#like i think its so interesting how they really only became 'friends' because theyre so familiar with each other despite not being close

[floralovebot]

And Another Thing it's not like i Don't like roygarth or that i'm particularly Against the ship cause no. but i think their canon relationship is so much more interesting than this weird fanon version of them where they were always Best Buds.

like canon roygarth starts with them being angsty teens dealing with their own shit and fully refusing to understand each other. garth latches on to everyone who's even a Little nice to him and roy is stuck in his I Don't Need Friends They Disappoint Me stage. roy also has very high standards for himself and gets pissy with garth cause he feels like garth shouldn't be a hero. which obviously sets garth off because he Also feels like he shouldn't be a hero but the other titans were usually supportive and understanding whereas roy would actually say it and insult him directly.

And Then garth fucks off and only talks to the titans when they talk to him first, then he's Fine Again but goes through Rough Shit. meanwhile roy's life is Also falling apart. but they get older and they get more mature and they get to this point in their life where they don't Want to fight each other anymore. the titans are their home and they're constantly losing people and they don't Want to lose what little they have left. but they also won't apologize or talk about what happened because they're both emotionally repressed so they just never clear shit up.

it's obvious that later on roy Does respect garth and Does see him as a hero, but he never apologizes for what he said in the past so garth still has doubts. and garth starts to gradually leave the titans out of stuff and only update them once a fucking year so roy is like ?? What Are We??? and as adults you can see that playful banter and that familiarity they have with each other and yeah it IS genuine but it's also burying all the blood bad they never actually sorted.

they're just in this really weird zone where they're Family but they're not Friends. they would give their life for the other but they never talk. they pretend to understand the other but they don't know anything going on in their life. they're best friends and they're just some guys. like imo their canon relationship is so interesting and has So Many Layers that really highlight their individual problems but the fanon version is always like "yeah sometimes they sass each other :)". like.

[vanderbilt-draws]

pleaseee...draw devwinn interacting... plssss

ok sorry it took forever for me to answer i may have gone slightly overboard with the doodles but I REALLY LIKE DEVWINN AND MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE A WHOLE UNWRITTEN FIC ABOUT THEM IN HIGH SCHOOL AND LIKE 7 MILLION HCS ABOUT HOW THEY MET AND THEIR FUTURES AND UHH UHH hcs/all the stuff leading up to my unwritten fic are all below the cut if youre interested ✨✨

winn moved to dimmadelphia in the fourth grade

pretty much instantly dev "befriended" them and started being really clingy with them. he had a MASSIVE crush on them right from the start

winn wasnt actually all that big a fan of dev at first because yk he was mean to most of the other kids, but they didnt want to hurt his feelings so kind of went along with him

(side note i hc that dev has literally been wearing pretty much the same outfit since forever. hes so autism)

dev and winn only got to being real friends once hazel and dev became friends (bc yk shes got the balls to actually tell dev when hes doing something mean, so thats rlly when dev started improving as a person)

winn and dev had the same homeroom in sixth grade and ended up sitting right next to each other, which was when they really started becoming a Duo

winn broke their arm in a skating accident during the winter break of their sixth grade year, dev was the first one they got to sign the cast :] winn never stopped skating but they did do it a lot less + more carefully after that (by order of their parents)

dev started growing his hair into a mullet in the seventh grade because he "thought it looked cool" (<< started noticing his gender dysphoria and wanted longer hair in an attempt to quell it)

winn thought they were bi for all of seventh grade and most of eighth grade bc they had a crush on dev

SPOILER ALERT dev is a trans girl, she comes out in the eighth grade and her chosen name is devine. she still goes by dev but all her friends know what its short for

dev doesnt want to come out to her dad bc she doesnt know how hell react. (tbh if she did come out, her dad would be super supportive and good with prns and names and terms in public, but slip up a ton in private bc he doesnt care as much when people arent watching)

obv winn told jasmine and hazel about their crush right when it started developing, so it became kind of an inside joke between the three that winn has "transbian senses" after dev came out

just before ninth grade, winn decided to get a buzzcut, and theyve been growing it out ever since (this is mostly bc as much as i love dyed hair undercut enby/trans characters THERES TOO MANY PLEASE CHOOSE A DIFFERENT HAIRSTYLE FOR YOUR FICTIONAL TRANSES AND ENBIES SOBBING)

they bleached it blonde when it was about two inches long, and never bothered to cut off the blonde so now they just have blonde tips

winn ended up being 6'5" and joined varsity basketball in the tenth grade because they didnt wanna waste that height

dev stole their original varsity jacket because it was comfy (and because it was winns and it brings her comfort) and then paid for their replacement jacket

jasmine started learning how to sew and embroider clothes over the summer between ninth and tenth grade and so helped devine sew on her own name tag (dev just told her dad jasmine was a bad speller and tbh dale didnt care and was like ok son whatever)

dev ended up stuck at the spectacular height of a middle schooler (5'2") and winn thinks its adorable. theyre strong enough to pick her up whenever they hug her. sometimes when they get excited they spin her around

dev also started wearing her hair curly occasionally in the tenth grade bc winn told her she looked pretty with it like that. her dad doesnt like it when she doesnt slick it back and gets passive aggressive about it whenever he sees her like that

winn started getting panic attacks from all the pressure of high school after joining the basketball team, and dev usually ends up talking them through it, although jasmine and hazel are also good at helping them

they dont think their anxiety is bad enough to be a disorder so they never get a diagnosis/help (until Things Happen in my fic :]]] )

hazel and jasmine are both aroace (in this timeline at least, ive got a few other fic ideas where hazel is bi) and in a qpr. they are also fandom girlies and fic writers, so when dev finally tells them in the middle of tenth grade that she has a crush on winn (and has for a while) theyre both like OOOOOOOHHHHHH I SHIP IT and they, along with cosmo and wanda, start trying really hard to get them together

unfortunately hazmine and coswan have literally no idea how human teenage romance works irl SO. shenanigans ensue :]]]]]]]

anyways yeah thats my buildup to my fic/my personal hcs, no peri mention because hes ✨elsewhere✨ when all this is happening

[the-moon-files]

Linked Universe - Masc!Reader Soulmate Quick Headcanons <3

(^^ this is so cute i gotta find the anime its from)

Sun: Male/Masc Reader (he/him), Guide Reader :)

Stars: Wild (Breath of the Wild Link)

Planet: Headcanons/scenarios, kinda long sorry

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: Link possibly feeling comphet (compulsory heteronormative), the general angst of being the best friend love interest (ends well dw), Links missing you/being sad about it

& Trigger Warnings: Link crying. (Please comment if otherwise.)

☆

Wild (BOTW Link)

Ok so we know he was stuck before the calamity following Zelda around

And while in game it seems like he's perfectly accepting of his role as her knight

And maybe could love her or grow to love her

I feel like after the Calamity, and after he meets you, its not possible anymore

It kinda feels like that same way ppl come to realize theyre lesbians??

Like he could've been straight and happy or content (not really, not fully, but in that way that gay women settle for staying with a man, he'd stay with Zelda maybe)

She used to be all he had left really, so maybe out of obligation he'd have stayed, but then he lost his memories.

And what was once a daily duty now became a woman he barely knew halfway across the kingdom, (who creepily randomly telepathically invaded his mind,,)

Link doesn't really realize how he feels until after traveling with you around the entirety of Hyrule, camping, fighting, cooking, eating etc. together, after becoming best friends with you,

Its like how a lesbian realizes they're lesbian bc they could never imagine themselves actually dating/married to a man, at least relying on him for the long term,

Then that sentiment comes in like "i just wish i could stay with my best (non-man) friend forever" kinda way

Like he definitely had the thought "this is so much easier, i wish we could be together forever" <3

So while "dating" you didn't necessarily occur to Link at first bc of heteronormative mindset/general mission of the Calamity Ganons

He quickly breaks out of that a couple months into the journey

Zelda at first may have been the quintessential "princess needing saving" but you were the "best friend love interest all along" type of energy you know?

So when at the end of you guys' journey, you feel the tug to leave, because the adventure's over.. you fully expect to see Zelda running into his arms or something, and turn away

You may be able to accept he loves women (tho how he looked at you and how comfortable he was touching you had you thinking possibly, maybe, hopefully otherwise)

But that doesn't mean you're going to sit here and watch it happen

(You know the games, the Legend of Zelda, this is how it always ends)

Instead, you feel lean but strong arms clamp around your torso

You're lifted up (even if you complain about how heavy you are, and he must be tired)

But Link is just smiling, and spins you around, Zelda is slack jawed in the background and then giggles??

Well, that's sweet, at least he remembered you were here instead of getting absorbed in her

Link practically whips you around, turning you in his arms

You stumble but he's too strong to let you falter in this position

He crushes you to his chest, a whispered "thank you" in your right ear, his breath is warm and ticklish

You awkwardly pat his back, "yeah, of course buddy, glad she's okay, and you're alright, you should get some rest. Oh, and you can have whatever I've got left in my iventory, since I won't be needing it anymore... you know I've gotta go soon."

You feel more see Link jump in shock, he grasps your shoulders (you didn't realize how hot his hands were until they were gone from your back)

You're worried he forgot about the whole "only here for adventures" Guide thing until painful understanding shows in his blue eyes

He immediately looks like the wind got knocked out of him

"Sorry Link, I wish I could stay to rebuild or explore Hyrule with you... but it's not my choice anymore."

You look apologetic but at least you know he won't be alone, that was your entire reason for being a Guide in the first place

But as you begin to fade (which, wow, Hylia really can't spare having you stick around for longer than a few minutes or seconds after Ganon's defeat??)

Link looks, panicked?

