#like his insta is a desert at this point

[foxy-kitsune]

i really should subscribe to his bubble😩

[ultimate-marysue]

Gotham Funger AU

For the uninitiated: Fear and Hunger (lovingly called Funger) is a duology of survival horror games featuring a similar world to ours with its own mythology. The name comes from the Fear and Hunger meters in game that, with the body meter will put the horror in surviving. It is infamous due to its difficulty and unfairness, since there’s no tutorial at all and everything can kill you, give you nasty statuses or make you lose limbs. Other claims to fame are its coin flip system that can randomly insta kill you and random generated loot (it resets each playthrough so some runs are wildly different from others depending on luck), a combat system based on chopping the enemies’ limbs (and them chopping yours off, permanently) and the games let’s just say very NSFW and violent nature. A gimmick in the first game is an orgy that heals your body and a cannibalistic feast that restores your hunger meter.

With all this in mind, here’s my idea for a funger game set in Gotham (part 1, plot and setting):

It all begins as Gotham is being evacuated (Arkham Knight style) due to Joker’s threats to gas the entire city with Joker Venom in three days. The main objective is to shut down the different gas production and distribution points across the city and defeating Joker. This is complicated thanks to a variety of Rogues accidentally or purposely blocking the way and causing their fair amount of chaos.

Due to the evacuation the streets are mostly deserted, and as the days pass the get more and more empty. First day morning you may still find some random citicens, from then on, it’s just thugs and jokerized monsters. As the days pass, previous thugs you hadn’t sent to jail get jokerized and jokerized victims get more and more monstruous following these stages:

Smiler (still mostly human, just stronger and “crazier”. They have bloody smiles and other joker features. A variety is the Brawler, bigger in size)

Agent of Chaos (humanoid but definitively no longer human. They’re tall and twisted, with more teeth. Still capable of human speech, they’ll use it to drain your Fear Meter. On a coinflip attack, they can carve a joker smile into their enemies preventing the use of rebreathers and causing damage each time you eat)

Harbinger of Madness (No longer humanoid, several mouths carved into their body, coinflip attack will eat one of your limbs resulting also in a permanent sanity de-buff),

Abomination (only on the third day, just a horrible blob off meat and smiles. It doesn’t do anything but drain your sanity, if you don’t kill it fast enough or have the ability to flee it will completely deplete your sanity meter and the character will begin the jokerization process)

All of the Funger Gods are real and exist in this world (but those that died in previous games are either forgotten or don’t hold real power) Current Gods prancing about would be: Sylvian, Gro-Goroth for the old Gods (Rher, Vinushka and God of the Depths confirmed dead by the end of Termina), All-Mer, The God of Fear and Hunger, Machine God and Sulfur Gods for Ascended Gods (All-Mer should be dying and confirmed dead by the end of the game to reflect how organized religion is dying out in this trying times).

Joker would be considered a servant of Rher, God of madness, but much like Per’kele, his real master is the God of Sulfur. Rher is dead, but madness, destruction and chaos take form in the new God and also his servant. Or at least that’s the general interpretation. Joker is actually a manifestation of the God of Sulfur, that’s why no one knows his origin and seems to be unkillable. His plan is to sacrifice the entirety of Gotham to properly finish his ascension to Godhood on Earth.

Much like in previous games the characters can cause the ascension of a new God to the pantheon: Gotham, Lady of night, cities and Justice. Basically, a Goddess that represents the path of modern cities and gives her favor to the vigilantes that protect them. She’s a good entity for the most part, but not a kind one. She is big cities given form, which means she also stands for all of the filth and depravity found within their streets. To achieve ascension and completely vanquish the Joker a character must become her Dark Knight by raising their affinity to maximum. This path will obviously be easier for Batman, but technically each batfam member could take his place (will discuss in a different part).

From a map perspective I would use the No Man’s Land map as a base. As any Funger player will tell you: the crazier the map, the better. Some areas would be completely inaccessible to make it more manageable. Other parts of the City might be only temporarily inaccessible or only accessible to certain characters. Some of this means may be: Joker or Fear gas (you’ll need a re breather), land mines (you will need a character with gadgeting or mechanic skills to disarm them), locked doors (keys, lockpicking, fighting the door, chainsaws/axes), chains (Bolt cutter, keys), blown up buildings/heights (Grappling gun).

The Bat cave acts a bit like Prehevil Bop and Donovan’s house. It’s quite a ways away, which deters the Bats from depending on it. It holds different pieces of randomly generated gear, a hexen table, ritual circle, a chest, and the Bat computer serving as a bookshelf. There are safe sleeping cots and Alfred will bring you a drink/food as needed. Other semi-safe spaces include: Jason’s safe house, the clock tower and Harley’s (a bar Harley Quinn has taken over)

Different locations may hold different resources like ritual circles, computers, side quests, main plot objective, but also enemies and rogues: Two-Face at City Hall’s Court, Penguin at the Iceberg, Killer Croc in the sewers, Poison Ivy at the Botanical Garden, Scarecrow at Arkham, and Riddler can’t be found physically but you can find riddles all over the place. The bats must balance dealing with all the rogues destroying the city while stopping the bigger threat of Joker. To be able to arrest any enemies you need to clear the GCPD headquarters (They can randomly scape) or for a more permanent solution, clear Arkham Asylum.

Part 2: Rogues

[faggotmox]

someone on insta pointed out that josh barnett has seminars in australia at the same time as grand slam.

awhile back death riders cut that desert promo near lv where they lit a flare. a lot of ppl thought the flare was singling or summoning someone. [edit: forgot to mention lv has a lot of history for mox & barnett]

barnett is clearly connected to mox, but he is also connected to marina as well as endorsed claudio as someone inoki would have hand picked. idk if he's got a connection to pac or yuta.

clearly the death riders have a certain aesthetic, code, & style of wrestling they're all doing & guess who fits perfectly into that? barnett, who has worked with/trained multiple members of the death riders.

so the current theory is that barnett might show up to join the the death riders at grand slam & that he may have been the one singled in the flare promo.

the *warmaster* would definitely work in the death riders but the real question would be...is josh barnett the warmaster going to bend the knee to the king or is he going to challenge the king.

bc barnett is a lonely wolf, man of his own that doesn't need a leader. he is the leader. so where does someone like barnett into the closed ranks of the death riders. he's not the advisor (marina), the captain (claudio), the king (mox), the pawn (yuta), or the kamikaze (pac) so what purpose would barnett serve in the death riders?

perhaps a mercenary type, requested to come in to use his special skill set to help the death riders & their mission? who knows but pieces are fitting together for this to be something.

if you've not seen Josh vs Claudio, Josh vs Mox (BS6), or Josh vs Mox (BSBushido) [which is can't find] you ought to.

this very much excites me as a fan of bloodsport, josh, the death riders, & very specifically claudio vs josh.

[violets-catposting]

Trying out a new format

Moon 4

Midnightdusk honed her ears, eavesdropping on Scorchstripe. It was easier to eavesdrop on him than Shrubstalk because she was so quiet. Since Boragekit and Cloverstar were cleared to return back to their daily lives, Midnightdusk has been lonely. Scorchstripe's voice was calm and easy to understand, "Whitecough isn't a death sentence. Huskkit can recover however I am a bit worried about his constant sicklyness. The rest of the litter recovered from being ill as newborns but Huskkit..." "Hasn't gotten better," Robin's cold voice cut through the warmth of Scorch's rambling, "He's been constantly ill... Do you think it's..." "Not deadly but I fear that he will always be a sickly cat, even in adulthood," Scorchstripe's voice held an anxiety that Midnightdusk heard while he was talking about her claw wound, "This may be insensitive but do you know of any family history that may... entail some magical properties?" The den was quiet with consideration until Robin said, "Cats in The City do not know who their fathers are and mothers often leave their young once they are old enough to fend for themselves. While I do know of my litter's father I do not know of his family, or my own family. All I know is that I don't have magic like yours." "Alright, if magic is a component then I fear we may have doomed Huskkit..." Midnightdusk swiveled her ears behind her and laid her head down, feeling bad for violating kitty cat HIPPAA

-Huskkit has whitecough. Cloverstar and Boragekit recovered from heat exhaustion.

Robin needed to get out of camp, and Shrubstalk needed catnip, or catmint as clan cats call it. Gambler calls it cataire, but he's from a whole other island. Robin slowly crept through the underbrush of the mountain valley where it typically grows. There was a sound, not a rustling but a twinkling, where the underbrush opens up so male birds can set their stages when it's spring and not autumn. Peering up, Robin could easily make out the outline of a flame point with red cheeks, the same one she saw when Cliffclan found her. He faintly shimmered blue before he gasped and started to vanish, practically melting into the sky. "Wait don't leave!" But it was futile.

-Catmint gathered. Ghost met.

It has been a while since Dartstrike saw his sister leave the healers' den but now Midnightdusk was sat by the entrance of the herb storage. In other clans there would be a crowd below the leader however there wasn't a ledge or anything tall and climbable in camp for Cloverstar to perch on, something about making the camp kit friendly. Dart sat next to Midnight before the ceremony started, "So who do you think will mentor Drykit?" "I was hoping I would mentor him." "Don't you have an infected wound?" He harshly whispered. Midnight flicked her tail in an annoyed way, "Not infected anymore. I just need to make sure it doesn't scar. Oh, is that the meeting starting?" How convenient, Dartstrike thought.

-Midnightdusk's wound is no longer infected.

Is there enough prey for the feast, check. Enough catmint for the older cats, check. Cats are getting in a circle, check. "Clan meeting!" Cloverstar called out, "Drykit, you are able to leave camp and become an apprentice. Until you are made a warrior you will be called Drypaw." Cloverstar did a quick scan before settling on Raccoonmoss. He has been down for a while plus he could decline if he didn't want to mentor. "Raccoonmoss, you were trained well by Dartstrike and even before you trained out in the Old Desert. Do you wish to mentor Drypaw?" Raccon let out affirmative squeaking. "Then you are Drypaw's mentor! Let's celebrate!" Cloverstar happily purred at Raccoon's agreement. She remembered the apprenticeship parties that Desertclan use to throw, and how they were absent in Darkclan.

-Drypaw has been apprenticed to Raccoonmoss. Cliffclan has a feast!

Wisteriapaw knew she was a disappointment. Her flowers withering as soon as the water in the air around them dries up, near instantaneously. Reedwade gave a comforting purr, "It's ok. Try connecting your flowers to-" "To what? My face? My fur? I do that all the time!" " Wisteria..." "What 'Wade," Wisteriapaw snapped. "Paw," Reedwade said curtly, it made Wisteriapaw feel a pit in her stomach, "We are done training for today." Wisteriapaw watched Reedwade pad off to camp however she stayed behind. Wisteriapaw would stop being a disappointment.

-Wisteriapaw and Reedwade had an argument. Wisteriapaw disappeared for a few days

[coralsgrimes]

Maybe jh gave Ben the recommendation for the soho farmhouse since she hung there with some of her friends summer 2023? 😂 I swear, everything with him has some connection to her, hope this Aubrey is prepared for that.

Don’t really know what Aubrey actually does, but her bio on ig has a link to her interior design studio? Look at her now, getting to put that to use with helping with her boyfriend’s house! And then she gets to put her acting side to work and star in his music video. Living the dream

OMG she in fact did and even posted about it which Benny happily tapped xd and this does sound like her place like an exclusive members only wellness shitehouse, she likes them in the desert usually tho?? I'd say that this is bed bath and beyond me at this point but they are FRENS FOREVER (people mag exclusive info) so it tracks right?

And as for the interior design, yeah that's why I put it on the list of her renaissance skills and that insta profile is dead for months now AND like there is no mention of her design work or anything anywhere else sooooo lemme repeat what I said days ago - her biggest credits been thanks to Benny Boy so indeed living the dream muffin lol

[georgegraphys]

Hi! About mercedes pr:

To me their content doesnt feel genuine, it feels like it was made in a corporate office with a team of officials. Thats my feeling with most of their content. It feels lifeless.

I think if we compare the meme reaction videos of redbull and George we can clearly see the differences. Its not exactly the same but its similar enough. We’ve only seen snipets of the redbull video but even then it feels real, dinamic. George sitting in front of the camera and reacting alone feels sterile. Of course a big part of that is him having to do these videos alone, so there isnt anybody to joke around with.

