

[marvelgbt-posts]

Forever

{Peter Parker x Male Reader}

Warnings: none… angst…? slight self hate ig but idk you’ll see…

Summary: a peter parker x male reader where peter gets insecure about mj and readers friendship since he sees how good they look together and knew MJ had a slight crush on reader. Reader fixes the problem by cuddling him, giving him slight kisses on his neck and just some fluffy shit. also cute bby boy peter being all flushed and cute

I really hate giving MJ this role, but ok :/ and also, what do you us think about MJ and Peter in FFH? Personally, i dont like it. I’ll make it it’s own post, it’s mostly a personal preference though.

(not edited)

“OMG, [M/N]. You’re too funny,” MJ said, a slightly happier tone to her voice than usual. You smiled, taking the small smack to your arm with a soft laugh as well. Peter watched across the lunch table while Ned was too occupied with the game on his phone. He pouted; you seemed to be having way more fun with MJ than with him. Lunch was almost over- oh no, wait, that was the bell…

You stood up from your seat as Peter gathered his stuff. He waited for you to walk him to his next class, as you usually did so. MJ also stood up, looking at Peter, “Hey, loser,” Peter had found himself being called ‘loser’ a lot by MJ- probably more than he found himself being called that by Flash- but he knew she was joking, “Aren’t you and I together for History?” Peter nodded, “Oh yeah, I forgot,” he usually had Math right after Lunch, but today was Thursday. Thursday schedule was always weird for him. You began dragging yourself behind and in between them. Ned had already disappeared; his next class was all the way across the hall from where their classes were, so he had to hurry. You spoke up, “I have Biology next anyway. It’s right down the hall from there.”

“Neeerd!” MJ laughed, yelling into your ear. You tried to move away from the noise, a smile playing to your lips, “Oi, idiot, that hurt!” MJ smirked, “Good.” Peter fumed- he felt like he was the third wheel when it was supposed to be MJ. He was dating you, not her. Though, to be fair, not that many people knew. Just the two of you, Ned, Aunt May, Mr. Stark, Happy, and the rest of the Avengers. MJ didn’t, and Peter felt like he should tell her- if not for it being for the reason of ‘she should know because she’s my friend’, then at least for ‘omg stop touching him he’s my boyfriend’. And there she goes, touching you again. Though, this time she used her own shoulder to bump into yours instead.

Peter heard a small murmur, “Doesn’t MJ look really cute next to [M/N]?”

“Yeah, she’s definitely happier around him.”

“She smiled a lot when with him.”

“Their both into the arts; she likes reading and drawing, he likes music and (insert an artistic talent/interest).”

Soon, Peter began hearing things other than just small murmurs and chattering around him. It felt as if he could hear everything everyone was saying. Wasn’t that a side effect of his spider-like abilities? Perhaps it was, Peter couldn’t remember at the moment.

“Yeah, they’re practically made for each other.”

“They make a good couple.”

“Did you hear that MJ and [M/N] got a full score on their project for Art?”

“Oh yeah, they were parters, right?”

“Yeah, MJ made the layout of the sketch and [M/N] finished it up. He did his own thing as well, and they ended up getting their art submitted into the contest happening at the art museum.”

Then, Peter felt as if he couldn’t breathe.

“So cute.”

“Wow, they make a good couple.”

“Peter looks like such a third wheel.”

His own thoughts mixed with the other small talk around him, and it surrounded him in a pit of black.

“He looks like such a loser.”

“Wow, no one would be interested in him anyway.”

“No one likes a nerd.”

“Peter is a loser.”

“Peter is a nerd”

“Peter is lame.”

“No one likes Peter.”

“Peter-“

“Peter!” You shouted in his ear, and Peter jolted up. “O-Oh, yeah?”

“Isn’t this our class?” MJ asked, pointing to the door. Peter nodded sheepishly, looking over at you. You smiled, “Have fun learning about a bunch of dead guys. I’m off to math!” You pumped your fist up in mock excitement. MJ laughed and Peter gave a small chuckle, “H-Have fun.” You nodded, “Sure wont.”

***

3rd person P.o.V.

[M/N] met up with Ned, MJ, and Peter after school. “Hey guys!” He greeted, wrapping an arm around Peter’s shoulders. Peter resisted the urge to lay his head on the other male and just looked at him and smiled instead. [M/N] smiled back, but Peter felt like their was this other feeling in the other male’s eyes he couldn’t quite read. “Uh, hey,” [M/N] started, “Parker, you feeling up to a study session today?” Peter pretended to think, nodding soon after, “Sure, dont have any plans today anyway. Lemme text Aunt May, though, first.”

‘Study session’ was a code name for ‘miniature date at my house’. Peter had grown to love the words very much because then it was just them two, and it was normally [M/N] showering Peter in love and affection for the whole night- if he didn’t have Spidey-duty that day, that is. Peter pulled his phone out from his back pocket, pulling up Aunt May’s number. “Can I come too?” MJ asked, “Or is it just one of your gay things?” MJ huffed in amusement at her own joke, not realizing the irony of it. She tried sounding nonchalant about it, but not wanting to break her heart, [M/N] let her off easy, “Uhh, my house is really messy. I feel like Peter can handle it, but I dont wanna make you run off because you’re scared of my pigsty of a home.” He laughed. MJ chuckled, “Wow, gender equality, dude. Whatever happened to that?” [M/N] shook your head, “maybe next time. You don’t have anything and Peter usually spends the night, so it’d be weird, wouldn’t it?” MJ nodded, seemingly disappointed, “yeah, whatever. It’s cool.”

“Done!” Peter chirped, and MJ began walking off. Ned had also run off somewhere. “Good!” [M/N] smiled, “I have you all to myself for the rest of the evening!”

2nd person P.o.V.

Once the two of you made it home, Peter put his stuff down onto the floor in your room while you prepared some food. Since it was Thursday, you guys weren’t assigned that much homework, so you and Peter would probably finish it in the small intervals before classes. You prepared some snacks like popcorn and candy while Peter changed his clothes. He also took the time to pick out clothes for you- a loose white T-shirt with black basket ball shorts. He wore a white shirt- of course, a nerdy one with a scientific pun on it (the two atoms; one asking if the other is positive it lost a electron)- with one of your boxers. He walked out, socks protecting his feet from the cold floor. He scrunched his nose at the smell, smiling.

“You wanna pick out the movie?” Peter asked, wrapping his arms around your waist. You turned around, wrapping your arms around him as well. They made their way around both his arms, one hand holding the other to trap the smaller boy in an embrace. “No, you can pick,” you smiled, tilting your head to kiss Peters lips quickly, “so long as it isn’t Star Wars or Lord of the Rings again. Please. I can’t go through another marathon again.” Peter whined playfully, “But [M/N]!” You stuck your tongue out, “Too bad.”

Peter reciprocated the action, and you both let out a sigh of giggles. “Anyway,” you continued, “You want anything specific to eat?” Peter shook his head and you nodded. You let him go and he went over to the couch. He flipped though the many channels on the TV before settling on a Disney movie. “Is that Disney?” You asked, walking in with a bowl of popcorn, two sodas, and a plate of cookies. Peter watched in awe as you balanced everything. “Yeah,” he answered, “The Hunchback of Notre Dame.”

“Aw, sweet!” You fist-bumped the air, “love that movie.” Peter nodded, leaning to rest his head on your shoulder, he had been deprived of physical touch for a while. He just wanted to spend time with you, was what he thought as he wrapped his arms around you. Your arm wrapped around his waist while the other ate from the supported the bowl of popcorn on your lap. Peter stole some as well, and you watched as the movie began with its intro of the parents trying to save their defaced child from the protagonist.

“It’s kinda inappropriate, dont you think?” You asked Peter after a while, and Peter looked at you confused, eyes squinted Ashe seemingly judged you. “How? It’s a Disney movie?”

“Well, I mean, it talks about gypsies. Aren’t they visualized as prostitutes? And that seen where Esmeralda dances for that old dude, you can see he’s clearly turned on.” You shook your head, “never mind…”

When the movie was over, you cleaned up the remaining food and placed it down to be cleaned later. You carried a very, very tired Peter Parker up to your room. You laid him on the bed and dimmed the lights. He gripped onto you desperately, “Dont move, dont go anywhere…” he said, “Can we stay like this forever…?” He asked tiredly, and you laughed softly, “No, we have school tomorrow.” Peter whined childishly, “forget school. I can make us enough money by being Spider-Man, we dont need education.”

“Peter, my parents would kill me if they found out i dropped out of high school to piggy back on my superhero boyfriend for money.” Peter let out a huff, and the two of you let out quiet, breathy chuckles. He leaned close to you, noses touching. He then frowned, “Do you like MJ?” The question was sudden and it caught you off guard. “Well, i mean… yeah, we’re friends…”

“No, i mean… like like her…?”

You let out an ‘ohhh’, suddenly realizing Peter’s behavior earlier (the cause of your strange glint Peter noted earlier). “No, baby,” you smiled, “I’m not romantically interested in her, if that’s what you’re thinking.” “But,” he began, a slight pout on his lips. God, he was really tired, “she was all over you today, shamelessly flirting with you. You didn’t seem to mind it though…”

“Peter,” you began, stroking his hair a bit, “I dont like MJ. I like you. No, I love you. A lot. So dont think that.” You moved to lay Peter on top of you, taking his hands and intertwining them with yours as he made himself comfortable on your chest. “I know,” Peter started, playing with your fingers a bit, “its just… everybody says you two look good together. I guess i just didnt like the feeling of you with another person, even if it’s just the public appeal and not reality. Sorry…” You shook your head, “dont apologize, baby. It’s normal to feel jealous…”

Peter was quick to defend, lifting his head up to glare at you accusingly, “I wasn’t jealous!” You laughed, “yeah, and I’m not dating Spider-Man.” Peter sighed, resting in his previous position. He mumbled another, ‘I wasn’t jealous…’ and you just nodded. You began running your hands through his hair, to which he quickly responded by sighing and relaxing even further into your chest.

A few minutes of running your hands through his hair later, Peter got bored and slightly irritated of the position. He moved to sleep next to you, with you spooning him. You wrapped your arms around him and gently played it his stomach, felling up and down his abs. He whimpered lightly, curling a bit at the ticklish feeling. His body began to heat up; you could feel it. “Are you still upset?” You asked softly, and Peter nodded. You sighed, placing soft kisses to Peter’s neck. He leaned back, face flushed red as you continued up his neck to his jaw. He turned his head to face you, and gave you a soft kiss. You to didnt move, instead you stayed there and took in the presence of each other.

When you two pulled away, Peter had the brightest blush on his face. He huffed, eyes falling closed, “I wasn’t jealous.”

“Of course you weren’t,” you smiled, “who said you were?”

You turned off the light once Peter finally fell asleep. The two of you stayed like that for the rest of the night- and, to be honest, if you could, you would stay like that forever if you could.

Panicked gay moment; had no clue what to write for MJ, sry sry sry anon (._.”)

[a-merman-not-a-guppy]

It will be alright, alright, alright | Carrotflakes

Finn reaches out to Nemo and Tae after an argument with Ariel. The conversation sort of devolves from there. Talk of prom, goats, etc. Group chats man.

@justkeepdancing-nemo​ @moon-yeongtae​

Finn: hi Nemo! hi Tae! I hope it's not weird to put us all together in a chat like this.

Finn: it might be weird Nemo: course its not weird ahah we've group chatted before :heart: Finn: :heart: Finn: I want to ask you guys Finn: well I want to talk Nemo: yeah? whats up!

Finn: i got in a fight with Ariel? Finn: i mean not physically Finn: though she did. got in a physical fight Finn: with ASHLEY A! Nemo: ohhhhh yeah i heard Nemo: at mei's party right??? Nemo: but wait why did u fight ariel then Finn: everyone's heard. Finn: well she just Finn: she's just so Finn: reckless? i mean she told me not to panic Finn: and I know I panic a lot okay. but whenever she says that I swear my heart rate picks up ten times because I know something's happened Finn: and that she's gonna be super casual about it and laugh about it while I have my tenth heart attack of the year Nemo: oh i see Nemo: she's not taking your worry seriously, thats why? Finn: I guess? I mean she never does really. Which I get kind of. Finn: I worry about everything. I know that. Finn: but the ashleys are really awful and I'll cry if they do something awful to her. Finn: I mean it's one thing if it's me, I mean I get it and I'm used to it. but she's my best friend Nemo: :/ ok well she should take your worries seriously Nemo: i get why you'd be upset over that Nemo: and the ashleys arent a joke! they seriously messed with robbie for months under everyone's noses Finn: I've never fought with her before! But this is so... Finn: god and Robbie! Finn: she talked about how you and Robbie were in the burn book too and were 'doing okay' and acting like none of what the Ashleys do is a big deal. Finn: I reminded her of what they did to me and she said it was more reason to stand up and fight them! Finn: I wouldn't ask anyone to do that! Nemo: i mean i think it is important to stand up... i dunno about fight... Nemo: i just mean that we cant let the ashleys rule our lives but yeah purposefully antagonizing them is bad haha why sneak into a falcon's nest you know! Finn: they've ruled my life for years so I guess it's hard for me to even think about that. Finn: i don't want them antagonized and doing awful things to you or to robbie or to ariel. Nemo: :/ Nemo: i mean i get where ariel is coming from Nemo: and you too Nemo: is she really planning to...uh...fight more? what would that even mean? didnt she like punch ashley a or something Finn: I don't know. I think so? Finn: she didn't give me details which made me a little more suspicious but after I reminded her about what the ashleys did she said Finn: ' Youre only giving me more reasons to stand up to them and not let them get away with all of that' Finn: and Finn: 'I cant just stand by anymore and im sorry if that makes you upset and that i didnt do something sooner' Finn: i'd rather be homeschooled again than be the excuse to pick more fights Nemo: aw jingles i hope she isnt gonna involve you Nemo [deleted]: i already feel like i made you a target as it is D: sdlfkajs Nemo: maybe give it a day?? she could calm down! maybe it wont seem so important anymore Nemo: to her, i mean Finn: I asked her not to but there's really no telling with her sometimes. Finn: she really makes rash decisions! Finn: i hope she will but I don't think so. And now we're not talking so I don't know what I'm gonna do Finn: besides maybe idk Finn: do you think Tae would make sure Ariel stays safe? I could make cookies Nemo: course he would but Nemo: ...i dunno if ariel would uh, like that Nemo: i dont know much about her but from everything you're telling me i mean Nemo: though maybe she could eat lunch with us if that would make you feel better! Nemo: except ur fighting Nemo: well after you make up! Nemo: though maybe having three burn book victims in one place is a bad call.... Nemo: hm Nemo: hold on let me think ahah Finn: I just want her to be safe. But I guess you're probably right. she'd hate it Finn: and I feel stupid for not being able to do anything to keep her safe either Nemo: well no matter what we would ALL be there for her if she needs it Finn: I'm so lucky to know you guys. Nemo: im so lucky i know you finn :heart: Nemo: im sorry there's more ashley drama ugh Nemo: if i could go back to new years eve and do it all over again i really would Finn: there's always drama with the ashleys. Finn: next year they're gone though from school! and then it'll be fine! it'll be good. Finn: but I wouldn't change New Years Eve. I did something I'd never do otherwise and I had a lot of fun with my friends before everything Finn: Ashley A can...she can....ugh I can't insult her yet not even like this Finn: but you know what I probably mean Nemo: i can Nemo: she's a wartface who can choke on tree fungus Nemo: and ashleigh q is a literal monster who needs to be exorcised from the planet Finn: I can't believe I giggled at that. Finn: that's a very unique insult Nemo: ii got plenty more where that came from! Nemo: but i  will keep them to myself and this group chat!

