#like i KNOWWWW i know what they mean. i get it. w/e. but also........ idk. why can't you just like female characters more :(

[devilsskettle]

idk something about this to me seems so like. idk. like you know how people will be like haha i like this bad cringe thing but ONLY ironically because it's cringe :) but actually they just like the thing and they're scared of being judged for it? this is like haha i support women and stand up to men who are being misogynistic but i also need to make it clear that i agree with those men and they're right to hate those women* (*fictional) btw please validate my thoughts and opinions because they still align with misogynistic male behavior while shallowly suggesting that i have a feminist belief system :)

edit: actually though because it just becomes a way to say which female characters you fucking hate while feeling okay about it because it's just a jokey joke we're all feminists here :) and i see hashtag rey from star wars and it's like okay haha i get it she was poorly written by men and highjacked as a character by a notoriously vocal subsection of the fanbase because of a ship or w/e but then i see

and it's like okay well. now i am about to defend a female character with my life after YOU said you didn't like her. why is skyler white a magnet for misogyny and vitriol, she's a fantastic character and she is 100% understandable in her actions given the circumstances she was forced into. fuck you fr

[unproduciblesmackdown]

watched the end of some guy’s amnesia: rebirth playthrough and i have some boring thoughts @halloweenhavoc have u finished the game i feel like you have more of a grasp on all this stuff than i do lmfao what with having actually played it and also probably remembering machine for pigs better

i really did not like fully piece together either the lore of the Main Story of the game nor the broader Amnesia Universe Lore lmfao but i was interested in the latter especially, but re: the former, i did like having all these other Known People associated with the protag whose fates we could all find out and shit

i’m like, sort of underwhelmed, but that’s b/c even though i was like “okay so just b/c this is a frictional-produced amnesia sequel a decade later doesn’t mean you need to hype it up like it’s gonna blow your mind just coz atdd was That big a deal” doesn’t mean i still wasn’t partially like oh but what if it is like mindblowing horror game tho......it felt a lot more like soma than atdd which isn’t in itself bad b/c soma rules but when i’m expecting it to be more like atdd it just makes things kinda bemusing and hard to recalibrate.....it was a good game though lol just like the whole time trying to figure out what the experience is gonna be i guess

anyways so like in the direction frictional’s games have gone it def feels like they’re more into Game Environments (those ruled in this game....) and being very like Thematic Story-Centric.....atdd was very stripped down and they sure got creative with that and it was as effective as it was but yeah it feels like now that they have the clout from that and the game production experience and presumably more resources and stuff that they’re progressing in This Direction which is not as atdd-esque lmao like good for them if this is the creative vision, follow those dreams and stuff

did not feel at all invested in any of this baby lore lmfaooo like it was very abstract and also i don’t care. but 10/10 for breastfeeding gameplay

i did like the Other World lore like. this is where alexander is from, Maybe?? i remember he’s mentioned as an apostate from [somewhere else] but like, is that somewhere else in another dimension or just another Region in this world lmao i don’t know. out here Inventing the amnesia potion vitae harvesting strategy, and then it’s Something Else he does that is considered heinous and they just banish him to earth lmfaooo like our problem now......and who is alexander’s wife lmfao. in atdd bad ending, when alexander portals back, does he get to come back to the shitty place where nothing’s going on but eternal vitae harvest i guess? sucks. in atdd sorta-neutral-ending, when you toss agrippa’s head through the portal and then agrippa asks [someone, i forget who....the student? weyer? or whoever??] to Help Daniel, does everyone get to go to this crappy world or are there other better dimensions lmao....also i forget how this The Other World got so shitty in the first place. something something they flew too close to the sun with their technology and it got fucked up, i forget what The Gate even is........i do like this origin story for what the fuck is up with the shadow lmfao. that like, it’s just some other alchemical Invention expressly to fuck up the vitae system?? which is sort of counter to the idea that it’s simply a Guardian of any orbs.....but then also, there was some sort of note or memory that seemed to imply that having fucked up whatever Gate they fucked up created something that sounded like maybe it was the shadow?? or was it just something Else fucked up and b/c it was like “uh oh something shitty is happening here now” i just Assumed it was the shadow.....idfk. but idk maybe since Orbs are Other World Tech For Portals the shadow is just like, Other World Tech Ruiner and if you handle one improperly the shadow will like, sense orb-jostling Lol and be On It....i don’t knowwww

