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cblgblog · 4 years ago

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So my issues with Irondad are well documented at this point, starting from their very first scenes. Specifically the utter tone deafness of Peter’s recruitment, by both Tony and the writers. Tony starts the movie being blamed for the death of a 20-year-old kid who was in the wrong place, wrong time in Sokovia. That accidental death that can be put down to negligence on his part, is pivotal to what happens next. So pivotal he uses it in his pitch for why the other Avengers need to sign the Accords.

Tony, midway through the movie, deliberately brings a 15-year-old child into this conflict. A child he blackmails into going with him, because if you don’t, I will tell your aunt.

Charles Spencer was an innocent civilian, wrong place, wrong time in Sokovia. He died. That tears Tony up, as it rightfully should. And yet, in the midst of his crusade about following laws and accountability, he lies to May Parker about taking her 15-year-old nephew out of the country and into a warzone. Ignoring some well-established laws about child soldiers.

Tony blackmailing a child who’s had his powers for 6 months into participating in this conflict makes no sense. Ever. It especially makes no sense in the context of Charles Spencer and his mother. Yet neither Tony nor the writers seem to comprehend this. Which is why Irondad has been bullshit from the start. Blackmail and kidnapping are not sweet, father-son moments, even if you ignore the fact, as the MCU wants to, that Peter had a father already, in Ben Parker. He has a loving adult parental figure in May Parker. Both of whom cared about him before he had spider powers that might be helpful to them.

All of this, I’ve said before, so have others. And then I realized that I actually hate Irondad more than I thought. That Feige and co. mishandled it even more than I thought, and why? Because of this.

We know the story. Peter was, supposedly, this kid Tony saved at the Stark Expo in Iron Man 2. Started out as a fan theory, and then was confirmed that yes, this is true, this is exactly what we intended.

Now, we know Civil War had different writers/directors than Homecoming or FFH did. We also know that, for all the lip service of, ‘It’s all connected,’ we know that the creatives in these different franchises do not always talk to each other, and that they often blatantly contradict each other.

Taking all that into account, acknowledging that…the dumbasses at Marvel did not think up the idea of Peter being the Iron Man 2 kid. They heard the theory, thought it was cool, then took credit for having meant that the entire time, yes, that was totally us.

We know this because it is never mentioned in canon. All those Tony and Peter interactions, all those times of yes, Mr. Stark, I just want to be like you, Mr. Stark, and Peter never mentions that? When Tony takes he suit from him in Homecoming and Peter says that he just wants another chance, wants to be like Tony, would he not mention that hey, you saved my life, Mr. Stark. You saved my life and I just wanted to be like you, and now I can be, now I can save lives like you, just please give me another chance.

If the Iron Man 2 theory were true, would he not say that? In FFH, when he’s all guilt-ridden, I didn’t save him, would he not mention that hey, he saved my life before I was Spider-man, before I was special, before I was anyone?

Now I know what you’re thinking. The Iron Man 2 thing isn’t that big a deal. It’s not a crucial thing. And you know what, you’re right. It isn’t, it’s just always annoyed me, in an eyeroll way, that the same people who couldn’t count properly between 2012 and 2017 (8 years later flashing in giant letters across our screens means that Homecoming was meant to take place in 2020), that these same people who let something so blatantly timeline breaking get through then took credit for a kind of cool, kind of clever fan theory. It’s annoying.

I’ve now realized, however, that it is far more than annoying to me. Because TPTB at Marvel did not think of that idea for themselves, but if they had, and if they’d run with that idea? If they had, it would’ve made Peter’s recruitment in Civil War so much more fucked up than it already is, but so much more interesting. So, so, so much more interesting.

I’ve talked about why Spidey’s own movies (as much as you can call them that given the level of Tony infiltration) prove that the theory isn’t true. Now let’s go to Civil War. Different writers, yes, but let’s talk anyway about why we can tell from CW that Peter was not that kid.

He gets home. May is like, look who it is, Tony Stark. Not, look who it is, the hero who literally saved your life. When Tony locks himself in Peter’s room with him (still fucking gross, Jesus Christ), Peter is just, nope, I got no idea what you’re talking about. That’s—no, I’m not a superhero, no. He’s defensive. He’s apprehensive. He’s trying to figure out what fresh hell this is. He’s trying to hide stuff from Tony. If this is the guy who saved him at the Stark Expo, why this reaction? Why not, oh my god, you saved my life, I thought I’d never see you again, not, not up close I mean. When Tony asks him to do a thing, why is it not, well yeah, duh , you saved my life, where do we start? Or even, okay, I don’t really wanna do this, but, you saved my life, I owe you?

So, nobody wrote a fucking word of any of Peter and Tony’s interactions under the theory that he was the Stark Expo kid.

But what if they had?

Tony shows up at May’s place. He does not know who Peter is, in relation to their “meeting” before. He’s expecting to have to do some level of smooth talk to get in here but, nope. May’s just, oh my god, you saved my boy’s life, come in, come in!

We don’t know for sure that Peter was orphaned by the time of the Expo, but if we base it on comics and prior films, he likely was. Most versions seem to have him fall under Ben and May’s care between 2 and 6. O1’ birthday means he would’ve been around 9 at the Expo. So, more than likely, Ben or May or both were the ones there with him. They may credit Tony with saving their lives as well.

So, Tony starts the movie being called out by a grieving mother. Going down this route, we’re at the midpoint…and here’s a different mother telling him how great he is. How he saved the most important thing in her life. How if Ben were here (May’s wearing her wedding ring around her neck btw, you can see it in the scene), Ben would say the same thing. Shake his hand. Hug him.

Now, Tony’s got a sharp ass mind, when it’s not clouded with booze or drugs or the like. Since he wasn’t wasted at the Expo, there’s a good chance that, given some details, he remembers saving this kid. He remembers how small this little boy actually was. He remembers how light this kid was when he grabbed him. It was a few seconds in a long ass night, that he hasn’t thought about in years, but to May Parker, it’s everything.

