#like i always say to people i am fine in person! i have 0 social anxiety face to face. which is so weird bc it's the opposite for most ppl
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discord really is good for talking but it exacerbates my anxiety to debilitating levels- any kind of instant messaging does, with anyone '~' why am i like this
#i have to type and re-type anything i say and i cannot reply instantly most of the time bc of a mental block#it's so stupid#it's the same with tunglr messaging and i havent been on any other social medias because of it#like i always say to people i am fine in person! i have 0 social anxiety face to face. which is so weird bc it's the opposite for most ppl#i cannot stand to make mistakes like i have a literal phobia of typos. just thinking about it gets me shaky???#way to overreact synth -_-#idk if it's social anxiety or ocd or normal or what. i was harassed online by an ex-''friend'' many years ago but i don't think this stems#from that... it doesn't feel traumatic and trust me that is a very distinct feeling#i know that saying ''it's not you- it's me'' is a cliche but it's so true in my case ://
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How about Riddle, Deuce, Azul and Vil meeting their s/o's very sweet and doting mother?
:0 Mama reader! The reader's mother will be like your average loving mother, but add some athletics in there too! Mama Reader gives off the happy vibes.
Trey will be taking small a break from requests after this one! I will still do the other requests that I have recieved after the break!
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Riddle
Never had he expected that your mother could be so kind, she immediately knew that he would be perfect for you as soon as she saw him walk in the door, a happy mother smile across her face, she greeted him with a smile, was very respectful, and even made him a homemade strawberry tart and some of her strawberry jam cookies, which he immediately fell in love with, she told all her friends at her work about him, saying how sweet he was and how happy she was that her child found someone so sweet and adorable to be their lover! If she's to find out about what his own mother did to him, she'll be readying her old karate and boxing skills to get revenge for her future son-in-law, so the two of you might have to hold her back.
"Sweetie? is that you coming in there?" your mother asked, "Yep! and I brought someone home with me!" you replied happily, Riddle was anxious on what your mother would think of him, so he was ready with his best manners. As soon as NB!Reader's mother entered the room, and laid her eyes on him, her face immediately lit up, "Oooh my goodness, hello there!" She greeted him happily with a smile, "Greetings, Mrs. (Last name), I am Riddle Rosehearts, your child's signifigant other, it is a pleasure to meet you." He said formally, you mother laughed a bit, confusing him, "There's no need to be so formal, sweetie! Nice to meet you as well!" she smiled, seeing how sweet and kind your mother is, he couldn't help but smile himself.
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Deuce
He absolutely loves your mother, she was so kind to him as soon as he stepped in the door, she showered him in love and sweets, always greeted him with a smile, and even helpped him with his schoolwork when he really needed it and she taught him a few things as well. He was so happy he met her, she was very good at karate and boxing, and taught him a few moves, and she treated him like he was a part of your family, there was a time he called his mother while he was visiting, and his mother and yours ended up getting along so well, in fact, they ended up scheduling a day to meet and hangout along with some other friends of theirs, your mother was very social and loved talking to new people.
"Oh, honey! welcome home!" your mother said as she entered the room, she gasped as her face lit up, seeing Deuce beside you, "Oh my goodness! Now who is this sweet boy?" she asked with a smile, "This is my boyfriend, mom! Meet Deuce Spade!" Mama (Last name) smiles so brightly, you could mistake her for the sun, "Hello there Deuce! It is such a pleasure to have you! please come right on in! Make yourself at home! I just finished making some cookies, would you like some?" she asked with full enthusiasm, "Ah, s-sure, Mrs (Last name)!" he replied shyly, your mother smiled, "theres no need to be shy, sweetie! I'm quite glad you're here!" she said happily, making Deuce himself smile.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Azul
He pretended to be perfectly fine, keeping his smug outer personality, but in reality, he was panicing on the inside, words of doubt and questions running through his head like; "What if their mother doesn't like me?" or "What will she say to me? or what will she ask me??" You being yourself knew he was panicing, so you assured him your mother would love him to bits, and you were obviously not wrong, because as soon as he stepped in that door, your mothers face beamed in happiness, she greeted him as if he belonged there, she gave him a sweet, gentle hug as well, and just showered him in all sorts of motherly love. he felt so comfortable around your mother, he immediately started crying about how sweet and kind she was on the way back to Octavinelle after the visit.
"Mama! I'm home! And I brought someone with me!" you yelled as you came in the front door with your boyfriend in tow, your mother came to the door so fast you thought she could teleport, her eyes landed on the very properly dressed, light azure haired boy you brought, her face beamed "Oh hello! Now who is this very dapper man?" she asked you, staring at him with a smile, he cleared his throat a bit before answering her question, "Good evening, Mrs. (Last name), I am Azul Ashengrotto, your child's boyfriend, and owner of Monstro Lounge, it is a pleasure to meet you." he said politely as he bowed, your mother smiled at him, "It's a pleasure to meet you as well, sweetie, but there is no need to be so formal! Please, come right on in! make yourself at home, I made some sweets, would you like any?" she asked him with a smile, "Ah, no thank you, ma'am, I do thank you for the offer, though." Your mother smiled at him, "Well that's alright! If there is anything you'd like, please don't hesitate to ask!" she said happily, causing a cute happy smile to appear on your boyfriends face.
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Vil
He made sure he looked perfect, his make up was on point, he chose a very fancy outfit, styled his hair, and he spent many hours mentally preparing himself for this moment, hoping that if things went wrong, you could still be together, but you assured him multiple times that your mother would like him, he was still in doubt... until he actually got there, your mother greeted him so kindly, treated him so well and even showed him some products for skin care, and other make up stuff, they got along immediately.
"Mama! I'm home!" you said as you entered the house, holding the door for your boyfriend, "welcome home sweetie! And hello to you as well! What would your name be?" your mother asked him, "My name is Vil Schoenheit, Mrs. (Last name), its nice to meet you." he said, respectfully bowing to her, "Oh sweet Vil, theres no need to be so formal! come and make yourself at home!" you mother said with a smile, "let me get you something to drink, do you like tea? Coffee, or just water?" she asked him "Tea, please and thank you." he answered, "not a problem! one tea, one coffee, and one (Fav drink)!" she said as she went to the kitchen to prepare the drinks. "So, what do you think of mom so far?" You asked your boyfriend, "I already like her, she is so kind, and her make up is on point!" he said with a smile as you giggled.
#twisted wonderland#riddle rosehearts x reader#azul ashengrotto x reader#deuce spade x reader#disney twst#vil schoenheit x reader#deuce spade#riddle rosehearts#azul ashengrotto#vil schoenheit
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No jokeee I actually have an embarrassment buddy??🎈Yay we're in this together @eussstasss LOL kudos to you for the public confession FR
But CC creativity isnt my forte and thats why I'll be leaving choosing a Barb-related phrase to you!! "May your crops be watered" sounds so satisfying and funny tbh, it really fits!
And omg your work story!! I relate to it so hard like my brain just farts itself out of existence sometimes and I end up embarrassing myself but as you said mistakes happen and sometimes theyre really funny so all in all its a pleasure when they do occur LMAO
I can't help bu think it wouldve been both disastrous and hilarious if you'd emailed smut though💀 I'M SORRY
Not the same thing but I can't tell you how many times I've been caught reading things I shouldn't be reading and have had to awkwardly pretend that everything's fine and no one saw anything....0/10 would not recommend....
Anyways CC I love you too😭and may your crops be watered, guys🍅🌱 LOL
-🧼
LOL I'm pretty sure I stole that from somewhere - don't people say something about their crops being watered? I know I didn't come up with that myself.
Anyway, I'm fine with any phrases people want to leave in their asks lol!!
Ahh it really is like your brain just checks out. And when it finally clicks, I'm always like what the!?!? How dare you do this to me, brain 😭
OKAY but I've thought about what would happen if I accidentally sent smut by email to the finance department. Like oh I was trying to attach some kinda report or form or something, but here's this smut instead! Like I would get fired, right? I can't imagine them being like well it's okay you clearly made a mistake and it wasn't intentional so we'll let it go. NO they'd be like you sent really raunchy porn about demons to Doug and now he's traumatized, so we're gonna have to let you go.
I also used to listen to smutty audiobooks when I worked in the office and I thought many times about what would happen if I accidentally pulled my wired headphones out of the jack and the audiobook played through my computer speakers. Fired. Immediately.
Fortunately, I work from home nowadays. And I keep my smut on my personal computer so there's no chance of getting files mixed up a;lkdfjdf.
I've read some smutty stuff in public too but I haven't been caught thankfully! It's like listen let a person live okay. What else am I supposed to do on my lunch break huh?? Socialize with coworkers? Forget that lol.
Oh anyway I got way off topic here. The point was that mistakes happen and it's nothing to worry about and I love you both!!!
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Rating Alex Rider Villians on a scale of 1-10 on how supportive they'd be of me telling them I'm Agender: SCORPIA addition
[Just so we are clear, the concept for this came from a TikTok-er who does a good amount of Alex Rider content/analysis!)
Julia Rothman: 0/10 She'd call me 'girly-pop' in a heartbeat. Julia Rothman is such a Girl Boss (derogatory), that she'd become transphobic. She'd not believe that I was actually agender and be fully convinced that I'm only saying this because of internalized misogyny or something. She'd be calling me 'young lady', 'girly', 'Ms./Miss', any and all gendered terms because she'd know that it made me uncomfortable and that I hated it. Also, seeing as I'm not a literal underage boy, she probably wouldn't care too much about me in the first place... I don't think that Julia Rothman should be around children in general. She needs some Jesus...
Zeljan Kurst: 4/10 I get the sense that he'd find me pretty annoying as a person, so I'd already be on thin ice as it was. He wouldn't understand what being agender was and he probably would just have me labeled in his head as a girl, but he'd use the correct pronouns and otherwise not make a big fuss out of it. Zeljan Kurst really would just be trying to do whatever he could to not have to deal with me more than he absolutely would have to.
Max Grendel: 10/10 He gives supportive grandpa vibes! He might not always understand or get the pronouns right all the time, but he cares! A bit lost at times, but immaculate allyship!
Major Winston Yu: -1/10 Not only am I an American (i.e. NOT British) and am actively beefing with the concept of England in general, he'd already be having issues with me. Not only that, but he wouldn't understand what was going on and absolutely refuse to learn/get an explanation. He'd be misgendering me left and right in the most oddly polite way ever. Like, bro would look me dead in the eye and say "My dear girl" and then start ranting about his plans and how great England is or whatever.
Brendan Chase: 7/10 It'd start off fine with him being very accepting and supportive, but I could see it getting really weird real quick. He'd probably start asking me some really personal/probing questions about being agender and wouldn't see anything wrong about asking about it. But if/when I told him that it was personal/I wasn't comfortable with the questioning, he'd back off and apologize right away!
Abdul-Aziz Al-Razim: 0/10 He'd want to study the psychological pain of experiencing gender dysphoria and transphobia... He also just gives homophobic/transphobic/misogynistic energy in general. He'd actively hate crime me and observe my response for ~ScIEnCe~ and pleasure.
The Grimaldi Twins (they'd want to be counted as a single person): 6/10 They'd be pretty chill about it, I can't see either of them taking issue with me being agender. They'd be supportive, but they wouldn't care too much. It's pretty much just that. Nothing really to say here. If they killed me mafia style, it'd be because of something I did to fuck up their plans. Not because I'm agender. We stan equal opportunity kings! (Not really though.)
Doctor Three: 11/10 He's a strong ally! Dr. Three understands and respects how gender is fluid/relative/a social construct and he'd be very supportive! He'd also be out there actively fighting transphobia in the medical community through normal personal measures, but also through murder if he must!
Oliver D'Arc: 4/10 He just wouldn't care that much. If I told him my pronouns, he'd just be like 'ok' then immediately proceed to misgender me. He would never do anything outside of that though.
Yassen Gregorovich: 10/10 As a professional, Yassen would be using my preferred pronouns no questions asked! He'd also politely correct people who got the pronouns wrong or kill them because he's a ride or die like that (I may not be a Rider, but I feel like Yassen would still have my back in this area though).
Desmond Nye: 100/10 HE IS AN ALLY YOUR HONOR!!!! DESMOND NYE HAS PRIDE FLAGS IN HIS OFFICE AND ALWAYS ASKS FOR PREFERRED NAMES AND PRONOUNS! AND HE RESPECTS THEM! WHEN HE WAS IN CHARGE THERE WERE VERY STRONG ANTI-DISCRIMINATION POLICIES IN PLACE AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL! (As you can see I am very calm and normal about this headcanon.)
Nile: -11/10 He'd only be this level of unsupportive because he'd hate me and want to make me feel as uncomfortable/invalidated as humanly possible. If it was anyone other than me, he'd be fairly supportive, like, a solid 5/10! But we do have to take into account that Nile is totally very petty and that I'd bet good money he'd get very creative with his transphobia in a not-good way. In short, NILE IS A HATER!!!
Karl Steiner: -2/10 He'd psycho-analyze me and try to gaslight me into being cis. He'd straight up become a conversion therapist in an instant, but he'd also try to ease into the role to not scare me off and then go from there. But that would be his secondary goal. His primary goal would be to see if I'd make a good assassin and IDK how I'd do on his tests and that's not what we're talking about here. All in all, would not recommend this man as a therapist for anyone ever.
Anthony Sean 'Ash' Howell: 5/10 He'd just nod and say "nice" before going back to smoking and being angsty which, honestly, slay! (Not the smoking part! Don't smoke kids, it's very, very, extremely bad for you!) I can't see him being transphobic, but I can't see him being an ally either. He's just a guy. He's just Ken.
Gordan Ross: 8/10 He is a supportive man! As long as I was tuned into his lessons and knew what was going on, then we'd have no problem! I could also see him correcting people if they misgender me which is an added bonus.
Eijit 'Jet' Binnag: 8/10 Jet would use the correct pronouns and would have a general understanding of what being agender means, she'd also occasionally correct people if they used the wrong pronouns. Mostly all she'd care about was whether or not I put effort into her classes and knew what was going on.
Amanda: 10/10 Asks for pronouns, uses pronouns, corrects people when they use incorrect pronouns, not notes! Only good ally vibes!
Walker: 8/10 He's got nothing against being agender and would definitely use they/them pronouns, but he'd also just say some really out-of-pocket stuff about trans/non-binary/agender people and unintentionally make things uncomfortable. So, he gets points off for that, but having said that, Walker would totally correct people if they got my pronouns wrong and it wouldn't JUST be because he's a little bitch who likes to correct people to be annoying!
