#like holy shit it was already heartbreaking to read 'i hope you're okay' BUT THEN TO THINK BACK TO THE NAME TAGS AND REALIZE

[notallwonder]

I have no chill, about this ridiculous tv show. 🙃

CME 17x07, alright alright alright...

- ewgh acid shower. 😬😬 yikes that's gruesome

- sorry but also hilarious that this guy's just in his basement with the holiday decor in storage

- nothing like a nice nap while you wait for the corpse to dissolve 😂

- I mean yeah especially when you're a new dad

- ok Felicity Huffman will be making her appearance!

- Emily "I gotta flex a little bit" profiling Tyler's handwriting? rolling my eyes so far back in my skull

- LOLLL Emily's "all of them??!" delivery

- so they're leaning into the parental dynamic with Rossi and Emily here, and it's cute, but the very idea that Emily would follow such a prohibition is so funny, Rossi you're still delusional my man. Adorable indeed

- cm is a comedy!!! "I don't have asthma"

- oh no this is heartbreaking AND sinister. And kind of vaguely romantic?

- Tara, I WILL listen to you lecture me about epigenetics. Anytime

- "situational psychopathy." words!

- "you're not gonna mess with my head again, are you?" "of course I am" 🤣🤣🤣. It's so nice that Emily's feeling more pep in her step

- side note: Emily in red my beloved

- what is Tyler's "persuasive skillset"?

- what is going on with this lawyer guy. Voit's whole deal seems to be reminding us that profilers are insufferable

- well that's one way to pay your lawyer I guess

- okay actually I think this shot through multiple car windows is cool

- I am not the only one interpreting that "skillset" comment that way lol. cm is a comedy! not like...a good one. But I am laughing. yokes on me guys

- oh I like this Penelope look

- hope his screams don't wake the baby 💀

- what? why this weird ass angle. oh like a security cam? harrumph

- yeah ok I'm laughing so much at Jill thru the door

- did she just leave Tyler in the car like a neglected toddler?

- this murder couple is fucked up, but like not in a fun way

- kind of annoying that they conveniently forget bi people exist just to make this evidence 'exonerating'. I mean, JJ didn't forget (of course). but also is it weird they didn't say the guy was gay or bi, just referred to who he had sex with?

- "he loved you back" Aww

- oh my god the comedy just keeps coming. Jason Gideon was melodramatic, histrionic...and Rossi is "the opposite," please. Like, I know the man is currently xtra traumatized but he's been yelling and throwing coffee cups at the wall for weeks, months, etc

- "how's JJ?" aww

- this baldfaced manipulation is kind of funny. it's kind of like all the times Emily's flirted with a suspect or unsub except not smooth at all, girl did you forget how to be subtle. the eager "but is it working? but I'm cute right?" energy

- calling JJ "the younger generation" is too silly I can't. She's been in the BAU longer than you!

- omg his wife is dead already isn't she.

- this mfer creepy

- JJ still wearing those sleeves pulled all the way down to her hands...

- when Jill comes in to the BAU is she just going to read everyone for filth? I wouldn't be shocked

- oh doctor you got lucky

- oh goddddd not the baby corpse 😫 holy shit. the dead wife's hand was gross, but the baby! noooooooooo 💔. aisha tyler why did you do this to me

- uh oh vinny!

- here she is! hugs from Penelope!

- it would be so funny if Jill took this opportunity to vandalize Rossi's office

- love to torture this old man

So overall this episode was okay. I think they're having a hell of a time trying to balance the Voit/Gold Star of it all with a serial murder of the week. The murderer was suitably creepy and imo an interesting rehash of that guy in "Normal" that was shooting people in traffic. But does it tie in with the season? Thematically if not in plot terms? Seems like not much! Maybe I'm wrong.

I do really like Jill Gideon, very much looking forward to her involvement. I wasn't sure how I'd feel about Felicity Huffman, but I like this character - she has a personality! And a sparkle in her eye! And a unique perspective on the team and the work! I hope she's not just used to fuck with Rossi. I like that she has (pleasant!) history with the OGs. She must have known Elle as well - it would be neat to get an Elle mention. Also I hope she and Tara get some screentime together.

[thorne93]

History Repeats (Part 12)

Prompt: Life’s hard, right? Well throw in a not so great job, a broken heart, and chasing a pipe dream in LA. But could someone come along to make all the bad shit disappear? Or is he just another heartbreak waiting around the bend?