Like he's watching the Calamity happen all over again, but unlike in the game, he actually looks overwhelmed and freaked

His calloused hands attempt to grab you in various places, your arms, your waist, your shoulders, hands, just anything he can hold onto

But nothing works and you give him a sad smile, wishing him good luck with Zelda and the kingdom

And a reminder not to push himself too hard, bc you wont be there to stop him anymore

It's only just as the last of your vision fades (like a movie fading to black at the edges and closing in)

That you see him start to cry.

☆

The first few months without you were hard, you had practically been the one constant in his life, afterall he couldn't remember much else so consistent before you

Sure, he had flickers of old memories, old friends, even of Zelda,

But they were special ones, specific moments, not having a routine every evening for who cooks dinner and who does dishes

No memory of someone helping him figure out how to dress himself, or how to shield surf down the best slopes

You were home, the very wilds he's grown to love and adore during his adventure, his house in Hateno was more like a inn he didn't pay for, rather than the warm fire you were sitting beside, lifting a blanket corner so he could curl up beside you

Zelda had understood, thankfully

She'd expected he would be different, memory loss can affect someone like that

But she'd said he seemed, better, lighter

Lighter than he ever was as a knight, even at the happiest she'd seen him

He'd helped some with the castle at first, but seeing how depressed he was, esp after she got other workers or Hylians to help, Zelda had sent him off

Under the flimsy excuse to go officially inform the rest of the kingdoms that she'd been freed and Ganon defeated

Link had unconciously returned to your favorite spots around Hyrule, and it had hurt in a different way to be around stables and have people ask where you were (you were more talkative than he was)

He'd started to avoid civilization unless absolutely necessary for supply runs, and he preferred to do so in disguise late at night..

So when Link's summoned on an adventure yet again to fight a threat so devastating it needs the previous incarnations of him...

He's actually looking forward to it.

Don't get him wrong, he wishes this weren't necessary to defeat the shadow, and he doesn't want anyone to get hurt, but if this is an adventure...

It means he might be able to see you again.

And he's willing to take on Ganon all over again, spend months at a time fighting and mowing down monsters, if it means you're allowed to be by his side once more

(He had tried praying to Hylia, which he didn't do much pre or post calamity usually, but for you he made an exception, and the blonde found that this was the one prayer that he could feel no divine eye turned on him for...? Her presence was practically gone when he prayed for you back)

But at least now, he realizes, he was right.

Thank goodness (not Hylia?) , he was right

Because Link could feel you,

As he'd learned towards the end of his journey, there was an innate 6th sense he had for feeling your presence, the closer you were, the more precise it was, even down to which way you were turned (all without him looking at you)

(He had ignored the strangely giddy feeling that bubbled up in his chest when Impa learned of this trick, and began to tell him, for the first time since his memories about it were gone, about soulmates)

Like familiar paths in Hyrule, he knew where a safe place to sleep was waiting,

You were waiting.

All he had to do was step through the portal, find his fellow heroes, and he knew, you would be there.

☆

This accidentally posted 💀🥲

Welp, i was about ready to post it anyway, hope someone got a kick outta this,

Im slowly gonna add all the Links btw lol

Thanks for reading, hope u enjoyed! :)

Peace Out,

🌙

[elainsgirl]

I dont get it.

Cassian had those sexual desires about nesta before acosf but when its azriel, its just lust??

make it make so much sense.

But anyway, I believe Cassian and Azriel had many parallels in the books.

Acosf/Chapter 16

• Cassian hadn’t slept well. It was hard to sleep well when he’d been so aroused he’d had to pleasure himself not once but three times just to calm the hell down enough to close his eyes. But he awoke before dawn aching for her, her scent still in his nose, and another release had barely taken the edge off. •

then azriel's bonus chapter

• Sleep, they seemed to whisper in his ear. Sleep. I wish I could, he answered silently. But sleep so rarely found him these days. Too many razor-sharp thoughts sliced him any time he grew still long enough for them to strike. Too many wants and needs left his skin overheated and pulling taut across his bones. So he slept only when his body gave out, and even then only for a few hours. •

Acosf/chapter 58

• “Because I was fucking jealous!” he roared, wings splaying. “You looked like a queen, and it was painfully obvious that you should be with a princeling like Eris and not a low-born nothing like me! Because I couldn’t stand the sight of it, right down to my gods-damned bones! •

Az bonus chap

• He left the rest unspoken. Because her mate was here, sleeping a level up. Because her mate had been in the family room and Azriel had needed to stay by the door the whole time because he couldn't stand the sight of it, the scent of their mating bond, and needed to have the option of leaving if it became too much. •

Also when they both mentioned how they felt envy or jealous when seeing their brother(s) in love.

this is just me saying random stuff below lol

I really don't get the hate for elriel at all. Saying theyre sibling coded is just forcing it. Nothing about them is sibling coded, especially after that bonus chapter. (they really gave strangers-friends-lovers) This author's writing is not that hard to understand. why are majors coming to the internet about this book and to mostly just hate on elriel? like... please stop.

I have nothing to say about gwyn or lucien because what is there to say? theyre good characters but not those characters I am so interested about. I would say im more interested in emerie! She deserves more attention!!



BANG ON, ANON

👏👏👏

The spinoffs are explicit NA novels. ACOSF quite literally was filled with explicit scenes, Nessian agreed to a physical relationship only for most of the book. No one batted an eye. No one said nessian isn’t endgame bcs Cass only lusts for Nesta. Yet god absolutely forgive Azriel for having explicit thoughts on the woman he’s literally interested in and said woman - just like Nesta - WANTED HIM BACK. If it wasn’t mutual - if Elain didn’t want to kiss Az back, then it’s a different matter. But she wanted him without hesitation.

I think elriels hatred from the bonus comes down to a matter of things:

. Whether they acknowledge it or not - some antis see Elain more “childish” & “pure” compared to other characters due to her being more feminine. To see Azriel have such thoughts towards her, made them uncomfortable bcs they don’t see Elain as an adult but a child. In other words they infantilise her - which is why they complained about the bonus.

. Instead of taking elriels bonus as part of the development of elriels’ relationship in previous books, they view it as a standalone event. They see it as the only “major” elriel interaction- so for those antis, they wanted to see Azriel show and tell us readers how much he cares & loves elain him staying away from her and buying her a beautiful necklace which symbolises her personality isnt enough Its like everything he’s done for elain previously doesn’t matter. Him giving her TT doesn’t matter, him spending his solstice night listening to her talk doesn’t matter. None of it does bcs they’re only focusing on his bonus. They’re only focusing on Azriel’s thoughts that particular night/time - Oh Az didnt confess his undying love for her right then and there? Clearly he doesn’t care about her. Thats their way of thinking - which is limited and takes a lot of things out of context

The last factor ill share for now, Antis hold Elriel to a different standard then every other ship. Elriel have always been hated, more then every other couple bcs some say Azriel deserves better and the other half want Lucien to be relevant & happy. When you have to accept the reality of something you hate - naturally you’ll hold it to a higher standard then the norm. You’ll nitpick at every single thing bcs you dont like it and want to find faults to justify this dislike. Thats what happened with elriel especially when its compared to ships like Gwynriel and Elucien - who are “perfect” in comparison (bcs they’re not developed in the least therefore easy to mold them to your preference) and make up for everything elriel lacks.

Elriel have so many parallels to other couples - you’ve mentioned some above. Sjm has a clear pattern for acotar- elriel fit this pattern in every way, shape and form. But when you dig deeper into elucien and gwynriel they don’t fit this pattern & parallels.

Anyone that says elriel is platonic- even before that bonus - honestly deserves a rlly big side eye with a side of judgement.

anon, anyone that says they have a major in x and proceed to share the most basic analysis known to man and then further proceed to use the wrong context and purposely act obtuse when it comes to elriel makes me laugh. “i have a degree in english lit and its clear Az only wants a mate 🥸” - Azriel then falling in love w a fated woman that quite literally defeats the purpose of him solely wanting a mate…

I was 14 when it first read these books. At that ripe age, elriel were blaringly obvious to me. I kid you not when I learnt of these ship wars I was genuinely flabbergasted at how people where actually doubting elriel. I didn’t have a degree in anything bcs its not needed. These are basic books with basic cliche tropes and plot. Everything is right there for you to pierce together.

I love Lucien - Im interested in his story. Gwyn didn’t stick out to me. - She was just a typical fantasy side character. I loved the companionship she gave Nesta but even in SF i was invested in elain. Noting everytime she came on page, paying extra attention when her name was mentioned etc. i also love emerie - she definitely deserves more love and recognition as well as her own story of reforming Illyria.

[deth-of-a-junkie]

i have a lot of postal dude headcanons, so ive split them up.

so heres my postal 1 dude headcanons

p1 dude has a special interest on the jets and weaponry used in ww2 and the vietnam war, but also the U.S military as a whole. he specifically likes to collect vintage U.S military memorabilia and propaganda. he can go on for hours about the faults of the government and government greed and corruption, he hates the system. he also knows a lot about JFK assassination theories and will go on for hours about them.

oh yeah. postal 1 dude is autistic.

he also has a spin on guns. he knows them all by name and loves to learn about different manufacturers and how each one are built. he knows how to deconstruct them and put them back together. he even has some guns he's made himself. legal? probably not. he doesnt care.

p1 dude also prefers reading in books for information instead of searching the web for them, so amongst the mess of his house is just piles upon piles of books.

p1 dude also is great at poetry. he loves writing too, which is why i think he started his diaries.

he also loves drawing! he loves going out and drawing scenery the most, he also likes drawing nude figures. he finds the human body to be interesting.

p1 dude is religious. im divided on if i see him as someone whos spiritually aligned closer to catholics (though i wouldnt call him a straight up catholic, he doesn't like the church.) or pagen.

talking about pagen dude, correct me if im wrong, i dont know much about pagenism (but ive been trying to learn more as of recent), but he specifically worships greek gods. out of the gods, his favorite is ares.

he hangs around poostall dude a lot. they arent really friends, they're kinda opposites of each other, but poostall looks up to him as a mentor in philosophy among other things.

he used to be active in his local punk scene when he was younger. he has a lot of cds and tapes of obscure bands that almost no one has heard of.

he loves metal more then anything though, and he also has a large collection of horror films (all on vhs, a few of dvd. he doesnt have his dvd player plugged in so he only uses it if he has too. also refused to buy blueray. if its the only option he burns it onto a disk himself.).

his favorite genres of metal are melodic death metal and prog metal. i would also say dsbm but i feel like thats too corny. he loves opeth. also death.

he's non-speaking most of the time by choice. the older he's gotten the more he started to isolate himself, and he usually chooses to ignore people when theyre talking and not respond at all, mainly just people who ask for directions and stuff on the street he'll just ignore. he just doesnt feel the need too, he likes to stay invisible.

talking about that, he hates leaving his house. it used to be because of anxiety but it slowly became due to his other mental health issues getting worse, especially his fear of everyone being out to get him/everyone else being demons/whatever your interpretation of his reasonings behind postal 1 is.

