#like i cant stress enough how if you struggle with attention to detail and observing the world you're gonna struggle with drawingz

[noblemalone]

I think im a pretty good artist i think I'm hot shit right so i feel like

Idk seeing artists online especially in the fanart and character illustration/OC department, seeing those newer artists who are maybe just getting in to digital art or drawing in general i feel like...

One like slooow down brother there's no need to be making stickers or doing commissions or having a patreon just yet, let's walk before we run ok? Of course you can do, people can do whatever they want with their free time but you have to understand a lot more about art, marketing online, self promotion, and social media trends to get the kind of traction you're expecting. I feel like theres this pressure for newer artists to legitimize themselves thru like, monetary means ("if ppl subscribe to my patreon, it means I'm good at art") and social media capital ("likes are nice, but they dont do much; please reblog!")

And like yeah everyone wants that but... If you're drawing solely for those reasons and are disheartened by lack of interaction or traction in the markets, what are you even doing? I been doing this a long time, 20+ years at this point. Not commissions or anything, just drawing. I been drawing a long time and I always do it for the love of the game. I do it because it keeps my mind and hands busy, it brings me joy, and i like to create. I enjoy translating the real world into lines, in stylizing, in pushing. I just like it and yk what, thats how I've had this longevity and thats how I've gotten to where i am. I have sketchbooks full of work no one has ever seen, not just studies but all kinds of work.

If your drive to to do the thing, or to improve at a craft or whatever is external, you can't keep it up. Thats nothing to say about learning to enjoy observation and the importance, even in stylized work, of learning how to look at something and how to just observe and notice the things we see. Idk so much of my growth and skill has come from an internal drive to improve for myself, because getting better is a challenge i want to overcome, and doing the less-exciting stuff like drawing a fuckin building. I've been to probably idk dozens of life drawing sessions because i wanted to grasp anatomy better. In university, i took courses where we looked at bones and skeletons so that i would by proxy have a better anatomical grasp. I learned to map my knowledge and the things I learned about applying making or working out back to drawing. Idk man i dont know how to tell you how to love something

And thats all not the point anyway cuz the point is

Two, i think some new artists don't really... They're not interested in finding a personal style? Or if they are they're not sure how to get there? They see the work that does numbers on insta and twitter and stuff and they wanna draw like that, so they do what those artists do. Admirable! But also they do it without understanding the underlying principals. This artists blocks their characters out like this, so i shall too. That artist uses lineless painterly style with heavy realistic rendering, so shall I. And idk everyone enjoys that style the idk Popular Style of anime realism or whatever its fine to look at but dont y'all ever want more??

And like idk do you enjoy the process or are you doing it that way cuz thats how your fave does it?

And idk like.... Two works can be of equal technical skill level, but the one that plays with style and understands underlying principals of lighting and colour and shape and line, the one that is bold with their vision, is always gonna be better than the one that's trying to be popular and do numbers yk?

Like if thats the style that speaks to you, go for it, but fuckin Go for it yk? Dont try and be like everybody else or the big time players cuz if you're trying to master someone else's style, you're not gonna be able to master the things that make art fun and interesting and challenging and engaging yk

And also a lot of art is about vibes and if you're not channeling the vibes its gonna look bad you gotta focus on the vibes not on being like your fave!!

And if i see one more person say "i spent so long rendering this 🥲" when its fucking cel shaded I'm gonna lose my frickin MIND I SWEAR BROTHER I'M NOT MAD I LOVE CEL SHADING BUT CHRIST ON THE CROSS USE THE RIGHT WORDS FOR THE THINGS YOU MEAN

[xuune]

oh wow i haven’t been on tumblr in so long bc mobile is shit but how tf did i forget abt ur art ??? fukcin blows me away wow. any tips on anatomy for a rly bad artist? ik practice, but i get so frustrated when it doesn’t look like what i see in my head :(

yeah lol mobile on tumblr sucks major ass now. i cant even publish drafts on there. and im in the same boat wiht you on anatomy lmao. it might look like i know what im doing, but sometimes not really. maybe im just good at deceiving ppl on the way i draw when its kinda inaccurate 

anyway, i also struggle with never really composing the shit i want, and even i tell myself to go practice anatomy but im never really granted a lot of time in my life, so i gotta make use of whatever i can find whenever i draw.

