#like i saw a handful of posts from black and brown lesbians saying basically 'good for her but we're not cool with that term'

[chilewithcarnage]

you know everytime you see a clearly white blogger make a post about 'queer discourse' its gonna be some bullshit

[princess-faelivrin]

It’s a very abridged list of characters, BUT I wanted to make a post about my interpretations of some of the CoH characters despite the fact that Nobody Asked. Apologies in advance for 100000 blocks of text and yelling. 

TÚRIN

Call it projecting, ‘cause I guess it is, but Túrin has always been half-Asian in my head, in terms of appearance. I don’t know if I do a good enough job of showing it in my art, but Morwen reminds me of my Taiwanese mom and Húrin of my white-passing dad, so my Túrin takes after his mom. He’s stated to have grey eyes, so grey eyes he will have, but I tend to draw them dark enough that they almost look black. Aside from that, he’s tallish with unruly also-almost-black hair and a tendency to wear dark colors, which... might also be projection except for the tall part. It is what it is. 

Anyway, personality-wise... I mean this with all the love in my heart, but Túrin’s a dumb emo. Actually I partially take that back-- he’s a smart emo, smart and charismatic enough to be a natural leader with a good head for battle, but a ridiculous emo nonetheless. 

As stated in the Childhood of Túrin, he was kind of a weird kid, too old for his age and slightly unsettling, with a quick temper and an ability to hold grudges, but he cared deeply for the feelings of those around him and had a strong protective instinct for his little sis Lalaith. He’s also shown to have a leaning towards pity throughout his life, for anyone hurt or sad or at a disadvantage, which is really sweet and kinda makes me want to cry. 

Later on, Túrin is clearly pretty impulsive and can be ruled by anger, like when he smacked Saeros in the nose with a cup (which is valid) and lashed out at Beleg when he tried to give him bread. He felt bad about that second one pretty quickly, but I think it’s mentioned a couple times throughout CoH that people are scared of Túrin because of how quickly his mood can go south. 

On the other hand, despite the fact that he keeps directly and indirectly killing them, Túrin actually does really love his friends. Obvs he loves Beleg, and he loved Sador and probably Nellas too, and during the Nargothrond chapter he tries his best to look after Gwindor and Finduilas and try to figure out what’s making both of them so damned sad all the time. He fails, of course, because he’s too oblivious to notice the romantic tension so thick you’d have to use Gurthang to cut it, but he tries and that’s what counts. 

BELEG

I think it might just be because of fanart, but Beleg as I see him has silver hair. Between Beleg and Mablung, the consensus seems to be that one of them has dark hair and the other silver, so my Beleg is the silver one. I have actually no idea what color his eyes are, though. Hazel? Who knows. He’s taller than Túrin, that’s for sure, with long legs and broad shoulders. I like drawing him with a little white flower pin on his clothes. 

He seems to be a pretty cheerful dude, probably the most cheerful in all of CoH, which is good for him, I guess. He laughs when the outlaws see him and go “oh shit, who is that?” and lets them be in suspense for a second or two before going “haha, sike, it’s me! Beleg! I have food for y’all starving dudes.” Thus, he’s a good foil/companion to Túrin’s depressing nature and his death removes a lot of the scant happiness in Túrin’s life. 

Something I love about Beleg is that he’s very forgiving and just like... a ridiculously nice person for the situation. Beleg doesn’t hold anything against Túrin, doesn’t hold anything against Andróg either (which is pretty impressive,) and immediately decides to give Gwindor lembas and take him along for the ride after finding him under a tree in the forest. 

The big important thing to Beleg’s personality, imo, is that he’s very loyal (to Túrin specifically.) Despite being told it’s a dangerous idea, he goes and looks for Túrin in the wilderness, and even Thingol is well aware he won’t be stopped. It also outright says that where Túrin is concerned, Beleg “yield[s] to his love against his wisdom” to be with him. He’s straight up referred to as the most steadfast of friends, which is really sad because it’s like a sentence after he dies, but there it is-- Beleg is a good friend and a loyal one. 

TÚRIN’S FAMILY

I already mentioned the fact that Túrin’s family reminds me a lot of mine, which definitely influences my perception of them, but anyway: 

Morwen is a fairly angular lady, who has dark dark hair pulled into a chopstick bun behind her head and a pair of raven-feather earrings that gleam in low light. She’s the parent that Túrin got his unsettling edgy aura from, and her Displeased Face is enough to scare any intruder out of her house. She loves her kids and her husband, but she’s stern so sometimes it’s hard to tell. 