Finn: hahaha that's probably smart. No need to cause more fights. Nemo: all i wanna do iis get through school without getting grounded again im really trying not to get into trouble lol Finn: a good goal to have too. Finn: it'll be fine. We've all got each other. It should be. Yeah. Nemo: yeah! Tae: I CANT BELIEVE I WAS WORKING Tae: ARIEL FOUGHT ASHLEY A? Nemo: omg u didnt hear yet?? Tae: no I was in Jun's all work and no play orbit Nemo: lol did he take ur phone again Tae: yes next time I'm gonna axe murder him Tae: THE POINT IS THAT ARIEL KICKED ASHLEYS ASS YAAAAAAAAY Tae: sorry I hate her Nemo: join the club aha Tae: I can't believe he took my phone at such a critical time I'm gonna point to this as an example that u cant just take a teens phone bc their friends might need them Nemo: well the fight happened like a day ago Tae: does he have to know that? Tae: no Nemo: i dont think this is a very convincing argument anyway tae yah Nemo: say someone was dying Tae: right yes also I'm really sorry finn Tae: I'll protect ariel Tae: if I can Nemo: just dont get in trouble yourself Nemo: can we all try not to get in trouble??? Nemo: we gotta go to prom in a couple of months ago we need CLEAN RECORDS Tae: sometimes trouble just finds u neems did John mcclane ask for trouble Nemo: (prom is real right thats not just in movies..........) Tae: prom is a real (stupid) thing yes Nemo: tae yah u r going to prom Nemo: sorry not sorry Tae: I dont have a suit and we are poor I cant go Nemo: i dont have a suit and im even more poor and im still gonna go Nemo: i bet you can wear jun's suit Tae: jun is an oddly proportioned dorito Nemo: and you're not??? Finn: pfft Finn: I'm not going to prom Tae: I am a beefcake with angelic proportions thank you very much Finn: oh god Finn: no Finn: i mean respectfully Finn: no Tae: wow rude

Nemo: what!!! finnyyy you gotta Nemo: we'll all go together Finn: please no Nemo: D: Nemo: but why not? Nemo: its not an ashley party, its school sanctioned Nemo: there will be chaperones right? Finn: yeah but they'll be there Finn: they have to to get their devil horns Finn: i mean crown Nemo: but there will be grown ups! Nemo: also lol Tae: we could carrie them Nemo: no Finn: isn't that the scary thing with blood?

Nemo: we'll just mind our own business ok Tae: :))))))))) Nemo: we'll dance and eat food and look fit in our suits and be home before 10 because thats my curfew it will be so lame and fun! Finn: alternative plan: we could not go and have an anti prom hang out Nemo: but i wanna go to prom :/ Finn: oh. that's not fair Nemo Finn: i can picture your sad face Nemo: :(((((((((((((((((((((((((( Tae: you cant go with us anyway nemo u have to go with rooooooobbbbbbieeeeeee Finn: NEMOOOOO DDDD= Finn: that's true too Tae: finn do u wanna be my date? I'll fight everyone for u Nemo: i wanna go with YOU LOT TOO Nemo: c'mon Nemo: i wanna do the big group thing Finn: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Nemo: we have to go to prom at least once Finn: remember the last party we went to? Finn: it can't be that soon to be forgotten Nemo: if not this year then next year when the ashleys arent at school??? Tae: I cant believe I just put my WHOLE HEART ON THE LINE and finn ignored me ya_bae_nemo [this is a snapchat]: 

Finn: WAIT I'M SORRY Finn: TAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Finn: dgpsodjpgojgspdgjdsg Nemo: i meani really wont make you guys go if you dont want Finn: if i were a prom person i would definitely go with you tae of course Finn: wait Finn: why do i have to feel GUILTY Finn: meanies Tae: nemo I'm asking for a date shut ur mouth Nemo: sorry i just realized i was doing the same thing i did at new years!! Nemo: im the worst lol Finn: omg NO Finn: no you're NOT Nemo: nevermind nevermind we'll do anti prom this year that sounds fun too Finn: stooooop it right there Nemo: seriously you're right anti prom could be cool Finn: Nemo Nemo: i mean it! Finn: Nemo: i could go to prom prom next year! Finn: 

Finn: stop Nemo: WHAT Finn: ugh i don't wanna fight with more than one friend today and Finn: who's to say prom wouldn't be fun if Finn: and ONLY IF Finn: Mr. Hot Date over there doesn't leave for another hot date ever Finn: during the time of this Nemo: we arent fighting Finn: it feels like we could and i don't wanna make you sad Tae: I'll stay by your side the whole time Finn: wow Nemo: no im not sad at all Nemo: you arent making me sad Finn: you sure? Tae: only bc u called me hot ;) Nemo: its too early to be talking about it anyway!! who knows maybe robbie will dump me and i'll be too depressed to go to prom lol Finn: omg. you're both going to kill me Finn: here lies Finn Finn: rip Finn: and if Robbie ever dumps you Finn: he'd be the BIGGEST IDIOT ON THE PLANET Tae: nemo u r literally so dramatic ok robbie is so far up ur ass hes like coming out ur throat Finn: that's gross tae Nemo: im just saying its literally three months away Tae: WHERE IS THE LIE FINN Finn: too vivid a mental picture Tae: what's our color scheme picasso Nemo: the theme hasnt even been announced Nemo: u cant decide that yet tae yah c'mon even i know that Finn: can i make our clothes? Tae: oh hell yes you can Finn: :heart:

Tae: also nemo u can always decide first if ur not a coward cmon Nemo: i think the theme makes it fun Tae: ok fine ur right bc I could be something cool like die hard then I could wear a tank top and no shoes Nemo: id just go shirtless Finn: nooooooo Nemo: rub myself up in blood and oil Tae: hahahaha Finn: sounds like the most terrifying form of prom Nemo: its HOT Finn: blood and oil? Finn: gross Tae: yeah Finn it's for the aesthetic Nemo: its so i can take out the germans Finn: ...... Finn: what Tae: have you never seen die hard either Finn: no? Nemo: omg you dont know my husband john mcclane!!! Tae: do I have to do all the work around here Finn: i guess so Finn: you've never invited me for a movie night this isn't my fault DDD= Tae: nemo we have to make him watch die hard with us Nemo: duh! Finn: is it a scary movie? Nemo: yes Nemo: but cool Tae: no Finn: .... Nemo: there's guns and stuff Nemo: and death Finn: ahhh intense Tae: yeah and a really ineffectual police department Nemo: people die hard lolol Tae: I learned that word today Tae: ineffectual Nemo: i dont even know what that means Nemo: tae yah dont get smarter than me Nemo: its not fair lol Tae: good because I probably used it wrong LMFAO Finn: no Finn: you did fine! Finn: :smile: Nemo: see finn is already smarter than me Tae: jun bought me a word of the day calendar bc I called myself a dumbass last week Finn: wahhhhh Nemo: ahhahaha Tae: so maybe I wont sound like a dumbass while still secretly being the biggest dumbass ever Finn: you are NOT Tae: UNDERCOVER DUMBASS HAHAJAHA Finn: D= Nemo: i'll still sound like a dumbass Finn: DD= Nemo: hopefully i'll be cute enough to make up for it Finn: you guys are making me sadddddddd Nemo: :kissing_heart: Tae: nemo ur the cutest it's ok tell him hes cute finn Nemo: im kidding finn i mean im not super smart or anything but im a fairy so who cares Finn: you're smart and funny and kind and cute? Nemo: oh jingles Nemo: i really wasnt trying Nemo: i didnt mean i mean i really was kidding !! Tae: yeah and I wanna be a cop and if you've seen any movies you dont have to be smart to do that either Nemo: now im blushing Finn: my friends are great! i just wanna hug you guys when you say stuff like that about yourself Finn: and we can talk about pots and kettles but i won't hear it Finn: today at least Nemo: also thats tru tae yah all cops are terrible except for hopefully one day u Nemo: well finny you ARE also smart and funny and kind and cute too Nemo: and kind of a bad ass wow Nemo: i promise i wont call myself a dumbass anymore Finn: i'll try to believe everything but the badass part lol Finn: but good :heart: Finn: YOU TOO TAE Tae: I promise I wont call myself a dumbass out loud anymore Tae: lmfao sorry Finn: -.- Finn: fine i guess Finn: sorry. i just really love you guys a lot Nemo: i love you too :slight_smile: Nemo: tae is just okay :slight_smile: Tae: that's me ok tae Nemo: what we call it Nemo: u Nemo: tae just ok moon Nemo: wow saying it like that was weird Tae: lmfao Finn: tae a great friend moon Finn: moon great friend yeongtae Tae: yeah I hate it too just put moon first white people it's not hard Nemo: omg ok is in tokki Nemo: tOKKi Finn: people should figure out how to say names right though Nemo: mine isnt actually hard im lucky Nemo: people butcher my appa's its awful Tae: tae is easy it's like Taylor's swift Finn: I think they'd butcher mine Nemo: Taelor Swift. Finn: but only my mom and aunt called me it anyway Nemo: tae yah thanks for giving me so many great nicknames for u Finn: taelor swift is good lol Nemo: wait finny u never told me your birth name? Tae: if u call me taelor swift i might kill everyone Nemo: i didnt realize you had one Finn: yeah I don't go by it so most people wouldn't xP Finn: dad said it was 'too hard' to say Finn: and they named me Finn Nemo: yeah i get it i dont go by nammin either Tae: i'm gonna pull a power move and use my goat's name Nemo: omg dont Nemo: tae yahasdfja Finn: isn't the goat just Finn: no wait never mind Nemo: dont get him started Tae: MY GOAT HAS A BEAUTIFUL NAME NEMO Nemo: i know that tae yah Tae: i'll just walk into class one day and pronounce myself Hanuelbyeolimgureumhaennimbodasarangseurouri Nemo: theeeeeeeeeere it is Finn: my eyes Finn: what am i trying to read Nemo: ha nuel byeol im gureum hae nnim bo dae sarang seurouri does that help Finn: i wish it did Tae: HAHAHA it's basically the most genius sibling win ever Tae: i named my goat something that basically means more lovely than the sun sky and stars which are, coincidentally, my sister's names HAHAHAHA Tae: it is my legac Finn: oh my god. i'm a lot slower on trying to read hangul and I got some of it Nemo: it IS pretty hilarious Finn: but not all Finn: wow Nemo: and the goat IS pretty sexy Tae: the sexiest goat Nemo: i want her to call me oppa Tae: HAHAHAHAHA Nemo: >) Finn: oh my god Finn: so is this gonna be Finn: 

Finn: not judging Finn: lol Nemo: whoa is that a movie about a romance between four men and a goat Nemo: humans are wild Finn: i honestly don't know. I just know this movie exists Tae: that's one i've actually never seen so i can't help Nemo: im gonna believe its a romance between four men and a goat Finn: should we find out? watch die hard and then Finn: a goat movie Nemo: i will watch anything so sure!! Tae: that's true he is a slut for movies Nemo: hey Tae: um i've seen more than u so Tae: i'm the biggest movie slut around Nemo [deleted]: well u werent called a whore so Nemo: lol true Finn: we could do a movie night at my place? Finn: or yours if you want Tae buttttt Tae: no yours is fine Nemo: if its yours i can play with pannieeeee Finn: i was about to brag and show a picture again Finn: i guess i don't have to Finn: xP Nemo: were u gonna show a picture of pannie!!! Nemo: you read my mind!!1 Finn: i mean Pannie is a treasure! i will definitely cuddle him for all scary things! Nemo: guess that means i gotta cuddle tae yah Nemo: sorry tae yah ur stuck with me Finn: guess so. we could both cuddle pannie too, i could share i guess Finn: check this out Finn: 

Tae: HIS SHIRT Nemo: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Finn: he gets to be stylish with me Nemo: U DID NOT Nemo: did u make that! Finn: of course! Tae: there is no way nemo will cuddle me now look at him Finn: well if nemo desperately wants to cuddle pannie i gueeeeess i could cuddle you tae if you're sad Tae: it's okay i'm a big strong man who doesn't need cuddles lmfao Neems: I CANT BELIEVE U MADE THAT Finn: oh. so you don't want to cuddle me? D= Finn: so very sad Finn: nemo cuddle me with pannie Neems: i will cuddle anyone who needs it tae yah knows im a big rotten coward Neems: HE LOOKS LIKE A GENTLEMAN Neems: sorry im still not over it Finn: =DDD Neems: u should make him a little tie :((( id cry Finn: ooooo that's a good idea Finn: i'll make him a black tie so he can feel fancy Finn: or black bow tie? Neems: both! Neems: one for the office one for special occasions duh Tae: tie the tie around his head so he looks like a karate master Finn: i think he'd just chew that off Finn: but i like the creativity Tae: thank u i'll be here my whole life Neems: tae the tie master moon Tae: omg that sound cooler than taelor swift i'll take it Finn: a bit wordy though. TTTMM Tae: just call me tm Tae: traDEMARK BITCHESSSSSS Finn: hahaha

[kataracy]

My job just does not care that rent is like 400+ huh cool cool im about to go awf under this read more if yall dont mind

FREGIURGTTKJLKKSAKDSFKAFSLJL GOD FUCKING FUCK?WHAT IS THE DEAL FFFFFFF ok story time:

So I work at corner bakery cafe its a weird fusion fast casual place where i make $9/hr, less than what i’ve made from my  last jobs but incredibly close to where i live like deadass across the street. So I have a manager that I steadily don’t get along with, he’s a blowhard. He picks a person to be mad at for the day, he hovers, he treats the girls there like his personal punching bags and I noticed all of that and started to dislike him to the point where I just couldn’t work with him. 

I would go in on days where he would close, because i work the night shift (my job favors the day shift btw. They only care about having people work in the day shift the dont give a fuck about night crew is ridiculous how much the dont clean up after their shifts and we have to pick up behind these grown ass women) and i would noticeably make little o no effort to converse with him, I just went in, did my job and went home. 

He would write me up for not saying hi to him. He would constantly start telling the GM I was being insubordinate when i was literally doing everything good at my job except talking to his sensitive ass. So I complained to the GM. I begged him to not put me on any more shifts with this manager because i was Tired of getting written u for nothing and I was tired of not having fun at my job. I was getting anxiety attacks while working with this dude it was so bad because again, he HOVERS. HE STANDS IN THE FRONT WHEN THERE IS OTHER STUFF TO DO AND JUST FUCKING HOVERS LIKE CAN YOU GO FIND SOMETHING TO DO and my GM said ok its fine we know (BECAUSE THE DONT LIKE HIM EITHER WE LITERALLY WOULD TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH WE DID NOT LIKE THIS DUDE OK NONE OF THE MANAGERS LIKE HIM) we will try not to put you on the same shift, we’ll let Z (the scheduling manager) know and if u do have to be scheduled with him make sure you find a cover and we’ll tell him to leave you alone because we know you know how to do your job.

So. That was a fucking lie.

They keep scheduling him with me. I tell another manager I don’t like him and why and he says I get it I’ll let B (GM) know. 

So I keep getting scheduled with him. And how the hell am I supposed to know when because, the managers have an entirely different schedule thats just their shifts and its fucking private. They end up scheduling me with him again and again and I just don’t show up one day I let the night manager know hey im not coming in on these 2 days, i found someone for this day but not this one so i hope yall find someone.

And then the next day, im getting called by a coworker like hey where are you are you coming in and i say no. no im not. i gave the managers plenty of time ( a whole fucking day) to find someone else bc they know i dont like working with this man. i said im not coming in repeatedly. im not coming in. but the coworker keeps fucking picking at me and saying hey they dont have anyone can you please come and then i get so pissed off i say im on my way and when i get there the fucking manager says you can go home i found someone.

