#like goddd i hate work i hate jobs i NEED the money but im so bad at lying abt having any talent whatsoever
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still havent applied for any jobs in many many weeks đ€ą i need the money but jfc im scared shitless of all jobs but esp ones knowing i have to be social and smiling comtinuously nd deal w unexpected questions and irregular working schedules but those r still by far the most accessible jobs contrary to stuff tht requires 10 yrs of working experience or different skills tht im even less confident in or are above minimum wage which i just Do Not Trust the job descriptions for
#working in a shop is prob the most logical thing to go for but god i have such bad experience w two shops before#i shouldve told them im autistic but i know that wont get you hired#rambles#just. it seems like u either have to be super social nd Flexible nd smiling all the time nd deal w sudden things#or have done a more useful study (useful in a capitalist system at least) than super specific ones tht are p much liberal arts#like goddd i hate work i hate jobs i NEED the money but im so bad at lying abt having any talent whatsoever#everyone telling me 'but you can draw and youre smart' please stop please#i dont want to do anything w drawing rn its so uncertain nd w the way i draw all detailed its not smth you can make a job out if here#its rly not what the market here wants nd online i ont reach many ppl either! not to mention im barely drawing after i quit art school early#nd yes technically im smart but i have 0 focus / concentration nd no memory of almost everything ive learned#whats the use of being 'intelligent' when ppl who are considered less smart can remember nd focus nd read much better bd faster#i have a very limited vocabulary bc im just not very social nor read books so i cant write either#i know the key to getting a job is lying abt everything and hopefully get hired and then actually learn skills#god but im also really bad at learning practical things bc ppl do them so fast or not at all nd expect u to figure it out#im so sick and tired of my bullshit!!! i only whine nd cry all the time abt having to find a job instead of apply for them!!#like bitch i still have a shitton if privilege w a dutch last name on my resume nd being fluent in dutch nd having studied#at the same time whatever ill look for requires like (v)mbo level education in the job description#so it should be even easier to grt a job#i just DONT KNOW HOW TO LIE ABT HAVING ALL THESE SKILLS OR WANTING TO WORK#i hate this i hate this im so so done w me
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2019 overview.
this year.. was fucking two years in one. also a little late again but whatever. this is going to be long as FUCK.Â
started 2019 in dubai
spent the first couple of days in Dubai on the beach
YOOO AS AM WRITING THAT IT FEELS SO FUCKING LONG AGO HOLLYY SHITT
went to London and just fucked around dt and chinatown lost that damn snake ring fml
I got drunk eating dumplings watching Jeffrey star in that bed LMFAOOOYOO LMFAOOOOOEGJEORIGHSREUG
got back to Ottawa and it was straight GRIND from the get go
back to my last semester of uniÂ
back to club m (omg.. I miss:( kinda lol)
started that govt job
back to social media marketing for Dubai
3 jobs + school basically
did that dumbass STUPID FUCKING govt job all the way in quebec that I woke up for and travelled for everydayÂ
would go straight to gym, work again, or school fml
wasn't entirely bad I kinda needed it cuz I applied to a million jobs during that time and did school work LMAO also printed a lot of important shit and got paid so whatever
CAME TO TORONTO IN MARCH W TRAND OMG I FORGOT THAT WAS 2019
SAW VINCE STAPLES!!
AND The fortune teller who like prophisized all this shit godddddÂ
iconic if I must say
little did I know...