i gotta admit i did love the lore tying to atdd lmfao like maybe this game would’ve been better off not really being tied to atdd but i’m still like oh yep i’m a sucker for cameos / lore about these atdd people places and things.....herbert, alexander, daniel, brennenburg, and someone else i forget who was like “i’m the first human to get to this place but i don’t have A Traveller’s Whatever so i have to die here,” rip to him.....kinda funny that vitae-harvesting is like, so Industrialized in the other world with this factory and mass-produced as it were, which is Fucked Up, and alexander got shot to earth for some mysterious terrible thing and had to invite some rando with an orb to his castle and then get his help torturing other randos with medieval instruments like. banging rocks together over there. also i don’t get what the harvesters job was? they were sure Harvesting but if the vitae is just getting Sucked thru tubes why are these guys going around breathing it in also. just like, stray air-vitae filtering system?? idk

also what was going on time-wise with this weird accelerated pregnancy. i don’t think i get Why tasi got amnesia in the first place. coincidence i guess??? and why...did she end up back in the plane wreckage. was that just where she got dropped off after they were all like. taken from Our World into the Other World and then....back into our world?? i guess??? i’m just not clear on the Timeline Of Events and how everyone got split up with some people dying and shit....was everyone getting attacked by ghuls i guess. there was a crapload of them in that one place, wasn’t there.....i also forget Where things happened lmfaooo like shit was this in Earth or The Other World.....i guess the latter it was always like, “high tech” with that art deco design shit and green light and stuff.....god i don’t know. like i already forget why richard was like, held captive and tortured. just on evil principle??? augh lmfao

also it was certainly Interesting that people turn into monsters around here with some like, magic + corruption deal going on......felt like the Lore in atdd was sort of vague but that it could Maybe tie into that sort of idea....frictional games sure will like, Metaphorically have the Self and the Non-Self But Which Is Tied To Your Self in all its stories, atdd, soma, rebirth......daniel having this past self he’s now detached from but re-learning of his past exploits.......soma copy/pasting consciousnesses.......uhhh also when it was talking about the ideal Vitae Collecting Cycle being fear, amnesia, and then Hope, and about who was the best candidates for that, i was really thinking that like, we’d learn tasi was being put through a [Hope] sequence, basically

also (rachel if ur reading this lmfao) i remember this pre-release Audio Tape that wasn’t in the gameplay that i think was like, the doctor doing an experiment on a Monster to confirm it had regenerative properties?? i thought we were gonna get a whole fucked up subplot dealing with that guy lmfao but nah just at the end......i guess soma’s promotional stuff was similar, they had all these Files and Videos and stuff which was relevant to the Lore / story but which wasn’t like, flatout in the game......i guess at some point the doctor must’ve been like, experimenting on a crew member who was sort of in the process of Turning or w/e. hank or someone i guess.....UHHH i did like “talking” to so many monsters lmfaooo like leon and crap. wild, tragic, etc.......

RIGHT and i think frictional is really creative in its like, Game Mechanics, like how relatively recently we learned that that whole thing about being told that Low Sanity makes you easier to detect in atdd, but that wasn’t true and was just put in the game to put the player more on edge? i mean, daniel keeling over for a moment if sanity gets too low is probably unhelpful in a chase but. and like, here the “sanity” thing was neat, i liked the Sound lol, i liked the flashing images and how that was like, Relevant, but also it seems like you can’t ever die in this game?? basically, ish?? which i think is neat. like, you don’t really Need to.....said it last time how it feels like the player just is still going to react as Urgently if they’re being chased by the monster lmfaooo

idk there was something other neat / creative element i think i wanted to point out as Cool but i forget (HAHA...manesima.....) i dunno the 0.0001% chance any of you are Coincidentally into amnesia at all and know what all is being talked about here and have thoughts....feel free to send me an ask or whatever.......would be inchrested in hearing other takes on it etc

