#like he caught on fire and jumped overboard and floated off somewhere

[milqueskin]

Dr. Mort my beloved

CW: medical stuff, dismemberment (of dolls), blood

Full name: Mortimer Doulaire (Doulaire sounds like “douleur,” which means “pain” in French)

From a race of doll-people. I’ll make a separate post about them later, but basically, they’re made of stuffing and cloth. They don’t feel pain and are relatively hard to kill, compared to humans.

Weighs like 20 pounds since he is just a human-sized doll (easy to fling around).

Old. He was like 100 when he died (doll-people can't die from old age). He was able to study and practice medicine for a really long time, making him more skilled than any human doctor could be.

French accent (but I don't know if the T in his name is silent or not).

Chose to study human medicine because he’s fascinated by human biology. But in a weird way. He wanted a job that allowed him to dissect people for fun without it being illegal.

He mentored Dr. Heartfelt, and he helped shape his beliefs by being the kind of doctor Heartfelt absolutely DID NOT want to become.

Well-known for his terrible bedside manner. He’s unsympathetic, un-reassuring, non-communicative, and borderline dehumanizing.

People (sort of) tolerate him despite this because he’s a doll-person and he doesn’t fully understand things like pain or what it’s like to be sick. (There’s some truth in this, but he’s smart enough to know better.)

Also because they sometimes don’t have a choice. There’s a shortage of doctors in Candle Cove.

Doesn't care about medical ethics. As long as something sounds exciting and relatively safe, he'll do it. Experimentation is the foundation of science!

He’s known for this. If people want strange and illegal procedures done and are accepting of the risks, they see him.

Seems careless and risky, but he does take the safety of his patients seriously. If a patient dies, that means he’s failed, and he’s too prideful for that.

After he finished medical school, he moved to Candle Cove and opened a clinic.

Because of his extensive experience, he was regarded as the best doctor in the region. Sometimes the other doctors had to refer their patients to him, and they hated it (i.e. needing to condemn their patients to him and his inhumane treatment whenever they had problems too complex for them to fix themselves).

Inevitably got into legal trouble for malpractice. He joined the Tarantula Crew to evade law enforcement.

The rest of the crew didn't know this. I mean, they suspected it, but never asked about it.

Red Mary killed him first, dismembered him, and used his remains (stuffing) as kindling when she burned down the ship.

He’s affable and even kind outside his work. He asks people to call him by his first name. People who’ve never had to see him think he’s a good man.

He’s also fairly polite to his patients, but in a superficial way. Like, he says please and thank you, but it’s like, “PLEASE don’t scream so loudly while I saw off your leg without anesthesia.”

Somewhat prideful. He works for the satisfaction of it and thinks he can do anything (but is he wrong?).

Fears death. He was groveling and everything during the attack (to Mary’s amusement).

His hands and forearms are stained with blood (this is subtle enough to look like it’s just his natural skin color).

Uses his left shoulder as a pincushion for sewing needles. (Dr. Heartfelt does this, too.) (I headcanon him to be a doll-person as well, btw)

Skin-Taker has his button eyes sewn onto his cape somewhere.

Or, alternatively, Red Mary made earrings out of them.

[imaginepirates]

Sparrow x Mermaid!Reader

For @anaberu-chan18. A drabble about an innocent mermaid and Jack, who is much less so. Mostly, she's ignorant to human customs and culture, and Jack has to teach her a few things...

2200 words

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ship cast a long shadow in the water, its wake disrupting the placid sea. You swam a little ways behind it, following it to avoid predators. Sharks and other large creatures swam far beneath ships. The hulking man-made monstrosities scared marine life. More often than not, humans hunted what lie beneath the waves. It angered you how entitled they felt to the world and everything in it.

Your long tail flicked through the water, shimmering in the tropical light. The warm waters of the Caribbean were your favorite; you had a variety of options for food, and the waters around the islands were a much more comfortable temperature than the open ocean. You were hoping to make it to the quiet cove of a nice island where you wouldn't be bothered.

Quite suddenly, something fell into the water ahead. Floating on the surface, you realized it was a person as it thrashed about and began to swim. Interestingly, they didn't try to climb back on the ship. Instead, they swam away from it, and you could hear watery shouts from above. The person was frantically trying to get away from the ship.