Warnings: language, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, angst/heartbreak, adult themes (??)

Word Count: 3612

Note: Aesthetic made by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo because she’s absolutely amazing Beta’d by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo . Brainstorming from @carryonmyswansong​

**Song Inspiration: Death By A Thousand Cuts by Taylor Swift

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dating Hayden was so easy, surprisingly easy. Talking to him during dates was the most comfortable thing you’d ever done. And oddly, it just felt right to go home together but go to separate rooms. You could take things slow and simple, and yet still be around each other all the time. And Hayden was great to you. He treated you nicely, complimented you all the time, encouraged you on your newfound work. In fact, one night, you were siting on the couch, writing a new song. 

“What’s that?” Hayden asked over your shoulder. 

“A new song,” you said as you hid the notebook, shielding it with your body.

“Ah, I see. Will I get to hear it?”

“With any luck,” you hoped. “I’m hoping Trey will work with me to record this one for the EP, I think it’s really good.” 

“I’m sure it’s fantastic,” he assured as he sat beside you on the couch. 

“Actually, it’s almost done… Would you want to… read it?” you offered timidly. It was a very personal song, but it also had a lot to do with him. 

“Are you sure?” he inquired, his brows knitting together. 

You nodded. “Yeah, you actually inspired it.”

“Oh, then I definitely want to look,” he said happily as he reached towards you. He grabbed the notebook and looked at your frantic handwriting. 

Is it cool that I said all that?

Is it chill that you're in my head?

'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)

Is it cool that I said all that

Is it too soon to do this yet?

'Cause I know that it's delicate

Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?

Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?

Delicate 

He looked up at you and gave you the warmest smile. “I love it. You’re going to be the next top star, I swear by it.” 

You blushed and thanked him before leaning forward to kiss him deeply. 

----------------------------------

By now, the two of you had had a date a week now, and things couldn't be better for you. 

Your producer, Trey, invited you to meet some members he thought should join your band. You had a good sound on the demos you’d given him, but he said he wanted to boost your vocals with the best instruments and sounds he could. That’s where another producer, a drummer, and a guitarist came in. All were looking for their next project and wanted to meet you. 

He asked you to meet at a restaurant in the city. You said you’d have to wait until after your shift, but he said he didn’t mind waiting. So you finished your shift at 11 and headed to the exclusive lounge and bar. When you got there, there was only one party in the whole place. It seemed as if the place had closed. You frowned and greeted the hostess. She showed you to the table where Trey, a woman, and a man were sitting. You sat next to the man you didn’t know on the edge. 

“Ah, Y/N, you made it,” Trey greeted as he leaned forward. 

“Of course, I wouldn’t miss it. Thank you so much for waiting for me.”

“Sure thing. So this is Stacia, she’s the other producer I work with from time to time. She heard your voice and really liked it. She’s worked with some great names before and I think she has a good shot at making you the next big thing.”

“Oh, wow, such a pleasure to meet you,” you said, reaching over the table and shaking her hand. 

“And this misfit beside you is Darren,” he said with a smirk. 

You shook his hand. He was lean as all get out, wearing a white wife beater, black jeans, and a black blazer with white pin stripes. He had a purple scarf wrapped around his neck and his hair was disheveled. 

“He’s a drummer. He’s damned good and I think he’d work well with your sound. Or the sound I think we should try to go for,” Trey explained. 

“That’s great! I’d love to start right away. We can start in the morning or --”

“Woah, slow down,” Trey said with a bit of a chuckle. The rest of the table laughed too. You felt a bit embarrassed and he could tell. “No, you’re fine. You’re excited. You should be. You’ve got a great voice and I can tell you’re willing to work with us on sound and marketing and advertising, the works, right?”

“Absolutely,” you said.

“Great, good, then we’re in good shape. We can talk business tomorrow. I want to get you in a booth, maybe polish up a few of those demos you gave me. I want to see what my team can do with you, and for you. But tonight, I think we should all just chat. Get to know you, your story, what your goals are regarding music…” He waved over one of the waiters standing by. He gestured to you. “What’ll you have?”

“Oh, uh, water?” you said, unsure what you were ordering. You didn’t know if this was a dinner, or cocktails or finger foods or what.