I get so pissed. Why did you keep calling me then?

I didn;t call you they called you.

and the coworker that kept calling me and making me feel guilty for not wanting to work with this man who makes me uncomfortable and pissed and anxious, is my boyfriend. My fucking boyfriend decided this job was more important than my feelings that day and it was beyond hurtful dude im tearing up just talking about it because god it hurt, it was like a dramatic ass betrayal (AND THAT JOB IS SO DRAMATIC BY THE WAY THEY WILL GET SO FUCKING UNCOORDINATED OVER A SMALL RUSH ITS THE STUPIDEST SHIT)

So I go back there and im so angry now. Why have you been blowing up my phone to tell me to come in and being so dramatic. There arent even any customers in here. Why did you keep calling me asking me to come in when they already found somebody.

They just found somebody.

So you could call me and even come back home to fucking say they asked you to come get me> But you cant find the time to pick up the phone again and send a quick nvm?

The next day im scheduled. Another write up from the manager who loves writing me up. because he couldn’t be a fucking manager and just find a replacement no, he had to call and tattle-tell on me to the GM for nothing. I get called in to office by the scheduling manager.

So GM asked me to have you read this, its a warning. I heard you have problems with B and I din’t know that.

I find out they never fucking told the scheduling manager. they lied to me to just keep me coming in.

And... listen. look. I get that everyone in that place must have a complaint. I get that the managers must hear complaints all the time but. just because they do, does not mean my complaint matters less. Im a young woman who is uncomfortable working with an older male manager, how about yall give a shit about that at least. This job didnt care about me the entire time and that hurts even fucking more.

So now, im only getting two days. Because instead of the other managers just stepping up and working the easy night shift, instead of being accommodating and considerate, they decide to just shit on my feelings like this. 

The last time I went in. the manager is fucking talking to me because thats what fucking happens. The more you work with someone like that, the more they get use to you not liking them and being uncomfortable with them and they decide they dont fucking care, that they dont have o be accountable. that they can just keep messing with you. My last shift was so anxiety riddled I had to excuse myself 5 times (I counted the tissues) to go fucking cry because of how awful it felt to just, be surrounded by so many people who have the power to do something and yet, decide they just dont feel like it. 

He keeps his shifts and i have to deal with having 2.

He works on salary, I have  9 dollars an hour.

my bf and i had to move out of our 1 bedroom that we share with his dad because we needed the space and rent is an extra $100. I broke my glasses last month and cant afford to get replacements so i have been straining my eyes faily. I have to pay a full internet bill from my account and my bf gives me half of that. the dog wont stop fucking barking and giving the cat fleas. My mother and I dont speak, we have no relationship. I dont want to ask my aunts for money any more than i already do, i have no family out here, i only have like 3 friends that are close enough to visit and even then, i dont have a car and “close” equals driving distance and... i’m just

I am so exhausted haha. its been such a long few months. The ups and downs are there but, the downs have been so much more amplified lately its hard to see a silver lining so i just, idk, I dont know. I do not know.

I got our new schedule today. Only two days. This ko-fi stuff and this commission stuff guys its what i have right now. Its what i need to work because nothing else is. lol im not a begging person, im not like... this. Im not so open but, i could really use any help right now, please. Just share the links, if u dont see something u like maybe someone else will, and that hope is the only thing i can look forward to right now. thanks for reading this far if u did. thanks for listening to me yell about avatar for all these years thanks for following me and giving me notes and making me laugh and making me smile and im burned out after all of this so, take care guys.

[ikonmenow]

but first we need to talk.

honestly this is gonna be quite a long rant I believe so feel free to skip this I guess?

okay so I've been working for almost a year. we gucci, I think I needed to get my head down to earth and I'm very happy that i got a job so easily. however, let me tell you. i think people are nowhere near mature, sadly. and I'm not talking about kids. I'm talking about grown ass people. like now, I understand you ain't having a good day or that you're tired from work but guess what. just like you, I work and your attitude towards me will obviously determine the way I act to you. I don't expect everyone to be nice but I'd like people to be a little more aware. I work on a clothes store. now, let's get down to this.

- just because I ain't working on the so called "prideful" and "good" jobs (along with a ton of other flattering adjectives) it doesn't mean I'm less human, nice, rational, etc. like im working bcs I need the money, right? boy you dont need to come up to me and act like a total bitch bcs honestly it ain't my fault you having a bad day.

- the customer is right is very 2013. excuse me but this ain't it. I dont mean to be rude towards whoever but if I take certain measures it's because I'm forced to. like for example a lot of customers come claiming they dont have the receipt from their purchase. my job, as the person who's helping out in the store is to follow the stores rules aka no receipt, no return, I'm sorry. you dont have to act rude to me when I'm following rules. it was n o t me who made them, in first place and people are meant to be responsible for the stuff they do. honestly half the time I feel like snapping at people when they act rude bcs they give me "it ain't my fault this is like this" or "im disappointed that you guys do this this way bcs other stores dont" well, go to the other store? be responsible and dont throw away the receipts ???? idk man

- I just cleaned this specific place and you go in and just happily mess it. that is disrespectful. yeah I understand you want to touch clothes and see if you like them but you really DONT need to yeet the clothes into the next universe. do you do that at your house? then please dont do it at the stores. its tiring to be cleaning up after people's messes.

- taking clothes with you to try them in the fitting room that's perfectly fine but at least make sure to bring them back out instead of letting them on the floor, hanging on the hangers that are in the fitting rooms or just casually shoving the hangers of the actual clothes into them. you're ruining perfectly fine clothes. and now this may make no sense to you like lmao but think over it. those clothes will be thrown away most the time. my store does give them to charity as long as it wont have anything that endangers people's lives. but it doesnt make sense that the same ppl who talk about how much waste we are making and how bad it is for the environment are the same who casually ruin clothes.

- be mature. I think people need to be mature. people are so open minded these days but I'm honestly scared of the next generations. like everyone claims "I NEED to be respected" but what about the person in front of you? respect is something that should be the base for who we are, tbh. like I get it, we are all different but seriously? just because I'm on my shift it doesnt mean I'm any less respectable than anyone else. I'd like people to think over their actions bcs this is honestly an everyday thing.

- if I approach you when working, don't take it as an offence. I'm genuinely trying to help. I'm not accusing you of stealing or anything, I'm just trying to be helpful. body language is very important, so I'll end up understanding if you're okay with my help or not but people jump to conclusions too quickly rip

I know this may mean nothing to 90% of the people who read this but be aware of your actions, please. I have noticed I have to better myself in so many things, honestly, and this won't really change unless people are aware of it. put yourself in people's shoes. would you like it if these things were done to you?

I've been wanting to rant over this for so long. it's just frustrating to be okay with people when people just dont collaborate. I'm even surprised this comes from the older generations and not so much from the younger ones. but once again, this world is weird lmao.

OKAY time to eat some cookies and fish for inspirations uwu

hope everyone is having a great day uwu

[those-bulletproof-boys]

LOL Prince AU for Yoongi

Lol so remember that time i was all jazzed about writing a prince au for yoongi and it was gonna be long af lol that didnt happen i got discouraged and never finished it but i teased it a heck ton for yall and even tho im never gonna finish it I thought yall deserved to at least get what I had because like idk i teased it you should get a little bit e ven tho it prob wont ever get any longer. Sorry. Its really fucking long cuz I was planning on breaking it up but i cant be bothered so if youw anna read it go ahead if you dont thats ok. Love yall!! <3

Published: October 31st, 2017

Word count: ~14,459 Words

{Also I haven’t read this since I posted it and I didnt edit it obvi so like its gonna be shit just be prepared.}

“Your highness, it’s time for you to wake up.”

Yoongi squeezed his eyes closed against the sudden light that surrounded him that he recognized as the maid opening the curtains of his bed chamber. He groaned and flipped onto his stomach to press his face into the pillow that had been under his head all night.

“Your highness, I’ve been instructed to awaken you.”

The voice came again, but it sounded closer. Yoongi sighed and removed his face from the pillow before turning to look around the room and spot the owner of the voice. His hair fell into his face and he could feel his loose sleep-shirt hanging off his shoulder.

The voice itself had been unfamiliar to Yoongi, but the face was definitely someone that he had never seen before. The girl that stood 4 feet from Yoongi’s bed, with eyes as large as the mood at his sudden movements, had hair that fell in curtains around her face. Her eyes were bright and, at the moment, full of...was it fear?

Immediately, the girl fell into a curtsey, her head bowed and her hair falling over her face. “Good morning, your highness,” She said quietly.

Yoongi just looked at the girl before him. “I’m awake,” he said in a monotone voice.

The servant looked up, “I beg your pardon, your highness?”

Yoongi rolled his eyes. “Your job is to wake me up. I’m awake.” She blinked. “You can leave now,” he finished with a pointed look.

Her mouth opened and closed before she understood his words and rushed out the door. Yoongi let out a sigh before the door flung open again and the girl was back. She frantically curtsied and flew out the door again, clearly still flustered.

Yoongi chuckled as he raised his arms over his head and began stretching, pulling himself into the world of the awake.

“Ah Yoongi, good morning,” An older man called from the head of the table as servant flitted around him, bringing and taking away plates from around him, constantly.

Yoongi looked around as he walked through the doors into the elaborate dining hall. The table before him could easily hold up to 30 guests, but only 2 places were set. He made his way to the end of the room before taking his seat next to his father. “Good morning, Father,” he responded as he continued to try to rub the sleep out of his eyes.

A servant placed a large plate of breakfast foods before Yoongi and he picked at it with his fork and knife, his mind wandering to other lands. “Yoongi?” His father called.

Yoongi continued eating, not hearing the voice calling his name.

“Yoongi?” He called, a bit louder.

Yoongi’s eyes cleared and he turned to look at the man next to him. “Yes, sir?”

His father looked at him. “Is your mind elsewhere, son?” Yoongi nodded reluctantly, his eyes apologetic. “Very well, but your first lesson is in Mathematics and I would advise against such daydreaming until World Geography.” Yoongi nodded reflexively as his father swallowed the last bite of food on his plate and stood up, his shoulders broad and strong.

Yoongi stood respectfully as his father turned to him. “Good day, son,” the older man said. Yoongi watched the servants bow to him as he walked out of the room, but as soon as the door was closed, he slumped back into his seat and resumed picking at his food, dreading the day ahead.

As much as he tried to hold it back, his mind eventually began to wander as his mathematics lesson dragged on and on. Mathematics had never been his strong point, and no matter how hard he tried, he knew that it would always be one of his weaknesses, not a good thing if you’re expected to govern a country someday and deal with it’s financials.

Every since Yoongi could remember, he could remember spending his entire mornings at lessons for anything and everything, changing every day. Supposedly they were all supposed to teach him how to take after his father, the King, when he died, Yoongi couldn’t even imagine his father passing away because of the strong grip that he constantly had on the country that had grown to rely on him for everything. If he died, everything would collapse...unless Yoongi was able to take over seamlessly.  

“Prince Yoongi?”

Yoongi looked up to see his teacher waiting for his answer and his face grew red in embarrassment, knowing that his mind had travelled to a foreign land.

His teacher sighed.

The only class that could truly capture Yoongi’s attention was, contrary to his father, World Geography. Learning about the world around him and all the places, that he hoped to be able to visit someday, banished any other thoughts away, keeping his mind in place. From the moment he walked into the lesson, his teacher had his entire attention.

He walked out of that class, his last for the day, and slowly began to make his way back to his room until his sword wielding lesson in an hour. As he made his way through the castle, maids and servants here and there would stop their actions and curtsey, but none of the faces were familiar. The walk to his bed chamber blurred together and before he knew it he stood at his door, his hand on the handle.

Lazily, he turned the piece of metal under his hand and swung the door open. It took a few moments until his eyes registered the other body in the room, dusting the top of his dresser. His eyes widened at the sight, mainly because his room was always already clean by the time he came back, and he squinted, trying to see which servant had been taking so long at their job.

Her back was towards him and he couldn’t see anything except her long hair that fell down the back of her uniform. Impatiently, Yoongi coughed into his palm, trying to pull the girl’s attention towards him.

Immediately, the figure spun around, her mouth open in shock and her eyes as wide as they had been this morning. Her head dropped after half a second as she dropped into a curtsey, but Yoongi had already seen her face and recognized her as the maid that had come to wake him up that morning.

“Your highness,” Her voice cracked, clearly from nerves, “I’m so sorry, I’m behind schedule and haven’t finished with your bedroom.”

Yoongi looked her up and down as he focused on the rag in her right hand and the black smudges, presumably from his fireplace, that went up her left arm. Her head was still bowed and Yoongi rolled his eyes.

“What’s your name,” He asked as he began walking towards her.

With her head still bent, she responded in a surprisingly steady voice, “My name is Y/n, your highness.”

“Why are you behind schedule?” Yoongi asked, his voice flat.

Y/n gulped, “I–”

Yoongi interrupted her, “Look at me,” He said sternly. Slowly she raised her head and looked at Yoongi with the bright eyes that he had seen this morning, but now they shook with growing fear.

Slowly, she breathed out and started her sentence again. “I am behind schedule because I am not yet used to my chores, your highness.”

Yoongi nodded. “Are you part of the recently hired help?” he asked, his eyes studying her face for any hint of familiarity that could show that she had been here longer.

Y/n nodded, “Yes, sir, I started work yesterday.”

The boy took a step forward until he stood inches in front of y/n. Her eyes dropped immediately by reflex and Yoongi sighed. He leaned head down until his lips were centimeters from her ear as she squeezed her eyes shut and tried to turn away. “Next time, be out of my room by the time I’m done with my lessons,” He said, venom lacing through his voice as his exhaustion that had built throughout the morning was released to an innocent maid. Y/n’s head snapped up as Yoongi took a step back, her eyes wide with fear and her lips parted slightly, like she was about to say something.

“You can leave now,” He said tiredly. He watched as Y/n curtsied, her eyes back on the carpet, and walked out the door, her arm still stained with soot.

A breath made its way out of Yoongi’s mouth as he fell onto his bed, letting his eyes close and his body melt into the cushions beneath him to rest.

Another unfamiliar voice snuck its way into Yoongi’s ears the next morning. The night before, he had been up late, and now his body was cursing him, begging for more sleep. “Your highness, it’s time to wake up,” it said.

Yoongi was sure that he had never heard that voice before and decidedly pulled his blanket up over his head, efficiently blocking out the noise. “Your highness?” The voice came again, a bit less timid and Yoongi groaned.

“Go away!” He shouted in a groggy voice from under the fabric. Frantic footsteps receded into the distance and Yoongi smiled at his small victory before turning and burrowing the side of his face into his pillow again.

Abruptly, the door to Yoongi’s bedroom opened again and slow, timid steps made their way to his bed. Convinced that it was the same servant as before, Yoongi groaned before throwing the quilts off himself and pulling himself into a sitting position, a snarl on his face. His hair sat in a knotted nest on top of his head and his undershirt was untied, showing the upper part of his chest and his collarbones.

Y/n jumped at the sudden movement and stared at the boy before her with wide eyes that Yoongi had grown accustomed to. Yoongi stared at them, blinking. Apparently they had sent in y/n to wake him when the other maid could not. Seconds passed as they stared at eachother before y/n dropped to a curtsey, her eyes back to focusing on her toes.

“Prince Yoongi, I’ve been sent to awaken you.”

Yoongi blinked at the first usage of his name with his title to come from her mouth and it took him a moment to compose himself, because every servant in the castle referred to him as “Your majesty.”

“I’m awake,” He said, repeating his words from yesterday, but with less bite in his voice.

