#like girl i didnt do anything this is literally only tangentially related to me

[heartyearning]

im involved in drama unfortunately. people r talking about me behind my back and someone else is ignoring me because of something i've not done, i'm surrounded by children

[the-bjd-community-confess]

Ok, this is going to be long, depressing and probably not interesting enough, but anyway….

I had depression for a long time, and when I finally felt like I got better and was enjoying my great life, I met this guy. He is the brother of a girl I know for a long time, and I probably met him in the past already, but I never actually noticed his existence. I cant recall meting him even when we were in these same events together, he also doesnt remember me. The problem is, I fell in love the moment I saw him last year.

Because I was never lucky with love, I tried to deny it. I did everything I could to avoid those feelings, but I couldnt. Everytime we met again in other events, I would stay away and avoid him because I didnt want to fall deeper.

Mod: Only very slightly doll-related so the rest is under the cut...

But since it was not working, I decided to confess. I was actually prepared to be rejected, but I was not ready for this. He said he was thankful but he couldnt return my feeligns because he was going to become a priest. He is now in another country for the seminary.

Since I had past bad experiences I firstly thought “It will be ok, after some time I will get over”.

But why do I still feel so bad?

I keep acting like I am ok, but things like hobbies, I cant do anything related to them. I feel like I cant indentify with happiness anymore, so I stay away from everything that once brought me happiness… It doesnt even make sense because I want to show everyone I’m happy, I want them to think I’m ok and not hurt, but I cant actually make myself happy. I couldnt even talk about this with my psychologist because she knows the story from the start and its just so awkward to me to talk about this.

I wish I could just delete him from my memory, literally, not just my feelings, I want to forget such a person exist.

Why even things not related to him reminds me of him? Do I have to change all my life to forget him? I already changed so much… I can barely recognize me anymore.

~Anonymous

Mod: The solution is to get a new crush. You don’t know him well enough to find out why he’s really an asshole, but that’s also a good way to get over someone. Posting this because you mention losing interest in your hobbies as a result, so I think it is just tangential to BJD; emotional state plays a role in creative activity.