So maybe at this point Tony’s rethinking this. He’s remembering that little boy, realizing how young he still is. He pulled that boy from danger. And now here’s this woman who invited him into her house, told him how her husband just passed recently, things have been hard, especially for Peter but God, he’ll love to see you. Maybe Tony’s rethinking this, coming up with a way out, when Peter shows up. And then, aw hell. The kid’s just a mess of excitement and shock, possibly tears…okay now it’s just gotten harder to make an exit.

Let’s pause here to say that May Parker is not fucking dumb (“Cut the bullshit. I know you left detention. I know you left the hotel room in Washington. I know you sneak out of this house every night.”).

May is not dumb. Letting the 50-year-old dude go into her nephew’s room with him, alone? Arguably dumb, even if it is Iron Man. Letting him grab the kid for some Stark…thing, and take him wherever Tony said he was taking him on 12 seconds notice? Even more arguably dumb. CW as it’s written dumbs down May’s character for the sake of an already questionable plot point. Especially since she literally says she’s not a fan of Tony in Homecoming. Yes, her comment there comes after the “internship,” her noting Peter’s distraction and stress because of it. But still, it’s fucking weird that she’d let this man take her kid out of the country, alone, in CW. It makes her dumb for the sake of plot.

But if Stark saved Peter’s life not so long ago? It at least makes a bit more sense. He’s a hero. Peter literally wouldn’t be here without him. Why would Tony hurt him now?

So, back to the scene. Peter’s probably less paranoid about showing his stuff to Tony. Probably not spilling everything himself, but when Tony notices things, Peter’s probably less panicked over it, more willing to confirm. Yes, he’s got these powers, okay? And he hasn’t had them for long, but he’s trying to do good, like Tony. He’s trying to do the right thing, like Tony.

Now, this kid has such literal hero worship going, and he’s so damn inexperienced, he admits that. And Tony’s still got Charles Spencer’s mom in his head. He’s dead, Stark. And I blame you.

Can Tony really take this kid—actual minor kid younger than Charles was—take him and put him on the field against the goddamn Avengers? That woman out there with the dead husband and the ring around her neck, what’s he going to say if Peter gets hurt, or worse? Sure the kid obviously has skills but, can he risk another grieving mom?

So, maybe Tony’s rethinking this. Maybe he can still get out of this, improvise a Plan B. But then there’s a text from Nat or Ross. Where are you? We’ve only got a few hours, what’s the play?

Special circumstances, nobody in that group is really gonna fight to kill…it’s special circumstances, and he can keep the kid mostly sidelined.

This time, he doesn’t have to blackmail Peter. He doesn’t have to threaten to expose his secret. Peter’s willing, either because he genuinely wants to, or he feels he owes Tony a debt. So there goes the dick factor of Tony literally blackmailing a child. And the lack of questions Peter seems to ask about what he’s fighting for, the acceptance of vague answers, that’d also make more sense in this context.

In this version, Tony is both more and less of a dick. He’s doing less active threatening and manipulation…but he’s also being doubly manipulative. His genuinely good deed gives him an easy in with the Parkers. He’s playing on the credibility of an earlier, at least somewhat better version of himself. One who saved Peter Parker and hadn’t yet ended Charles Spencer.

Look, I won’t lie, I legit don’t know what I’m saying anymore, except that Marvel sucks for taking credit for a thing that they definitely do not have credit for. Which isn’t particularly new for them, and wouldn’t particularly matter if the thing they took credit for (and didn’t do anything with) could’ve offered some interesting story possibilities.

#anti tony stark #anti irondad #iron man 2 #peter parker #may parker #kinda fuck marvel though really #spider-man #civil war

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morethanonepage · 3 years ago

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johnchas!

SPOILER ALERT this is the only one i got a bingo on lmfao. it WOULD be these losers.

sometimes i think about why this has been the ship i’m most ride-or-die for since, like, my Heroes fan days. like i’ve written more fic for other ships, i’ve gotten more kudos for fics for other pairings.

but man there’s just something about the perfect storm of

best friends to lovers potential

similar traumatic backstories with different lingering consequences to them both

GENUINE friendship between them (they have insider jokes! they watch movies together! they WERE ROOMMATES (omg they were roommates).

inability to talk about or fully process feelings BUT obvious ability to FEEL THEM

(show version) actual genuine possibility of being a working relationship, given chas’ actual invulnerability & therefore inability to be fridged the way john’s canonical boyfriends have been and uh. show version being literally the only one where chas has ACTUALLY LEFT HIS WIFE for john. an actual, canonical thing that happened, that is BAD but also. that i adore.

(any version) SIZE DIFFERENTIAL (john is usually shown as taller than chas in the comics BUT chas is always stockier/a bear to john’s usual string bean/twink tendencies [WE GET IT HE SMOKES A LOT]) and while it’s not as good as Charles Halford Being Eight Inches taller than Matt Ryan it’s still pretty great.

Also like. This is not like, morally great, but i just -- find it DELIGHTFUL at its core that John thinks Chas is such a good person when he’s. REALLY not. Like idk if it’s by comparison or bc John doesn’t have a functioning moral compass (it seems to. basically just point to chas lmfao) or WHAT but John’s like Chas Is A Good Friend and A Good Man and A Good Father and Chas is like, ready to leave his wife at the drop of a hat on more than one occasion across canons, and is generally speaking kinda sketch. He’s less so in the show version (i mean, aside from ditching HIS WIFE AND CHILD in NYC to follow John around the country and babysitting him in Atlanta, Georgia) but comics Chas is literally the guy you go to to get a gun and/or some merchandise that “fell off a truck.” and even in the show version like, he takes care of john and worries about him, but he also gets pissed at him and y’know. knocks him out. like arguably ~for his own good~ but chas has obvious wells of resentment and vague mistrust for john/magic in general, which john kinda represents, and that adds a complication to their dynamic which i actually LIKE.