Klaus: 1/10 He worked with so, so, so many terrorist groups and is a mercenary. This man would not be out there saying trans rights! He probably wouldn't hate crime me if we were both students because he wouldn't want to get in trouble with Jet, Gordon, Amanda, Walker, or Yassen. I also couldn't see him going out of his way to hate crime me. Klaus would refuse to use the correct pronouns and constantly refer to me as a 'girl' when he thought he could get away with it. If he did use they/them for me, it would be because he was forced to. That being said, it wasn't like he would've been talking to or interacting much with me in the first place, so he'd be easy to ignore and it would be mutual.
#julia rothman#zeljan kurst#alex rider#alex rider tv#yassen gregorovich#nile (scorpia)#scorpia#scorpia board members#amanda (scorpia member)#walker (scorpia member)#klaus (scorpia member)#eijit 'jet' binnag#gordan ross#anthony sean 'ash' howell#desmond nye#oliver d'arc#karl steiner#doctor three#brendan chase#abdul-aziz al-razim#giovanni grimaldi#eduardo grimaldi#transphobia#agender#the slow decay of my mental state broadcast live for the entertainment of others and myself#y'all#I was *this* close to perposefully misspelling 'gordon ross' as 'gordon ramsey' just to see what would happen#did I make a mistake by not doing that?????
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Okay finally rested enough to talk ab the craft show!
So for YEARS this one has been heaaavily coveted by many crafters and has been hard to get in, but always told that it's worth it. That you'll make your table cost back in like two hours!
Yeah no... had mom not made wreaths, we would have lost money... Anyway super super dead at times like absolutely no one walking around, just the vendors getting up and shopping bc they could. Then it would pick up but you would get maybe 2 interested shoppers out of every 10. 4 if you were lucky.
People adored the boo boo bunnies and cat toys and I sold the most of them. So now I have to make more cat toys 😭. It's not the amount of effort it takes to make them, I love making them. I hate stuffing them with catnip 😭😭😭 but that's why people (and cats) love them. Also need to put bells on them bc people really like the ones with bells, which I stopped doing bc several people kept asking if I thought their cats would eat the bells... like you can cut it off man idc sgdggdgd once you buy it it's yours idc if YOU eat it if that's your thing just give me my dollar
Have to make a card for the bunnies bc it's hit or miss on if people know what they're for (you pop em in the freezer and hold them to a small "boo boo" and use it like a little ice pack, or you can pop out the reusable cube and use ice. Either way it's a cute little ice pack.
Only my one cousin bought any handwarmers 😭 and her wife had to pay me in $4 worth of quarters sgsgdggddg I was like take your time you could pay me in pennies and that'd be fine too (had a little kid pay me 25 cents for a slap bracelet in various coins and it was so sweet 🥺)
My mom posts our shows on her fb so that family and friends can show up to support us, and the first time since we've been doing these, we had 3 groups of family come in!
But that wasn't always a good thing...
[Put under read more for length]
My mom's cousin brought her daughter and granddaughter, and they talked for awhile and eventually mom's cousin bought a wreath (thank god). And she was like "oh my god this is so beautiful!! 😍" and complimented my stuff as well (but my stuff is more geared towards kids/parents like the boo boo bunnies, so she didnt buy anything from me agdgdgdg)
Then my cousin (not the handwarmers one) came and I used to really love her/she was my favorite cousin... until she moved back to the state and I realized goddamn you're super annoying and have 0 social awareness (in a THE ATTENTION SHOULD BE ON ME! and a never really thinking ab the situations she puts people in when she does shit, way. Not a "I am incapable of grasping social norms/social rituals"/"I cannot control how loud I'm being/why what I say might be considered rude" way.
Anyway she fosters dogs and has 4? Of her own, anyway she always has at least one dog with her at any time. Doesn't matter if you were attacked by one when you were a small child, or that you only have cats, it's a small dog! You're gonna like this one!!
She takes them into the grocery store too 😑. Anyway she brought her foster dog to it and ofc everyone kept coming over to see it and every fucking time she would canvas this dog like "his name is Bob. He goes up for adoption in two weeks at [shelter she volunteers at]" to every goddamn person who walked by.
"But Mar, doesn't that mean she brought customers to you?"
Nope! She and her dog blocked customers from my table bc they couldnt fucking get in with the people cooing at the dog and figured eh I'll skip this one, there's 100 vendors here.
Doesn't mean that every person who skipped would've bought from me, but none of the people who came up for the dog bought anything or so much as looked twice at my shit anyway. 😑
She did tell our cousin to meet her there though bc our cousin's wife is a photographer and she was gonna take pics of the dog at a nearby park. Didn't mention AT ALL that we had a booth, so they didnt really bring a lot of money, they thought they were just gonna say hi to us real quick then go.
My cousin's wife was like YOU DIDNT TELL US THEY HAD A BOOTH HERE?!?! OMG LOOK HOW CUTE!!!!! and they bought 2 handwarmers from us 🥰. And we gave their son some stuff for free as a gift (plus bc they ended up staying for like 2 hours and that shit is only so fun for a 7 year old for so long. But it was more so just Handwarmer Cousin staying to talk to my mom for most of it while her wife, son, and Dog Cousin went shopping/canvased Bob around. But I like HW cousin still so it wasnt bad sgdggdgd I just half listened to them talk while I took care of customers. Sold 1 ornament (the whole show), some cat toys, and I think another bunny, in that time lmao)
But the whole time Dog Cousin was there I was like 😐/🙁 instead of my fake customer service smile bc that smile only lasted until the second person she canvassed Bob to and that was approximately 30 seconds.
She didnt even consider buying anything, or say anything ab our table. Only when my mom asked her if our prices were reasonable. To which we got a "yeah." Then immediately back to Bob. 😐
After they left I went to walk around and goddamn there was nothing really good there except two crochet tables which had little plushies but nothing that jumped out at me.
Did trade a tooth pillow for a small tombstone shaped bar of soap of about the same price with another vendor sggdgdgdgd which was odd but nice
Anyway here's hoping my cousin wont come to the next/last show and that we find fun stuff at that one to buy sgdgdgdg
#it was nice to see HW cousin and her family bc theyre nice people. i mean i dont really know her wife and son well bc i didnt go to the#wedding bc of AID (wanted to go though) but god every time Dog Cousin and i interact i like her less sgdgdggdgd#marquilla#really wish we sold more but im hoping having two tables will help at the next/last one bc it is CRAMPED#but thats bc i forget my inventory list and am like cramming to make ornamenta and well... no one likes them i guess :/#for the next one i just need to make cat toys and maybe more bunnies (i wanna find blue baby washcloths but im cheap shdggdgd ill check#marcs again. otherwise it's the soft long earred bunnies)#kids really love to buy the cat toys bc theyre 2 for $1 bc i use them to use up scraps and left overs and it's so cute to see them#pick through and then triumphantly hold up their choices. even better when i offer them a tiny bag and they get so happy like :0 !#didnt expect the post to be so long but whew
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So I’m honestly looking for help or advice here. I’ve gone my entire life believing that I’m neurotypical, despite never quite feeling like anyone else or fitting in. I just always thought I was... I don’t know. Quirky, weird. It’s mostly been internalized. I doubt my family would agree, for example, despite any one of them being the first to say that I’m a loner with special interests (they don’t know the half of it - not about tumblr or fanfiction, for example) who has carved out my own little niche of the world in which I can feel most comfortable (academia and travel, amongst other things). “Oh, Lauren’s the smart one who corrects our grammar and doesn’t want a typical life and doesn’t notice when men hit on her and can talk for hours about anything and remembers every detail of her childhood! She was reading novels at 6 years old, isn’t that funny?!”
But recently I’ve come across online content about ASD in adult women and how it looks different than we have long been told (and therefore how it gets overlooked and undiagnosed) and, well. It’s been resonating with me. Hard. I’m not necessarily struggling with life, but I’m also lacking a long-term relationship, a core friend group (it’s hard to fully connect with people or reveal my full personality, though part of that is also because I move a lot), and am finding myself more and more alone. Which is okay for the most part. It is. Honestly, the idea of sharing my apartment and giving up decision-making autonomy and even decorative control stresses me out. I’ve tried to work on myself by expanding my comfort zone - I’ve worked at it my entire life, which is why I traveled - but also... what if I could understand myself better? What if there’s more to it? (I did discover that there might be more but it got long, so... sorry in advance. But if you can relate, I would LOVE it if you did read and could help me!)
I just took the RAADS-R assessment (a bit frustrating, as many of my answers would generally depend on the situation and there was no option for that); I tried my best to be conservative and practical with my selections. I still scored a 104. Scores range from 0-227, and a score of 65 is when ASD is considered (and even likely), though obviously one online test is not enough for a diagnosis. Non-autistic people can score as high as 90, apparently (and autistic people can score as low as 44), so 104 is not conclusive, but it’s made me think.
It’s sort of a relief in a way, but it’s also something I don’t think my family would ever be on board with or understand since I’m the “normal”, stable, level-headed, successful one. Which obviously doesn’t preclude autism (honestly many of these traits have helped me tremendously), but there are so many misconceptions out there. And they love me and mean well, but I know they’d also ask why it matters, since I’m 33 years old and have done fine until now. But they don’t know what it feels like to scratch at your skin and never truly feel like you’ve figured yourself out. Why you’re different and why nothing has ever made sense. Why other people are so infuriating.
My traits? Well, they don’t all fit. Or at least I didn’t think so until I started typing them out.
I am easily overwhelmed by social situations (I can’t stand nightclubs and had an anxiety attack before I first went out in college), but I’ve gotten better. I’ve practiced. Interrupting can be a problem for me because I get excited when people say things that interest me. I don’t find sarcasm or jokes or social cues difficult to understand, but I’ve also... practiced. I’m very, very aware of what I say, how I act, and how others perceive me, though this has become more natural with age. I was always so gullible as a kid that it was a joke in my family. I’m compassionate and empathetic to a fault; I believe the best in people, which has hurt me. Textures and noises don’t particularly bother or overwhelm me, but I did once burst into tears in a Shanghai bar because it was too much. Just... too much. I never once believed in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy and grilled my parents with very specific questions regarding why I should be expected to (though only when my little sister wasn’t around). Despite this, between the ages of 5-7, I slept at the very edge of my pillow so as so leave plenty of room for my parents to take my tooth in the middle of the night and not accidentally wake me, as I knew it would be embarrassing for them and potentially also wake up my sister.
I once slept in an inflatable raft for an entire summer as a kid because I felt like it was a safe cradle. I used to be such a perfectionist that my parents considered homeschooling me. I got in trouble for reading too quickly because teachers thought it was impossible to complete the assignments at the rate I did. I always completed all the group work at school - not because my group mates took advantage of me (though there was a little of that), but because I couldn’t stand what they turned in to me and wanted to do it myself. Travel was my way of proving to myself that I didn’t need the same daily routine; I learned to create my safe space wherever I was in the world. I didn’t want my worries and anxiety to limit my experiences, so I didn’t let it. Then travel just became a new part of my comfort zone. I would self-soothe and reassure myself it would be okay by imagining my new safe space, which would always involve my computer, my Kindle, an internet connection, and being alone. With those things, I’d be okay.
I used to talk so fast as a kid that my mom joked I should be the person who spoke at the end of radio commercials (when they share all the legal disclaimers at high speed). I’ve practiced that too and gotten better, but I always need to be aware of my rate of speech. I went into teaching to sort of... practice public speaking, eye contact, and increasing my confidence (as well as to try to build that natural cadence). And it’s helped. This has always led me to the assumption that yes, see, I’m neurotypical. Everyone has these thoughts and foibles. When I discovered fanfiction in high school I told everyone about it, mind-blown at how miraculous it was, before I realized that people were looking at me funny and thought I was weird. So I stopped. And then discovered online communities.
Even as a 24 year-old, on a Fulbright orientation in an Indonesian hotel, sitting in a circle on the floor in a group of 30 fellow Fulbrighters about to embark on a year-long placement around the country, I apparently talked too much. I had no idea. I was two-months fresh off a year in China and we were participating in ice breakers, sharing advice and travel stories, and I thought I was being helpful. I felt free - finally I was in a community of fellow travelers, and I guess I let my guard down. My family couldn’t relate to all of my China stories and eventually got bored, and I was still processing my experience. I thought that these fellow travelers cared what I had to say. That it was safe. One of the girls I liked (and we did later become friends when she apologized months later) came up to me after one of these sessions and said “As much as I like your stories, Lauren, don’t you think you talked too much?” I was mortified. I totally shut down. I felt pushed to the side in that group - my only real friends, looking back, were the few other loners, including one girl who openly discussed her ASD. We were in contact for years after that and we naturally understood each other. She asked me to talk *more* about China with genuine interest. Maybe that says something.
Anyway. I’m having a bit of an emotional moment right now. I guess this could all be nothing. Or something. I know maybe I should pursue an official diagnosis, but I don’t know if that’s worth it or not. I trust people here. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Or have you self-diagnosed at any point? Does the truth of that label impact your life, and in what ways? Thank you. And sorry for the very, very long ramble. (And that’s something I’ve become accustomed to doing - apologizing!) And I truly hope I haven’t offended anyone or made it seem as though I’m acting like this is a confirmed diagnosis. That’s not it at all - I am very unsure. I just truly would appreciate some guidance. ❤️
#this seems so personal but i'm not sure what else to do#this has been eating at me for weeks now#asd#autism
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It always annoyed me when people criticized horror movie characters for making poor logical decisions. Particularly because my life was marked by difficulties surrounding having to complicate my consciousness faster and younger than I should have had to in order to compensate for the shortcomings of all the authorities that ran the structure of it from the beginning. So I would see somebody who absolutely would do their own lives version of (insert "stupid" idea/reaction/conclusion/whatever here from a media), as they swore up down left and right they were not like that, that they absolutely would listen to that person's warning. And then I become that person giving them their life's version of that warning, and they brush me off all the same, surprised I was right all the same, doubling down that their decision was the right one despite all the evidence all the same, continue to trip on their ego rather than right the situation in any logical way.
So I had to seethe in my silence. To make matters worse? I would share all of this, such as how I am in this post, and the people I said it to would do the same. "Damn those guys are so unaware. I'm not like that." and, then I'm in even more agony. Because yes the fuck you are. Yet every time I mention a thing people have done that was upsetting, and the person I'm speaking to said "oh, that's awful, I don't understand that at all" only to do the same thing right afterwards with 0 self-awareness.. Oh, countless times.
I still get that way sometimes. It's impossible not to be a little blind to the perceptions that aren't yours if you do not maintain them and if you maintain a refusal to accept that you will fuck up sometimes due to it, maintain that it's not your responsibility to acknowledge, address, and correct it...the thing you will be maintaining is social entropy of the collective.
