#like i get where they're coming from but i feel like its not seeing all sides

[rayraelleaizawa]

They're going hard on you

TW: none i think

gn!reader

Short stories of when OP men go hard on you out of worry

Characters: Shanks, Trafalgar Law

Shanks

You sat in the captains office and looked at Shanks who was unusally quiet. You had an anxious feeling in your guts. You knew you had fucked up, but you didnt think he would be that mad.

The red hair pirates docked at some uninhabited island, and you were assigned to not leave the ship since Shanks wasnt sure how dangerous the island would be. But when you saw a strange animal falling from a tree and into a river, trying desperately not to drown and reach the shore again but couldnt make it, you left the ship and jumped into the river and helped the animal out of there. The scared animal didnt realice you only wanted to help him, and trashed around in your grip and scratched and bit you.

When Shanks and a part of his crew came back from exploring the island, and he saw that you were standing on deck, soaked from head to toe and trying to clean up your bloody injuries, his usually carefree face fell. He wore an unreadable expression as he told you to come into his cabin when Hongo was done treating your wounds.

Now, half an hour later and bandaged up, you sat in Shanks office and looked at your lap. He still had that unreadable expression on his face and you werent sure in what kind of trouble you were right now. You had breaken the rules before, nothing too bad, but he never acted like that because of you. You thought that he'd understand why you left, everyone knew that you had a soft spot for animals.

You anxiously waited for him to start talking, but he didnt even look at you. After another silent ten minutes, he finally said something.

"What did Hongo say?"

"He said that it is nothing too bad, just some scratches. I need to go check up regulary tho in case of infection and if I feel weird I am supposed to go to him instantly. Hongo checks the books right now if the animal that bit me is poisenous or not."

You gladly would have left out the last part, but you knew you shouldnt do that right now. He would talk with Hongo and find out anyway.

There was another short silence before he spoke again.

"What did I tell you to do? No, what did I order you to do?"

"To stay on the ship" you quietly said.

"And what did you do?"

"I...left the ship."

"You disobeyed my orders. That's what you did. No matter what relationship we two have, I am your captain and you have to follow my orders like everyone else on this ship."

You were quiet for some time. You didnt mean to disappoint him, but you didnt think about his orders when you saw that helpless animal fighting for its life.

"I'm sorry. I only wanted to help the-"

"I dont care what you wanted to do. You had clear orders. Orders, which were meant to protect you. Protect you from exactly those animals that hurt you. We have no idea if they are venomous, or aggresive, or a religious species for any natives that live here."

You stayed silent. The uneasy feeling in your stomach growing by the second. Sadness and fear joined that feeling too. You thought he'd understand you, but in the end you just disrespected him infront of his crew with ignoring his orders.

"I'm sorry for messing up" was all you could get out in that moment, and you heard Shanks sigh. He stood up from behind his desk and walked over to you.

"What am I supposed to do with you? Even when i try to protect you you still seem to find a way to end up in Hongos medical office. Why cant you just listen to me?"

His tone was softer than before, and you finally dared to look up at him. He had a worried expression on his face.

"I- I didnt think in that moment" you admitted as he bend his tall frame down to you, looking at your bandaged hand where that animal bit you.

"You have no idea how it felt to see you all bloody on deck. How it feels to know that you could die if that animal was highly venomous" he said, gently touching your arm.

You avoided his eyes and looked at the stump of his left arm.

"Yes I do know how that feels. I didnt want to make you experience this too. I'm sorry."

He sighed again, moving his hand under your chin and forced you gently to look him in the face.

"Never do that again. I love you too much for that."

Trafalgar D Water Law

You didn't look at him as he walked past you. You both ignored each other since the argument you had. You felt frustrated and angry at him, but mostly because he was right.

There was an emergency at the submarine, something about the boiler malfunctioning in the middle of the night. You were the closest to it so you tried to fix it, but you werent an engineer - you weren't sure what to do so you just improvised and tried your best until the persons who knew what to do came. Before that happened, hot water splashed onto your arm leaving a nasty burn on it.

Law had bandaged you up, but you noticed something wasn't right with him so you asked him. Which resulted in a heated argument between you two which ended with him snapping at you.

"If you have no idea of something then why do you even try? You're no help here, we just have more work now because of you."

Your eyes got teary when you thought back to his words, but it hurts even more knowing he was right. He had more work because he had to bandage you up, while your crewmembers probably had to fix the boiler more because you damaged it even more with your improvised actions.

You self doubted your worth on this crew now. Sure, you knew how to fight, but that was it. You could bandage up small injuries and cook, but in the end everyone knew how to do that. You had no specialty like the others.

With frustration bubbling up inside you that your captain and lover thought of you as an useless inconvinience, you started working even more. You didn't take a break, you just cleaned the Polar Tank or trained. The burn on your arm hurt most of the time, but you didn't care. You wanted to prove yourself that you weren't just on this crew because you and the Captain were dating.

You asked Shachi if he could explain to you how the boiler and stuff worked. He was perplexed as why you wanted to know that, but you convinced him with saying that next time an emergency happend you could actually help. He agreed, tho he knew that Law wouldn't be so happy about you working when you're already injured.

He explained stuff to you in the engine room and of course, no other than Trafalgar D. Water Law walked in on you two while you were trying to name some parts of the enginge. He looked displeased and coldly said your name and then just walked off.

You didn't want to follow him, but knew that he would be even more pissed if you ignored him. He led you two to the infirmary and told you to sit on the exam table. He then grabbed your hand and unwrapped your bandanges.

"What do you think you're doing, y/n-ya?" he spoke calmly, but you immediately noticed that he was holding back.

"Learning new stuff so next time i can actually help" you answered in a snippy tone.

"You won't do anything next time. I don't allow you to" he said while turning around.

You started to argue back that you just tried to be a help when he interupted you mid-sentence.

"How do you want to be of help when you cant even look after your own wound!"

"You were the one who told me I wasnt capable of anything, and now it's wrong when i try to become usefull!" you almost yelled back, tears of frustration and hurt in your voice.

"I never said you weren't capable of anything, I simply stated that-"

"You said I am no help, that I have no idea what I'm doing and that you all have more work because of me!"

A tear rolled down your face and you started shaking slightly as Law looked at you with widend eyes. He grabbed his hat and pulled it over his eyes as he looked down.

"That wasn't what I meant. I just...you got hurt on my submarine while I was present. I- you shouldn't have gotten hurt when I'm there to protect you."

You looked at him with wide eyes, the tears now streaming down your face.

"You are more than capable of sorting stuff out on your own, you are a big help to everyone on this crew. I didn't mean to insult you or tell you you aren't worthy to be here. It's just...this could have ended up bad. And now I see you working in there again. I can't have you getting injured when I'm just a few feet away" he added as he walked towards you and grabbed your face so you'd look him in the eye.

"I want you to be safe, y/n-ya. And i failed to do that. You and this crew, you're everything I have. I'm a doctor but I can't heal everything. I'm sorry for insulting you, my heart."

Your eyes softend at the last nickname he called you. It wasn't often that he used it, which made it even more special when he did. He is a big softy and constantly worried about you. You laid your head to his chest and murmured an apology, while he leaned down and kissed your hair.

[awyeahitssam]

Travelling back in time is an accident. Harry isn't going to waste it.

Harry glances at the calendar and grimaces. He can't go to Knockturn today. Hogwarts just let out for Summer holidays, and he's already decided to avoid the alleys until school term starts. Just in case... well. Just in case.

He never thought there would come a day that he missed Voldemort's soul pressing alongside his own, but it would make things simpler. If he could peer into Voldemort's mind, he wouldn't have to go about things the old fashioned way. As it is, one of his spies is twenty minutes late, and he can't snatch him from work on the off chance that children are wondering around places they shouldn't be.

Burke's still alive, at least. Harry would feel his death.

It does nothing for his current situation. There will be an attack today. 3 July, 1973 was significant. The day Voldemort's attacks went from targeting the Knights of Walpurgis' political opponents to involving the public.

He just can't remember where.

He knows this. He knows he does. But the time magic takes knowledge, seemingly at random, until he's left with bits of the puzzle. Harry knows Voldemort's broken his soul into pieces, but he no longer remembers what those pieces are called. He doesn't know what they're contained in, either, except one: Slytherin's locket.

Harry really needs to get a move on with this whole defeating Voldemort early thing before he forgets who he is. Forgets why he needs to.

He takes a deep breath. There's nothing for it. Diagon and Hogsmeade are the most obvious places to stage a first attack. Diagon is the more dramatic option, though Hogsmeade would strike fear, especially just a day after the children have left the station. Which one...

Fuck. He's got no time for guessing games, for hoping he knows Voldemort well enough to predict him. The Voldemort of this time is more politically minded than the one Harry defeated, and he's losing information by the day. Who knows how much he's forgotten about his Voldemort.