Even their insta storys feel corporate. (Sorry Im not sure thats the best word but hopefully you get what I mean.) It feels like a power point presentation that you would show at a corporate meeting after a raceweekend.

Im sorry to say but I consider their content boring. I dont follow mercedes social media even tho Im a George fan. 90% of what they post on a raceweekend is the result graphics.

Also what you wrote about the repetitive use of material. Once its funny twice its okey but after that it comes off as if they are desperate for ideas and content. This repetitiveness also makes their content (the rest that is not just result graphics) boring.

I feel like there is a lack of creativity within the team too and it's a huge part of it. They need to replace the old employees with younger new ones tbh. The ones who had passion for F1 and had creativity. Their video contents got potential but the editing and the setting is boring. They don't seem to give much effort to it.

And I think if we're talking about video, the production team is pretty lacking 🥲 In terms of producing the contents (brain storming, etc), they're very lacking at that... They need new people... Not to be harsh or nitpicky but like oh my god... 😭😭😭 THE IDEAS ARE SIMPLY DRY LIKE THE SAHARA DESERT THERE

And it's ok to call it boring anon. I feel like it too sometimes 😅 It's your opinion so it's fine. I agree with you

[richardsphere]

Rwby Slogblog V8E13 

So Cindy is using the last question, leaves Arthur behind at his little Hackerhook with no intention to retrieve him from the falling continent. Watts frees Ironwood. Jaques and Wolfboi both die. (which im happy with, anything to see the plots chessboard shrink a little in size at this point) ----- Cinder does a big distraction speech. Yang notices Neo. God, what even is the point of aura as a forcefield when characters can one-shot through it whenever the plot wants a bit of drama. Like... This isnt someone like Oz or Adam who can deal big NOVA-burst attacks, this is neo attacking the MC with a damage absorbtion semblance and she insta-KO’s her. So here’s a thing, if Ambrosius’ twist is that he made everything “one way” so that the only exit is Vacuo. why can Jaune exit the portal at the subwaytunnels?  Why can all the shrapnel from the Weis-VS-Cinder battle come flying out of the portal to endanger civilians?  Like i get that they technically only said that the vacuo portal would be a One Way Ticket, but by letting all the other portals be exit portals as well as entry the system can still be used as a two-way ticket between say, the Vault Chamber portal and the Subway Portal.  This Genie Wish Twist is inconcistently lenient is what im saying. ---- Discount-Ren tries to talk harriet out of the Nuclear Bomb Ok, bird through the window of the plane, actually pretty funny. Tinman cries at the acusation that he’s become the thing he swore to protect/the need to fight his lieutenant. ---- Ah because if there is one thing this climax needed it was faceless grimm in the desert. Not like we didnt have enough things going on already. Like at least everything else happening rn is stuff that has is culminating two seasons of interactions and set-up. These grimm are just here because team NOER (pronounced “noir”)  needs to show their abilities also. Also, didnt the crew look up and specify to Ambrosius the exact location they wanted the exit-portal to be. Does Whitley’s Schnee Corporate Databanks not have the locations of a single warehouse/store/corporate officebuilding within city limits instead of the kingdom adjacant desert. Like the entry portals are stipulated down to the meter, but the exit is just a generic “somewhere in the desert i guess”. Basically: while i buy the One Way twist as a way to deny team RWBY access to NOER, i dont buy it as a way to force NOER into a seperate “protect the civilians” crisis against the Grimm. ------ In summary of this episode: Im overall relatively happy that the scope of the plot is finally shrinking a bit again with Jaques, and Dogboy both dead, the last Question asked. As well as James and Arthur seeming about to leave the stage forever will hopefully prevent the scope of the plot from ballooning too much now that nukes exist and the plot’s about to hand the villains an infinite suply of any one-use item they want (such as nukes) that they can instantly spawn in anywhere they have coordinates for  from a kingdom away. Like all it takes is Cinder to say “I want a copy of Ironwoods bomb, on a pre-activated one-second countdown at these particular coordinates that I know corespond to Vacuo’s Academy”. and she can do that infinitely many times. Sort of dissapointed though that Arthurs weapons (his rings) only ever got used in the one fight scene against ironwood. But then again he’s meant to be the “tech support” character, not a combatant in his own right so its fine.

[alexskarsgardnet]

New Interview & Photo Shoot!  Alex photographed by Johan Sandberg and interviewed by Timothy Small for L’Uomo Vogue (October 2020)!

Alexander Skarsgård: the photo shoot and interview for L'Uomo

BY TIMOTHY SMALL, JOHAN SANDBERG 25 SEPTEMBER 2020

Alexander Skarsgård is a really, really nice man. A Swede through and through, Alexander, or Alex, is a very down-to-earth gentleman who could definitely act as more of a big shot, considering he is also one of the most interesting actors in Hollywood right now, a town that, in true Swedish style, he once defined as “kind of silly”. After getting his first big break as the lead in David Simon's excellent Iraq War mini-series for HBO, Generation Kill, Skarsgård exploded in our collective imaginations as Eric Northman in True Blood, while also acting for Lars von Trier in the wonderful Melancholia. 

Since then, he has been a very buff Tarzan in The Legend of Tarzan, a mute bartender in future Berlin in Mute, a very dark killer in Hold the Dark, and a hilarious Canadian Prime Minister in Long Shot, as well as giving an Emmy- and Golden Globe-winning turn in HBO's Big Little Lies. The self-defined “restless” 43-year-old is set to star in The Northman, Robert Eggers's highly anticipated third film, a “Viking revenge story” that Skarsgård himself was crucial in bringing to production – and, by all accounts, it seems like it could have all the right pieces to become a future cult classic. It certainly has that kind of hype.

L'Uomo Vogue:  The Northman is such an interesting project. I know it's important to you. It's also part of a growing resurgence of interest in the Viking era and Norse mythology and that sort of epic Scandinavian adventure. How did it all begin?

Alex:  It all started seven or eight years ago. As a Swede living in America, I realised there was a certain level of fascination with the Viking era and Viking culture – and this was before any of the Viking shows that have since happened. It made me realise that there basically had never been a real great epic Viking movie made, and I thought that that's what I wanted to do.

LV:  So how did the project kick off?

Alex:  I started having conversations with a studio back then, trying to crack the best story. All I knew at the time is that I wanted to make a big Viking movie. We had a couple of potential different starting points: we had a story about two brothers, and then one about the Viking travels down to Constantinople with the Viking siege of the city. We were looking for the right story, but I never really felt we were there. I knew the scope I wanted it to exist in. But what was the story?

LV:  And that's when you met Robert Eggers.

Alex:  Yes, like three or four years ago. We met about something else. I can't remember how, but we started talking about Vikings. And he was, like me, a huge fan of Viking culture and of that historical era, and I immediately felt he would be the perfect guy to direct this movie. And then we found an author and poet in Iceland, Sjón, who came onboard to write the screenplay – and they did a fantastic job, just cracking the story and the essence of it.

LV:  Sounds great.

Alex:  It's a real adventure movie, but it's much more. It taps into the culture, and the mysticism of the Vikings, it becomes more intimate and more personal. I didn't want it to be a generic “swords-and-sandals” movie. Robert is one of the best filmmakers out there. And the whole process is so much more gratifying than when you're quote-unquote “just an actor”. It's been truly extraordinary.

LV:  But then you had to halt production.

Alex:  Yeah. I was in Belfast, Northern Ireland, three months into prep on The Northman about seven days away from principal photography. Just gearing up, you know, getting ready to start a very long, very intense shoot -- a shoot that we were scheduled to wrap in July – and that's when the virus hit.

LV:  What did you do then?

Alex:  I normally live in New York, while my family lives in Stockholm. When the first wave came, I was on the fence: nobody really knew how long it would be, or what precisely was going on. So we shut down production for six weeks. The idea was to then see what would happen. I basically moved to Stockholm for four months.

LV:  How do you feel about this forced break from work?

Alex:  I had not been home for this long in... more than 20 years. It was strange. We were in a bubble; we were all healthy and safe. In a lot of ways, I had moments when I felt being surrounded by my loving family, feeling safe and loved, and taking a break from work, but then also feeling very guilty because I was, for the lack of a better term, being spared.

LV:  In the past, you've described yourself as being a nomad. Did you miss Sweden and the North?

Alex:  I realised how much I have been missing it. I go to Sweden regularly, but usually only for three or four days, maybe a week, tops. My father and two of my brothers are actors, so we're used to never being in the same city. We all travel all over the world. Maybe we'd get back together for Christmas. And I can really say that I had missed spring in Sweden.

LV:  Do you think we will change the way movies are produced?

Alex:  We're going to have to figure out how to shoot movies with dozens of crew members and hundreds of extras while still respecting social distancing rules. It's an unprecedented situation and everyone is scrambling to figure out the best approach. My brother was one of the first people who worked in our industry during the pandemic. He shot a movie in Iceland in the middle of the lockdown. The way they solved it is they split the crew into colour sections. So, hair and make-up had yellow armbands and the camera department had blue, and they had a “Corona appointee” on set who would call out, “Now blue go in!” and then “Blue, out! And yellow, in!” And then they would all do their job in turns. It was very military-like. Productions are already complicated, so we'll just have to add another layer.

LV:  How did you become an ambassador to the Clarks brand?

Alex:  To me, authenticity is very important. I don't want to endorse products I don't genuinely like. That's why I was excited when Clarks reached out. I've been wearing Desert Boots for 25 years. Also, I like to travel a lot. I like to explore new cities by foot. I want to be able to walk around comfortably in a classic, iconic shoe. I travel from movie set to movie set, and I often live out of a suitcase. And this teaches you to be frugal. Whatever fits in that suitcase, that's all I can bring.

LV:  Is that the Swede in you?

Alex:  Maybe. But we consume way too many things in this society. Also, you give things more meaning when you live with them, and when you go on adventures with them. Like, these are my boots. I've been places with them. And when they fall apart, I'll buy a new pair. If you have the right stuff to begin with, you don't need more.

LV:  Going back to The Northman, that really sounds like a dream project.

Alex:  It is. It will be a rollercoaster ride. I can't wait to get back to Northern Ireland and get back to the production. It's also a very physically demanding project, so I have been training for, well, since a few months before production stopped.

LV: In a way, getting into a role, getting on a movie set, acting through it, the whole process of making a movie is a bit like a little adventure. You have to prep, you have to travel, often with people you don't know, and you have to push boundaries.

Alex:  Absolutely! A huge part of the appeal of this profession is you get to travel, and you meet amazing, interesting people from all over. And the uncertainty, you know? What was it, 12 years ago, I was in New York, and I'd never heard of Generation Kill. And then two days later I was on a plane to the Kalahari Desert to be out there for seven months to shoot the series. And I'll never forget the feeling, sitting on that plane, thinking, “Two days ago I didn't even know about this project, and here I am on my way to Southern Africa to spend seven months in the desert with 200 strangers.” It's very exciting.

LV:  What a feeling that must be!

Alex:  And every single job is like that. Every movie is different. Your part, the tone, the energy, the people – it's always different. And for someone like myself, who has that kind of wanderlust, who's always looking on the horizon, it's very attractive to never know just what the next adventure might be.

October 14, 2020:  Updated with the full interview courtesy of our friends at the ASkarsLibrary (x).

Fashion credits:

Photographs by Johan Sandberg Styling by Martin Persson Grooming Karin Westerlund @ Lundlund Hair Amanda Lund @ Lundlund Stylist’s assistant Isabelle Larsson Digital Daniel Lindgren Production Madeleine Mårtensson and Olle Öman @ Lundlund

Read the full interview by Timothy Small and see the photo shoot by Johan Sandberg in the October issue of L'Uomo, on newsstands from September 22nd.

Sources/Thanks:  Interview:  Timothy Small for L’Uomo Vogue (x), Photos:  Johan Sandberg for L’Uomo Vogue (x), artlistparis.com (x) via artlistparisnewyork instagram (x),  luomovogue instagram (x) &  atomomanagement.com (x) via atomomanagement instagram (x), our caps from artlistparisnewyork’s September 23, 2020 insta story (x, x)

[foxilayde]

I was re reading your Off To The Races fic and I started to imagine Leto teaching reader how to use a gun so she can use it in case she needs it but the the training turns into seggsy times because Leto gets h*rny from seeing his girl using a gun 😳

I was thinking that he'd take you to a shooting range, and you'd get freaky under the shelf/desk thing that's there. But ottrLeto is not going to be hanging out anywhere with that many cops. He's not even afraid of cops, he just doesn't like being around them.

