#like i just know she wouldnt appreciate the time and effort id spend on the drawing i did for her. i know my friends would though

[the-apocalypse-is-cancelled]

Had an acquaintance who I commissioned to knit me a cute hat ask me if I can draw their DND character for them and when I said I only take commissions they were like "oh okay I'll figure something else out then" AND LIKE!!!

[wongiemei]

iKON Relationship with New Girl Member

Jinhwan:

Basically, her dad

Takes care of her the most dealing with her problems

He’s the oldest and he is used to dealing with the boys’ shit so he can handle hers too

But sometimes, it can be overwhelming

The girl member would listen to him like he would for her

Whenever she gets in trouble, he would always defend her (which annoys Bin a lot)

When she’s in that *cough* time *cough*, she would be the most comfortable with him

Jinhwan wouldn’t hesitate but go to the store 2 streets down and buy her chocolate, medicine, heating packs, chips, and tampons/pads

out of all the boys, she would trust him the most

if she needs something, she would go to him first

jinhwan loves to brag about that to the boys

he also loves the fact that someone is finally shorter than him

the boys still call him short but the girl defends him saying he’s taller than her

if anything, they should call her short

the first time it happened, jinhwan almost cried bc finally someone stood up for him

whenever he’s upset or hurt by what the others said, he hides it but she can usually tell 

the only one he speaks his problems to

she experiments with makeup on him since he’s the only one who lets her

ngl, she’s actually pretty good

‘i didn’t spend 2 all-nighters watching jeffree star and james charles for nothing’

but as long as he sees that bright smile, he’s happy

i think he would be the im-never-letting-you-go type with her because he sees her as the girl he saw for the very first time

shy and innocent

and he will be damned if someone corrupts her

Yunhyeong:

if Jinhwan is her dad, he’s her mom

makes sure she does laundry, gets up early, goes to bed on time, showers before the boys

will feed and cook for the girl even when he’s tired

thinks shes the cutest little thing

but he knows that if he finds chanwoo and her are talking amongst themselves, shes gone

gets pranked on the most

the boys would use the girl to take advantage of his kindness to her for a prank

then the girl would be guilty later on and secretly tell song what theyre planning

believe it or not, yunghyeong is pretty scary when he’s mad

so she rats the others out bc she knows he wont punish her and she could watch the boys suffer

its like killing 2 birds with one stone

but really, she appreciates him

without him, she would be stuck eating delivery and ramen every night

since she rooms with him, chanwoo, and hanbin, hes always cooking something

ikonics see her a lot in his vlives and YT channel

when he went to the jungle, she was very worried

‘hyung, you’re going to get sick there! who’s going to feed me when you’re gone? you know Bin can’t cook for shit!’

‘yah! do you only see me as your chef?!’

‘what do you mean i can’t cook?!’

he looks out for her a lot

during ikontv, she was the only one excited for the mungap trip

out of all the boys, she appreciates him the most

okay, maybe she appreciates him and jinhwan the most

but, he was the one who made her feel welcome and tried the most to help her fit in and make sure she was comfortable

will never forget when he left her a tray of food at her door when she refused to leave her new room

there was a post-it note with encouraging words and she still has it to this day

just a wholesome mother-daughter relationship that will never be broken

Bobby:

oh, my baby

as i mentioned in the earlier post, he wasn’t very upset but he wasnt happy

but he wasnt upset enough to make her feel uncomfortable

bc jiwon is such a baby and so nice that he subtly helps her

over time, they build a cute relationship where he is like her older brother

steals her food all the time

‘no! song-hyung cooked that for me! Only for me!’

‘yah! it’s rude not to share with your elders!’