He needs Burke. He needs the bloody information.

Snape would be home, wouldn't he? His mother's still alive. There was no chance Lily Evans would be sulking about Knockturn. And the Marauders? No...

It should be safe enough.

It's a risk. If he sees one of them, he's going to screw up spectacularly. He has to steer clear.

Too bad he's still got a saving people thing.

He twists through the wards and lands at the apparition point. A moment later, the screaming starts.

Turns out he doesn't need his spy for this after all.

He runs towards the shouts, wand at the ready.

He puts it to good use.

"Evans?" Charlus calls out. "Is that you?"

Harry grimaces and keeps walking. Ever since he saved Charlus's baby brother in the Dark sects first Diagon Alley attack, Charlus Potter has been dogging his steps. The very last thing he wants is the be associated with this family. He already only manages to avoid being labeled a Potter by virtue of using the Sleekeazy's hair potions to settle the characteristic chaos of his hair.

If anyone can recognise its use, it is the inventor. Charlus dared to call him "cousin," before Harry sharply corrected him. He hasn't tried since, but he still has that gleam in his eyes. That set to his jaw.

The famous Potter stubbornness. Harry would be warmed by the fact that it exists outside of himself (and he is, truly, because even if he will never claim them as such, he has family here), but it's causing issues.

"Is that him, darling?" Another voice rings out, clear and lovely. Harry keeps moving along, heedless.

"Yes love, that's our errant Potter-"

Harry spins with a snarl. "I told you," he says, stepping forward to stab his wand into Charlus' chest, the threat bald, "my name is Evans. I want nothing to do with you or your family. I'm a muggleborn, for Merlin's sake."

The woman beside Charlus looks at Harry with wide grey eyes. Aside from their shade, she looks a great deal like Bellatrix LeStrange one day will. Her hair is carefully controlled, brown rather than black, and she's dressed conservatively, as is appropriate for the time period, but. She's certainly a Black.

"Are you quite sure he's yours, darling?" she near-purrs, meeting Harry's burning gaze with a fire of her own. Like recognises like. Black madness sparks in them both.

It has to be Dorea Black. Her arm is linked with Charlus', and she calls him darling. His grandmother.

He turns on his heel and flees.

Pretends the lump in his throat is from fear instead of longing.

Voldemort's yew wand twirls through his fingers as he considers the man on his knees.

Octavian Nott has always been reliable, yet...

"Are you the only one alive?"

Nott's shoulders draw tight.

"No, Vo-" Voldemort presses his magic around the proud little pureblood who dares think to say his name after he's failed. As if he's earned the privilege. "My Lord."

"And where are the others, Octavian?"

"I don't know, My Lord," Nott tells the ground. It's clear from his inflection that his teeth are gritted.

"Oh?"

"The... the vigilante put something around each of their necks. Portkeys. He said the activation phrase when I was the only one left. They... vanished."

Voldemort's methodical movements pause. The mysterious new player on the board has kidnapped his soldiers?

Well. It was an effective tactic, to be sure, but why not simply kill them? Was it weakness, or strategy?

He couldn't help but assume it was the latter. The man - and he was that from the many memory's Voldemort's stolen, though he remains cloaked - was always a move ahead. He met Voldemort's attacks each time.

It was exhilarating. Infuriating, too. The only way his every move could be so neatly countered was a spy. Yet even after he began limiting plans to his Inner Circle, the Knights, this man still knew what he would do...

"What else?" he presses, impatience growing.

"He knocked out five men with a single stunner. It... it seemed to split, my Lord, midcast. And..."

Nott truly is testing his leniency tonight. "You will not like what happens if I have need to prompt you again, Octavian."

A shudder. How positively plebian. "I apologise, My Lord. I simply do not wish to give you incorrect information."

"It just... sounded as though the portkey passphrase was in parseltongue."

Voldemort stares down at his head. Nott's been with him for a very long time. He knows what parseltongue sounds like.

Still, Voldemort must be sure.

"Look at me."

The man does speak parseltongue.

The words "fuck you" spill prettily past concealed lips.

Voldemort obsesses.

The more he learns, the more his fascination grows.

The man performs feats of magic that surprise and delight. Simple things, weaponised. Magical control the likes of which Voldemort has rarely sought to achieve. From fiendfyre, yes, but basic spellwork...

He tries to split a stunning spell. He can still only manage three branches, and they're difficult to aim.

Voldemort keeps trying.

Keeps hunting, too.

The first time he meets him on a battlefield, Voldemort shreds the spell that normally hides his vigilante. The haze cloaking features fractures.

His eyes are unforgivably green. Voldemort almost wishes he would cast the killing curse, just to see how the shade compares side by side.

Victory. He hadn't even had to fight for the other's identity. He tells himself it isn't a disappointment. He can feel the magic this man radiates. Lord Voldemort does not need to be convinced he isn't weak.

He dips his head politely, never letting his eyes stray from that brilliant shade. "Lord Voldemort," he introduces.

One beat.

Two.

Manners, he thinks mildly.

"Harry Evans," his opponent rasps out. It sounds like he hasn't talked to anybody in some time. Voldemort notes the name. Muggleborn, perhaps? Or a half-blood, like him?

Voldemort is hungry to know more. He licks his lips. Bright eyes dart to the motion, then rise back to meet his. A silly mistake. Voldemort tears into his mind.

Or, he tries to.

Blankness meets him. Not fog. Not a wall. Nothingness.

After some heavy-handed prodding, Voldemort pulls back before he is lost in the abyss.

An occlumens as well, then.

He ducks a blasting curse shot at his head.

Time to play.

Thing is, as much as Voldemort likes to play with his food, he's always been a thief at heart.

He wants to steal this man - this Harry Evans - more than he wants to break him.

He leaves with wounds his healer must tend to. They require dittany not to scar. He accepts it for the two large, arched marks. The small one, though - a knife wound, of all things - he keeps. He can rid himself of it later.

For now, though, he has something to press when he thinks of Harry.

Besides, he's not the only one to have left with marks. If Harry is smart, he will bear his well. If not... well, Lord Voldemort is generous. He can always give him more.

His men have standing orders to flee when they see him. He's still down seventeen fighters, stolen by Harry. The next time they dare to linger, he gets three more.

It's annoying to have his pawns taken. Especially because he does not know why.

Harry could ransom them to their rich families. Could try and use them as leverage over Voldemort. Could even just kill them: but he doesn't. Voldemort can tell that much from the Dark Mark. The fact he can't communicate with them or plot their locations is interesting. Unsettling, too. The magic of his mark, circumvented.

It's been a long time since he has gotten stuck on a puzzle.

He thrills at the challenge.

He next sees Harry in his human skin. The other is in Knockturn, just coming out of a shop.

How rare. He's not often spotted in public unless he's dismantling Voldemort's plans.

"Hello," he greets politely. Those green eyes slant over to him, then catch. Like he recognises Lord Voldemort even in this pitiful mask. A part of him delights at the notion, even as he double checks his magic. It remains tucked tight to his body.

"Hello," Harry breathes back.

Voldemort barely suppresses a frown. Is the other attracted to him like this? A pity. He wouldn't think Harry one to fall for a pretty face.

Still, it could prove useful... imagine what information he could pull on a date...

Green eyes trace his features intently. Voldemort is no longer used to being examined in such a way. And then-

Then Harry's magic lashes out at him without the aid of a wand, and the glamour is ripped from Voldemort's skin. He hisses in discomfort at the sensation, taking a step forward and pressing long nails to Harry's throat.

Fingers catch around his wrist before he can make contact. Somehow, Harry is strong enough to hold him in place. Strengthening rituals rendered void. Just what was this man?

The hold does nothing to stop Voldemort from stepping into him. From leaning close to his ear once they're chest to chest and hissing, low in threat, "That was rude, Harry."

The chest pressed to his moves. A laugh trembles out of Harry's throat. He sounds a touch mad. Just look what Voldemort's reduced him to...

"Sorry," he lies. "Were you doing some shopping?"

"No."

Harry hums, disbelieving. Voldemort licks his lips and stares at the neck his fingers have been denied. He wonders how much blood he can draw with a bite before Harry manages to escape.

Harry has a habit of vanishing all the marks he gives him. Such an ungrateful creature.

If given half a chance, Voldemort will bite a collar around his throat.

Harry can't breathe.

He doesn't know how it's come to this. He doesn't understand.

Voldemort's mouth is hot and urgent against his. Nails dig into his hip and back. One of Harry's hands is angling Voldemort's chin.

Voldemort lets him. Tips into his touch. Darts a tongue out to taste him.

He shivers.

Isn't he meant to be destroying Voldemort?

A wicked thought catches in his mind.

Can I destroy Voldemort like this?

Long, powerful fingers trace a burning path up his thigh.