"They smell bad. You ever smell a cop? Well, I can tell you the name Pig didn't come from nowhere."

He takes you to the desert, to Joshua Tree bc you showed him a badass western-themed Air BnB you found on insta. And it's got a ton of space. Outdoor clawfoot baths and red rocks and cactus as far as you can see. On a particularly flat rock, Leto places three empty soda cans and hands you his gold plated Desert Eagle.

"Number one, rule, baby. Safety on. Number two, only point the barrel at something you're willing to shoot. And three, finger off the trigger until you're ready. Rest it on the side."

"It's so much heavier than I thought it would be. You make it look light as a feather."

"Lots of practice. Now here... stand like this, and put your arms like.... this. Good girl." He adjusts your stance and puts his hands over yours, gripping the shaft of the gun with you. His head rests on your shoulder and he tilts your hands just so.

"Squeeze it baby," he says into your ear. You flick the safety off, pull the trigger, and hit the can.

"Fuck yeah! That felt so good, holy shit, Leto."

"That was great precious, and on your first try too."

"You aimed it for me."

"So? That's teamwork."

You roll your eyes.

"I think I'll try it on my own this time." Leto lifts his hands up and steps a few feet away. You reposition yourself exactly how he set you up. Feet there, elbows... where do the elbows go? Elbows there... and you pull the trigger with much less confidence this time and the shot hits the rock.

"Shit."

You do this several times with the same result.

"Fuck! What's the trick?"

"The trick?"

"Yeah, the trick to this. What is it?"

Leto laughs. "Practice, baby girl. That's the only trick."

"Well damn, come back here and show me how to do it again."

Leto returns to stand behind you, hands gripping the gun on top of yours, he purrs in your ear, "Is it the desert heat or the gun that's making you so feisty? Either way," he bites your earlobe, "I like it."

He holds you closer, nuzzles into your neck, and you can feel just how much he does like that.

"Leto, I need to practice!"

"No you don't, you never leave my side and I'll do the shooting for the both of us."

"That is not what you said earlier."

"Hmm?" He's distracted kissing your neck and you're still pointing the gun, afraid to lose the elbow position and never find it again.

"Earlier- you said I needed to learn so I could protect myself from, and I quote, from Baron's 'fucking fuckers'"

Leto groans and backs up, "you just look so fucking hot holding my gun, baby. I'm as hard as a fucking... cactus."

You snort and bow your head, losing the elbow positioning and you can't stop laughing.

"A cactus?!?"

"It's the first thing I saw! What?"

"Um, the first thing you saw? Wasn't a rock? Hello," you gesture to the rock filled landscape around you.

"Okay okay, I'm hard as a rock. Happy?"

"No, no, I prefer cactus. In fact I think he earned a new nickname today. Little cactus."

"Little?"

"Relatively speaking. For a cactus'"

"Just shoot the damn gun, baby girl."

He perches on a rock after that and gives you pointers until the clip runs out. You hit one more can and an errant breeze knocks the third one down.

[jaehotbuns]

idolboyfriend!mark

♡ 2.6k, fluff  =^._.^= ∫

you first met Mark on a Nature Republic photo shoot where your friend was a hair stylist 

she called you frantically because the SM staff caught multiple employees from each department posting on their personal social media stories the location and whereabouts of the members and dismissed them from the site

they were shooting at an island in the middle of nowhere which you were conveniently writing a thesis on different landscapes of South Korea 

you had no experience of styling other people and only did it for yourself but you knew you couldn’t leave your friend deserted so you came to help in any way that you could

half of the staff were fired on the spot so they immediately pushed you towards the members to prepare them for their next shoot after threatening legal action if you decided to act as stupidly as the other stylists did 

you saw your friend quickly adjusting the collar of theHawaiian shirt that was roughly put on Jaehyun and she gave you an apologetic look and mouthed a ‘thank you’

you were assigned at styling Mark’s hair, which you were scared of because you had never styled a man’s hair before never mind a celebrity but you squared your shoulders and hoped for the best

he was already used to the chaos but he was slightly concerned at how well you would perform considering that your eyebrows were furrowed and had sweat rolling down your temples as you scrunched the ends of his hair with mousse to create beachy waves

every stylist that he met was always either professional and stoic or overly friendly to try and get with the members romantically but he tried to suppress his laughter when he saw your distressed face under your medical mask

in such a stressful and hectic situation, he would never talk to the staff to help them focus but he couldn’t help but strike up a conversation with you

you looked younger than him too so he felt more comfortable

“first time?” he asked with a smile on his face as he looked up at you

your hands stopped in the middle of combing the fluffy mousse through his hair and your face dropped slightly, “you could tell?”

Mark covered his laugh with his hand as he didn’t want to discourage you but couldn’t help but chuckle at the cute expression on your face 

“yeah,” he answered but then realized that it came out meaner than he had intended

“but you’re doing a great job! Keep going!” He tried to encourage you by motioning with his hands to continue

you patted his hair into place for finishing touches but you pouted under your mask when you realized, “how would you know? You can’t even see it” 

there were no mirrors in sight except for the hand mirrors that stylists held on their belt

he choked on his saliva out of embarrassment and rubbed his hand awkwardly on the back of his neck

“well let’s see then!” He exclaimed and you begrudgingly gave him the hand mirror to see 

you were bracing yourself in case he thought you made his hair into a bird’s nest and demanded you to be fired on the spot but he let a “wahh” escape his mouth as he admired the hairstyle 

“this actually looks great!” He said a little too excitedly 

“we were both expecting it to look bad then, huh?” You joked but really you were relieved that he thought it didn’t look atrocious 

Mark shook his head to deny but you held his shoulders in place to not disrupt his hair 

his face went pink and you realized that you just touched a client, a very influential client 

you lifted your hands off of him quickly and stepped back so that he could stand up from his chair and go in front of the cameras to prepare for the shoot

“thank you” he said and you both exchanged bows before awkwardly getting back to work 

you stayed on the set with your friend for the rest of the day until the sun went down and the sky turned a bright pink from the previous ocean blue 

luckily, that was the last hair and clothes change that NCT needed and everyone started to pack up after the photographer and managers shouted “thank you for your work” and everyone bowed and clapped to each other 

while each member started to load into their vans to get back to the city for their next schedule, Mark ran up to you and asked if you were apart of the SM staff or were for hire from another beauty boutique

“oh, I just came last minute,” you said 

“I’m not actually licensed for this I came to help”

he let out a disappointed “oh” and decided not to take your number down since it was unprofessional and knew that after the fiasco today that there could be anyone around to expose him if he did 

“good night, see you around,” he said in hopes that he would see you again

you doubted that he would see you around but you repeated what he said and waved at him as he ran into the van 

the other members were confused as to why he ran off to greet you and were ready to tease him since they noticed that you were his type physically 

but he knew that they were about to so he lied and said that he forgot to take a bracelet from you and pretended to fall asleep so that they couldn’t question him further

you thought about that was a once in a lifetime experience until 2 weeks later the campaign was a hit and everyone was fawning over Mark specifically since he looked like boyfriend material in a white button up shirt and blue jeans with messy beach hair 

your friend called to tell you that she recommended you as a freelance hair stylist after they asked her who did Mark’s hair 

as a broke college student living in another country you took the offer but felt guilty getting an amazing job with no credentials so you got licensed at a beauty school within 2 months 

the next time you saw Mark was on the Punch music video set 

he had everything on except makeup and hair 

you were taken aback at how different he looked with the leather pieces, chain jewelry, and overall bad boy vibes

he was sitting in front of the dressing room vanities and his face lit up when he saw you stand behind him with your cart of hair products and tools 

usually he’d stay still in his chair but this time he turned around to face you, “hey! I thought you said you weren’t even licensed?”

“I decided to after getting offered a job” you smiled 

he turned around and looked at you through the mirror’s reflection, “or did you come back because of me?” 

you coughed through your mask and felt the heat creep from your neck all the way to your cheeks and temples

Mark smiled to himself when he saw your bright red face and was even more excited for the music video shoot knowing that the stylist he thought was cute would be doing his hair on a regular basis and could see him act cool on stage

to not let you out of his sights again, Mark pulled his phone off of the vanity table in front of him and went straight to his Instagram search page, “can I have your Insta by the way?” 

you were combing the translucent gel through his hair when you tilted your head out of curiosity of why he would want your socials 

“I send what kind of hairstyles and concepts I’d like to try to stylists on here,” he said 

in actuality Mark wasn’t one of the idols that really cared of how his stylists dressed him like Johnny or Jaehyun but he wanted an excuse so that his interest in you was too obvious

“oh sure,” you spelled out your Instagram handle and you saw him follow you right away

for the rest of the shoot for the two days that it took place, Mark would admire you every time you came up to him between scenes to wipe the sweat off his forehead and to spray his hair with setting mist 

although you were a fan of the group, you didn’t want to make them uncomfortable so you invested all of your focus on making them look their best

Mark appreciated that; you weren’t completely cold and professional but you also didn’t cross any boundaries by asking him about his personal life or interviewing him like some new stylists did 

when you got home you decided to look at Mark’s profile and saw that he was only following his family, friends from Vancouver, idols friends, and a few celebrities that he looked up to 

you were the only staff member that he was following other than his managers

but you didn’t think for a second Mark liked you

even though during promotions he would text you on his time off about your day and ask you about yourself 

“because I don’t want to be to formal” was his excuse to his unofficial game of 21 questions 

even though after promotions when he was on his break, he’d ask you to go shopping with him “to get some inspiration from uh hair stuff” 

at one point he was bold enough to ask you to go to a cafe because he said he felt like you two were friends at one point

behind the scenes, Johnny caught on quickly at how Mark was on his phone more often when he’d usually just use it to play mobile games or listen to music 

“I don’t think you left the bracelet with the pretty stylist,” Johnny would tease Mark one day when he saw him re-reading your texts and smiling to himself 

“you left your heart,” he’d say and slap himself on the knee from laughing too hard at his own joke

“can you get out of my room?” Mark would retort in embarrassment but it was worse for him from there

Johnny told both floors that Mark had a big fat crush on the young stylist and was flirting with them 24/7 

Mark wasn’t really the type to get in his feelings 

sure he’d find different celebrities or employees that he’d work with attractive but he knew it was for business or that they’d just be really good friends in the industry 

but you felt like home 

like he could imagine that if he was back in Vancouver that you two would meet at a library or something and he’d ask you for a coffee after you asked him to watch your bag to go to the washroom 

that was what he’d imagine before he went to sleep at night anyways 

half of the time he’d stay up thinking about asking you out officially and keeping your relationship as a secret and the other half of the time he’d kick his blankets scolding himself for even thinking that because it would put both of your careers on the line and he didn’t want you to feel the burden of dating in secret

you also had feelings for Mark but thought that he was just friendly and flirty 

even if he did have feelings for you, you thought that it would be best to just stay as friends because you didn’t want to get in the way of his career

one day Mark couldn’t take it anymore and went to the convenient store by himself instead of riding bikes with Haechan and Renjun like he originally planned to 

they noticed that he didn’t get embarrassed or annoyed at the teasing anymore and just kept to himself so they followed him to the store and found him outside on a bench with a beer in his hand

both of them sat beside him and Haechan grabbed the beer and took a swig, “just tell her” 

Mark placed his elbows on his knees and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, “I don’t want to ruin it for us… Or for her”

Renjun placed a hand on his shoulder reassuringly, “if you both have strong feelings for each other then it’ll always work out in the end” 

Mark shook his head although he appreciated the support, “what if the stress gets us to break up? What if I make it awkward for her at work?” 

Haechan stopped him and told him sternly, “I see the way you two look at each other and I know that she’d accept if you asked. If the press or pressure causes you to break up then at least you tried.” 

Renjun added on more gently, “do you just want to continue suffering forever? What if she’s waiting for you too?” 