Húrin is the neighborhood guy who knows everyone and who everyone knows in return. He’s kind of a square-looking blond guy, like Van Hohenheim from Fullmetal Alchemist except happier and more of a jock. He apparently can play the harp, which is cool, and he probably has lots of stories from being out and about with the elf-host. He loves his kids and his wife and likes to joke around sometimes with Túrin because he’s so straightforward and less inclined to humor. 

Niënor outstripped her parents and her brother in height, and ended up the tallest of the family. She has her dad’s blonde hair, and is slightly more square shaped than her mom or her brother. She’s also half-Asian, but you have to squint. She doesn’t fight like her brother, and is acutely aware of the Túrin-shaped hole in her mother’s life and heart and the matching shadow cast over her own life. However unlike Túrin she is in some ways, she has the same occasional fiery stubbornness and penchant for anguished theatrics, albeit on a smaller scale. 

Lalaith... poor kid. She was charming and cute but didn’t last long. 

MABLUNG

My Mablung has wavy-ish dark hair in a similar style to Beleg’s, and has a slightly less willowy build, for lack of a better way to compare them. He’s got dark eyebrows to better express how utterly unimpressed he is with whatever dumb shit is going down in Doriath, and probably a few not-too-flashy piercings. He’s very dignified in posture and appearance, but not like... pretentious, because he fights people in the woods on a regular basis. 

Out of Túrin’s friends, Mablung is probably the most akin to the Responsible One, with Gwindor at a close second. He’s less willing than Beleg to drop everything for a friend, and requires more evidence to support it, but he’ll still do it after thinking it over and will probably beat himself up about not having gone for it sooner. 

On that point, poor guy takes too much onto his own shoulders and ends up feeling shitty and miserable when he fails at something that he could not have possibly succeeded at. This is demonstrated in terrible, heartwrenching fashion throughout the story, when Mablung asks Thingol to fire him because he lost Morwen and Niënor, to which Thingol says “what no, you’re too good, we need you” and Melian says “don’t feel too bad about it, ok?” (he ignores the last part and continues to feel bad enough about it that he looks for Niënor for Literal Years.) Also on that topic is the scene in which Mablung sees Túrin dead and stands there like some sort of Beleriand Benvolio, realizing that all his friends are dead and that “thus with words have I slain one that I loved.” 

NELLAS

I almost forgot her, can you imagine? You probably can, because she’s a minor character who disappeared like a third of the way through the story, but let’s not talk about that. She’s a forest girl, so I imagine she likes to wear a lot of nice leaves on her head, and/or make a bunch of flower crowns and then drop them in fright if anyone happens to find her in the process. She has dark brown hair and big, curious eyes, and is short and slight even by human standards. 

Nellas has... hardcore dirt lesbian energy. It’s implied that she had a crush on Túrin, but honestly, I doubt that very much. In my head, she and Túrin were just really close pals, and she taught him about how to live in the woods and how to rescue worms from the rain. Her moment of glory, basically, is going into the city once and immediately proceeding to freeze up from anxiety in front of the king. Is that a mood? Yeah and I love her. I hope she’s okay.  

ANDRÓG

I realize he’s another minor character, but he is a very compelling one to me specifically, so. As I imagine him, he’s a fairly lean young dude with a hungry-wolf look about him, which is sort of a mixture of desperation, suspicion, and plain snappishness. He has dark eyes and hair a little darker than what could be called ‘mousy brown,’ tied back in a short ponytail. He also has a frequent scowl and generally is a little bit scary, although he isn’t exactly physically imposing in the ‘tall and buff’ sense. 

There really is no other way to describe Andróg’s personality than ‘he’s a particularly mean tsundere.�� He’s just... full of rage and repressed Feelings for Túrin and possibly also Beleg. Unfortunately, these feelings manifest in Being A Bitch And Generally Not Nice. It takes him so long to admit he can’t actually hate Beleg that he literally just up and dies after doing one (1) nice thing. Why do I like him? It’s anyone’s guess tbh. 

GWINDOR

Ah... yes...... the character who nobody talks about but who I love with my whole heart and soul. To start off with appearance, the only canon things about what he looks like is that he has dark hair and looks older than he would otherwise because torture. Immediately post-imprisonment and during it, I imagine his hair is short, but beforehand and a while after, it gets back to being long. He has a bunch of scars from all that too, and generally has the bearing and amount of grey hairs as a substitute teacher who nobody listens to. I draw him with grey eyes usually, but saw @bisexualturin‘s hc of him having had violet eyes before and I’m kinda in love thanks. 