OH and it didn’t feel like machine for pigs was involved at all lmfao which makes sense since it wasn’t actually produced by frictional but now i’m really struggling to remember the Lore there and if it could Conceivably tie in with descent/rebirth-verse.......oswald’s soul got actually split with Evil Orb-Corrupted Self (which!!!! i forgot there’s even the implication that maybe orb-proximity fucks you up. didn’t seem that relevant here. here magic empress fountain water fucks you up) and Amnesia’d Good (Normal-er) Self and there’s the giant machine which is gonna.....consume the world to protect it from self-destructing in another way......or, that was the reason given to oswald anyways, i remember he like sacrifices his kids to it to save them from [his visions of ww1 being an impending thing] and he doesn’t find that out till the end......his evil self tricked his good self into firing up the machine......i forget where the pig men come from or what their point is, and the machine is like, another Factory Line Vitae Harvesting thing, right?? what’s the vitae For in this case....i sure don’t fuckin know. i forget what oswald does at the end as well to like, fix things, i remember feeling sad about it even though he was a horny weirdo.....i really forget what the full picture was there or what the Orb Involvement was. anyways. idk

would be fun to see more frictional games but it seems like they’re not too interested in doing something as atdd-esque again lol, soma seems more like What Frictional Really Wants To Do, which isn’t a bad thing cuz soma rules and like. objectively i guess soma is the better game, i’m not at all mad at anyone arguing soma is better lmfao, i just sure cherish atdd and it sure is the one that made the whole [subsequent horror game defining] splash lmfao. OH YEAH and i liked they threw in another moment where someone’s been alive for ages and you unplug them and it’s like what the fuck. and i guess you do that but even Harder in the one Rebirth ending where you shadow-infect everything and all the people in the vitae-pods die......which like, it Was def creepy having all those vitae pods lmfao. conceptually fucked up.....uh yeah that’s it i guess. was a sucker for the atdd-lore-fanservice stuff lol. thought it was good but wasn’t like atdd 2.0 which is both Totally Fine and also A Bit Disappointing Of Course lol. now i’m thinking about soma some more though which is Worthy cuz that game rules and i love its story / concepts so much. and i love that you keep fisting sphincters to Save until you have to fist your forearm off. we’ve all been there. and i love the “we have the better view. :)” audio log from someone on the surface. and how the gradual reveal of the [lady you talk to throughout the game who guides you along]’s story. and the Ending. and the gradual reveal of Just What Is Going On Around Here

anyways yeah atdd rules soma rules i thought this game was good too but def is like okay you’d rather make soma than atdd and that is valid

thots????????????????

[chimcharstar]

ANSWER 1 THROUGH 65 HO

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

WPOOOOO LETS GO 

Y E E T

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

nnnnooooooo. its called holding onto my last marble.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

1. sometimes i can freak myself out going to the bathroom at night but bro. i take walks at like 11pm or whenever the hell i please. and i LIKE IT.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

i would not care to meet dick face

4. What is your favorite word?

worm

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

well darn i dont really knowwww!!!!!!! the big jungle one from minecraft. but i love weeping willows of course.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

i didnt think

7. What shirt are you wearing?

my pyjama shirt from new vegas. las vegas. oh my god. not that i went there. my friend did. ive been wearing it for 3 days now. because its fine.

8. What do you label yourself as?

androgynouOOUUSSSSSSS i heard it described the most accurately for me as “in between blue and pink, purple is a blend while not being either of them.” yes this SPECIFICALLY. i could never be feminine while female presenting, but now that im usually read as masculine i go around seeming gay as fuck. and even though this sounds like heresy considering how i instinctively want to throat punch people who feminize me, i have comfortably considered myself a woman lately ONLYYYYYYYY BY being as butch as a butch can possibly butch. maybe without the cars. i would NEVER go by she/her NEVER NEVER NEVER. like there literally are butch women who go on T and use he/him pronouns. that brings me euphoria too and i find people reallllyyyyyy get mind-bent at this point. i really also get irritated at the idea that identifying with both lessens one or the other... thats why i like the purple thing so much. like im 100% of the thing. i was watching on queer eye, once, there was this part where all these women met up and one of them who was really masculine was saying how “a woman can look like this too” and i was like “i am probably crying for an important reason right now” and sometimes i feel attraction to women that is nOT of the ManTM just... i can do what i want. 

but my point is it’s like im only happy if i have a blend. theres even a particular quality of it i can put my finger on, like a rugged, handsome feel... and then a flamboyant, passionate feel... mix em all up... 