Mark didn’t want to think about it any longer and as a lightweight, the 2 cans of beer in his system were already giving him courage

if he had another night to think about it, he’d probably never confess to you so he decided in his tipsy state to confess right then 

with urgency, he told you to meet you at Hangang River right away 

“thank you guys,” he said while standing up too quickly 

he stumbled a little bit before starting to walk towards the meeting place, “I can do it!”

“you can do it!” Renjun laughed while holding up too fists to show his support

Haechan on the other hand held up his phone and started to record Mark walking clumsily towards the river, “don’t mess up loser!” 

you were finishing up on your readings when you got Mark’s text 

it sounded like he was going to confess but you shook the thought out of your head at the thought of a global star asking you out 

“probably wants to de-stress with a friend,” you thought before putting on a hoodie and jeans before walking to Hangang

when you arrived you could smell a mixture of beer and mint in his breath

His face was flushed pink which was a result of the alcohol and the 2.2km he had just walked

“why did you call me out all of a sudden?” You asked 

“will you go out with me?” He said a little bit too loudly

you quickly looked around to make sure that no one was within a kilometre near you too and asked in a hushed voice, “what?”

“I like you!” He nearly shouted, not aware of his volume due to the nervousness of the chance of rejection

“I tried not to like you ever since I met you but I can’t get you out of my head,” he avoided your gaze and couldn’t believe how cheesy he sounded

Mark continued regardless, “I know that we have to date in secret if you do like me but I promise to protect you and I won’t regret my decision if anything happens. So uh-”

“yes,” you grinned. “I’ll go out with you”

he was surprised at how you accepted with ease, “oh wow I wasn’t expecting this. Thank you for listening to me talk on haha, I don’t even know what to say I-”

to stop his blabbering you held onto his arms to steady yourself for when you went on your tippy toes to peck him on the lips

“that’s not fair” he pouted

“what’s not fair?”

“that’s it?” He murmured under his breath 

“then get some more” you teased

his hands cupped the sides of your face and bent his neck down to reach your height

your hand wrapped around his waist to pull him into a hug while his warm lips pressed onto yours

[atalho-s]

Sweet Sugar

3 | Cruel Summer

pairing: tom holland x reader

warnings: swear words, underage drinking (not much tho, nothing descritive and nothing like “Skins” lmao), suggestive scenes in some chapters, not smut!! but minors be aware. Fluff/angst/drama/ Y/n and Tom being stupid teenagers with feelings.

words: 1.6

a/n: english it's not my first language, Sorry for any mistakes! If you want to be tag on the next chapters, please let me know

Summary: Y/n, Harrison and Tom has always been best friends. Since childhood they’ve always been close, but what happens if after a break up with her first boyfriend, she starts to feel something more about Tom?

PART 3! If you want to read the other parts click here

Don’t forget to check out the playlist by @petesrparker​ created for the series! here

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After a few minutes of crying I felt someone approaching and sitting beside me. I looked up, wiping my eyes, and saw a worried-looking Haz in front of me.

- What happened? Are you okay? I noticed you were missing from the dance floor. - he asked and wrapped one of his arms around me hugging me sideways.

- I’m okay Haz, I think I just got sick, that's all, it must have been the drink.

- Y/n... as you said: I know you from other life, and you didn't even drink much, now tell me, why are you crying? - I hated when he insisted like that, but it was fair, after all he was my brother at heart.

- Haz... I don't want to talk about it, it's so immature I don't even know how to explain it to you, I think it was just something of the moment.

- Did some idiot hurt you? Because I can go back there and...

- No! Nobody did any harm, it's okay... - I said, wiping some tears that insisted on falling.

- Y/n please tell me, I swear I won't tell anyone. You're not one to cry like that...

- I saw Tom kissing Meghan and I felt bad, ok? - I interrupted him, looking at the ground with shame that I had admitted that out loud.

Haz was silent for an infinite number of minutes, processing what I had just said, until he touched my shoulder, I looked at him and I could see the confusion in his eyes.

- Since when do you like Tom that way?

- I don't know the exact date, I just... I started to feel different about him a while after I broke up with Steven... But I think it's just something temporary, you know? Maybe because he is my best friend and treats me well, I ended up having a crush on him, I think that was it, but it will pass, I just need to distract myself with something else...

- Y/n are you sure it's something temporary? Well, I'm your best friend too and you never felt that way about me.

- Yeah, but I always saw you as my brother and Tom as my best friend... I can't explain it, I just know it's different, it always has been, but I'm sure this stronger feeling must be temporary, I just need some time.

- Darling... I'm so sorry. How about we go home? We can watch tv shows and forget about it.

- Are you sure Haz? You were talking to Gracie, I don't want to take you out of the party like that, especially from the side of your other half who I know one day you two will get married, live in a cabin in the woods, have several children and I'll be godmother to them. - I said and Haz laughed and I followed. Laughing after crying is one of the best feelings.

- Damn, you created a whole fanfic. - He said and now I wiped the tears of laughter. - But seriously, we can go, it's already midnight. - He said looking at the watch on his wrist - I'm just going to tell Gracie, so she doesn't think I forget about her and say that you're not feeling well and want to go home, how about that?

- Okay... but only because I'm feeling like crap. - I said pouting and he kissed my head hugging me tight.- I'll be right back, madam.

Haz then got up and went back inside and I took the opportunity to text my mother saying I would be at the Osterfields' house and she sent me an ok.

It took a few minutes and he came back waving for me to join him. I got up, going after him in the parking lot, as he didn’t drink, because he came with his car. We walked in, turning on the radio, and we heard Taylor Swift's Cruel Summer start to play, how ironic.

- Did Tom say something about us leaving? - I asked looking at him.

- No, actually he was busy... but I told Tuwaine and Gracie. - Haz said stopping at the red light.

-Hmm- I sighed trying not to imagine what Tom could be "busy" with. - And Gracie wasn't upset?

- No, I said it was an emergency and she understood. - He smiled in my direction squeezing my hand and I smiled.

- Thank you Haz, I don't know what it would be without you.

- I know, I'm awesome. - He spoke blinking.

- Oh god, I can't even try to say something nice for once. - I said rolling my eyes - But you're really awesome. - and he blew me a kiss in the air and I gave him a laugh shaking my head.

We arrived at Haz's house and Jenna welcomed me with open arms as usual.

We went to Haz's room and I helped him pull up and make the bed besides his own and he gave me a pair of pajamas that I could wear. I went into the bathroom and took off my defeat-smudged makeup and came back lying next to Haz on the top bed as we turned on the tv to a random show that was on. But, of course, we don't pay any attention, because we are talking the whole time.

-... So, Gracie said she liked my eyes a lot, and I didn't know what to do. - He said while we discussed the events of the night, ignoring Tom and company.

- Aww Hazzy, what a cute little cliché. - I said making a melted face. - And you didn't say anything?

- I just said thank you and I said hers were beautiful too, but I got nervous, that's when I realized you were gone and I went after you.

- Wow, I can't believe I ruined this perfect moment.

- Nah, don't even worry, I have all the time in the world, in fact she's from my class, so we still have a lot of opportunity to talk. - he said and I nodded yawning.

- Let's go to sleep? It's almost 3 in the morning. - He said turning off the TV and I gave a thumbs up scratching my eyes.

I jumped down to the bottom bed and covered myself, turning to the other side.

- Haz?

- Yeah?

- If you tell Thomas anything I'll kill you and desert you. - I said listening to him laugh and fell asleep right away.

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The other day I woke up and looked to the side, seeing that Haz was still sleeping. I picked up my cell phone, stretching, and saw that it was almost noon. I got up quietly making sure that I was not making too much noise, went into the bathroom and put on my clothes from the night before. I needed to go home to take a shower and take the rest of that weird night.

I sat next to Haz nudging him until he blinked awake.

- Haz, I'm going, thanks for everything. - I said while he was returning to planet earth little by little.

- Already? Don't you want to have lunch first? - He said sitting on the bed.

- Thanks, but I need to go home, I have some work to finish too, see you tomorrow at school?

- Okay, but if you need anything call me. - He said and I agreed hugging him going towards the door.

- And promise you'll keep your mouth shut?

- I swear, cross my heart. -He said zipping his mouth and I pointed my index finger at him intimidating him.

I went downstairs and thanked Jenna, greeting Charlotte who had already woken up. I said goodbye to them and went out into the sun on a Sunday that I was miraculously doing in London. I walked home, went in, had lunch and went straight to my room, I wanted to stay in alone with my feelings. Was my period coming up? It's not possible that I'm feeling so bad.

I took a shower, changed into comfortable clothes and fell into bed, putting on some sad music to play, closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on the sadness.

A few minutes later I felt my cell phone vibrate with a message coming through.

I unlocked the screen and saw "Tommy 🤓 send you a message" written. I took a deep breath and opened it to look at what he had sent.

Tommy 🤓 says "Hi stranger! Why did you and Haz disappear yesterday? 😭"

Tommy 🤓 says "Tuwaine told me you weren't okay, I tried calling you guys and nothing..."

Tommy 🤓 says "Is everything alright?"

I rolled my eyes reading the messages and at the same time not wanting to respond, but started typing.

Y/N 🌻 says "Everything it’s okay, don’ worry 😊 I think some drink went wrong and I felt a little sick, but nothing to worry about, rlx"

Y/N 🌻 says "The party was great! Too bad I couldn't stay longer..."

I think I was a good liar.

Tommy 🤓 says "Damn it, but I'm glad you're ok, the party was really great! I've already posted the photos on insta. There some really weird ones... 😂"

Y/N 🌻 says "I can imagine 😂"

Tommy 🤓 says "I have a really strong hangover right now, I'm going back to sleep, want to come over later? I want to tell you some things that happened 👀"

Sure Tom, I'm going to your house so you can tell me everything about your wonderful night with Meghan, sure.

Y/N 🌻 says I'd like to, but my stomach's still kind of bad from yesterday 😭 so I'll just stay here, see you tomorrow?"

I told him to avoid him to come at my house.

Tommy 🤓 says "Okay 🥺, take care! See you tomorrow shortie!"

He said and I sent a "😘" blocking the screen. I lay on my stomach and buried my head on the pillow wanting to scream. Tom seemed happy and excited to tell me the "things" from last night, why couldn't I be happy for him? Damn feelings!

I think what I had to do was sleep, eat chocolate, put on a really cliche romantic comedy movie, wait to see if my period would come down (why was I being so dramatic? It could only be that) and pray that monday I would be better.

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[sotorubio]

Incoming, long ask! 🚨

Re: your latest post. I’ve thought about this a lot lately. And as someone who went through several bullies. It stays with you for a long while after it happened. Like: the times I was bullied (whether it was 2 years or 6 months) left a mark on me and I still struggle with things I developed during that time.

I don’t want to project too much of myself unto Ava. But having faith in others, believing your enough and trust that your friends won’t leave you if you do something unexpected. It’s all part of the aftermath. Apart from the obvious fear of being bullied again.

Obviously, I can’t be sure where Ava struggles with the same things as me. But I feel even during the two previous seasons, the impact of the bullying on Ava wasn’t as much highlighted. e.g.:

s5: Ava is upset bc of the t-shirts -> feels let down by friends/ may think she’s being deserted all over again -> especially since Nora used to be an “Insta”

s6: Ava is upset bc of Kieutou -> is freshly triggered by memories of being bullied ; Ava has a conflict with Mailin over BLM -> doesn’t feel taken seriously or rather: used as a “means” to other people’s “ends”

I am not black (or even of colour), so I’ll never be able to actually know what that feels like. But having been bullied I can empathise with her reactions. Mostly derived out of fear and trauma, which manifests in Ava as distrust and short-temperedness. And I think it would help if the script would highlight that damaged side of Ava’s personality a bit more. Bc even a strong independent woman can hurt (a lot, in Ava’s case). 🥲

Okay, I hope you’re not too discouraged by this rant.