BC imo the fact that Chas isn’t ~actually perfect~ that makes the John x Chas relationship interesting -- I think that relationships where one person is always giving, always nurturing, always good and caring and forgiving, while the other is a mess that they just cluck over and patch up and shake their heads at like a tired mom in a cleaning product commercial, are BAD. not fun to read, not fun to think about. thats why when i’m writing/reading chas i ALWAYS want him to have a bit of an edge -- like he loves and worries about john, but he also low key resents him for breaking up his marriage (YOU MADE THAT CHOICE, FRANCIS) and high key doesn’t always like how John treats him/other people and IN GENERAL still clearly has issues with magic, which is such a fundamental part of who John is. chas is an enabler, 100%, BUT he’s at least somewhat self aware of it and also at least somewhat hates himself for it (but not enough to. draw proper boundaries and/or deal with his issues).

the ~i’m conflicted square is bc um. i kind of am -- like would this be a functional relationship? no. is it great that chas left his wife and child in brooklyn and like, wastes days commuting back and forth in an effort to make that seem less bad? no. would the two of them smooth each other’s rough edges, or would they just trigger all sorts of trauma in each other (chas’ physicality and how it might affect john given john’s abuse by his father VS john’s magic use/addiction given chas’ abuse by his mother), which would be made worse by the fact that an intimate relationship requires more vulnerability and could lead to more harm. like. WOULD it ultimately become a toxic relationship as well as codependent one (which it already canonically is)? IDK, it’s something i think about.

oh also the superhell thing is bc i just want them to go there and save all the sad gays who ended up there. and also maybe so john could shake some sense into castiel bc that whole thing was. kinda pathetic.

oh the hugging

ohhhhhh the kiss

OHHHHHH THE BUTT SLAP

ohhh the....WHATEVER THIS WAS.

#chastantine #youandthemountains #ship bingo meme #I HAVE A LOT OF JOHNCHAS FEELINGS #and they've yet to go away which is just #sad #BUT THE TEEN LESBIANS #THE TEEN LESBIANS DIDN'T HAVE TO HAPPEN #THEY'RE CANON SOULMATES #every universe requires a laughing magician and every laughing magician requires a chas that loves t hem #it's about cosmic balance #oh also #'i want to kiss them' is mostly bc i think charles halford chas is VERY VERY HOT #matt ryan is cute to me but #not so much as john lmfao #but john's still my boy so yknow #i guess #long post

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cynthiaandsamus · 3 years ago

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Custom Toonami Block Week 74 Rundown

Code Geass: So we’ve got another one of those “wacky bullshit student activities” episodes, though this one seems to ride the hardest on “shit is going down, the world is ending but haha Shirley romance drama” though admittedly it does have a nice character arc for Milly so that’s cool. Lelouch is worried that the Knights of the Round are here to investigate him until he realizes both of them only have one braincell between them so it’s fine. Cornelia’s also murdering her way through religious fanatics so that’s cool. And last but not least we have Shirley and Lelouch finally getting together right before Jeremiah Geass Cancels her amnesia so she knows Lelouch is Zero and killed her dad and presumably the other stuff that Charles put in the whole school’s brain somehow. I’m sure this will end well and their romance will survive in a way that isn’t insanely tragic.

Inuyasha: We’re still in fillertown and it’s another SangoxMiroku episode. Man we get a lot of these in filler huh? I kinda don’t remember which Sango/Miroku moments are canon at this point. I’d kinda laugh if it was just all filler and some manga-only fans were bewildered when they ended up together in the end. Anyway, Feudal Lord has a thing for Sango because he has great taste and Kagome ships Sango/Miroku so she doesn’t want her to go, Miroku’s like “Hey it’s her choice, she’s been through enough, she can choose her own life, I’m not gonna get involved” which is pretty mature but the girls still hate on him for it. Sango’s just like “Dude even if I wanted to stay I still have this Naraku-slaying quest to go on and I’m not about to sit around all day and be royalty while my friends go kick Naraku’s ass for me.” Which is how most love confessions in this series go. Also Sango suplexes a demon bear the size of a building with her bare hands and it’s pretty great. In the end the lord doesn’t give up going after Sango but they finish the bear stuff and are on their way. I like how they don’t go out of their way to demonize this guy in the end to prop Miroku up, he’s still a good guy, Sango’s just got shit to do and is more the type to like a warrior who’s got her back. There’s some really cute shipping shenanigans here and all in all it’s fun filler.

Yu Yu Hakusho: We’ve got a three for one deal here as Yusuke and Kuwabara assblast their way through the Dark Triad in one episode, continuing their power play of beating villains with little effort while the boss man bets that they’ll completely wreck his guards which is still a pretty interesting dynamic. We’ve got cringey 90s trans commentary, an invisible dude that gets blindsided easily and a hostage ogre that gets beaten by Botan taking off her coat. Honestly for these guys being supposedly minibosses they kind of went down easier than some of the grunts. But now Kuwabara’s in contact with Yukina because his bullshit power of love connection actually works for some reason and they’re in on the final fight with the Toguro brothers. With this many people betting the GDP of countries on the fight there’s no way this isn’t rigged. I really like how YYH basically makes shonen fights just part of stupid black market deals for a large part of it, just like in real life everything’s decided by some old rich guy.

Fate Zero: Kayneth’s still fucked up and has Rock Lee syndrome and can’t use jutsu anymore so his wife’s like “Yo buddy you can’t give Lancer the magic cummies anymore anyway, lemme take control of your hunky knight manslave or I swear to god I’ll rip your arm off and jerk him off with it” which since she asked so nicely he just kind of does. With Lancer still kinda being uppity about Kayneth having dibs on his soul and Sola-Ui being weirdly horny and increasingly yandere for him I’m sure this’ll end well. Saber and Kiritsugu are still pissy with each other because Saber wants to go after Caster to stop the child murders which is fair but she’s also injured and shit and she’s mad at Kiritsugu for not teaming up with Kayneth to just take down Caster right there and I mean I don’t think he really had time to suggest a truce while getting attacked with Terminator 2 goo, he’s not really the asshole here. Meanwhile and more importantly, ISKANDAR HAS PANTS! Nothing can stop him now and they crash Caster’s child murder party and are jumped by Assassin’s Forty Thieves (they aren’t named yet but I’mma just assume) and Iskander’s just like “Yeah no I’m not fighting five ninjas knee deep in child guts.” And they just burn the whole place down.