You hadn't seen such a thing before. You'd watched men go overboard in storms, or in battle, and you'd done your best to help such men. Watching the swimmer, you didn't know what to do. It was clear they didn't want to be on the ship, though you couldn't fathom why.

A lifeboat fell into the water, and you could tell that people were jumping into it. Oars dipped into the water. The boat would rapidly gain on the swimmer, and he had no hope of escape.

You felt badly for the man; a little guilty, in fact, that you were just watching. Tentatively, you swam up towards the action. The last thing you wanted was to be seen, but you couldn't just let the man be caught. Your sense of urgency increased as gunshots peppered the water.

You swam up under the lifeboat, tipping it so sailors spilled out into the water. They didn't see you as you dove down to to escape their notice. They floundered in the waves, trying to right the boat. At least you'd done that much, and you'd gotten their gunpowder wet.

You didn't dare look above the waves. You followed the swimmer, gliding along far beneath him. It never ceased to amaze you how slow humans were. On land, they were a menace, but they swam about as well as rocks. You hardly had to move your tail to keep pace. Lazily, you flipped upside down and watched the man's struggle.

The ship had begun to turn, which concerned you. Why were they so intent on catching the man? Why not just let him go? It wasn't as if he'd survive long in the ocean.

The ship, you noticed, had very little intent of stopping. The hull was getting dangerously close, and you would have to dive to escape the rough barnacles that decorated the wood. They could tear a mermaid to shreds.

You paused, thinking of the poor boy above you. He likely wouldn't get out of the way in time, and he'd be crushed by the ship. You shuddered, and then thought of the sharks his blood would attract.

You swam up to him, though he couldn't see you, and grabbed him by the shirt. Quickly, you jerked him under the water, spiraling down to avoid the oncoming ship. He began struggling half way down. When you got a safe distance away from the hull, you stopped swimming, and he tore himself from your grip.

He tried swimming up, but you pulled him back. Finally, he opened his eyes to look at you. They went wide, and when he began to struggle again, you shook your head.

You planned to let the ship pass before doing anything, but the boy was clawing at his throat. He was older than you, you noticed, but not by much. You vaguely remembered that humans needed air- another one of their shortcomings- and you pressed your lips against his to give him air. He seemed surprised, but grew less agitated after you'd done it a few times.

By then, the ship had passed on, and you dragged the boy to the surface. He began gasping once his head broke the water, and his messy hair was plastered to his face. He looked about, eyes blinking to get the water out of them. Whatever dark makeup had been around his eyes was smudged, and he looked about in a frightened manner.

When he saw you, he swam back a little. He turned, and you peeked around him to see the island he was staring at. It was too far away for him to swim to without drowning.

Gently, you put a hand on his arm and pointed towards the land. He was startled, but quickly relaxed and nodded.

"You want to go there?" You asked.

He looked surprised, but said, "Yes." His voice was strange to your ears, with the harsh accent of human tongues.

"I can swim you there if you like. You'll never make it."

He looked out again at the hazy island and the many miles of water between him and land. "Alright. If you promise you won't eat me."

You laughed. "I don't like human. It stinks." It was true; humans smelt odd, like something completely alien. Then again, so did everything from above the surface.

"Good," he said.

You let him wrap his arms around your neck, and you did your best to balance him on your back. He slipped off a few times during the journey, but that was to be expected. The feeling of his body pressed against yours was something foreign, and it sent little sparks through your skin.

You were tired by the time you reached the island. You weren't used to carrying things when swimming. You found a rock shelf for the man to pull himself onto, and you could float just beneath it.

"Thank you," he grumbled. Once onshore, he stood and began to walk off.

It was a little offensive. The man didn't seem thankful at all. You pulled yourself up onto the rock with your arms, but he didn't so much as turn around.

Dejected, you swam around to a cove. There, you sat sunning yourself on a rock, rather displeased with the man's behavior. He hadn't even said his name! Perhaps that was how humans were, you thought. What he hoped to accomplish on an uninhabited island in the middle of nowhere you didn't know.

After a while spent moping, you went in search of fruit. You'd let your tail dry on the rocks, and it had turned to legs. You'd always been fascinated by them; they were unnatural feeling and odd to look at. You were unsteady when you first stood, but your balance improved as you walked further.