Love,

anonymoon 🌙

hi 🥰

u said it all rly well! i can't even add much to this i think it's already a v comprehensive text on its own.

i think a lot of the criticism toward the new team who've kind of erased a lot of the characters' personalities & dismissed previous storylines is also fitting here w the points u brought up. like the analysis of ava's possible feelings in s5&6 that u gave examples of r in my opinion beautiful signs of the old team's writing n how they tied everything together. that's exactly what i think is missing from this season, small reminders of the other characters' already established history... especially in ava's case bc she's supposed to be such a central part of this!!

bullying is always so horrible regardless of the time it goes on so sorry u've had to deal w that in the past 💔💞 hope ur feeling better nowadays n i don't think it's wrong to relate to ava n project onto her a bit! after all these characters r supposed to represent real life ppl so we should see ourselves in them n that's exactly why there r also a lot of complains abt it when they fail to respectfully do that :(

[themonotonysyndrome]

Excluding Octavinelle and Pomefiore... how would the other five of the Great Seven Dorms react when their Vice Dorm Leaders read the text from Jade on the group chat about Baby!Yuu being missing from Ramshackle? I bet that Trey would tell Riddle about it as they both know that Ace and Deuce were supposed to be babysitting Baby!Yuu with Grim so the first two would probably go over to Ramshackle with Cater coming along with them and the Third Year would end up showing everyone there Vil’s Magicam account with pictures of Baby!Yuu since Cater would not be Cater if he does not go onto Magicam and that he does follow Vil there... so what would everyone’s reactions be about that? What would Neige’s reaction be when he checks out Vil’s latest Magicam posts since the former probably also follows the latter there?

[Shady Unagi: Good afternoon. Apologies for my sudden text. I’d like to ask if anyone has seen Yuu.]

[Me: Itty-bitty baby Yuu? He’s at Ramshackle with Ace, Deuce and Grim! Why you ask?]

[Mr.Batty-chan: It’s the Octavinelle turn to take care of their lover, Cater-kun.]

[Me: Oh, lol. Wait - how did you know it was me Lilia-chan?]

[Mr.Batty-chan: Fufu, I have my ways~]

[Space Jam, but at the desert: He means that you’re predictable, Diamond-san. You should give Clover-san his phone back.]

[Me: In a bit! Trey is busy doing paperwork with Riddle to noticed that I have his phone~]

[Me: Anyway, how’s Yuu? Did the juniors remember to feed him?]

[Shady Unagi: I could only hope so unless they would like Floyd to squeeze them further.]

[Dandelion man, take me by the hand: Why are you guys spamming the chat group?]

[Space Jam, but at the desert: Scroll up]

[Dandelion man, take me by the hand: Got it. The idiot trio lost Yuu, huh]

[Space Jam, but at the desert: Well, he’s not here at Scarabia. Kalim would want to throw a feast for him if he’s here...]

[Me: He’s not at the Rose Maze either!]

[Dandelion man, take me by the hand: Same for Savanaclaw. One of the meatheads would’ve smelled him.]

[Mr.Batty-chan: I’ve told the Diasomnia students to keep an eye out for the child. Malleus is searching for him as we speak. I’ll have my bats scout around as well.]

[Real Boi 2001: Good morning, everyone! Big brother woke up from his naps because of the chat group’s notification pings and told me to mute it. I’ve informed him of the missing Directing Student! 

[Me: Thank you, Ortho-kun!]

[Shady Unagi: Then... the only one left is...]

[Me: Does anyone know where Rook is?]

[Mr.Batty-chan: Pomefiore most likely]

[Dandelion man, take me by the hand: Or stalking Leona-san. Again.]

[Space Jam, but at the desert: Nope. He’s at Pomefiore right now. Vil is using Yuu for clouts.]

[Me: WAT]

Heartslabyul’s Reaction: 

After reading Jamil’s text (and yes, Cater change the contact names in Trey’s phone), Cater immediately takes out his own phone to check his Magicam account. And true enough, the number 1 currently trending are pictures of Vil and Baby!Yuu in different poses and clothes - all of them were very artfully shot with warm lightings to bestow a sort of comforting and gentle tone to each picture. 

Everyone is talking about it. Everyone is throwing #s around - especially the #DaddyVil one. Ovaries everywhere in Twisted Wonderland exploded. Parents are even sharing pictures of their babies online! 

Cater made sure to liked every single Vil & Yuu’s pictures before rushing to Riddle’s bedroom where he and Trey are at. 

Needless to say that Riddle nearly spills his tea when Cater slams open the door. The Dorm Leader was about to chatise Cater on his poor manners but all words left him when he saw the pictures. 

“Trey, Cater.” 

“...Yes, Riddle?”

“...Yes, Dorm Leader?”

“Weren’t Ace, Deuce and Grim supposed to take care of Yuu at Ramshackle?” 

Trey and Cater shared an uneasy yet meek grin - knowing what is about to happen. 

Together, they dutifully reply, “Yes, Dorm Leader.” 

And thus, the three of them march towards Ramshackle to punish the juniors plus Grim and maybe even educate them on how to keep a better eye on a baby. By the end of the day, Adeuce + Grim would be collared. 

Savanaclaw’s Reaction: 

Honestly, most of the students there sigh in relief, knowing that Rook is too busy taking care of Baby!Yuu to chase or stalk them for once!

And as per usual, Leona slept through the drama blissfully while Ruggie idly wonders as he oversees Savanaclaw’s Magift practise if the seafood trio would fight Vil and Rook for Baby!Yuu custody. 

All in all, they hold the ‘not my circus, not my monkeys’ mentality during this drama. 

Scarabia’s Reaction:

Jamil’s main priority now is to ensure that Kalim never finds out that Baby!Yuu is missing or about Vil’s pictures on Magicam. Why you ask? Because then Kalim would want to take photos with Baby!Yuu and post it on his Magicam account next and Jamil could already foresee and feel the headaches on how the internet would react to it! 

The netizens now wonder just where the fuck did Vil got a baby to model with him because the zealous fans have pointed out that the studio that he used bears Pomefiore’s wallpaper and interior architecture. 

Jamil really doesn’t want Kalim to add more fuel to the fire. 

Ignihyde’s Reaction: 

After Ortho reported what happened and showed him the series of texts, Idia cackled. They lost the baby and now the Directing Student is basically insta-famous online? This sounds like one of his slice-of-life animes! 

He gives Ortho full access to his surveillance cameras around NRC to keep an eye on Baby!Yuu with a request to snap pictures of the seafood and Heartslabyul trio ‘punishing’ Adeuce + Grim. 

Hell, might also snap a few candid photos of Vil and Baby!Yuu too!

Diasomnia’s Reaction: 

The moment Lilia informed him that Baby!Yuu was missing, Malleus flew out alongside his bats. Not knowing that if he just wait for a damn second, Lilia would add that Baby!Yuu is safe and well-taken care of in Pomefiore. 

Oh well. Lilia supposed that it’s good that Malleus exercise once in a while!

Lilia called off the search once he saw Vil’s pictures and seeing him carrying and posing with Baby!Yuu tugs on his heartstrings. Oh, he wants to take care of Baby!Yuu too! 

If anything, he’s more qualified to take care of him since he basically raised Malleus, Silver and Sebek!

And that gives him an idea. Lilia would personally fly after Malleus and convinced him that Baby!Yuu should spend a day and night at Diasomnia with them! Wouldn’t that just be wonderful? They could even have a little sleepover! Think of the fun things that they could do! 

Welp. It wasn’t hard to persuade Malleus. The idea of spending time with his best friend is always a good time in his book. 

Chaos immediately break out when both Octavinelle and Diasomnia storm into Pomefiore for Baby!Yuu. As for Vil and Rook? They ain’t gonna give Baby!Yuu up because clearly, no one could take care of him better than them! 

...And Lilia took that personally lol. 

Bonus round: Neige’s reaction:

It was a beautiful and perfect day for Neige. He just finished a class and was handed a near-perfect grade on his latest quiz paper - but it’s ok though. He promises himself that he would study and work hard more, just like Vi-kun! 

It was during lunch time that Ellis, Immad and Muqazi showed him Vil’s and Baby!Yuu’s pictures on his social media. Several of Neige’s fans already tag him, asking him about his opinion on the pictures and if he would ever model for a baby clothing company. 

Neige instantly fell in love with the pictures! He never thought that Vi-kun looks such a handsome and warm father! He wasted no time to throw in his supports, compliments and comments on each and every one of the pictures. 

Neige even saved some of the pictures because he had never seen Vil in this light before. Usually, Vil exudes a god-like beauty demeanour - untouched by the world and unbothered by any obstacles on his path. So to see him like this? Does that mean that Vil is a lot more approachable now? Neige has been trying to get closer to him over the years but to no avail. Their relationship is strictly professional and it saddens Neige. 

Hey, actually, maybe Vil is more open to talking to him if he sees Neige upload his own photos with a baby?? Yeah! He’s definitely planning to do so!

[hauntednightmarekitty]

Comic-con Gone Wrong

Summary: Alex goes to comic-con with his girlfriend and meets a cute girl dressed up as link. Or so he thinks. 

Warnings: misgendering, very very slight abuse mentions if you read into it

“Alex, come on! We’re going to be late if you don’t pick up the pace,” My girlfriend, Andrea, urged me as she pulled my arm. She was trying to get me into the comic-con faster, but I was distracted by all of the people in costumes - I think Andrea called it cosplay - and all of the crowds of people. I had never been to any sort of con even though Andrea adores them and goes constantly. I’ve been dating her for years, but I didn’t even know that she liked these things until about a year, but now I see why. There is so much and all of the colors just catch your attention, plus the people seem very friendly. 

“I’m coming, sweetheart, don’t worry so much,” I said, but she just shot me a dirty look and continued to try to drag me into the building where the con was taking place. 

Once we got in the building, I was immediately hit with a wave of stimulus. People were talking all around me, the lights were bright overhead, I could smell multiple different food vendors cooking various different kinds of food, and people shoved at me in an attempt to get by me. 

“What do you want to do first?” Andrea asked, pulling me back to the current moment. 

“I would really love something to eat.” She giggled a little then shook her head, her long red hair hitting bouncing around. She had dressed up as Poison Ivy and tried to convince me to dress up with her, but I had too much work and it was too short notice for us to be able to pull anything together. 

“You can do that, but I’m not really hungry yet. I think I’ll go and look at that DC merch booth, okay? Just meet me there when you’re done.” I flashed her a smile which made her giggle again before she turned and skipped over to the booth. 

I got into line at a booth that served various deserts shortly after. The girl in front of me was wearing a Link cosplay and looked up when she noticed me get in line. She had a nose ring and an eyebrow ring, but they, oddly enough, worked really well with the cosplay. Her fake elf ears poked out from her shoulder-length blonde hair and her eyeliner was sharp enough to cut. 

“Hey, is this your first con?” Her voice was sweet and slightly deeper, but still beautiful. 

“How did you know?” Her intuition freaked me out a bit, but she flashed me a toothy grin and offered me a hand. I took and she returned with a firm handshake that felt like we were sealing a business deal. 

“You have that look about you. Everyone does at first. I’m Max by the way.” She flashed that toothy grin once again and moved forward as the line shortened. “Did you come with anyone or have you always been into comics and such?” 

“My girlfriend made me come along, but it’s not like I mind. I usually go to superhero movies with her, so it’s not like I’m completely in the dark about this stuff.” Max kept comfortable eye contact this whole conversation up until I said the word ‘girlfriend’ when she looked away and rubbed the back of her neck. 

“That’s cool. I always wanted my boyfriend to go to this stuff with me, but he never wanted to. He didn’t like me going by myself either though, so I often didn’t even get to go.” 

“I’m guessing you’re not with him anymore since you’re here.” 

Another toothy grin. She really was cute when she smiled. “You would guess right. My friend made me dump him a little while ago. She’s actually here today, but I don’t know where she went.” Max got up on her toes and looked around for her friend, but eventually settled down and shrugged. “She likes to go off on her own, but she’s my Zelda, so our cosplays are incomplete without each other.” 

“I was going to cosplay with my girlfriend, but my work schedule got in the way, so I didn’t end up with a finished cosplay before the con. Maybe next time.” Max’s eyes, once again, darted away when I mentioned Andrea, but she recovered quickly when I talked about cosplay. 

“I can only hope that I find a boyfriend as cool as you. Maybe my expectations are too high.” 

“I don't think expectations can be too high. You have self respect and I respect that. I’m sure you’ll find a guy that will appreciate a girl as lovely as you.” Max gave me a funny look and laughed when I finished my little speech and I could feel my ego deflate slightly. She recovered quickly though and noticed that she hurt my feelings a little. 