this post is actually long, so if you just want anatomy resources, you can check these out:

stuff that i made tutorials/tips on: torso/hands/pose

these are all very condensed tutorials/tips, so a lot of this is just collection of stuff that i’ve learned/noticed from others. this might be helpful, but idk man 

here’s a list of other resources for anatomy/any other refs 

this one was mentioned in the list, but its easily looked over: posemaniacs, it has different modes you can try out (timed/casual study), and its good for practicing foundations in anatomy. i paid more attention to this one when i saw a twitter post of it  

bodies in motion is a site you can also use. it has a catalog of images to see people acting something out, and you get to see all the frames of it occurring. even though you’re just looking at images, its still a reference to learn how arms, legs, or torsos move B^) its a good way to pay attention to the smaller details like the various muscles in bodies 

and honestly, check out what other ppl say too. there’s a lot of artists out there who might’ve already wrote some shit that i mentioned or have new info that i never thought about. just type in “anatomy/art tips” into any kind of search bar and you’re sure to find something useful at some point. but main takeaway i really want you to have is to seriously study from life. dont do it based on memory or anything. there’s no other general advice that i can really give besides 1) practice 2) study from life 3) dont stress out and take your time. if you want me to give a specific tip/tutorial on a body part, i can try, but the amount of depth i can give is really based on my own knowledge of it 

now for the 2nd part of this post: 

COMPOSING SHIT OR MAKING STUFF LOOK LIKE WHAT YOU EXPECTED IT TO LOOK LIKE: 

“i get so frustrated when it doesn’t look like what i see in my head :(“

i suck at it, whoever is reading this prob sucks at it (and they secretly know it too) we all gotta start somewhere. you’re kinda asking for composing stuff while also anatomy tips, but its kinda broad, so lemme mention something about composition:

use perspective grids or at least practice using them first. the best way to understand how things are supposed to look is also based around the way you’re trying to see it in, like a certain angle of some sort. here, lemme give an example where i drafted a sketch a lot: 

ok cool, got a pose i want, got the general idea, niiiiiiiiiceee. but i didnt think it was good enough, but i still managed to plan out a pose anyway with that grid on the bottom. it helped me gain a focus on how these characters were supposed to lay down on the ground, but it still wasnt good enough yet. character on top was facing their right instead of the person in front of them, which wasnt what i wanted. 

then i sketched it again. this time the “camera” of the scene was more based around the front of the characters rather than the side, and now the character is looking at the person below them. but wait, it wasnt good enough yet. i didnt like how relaxed their position looked. 

i changed the position of the character to make it seem more convincing that they were pressing hard into the ground and possibly sneering at the person below them. they held dominance over the person simply based on the way theyre positioned in the scene. the way people move suggests a lot about what is happening in the scene and what might be apparent about their character. i was able to make a pose i wanted with the help of a perspective grid, and it really does help at times. use perspective grids to help you out with making anatomy. also, dont forget that what you learn from simply observing how bodies work can help you out with giving clues to how the bodies should look at a certain angle

but am i a master at using perspective grids? no, lol. i always have to make several perspective grids while i draw as a way to convince myself that i really am drawing my shit right. 

some of the resources i listed lean into something related to perspective, so there’s that. there’s definitely tutorials out there to understand how to use perspective grids, so i suggest you search those up too. there’s a program called carapace thats specific for creating perspective grids, but im not sure where the original download site is, but if you want to know what it looks like or where to download it, google is your friend. if you use digital media and your drawing software offers a perspective grid function, then i highly suggest you learn how to use it. 

i wouldnt say that there’s a specific thing you need to learn first (i.e. learning perspective before anatomy), but if you want to just simply learn how to draw anatomy, then go ahead and find whatever you can. if you wanna create some cool ass poses with some interesting perspective shots, then take what you learn from anatomy and apply it to how you practice your perspective shots or vice versa. there’s a lot of variety in what you can do and how you can do it simultaneously with something else to learn something out of it B^) 

[wang-yeon]

Chewing gum (Park Jimin X reader)

Warning: cursing, sexual themes, smut I guess, raunchy language, mentions of alcohol, slight mention of drugs but not really, fluffy fluff

Summary: y/n has enough piled on her plate being a full time college student and began a virgin is added to the list. In seek to ridden her purity  she attempts to find the right guy. Little does she know that the right guy is more interested in something else rather than her purity.

college is a stressful time for any young adult struggling with their inner bullshit. Each day you are faced with a new face on campus. A new story. Friendships bond over simple conversations that start from  inconsequential talk to a mind bending relationship. Just the simple thought is to send anyone into over drive. The simple crave to have a relationship was enough to impassion or have great value to someone resulting in a great impact in there lives. enough to last a life time.