9. Bright room or dark room?

BRIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT 

GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

transition juice, or fucking around with cs paint with some gentle existential dread

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

this one, because my life is not hell, and i know a few basics about adulting now

12. Who told you they loved you last?

the sister. i said it for damage control because she had blown a fuse the other day. i was being very fake on purpose because i’m not being vulnerable with someone who will blow up. when she says it all i feel is pain. like cold paralyzing needles in my soul. i cant say i love you to her and mean it, even if i want to. honestly i wish people would say this to me. the most i love yous i remember are from family members putting band aids on the wreckage of our relationships, so i can feel a little twang of guilt and longing for what could have been and should have been. and feel like i should be doing something more. and feeling awkward because you both know they fucked up and it’s the elephant in the room. and i can feel their confusion and sickness causing them pain, feeling that pain for them. 

13. Your worst enemy?

hmmm. anyone who made me feel like less than i am. anyone 

14. What is your current desktop picture?

cherry blossoms and a city at night that i stole off the internet

15. Do you like someone?

like like crushes right? i fucking wish. i am so god damn sick of myself. i dont feel fuck or shit for anyone. its a fucking wasteland. yes im on T so i want to fuck anything that moves. and yet? can i please have some feelings? please may i have some feelings? not aesthetic appreciation. not moral, personality appreciation. or even just a deep respect and compassion. these are all fine things of course. but cant someone just drive me crazy? cant i have that extra spice of life? cant i just have a little bit of happy crazy? i will know a perfectly lovely person and ill WANT to have feelings for them. but i FUCKEN DONT. I DONT!!!! SHIT!!!!! WHAT IS THE MEANIGN?!?!??!??!?!1 i have fucking YET to meet anyone im more obsessed with than some really gay ocs. come on universe!!!! bring it!!! poor oscar. poor fucking oscar. whatever wavelength im vibing on man you are not on it. i wish you were on it. i wish you were on it oscar. you are hot you are hot with your bike oscar. and the rose quartz i gave you. the rose quartz you wanted. but i feel no authentic electric connection to you. i feel like all i just see is how your brain works with a coolheaded certainty. all i do is analyze what you are wearing so i can be as hot as you. maybe id like to draw you. and girls from work. you are so beautiful and amazing. i see you in bikinis on instagram. and im like oh beauty standards. look at you go, adhering to them. my heart rate goes right along at the same old pace. dont tell me this is principles. does someone have to smell bad? like edward cullen?? CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST SEDUCE ME?!!!?? ID LOVE SOME EXTRA WILL TO LIVE! THEN MY STORIES WILL BE BETTER!!!! see this is the whole problem

16. The last song you listened to?

what am i to you by finn the human or actually that asgore fight song that i do not know the context of and dont want to until i play the game for myself

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

i would save this button for a karen.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

jk rowling. every time i see her face in a news article about why her bland new transphobia anvil book is pretty bland without addressing the raging transphobia in it and around it, i take a minute and contemplate shoving a pie in her face, and agonizing that i cannot do it from this distance.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

a... slave? is this a kink thing? im fucking laughing this is going to be so honest. probably a toxic person from my past i have unresolved sexual tension with, especially since i was in my abused kid shell and was a huge doormat so now im all vengeful with issues. since this is totally something i am open to considering right now i would like to browse this concept’s menu

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

yknow what? yknow what? i am just going to say all of me. i am feeling very body positive right now. i often feel isolated as fuck because of trans stuff and male body standards, but thats Also What Makes Me Special :) i like me, i like my face, i think i am very cool and unique, and i can walk fast.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

GOD DAMN IT THIS FUCKING QUESTION AGAIN

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

yes. but it’s a secret.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

deep sea creatures. idk. even if its small and not even ugly. i just lose my fucking mind. i jump out of my chair. i get the heebies and the jeebies.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

okay. chicken. cheese. something spicy so it wont be boring. a fuck ton of veggies so i can be healthy. and some olives, fuck olive haters.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