You were picking fruit from a tree when you heard a rustling in the undergrowth. It wasn't like that of an animal; it was too loud and clumsy. Some cursing accompanied it.

The man stepped out from the trees and promptly stopped walking. He stated at you a moment before turning around. He didn't walk away, but he refused to look at you.

"I'm sorry if I scared you," you ventured. He made you wonder if you were so awful to look at.

"You didn't scare me. I forgot mermaids could walk on land."

"Is-is there a reason you won't look at me?"

The man cleared his throat. "You're naked, that's why."

"What's wrong with that?"

He made a slight choking sound before speaking. "I'm used to women being clothed." He turned slowly. "Not that I particularly mind."

A flush crept into your cheeks. Humans were such different creatures, covering themselves with strange fabrics. You'd never understand why they didn't go about naturally like everything else did. "Oh. Okay." There was an awkward silence, and you resumed picking your fruit.

"Have you been to this island before?" He asked.

"A few times."

"Do ships pass by here often?"

"Not really."

He cursed again. "Are there at least some caves?"

"I don't know." You turned to him. "Do humans give each other names?" You asked.

"Yes."

"What's yours?"

He looked offended. "I'm Jack Sparrow."

"I'm Y/N. Why were you trying to get away from that ship?"

His nose twitched. "You're full of questions, aren't you?"

"I'm sorry," you swallowed.

He sighed. "Don't worry about it. I was a prisoner. It was a naval ship."

You'd heard bad things about the navy, like how they drowned and hung people as punishment. "That sounds awful."

"It was."

"Why were you their prisoner?"

"I'm a pirate."

You'd heard bad things about pirates, too. "Oh." You couldn't think of much to say.

He changed the subject. "If I'm going to be stuck on this island, I might as well get something to eat."

You offered him some fruit, which he took. "You'll need more than that," you said. "Oh! And won't you need somewhere to sleep?"

He hummed his agreement. "I need a fire."

"Fire?" You asked. You hadn't seen fire before, though you'd heard of it.

He looked at you strangely but made no comment. Instead, he handed you a sash he wore about his waist. "Wear this," he instructed.

You did so, tying it around your hips. Then, you followed him as he gathered materials. He didn't speak, like he was trying to ignore you.

He walked out towards the cove, dragging sticks with him. At the treeline, he began by setting a long branch in the branches of two trees. He leaned others against it, making a sort of wall out of sticks. They sat against the branch and the ground, and he repeated the process on the other side. The final product was what you could only assume was some sort of triangular dwelling. He covered it in mud and leaves, filling the gaps between branches.

Then, he gathered more wood, and set it on the sand. He put dry leaves under it with small branches. He took something out of his pocket, and stuck it together with something else. There was a spark, and something glowed in the wood. You watched in awe as a flame flickered and ate up the wood.

"Is that fire?" You asked.

"Yes."

You tried touching it, but he caught your hand with his calloused one. "Don't. It'll burn you, and it hurts."

"Oh. But it's so pretty."

"Pretty things are often dangerous."

You didn't know what he meant, but there was something in his eye as he looked at you.  

"Would you like some fish?" You asked. You wanted to make yourself useful, but you didn't particularly know how."

"That would be wonderful." For saying such, he wasn't in a good mood.

You went out and caught a variety, trying to think of what he might like. You reflected on the fact that he probably didn't like being stuck on an island. It made you sad. You didn't get the company of others often, and you desperately wanted to enjoy it.

When you returned, the fire was much larger. You offered him some fish, preferring to stay in the water now that your tail was back. Besides, you'd found a nice spot to sleep, and you didn't think he wanted you around much longer.

He put the fish on a stick and held it up to the fire. You didn't understand why, and watched as the fish changed from their bright colors to brown. You watched for a while before turning to slip away.

Apparently, Jack noticed, and he called out to you. "Where are you going?"

"To sleep."

"Stay a while. Fish?" He held out the stick.

You tentatively took a hot fish from it. You bit into it; it was awful. "I think I'll stick with my own." You smiled apologetically.

"More for me." He took a greedy bite. "So you eat fish and fruit, but not people."

"Did you think I was going to eat you? Earlier, I mean."

"About when you leaned in to kiss me, yes."

"Kiss?" You asked.

"Ah- when you gave me air."

"Oh. Sorry."