Undo him with my touch?

He takes Voldemort in hand.

Unmake him with my mouth?

Slots teeth against his neck when Voldemort jerks. Scrapes them down when the Dark Lord shudders.

Well. It's not a plan he's thought up, before, but-

It's worth a try, isn't it?

au where auror harry potter ends up in the marauders time period, right by the beginning of voldemort’s rise.

harry potter who avoids hogwarts by all means (the memories are too painful) and instead tries to take down voldemort and his death eaters by himself.

harry who drops his last name in favor of the common muggle last name “evans” to completely separate any ties to the potters (for their sakes.)

harry evans who keeps his distance from his mom, the marauders, and snape because he knows if he sees them he’s going to ruin something.

instead, harry evans catches the attention of the potter family (who is convinced he is a long lost heir), the blacks (who start to suspect he is a new up and coming darm lord), dumbledore (who believes the same), and the dark lord himself (who is intrigued by this mysteriously strong man thwarting his every move.)

i timetravelled to when my parents were still kids to destroy the dark lord but i became his lover instead!?

[loveandleases]

This just happened to me what do the Ro's do if Mc screams from their room jolts out screaming their was a spider near their face in their bed and they are scared to go back to bed (legit woke up to a big spider next to my face forever traumatized 💔)

That is nightmare fuel right there.

❤️ Cam - "Where?! Where was it? Did you bring it with you? Shit, did you just give it directions to my room?!"

He will usher MC to his room, allowing them to sleep in the back of the bed, farthest away from the door. They can even cuddle if it makes MC feel better, I mean Cam is absolutely willing to do that for them.

"It's not like I'm afraid of it or anything, I mean I could go take care of it right now. But... oh what, what if it's like a rare species? I gotta let it live. Conservation and all that."

(such a little liar.)

💙 G - They're not afraid, they're a vet. They can handle arachnids. Yet it takes them a good ten minutes to go into your room. They refuse to let MC come in, since clearly MC is afraid. They'll hear some things falling over, that was not a scream. G would never. Then G comes out, stone faced and grabs MC by the hand and heads to their own apartment with them in tow. "Wait, what are you... did you not get it?"

G doesn't say anything not at first. Instead they get a glass of wine and down it in one go. "I was thinking, for old time's sake. We let Cam handle it."

MC chooses to say nothing about the tremble of G's hand that holds the glass, or the slightest twitch of their eye. For now, the spider is Cam's problem. *queue ungodly screaming*

💚 Kara - "Aww, you don't have to be afraid. I'll take care of it." She is like the spider whisperer. She isn't afraid of them, if anything she thinks their tiny little bodies and hairs and beady eyes are cute.

"If you're uncomfortable sleeping here we could always… go to my place?" She says, a hint of mischief in those blue eyes.

💛 M - They're prepared, they bring out everything, from sprays to powders. If this isn't a termination situation then M has other methods. They can get the spider out, and into the hall, "Come on little one, I'm trying to be humane here." they say as they nudge the spider closer to Ardent's door.

"Then why are you moving it towards his apartment?"

"Oh... was I?" M says, hoping that playing dumb will cover up that little gremlin streak. They'll take it out, where its safe, if that's what MC wishes. If not, they're ready to help MC and prep their apartment for the future.

💜 Isaac - (dependent on relationship since isaac will be rather flirty early on) He bursts into the room at the sound of MC's scream, his eyes scanning every inch of their body to ensure they're safe. Only to find them on the bed, pointing at the tiny little spider that scurries in the corner of the room. He takes one look, then smirks.

"Damn, I thought you were being murdered in here or something," he drawls, arms crossed as he leans against the door frame. "But nope, just a tiny, defenseless spider terrorizing you."

Isaac strolls over, taking his sweet time, and plucks up the spider. Zero fear. And winks at MC. "You know, if you needed an excuse to get me in your bedroom, babe, you could've just asked."

Then, as he walks past MC to take the spider outside, he adds in a low, teasing voice: "Though if you’re looking for someone to keep you safe at night… I wouldn’t mind volunteering."

Isaac then takes the spider outside, and plops it on one of the flower beds that he has meticulously taken care of.

🖤 Ardent - (he is getting a long one because idk i feel like making him suffer a little)

“What the hell is going on?” he grumbles, his voice still thick from waking up.

He doesn't spare the spider a second glance when he sees how shaky MC's hand is when they point at the spider. He's never had an issue with them, despite how fucking big that spider is. Just seeing MC's distress causes him to act. He sighs, shakes his head, and grabs their hand. "Come on."

He then guides them to his apartment, it's an instinct like he's done it a hundred times before, and he doesn't even question it. He settles them in his bed, letting them nestle under the cover. "Just stay here tonight. I'll check again in the morning," he mutters, the weight of sleep thick in his voice.

Without thinking he presses a kiss to their forehead - just a reflex, an unconscious gesture that feels so natural despite everything. With another groan, he sinks back, and his body instinctively curls around MC's. Before MC can even tell him goodnight, he's asleep once more.

The next morning, when he wakes up, and he notices the warmth beside him, that's when it all sinks in. The kiss, the words, the way he pulled them into his bed - it all feels like something he wouldn't do if he were fully awake. When he was acting guarded or like an ass. This causes his irritation to flare as he sits up, raking a hand through his hair that is a mess, clearly still disoriented from a deep sleep.

"Shit…" he groans, muttering under his breath and realizing MC's scent clings to his body. He doesn't wake them, partly because he's still too comfortable with them curled next to him. Instead, he silently marches to their apartment (cam's already gone for the day, which is a small win.) and begins fumigating the place.

He's embarrassed and frustrated, and this will cause him to hate spiders (or love them, dudes in denial) In all honestly he can't put a finger on why he feels the way he does.

"Just get this shit over with," he mutters, spraying the room's corners, his grumpy mood hiding the confusion and vulnerability that he's still sorting through.

[ngage2003]

I would be absolutely thrilled to hear your highschool Jaylex headcanons

SMILES. Ok.

⟦content warning: unhealthy relationships, abusive childhoods, generally two traumatized people behaving badly and like real people, headcanons and some analysis.⟧

As mentioned in this post, I think Alex and Jay are to some extent codependent, with bad habits developed between the both of them due to growing up in the south and being not typical/"weirdos".

I think this based off of just how easily they fell into an unhealthy dynamic in Season 2 of Marble Hornets where I believe Alex plays to what he knows about Jay to manipulate him. (Using his curiosity against him and leading him in circles.)

Jay isn't innocent either though! Really, both these characters are defined by their selfishness, which get exacerbated by the Operator. Alex has a need for control and power, and Jay has a deadly curiosity and passivity/apathy to others in the face of it.

I think Alex's need for control and power comes from his toxic relationship to masculinity, (talked about a bit here,) and a desire to fit in despite being unable to, exacerbated by his home life. I think its very likely his father instilled these beliefs in him by himself being someone who upheld toxic masculinity and make fun of perceived femininity in his son, a sort of abusive "tough love" approach that left Alex hurt and angry and hating himself and his dad.

I think strangely the reason Alex and Jay first connected is because Jay's closed off nature, apathy and his autistic tendencies left him appearing to just not care about masculinity and fitting in, despite being male, a fact which pissed Alex off to no end because it sort of broke his brain. ("Men are naturally good at being masculine and in control and powerful, and I'm not so I am a failure" is a belief instilled in him by his dad, but here is Jay, this apathy filled fly on the wall.)

I think they originally became friends because Alex wanted someone to punch at metaphorically and push around, and Jay easily complied to that, fascinated by Alex's attention on him and his general bristly demeanor which was so opposite to his gilded cage life. (For more on that check out my nepo baby jay post)

I think as time progressed, Alex's anger towards Jay gradually faded a bit, but he always held some sort of residual resentment for how unbothered he seemed with fully conforming to masculinity. Jay to him is as much of a symbol as he is a person, a tick that stubbornly persists in the flesh and ruins Alex's attempts to make sense of things.

That is not to say Jay is feminine necessarily or actively avoiding masculinity, but he is just apathetic and not too preoccupied with being masculine. Along with this, I think he is caring to Alex, especially in highschool, a fact which upsets and confuses the other because "men don't act like that to each other."

I can so clearly see Alex in highschool getting in fights, and then Jay helping patch him up, or buying him something in an attempt to make him feel better because that is just the behavior he has been taught, and Alex briefly thinks about driving his knuckles into Jay's stupid face as he applies an antibiotic to his split knuckles.

I think Jay understands that the grass is not greener for Alex to some extent, but Alex envies him so hard sometimes.

The furniture in Jay's house gets replaced every few months, there is nothing concrete to hold onto and savor there besides this toxic pristine smell of freshness. Meanwhile everything in Alex's house is the same as when he was a young kid, with all the residue of bad memories that come with that, molding under seat cushions and catching in the dusty corners of rooms.