‘*mumbling* wdym elder. you’re practically a 5 year old’

jiwon has no mean bone in his body and you were practically an angel to him

well, when you’re not fooling around or goofing off

although he thought you wouldnt survive in iKON, he tries to help you as much as he can

even though bin is literally a big butt and gives you a hard time, jiwon helps you

like the time bin screamed at you because you couldnt get the dance right and you, being a strong woman who wouldnt let people push you around, screamed at him too

it resulted to you having a screaming match and the elders having to push you back because you were so close to punching him in the face and the youngers holding bin because he wouldnt hesitate to come at you

more on that in a sec

but you slammed the practice room shut and walked to the river to cool down

granted you were new to korea and didnt really know where you were going, you went to the place the guys took you to

bobby found you crying there and hes a very awkward little bean so it was hard for him to comfort you

since youre a girl and all

but you wrapped your arms around him and cried to his chest *cue confused and frozen bobby*

jiwon slowly wrapped his arms around you and whispered sweet nothings into your ear

since then, hes vowed to protect you bc youre basically the little sister hes wanted

B.I:

okay, lets get this bread

as i said in the beginning, he didnt like you

aT aLL

he wanted to give you a hard time bc he wanted to see how long you would last

these boys have been with him since their survival days and suddenly this girl comes in? no thanks bitch

but i think bin is just really frustrated bc he couldnt figure you out

the others, he knows like the back of his hands

but you? he doesnt know shit about you

*cue his bratty self*

we all know bin is actually a soft little puppy who needs to be protected by iKONICS and will sacrifice himself for his boys

and dont worry, he will soon come to love you too

when you locked yourself up in your room, jinhwan grabbed his ear and pulled him outside to scold him

but it resulted to bin and jinhwan arguing

‘if you dont get your shit together, we’re going to have some problems. you’re the leader arent you? then act like it’

every day you try to be nice to him but he just shrugs and sometimes even outright ignore you

but as time goes on, hanbin slowly figures you out

youre still scared of him and thinks hes a douche but you can see hes trying

he really is trying

he picks up your weird habits like unintentionally pout when you dont understand something or the tip of your nose sweating when youre nervous

before, he used to not ask for your input in any tracks but it has come to the point he would knock at your door in the ungodly time of 2 in the morning, asking if the draft is good

love scenario was your guys’ combined efforts

there will be an imagine with that^

since you came in bling bling era, he didnt really give you a lot of lines because he couldnt figure out your voice and your strengths

but now, he knows you very well too

‘yah, be careful. dont be eating a lot of that ice cream. you shouldnt even have any in the first place. youre lactose intolerant, remember?’

‘yes, bin. i think id remember if there was something wrong with me.’

there are petty little fights between you guys that used to be mean and hurtful but are now playful and downright cute

but that dreaded day of your biggest fight yet

in love scenario during bobby’s rap, there’s that fast move that even the others struggled in

but hanbin already got it nailed down bc hes a GOD

but you were struggling the most and hanbin tried to be patient and help you

it was just hard for you and you couldnt get it right

by the 100th time of him repeating it over and over again, he exploded

‘yah! how are you a dancer when you couldnt even get this right!’

you looked down ashamed while mumbling ‘sorry’

he yells again and you mess up 

AGAIN

he throws his hat down and gets up towards you

‘if you cant do it correctly, why bother with it? go home. you’re done’

jinhwan nervously puts a hand on his shoulder and goes in between them to try and difuse the situation

‘hanbin-ah. we’re having a hard time too. its not just her. the dance is just hard.’

‘i dont get we’ve done WAY harder choreo than this’

‘well, hanbin, remember. she wasnt here for that.’

‘maybe it was a mistake to put her here then. she isnt ready.’

you look up at him with flaring eyes

‘listen, you dont know anything that ive been through to get to where i am today so dont even say im not ready. YOU DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME!’

everyone stayed silent, even the maknaes bc theyve never seen her lash out like that

hanbin scoffed.

‘maybe if you actually opened up yourself to us and not hide in your damn room all day’

she stomped to him and pushed him

‘no MAYBE if you pulled your head out of your ass and take the time to get to know me then maybe you would! but NO! you decide to be a little bitch and throw tantrums just bc a girl joined your group. was your ego hurt that yg sent a girl to you? that you would need someone to make sure that this group doesnt crumble to the ground? bc with the way youre acting, the guys arent here just because youre a good leader. YOURE A TYRANT! THATS ALL YOU WOULD EVER BE!’

shit

Hanbin was FURIOUS

he pushed her back and the guys held on to them

you pushed them away and sent one last hateful glare before you made your way to the door