“Very well, your majesty,” She said as she curtsied and left the room.

Minutes passed as Yoongi sat, with his chin in his hands, staring at the place that y/n had stood just a little while before. Before anymore servants could tell him to get up, he stepped out of bed and began to dress for the day.

As soon as Yoongi stepped through his door, his eyes landed on y/n standing just a few feet away from the door, her hands clasped together, her eyes lowered. Slowly, she curtsied without raising her eyes. “Your majesty,” She said, her voice steadier than normal.

Yoongi closed his eyes and inhaled deeply through his nose before letting it out and opening his eyes. He raised his hand to rub between his eyes, already tired moments after waking up. “Wait until I’ve already left to go into my room to clean. Don’t wait at the door; I should never see you. Be invisible, y/n,” The prince said before brushing past her and started down the path to the breakfast table without looking back.

He’d only walked a few feet when he heard a small, “Yes, your majesty,” Come from behind him and heard his bedroom door open and close. A small smile appeared on his usually stoic face and a maid’s eyes widened at the change from a few feet away as she dusted the corridor’s ornamentations.

“Son?”

The king’s voice broke through Yoongi’s head on the third try and his eyes snapped up to his father’s immediately. The line of thought that had been traveling through Yoongi’s brain was immediately broken off. “Yes, sir?” The boy responded.

His mind had been traveling to the events of that morning, trying to piece together why he hadn’t just fired y/n when she clearly wouldn’t be able to perform her chores properly. Yoongi had never had any trouble firing insufficient help, but something about y/n restrained that reflexive reaction.

“What is it with you spacing out lately?” His father said impatiently, not bothering to continue with his previous thought.

Yoongi dropped his head. “I just have a lot on my mind at the moment. I’m sorry, Father.” The king nodded as he took a bite of food. Yoongi looked up tentatively, “What are my lessons today, Father?” He asked, curious as to why his father hadn’t assigned anything yet.

The king’s head sat, resting on his hands as he sighed. “Nothing today, Yoongi. Some things are going on and I didn’t have time to plan anything. Just study what you know, for today.”

Yoongi’s eyes widened at the unfamiliar response before a grin split across his face and he leaped from his seat. He quickly bowed to his father, and rushed out of the room, his body light and happy. Immediately, he made his way to the back doors, commonly used by the help, and ran through them, heading towards the stables. His breathing was heavy, but his heart was light and he hadn’t felt this happy or free in months.

A ragged breath tumbled from his mouth as he slowed to a walk and opened the doors of the stables. A man, tending to the horses, was the first thing in his field of vision. The man turned around, surprised at the sudden intrusion before falling to a bow.

“Your majesty, how can I help you today?” He asked, his eyes focused on the ground in front of his feet.

Yoongi’s heart continued to beat heavily as his wide eyes stared around the large building, its familiar smells filling his nose. “Where is Holly?”

The man straightened and nodded before walking down the aisle between stalls. “Follow me, your highness; she’s right this way, her morning bath has just finished and she has been eating well.”

Yoongi’s smile grew, a sight that the man was familiar with whenever a conversation was about the Prince’s horse. “Thank you for taking special care of her,” Yoongi said, bowing his head slightly towards the man in appreciation. The man’s cheeks filled with color at the kind words and continued walking.

Moments later, they both stopped before a large stall with a sign that read “Holly” on the door. Yoongi’s smile leaked into his eyes as he stared at the horse that brought him such happiness. Slowly he stepped towards the door that separated him from his animal, his face alight, and pressed himself against the bars. As if my instinct, Holly looked up from her eating to see the Prince at her door.

The stable hand stepped away, confident that the prince knew how to saddle himself up for his impending ride. The worker was always surprised to see this side of the prince whenever he came to the stables. He had heard of the fear that he struck into the workers in the castle, but every time that he had seen the prince, his face had been happy and lit with a smile; the worker felt honored to experience this side of the boy.

He turned to walk away when he heard the prince’s voice. “Thank you for taking care of her, again.” The  boy’s voice was soft, and the servant turned to see him stroking the horse's face through the bars, his eyes full of adoration.

The man bowed before responding. “It is my pleasure your majesty.”

As the man disappeared into another stall at the other side of the room, Yoongi grabbed the key that hung by the door of the stall that he stood in front of and excitedly opened the lock. Immediately the door slid open and Yoongi rushed in to embrace his equestrian friend. Instead of backing away, as most horses would at the sudden movements, Holly moved just as fast to meet the young prince.

“Oh Holly,” Yoongi breathed against her mane as he pressed his face into the side of her neck, “I’ve missed you. I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner, Father has had me busy with Mathematics and other classes.”

Holly snorted in disgust and a laugh tumbled from Yoongi’s mouth.

“I feel the same way, but he said I have nothing to do today. Would you like to go for a ride in the forest?” A whinnie of agreement met Yoongi’s ears and his cheeks began to hurt from smiling too much.

“Sounds like a plan.”

Holly stood completely still as Yoongi did his own work to prepare her for a ride. His father would let a servant saddle his horse for him, but Yoongi preferred to handle Holly himself.

Minutes later, Yoongi was atop his house, galloping across the acres of land that surrounded the castle, reveling in the wind that blew across his face and the feeling that he was free to ride wherever he wanted.

As soon as he disappeared into the treeline, the air around Yoongi became colder, combined with the wind that was created from the speed at which he was traveling and soon he was shivering, but didn’t dare stop. Holly wanted to continue as much as he did, begging for more speed. Although the stable hands fed and washed her well, she received very little exercise, usually in the form of a walk around the property–nothing close to this speed.

The path through the trees winded on the uneven ground, but both knew it like they knew each other. Yoongi barely needed to touch Holly to get her to go in the right direction. Half an hour passed and Yoongi could feel Holly growing tired under the intense running. Slowly he began pulling back on the reigns until Holly slowed to a walk, breaths tearing out of her as well as Yoongi. The sun hours away from high noon, and the air around Yoongi, dark by the intense foliage, was cool against his sweat covered skin. Holly walked for a few minutes until they came to a familiar clearing. As usual, Holly had grown tired near the same place she always did, and after a few minutes of walking they would come upon the place that Yoongi called home more than the palace.

As Yoongi dismounted, Holly nudged him impatiently. With a smile, the boy pulled out a handful of oats, that he had stolen from the stable, from his pocket and held them out to his horse. As a safety precaution, Yoongi slid the reigns over a low hanging branch from a nearby tree. He sighed, happily, as he turned to the large tree that loomed larger and taller than all the rest. Although all the trees in the clearing were ideal climbing trees, this was clearly the king.

Eagerly, he rushed to the trunk of the tree and became enveloped in its intense shadow caused by thick foliage. He untucked his shirt from his pants and shed his heavy, royal jacket before latching his hands onto the lowest branch, almost 7 feet above the ground, and pulling himself up to that his arms held his waist even with the branch.

Although Yoongi looked slight on the outside, the intense training working with swords that his father required had created muscles that disappeared under his daily clothes but reappeared in times of need. Even apart from that training, Yoongi himself worked out, longing to be stronger. Although he knew that no one in the palace would dare to endanger his life, he had heard of citizens and commoners fighting back to soldiers and endangering the lives of other royals.

Reflexively, Yoongi pulled his right leg up to rest comfortably on the branch that he had pulled himself up to. After this, most of the branches were fairly close to each other. As familiar and comfortable as a stairway, Yoongi made his way up the tree, staying close to the trunk and stepping on branches that were sturdy and stay away from those that weren’t. He had learned the difference through experience.

A breeze flowed around Yoongi as the blanches became sparser and sparser and the trunk thinned. What had started at a 5 foot diameter had become barely 2 feet wide. The wind that blew began to make the tree sway under his feet, a feeling that he had grown accustomed to through many adventures.

A few feet later, Yoongi came to the part of the tree where all but a few branches fell away. A large branch was in front of him and easily, he took a seat on it, completely comfortable. Through the minimal leaves, Yoongi could see the forest surrounding him and in the distance was the parapets of the castle, sticking into the sky. The wind engulfed Yoongi and he lazily closed his eyes as he wrapped his arm around the tree trunk to steady himself. To his right, a 90 degrees difference compared to the castle, Yoongi knew was the people’s town. None of the buildings stuck past the tops of the trees but from knowledge of the land’s geography and the obvious gap in the trees indicated its existence.

Ever since Yoongi had first seen the town on a map, he had wanted to see it for himself, and ever since he had see it with his own eyes from this vantage point, he had longed to walk its streets.

Time passed and soon the young princes hair had become a complete nest by the wind and the sun stood at high noon in the clear sky. Reluctantly, Yoongi began making his way back down the tree to the ground, hating every step from this safe space. Although getting out of the castle and into the forest was uncommon, he came here almost every time to clear his thoughts of the royal affairs that constantly hung over his head.

Although slightly out of breath, Yoongi felt relaxed as his feet hit hard-packed dirt. Immediately, he felt something tug on his hair and turned to see Holly walking behind him to follow his head and nibble his hair affectionately.

“Holly!” Yoongi laughed as he tried to reach behind himself and pull his locks free from her mouth. She only nickered in response and Yoongi giggled as her lips brushed against the back of his neck, touching the tickling part of his body. A laugh spilled out of his lips and he pulled out of Holly’s grip. He pulled the horse into an embrace with a smile on his face.

Languidly, Yoongi pulled himself into the saddle after feeding Holly another handful of oats. At a slower pace than they had traveled at on their way there, they set off to go back to the castle.

An hour later, Yoongi slid off the back of his ride and stood beside her heavily breathing frame. “Good girl,” He cooed at she led her to the closest stable hand, a familiar face, and handed her off to have a wash and be fed well after a final farewell kiss from her prince.

Relaxedly, the boy made his way to the front of the castle and walked through the door that were held open by a pair of guards, seemingly ready and waiting for his arrival.

As soon as he had stepped through the doors, the scents of lunch wafted up to his nose and his mouth began watering. He pushed the doors to the dining hall open and his eyes grew wide at the large display of meats and vegetables along with drinks and sweets. At the head of the table sat his father, already burying his face in an abnormally large piece of meat.

“Wow, Father this looks amazing,” Yoongi said as he made his way to his usual seat at his father’s side. The older man looked up barely focusing on his son.

“Ah, Yoongi you’re here” His father asked, a drop of grease from his meat making it’s way down his chin as he picked up his cup of wine and took a deep drink, his eyes glassy, seemingly unable to focus on anything before him.

Yoongi collapsed into his seat beside the older man with a smile and took a moment to respond. “It is gorgeous today, Father, the woods are beautiful as so is the sky.”

A tiny smile grew on the King’s face and they sat in silence for a few moments, the King clearly deep in thought as Yoongi began digging into his own plate of food.

Abruptly, the king spoke again. “I must go,” he said before standing up and stepping away from his chair.

Yoongi looked up, confused. Normally, his father spent much longer at the meals than he did, arriving before him and leaving long after. “Father?”

The king nodded, ignoring the questioning tone in his son’s voice, but even Yoongi knew that something must be happening for his father to act this way. He walked towards the door and before Yoongi knew it, he was steps away as it was being opened for him.

“Father, what is the schedule for the afternoon?” Yoongi called, just a second too late as the door closed behind his father’s figure. He fell against the back of his chair, confused by his father’s actions; usually at their lunch together, he would be told his schedule for the afternoon, similar to breakfast. He couldn’t remember his father ever just walking out on him during lunch without any information.

Every blue moon, the king would let his son have a morning off, releasing him from the grueling lessons and boring interactions. It was times like these when Yoongi would explore the palace grounds in depth or spend hours with Holly or just wandered through the most secret parts of the castle, but never before had the King left him an empty afternoon. Although his mind was curious as to his father’s actions, he wasn’t about to let an afternoon pass him by.

He stood from his place at the table and began to make his way towards the door. Servants avoided him as they began to walk towards the table to clean it up, their lips loose with gossip now that the king was gone. Normally he could ignore the gossip, but a familiar name caught his ear from the mouth of a younger woman as she began to pick up the plate of ham.

“I walked past Y/n today while she was working; she’s so behind I don’t think she’s going to make it here,” The woman said, shaking her head impatiently.

Her friend, a larger woman that had begun to clear the wine glasses tsked her tongue. “What a poor child, this is so important to her.”

Yoongi realized that he had stopped mid step while listening to the women’s conversation. Before they could notice him, Yoongi rushed out the door of the dining hall, his eyebrows furrowed.

The words slowly disappears from his consciousness as he began to walk towards his room, desperate to wash up after his ride, and excited to have the rest of the day to himself.

Happiness was coursing through his veins so intensely as he opened the door to his bedroom that he didn’t even register the second person inside when he walked through, closed the door behind him, and began removing his shirt to prepare to wash up.

He curled his fists into the fabric that rested against his shoulder blades and tugged the shirt over his head so that it sat in his hands in front of his torso.

A shriek sounded from the other side of the room and Yoongi jumped before looking up, surprised. A familiar girl in a maid’s uniform stood cowering against the curtains that sat to the sides of the large window at one end of the prince’s room. A feather duster was held in one hand while the other covered her eyes.

Yoongi’s wide eyes returned to normal size as he groaned. “Why are you still here?” He said as he casually threw his dirty shirt onto his freshly made bed.

Y/n kept her hand over her eyes before curtsying. “I’m sorry, your highness, cleaning the curtains has taken more time than I expected. I’ll be leaving,” She said before curtseying again. She removed her hand from her eyes, but kept it at an angle so as to shield herself from seeing him.

“Are you done?”

Y/n looked up at the sudden words from her superior, forgetting that he was shirtless and suddenly finding it hard to figure out where to look. “Pardon me?” She asked, her voice trembling.

Yoongi sighed, “Are you done cleaning the curtains?” He scanned the room impatiently, “Or the fireplace for that matter? It looks filthy.”

Y/n’s cheeks flushed and her breathing shook. “Unfortunately, Prince Yoongi, I have not finished either of those tasks. I am still unfamiliar with cleaning your bedroom and have yet to learn how to work effectively.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes and suppressed the way that his heart jumped when she said his name. “I could have you fired, you know. Most maids we pick have already learned this by the time they start. You should’ve been done long before I got here; what did I tell you about being invisible, y/n.”

Terror flashed across y/n’s eyes as she dropped to her knees reflexively, staring straight into Yoongi’s eyes. “No, your majesty, please. I need this job, I promise that I will do better in the future.”

Yoongi’s eyes softened at the girl’s readiness to protect her station and his mind flitted back to the gossip that he had heard in the dining hall. A breath escaped his lips, “Get back to work. I hope that you’re done by the time that I come back out.” He turned on his heel and walked into his bathroom before closing the door and pouring the already prepared and properly heated water into his tub. He finished stripping before stepping into the water and washing all the thoughts scattered around his head away.

As the time passed, Yoongi heard y/n’s actions in the other room through the door. At first he could hear her trying to get the dust off the curtains and moments later would hear the clang of a metal poker hitting the metal fireplace grate.

Although his bath was normally silent, the noise from the other room was unusually enjoyable, trying to guess what she was working on based on the different sounds.

Yoongi sighed contentedly as he fastened the front of his new undershirt closed and pulled a new jacket over it after stepping from his bath and pulling on trousers. His hand reached out to grab the handle of the door to his bedchamber but hesitated. Seconds passed as he stood, waiting for any sounds to indicate that y/n was still in the room as he knew that the sounds had stopped a few minutes ago. Finally, he turned the handle decidedly after taking a deep breath, and strode confidently through the door.

His eyes scanned the room, expecting to see y/n somewhere, dusting something, but instead only saw a flash of a skirt whisk through his main door and heard the door close.

Refreshed, he walked over to his window overlooking the garden and pondered what he could do for the rest of his rare free afternoon.