Konosuba: So in a bizarre Interspecies Reviewers/Food Wars crossover, Kazuma goes to a succubus house and instead of just getting sex they do dreams and shit which seems more complicated but I guess it’s less morally gray. Anyway, naked Darkness and contrived hentai plots ensue. They sprinkle in some good character stuff for Kazuma which is nice, it’s always kind of hard to pin down where his principles lie. Like he’s generally a scumbag and will take the easy way out of anything but he’s not evil and will give Darkness an out on their encounter if she wants and will get his ass kicked to protect his local sex worker. The Principled Scumbag approach is kind of neat for him, I wish a few more of these moments didn’t feel the need to immediately undercut themselves with a joke but that’s the nature of the series. I feel like one or two more genuinely sincere moments throughout a couple episodes would do wonders but either way it’s still amusing.

Sailor Moon Crystal: We pick up right where we left off with Tuxedo Mask throwing himself in front of the Kamehameha for Usagi and then she goes Super Saiyan and cries pokemon tears to bring him back to life. But the bad guys are somehow like ‘yoink’ and steal him from her lap through a barrier somehow (that still kinda pisses me off) and for some reason the crystal that booped its way into his chest isn’t there anymore and Usagi still has and and Usagi’s going through a lot of shit right now between processing the trauma of a millennia-old kingdom falling that’s partially her fault, working through her romantic feelings and having a Steven Universe identity crisis about how to process her identity as a reincarnation of someone a lot cooler than she is, so most of this episode is Usagi crying, as most episodes are, but at least she has a good reason. Then we get a Girl Squad Roll Out montage because fuck it we’re going to the moon somehow.

Durarara!!: Apparently everyone knows about where Celty’s head is but her because she visits Izaya’s office where the head is just kinda behind some books on his bookshelf and she doesn’t know but Shinra’s dad has enough time to mug Namie after telling Shinra and Celty off for their weird interspecies relationship and tell Izaya to have fun fucking around with the head. Also people have shifted from being worried about the Dollars to being worried about Saika and ALSO being worried about the Dollars maybe being at war with the Yellow Scarves. Celty’s looking into it and Shinra shows some character development in just coming out with it that Saika was the sword that severed her connection with her head… I don’t know how you cut the soul of a head that’s already cut off but okay, at least Shinra’s not hiding shit from here anymore. Also Saika’s about to seriously chop up Anri and Masaomi comes to visit his girl in the hospital finally.

#ooc #Toonami #Custom Toonami Block #Code Geass #Inuyasha #Yu Yu Hakusho #Fate Zero #Konosuba #Sailor Moon Crystal #Durarara!!

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myimaginarywonderland · 4 years ago

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Okay, so this post will talk about Lance but I will also give my opinion on the Lando situation since I think it is important.

First off, I think it says a lot about Lando that he made an apology. Now, be it because of the backlash he faced, because he actually saw the harm he was causing or because he genuinely regrets it, that is something I don't know. What I do know is that by apologising for it, he acknowledges that his behaviour was wrong and that is really important because it shows that he reflected on himself.

While I do still feel irked by something about the message, be it that he isn't naming Lance or Lewis who he both targeted with his actions in different ways and apologise to them directly which he might have done in person, so I am not able to judge it or be it the weird sorry at the end, I can put aside my feelings and say that this was the right thing to do and is also setting an example for his fans who were one of my main issues with all of this. They then know that saying that was not right and might learn from it themselves.

But this post isn't about Lando. This post is about Lance.

As most of you might have heard, Lance was really affected by what happened on track. He can clearly see that he is anxious and uncomfortable in his post race interview and what happened afterwards tells the story (I don't really want to talk about it because this is something private that he did not share and it is like with the story on Twitter something that was shared by other people who he didn't give the right to share it too so I don't want to spread it any further.)

This is who Lance is.

Someone who is sensitive and takes a lot of things personally.

You want to know why? Because he has, as a person, always been blamed for his dad's wealth. As if he choose to grow up with a billionaire dad. As if he is somehow responsible for it.

And he has always been painted out as someone undeserving, someone that doesn't have talent and totally owns his position to the money of his dad.

Now, let me just give you some data because I want to totally discredit this made up stuff with no roots.

In 2015, he won the Toyota Racing Series. He won by a bit over 100 points. The second finisher was his teammate. You might now some of the other drivers who competed in this series for example one Callum Iliot or Artjom Markelow.

Or in 2016,his first season in Formula 3, he finished fifth. The winner of that year was Felix Rosenquvist (a great driver) who was also Lance teammate and had only one DNF in comparison to Lance 5 and a DSQ. Now, there are two other drivers, one that was the runner up in Antonio Giovinazzi and a fourth who was Charles Leclerc. Pretty competitive field if you ask me and to finish 5th as a rookie,is impressive.

Now, fast forward a year to when he won the F3 championship. He won over his teammate by a margin of over 150 points which is so impressive, even with the two more DNFs his teammate, Maximilian Günther (another great driver) had that is quiet a lot.

Now, if you really want to use the argument that he skipped F2 against him, there is another driver you should be discrediting just as much. You guessed it, M*x V*rstappen. He also went straight into F1 which was a definite mistake but nobody ever likes to say that. I would also like you to remember that Lance did not drive for F1 as a regular driver immediately after he won the championship, no in 2016 he was a test driver, so he could slowly get used to F1. (This is not official but I would guess it's the thought process behind him being a test driver.)

Now, in 2017, his first F1 season, he was teammates of Felipe Massa. Might have heard of him, lost his championship to Lewis by one point, was teammate of Micheal Schumacher and a generally way more experienced driver. Yeah, you wanna know what the difference between him and Lance was in Lance first season? 3 points. And Lance had 2 more DNFs. You know what else he got in his first season? His first podium. In his first season, he became one of the youngest people to ever achieve a podium. With just 7 rounds into his first F1 season, in an okay midfield car with a way more experienced and older driver he was up against, he achieved a podium. And during the entire course of the season, that would remain the only podium for the Williams team that year.

Now, onto 2018. Williams was not as bad as in 2019 but they were still nowhere in terms of pace and he still didn't finish last in the championship (but I don't think we can count this season.)