Out of all the faces in the crowd that including mine, I was the only sad bastard that desired this feeling while everyone else establish it without minding a blink. If only they knew how lucky they truly were to have a lucky someone. It doesn't even have to be someone, anyone. Sometimes we just need anyone. It doesn't matter who it is. Just anyone to remind us what's it like to live in the moment, and feel something before its over completely.

Sure I did have that one person that attempted to pursue these unrealistic goals. His name was Jeon Jungkook , but he often went by the name of Jungcock. I remember that specific moment he tried to be that anyone, making me live in the moment but very poorly.

I had came to the conclusion that it was a brilliant idea to lose my virginity the night me and jungkook had attended a forced religious study brought to you by my ever so 'loving' parents. This making it the perfect setting to fuck, sorry to put it bluntly but these were the thoughts that once surfaced my sick teenage brain. Of course the mood hadn't been set, while I was completely ignoring it jungkook was soaking in the awkwardness.

Many attempts later trying to get jungkook off he finally lets out a cry, which I totally took the wrong way. Thinking it was a cry from pleasure I began jerking him off faster making his face  contort into a painful expression. I evidently got the hint once he busted out into tears. I had planned the night out to the brim but what I didn't imagine was to have a crying jungkook, patting him awkwardly as he poured out his gay fantasies.

Safe to say ever since that night I had reminded a virgin. Which isn't wrong I just didn't want to live this depriving life anymore. yes there was always porn but that never works out for me. see before the porn even started I would already find myself turned on, just like any horny virgin stuck in college.

As soon as I would click on the 'adult entertainment' the plot beings instantly killing my lady boner. it doesn't add up to me, I come on the site for one thing to simple pleasure myself by seeing a 7-10 minute film filled with satisfying moans but instead I'm faced with a full on movie with a real plot as if they are gonna win a Oscar.

I had been convinced that my vagina had been broken. so I hide myself from the world. Surviving from ramen noodles and red bulls I was all set. I was to afraid that the world would perceive me differently because of this. People would often use my virginity to their advantage, seeing my purity as a prize. My only source being able to hide. until my roommate told me other wise. she had brought up how I wasn't being social that being one of the reasons my vagina had magically stopped working. It just gave up.

My vagina wants convinced no one wanted it because it was untouched and pure. Like a flower, if that flower was all fucked up suffering from her dumbass roommate.     

Hours passed as she attempted to revamp my whole being. almost to the point of looking like a stripper. not to insult the strippers out there, I'm sure your definitely doing better off then me. the only reason why I decided to try and go to this party was not because of my new found appearance or because my roommates boyfriend namjoon would be getting the alcohol but because I was simply promised food.

nothing more nothing less.

there wasn't even food.

nothing but alcohol.

My roommate had left me by the time we got through the door leaving me to awkwardly pretend like I'm having an intimate fake conversation on the phone. "whos the lucky guy?" my attention was cut sort as I turned around being faced with a cheeky brunette who I must say had an award winning smile. His face was sure enough to kick start my broken vagina

(I am so sorry, I wrote this at 2am and I am now realizing what the fuck is wrong with me)

"the guy on the phone, or is it a girl. It is the 21st century and all." the overly handsome boy said pointing to my phone.

He must had heard the conversation between me and...well nobody sensing I had no one to talk to besides myself.

"Oh it was nobody." I say waving him off a with a slight smile, one that couldn't compete to his. it was weird that I was feeling such fondness to someone I haven't properly met, but damn was he good to look at.

"Oh well if it was nobody then I guess they wouldn't mind if I introduced myself." I never nodded my head as fast I did  in that moment, I swear I almost broke my neck. I was still in the process of trying to figure out what he wanted to do with me. if only he knew what lied beneath all this stripper exterior. again no disrespect to strippers.

"My name is park jimin, but you can just call me jimin I don't mind. what about you? a beautiful girl like you must have a name."

He had me wrapped around his finger

"Oh my names Y/N, you can call me Y/N noting special I'm sorry." I played off my awkwardness with a quick deprived laugh.

"woah."

"what?" I began to panic searching my face for any minor detail on my face as his small statement worried me.