Yoongi’s hand wrapped around the knob of his door and he pulled on it, opening it reveal the hall in his wing of the castle. He scanned the hall around him and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that no one else was there.

Slowly, the prince walked down the corridor before turning down a hall and following the familiar path to a bedroom that sat unused in the opposite wing of the castle. The dining hall, his father’s bedchamber, Yoongi’s bed chamber, and the servants quarters were all in the west wing, and when he wanted alone time, Yoongi tended to either go to the forest, the stables, or the east wing.

His boots made no sound as he walked down the carpeted hall that he knew ran parallel to the face of the palace. If he was to peek into one of the many bedrooms on the right side of this hall, a window would sit across from the door and show the gardens that sit behind the Palace, but one of these bedrooms was not where Yoongi was headed. Occasionally, though, as he walked, he would hear the whispered voices inside one of these rooms. His excess of his time allowed him to stop and listen whenever he heard anything he wanted to listen to. Usually, the voices would just be complaining about their lack of a love life or how much their back ached from cleaning fireplaces, but at one point, he heard his own name.

“I can’t believe y/n has been sent to wake up the prince two days in a row,” The voice said, annoyance clearly lacing her voice.

Another, lower, voice was introduced, an equal amount of distaste evident. “Isn’t it like her first week working here? Who decided that as her job; I’ve been working here for years and I’ve only seen the prince’s face in passing.”

A gasp sounded from the woman with the higher voice. “You’ve seen him up close? I’m almost always stuck in this wing of the palace or in the basement, I’ve only seen the back of his head since arriving here two years ago,” The first woman whined. “That lucky bitch, it’s probably because she’s so youthful and pretty.”

“I’m youthful and pretty,” the deeper voice spat under her breath “The head maid is probably just giving her special treatment because of her mother.”

A sudden whack sounded and the lower voice whimpered. “What was that for?” It asked, clearly confused as to what it did to deserve this treatment.

“Shh,” The higher voice responded, wary of something. “We’re going to get in trouble for talking like that; we’re not supposed to know about it.”

“Well you didn’t tell me it was a secret when you told me.”

“You idiot, let’s just get back to work,” The woman with the higher voice responded, obviously not wanting to continue the conversation anymore.

Reluctantly, Yoongi turned his ear from the room that contained the two women and looked around the still empty corridor. He began walking again as he mulled over what he had just heard.

Two turns later and Yoongi stood in front of a lone door at the end of a short hallway. Tentatively he looked around him to confirm that none of the servants that continuously travelled around the castle were in sight before pulling the door open and ducking inside. He turned and gently pressed the wooden door back into its place until a soft click echoed around the room to notify the prince that it was closed again.

A breath floated out of his voice as he closed his eyes and breathed in the smells of the familiar room. Excitedly, he turned away from the door and scanned the room around him.

It was a relatively large room with couches scattered around the closer half of it. Amidst the couches were singular chairs to fill spaces and a few tables to set tea or plates of delicacies. In the second half of the room were various stands for sheet music and musical instruments scattered here and there, currently silhouettes because of the sun shining through the wall of windows behind them as it slowly made it’s way to it’s daily grave. Yoongi squinted as the bright light bounced off the white sheets that covered all of the furniture around the room.

Slowly, with his hand shielding his eyes, he walked through the various seats around him until he passed the midpoint of the room and began to walk among musical stands. The vast majority of instruments themselves were stored in another part of the castle and well looked after daily, but their stands and seats stayed in this room for conveniency.

Yoongi continued pulling himself through the room until he came to a large object, barely a few feet in front of the windows, completely covered in a white sheet; however, he didn’t need to uncover the object to know what it was. Through a multitude of visits to the West Wing, Yoongi had found this room to be his favorite place inside the castle.

His hand fluttered up to barely brush against the fabric. A small smile began to spread across his face; after moments of his hand hovering just above the object, he collected a fistful of fabric and pulled it upwards and towards him, causing a cloud of settled dust to be released into the air.

The sudden contrast of black against the white fabric that had been laid on top of it, combined with the warm yellow-orange light that was coming through the windows, as sunset approached, took the Prince’s breath away.

Impatiently, Yoongi rushed to take his seat on the small stool that sat in front of the grand piano. His breath rattled out of him at the comfort of his first love that he hadn’t seen in months. Hesitantly, his hands fluttered inches above the ivory keys as he sat, unsure of where to start again.

In a spontaneous motion, he pressed his naturally spaced fingers down onto their respectful places to create a chord. He breathed a sigh closed his eyes as he let the sound flow around him and echo off the walls of the large empty room.

Habitually, his hands began to move up and down the keyboard as his eyes fell to watch them move across the ivory. Chords and melodies floated out of the closed lid as the music was created on the strings and the notes bounced around the room.

Delighted by the rhythm that he was able to attain after months without practice, a smile spread across his face before he stilled his hands in thought, pondering what song he could play all the way through.

Immediately his hands rested in their starting places for Passacaglia in D minor. With just enough force to create a clear sound, he pushed his hands onto the keys in front of him and began to play. If the chords that his hands had created moments before had been evening sunbeams and new violin color, this song was the beginning of twilight and marble busts. The dark emotions portrayed in the notes gave Yoongi chills even as he played it years after he’d learned it.

Reflex began to take over as he fell into the rabbit hole of piano, his hands moving there they needed to without his command. His eyes closed and he only opened them to peek at his hands during an especially technical part.

His body felt like it was covered in a large warm blanket that the Prince was familiar with: the blanket of creating music. Whenever he played, his head felt lightheaded and his body felt warm and comforted physically, like the music notes were wrapping around his frame and producing heat.

So focused on the music that he was creating, Yoongi failed to hear the sound of the door being opened. Drawn by the unfamiliar sound of music flowing through this wing of the castle, Y/n had followed the sound to the end of this hall. Reluctantly, she had pulled the door open and walked in to see a boy sitting at the piano.

Having cleaned this room yesterday, Y/n was familiar with the layout, but she had not seen the piano uncovered at the time when she had been instructed to dust the tables.

The piano was still closed, but the sounds being produced from it were just as strong as they would normally be, and just as beautiful as the boy making them.

The sun had really begun to set within the past half hour and the golden light that flooded through the window encompassed the figure that sat with perfect posture in front of the piano. Their silhouette had a halo of light around them and y/n’s breath caught in her throat as she saw them. Unconsciously, she pulled her body towards the music, making her way through the room silently.

As she came closer, Y/n began to be able to distinguish features of the boy before her. His hair sat, slightly curly, in a short black mop; it looked damp but messy. His eyes were closed, and his eyelashes rested gently on the top of his cheekbones which stood out prominently on his pale skin.

His clothes had been drowned in darkness, but as y/n grew closer, she began to be able to distinguish the buttons and facets of his jacket. Her eyes strained to see the details of a small metal ornament on the left side of his chest; she was still multiple feet away, out of Yoongi’s field of vision and his eyes were closed.

She inched forward until she could make out the details of the metal piece and the rest of his jacket. When she did, she gasped and fell onto her knees, her forehead pressed to the floor.

Startled by the sudden sound, Yoongi looked around to see a servant, kneeling on the ground, in front of him with her face against the carpet and her hair splayed around her. He jumped to his feet, shocked by the sudden presence of someone else in the room and shouted.

“What are you doing here?” Yoongi bellowed. The figure on the floor flinched and began shaking. “Why didn’t you make your presence known? Why did you even come in here?”

When the prince’s voice ceased, his ears registered the sound of crying. He looked down at the small frame and realized that the servant was just a girl.

Seconds passed as Yoongi tried to regain proper breathing. When he had counted to 10 and his breath had returned to normal, he stepped forward until the tips of his shoes were inches from the hands of the servant. “Stand up,” He said, his voice calm and steady.

Immediately the cries of the girl grew louder. “Please your highness, I just followed the music I didn’t know that it was you until I got closer,” A small wobbling voice traveled through the hair that shrouded the figure’s head and reached her superior’s ears.

Yoongi crossed his arms over his chest. “Who are you,” He asked straightforwardly.

“Please, your high–”

“Who are you?” Yoongi shouted, his patience wearing thin. “Just tell me and I can figure out what to do with you!” Nothing in response. He sighed and resorted to another approach. “If you don’t tell me who you are, I’ll fire you right here and now.”

Immediately the figure shot into an upright position, still on her knees. She frantically brushed her hair out of her eyes and looked up to meet the Prince’s. “My name is y/n, Prince Yoongi, I am the servant that cleans your bedchamber. Please sir, you’ve met me multiple times and every time you have, you have seen my hard work, despite my lack of knowledge. I will become better.”

At the first moment of looking into her eyes, Yoongi had recognized her. His mindset of “firing this servant no matter what” changed as soon as he saw her.

He eyed her carefully, running over the event that happened just moments before. “How close were you when you heard the music?” He asked as he looked her in the eye.

“Pardon?” She asked, confused by the question. Yoongi was about to open his mouth to repeat the question when she understood his query. “Oh! Um, I was cleaning the room at the beginning on the hall and heard it only when I had walked back into the hall when I had finished; I couldn’t even hear it from inside the room.”

The prince breathed a sigh of relief and sat back down on the piano stool, brushing the hair that usually rested over his forehead backwards. Y/n waited, holding her breath, for the prince word that was law.

Finally, Yoongi tilted his head down to look at y/n and waited until she looked back at him. He couldn’t believe he was doing this when he had fired every other servant that had walked in on his playing; this girl was getting under his skin. “Do you promise to take what you’ve seen and heard tonight to your grave?” Yoongi asked, his voice low and serious as he tried to convey the importance of this to him.

Y/n’s eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly as she took in the words of her prince. Seconds passed as her brain worked to compute what he had just said to her until she finally understood, “Yes, Prince Yoongi. Of course I will.”

Yoongi flinched. “I will let you continue with your regular chores around the castle if you do that for me and one other thing,” He said slowly.

“Yes, of course, anything!” She responded as she rose to her feet and stared at the boy before her, paying attention closely.

He spun on his feet to face back to the piano before closing the fallboard over the keys and gathering up the sheet that had been on it before he had walked in. Patiently, he spread the fabric over the instrument until it was in the same state as it had been before his arrival. Y/n stood, waiting, for his response as she watched his careful and methodical actions.

Abruptly, Yoongi turned from the now covered piano to face y/n again. The sound of his footsteps were absorbed by the carpet as he made his way closer and closer to y/n. He was about to pass by her left side when he stopped, their arms right next to each other.

For the first time, Yoongi’s voice was unstable as he spoke to y/n. It didn’t sound like it was from fear or worry, but like he was shaken by something. Y/n held her breath as she waited for the Prince’s words to wash over her.

Yoongi didn’t even turn his eyes from the door in front of him as her spoke. “Don’t call me Prince Yoongi. I am your Majesty; refer to me as such,” He said, his voice wavering slightly despite his superior position. Without waiting for a response or looking back, he opened the door, walked through and closed it behind him, the sound of which echoed around the nearly empty room as a single girl stood, frozen, next to the grand piano.

Anger bubbled inside of Yoongi’s stomach as he practically ran through the west wing of the castle. Voices cut off as soon as they heard his footsteps in the hall, but he saw none of the heads sticking out of the doors once he passed with quizzical expressions on their faces, eager to gossip about the possible causes for his actions over dinner.

He stopped at the door of his bedroom, tempted to simply spend his evening in there, but was interrupted by his stomach growling, begging for food. Although he hadn’t noticed it before, Yoongi wasn’t surprised by this revelation. Ever since he had been a child, playing piano had caused hunger to arise in the young prince.

Defeated, he turned away from his bedroom door and began to slowly make his way down the main staircase to the door on the dining room.

As he walked through the door that was opened for him, giving him a walkway into the room, Yoongi’s eyes reflexively took in the spread, but stopped when they landed on his father. He sat, papers strewn about his place, with his head in his hand and his eyes wide as if the king was forcing them to stay open.

Yoongi was shocked at the sight; his father never brought work to the table. By dinner time, all of his papers were finished and gone, not to be seen until the next day. Clearly something was happening that was causing mayhem in the older man’s daily routine.

Slowly, Yoongi walked forward to take his place beside his father, a servant placing a plate of food in front of him as soon as he was seated. The king didn’t even look up at the new arrival as he continued to stare at the papers around him and take a small bite of the food from his plate.

“Hello, Father,” Yoongi said, trying to start a conversation as he began to consume the food in front of him. The man in front of him jumped before looking up, his hand on his forehead, barely registering his son before him.

“Oh, Yoongi, you’re here.” His voice was flat and emotionless as his mind was clearly elsewhere.

Yoongi’s eyebrows furrowed as he scanned his father’s. “What’s wrong, Father?”

A sigh pulled itself from the King’s mouth and Yoongi’s heart ached to see him like this. Slowly, the king shook his head, clearly not willing to tell his son the woes of his heart.

Yoongi saw this action and clenched his jaw, annoyed that his father didn’t trust him enough with stress-causing information when he was next in line to the throne. “Father,” Yoongi said, a bite in the edge of his voice cutting through the stress that was strung between them

The day that had been meant to relax Yoongi and distract him from any other happenings had gone south. He had gone down to eat dinner with his father, tried to maintain a conversation and failed. Eventually he created an excuse that he had been busy all day and was extremely tired; somehow, his father had bought it.

Stars had already begun to appear only a short time since the sun had receded below the horizon. After leaving the dinner table, Yoongi had rushed to the hidden stairwell that wasn’t very hidden and raced up it until he reached the door that lead to the roof of the castle.

When he was stressed or confused, the prince tended to come up here at night to stare at the stars and let his thoughts into the dark and empty night sky. Usually the thoughts were scattered, coming from dozens of problems that had been building up until he could come to the roof and let them out, but this time they were all based on one person that wouldn’t leave his mind.

“Y/n,” Yoongi said into the atmosphere, more than a little bit of annoyance in his voice.

Abruptly, the prince sat up and rested his forehead in his hands. Why hadn’t he fired her? She’d given him enough reasons to, such as being behind schedule and going into rooms she wasn’t supposed to, but Yoongi couldn’t stand the thought of sending her away from the palace.

“She said herself, she needs to stay here,” Yoongi whispered to himself, trying to justify his actions the past few days, “You’re just helping her.”

However, this justification only led to more questions without answers. Why was he helping her? He was the prince and she was just a servant, he didn’t owe her anything.

Usually, Yoongi would spend hours on the roof, mulling over everything and letting his thoughts surround him until they became wisps of smoke and floated into the night, but tonight he couldn’t. Lingering on these questions was only serving to confuse him more and they felt like they were becoming solid instead of turning to smoke.

Impatiently, he rose to his feet and dusted himself off until his jacket was back to its original state. He turned to open the door to the staircase and walked through it, his feet making loud noises as they fell heavily on the wooden steps. As he neared the floor that he would exit at, he slowed and reduced the noise he was creating. Carefully, he pushed open the creaky wooden door that opened into the large corridor that connected to his bedroom’s hallway.

Although he had been determined to leave the thoughts on the roof, his brain continued to pick apart pieces of information and desire more pieces of the puzzle. He turned, his back towards the corridor, and gently pushed the door back into it’s place. A rustling of skirts startled him and immediately, he turned to see the maid that had created the noise.

She was older, and looked familiar. Yoongi assumed that she had been working at the palace for a while, mainly because the only time when servants were hired was at a young age or with credentials. The rustling had been made as she had lowered herself into a curtsey.

“Your majesty, is there anything I can help you with?” Her voice was soft and kind like a mother’s and Yoongi’s shoulders relaxed.