“It’s not that I don’t believe you, it just feels so impossible.” Max was, finally, next in line and she ordered something that looked like something that Andrea would never eat and instead she’d just complain about the carbs in it and throw it away if I bought it for her. However, Max seemed comfortable in herself and comfortable with the extra calories in what she’s eating. 

When I got up to the booth I ordered the same thing as Max and stepped out of the walkway with her in order to talk a little more. 

“You should follow me on Instagram,” she said as she pulled her phone out of her pocket. “I do cosplays more often than just at cons, so you could see some of that on there.” 

I pulled my phone out as well and handed it to her, so she could follow herself on my Instagram. She handed it back to me with a big smile when she was finished and pulled out her own phone to follow me. It was then that I saw Andrea coming over and I waved her over to Max and I.

“Alex,” she said, looking at Max, “did you make a new friend? Introduce me.” 

“Andrea, this is Max.” Max held out her hand and Andrea shook it while regarding her. She must’ve passed whatever test Andrea had for her because Andrea turned to me and smiled. 

“I should probably go find my friend, she just texted me asking where I am,” Max held up her phone almost as if she was showing proof that she wasn’t lying. “It was nice to meet you though, I hope you message me on Instagram sometime.” I waved and she disappeared into the crowd, looking down at her phone as she walked. 

“I think you should message Max sometime, it’d be nice for you to have more friends who aren’t overgrown frat boys.” 

“You’re ok with me talking to a single girl that I just met? Is this the Andrea that I know?” I pressed a hand to her forehead, but she just pushed my hand away and gave me an odd look. 

“What do you mean? Max was obviously a guy. Even with makeup he couldn’t completely hide his jawline. Plus most girls love showing off their boobs in link cosplay and he was flat chested. And I’m not that controlling, I just didn’t like Adeline because she was constantly flirting with you.” Andrea crossed her arms and stuck out her bottom lip like a little kid, but I was still stuck on the fact that the girl that I was just talking to wasn't actually a girl at all. 

“But she said that she had a boyfriend.” 

“Gay people exist, Alex.” Andrea’s tone of voice was one that you may use on a child, not on your boyfriend and that’s how I knew that she thought I was an idiot. Maybe I was an idiot, but I was not ready to let this go. 

“I called her a girl and she didn’t correct me, she just giggled.” 

“I’m sure he felt awkward about you calling him a girl and didn’t want to embarrass you or himself, so he just stayed quiet about it. I know I’d stay quiet if someone called me a guy.” 

“You wouldn’t do that, you’re just trying to prove your point. You’re too proud to let someone call you a guy.” 

“I cosplayed as Marshalee last summer and posted pictures on my Instagram and a few people thought I was a boy, but I decided that it was too much trouble to correct them, so I just let it go. A lot of cosplayers do that, especially if you’re cosplaying as the opposite gender.” 

“It still makes no sense that she wouldn’t correct me.” 

“You got her Insta, right?” I nodded and Andrea took my phone from me. “Let’s check his bio. I know his type and they usually put their pronouns in their bio.” She swiped at my phone for a few unbearable moments before showing me my phone. 

He/him/his

The words were at the end of his bio and they were the words that I least wanted to see at that moment. I didn’t want Andrea to be right, and I didn’t want to be dumb, but she was right and I was dumb to assume. 

[jackambrosemodeling]

Boy Talk || Jack & Brandon

When: May 2, 2021

Where: Jack’s apartment, Santa Monica, California

Featuring: Brandon Kelly (dialogue provided by Katie @itsbrandonkelly)

Triggers: Allusion to alcoholism

After firing off a You’d better be home. text to Jack, he realised that he really should have checked first to save him from waiting outside their apartment but that’s why there were so many saying about hindsight. Still, he knocked to let his presence be known instead of texting again, hoping he’d timed his visit well.

Jack was coincidentally home when they received Brandon's text. They got out of the shower when they saw the message. After texting him back with a 'bitch I might be', Jack unlocked their door as well as the entrance door to the apartment building. They followed up with a 'door's open' text and went to go find clothes to put on before Brandon came inside.

He huffed out in amusement at the first response he got and then knocked again at the second before letting himself in. “Who leaves their door open? This is the start to every horror film ever, then again just letting yourself into someone’s home is also how they start.” He called out, heading to the kitchen instead of looking for Jack. He figured they would have answered the door if they weren’t occupied with something else and so they’d join him when they were done. When he found glasses, he settled himself on the couch and shrugged off his jacket.

"I do when I know someone's coming over!" they yelled from behind their closed bedroom door. If someone had actually broken into their apartment for nefarious purposes, Jack was more than prepared to deal with the situation. Once they were presentable, they looked around until they found Brandon in the living room. "Comfy there?" they teased. "You know I love seeing you, but a little more of a heads up would've been nice. I could've still been in the shower. I could've been actively having sex!"

“Who’s supposed to be coming over? I can’t believe you were inviting people to chill and I wasn’t one of them?” Brandon had taken out his phone to sit on the couch with him and had even gotten as far as pouring them both a drink before Jack had come to meet him. “Yep. I made myself at home.” He gave Jack his best smile, even fluttering his eyelashes for good measure. “If you loved seeing me that much you would invite me over to do those things with you. Besides, it’s not much of a surprise visit if I tell you about it, is it?”

“You! I opened the door for you, silly!” Jack looked at the two glasses, then back to Brandon. “Oh shit, the wine that Nyle sent as a moving present! I forgot I had that.” They didn’t want to be rude and throw it out, and figured it would be good to have in case of guests, so they hid it. The fact that they managed to not drink any of it themself was a miracle. “Yeah, I’m not sure how Viv would feel about that... speaking of which. Fun update in my life. I’m kind of seeing someone? Still figuring out labels and whatnot.” Though there were rumors floating around the gossip sphere, Brandon was the first person they confirmed the rumor to.

“Then the door wouldn’t be open so it wouldn’t matter if you were showering or fucking, would it?” Jack’s comment had Brandon looking at the bottle again and picking up the glass closest to it. “Mine is alcoholic. I brought you some appley juice recommended by the best palate I know.” He patted the space beside him before his eyebrows raised in surprise. “You settled before you boned me? Disgusting. Unacceptable.” Despite his words, he started grinning. “I’m so happy for you, babe. That’s cute.”

“Brandon, stop making good points,” they huffed, sitting down on the couch next to Brandon. “Oh, thanks.” While Jack had never explicitly told Brandon why they quit drinking, it appeared that he had gotten the hint. “I’m sorry. It turns out I have a SIMP gene that was activated by me moving to Santa Monica. Who would’ve thunk it?” they joked, knowing damn well that they’ve simped over every person they’ve ever dated.

“I can’t help that I’m brilliant. Sorry buddy; you just gotta live with that I’m afraid.” He hummed quietly in amusement. Brandon simply offered them a smile at their thanks. They never joined in whenever B was drinking and he was nothing if not attentive. Sometimes, at least. “Literally no one because the simp gene has always been in you and always been active but I’ll keep that to myself if it really makes you feel better.”

"All my friends are hot and smart, but I'm just hot. Story of my life." Jack sighed, taking a sip of the juice that was so graciously provided to them. "Excuse me?!" Jack exclaimed overdramatically. "Are you calling me a simp? In the comfort of my own apartment?! I don't know what I did to deserve this treatment. I don't know how I'll go on!" They busted into  laughter, unable to keep the act up.

“You’re hot and smart. What the fuck are you talking about? Be nice to my friend or I’ll kick your ass.” He reached his foot out to nudge Jack with, an amused smile on his face. “Plus, you’re also super hot, own it. And yes. I’m calling you a simp. You’re the themperor of simpington. Population... Uh, I don’t know how many people are in Santa Monica but that’s the population.”

“Brandon, I was a straight-C student in high school and have the common sense of a bag of potato chips. I know my strengths and weaknesses.” Jack knew they weren’t book smart and it didn’t bother them. “Excuse me, I am not Themperor Simpington. That title belongs to Sunwoo Seong. Have you met them? But they did skip town a while back... shit. I didn’t ask for this title. I need to find a new non-binary friend to bestow this title on. I just need more enby friends in general.”

“You don’t have the common sense of a bag of potato chips, Jesus Christ Jack.” Brandon laughed as he slapped Jack’s arm. “You’ve survived this long in this industry, babe. That’s not down to potato chip brain, even I nearly crashed out a couple of years in.” He raised an eyebrow, head tilted as he fixed them a look of disapproval. “You are Themperor Simpington. The queen has spoken. I met Sunwoo once and obviously offered to climb that tree but they left and Joonie was sad so I’m no longer a fan of tall, hot and dimpled. If it makes you feel any better, I’m a huge simp for my sweet boy.”

“Hey, I’m funny. Fuck you,” they retorted, chuckling. “I’ve been told that I’m charismatic, and that’s helped me out in the industry. I’m still not that famous though.” While Jack was relatively well-known in queer circles, heterosexual circles were a whole other ballpark. Being friends with Brandon and recently befriending Vanessa did help their social standing though. “Themperor Simpington my butt,” they grumbled. “Wait, when you say ‘my sweet boy,’ do you mean Minjoon or do you have another boo I should know about?”

“Bitch, I been trying to get you to for so long now. I was starting to think you needed glasses.” Bee broke into a laugh before he even finished his sentence, nudging Jack’s arm in his giggling. “Yeah, you have to have a look and you have to be charming to start work in this industry but to survive in it? You have to be smart. About that though, I know I keep promising you a space on my next project and it’s had a few.. speed bumps I guess? Not really speed bumps but personal delays? Either way, I know enough now to be able to tell you that Queen B’s.. that I’m releasing a trial perfume.. fragrance line. Five scents to start, each will have its own colour have theme shots with, each will have its own model to associate with and I want you, if you’re interested?” Their mumbling made Brandon grin, coughing as a terrible fake attempt at covering up the ‘Simp.’ he titled them with again. “Minjoon is my sweet boy. I don’t have another boo, not even a little bit but if you hear simp alarms going off whenever I like the instas of a very beautiful friend of mine then mind ya business.”

"Oh my god. Brandooooon!" Though Jack had quite a few friends with benefits in their days, whenever the thought of doing anything with Brandon crossed their mind, they thought about the bright-eyed, bushy-tailed seventeen-year-old they met all those years ago. Jack's eyes lit up when he started talking about his fragrance line project. "Oh hell yeah I'm interested. Just remember, my favorite colors are purple and pink." They winked at Brandon. Aside from one photoshoot in L.A. that they did after fashion weeks, their work schedule was dryer than a desert. Of course they wouldn't tell him that though. They didn't want to sound desperate. Jack would've taken this job even if they weren't in need of work. "B, you're gonna have to be a little more specific than that. I know you. You don't befriend ugly people."

The laugh that left him this time was more of a giggle and he scrunched his nose up, shaking his head. “I tease but honestly, you’re practically family. Did you know that my parents ask after you? They know as much about you as I do but.. Well, they’re embarrassing. Eh, mom’s okay. Dad’s embarrassing so you’ll probably never meet them but yeah.. They get told about the important people in my life and you’ve been in it longer than Joonie.” Brandon groaned, setting his glass down. “Can’t believe I’m being gross and emotional already. Moving on..” He said, a little louder. “Purple would be fantastic for you. It’s a very royal colour and I’m going to do the obvious and lean into that a little but silk, not velvet. Pink was going to have a sweet-candy-lace vibe to it but if you want pink I can give you pink.” Brandon rolled his eyes, despite the heat he could feel spreading up his neck. “I have a... friend called Kian and he’s... There hasn’t been a word invented yet for how beautiful he is and it’s ridiculous and gross because I don’t lose my mind over pretty boys but he’s.. He makes me blush, Jack. I don’t blush.”

"Brandooooooooon! Stop, you're gonna make me blush. I'd love to meet your parents. Parents love me. Well, actually, I just love milfs and dilfs," Jack cackled at their own dumb joke. "But in all seriousness, let me know when they come to town!" As much as they wanted to meet Mr. and Mrs. Kelly, they didn't want to go to the Kelly home to do so. Jack knew that they shared a home state with Brandon, and didn't want to reenter North Carolina at the risk of running into their family. "Ooh, purple and silk? Now you're speaking my language!" Jack wiggled their eyebrows when Brandon mentioned Kian by name. "A yes, the cute delivery boy. You've mentioned him before. We're Instagram mutuals!"

