#like i get made fun lf cause I'm short

[plantsandpies]

Bit of a rant but I’m not seeing my therapist soon and it’s bothering me, so gonna do it anyway.

So I realized that I don’t really like one of my friends. I get along with many people in my life despite my horrible social anxiety (part of the reason I only have a few close friends (this one being one of them)). However I only have like six close ones (which is a lot but I’m in theatre and people usually have more). I really like most of them and like talking to them. I like hanging out with them and truly do care about them, this friend too. I love my best friend more than anything and she introduced me to my current friend group because they’re in the same class and have been for years now. This is important for my later part of the rant.

One of these friends I used to really like, she was obviously insecure (which is also important to this post) but she’s pretty nice and smart and used to be fun to talk to.

Until we started working at the same place. We worked at an afterschool daycare and I worked everyday while she only worked three days a week.

At first it was fine. But then one day one of the kids started telling her that she had an f and worked it up to a d and now it was an a. She was really proud of it and then my friend went on a rant about how people who get f’s don’t try and how they’re lazy in front of her.

At this point it was just this child (who’s like 12) and her younger sister (who’s in first grade), plus all of the workers (four total including me and her who are all high school students) at the time and our manager who’s in college. One of these girls admitted she had an f in math (which I’m sure we can all agree is understandable). But even with me trying to argue with her gently and get her to stop she went on about it. She said it didn’t apply to the kid but didn’t about our coworker who looked embarrassed and then went to the bathroom.

This kid looked at us and quietly talked about how crazy that was and we (I know we shouldn’t have) tried to soften her behavior because she’s supposed to be in charge, but honestly we were all shocked.

After this I noticed more. She didn’t talk to kids about their behavior or really do anything to help clean up. She would be on her phone all of the time (which we did during snack time or if there wasn’t a lot of kids and one of us was watching them, but she was on it ALL of the time). She’d bring her ap chem book to study during outside play time. She brought stuff to make photo cards for a concert of hers instead of doing stuff to watch the kids and (which I guess could be fun for them) enlisted some of the interested kids to cut paper for her. This bothers me because she brought to focus on something else other than her job. Sometimes I bring books, but those are in case. I’m not actively reading and I almost never actually did anything with them. It was mainly for after we closed cause I don’t drive and had to be picked up.

I’d make jokes about the kids and talk about my day and be frustrated with how kids act (because one of them was ridiculous). But she’d say in an annoyed tone, “I have to see the children today”.

She’d only help clean if everyone else was (and I mean everyone). We had to clean the toys before we could leave for the end of the year and instead of helping clean all of the toys, she’d clean the tables. When she did this I was annoyed, because as someone who cleaned the tables, I knew it didn’t take too long. It took her the entire time we cleaned every toy we had for her to finish. What the hell was she doing? You spray and wipe and the you’re done.

We have these of end of high school projects cause we’re both in special programs. She’s learning programming for hers and I asked how she’s going to have the time to do it all since she’s working the summer camps and she’s working for six hours (I’m not because I realized I needed to focus on next year as well as fixing my mental health (which for an update on that, I’ve started doing things I like again instead of rotting!). She said that she’d just ask for three hours instead and it wasn’t like they could say no cause they needed all the help they could get.

Excuse me? They need all the help they can get? I understand that you have other things to do, but you volunteered for this. You didn’t have to do it. You have committed to watching children, watching young children and being responsible for their well being and you want to ditch? Like, that just rubs me the wrong way and honestly really soured my opinion of her. Not that they would’ve really benefited anyway since, at least from what I’ve seen when I worked with her, she really doesn’t do anything.

She also worked the spring camp, again I didn’t because I understand that I need breaks and that I put myself under pressure and need to take breaks from that. At that spring camp, she wore a revealing crop top. Now I want it to be known I wish women could dress how they want and generally think dress codes are stupid. But when at work with children, I think you should have a little bit of modesty in what you wear. At least sleeves and a bra. Also working at the regular stuff has a dress code too. Did she not ask? Did she think that it’s different? Did she think she could just get away with it? Is she really that clueless?

The reason she keeps working? She wants more albums of her favorite artists. That’s fine, spend your money on whatever. But find a job where you can actually goof off and dress how you want. Don’t get one where you’re responsible for someone else’s life, especially a child’s.

Honestly the main reason I think that we clash in work settings is because she wealthier than I am. One of her parents is a lawyer and the other one is another upper class job. She’s doing this for photo cards and albums, I’m doing this for work experience and so I have some money for college. She didn’t realize my parents couldn’t help me pay for college and just assumed everyone’s parent did. When I asked if she didn’t realize some people’s parents can’t, she said she did and that it was sad. Then why would you assume people are making money to buy things for fun. Look where you are going to school and what the economy is like! You were in macroeconomics, use that! Her mom, despite having to work every morning, makes her kids lunch. The rest of the friend group has to make their own or pack their own leftovers. And you know what? She's the only one that complains. She once complained her mother didn't pack enough goldfish for her and complained. I'm honestly wondering what the hell goes through her head.

Earlier I said that she was insecure and that it was important. It is because she developed this thing where she puts her selfworth in her grades and appearance. She puts that on other people too. Which is clear from the grade rant she had. I noticed that she’d mess with her hair a lot and dress nicer than the rest of us, and didn’t mind it. But with the whole grade thing and her insecurities pushing that, I’m wondering how she thinks of us. How she thinks of me. I’ve only recently pulled myself out of a depression with the help and meds and my family. I have had so much trouble taking care of myself and even without that don’t really care about how other people, who I don’t know, perceive me. I can go to school in sweats with crazy Alice in wonderland patterns and be fine. I had a lot of trouble in chemistry and math last year (and this year for math) and have talked about it. Has she thought less of me as a person or assumed I had negative traits because of how I dressed or my troubles with chem and math? If she has I don’t know if I want to be around someone who thinks less of me because of my performance in stem based studies or my lack of wearing nicer clothes than a tee-shirt and jeans or leggings.