‘but dont worry, kim hanbin. because ill send my resignation letter to yang in the morning. im not putting up with your shit any longer’

there will be a whole ass imagine about that so it will contain when yall make up

but after that, yall are so cool

his sister loves you and he might start having a ‘thing’ 

more on that in a sec

Donghyuck:

oof my baby sunshine

previously stated, he was the only one excited for your arrival

so obvs, yall are very tight

you, bob, and dong do vlives together a lot and ikonics look forward to it all the time

always cheers you up

remember that prank for ikon tv where dong literally started comforting the girl?

well, he does that to you

he knows when you start to get upset and he rubs your back

sometimes, just a hug from him makes it all better

did i mention that he gives out the warmest hugs?

ace dancers

both of you love to do covers as bonding time

whenever you can’t sleep, you just go to the other dorm and go under the covers while he sings to you

he sees you as his little sister and reminds him of his own little sister back home

btw, he loves to give you gifts

but so do you

when yall were filming ikon tv, he always picked up something that reminded him of you

like when he went shopping with bobby for their studio, he got you a little cute figurine that you still have to this day

or when you went to lotte mall for your day off and bought him a little necklace

fans get excited bc they always see matching yall have

the two of you wear the most fan gifts

like when someone gave hanbin a shirt, you snatch it and wear it

like how dong takes bobby’s clothing

yall are so cute together and fans wish they had a brother or a sister like yall

Junhoe:

this hoe

jk, but he really looks hot in this one

yes, he hated you in the beginning but once he found out similarities between you, he started tolerating you

also to him, i think he oesnt like the fact that him and the others worked so hard to get where they are and he doesnt really know what you went through to get there

junhoe has the personality that may seem very cold at first but he easily opens up to others and that causes them to open up to him

he knows the struggles you went through to be in ikon

you’re older than him by a few months and you treat him like your child

‘junhoe-ah! dont forget to take your makeup off!’

‘yah! clean your room! its like a pigsty!’

he gets annoyed with it but he knows you just look out for him

he calls you ‘noona’ with that cute ass smile if he wants something

how can you say no to that

yalls laughs are so loud and yall are just loud in general

one time, yall had a competition on who could sing louder and the guys almost banned you from the apartment complex

the neighbors weren’t happy

he always asks you for fashion advice even though you don’t have a good fashion taste

you have the habit of spoiling him of clothes and shoes

‘noona, you don’t need to do this. take them back’

‘wtf they’re from busan. i’m not about to take a train ride there to return those. keep them.’

his mom absolutely adores you

always tells you to look after him and junhoe blushing like a maniac

‘mom, i’m bigger than her. i think she’d need more protecting than me’

he turns red whenever you pinch his cheeks together 

ngl, he had a crush on you but it faded away when he saw another member having a crush on you too

hes scared of him so hed rather back off

but you love him a lot and comfort him bc hes a little baby that really needs to be looked after

Chanwoo:

fuck, so cute

at first, chanwoo ignored you and made sure you were uncomfortable

even going as far as to disrespecting you

like being rude and being un-chanwoo

lets just say yunhyeong beat it out of him

as the youngest member, you baby him the most

‘oh, my little baby!’

initially, he was uncomfortable with it 

but now, he lives for it

pouts when you give another member too much attention

teases you about your short height all the time

helps you grocery shop mainly for him to carry the bags

‘dont worry, noona. im strong’

you find out that chanwoo actually joined the group last and had a hard time fitting in

you used this to your advantage to get closer to him with your similar situations

‘you know, being in an unfamiliar environment is hard. but having someone who understands your feelings makes it easier’

and he just looks up to you with those big brown eyes and you just melt

gamer buddies

love to go to pc cafes even though yall have your own respective computers at home

only goes for the food

always calls him when you’re stuck in one level

*cute Hanbin’s voice*

‘CHANWOO-YAH!!!! JUNG CHANWOO!!!’

even though he might act like a bitch sometimes, hes actually so soft and cute

hes your little baby and will always be your little baby even though yall are like 80

[magicalusuki]

progen dragon sharing, inspired by a post by @goannafr that ive had in my drafts since may 12th of this year! wow i am good at being late

varsha- custom progen

so the colors i chose for varsha.... well, i didnt choose them. which is fully. i was in school in the middle of a movie in health class, and id snuck onto my phone and made an fr account because the registration window was about to close and i was going to be busy the rest of the time it was open, or maybe i was just too impatient.

