#like hashtag itsnotthatdeep

[lacnunga]

Amyway it's my birthday and I'm depressed about it as always

[dahniwitchoflight]

How would inversion work with a Knight of Void if according to your description, they fear that their actions are meaningless and if inversion usually happens when one thinks what they can do is worthless?

inversion is about self esteem, how you view yourself, and a Knight of Void is not somebody who thinks “i have useless powers” , thats a misreading of their class

Knights as a class don’t believe they can’t do anything, or that their powers are worthless, they just believe that what they can do is good, but isn’t good enough, it never reaches their self imposed standard of perfection, they can be amazing at what they do, but if they only got 99% instead of 100% they push themselves further to try harder, they *need* that 100%

but thats a different beast entirely than flopping on the floor and giving up and not even trying because you think your a worthless pile of crap, that’s inversion, that’s having such low self esteem that you don’t even wanna try

also, being without meaning and being without worth are different

and a Knight of Void wouldn’t be afraid that their actions don’t have enough meaning, that would be a Knight of Light worried about that

a Knight of Void would be worried about notability and stealth, as in they think they are noticed too much, people know them too much and they arent hiding what they do well enough so to speak, theyd be worried about having too much notoriety/attention, theyd be worried, hey I dont want my actions to be this grand gesture filled with meaning and importance that people are gonna stand in awe and wanna track me down and build statues of me, I wanna do good deeds like how they should be done, in secret, or my actions don’t have to be filled with symbolism and grand gestures in order to be worth it for me to do, sometimes a tattoo is just a pretty picture hashtag #ItsNotThatDeep

meaningless when it’s ascribed to the Void aspect is used in the sense of “without meaning” without a deep symbolic importance, without the grand ceremony filled with important objects done in an important way where one misstep ruines everything, that kind of “meaning” Light loves that shit, Void doesn’t give a shit

[spinelsoul]

What’s up I took a day off and it’s 1am so im on mobile so enjoy having No Readmore. Ergo: time for introspection self reflection extravaganza I’ll probably delete later if I don’t forget (I will but. Yknow)

I watched nail videos most of today and then attempted to paint my own with likr. Super basic single colour polish. It was less of a failure than usual.

I’m way more okay with being a fuck up at nails than make up. Like make up is so hit and miss for me. I’ve gotten it professionally done and I just. I get physically sick. I get disproportionately upset to what is very basic unassuming natural make up on my face. I occasionally will put some on and then leave the house and think it’s okay as long as I don’t spend more than the time it takes to put on liner aka: 70 seconds or less. But I will always, always come back and hate it, hate myself, feel awful and I don’t really know why. I used to wear it a lot in… God, grade 7, 8, intermittently through high school.

I love make up as a concept. I seem to think I’d like me with make up, I think it looks stunning on other people. But whether I do it myself or get someone to do it, I get weirded out and feel wrong. It’s not a case of doing it badly and needing to get better perse. I look wrong.

It’s the same with skirts and shorts that come too far above the knee, I get upset. I might weigh a fair bit but. I’m fine with me being lumpy in jeans (mostly). I was 120 soaking wet at 19 and could wear literally anyrhing according to fashion everywhere and I hated how I looked leagues more than I do now. I’m generally fine with me. Not ecstatic but absolutely not what I was.aybe I’m reading too far into it and just find those fashions uncomfortable because I’d still describe myself as a generally modest individual in terms of clothing.

Dresses look so amazing, I love them, but they feel Bad. I feel bad in them. Like insides going twisty and sick and not leave the house kind if bad. I look at pictures of myself in my prom dress and feel so violently disconnected from that person and I dont know why. I mean maybe because I used to have way more hair. I never used to be like this.

Like. I’ve always cared about what people think so it can’t be that. What did I fuck up. Is this some deep seated denial of self hatred I adopted to get through college. It’s probably over analyzing. That’s my special power. Hashtag ItsNotThatDeep Ah geeze. Ah beans.