"Oh nothing, its just I cant believe someone as perfect as you could also share the name of a goddess." Jimin held a sweet exterior and I wanted nothing more than to see what he could actually be capable of when he gets the upper hand. it took everything in me to not rip his clothes off.

a small tug on my dress brought me out of my 'I need to fuck jimin' phase, as I turned around a complete bored expression painted my face. my roommate had come in at the most imperfect time. she had been the one to come up with the idea to get my broken vagina back in the works. I haven't even seen her this entire party and she pops up now. this must mean that I wasn't meant to have sex with jimin.

ha lets be honest I'm still gonna have sex with jimin.

but before I could take any sort of action my oh so lovely roommate decided to tug me off with her to a beer pong table. Jimin still sported his loving smile while I was being tugged away but soon deflated as I grew further away. well looks like I lost the only chance of sex tonight. I was placed at the head of the table, the horizon filled with seas of solo red cups with what I assumed were filled with beer.a happy roommate by my side wishing I could share the same expression but remained the unamused expression. That was until I found out who we were playing against.

"Hey jimin get over here, I cant lose to my girlfriend and her roommate." my head immediately shot up at namjoons mention of jimin. my head fully coming up from its previous stances as I face jimin.

He flashes me a smirk and bites his lips as he made eye contact with me. I noticed that he had gained more confidence due to his kill worthy actions and as I look over at the cups in my view and cant help but eagerly wonder how much more confidence jimin can gain by the simple sip of a cup. or two. the couple of rounds were spent by many laughs and the splashes of the ball hitting the intoxicating beer. as the rounds went on we saw the game as nothing but a blur enjoining each others company.

namjoon and roommate had been all over each other while me and jimin oh so subtlety flirted and shared affectionate glances. these actions were enough to send me into over drive.

I began to completely forget about the game as the sound of the ball hitting the rim clinked in my ears every chance I got. jimin retrieved the ball before sparing me a glance.

"This shot goes out to my lucky lady!" Jimin said clearly intoxicated but so was everyone at that party including myself. he still managed to make my heart swell even in his drunken oblivion.

"Go ahead kiss the ball baby, your my little good luck charm." jimin said shoving the ball in my face.

This situation already was weird by his choice of words but grew weirder as he shoved the ball in my face. none of the less I kissed the ball still remaining eye contact with him which he found oddly sexy.

"Maybe one on the lips for extra good luck." Oh park jimin was gonna be the death of me. I had to be a complete idiot to deny this. I placed my arms around his neck as he placed his around my waist. our lips were centimenairs apart, thesecual tensions driving us to close the gap.

"Hey don't give him all of your luck, we don't want them to win!" my roommate said as she proceeded to pull me and jimin apart. we both let out a loud sigh going back in our previous position. remind me to get a new roommate. eventfully jimin made the cup earning a satisfying splashing victory fill his teams ears.

I quickly reached for the cup noticing it being different from the cups, it being marked as 'the krusty krab secret formula'. Of course I drank it but as everyones face twisted into a scared expression I went quiet.

"Woah, whats wrong with you guys?"

"Joon, she took the special one...The dru-"

"I fucking know, cant you see me freaking out. maybe she'll be okay."

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN SHELL BE OKAY?! She just took a few grams of-"

"Lets go to the pool!"

Those had to be the most awkward moments for me. I stood there silently observing as namjoon and roommate attempted to have a quiet conversation about something I couldn't catch on to. I could tell jimin was just as confused as I was, but couldn't really focus on anything as I began to see pretty shapes and colors I could distinguish.

I somehow managed to make my way to the pool, in a very unstable fashion do to the liquids in my system. Everyone in the pool had took the liberty to swim in their underwear, so I followed along.

I felt a small tap on my shoulders turning around being faced with a the shit eating smirk that was painted on his face ever since the alcohol began lurking in his system. this was certainly a good thing as it was directing us to have a more direct conversation rather than sober.

"I thought I lost you for a second, couldn't lose someone as beautiful as you." To jimin he may have been saying the most simplest of things to me it was as if he was reciting a poem deep from his heart. For all I know he probably says this to countless amount of girls, what made me so special?

I quickly covered it up with a laugh and splashing water in his face which wasn't the best idea. The water had gotten trapped in his hair causing the once straight hair to become wet and stick to his forehead. Making him grow hotter.

Jimin responded by grabbing me by the waist and placing me on his shoulder, letting a yelp fall from my mouth.

"Jimin let me down." I protested but secretly knew that I didn't want him to let go. "Alright." Jimin obliged as he let go of me, a loud splash filled the atmosphere as both our bodies fell underneath the pools surface. I closed my eyes attempting to reach the surface of the pool before feeling a body collide with mine. I quickly came up to the surface with a dazed expression as my arms were locked around jimins neck and his on my waist.