Alex's home is painfully lived in, and Jay's is painfully empty.

I don't think they're ever together romantically, but I think Jay has a brief crush on Alex in highschool because Alex is kind of the only concrete thing in his life. Alex has a crush on him (that he denies) in turn because Jay is the only good thing in his.

They make out on Alex's couch when his parents aren't home, desecrating over a decade of memories with a needy, unsure passion only really held by teenagers and infidels.

Alex is so shocked with himself afterward that he stays in bed all weekend and refuses to ever sit on the couch again, like the memory of what happened there will somehow rub off on him. (Like it will tempt him.)

I don't think Jay ever mentions it again, seeing as Alex ignored him all that weekend, (despite him trying to call because he really wanted to ask Alex about all that, and maybe invite him over to make out again.) But if Alex doesn't want to talk about it, they won't. If he wants Jay to pretend it never happened, he will. Alex leads them after all, and Jay will always follow in his footsteps, always eager to be at his side, no matter how much or little Alex Kralie is left.

I think it is worth noting that, despite coming from different backgrounds, Jay and Alex both go down at the hands of the Operator. Tim and Alex practically come from the same story but they come out the other side as two opposites, while Jay and Alex they both die in the same building.

I think there is some meaning there, with how Alex and Jay are so entangled.

Alex can't kill him for so long, and Jay keeps looking for him always.

I don't know, I think about them a lot.

[inflamedrosenkranz]

So... Jayvik and Caitvi. In the same way that Jayce and Caitlyn are like brother and sister, I can imagine V (Viktor) and Vi bonding over the fact that they're both from the Undercity, and becoming very close friends as a result.

Coming from the same place, they have socio-cultural codes and practices and a vision of the world—in short, a whole habitus—in common. In fact, they like to hang out together when living in Piltover is too much for them, among a bourgeois elite that remains for them an oppressor by whom they will never be truly accepted, and whose codes they will only assimilate and reproduce superficially, the barrier between the two worlds and the weight of history between the two peoples being too thick and heavy for them to be able to really cross it and become so deeply imbued with the Piltovian habitus that they fully acculturate to it. Not that they want to, either, because to integrate completely into the topside society that is the source of a suffering deeply and forever engraved in their flesh would be for them to deny and betray their deepest selves and origins as well as their loved ones remaining in the Undercity, if not their entire people.

Their passing, as class defectors, is thus only apparent. That said, Viktor being older and having lived longer than Vi in Piltover, but also having evolved in the upper echelons of its intellectual and, by extension via Jayce, political elite, I can see him giving Vi advice and sharing his knowledge of the Piltovian way of thinking and living, or correcting some of her character or behavioral traits to help her adapt better in the upper city, especially since as Caitlyn's companion, who is the daughter of one of the most important local houses, she is unfortunately forced to conform to certain standards. In return, I imagine Vi allows V to drop the mask of forced propriety and rediscover a certain whimsy and insolence proper to Zaun, where despite the daily struggles for survival, the inhabitants retain a freedom of thought, an outspokenness and an nonconformism proper to the rebellious spirit of youth and to the working-class camaraderie inherited from hard labor and trade union culture in the mines. For instance, I can see V starting to use swear words again now that he's mixing with Vi, words he'd forbidden himself to use from the moment he had stepped foot in Piltover (even Jayce has never heard a profanity come out of his mouth).

That's why I imagine them getting together on a regular basis to unburden their shoulders of this weight of transclasses and outsiders perpetually out of step in an alien society. At first, they would meet in the less upscale corners of Piltie, those closest to the entrance to the Lanes, putting the world to rights while enjoying drinks at café terraces, window-shopping or sitting in parks. Then they would agree to go back down into Zaun, to reconnect even more with their roots.

Eventually, they would also insist so much that Caitlyn and Jayce come with them, that the latter would eventually give in, despite the constraints it would represent for them, the bad memories they had of Zaun and the remnants of a misplaced condescension for the place and its people still holding sway over them. But out of love, and understanding the self-sacrifice their lovers would make every day to live at Piltie, they would agree to this little compromise, far from 50/50 of course, but aware of how much it all meant to Vi and V, who would then feel allowed to show them the culture of the place and their expertise on it, making Cait and Jayce fall even more in love with them at the sight of the extent and number of their hidden talents, sadly unsuited to Piltover.

In the Undercity, V and Vi would stay one step ahead of their lovers, acting as guardians in dark, seedy alleys, or as culinary guides in restaurants serving suspicious dishes, heartily mocking their cumbersome gas masks. And, when Cait or Jayce would be interested in an item on the market, the other two would show them the fierce art of haggling with salesmen trying to rip off two Pilties lost in a foreign, archaic world, a chaos preceding the apparent cosmos of the topside. While Cait wouldn't be too much surprised to see Vi acting in this way, because it wouldn't be the first time she'd come with her to Zaun, Jayce, for his part, would rediscover his Viktor in a new light. Viktor stuffing himself with dubious foods. Viktor bargaining relentlessly with unscrupulous merchants with a gall and a sassiness Jayce knew he had but had never witnessed before, or at least not to such an extent. Viktor speaking different dialects with representatives of Zaun's various ethnicities and races, with Vi also taking part in the conversation; or V and Vi speaking in Viktor's native dialect (I happen to have a headcanon explaining his accent...)—until then, indeed, he'd never heard Viktor speak a language other than the official one common to both cities with his exquisite accent.

But then he'd hear V swear for the first time and he'd blush; or he'd be moved to hear him introduce him to different places or customs, telling him about them with the self-assurance of someone who knows them from the inside, and for the first time he'd really understand how his man must have felt in his early days at Piltover. Hence, just for a day in Zaun, Jayce would accept to become the outsider instead of Viktor, and from the new prism of his reversed social position, he would feel pride, wonder and renewed love for V.

He'd also watch in awe as his man would hail or greet old acquaintances randomly in the crowd, or would be recognized and approached by shopkeepers who hadn't seen him in years and would therefore be happy to hear from him again. Those V's hitherto unknown aspects he would keep jealously sealed in his heart and cherish forever.

He would also rejoice in V's bond with Vi, them so dissimilar in appearance, happy with their friendship consolidating a little more each day, and with these parallel bonds established between him and Cait, and Viktor and Violet, and he would hope and pray that all this would last until the end.

He would also be delighted to see V finally becoming an integral part of a social group and feeling at ease, finally letting down his guard and abandoning his false shyness in the midst of Vi, Jinx, Ekko, Mylo, Claggor, Vander, Silco and Benzo, he who were once rejected by Zaunites his own age because of his disability. And all together, they would talk about things the Zaunites have in common, and Cait and Jayce would feel left out until Vi, V or the others would provide them with an explanation.

And all, they would watch Jayce out of the corner of their eyes, laughing and giggling at him swooning in front of his man, drinking in every word he would say and always seeming to restrain himself from falling on his neck to kiss him passionately in front of everyone.

But in short, I imagine Vi and V (along with Jinx and Ekko, sometimes) being kind of refuge for each other when their life in Piltover turns them upside down and even sometimes the understanding with their lovers due to their many differences isn't up to scratch and fights and conflicts are on the horizon. They both are friends and confidants, and they find the name of their duo rocks. What about Cai and Jay for the other two?

[jibbmanifests]

Don't “give up” on your manifestations.

You've probably heard a number of manifestation coaches and content creators say this, but, it's true - you shouldn't give up on your manifestations. If you want to because you changed your mind and want to manifest something else, go for it. What I'm saying - and what they're saying - is don't give up solely because you don't think you'll get what you're manifesting.

"...But why not?"

Well, you're going to be letting yourself down. Not to be dramatic, but, you're giving up on your dreams. You're not believing in yourself. You're telling yourself you can't manifest. Gonna be forceful when I say this, but, yes you can.

Also, referring to Taylor Tookes’ latest video, you “giving up” on manifesting is not you actually giving up on manifesting. You are manifesting 24/7, babe. So, all you’re doing is changing your manifestation. You’re instead negatively manifesting “I don’t have [this thing].” Considering you manifest all the time, you might as well make it beneficial for yourself.

"I'm not getting what I want. So, manifesting and law of assumption aren't real."

Bullshit. Pure bullshit. Do you think an actual philosopher just made this up and lied to everyone that he researched this? Do you think every person who knows and talks about it is making up stories for attention and money? Do you think "manifestation" is just some random word thrown into the dictionary?

Everyone - and I mean EVERYONE - manifests every single day, both good and bad things, whether they realize it or not. Like I said, you are always manifesting something to happen. You are always having others reflect you. That's a fact.