In 2019, Checo became his teammate. And Checo in my opinion is one of the best midfield drivers, so there was already a lot he had to go up against and he was still so young and had less experience. There is a 30 point difference between them. Make of that what you want but for me, sure it was not Lance greatest season but now you have to think if Racing Point where really that good go be the fifth best car or if maybe, Checo just got more out of the car with his experience and talent. And than, you have to consider that he was still young and only had one season where he was truly competitive (that 2018 Williams was not something you could truly challenge anyone with.) And to then be up to one of the best midfield drivers who is widely appreciated and adored by the paddock, is a lot. Maybe for some of you it was too big of a gap which is alright.

However, don't dismiss his talent. He has had a good junior career and was up to some of the drivers you love and call talented, he even beat some of your faves. Maybe you don't see him as the next great driver but he is not a bad one and truly deserves a seat if you consider his achievements. Maybe he could have proven himself more if he had a season in F2 which is fair but that doesn't take away from anything he has achieved.

And even if you don't see him as talented, that gives you no right to bully him online. He can't change who his dad is.

Now,onto the money. I see a lot of people saying that he is only in F1 because of the money (which I hope you have by now realized is not the case.) But really, let's talk about the money.

Money is something that sadly plays a big role in F1. F1 is above all still a business. And businesses want money. So, why not take someone who has money and talent like Lance? Where are you all saying Michael only got his seat because of money (he is a pay-driver after all or at least he was one when he came to F1.) And now let's talk about his move to Racing Point. Can you truly blame Lawrence for wanting to make his sons dream come true? Wouldn't any father if they had the resources do this? Wouldn't any father want to fufill his son's dream, even if it might be seen as unethical by some or criticized? Would you really care if you saw how happy your kid was? Would you really care if you saw the glow you kid had? I don't think so.

I already said it but he was at Williams before he was at RP. His dad doesn't own that team or have any chairs in it.

Let's forget his profession for a second. Let's say you don't find him talented as a driver or just don't like him, fine. You are entitled to your opinion and sometimes we just don't like people, it happens.

What else would you have against him?

He doesn't post on social media often because people already bully him enough for his family. There is basically nothing you can dislike about him there.

And as a person? He is quiet and basically does nothing to anger people. He is literally just a normal dude. He goes on trips with his friends, he does sports to stay in shape and watches sports. He is not even posting personal stuff because he doesn't want to give people more room to bully him.

If you saw him on the street, would you think he is from a rich family? He does not look like it at all, he looks like that guy from your local sport who is literally just a college student trying to get through life.

And not only was he discredited for all his accomplishments because of something he had no control over but he also saw another driver proudly display a symbol that has been used by people who killed people who belonged to his religion. He saw a driver weat that symbol in cooperation with a company whose boos seems to be a Neo Nazi.

Lance has had to go through to so much shit just because his dad was rich (which Nicky's and Lando's also are, yes I know it's less but it's still more than any of us will probably ever have.)

This boy does nothing wrong.

Did he make a mistake with the maneuvers on Lando? Yes. But he is still so young and also new to F1, he can still learn and is growing as a person and driver. He is expected to perform more just so he proves his worth which he already has because people discredit him for having a rich dad.

Have you seen what he has done this season? He would be in the top 5 had it not been for the last races where none of the DNFs where his fault. Neither was getting Covid or being ill but people literally made fun of him for being in pain, saying stuff like "Did Daddies boy have a little stomach ache?" Yeah, because F1 drivers aren't trainex to perform no matter what, aren't putting their health last when it comes to these things and might have to be really bad if they can't drive and are not even going out of their room.

He has improved so much, he is not blaming other drivers even if they clearly hit him (see Charles) and he stays calm. Because he can't afford to be to emotional since some people would hate him for rightfully calling out others mistakes and just maybe saying that their faves are not flawless and make mistakes (like Charles.)

He has to act a certain way or be a certain way because what would happen if he just showed more of his personality? You call him dull, boring but you don't even try to get to know him. You don't even look up videos where he is more open and comfortable.

He is awkward infront of the press because he has to fear to be discredited or to be questioned about his worth every second.

And all of this pressure, this mask and this pretend eventhough he is just as human as the rest of us. And you see how hard it is, how much he questions himself, how his self-doubt increases and ultimately what happened has happened.

Because while it is just an easy insult for you that you can post anonymously online, it is one of thousands for him.

And you know, he didn't grew up in Europe. Sure he competed with some of the European drivers later one but he didn't have any of them when he started racing and he might already have been an outcast because people would already have seen him as different since his family didn't need to make sacrifices to get him to wear he is now. At least not financially ones. And then, when he came to Europe there were these already formed friend groups and it wasn't easy to get into them. The only friend he had was Esteban and I am so glad. This seems like such an unlikely friendship because they are from totally different backgrounds but that might have been what connected them in the first place. So, with basically only Esteban who liked him from the competitive times, it must have been pretty bad (not to say that the others hated him but I don't think they really cared for him.) I am so glad to see that he now also has Checo and that they get along and I hope that stays this way eventhough all of what has happened (which is also not his fault and I am sure that if he had any say in it, it would have been done differently.) Maybe we can even see their friendship when Checo stays on the grid. And with the potential of Seb next year, that might be the only other friendship or friendly connection he might form.

He is so strong for having to endure the dislike of so many people and he is still so kind and so sweet.

This has been a long post but one that I have wanted to make for a long time. If you got this far, I applaude you.

#f1 #lance stroll

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beeblackburn · 3 years ago

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The Anti-TBR Tag

I was tagged by @books-and-doodles! Thank you! And poor you, for I am a long-winded bastard.

1. A popular book EVERYONE loves that you have no interest in reading?

On general principle, I feel like the really popular stuff (Twilight, Throne of Glass, Divergent, The Mortal Instruments) ends up being stuff I’m inherently not going to be attracted to and some of them have their own hatedoms going on, so going after them in detail would be punching down (though I don’t particular like any of the above). So I’m going to try to go off the beaten path with these seven:

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab = nothing against her personally, though I heard her The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue was baaaaad, but apparently, she’s similar to Sanderson in the magic system being better than the characterization and I heard her writing’s got a white faux-female empowerment sort of thing going that I’m growing increasingly... discontent of by itself. I might try it out later, but I also got hundreds of books to drill through first and I’m in no rush.