I learned young to not trust any one person's story. It confused me deeply why every time someone picked a fight with me and ran to an adult they would tell a story that omitted all or almost all the wrongs they did by me, often even twisting what I did to make it worse. But when I told a story, I told both sides. I admitted what I did wrong before they would, often times, and I would say why it happened. Because of other people's inconsistencies, for reasons beyond my own fathoming I was consistently believed equally to the "I did literally NOTHING wrong, he did it ALL" and punished for lashing out over provocation that I later learned quantified torture on a few occasions. And even if it wasn't that bad...something to ask is why.
I moved to a lot of locations: Why was it like that in all of them?
It's perfectly fine to admit that the vast majority of people (and don't you dare derail this over strange ideas one can put in my mouth when they convince themselves that they're good at reading between lines; I am NOT saying I'm not included. I am included) need some ideological updating so that all this fighting and misery caused by miscommunications and the refusal to put aside arguments so we can actually get anything done can stop.
We need connection. We need compatibility.
If you refuse to accept that you're going to make mistakes and look like a clown and have to apologize for it sometimes and sometimes it's going to be harder to maintain central nervous system homeostasis during hard times so we say things we don't mean when things like being hungry amplify our minor grievances when we wail in pain.
Relationships are work. If you abandon people, ghost or block over small grievances collecting grievances, don't tell them your thoughts, don't explore them, don't ask questions, don't work through things, you give up on them. And you do things like bottle your feelings until you explode on them, and then slowly convince your brain that they were the villain not noticing all the little changes you're accidentally making to your memories to adjust it every time you loop the arguments in your head until you hate them.
And if you just keep looking for something that's already there, well, you might not find much, and people will keep disappointing you, and you will keep feeling far away. Almost nobody can afford to give total strangers priority, and even if you know someone for years and years if you don't talk to them, if you don't get to know them, and don't let them get to know you...what are you then?
Are you not strangers?
I have friends that make me feel like strangers. This is common on Tumblr. I've known so many people on here on a personal level that made them hurt me so deeply. Be it because they maintained a severely outdated version of me in their head that didn't account for my changes because they didn't talk to me enough, because they didn't ask questions and assumed their first understandings of things were the true one or truest one, or something else. I drifted from people, we stopped seeing eye-to-eye, and they didn't even really give me a chance. I am greatful for the friends that stayed with me; that grow with me, that keep giving me the room to explain through my exhausted brain that can't uphold the memories people don't even realise they demand of me.
So best you learn to look in the mirror and ask yourself where you could improve. Instead of saying a character and saying, "thank god I'm not like that" without actually deeply thinking about what leads someone to be like that, to react like that within a given circumstances, think about what that would look like in your own...try using it as an exploratory question.
Try growing. If you felt called out by anything I said, You still have ego death ahead of you. I believe in you, keep flying.
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Personally I think the reason why I'm so bothered about my jawline is the associations. I've got lip incompetence too and I think it both of those things combined make me look like the sterotype of an idiot. I'm fine with being ugly, but looking dumb? That's much harder.
Also w/ your post about being nurturing. I'm the same way. I'm super socially awkward, not really good at talking to people at first. It gets better the more I know someone though. I have a friend that has tons and tons of trauma so I've comforted her a lot and I always struggle with what to say or do no matter how much compassion I feel for her in the moment. Yet at the same time, I've been called compassionate and praised for my ability to comfort people? I have decided to get a degree in social work despite everything about me and everyone told me I would be a great social worker because how good I am at comforting people. If you figure it out, please share with me.
Also x2, are we the same person? I have no solutions to your problems (I wish I did. I can only commiserate) but everything you wrote I could have written. I too struggle with motivation to eat. Most of the time I don't even feel hunger anymore, I know I have to eat when I feel weak and dizzy. I've been forcing myself to eat at least 2 meals a day, but I can not eat for days and still not feel hungry. I have read hunger cues will disappear if you keep not responding to them, but it feels impossible sometimes to make it work. I don't even understand people who can just eat 3 times a day just effortlessly, without even thinking about it.
oh wow i’ve never even thought about that aspect, of “looking dumb.” if it makes you feel better, i don’t think the thought has ever crossed my mind upon looking someone that they look unintelligent. but i get it, for me growing up i was a “mouthbreather” (because of allergies), and even though i don’t breathe through my mouth anymore i hate that my jaw will always look like that, it’s just an “unhealthy” kind of appearance that i have to accept. it’s like an annoying exercise of like telling myself “even if people get that impression from xyz in my appearance i have worth as a person regardless and equating health/intelligence/attractiveness with self worth is eugenics thinking”… while at the same time not fully believing it myself.
as for navigating empathy and comforting others, that is exactly my experience as well my therapist has even said that i am very good at interpreting people, mediating conflict, not being driven by emotionality but being able to intuit other peoples’ emotional states, etc. which would make me good in that kind of role. but i know i’d also be terrified because it’s so high stakes, and what if i fail someone? or miss the mark because it doesn’t come naturally to me? i did just read an article though written by someone who has volunteered for years with suicide hotlines, and what surprised me so much about his account was how wooden and poorly his early calls went, but how he had a supervisor and continuing training and he improved at it over time, and there was a LOT “scripted” because the training is very specific, there’s some “science” behind what phrases and wording and types of responses are best. and it made me realize, it does more net good to be there for someone and try than to not do it at all. like i might figure out i’m not suited for it but i decided i’m going to start relatively smaller compared to an in-person position and sign up for RAINN’s rape crisis text hotline when they open applications next.
and lol we very well might be the same person anon ;’0 if you want to talk more you should dm me! or i’m on discord at carpathianridge#9856. i know not everyone likes to dm (and i’m honestly not great at it$ but my inbox is always open if u want!
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Seo Company Xiaoyan 10004 - Allinclusive
5 Advanced Display Remarketing Strategies
On average it takes 5 - 8 touch-points before a person will buy from your website. It takes this long because there is so much information available and people need to be sure that they are making the right choice. Seo Company Xiaoyan 10004 One single ad will not work. It is good to think about the entire customer journey, from awareness to research to purchase. Also, keep in mind what happens after they become a customer? Don't forget, once someone becomes a customer the journey isn't over. In fact, it should be just beginning. If someone has already bought from you, then they are much more likely to buy from you again. Display Remarketing Campaigns Display remarketing campaigns are some of my favorites to set up. They are cheap to run, the ROI is high, and they make sense if you think about the customer journey. People need time to consider their options, and remarketing campaigns keep you at the front of their minds. That being said, I think a massive opportunity is being missed in most AdWords accounts. Most PPC managers simply set up a remarketing campaign with a single audience for the last 30-days, and that is it. It is easy to let it run and forget about it because the return on remarketing can be so high. It doesn't seem worth the effort to change it. But if you think about those touch-points, and that people need 5 - 8 before they purchase, your remarketing campaign will be at least one of those touch-points. Surely you would want to make that touch-point as relevant and as impactful as possible? I have put together a list of 5 advanced display remarketing strategies you can implement right now. 1. Create a Sequential Display Remarketing Campaign The first thing you need to do is understand the time lag from when your customers first interact to when they convert. This varies from industry to industry. For example, if you are selling a low cost branded item it could be 0-1 days. However, if you sell a more complex and expensive product it could be 30 days +. Go into Google Analytics, under "Conversions" you will find the drop-down button for "Multi-Channel Funnels". Hit Time Lag. This report gives you some lovely data. From here you will be able to see when users typically convert after their first interaction and you will be able to plan your remarketing campaign. Let's say you have a scenario where 30% of your conversions came from 0 - 7 days after first interaction, 10% of conversions came from 8 - 12 days after the first interaction, and 60% of your conversions came after 13 days from the first interaction.
7 Ways You’re Screwing Up Your Email A/B Tests
FACT: Email is an amazing channel for attracting, winning and retaining customers. Not to mention generating repeat business. But there is one problem; it is really hard to get emails right for the first time. What you consider an engaging subject line, recipients see as a dud. A call to action you believe would compel them to click, spurred no action whatsoever. That is why it is important to A/B test your emails to find new techniques or elements that improve conversions. Unfortunately, many companies launch split tests hoping for the best. They disregard the rules of A/B testing and commit some major mistakes rendering their efforts useless. So, if you have been split testing emails but see no viable results, keep on reading. I am going to show you the most common A/B testing mistakes sabotaging your efforts. Before we begin though… Why You Should Always Start by Testing Concepts Not Elements As it turns out before you even begin testing various email elements, you should identify a general strategy your audience responds best to. In other words, before you start fine-tuning the template, testing subject lines or modifying the call to action, you should first test two different marketing strategies against each other. For instance, you could test two different ways to convert recipients — via email form or social media login. Or sending people to a landing page vs. allowing them to purchase the product directly via email. And only when you have identified the winning strategy, should you start testing individual elements to improve conversions. However, when you do, make sure you don’t commit any of the mistakes below: Mistake #1. Testing More Than One Element at Once By far and away, this is the most common mistake of them all. You have so many ideas on how to improve email conversions. But the last thing you want is spending weeks to test every one of them in turn. And so, to speed things up a little, you decide to analyze them all at once. You send different template variations under various sender names, using different subject lines, and including different copy in each test. This results in so many email variations that, in the end, you can’t even tell if any of your ideas worked. Time-consuming as it may be, you should always test only one element at a time. Mistake #2. Checking Results Too Early Since the majority of email platforms start delivering campaign results within 2 hours after sending, it is tempting to start analyzing a test’s performance right away, right? However, by doing so, you miss out on some important data.
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hello, i'm really sorry for asking this because you must get this a lot, but i'm still a bit confused about the idea of being aplatonic? to me it sounds less like an identity like aromanticism and more like... i don't want to say "an issue" because that's rude, but something that maybe shouldn't be happening? obviously you can be happy just with yourself, not everyone is really extroverted, but humans still need to interact with other humans to be like, mentally healthy. (that's been proven in studies). at best it sort of sounds like a neutral character trait, not necessarily an identity.
(i am asking this in good faith and i really want to understand- i'm aro myself, and i'm sure your experiences are real, i don't want to gatekeep or anything, i'm just genuinely confused & want to understand!)
you're fine, don't worry! this is actually the first ask i've ever received here. and i'm sorry if you sent this a while ago; i use tumblr on my phone's web browser and have to manually check for asks.
i think the biggest gaps in our respective understandings of “aplatonic”, just based on your message, are:
0. some aplatonic people have friends, or want friends, and use the term because they don't feel platonic attraction and/or they struggle to form friendships. most modern definitions of aplatonic will point to those two things, after all! a lot of these friending apls have found aplatonic terms useful for explaining their complicated feelings about platonic relationships, and helpful for navigating their friendships. this only applies to some aplatonic people, and it's often used as our only defense, so i'll focus on other things here, but i would be leaving out a lot of apls – maybe even the majority – if i didn't at least mention this.
1. friendship is not the only way of interacting with, and connecting with, other humans. i'm on the aro and ace spectrums, but i have a long-term partner i live with, and family members and coworkers who i interact with. lots of nonfriending aplatonic people will still seek out social interaction, often in groups that talk about topics they're interested in. one of the reasons i use the word “aplatonic”, and post here at all, is to push against the idea of friendship as a default human connection, or something that happens automatically when you're around someone enough.
2. even if someone is very isolated, and doesn't want any sustained human connection at all...i think that's fine, and it has historical precedent. hermits, anchorites, stylites, partially-eremetic monks, and all kinds of other recluses...through much of our recorded history, for a variety of reasons, some people have lived alone. many of these people lived in a much more complete solitude than nonfriending apls today – and even then, few of them managed to have absolutely no social interaction. some would have visitors, or people who brought them meals, or shopkeepers they met when they went into town for supplies. something happening frequently in the past doesn't mean it's good, but in this case it does suggest there's a kind of natural tendency towards it in some humans.
3. i don't think we should put too much weight on what psychology and the social sciences say is “normal”, anyway. there's a huge replication crisis in scientific research, especially in those fields. there are also studies showing people in romantic relationships are, generally, happier...and that obviously isn't true for a lot of aros! there are nearly always outliers in studies like that, even in the most well-done and rigorous ones. i completely believe social isolation is harmful for most humans, but the keyword here is most. and the kind of studies you describe usually focus on involuntary solitude; chosen solitude is much different. most apls aren't very isolated at all, so this point might not be as important...but if there's an aplatonic hermit somewhere in the woods who hasn't talked to another person in years, i support them.
4. there is “something wrong” with a lot of us, and that's fine. the term “aplatonic” was coined in 2012 by an alloromantic ace who theorized his experiences were caused by parental abuse, so that sort of thing has been woven into aplatonicism since day one. some people attribute their aromanticism to neurodivergence and/or trauma, too; for many aroapls, both of those identities will be tied up in it. i'm traumatized, and i'm schizoid, and both of these things interact with my aplatonicism. someone's self-concept, and their words for themself, can very often be tied up in their unusual experiences and their suffering. i don't think that makes any identity illegitimate.
if i've misunderstood any part of your ask, i'm sorry, and i'd be happy to adjust my answer. i'm also leaving out a lot of details and caveats to stop this post from being too long – and with ask length limits, i'm sure you had to do that much more than me. i agree with you that aplatonicism seems a markedly different thing to aromanticism and asexuality, and fits less comfortably into an “orientation” framework, but i wasn't sure what you meant by “neutral character trait” vs “identity” here and didn't want to assume. if you have any questions, need any clarifications, or want to elaborate on what you've already said, feel free to send a followup and i'll answer when i can. (i also welcome asks from anyone else, especially other apls; i'm only one person, with weird experiences, and i don't speak for the community.)
#aplatonic#aplspec#i'm going to tag possible content warnings but i don't think the asker is doing them. just to be clear#i just think that if someone has these tags blocked#then they might have a hard time reading this post and i want to err on the side of caution#ableism ////#allonormativity /////#religion /////#christianity //////#honestly most of those are because of topics *i* bring up#long post /////#parental abuse ////#apothiposts
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I'm not sure if you have already done something like this before, and if you did, please let me know, I'd love to read it, BUT I was wondering if you could do a little thing, maybe with Sebastian Zöllner, where he is like totally behind on every fucking deadline, work is just piling up, he got into stress with his ex, the dishes are not done, he should go take out the trash, you know, everything is just piling up and he just cracks under the pressure, severely doubting his worth as a person. And his friend, the reader, gotta try their best to build him up again, telling him all the things they love about him, and it slowly turns into a love confession without them noticing.