Just because you aren't seeing what you want in the 3D yet does not mean LOA and manifesting isn't real. I understand that it can be very discouraging when your 3D reality isn't reflecting what you're manifesting and that circumstances or your own limiting beliefs make this feel harder. But, when you start to get a better grip on it and improve your mentality to get to that wish fulfilled state, you will feel so much better about manifesting. It's worth it.

"I've been waiting for so long and doing everything right. Why should I keep going?"

Chances are you might be seeking validation from the 3D reality, letting circumstances get to you, focusing on timing, and/or not acting like the desired version of yourself, without realizing. OR, it could just be the 3D still catching up and you're pressuring yourself that it won't come if it's not there quickly or instantaneously. These won't completely stop your manifestation it its tracks, but it can slow it down if all of this is happening with very, very little persistence.

If you're not consistently telling yourself everyday that you have the thing(s) you want and are instead leaning too far into the negative things happening in your 3D realm, then you're not going to see your manifestation when you want to. But, when you do consistently affirm while ignoring circumstances and time, you will most certainly get what you want.

Also, when you have that mindset of “I have [this thing],” you aren’t “waiting” on anything. The idea of “waiting” on a manifestation isn’t true. When you’re manifesting, you already have what you want and you’re not focused on the time. Someone who already has something is not waiting and is not focusing on the time. If you act as if it’s a waiting game, you are making yourself wait. Understand that your manifestation is waiting on you to leap into that end state where you know you have it. Things are always unfolding and moving behind the scenes to work in your favor to whatever you’re manifesting. You just have to trust and believe that.

So, don’t make yourself wait. Take your focus off of time and what you’re seeing in front of you. Then, the dream you’ve been manifesting physically shows up. It truly is a paradox. When you don’t worry about the time and “getting” it (because you already have it), it shows up in the physical realm quicker than you could ever imagine.

"My manifestation is too big for me to manifest. It can’t happen.”

Yes, it can. You’re only limiting yourself. Anything - and I mean anything - is possible, despite what other people try to tell you. Nothing is “too big” for you to manifest.

Can it feel difficult to manifest? Yes. When you’re changing from, let’s say, a 9-5 office worker to a singer who tours internationally, that feels like a massive shift in your life. You aren’t used to a change like that. HOWEVER, this does not mean you can’t make that shift in realities.

Manifesting “That man in front of me treated me to a coffee” while you’re in line at Starbucks is just as easy to manifest as “My boyfriend proposed to me with the ring I’ve been wanting.” It just may not feel as easy as one another.

But, to simply put it, we tend to put these limits on ourselves when, in truth, the sky’s the limit. You can manifest something HUGE.

“…But I don’t want to take action and constantly affirm.”

Guess what? You don’t have to take action and constantly repeat words in your mind. Action is never required when you’re manifesting. Repeating phrases to yourself is helpful, but when it comes down to it, affirming is just stating that something is true. You can say it once and that’s enough as long as you believe you already have what you want. The only reason repeated affirming is encouraged is because stating what you’re affirming over and over again in your mind is what can make you believe it’s true.

[servamparchive]

ARCHIVE UPDATE: Volume 24 Drama CD, Mahiru and Kuro at the Dinner Table

Access it here.

Hi there! This is my first post on this account. Servamp is a favorite series of mine and since it ended, I've noticed a lot of content that I once was able to enjoy has either disappeared or went private.

I wanted to change that! And thus this blog was born. Please check out my rules before interacting with the things I post. Thank you in advance!

That being said, this drama CD... omg I'm emotionally compromised. Notes below.

THEY VOICED CHAPTERS 97 AND 128 AHHHHHHHH HAD ME BAWLING LIKE A BABY

Terashii and Kaji-san... they're so amazing... I hope one day I can see these scenes animated with their voice acting too ;v;

The second track starts out with Lawless waking Kuro up and the two of them talking like their Eves are dead... until Mahiru comes home and tells them both to cut it out lol. Turns out he was just on a trip with Misono and Sakuya, the former having come home with him. Lawless and Kuro are spoiled with manjuu while Mahiru asks why they were talking like that cause it's not like Licht is dead either, lol

"No matter where neko-san is, I'll be there. That's because I'm an angel" Thanks Licht for the introduction lol. He also helps himself to some manjuu and it's safe to say from his chuuni ramblings he likes it

Lawless wants to go to the onsen with Niccolo and Ildio ;v; cute

They kinda yap about the cast's regular lives for a bit. It's nice. Feels domestic. Feels like it really is over and they all can live happily ;v;

I don't wanna yap too long but there's lots of silly shenanigans in here. That being said, one of my favorite things!! Y'ALL KURO IS LEARNING HOW TO COOK AND HE'S APPARENTLY GETTING PRETTY GOOD AT IT!!!!!

He makes everyone pancakes. Lawless and Misono freak out at the sight of Kuro putting on an apron and cooking, Lawless even mentions he's becoming a "proper ikemen" LOL. Mahiru is very supportive of him.

The LawLicht after they eat is very good... Licht even tells Lawless, "As an angel -- that isn't enough, huh. Then as your friend." My heart might've melted there alone. You also get voice acting from the chapter 127 scene where Licht thanks Lawless and says he'll stick with him... these two AAAAAAA

The CD ends on Mahiru and Kuro trying to decide on dinner, and Kuro says "From here on out, dinner isn't just Mahiru's duty -- thinking simply, it's ours!" These two (PART 2) AGHHHH I love them...

That's about all I have to yap about here personally, but feel free to make proper translations if you're better at Japanese than me LOL. Thanks for reading the yap session~

(Note... it's only now I found out its already been translated... ssg me)

[gay-jewish-bucky]

After doing a lot of thinking on amazing tags from @mieczyhale (and the courage they always give me to say the things I really want to say), I've decided that I want to be true to my original idea for this post: self-indulgent fantasy.

The main inspiration for this comes from this Hey Alma review of this Cosmo article of 8 Hanukkah-themed sex positions. The review is a great read, and the writer of it, sex blogger and influencer Arielle Kaplan, is a Brooklyn Jew, like Bucky! It made me completely enamoured with the idea of a no-powers AU where Bucky runs a sex blog focusing on his perspective and experiences as a gay, disabled, Jewish man.

To preface, Steve and Bucky always discus what they're mutually comfortable with sharing on the blog, especially when Steve is actively involved. They both get veto power.

He's not overtly explicit or graphic or overly descriptive about his sex life on the blog, that is between him and Steve. Even kvelling to his sister/best friend Becca, he holds back on a lot of specifics. With his blog, he attempts to maintain a level of restraint and privacy. He'll often balance more frank discussions of sex with an educational tone. He's as honest and charming in writing as he is in person, and that draws people in. That charm also drew Steve in.

Bucky's main niche is: -> Accessibility adaptions, products, advice and resources for people with limb differences (Bucky is a congenital amputee in this AU) -> Encouraging Jews to fully embrace the mitzvah of sexual intimacy with their partners and feel comfortable getting kinky with it

Like the author of the Hey Alma review, Bucky comes across the infamous Cosmo article listing Hanukkah-inspired sex acts. While initially excited to try them out with Steve, a bit of festive fun for just the two of them that maybe he can recommend to others, Bucky comes away from it feeling major disappointment. It's painfully cisheteronromative and its lazily put together; some acts on the list don't even have titles, Steven!

Feeling as though the concept has a lot of missed potential, Bucky decides to spend the next year coming up with his own list. For the process, Bucky takes the role of the NJB (Nice Jewish Bottom), with Steve as his willing partner/test subject.

Armed with Bucky's physical journals and polaroid camera for documenting and drafting, the two spend the year overhauling, testing and tweaking the list until it's perfect. They want to ensure that each sex act listed attempts to offer options that open it up to more types of couples. It's a lot of work, with a lot of extracurricular experimental sex that ends up being great fun, no matter how 'well' it goes.

The list ends up becoming Bucky's favourite project for his blog, his pride and joy. When Hanukkah arrives, he proudly shares his version of the list, one night at a time, with a brief, Steve-approved anecdote of their festive fucking experience accompanying it.

If this is adapted to a fanfic, these posts could be followed with a more explicit scene of the full experience that the blog readers don't see.

Here is a proposed, revised Hanukkah Sex Positions list:

1. With Your Dreidel I Will Play Strip Dreidel - Rules Nun: nothing Gimmel: lick one of your partner’s exposed body parts Hay: remove all clothing from your upper or lower half Shin: remove one piece of clothing 2. Miracle of the Oil Give your partner a full body rub down with massage oil, progressing to the prone bone position, combining erotic massage with slow and deep anal or vaginal stimulation 3. Latke But Don’t Touch Both partners are naked, one is tied to a chair, being hand-fed latkes, any oil or toppings that drip onto them must be licked up 4. O, Hannukah Partners have penetrative sex in the candle position with the penetrating and receiving partners in vibrating cock rings (for people with vaginas: use a vibrating clit clamp) 5. SufganiHOT Cover and/or fill your partner’s ass and genitals with strawberry-flavoured lube and eat them out 6. Let’s Gelt it On “Buy” sexual favours of your choosing with gelt as currency 7. Maccabeat It Mutual masturbation while reflecting on the Hanukkah candles 8. Light My Menorah Using the shamash of body-safe (paraffin or soy) Hanukkah candle, the partner bottoming straddles (with or without penetration) the partner topping and drips melting wax on their chest

(you can reblog the list by itself here!)