Trey gave you a funny look. “You don’t want a cocktail? Do you not drink? You sensitive to substances?” 

You shook your head. “Oh, no, nothing like that. I just wasn’t sure if I should be drinking walk talking business…? Thought it might be a bad mix.”

He laughed and shook his head. “Don’t think of this as a business meeting. I’m your friend, Y/N. Business? Yes, both you and I should always be professional and business-like, but I think we should build this out of friendship, right? So get a drink. We all will.”

“O--Oh, okay, uh, I’ll have a screwdriver,” you said quickly. 

“There ya go. Whiskey sour,” he ordered. Stacia ordered a cosmo and Darren ordered a tequila and tonic. 

They began asking you about your dreams, aspirations, goals, where you write, how you do it, what your inspiration came from, your current job. They talked a little bit about their plans for you. 

When it was all done, you called Hayden to pick you up. You weren’t sober enough to drive on your own. He asked you how it went but after a few answers, he realized it might be better to interrogate you later.

-------------------------------------

You continued to meet with Trey and his team almost every day or night. He discussed the future, plans, and contracts. In just a few days, you’d cut a contract to turn your demos into a real EP. He wanted to re-record the tracks on your demo, and add two more. 

It turned out he was more than a producer, he owned that lounge you were at and a few bars. It was pretty customary for people he produced to be at them. He didn’t care one way or the other if his musicians partied, as long as they showed up to the booth on time and did their work. 

You’d been to one party at a club and met several others that were in Trey’s circle and Darren’s. Some musicians, some singers, some other music executives. It was good to meet these people, to network, but after that first night, you learned to say no to the alcohol. You thought it was better to be on your best behavior when you met all these people. 

Hayden wasn’t thrilled about you going to these events or parties, but you stressed that you needed to do it for your career. You explained you were only meeting other people that would help and once you reminded him wouldn’t be drinking, he didn’t see much wrong with it and seemed to accept it.

You were having the time of your life. You had a new, great boyfriend who treated you well. You were on your way to your dream career. Everything was more perfect than it’d ever been in your life. 

One night though, you were talking with Darren, in a booth at one of the clubs. 

“I’m so nervous. I go in to re-record my first track tomorrow,” you said, giddy with fear and excitement.

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll do stellar,” he assured. “But… if you want.” He glanced around for a moment before pulling something out in a small bag. “I do have something to take the edge off.”

“Holy shit. Is that coke?” you demanded, your heart already racing. 

He nodded his head subtly. “You want a bump or not?”

“Uh, no, I’m good. I don’t… I don’t do that. I’ll be fine,” you assured, holding your hand up.

“Suit yourself,” he said with a shrug. He tapped a little on his fist, and snorted. You bobbed your head before saying you were gonna go get another drink at the bar. You avoided Darren the rest of the evening. 

---------------------------

“You ready for this?” you asked as you plopped beside him on the couch with popcorn and cokes. 

“No, absolutely not,” he informed with a laugh. 

You put in the first movie -- Star Wars: Attack of the Clones -- and pressed play. “I’m ready. I am beyond excited.” 

“Ugh, this movie… I got so much grief over this,” he confided, cringing as he stared at the screen.” 

“So? Fuck ‘em,” you said easily.

“Y/N, you’ll understand better when you’re in the music business, but it does matter what some people think about you. Having a lot of critics isn’t a good thing, I hate to break it to you.” 

“No, I know that,” you assured. “But I also know that you were unjustly criticized for this. I think you portrayed Anakin exactly how he needed to be.” 

“Really?” he asked incredulously as he shot a glance your way. 

“Uh, yeah, absolutely,” you said defiantly. “I don’t think anyone else could’ve played him any better, I swear.” 

“Thanks,” he said quietly, shooting you a half smile that made butterflies erupt inside you. He could still do that to you despite dating for a while now and living together. 

The two of you watched more of his filmography all the way to the Vanishing. During a particularly jumpy scene, you ended up nearly jumping in Hayden’s lap. Your legs were on top of his, and most of your butt had scooted over onto his lap. 

Embarrassed a little bit by your needlessly scared actions, you turned around to apologize, blushing. 

“Oh, uh sorry,” you said as you eased yourself off his lap. 

He chuckled a low, sweet laugh. “It’s fine,” he assured. 