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo = I’ve been increasingly getting the sense that Six of Crows was a flash in the pan, Bardugo’s style more defined by fun than genuine substance. And given a rather scathing review that points out unearned shifts in characterization, lackluster supporting cast, and two really uncomfortable exploitative sexual assault fantasy scenes (one of which was underaged!), I’m gonna say no.

A Deadly Education by Naomi Novik = I generally like Novik! She’s a very solid writer to me and I’ve bought most of her books, so this is purely me not taking to the Wizarding School genre. Sorry, Novik, "a twisted, super dark, super modern, female-led Harry Potter" isn’t the selling point it once was, and even then, I probably wouldn’t have taken to it. Especially when I’ve already got The Gray House by Mariam Petrosyan to read.

The Alloy of Law by Brandon Sanderson = I’ve got mixed feelings on Mistborn looking back: it’s hardly the worst of his oeuvre (Elantris is that and was admittedly his first book) and The Final Empire took a few narrative risks that I admire, I also found the resulting books a tad juvenile and I don’t take to steampunk, genre-wise. I’m not even that much of a Sanderson fan, so I’d rather just read the summary for all I care.

Storm Front by Jim Butcher = given what I’ve been told about The Dresden Files’ lessening of noir roots past the first few books, how it later became more flashy-and-bang magical, and how it’s pretty sexist early on (and from what I’ve been told, doubled down on it later on and having worse treatments of its female characters), I’m in no particular rush to read them. The urban fantasy genre on them only turns me off more.

The Doors of Stone by Patrick Rothfuss = hahaha, I’m sorry, I did read The Name of the Wind, and read select parts of The Wise Man’s Fear, but everyone, instead of waiting and devoting your time for this book to come, I would suggest reading Fitz, Who Is Actually Good and Can Wring More than Disgust and an Eye-Roll out of You in Robin Hobb’s Realm of the Elderlings, given she is far better at characterization than Rothfuss.

Anything by Paul Krueger, Sam Sykes, and Myke Cole = fuck all three of these men and the idea that I’ll pay for their stuff. While I can’t demand any of you not buy from them and I’ll hardly claim to be a saint in terms of ethics, purchase-wise, I would beseech you all please don’t buy from these three authors who have a history of inappropriateness.

2. A classic book (or author) you don’t have an interest in reading?

Charles Dickens = look, I know his word count is padded because of serial installments back then, but I’m sorry, I wasn’t that impressed by the child-sanitized versions of Great Expectations and Oliver Twist. They were easily some of the most boring of out of the child-sanitized classics I read. It was the pictures that kept me going and barely at that. No thanks.

Emily Brontë = look, if I wanted shitty people being shitty to each other, I’d much rather read Joe Abercrombie because at least I’ll get some intentional dark comedy out of dumb shitheads being terrible to each other (Best Served Cold comes to mind). And I know we’re not meant to like these self-destructive people, but I’d rather not hate everyone that much.

Alexander Dumas = Three Musketeers really didn’t age well, just from the TV Tropes page and I’m not really looking forward to an adventure that goes out of its way to valorize its protagonists being adventurous assholes who dueled, drank, and womanized harder than anyone else and we should commend that because they were men. Ugh.

3. An author you have read a couple of books from & have decided their books are not for you?

Leigh Bardugo = like I said, I feel like Six of Crows (and Crooked Kingdom, to a lesser extent) was a flash in the pan and she’s been increasingly running on fumes ever since then. Good and fun with a decent eye for characterization, but hardly revolutionary, considering how I think Crooked Kingdom isn’t quite as good as Six of Crows, and the less said about Shadow and Bone, the better.

Neil Gaiman = I’ve read some of his stuff (and I didn’t quite see the hype over his writing, but liked it decently enough) but having heard that, in his Sandman run, he wrote in a transwoman solely to get killed for an emotional ending and how he defended that choice for awhile left a battery acid taste for me to read more. He’s a formative part of people’s childhoods, so I don’t blame anyone for being fans, he’s just not for me.

Steven Erikson = really nothing against the dude, I’m sure he's probably a decent guy, but I didn’t take to Gardens of the Moon at all and skimming Deadhouse Gates and Memories of Ice (which were admittedly better) made me realize its prose was something I would need a hard and sharp shovel to crack through, and the darting around of many, many POVs made me feel not invested in anyone.

4. A genre you have no interest in OR a genre you tried to get into & couldn’t?

I’ll answer both because I have the time:

I’m not interested in romance, mostly because it’s an entire genre built around the build-up. It’s usually the story about the beginning of a relationship, not the relationship itself. I’d genuinely like to read about the story of a romance that doesn’t stop shortly after the hook-up or before the honeymoon period ends. The City Watch parts of Discworld by Terry Pratchett, The Memoirs of Lady Trent by Marie Brennan and The Sharing Knife by Lois McMaster Bujold all have romantic elements that are relatively undrenched in melodrama or frills, but none of them are pure romances, which is a huge problem. I can take romantic subplots in fantasy, but I can’t take the genre as-is.

Urban fantasy is a genre I’m not against having my mind changed on liking, but right now, I generally find it insipid, a shortcut to good world-building, short on great characterization, and an excuse to lampshade and pretense to being above fantastical clichés in a tongue-in-cheek attitude while still committing to them. I do genuinely like Rivers of London by Ben Aaronvitch, but that’s really the concession I can give the entirety of the genre. I took a crack at Rick Riordan and Cassandra Clare’s stuff, but it didn’t feel like my sort of thing. Again, would like to be convinced, but I’d much rather read a domestic or slice-of-life fantasy set in a more overtly fantasy world than the urban one.

Also, sci-fi, but I’m trying again with the Wormwood trilogy by Tade Thompson, An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon, and either the Imperial Radch trilogy by Ann Leckie, or the Teixcalaan trilogy by Arkady Martine. I snoozed through Azimov’s Foundation and generally bored myself of hard sci-fi books, so I’m hoping contemporary sci-fi changes my mind on the entire genre.

5. A book you have bought but will never read?

A book I personally bought? Honestly, Traitor’s Blade by Sebastien de Castell. No particular reason, I just bought it at a closing-down sale at a branch of my bookstore on the cheap because the cover looked nice and didn’t really take to its blurb. I heard good things though, so if anyone else wants to read it...