Is this too elaborate, does that make sense for Seb? Idk. To me it does? Like he's always very...Seb around other people, but deep down I feel like he's always under this pressure to live up to his own and others expectations, wanting to be big and famous and perfect in a way.
I'm so sorry, brain go brrr.
Never Enough [Sebastian Zöllner x Reader]
Word Count: 4k Warnings: bad habits (heavy smoking and drinking), self deprecation, depression and some fluff in the end. A/N: I loved this prompt, I love to write Sebastian so thanks to you once more for giving me this opportunity
He should have probably realised something was wrong when the ashtray was vomiting cigarettes out from its dooming position beside the laptop.
He nervously used the left part of the one he just ended to scavenge some space and just pressed it along the others.
Or maybe when after another sip of the same cold coffee mixed with cheap gin he felt the walls of his stomach revolting and stirring against him, threatening a much bigger damage.
Or, again, when he felt like calling back Elke because he was so alone and he was hungry and tired, and she might hate him but he could pull some puppy eyes and maybe it would work. It usually did.
The truth was that he shouldn’t have taken up so many jobs, but the bank account was crying and he needed them, he needed the money.
But again: writing about the umpteenth girl- artist performing naked on a famous historic location?
Or do we have to talk about the way somebody splashed some colour here and there on a canvas saying it is the catharsis of his young mind against the social construct?
Please, may God spare him from the man calling himself landscape artist because he takes pictures of naked girls on a field.
Charged up with this amount of nothingness, he could just write and delete, write and delete, words count going quickly up to 400 only to go back at 0 in a snap of his fingers over the buttons, because he couldn’t just tear them down. He had to give them some hope, a glimpse of potential he couldn’t see and he wasn’t even aware it existed. Each of them disgusted him, but he was specifically asked to be entertaining and not a killer with his words.
So he kept swiping up videos and photos of these artists, trying to find one thing, one holy grail to get attached to and finally write one good optimistic line in the middle of the words he had to pull up to keep a moderate tone.
He rubbed his temple running over his hairline, which by the way was perfectly fine, before his hand reached down and he touched his t-shirt pulling on the neckline to gather some air, he was wearing his pyjama still, white stained shirt on blue tartan pants. He raised up the shirt and bowed his head down giving in a long inhale from the inside and just cringed to himself.
He looked around as he couldn’t stand up, if he did then he will get only more distracted and these articles needed to be ready for tomorrow.
He noticed the spray against the mosquitos on the floor, those little bastards always hiding under his desk to bite his ankles, he picked it up and sprayed it over himself like it was perfume hoping to ignore the need of a shower for few more hours.
His eyes scanned the small studio flat he was living now: the dishes sticking out of the sink, the noisy fridge buzzing. The one table that was also his work desk filled with used mugs, stained plates covered in cigarettes and leftovers, empty packages of his favourite brand discarded everywhere: from the bathroom up to the couch and to the small bed he owned. Damn, if he run out of cigarette it will be hard to ignore how he also run out of food.
The space was dark and gloomy, some of his stuff still packed up, the fake pop art panting of him and Elke staring at him reminding him of his other loss.
He didn’t touch the bed in days, he just slept on the seat or on the couch.
His attention was attracted by his phone buzzing.
He sat up straight as it was her, it was Elke.
Did she sense his discomfort?
“Elke” he picked up the call in a second.
“Wow, a quick answer, did you have your phone already in your hand or it happens just so late at night?”
Her sarcasm did’t go past him, but he just thought how long it was since he heard a human voice and not the recording of some idiot calling himself artist.
“No, I was thinking of you”
“Yes, sure, look I have sent you an email with the bills of the time you were here, the ones you have left to pay and it is only fair that you pay at least half of them”
“Sure” he just said it because he wanted to go past the point of money, he wanted her back. Maybe he could crush at her place, feel her hands through his hair, shower, sleep some good sleep and the articles will come around in few types “Elke, I was thinking we might…”
“I just called you for the bills”
“I know, but maybe we could have” his eyes darted at the top right of his laptop screen to see the time “a drink together?”
She huffed a laughter as he frowned lightly “I know you Seb, if it is money or sex what you’re looking for that door is closed and it has been for a long time”
“I know” he murmured as he let out a breathy sigh, a dooming sense of loneliness creeping over him like a giant spider ready to wrap him up and eat him “I just hoped…”
“Don’t hope Sebastian, you’re already an hopeless cause”
She hung up on him and he was left there, he kept that same pose with his phone against his ear. His eyes trailing once again over the empty page of his document on the screen, on the chaos surrounding him.
He nibbled on his bottom lip before running his tongue over the pained area.
He pushed the phone back down on the table with a tremble of his jaw and a shaky hand.
She was right.
What he did of his life anyway? He lost most of his occasions in life, he was now in his thirties and he concluded nothing of what he hoped to be, he failed in all the departments both as an artist and as a critic.
A jack of all trades is a master of none, and maybe only the first type of the famous quote could be applied to him.
He couldn’t even take the trash out or he couldn’t remember the last time he ate something that was vaguely resembling of fruits or vegetables. It is all good when you imagine yourself as a bohemian rooting against the world, when you convince yourself that’s only the proof you needed to know you are fighting well against a system of art that privileges banality and marketing over real artistic value and that, one day, all your struggles will be worth it.
Even Picasso was poor for a long time in Paris.
Damn, maybe to be in a situation like this in Paris would sound more romantic.
But the truth was: he never imagined to have to do it alone, that life would feel so overwhelming, that there wouldn’t be anything but extreme struggle, anger, loneliness and a terrible diet.
For a moment he wished to be a baby again, to be the bright boy he was and let mommy take care of his needs and his dirty shirt and empty stomach. He wished that maybe somebody noticed him before, that somebody saw his talent and helped him to pull it out instead of leaving him to do it on his own only to come late to every step.
And now it is too late, he is lost in the sea of terrible paid jobs and anguishing relationships, let’s not forget maybe he indeed had a receding hairline and he was doomed to get bold .
He squeezed his eyes as a soft sob took over his lip, hand running over his forehead as he pulled on his hair justifying his tears with some physical pain. He shook his head as he tried to gain back some composure, hand flung over to pick up his coffee mug and giving in a long gulp of the coffee, the same one he swore before to not touch again, only to almost choke on it, couching it out only to pick up the bottom hem of his shirt to clean his laptop screen.
He fucking hated to write on a computer, the old typewriters inspired him but that damn ink was too expensive now for his sore pockets.
He smirked to himself as he kept doing it, finding good excuses to call himself off any responsibility. But maybe Elke was right, well she surely was, she had two degrees, maybe he was really a lot cause. He frowned as he wiped slowly the screen with his already stained shirt, the wetness sticking then against his skin as soon as he let it go giving him another shiver.
He didn’t have even the strength to cry, he could only accept it was over.
The curse that he shouted out loud when he heard knocking at the door, smashing him out of his thought spiral, generated an immediate anger reaction from him.
“Fuck, shit, if it is the fucking neighbour, I swear I will kill her cat or that rat she has as cat, fucking hell”
He grumbled as he stood up moving across the table not caring about his state, he only wanted to crawl back into a ball and maybe nuzzle a bit somewhere.
When his death glare appeared after the door opened in a powerful swing his eyebrows lifted immediately finding you on the other side.
He blinked, one of those sleepy blinks where somebody closes his eyes and then opens them really wide to make sure it is not made up in their brain, that one.
His eyebrows furrowed as he stared at you
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
“You should wash your mouth with holy water Sebastian” you said shaking your head raising your arms to show him some paper bags “I am bringing food and body shower”
He shook his head “Are you calling me stinky?”
“I am” You quickly replied moving past him into his place ignoring his groan.
He stood by the door slowly closing it, he was sure that old bitch was looking through her peephole, only then he stared at you try to make your way into the filthy kitchen. He was really embarrassed about his antics, but surely this time he exceeded some record.
“I am speechless Seb, I helped you with the moving and this place seems to have taken over you” you said as you knew he was in some rut when he kept such a long phone silence.
He was usually always texting, sending memes or one sentence texts.
You cared about him, deeply, you knew he was full of flaws and little quirks, but that’s what made him special. Nevertheless, you were worried about the state of the place, how it showed the way he let himself get dragged through the days. So he observed you, better to say, your back, the way you moved around opening the window to let fresh air inside, turning on a lamp to make some light that wasn’t just the blue one of the screen. Pulling out commodities and food from your magic bags like some sort of Mary Poppins of struggling writers. How you poured soap in the dirty load of dishes and pans, the way you marched securely to his desk to pick up that filthy mug and you frowned just sniffing at it.
“Is that poison?”
“Rat poison” he corrected you.
You shook your head as you cleaned a glass and filled it with water and among the groceries you pulled out a banana.
“Have this now, it will help” you said and he took the glass with one hand and the banana with the other like his brain was shut down.
He stared at you as you leaned your head slightly on side, he went through bad times after the break up but you had never seen him in such a helpless state.
He was chaotic but he always loved to keep up his appearance, to give that handsome and damned kind of vibe.
“Sebastian” you called him as his eyes spaced out and now where back on you “Are you alright?”
He observed you, he stared at your face like he was trying to recognise you, truth it was he kept pushing himself to say yes, say yes, say it is all good, make a joke, a remark, keep it up. You don’t need his burden, you don’t need to hate him like Elke and others do.
Just say yes.
“No” he said as his lips trembled and you watched his ironic mask fall right in front of you as he looked away hiding his tears, real tears, not the ones he can play out whenever he needs.
Just as quickly as you gave him the banana and the water you took them off his hands afraid he might hurt himself by dropping the glass in particular.
"Seb" you called his attention as he sobbed moving like a bird trying to hide his face against his own shoulder.
You took his now empty hands dragging him toward the couch and kicking off the pile of dirty clothes and discarded books on top of it to make him sit down with you.
"Talk to me"
He didn't, the man that was never out of words, even in the times he should have been, was now silent as a tombstone staring away from you as you gave a gentle squeeze to his hands. It pained you to see him in such a state.
So weak, so helpless like a lost child.
"I can't help you if you don't talk"
Sebastian shook his head still staring at the wall.
"You can't help me"
"Is it about writing? I can proof read you, it will be a moment"
He shook his head again making, hair bouncing from side to side.
"No, it is not important if I write or not"
You frowned at that comment.
"What the hell?" you just blurted out "Seb you're a talented writer, you're passionate, funny, witty, why shouldn't it be important?"
He looked up at you shaking his head "I can't write, I can't put together two sentences"
Your eyes travelled onto his side profile, truth to be told he looked worn out but he was still handsome like only Sebastian Zöllner could be. He had that chaotic charm, even with a wrinkled suit he was fearless, strong, poignant. You couldn't avoid him, he owned every place he stepped in and you could feel his gaze run through your bloodstream.
When he asks a question, he meant it, it was a test run into your bones and you loved every second of it.
His lips tightened as he diverted his gaze finally to you. You knew his relationship with Elke was important, he cared about others even if he didn't show it daily like most people do.
"Is it Elke?"
"No, she was just right"
"About what?"
He gulped, his throat dry as he pulled his bottom lip in his mouth grinding his teeth over it like playing something through that gesture.
"About me"
"Breakups are always shit, don't you even.."
"No Y/N" he interrupted you, he was serious, maybe his voice trembled but he wasn't lying or playing some role "I am really a lost cause, I mean look at his place"
His hand waved around the small flat like a drunk orchestra director.
"It is pure trash, I haven't finished unpacking, I didn't have food until you came, I am unable to look after myself, to look after the people that I care about. I worked so hard to be an artist and then I became a critic and now I am so knee deep into my own shit that I have more debts than entries, more failures than successes, more haters than friends"
He gulped down, the waterline of his eyes dangerously red and he sniffled up as he let out a little weak whisper "I just wish I could disappear"
"No"
It came out of you like a lighting bolt, it surged out of you before you could even elaborate. Like an order. A command.
"Seb, you're now in a rough patch of life, but you have always worked hard and well as a writer"
"I am a writer because I failed as an artist"
"You're a writer because you know of what you're talking about, because you're able to see the difference between marketing and passion, between hard work and laziness, because you respect that profession and it makes you the best critic"
"I just want to destroy them all because I am envious, Elke always said I am fuelled by my own envy”
"I have read pieces of yours only encouraging the rightful and bringing down the real frauds"
He shook his head as he was just fixating on the wrong, on the flaws, on the problems.
You huffed cupping his cheeks to force him to look at your eyes.
"Look at me" you said not admitting replies "you are talented in what you do, you are one of the best in your field and you're not on some big magazine only because they know they will have to put up with your shit: with the fact you always meet the people, you look at art pieces in presence, you touch them, you research the colours, you scrutinise everything to the bone"
He took your hands hating to be held like that but he squeezed them in his owns.
"And yes, you're allergic to ironing clothes and washing dishes is your personal nightmare, and yes, you give out many temper tantrums and have a terribly dark sense of humour, you are a failure at time and money management, you love filthy rich stuff and smoke like your life depends on it"
He stared at you, he listened quietly as you knew him from so long and many people, Elke included, wondered what you gained from helping him or just being around him that much. He often teased his ex about being jealous of you and she always said that it was like being jealous of a mortgage.
"So you agree?"
"I agree to say you are flawed like all of us, that you are just the perfect balance to your writing, you're what you write. You're passionate, you give out the two hundred percent of what you can give, you are like this, you go all-in in everything you do, there's no compromise, no mid way, no foreseeable change of direction, you speed up into the darkness and don't look back. You are bold, you take risks, you let people hate you because you do not compromise with who is son of who or who is the director of what gallery, you judge people over their real qualities. Because you talk to them in their face, because you don't hide that yes, you want to be great, because you're handsome and charming and smart, nobody can outsmart you in your field, not even that idiot you hate that much"
"Golo Fucking Moser" he murmured
"Golo Fucking Moser" you repeated with a chuckle "you don't have anything to envy to him beside the bruises he probably has on his knees for bending down to anyone"
He chuckled at that comment.
"And also, you're more attractive, that pisses off Seb, it is unfair to the poor man”
He leaned his head on side as you wouldn't normally shower him in compliments, he had enough ego for that, but you had never seen him like this and you wished to never see him again in such a state.
"You find me attractive?"
"Well for sure you're an eye candy" you joked
"I mean it"
You rolled your eyes blushing a bit and huffing a chuckle "I do, alight? It is universal knowledge"
He looked at you as he still held your hands in his, his thumbs making soft shapes over the back of your hand.
"That I am attractive or that you find me attractive?"
You groaned looking away with an embarrassed giggle “okay, okay, I see you're back in yourself, let's eat now"
You moved to stand up but he didn't do the same remaining sat in his spot.