[kiwi-backup]

I don't hear enough people talking about Priest!Nanami...

[nsfw, Nanami drabble...]

...Whose faith has always been so unshakable...until a seemingly endless string of bad luck begins to burden him. It makes him question what he devoted his whole life to...what he has sacrificed all to a higher power he can't see with his own eyes. To spread the gospel as he swore to.

That is, before he finds an angel tucked away somewhere on the church grounds, injured and in need of help. He can't believe his eyes or his sudden turn of luck.

An angel...a messenger of God sent straight to him.

Just like that, his faith repairs itself, and he wastes no time lending the angel the help it needs.

While using soft tones, he tends to the divine being within the sanctuary of the church, hidden from any prying eyes. He knows his medical supplies are rudimentary at best, but the angel doesn't complain.

For one of the first times in his life, Nanami finds himself feeling almost...shy. Bashful, perhaps. It is an otherworldly being, of course, and seemingly the perfect vessel to test the strength of his faith.

Still, the angel is just as warm and tender as he would expect. With their wounds cleaned and the crisis averted, Nanami doesn't know where to go from there.

But he can't fight how fascinated he feels about it all.

The angel is beautiful...heavenly, to be more accurate. With long, silky hair, comforting golden eyes, and wings that look softer than anything on earth. They're...breathtaking.

Picking up on his curiosity, the angel slowly spreads one of its wings out, stretching to its full span in offering. Nanami is wide-eyed at first before reaching a careful hand out to feel those soft feathers for himself. There's a slight tremble to his touch while he marvels at the sensation, almost feeling like he's been blessed in every possible way.

He silently thanks God for the gift...for every reason to believe again.

And as he finds himself growing closer to the angel, getting lost in their endless beauty and grace, seemingly too curious about Earthly, human things to know any better, Nanami can't help himself.

He can't stop himself from craving their touch...craving something so deep and carnal that he's never had access to before.

Something in him knows it's wrong, but he can't help it.

After softly exploring the angel's lips, savouring every moment of pure pleasure, he can't stop himself from tasting more...

Down their chest as it moves innocently yet frantically while they endure his open-mouthed kisses, the smooth plains of their abdomen, down to the very center of their being.

Nanami lavishes the angel, unable to conceal that want as it surges through him, demanding to be appeased despite his position.

When he parts the angel's legs and finally pushes his way inside, every brick of Nanami's resolve crumbles completely, and he's overcome by the temptation of skin he always managed to conquer.

Something in the back of his mind tells him to stop...to beg both the angel and God for forgiveness, but feeling their warmth so thoroughly wrapped around him, he can't stop. Not when the angel is whining and keening for something it's experiencing for the first time.

Who would he be to deny such a divine being?

Nanami gets lost in the throes of it, pushing himself and the angel closer to damnation and impurity with every thrust of his hips—with every huffed breath and moan that escapes his lips.

He should stop. He should repent.

But the angel's wanton cries are too great to ignore...too enticing.

And the moment he finally comes...finally groans into the column of the angel's neck while gripping the small mattress beneath them, Nanami feels his soul ascending.

He finally knows what it means to feel and taste the flesh...to be corrupted by those bodily sins.

And even if he has condemned them both, Nanami can't find it in himself to regret it.

If he could be so easily tempted by one of the Lord's angels...was his faith ever intact at all?

He is just a man, after all...

[on-wine-dark-seas]

So what finally convinced you to selfship?

Whew, this might actually net me some disdain, resentment, etc, but...I'm gonna power through this because I have a lot of opinions, and I wanna make it clear why I'm taking on this challenge.

So full disclosure: I don't actually really like Reader fics. It's not that they're not well-written. On the contrary, a majority of them are brilliant, and most of my favorite fics in this fandom are Reader[ish] fic. Now, the reason I don't like this is not because of the second-person perspective. I'm a longtime gamemaster, writing and speaking in second-person doesn't bug me. I've read The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemisin. Second-person can be a rad storytelling element.

What bugs me is the obvious farce of Reader fic.

I know a lot of writers and artists try their best to keep descriptions of the Reader out of their narration, but it almost always manifests and becomes glaringly obvious that the Reader is their OC stripped of name and defining physical characteristics. Even in the art, it's very clear that Y/N is an OC or a generic, skinny, white, feminine body.

Now, here's the issue: I'm a dark skinned Black woman with curly/kinky hair, and I'm not skinny or perceived as delicate [despite my best efforts]. When I see descriptions about my fave supposedly combing their hands through my hair, or my lips being plush and pink, or my CHEEKS TURNING PINK WHEN I BLUSH, I immediately separate myself from the Reader and replace it with what is obviously the writer's OC or self-insert. And there's absolutely no shame in them doing that! I am the CEO of the OC x Canon agenda, and I will always push for people to be fearless in creating OCs.

And so much of the Reader fic is making it painfully obvious that that's what everyone wants to do, and because no one wants to risk losing readers/views/kudos/comments at best, or being labeled the dreaded Mary Sue at worst, we get inundated with a lot of fanfic and fanart that clearly have heavy OC overtones.

I never see myself as the Reader because the writers are never visualizing me when they're writing the Reader. It's not even about the choices Reader makes in a fic, it's the obvious coding of the Reader's appearance, if that makes sense? I'm sure other Black women in fandom can relate.

So, because of this, I can't feel truly immersed in the story as if I'm the protagonist because the Reader is not me.

Does this look like a fragile, delicate, wide-eyed ingenue waiting to be seduced by the big, bad wolf? No. I am a woman of many vibes: I fuck. I fight. I curse. I spit blood and I dance until the sun comes up. I can also be very soft and sweet and affectionate [just ask the polycule], but most importantly: I'm Black as fuck; not just in appearance, but culturally. I come from Nigerian and American parents. I have a very rich cultural background that shapes and influences everything about me. And none of that is ever reflected in the Reader fics I read, and even some of the ones supposedly featuring a Black reader are holding back in significant ways. Yes, even the ones I praise and laud endlessly. Again, it's not about the quality of the writing, it's about the principle at its core.

And how could I ever expect a writer to account for a person like me in their stories? Why would I ever expect them to? Reader fics ring false for me because there's too many unique people out there to settle for generic nondescript details about the literal protagonist. And I have the misfortune of being in a fandom where that is mostly all there is to read. As a result, I have to do some extra mental gymnastics to enjoy reading fic. I would rather be reading about other people's OCs, if we're being honest.

I got tired of reading fic where I still felt like an interloper or outsider in a story that is supposedly about ME. And I decided to take the plunge and write a story that actually features me as the protagonist and love interest. Not the Reader. The Writer. I'm definitely not the first, and I hope I'm not the last. I feel like this is the natural progression for someone who exclusively writes OC x Canon.

On the other side of this, I understand why Reader fic has become so popular in the fandom. It's an easy way for people to get eyes on their work because now the readers feel like they can be invested in the story because the protagonist is them. And for some people, that's enough. But for those of us who are already ostracized, ignored, and even abused in fandom, and treated as Other, this is not always the case. It's not as easy as slipping into a new coat cut exactly to my size, and more like I'm in the writer's closet trying on their clothes and realizing that we're nowhere near the same size for me to be in there at all.

I hope the people who actually rock with me and my writing enjoy The Invitation when I finally release it. It's turning out to be a point of pride for me, and most importantly: the story is about me.

[ivyblossom]

Lessons in Story: Artificial Intelligence

Artificial intelligence is not an element of story, and yet here we are.

I'm aware that AI is bad for the environment. So's tumblr. That's all true. I'm also aware that AI scrapes copyrighted material like google does. I'm aware of how it steals art for its knowledge base without compensating artists and uses is as a model and replacement for skills. That's bad. I'm not going to address any of that here.

I have been observing how people talk about using AI in various parts of their writing process at the same time as I'm been trying to understand my own process and the obstacles I'm facing, and these two topics have oddly collided.

As I've said previously, my background is in some kind of woo woo where narrative comes out in one whole piece. So the fact that writing is many different and iterative pieces is something I had to figure out in my own bizarre way, but at the moment I now understand the basic process to be in these four general stages:

dreaming/planning (coming up with characters, ideas, goals, worlds, etc.)

outlining (not to say that this isn't many sub-stages, all of these steps are big catagories)

writing (actually putting words into sentences so your story exists)

Editing (revising, restructuring, polishing, etc.)

