#like i know thats just going to get me dogpiled but i dont deserve to talk. i shouldnt be allowed

[yikes-ajax-thats-sad]

Resisting the urge to say sorry all the time. Ain't looking good besties 😔✊

[the-real-rain-world-confessions]

I know that this is a real sensitive topic, so I just want to preface this by saying that I dont believe anyone who does this or disagrees with this should go to hell or is a piece of shit.

But like. Ive only ever seen people change the pronouns of Suns here. Literally. I /think/ that there are probably interpretations of other iterators that will change their pronouns as well, but I havent seen a single one. I think Ive seen maybe one interpretation that uses he/they because the user was projecting and stuff, and that's cool, thats fine. But from what Ive seen there is genuinely no reason given for changing Suns pronouns.

Not that you need a moral reason or anything, but a lot of this seems to just boil down to "I dont fucking care". Some people are absolutely just doing it out of ignorance or on accident, and they dont deserve to be dogpiled. Suns isnt talked about a lot in the game, and their pronouns arent mentioned much, so its perfectly understandable lol. The automatic default to male (even when gender isnt specified or is even outright denied (the vessels from hollow knight are a good example)) is a problem, but one that is much bigger than Rain World.

And OF COURSE it is much less of a problem when you are doing it to fictional characters that cant possibly be affected by it. Im not saying that we should all get up onto our high horses and slaughter everyone who disagrees, Im not saying that this should be focused on more than real life issues like actual people being misgendered. But this is a Rain World confession blog, so Im going to talk about Rain World.

Again, Ive only ever seen people change Suns pronouns. This part is mostly just me being emotional, but I am so fucking sick and tired of people separating enbys or treating them with entirely different rules than everyone else. The Scugs get all the pronoun headcanons they could ever ask for, but every canon iterator is left with the same ones they had in game, except, of course, THE ONLY NONBINARY ONE. Who is (from what Ive looked at) consistently rebranded as he/him. I think its understandable to imagine that Suns could be more flexible with pronouns or something because of their use of they/them, (after all, it is usually the more queer characters that get the pronoun headcanon treatment, no one really gives the token straight/cis person any sparkles), but when they are only given he/him pronouns (remember the problem of male by default?) it seems more like a case of queer erasure than someone wanting to put fun headcanons on a character they like. Please, someone tell me Im not being delusional. (again, im being really emotional about this, it probably doesnt make a lot of sense)

When I first played RW I was so happy that there was a character that just...used they/them pronouns. No one talked about how it was different, and they didnt use they/them because they werent human (agender alien problem), it was just a normal part of their identity. And on AO3 a lot of people seemed to follow this more? Like, all interpretations of Suns on A03 Ive looked at use they/them. But here its so much different, and I think some people are doing it innocently/being normal about it, but its hard to tell apart from the people who couldnt give less of a fuck about respecting pronouns. AGAIN, im not saying everyone who gives Suns different pronouns is HOMOPHOBIC EW GET CANCELED, just that this should be treated with a degree of sensitivity that I havent seen.

If you give Suns he/him pronouns, fine, thats great. But some are absolutely doing it because they cant stand the thought of their favorite character being queer. Im not saying its most people, or even a lot of people, but they are there.

Assuming that everyone who is the tiniest bit uncomfortable because of it is "exaggerating and too sensitive and should be dunked on" isnt true, and underplays casual homophobia.

Some people are probably way too sensitive, yeah. It might even include me, because seeing a character with a cool story and design and pronouns that I can relate to having those pronouns being headcanoned of the face of the fucking earth can feel like a god damn slap in the face. Ive tried to rein it in, sorry if it was unsuccessful.

Again, Im not trying to accuse anyone of anything, Im not gonna send you to hell, this is much less of a problem than real life queer struggles, I know Suns is a fuckin video game character lmao, and relating to/giving headcanons to characters isnt a blight upon humanity.

Please dont purposely misinterpret this, thats just spitting in the face of everyone who actually wants a discussion about this.

[If it seems like Im being very apologetic and anxious, its because I am. Might not seem like it with all the "fuck"s, but I am actually trying very hard to be clear and inoffensive in a way that invites discussion.]

This prob makes no sense lmao

.