“Do it! Blush, you coward!” Brandon laughed, leaning against Jack’s arm to nudge them. “Oh my god. I can’t believe I have to say this but if you’re gonna fuck my parents, please don’t date them and wait until I’m out of the room if you’re going to flirt, I don’t need to see that. They really would love to meet you though, they’ve been waiting for permission to come to town.” Brandon grinned at Jack at their approval, giving a small nod. “I’ll get some things drawn up for you. I do have a few already as rough drafts but now I know you’re taking it, I can design something a little more tailored to you.” The warmth spreading across his cheeks and colouring his face a darker shade of pink only grew worse as Jack wiggled their brows at him. “Yeah.. Well.. He’s almost perfect. The only thing I’d change about him is his last name.” His reaction to himself was instant, throwing himself against the cushions to yell out a laugh. “And I keep saying dumb cheesy shit like that! I’m a bumbling mess around him. Like.. Like I start off all smooth and collected and then he smiles and I’m just.. fucking applying to be hired by hallmark. It’s.. It’s so cringe and gross and... I’m happy.”

"Brandon, I'll become your new step-parent and ground you, don't tempt me," Jack joked, cackling. "Well give it to them! Don't deprive me of your loving parents!" Jack didn't have loving parents of their own, so if Brandon's parents were anything like Brandon, Jack was going to latch to them like nobody's business. "Oh my goooooooooooood, that was so coooooorrrrnnnnnyyyyy! Damn, and you call me a simp! I'm not out here reciting poetry on main about my crush. And if you bring up the fact that we have keys to each others' apartments, mind your business." Jack knew they were simping hard over Vivian, but now it was Brandon's turn to be in the hot seat. "So have you considered, you know, talking to him?"

“Their ex girlfriend actually tried that once. Oh my god, it was kind of funny though. You’ll have to treat me better when our guests arrive and do as you’re told or I’ll have you cut off until you learn some damn respect.” He mimicked in a too high voice, rolling his eyes afterwards. “Like.. Honey, I’ve only just noticed you’re not the last guy they were dating and that’s only because you started pterodactyl screeching.” Despite his playful tone, Brandon could feel warmth spreading across his face. “Yeah, okay. I’ll.. I’ll invite them up to meet you.” Having made peace with the fact that he‘d made himself into a product, his parents were off limits when it came to the people in his life, knowing how fickle and superficial a lot of his relationships with people were. It was different with Jack though, Jack really was his friend. “Honestly, I’ve been an absolute mess. I pulled the whole ‘My friends call me B, you can call me any time.’ Thing on him when we met and now I just blush all the time and feel nauseous over butterflies.” He waved his hand quickly at Jack’s news, shaking his head. “NUH uh.. We are not going to just gloss over that? Oh my god? Keys? You’re entering domesticity. Like.. Me and Joonie levels of domesticity and my parents are the founders of the BranJoon wedding fan club. Like.. You’re getting into that territory..” There was a small pause before a smile spread across his face. “I’m happy for you, babe. Honestly. You deserve this.” He couldn’t help but sigh at the question, sinking into his seat a little with a pout on his features and a small shrug. “I’ve been so obvious about it. Short of getting a neon sign to carry around, I don’t know how much more obvious I could be and sometimes it feels like he’s being obvious back? Like.. It feels like it’s not just one sided? And then I start having a gay panic and do something dumb because he’s way out of my league which is a new thing for me. I do want to though. Should I?”

"Hold up, hold up. I said that as a joke. You're telling me that your parents are actually non-monogamous?! And you didn't tell me until now?! I came out as polyam like, 2-3 years ago! And now I'm in a monogamous set-up again. I missed my shot. I'm hurt." Jack put their hands over their chest and sniffled, but almost immediately returned to their usual cheerful demeanor. "I'm kidding, I'm not gonna become your step-daddy, or... I don't know what a gender-neutral equivalent would be besides 'parent,' and that doesn't roll of the tongue as well." This wasn't something they had to think about right away. It wasn't like they were going to wake up tomorrow with a child. "Ah yes, your infamous pick-up line." Jack's face turned pink when Brandon acknowledged the keys. "Okay, I actually do have an explanation! I initially gave her my spare key because I asked her to water my plants when I was away for Fashion Week. Granted, she didn't do a good job and managed to kill both plants, but that's an aside. But yeah, I just never asked for the spare key back." Jack gave Brandon a shoulder pat. They really didn't know Kian, so couldn't tell what the full situation was. "What I've learned from my many years of dating men is that men are dumb and sometimes you literally need to spell things out for them."

“As momma dearest says, monogamy is for the weak. Anyway, they were already in a relationship when you came out. Also? I don’t want to be hooking my parents up with my hotties?” Brandon pulled a face at Jack, nose scrunched up in disapproval. “To be fair though, you and Viv wouldn’t even be the first couple they’ve dated. You’d be the first I’d... somewhat approve of but..” He shrugged before laughing. “Oh my god. There are a couple.. Zaza or zeze instead of dada and mama but given the chance I’d mash up dad and mom and just refer to you as my dom to make everyone in the room uncomfortable.” He shook his head, laughing quietly. “I hate this so much, Jack please.” “I think it’s funny, definitely in my top 3 introductions.” He found himself sitting up straighter when he noticed the blush on Jack’s cheeks, a grin forming on his own features. “Oh my god. She killed your plants and you let her keep your key? Say it with me, babe. Simp. You’re cute though. I’m totally 100% on board with the two of you. She was one of my heroes.” When the conversation turned back to him, Brandon tilted his head as he weighed his options. “Not Kiki but... You’re right, I guess. He’s probably so used to everyone being in love with him that my flirting is just baseline niceties. Okay, yeah. I’ll.. I’ll tell him that I’m crazy about him. Or I’ll just text him that aggressive meme about wanting to hold hands.”

"Aaaaah, your parents are so cool! I wish my parents were cool like that. Mine are just homophobic." There was a lot more to Sofia and Tony Corleone than just that, but very few people knew about them. This was very much intentional. They made a face at 'zaza' and 'zeze.' "Yeah, not really digging those ones... Wait. Dom?!" Jack paused to laugh. "Fucking hell. Yes. That's definitely what my future kids are gonna call me." Jack never brought up the topic of kids to Vivian. They were still very early in their relationship and Jack was afraid they were too old to be a parent. It was still a nice thought though. "Yeah. I got back from Paris and she was having a bad day, so I ordered a pizza and we just... talked. Had a real heart-to-heart. I ended up staying the night, and we've basically had an open-door policy with each other ever since. And then the next day I went back into my apartment and found out about the plants."  Jack grabbed a pillow from the couch and lightly smacked Brandon's arm with it. "I know, I know! I'm a big sappy simpy mush. I'm a Cancer, I don't know what you expect from me." It took Jack a long time to accept their emotional side, but now they openly embraced it. "Or he might not know how to recognize flirting. I've met many people like that. Like the cute DJ at that bar where Minjoon used to work. Or Minjoon himself!”

“My parents have a big bank balance and even bigger hearts. That’s why I don’t approve of a lot of their partners but yeah.. As much as I give them shit for being lame, they’re the coolest. I mean, they’re the only reason I’m even.. y’know... Around.” Brandon let out an unattractive snort and sat forward to retrieve his glass, pouting when he realised it was empty but simply sat back instead of refilling it. “Please, I am begging you, think carefully as to why I’d find calling you my dom funny before you commit to that decision.” He pressed his lips together to fight his laugh before he let out a soft hum. “Do you think that’s where you’re headed with her? Is she someone you can see yourself having kids with?” He asked softly, his whole demeanour changing from playful now that they had ventured into serious topics. “You don’t have to say yes and you don’t have to have an answer right now. Things are still new with you both and y’know... Take it from the adopted, some people don’t want kids and some do.” He shrugged a little.

“Ew. You talked to each other over pizza because one of you had a bad day? That’s disgusting.” When hit with the pillow, Brandon grabbed it to tug it away from Jack so they couldn’t attack him again and he hugged it to his chest, propping his chin on it. “I live for that kind of domesticity.” He sighed wistfully. “You are a big simpy mush and I love that about you. It’s gross and honest and just very sweet. I’m really glad you have someone who makes you feel that way, babe.” Brandon  rolled his eyes and gave the pillow a small squeeze. “Vito really doesn’t recognise flirting? The dude wants to be an actor! With a face like that a lot of his roles are probably going to have it. I wanted to ask if he wanted any help getting into it because he was good to Joonie when they worked together and I always appreciate people taking care of the babie but I also feel like I don’t know him well enough to just give him a shout about a job. Eh. Maybe I’ll get Joonie to text him about this perfume thing and actually see what skills he has. Joonbug doesn’t count for the whole flirting thing though, attraction isn’t really his thing.”

"I gotcha," Jack stated, nodding. They had a similar problem when they first started modeling. They loved to spoil their loved ones-- and still do-- and people often took advantage of their generosity. As Jack grew older, they learned how to weed out the moochers. Of course Brandon was never a moocher; he wasn't the type to take without giving, plus he had plenty of his own money. Jack watched for Brandon's reaction, then chuckled in response to his face. "Babe, I know. I was joking. Could you imagine?!" They shrugged at Brandon's question. "Honestly, I have no idea. I think it's too soon to talk about that kinda stuff. I thought I was never gonna become a parent because Sage didn't want kids, but, you know, they're not my fiancé anymore." Sage not wanting kids wasn't the main reason the engagement was broken off, but it was a bone of contention in the relationship.

"Oh hush. One day you'll have a heart-to-heart over pizza too. Well, maybe not because of the whole gluten thing, but some food that you enjoy." They stuck their tongue out at Brandon. "Ohh, that's his name! At least he didn't recognize me flirting with him. Could just be that he wasn't into me because he's straight, but I'm hot so that's dumb." Jack didn't want to have sex with straight dudes anyways, so they didn't consider it a major loss. "Attraction isn't his thing? Is he asexual or something?" they asked curiously. "Wait a minute, you're deflecting!"

[likesomekindofcheese]

Or the One where you pretend to be Engaged (Joe Mazzello x fem! reader oneshot)

Summary: You and Joe fake an engagement to get wedding cake samples

Word Count: 2895

Warnings: some mild swearing, I guess, but pretty mild. Cake and marriage. Kids are mentioned. Shenanigans.

A/N: Hello there @assembledherethevolunteers​! I am your Secret Santa! And this was written in your honor for @yourlocalmusicalprostitute​ Possessed by Love celebration! I hope you enjoy it! Also shout out to actual goddess @joeneslee​ for helping me with ideas when I got writers block!

“Are you ready?” he asks eagerly.

“I don’t know…” you reply, shaking your head.

Both of you sit in the car parked outside of the cake store. It is a small building, painted pastel pink building with a white roof. There is a wide glass window that reads “Let them eat Cake!” in a heart slathered on with white paint. It looks like a Hallmark Valentines Card, but were you ready to enter that place? With Joe?

Joe has always been your friend, and most especially your baseball buddy. The stadium was your safe place with him, not anything flowery or romantic. Both of you would discuss everything under the sun until pipe organs blared out chords when the teams ran on the field. You were used to the ballpark, the sun beating down over the rim of your cap. The taste of hot dogs right on your mouth and both of you eating ice cream cones at the last stretch as bats cracked the balls louder than anything on earth.

“Hmmmm” he would say in a Fake Commenter voice, thick with a nasal accent “numbuh forty-three hit that ball and ooooo he’s going!”

“Uph! He missed it! The ball rolling!” you would throw in, watching the action.

“Ooooo! Too baaad so saaaad!” Joe would continue with the voice.

But even at the stadium, you couldn’t even eat a regular meal with him. He would make silly faces, gulp stuff down, or shove his arms in his shirt as if he was a velociraptor. How on earth would you last through a wedding cake tasting?

“This is a lot for just wanting some desert,” you commented.

“Yes, but it’s free dessert. And how long until we have to pay for every good thing, Y/N?” He argued, smiling fearlessly at the place.

“But, what…it might be wrong…” you advise.

“Ok, what’s the worst that can happen?”

Thinking through, you throw your hands in the air in exasperation.

“Food poisoning,” you say.

“In this kind of store? I doubt it,” he shrugs.

With a deep breath, you go “okay…I’m ready…”

Both of you get out your boxes and place the rings on your left ring finger, but still in the car, where no one can catch you. You said a little prayer for a bit of normalcy. As much as you were hoping for.