In terms of who he is as a person, we don’t know much of what he was like before the Nirnaeth, but as I see him, he’s always had a fiery streak and a slightly acerbic sense of humor. Being tormented for 14 years forced him to mellow out some, by which I mean a) how the hell are you supposed to keep your sense of humor after that and b) as shown in his arguments with Túrin over tactics, he’s now extremely wary of head-on battle. 

He’s fundamentally someone who wants the best for the people around him, and who loves both Finduilas and Túrin very much despite feeling hurt and miserable over the fact that his opinion is now worth nothing to those in charge and the sense that he’s not good enough for anyone (much less his two best friends) in his current state. Overall, his dying speech is emblematic of the very Oof Ouch and Complicated feelings he ended up having toward Túrin, namely “you’re a dumbass and probably should have listened to me, but I love you and I am going to try my damndest to give both you and Finduilas as much of a chance at life as I can, even here as I bleed out in your arms.” 

Which brings us to... 

FINDUILAS

Finduilas is sweet like honey chamomile tea and her whole being radiates soft sunlight. In my mind, she’s somewhat round-faced, with really fluffy golden hair, sparkly freckles on tan skin, and a liking for wearing light blue clothes that match her eyes. She smiles a lot and possibly gives off actual light??? Also my heart is full of affection for chubby Finduilas. General consensus is Soft. 

Canon-wise, whether she’s more introverted or extroverted is kind of up to interpretation, as all we’re really given is that she worries about Túrin when he’s out fighting and “wishe[s] not to add one tear to [Gwindor’s] suffering.” I tend to think of her as sunny and gregarious, with way more game than her dad, and with endless reserves of empathy, sympathy, and compassion for the people she loves. 

As a Finwean princess, she absolutely has the capacity for badassery, which makes me very into the idea of Túrin rescuing her post-Nargothrond as per Gwindor’s request and the two of them going on a road trip of doom. But unfortunately, we don’t get to see another side of her in the book. 

I usually just put the book down and cry after the sack of Nargothrond, so I’ll just do one more character: 

ORODRETH

Ok, so Finduilas has to have gotten her Vanyarin hair from her dad, clearly. But since Elves can probably change their appearances based on willpower to some degree, Orodreth’s hair is nowhere near as fluffy, and is a darker honey-blonde than Finduilas’ gold. He’s one of the plainest-looking Finweans by virtue of the fact that he perpetually has this look on his face that makes him seem like he wants to melt into the floor and go back to Aman. Which he kinda does. 

Unfortunately, Orodreth didn’t do much in the story except be a doormat to like five different people and then die, but I still like him for whatever reason. Way early on, before Húrin or his kids were a thing, Orodreth was still himself, aka someone who asked nicely for people to not make bad decisions, and predictably didn’t get listened to. Sure, some of Fëanor’s terrible boys took over his hidden elf city, but what was he going to do? Fight them? No. He’d rather just Not. 

...I feel bad for him. He literally did not ask for Any Of That. 

that’s all y’all, I am so sorry for making you read the entirety of the inside of my head as it has been for the past four months 

[sunnybugz]

only fools

chapter: i

word count: 2115

authors note: hi losers, welcome to the first chapter of my new fanfic, it’s dianetti because i am dianetti trash. it’s also a highschool au because i am a teenager and do not know how the real word works. hope u like it!!! i will be posting it on ao3 once my account request finally comes back (by the end of this week!!) lets get to it i guess???

11:38 AM, Brooklyn Academy High cafeteria

Rosa sat at their lunch table, eating her sandwich. By their, she meant her the table that had belonged to her and her best friends since ninth grade. Her best friends being Jake Peralta, Amy Santiago, Charles Boyle, and of course, the one and only Gina Linetti. They were all so amazingly different yet fit together so well. Jake was the dark-haired, brown-eyed, absolutely hilarious (and absolutely childish at times) boy sitting at the top right of their table. He was a total idiot a lot of the time, but was amazing at solving puzzles and problems. He also had an intense love for Die Hard and drinks that were the colour blue. Amy, however, was the beautiful, smart and organized Cuban girl sitting across from Rosa. She was so put together all the time, but was also really goofy and cute when not under watch from everyone else. Her favourite things in the world were probably binders, essays, and her boyfriend, Jake. Charles was the brown-haired, clumsy, goofball who sat beside Amy. He was a total dork who was far too obsessed with his friends relationships, but was truly the most kind and caring person any of them have met in their entire life. He loved to cook too, and often brought some weird food that he made the night before for all of them to try (which often ended terribly, but they were thankful for the effort). And then there was Gina Linetti. Gina was gorgeous, with auburn hair and blue eyes, and she was a lot shorter than Rosa. She was silly and sarcastic and treated herself like she was the queen of the world (which she basically was in Rosa’s eyes). She also cared about her friends more than anything in the world (other than maybe her phone).