I miss movati fml lol
working at club Monaco omg ugh they gave me life honestly
fun times w trang cc precious Courtney mich JACK Amanda Raman donia even tho she annoying lol and whoever else I worked w jana jil Daria honestly I just miss Courtney LMFAO uhh jenn was cool tooÂ
I'm never going to forget that place I swear to god I have so much loyalty and pride for my memories for that place im never going to take my experience there for
chilling with avid Vinny and like Alex a bit LMAO he would randomly ask to chill it was weird
that Chinese dinner and chat time thing in his car WHAT WAS THATTT
chilling like a scrub a cu with hector and that crew goddLMAO
avin vin rideau gang
visiting avid at nordstorm the Rui girl and Herman lol he was sofunny
MY BODY IS FOR ME NOT THESE BITCHES LMFAOOÂ
last class with strangle omg he was iconic honestlyÂ
trang pargol fidede zainab mannnn honestly shoutout old Ottawa friendsÂ
xinyii!! and jelly!! my last times with them
I miss Xinyi so much :( im so happy I got to see her before leaving she was so nice I wish her so much successÂ
remember working those last shifts at cm like.. yo I feel like things are going to change and my days are numbered.. I feel it.Â
did interview after interview, applying EVERYDAY to escapeÂ
the amount of focusing I did on applying around feb and April like I was just focused on working and getting out of there
did two interviews in like 2 hours always on the go always moving always workingÂ
and then like clockwork.. at the govt job.. went to the bathroom knew? to bring my phone with me.. and then right when I left I got a call from mk went into that empty conference room and got the offer. cried. accepted. life changing
I honestly just left that place... went to cm and just.. resigned... put my two weeks in...
and it happened literally in my last week of the govt job..
like fateÂ
immediately went home told cc precious famÂ
fam weren't happyÂ
BUT I FINALLY ESCAPED!!!! LOOKING BACK ON THIS BLOG AND EVERYTHING I FINALLY F I N A L L Y GOT OUT OF THERE THE BITCH ASS CURSED SHIT CITY NEVER GOING BACKEGIUEHGEIRUGHÂ
shout out precious for helping me honestly he helped so muchÂ
found my place through hmida who held it down
that whole condo scenario LOL godddd my landlord a HOE
met zgy gvy at precious while I crashed a night
THE MILLIONS OF RIDESHARESSS GOODDDDDD
remember the one I took last minute from Yorkdale LMAO that one wasn't bad honestly I slept good
moving my things packaging them up. like yo.. lol
bringing the boxes from shoppers godddd LOLÂ
finally landed in Toronto with my place
waiting outside for 5 hours for my damn keys crazy with my suitcase lol...Â
THEN FINALLY GOT TO MY FIRST PLACE!! MY FIRST RENTAL CONDO ALL ON MY OWN NO ROOMATES JUST ME
unpacking my things
like just finally having my own place mannn that was my dream for such a long ass time
getting around dt a bit getting used to tdot...Â
crazy excitingÂ
then... 3 days in..
...
met that bitch that fucked me upÂ
met everything I ever wanted in a person? physically and interest wise and yet?
nothing?Â
SO CONFUSED I MET SOMEONE WITH EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I WANTED
first hookup? lost v?Â
new city new job new life new home lost v new everything
in 3 days.Â
my life crazy..
spent the whole time like until October till low-key NOW just thinking about it bitterlyÂ
my feelings up and down I was drowning in obsession and confusion
I know I fucked it up but it was fucked up since the beginning
shook everything about what I thought I wanted in gl or a person
standards are definitely raised and all men trash and hoes Idgaf
I feel nothing towards nobody
my whole mind switched to money and power.Â
gl I love you but you're not here and we got a lot growing to do so imma see ya ass in a couple of yearsÂ
anyways started working at mk!!! craziest 3 month probation thing I hadÂ
HOWWW DID I DOOOO ITTTTTTTÂ
met so much people... holy shit.. zgy,gvy,hailey,gab,aisha,priya,rach,lisa,alex,DANIA, goddddd
clubbing.. mon., thurs... weekenddd... wake up... 8:30 work
how did I do it.... fuck lol
met a lot of hoes.. fucked with Sunday once more before he died bye bitch ass hoe.. Leo, sleeve, uhhh that's it I think actually
CABANNNAAAA
OMG I SAW SEAN PAUL LIVE ICONICC YOO THIS FUCKING YEAR LMFAOOOOO
omg YEAH I SAW NCT IN MY FIRST WEEK OF TO WITH PARGOL LMFAOOO YOOOOO
damn this year was crazy I keep forgetting shit
all the weird ass ppl I met at cabana omg the humber guy YOO THE ASIAN GUY WITH MY KEYS LMFAOOO ZGY FUCKLMFGIESH
omg tsf lmao and like yeah all the clubbing ppl in to fuckÂ
half and half like didnnt know if I liked it or not but it was crazy