His reflex was to dismiss her without a thought and walk back to his room by himself, but a thought popped into his head. Hesitantly, he opened his mouth to respond, “Um, yes, actually.”

The maid looked up, her eyes wide in anticipation, waiting for his request.

Yoongi wrung his hands, wondering how to ask this bizarre question. “A-Are you familiar with a y/n? She was hired recently?” His voice stuttered as he asked the slightly awkward question to the servant.

A small smile spread across the woman’s face. “Yes, your majesty. I was the one that trained Ms. Y/n; she’s a bit of a slow learner, but I assume that after a few more days, she will become invaluable to this household.”

Yoongi stood, leaning against the door that he had just walked through, nodding as the woman talked. When she finished, his brain rushed, looking for another question. “What is her background? Why did she come to the palace?”

The maid looked down at her hands, the smile dropping from her face in seconds. “I only know a little bit of her background, your majesty. I know that almost all of her family died in the sickness that swept the country when she was a child, and that her mother is bedridden with another sickness; she plans to send almost all of the money she makes here back to her mother so that she can be taken care of. Ms. Y/n really loves working here.”

Yoongi finally understood what y/n had meant when she had told him that she needed to be here. The sudden reminder of the plague that had swept the country, years ago, made Yoongi shiver, his legs threatening to give way as he remembered his own repercussions from those days.

“Your majesty are you ok? Would you like me to escort you to your bedchamber?” The maid stepped forward, alarmed at the physical appearance of this prince. His normally pale skin had become ghost white, and his eyes went from focused to unfocused easily.

Yoongi blinked, pulling himself back into reality. Carefully, he pushed himself off the door behind him and into a standing position. “I’m fine,” He said, not looking at the woman before him.

She looked like she was about to step forward and help him anyway, but thought better of it. “As you wish, your majesty,” She said before curtsying and walking briskly in the opposite direction of Yoongi’s destination.  

The boy listened to the receding footsteps, waiting until they went behind a corner, to reach out and hold himself up. Thoughts of the plague had been repressed and avoided for years, but now images, voices, and memories that he had no desire for popped up.

Desperate for relief, he rushed forward, his feet pounding on the floor beneath him, down the corridor and down a hallway until he came to stand right in front of his bedroom door. The familiar guard that stood outside looked at him concerned, but the prince only shook his head before pushing his way into his own space and closing the door behind him, effectively blocking out the world around him.

All at once, the darkness that had surrounded Yoongi all night lifted to a bright morning light. A groan pulled itself from his throat as he pulled the blanket around him up over his head, refusing the inevitable.

“Your majesty, it’s time for you to awaken,” An unfamiliar, strangely high, voice cut through the silence. The sound caused Yoongi to wince it’s sharpness. Hoping it would just go away, Yoongi laid still.

“Prince Yoongi?” The high voice continued, but Yoongi’s eyes flashed open. Another newbie.

Impatiently, Yoongi sat up, causing the servant to jump before turning to her superior and bowing. “Prince Yoongi, good morning!” The voice said, unusually cheerful so early.

Yoongi reached up and rubbed his nose beside his eyes, wearing thin so new to the day before him. The young girl looked up confused. “Prince Yoon–”

His patience snapped. “Get out!” Yoongi bellowed as he pointed towards the door. The servant’s eyes grew wide, but she didn’t move. Infuriented by her incompetency, Yoongi’s temper wore through. “You’re fired!” He shouted, pulling himself up to his knees, causing him to be taller than the servant that stood before his bed.

Tears began falling from the girl’s face, but Yoongi just stared at her, continuing to point at the door until she finally gave it and ran away, her face in her hands.

Aggravated, Yoongi fell back onto his mattress and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, trying to rub away annoyance for how the girl had acted. Although this kind of action wasn’t unusual, Yoongi still reflected on it during the time he spent laying in bed, as still as a rock.

Quietly, the door to the prince’s room opened, barely making a nose against its hinges. Light footsteps padded against the floor, but Yoongi just squeezed his eyes closed, behind his arm that was now flung over his eyes as his blankets sat in ridges around him, and tried to ignore them.

The footsteps slowly made their way closer until he could hear them stop at the foot of his bed. “Your highness, I’m afraid that it is past the time for you to be awake.”

Immediately, Yoongi’s eyes flew open at the familiar voice. He sat up suddenly to look straight at y/n standing in front of his bed, her eyes on the floor, and her hands clasped.

“I see that you’re awake, your highness,” She said, her voice low and monotone, “I’ll leave you now, trusting that you can get out of bed by yourself.” Her voice sounded cautious and devoid of emotions.

The prince sat still, tempted to say something to y/n and pull her from her state of being frozen towards him more than normal, but decided against it as his hand fidgeted, longing to reach out.

“Thank you, y/n,” Yoongi responded against his better judgment, his voice as low as his eyes as he looked down at the bunch of blankets on his lap.

Without another word, y/n dropped to a curtsey before turning and striding out the door and closing it with sufficient force. Stilled by the sudden events, Yoongi couldn’t move. Curiosity was bubbling inside as he tried to figure out why y/n had been brought in to wake him up as a back up.

Gradually Yoongi stood up next to his bed and walked over to his clothes before dressing.

When he was finished buttoning the last button on his jacket and had done his best in pulling his hair into place. Lazily, he began walking towards the door, slowing when he heard voices talking outside of it. They were quiet and could only be heard from very close to the door, but they were there; Yoongi stalled his footsteps and quieted his breathing, trying to listen to the conversation.

“Why did you get y/n when Jess ran out crying?” A high pitched voice asked.

A deeper voice responded, “We can’t leave the prince unattended. For months, it would like multiple tries every morning to get him up, but in the past few days, he’s up as soon as y/n walks out of the room; however, from what I can hear, she says the same things as anyone else.”

“I don’t understand, what’s so special about her that Jess would be fired one minute and y/n come out unscathed the next?” the higher voice inquired, growing impatient.

A sharp gasp came from the other voice.

“What, what,” the high pitched voice said excitedly.

“Do you think,” The deeper voice said, slowly decreasing in volume, causing Yoongi to lean closer to the door, “something is going on between y/n and the prince?”

Yoongi bolted into an upright position, prepared to fling open the door right away when another response came from the higher voice. “Don’t be ridiculous; he’s a prince, she’s a servant, it’s absurd.”

Nodding, Yoongi stepped away from the wall that he had been pressed against, and grasped the door handle before him. All at once, he pulled the door open, causing the two women behind it to jump into their places and curtsey to the floor embarrassed.

“Y-Your hig–” The two women began their greetings simultaneously, but Yoongi pulled his face into a stoic expression before brushing past the women; They turned to watch him go before, without looking back, he flicked his finger towards the hallway to their right that contained a servant’s’ passage.

“Back to work, women. Less gossip tomorrow morning, please.”

Without uttering another word, Yoongi heard the women’s rushed footsteps retreat down another hallway, soon disappearing as he walked in the opposite direction.

Not in the mood for a large meal, Yoongi arrived at the doors of the dining room, but stalled outside. A few moments passed as he tried to decide whether or not to enter. He heard the boisterous voice of his father calling to servants through the thick wood and knew that if he entered, it would not be a short visit.

Decidedly, the prince turned from the wooden doors and began walking down a clearly less decorative hallway. Although the lessons that his father planned anew everyday were hard to find an order in, the one thing that was consistent was a Math class, first thing in the morning, every other day.

Slowly the undecorated hallway split off into an even smaller passageway with no embellishments on the walls. The walk was familiar, but not something that he was completely unaccustomed to. On the days that a full breakfast or a run in with his father felt like too much, Yoongi took this path as an alternative

Multiple turns and one flight of stairs later, Yoongi arrived at a simple door with loud noises making their way through it. Timidly, Yoongi reached out and knocked on the door, having learned that knocking yielding a safer result than just entering.

Barely a second later, the door flung open to reveal a woman with a kind face and an apron around her waist. When she recognized the boy before her after a moment of taking in his appearance, she immediately fell to a curtsey. “Good morning, your majesty.”

“Good morning, cook,” Yoongi said as he gave her a small smile.

Cook rose from her curtsey and scanned the prince, taking in his slight frame. “My, my, why are you so thin? Have you been eating the food at the dinner table properly? Why are you down here instead of up at the table i prepared so nicely for you and your father?”

Yoongi looked at his feet, feeling sorry for neglecting Cook’s meals the past few days. Although his adventures to the kitchen were few and far between, Cook always held a soft place in her heart for the young prince. “I didn’t want to have a run in with my father and wasn’t especially hungry. Do you think you could fix me up something small and fruity instead of hearty?”

Cook frowned at the simple request of a meal, but nodded all the same before opening the door even wider and pulling the boy over the threshold. Immediately, the sounds of the kitchen surrounded Yoongi. From one corner of the large cooking area, an oven door slammed shut, while from another a knife hacked away at slabs of meat.

“Hey, don’t cut the meat too thin!” Cook yelled to the latter corner of the room. A chorus of “yes, ma’am” returned to Yoongi and Cook’s ears a second later and Cook looked content.

Yoongi followed the older woman to the back of the room where a solitary table and cooking station sat, empty. He pulled a familiar stool out from under the table and sat upon it as he watched Cook roll up her shirt sleeves like he had many times before.

After setting her work space into order and pulling some ingredients out in preparation, Cook turned to Yoongi and rested her elbows on the table to look at him. “What do you want for breakfast today, your highness?”

Yoongi had told Cook to stop speaking formally to him after his first few visits to her kitchen, but even though she had stop most of the formal actions, she still curtsied at his appearance and referred to him as Your Highness.

Yoongi pretended to ponder, something he had already done during his walk to the kitchen, dreaming up everything impossible, knowing that Cook would make it possible.

Moments before arriving at the door, Yoongi had decided on his soon-to-be breakfast. “I want a berry tart with lemon glaze, cook. I’m dying for something sweet and sour,” You said, his eyes sparkling with desire.

Cook laughed and readjusted her apron. “Something so simple? Your requests are usually a test of my ability; are you sure that’s all you want?” Yoongi nodded and Cook smiled before walking away to gather the ingredients she would need.

As he waited, yoongi scanned the room around him watching the busy lifestyle of the people that worked to produce the food at sat daily on his table. More than a few of them would cast furtive glances in his direction and whisper behind hands to someone beside them.

Every time that Yoongi made his way to the kitchen below the palace floors, glances were always thrown at him, silently asking why he was there instead of in him elaborate dining room. No one had ever actually said anything to him, no one would dare, but Yoongi could translate the looks in their eyes well enough.

Suddenly frustrated, the young prince turned back to the workstation that he sat at. Gently, he rested his elbows on the wooden tabletop and looked to the side to see Cook rummaging through her storage for the right berries and the best flour for a flaky crust.

Minutes passed with Yoongi playing with the small amount of ingredients already on the counter before him. A few eggs rolled back and forth from one of his hands to the other, but he withheld his desire to attempt to juggle them when he knew that they would just fall and break. Finally, Cook came back her arms laden with fruit and other ingredients.

“Sorry it took so long your majesty,” She said, as she bowed her head. Yoongi shook his head, silently telling her that it wasn’t a problem, but still looked at her expectantly.

Cook sighed and looked at the boy before her with a grin. “Is it an eating or learning day today, your highness?”

Whenever Yoongi found time to return to the kitchen, the visit was one of two types. On days in which he was in a hurry, he let Cook make the dish herself without any interruptions; it was made fast and in his stomach just as quick. However, on days that Yoongi had more time or was willing to sacrifice his schedule, Cook was accommodating and would help him learn to make the dish by her side, hands on.

Yoongi pondered the options. Although he knew that his math lesson was soon, and his stomach begged for quick relief, Yoongi looked up at Cook and responded with, “I’d like to learn today.”

Cook nodded and began separating the ingredients into two identical sets. By the time she had finished, Yoongi had washed his hands and pulled on the small apron that Cook left around just for learning days.

Immediately, cook set to work, starting to organize and combine her ingredients. Yoongi watched for a second before falling in step behind her and working at a good pace, a step behind Cook at all times, looking ahead at what she was doing while simultaneously performing his own action.

Slowly, they combined their respective amounts of butter and sugar and other ingredients to create a mixture of wet ingredients. Cook looked over to watch Yoongi’s slow and methodical hands performing his actions and critique when needed. After the wet ingredients, they both worked on the dry ingredients, succeeding in creating a few dust clouds, mainly from Yoongi’s bowl, and making their black aprons partially white with handprints and “splashes” of flour here and there.

Although Yoongi’s bowl contained significantly less flour than Cook’s, most of which could be found on the work surface or on the floor, they progressed to the next step anyway and slowly combined their wet ingredients into their dry ingredients.

Slowly the time inched by until the tart pans sat hot on the countertop, golden brown around the edges and warm in the middle. Ignoring the ticking clock on the wall, Yoongi impatiently pulled out a small knife and began cutting into the tart that sat, tempting him.

The crust was sliced easily and soon a large slice sat on a small white plate, in Yoongi’s possession, waiting to be devoured. Hesitantly, he picked up a fork and cut a bite sized piece away from the rest of the sweet. He stabbed it, hunger threatening to take over, and pushed it into his mouth.

He smiled as the tart berries exploded in his mouth and sighed in contentment as the crust fell apart in flaky pieces. “Cook, this is amazing,” He said, his mouth half full of pastry.

Cook turned away from the oven to set the other tart beside the one that he had just taken a bit of. “I’m glad you like it,” she said with a smile as she looked at him, “because that’s the one you made, your highness.”

Yoongi coughed and covered his mouth to keep from getting tart everywhere. Immediately he turned to stare at the two tarts before him. They looked incredibly similar, but after a few moments, Yoongi could see the perfect pinches created by Cook’s hands on the crust of the untouched tart. His eyes widened as he looked at the one that he had just taken a piece from. Now that he knew it was his, he could see minor flaws here and there, but he was still shocked at the delicious pastry that he didn’t know he could bake.

Reluctantly, he looked up to see the face of the clock staring at him as he stood there, beside Cook, telling him that he was already 30 minutes late to his mathematics lesson.

“Oh shit,” He said, nearly dropping the plate of tart in his hand. Frantically, he placed in down on the counter before him and rushed to untie his apron before pulling it over his head.

He began running towards the door before turning to see Cook in a curtsey at his departure. “Send the rest of that to my room please, Cook,” he called before turning the corner outside the door to the kitchen and leaping up the flight of steps, two or three at a time.

From in the kitchen, slightly muffled, Yoongi heard a small “Yes, Your Highness.”

Yoongi began to retrace his steps that he had taken to the kitchen. His mind was on the Mathematics lesson that he knew he was already late for. If any of his tutors didn’t tolerate tardiness, it was his mathematics tutor, but Yoongi could care less; he would pick cooking over a lesson any day.

As his mind wandered, his feet carried him to the main entrance hall of the castle, suits of armor and tapestries lining the halls, the former seeming to be staring at him disapprovingly. His math lesson always took place on the other side of the castle, in the west wing on the first floor.

He slowed to a walk reflexively as he made his way through the entrance hall, its floor covered in a luxurious red carpet that his father continuously reprimanded him for running across. The door to the dining room, to his right, was silent and Yoongi assumed that his father had already left breakfast for his work room, filled with advisors. When the open space that surrounded him became a large hallway and the carpet underfoot changed to a dark purple, Yoongi broke into a jog again.

Doors passed him on both sides, some leading to bedrooms while others led to a library or a drawing room; all of their doors were closed except one. After a few moments, he passed an open door, sounds of annoyance flooding out of it. He passed by it at first, but curiously bloomed in his chest and he stilled. Hesitantly, he turned, looking from the door behind him and to his left, to the hallway before him, leading the lesson that he was already late for.