i didnt realize you could even change the colors of the dragon- i just chose the breed and my flight (wind), and actually moved to ice almost immediately after because wind was such an impulse decision. 

i actually hated her colors once i realized that i could have picked them myself, because i would have probably made a seafoam/rose dragon. but now i love her. it might have been cool if she at least had a different blue for the wings, so if i could remake her (and assume she got the same tert) i would give her storm wings. it brings out that gray tert in a really cool way and just makes her a biiit more interesting. i mean, look at that! it look great with her apparel, too.

i chose to make her a fae, because i though that they were cute. i didnt like any of the other starter breeds when i joined because i was a coward. i wanted the cutesiest dragons ever, which is funny considering now varsha is super badass

i had like... the vaguest clue of what fr was, because i was in the neopets community and a ton of the blogs i followed were into it, but i didnt really understand it in depth. fun fact! my original username was twinkling. 

exaltation

so when i first joined fr, from what i remember we had... very few tert options. i believe we had basic, crackle, underbelly and circuit? and with varsha’s tert being grey, and yukienne’s being denim... basically nothing looked even slightly decent.

on top of this, i really wasnt in the forums or community much at all- so i wasnt aware that maybe exalting your progens wasnt a great plan, and how special they can be. and i certainly wasnt thinking about future genes. i mean, its been 5 years and STILL the best tert for varsha is stained and i dont particularly love any i have for yukienne!  ive grown to like stained on varsha, but for real. even irishim couldnt save that grey tert, and i used to be OBSESSED with irishim

.im not against geneing yukienne fully and i have a few options planned, but denim is not.... its not an easy color to work with, which sucks because sky and violet work together so well, and then you have this random greenish-grayish blue. why. which is why he is not gened at all because oh my god. please fr give me something that makes denim purpley ill die for you

this is his current most likely scry but im still... not sold... at least sky is one of my favorite colors on site! hes still a pretty lucky random progen all things considered, i know some people were truly cursed. they also have a pretty okay range, so thats nice! i brought these guys back as quick as possible and was so excited i got the option so do so.

lore and clan roles

in the end, exaltation gave my progens a lot of character- although i was so upset about having done it for literal years, lol. my clan lore felt super weak up until bringing them back.

varsha is clan leader, but im undecided about yukiennes role- all i know is that he did essentially abandon varsha in exaltation and didnt actually fight to earn his right back to this plane, and she resents him for that. i can imagine they did talk initially about him rising up the politcal ladder rather than being involved in the war itself, and i imagine initially he was actually quite gentle and perhaps a bit skittish- she had more pity for him then, and understood he wouldnt fare as well. maybe she even thought it would help his confidence. but seeing him live a bejeweled life as she fought endlessly.... well, thats just not great. on top of it, he sees himself as responsible for their return, not acknowledging varshas efforts, and he does this despite the fact that there was no evidence of it.  so yukienne likely doesnt do much in the clan, and i imagine varshas bodyguard- nevara- keeps an eye on him until or if varsha decides hes trustworthy to help. in the end, he doesnt especially want to do things for the clan anyways- he doesnt feel the dedication that varsha does, and though varsha doesnt realize it hes worn himself. hes tired of lies and a political lifestyle, and i dont imagine hes as confident as he might come off- its likely more a force of habit, and in saying it was because of him they got home, he just more than anything wants validation that his suffering was just as painful and he worked just as hard as varsha. but she really cant see that. in her eyes, hes still sitting on a pedestal, lying and spoiled rotten. even if now hes just lost and tired more than anything else.

varsha obviously is very strong willed and stubborn, and sometimes has difficulty empathizing with others- particularly those she perceives as having caused her harm. shes not especially friendly, and a bit paranoid. still she cares a lot about others, particularly her clan members who she views as her responsibility, and so she pushes away her own feelings best she can. shes more prone to trust those from wind than from any other flight, and is working on her distrust of those from ice. 

she has a close bond to nevara due to her wind heritage and time spend together on the battlefield, and trusts her deeply. she also deeply trusts aer, the very dragon that first found her and yukienne, and the only from the clan at the time that did not know of her exaltation until it was too late. she appreciates the effort on her behalf to keep the clan in order and understands aer was also very hurt by what her clan members had done, and is glad to have someone from that time who had missed her. 