3 in one shampoo. also uses hand soap to shave instead of shaving cream. also uses hand soap to wash his face...

he needs glasses. his sunglasses also has his normal prescription lenses in them, his eyes are sensitive to light so he chose to make them sunglasses too (i believe this is possible. if its not, well it is now). he also has a 2nd pair that are just normal glasses, he uses them only to read or when he's walking around his house at night. (this is totally not me self reflecting with the realization that i just found out i need glasses..../s)

I DONT KNOW HOW I FORGOT TO MENTION but also has a special interest on nuclear disasters, nuclear power plants, and radiation. theyre not separate theyre all apart of one fixation that branches off the core idea of nuclear power. like he cant have one without the other. if that makes sense.

also uses he/they. he doesnt out right say it, he doesnt use social media so its not like, in a bio or anything. he just naturally picked it up. will also accept she being used to refer to himself, but is not something he states publicly or asks people to do. he was surrounded by the queer community growing up as most of his highschool friends were apart of the community so he just one day realized he wasnt opposed to it being used in reference to himself.

he is an ASSHOLE. he used to be more considerate in his youth but the older he got the grumpier he got. he is SCARY when he insults someone. like he will have an entire ass speech of him just degrading someone until they literally have nothing left to say for themselves.

doesnt get angry though. he's calm when hes upset and frustrated, or will straight up just make fun of and make harsh jokes about the situation (i mean that like. if he gets into a disagreement with someone on the street he will laugh at them and mock them by teasing them. thats what i mean.)

[kkbardd]

so uhh i got summoned to asurei court, if anyone's interested in my testimony papers, theyre down below the cut. (aka my whole take on how i believe their dynamic would develop in cannon)

asurei isn’t for everyone & its whole point is unhealthy dependence.. toxic yuri if u will.. anything resembling a healthy relationship would only be in one of the alt universes created by the 3rd impact 💀 rei and asuka both have what the other wants (whether it be the worth asuka puts on recognition of piloting skills or rei's desire to break from mindless obedience like asuka seems to do so easily.) They both hate and admire each other for this, and asuka specifically expresses this by lashing out at rei. asuka's whole relationship w lesbian comphet plays a HUGE role into all of this but let’s gloss over it for the time being. (now, with asurei u gotta get a bit delusional cuz cannon doesn’t give us much so from here on out is just my opinion on how it'd play out.)

in terms of rei's POV in this:

rei hates the attention they gets from men, and is especially disgusted by gendo's fake kindness. he sees rei as a replaceable doll and pushes yui's image on them. gendo has never actually seen rei for who they really are, and rei later begins to hate and despise not only gendo but themselves too. in the anime, rei is shown to have self destructive tendencies & suicidal ideation because not only are they constantly being replaced & having their memory wiped, but each time they forget any sort of emotion that they learn in the meantime. recall the scene in which rei, right after being "revived" and left with no memory, sees gendo's glasses. although they cant remember anything, its hinted that their "soul" still remembers and hates him. rei tries to break the glasses but in the end, they’re still unable to defy and break free from their situation. feeling frustrated and helpless, rei starts crying & remarks how this should be the first time they've experienced it but somehow it feels like its not. back to the present, reis acting very reckless in battle and basically using themselves as a meat shield. they're so full of self-hate, and seeing asuka's obvious inferiority to them just upsets them even more. why does she put so much worth on the one thing that acts like a plague to them? compared to these pointless test results on a screen, asuka has something so much more valuable. the ability to think for themselves, to not be someone's doll. asuka's inferiority is almost insulting. rei verbally lashes out at asuka in the elevator, showing defiance that they never knew they could produce. it felt almost liberating. they find that being around asuka gives them emotions that they've always longed for, no matter how ugly they may be. they soon find themselves seeking asuka out, and the inferiority that was once insulting became a means to control and keep her close. asuka, someone who was seemingly invincible and can roam free without care, has one weakness that causes her to crack and shatter from the slightest touch. and that weakness is none other than rei themselves. rei becomes possessive in a way that they've never known possible. so much so that a part of them starts to hate themselves, fearing they've become just like their abuser gendo. nonetheless, rei begins to value their life more. they become deathly afraid of dying & being replaced by some mindless clone that has forgotten everything they now know about asuka and themself.

now what is asuka doing in all of this?

asuka deals with a lot of comphet and its an integral part of her character, so much so that it doesn’t seem right to not mention it. but to quickly summarize, because of this she has a love-hate relationship with attention from men. she feels disgusted by it but gets extremely jealous when it seems like another girl might replace her. then comes rei. (now what most ppl don’t seem to notice is asuka didnt start off hating rei, she tried to be friends but ever since the beginning misato has ALWYAYS pitted them against each other. this of course led asuka to feeling threatened & seeing rei as an enemy. especially since it involves piloting ability, something that asuka sees as her whole point of living.) she begins to hate her because how can someone who is so good at piloting be so brainless and doll-like. that’s exactly what asuka was trying so hard to not become! in this aspect, rei's entire existence defies what asuka has tried so hard to believe in up to this point. her hate & inferiority towards rei is only made worse when she sees that they're not only being objectified by men, but are seemingly unbothered by it unlike asuka. rei is now constantly on her mind, and asuka starts to realize that what she's feeling towards them isn’t just hate. its around the time of the elevator scene that these confusing emotions and inferiorities are at their peak. right after this, asuka goes into battle & is ordered to be rei's backup. she defies this order but receives a mental attack from an angel that causes her to re-live all of her trauma & comphet issues. the person that saved her from this is none other than rei. at this point asuka is at an all-time low, and states that she'd rather be left for dead than saved by someone like rei. she’s still confused by her feelings towards rei, but right now her hatred and insecurity is taking priority. its right after this battle that her synchro rates plummet and she loses the #1 thing she based her life worth on. she then goes out to die in an abandoned building but is eventually retrieved by NERV. I believe that during this time alone, she’s also wallowing in her feelings for rei and coming to terms with a lot of comphet stuff, especially after that psychological attack. right after this the world like ends or whatever but lets forget that for now & extend time cuz the gays need it 🥰 .

rei and asuka at this point realize their feelings in one way or another, and there's a lot of tension in their conversations. asuka is at a very fragile point rn bc of all the stuff that just went on, and rei is unsure how to go about things, half due to their inexperience & half due to their fear of becoming like gendo. however, asuka realizes rei is acting different from before, and advances on them as a way of lashing out. but to her surprise rei is undefiant and actually willingly helpless in her hands. she feels a rush of superiority and is amused by how inexperienced rei is. she also realizes that unlike her previous experiences with men (like when she tried to kiss shinji but didnt want to see, smell, taste, or even feel it & had a mental breakdown afterwards lol ) she actually likes it!? the romantic/sexual affirmation that asuka has always wanted from men like kaji is being fulfilled by rei in a way that asuka feels completely in control & comfortable. she's not forcing herself or being objectified, but rather is taking the lead. this is something she never imagined possible before. and all of this is with rei to boot! the rei that, in asuka's eyes, has always looked down on her and been unobtainable is now melting in her hands like putty. there’s a sense of accomplishment she feels, which makes her want to push rei even more. she finally has authority and to make herself feel better, she takes it out on rei through advances like this. she goes further and further, and in an ironic way, uses intimacy as a form of self-harm. she feels shame and despises herself for doing such things with ill-intent, and with another woman at that. its a toxic relationship that tries to fill the hole in her heart, but only leads to a bigger one forming.

when asuka first advanced onto rei, they felt something unlike anything before. unlike when gendo would often touch their shoulder, rei didnt recoil from asuka's touch. rei also felt something similar to asuka, in that the person who always seemed unbound by anything in now giving them her undivided attention. the fact that this came from an act of anger didnt really bother rei, since they knew from the beginning that was one of the only ways to get asuka to even spare them a glance. rei would gladly become hated if it meant binding asuka to them. in a mix of touch-starvedness & unhealthy dependency on asuka, rei kept looking forward to any interacting with asuka, since it was what really made them feel alive. asuka slowly becomes rei's world and meaning for living, but they eventually realize that causes a great insecurity. asuka is independent and can go anywhere she wants if she feels like it. from rei's pov, asuka desperately wants attention from men, something that rei could never give her. rei's afraid that asuka will leave them, & to tie asuka down they play the role of a villain. rei keeps asuka feeling insecure by becoming what asuka envisioned them as, and slowly starts hacking away at asuka's Achille's heel. rei desperately uses the short time that asuka has given them to engrain themself into her, so much so that asuka would be nothing without them. rei cannot let asuka realize her worth for fear that she would leave them. rei notices that asuka enjoys seeing them helpless and plays the part, almost like a honeytrap. slowly tho I believe that rei starts to take control of the relationship in hopes of making asuka dependent on them.