Cautiously, he moved his feet until he stood facing the door from which even more of a voice could be heard. “Oh come on,” it said, annoyance clear in it’s voice.

His feet moved forward without his consent, pulling him to the opening of the door, barely 9 inches wide, but large enough to look around the room with limited vision. When Yoongi stopped in front of the door, he slowly leaned forward to peer through the opening.

Across the room, holding herself up against one of the 8 foot tall windows, trying to clean as close to the top as she could, was y/n, slowly becoming aggravated with her height. Suddenly, she leaped, barely streaking the top pane of the glass, before falling back to the height of the pane second from the top. “Shit, this is going to put me behind again if I don’t pick up the pace,” she said, anger lacing her voice.

Yoongi stared at the sight of his home being cleaned. Although he knew that cleaning went on constantly behind the scenes, the more experienced maids had become proficient in keeping themselves hidden during their work, commonly by closing the door behind them after entering a room.

After recognizing who the voice belonged to, Yoongi involuntarily took a step back. His curiosity was satisfied, but he couldn’t help but think about what she was doing. Clearly she was behind schedule, again, and struggling to properly clean a room that she wasn’t familiar with.

“Ugh,” Yoongi heard y/n say. He turned to look through the door again and see y/n standing, massaging arm that had been stretching high above her head in an attempt to finish her job.

One half of himself said to turn and walk down the hall to his mathematics lesson and let her finish her job, or not, on her own, but the other knew that he’d already missed the majority of his class, and that if y/n didn’t finish this assignment, there was a good chance that her luck was out.

Without thinking, Yoongi’s feet began walking towards the door. He was surprised by himself, but once he got started, he realized there was no going back. Giving in, he pushed against the already partially opened door and it swung open, hitting the wall behind it.

Y/n jumped at the sudden sound and turned to see her superior striding towards her, a serious expression on his face. “Your highne–” Y/n started before being cut off by the prince.

“Where is another rag?” Yoongi asked impatiently as he walked straight past y/n figure that had already begun to dip into a curtsey. His comment was only met with silence. Slightly annoyed he turned to y/n, his head lolling to the side. “Listen, you’re not gonna get anything done hurting your shoulder from trying to reach the top of the window. I’m trying to help you get your job done on time; now where is another rag?”

Y/n looked up and locked eyes with the prince before pointing to a table a few feet away with a few cleaning supplies on it, unable to speak. Yoongi nodded in thanks before turning, snatching up one of the cloths before grabbing the back of a chair and pulling it to the window. After that chair was in place, he walked back to the same table and grabbed another of the same kind: simple and wooden.

When he finished setting them up, he turned to y/n and held out his hand to her still frame. “You’ve got to work with me if I’m gonna help you y/n,” He said, a hint of laughter breaking through the stoic expression on his face.

Y/n blinked before tentatively following his flitting eyes to his hand and reaching to place hers in it. Her heart was racing as he pulled her towards the chair beside him and stepped onto his own chair, prompting her to do the same. She followed his lead, slightly unbalanced, onto the slightly wobbly chair.

“There,” Yoongi said, letting go of y/n’s hand nonchalantly, “Now you can reach the top of the window.”

Y/n nodded and turned to begin to wipe the upper parts of the window clean, occasionally dampening her cloth with cleaning solution. She was slightly surprised when Yoongi turned as well to follow her lead. Thoughts ran around her head, most of them panicking about why the prince was doing part of her work with her when he was clearly royalty.

They worked side by side for a few moments before y/n turned to Yoongi, her head bowed. “Your highness, I can finish by myself. Please let me do the work.” She held out her hand for the rag that had still on the window before Yoongi.

A small smirk appeared on his face. “Y/n, you do realize that you are still behind right? I know the schedule of most maids and I can assumed that you’re supposed to be done in half an hour.” He glanced around the room, his eyes playful, “It’ll take you at least another hour to finish this room,” He turned to face her, her head lifted when he caught her, his eyes holding it up, “Unless I help you.”

“Your high-” Y/n started, but was interrupted when Yoongi gave the window beside him a final swipe and jumped down from his stool.

His back turned to her, he began dragging the chair back into it’s place. A casual look sat on his face as he twisted to face her, the rag still in his hand. “What’s left to do?” He asked, his arms folded over his chest.

Y/n stared him, knowing that his mind was set on helping her with her task, for some reason. Hesitantly, forcing herself to follow his wishes, she pointed to the uncleaned fireplace on the next wall of the room that she knew would take her the longest to clean. A smile crept onto Yoongi’s face as he turned to see where he was pointing.

“Now you’re getting it,” he said as he began to unbutton his jacket. Y/n’s eyes widened at the sudden action, her mind yelling, wondering how this action could correlate to cleaning the fireplace.

“Your highness!” Y/n yelped, jumping down from the chair that she had remained standing on, and covering her eyes. “What are you doing?”

Yoongi chuckled at the sudden actions of the maid before him and reached forward to grab her wrists and pull her hands away from her eyes. “Do you expect me to work in this stiff jacket? I could barely clean the windows because my arms are so constricted.”

Y/n blinked as the prince slowly let go of her hands and removed his jacket, revealing his white long-sleeved undershirt, slightly see through, tied at the front of the neckline.

Carelessly, he turned and threw the ornamental jacket onto one of the chairs strewn about the room and began to roll up his sleeves that sat hanging on the lower part of his wrist. Trying to remember the few times that he had seen maids cleaning his fireplace, Yoongi walked over and knelt before the grate as y/n watched from the other side of the room. He carefully reached forward and pulled the grate to the side, revealing the empty square where charred wood and ashes sat around a metal log holder.

Y/n stared at him as he sat, crouched, in front of the fireplace, clearly confused. Slowly, she turned and continued cleaning the windows. When she turned back a few minutes later, Yoongi sat in the same place as before, the grate off to the side, and his chin in his hand, clearly thinking hard.

A chuckle fell out of y/n’s mouth as she stepped down from the chair that she had been using and slowly returned it to it’s place at a small tea table. She only had the fireplace left to clean, which took the longest, and dusting to do about the whole room.

“Your highness?”

Yoongi jumped at the sudden address and turned to see y/n a few feet behind him, looking at his concerned. He rose to his feet and opened his mouth to respond. “Yes? I was just…” He stopped, not knowing how to continue.

Y/n sighed, wishing that she could send the prince away instead of worrying about his rank hovering over her every move with the ability to throw her out and any moment. “If you want to help, would you please do the dusting and I can deal with the fireplace?”

Yoongi broke into a grin, “That’s exactly what I was going to suggest,” He said, clearly trying to play off the fact that he had no clue how to handle the fireplace situation.

With a smile, he jogged over the the set of cleaning supplies that sat on the table that he had his chair from and plucked the feather topped wooden handle from the lot of items, smiling triumphantly.

He saw y/n shake her head slightly at his antics before taking his place crouched in front of the fireplace and begin to pull the charred logs into their place.

Her hair fell over her face, but she ignored it, seeming not to have seen it. Yoongi’s hand itched to replace the strand to its place at her back, falling over her shoulder blades. Chastising himself, he turned and began the work that he was using to distract him from thoughts of another mathematics lesson.

Twenty minutes passed, and Yoongi finally returned to the place that he had begun dusting at. He looked around the room at its shiny surfaces and sighed in contentment at his work well done.

Curiosity had always bubbled up in his throat when he walked passed maids carrying out their duties in the halls: he constantly wondered what their schedules and days were like.

Y/n sighed, having finished her job at the same time at Yoongi, and stood up and brushed off her skirt.

She turned, a deep breath having left her chest, to face Yoongi.

[leighasnotebook]

