#like i understand the basics of our software but i dont understand basic accounting math AT. ALL. which is part of what our software does so | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

likeawolfatthemoon · 11 months ago

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yesterday i had a panic attack at work and sobbed for over an hour at my desk in front of all of my coworkers bc i was frozen to the spot and couldn't like...move myself to a different area at the very least. and i embarrassed the fuck out of myself and now i'm afraid of the new job that i loved 🙃

#i just want to have all the answers and i don't and the more people try to reassure me i'm still just learning the more upset i get!!!!#then i couldnt even come home bc HE was trying to comfort me and tell me the same shit #and its like it doesmt matter that ill eventually get it!!!!!!!! i dont get it RIGHT NOW and right now is what matters if you want me to #start taking incoming calls from clients who want me to explain it TO THEM!!!!#like i understand the basics of our software but i dont understand basic accounting math AT. ALL. which is part of what our software does so #if i get a call about that even if i understand what the software is supposed to do in theory i dont understand the fucking math!!!!!!!#i just look at it and it means NOTHING to me it might as well just be scribbles on a wall #and it doesnt matter to a client if im new and their books are messed up all that matters is that im stupid and cant help them and then i #freeze and therein lies the problem #the expectation is that i 'learn' using real people's real problems as examples and emotionally i cant handle the weight of NOT FIXING #A PROBLEM I'M EXPECTED TO FIX #my trauma response relies heavily on 'if i just fix the problem ill be safe' so when i cant fix it i literally revert to fucking infancy #which makes me great at customer service bc I'll go to any lengths to help you!!!!!!! but i dont feel like i have the tools to do that yet #amd i dont know how to explain that to my boss without making me sound even more useless than he is probably already perceiving me after #what happened yesterday

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