#like i have words that ive had to exorcise from my vocab that dont have overall negative connotations but i realized that

[gibbearish]

sometimes having autism is fun bc therapy types will be like "oh we dont use words like 'broken,' we prefer 'areas for improvement' :)" and its like. i do get where youre coming from, using words with negative connotations to refer to yourself can reinforce negative associations towards yourself, im familiar with that whole shebang. but also. that theory operates off of /the patient's/ connotations with the language theyre using, not on /society at large's/ connotations. so while yes, "broken" to many people does convey a negative connotation if not a moral commentary, for me specifically it's literally just descriptive, and if anything has a /positive/ connotation. something that is broken has an intended purpose that it is unable to fulfil. the principle image that comes to mind for me when i think abt this is of a plate snapped in half. its purpose is to contain objects, primarily food. it can no longer contain objects, so its purpose is not being fulfilled, therefore it is broken. it's no fault of the plate's, it's not doing anything /wrong/ by not being able to carry objects, it simply. can't do the thing it was made to do.

my brain does not produce the chemicals it is supposed to. my body does not maintain the structural integrity it is supposed to. my (redacted) couldnt do the one (1) thing it was built specifically for. these things have purposes, and they are failing to fulfil those. they are broken.

which like. when you lay it out just like that, does still feel negative right? except here's the thing about a broken plate:

you can glue it back together. you can fix it. you can return it to a point where it's able to fulfil its purpose again.

broken, to me, has never meant a dead end. broken has always been hopeful. broken means the fact that i cant function isnt my fucking fault, and it means that i can someday get to a better place. broken means fixable. if i am broken then that means that i can get better. and i just. get tired of therapists refusing to listen to all of that and insisting that broken means completely destroyed, never to be recovered, giving up all hope and accepting your fate. listen when i tell you that for me, this IS hope.