"Tell me"
"I pumped your self esteem enough, now let me go"
He chuckled softly, he never really thought you'd be interested. He usually shows off so many bad traits that he has to tone himself down and really try hard to attract someone. It is all an effort on his part to appear better or at least less quirky.
And then now look at you, appreciating even his shit show.
"Y/N" he murmured giving you a soft squeeze. You kept silent not daring now to meet his gaze. He bowed his head trying to reach for your eyes with his gaze and he looked up at you, a smile that wasn't provocative over his lips.
You pulled back yanking your wrists off his grip to move straight into the kitchen corner.
You begun pulling ut some fresh vegetables and bread, you also got some cheese knowing he loves it, wanting him to have a good dinner.
He followed you almost immediately and soon you found his arms grasping you once more in a hug, his chest pressed against your back, his forehead on your shoulder.
"Seb, you..."
"I know, I stink, just give me a moment" he said and you obliged him gently caressing his arms around you.
You hated to be in the friend zone, but you wouldn't be able to survive to lose him forever or to have him joke about it.
Now he was quiet, tender like a hurt pup.
"Thank you, you know you can count on me too, right? For anything” he said and you chuckled softly “I know, you’re my favourite avenger”
He nodded brushing his crisp beard against your cheek and after few minutes stuck in that hug he dropped a kiss on your neck "love you”
He pulled back giving you a smile as he picked the shower gel you left on the counter bringing it with himself to the bathroom with a soft hum.
You smiled a bit bitterly to yourself as you guessed it was meant in a friendly way, but today it was alright. You could endure it. Also that kiss, he always did it when he was drunk, at parties or in the taxi back home after a viewing. It was his cuddly way to say things without saying them, without rambling, and you appreciated that silent language.
Maybe now he was drunk over his own feelings.
Just like you.
Tagged @cazzyimagines @lieutenantn @handmaiden-of-mischief @thesunflowersutra @zemomybeloved @fictionlandslanddreams @charistory @greeneyedblondie44 @apparrio @hb8301 @whatawildone @rhymerhymerhyme @thehuiabird @lilith-blackrose @unbeatablecurlgirl @obsidianlaszlo @alindeluce @zemosimp05 @baronesszemo-blackwood @nocapesdahling @everythingbeginsineternity-blog @archangelproperty
#sebastian zöllner#sebastian zöllner x y/n#sebastian zollner x y/n#sebastian zollner x reader#sebastian zöllner x you#sebastian zöllner x reader#sebastian zöllner headcanon#sebastian zollner#daniel brühl#daniel bruhl#daniel bruehl#ich und kaminski#ich und Kaminski fanfiction#tw: depression#tw: self deprecation
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Hi friend! You seem vast in your knowledge of Stephen and willing to share so please enlighten me as I don’t read the comics but I do watch the mcu movies, and do love Stephen.
I know he’s erratic and impulsive and reckless sometimes but didnt we already complete this arc in his first movie? Especially since we’ve watched him deal with the consequences of his actions for the entirety of the film and end of the movie Stephen was a different Stephen from the beginning of the movie.
IW Stephen seemed like a more mature version of the man we’ve met at the end of his first movie, a linear progression of the character, more responsible.
The spider man trailer is just a few minutes so I’ll further reserve judgment till I see the film, but he seems.. silly almost? I’m aware he has his funny moments but I’m just nervous they’re gonna make him the joke instead of having him make the jokes.
Do you notice anything weird about how the adults act in these newer marvel projects.? (I’m thinking of loki specifically) they all have a silly undertone to them? I cant put my finger on it but it’s definitely new and ..off
Is this a constant characterization for Stephen in the comics? Is this what he’s like all the time?
Regardless, thank you for your time if you see this xx
Oh yeah, Stephen's my favorite subject at the moment so I'm happy to give my thoughts!
Note that my answers apply to MCU!Stephen and what we've seen in the four films he's been in.
I know he’s erratic and impulsive and reckless sometimes but didnt we already complete this arc in his first movie? Especially since we’ve watched him deal with the consequences of his actions for the entirety of the film and end of the movie Stephen was a different Stephen from the beginning of the movie.
In my experience of just living, there are personality quirks that can be tempered out and made better, but not entirely eliminated, even if it's undesirable. In my opinion, Stephen's need to push himself and prove that he can Do A Thing is a trait that won't ever go away--especially as that trait has helped him more than hindered him. Examples would include the more mundane such as getting through a combined MD/PhD program and inventing surgical procedures at what is still a really young age for a neurosurgeon. We don't have a canonical age for Stephen, but Benedict was 40 when Doctor Strange was filmed and released; even if he's canonically in his mid-40s, that's still very young for him to be at his caliber after the necessary years of med school and residency in the United States. He's young and nowhere near the end of his career when he gets in the car crash. So with that information in mind, we know that he's very ambitious and throws himself into doing difficult work with gusto. That doesn't even go into everything he did as a sorcerer.
Why get into all of this? Because while we, the viewer who has seen the multiverse open at... some point (possibly, in a rewritten timeline, it's always been open now with what happened in Loki!), we have seen just how nuts it gets. We have seen the consequences. Stephen's smart, but I don't think it's a matter of strictly recklessness and more a combination of ignorance on this specific subject (erasing memories across the world or slightly rewriting time-- we don't know how he's doing it, but a memory spell makes more sense to me), hubris (of course), and the real desire to help Peter out. The latter two traits combined in intelligent people have proven bad in both fiction and reality.
The reason I don't think it's pure impulsiveness is because in the trailer, we see Stephen doing some meditation type thing in the underground area before the spell. He's also always doing research and as he tells Peter he'll help him, he clearly knows of a spell already and has some working knowledge of how it works. The conversation with Wong wouldn't have happened otherwise. But I personally get the vibe off him that he'd not do it without being very confident that he can do it -- and his history in the films has shown 0 failures in any of his spells once he's past novice-level, so in that aspect, his confidence makes sense. If he *should* do the spell due to the risks of failure, and lack of practicing precaution in the face of his confidence, is where his flaws lie, IMO. And in that sense people could say he was reckless for deciding to perform a complicated, dangerous spell, but that follows his M.O. completely -- he performed a very complicated, dangerous spell consistently with the Time Stone again and again, from how the sorcerers spoke about the Infinity Stone (and he casually just... throws himself into a time loop, then to look through time. He takes calculated risks, but they are very much risks).
One last thought on this statement - the biggest, biggest lesson that Stephen learned in his first film was that it was not about him. There was more to the world than his glory and his brilliance and even his happiness. He started doing things for the greater good rather than himself. And he started doing things for others -- fighting for the Sanctum in his own film, and protecting the Earth. Serving something greater than himself. But that doesn't make him suddenly humble, and it doesn't suddenly take away his strange (hah) sense of humor.
IW Stephen seemed like a more mature version of the man we’ve met at the end of his first movie, a linear progression of the character, more responsible.
He was more serious in that film. So was Tony. They still had some quips and arguments, but they were very serious. And it makes sense as to why -- it was the end of the world. So the mood of the setting would change anyone's demeanour. But he had very little chance to unwind in that film, considering that he was trying to protect one of six items that would destroy the universe, and also got freaking tortured in the middle of the film with little time to recover. But nearly every Avenger was super serious in that film, and for good reason.
It's a completely different setting from what is now Stephen's life which, from what little we've seen in the trailer, is weird enough that he got a magical snowstorm in the Sanctum. It's safe enough that Wong's off on vacation. It's been nearly a year since he returned from the dead. He's either figured out how to move on in the last year or, as some prefer, has gotten good enough to put on a facade and bury the trauma so far down that he's putting on a normal act - but that's up to debate until MoM. And we have no idea if old traumas are going to be brought up there or if it's just the new things.
I think the point is that it's possible to be both a responsible person and also to make colossal mistakes due to either emotional connections or hubris (or both - we don't know which way the film will go, if they'll explain it at all). They're not mutually exclusive. He can be protecting reality fantastically, while also believing that he's skilled enough to pull off the ability to pull off a dangerous spell which he did in his own film and in IW. He's guided the timeline down a specific path in IW/Endgame, after all - what's a little identity item compared to the fate of the universe, after all? Removing the Spider-Man/Peter association is, in comparison, child's play I imagine to a man like Stephen.
The spider man trailer is just a few minutes so I’ll further reserve judgment till I see the film, but he seems.. silly almost? I’m aware he has his funny moments but I’m just nervous they’re gonna make him the joke instead of having him make the jokes.
Do you notice anything weird about how the adults act in these newer marvel projects.? (I’m thinking of loki specifically) they all have a silly undertone to them? I cant put my finger on it but it’s definitely new and ..off
He was definitely silly in his own film. He was constantly trying to get Wong to laugh and there was a banter between Stephen and Christine after he gets stabbed. He's always been a bit awkward and a bit jokey--I think Thor showed that combination of humorous snark and good research rather well, though he was flippant in a way that didn't get to show his kinder side that is better established in his film. And now we get to see that sympathy in his agreement to help Peter (at least, in my opinion).
Because he was doing an amazing awesome spell not once, not twice, but *three* times in the trailer alone, I am not worried about Stephen just being a joke. He seems just as powerful as he was in IW and Endgame. The rest of the world is just getting reminded that he's definitely a bit of a socially awkward duck at times (or, if you prefer, Putting On a "I'm Fine" Front And It's Coming Across As Weird). So him being a big joke is not something I am personally worried about.
Situational humor has been a staple of Marvel films since Iron Man. I watched the films casually before 2016 when I fell head deep into Stephen Strange (or well, 2018/9 is more accurate as that's when I *really* went nuts), and my viewings before that time and after that time was a lot more analytical. And it's very easy to see where the silliness started, all the way back when Tony crashed into his own car and Dum-E sprayed him with a fire extinguisher. Thor was the butt of the joke in the "fish out of water" scene in a good, good chunk of the film. Even Captain America had some situational humor. And remember that Guardians of the Galaxy was back in 2014, which was halfway through the MCU's time thus far. The stars of these films are almost always the butt of some joke a couple times and do things that could be viewed as childish.
I don't know your age at all, but if you were born after 1990, what might be happening, rather, is that they are not getting sillier, but that you may be getting older. I was an adult (legally, at least) in 2008, but the way I view the adults of the films throughout the early 2010s as compared to now is night and day. It's just come with my own life experience, and wider understanding to media tropes. The jump is even more significant if you were younger in Iron Man/Avengers days and are an adult now. If you're an older adult than me, then I'd argue it's the matter of life experience adding to your overall knowledge of media plus, potentially, rose-tinted glasses giving you a better vision of the older movies while forgetting that the older movies had plenty of their own flaws (and silliness). Could be a lot of things- it's too individual to really say why your perspective has changed. But I don't think the MCU's largely changed their comedy formula since 2012/2013.
Is this a constant characterization for Stephen in the comics? Is this what he’s like all the time?
Oh the comics are a mess of characterizations. It's very difficult to find full consistency across writers, and some writers did him much better than others. At the moment, Jason Aaron's 2015 run is viewed as very good by a large amount of fans, while Waid's 2018 run is viewed with mixed reviews. It's largely a matter of preference as you'll see traits that are just so uncharacteristic in an arc and then it never happens again. He takes on secret identities, he kills billions to save trillions (along with the other Avengers!), he sells his soul, he's in a steady relationship for 30 years, then he's sleeping with a new woman every arc he co-stars in-- it's just so dependent on the writer over the decades. What Marvel thinks will sell. Right now Marvel thinks his death is gonna sell issues, so yeah :P You pick and choose with the comics and build a personality from there.
Thank you for the thoughtful ask. I hope this wasn't too much of a drag to read through; I get rambly on my favorite subjects. Or anything, really.
#stephen strange#doctor strange#spiderman no way home#spoilers#meta#mcu#i did a long ramble#i love stephen#i hope this was somewhat enlightening nonny#anonymous#ask#answered#long post
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Can we get some content for how the Android darling and Ms. Bright would meet?
In this [🍰🍑🤖] we get a glimpse of what their relationship is like and a lil mention of how things have worked out- But let's see how it played out from the a.is perspective.
Hi boo, I hope you're doing great, I'm very sorry for the long ass waiting- Sadly I may warn y'all that I have gone through many stages while writing this: h 0 r ny, corny, and angsty. This is actually pretty heavy, as I tried pulling some of the loose threads that I left all over Ingrid's posts (I still need to give her an bio ;-; I'm sorry y'all-)
So this is all over the place, since this is a fic I've been writing for a long time.
Also I know jackshit about robotics, and I think this fic shows how much I don't know anything XD
TW: Family issues related to: LGBTQ identity // very angsty // Ingrid is very rude, but she also struggles a lot during this- // socially distant // socially awkward // being misinterpreted/having a hard time socializing //
Tags: angy sad lady // ownership dynamic // this is basically the reader reminiscing about the past (continuing it from where Happy Lies left off) // the reader is low-key a simp at times- // master x servant dynamic, possessive behavior and a lot of yelling // just angsty really, I'm so sorry //
🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭
Happy birthday, mistress [Yandere!CEO OC x A.I!Reader - Short Fanfiction]
3,763 words
Whenever you remember your first day of activation, or more accurately your first day of actually being able to be activated for more than five seconds (you can't remember it fully, but you're aware that because of your complex design, you had passed through a lot of prototype phases before you could properly function-), you almost feel an odd sense of nostalgia, maybe due to the fact it was indeed the most important day of your existence as an android.
It was Ms.Bright's nineteenth birthday, when she would be handed the corporation that has been passed down by generations. And not only would she inherit the company, but also a beautifully designed a.i assistant made to help Ms.Bright's every need. You were made to be an easy communication center from Ms.Bright to the employees, as Ms.Bright's had a hard time communicating with people and expressing herself.
At first, she didn't seem to enjoy the idea very much- It was clear that she considered you to be quite annoying and useless. And- Well- It did hurt at first, after all, you were built to help her and be her friend no matter what.
So hearing her be mean towards you was… Very tough at first. Your first day as her assistant wasn't easy, you ended up getting in her way most of the time- And since she also didn't know exactly what she was doing, she got overwhelmed by so many things going down in one single day.
Ingrid has always dreamed of being in power of the company- Actually, now that you know her a little more- You can positively say she was probably just stressed at having to deal with so many responsibilities so suddenly, even if it has been her lifelong wish to inherit the company.
And even if it seems impossible at times, she would still come back strong and find a way to deal with it. That's something you really admire about her.
Your first week on the job was basically just trying to get accustomed and trying to learn everything you needed to do- While also trying to understand Ms.Bright as best as you could. Now… You weren't built to say this- And- And of course you don't think like this anymore, but…. You used to think she was really mean.