Title - Hey Future Leigha ;P

So.. I'm broke as fuck. I can't even seem to get a job. A job at a place I dont even like but need. I barely even made it home from internship at the humane society in Indy. I am on BELOW empty. I tried to sell a galaxy s4 at disc replay to get me by and they wouldnt even take it because apparently theres something wrong with it. So that was dissappointing as fuck too. I've been forced to borrow money from my mom who I STILL live with. So apparently I dont even have the abilty to be independent right now. Sure Im in school but I cant even afford to put gas in my tank to get there and I still owe 1000 dollars or more to my school. I dont even know where Ill work after I get my certificate. Thats right.. CERTIFICATE.. not a actual degree. Still. I stupidly decided to get a credit card a few years ago and now I'm maxed out and cant afford to pay it off. I at least have gotten on a payment plan that will make the interest 0% and make my monthly payment lower. My phones fucked because I broke the goddamn screen on it. So no one can even call me unless its on the house phone and I'm not home all the time AND its a cordless that apparently has fucked batteries in it because it just shuts off after like 10 - 15 minutes. I shouldve never even gotten a stupid "smart" phone. All its done is make me feel guilty about the extra money my MOM is spending for it on the bill. And it is way more fragile than a flip phone. Sure the extra shit on it was fun but I dont even need it. I dont care if Im "stuck" in the old times. At least it was reliable. I have grown up in my life with a nice place to live and nice things but that just isnt me. I know when I live on my own I wont live in a nice place and I wont have nice things. Its as if Ive been blindfolded to my actual lifestyle to the point where I agreed to getting nice things. Things Id never be able to afford by myself. After my car got totaled I got a 12k settlement which I had my dad take care of because he wanted to take it to use to get me a new car. Well he decided to get me a fucking expensive newer car.. the accident happened oct. 1st 2013.. I ended up driving a rape van (huge burgendy van with bars on the windows) to and from Ivy Tech and work for about half a year or more before my dad decided to take out a loan for a Toyota Camry 2013! Why on earth would you opt to get me a expensive car like that when I cant even afford gas or live on my own!? Now Im fucked because I cant pay the car payment.. my dads paying it which makes him think for some reason that its his vehicle. No on the contrary it was his decision to spring for a newer car of which I am entitled to 12k of. so yeah now I have a investment in something I cant even use because the insurance is insanely high and I cant afford it. Sigh Im just so fed up with all of this bullshit. If I could sell everything I have right now and just start new, that would be ideal. Sell the fucking Toyota, use the money to pay off my credit card bill, pay off school and maybe have enough to secure a place for me and my dog to live. Because I am not a goddamn straight woman who has a boyfriend to pay for half of everything. I feel like alot of girls live with their boyfriends and get off easy. Well thats not an option for me is all Im saying. I can barely even find a lesbian whos responsible and even has enough income to hold up their half of living expenses.. I cant say shit about that right now since Im in the same boat but still. Even when I do (which I usually do) have all my resources I still cant find a responsible GF. Either way Id still be dependant on whoever I was living with to keep my place. Even if they were a roommate. Which I guess would be the same financially if it were a significant other providing half. anyway.. Ive been trying goddamn hard to get a job. I signed up for Rover.com to watch dogs or walk dogs for people but IDK if my background check came back clean. which it should because I spent extra money so that it would be. Beyond all.. I am seriously just fed the fuck up with trying to manage all of the bullshit that I have to. It feels like I need 3 of me to accomplish all the shit in front of me. I am overwhelmed I guess is what that means. I feel so useless in the world. The only thing keeping me from spiraling into a severe depression is the fact that Im going to school for something that I love doing. Knowing that in a month and a half Ill be graduating is whats keeping my head up. Other than that.. its my friends and animals that hold up the rest. Some days I for real just want to get drunk and say.. FUCK IT ALLLLL. which is kind of what im doing right now.. but guess what? my box of cheap ass wine is almost gone so this will be a short lived release until im fucked again.. and cant even go to a party I was invited to go to on sunday. Im writing very unhinged right now. I need a goddamn stupid dumb job. And Ive been trying to get one for months. Now its even harder without a cellphone. "hey yeah just call my house phone and let me know about that job" just doesnt jive well with me because ITS A FUCKING HOUSE PHONE.. better than nothing but its real fucked trying to get a job when you cant answer your phone bc you dont have one of your own. gaaaahahahahaha fuckckkckck Im just so fucking stressed. I feel like I cant accomplish anything with the materials I have right now. Even if I had some money.. Got a full tank of gas and paid off my monthly bills I still wouldnt just magically have a job. Even if I got my phone screen replaced. Goddamn and Ive tried going into places but apparently Im a dumbass and come at the wrong times. Sigh.. just. fucking. schedule. me. for. a. interview. its not that hard. Theyre like "oh yeah were hiring" but other than saying that sentence they are so fucking unhelpful. "oh did you apply online?" uhh duh yeah I did you fuck. Why in the fuck would I not fill out an application and expect an interview. Fuckin assholes.. like I get it.. youre busy. but hey you wanna know what would ease that? If I was working right now and could take some of the work load off. Everytime someone would call about a job I would be so informative and supportive because I know what its like. Plus if I ever feel like Im overworked- which is alot of the time at those quick turnover jobs- I WANT the person inquiring about a job to get the job. Why? because I need them to take some of my workload off. Thats how it happens at pizza hut at least. you start with a bunch of people and then they dwindle down to where everyone is being over worked and more workers are needed as to not kill everyone who still works there. sigh.. I dont even want to work at pizza hut again but at this point I will take any fucking job I can get. I am being nickeled and dimed.. just like that fucking book I had to read in school. Given, all of it was brought upon my by my own past hand. I cant do anything about the past and its legit my past self just going crazy on a credit card that has me so fucked right now. After I get these cards paid off I will NEVER EVER EVER have another credit card again. I cannot be trusted with it. Great that I know that now that Im in debt out my ass. Yeah yeah and I have this theory that I learn things in life by trial error.. and guess what.. IVE FUCKING LEARNED.. and now that I have im still super fucked. Usually my trial error didnt cause me this much detrimental pain and suffering. usually it was like touching a hot stove and it was over with. but no.. this has been a very slow stinging burn that wont let up. I know.. I know that I will have to kill myself working my ass off and not having any shred of a life to get out of this hole. but the thought of it just really really makes me sad. Not saying It makes me not want to get a job. because NO WAY I need a job ASAP like yesterday. like if someone walked up and would pay me 20 dollars to eat a worm I would. Because it would spare me the shame in asking my mom YET AGAIN for gas money. God I am so tired of asking anyone for ANYTHING. Its the last thing I want to do in fact. Theres only so much you can ask of someone before they decide they wanna say nope.. youre on your own. and you know? Im surprised my mom hasnt told me no yet. Shes really really helpful. I think she understands me but also just wants me to get a job already so I wont keep borrowing from her. Which is understandable completely.. and thats exactly what I want too. At least i dont just sit around getting drunk and stoned all day in my pajamas. Im actually trying here. Theres nothing more that I want to just have a steady income. I dont care what kind of shit I have to drudge through to get to that point. I am so able bodied and ready to sweat and work and give myself away to a corporation for money. But guess where Im going to get the gas money to get to that job? FUCK IF I KNOW lol. goddamnit. I have really done it this time. How did I let it get this bad? How did I let myself fall so far? I dont even have anything else to sell to disc replay and the only other things I have to sell are all my paintball equiptment.. and I dont even really know how I would go about doing that. Craigslist? idk. I am flailing..... my wings are clipped and i cant fly. I have maybe a few dollars in change right now. Man how I used to just throw it in a jar willy nilly when I had a job. Not touching it at all for months and months. and now its all I have. FUCK. my rope is covered in kerosine and its been on fire for months. Someone in this world needs to cut me a fucking break and give me a job. Just 1 fucking person to say "you got the job, heres your uniform, come in monday at 8". I have been able to keep my hope through the worst of situations in my life. I feel it wearing reaaally thin right now. I almost had to walk miles just to get home today. you know its bad when you cant even afford to drive home. When youre just waiting for your car to give out and its screaming "i need gas!!!" You actually make it home and you get out of the car and hug it and praise it. Thank you. Thank you so much for holding out on me. I will get you gas as soon as I can I promise. Its like if you were traveling by horse and didnt have any water or grains for it to sustain itself but it powers through for you. I feel like a huge bum slacker bitch. Like I shouldve worked harder. done this done that. And maybe I wouldnt have ended up in this tight situation. The only thing in this world that is mine is my body and my animals and the relationships I have with my friends. I'm going to call Pizza hut right now. Ive been trying to fucking get this interview scheduled and they keep being little bitches over the phone. Not this time. I wont let it happen. "oh were in a lunch rush" dude. no. Fuck off. lol. Not this time. BRB. ya okay same old shit.. OH the hiring manager isnt here. Okay I understand but why dont you ACTUALLY give them my name and number and HAVE them call me. I know I know I will call the HIRING MANAGER on monday. See? its just a let down. I will call monday and demand an interview. I am more than qualified for your dumb job. anyway.. I know my friends and family will always be around to help me out. But I am a very stubborn person and have always wanted to do things my way and on my own. asking for help is something that I hold as a last resort. In the situation im in I am at my last resort time. It takes money to make money. money for the gas- to go to work- to get the money- for the gas- to get to work. Thats a 2 week process in itself. once I get past that threshold Ill be more self-sustaining. GGaaah! Please.. UNIVERSE! Im begging you!! Give me a job! Please please please please please! I need to get back ontop of it all. Hold out hope... hold out hope... crunching gears inside me trying to keep that train moving. GO. keep the rusty gears going. Keep swimming like Dory says. I feel like im trying to keep swimming but im in a puddle barely sustaining life itself. Gasps of water into my drying gills every couple seconds. All the while "hold out hope, just keep swimming" goes through my head like a mantra. I go from being super hopeful and positive to super hopeless and negative. Sometimes I'm just on this mid-line pergatory where I dont know how to feel or how I should feel. I know that a lot of people deal with hardships like me. Usually just pushing all their feelings down day to day thinking.. eh ill figure it out. Somethings got to give in for me. things will be different and get better soon. This isnt the end of the world. Im not dieing.. yet. But there are times where no matter what your troubles.. you cannot just push it down anymore. You have to sit there and stare into the eyes of a skull and think.. things are going bad. This isnt how it should be. I shouldnt feel like this. Something is wrong in this equation because its not equaling out right. So here I sit. In my familiar place where Ive faced a lot of things in life. In the garage. (wow a disc replay commercial just came on the radio.. how ironic... fuck u guyz lol). Ive dealt with sooo much in this garage. Most of my epiphanies have happened in here. Most of my hardships. At least in my adult life. And when I wasnt in Terre Haute. Always staring at stuff in here. Listening to the radio. Smoking cigarettes. Drinking. Thinking. [insert link to In The Garage by Weezer here] I cant even explain the range of feelings Ive felt in this garage. Love, lust, loss, depression, happiness, worry, anxiety, calmness, anger, thoughtfulness, perceptiveness, desire, turmoil, empathy, regret, sickness, healthiness, Ive felt hot and cold, bad and good, and at the end of the day when I sit here. It feels so familiar. It could be anywhere. but in this little box on the planet is where all these things have opened up like a bud. So many conversations with friends, on the phone, in person. Oh so very telling and depending on if there was snow, dead leaves, flowers, or sun outside the dynamic would change ever so slightly. And as friends have come and gone, people have died or were born, this has been a constant place for me for the last eight years. After I caught a big fish, built a snow fort, or made a drunken dancing video to missy elliot this place stayed the same and was always here. I feel like im confessing a love affair between me and my garage right now.. but I wanted to express my gratitude to these four walls which I believe have absorbed a lot of the things I am talking about right now. I remember when I first started to dwell in this garage. I was still drinking and smoking on the down-low. Didnt want my mom to know. I would listen to the radio and write just like Im doing now except it was often in a notebook. Its the only way for me gain solace in my life sometimes. Love often drove me to worry as I listened to deftones, linkin park, or staind or anything that came on x-103. Id just scribble on page after page I would stop caring if it was legible... That shear fact that id stop caring in general was all I wanted. I wanted to release all my cares into a song or a feeling or a writing. What do I want? who do i need? who AM I ? Sometimes I never know. I dont know things alot. as much as Id like to believe I have every little thing under control.. I never have it all. this isnt to say that its a negative thing. Sometimes you simply cannot wrangle every little thing into a place you think it belongs. often things are flying like kites with brittle strings. they break off and float out of bounds yet still connected just not within reach. Its definitely angering at times. you think.. why cant i keep my shit in check? but if you think about it. maybe it was never "your shit". I really think its better to not stress over things that blow away. Youre in a spot you let shit fly and it ends up gaining its own separate current without you. You cant always be strong enough to keep everything where you want it. It doesnt work that way, you cant control everything. HELL sometimes you cant control anything. and I know how that feels. shit. right now I could still be walking on the side of the road away from my broken down car. holding up my thumb trying to get home. you cant hold everything down with a thumb tac or a bad attitude. things will happen and ya you probably could have avoided some things but I think things happen for a reason. Maybe to teach you that you in fact are not in control. That things are or arent just black and white. Reppercutions.. actions that lead to situations that you have to handle. Its all apart of one thing. you... its you. hah. I mean you make choices.. and theres always a second and third happening. In my case.. it makes me feel like im unintelligent when I make a choice and it causes something bad. Ex. If I were to have to walk home today.. my mind would have been full of .. "well thats because I didnt have enough gas" Well why didnt I? because I didnt have the money. Why didnt I? because I dont have a job. Why dont I have a job? because Im an irresponsible entitled person. I act like the world will bend to my whim when it doesnt work that way. When weve all got the same probability of things going our way. Why should I think I'm any different? why? because of all those times I made it home when my gas tank was below E? what about those times when I didnt get so lucky? that time my car stopped on a highway and I was late to work and I got fired? Its just this numbers game in my head. Will it be okay or not. I never know but my brain urges me to believe yes. youll be okay. and when im not i think well.. It was about a 50/50 that this would happen and I knew that deep down.. so I cant really be too mad right? lets just walk a few miles and get what i deserve. meanwhile I think about everything I could have done that wouldve lead to a different outcome. ya hmm. maybe if i had a job.. id have gas in my tank.. and this wouldnt have happened. maybe..hmm just maybe..? You know when you drive down a highway and you see a person walking it? You can gaurantee that that person is thinking... how could I have avoided this? That person is me that person is you. Walking on the grass on the side of the road.. looking at all the trash people discard from their car windows. Really slows your mind down when youre walking where you normally drive through. You see people zoom by who will get to their destinations on time. Who had the money and intellect to just buy some gas. We all have our days when were in the gutter. When I have mine, it forces me to slow down.. to really look at my life. Why did this happen.... why am I stuck and fucked like this again. Even though I magically made it home today on my below E tank I still see this as a wake-up call. It brings me back to the times when I didnt make it home. I felt like a lost dog. and ya I know.. poor me.. first world problems. Oh man Leigha had to walk 5 miles to get home because she ran out of gas in the automobile that she has available for her to drive 24-7 usually. And dangg. she even had a full meal before this walk.. poor her. I know I know. Its totally crap. Its not like I almost died or was starving and in a desert left to die. In reality, on this planet I am lucky. I am a lucky person. But to say that we still dont have our problems would be to say that anyone with a roof over their head was flawless. It makes me realize that yeah, first world problems are nothing to those in third world countries. But I shouldnt feel invalidated if I have room to improve my life. Everyone in this world has room to improve their lives. I am not solitary in this one bit. in fact I feel like I am unaware of tons and tons of stuff in life. Theres so many times when I just simply dont know something. Makes me feel like I dont know anything about anything sometimes haha. its like "oh you didnt know about this?!?!" uhhh no I didnt. Should I have? Woops? am I squandering my priveledge to learn about things I should know about? When it comes down to it. I am never done learning. I am never done growing as a person. I am so ignorant to so many things simply because I have never been exposed to them. I cant walk the earth acting like I have a grasp on everything when I dont. I dont know what anyone else goes through day to day around the world.. I cant compare my life to anyone elses if I've only lived my own separate life. I can relate to people of course but I do not think that anyone can fully understand how something feels unless it happens to them. sure ill say "oh yeah Ive felt that before" or "I felt like that when... etc etc" but I dont know how it feels through someone elses eyes, in someone elses shoes. What Im trying to say is that I have had some really really hard times. Personally I feel that they are HARD TIMES. For me and maybe me only. Maybe others would look at these "hard times" and laugh and say "HAHAH you think thats hard?". But that being said this is how I feel and it cannot be undermined by anyone. Beyond all these technicalities that I decided had to be stated, right now I feel as though I have entered the abyss. I feel like Im in a place that is neither here nor there. I am a real nowhere man who has no real nowhere plans. I used to want to get a tattoo that was the symbol for "nobody". It was a onyx or something I dont remember the spelling. For a long time I thought I was nobody. I thought I would just bend to the whim of anything or anyone. And at the time, I thought that was just me. Me was nobody since I felt like everybody but nobody at the same time. Then I thought.. hmm I dont think I should get this tattoo because what if someday I become somebody. And im glad that I didnt get that tattoo because I AM somebody. I guess there are sometimes that my past self is right about how my future self will feel. I feel like everyone is usually thinking about the future. How they will be, where they will live, what they'll be doing and who theyll be doing IT with (bow-chicka). And do you know what I think? I think that everyones present self is the best link to that future self. OBVIOUSLY. but think about it like this. You .. RIGHT NOW.. can have a serious effect on your future self. Not just with succeeding and blah blah blah boring shit like that. Listen. About 6 or 7 years ago I made a video of myself talking to my future self. I completely forgot about that video. I came across that video one day and HEY it was ME! I didnt remember it AT ALL. and as I watched it it really really felt like my past self was talking to me. it was SURREAL AS FUCK. and on point! Ever since that day I have been making videos to my future self. Even stating in the video that I know Im going to just be drunkenly watching this video. Which usually is also on point! hah. But I strongly suggest that more people do the same thing. maybe just check in with your future self every now and then and say hey. what the fuck is up?! I hope you arent broke as shit and running out of gas. haha. its actually pretty comical the stuff youll begin to find your past self saying to you. I think documenting your life is a really good thing. You can learn so much just by sifting through your past experiences that youve written down or video taped. Right now for instance I feel like I need some guidance. So I think I will revisit some of my past selfs videos and make another one. You talk about how youre doing and how youve fucked up and tell your future self about all of it. Then in a year or two guess whos giving you pointers? YOU! haha its really actually hilarious. who'd of thought that it would be what you said to yourself 2 years ago that would set your world straight. I think I should go revisit my videos now. I need some guidance. :D In other news. not doing so well right now. This writing has definitely helped. Leigha Horvath- Signing off. ;*

[sxdomy]

all

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? lars2. Are you outgoing or shy? mostly outgoing3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? lars4. Are you easy to get along with? hmm5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? yes6. What kind of people are you attracted to? lars7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? yes8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? gigi gorgeous tbfh lmao9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? no10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? maya11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? "lov u more"12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? idk13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? yes14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? miracles15. What good thing happened this summer? meeting the love of my life16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yes17. Do you think there is life on other planets? yes18. Do you still talk to your first crush? no19. Do you like bubble baths? yes20. Do you like your neighbors? some of them21. What are your bad habits? masturbating22. Where would you like to travel? yes23. Do you have trust issues? no24. Favorite part of your daily routine? laying in bed or eating25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? chest26. What do you do when you wake up? lay in bed27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? lighter 👀28. Who are you most comfortable around? lars29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? i have none30. Do you ever want to get married? maybe31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? my top hairs can fit a mini one on top32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? elliot fletcher and evan cutkosky33. Spell your name with your chin. mtrhy34. Do you play sports? What sports? not anymore , but i work out :/35. Would you rather live without TV or music? tv bc i already do36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? yeah37. What do you say during awkward silences? nothing38. Describe your dream girl/guy? lars39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? hot topic, zumies, pacsun, forever 21, h&m..40. What do you want to do after high school? university for four/five yrs 😩41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? eh42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? sad or busy43. Do you smile at strangers? sometimes44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? outer space fuck the ocean45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? college bc if i dont bust my ass, they wont want me ):46. What are you paranoid about? college47. Have you ever been high? yes48. Have you ever been drunk? yes49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? i guess50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? black51. Ever wished you were someone else? yes52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? chest53. Favourite makeup brand? idk makeup54. Favourite store? hot topic 55. Favourite blog? me56. Favourite colour? black57. Favourite food? salad58. Last thing you ate? kettle cooked salt n vinegar chips59. First thing you ate this morning? eggs w cheese that made me want to throw up60. Ever won a competition? For what? can u count a spelling bee ??61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? suspended for a week for showing my underwear to the class in first grade and in 9th grade for a day for yelling "im gonna kill someone!!!!" idk why but they never put it on my record, so i didnt have to tell colleges 😎62. Been arrested? For what? no63. Ever been in love? currently in love64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? um great65. Are you hungry right now? no66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? lmao yes67. Facebook or Twitter? facebook 68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now? no70. Names of your bestfriends? lars, amy, karli, penny, maya, monty, josh? leslie, and who else ????? 71. Craving something? What? no72. What colour are your towels? dark brown .. if it were my house BLACK!!72. How many pillows do you sleep with? two73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? gizmo from gremlins is my son74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? i think two gizmo and spongebob75. Favourite animal? cat76. What colour is your underwear? black77. Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla78. Favourite ice cream flavour? cookies n cream79. What colour shirt are you wearing? black80. What colour pants? red n blue81. Favourite tv show? idfk82. Favourite movie? idk83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? mean girls 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? havent seen the latter85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? regina86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? the turtle ?87. First person you talked to today? idk88. Last person you talked to today? lars89. Name a person you hate? my dad90. Name a person you love? lars91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? my dad92. In a fight with someone? no93. How many sweatpants do you have? i think 10?? maybe more 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 10+95. Last movie you watched? collateral beauty96. Favourite actress? winona ryder97. Favourite actor? this changes quite a bit idek man 98. Do you tan a lot? no99. Have any pets? a dog100. How are you feeling? tired101. Do you type fast? yes102. Do you regret anything from your past? if i feel ill towards any past decision it just means ive grown as a person... so do i regret it ?? idk lol103. Can you spell well? yes 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? yes105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yes.. nothing special... 106. Ever broken someone’s heart? idk107. Have you ever been on a horse? no108. What should you be doing? sleeping109. Is something irritating you right now? no110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yes111. Do you have trust issues? no112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? my guidance counselor prob113. What was your childhood nickname? nope114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yes115. Do you play the Wii? not anymore116. Are you listening to music right now? no117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? cant eat it im vegetarian118. Do you like Chinese food? yes119. Favourite book? idk120. Are you afraid of the dark? no121. Are you mean? i can be122. Is cheating ever okay? no123. Can you keep white shoes clean? i dont have any124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no125. Do you believe in true love? yes126. Are you currently bored? currently tired127. What makes you happy? lars128. Would you change your name? legally, yes 129. What your zodiac sign? scorpio130. Do you like subway? yes131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? tell them the truth abt whether i like them or i dont ??132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? maya133. Favourite lyrics right now? idk134. Can you count to one million? yes135. Dumbest lie you ever told? idk136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed137. How tall are you? 5'0138. Curly or Straight hair? wavy139. Brunette or Blonde? brunette140. Summer or Winter? summer141. Night or Day? day142. Favourite month? october143. Are you a vegetarian? yes haha144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? dark!!! vegan!!!145. Tea or Coffee? tea146. Was today a good day? sure147. Mars or Snickers? mars fuck snickers148. What’s your favourite quote? idk149. Do you believe in ghosts? yes150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? the book is in spanish 👀