IM GOING TO GIVE IT TO MY LANDLORD <3

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

mexico city to see what all my friends are talking about.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

............................................................................

w    h       y

okay. i would go around tasting a bunch of fucking. really fancy old wines. listen i dont really drink okay. but with a very fancy old wine i can go around with a like, glass and look really sophisticated and tell gay things to gay people. hello boys. so id find one that strategically i would like the most for the rest of my life and choose it. and if its expensive i can sell it.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i would stick a bell in the middle of it and all of us have to go there at six o’clock and throw bread at each other and fuck.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

cunt. i dont really use it ever, but boy it can pack a punch! 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

that means my trees because theyre living things? good. my phone. i need it to function. everything else i have on the clouds and i can just write on a napkin if i really need.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

:( 

i wanna say nothing because the good and the bad made me who i am and all that. and they’re learning experiences and healthy stuff. but some of my sisters abuse that has destroyed my psyche, literally just ruined my life, it would make things easier if that hadnt happened.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

WHAT I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS LIFE STOP TELL ME HOW I GET THERE

Okay i’m moving to... greece and i’m going to study ancient greek everything and live right on the edge of the sea where the water’s lapping the doorsteps. and im gonna learn greek by immersion

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

i am not surprised whatsoever death is a cool entity.

probably someone who died really sadly and too soon in my life (no one close to me thank god) but just as a service to society

34. What was your last dream about?

wolves with bombs were chasing me around a giant university. it was all part of the game. i was trying to protect some people... soldiers were chasing me... i was hiding under the floor... hiding from authorities and war are VERY common dreams for me

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Writer? Yes. am i saying that to sound full of myself? no. i am fighting very hard to maintain some self-confidence. i have done some writing recently and i am proud as fuck of myself. i caught myself thinking, “now that was banging, i know that was banging.” and so i just admitted it to myself.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

nooooot reeeaaaalllyyyyyy. i went in an ambulance for my face swelling up! still dont know if i needed to. still think i was allergic to the person i was talking to at the time. seriously when i stopped talking to them the hives went away. they literally gave me hives sdjfnskjndsjknfkjsfnjskdnfdsjknfjknf

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

they have inuyashas on them

39. What type of music do you like?

dark, longing, aching, angry, raw, disappointed, serious, low songs that get intense as fuck.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises for the concept, sunsets for the looks

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

you know what? i dont really like milkshakes. they dont feel good in my tummy even if it’s not my stomach having a fucking meltdown.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

the fuck is football

43. Do you have any scars?

yes, most of them are from dermatillomania, two big cool-looking ones on my hands from touching a cookie sheet without an oven mitt and pouring microwaved coffee all over my thumb because literally every inch of the counter had a foot of dishes on it and i didn’t simply heat up the water normally because everything was dirty

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

i want to be a psychologist and an author

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

id like a dong please

46. Are you reliable?

yeeeeeesssssss...... but the adhd wins sometimes

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

future self: even if you’re in a worse off place than where i am right now, don’t regret anything, don’t beat yourself up. sometimes it’s realistic to have hope. you don’t have to be hard on yourself all the time just because it’s familiar and natural to you. so stop thinking “if i see a note from my past self ill be filled with rueful self awareness”

48. Do you hold grudges?

yes. i feel like im saving my soul a little and taking some power back when i am able to say “that hurt, that was wrong, and you don’t get access to me anymore, i don’t have to forgive you” it’s admitting that my own pain is real so i can listen to and protect myself. i wish i was more of a forgiving person but i spent too much time trying to forgive unorganically for the sake of being moral that i just can’t, can’t can’t now. it hurts so existentially and i deserve better. time for me to be mean and hold grudges. a little mean is okay.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a DOG  CAT????????

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

“doesn’t having a human-shaped robot with smoke coming out of it in the corner of your shop scare you late at night?”