still think about that Frans night the damn milkshake and food omggg
just spent summer exploring to trinity Bellwoods ossington like summer stories clubbing stories
managing my double life lol
SPIDERMAN OBSESSION LMAOOOO TO DISTRACT MY MIND FROM THAT BITCH ASS HOE LMFAOOFREJGIEURHSTESUIH THEN I FOUND OUT HE HAS A WHOLE WIFE AND BABY YOOO LMFAOOO
good distraction made work fun when I needed it during my last months of probation LMAO
omg going home during lunch and then back to work ICONIC
leaving the girls at my place and coming back for lunch LMAOOO god really iconic honestly showering and going back to work sleeping hoeing all that LMFAOÂ
omg the time I left Leo at my place YOO LMAO
still have that expensive ass sweater LMFAO WAT A SIMP
those drunk texts he sent Me in august and I punked him off LMFAOO đ©đ
men trashÂ
darren Chris rob goddd all those damn ppl I met the one guy who saved me during that blacTHE BLACKOUT CABANNA NIGHT GOD THAT WAS A MESS LMAO TITTIES OUT EVERYTHING but yeah he was low key useless I forget his name highboy but whatever
YOOO THAT GIRLS TITTIES I SLEPT ON NGEIRGHEUHUE ICONIC
I got catfishes twice đ© the change bitch and the John bitch airehguerihserh FUCKKK LMFAO
AND THEN THE CHANG BITCH WAS TRYNA SAY OH U JSUT LOOK TO ARAB THATS WHY WE HAVNET TALKED AGAINL IKE BITCHHHHH FIRST OF ALL UR A WHOLE CATFISHFHERGUERBKSHETERU AHERUIGESRUYR LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOÂ
and then I catfish Sunday to punk him off for revenge and call him a thot and thought he was talking about me for catfish when it was just about another bitch he was hoeing with cuz he a hoe.. Jesus my life wild
SO MUCH SHIT THIS SUMMER UHERGHSREG
gained weight fml I don't even wanna mention it iDONT WANNA TALK
even if it is muscle I dDONT WANNT TALK ABOUT IT
the cabana pool jump... godd... walking home drunkregiuhersguhe fucKÂ
summer was crazy
nada and mama coming wow that was annoying I rlly can't do family even though I love them
getting high swimming the catfish racing munchies arguing with Alex LMAOÂ
eating out with Dania gab Lisa the normal ppl I met lool
a lot of stress of money and where I want to go I was in a hella rush idk why I think everything happening so fast made me not want to slow down at all but im finally slowing downÂ
priya end of the year rebel tiff stuffÂ
basically drowning in depress and regret around the end of summer cuz everything calmed down and I had the time to think and reflect about everything and yeah.. got super depressed
that bitch cc and her bullshit yo just fucking go bye
notice how there's like no memories with her like yeah there was but they were just annoying cuz she was annoying highkey
thanks for bringing my shit from Ottawa tho dumbass LOL eat a dick
THE HOT TUBBBB SUMMERSSS AND SUMMER NIGHTSÂ
omg all my emo ass walks at night to the port and water and trillium park in the morning aiohreughresehre writing with my journal god that was actually nice thoÂ
super peaceful so happy to live near the water highkey
always in between losing myself who am I what do I do now who am I like did I lost myself did I ever have myself
major existential crisis
how did I survive work godÂ
musicmusiscmusicccc
moviesmovesmoves
readreadread
actually I had a lot of night walking home from the club sad
omg remember the ovo guy fucking loser liarÂ
as usualllllÂ
RECORDRESCORSDCRECORDDSSS SO MANY TDOT IS PERFECTT
ugh what else fuck too much shit happened OH YEAH
my birthday with the girls and the bbq!! the cake!! omg so nice :((( so funny lol
that weirdo ass man that I still see in the gym sometimes god help me lolÂ
passing my probation!!!! and then like finally fitting in and feeling apart of mk and the âfamilyâ lol
CLARK KENT AND SCOTTISH MANS MAKING MY LIFE EVRYDAYYYYYugh love them
got a moomin from Scottish mans đ„ș love him
anyways got depressed drowning in obsession.. nothing surprising there đÂ
got high and drunk like bottom of the barrel...Â
right before pargol came LMAOÂ
oh yeah I went to Ottawa because yo I was going out of my mind about losing myself.. needed to go BACK to the place I hated to find myself
went back and it was like??? everything was the same.. still saw vin and avid and Herman at Rideau still had bbt with themÂ
still fucking around hector and that whole crew had Ivan his girl moe.. ribal..Kyle YO lol that weird ass club experience AS USUAL Ottawa clubs trash god
apple picking same year in a row wit z <3 and hamza and fams lol
saw the kids and got to be stupid again looolÂ
anyways came back to my actual life
like it just felt weird knowing that the place I had all my memories and experiences in like.. felt nothing
even the forest felt weird like I didn't need to be there anymore?