Frightening, even.
Now that you're all alone waiting for her to get back from work, you can't help but feel like replaying those moments inside your head.
"{... Replaying recorded conversation n°000050: "My second day at work"...}"
" Oh, what are you doing here?"
" Morning Ms.Bright! I-I was rechecking the files from yesterday and I was trying my best to reorganize them, a-after the incident-"
" The "incident" that you caused yesterday?"
" Well, yes, of course! I wanted to fix things up before you came back, I'm really sorry for being so reckless, I promise I won't do it again, I was just-"
"It 's fine. You don't need to worry about it."
" But… But I thought-"
" The files you had messed with weren't really all that important, and besides I'm sure there are copies all around the place. Sigh, who am I kidding- In reality, I should be the one apologizing for my behavior yesterday."
"...."
" I recognize that I shouldn't have treated you the way that I did, in a sense it's my fault you lost those files in the first place."
" … Well, it's nothing really mistress, I'm the one who should-"
" No, don't even finish it. You shouldn't have to apologize and shouldn't have spent the night wasting your battery on this-"
"...."
".... You know what, do whatever- I sometimes forget that you are… Nevermind, come back to my office as soon as you can."
"{... End of recorded conversation n°000.000.050… }"
You never knew what she was going to say, but you remember not being able to ask her that- As you were afraid of her potentially getting mad at you for asking too many questions. She always seemed so ruthless at times.
You remember the time you went to a family event with her, a family party, where an incident happened and she was absolutely livid. Your relationship with her wasn't so pretty at the time, you don't know why but- Your mistress didn't seem to trust you as much as you wish she did at the time.
"{... Replaying recorded conversation n°000.001.588: "First party ever- And it was very unpleasant" ...}"
" What's the matter with you?! Why can't you follow simple instructions- I told you to stay here and not mess around."
" I'm. So. Sorry. Mistress-"
" Even your vocal module is broken- Who told you to enter that pool in the first place?? You can't tell me you did something so stupid all on your own."
" I. Slipped.-"
" Am I a joke to you? I've said tell me who gave you the order to jump in the goddamn pool while everyone else was inside- Don't you dare start lying to me."
" … One of the. Party guests. Lost something. Inside the water. I tried helping them. But I started to. Malfunction."
" … Sigh, okay. Continue."
" It wasn't. Their fault. I did it. On my own. I was just- Trying. To help."
" By throwing yourself inside a pool when you're well aware of the damage the water can cause to your inner systems?!"
" I'm sorry!"
" You could have- No, you SHOULD have called someone else to help you, I can't believe it- You could have drowned in there and I wouldn't even be aware of that since I was inside the house, [Y/n]!"
" …. But Ms.Bright. I can't drown-"
" Yeah, yeah- I know you-... I know you can't drown."
" … Listen, you could have still gotten yourself hurt okay? You could have permanently damaged your systems, and if I wasn't made aware of what happened, I wouldn't have been able to take you out of the water in time, okay?"
"... Sigh, I just realized how much I have been yelling, everyone is probably scared now that I've made such a scandal. This… Isn't really a new thing to me, I'm accustomed to ruining parties like this. I'll have to apologise later to everyone. [Y/n], please just- When I ask you to stay still, please listen to me. I was worried about you."
"...."
"{... End of recorded conversation n°000.001.588 ...}"
You can't deny it- Whenever she was truly irritated she could make any person next to her feel threatened, though the more you look at your recordings, you feel like she doesn't really want to be feared like this. Respected? Absolutely. Feared? Not ideal, but she takes it anyway.
You have a couple of different recordings here and there, your memories are separated into sections. You have recordings of events in several formats: pictures, videos, texts and audio recordings. Though the one you use the most is audio recordings, since videos take a very big space inside your mind, and pictures need context, otherwise they wouldn't be considered memories, right?
You can't have many memories at a time because most of your mind is supposed to be used to store the company's files, so you do have a couple of memories that you have deleted to make space for the Bright Vision's more secret/personal documents. Since Ingrid took you home yesterday, and said you won't be going to work for the company anymore, then maybe you can find somewhere else to store those files so you can make space for new memories with Ms.Bright.
First, you'll need to recheck some of your own memories to see if they're worth holding onto. There is probably a lot of junk in there that you won't be needing anymore, which can be a bit tedious and take some time, but you clearly have enough time on your hands to do so, considering how she is not home and- Well, you're pretty bored, you already done everything that she asked you to do.
Honestly, she gave such small tasks today, she probably didn't plan to change your work environment so suddenly.
After about an hour of research through your data you have realized that even if you have way too many files, it's kinda hard to delete them. At first you didn't mind the idea of deleting certain stuff, but now it feels a bit sad to erase parts of your memory, you just had so many good times and- And even the bad times are worth remembering, right?
It has been an hour of you just standing there, trying your best to not delete anything important while also revising each recording you have. Most files are a bit out of order, numerically speaking, but you don't mind that too much cause- Well, you can always reorganize them later.
… You never actually do that, but you like to think that one day you will, though.
After so many recordings of conversations, you found one who didn't seem to really belong in your head. You see, you always title every single thing inside your personal archives so that it doesn't get mixed with other files- All of your memories have a specific title so that you can have an idea of which is which.
The thing is- You don't remember this file, the title seems off, and it seems like it's incomplete. Oddly broken. Still, you decided to take a listen and try to remember what happened in this event.
"{... Replaying recorded conversation n°000.068.xxx: "I yell too much" ...}"
"...."
"...."
"...."
This is a very silent audio, there seems to be some background noise happening, but you can't make out what's happening. This audio sounds distorted, edited maybe. Someone tried messing with your memories but they weren't able to completely erase this file.
Maybe they were inexperienced at the time.
"...."
"...."
"...."
You think you heard something, it sounded closer to you- It sounded like someone possibly sitting down next to you. You don't know who it is, or what it is
"...."
".... I'm such a mess. Why am I doing this? Why does this feels so-"
"...."
It seems like someone is speaking, but you're not speaking back. Even in this heavily edited audio, you can still make out what sounds to be a feminine voice.
".... I'm sorry for, well, using you this way. It feels- So, so weird."
"...."
".... I just want… No, I need to vent to you for a while, even if you won't remember what I'm going to say."
This audio gives you an odd sensation. You think you're starting to recognize who this is- But then again, who else could it be, if not Ms.Bright herself?
" I never did this before, with something so- Human like- With something so human looking. I used to record my thoughts on my phone but I thought I would never need to vent with an object before- But here I am! Making a fool of myself…"
"...."
The speaker, who you assume to be Ingrid, seems to be having a lot of trouble speaking, her voice is cracking and her breathing seems uneven. She sounds out of breath, and she takes a lot of pauses to be able to speak her mind.
"...."
".... I have…. Thought about opening myself in this way because- Because I have no one else to listen to it, and I guess I can only blame myself for it. I know I'm difficult, I know I'm rude and I know I come across as a tyrant to everyone else- I- I really don't know what 's wrong with me, okay?!"
" Years, and years, and years of training, of studying, of planning to become the very next owner of this corporation as it's already not only a job but also a very painful family tradition that I felt proud of! That I gave everything that I could to be part of! I remember wanting this so bad, I remember how I used to daydream about this stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid tradition when I was a little kid who just wanted to do more, to be more!"
".… I almost lost all of this. 19 years of my life that were threatened to be thrown in the trash just because I- Because I'm not his son??! Because I- I'm not his only "son" anymore??.... Who said I ever was- Who said I ever was his son…?"
".... I- I know all about the stupid, awful and extremely unnecessary tradition of passing the leadership from father to son, and to this very day- inside the same office all of my predecessors had went through- I still think that tradition is garbage. I always thought I wouldn't make it here, I always thought something would stop me from being the next face of Bright Vision."
".... I can't tell- If I always knew about this- I can't even imagine how I knew this considering the dumb kid that I was, but…"
".... I'm his daughter. I'm Mr.Bright's only daughter, and the only possible heir to this twisted company."
" The people outside think our only focus it's on robotics and technology of all kinds. I wish I could go back to thinking that too, it would have been so much simpler that way."
" After a very long fight about my rights as the heir to this- Company. My father thought it would be wise to move to the countryside. Far away from all of this. And to be fair, I was- So, so mad at him that I thought that him moving away from here and letting me be would be better, but every now and then I- I miss him. I miss him so much…."
"He sent me a birthday present today. After three years of absolute silence he sends me flowers and- And a gift card containing his number… And I- Called him despite everything, and even so to this day he can't even say my name- IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS AFTER HE LEFT ME ALL ALONE WITH THIS CURSED BUSINESS AND HE STILL CAN'T FUCKING. SAY. MY. NAME."
You felt scared at the sudden yelling, even if her voice was progressively getting more aggressive and louder, you still got caught up by the sudden yelling.
".... I'm- A mess- I know that now."
You can't understand what's going on, but it sounds like she started laughing… Or maybe crying? Probably both.
".... I'm just terrible at this. I always was, weren't I? I'm just terrible at these types of interactions- Maybe all of them! I just don't understand how to- How to do it?? I don't know anymore…."
".... That's why I have you, in the first place, isn't it?"
" I had such an awful time expressing myself that they gave me an overpriced doll to do it for me. When I first heard about this three years ago, I- I've felt so fucking pitiful."
" Can you imagine it? The CEO of such a big corporation is so difficult to deal with that she needs an overly glorified doll that can translate her words to the other employees! An a.i created just to help me, an absolute idiot!"
".... I've felt so angry at them- I felt so angry at him for having to build a robot just to be a comfort pet to the stressful work that I would have to do for the rest of my position as owner of Bright Vision Corp, and I was mad at you! You pissed me off to no end, and I- I just couldn't help but be frustrated at you, not for being in my way, but for being an reminder that I'm awful at this-"
"...."
Her sobs stopped her from continuing that sentence.
".... I've treated you so unfairly because of this. I- I made sure that whenever you looked at me you would feel terrified of me because that's the only way I thought I could be respected, that's the only way I thought you would listen to me, and yet you never did…. You weren't built to follow my every order perfectly, you were made to be literally my only friend, after 22 years, here you are- The only person that can get me isn't even an actual person-"
"..... And I forget this…! I forget this every time I look at your eyes, I forget how robotic you are whenever I see you helping others not because you were told to, but just because you thought you could."
"...."
".... I always forget that you're supposed to be just another robot… He really did think about everything when designing you."
".... I always catch myself being awful towards you, being- Being excessively rude, not because of my way of talking but because of my own petty feelings towards you as my assistant… As my friend, as my android, as my-"
"...."
"..... I'm so sorry for being like this, you don't deserve to have someone who is constantly being mean towards you be considered your boss- Your boss, your friend- ...Sigh, even your owner…"
" I'm sorry [Y/n], I'm really, really sorry- But it doesn't matter how many times I say that- I don't know if I can ever make it up to you. Words won't heal any wounds, they never did."
"...."
".... But maybe actions will."
"...."
" I'll stop being so harsh on you, you really don't deserve this- I was feeling weird about using your recording system to vent like this, but now that I think about it I have been using you as a venting mechanism since the day we met……. I'm- I'm so goddamn awful."
"...."
"...."
" "How can someone so in love be so cruel?".... Would you be able to answer me if you were conscious?.... I don't think you would, no one has been able to tell me the right answer yet."
".... I hope I can be better- I will be better."
"...."
" I just need to remember how to delete this file before you wake up- I hope I can do that. End recording."
"{... End of recorded conversation n°000.068.xxx …}
………….
It took you about an hour or so to be able to process what you have just listened to. And even then, you weren't able to fully comprehend what happened.
Ms.Bright- No, Ingrid- Ingrid has used your recording system while you were out, she probably tried deleting the file but because she was inexperienced with your kind of technology, she decided to just edit it and try to make it unlistenable.
It was- Barely audible but you still got to understand some of it.
Did she- Did she forget to completely erase it? Did she forget entirely??? You're not sure.
You don't know why but a sudden wave of- Something- Something feels so odd about this-
You don't know how to respond really. You don't feel mad about her ranting to you, you don't even feel bad about her ranting to you while you weren't aware- You feel bad, but not because of her but because of the emotional turmoil she has been hiding from you.
Should you do something? Should you say something?? How do you even- You don't know how respond to this-
You're programmed to comfort her, yet- This file is already old, and she didn't want you to remember this so maybe it won't be the best idea to bring it up, but what can you do??!
Maybe you just need to rethink this through, maybe you should listen to audio again, and try to figure out what's the best way to help her out when she comes back.
You're honestly baffled at the idea that someone like her had so much to confess to- You probably shouldn't have seen her as an unstoppable goddess in the first place, but then again- Even after hearing her open herself, even after listening to her insecurities- Your opinion of her hasn't changed.
She was holding this for so long, no wonder she always seems on edge.
She 's only human. Yet you never really saw her as just that.
She was always so much larger than you, so much stronger than what your fabricated body was, and she always sounded so much smarter and- And she was just always so… Terrifyingly beautiful to you.
Ingrid Bright was always considered a very good looking individual, but no one ever considered her to be much else because of her way of speaking to others (which may sound rude and occasionally condescending, causing others to avoid her as much as they could), but you always thought she was so much more than that-
It's hard to even explain it really, ever since you met you have started to understand the concept of how beauty and fear can mix together, you find her to be so beautiful, yet her demeanor and stature makes you feel afraid of her for some reason- And even worse than that, the fear she may unconsciously bring you makes her seem more beautiful in your eyes.
You shouldn't think of her as scary or frightening, she is your boss, your master and your owner, there is no reason for why you should feel this way towards her- But then again, there is no reason for you to even feel in the first place, you were just built to do so.
You don't think she means harm to anyone, after getting to know her you realize why her behavior can be misinterpreted as mean and scary- Ms.Bright always had a hard time socializing with others, even her family had a hard time understanding her, so maybe that's why she grew to have such a tough exterior.
As someone that was built to make the communication between CEO and employees easier, you've had to learn to understand her to be able to help others understand her as well, and vice versa. It wasn't easy, and you wouldn't say that you know her completely well- But you feel proud of the work you have done so far, you're her loyal companion but more importantly a friend.
Funny how much you learned not only about her, the employees, or even the business of the company- But also about humans in general in these five years of working for her, it makes you feel more whole when you remember how much you have achieved.
You hope you can somehow help her right now, and to help her from here on out. You decide to wait for her and possibly talk about how she feels and how she deals with said feelings. Hopefully all ends well.
🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭
Sorry for the loose ending! I was feeling very tired ;-; but if anyone wants it I could totally make a second chapter with a better ending.
🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭
#sheep's stuff#yandere oc#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere x female reader#yandere x reader fanfic#yandere fanfic#yandere oc x reader#yandere oc x reader fanfic#yandere ceo fanfiction#yandere ceo x reader#yandere ceo x robot reader#yandere ceo#special delivery request#special delivery fanfiction
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An (un)usual surprise
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Gender neutral Reader
Category: Comfort
Warnings: Adoption, fluFf, onlY flufF
Summary: During the team’s usual dinner party at Rossi’s house, Reader and Spencer both have an exciting surprise to announce to the team.
Requested by @ontheoddoccasioniwritestuff
A/N: I apologize ksksksksk, i dont know anything about adoption stuff- but here we go, my first gendEr nEutrAl fiC :D
Word count: 2.2 k
You had always appreciated Rossi’s dinner parties, he had been welcoming with you since the first time you had gone here with Spencer; it had been a long week, and since you haven’t been able to see him; he had thought it’d be a great occasion for you to see each other.
It had been two years since you had grown closer to them, they had eventually become family as well; you began to understand why Spencer liked them so much.
It had taken him a bit of time to get you to introduce you to them, the team had apparently heard rumors of Reid having a partner, but other than that, nothing much; he was quite personal when it came to his private life; and with the job he was doing, he didn’t want anything to happen in case someone would attempt at harming you.
Although the chances of this scenario happening were quite slim, he still preferred to be careful about it, no matter how many times you would convince him to think of the opposite.
When he had decided for you to come with him, his coworkers apparently convinced him a bit after he had told, seeing how nervous and excited he seemed earlier in the day. He hadn’t stopped thinking of it: Spencer at thought that it could be the perfect occasion, and that with his work, it wouldn’t have been much sooner; so he had called you the day before; at 11pm, suddenly asking if you wanted to meet his friends, just like that. He hadn’t told you what he had been thinking about, but he probably was afraid that you’d decline because of whatever reason that could refrain you from attending the party.
His call had surprised you since you were half asleep from the long day you had, but you had nonetheless accepted the invite, since you hadn’t anything planned that day. The next words had been nothing but an ocean of apologies when he had found that he had woken you up, resulting in you trying to get him to calm down as you had assured that it wasn’t much of a big deal.
Even with your groggy state you didn’t seem much excited, you really were. It had been a while since he had begun talking about them, when they were on cases, at the office, whatever his mind contained, which had made you more and more excited at each of his words whenever you’d ask about them, or when he’d bring them in the conversation, whether you were at his apartment or on the phone.
You often were more on the phone than at your respectives homes because of how much time his work was taking, resulting in the both of you not seeing each other for a week sometimes, you had gotten used to it, even if it had made you a bit sad not to see him. You didn’t want him to know it, he had enough stress from his work, you didn’t need to add much worry than he already had; even if he insisted for you to tell whatever you felt like, even if you were in a bad mood while he was working, he always felt the need to know how you felt, in order to try his best to make you feel better as he couldn’t be with you.
A year after you met the team, it was between two cases that he had decided to propose to you. He only had a couple days with you before another case would make him busy again. You both were in his apartment, watching whatever was on tv at 9pm. He had pretended to go to your bedroom to grab another blanket for you, but you didn’t find it suspicious, he often acted like this, he wanted to make sure that you weren’t cold, he didn’t want you to have a cold if he happened to be on a case.
When it had been a moment since he left, you decided to turn your head to the direction of the room, not seeing him in sight. Even if you didn’t want to, you slowly got up from the couch, stretching up for a bit, before heading to the room, expecting to see him asleep on your bed.
But when you had gone into the room, you certainly didn’t expect to see him with a squared box in one of his hands, as his face turned into a worried and stressed mess. He had taken a deep breath when he had seen you, as you stepped further in the room.
Everything happened fast after that; you had jumped into his arms before he could even pronounce the question; but nonetheless, had accepted his proposal.
You couldn’t have said no to the man you dearly loved, always here to support you, even if he only can talk to you for a minute or so, or sends a text when he’s at work.
Your normal tv date night had turned out to be more surprising than ever.
When you had gotten married, a flow of future projects had been included in your daily conversations, including the topic of having a kid.
But the worries about the matter would do nothing but increase on Spencer’s side.
He kept saying that his genes wouldn’t be genes he’d want his child to ever have, he had been nothing but afraid of the moment the child would be born; his father had left him as a child, nonetheless, he didn’t know what it was like to have a father figure as he only grew up with his mother.
On your side, you were completely lost on the whole parenthood stuff, and you always felt like you wouldn’t be ready at all to go through nine months, after you had heard other experiences from some friends that had children.
You both were tied at point 0 on this subject, but as the conversation was brought up on a rainy day at a café; you had proposed an idea.
“Look, I know that we both are lost as hell about the ‘kid matter’, but when you left yesterday I got an idea, but I don’t know if you would be up..”
“Go ahead, I’m all ears.”
“Well, um...what if we, adopt a kid?”
“You want to...adopt a kid? I mean, are you sure?”
“Well, I think that would be the best option for both of us. You’ve always been worried about passing your genes to your child, and I’m not really enchanted by the idea of going through nine months so...I thought that would be a good idea that we’d both like, but if you’re not okay with this-”
“No, not at all! I just uh...asked, because if you really wanted the child to be yours or-”
“Biological or not, it will be mine, ours. It won’t change anything whether we’re blood related or not. We’ll love them the same.
“Do you think we can really do this? I just...wouldn’t want the child to feel unloved, or anything else because I wouldn’t know how to act as a good father since you know, barely had a present father figure in my childhood.”
“You’ll be fine, no, amazing. I know you can do it, you’re amazingly caring, nice and the way you act when you’re with JJ’s kids, you’re made to be a dad, you know how to act with kids, and I’m sure that nothing could go wrong. Look at me, I don’t know anything at all about parenthood, but I do want to have a kid, and in this case, we’re gonna give a chance to a kid that didn’t get to have one.”
“I know, I’m just...afraid.”
“I know you are, I am too. But we can do this, I know we can. “
“Yeah, we can.”
“Hell yeah, we are capable of this.” You said, as you leaned in for a kiss, returned a few seconds after. You both had felt the other smile against the other’s lips to the wonderful journey that would change your lives; in a good way, of course.
*
Who would have thought that a year later, the journey awaiting the both of you, that had you go through sleepless nights because of stress, planning everything in secret and almost getting caught a few times, would have been the most amazing thing that could have happened?
You had both fallen in love with a little girl named Clara; she was about five years old, she really was full of joy, liked to talk with people of whatever went through a child’s mind, she really didn’t have any trouble socializing with people she didn’t know.
But to Spencer and you, she was perfect. You swore that you could have imagined a lifetime of memories when both of your eyes laid on her.
She also had Spencer’s hair, a detail that you didn’t fail to notice.
She really was everything both of you had wished for, and the love you had been ready to give her since you first heard about her would be unconditional. She wasn’t your biological child, but you would love her as she was, nothing could change that.
The adoption process would be long, but you both were determined to adopt her, no matter what.
In the meantime, Spencer had decided to bring you to Rossi’s usual dinner parties after both of you happened to be free at the same time for once. You hadn’t told them anything about it, but since the adoption process had seemed to go well, you had thought that it would be a good time to announce the team.
You had both stopped the car in front of the house, heading in the alley leading to the entrance of the house, as you had entered along with Spencer in the house , welcomed by Emily.
The rest of the night had gone pretty well, from talking about cases to events that had occured, no one could get bored.
Towards the end of the night, Emily, JJ, Penelope and Tara had stayed in the living room with Rossi, while Luke, Matt, Derek and Hotch had stayed in the back with you, as both of you had exchanged knowing looks, and without talking to each other, you knew what he meant.
To your surprise, Derek had both caught you once, first thinking that it just was for whatever reason, but after a few times, your stares had happened to be suspicious.
“Something tells me the lovebirds have a thing to say to everyone, or is it just me?” Derek had asked Luke, as Matt frowned, looking at you.
“Yeah, they got somethin’.” Matt joined the conversation.
“Hey y/n, mind telling us? We’re curious now.” Luke asked, tapping your shoulder to bring your attention.
“We...may have something, yeah.” You said, as you glanced at Spencer.
“Yeah, we might.” He had answered, as you looked at him; like you wanted him to tell it instead of you. “You were the one that insisted on saying it now, so now you’re doing it.”
“Seriously?”
“Yep, 100%.”
“You’ve been exchanging looks with him all night, and now you’re shy? Come on y/l/n, go on.” Derek teased.
“I...okay. We’ve been thinking about it for a while now and uh...we began looking into it, and filing paperwork so...okay,” you said, as you took a deep breath. “ we’re adopting a child.” You announced, as everyone became silent, apparently shocked by the sudden news.
“But- s-since when? We uh...never heard about it, how come we never found out?” Luke asked, visibly confused about the situation.
“We wanted it to be a surprise.” You said.
“So, we get to be uncles?!” Luke asked, eyes widening.
“Yes, you get to be uncles.” Spencer answered, as Luke gave a high five to Derek and Matt.
“So, the kid is gonna be a father.” Hotch stated.
“Is it a girl or a boy?” Matt asked.
“A girl, her name is Clara.” You answered.
“I don’t know how to react honestly, my mind is telling me to either jump out of joy or cry for an hour; but I’m gonna avoid embarrassing myself and avoid crying even if my whole mind is telling me to do it.” Luke admitted, earning laughs from everyone around.
“You can cry, it’ll stay between us.”
“Nah I’m okay, I’m okay.” Luke said, as it was kind of obvious that he was lying. The conversation had soon been interrupted by the sounds of various voices coming from the girls, and Rossi behind them.
“Are you having a secret party or what?” Emily interrupted.
“No, they just announced that they adopted a child.”
“Oh, then it’s- WHAT?” She yelled.
“See? That’s us when they announced it.”
“I- when, how?!”
“It’s been a month since we did it. We just waited for a great occasion to say it.”
“And they hid it from us without us even guessing anything.” Rossi said.
“I guess we’re prolonging the night then?” Emily asked.
“We are.” Spencer and you had both answered.
A lifetime worth of memories awaited the both of you, and you would never regret it if it meant to have someone to look to, give love and watch grow, all of this for nothing but never ending love,
forever.
----------
Taglist; @pinkdiamond1016 ;
#Criminal Minds#criminal minds fanfic#criminal minds spencer reid#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fanfiction
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I heard you were doing matchups?
To get it out of the way, I’d prefer if I get my matchups from thh or drV3. More than one matchup would be fine, but I really don’t mind how many.
names Alfie, but most of the time people call me Glitter! I’m a Libra (October 1st) and my personality type is INFP (I had to do the quiz because I forgot-!)
I’m a demi fictosexual, panromantic, and polyamory! Im transmasc (afab) and I haven’t transitioned yet because homophobic family check!!!!! I use he/they/it and a couple of neopronouns (xe/nya/thou/pika)!!
I have pale skin, and my hair is a dirty blonde color! it’s pretty short, and I often curl it so it’s all fluffy! my eyes are hazel, and I naturally have long eyelashes, to the point where people ask if I’m wearing mascara- (I’m really not). I’m kinda on the shorter side (5''0 and some change), and I’m sorta skinny, but somehow have a bit of squish on me too-? I have braces, but I HATE them and admittedly break the eating rules quite a bit...
personality wise? Introverted. I have trouble starting conversations, but once Im in one, I cant stop talking! I don’t take much seriously, besides peoples feelings. I’m not that easily offended. somehow I get dragged into a lot of toxic (more like radioactive) friendships all the time, and I can’t get out of them, most of the time until the school year ends and I get new classes with new people. Sometimes even that doesn’t fix it.... I’m a very artistic person who usually carries around sketchbooks and fancy markers wherever I go. I’m usually found either drawing or on my phone/switch/laptop...
I have a bit going on..., I have social anxiety, adhd, parinoia (WHICH IS REALLY BAD LIKE— help! Lol🤪) heavy acid reflux that’s miserable and somehow triggered by overwhelming negative emotions like fear or stress -- and ocd. I take medicine for my adhd during the week, but when I do... it results in me... not... eating...? Oh well that’s not important -
my aesthetic/fashion is alternative/Sanrio goth. neon pink and black are my favorite colors, here’s a few examples of my fashion sense!
Ahem I also love being tickled but am embarrassed to admit it omg
anyways, I hope I didn’t miss anythin too important! Thanksies!
Miss anything? You basically went above and beyond of what I ask for (which is great!)
I match you with...
Rantaro Amami
He's fairly easy to talk to and he completely understands having trouble starting conversations. So he usually starts them when he can tell you want to talk.
He likes to sometimes play with your fluffy hair- if you allow it.
While he understands that you hate braces he tries to force some habits on you so things are a bit easier for you.
He's a little bit interested in your art, even though he doesn't say much about it. Sometimes he just finds himself staring at you while you happen to be drawing.
He found out how ticklish you were, but he never knew if you like it or not. But his tickling is always gentle and while it gets you to laugh for sure it's never the torture kind of tickles where you are helpless.
Whenever you get yourself into small troubles with toxic "friends" he'd surely shut that down immediately. Thinking of excuses and generally trying a chill way to make them leave you alone.
They might try to paint him as an controlling asshole but at least you were aware that those "friends" were toxic, so while you said that you'll keep that in mind and watch out in reality you didn't think about the issue.
~Mod Angie
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Order Up! Chapter 20
The big 2 0. Wow, when I started this thing I had no idea this was going to be so fun to write. Over 50k words and Alex is now one of my favorite people!
This chapter just had me gooey for Solomon, seriously!
Previous Chapter
Cameron was on break, and there was a lull in customers. Lucifer had come and gone earlier, but he was slightly more attentive this morning. He asked if she had breakfast and if she was drinking water. Jordan noticed.
“So, the elephant in the room. What happened with you and Mr. Black Coffee?” He asked while looking over his clipboard.
Alex twitched her nose and walked up to him. “Jordan,” she said in a timid voice.
“Yes?” He arched his eyebrow revealing the glitter eyeshadow in detail.
“Do you think I’m naturally submissive?” she whispered.
Jordan dropped his clipboard and blinked. “What?”
“I’m asking you,” she puffed and shifted. “Do you think I’m naturally submissive?”
He retrieved the board and examined her. “Well, I mean,” he paused, and his eyes grew. “Babe, I didn’t see it!”
She bloomed with color and straightened her apron. “We talked last night. He wanted me to talk to you about this later.”
Jordan leaned on the sink and waved his hand with his pen. “Alex, I swear, I mean, I just never realized.”
