#like i am physically attracted to guys but like the attraction is...conceptual 😭 when they are attracted to me..

[bbael]

Am I insecure, really picky or just a lesbian

[gerrydelano]

If it’s alright, I’d like to ask a question about gender? You mentioned being bigender, and I’ve been wondering if I might be as well. I quite like my assigned gender, feel community with other people of that gender, enjoy presenting in that way, but I also feel a connection to nonbinary communities, sometimes want to be n.b, and specifically enjoy presenting as my agab but “doing it wrong” or a little androgynous but closer to my assigned gender.

But I’m not sure if I’m trying to fit in with my n.b friends and am really a slightly gnc gay person, or if I’m actually some flavor of nonbinary. Does this sound like a way a bigender person might experience things? Or does it sound like a different label, including being cis? I’ve been questioning for a year and a half and I still don’t know 😭

you may ABSOLUTELY ask a question about gender! if you're willing to accept this ronologue in return, that is. you know me 😅

if you've been questioning like that for this long, if you find yourself wanting to be nonbinary, then there's no rule in the world that says you're NOT nonbinary or that you couldn't be! many nonbinary people still connect with their AGAB in a variety of ways, sometimes even through their experience with relationships and attraction, so you're right on the money re: taking your orientation into account as well. it's super common for the two to go hand in hand, and even change in conjunction with one another.

a lot of nonbinary and trans people "start small" by experimenting with labels and presentation in doses, too! before they realize they want to lean further one way or do less of another thing or completely scrap something else. most everyone i know has gone through a bunch of different labels before finding comfort in a few, myself included! i've. probably identified as everything in the LGBT+ acronym at some point over time. the strungle 🤪

a person doesn't have to physically present a certain way to be any which gender, either. what matters is how you feel about it, your personal relationship to the concepts of masculinity and femininity, and how you conceptualize yourself. all it takes to Trans Your Gender really is just... feeling that way about it, wanting to be something, even if it's not "as far" as some people go when transitioning "completely" away from their AGAB. (for lack of better phrasing, just for simplicity's sake.)

nonbinary has a trillion different meanings! this can be one, too. if you're more comfortable just IDing as GNC for a while, go right ahead. if another word tickles your fancy and makes you perk up like a dog when the treat bag crinkles, that could be a sign! i can't give you a universal yes or no to whether your experience is distinctly of the Bigender Genre or not, because everyone's going to experience that differently, too!

for me, i know i just "can't pick"/oscillate between Butch and Boy, i still feel connected to wlw experience but i also am Just Some Guy sometimes, all at once or back-to-back really fast, or one for a long period of time before it flops back to the other. it fluctuates! i used genderfluid for a while, but after narrowing it down and thinking more about my sexuality, too, bigender just feels Right. finally getting to be peacefully around people who don't make me feel guilty or traitorous or undesirable for being one or the other, or too much/not enough of one thing at the same time, has really helped me to feel better about embracing that. blows a kiss to the fruit salad bowl.

so many people have started exactly where you are. many of them found themselves in a wildly different position on the spectrum years later once they learned they were "allowed" to be trans and keep exploring. others are perfectly content to stay put! you won't know until all that time passes, but if you feel a particular way now? that still counts.

right now, you are the oldest you have ever been. you know yourself the most you've ever known yourself to date, and you are the most developed version of yourself that exists in this moment! if who you are right now can be described with a word that makes you happy, go ahead and use that word right now. don't worry about what may have felt so concrete once in the past, or what may change in the future.

you could be a GNC cis person, sure! but make sure you don't ever say "just GNC :/" when you say that, as if it's less real or "valid" or understandable, as if it doesn't come with its own unique set of experiences, too. you could be nonbinary, yeah! but don't think that means you have to change anything about how you socially present, if you're happy as you are. whatever you feel describes how you feel, i think that's wonderful and i'm happy for you!

i can't slap a label on your forehead and call it a day, is the thing. only you can make this call for yourself. i think talking it out with your nonbinary friends who know you better might be helpful if you haven't already! or just do it again.

i think you're onto something with questioning, though, and this amount of questioning IS indicative of having a case of The Genders™ in some capacity, so keep pursuing it. you'll be okay!

either way, i hope you find a way to describe your experience that makes you feel like yourself 🧡 good luck!