The entire store is painted pastel pink and white with flowers on each counter and white cupids all over the walls. Cutesy love songs play on throughout the speaker. As soon as you walk in, a perky young woman with pale skin and a brown ponytail walks up and cheerfully greets in a Disney Princess voice, “Is this the future Mr. and Mrs. Mazzello?!”

“Yes it is!” you say with an equally cheesy smile.

Joe leans down and hugs you from the side as you lightly kiss his cheekbone. When your hand goes up to hold his, you make sure the ring sparkles in the employee’s direction.

“Yes, and we’re thrilled!” he adds.

You pop your hand forward to show and she squeals on cue.

“Wonderful! Let’s get started then! When will your wedding be?” she asks. She pulls up an Ipad from the counter and begins to tap enthusiastically on it.

Joe answers perfectly, “Next April.”

“So a Spring wedding! Are we thinking florals then?” she asks, glancing up.

You nodded “yes…”

As she turned around to take more notes, Joe whips his head to you and says in his smoothest, Streep voice “Florals in Spring?”

“Groundbreaking!” you finished with a repressed laugh.

“A floral cake would look beautiful! Let me get our expert and our baker ready with the flavors today!” she explained.

Zipping around, she leads you into the next room that looks like a small café with plenty of wooden tables and chairs. Already you can smell the chocolate baking in the next room. Sitting you down, she serves you some water from a crystal pitcher and Joe insists he pours your cup.

She keeps grilling you about everything under the sun where you both had to come up with stuff and wound up with the most cliché, cheesy wedding you could think of. Anything that would turn someone away. Not get too much attention.

The girl looks dreamy-eyed at the details of wedding planning. Thinking of one of her own in her daydreams, perhaps. But once the baker- a short, pudgy man with dark hair and glasses with an apron, your breath hitches. Especially since he is already holding a few plates of cake samples.

You feel Joe’s arms wrap around you as he sets the plates down. One plate has a cake with icing, and one has fondant.

“Fondant or Buttercream?” the baker asks.

“Buttercream! Please! Fondant is disgusting!” you insist.

“I need a cake as sweet as my sweetie pie is,” Joe says in a disgustingly saccharine tone. You can’t help but smile.

“What about the design? Simple or ornate?” he asks.

He folds his arms and eyes you over his glasses. You grit your teeth. Both of you begin to say the opposite thing, then Joe blinks, his face is red. Looking over, your eyes widen, and you nod furiously.

“Uh, simple! Simple is better! I’d like something my nieces and nephews can eat!” he requests.

The baker shrugs and confirms. He walks away saying he will get the buttercream samples.

Joe turns to you and rubs his hands together happily.

“This is it, Y/N! Here we go!” he cheers.

The young woman and the baker pop in from the back. Their arms and hands are filled with cake samples of every color and flavor you can think of. Each one is cut into perfectly square pieces as if done by machines. There is a chocolate cake, a vanilla cake, a lemon cake, and a carrot cake. The woman settled her plate down, her white blouse stained with the pink icing, and then hurried back.

The baker handed you several disposable white plastic forks from his apron and pointed to the trash can next to your table.

“Okay, are you ready to dig in?” he asks you.

When you look his eyes are soft, his hair is a little scruffy, and his smile makes your cheeks feel hot.

“I’m ready!” you declare

Joe’s phone goes wild with buzzing as you stab your fork into a vanilla piece.

“Sweetie!” you say, almost through gritted teeth, worriedly looking at his pocket.

Joe turns to his phone and looks at it. Numerous notifications are asking what he was doing and how it was going from…of all places…the band group chats.

“Oh my gosh, they’re all talking,” Joe sighs. The fork goes in and he gets a generous bite of the chocolate sample. But there is so much it gets on his right pointer finger.

He huffs like a kindergartener. He sets his fork down with a bit of a scowl, then his thumb presses the button on his phone, and it goes into Speaker mode.

“Guys, I am just at my fiancé’s cake eating, okay?” he speaks into Siri and sends in an instant.

As he takes a second bite, his brown eyes go wide.

“Oh, my go…. This is incredible!” he exclaims with a mouth full of cake.

The first bite of your lemon sample is moist and yet dense. Sweet enough to perfection. You love it. Right as you plunge your fork into it again you hear Joe’s phone continually buzzing. When he finishes it, he wipes the icing from his finger on the napkin and pulls it up.

“Oh…uh…” Joe spoke, he bit his tongue looking at the line of notifications scrolling down.

It won’t stop buzzing.  And the lights blinking you can’t help but notice as well. Peeking over his shoulder, the band is on fire asking about the engagement.

“Why don’t you turn it off, let’s be in the moment and enjoy this together!” you suggest, touching his forearm.

He nods promptly and turns it off, putting it in his pocket to deal with later. He then stuffs the vanilla whole inside his mouth. He chews, and nods, going “mmmmmmmm!” in approval

“Ohp! I got too much buttercream in mah mouth!” Joe cries. He sips his water, moving his jaw as if it was peanut butter.

“Need me to take care of it, sweetie?” you ask.

You heard the loud whirl of the mixer in the back and the bell right over the door ching with the entrance of another couple

“Anytime, babe.”

You lean over and kiss him, tasting the frosting. His lips are soft, and you can smell his shampoo too. He smiles and goes in for another one with more pressure, with a hand pressing your shoulder. You start giggling.

“Woah! Save some for the wedding night tiger!” you chirrup demurely, pushing him away.

“Anything for you, wifey,” he says, and the pink on his cheeks are impossible not to notice.

But when you look behind you in curiosity your heart picks up at the sight. Your college friend and her fiancée had just walked in.

“Y/N!” she half-screams, “oh my god, you’re engaged! Oh my god!”

She hurries over to you in a loud squuuuuueeeeee and tackles you into a hug. But you’re silent. Not sure what to do or how to react.

“Now we can BOTH have our big day! Ohmygod, I’m so happy for you! Let me see?” he begs.

She points a hand to your left hand and finds the old ring.

“Awwww, it’s beautiful!”

You and Joe share a look, unsure of what to do. His eyes go wide, and you could see a bit of frosting still on his face, getting whiter and whiter until it looked like the buttercream frosting on the plate.

“Ooooo, and who is hee?!” she asked, going over to inspect Joe.

Her fiancée is in the corner, hands in his pockets, and swaying on his toes. Waiting.

“Oh, this is Joe. We are just deciding and trying out wedding cakes.” You answer firmly.

“Oooo! When is the date! I have to go! I just have to see it! I’m gonna cry but it’s gonna be worth it! You deserve nothing but the best, honey! When did you get engaged? I saw nothing on Insta!” she queries, head tilting in light confusion.

Crap, crapcrapcrapcrap you think.

You looked a little to the left at Joe, shrugs with a wide jaw.

“He proposed…at a game. Yesterday.” You say. “But we…we just wanted to get some details right before anything gets public.”

Joe gets up to put an arm around you.

“And my little snuggle bug here is so modest and didn’t want to overshadow anyone on their big day. Wedding Season, you know!” he adds.

Looking up, you give him a small grin and he grins back.

“Ooooo, but it’s your big day too! You should feel special!” she comments,

“We just want to get everything planned….and besides, I’m a local fringe celebrity. And I…I don’t want to get the media too riled up,” Joe responds, moving his free hand for her to be quieter about it.

Her fiancé walks forward, he takes her under his arm, and they lean against each other in a half hug. But he keeps squinting at Joe.

“Wait…I swear I may have seen you before…weren’t you in…uh…” he mumbles, scratching the back of his head.

You turn Joe’s head to the cake samples, eyes darting down to them.

“Hey…I think we have more cakes to taste we need to make decisions, we can talk later!” you say, tugging on his sleeve.

“Yup. Decisions. Big ones.” Joe agrees. Both of you turn your backs to continue.

“Okay, buy Y/N!” your friend says, she gives you a sweet hug and a genuine smile before she goes over to discuss her wedding with the employee at the front desk.

But right as you begin to work on the third sample of rich chocolate, you look up and saw of all things, another friend of yours walking in the café area while tying an apron around his waist.

“Y/N! Oh my god! You’re engaged!” he gasps, letting go of all professional courtesy.

He runs up and hugged you.

“Uhhh, yeah. I am. Surprise!” you shrug.

“Wait, let me help you. I just started working here and I’ve been binging Great British Bake Off for a month, I am a cake expert!” he says.

He plops down uninvited on the chair across from you and Joe, looking at them.

“That one needs to be cream. Not white. Cream. Though adding a few red flowers would be nice. Blue might be pretty, but red is romantic and passionate!” he advises.

As Joe looks down, ready to eat a third sample of chocolate with blue icing he snatches it away.

“Hey!”

“No! Not chocolate!” your friend scowls.

“Oh, come on! Chocolate is the best!” Joe argues, he grabs the plate and pulls it back

“Chocolate gets dry! And this isn’t a birthday or kiddie party, this is a wedding! It needs to be mature and professional with some decoration!” he says. “It needs a refined flavor! I have one I made this morning, let me cut you both a bit!”

He dashes to the back, returning with two samples of a red velvet slice. Once you and Joe eye each other, taking a pensive bite both of you grimace. It tastes more like a stale piece of toast than an actual cake.

You chug down the rest of the water and give him a half-hearted thank you. But right before you can change the subject, he gets out a notepad in his pocket filled with cake designs.

“This one would fit a wedding too…and so would this one…and this one!” he lists, flipping yellow lined pages of tiered cakes full of flowers and swirls. You can feel Joe starting to tap his foot.

“And all in that flavor you just tried!”

Standing up, you smile and shake his hand in thanks.

“Wow! That’s a lot well-I gotta get back on the -uh-juice diet for the wedding dress fitting I’m going to next Friday.”

Joe gets up to hug you from behind. He kisses your cheek and you feel a genuine smile grow on you.

“Not that you need it, honey bear. You’re gorgeous no matter what. You could wear a paper bag on the aisle and I’d still be blown away,” he compliments

“Thank you.”

He pecks your lips, “anytime.”

His ginger head turns toward your friend, gathering leftover plates.

“We’ll consider the designs and if we decide it’s what we want, we’ll call you!” he says, slowly backing away to the door.

Both of you scuffle out without a word and got into the car. As soon as you drive away, far enough to where no one near the store could hear you, you both burst out laughing.

“Oh my god, Joe…we did it! We did that!” you laugh, catching your breath.

Joe nods, his hand crunching part of his hair as he leans back into the car seat. You both park near a coffee shop just to get out and release more laughter. Wiping away tears, he turns on his phone to face the music. It was dinging like mad from the Groupchat and he smiles, amused.

“You won’t believe this…the band’s all amazed and…they’re asking for proof!” he tells you.

“What kind of proof?” you ask, sighing as your breath was slowing to normal.

“Ben says he wants to see a ring and a kiss in one pic.”

“We can ignore him,” you dismiss.

“I dunno…now Gwil wants one…and Rami…and Lucy…and Allen…and everyone…”

Sighing, you say “mmmk, mmmk, just a quick one.”

Looking down, you realize that the ring was still on your finger. You position your phone in the right place, put it on selfie mode, and set a timer.

He’s gonna kiss me again, oh my god, he’s gonna kiss me again, you think almost retreating your head, like a turtle in its shell.

Keeping your outstretched left hand just below your face, you both lean forward. There is a nervous twitch in Joe’s eye, and you hold your breath in place. The camera’s screen flashed “2…1….”

Then you both dive in for the kiss. Your teeth awkwardly touch together with a slight “clang.” Your lips match top to bottom and you can still taste the chocolate cake on him. But your eyes are closed, and your breathing slows. You feel him exhale through his nose. Both of you stay there. You feel your heart go fast with excitement and nervousness, as if this was a fever dream and not what was happening right now.

But you look at each other in the eyes and let go. You realize that the photos had already been taken for a few seconds. The actual kiss was longer. He gives you a sheepish smile at yours. He never looked at you like that before. Not that you had seen. You look back at him.

Now you are sure. There is a tenderness in his expression, and he blushes until he is the color of his hair. He is too.

“Y/N…I…I always thought…”

You went in for another kiss. No photo required.

Taglist: @stardust-killer-queen​ @queenlover05​ @bens-jawline​