Asurei is in no way a wholesome relationship, and ik that’s not for everyone.. my vision of a happy end for them would be both of them becoming comfortable in their relationship and finding that the actions they once used to express hatred for themselves and each other is now slowly becoming fueled by love and desire for each other. They form a very unhealthy co-dependence on each other, but for them it works. They cant envision a world without the other in it.

[crossover-enthusiast]

first things first, obviously, the cult.

×××

lets go to skiddad first.

-

ok. so, lilas husband. my guess is that throughout the years, he has been raised into cults. i imagine he became rather rebellious of this, and tried to abandon that life.

though, became too caught up, and eventually tried to get lila involved, POSSIBLY resulting in his death from fear from lila that he'd try to involve skid. my guess is skiddad is the right hand man of eyes.

theres not much i can grab there, BUT i think its worth noting the mannequin and the spiders, and how theyre probably related to skiddad. the mannequin is seen moving and/or trying to prevent people from escaping or hurting lila (sm6, sm5 where bob tries to catch her)

but, thats all i really got for him.

×××

now, bob velseb

-

judging by this picture, i like to think bob came from a more wealthy family. though, this can just be him in a business meeting, or some other formal event.

my personal idea, is that he was raised in a wealthy family, and eventually left home to go venture outwards and find some quiet peace in wherever-the-fuck-sm-takes-place. small town n stuff.

there, he worked at boys & grillz, selling to kids all around town, and specifically lila. now, to me, its not exactly clear how or why bob got into cannibalism. from what i see, its not exactly a metaphor for anything (besides like, idk, the fact his name is a pun on beezlebub, gluttony) and my only guess can just be the cult. or he was just.. hungry LMFAO

but, what i find the most interesting, is that bob couldve been a family figure (or family friend) to lila. which could explain the theory i have, that lila is the one who caught bob and put him in jail in the first place. theyre close, and lila accidentally digging too deep or stumbling upon bobs secretive cannibalistic tendencies can explain why he went out to kill her (sm1). once thrown back in prison, having help of the cult, he escaped again and tried to hurt lila AND her child, but once again, failed. (and ended up getting fucking killed in the process)

also, i like to think that bob was.. probably found at a low point with his cannibalism, and given a chance out to join the cult. idk. he probably escaped on his own in sm1 though

his role does not seem clear to me, but i like to think he was skiddad's right hand man, and once he died, bob took his place. i mean, in my eyes, he must atleast be in some high authority.

×××

mr clown

-

not even gonna lie, not too much on this guy lmfao 😭😭

though, it is known very well that he kidnaps and kills kids (unlike frank, who most likely.. just holds them for ransom tbh.) as suggested in pelos doodles (obv theyre not usually canon, but i feel like.. this one kinda is)

hes most likely of high authority/ranking in the cult, but is then killed off by jack. oops! (jesus, jack has a streak of killing cult members.)

×××

eyes

-

my favorite one to explore so far, eyes. i love eyes, specifically because of the fact we know NOTHING of their ability and their reasoning of why they inhabit this earth. to me, theyre a parasitic alien. sent, or either just out of hunger to drain the planet. i like to think that they desire to grab the human race, and put it under their control. whether it be hatred, for sadistic fun, or just for their own satisfaction. maybe controlling humans factor into their feeding. who knows.

anyway, thats where the cult comes in. tricking and playing with humans, eventually getting skiddad to lead all these people along.

my idea of eyes powers, really comes down to this. this is only what we have seen throughout sm2-sm6

-stunning, dazing.

as seen to pump, kevin, hatzgang, and gregor.

-changing humans eye color when an inhumane presence is spotted or near.

this isnt tooo important, but i think it should be added. though, unknown why bobs eyes changed. could just be his relation to the cult.

-spectating through the stars

eyes is seen throughout the episodes looking out through the sky, this could be that they are fond of skid and pump, and want to see what danger they could be in. or, theyre just curious of the two little guys' lives.

-manipulation, brainwashingggg, hypnotizing?

this is kind of a stretch, but in the end credits, and in the end of the episode itself, gregor bows to eyes and most likely put under their control. end credits wise, gregor is seen with moloch, being held up while the cult is around them. gregor could be used as a tool to summon demons and eldritch creatures alike to help take over the planet. or wreck havoc. or whatever.

but other than that, thats my idea of eyes. thumbs up.... i wonder if they can die? otherwise everyones screwed lmfao

×××

john and JD (johns daughter)

-

johns daughter is teased through pictures and drawings. it is either thought she died in the housefire in sm4, or was kidnapped, and is currently being held hostage. i like the held hostage situation better, because it adds greater stakes.

we dont know much about her, but she seems to be a bubbly young girl, and john is grief-stricken once he loses her. also, i feel its implied that he is divorced.

my idea, is that multiple cult members helped with the operation, and kidnapped JD while she was sleeping.

see, this is good (on the cults end) for multiple reasons.

while it doesnt remove john off their trail, it does deteriorate him with the loss of his child. though, if anything this makes him more determind to stop the cult.

BUT, they burned the evidence too, he is now rather powerless unless he gains all his evidence back, which would take a while.

idk. i imagine the cult try to bargain with john. and why i think of this, is because of the little poster thats likely to be a spoiler/hint for future episodes.

i mean, long hair, tealish smoke.. it could be JD being possessed? and john having to pick and choose between getting off the cults ass, or having his daughter back (and alive). shrug. thats just my theory.

×××

ignacio

-

heavily implied to be with the cult, and implied to be the one who burned down the house, its also likely he called the cult on gregor.

also, if anything, ignacio seems to be of somewhat.. high ranking or authority. or in the medium range, as he was assigned to burn johns house down. he is the one of only cult member(s) that we know of alive. others include candy dealer, the thieves, and possibly gregor.

not much about him tbh. old ass man.

×××

gregor

-

not much with him either, but its likely hes brainwashed to be apart of the cult and help along with their goals and stuff.

×××

skid (and a little bit of lila)

-

now, this is awesome because theres a very clear tie to skid and the cult. especially with skiddad and stuff.

we know from sm2, that skid is immune to eye's stun/dazing, so this can easily lead us to the fact that skiddad was connected to the cult a little before skid was born.

also! i wanna make it super clear with how lila tries to erase skiddad from everything. countless photos torn apart (specifcally of skiddads face), even ones in the attic.

lila seems to be awfully protective of skid, fearful of the cult in its entirety, but also mournful of what her husband had become. and having to possibly murder him in fear and protection of her and her son being involved.

×××

the thieves and candy dealer

-

now, holy shit, i was NOT expecting the thieves to be apart of the cult, but it does make sense. my idea is that they were sent to rob lila's house specifically so that they could retrieve anything of skiddad and cult related stuff.

their failed attempts seem to be irking candy dealer, and he gives them a good warning before going away. tbh. these guys are silly dumb dumbs. i love them.

ALSOO, that spider. right. do you think that was skiddad trying to scare them away....

candy dealer, i have no idea what the fuck is going on with him, (besides him. like. being a drug dealer obviously) but hes definitely of good importance. its nice to see him ^_^

×××

the cult necklaces

-

i feel its worth mentioning these, as they seem like a bind to those in the cult.

i think me and @deadbatzz talked about this, but we had this idea that if anyone was bound to the cult (whether by necklace or just joining), theyd be like. sent into purgatory, no release from life, just frozen in this half dead and half alive state. yeah. (though, dexters another story, as he was like. possessed and then murder in their own body. AND not to mention the happy fella dolls, but those arent part of the cult.)

×××

closing, and one final theory.

-

i saw this a while back on a comment, and for the life of me i dont think i can find it. i know it was probably on a video that pelo didnt make, but related to spooky month.

the theory is, is that the cult is powered, or just has some significance with candy.

eyes is seen eating candy in sm2, and bob is seen stopping multiple times in sm5 to eat candy. while this could just be him having a sweet tooth, i like the idea of it being much more. he even gives up literal victims for candy.

woofh. but yeah, thats... all i kinda have? sorry jf this didnt help for anything of trying to figure out whats going on with lore, but it was fun to spill my knowledge.

Oh my god dude this is fucking sick!!!! I love everything about this! I don't really have much except

Eyes/the cult having a thing with candy?? That... makes far more sense than it should, especially now that we know the CANDY Dealer is part of the cult. I like this a lot

Also the thing with Bob. The idea of him coming from a wealthy family is honestly really interesting, especially with how his house is in such a state of disrepair in Tender Treats

Him being a father figure to Lila is honestly the most gut punching, because like?? Imagine learning this man you looked up to for years is a serial killer! AND IS NOW TRYING TO KILL YOU!!!

Genuinely I want to know what the fuck happened with Gregor at the end, bc according to the ARG hub he went "missing". Apparently he wasn't even in the town for that long anyway, so like??

Just. A lot to think about.