I tag @vera-dauriac, @xserpx, @autoapocrypha, @kateofthecanals, @turtle-paced, @insecticidalfeminism, @secretlyatargaryen, @helix-eagle-hourglass-nebula, @xillionart, @jovolovo and whoever else that is following me and wishes to do this tag (I’d like to read your posts, so please tag me! :D)

#tags #book tag #anti tbr tag

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vlogsquadssquad · 4 years ago

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secure

summary: Charlie puth invites David to a get together where David meets y/n and they hit it off.

a/n: a teensy weensy bit angst but im 100% making a part 2 of this with a happy ending so no worries!!!!!!!!!

warnings: language

mood board:

-- 3RD PERSON DD & CP

“hey what are your plans for Saturday?” Charlie asked David as they finished up a bit for the vlog.

“umm, nothing really. im kind of in a fog right now. why?” David took a bite of his apple.

“well im throwing a small little kickback at my house. a few of my music friends are coming and it might get you some good connections, if you'd like.”

“dude, that's fucking sick! name drop! is Selena Gomez gonna be there?” David asked excitedly.

“no, no, Selena doesn't really do too many social events anymore. she's going through a lot...” David raised his eyebrow as Charlie looked to the ground. “but you know who will be there? y/f/n!”

“shut the fuck up dude are you serious?” Davids heart dropped at the thought of y/n at the party. he's been crushing on her for a bit, and has been dying to meet her.

“yeah, I mean she texted me she would, why are you all giddy?” Charlie punched David on the shoulder playfully, but secretly didn't want David to say he had a crush on her because truth was, so did Charlie. what's not to like? she's humble, kind, funny, easy-going, and down for anything.

“oh, uhh... no reason, just she's a pretty popular singer right now. good clickbait.” David said with nervousness in his voice. he didn't want to admit that he had a crush when he hasn't even met her.

“alright, well ill see you at the kickback then. bring some friends!” Charlie tried not to sound worried or suspicious. he’d have to keep an eye on the two.

-- YOUR POV

I really hate going to parties. but Charlie promised it would be chill and just a way to destress. ive been in a fog with my album im writing. I have great songs but I need two more and im stuck on what to write about. maybe the party will be a good thing.

-texts w - Charles 🤪 -

< should I wear something casual or ?? are we dressing nicer lol

you look great in everything! >

maybe party casual if that's a thing? >

< thought it was a kickback you ass! lol but thanks for the heads up. see you there, Charles! 😉

-end texts-

he hated when i called him Charles but i love messing with him. after careful examining of the clothes i had, i decided to go as I was. it was an easy going outfit but I still looked put together. I had no one to impress anyways.

-- 1st PERSON DD

“dude, im so nervous.” i whispered to Ilya, who knew of my crush.

“its fine man, don't be a pussy.” i took a drink of my water and grabbed my camera to film with Benny Blanco a little he always had something funny or interesting to say.

“Charles!�� I heard from the living room. i didn't think anything of it and kept filming with Benny and Jeff. a little while goes by and then Benny looks over my shoulder.

“hey, y/n/n! so good to see you!” i froze. y/n went and gave benny an inviting hug and then turned to me. her eyes were easy to melt into.

“hi, good to see you, im y/n” she went in for a hug. she smelled beautiful.

“oh, hi. im David. big fan.”

“and im Jeff, wow you look so great, can I get you a drink?”

i rolled my eyes at Jeff trying to make a move. of course he's into the same girl I am.

“oh, im ok, I actually don't really like to drink.” she's so kind and gentle as she speaks.

“so how is the album coming?” benny asks her.

“its... not.” she laughs lightly but I can tell she's stressed. is it too early to tell her I already know her inside and out? am I crazy for watching all her interviews, tiktoks, and instagram stories?

“im in a fog,” she looks to the ground. how are we already so compatible? “I want two more songs but im having trouble finding a conclusion to the story im telling. maybe there isn't one, I don't know.”

“what's the story you're trying to tell?” I ask feeling very brave and comfortable already.

“basically my current dating life.” she slightly blushes. “its so hard dating and every time I start to like a guy or I know of him and I already have a crush on him, it doesn't end well. and I have these little romances I write about but they all end in either piggy behavior or ghosting.” we laughed along with her. her smile was radiating.

“maybe I can help, do you wanna go to Charlie’s studio?” Benny asks her.

“you're an angel! yes! ill repay you in food.” she laughs. as they walk out, Im watching her. she moves so flawlessly. “hey, you can come too. might get something good for the vlog.” she smiles to me. my heart is beating out of my chest. she watches my videos or at least knows of me. “cool, thank you.” I say trying to remain calm. she also pulls Charlie in and he drapes his arm around her shoulder. they're just friends.

as we get seated in the room, Benny starts asking her questions. “so, we know what message you're giving but how are you delivering it for the album? what's the feeling? want to play us a song that captures the vibe?”

“well I only have the instrumentals for the songs but I can play one live?”

“great, lets do it.” Charlie smiled to her as he handed her a mic.

“don't post this anywhere, David” she warned.

she brought warmth to my cheeks. “nope, ill only use it as blackmail.”

her laugh was such a gift. I could tell jokes all day just to hear her laugh again.

she played a beautiful song that was slow and powerful and all about heartbreak. it hurt to hear her go through that. then benny asked for another song. this one was more pop. like id hear it on the radio, but still deep.

the rest of the night was them composing songs and some stupid jokes here and there. safe to say she's the most down to earth and funny person in the room. the fans will go crazy that im here with her. im going crazy that im here with her.

-- YOUR POV

I spent the whole night in the studio with some amazing people. I found myself taking it all in and being so thankful for my life. ive known of David and watched his vlogs pretty frequently too, but being with him was a whole different experience. he gave great advice and genuinely helped me through some of my block. he gave a listeners point of view and had fresh ears. it was nice. he even offered to walk me to my car.

“I figured you'd have like a limo waiting for you outside or something.” he joked as we walked toward the street.

“nope, that's just youtubers.” I joked back.

he laughed, “ouch.”

“thank you for your input tonight.” he chuckled. “no, I really mean it. I think I know exactly how I want to end the album.” I look into his eyes as my back is pushed against my car.

