#like i've lived in the same house since 2012 and the same bedroom since 2014 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

m-a-d-e-l-e-i-n-e · 1 year

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I know that I wasn't ready at the time and it's really unhelpful to just dwell on things you did in your past that you can't change, but man it's sometimes hard not to think about how much I regret just not having gone to a four-year university right after high school so I could finally get away from home and my current situation that was and still is making me miserable and then proceeding to fail my community college classes because I was depressed

#hard not to feel like a total fuck-up eh #i guess everything comes full circle #i'm just really tired of it here man #i feel like there's nothing for me here and that i've just kind of been letting myself endure the same shit for years now #like i've lived in the same house since 2012 and the same bedroom since 2014 #time for a change #my family's really not great and i guess my mom can be alright but my dad and my brother are just straight-up rotten people...#...and i would just really love to be away from them for good (even though my parents are divorced and i hardly see my dad)#i just really don't have anyone here so of course that's isolating and has made me really yearn for a change #i mean i have a few friends but i don't really fit in with them or see them very much so i don't really get included in anything...#...and then when we do have a plan to do something usually it just ends up not working out because no one's free at the same time #and i know i suck too because a couple times ago i said i couldn't hang out but really i just didn't want to hang out with them #i guess that's not a good sign though because why wouldn't you want to hang out with your friends #plus why is it that every 'friend group' i've had in my life has been exactly like this and full of people who don't care about me lol #on a different note pretty much everyone in my town and even in surrounding towns is or seems stuck-up as hell lol #like we get it your parents are rich great no one cares #i'm normally overly sentimental and nostalgic but if it were possible for me to just leave here right now i would in a heartbeat #i remember when i was a high school senior i got accepted to this school that was across the country and it's like shit...#...maybe i should've just forced myself to get over my fears and gone there #my plan now is to actually complete another year of CC classes (i'm basically just starting over) then transfer to a four-year #but i'm gonna try and not fuck it up this time #i'm seriously still angry at myself for having totally wasted an entire year but can't change that now either #sorry for another stupid teenage angst sounding rant #i like to get things out sometimes even if it just falsely makes me feel like i actually accomplished something #personal #txt #rants #vent post

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