#like i fr have too much untreated mental illness for that. KLJDFHGKDLFG
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i wanna grow from it n be better n all that but like. the guilt <3
#friends i'm not sure i can remember the last time i did something good#KJDLFHGKLDFGH#so weird. i need therapy so bad . LMFAODFJKGLHDG#it's kinda like how when the days are getting shorter and everyday it's like. oh god it can't get any shorter that would be horrendous.#but then it does and it is horrendous#in any case. i wanna be a better person. and i'm trying. and i don't think it's working. not sure where to go from here KJLHDFGK#i've been telling myself i'll just like. take the being a good daughter making mama papa happy route and all that but like#i can't even graduate how am i gonna force myself to like men and then get an arranged marriage . and what if they want kids . i'm not like#like i fr have too much untreated mental illness for that. KLJDFHGKDLFG#in any case. i need to just. focus on submitting my final paper and assignments and graduate. but like. ..............#the weird mix of anxiety n guilt n dread n all that feels like it is. paralyzing me out of starting anything. which it has been for over a#year now?? so like#kinda wanna throw up all the time#neg#mano.mindtalk#el oh el this year is so funny it's. one big bit and i'm gonna bow and everyone's gonna clap. and then i'll go back to being good at things
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