It was sure enough to shock the both of us being in that position but was it a bad thing. "Look at that, I think I saved your life."

"I think you deserve an award due to such braver." I knew that my comment was risky but my actions were enough to diagnose me as borderline crazy. I had managed to easily wrap my legs around jimins waist bringing us at a closer proximity.

"Oh? I was hopping for just a kiss." Of course he was. Jimin didn't want me. He was far better then any of the guys I had ever thought of losing my virginity to. I took my legs off from around him. Looks like I was shit out of luck.

"I mean it certainly isn't a bad thing. I'm sure every part of you looks good...taste good." Jimin said seductively licking his lips as he brought my legs back around his waist. My cheeks began to flame a crimson color at his statement.

"Is this what you say to all of your girls?"

"I'm flattered that you think I have girls lined up but when will you notice it's only you. Your so beautiful. Every aspect of you. Your personality. Your beautiful body. Your perfect baby." Jimin finished his heartfelt sentence with a firm squeeze on my ass making it the icing on the cake.

I carefully brought my lips to his needing the feel of our lips together. The kiss started off slow almost as afraid it would end at any moment but as it progressed we began to become intoxicated by he kiss. The alcohol already consuming our system has added to the ecstasy flowing through as intensifying the feeling. Jimin backed slowly to the pool wall his hands beginning to wander to my core. My stomach tightened at his gesture letting a low moan fall from my lips. Encouraging his confidence.

"I wanna feel you baby, is that okay?" I nodded eagerly as his hands guided his way to my heat. His hands began to circle around my clit as he began kissing my neck leaving his love bites. Truth be told was I never had an orgasm, well no guy had ever gave me an organism. It was usually always my sex deprived self left alone to take care of my business making this a completely different experience. It had gotten so intense to the point that I couldn't control my moans. Jimin attempted to silence them with his lips only making me crave the moment even more. 

He began to tease my opening, the euphoria coming in contact with my body once again. I couldn't take it anymore the feeling of the euphoria running through my body sending it into overdrive. I quickly grabbed jimins hands signaling him to stop. After all the setting we were in was a pool. Surrounded by people. Clearly Jimin couldn't help it. Somehow he did manage to extract his hands from my heat.

"Sorry, you were just so wet I couldn't help myself." It's like he wanted to take me right then and there which I would have obliged to but due to the scene sadly the circumstances couldn't have been the same.

"Jimin, it's like your trying to kill me!" I said hitting Jimin lightly on the arm embarrassed by his abrupt statement. Jimin thought nothing of it as he smiled into my neck giggling lightly.

"Don't hide your smile, it makes me insides melt." maybe the alcohol lurking in my system wasn't as good as his. I couldn't stop the flow of words leaving my mouth. each coming out after the next, each word more dirtier than the next. Even though jimin had the chance to swim away from me he didn't, choosing to stay. I had came to the conclusion that he was absoultuly insane, lucky for him I am to. obviously.

"Well I have to say seeing you in such minimal clothing really makes me want me take you here right now." Jimin said going along with conversation but his dirty talk was far better than mine, it also having a greater affect.

"And seeing you in this pool,water all over your body. Oh baby I'm sure you can be wetter than this." By this point I was dripping and ready for my virginity to be gracefully taken by park jimin.

We had managed to stumble up the steps with drunken kisses in  search of the nearest bedroom in need to relieve the tension. Panic began to roll through my body as we entered the room, jimin quickly closing the door pushing me into the wall where he continued to kiss me. His hands soon diverted to the inside of my thighs growing closer to my heat. This simple action caused a loud moan to escape from my lips surprising jimin before a dark expression rolled over his face.

Jimin quickly picked me up placing me on the bed where he got in between my thighs ever so slightly and gently grinding against my core. At an agonizing rate. I wanted more lifting my hips meeting his thrusting making him let a deep groan but silencing it as his lips connected to my neck, me responding constantly to each mark he made.

"Hey can we try something?" I said in a quiet voice, not trusting myself to speak to loud afraid I would let out a loud moan. Jimin nodded his head but still continued his journey on leaving soft purple marks on my neck.  I pushed him back a little before taking my shirt off causing jimins heart to quicken and his eyes to widen.

"Um may...May touch..Your um." I laughed at the new jimin before me. One who was stuttering due to nervousness. It was as if the confidence drained from him as I gided his hands to my clothed boobs. it was cute to see him venerable. His hands remained stiff before he squeezed them slightly making a quiet moan leave my lips.