“yes, sometimes i see it and jump a little”

51. Are you a good liar?

yes, when i’m dedicated. getting my birth certificate back? oscar worthy

52. How long could you go without talking?

i live like this lmao

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

once upon a time i had bangs. and a bob cut

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

yes bitch

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

yes bitch i can do a convincing british accent but i don’t want to broadcast that fact because being british is cringe and plus my name is gordon and im already trans and interested in cooking and my greatest fear is that people think i am trying to become him when i am deeply offended when people assume i make personal decisions for anyone other than myself. no one has ever actually voiced this theory to me but it haunts me late at night. i can honestly probably do any accent if i listen to it for a little bit. i find it very easy to imitate sounds and like individual speaking styles to the point of stealing them even when i dont want to. like actually this is something that just comes to me easily i think.

56. What do you like on your toast?

fuck toast. i make a grill cheese. cheese and garlic.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

i tried digitally painting a generic girl who ended up looking really simliar to someone i went to school with only i made the eyes way too small and i would show you except it’s too much work

58. What would be you dream car?

vw bug with giant monster wheels, black with flames, big booming stereo. eyelashes in a drag way. ill run pickup trucks off the road

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

i sang in the shower back when i felt free to annoy everyone in the house. oH WAIT IT DOESNT ANNOY PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND TO ME

...........

they taught me i was annoying. ANYWAY. i am too shy to sing in the shower but id love to. i dont really do anything unusual except that i take really long in there but yknow im not actually doing what people think im doing when i take long. im literally just sitting there decomposing, head empty.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yes, of course, i have been telling everyone theres water under mars since day one and now look. now look

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

yes. im a sagittarius and clearly it is needed because CLEARLY theres no other fucking sagittariuses

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

G, because my name starts with that and i’m just great. really, i like... it has a chonk to it. like a reliable chonk to it

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

YKNOW WHAT? im going with dragons because of the fantasy, fire breathing and so on but yknow for my wip i was going to have both dragons and dinosaurs at a reptile like shelter

64. What do you think about babies?

i think they should be loved and nurtured, but they are too much work for me to want for myself at this point of life, and you should definitely read some manuals before having one if you can because people can and do mess this the fuck up

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

you didn’t ask anything here so im just going to tell you something. i am going to tell you that i have always been so hell bent on writing even when i hate it because sometimes when things are going well i feel like i am just so in another world and i feel like im doing something im really really supposed to do. it is such a euphoria and it has an effect on my whole aura. i really wish i had never made myself stop but we can’t change the past so i shall just have to never stop again.

THANKS HOOOOO

[rushedin-a]

NAME OF YOUR MUSE: magnus burnsides

ONE PICTURE YOU LIKE BEST OF YOUR MUSE’S FC:

TWO HEADCANONS YOU HAVE FOR YOUR MUSE THAT YOU NEVER TOLD ANYONE:

1. magnus will always blame himself for what happened to julia and, on that same note, not taking the chalice, not fixing what he had caused, not taking julia’s place or w/e came as a Price for that. he’s glad that he didn’t, and he knows what would’ve happened if he had and logically that like. it’s good he didn’t ? and like !!!!!! he knowwwws it wasn’t what julia would have wanted but. it’s what magnus wanted ? and he can’t help but feel almost,,,, guilty for not taking the chance to fix it. 

2. i might’ve talked abt this before but magnus has to. prove himself a lot. not even to other ppl just. to himself ? and it’s. honestly why that like. after julia he,,,,, became an Adventurer like. full time or w/e hgnfgn he has to prove that he is worthy of being here and worthy of the bureau and his friends and just. being alive ? and that’s so morbid but like. it’s honestly the only way he views himself like... if he’s not ? doing something good for others or good for the world like,, what purpose does he serve ?