varsha also finds amaryllis sort of cute and charming.the wind heritage probably helps yet again in this case, but even beyond that, she appreciates someone so unfit for the role trying their very hardest to play leader to keep their clan together in her absence. she sees her somewhat like a little sibling, despite not having a large gap in age.

since mako worked so close to both amyrllis and aer during her absence, she was one of the first ice flight members in their clan that she warmed to. with her optimistic and free spirited attitude, and the fact that shes still willing to work in a political position (unlike amaryllis, who was happy to retire) she helps to balance out varshas negative views of people and also is very useful in giving intel and helping create strong bonds between their clan and others, since varsha... would probably never do so on her own, but does see the necessity.

yukienne, at this point, lives a fairly solitary lifestyle. being rejected by the person he admires most as well as feeling he betrayed and failed her, he sees himself unworthy of deeper relationships. at the same time, he is stubborn and unwilling to discuss and feels he doesnt deserve sympathy or to explain his side. all interactions and relationships he has are shallow. at the very least, he is genuinely very proud of his appearance, so thats probably the one thing he has actual confidence in.

[qtlitoang3l]

2018 .

another year down .. it went by very fast didnt it ? time is going by even faster .

2017 was a year full of roller coasters .. a lot of ups , but equally as many downs . i usually reflect my year in Dec/Jan so here it goes . January: I started school again . BIG step , considering i was out for 2 years before then . i remember how excited yet nervous i was . im so glad i did it . It was also the month that my good friend from high school , Brandon , told me that he was getting deployed (he’s in the army) in Feb . i was scared , but all i could do was pray for him to come back home alive . he came back home last month (Dec 2017) safe and sound . i thanked God for watching over him . unfortunately , a few days later , my dad got a heart attack .. now THAT was the scariest moment of my life . i still remember that day very clearly . it haunts me every time . ill never forget the sight of my dad holding his chest , sliding down the couch , and grabbed my hand for his life , grasping for breathe . after 3 days being in the hospital , he was discharged with meds and a new plan for his diet . my mom was by herself at work so my siblings and i had to go out to help while my dad was in the hospital . i knew how scared she gets when shes by herself . my dad and i werent on good terms for a year until this moment happened . i guess we both realized that life is so short and that anything could happen in a second . more importantly , im so glad he’s okay til this day . On a happier note , that was also the month that i purchased my first firearm ! so bad ass right ? The beginning of the year was rough , but it got better ! February: Had dinner with Brandon and Aimee b4 he got deployed . Again , i prayed for his safety . I went to a concert (william singe and alex aiono) , which was so fun . Not much happened that month . Had a valentine’s day dinner with the girls and with an old friend . 

March: this month was important because thats when i found that my sister was having a boy!! amazing news right ? and i could finally be an aunt ! I also watched the Lion King on broadway . i think thats a pretty cool thing to mention , right ? it was such a good show !

April: Finals month ... ugh . also my bday month .. didnt do anything cuz all my finals were on the week of my bday . Got my car fixed that month too after that bad car accident . ugh . May: went to a friend’s dowry , did my first 5K bubble run , went to a house warming party , picked up my mom from her 2 week vacation . she deserved it . Did i mention it was the first semester that i start a nursing course ? nerve-wracking!! 

June: My sister’s baby shower . SO FUN ! i decorated everything and bought this beautiful cake . everything was obviously blue :) i also remember having A LOT of exams back to back . not fun at all .

July: My nephew was born .. it was the best day ever . it changed my life . i am an auntie !! he made everyone so happy and everyone was so happy to see him . it was nice to see my whole family together and happy . I also went to a really fun wedding that month . 

August: After a brutal semester and final , I WENT TO LA !! its been forever since ive been on vacation !! i prefer to go with friends , but i went with my siblings . ups and down on that trip and wouldnt wanna travel again with them unless my parents were there . lesson learned and long story . still have pictures that i havent posted from that trip !