ALSO I was thinking of them using John's daughter as a bargaining chip!! That makes too much sense! Though tbh I just don't want her to be dead-

[abreathingrock]

Hi it's me, the third (?) of three rtc fans with any knowledge of Irish hahah

I'm so interested in ur rtc oc so would u drop the lore?? I love seeing Irish people involved in the same fandoms as me bc let's face it most of us are bastards so it's kind of unusual

WOWOWOW HIII!! It so cool to see rtc fans with Irish knowledge, especially when they take interest in my oc (I love her so much)

Strap in, I have a lot

Grew up in a gaeltacht region in galway (like Connemara type) so shes fluent(ish) in irish (i literally wish so bad)

Her parents were STINKY and were super mean, like, abusive and shit, it wasnt great for my girl

Went to a #catholicallgirlschool so naturally was bullied asf so she REALLY wasnt having fun

Had one friend who is yet to be named and they hung out together all the time, did a bunch of stuff like pierced eachothers ears, got

tatoos, burned shit, mostly illegal stuff (this is how she got arrested)

Sam and her friend would always talk about running away to Canada, it was their dream, but before they could her friend had to move away to a bording school in Dublin

This affected Sam BAD and caused her to go into a horrible space mental health wise and ultimately caused her to run away

When she got to Canada, she had stolen and exchanged a bunch of her parents money (cus she doesnt care about them and hates them) and bought the absolute cheapest place she could. A two room (kitchen/living/bedroom + sperate bathroom) apartment in Uranium City

She enrolled herself in the local school in a very illegal and fake fashion and took a uniform from lost and found cus ofc she did

She stayed low mostly in school until she met a certain Ukrainian "bad boy", Mischa Bachinski and they became the besties ever

They did most of the stuff she did with her old friend, but this time she was having more fun and felt more free due to not living with her parents and not being in that stupid ass school

Her and Mischa bonded over missing their countries (despite the horribleness Sam faced there, she still misses Ireland a whole heap) and she is the only person who believed Talia is real

Sam ends up in choir because she helped Mischa steal the wine and they sit in the back on Mischa's phone playing games, texting Talia (when they could, yk, timezones), taking dumbass selfies, etc

Mischa helped her become herself a lot more and she loves him like a brother and will kill anyone who speaks against him or hurts him. They both agreed if they ever met eachothers parents it would be on fucking sight

Ocean fucking hates Sam. Cant stand her. She thinks its insane how little she cares about school and is dumbfounded by her punk ideologies (she cant wrap her around head it, shes a little silly <3) She rants to Constance about how she needs to care more and Constance just nods and pretends to listen meanwhile she's in awe of her bravery to be herself and get away from her home.

Noel ends up taking a liking to her because he talks to Mischa sometimes but they dont really interact.

Mischa thinks shes "madwickedawesome" and "the dopest person ever, yo!!" He is the only person who knows about her old friend and the fact she had bad parents, but barely knows the half of it. He encourages her to be who she is and Sam loves him so much, theyre so bestie I cant

Ricky wishes he could talk to her because he also thinks shes pretty cool, but obvously he cant :(( She talks to him sometimes, which he appreciates, but its mostly just complaining about Ocean being annoying in choir when she tells her to get off Mischa's phone

On the day of the accident, her and mischa wander off most of the time, going on some of the rides, but staying off somewhere else most of the time. They come back to ride the cyclone because everyone else is and they both agree rollercoasters are fun.

In the afterlife, she stays talking to Mischa mostly, but begins to talk to Noel and Ricky too.

Her and Ricky end up bonding over cats cus theh both love them, and she hypes him up like crazy after SABM with Mischa

She is infatuated with Jane Doe and thinks shes cool as fuck, even if shes also pretty creepy, and tries to talk to her sometimes

Her song is...something. it starts off with her refusing to sing and Karnak being like "you have to" and begins to force a song onto her. Its chaotic and not at all how Sam wants, being a bit like TSIA.

Sam eventually is like "fine, I'll sing, but Im doing it my way you fucking bitchass machine" and her song is about being conflicted with herself, loving being open about being punk and doing all her illegal stuff, but she loves writing and poetry, something shes never told anyone even Mischa. She sings about feeling like she's always been doomed to be unhappy, always be unsatisfied with her life and missing Ireland despite her horrible life there.

She opens up about her shit parents and her old friend and after her song Mischa gives her a big hug and its cute asf :c

She, after the song, becomes more like her true self and the other choir members are all like "dam shes fucking deep" which she enjoys quite a bit

She bullies tf outta Ocean the whole time, but during its not a game she holds her hand and smiles at her for like the first time ever

Sam also talks to Connie in the afterlife and tells her to drop Ocean etc

Her and Ocean are like siblings, Sam fucking hates Ocean but if someone is rude to her the next day that person shows up with a mysterious black eye

sorry I went on a bit lol

[bapouro]

If you have the time and if it’d be fun at all, can you talk about how going to school for art is/was? Like what was bad about it but what did it make you realize about why you create? What was originally incomprehensible that became digestible after being surrounded by it? I’m just curious because I really only got into art after college age.

Hi

ive finally handed in my final project ever last friday and after somewhat recovering i can now answer u. (ill put an aside here that before i started uni, i saw a lot of the online umming and awing about art school and it being a scam etc that made me nervous going into it. i dont really think it has been for me but keep in mind im doing this in the uk. i think if i was in the usa or somewhere where it was that expensive i think youd get just about as many benefits going to somewhere like a community college instead. its worth a bit of money but not a lot of money.)

i realised while turning over your questions in my head last week how much doing my degree (illustration undergrad) during covid lockdown, illustrated (haha) the point art school had for me. and the point being that after trying to stick it out for the first few terms during lockdown, i deferred, i didnt really see the point i had already spent my entire life making art in my bedroom online for free, without somebody telling me what to do. practically what that degree offered me was physical facilities and resources, but really what i wanted it for was that vague miasma of drive and something bigger than myself to physically 'prove' myself to. i was and still am very interested in that gap between the online environment i learnt art within that felt a world away from my 'real life', and coming to meet with that 'real life' was kind of my goal. i needed both to meet on a very basic level for my quality of life. and id say i succeeded. twice now somebody i was originally mutuals with online turned out to be in my class. i live with one of them now. and i feel some pride now looking back on how much i felt like i had to separate my 'school' art and my 'personal' art during secondary school and now theyre practically one and the same. in fact one piece of advice ive kept with me from the uni tutors here is they consistently wish the students wouldnt 'hold back' so much on the kind of work they make: one of my friends, the one i now live with, was doing a tasteful furry pinup statue for a project and one of the tutors essentially asked them why the statue was being so sexually subtle with it, for example.

so what was bad about it! man... thinking about it the same reason i gave for why i came back after lockdown could also point out how flippant the reasoning was. its still a lot of time and effort let alone money to be putting into something that you dont Need an institution for. and art and academia, as much as you might try, arent going to be as neatly married as maybe STEM and academia. not that there isnt a place for it. we need it in there. but basically your work still has to get 'graded' on things so they can prove themselves as an institution so they can still get money to run. i ''apreciated'' the deadline part, for what it was, because i was(/am) a serial put-er off-er and i knew i needed something big to try and train me out of it. but the actual mark scheme and trying to work off of it is never not going to be nebulous. what the hell does it mean to 'demonstrate my awareness of the changing landscape of contemporary illustration' graded between 0 - 100 via a 3d animation. ive done pretty well. sometimes id get top marks. a couple times i wouldnt even pass and id have to do it again. the only pattern i could really see between what got those marks for me and what didnt was effort? so take with that what you will.

yea that being said, what it helped me realise why i create... i am thankful my particular course at my particular uni is so into their experimentation / medium diversity. because it proved to me again that experimenting is something i love to do. i could keep doing it forever maybe. but that also made me realise after trying to do that project after project that its only one part of the enjoyment. i couldnt sink my teeth in as much as i wanted. part of why im glad to leave is im glad to try and focus on just a few things now. take a project at my pace... reeeally get way too into it. hopefully.

what was originally incomprehensible that became digestible after being surrounded by it? mm.. i think getting to see a lot of the behind the scenes and the people actually doing illustration as a job kind of softened my glare on some art styles / ways of working i dislike. not that i Like them now but that kind of flat illustrator thing.. for some people it really is more of a job than anything else. i think thats fine. theres all kinds of other art to enjoy outside of their 9-5. i just hope they like it too. but of course it does set a precedent for what clients expect/what you feel like you should be making..? oh also i did actually end up really enjoying the couple of art essays we needed to write. reading cultural/art/etc pdf essays was something i already liked to do like reading baudrillard and ellen dissanayake and things but it was great to actually get to apply it in writing. and i think it certainly became more digestible to realise that these kinds of writers and this kind of writing wasnt some hard to penerate academia i couldnt be a part of really but turned out to be writing about things that already applied to life, whether i went to uni or not. really the whole experience... for me i felt like it was just something i needed to do. if anything just to get away from my family and make my own life. im glad i did it. but really art is art no matter where you find it. uni gave me a push to go further, i could sit around and say i couldve done it without uni but i think we overestimate ourselves. i think i couldve but i bet it wouldve taken longer and i may have experimented less, challenged myself less. who knows. just dont ever let something like that put you off art, it will always find you again eventually. im glad you got into it too.