THREE THINGS THAT YOUR MUSE LIKES DOING IN THEIR FREE TIME:

1. carpentry. he likes carving and putting things together and it’s so. relaxing and familiar & he gets lost in it for hours. it always reminds him of home and of ravens roost and julia and it’s just. very therapeutic and comforting & something that he just. default resorts to when he’s bored or chillin or w/e 

2. training ! magnus is a very. restless dude ? and gets bored very easily and training is always very unpredictable ( at least. when he’s training w/ killian & carey & noelle nfjnjn ) and it’s something different every time and it’s good for just. expelling his Emotions n letting stuff out n shit gnjfjmkf he very much loves like. the pain ? that comes w/ exercising honestly again it’s. very relaxing for him and something he knows how to do very well 

3. reading hngnjf.,,,, again he has. such a low attention span so he can’t always. focus on a book for that long ? and usually always just. skips to reading the dialogue between charas but it’s. kinda a comfort thing ? and something to do when he just,,, chills

SEVEN PEOPLE THAT YOUR MUSE LOVES / LIKES:

1. JULIA.   that’s ? his wife ???? ngnjfjmkm g od not to be emo or anything but jesus christ mag loves julia so much and so entirely and she. made him into a better person and made ! him ! good ! she taught him how to be better ! everything he is today is bc of julia ! what the fUCK im crying in the club rn !

2. TAAKO.   honestly like. whether we’re talking platonic or romantic, taako means,,,, the world to magnus ? he’s someone he’s grown so so close to in the past year ( and,,, the past century if we wna get Deep ) and honestly just. trusts him so entirely and he would literally do anything for him uuum im crying again

3. MERLE.   merle’s his fuckening DAD hgnfjmkmfn okay like !!! mag pokes fun @ merle n stuff but like. they’re so close !!!! and in a way he like. almost does see merle as a parental figure ? just. someone older and ( admittedly ) wiser and who, for all the Bullshit he makes them put up with, mag can always count on ? he would literally take a fantasy Bullet for taako and merle and that’s literally canon so. jot that down

4. ANGUS.   magnus absolutely,,,, adores ango gnnjfnj at first he wasn’t so keen and was kinda. mean 2 him like the rest of them but he’s like his lil brother / son at this point ? he just wants the best for ango and is a Proud Dad always um im weeping ?

5. LUCRETIA.   i’ve already written a whole Thing abt how important their friendship is to me so like. just to delve into the bob friendship for a moment can i just.... magnus probably looks up to lucretia so much ? i don’t want to say like a mother bc she’s like. i mean she’s technically his age, but she’s def someone he can count on to be there for him and she’s prob such ? a role model to him and just. seeing everything she does for the bob and how much she cares about this organization and the work they’re doing and believes so wholeheartedly in them and this mission & i think mag would admire her so greatly for that

6. LUP.   they’ve interacted like. twice and maybe it’s my Absolute Love for lup coming out but lIKE.... they’re just. so similar ? in my onion like.. mainly personality wise and in that like. in the best way, they bring out the absolute Worse in one another ? mag is always all rushing in and destroying things and never careful and always loud and while lup prob isn’t,,, necessarily always like that, magnus can 100% bring out that side of her and just. egg lup on & rile her up and they both have.. Zero Chill n when they get together they’re the fucking ! worst ! jnfmkfmf g od idk but their friendship is literally god tier i adore them 

7. BARRY.   magnus fucking. died side by side w/ this dude without like. a second thought u think he wouldn’t like or trust barry after that..... miss me w/ that ( also ummmmmmm sidenote but if travis / griffin don’t expand on that friendship....... 🔫🔫 )

TWO THINGS YOUR MUSE REGRETS:

1. julia. again, magnus will always, always blame himself for what happened to her. like. he left. for a chair. he should’ve been smarter, he should’ve seen it coming, but he didn’t and he left her & ravensroost alone for a fuckin chair. & like. even though he knows it was the right thing to do, the rebellion was him ? & kalen was him. if he’d killed him when he got the chance, if he hadn’t left julia alone, if he hadn’t brought about the rebellion ( no matter how much good it did, because it didn’t even matter in the end anyway ), julia would still be alive ? it was his fault and his mistake and julia never should’ve had to pay for that and he’ll literally never forgive himself uuuuuuh anYWAYS  

2. this kinda. goes hand in hand w/ the last one and is more,,, of a Concept than a direct thing but magnus just. he hurts for everyone he cant save ? sometimes it’s easier for him if it comes down to strangers or his friends ( in which case the choice is obvious & easy ) but like. with ravens roost or phandalin or fuckin. the trust or forsake thing in wonderland or every planet they hadn’t managed to save from the hunger it just,,,,, wrecks him and he takes it so hard because like ? protecting ppl is his fucking deal. it’s,,, what he does best ? who even is he if he can’t do that ?