 This obviously encouraging him he continued his actions before I reached to updo my bra to which he stopped me. "Hey its okay, we don't have to do any drastic."

"Oh, um okay." I took my hand away from my bra straps bringing them to my side.

I had never gone this far with a guy and when I almost had they were never as indering as jimin was. I looked over his features before placing his face in my hands connecting our lips together. I climbed on his lap enjoying the sounds falling from his lips and I'm sure he felt the same as for me. I slowly grinded my hips feeling his member poke my thigh.

I proceeded to take off his shirt feeling over his muscles liking the skin to skin contact.  our tonuges began to battle for dominance, I gided my ran to his member causing me to win the battle.  I quickly reached for his zipper bringing it down before he stopped me.

"Hey calm down, we don't have to go this fast. We don't even have to have sex if you want to?" It cared that he worried about me and my thoughts but in reality I wanted nothing more but to fuck him and finally be ridden rom my virginity. "sorry I'm just really nervous."

"hey its okay like I said we don't have to do anything, I still think your a cool girl." a cool girl? I wanted be so much more than a cool girl, but I didn't protest instead just silently accepting.

"Yeah, we can still hang out, without doing anything major."

"Yeah, I would love to keep on talking to the beautiful girl I met tonight. Well I guess I should take you home." And just like that my virginity dreams were crushed. 

jimin had managed to drive me back to my dorm room with the help of making sure I was in the right state of mind. I invited him into the dorm with open arms as he excepted it insisting he needed to nurse me back to health. aka he wanted to have sex with me. at least I think I sat fidgeting on my bed as jimin retrieved some water for me, and then proceeding to sit on the bed with me crossing his fingers. as we both sat in silence.

filling the air with tension.

"I'm sorry." I say as my lips quivered realizing my idiotic behavior that occurred throughout the night.

"Oh baby you don't need to be sorry, sure the night didn't go as we planned but one thing for sure is that I met a beautiful girl through it."

Their he goes again saying romantic things making my heart swoon. why did he have to be so perfect. to perfect. someone I couldn't get no matter how hard I longed for.

"Oh please, I'm not beautiful. sure with the makeup I look descent but besides that, I look identical to a trashcan." Jimin had a bored expression playing on his face as these words left my mouth not beliving a word that flowed from my mouth.

"Okay you want me to be honest? You remind me of a flower, a flower that is anything but beautiful and worthy, at least that's what people may think. but when you bloom and open up to the people around you that's when your beauty shows. You need to open up to people more instead of opening your legs to get to the source, because that doesn't matter like your personality ."

Sure the beginning of the sentence didn't begin off oh so glamorous but it was the message that he proclaimed that caused his statement to come off sincere. In that moment I realized that I was looking for something when something else had already found me. what I'm trying to say is that I was seeking to lose my virginity something that means a lot to a person, that's all I was focused on.

While jimin was focused on the likeability, he didn't care about my sex appeal just about my heart. That's all he was seeking  for, just someone he could care for. He found me. I was to naïve to realize it. I was lost in my head. He was lost in his heart. He wasn't as lost as I was, I was far beyond lost that I couldn't make sense of it or why it was meant for me but yet I began to be drawn to it all. 

Now as we lay in my bed mindlessly kissing Id like to think after all the tragic events that occurred that somehow he feels the same. So perhaps being connected to someone and not in a sexual  derogatory manor but rather as a close relationship. This being something I had craved all along. The need to need someone, anyone.

Jimins hands carefully holding my waist making me feel like I am as fragile and delicate as a doll. His care makes me feel as if I was his main priority. Its crazy after one night how quick a connection can occur between two people. weather it be a friendship or sexual encounter.

I had thought about what the world thinks of me. My appearance. my personality. My virginity. every aspect of me. I have thought about this for so long that some parts of me have changed to fit the life of others I achieved to once be. I can see now that virginity has nothing to do with these aspects.Just some sorry excuses i used, blocking out the real problem. I longed for a human connection.

His soft snores filled my ears his arms wrapping tighter around me as if he's afraid that ill leave. I had someone who cares about me and shows open affection, and if at least one person can see my true self/ beauty instead of seeing my virginity as a title. then I can have the will power to show my true self and actually open up to the people I care for the most.

A/n I wanted to post this story sometime sooner but turns out a special person was giving birth and I had to go witnesses it and I saw EVERYTHING but I manage to finish the writing while she gave birth. also I'm thinking about a part two