Alex licked her lips. “Do you think my dad and I had a normal relationship?”
He raised his eyebrows. “Jesus, Alex, you’re going through a lot of shit right now. Between the new career, a new home, and this? No, your dad was a control freak. I mean your mother and you always had to dress presentable and be polite. Seriously, I loved him, but he was an asshole.”
She rubbed her neck and nodded. “I think so too. I was doing some reading on my break today. I want to learn more.”
Jordan ducked closer to her and scowled. “Did he do something to you? Did he do something you weren’t ready for? I will go get my fabric scissors and cut open his balls,” he hissed and snapped.
Alex shook her head frantically. “No, that's the thing. He told me to come to talk to you. He said there are rules on the house and that it would be convoluted if he answered my questions.”
Jordan relaxed and adjusted his hat. “Okay, that makes me feel loads better. Yes, we’ll have a long chat about this. You can ask anything you want. I promise not to be gentle about it either if I think you need to know.”
“Alex, you need a firm hand?” Someone chuckled.
Alex pivoted and smirked. “Well, hello, mad scientist,” she smiled and wandered over to the POS screen.
Solomon smiled and swished his hand, pulling a playing card out of thin air. The queen of hearts. “She is beauty, magnetism, and idealism,” he voiced and handed it to her.
“Your little trinkets are building up on my dresser, Sol,” she laughed and placed the card in her apron.
“So, what are we talking about on today’s TED talk?” Solomon questioned.
Jordan leaned over the glass and waved his hand. “D and s relationships,” he murmured.
Solomon tilted his head and touched his chin. “Interesting topic for the early afternoon, but I'm intrigued. I have extensive knowledge on the subject.”
Alex blinked as her eyebrows reached for her hat. “You do?”
“I do,” he agreed. “Too much knowledge is never enough.”
She beamed and tilted her head. “I wonder when your cup will ever runneth over.”
“Never,” Solomon chuckled. “I plan to find a way to live forever and keep learning.”
“If anyone could, it’d be you,” Alex replied.
“I would like to join this discussion,” Solomon said and then glanced around. “Just not where it could be incriminating.”
Alex giggled and rocked her head. “Okay, I could see this being a decent group discussion.”
“You could?” Jordan scowled. “Honey, there’s alotta weird stuff you’re going to be learning about.”
“He’s a genius, J,” Alex gestured to the man in a grey turtleneck.
“Doesn’t mean he’s,” Jordan sighed and waved his hand. “You know what, fine. I think if we’re going to do this, we’re going to invite Asmo too.”
“Oh, he’s a great person to add to this,” Solomon agreed.
Jordan glared. “Don’t even mention another word about you two together, okay, toots?”
“Toots?” Solomon smiled. “Can you please put that on my cup?”
Alex was trying so hard to stifle her giggling. “Solomon, how do you get everyone but me to hate you?”
“I don’t like them as much,” Solomon said.
Jordan exhaled and tilted his head. “When are you going to ask her out? You’ve been coming here handing her trinkets for months.”
Alex glared at Jordan. “Stop that.”
“How about this,” Solomon hummed, drawing her attention back to him. “We’ll go out on a date when she’s ready? I don’t believe in the social parameters of making a woman feel pressured to say yes.”
“You mean you’re too afraid she’ll say no,” Jordan smirked.
“I wouldn’t say no,” Alex shook her head.
Solomon beamed and touched his chest. “Then, when your interesting life gets into the new rhythm of your promotion, we’ll have our date.”
Alex was glowing. “Solomon, you really do pay attention to my texts.”
“I do,” he nodded. “I told you, I may not always answer immediately, but I do read them.”
“I can see why you’ve had so many hearts fall in love with you,” She teased and waved her fingers.
Solomon’s cheeks darkened, and he cleared his throat. “Alex, you flatter me.”
“Okay, okay, enough with this weird lovefest. What are you drinking today?” Jordan asked.
Solomon scowled up at the menu and twitched his nose. Oh, a new one? “I don’t know that one, Solomon,” Alex admitted.
He chuckled and breathed. “I think my mind has gone away with me again. How about you order me what you usually drink?”
Jordan rolled his eyes. “Sounds good, toots.”
“Half Green tea, half passion tea, no water, 3 pumps raspberry, 2 pumps cane,” Alex declared.
Solomon grinned and nodded. “That is now added to my list, Alex,” he said and handed her his credit card.
“So, does afternoon work tomorrow? You can come over when Jordan and Asmo are available,” Alex voiced as she finished the transaction.
Solomon pulled out his phone and checked the screen. “Ah, yes, tomorrow shall be fine. I don’t have anything until that evening with a few colleagues.”
“Perfect,” Alex smiled as she handed him the receipt and card.
“I’m quite proud of you, Alex. You spent a long time not acknowledging things about yourself and are tackling them at an inhuman rate. It shows fortitude and tenacity,” Solomon declared as he pocketed his card.
Alex blushed and shifted against the screen. “Well, life is about holding on tightly and taking all the dips on the rollercoaster.”
Solomon grimaced. “Roller Coasters. Very unamusing things.”
“You don’t like them?”
“Not in the least,” Solomon sneered.
“I would have thought you’re a thrill-seeker,” Alex hummed.
Jordan handed him the tea and collected his clipboard again.
“Well,” Solomon shifted with the cup in hand. “It depends on the thrill,” he smiled before sipping his straw.
“How is it?” She asked.
Solomon placed a tip in the jar. “Well, it reminds me of you. So, refreshing, sweet, and I’ll be returning for it again.”
Fucking smooth. Occasionally, this man pulls off the greatest lines, completely straight-faced. “I’ll see you soon, Sol,” Alex laughed.
He waved and walked off toward the door. Alex smiled and shook her head before turning to Jordan. “I honestly don’t know what you see in that hydrogen peroxide pimple popper,” he hummed.
“Come on,” Alex groaned. “It was years ago. Are you really going to be jealous of it? Is it because Asmo hasn’t agreed to be exclusive?”
Jordan scowled and shook his head. “No, and I understand I’m being a baby.”
“You are, but I do like him,” Alex sighed. “Please like him for me? Please?”
“Oh, alright,” Jordan groaned.
Cameron skipped back out and beamed. “So, what did I miss?”
Alex shrugged and went to restocking the gift cards. “Just one of my regulars.”
“Oh, he’s going to love him,” Jordan chuckled.
“Who was it?” Cameron questioned as he went to the screen, and Alex moved to the bar.
“Well, it was Solomon,” Alex declared.
“Ah, Mr. Can’t-make-up-his-mind,” Cameron nodded. “He came in yesterday.”
Jordan snorted and marked his inventory from the stock above. “She knows his hand gestures by mood.”
“That’s impressive,” Cameron smiled.
Alex beamed and checked the syrups. “It took many visits. J, I need some more caramel.”
Jordan reached above and handed her the bottle. “We shall mourn many days when she becomes my boss,” he snickered.
“Oh, stop, you’re amazing. Besides, I’ll likely be here all the time working,” she said.
“No favoritism, Alex.”
Alex glanced up from writing on the bottle and beamed. “Well, hello, Barbatos,” she laughed.
Barbatos was standing next to the hand-off station. He was smiling and tilted his head. “Good afternoon. Diavolo is finishing a conversation on the phone, and he’ll be in momentarily.”
“Would you like your tea?”
Barbatos nodded.
Alex glanced over to see that Cameron was working on it and returned her attention to him. “So, how are you today? Anything notable?”
“I found a new recipe I plan on cooking tonight. I’m positive Lucifer will enjoy the fusion,” Barbatos nodded.
“I haven’t tried your cooking yet, but I truly am looking forward to it,” Alex voiced as she wiped down the counter.
Barbatos beamed and rocked his head. “It will be quite enjoyable to cook for more than Lucifer and Diavolo’s tastes.”
“So, do you enjoy doing anything other than working like a madman and cooking?” Alex questioned.
“Gardening. I have a greenhouse with my own vegetables. I also enjoy poetry on occasion,” Barbatos explained as Cameron set down his cup.
“I couldn’t grow mushrooms in cow poop,” Alex snorted.
“Patience and dedication, Alex. Two traits I hold dear,” Barbatos explained.
“And that you have in abundance,” she giggled.
Barbatos tilted his head and glanced at the door before returning to her view. “Did you receive my questionnaire this morning?”
She nodded. “I was going to fill it out tonight after dinner.”
“Excellent, that will be a basis for you to start with the roots next week,” Barbatos explained.
She bent closer and narrowed her eyes. “Are you superhuman?” she whispered.
He actually laughed and shook his head. “No, Alex, though I appreciate the compliment.”
“Barbatos, I haven’t heard you laugh in years.” Diavolo skipped over and beamed.
“She has a wonderful personality,” Barbatos declared.
Alex straightened her form as Diavolo was glancing down at her. “Good afternoon, Diavolo.”
“And a great one it is, Alex! You already have a Superfan,” Diavolo nodded.
“Superfan?”
“Oh, yes, Michael and I were talking about the charity dinner, and he said how much you had such good energy when he was in here the other night! Simeon had nothing but pleasant things to say about you as well,” Diavolo explained.
Oh… shit. “That’s pretty wonderful,” she smiled.
Diavolo rocked his head. “Yes, I’m pleased. We’re going to have a wonderful weekend.”
Cameron was waiting patiently, and Diavolo finally approached. “Good afternoon, Diavolo,” he smiled.
“How are you doing, Cameron?” Diavolo asked.
“Excellent. It was very eye-opening to see her work at the register. I really had the chance to see how much of a stellar portion of your brand, Alex is!” Cameron beamed.
Alex shook her head with a smile and organized the milk below. It was the first time in a while she just had the chance to listen.
“I don’t want you to feel too much pressure. Just find what makes it work for you and bring it every day,” Diavolo chuckled.
“I will definitely try. All the customers are so animated and wonderful. Not to take away my experiences from the other store, of course,” Cameron declared.
Psst. Alex glanced up at the sound. Leviathan? She walked over to the hand-off, and he grimaced. “Alex, do I really have to order from him?”
It was cute that as long as she had the counter between them, he could actually look at her. If only she could find a way to get him from running from her at home now… Alex exhaled and nodded. “Levi, I’m going to be going on a top-secret mission for Diavolo soon. I’ll be out of commission as a barista. You have a new operative memo,” she whispered.
Levi gasped and leaned closer. “W-what is it?”
“For operation Sea Serpent you need to help me find the best barista. Your mission, if you choose to accept and are successful, will grant you two full levels in speechcraft,” she breathed with a gasp.
He fist-pumped the air and grinned. “Accept, I do.”
Alex grinned and leaned closer. “I have a side mission for you.”
“I like side missions,” Levi hummed and looked amused.
“I need your help setting up my computer because Asmo did it wrong. If you help me with that, you get half a full level of intimacy,” Alex whispered.
He rocked his head several times. “Okay, yes.”
“You’re my savior,” she smiled.
Levi blushed, but he beamed. “Alex, you want to come to watch ‘So, you want to be a demon?’ with me tonight?”
She tapped her chin. “I will after my dinner with my boss, okay?”
He rocked his head. “Affirmative.”
“Objective stored,” she replied with a thumbs up.
Levi waved and walked over behind Diavolo, who was paying. “Hello, Leviathan,” Diavolo said in a lower tone.
Oh, this was new?
Levi waved and shuffled. “Diavolo.”
“Did you receive my new coding commissions?” Diavolo asked.
“Yes, I did. I re-coded all of the characters for it,” Levi nodded.
“Excellent! Well, I’m really excited. I can now walk around with a suit of armor and a pig for a sword,” Diavolo laughed.
Levi smiled and looked away from him. “That was pretty good.”
Diavolo beamed and held out his hand. Levi carefully high-fived him before moving aside. How fucking adorable is that? Levi was nearly glowing with the conversation’s end. Alex was making Diavolo’s drink and smiling to herself.
There was no way on earth that man had time to play whatever game he wanted Levi to code skins for. Damn, what a fucking decent guy. Then again, he did live with them for many years too. It was interesting that none of the boys really talked about it. Maybe their wounds were just so deep?
“You seem quite amused,” Diavolo murmured as he leaned over the hand-off counter.
“I am,” she smirked. “I didn’t know you played video games.”
“All the time,” he smiled with a hint of humor.
“You know something,” Alex hummed as his shots finished.
“What?” he asked.
She placed his drink down in front of him. “I’m really looking forward to spending the afternoon shopping for this event.”
He was giving her the best toothy smile she’d seen him give to date. “Me too,” he paused and checked his watch. “In about twenty minutes, my day gets extraordinarily better.”
She laughed and nodded. “Mine too.”
He stood up and winked before walking toward the register. He waved to Cameron, put a tip in the jar, and left the cafe. Levi was bouncing by the hand-off counter, and Alex got started on his drink.
“You know, I find it so amusing that you just can read people so well,” Cameron mused.
Alex hummed and glanced over. “What do you mean?”
“You know exactly what to say to make everyone smile. That’s not an exaggeration either,” Cameron nodded.
“It’s just about finding empathy, right, Levi?” Alex asked as she filled his cup with syrup pumps.
Levi rocked his head and bounced on his heels. “Right, Alex.”
“How do you do that so well, though?” Cameron questioned.
Alex was mixing the shots in with the syrup and hummed. “I guess I just ask them what they like and relate. Find something I can reach across the counter to them with. Give them a bit of me that they want,” she declared and shrugged. “Levi, you’re doing Almond milk today?” she frowned at him.
“Yeah. We’re having pizza tonight,” Levi puffed.
She rocked her head. “No need to explain. Affirmative Admiral.”
He beamed and held up his thumb and index finger in a heart as she handed him the iced latte. “Bye Alex, see you at home,” he rushed out and paced toward the door.
Cameron smirked and crossed his arms over his chest. “Unbelievable.”
Alex shrugged. “They’re my favorite people in the world. All the misfits like me.”
“Well, you’re their queen,” he laughed.
Jordan came back around the corner and puffed. “Okay, honey. I’ll relieve you now so you can do last-minute checks before you’re off.”
“Thanks, J,” she nodded and moved toward the end of the counter.
She took off her apron, washed her hands, and got to work. Her afternoon and evening were booked, but at least it was going to be wonderful several hours ahead. Oh, she should get some caffeine.
@rsmrymnt-tea @otome-scribbles
#om! fanfic#obey me fandom#obey me fanfiction#obey me au#coffee shop au#obey me humor#obey me fluff#om! lucifer#om! mammon#om! leviathan#om! satan#om! asmodeus#om! beelzebub#om! belphegor#om! solomon#om! oc#om! luke#om! simeon#om! diavolo#om! barbatos
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