A PHOBIA YOUR MUSE HAS:

1. it’s not really a phobia i don’t think but mag is scared shitless of spiders. he gets so so panicky and like. shaky ? n cant rly breathe when they’re in his proximity and he always has to calm down for like. an hour after he sees one aaaa,,, me 2 mag  :/ 

TAGGED BY:  @fromtv​ uuuh i lov u ?

TAGGING: :OO @fireperished​ & @bcttledscul n anyone else whom wants to bc tagging makes me Anxiety hgnjf ( feel free 2 say i tagged u tho 👀 ) 

[sleepingclimb]

🔥yowapeda characters

tbh once again i have a lot of really unpopular and super specific headcanons and opinions for/on specific characters but i can literally go on for HOURS about that.. i will also get super mad over mischaracterizations n gross shit but... overall i don't think my opinions are THAT unpopular aside from the fact that i like literally everyone so much... my least fav is onoda maybe and i still really like him especially early on when he's a super scared baby bear w no pals ahaha, i think it's really really cute and heartwarming? all of the characters r so endearing too they all make me so happy even the "mean/bad" dudez like midousuji and machimiya make me soft as fuck... midousujis past makes me really teary and not because it's like an excuse for the things he does but because it EXPLAINS why he does he things he does.. and machimiyas spare bike😭😭 oh my god i really really luv machimiya he's one of my favs same with ibitani they're such good baby bears imo even if they're kinda lil thotties... i think some characters are less liked by me because of the way the fandom interprets and portrays them/just what kind of fans they have?(people who call onoda a shota/shota fans who r into onoda..)(people who erase literally every aspect of makishimas character just to hyperfeminize him and make him 'uwu' or w/e)(people who forget how smart and tricky toudou is and only characterize him as super childish) but honestly no character will ever be ruined for me by association,, when i see people mischaracterizing the ywpd characters i love so much i only get SUPER MAD like "wtf! makishima has worked so hard to overcome so many challenges including ______ and how ____ n he's so ______ and deserves better!!" and idk i just kind of rant on in my head about how all the characters are so GOOD and don't deserve to be simplified, because they are ALL SO DYNAMIC AND COMPLEX i only get trendiness of how much i love them and want 2 protect them and keep them safe and warm whenever i see something that makes me angry.. i am like a mama bear lol, also ywpd is my longest standing hyperfocus and the biggest comfort in the world to me and i will literally never be able to associate it with anyone or let someone ruin it for me because it's something i got into by myself and it's something that's encouraged and helped me get out of the worst/lowest low in my life? idk i don't mean 2 be cheesy but it's saved my life n also completely turned it around i love it so so so much everything is good and the way it is today because of how much i love yowapeda/how much it encourages me!!! i know that's super silly or w/e but i never want to give up and i'm just striving to be my best self because of it.. i can talk for MONTHS about it because it is the greatest thing everrrrrrr and i'm so so so passionate about it!!! and the best thing is literally nobody can ruin it for me especially becaus nobody irl even knows i like it!! (i kind of have 2 keep my interests hidden/in embarrassed about liking this show bc it's an anime or whateverrrr idk i'm 'high school popular' kind of so i feel that my friends would think it's weird? i live in a small town n that's just how my friends and the people who live here are!) so idk it's just super secret and it feels entirely mine and i can just get lost in ittttt... it's so awesome and like lol whenever i need to study for a test or do something i don't want to do i'll just think like "what would fukutomi want me to do.." or whatever LOL yeah basically they r all heckin awesome and my best babes that i can talk about forever because i have created super specific intricate headcanons based on all the info available n analysis so i'm SUPER proud of them cuz i have solid evidence for almost all of them and yaaa idk they all motivate me and i think about them all the time they're the best characters ever and i've gotten sidetracked like 1000 times writing this but U KNOWWWW basically luv them all?? if that is even an unpopular opinion hoollllyyyyy i lost that point completely somewhere within here ahaha