For my birthday this year (which was earlier than now) she was sick and I said I could move it if she really wasn’t feeling well. However, she asked me to move it because she wanted to be better for a visit with a different friend the day after my party. I was okay with moving it if she was sick, because she was my friend. But moving it because she wanted to hang out with another friend instead of coming to my birthday party? What the hell? I said no and was honestly worried that she wouldn’t come. She did. I don’t know if she saw her other friend or not.

Despite all of this, her behavior towards work, me and how she views herself and possibly other people, I can never bring this up to her.

I don’t want to cause an argument or seem petty for holding on to something like my birthday party from months ago. Plus, I met my friends through my best friend since fifth grade. Many of my friends other than me and my best friend went to the same elementary school or were friends when they were younger. Plus they were in the same class for three years in a block period, so they were with each other more than I was with them. My best friend is leaving for college, and despite me hanging out with them outside of school and texting and being the best friend I can, I’m not sure if I stop being friends with her if I loose all my friends. I don’t want her to loose her friends either if they decide to hang out with me instead and I don’t want my other friends to have to choose. As much as I love and care for my friends, I don’t know how strong that bond is without my best friend or our shared lunches together (we all have half days next year and won’t be having lunch at the school). I don’t want to loose my friends over an argument with her. I don’t like how she treats work or what she prioritizes, but she’s still fun to hang out with when she isn’t like that.

As for the other people I get along with, I get along with them, but we aren’t friends. They’re in my class or from theater so it’s only during a show or up to one.

As stupid as it sounds, I’m going to hang onto this until we either drift apart or the straw breaks because I can’t stand loosing my other friends and even if she pisses me off, her presence in my life as well.

Sorry for any spelling mistakes, this really was a rant and just me typing as I went.

[tentacledtherapist]

Lisa,

Per our last letter: I am so impressed! Physics is fascinating but I do not have the brain for it. I love when my friends who love math and physics tell me about it though, they make it make sense, you know? My last roommate kept a whiteboard in her room and just FILLED it with mathematics and would dissect math problems in conversations with us in order to solve them. It was fun. Pity about the Men In STEM type of Personality though, I'm sure you're a delight to chat with minus the golf. Funny, I get zapped myself.... not irregularly? I like the way it makes my fingertips buzz.

As for essayists and Youtubers I also quite like Jacob Geller and watch Bernadette Banner, Bernadette is an inspiration to me. I'm very familiar with both nightmind and Defunctland, I also share a theme park fascination. I love videos of urban exploration in places like that, as well as the technology behind them. My specific fascination is dark rides, but I also enjoy just watching rollercoaster videos too just cuz they're neat. I started in the theme park side of youtube when I started watching Haunted House runthrough videos, looking at the effects and costumes, then it moved on to the dark rides and went from there.

I also watch Morgan Donner, Nicole Rudolph, Karolina Zebrowska, Sew Rena and Rebecca Maksy who are in the same vein of creator as Bernadette. I also enjoy doll creators in the background like Dollightful and Hextian, etellan and Poppen Atelier. Essayists I like, or content creators in general, Athena P is deeply funny, Strange Aeons and Izzyzz are very popular, Kaz Rowe is my BELOVED for a LGBT perspective on history, Li Speaks and Dream Jelly for nostalgia essays, CZWorld and Dead Meat are great for horror, Caitlin Doughty for some really good insight on death work and death culture though she is by no means the last and only creator i follow on that, and hazelyt with their AMAZING creepypasta retrospective I cannot recommend more. If you like horror, but not necessarily campy horror, check out the yt channel nana825763. They made the famous username666 but made this absolutely insane short film called "my house walkthrough" that is a must see for those who like horror that allows you to dissect it moment to moment but isn't very long. Entirely practical effects, I cannot stress how much this formed a huge portion of my standards for scary stuff that doesn't rely on jumpscares, but pure artistry. They literally destroyed this house over time to get each take for the movie so it is WILD to imagine how they did it (the behind the scenes is also amazing).

- Creature

P.s.: I'm so glad you liked Frankenhooker! Definitely one of those sleeper hits that you can tell inspired some of LF, along with things like Re-Animator and Weird Science, Death Becomes Her too (which has some WILD old effects). But I also see the Heathers and Edward Scissorhands comparisons. Not sure if you're a Heathers fan?

i do like heathers quite a bit! and i love edward scissorhands! all the movies you mentioned there i’ve seen more than once and i like ‘em a lot! there’s a thing i’ve seen around more than once about how if lisa frankenstein the movie was actually made in the 80’s, we’d be played by johnny depp and winona ryder, which i do kinda agree with-

thank you for the recommendations too!!!! i cannot wait to check out “my house walkthrough”! it sounds so so so cool, omg. for your little description, it reminds me of, like, wham city comedy’s projects “unedited footage of a bear” and “this house has people in it”? both of which i absolutely LOVED

plus i’m a sucker for good practical effects? i love when you can watch an effect and see viscerally how real it is, because something is actually happening on set? even if it isn’t “perfect,” at least it’s real, ya know?

it’s the same principle as my fascination with theme park engineering? cause a lot of those places have to conceal the actual inner workings of things to maintain illusion, but they’re all real and practical and i think it’s so fun to try and figure out every bit of engineering that went into how the effects work? it’s like a puzzle, i guess

real, physical special effects are just so so cool

- Lisa