#like girl i didnt do anything this is literally only tangentially related to me
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im involved in drama unfortunately. people r talking about me behind my back and someone else is ignoring me because of something i've not done, i'm surrounded by children
#this makes me sound like ive actually done everything theyre talking about but its literally not that deep#me and a 2nd year have used a similar technique on one of our costumes so apparently im copying her#despite the fact that functionally there is literally no fucking way people would ever confuse my costume and hers#& like its as though because i knitted my historical last year now i should be mad that people are doing that this year#like oh my god grow upppp its like getting pissed that someone's used the same colour as you in a thing its so nothing#and the other thing is like. not unexpected just very childish its just someone who didnt get her way because a 3rd party#decided to do something with me instead of her so now i'm the target of her ire#which is wild bc (not that id wish this on the 3rd party but) the 3rd party is not at all a target of her ire ??#like girl i didnt do anything this is literally only tangentially related to me#its pissing me off like i'm not even that offended i'm just bothered by the fact that no one could come up to me#and talk to me about it like an adult like girl how old are we
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Ok, this is going to be long, depressing and probably not interesting enough, but anyway….
I had depression for a long time, and when I finally felt like I got better and was enjoying my great life, I met this guy. He is the brother of a girl I know for a long time, and I probably met him in the past already, but I never actually noticed his existence. I cant recall meting him even when we were in these same events together, he also doesnt remember me. The problem is, I fell in love the moment I saw him last year.
Because I was never lucky with love, I tried to deny it. I did everything I could to avoid those feelings, but I couldnt. Everytime we met again in other events, I would stay away and avoid him because I didnt want to fall deeper.
Mod: Only very slightly doll-related so the rest is under the cut...
But since it was not working, I decided to confess. I was actually prepared to be rejected, but I was not ready for this. He said he was thankful but he couldnt return my feeligns because he was going to become a priest. He is now in another country for the seminary.
Since I had past bad experiences I firstly thought “It will be ok, after some time I will get over”.
But why do I still feel so bad?
I keep acting like I am ok, but things like hobbies, I cant do anything related to them. I feel like I cant indentify with happiness anymore, so I stay away from everything that once brought me happiness… It doesnt even make sense because I want to show everyone I’m happy, I want them to think I’m ok and not hurt, but I cant actually make myself happy. I couldnt even talk about this with my psychologist because she knows the story from the start and its just so awkward to me to talk about this.
I wish I could just delete him from my memory, literally, not just my feelings, I want to forget such a person exist.
Why even things not related to him reminds me of him? Do I have to change all my life to forget him? I already changed so much… I can barely recognize me anymore.
~Anonymous
Mod: The solution is to get a new crush. You don’t know him well enough to find out why he’s really an asshole, but that’s also a good way to get over someone. Posting this because you mention losing interest in your hobbies as a result, so I think it is just tangential to BJD; emotional state plays a role in creative activity.
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