September: went to birthday dinners , a wedding , apartment warmings , a “bachelor” party (lol) and started school again . This was also the month that one of the doctors at DH passed away from breast cancer . it was a very gloomy time for my coworkers . i wasnt at work when everyone found out , but ive heard about it . everyone didnt want to work . the atmosphere completely changed . I went to her funeral , but only the beginning part . instead of being sad , we celebrated her life as a doctor and her passion for her career . it was a sad time and the world lost such a talented person . RIP Dr. Stanfield. at the end of the month my friend dan got married at city hall , which was everything he wanted . didnt have to spend a lot of money at all ! October: My friend threw a huge house party for his birthday . parties are not like they use to be . but because most of the ppl there were older , there wasnt much drinking or playing games , which was the sucky part . no one really wanted to do anything . not sure why , but it is what it is . Also did a photoshoot that month , which i havent done in a long time . forgot how much fun it was .

November: Ughhhh drama month out of all the other months , only because this girl is totally obsessed with her ex and hes literally the only thing she talks about . basically we went to the club and she KNEW he was gonna be there yet she decided to come with us . okay . she sees him , starts freaking out , gets all dramatic like “OMG he totally saw me” type of dramatic . it actually went as far as “i could get him kicked out RIGHT NOW if i wanted . i KNOW the bouncers here , dont test me” yeup .. DRAMA . it was entertaining at the same time . my mistake was that she could handle herself . no , she was totally sloppy and even fell.. in front of her ex .. nbd -.- GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER . i stopped hanging out with her .. i couldnt handle it the negative vibes . she came to the thanksgiving party the week after and of course she brought that weekend back and started venting about how she saw her ex and shit . i honestly didnt care . Anyways , thanksgiving with the sister’s in laws was alright . there was some questionable food that i had no idea what the mom was cooking though .. it was some weird things .

December: went to a holiday party , met and saw some friends . it was a good time ! that was also the month that i thought i was gonna fail but ended up passing in the end . THANK GOD . the whole week after the final , i literally went out every day to go drink . you can tell how much stress i was under . lol . i noticed that i was getting a cough , so i cooled down on the drinking after that week . figured i should take care of myself right ? i watched a cirque du soleil show . fantastic as usual . My friend duy asked me to part of this pageant because there was not enough girls .. hmm ... well i didnt wanna just compete because there werent a lot of girls .. so he sat me down and literally gave me a power point show as to why i should join . LOL . i appreciated the time and effort , so id do it for a friend in need . it’ll be fun ! maybe not intense as miss massachusetts but it’ll be a good experience . a big accomplishment that month was when i went snowboarding for the first time in my life !! omg it was so much more fun that i thought it was ! i was hesitant to go because my student that passed away from a snowboarding accident (RIP) , but i couldnt be afraid forever .. it was for him :)

And nooow .. we are in January !! crazy how much has happened in a year .. my resolution this year , besides spending time with my brother , is be more carefree and not care what other ppl think . i think i need to focus on being happy instead of trying to please others . i was told by someone .. that i should be myself more and ppl will see how fun/funny i am . haha , maybe i should ! i will def try . ive kept my guard up for a long time around a lot of ppl and i know ill regret it 50 years from now when im old . im gonna wish i was myself more .

as for you .. yes you .. you know exactly who you are .. i left a section specifically for you . its been a while .. a long while actually . you may or may not still read my .. “journal” .. i might just be writing this for no one to read and now one will ever see , but i guess ill never know . and its okay . even though youre not here anymore and you may not ever be anymore , im living my life the best way that i can , going through life like i never knew you . has it been hard ? yes . am i forgetting our memories ? .. i might have .. i mightve even forgotten what you look like . i dont go on your social media and you are prob doing the same . i think of you from time and time , but not in the way that you think . in a way that i hope you are doing well and only sending you positive vibes . i still pray for you and ask you to be watched over . anyways . i know youre mad .. and i understand . you’ll always have a hold of me .. but eventually .. i have to let that go .. or at least i have to learn how to . i miss our friendship , but i guess if i care about you that much .. i cant be selfish anymore . and i promise that after this , i wont be writing about you anymore .. it’ll all just disappear eventually .. my wish to you is to find happiness . i hope you can promise me that .. take care of yourself . 