as much as tried to drown myself in obsession and my past and bad habits.. I couldn't?
im being forced to move forward and learned Sunday was the last experience it was just eye opening
after the emotional shit I sat down again and had a whole purgingÂ
I never felt that bad and horrible and drowned in obsession since raglan..
like.. deleted the hidden pictures... the feeling.. like I've done this before...
that was the final straw..
you think its over just because I am dead but its not over..the games just begun.
never again.Â
anyways I met Aisha!!! love her vibe with her heavy
introduceed me to the sugar shit YOOOO LMFAOOO
THEN WE STARTING PIMPIN AND MAKING EXTRA MONEY
NO MORE MONEY STRUGGLEÂ
GOT FUCKED OVER HEART TURNED COLD NOW WE FOCUSING ON MONEY CAREER POWER PLAYING THESE HOES FOR THEY MONEY AND RECLAIMING MYSELFÂ
weird ass fucking people but get the money and goÂ
stack up crazy and saving up this past few monthsÂ
and just chilling w friends and therapy sessions
scheming and planning for the future
therapy sessions
got close with Lisa
oh yeah BOLO!! UGH BEST GYM
ALSO OMG I FORGOT I SAW BROCKHAMPTON AGAIN!!! AND SOMEHOW GOT TO THE BARRIER AND LITERALLY HAD SO MUCH INTERACTION WITH KEVIN LIKE SINGING TOGETHER AND THEN HE CAME DOWN SAID I GOTCHU AND TOOK TWO PICS WITH ME FUCKGIERGEIUTHSEUH THAT WAS INSANEEE MY LIFE WILDDDDÂ
iconic holiday party and New Years with again like random weird ppl and my girls exemplifying how wild and fresh the whole experience of this year wasÂ
at least I be waking up warm and clean in MY PLACEby myself with no bullshitÂ
just like.. got a new place new job new city basically live the life I always wanted? reading movies? new friends no problems? wtf how my life change so quick
new interesting experiences
getting drunk high dancing at my place out in these streets just meeting bare people all these new people and experiences holy shit...Â
and like yeah im not where I want to be but this progress and process is FUN nowÂ
everything a strategy and a move and love staying busyÂ
wish I had more free time tho I never feel rested my life fucking crazy LOOL
that weirdo bitch who thought he was dating me UGHHH BOTTOM OF THE BARRELL JUST FOR A CAR AND FOOD BITCHARE U CRAZYÂ
power trip crazy im so sorry jfcÂ
anyways block and move on
met Chris and we still talking for like 3 months in a row god... lol gunna see him Saturday idk was the HALE going onÂ
im like surrounded by hoes???? and I don't want it GOD I JUST BEEN FOCUSING ON ME AND MONEYFUCK EVERYONE ELSEÂ
idek what else maybe im missing shit but this whole year wild best year of MY LIFE though
idk what the fuck gunna happen in 2020 cuz my split lives and the chaos and playing hoes and always thinking about opportunity and abundance and money got my mind and moves all wrapped in strategy but we only ONNLY ONLYYY GOING UP from here no excuses lets fucking go I always say this but 2019 was fucking wild and you know what.. lets fucking go 2020 LETS FUCKING GO as long as I don't gain weight LMFAO lets fucking GO. money and power on my mind exclusively. gl imma see you in 2 years. focusing on bigger things but at least im OUT HERE and ESCAPED and we onLY ATTRACTING AND MANIFESTING ABUNDANCEÂ
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