Are there more steps that I'm not accounting for? Those are the stages as I understand them. You can move back and forth through these stages throughout the process, so it's not necessarily linear, though it could be. For me, the key has been embracing the fact these are all radically different activities that require a completely different headspace, different skills, sometimes different tools, and a different perspective on narrative. That has been freeing revelation, because I was trying to do most of it at the same time.

But here's what else I've learned:

Dreaming/planning: this is a zero consistency space when it comes to how close or how far away you are from your protagonist. Are you feeling what they feel, or are you 30,000 feet up looking at the task they have in front of them and the path they're going to take? Or are you somewhere in between? Kind of all of the above at different points.

Outlining: in my experience, this can and should include emotional through lines, but outlining usually focuses on the 30,000 foot view. I have personally never written an outline that didn't miss critical details because of the 30,000 foot gap between me and the protagonist when I outline.

Writing: this seems like the very closest and most intimate you get with your story and your protagonist, right? This is where you live through it with them in extreme detail. There is no distance between you and them, you have to use a telescope to see 30,000 feet up. I find I have to revise my outline in small ways because I often underestimate or overestimate what something's going to feel like on the ground. This is like a micro-discovery phase: not plot discovery, emotional and intimate detail discovery.

Editing: I'm not an expert at this, but so far I feel like it goes back to being extremely inconsistent. It's either very close in a different way, or 30,000 feet up, or various in-between levels, depending on the type of editing or revision. And sometimes it's none of those, it's completely outside looking at how many times you use the word "feel" or whether your verbs and nouns agree.

Right. So people try to insert AI to do the graft for one or more of these stages.

AI in stage 1: I've seen some folks talk about using AI to get ideas for stories. I don't understand that, ideas are the easiest part of this process, as far as I can tell. Life's a rich pageant, maybe that's not universally true. Now, having AI to help you refine an idea, I can see that. Especially if you ask it to point out tropes and cliches as you go. Is that bad? Is that cheating? I dunno.

AI in stage 2: I've never seen anyone say they do this. If you have an amazing and complete story idea and you want to shaped into a 3 or 5 act structure, or a hero's journey, etc. I'm sure AI could do that, but that's mainly just typing. That's like AI as workbook. Is that cheating? I dunno. Does an AI generated outline help you? Or do you just skip the thinking that would have created the details of your story? Hard to say.

AI in stage 3: The wildest version of using AI in the creation of fiction, and there are whole subreddits for it. This is the people who are constructing novels scene by scene by telling AI to write it for them to their specifications and then "heavily editing" the result. So they are ostensibly doing stage 1, 2, and 4 themselves, and are outsourcing stage 3, the hard graft. Though I'd be very surprised if they aren't also using AI for stage 4, but let's assume they aren't.

Stage 3 is the only part of writing process that is protected by copyright, so it's a weird one to outsource. It's also the stage, in my experience, where you do micro-discovery, the in-the-moment scene details and the actual, living emotional experience of your story that you can't completely capture in outline. So if you just animate your outline without living through the story with your characters, it's always going to feel emotionally 30,000 feet in the air, I think. Right? If you feed AI an outline, that's what you'd get. i think doing this is just avoiding doing the most intimate and immediate discovery process of creating a story, and I don't think that serves the story or the writer (or "writer").

I'm intrigued that people think you can do this and it makes sense. You'd have to believe that the writing process is simply describing the contents of your outline, but I don't think that's true. It's like trying to get from the twelfth floor to the first floor by skipping the stairs, the elevator or the escalator and just leaping into the air assuming you'll land just fine because those intermediary systems are just time-wasters anyway.

I've read some arguments that using AI for stage 3 is something people with disabilities need to get their stories out into the world. As a neurodivergent person, I think that's short-sighted and is a disservice to those stories. I'm pretty sure it's just skipping the work of living through the emotional through line of the story and just not making all the little decisions and constructing the tiny details that go into the telling of a story. That's a heck of a missing staircase. Outlines aren't stories. Skipping the writing part means you're missing 2/3rds of the discovery, and therefore 2/3rds of the richness and depth of the story. How does that serve disabled voices? I don't buy it.

AI in stage 4: the one that looks innocuous but is actually dangerous. Dumping your work into AI and having it fix everything for you. This is a bad idea. Dump your work in there if you want to, but have it tell you what it's finding that needs adjustment so you can make decisions about it yourself. Copying and pasting out of an AI engine means you aren't making decisions about it, you're deferring decisions to a machine. That's the fastest way possible to erase your own voice. I can see getting it to flag things it has questions about, but taking AI advice on your writing is way too trusting.

I think this is especially dangerous for writers who don't have confidence in their own voice. AI's voice may seem like a better chose to them, and that's really sad.

I have more to say about AI, but this is more than enough for now.

[aliennazero]

☆Headcanon: brother-sister coding, hear me out

I need to get this post done before whatever that will happen in chapter 192. So even if I only got two more days for this theory to be around, I'll be glad that I finally let this out from my chest after a while. So, don't take whatever I will ramble about as something super serious.

First of all, maybe you guys will look at me and says, "what the fuck Alie they're like two different unrelated characters" and while that's true for now and so far, I just... can't really took my eyes off from this "siblings coding" the more I read Chainsaw Man. And I have some reasons and theories why (disclaimer: I did a crazy reach all over the direction) and I found it very interesting.

Reason no. 1: Their First Meeting & Re-occurence

Hirofumi is the first part 1 character that Asa meets (even before Denji). So, I think it's reasonable for me—the reader to be intrigued on what is Fujimoto's plan for their seemingly "not important" (but why be the first?) relationship.

My initial thought is that: oh, they might become friendlier in the future or even become lifelong enemies. Then I remember Hayakawa Family—Aki and Power as the first ever Denji's buddy, specific on Power.

Because even though narratively and character writing-wise Power and Hirofumi are fundamentally different, both of them are written initially to form false narratives that they'll become a token love interest for our protagonist(s) aren't they? They also share a somewhat similar strawberry cake motive, makes me wonder why.

Alsoooo, I think the way Hirofumi & Asa's Devil Hunter Club "date" being portrayed as very differently from Hirofumi + Denji and Hirofumi + Fami "cafe date" (a.k.a. work-related mandated date) is important, somehow.

Reason no. 2: Personal Motives and Untold Family Narratives of Asa Mitaka

We know since the very first time we met her that Asa is very lonely and her motives circling around getting a companion (either a boyfriend or a friend) and living selfishly (which as we can see right now is backfired rapidly, but I'll talk about this separately later, maybe in the future).

However, there's one aspect of her motives that's kinda underlooked, and it's her relationship with family member. Yes, we got a glimpse of Asa and her mom (never with her father so far) and Asa with her lovely pet—Crambon, however they already died years ago, and Asa blame herself for it.

It's unfair that in this world, she still had her family, as they said. So maybe she already gives up on that idea. Which is where the true weights of this headcanon come from. What if, she still could have it? Even though she never asked for this directly. Her getting a family again that she was maliciously accused of unfairly having, could be very nice, actually. Even if it's a very insufferable or a miserable mess workaholic kind of brother (or twin brother).

Reason no. 3: Hirofumi's Motives

This deserves its very own post just like my plan to talks more about Asa's living selfishly motive but to make it simple, Hirofumi lied at the very start because he already formed a parasocial relationship with both Asa and Denji by giving them options to have a somewhat nicer normal life (Denji not becoming Chainsaw Man, and Asa making a distance from Denji to prevent her from turning him into her weapon and thus also prevented her to feel down because of the guilt) even though he knows that another choice never really exist to begin with.

(Asa doesn't necessarily have to be his sister to add more depths to this motive. I just think won't it be very funny if Hirofumi was like collecting information all around, confirming that Asa Mitaka is indeed the incarnation of War Devil in weird case then he took a look at her Koseki then boom they have the same dad!? What the fuck was that. Here comes new responsibility that his father left behind, I guess)

As what we know so far, Hirofumi took his job and his responsibility very seriously and very neat about which one he could improve or "change" for everyone's sake involved. IF Hirofumi and Asa are indeed siblings (or half siblings) however, this gives more explanation on his involvement and his own personal interest. Hirofumi is not easy to read, but he still overshares to Asa (chapter 121 when he agrees on Asa's takes about solitude) and "taking care" of her.

Reason no. 4: Just Take a More Look at Them

Taller than average? Check. More athletic than average? Check. Insane face card? Check. Unbelievable amount of yearning? Check. Arguably suicidal? Check.

Both of them being a human stuck in status quo between human vs devil war like hostages in their own prison—Hirofumi stuck as hollow used cop for Public Safety and Asa stuck as War Devil very own vessel—with absolutely nothing, no one really on their side (Fumiko and Fami as mean of even more control over both of them)? Check.