[marvelintimelords97]

1,6,8,10,13,14,15,16,17,21,26,29,33,37,39,43,44,48,54,60,61,64,67,68,71,79,84,87,90,92,93,95,96,98,100,104

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? good morning babe, you where talking in your sleep again last night.6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?Ya but that is so far in the past that I am over it, it sucked at the time but we made ourfriendship work still and the mess up was on both accounts not just mine. 8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?I haven't exactly counted but probably 30 times a day when I am around him 10. When is the last time you saw your sister? oh man it's been about a week or so, I need to get together with her soon and see if theres anything I can do to help her with involving her wedding, ive been a pretty mia bridesmaid.13. Do you think relationships are hard?they most definitely can be, especially if you yourself have alot of issues going on in your own life but you're trying to not let those problems effect the Relationship you have with your partner. no relationship is a cake walk but if you are willing to put the time and effort into each other they can very amazing. 14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?There is a few small things I would change that would have helped myself and others get through life easier then we had to, there is a lot of things that have happened in these past five months that has caused chaos, stress and even depression for many of the people involved including myself and I hold myself accountable for a lot of it.15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?hell no id be locked in a room with my boyfriend I don't have any complaints there.16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?it depends on my mood, it is currently very drab out and I would appreciate some sunlight so I can go for a nice walk.17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?god only like a half a dozen people ya! my middle name is Michelle by the way21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?yup I have indeed 26. What breed was the last dog you saw? a cockapoo, I took her for a walk yesterday and she cuddled with me this morning 29. Do you think you’re old?I wouldn't say old no, the way I see it ( or at least how I saw it was ) I am currently at an age where people treat me like an adult when it comes to money or something they need otherwise I am a child who needs to shut up and not speak unless spoken to.33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?some where in between, I love fall although that could be a little biased for one of two reason, my birthday is in the fall and it lands on the same weekend as thanks giving so . . . . 37. What song are you listening to?questions like this are kind of dumb cuz like . . . im not listening to nything right now.39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?Ya which would probably be my Sister or an old friend of mine but I guess she wouldnt know everything cuz its been a while.43. How well do you know the last female you texted?I'd like to think well enough, I have known her since grade 9 and we had almost every class together.44. Does anyone disgust you?oh my god don't even get me started I would have to roll out a list starting with someone who mentally and emotionally abused me for a long time in my life.48. What color shirt are you wearing?a black Hottopic Umbreon Tanktop. 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?Not really I don't mind as long as they are responsible and don't drink or drive.60. What do you carry with you at all times?the weight of the world crushing me with all of my different emotions . . . I bet you were expecting an answer like my cell hpone of lip chap . . haha nope. well maybe but still. 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?I do it pretty much every night so where the hell is my money?!? 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?Of course I do! its such a nice way for someone to show you their affection 67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? Do them myself for sure, I can't be high maintenance I buy to many funko pop figures. 68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?Random but I guess zebra? 71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? Android for sure.79. Did you ever have braces? Nope, probably should have but I personally feel its to late for that now. 84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?I wish I had of done gymnastics as a kid but lol nope, I have asthma and get out of breath just walking up a flight of stairs to fast. 87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? both, if I where to go somewhere trying to look nice then I would for sure wear the Heels, however I would be prepared with a change of clothes and some flipflops 90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? I wouldn't really say I snuck out cuz I didnt but I have left my house really late at night/early in the morning before but only ever if im with friends, I refuse to walk places alone at night. 92. Have you ever made out in a car? I've done a little bit more then that.93. …Had sex in a car? its really hard to have sex in a car, if you want to do that, invest in a truck go on a long drive to somewhere in the middle of no where, put a big thick blanket down in the bed of the trunk and make love under the stars.95. What were you doing last night at midnight? Playing the sailor moon pops app I have on my phone cuz I am addicted to the stupid thing. 96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? Oh man I honestly don't even remember, it feels like it was a couple years ago 98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? Sort of? not exactly its more so as if I was in a committed relationship with the person but I was so scared of being hurt from my previous relationship that I was not found of the idea of putting any titles on it. 100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? yea probably I mean not hate persay but I wouldn't say we exactly get along all that well. 104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? If I owned cowboy boots I guess I probably would?( I meant to look at the time on the clock before starting this to see how long it took to reply to all these questions . . . whoops )

[smply-me]

This is a bit about me. But this most likely won’t get read because it’s long. so.. yeah..