"No, no, I'm glad you did. I'm not intent on dying."

You laughed, and he offered you something from a metal container. It was a dark liquid, and you took a sip. It sent a pleasant warmth through your body, and a burning sensation down your throat. "What's a kiss?"

Jack looked startled. "You don't know what a kiss is?"

You shook your head.

"It's a gesture of affection."

"And you use your mouth?"

"Y-yes."

"Like you're eating each other?" You were confused.

"No! No."

"I don't understand." You fiddled with your hair. "Would you kiss me? So I know what you mean."

Jack hesitated before wading out into the water. He put a hand on the back of your head, and your heart began to speed up. Gently, he pressed his lips to yours, moving them in a most pleasing manner.

You let him end the kiss. "Oh," you whispered.

He laughed, but it was breathy and hoarse. "Do you understand now?"

"Yes," you breathed. Cautiously, you kissed him back.

"It seems you're an avid learner," he whispered.

You smiled against his lips. "You're a good teacher."

[eligos-venator]

Guilty or Innocent: Eligos Venator

Asked someone to marry you?

“Guilty. You’d be hard pressed to find someone who wasn’t a romantic at some stage in life. Even someone like myself has done that, once upon a time.”

Kissed one of your friends?

“See, because of the wording, I have to say ‘innocent’. I don’t have friends, friend. I have clients.”

Danced on a table in a bar / tavern?

“Yes. And yes, it cost an exorbitant amount of gil for that client.”

Ever told a lie?

“Truth and lies are so easily exchanged for one another. Truth can be used to forge a lie, and a lie can lead to a truth. I’ve told plenty of lies, and I’ll tell many more. Honesty? That’s what I get paid for. But even in honesty, one can deceive through omitting inconvenient truths.”

Had feelings for someone you can’t have?

“That’d require caring enough to have such feelings. I find that to be a waste of both energy and time.”

Ever kissed someone of the same sex?

“Once. I got paid. No, it wasn’t worth the gil.”

Kissed a picture?

“Why would I do that?” The man asked, raising a brow. “That’s rather sad.”

Slept until 5pm?

“Context is required. I’ve pulled all nighters and then slept from afternoon till supper, many times before. But simply falling asleep at a normal hour and not waking till evening the next day? Never. I don’t allow myself to, as I’ve too much work to deal with, and limited hours in any day to get it done.”

Worked at a fast food chain / restaurant

“We all start somewhere. Me, I had to pick myself back up somehow after hitting rock bottom. The skills I had spent years learning at the academy were too identifying for me to be able to sell them, and I didn’t have a gil to my name. I managed to somehow get a job at a quiet restaurant, and worked my way up from busboy to server, to bartender, in the span of a year. Management could tell I was eager to learn and take on every role I could, and the additional roles I took on paid for the equipment needed to start out as a mercenary, and truly start rebuilding my life.”

Stolen something?

“Guilty. I cannot detail as to what because frankly I do not recall. I’ve committed many a crime, but to put effort into remembering them all is a waste of effort. It’s just a paycheck. And sometimes laws must be broken in order to get it.”

Been fired from a job?

“Plenty of times.” Eligos grinned at this. “There’s always someone who thinks lowly of freelancers like myself, and will try to fire them after the work’s done in order to avoid paying for services rendered. There’s even more that try to ask for the impossible in order to claim breach of contract so they can fire you. My advice to fellow mercenaries is to have a good contract, and to make sure to collect something that you might be able to use to, ah, ‘encourage’ them to keep to their word. It won’t earn you any friendship or build camaraderie with your employer, but going hungry won’t help you either. Better to ensure you are able to eat than worry about what your employer’s personal view is of you.”

Done something you regret?

“We all have regrets in life. I try to lead a life without regret, but that doesn’t mean that I haven’t stumbled before and thought back on those choices made. Hindsight is perfect, as they say, and to beat ourselves up over the past accomplishes nothing. It’s better to focus on the future.”

Laughed until something you were drinking came out of your nose?

“That sounds painful. No.”

Caught a snowflake on your tongue?

“If so, I don’t recall. I may well have when young, but after a while, it becomes the same as any other weather phenomenon and is something you adapt to, rather than enjoy.”

Sat on a roof top?

“They’re not the best spot to snipe from, but in crowded areas they’re sometimes the only high ground you can use to get a clear shot.”