[thecirculararchive]

hey i personally disagree with that take you made, but i know the context and im not upset or disappointed or going to bitch about it like a lot of others. youre human. youre not infallible. sometimes what you say may come across as bad and thats okay. you dont deserve to be dogpiled and harassed for it. every single person whos been on your ass has probably made mistakes like that before, mistakes that caused someone harm. youre not a bad person for it and im sorry that people are acting like you are.

also, the idea that broad, blanket statements like "some traumagens are endo" isn't fakeclaiming. you arent going up to someone and going "hey, youre not actually traumagenic youre endogenic". youre saying its probably possible for someone to be wrong about what they experience.

i dont share my syscourse takes publically, so im going to go with ones from the rest of the system. non-disordered plurals to us are not systems, system is a term specfically meant for DD plurality. but those experiences are still real even if we dont believe they should be compared. in the same way a singlet could believe they are a system before realising theyre wrong, a non-DD instance of plurality could believe that they have a DD. It could happen.

the only reason that agreeing with that ask was hurtful is because a lot of traumagenic systems will jump at any chance to deny their trauma. like tim, one of our hosts, made an entire sideblog and asked a bunch of people their thoughts on whether or not we seem traumagenic. literally no one else in system agreed with him, but he was having a lot if self doubt. that self doubt came from the idea that "your trauma wasnt traumatic enough to be traumagenic". it actually came from the "stressgenic" label and him going "ok what if-" but the base idea is still the same.

if someone is a system, the trauma they went through was enough to be a system. it was enough to disrupt the integration of their egostates in childhood, that means it was traumatic. that is something we believe in and something that is so comforting to know (and also part of why we feel non-DD plurality should be seperate from systems but thats not the point)

but i still dont think you were wrong for agreeing, not necessarily. just because with the context you were having a really shitty time and you just wanted that asker to not get their satisfaction of "ooh evil ableist person who thinks some endos are actually traumagen doesnt believe in a 2 way street huh". and youre definitely not a bad person.

i hope that you have a good day and that this isn't getting to you too much

I think the last thing I’ll post on this topic. Thank you, Anon. This helped me greatly.

I try not to get TOO personal on this blog anymore (which is sort of messed up, given that this blog was made as a personal blog for me to connect to other systems and just record the things happening to me), but I want to address what this all did to me. The following is gonna be a trauma dump, so feel free to completely ignore this. I just have a lot of thoughts and want to give context and get them out on the blog that was SUPPOSED to be for these things.

Tw for sui ideation, sui bait, trauma dump, anxiety, etc.

I made a hurtful comment to some. I can see now how it could be hurtful, and I’m analyzing how this take and others could be. I’m willing to take the criticism and move on with better actions.

I’ve also almost thrown up due to the anxiety about this. I’ve been having issues opening tumblr without panicking. I’ve been needing to deep breathing each time I post.

Syscourse shouldn’t do that to someone. People shouldn’t do that to people. I understand how it can be hurtful, but every time I so much at glance at system things now, I see another vaguepost about how I’m bad, how I’m hurting everyone, how I’m a disappointment, etc etc. Even posting this ask is already making me cry.

When I posted the original long post, I was suicidal. I regularly am. It’s an issue I deal with daily. This time around, it was the worst I’ve been in a long time. I contemplated hanging myself at work. And that same day, someone reblogged my bait ask (an ask that I was too terrified not to respond to, due to the harassment I was getting, and would continue to get unless I responded.) They reblogged the ask, called the response disgusting (and I couldn’t understand why) and immediately I get anon hate. I was told to kill myself, and god, I wanted to. Why was I such a failure? Why did everything I say hurt people now? I had support on anon messages, but Everytime I look in. The syscourse tags, it’s people talking about how I’m horrible and transphobic and just.

I gotta stop on that topic because my heart is racing again.

And none of this happened with *discord*. I’m in a discord where we discussed my post. And it was a CIVIL DISCUSSION. Nobody insulted me - they just shared why people (including themselves) could be angry. They also heard me out! Some people agreed and some people didn’t. Nobody harassed me, nobody told me I should be dead. It opened my eyes a lot to how it was hurtful WITHOUT making my ideation even worse.

All this is to say… I think I may leave tumblr. Not forever. But when I can’t post a hypothetical ask for a situation that has never come up in my life, with an angry short response, but everyone else can post an enormous long angry response about how I’m a disappointment and a failure? There’s something wrong there. And I need to take a step back from syscourse before it kills me.

Thank you if you read this far. I’ve been doing a lot of introspection since OAS responded to me. I also apologize for the gendered insult - I use bitch interchangeably for anyone, as bitch and bastard are distinctly different connotations to me. I also did not know OAS’s pronouns. I apologize for insulting OAS at all - I let my anger get the best of me again.

I’m stepping away. Not forever. But I need to take care of myself.