Even as concept alone, child soldier and war maiden incarnate siblingsm could be developed to be something, very interesting.

Okay, now into more theories territory.....

Theory no. 1: Asa and Hirofumi are the Result of Kishibe Fucking Around and Found Out Post Quanxi Rejection Era

Why Kishibe would do that? Idk but it's a funny math because if Kishibe is in his early 50 now then 17 years ago would be him in his 30s. If Kishibe become devil hunter in his early 20s and meet Quanxi shortly after that and become buddies for 9 years then, the year just lined up lmao. How much chances of them being an oopsies baby thus explaining their very different last names but strangely similar physiques and even narratives? Not zero.

There are two options regarding this though. It's either they're twin siblings or half siblings. Half siblings mean they have different mothers but same dad, and twin siblings mean they have same mother but got separated at some point during their lifetime (Hirofumi went with Kishibe and Asa went with her mama who probably re-marry or just simply raising Asa alone and lying about her dad getting eaten by devil or something because her love story with that drunkard crazy man is just that bad).

Kishibe avoiding child support for 17 years and this is the consequences, also both of them got their ass kicked out by the very same lesbian who rejects their father, I'll say it's a beautiful storytelling.

Theory no. 2: Sinister Look on Vol 17 Cover and "Hirofumi will appear in Asa's Dream"

We will get into a more sinister area here because I believe the Makima-esque vibes, "necessary evil" narratives Hirofumi brought up to the table are not coincidences or neglectable at all. Even more sinister because his cover is him standing in front of alleyway just like how Makima cover is her in front of the door in Denji's dream.

Which led me to think that this could indicate something. However, kinda different on how it was portrayed, I think this make things clear that Hirofumi is not endgame antagonist since his cover came a bit too early than what we—the reader anticipated (there is absolutely no fucking nobody in the fandom that expecting Hirofumi to get a cover during before the cover reveal). However, he might be the key into Asa's end dream reveal later on.

Maybe he will appear on her dream being vague as fuck, or maybe direct her dream into a more "false happiness" directions since all he did is lying (see reason no. 3) to distract her focus on dead chickens. Personally, I think the latter will be more interesting because it will be the opposite of what Makima did in Denji's dream, if this "Hirofumi will appear in Asa's dream sooner or later" theory is true. The government and the church need Asa in her stable conditions to unleash Yoru anyway.

"Then what does this imply into your siblings theory"—because siblings should take care of each other, ideally. And I think it will add more depth, if true of course.

Theory no. 3: Hirofumi Cares About Asa (maybe more than what we see on-screen)

To put on more disclaimer, this is just what I imagine to fill out the gap in between narratives and it connects to reasons number 3 (again). Despite how he positions himself and blending in the crowd like invincible, Hirofumi is actually easy to care and feel guilty too (and the reason why he could kill the Immortal Brother assassin in part 1 is because he has the ignorance privilege, but with both Denji and Asa? Not so much).

I have no strong basis for this theory I just have my own feelings and a dream, and this is basically what I think Hirofumi has done so far for Asa (subtle) in the story:

Hirofumi just let Yuko loose and kill Asa's bullies during Justice Devil Arc. This may sound dark, but it fit his character in a way that he's okay with doing violence as long as it could benefit his mission (and maybe this time his personal interest too). Because he knows Asa got bullied at school. If this could solve her bullying problems, then why not? That's why Hirofumi is just sitting around during the whole fight until Denji interfered.

Hirofumi is the one who brought Asa to hospital after Falling Devil Arc (which is somehow in line for how I think he's Denji blood-giver in the same arc). Because well, I don't think Public Safety cared enough to get her conditions checked, but Hirofumi is aware about her injury conditions (arguably this is so that she could be a bargaining chip for Denji but we know that the main chip is Nayuta, I think Hirofumi just want to let him know just because also let me have this imagination for the sake of this agenda).

The reason why Hirofumi didn't or more likely can't kill Asa during CSM Church Arc is not necessarily just because War Devil has become stronger. Paneling focus on their face's expressions indicate that Hirofumi just can't bring himself more to do so (after he saw Asa's hand and her in pain), thus making him fail this mission to capture War Devil dead or alive. It's the guilt kicking in.

I think Hirofumi is somewhat relieved after he saw Asa's hands are back (yay) in Aging Devil Arc. Also, that's what he put his focus on FIRST after he got vomited out before asking his own situation even.

Personal View and The Main Takeaway (really): I need this to be real just because I think it will be so fucking funny

To end this unbelievably long ass post, I think it's important to note again that they have like five screentime together and I'm just insane. But if I should be honest, this is not me being rational at all, I just think the whole situation would be funny up to seven more factors if my ramblings are true.

Because this headcanon imply that the fandom meltdown towards them (as individuals or as in characters dynamics) is unnecessary at all. Like aside from Hirofumi being read mainly as queer, maybe him acting kind of mean and nonchalantly distant (and somewhat awfully playful) towards Asa are just because he like being petty and doesn't want to look like he wants to bang his sister (as a sister myself, yes I do feel the need to annoy my other siblings whenever I can just because I could and it doesn't have to be hatred, sometimes it's the love aggression kicking in).

Lastly, thank you guys for coming to my yapping ted talks.

[lpsgirl109]

Whenever people say stuff like this i can usually see where they're coming from but you're bringing up a post where the point was not "If you hate Willow you hate lesbians." The person who made that confession said so themselves. It was about people beating Willow and Sunlow down for the horrible crime of not being perfectly written while not holding male characters and mlm/straight ships to those same standards. I've already mentioned before about the time someone came on this blog saying jamapple was written better than sunlow, but it's a good example of what I mean. Because no they weren't. Im not gonna say Sunlow was one of the best written ships in the series but Jamapple literally boils down to ome scene where Pineapple is leaving the rainforest and Jambu literally doesn't give a fuck. Which feels incredibly out of character for him and I don't understand why Tui made him so uncaring there, but at least Sunlow loved and cared for each other and it was an important aspect of their stories. This is what we mean, when a gay ship that had barely any screen time gets put on a pedestal (despite honestly not being that good) but a sapphic relationship that gets to be the focal point of one of the books gets brushed off and deemed not worth people's time because. It wasn't written perfect. Which is not to fucking say people can't like jamapple more than sunlow before people twist my words like they've been twisting the original sunlow anon's words. There's a difference between preferring one over the other and trying to argue why one is Better than the other. It's the latter where I start to side eye you because 1. You'd be wrong even if Sunlow wasn't a sapphic ship; Sundew and Willow value each other a lot and their love is a key aspect of TPJ. Jambu and Pineapple have one scene together and all it tells me is that Jambu is somehow genuinely too lazy to care about Pineapple's well being. 2. While I'm not gonna say it's an immediate sign of misogyny or lesbophobia, because it isn't, but its already very common in fandom where people boost gay ships up for existing while beating down lesbian ships if they don't meet certain requirements, so it Is at the very least off putting seeing someone try to argue why a gay ship where one partner cared more about sleeping than the other partner going away on a dangerous mission, was handled better than the lesbian ship where both characters are shown several times how much they value each other

some of y'all are like the wc fandom when it comes to ppl not liking a specific female character.

It annoys me to no end when I see someone who is complaining about ppl not liking a female character and somehow relates that with "do you hate lesbians/female characters?" like???? NO???? Just because someone hates a character does mean it has anything to do with hating the group that the character just happens to be in.

a specific confession a while ago was sad at the willow hate, which can be understandable, I get how people hating on your fave will bring you down but what annoyed me is that the people below somehow related that with?? queerphobia? its literally that one meme. "I don't like *character who happens to be a woman/queer*" "So you hate women/queers??" like no that isn't the case.

"it made me uncomfy as a queer person" I'm sorry! but that has nothing to do with this.

and I get how someone would be concerned about it, trust me I do, but its stupid to see someone say they don't like a character and assume they hate the group that the character is in, because that Is Not The Fucking Case and you're just making erratic assumptions.

Just because someone hates a female/queer character does NOT mean they hate women/queer people they literally JUST hate that character for their own reason. get a grip.

.

[skunkes]

if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.

[aeolianblues]

I'm not an extrovert. At all. In everyday life, I'm a yapper, sure, but I need someone to first assure me I am okay to yap, so I don't start conversations, even when I really want to join in sometimes! It's just the social anxiety acting up. God knows where from and why I lose a lot of my inhibitions when it comes to talking to people about music. I don't know where the confidence has suddenly sprung from. I've made a crazy amount of friends in musical circles, either just talking to people about common music or (since it is after all in music circles) talking to bands about their own music. I let out a sigh of relief any time an interaction goes well, because in truth it's going against my every instinct. I wish I could do that in everyday life

[jils-things]

i went wandering off in my pokespe gallery and had to relieve how wonderful this scene played out. no kidding

please dont read the tags i got emotional there /lh