Just as you scooted off of his lap, the two of you were face to face, your legs still on his thighs. His mouth was just a few inches from yours. You stared at him, then stared down at his lips. You slowly planted a kiss on his lips that he reciprocated by curing his hand up to your hair. Gently, he began lowering you back onto the couch before continuing to kiss your lips, your cheek, down your collarbone.

You were breathing quickly. You wondered if you were moving too fast with him, too fast since Jason. But nothing had ever felt more right. You and Hayden had so much in common, he shared the same humor, you lit up when you saw him, you still felt both incredibly comfortable around him but still got butterflies when you saw him. He lived in the country and he adored children. He understood the music business and he supported you. He believed in your dreams. No one else had ever done that for you. 

He and you saw everything the same way. He was everything you ever wanted and more. He was kind to you and sweet to you. If you’d built him yourself on paper, you couldn’t have done a better job. 

The more his mouth moved over your body, the more you wanted him closer to you. You laid down with him hovering on top of you, and before you even really realized what was happening, you two were a sweaty heap on top of each other.

You spent the night chasing releases and exploring each other physically. You gave yourself entirely to him and you didn’t look back. 

----------------------

You didn’t tell Hayden about the drugs or the offer of them during the first meet up. It was the first of a few, actually. You had already started the re-recording, on your second track now. You typically went in before your shift at the hotel. On your days off, you and Hayden would set up a date, if he wasn’t beat from filming. 

By now, you’d been to three parties where you’d been offered drugs, and the last two times it wasn’t Darren. Everyone was cool about it though when you said no. Didn’t make you any more comfortable around them, but that was a hazard of the job.

Tonight was your tenth official date with Hayden. The two of you agreed to keep it simple since you were tired from working two jobs and he was filming for 10 hour days. Tonight’s location was a simple italian restaurant in the heart of the city. 

“So how’s the recording? I haven't heard much. Is it going well or better than you expected?” 

“It’s good,” you said, nodding. “Better than I imagined actually. I was so nervous the first day. I thought they’d rethink signing the contract. I worried they'd think I sounded like the worst thing they’d ever heard.”

He laughed slightly and said, “Oh my god. No, why would they think that?”

You shrugged. “I guess because this is too good to be true. Like, this kind of stuff doesn’t happen to me, or people like me. I’m just, I’m a nobody, and I’m being discovered by a guy who produces artists that top the charts weekly.” 

“But you’re great. This guy heard you sing in the lobby and then heard your demos and he wanted more.” 

You nodded. “Yeah, I know but still, it’s so hard to believe it’s real.” 

“I know the feeling. Believe me, it doesn't really get easier,” he informed with a smile.

“Oh, that’s so good to know,” you said, laughing. “How about you? How is filming going?”

“Really great. I really like this new project. I wish you could come on set,” he said, gesturing to you. “I think you’d have fun.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Just as you went to ask him something, a brunette woman walked up to the table. She wasn’t your waitress, so you had no idea who she was. She came up behind Hayden at first, then stopped just next to him at the table. 

He saw a figure out of his peripheral vision. He glanced over to her, then did a double-take. 

“Rachel?” he greeted, completely flabbergasted. “What--What are you doing here?” 

“I saw you, from the window, thought I’d come in and say hi,” she said before glancing at you. “And this is...?”

“Oh, sorry, uh, Y/N this is Rachel, Rachel this is Y/N.” 

You held out your hand before the name Rachel registered with you. Just as she went to shake  your hand, you remembered who she was.

His ex. 

The mother of his child. 

She shook your hand, smiling warm and friendly before she turned back to Hayden. “Could I talk to you for one second?” she requested.

“Uh, sure.” He glanced back to you before scooting away. “I’ll be right back.” 

“Yeah, I’m just gonna borrow him for one quick second,” she said. “So good to meet you.” 

“Yeah, you too,” you said, trying to hide your confusion and slight offense. 

You watched the two walk outside and they talked for a few minutes before Hayden rejoined you at the table. 

“Hey, everything okay?” you asked sweetly, putting your hand on his. 

“Yeah, fine.” He pulled his hand back and sat it in his lap. 

“Are you sure? You seem a bit rattled--”

“I said I’m fine,” he snapped. “Let’s just finish our dinner, okay?” 