Kissed someone you shouldn’t have?

“Shouldn’t have, how?” He asked as his brow raised. “If we’re talking about morals, perhaps so, but my paycheck isn’t decided by my personal ethics. I’m paid to do what I’m told, regardless of consequences and morality.”

Sang in the shower?

“Does humming count? If so, then yes. I can’t say I’m much of a singer, but I’ve a few songs I enjoy greatly, like any other person.”

Been pushed into a body of water with all your clothes on?

“I’ve been tossed overboard while still wearing full armor before. I highly recommend always keeping a grappling hook and line on you when out on the ocean, in case you’re either knocked overboard during a storm, or if your crewmates think it’d be funny to see if you can float in your gear.”

Shaved your head?

“No.” Was the immediate, flat, and unamused reply as the man crossed his arms and yellow eyes stared with clear displeasure at the thought of being bald. “I keep my hair short for convenience. But I don’t keep it that short.”

Made a boyfriend / girlfriend cry?

“Probably. Yes. I anger quite a few people. I’ve upset even more. I’ve made mistakes and have made a few people important to me upset before as well. But the biggest mistake is to let that lie and not handle it. If a mistake is made, it’s best to act immediately to try to resolve the matter. It won’t change the tears spilled, but it will help keep more from falling, in both present and future.”

Shot a gun?

“It’s a part of my job description, half the time. I am partial to utilizing a gun to take targets down at a range. It minimizes the risk to myself.”

Still loved someone you shouldn’t?

“I don’t even know if I’m capable of that emotion. I don’t see how I could still love someone I shouldn’t without having the capacity to love in the first place.”

Have / had a tattoo?

“I’m adverse to identifying marks on my own person, given they can be used to pick me out of a lineup if seen. Someday, maybe, I’ll get one. I wouldn’t mind having one, really. But given my job, it’s a bad idea for me to cave to that temptation.”

Liked someone, but will never tell who?

“If I did, you’d never know.”

Been too honest?

“I say it as I see it. If people have a problem with that, they’re welcome to take their issues with them and jump off a bridge, for all I care.” 

Ruined a surprise?

“I ruin many things. Surprises have been one of those that I’ve ruined, yes.”

Been told that you’re beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said?

“No.” That was all he had to say as he crossed his arms, his lips tugged down in a frown as he made a small shooing motion with his left hand to indicate that he wanted the next question to be asked already.

Stalked someone?

“For business purposes. So yes. I’m unable to divulge details, due to the contract signed. What I can say is that it’s not something I particularly enjoy. But a job is a job.”

Thought about murder?

“Frequently. My job often entails applying lethal force against targets. It’s natural I have to think abut it and plan ahead accordingly.”

How about mass murder?

“While I don’t find the idea of murdering a population of people appetizing, I work under the assumption that I’ll need to be armed enough to, at minimum, take out twice the number of targets I’m sent in for. No battle plan ever survives first contact with the enemy, and if you aren’t prepared to adapt to the situation, you’ll find yourself in over your head. I always make sure I’ve enough equipment to take care of both enemy and ally should the situation unfold unfavorably.”

Cheated on someone?

“I am very strict when it comes to contracts made. I don’t break the terms unless my own are broken first. This includes relationships. I have never cheated, nor do I have the slightest of reasons to consider such.”

Gotten so angry that you cried?

“Not at all. I don’t get angry. That’s a waste of energy and time. I get even.” 

Tried to stay away from someone for their own good?

“No. Why would I care about what’s good for someone else? People won’t spare a second thought about you and what’s good for you. They’ll take what they need. It’s on your own head if you can’t do the same for fear of consequences for another.”

Thoughts about suicide?

”In the past, I considered it frequently. Looking the part of half-breed is rough on any, but especially so when you grow up in a society raised to be intolerant of others not like them. But I’ve learned since then and grown, and no longer consider such an option.”

Had a girlfriend / boyfriend?

” Girlfriend, yes. I’ve had a few relationships. But I’m very content with my life as it is now.”

Gotten totally drunk during a holiday?

“I drink, but not to excess. Even on holidays I would rather keep my wits about me than let myself be overly influenced by beverage.”

Tagged by: @tiwahra-ffxiv @ivyffxiv [Thank you for the tags!]

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