The group hadn’t always been as close as they were now though. Jake and Gina had been best friends probably since birth, because their families were super close. Charles and Jake became best friends in the third grade after being assigned desk partners and realizing they were an amazing team when it came to cheating on spelling tests. Amy had come along in seventh grade, when she moved to their area and became part of their class. Rosa joined the gang in the middle of grade eight, when she was new at their school and Gina was the only one who would actually come up to her despite her scary exterior. From then on, they had been a power team, and probably one of the closest, drama free friend groups in their entire high school. They supported each other through everything (even in tenth grade when Amy made the idiotic decision to date Teddy Wells, and to get over his enormous crush on her, Jake dated Sophia  Perez. They realized it was stupid and started dating within a few months). It was nice to just have people who genuinely loved Rosa for who she was, even if that person was an angry, bisexual, all-black-wearing, eighteen year old girl.

It was in that moment when Rosa realized she had been spacing out for the past 45 seconds.

“Hello? I know my girlfriend is hot but there’s no need to stare,” Jake teases while throwing a french fry at Rosa’s head. She rolls her eyes and throws it back.

“Yeah, Rosa, I’m totally the one you should be staring at right now, I mean, look at me!” Gina joins in. At this one, unlike Jake’s teasing, Rosa feels her face heat up. If she had been consciously staring, it definitely would have been at Gina. Of course, she would never say that out loud. Nobody could ever know about her top-secret crush on the auburn haired dancer. Except unknown to Rosa, literally everyone knew except for Gina. Jake and Amy had placed a $20 bet on whether Rosa would ask her out by Valentine’s day. Jake thought Rosa totally would, because she’s been obsessed with her since like, eighth grade, but Amy thought that if Rosa still hasn’t made a move after four and a half years, what would all of a sudden compel her to do so? Charles would always ‘accidentally’ make situations where the two of them ended up alone, but instead of ending up with them confessing their undying love for each other and then promptly making out like everyone hoped it would, it would always end with Rosa stumbling over her words when Gina did or said something cute (re: every five seconds). Rosa thought she was an amazing secret keeper, but it turns out Gina was just oblivious to the rest of the world when she wasn’t being mentioned.

Before Rosa could answer, the bell rang. Everyone quickly got up to race to their next class. “Want me to walk you to class?” asked Gina.

“Gina, it’s English. We’re in the same class. We literally sit beside each other.” Rosa said.

“Fine! I guess I’ll walk alone!” Gina said dramatically. Rosa smiled a huge, dorky smile that she didn’t do for anyone other than Gina.

“I never said I wanted that,” Rosa laughed. Gina turned back to her, smiling her cute smile that Rosa saw in her dreams every night without fail.

“Proven again, Gina Linetti is absolutely irresistible to the ladies!”, Gina said far too loudly.

She isn’t wrong, though, Rosa thought.

2:34 PM, Brooklyn Academy High

The rest of the school day goes by quite uneventfully. Everyone is anticipating the end of the day, when casting in the spring musical comes out. Their schools musicals are written every year by an ex-student at their school, Terry Jeffords. They’ve always been love stories, and Jake and Amy have respectively played the lead male and female every year without fail. This year though, that won’t happen. Mainly because it’s a musical about homophobia, and if Jake and Amy were playing lesbians, the school would have a lot of issues to figure out. However, there is a specific someone who also auditioned for the girlfriend of the character Rosa auditioned for. Rosa auditioned to play Lola, the female lead, a lesbian who has recently come out at her Catholic school and is threatened with expulsion, and Gina auditioned for the role of June, Lola’s girlfriend who is yet to come out. However, Rosa doesn’t think she could ever get the part. Gina will almost 100% get June, but there was a bunch of girls going for the part of Lola. Not as many as there usually are for the lead role (most girls weren’t up to playing a lesbian), but still a fair amount.

When 2:40 finally comes, any drama kid races to the auditorium. They all sit in chairs, Rosa snagging a spot between Gina, who has decided to live stream the casting, and Amy, who is holding Jake’s hand tightly. They’re all on the edge of their seats waiting for Director Holt to come in and read the casting list. When he finally walks in at 2:46, the room goes silent.

“I know you’ve all been waiting for a week and a half since auditions, and I apologize for leaving you all to wonder. However, I now have the casting list, and I’m sure you would all like to hear it.” he says. Yes! Of course they want to hear it!