[deepseacityunderground]

i did a pokeymon tierlist that took me three hours to do ;-;

i put it and explainations under a cut because its so big lmao. if you want it to not be blurry then open it seperately in desktop idk

lesbian tier: self explainatory (ill explain why i like them so much later)

my babies: good designs, sentimental, AND i like fighting with them

sentimental tier: various favs across the years, theyre more individuals than species to me because of my memories with these guys.

i wish pokemon were real: for pokemon that make me say "i wish pokemon were real"

ebic: i like them lots and i like to have them on my team

the funny little creatures: i smile when i see them and i like them

intriguing: hmm there is something here... but i'm not quite getting it maybe?

not rlly interested: this one is self explainatory... if ur fav is here im sorry :( im sure these guys are cool i just dont rlly think about them ever

fucked up: i dont like seeing them they make me uncomfortable

scyther was my first partner in my first pokemon game :) it was diamond. i overtrained scyther way too much and he (because it was a boy scyther) would do that thing where he doesnt listen in battle so i build his entire moveset around it. he was lost when i transferred him to heartgold and then dropped heartgold in some water. rip scyther always in my heart

togekiss was my friend alongside scyther. she was the first pokemon i ever trained up to lv.100. she was also a victim of the heartgold incident. rip togekiss always in my heart.

absol was the only one from my initial gamebeating diamond team to survive the incident. she was transferred over to my copy of platinum and after i ended up losing diamond, remained there happily. i dont want to transfer her to bank or home because i think itd be like moving an old cat to a new house. i dont want to upset her at her old age. also absol's design fucks. emo fringe lynx. absol is what sparked my emotions about dark types. also i played pmd1 as a kid.

gengar is gengar. also i played pmd1 as a kid and read a copious amount of fanfic focused around pmd1 gengar (everyone go read pmd victory fire now it doesnt even matter that its on forever hiatus and ended with a cliffhanger go read it)

the tentacool variations are here purely out of sentimentality. when i was much younger, id let my little sister borrow my copies of the gen 4 pokemon games. she was really young and didnt really care about rpgs in general at the time, so shed always just explore and catch random pokemon instead of actually playing the games. one time, after i got the games back from her, i looked in my pc and saw like. two full boxes of tentacool and tentacruel that shed caught. and they've all got nose themed nicknames like "nosey" or "nosenose" and other stuff like that. so apparently she was surfing about and saw a tentacool for the first time and was just. obsessed with how they looked and thought they looked like big noses (with the red spots being like nostrils i think) and just decided to catch loads and loads of them because she liked them so much. so it became an inside joke between us. i dont really have much in common with my sister anymore and our relationship is pretty cold rn but pokemon is the one thing we still hold in common. and ill always associate tentacool with her.

we all know why grovyle is where he is. same with dusknoir. theyre also good designs.

i really dont like enamourus because its fucked up how they designed three big buff genie men and then made one that was pink and skinny. awful. makes me angry. if they were buff theyd be one of my favs tho.

i really dont like the pla designs for dialga and palkia... theyve already both got very busy designs and i think these forms are Too Busy. i really wanted to like them but well... i look at giratinas two forms and cry over what could have been.

i dont like the tumblr sexyman lizard.

a lot of pokemon are in higher tiers cus theyre based on animals i like... i like a lot of cat pokemon for this reason. also i like the litten line cus it fucks. and my litten in sumo was a female and i like the idea of big buff wrester catgirl :3 incineroar is a really good design and shes big and strong... whats not to love.

also, i generally like a lot of designs which other pokemon fans dislike... i especially love more humanoid/furry "feminine" designs like primarina, lilligant, gardevoir, lopunny, tsareena, etc etc... i really dislike how a lot of these designs are just seen as like sexygirl designs by the community... sadly porn will exist of everything but these pokemon are also creatures. theyre animals. they may look a bit like a girl but they are still magic animals. like one time in moon i had a whole team of grass girlies and it was just fun to hang out with my funny grass lady creatures.

i like giratina because theyre a big ass antimatter caterpillar. drawing giratina helped me draw antropomorphic caterpillars actually. i like their big ass legs.

all eeveelutions are CATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the lunar duo are my ultimate fav pokemon forever as a team for a big mix of all the other reasons. partly its sentimentality, cus i really liked them as a kid and i would always chill on fullmoon island in my copy of platinum and just listen to the music, i also always tried to do the void glitch to get darkrai but i always fucked up and never quite saw her! (i couldnt do the event cus living in shitty rural region reasons) i also liked battling with them in oras :3 i think their designs are very well done. they remind me of the "swan" series by hilma af klimt specifically, which is a series i really liked on its own. i dont think that was intentional, but i was looking at the work about a year or so ago for an essay and i sorta realized how well the overall color palette of that series matches the pair and cresselia specifically, because shes based on a swan ofc. and ofc darkrai is also birdlike but in a more abstract way. she actually reminds me a bit of the skeletons of one of those really fucked up breed pigeons with the receeded necks and huge fantails and tiny beaks and weird spindly legs. i also really like how unabashedly edgy darkrai's design is... i feel a lot of nostalgia for edgy character designs from the mid 2000s which were edgy in a very un-selfaware way (another reason why i like absol specifically and also like. so many ghost and dark types) and as an angsty kid i always used to gravitate towards those designs lol. i also think its kinda romantic, the idea of a creature which kills others simply by being around them, a typhoid mary type creature, which isolates itself due to that, with its only friend also being the only creature that negates its negative affects. and also that creature killed a kid in america (fucked up). thats how i interpret their relationship. anyway ive been having lots of thoughts about them for like over 15 years.

this is unrelated but its kinda annoying when ppl use gendered pronouns for genderless pokemon... its not gonna ruin my days its just. funny lol (ignore that i have used she/her for darkrai throughout this entire comment... when i do it, its ok <3) one of the sad flaws of the pmd series imo bcus the mainline games dont do that at all.

in general i think my likes and dislikes are more dictated by character design/sentimentality as opposed to ability in battle or fanservice or competitive meta ... this is just part of being a longtime fan who doesnt rlly keep up with the community anymore methinks. im kinda beating myself up for not putting more complex thought into this buuut also i wanna be true to myself yknow... but then again this community sucks so i feel like im gonna be attacked for putting idk wingull too low or something lol

[james-fun-in-the-sunderland]

Mob Psycho 100 for fandom! And Amy from Sonic for character~

omg hello thank u niru c:

obligatory link back to the original ask game

Mob Psycho 100

sorry that alot of these repeat and probably arent like insane thoughts, i was only big into mp100 when i was like 16 and finished the anime like a year ago 😭

Favorite character: Serizawa c: hes a 6w5 so legally i must enjoy him but also i just like him ... he has curly hair and is cool OH AND TOME !!!! shes fun :) i dont fully remember my interesting thoughts on her but i enjoy her and how she works for reigen post canon. i think her weird girl charms get to me

Least Favorite character: uhhhh probably mogami or shous dad... theyre both just annoying like whateverrr stop being a dumb adult stop beefing with 15 year olds losers...

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): 1.... serirei?? is that the ship name. serizawa and reigen. basically canon ? 2. mobteru again basically canon 3. . um . theres not much ships i really have with this show so idk if i can do 5 but i can at least do three bc i think tome and mezato is cute :) i briefly became obsessed w them for a bit after season 2 .... i think the ship of the two claw guys . the like sword one and the other guy is pretty cool...

Character I find most attractive: serizawa. who would have guessed.

Character I would marry: nobody everyone here has many red flags also theyre 90% children

Character I would be best friends with: if i was a teenager there is a non zero chance i genuinely would be besties with tome but also maybe slightly find her annoying. but also maybe i would become besties with mob. in normal life none of them bc i would never talk to children or the adults in the show

A random thought: i think reigen is one of the last tumblr sexymen before that term really became used as meaning: character im sick of seeing so much of... but also i could be wrong. also can everyone stop drawing serizawa with straight hair ... i know they do in the manga/anime but if he had curly hair before they cut and washed him then it wouldnt go away. thats not how hair works and i should know as ive lived with it for like years.

An unpopular opinion: mogami arc wasnt that good, stop using it as an excuse to be weird abt child characters plsss

My canon OTP: nothing is canon :/ so

Non-canon OTP: serirei as i said above ☝

Most badass character: mob :] hes cool and awesom... but also i do think

Pairing I am not a fan of: idk if its bc i dont remember much but i cant see shou and ritsu as much more than besties but also obvs im not at all a fan of the . weirdly large amount of reigen and mob stuff like whats wrong with you all im killing you . i also just dont care too too much about ships between teenage characters so many of the ships in the fandom are like yea thats alright, also can see them as just besties, u kno?

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): i didnt realize how little there was of serizawa in the manga or the anime .. i feel like he had more when i first read it ???? anyway he should be there more .

Favourite friendship: i think mob and reigen are fun as friends :) especially as they grow older, i think the dynamic would be fun. also teru and ritsu are fun when theyre together. worlds most dramatic 12 year olds.

amy will b under the cut

amy rose :)

How I feel about this character: I like her !!! i feel like shes not talked about much outside of ships which is a shame because i feel like if people came together on her character (this includes people writing canon) then there could be a compelling character here that wouldnt deny her roots or just stay the same sort of trope she used to be. I cant deny i do enjoy that they occassionally dip into her little interest in tarot :) its nice to see that trait remembered.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: sonic of course, shadow, blaze a bit?, metal sonic anddd... yea thats it

My non-romantic OTP for this character: i think her with silver or knuckles is always fun :) idk why i think its because they bounce off of each other well. equal levels of no braincells happening here at least with silver. and with knuckles i feel like they could have a fun brother sister dynamic.

My unpopular opinion about this character: what is the popular opinion on her .... idk ill just use this as more of me talking about her character in general. i wish people would use her abandonment issues more, or at least like integrate that into her character since i think its a trait that shows up a bit in the little visual novel and in sonic frontiers and i think that makes sense as a trait for her

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: if she was ever playable again . I HAVENT played the sonic frontiers dlc but i think giving her a little spin off game ala the princess peach games would be fun. maybe then her team from sonic heros can be used again and i could like care about big and cream outside of them being sparingly used in canon .. and big not just being a joke ... also i just want more development for herrr im always begging for development or character in this series i know its for children but plsss also i wish they would like actually like .. fully deal with her whole thing with sonic... it feels like they wanna pretend her obsession just never happened and wasnt like the main thing with her character before they basically turned her into sally acorn.

My OTP: honestly ive really come around on amy x metal sonic :) i think mainly bc i cant see her with sonic at all (<- sonadow truther) and also i think it could be interesting if i thought about it more deeply

My OT3: amy x sonic x blaze i know i just said i cant see her with sonic but this is the exception, if i had to have an ot3 it would be this .. otherwise idk if i would have one.

[kichikichiko]

"Lonely"

Self indulgent post. Its kinda based off of how I grew up

Wanderer x fem!reader, comfort, fluff, can be read as platonic or romantic, not proofread

♡♡♡♡

"Lonely"

If you were to describe your life from the day you could walk and talk to now, the one word would be "lonely"

Dont get me wrong, you had friends growing up. Maybe a lot, maybe only a few, and even then, it still feels like you againts the world.