Pulling away from him, you stared at him, concerned. “Oh, okay, yeah, sure.” 

The two of you finished your dinner in silence. You had tried to question him a few times, but nothing happened. When you two got home, the atmosphere had shifted. It was no longer this lovely, warm, sweet air. It felt cold, distant, tense.

“I had a good time,” you tried as you stood between the two doorways to the bedrooms. “If you want, we could watch--

“Yeah, listen I'm gonna hit the hay. I’m beat. Thanks though. Goodnight.” He barely looked at you as he shook his head while talking. He gave you a quick glance and then went inside his bedroom. 

You frowned, having no idea what you did wrong. 

------------------------

The next day, you saw Hayden in the morning as the two of you headed into work. You were on your way to the studio and he was on his way to film. 

“Oh, hey,” you greeted him happily. “So weird about seeing Rachel last night. Are you okay?”

“Huh, yeah, I’m fine,” he said as he poured a cup of coffee in his to-go cup. 

“Oh, good. If you want to talk about it, we can.”

He nodded. “Not now. I’m running late. I’ll see you later tonight, okay?” 

“Sure thing. See you later.” You went to kiss him but he just picked up his cup, smiled slightly at you, and swept around him. You frowned after him. 

When you got home that night, it wasn’t much better. He said he was tired and went into his room, barely even looking at you. 

This stayed this way for the next few days. You spoke to him, he would excuse himself and leave. You sat next to him on the couch, he’d get up to shower or go for a run. You’d offer to have a late dinner, he’d say he had already eaten. Everything you did, he found a way to avoid you. 

Until finally, on your day off, you stopped him as he came in the door. 

“Hey, can we talk? You’ve been kind of off lately, and I just want to check in with you.” You got close to him. “You’ve barely looked at me or talked to me.”

He began chewing his lip as his gaze cast to the floor. “I don’t think we should date any more,” he said. 

The air left the room. 

“I--I-- What did you say?” you stammered, frowning. 

“Look, I’ve thought about it and I think it’s best if we just remain friends. I really like you but…” 

“But… what? You decided to get in my pants and just leave?” you wondered, anger building up inside you. “I mean, was the sex that bad?” you asked, trying to lighten the mood, but also trying to sincerely understand what happened between you two.

He shook his head and ran a hand down his face. “No, that’s not it at all. I swear. I really do like you, I just…” 

“Just what, Hayden? I deserve an explanation. We were fine. We were more than fine, or happy, so I thought. I mean, what the hell?” you demanded, completely confused. 

“I just think… Look, you and I met under some shaky circumstances. I just don’t want just to be…”

“To be what?” you pressed. 

He finally looked up and looked into your eyes. “To be each other’s rebounds,” he informed. 

You shook your head. “You’re not my rebound. You’re… you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and now you just want to throw that all away?” 

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea for us to keep dating. Rebounds often feel like they’re the best thing in the world, because it masks the pain--”

“I’m not masking shit! I thought I loved Jason, I really did. But after we broke up, I realized I just loved the idea of being with him. I got comfortable with him. I told you this. But you and I… I thought we were real, I thought we had a future.” 

“I thought we did too, but I’ve re-evaluated our situation, and I don’t think our heads are in this.”

Shaking your head, you were spinning. “I don’t understand. We were fine! Weren't we? We were having fun. I thought things were really good between us. Did I do something wrong?” 

“No, no,” he assured. “It’s nothing like that.”

“So, this is it then? You just think of me as a rebound and after you get in my pants to forget about your ex, you just want to throw me aside?” you shouted. 

“No!” He stepped forward and squeezed your shoulders. “I care a lot about you,” he started.

You wrenched out of his grasp. “Just not enough to stay with me? Hmm? It’s fine. I get it. All guys have ever done to me is use me. Get me to like them, I treat them well, just when I think it’s going great, I get dumped. Rinse, repeat. Whatever. I’m over this.” 

You stormed into your bedroom and slammed the door, turning your stereo nearly all the way up. You got ready for bed and curled up, letting the tears flow. Your chest hurt so bad from feeling this way, from feeling so… used, so betrayed. 

You were far from over this. You were far from fine. Out of everyone you’d ever been with, Hayden made the most sense. He seemed to fit you so perfectly. He fit your life so well. 

And now, he wanted out, like everyone else you ever got close to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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History Repeats:

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