I’m that person that doesn’t open up easily about how I feel. Mostly because I don’t want to feel hopeful, I don’t want to be optimistic, I don’t want to take what people think seriously and have it affect me, I’m letting it only scrape the surface.

And i guess this is way I like keeping this tumblr account anonymous. I am following some of my friends, but they don’t know its me. I use this as an outlet instead of telling my friends and family whats really on my mind. I don’t want them to truly know my fears, I don’t want them to see me cry and breakdown even when I need them, I don’t want my friends to know my insecurities, who I have a crush on, and know what i don’t like about myself. I don’t want them to worry about me, that’s absolutely the last thing that i want. 

I guess I have trusting issues.

Before I switched universities, I only spoke to 4 people from my high school, and i have a group of 7 friends from high school that I’d hang out at school, but with all honestly this friendship to me felt that it was of convenience. So I want to detach myself from them. This most likely sounds terrible, but thats what it feels to me. I want to be around people that want to be around me.not because of convenience. I don’t talk to these people anymore, we meet up twice a year and when we do I don’t feel interested probably it feels a bit fake idk and thats not me. I hate being fake, I can’t fake my reactions. And every time I got home after being with them i felt hollow, I feel that it would have been better if i didn’t go.

I guess thats why i only speak with 3 people now. Yeah, 3 not 4. it used to be 4,  because this friend would always bail on our plans together and this went on for 4 years, almost 5. She would give me excuses that she forgot, that shes a out with her mom when she knew we had plans, tell me that she didn’t have a ride, she would disappear sometimes during the time to hang out. Every time I would text her and sometimes call her to confirm the day of but she wouldn’t fucking answer me. she was my best friend. On top of that I would text her or send a message on Whatsapp, and the thing about whatsapp is that it show when the person was recently online. I would send my best friend messages on whatsapp, and at least 80-85% of the times it’d show that I sent her a message and she recently was online on whatsapp and chose not to respond to me. she would respond to me a day to 3 days later. And i was so done with her shit and i didnt want to be friends with someone who ignores me, doesnt value the friendship and who doesn’t want to spend time with me. so i let it all out.

I can be selfish, but one thing that i am not is fake. She called me fake, of all things. she called me selfish yes that ill agree on, now i believe that i have gotten better on. however, fake is something that i am absolutely not. 

Would a fake person take the bus for 10 mins and walk a total of 40 mins to get to their friends house? would a fake person walk 30 mins in -20 degrees temperature, in the snow? would a fake person be there for a friend? would a fake person clean an entire house because she’s soo excited that a friend is coming over to hangout?  would a fake person respond a text within 5 minutes if they weren’t occupied? id do anything for my friends, absolutely anything. and i never bail on plans. whenever I didn’t have a ride I took the bus, but her... she wouldn't take the bus to hangout with me or walk.she wouldnt reciprocate anything. and that pissed me off the most.she didnt’t put any effort to see me. So i ended the friendship and she called me fake. I didnt even bother on answering that message, i just ignored it. 

But the other 3 people that i still talk to are amazing friends, but I barely see them.

And now at my current university i have made so many friends and i am jus t so grateful. some im closer with and they are absolutely amazing. I never had a true honest friendship. they don;t know it but i am a sensitive person, im used to helping my friends out with work and giving them support, however naturally through experience of being let down i refuse most offers that my friends give me to help me out. and when they do something so selfless for me i have to force myself not to cry. I believe this is because im not used to acts of kindness from people. Im honestly such a simple person. and a few months one of my friends told me that he appreciated me, i was so thrown off because it was the first time that anyone has said to me and i literally had to google the phrase “I appreciate you” because i didn’t know what it meant and how to respond and when i found out tears were threatening to pour. i dont get told that im appreciated. and i told him that i appreciate him. 

I am a very sensitive person. If I were to wave at someone and they didn't wave back I feel as if i had 10 needles pierced in me and tears would start to form. This has happened before. I had to think if I really wanted to say hi/wave at someone hoping that i’ll get a response.

I guess this could be the reason why i can make a very sad face on command. and that my resting face is a sad face. that how i truly feel behind at the smiles, the laughter, the weird facial expressions and weird gestures. 

I just never had a true true friend ship other that the 3 friends.

If you read all of this thank you for taking the time to. I hope your day was good.