No matter who you hang out with, the connection between you and your friend was never strong.

You knew, but brushed it off. Because at least having someone to talk to about something, anything is better than being alone.

But you were still "lonely", no matter how many people you surround yourself with.

You get attached easily, to anyone no matter who.

Toxic, boring, stupid, it doesnt matter

As long as they give you just a bit of attention, you'll suddenly cling onto them like theyre youre everything.

And yet

You were still "lonely"

Its frustrating. Why does the world want you to be lonely? Why should you feel this way in the first place? What could you have possibly done to anger the gods? Or was this their way of entertainment?

You'd blame all the hurt you've been through to anyone who isnt you. Especially celestia itself. Because if you blamed it on yourself, the more you'd feel worse.

"Lonely" was once your enemy, your foe. But the more you grew older, the more you've become tired with trying to get rid of it whether it be through masking yourself with different made up personalities for every single person you talk to, trying to talk to different people to find the one who matchrs your energy, or blaming the gods of teyvat and all its mortals for making you feel the way you feel, the more you've surrendered and accepted the "lonely" into your life.

Youve given up.

Because what was the point of trying at this point?

You can no longer blame people for your misery and woes.

At the end of the day, you are the problem.

Detaching yourself from the world, half of your life became a blur. You didnt remember if you still took up on the act of imitating everyone elses personalites, or if you completely stopped talking to people in general.

You didnt remember,

But what you did remember was meeting him.

Buying fruits from the bustling stalls of Sumeru, you finally met him.

From the corner of your eye, you saw an interesting figure.

Turning your head to get a better look you studied thr man from afar.

He seemed to be from inazuma judging by his attire. His whole outfit was coloured blue and white, his huge hat sitting on his head in a way which made him look intimidating and mysterious rather than silly, his eyes uninterested and annoyed, as his chesr glowed because of his anemo vision.

You stared at him for a while longer before he dissappeared in a blink of an eye.

You didnt know what you felt. But it was something weird, in a good way of course.

"I wanna see him again" you mumbled.

Months have passed, and from time to time, the strange man from inazuma would pop into your head as you daydream in silence when you were goung out with your friends.

Sometimes you think youre creepy, stupid and yhat you were "doing it again". Mainly insinuating that you'd get attached to someone you barely know and make scenarios of you both being together as a coping mechanism.

One day your friend has decided to invite you to try a cooking class with her. You dont really get invited out that much, so you werent about to pass up on this opportunity.

Both you and your friend arrived and was lead to your perspective stations. The instructor wanted everyone to find someone random around the room to be partners, so everyone can get to know each other and make the place more lively.

Going out of your comfort zone was hard, but thinking youre being a nuisance was harder. So you sighed in defeat.

Everyone finally got a partner but you,

You were standing there awkwardly, getting ready to tell the instructor that you're perfectly fine with being alone. Youve been alone for half of your life, being alone as you were in cooking class with no different.

Before you got the chance to talk, someone barged through the door, making everyone shift their focus on the door.

Your eyes widen when you saw who it was. It was the mysterious Inazuma guy. You were shocked, stunned and frozen in place.

Never once believe that you'd see him again

"Ah youre just in time! This young lady here doesnt have a partner for todays class so you can go right ahead and stand next to her station"

The mysterious men scoffed and walk towards your station standing right beside you without a word.

You were starting to feel nervous as there was no conversation coming up between the both of you. You thought that maybe you were the only one overthinking this because anytime you glance at him he would look unbothered and uninterested just like he did when you first saw him in that market few months back

"You can stop looking at me miss" crossing his arms and looking at you with one eyebrow up.

God he was intimidating and handsome

No no. Just intimidating you correxted yourself

Flinching you quickly apologised and whipped your head back and looked down at the table.

Wanderer knew you saw him on that day in the market, he's very observant what can he say?

"Call me wanderer" he broke the silence, looking down at the ingredients on the table, not listening to the instructor

You looked at him again, blinking

You wanted to question why on earth his name is "wanderer" but got a hunch that he'll be offended and stop talking.

"Nice to meet you wanderer, Im (name)" you responded

"Well (name) let's show everyone here who's the boss at cooking" he smirked a bit, determined to win

You were stunned. This wasnt even a cooking competition you wanted to tell him, but that might ruin the fun

So you smiled a little and nodded. "Right on it!"

Days after days passed, and if youre lucky enough you'd see him on the bustling streets of Sumeru, if you both make eye contact, you'd smile and wave as he nodded then go about your day

Soon that change, from simple hand waves, to small talks, to full blow on conversations to hanging out outside of sumeru city.

His company was nice, it felt warm and comfortable. You didnt have to imitate his energy, and you never tried to. Something about copying his personality just to talk to him felt off.

As much as he didnt wanna admit it, he also felt comfortable with you, not 100% no but if he were to be able to choose to go on walks alone or be with you he wouldnt hesitate to pick one with you.

You finally felt comfortable in your own skin

And suddenly, you didnt feel so "lonely" anymore.

♡♡♡♡

[codemonki]

It has come to my attention that people actually like hearing about other peoples oc's occasionally. So im gonna be posting some images of my ocs and telling you about it! (its gonna be character specific for each one gonna do my Ace Attorney OCs, Idk about the others yet)

Starting off! Fahlin Starr, defense attorney in japanifornia.

^ her reference image.

(theres a lot under this so if you're interested lmao)

I used Joan of arc as an inspiration for how she looks, but she is a modern day knight within the courts. She attempts to take on all the damage against the defendant and reflect that evidence against the prosecution.

Here are her sprites!

She doesn't have many friends. She trusts to easily, and because of that she's shielded herself away from most people, only really giving time to her defendants (though she knows they could spurn her too, she has to take the risk). In short, she likes to protect her peace. There is one person however who's managed to get through her cold exterior! and its her long time private investigator companion, Bast Guess.

The companies of which they hailed from were close (and their mentors, closer) so they spent a lot of time working together. Fahlin swears she only requests Bast's help because it would be inconvenient to vet out a different PI, Bast knows however its because Fahlin actually things theyre friends.

Fahlin tries her best to be controlled by facts and distance herself from her emotions, but she usually fails. Though her face doesnt usually portray that fact. Shes plagued (ish) by resting bitch face.

she keeps herself organized, and doesn't stray away from networking with other attorneys. Its part of her duty to spread the word of her agency. She's also married to her work.

despite being very organized she also doesnt use calenders or daily schedules. Sometimes post-it notes but very rarely. This drives Bast mad.

I like to think that her pride can take a few dings, before she crumbles (shield motif <33)

Fun Fact!: She's a lesbian but she refuses to accept that she doesn't like men (she doesn't care if you're gay, but she cant be). She's got compulsive heteronormity up the wazoo. She had a situationship with a women named Anita Rhinum in Highschool and just... hasn't acknowledged the fact that she looks for her in every man she dates.

Her mentor was a veteran Attorney, set to retire soon named Leah Mason. She had already mentored many rookies, but Fahlin would be her last one and the only one to have stayed in the Japanifornia jurisdiction. Mason Law Agency would get renamed to Starr Law Agency, where Fahlin resides on the first floor, and the upper became home to Bast Guess's private investigation agency. (it has a name I'll remember it when I get to her).

Starr Law Agency Wait Room ^

Fahlin's Office^

Leah Mason and her husband Finn D. Clau (retired attorney and retired private detective)

Leah Mason was an almost motherly figure for Fahlin, they met when Fahlin was in college and needed an internship, so at age 19 she was taken under her wing.

This would be the first time Fahlin felt how a mother should treat their kid (even if it wasn't for long, and wasn't the same). When Leah retired she left to go travel the world, but made sure Fahlin had her number in case she ever needed help.

here is were the fun family drama begins. :))

Fahlin has her father, Basile Starr, her mother Reine Starr, and her older sister (by 1 year) Jess Starr.

Basile Starr was a very busy man who didn't have a lot of time for his kids, though if he found time he was a very kind man who did really love them. Reine Starr on the other hand had very high expectations, and made it clear that if her children wanted her time, they had to prove to her that they were worth it.

(its also important to note that by the time the kids turned 5, the marriage was becoming very loveless and Reine had begun seeing other men)

Fahlin did everything she could to make her mother proud, she worked to excel in everything she could and put effort into doing the things that she liked. Jess on the other hand, tried, failed, and decided she didnt want to appease their mother. Fahlin likes feeling as though she *earned* something, so she'd keep trying.

Growing up Fahlin did fencing and ballet with her sister, she wasnt graceful enough for dance but she did have the skill for fencing.

*this is NOT blood

Jess and Fahlin were very close when they were younger. Though they were one grade apart in school, they shared many of the same friends and hobbies.

they were each others best friend.

But things started to change when they got older, they drifted apart (Fahlin not keeping friends as easily). It all came to a head when their mother was accused of murder, and Jess was called to testify agaisnt her.

This testimony permanently severed their friendship, as Fahlin couldn't believe that their mother could kill someone. She convinced herself that Jess hated their mom so much that she would lie.

Once Fahlin turned 18 she moved out of her home in France and went to college in Japanifornia. She nothing back home worth staying for anyways.

When she met Anita in college, Anita showed her around town and introduced her to a lot of what Japanifornia had to offer. They met in an elective class then began hanging out outside of it.