“I will be reading out the main cast. As you all know, any person not given a main role will be given a role as an extra,” Holt says. Rosa prays that isn’t referring to her. She’s never been an extra, but from the sounds of it, it absolutely sucks. “First off, playing the role of Madam Wringer, the headmistress, will be Sophia Perez,” he reads. First announcement is quite awkward, as this means Jake will most likely have his ex-girlfriend as his co-star.

“The role of Lola’s brother, Henry, will be played by Charles Boyle,”. Yay for Charles! It’s no surprise he got the role, he’s a great actor and is good for both dramatic scenes and comedic relief.

“The role of Lola’s father will be played by none other than Jake Peralta,” reads Director Holt. No surprise there, Jake got the leading male.

“Lola’s mother will be played by Amy Santiago.”. Amy and Jake look at each other with heart eyes. Of course they’re playing a married couple.

“Finally, we’re onto our two leading lady roles. June, the girlfriend will be played by Gina Linetti, and finally, Lola will be played by Rosa Diaz.”

Gina turns to Rosa with her phone. “Babe, we’re girlfriends!”. Rosa freezes for a second before smiling hugely. She tries not to make it obvious the effect that the little pet name has on her, and if Gina notices, she doesn’t say anything.

Rosa is also in shock because she got the female lead! She’s never been the lead, as Amy has always scored the role. Gina ends her live stream with a “Bye, losers!”, and turns back to the group. “I say this calls for celebratory pizza!”. The group cheers, and all feel even happier knowing that they get to go to Sal’s pizza afterwords.

“Our first read through will be tomorrow after school, and we will be rehearsing daily. I expect us to start blocking soon, so you all must practice as often as you can,” Holt says. “I expect no nonsense with this production. You are all experienced actors, and you all know how a play works. Read over your scripts tonight!”. Once they all have their scripts, everyone heads out the door.

“Rosa, how does it feel to get the privilege of playing the love interest of someone as wonderful as me? I’ve never had the experience, please describe in detail.” Gina says, smirking. Rosa shakes her head and smiles.

“It’s wonderful Gina, but I think with the amount of love you have for yourself you wouldn’t have to ask,” Rosa retorts.

“It’s called confidence, bitch! Look it up!” Gina jokes, hitting Rosa lightly on the back of her head.

“Ooh, two lovebirds having a quarrel! Who will win, or will it end in a kiss?” Charles says. The two of them roll their eyes.

“We aren’t lovebirds, Charles! We aren’t even likebirds! We’re just… friendbirds! That’s right, they’re a real thing! You’ve just never heard of them!” Rosa defends.

“Yeah, Charles! Also, Rosa, I truly care about you but if you call me a bird again, I will not hesitate to throw you in front of a bus. I’m clearly a wolf.” Gina says. Rosa rolls her eyes.

“Okay, stop flirting, I want pizza!” Jake complains. Amy lets out a breathy laugh while shaking her head.

“We aren’t flirting!”, Gina and Rosa say in unison.

8:19 PM, Rosa Diaz’s Bedroom

Rosa is looking over her script for the first time, while lying in bed. She’s changed out of her black jeans, navy blue t-shirt, and leather jacket, and now wears flannel pyjama pants and a black tank top. She’s about halfway through the script, when she sees a line that catches her eye.

LOLA AND JUNE SHARE A SOFT, LOVING KISS

Rosa re-reads the line about five times to see if it’s right. Lo and behold, the line remains the same. Rosa feels giddy with nerves. She’s going to kiss Gina Linetti. For a play, but that means nothing to her. She doesn’t care what she’s doing it for, as long as she is kissing that girl. Rosa giggles - actually giggles- at the thought. Just then, she gets a text from Jake.

Jake: haha looks like sum1’s wishes are coming tru ;)

Rosa: shut up, jake. i’m totally not into her that way.

(Rosa is definitely into her that way)

Jake: okayyyy sure. explain y u look at her the way u do.

Rosa: how do i look at her?

Jake: like ur in loveeeee

Rosa: ugh, i am NOT in love. she’s just hot, ok??? i'm not one of those lovey-dovey freaks like u and amy

Jake: that’s what i said before i dated amy but ok

Rosa: no, u literally said ‘i would marry amy santiago without hesitation, whether that’s at a huge mansion or in an actual dumpster’

Jake: welp, u got me there.

Rosa rolls her eyes and shuts her phone off. She doesn’t have to tell people about her personal feelings. Emotions were gross, in her opinion. Unless they were emotions about Gina, which were absolutely amazing. However, those were secret feelings. Nobody is supposed to know about that.

That night, Rosa has some very good dreams about Gina Linetti.