I haven't draw doodles of them yet (bc Anita's a newer character)

last fun image <3

[spacedlexi]

Hi Lexi :)

What is your opinion on other TWD media? - mainly the comics and the TV series? If so, do you have any favorite characters from them or is there anything in particular you like about um? Or do you like the telltale game only?

i have not read the comics mostly due to lack of time. and ive heard conflicting things about them so i havent gone out of my way to read them

but i HAVE watched.. most of the show. had problems with it but it did get me to cry a few times. the beth and daryl stuff comes to mind. carol and daryl too. and i didnt even like daryl at the time 💀 also the early stuff with rick and morgan. i do love michonne tho :) i liked her and andrea. and her and carl becoming friends was sweet. and i liked how it came before her relationship with rick. her relationship with rick was boring tho 😔. like. it wasnt bad theyre cute but like.. i was expecting it to have more prominence i guess. i watched it last summer so my memories of the earlier stuff that was actually interesting is hazy

i pretty much binged it until season 7............... negan killed the show for me i hated him so much. such a carver but with the attitude of a 14yo boy on xbox live. insufferable. it then became a slog and i gave up like halfway through season 10. and i only made it that far because i wanted to know wtf was up with the whisperers. actually the first episode of S10 with the introduction of them was like... The Best episode i had seen from the show since before i lost interest in it. but then it immediately went back to shit. because every character was forced to relive the same arc over and over again like they were trapped in a fucking time loop. and apparently thats STILL HAPPENING????? saw an ad the other day for a new rick and michonne thing. please put this show out of its misery

i at the time wrote some draft posts about my opinions but i deleted all of them except for one it seems. carls death was my breaking point and i didnt even love his character or anything

i Have heard that in the comic its rick who dies instead of carl which like.. the comic gets points for that at least

watching the show retroactively raised my opinion of seasons 2 and 3 of the telltale games and i had a really good laugh about it at the time. but its true. even when i Was interested in the show it was like.. by a Thread. but it Did have good moments that i just kept hoping would come back. instead we got negan

do you ever think about how before the outbreak rick was a cop and lee was going to prison. an interesting difference. especially when it comes to the mindset of a main character. i much preferred lee

[the-desert-beast]

@aetherblooms HI !! (: your choice!! 💎, ❓, 👑, 💢

👑 - Person who raised your OC and/or was important during their formative years

Maelgwyn; Zefiro was his mentor & older brother figure for years and they're still best friends to this day. Zefiro taught him everything he started with and pulled strings to get maelgwyn on his feet, ready to tame that legendary title he hungered for, for years. Maelgwyn would kill anyone to keep Zefiro safe, he's family. Somewhere in his heart he'd betray the ones closest to him for Zefiro, they're that close. Thankfully nothing will ever come to that.

❓ - Estranged family/relatives they've never met

Louis Ebonpromise: Since he was orphaned very young there's plenty about his biological family he doesn't know and never will. He was too young to remember well, his family were commonfolk, deep in the woods in a small village mostly ignored by divinity's reach. If he ever wanted to find out about his own bloodline it'd be extremely difficult. He has an aunt or uncle, or two, out there somewhere. He'll likely never meet them. Most likely they're living as commonfolk themselves in another village somewhere in kryta, one or two of his unknown relatives is in divinity's reach it's self somewhere.

💎 - Chosen family (including warband)

The Black Wolf Brewery is made up of five misfits who have no one but eachother. Esyld & Iniss founded the syndicate, later taking in the Miyake Siblings and Arlais. Esyld and Iniss woke up, pale tree's children, at similar hours. They became close quickly, finding the other saplings liked the two of them less. They've chosen eachother as sister and brother, through thick and thin they'll suffer it all together, there is no other option. Miyake Yuuji & Kirari are also adopted siblings, yuuji connected with the mists demon "kitsune" quickly. their dynamic is very "one of them is a chaotic demon from another realm entirely and the other is autistic. good luck figuring out which is which" because I loved that idea i think its fun and amusing. They're smarter than they seem. Arlais, much as she hates other people, would never let harm come to the brewery; they pay her too well, and, as she loathes to admit- Iniss & Esyld are an awful lot like the younger siblings she lost years ago. Arlais refuses to ever reconnect to the dream, she has no interest to know if they themselves are the ones she lost. It makes no difference. Iniss and Kirari regard eachother in a very close knit friendship, theyre joined at the hip when yuuji isnt around. it's something like two step siblings that get along just grand. Arlais can stand Esyld, iniss is a close second, and the other two are on thin ice at all times. esyld and arlais share expensive tastes, regarding eachother as powerful equals- independent, equals. Esyld knows arlais has a good chance of betraying them if anyone else with deeper pockets takes notice of her. But they both know that arlais is lying when she says she's only there for the money. Yuuji and Iniss have an estranged little and older brother relationship. it's playful, distant, and neither really understands the other one but they're glad that their sister gets along with the both of them.

💢 - Person they can't stand

Marshal Belial Soulshatter wants to fistfight ryland in a denny's parking lot next question

okay but genuinely? I dont have an answer idk im not a opiniated person until im actually pissed off + all my ocs dont really have enemies or hatred for anyone else. im genuinely racking my brain trying to find an answer.

i have to be forgetting something i said previously.

oh wait i know how i can answer this

Morven and Llacheu despise eachother. Which is very confusing to every one around them because the two only ever choose the other's company. As if their fights, disagreements, so on and so forth, are normal conversation for them. They are not enemies to lovers they are enemies and something very deeply undefined and disorganized. Llacheu can't fucking stand the way Morven looks down it's nose at them. The way it chides them for every single damn mistake. The condescension, it's enough to drive even "the prince of the tree"* mad! *(derogatory nickname given to kynwyl by llacheu.) And Morven regards Llacheu as utterly inept, a true waste of their mother's blessings and inner potential. Spending all of his time in resentment, bitterness, those toothless insults that even a newborn sapling could parry. Llacheu, to it, is a bug that must be studied and picked apart at the seams with every little insult, jab, snide remark, and cold, fixating gaze. They are truly a match made in hell. "they match eachothers freak to a degree that is dangerous to the public."

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

pinkmoonmutual i think i have come to u about my adoring fixations on older men before. I woke up from a dream where I was hanging out with this guy I really like and it was so wonderful and perfect and exactly what I want from him....a very nice dream to have, and it fits into what ive been working on recently which is human relationships and figuring out what I want and how to have it... its difficult for me because I love people SO MUCH often after a very short amount of time, this is especially true of older people because I crave sibling affection I didn't get growing up but it happens with people my own age too. and ah idk I'm never sure how to express it to people because love and intensity are things most people only want and expect from romantic attraction. and I'm not opposed to that but especially with older men this becomes difficult because the people I love are not interested in dating people 10 years younger than them and really it would be inappropriate (this guy was my professor! not gonna happen!) and i just end up feeling really creepy and weird and not knowing what to do with this huge adoration and affection inside me. so tricky I really wish you could just be /in love/ with someone and tell them and have them see it as a nice thing and not me trying to get sex or romantic commitment from them. i wish i was a little dog so i could just curl up at his feet and have it be simple. guuuuhhhhhhhh honestly i just wanted to tell you about my crush. I only knew this guy for like a month and a half so its a bit silly but hes so pretty and smart and cool and really inspired me to live and pushed me in the direction im currently going. its just tricky tricky im probably over complicating it but do you think there's more to love than the relationships that people in our world expect? I love people like theyre a god TT .. even talking about it here feels vapid compared to how it is for me. anyway nice dream thanks universe and i hope the pinkmoonworld is nice today <3

i understand u <3 it is a vary nice day in pinkmoonworld thanku for the wish~~~i know this dilemma tho sigh , my thoughts below..

i always felt like my admiration of people was extreme & consuming , i still do to a certain extent its a big part of the reason WHY i became a bit withdrawn like i struggle w how attached i get to others. i dont want to ask for anything in return but i feel shame when people find me creepy lol. And even then, that shame isnt rly the reason i've become untrusting with my heart, cold ppl r the least of my worries, i understand them.. moreso it's dangerous for me when i encounter someone who recognizes i am This Way & instead of being plainly disinterested or aloof they consciously decide to Use my affections in a sinister manner for their own advantage. that's what's mainly caused me to bcome distant even tho i want to love those ppl too.

so despite distance i still need some outlet for these loveful feelings so i guess i've spent the past 5-ish years working on ways to be overly compassionate in a safer manner.. And a big part of that is that i rly find the purest form of love to be platonic love, when theres not really any expectations or prize for being close to someone yet u still are, that kind of love speaks the deepest to me. and it's funny because really shortly after i surrendered my quest for romantic love, like completely surrendered , is when i met SLIMBO, and thru my efforts to be a really good friend to them we ended up falling sooooooo deeply sincerely in love like nothing i;ve ever known. if we had rushed into a relationship idk if it wld be the same , like having it slowly blossom over the course of a few years w no pressure, it's the foundation upon which we could be SO deeply sure we would always be together.

So the way u speak of loving ur crush, i'd say, just continue to act kindly towards him and everyone else u encounter, with no expectations of them.. people really need this like i think everyone needs to know what it feels like to experience a True Friend a selfless friend. it's rare! i rarely meet anyone who i feel doesn't want *something* from me that i cant give them. and i dont even want to hold that against them! im just saying, what U feel is rare so u should embrace it. allow yourself to exude love as much as u can and that frequency will return to u, just like how it did for me and slimbo...And other friends ive made along the way ^_^ Follow you heart.. maybe he's older but who knows what could happen. i've dated ppl 10 years older than me cus i have always acted like grandpa. sometimes ppl will just see u for ur soul.

and maybe ur dream is pointing u in a right direction, idk, i confessed my love to slimbo a few days after having a dream that we held hands. Ofc we had been friends for 2 years by this point so the time felt right, not every dreams mean u should confess, but i feel like having a sweet dream such as that can be a sort of telepathic experience sometimes.. show a connection between you and him on the astral plane. Take time to enjoy life n enjoy having a crush too cus it can be really fun to feel that crazy over someone :] thats my thoughts.....good luck with your heart, PMD9 out !