“where's your mind at?” he looks back to me.

“loving myself. I know it sounds cliche, but isn't the greatest romance of all, the love you have for yourself? tonight was the most fun ive had, and it was just hanging out with friends talking about endless things.”

he nods as he takes my words in. “you're really secure with yourself. I like that. its going to be a great album.”

he leans in and for a moment I think he's going to kiss me which I don't need right now. then I see his hands go low to the handle of my car door and he opens it for me.

“oh, I can't take a hint, huh?” I joke with him.

“no, not at all. I just know you're excited to go home and write your new hit.” he says almost seriously.

“thank you” I whisper. “and also, can I get your number? id love to do something fun for the vlogs.”

-- DAVIDS POV, NEXT DAY

“il, it couldn't have gone better! she asked for my number, bro!”

“that's fucking sick. imagine you dating one of americas sweetheart, music icons.” Ilya pokes at David.

“its not a fucking joke, I really think there was something there but id really like to get to know her better.”

“who are we talking about?” Charlie asks as he enters the room. David had texted him to meet up for a bit they were doing.

“uh, no one.” im quick to reply knowing they're` great friends and I don't want any drama.

“oh ok... so what'd you think of y/n?” he asks me.

“oh she's great, yeah, I was editing some last night and I think I'll keep some parts in.”

“yeah, she's so easy to be around. I think im gonna ask her out, she's kind of the girl of my dreams, and im like 99% sure she's in love with me too.” he says almost marking his territory.

I look to Ilya and he just half smiles. “oh, that's great man. yeah you should ask her out if you're in love with her. she's a great catch.” my chest falls as I say it aloud. I really thought she liked me.

part 2

#davids vlogs #david dobrik #david dobrik fanfiction #david dobrik imagine #david dobrik x reader #David dobrik fanfic #David dobrik imagines #vlog squad #vlog squad imagines #vlog squad fan fiction #Charlie puth #Charlie puth fanfic #Charlie puth imagine #Charlie puth fan fiction

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onisiondrama · 4 years ago

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Onision on Kermit and Friends - Summary Part 2

((Edit: Sorry! I feel like I should have put a warning! A homophobic guest briefly shows up on the stream. If you want to skip that part, skip the first bullet.))

New fan comes on. James points out the fan's name says "Trumpster." The fan compliments his comedy. There is a pause. The fan asks how he's doing and James says "fine." The fan asks if the popularity was addicting when he was more popular. James says he's a work-a-holic. The fan says to prevent men from raping children they should go back to the Jesus days when they didn't allow gay people around children. He says you check by looking at their buttholes. He calls it "butt-hole challenge." He asks if James would pass that challenge. James asks if this is homophobic. He says he has a very gay only fans. He asks if the fan thinks your butt turns into Utah after you have gay sex. The fan says your booty hole will be like a can of coke. (I am so lost right now.) James says you push poop out of your butt every day and it doesn't make your butt like the grand canyon so he doesn't think gay men would have a gaping butt. He says it's a straight man myth.

Andy asks if James thinks he (Andy) is gay. James says he thought he was because that's how people portray him. Andy says he's not.

A guy comes on and starts ranting for a while. James uses his Onision Youtube account to say "What even is this" The guy is still ranting and James holds up a paper that says "WTF?"

The co-host comes back and says she was trying to be funny when she said the transgender thing. James says the documentary implied he made people turn out that way and that's not a thing.

The host asks if he feels he has no control when anyone can make a documentary about you. He says yeah, he feels powerless when a multi million dollar company portrays him as the next Charles Manson. She asks if it affects him emotionally. He says he's only sad for Kai, not himself. He says since 2007 he's said he would rather have 10 fans that genuinely like him than a million that don't really care. He says on his Discord he has a few people who genuinely want to be there so the rest doesn't affect him. He says when people were wrong about the meltdown videos being real, he knew they were wrong so why should that make him feel awful. He says it does present real life challenges.

The host announces Andy needs a bike to get around and needs money for pizza. She asks if Onision's offer for a bike was real. James says yes if he's willing to pick it up, but he's far away so he doesn't know if it's worth the trip.

The next gust comes on and says he looks like he's on with Jim Morrison right now. The host James this guy had 85 million views on a single video. The guy says he had 150. The host wants James to give feedback. They play the video. James asks if the goal is laughs or views. The guy says he just did it to annoy people. James says it's a funny idea and it was witty and he never would have thought of that. The host asks James if he should make more videos on a frequent basis. James says when he began they were not as good as that. The guest says the videos take a lot of time to make and he knows you need to make a lot. James says if it takes longer to make, people tend to notice how much effort you put into. He says he noticed when he puts in more effort or follows a trend it pays off.

Billy The Fridge joins. The host asks if Billy has a question for James. Billy says James followed him back on twitter that week, then James blocked him. James points out the last tweet Billy made about him from February. Billy said he made a joke tweet. Keemstar said Youtube is 16 years old and Billy said something about Onision and the age of consent. Billy says he thought it was funny and he asks James if it hurt him. James says his first thought was "what a dishonest prick" because everyone knows for a fact he isn't remotely interested in 16 year olds, but considering the position that he's in and that coming from someone he considered a friend was deeply annoying. Billy says he's sorry and he thought it was funny. James sarcastically says it's super funny to disown your friend the moment a bunch of dishonest people lie about them after he rejected them. Billy says he didn't disown him the moment- James says he was the first of his friends to be like "uh don't cancel me."

James says they had a text conversation where he described in depth how horrible of a friend Billy was because he didn't defend him and Billy's response was "yeah I know." Billy agrees, but says he defended him for years but one of his biggest defenses was that Sarah said nothing was going on between them, but when it came out it muddied two years of defense he had. James asks when what occurred? Billy says when it came out that he had sex with Sarah. James asks under what arrangement did that happen? Billy says Sarah came out and told the internet.

James says people don't know how it began. He says after he told her he couldn't do this with her, she said twice "I'm sorry for raping you guys." He says he spoke to her this January and admitted again that she said that. He says she leaves that out of every discussion because it doesn't go along with the "Onision is a psychopath" narrative. Billy agrees. James says it started through sexual extortion where somebody said "I could destroy your life if I wanted to" then later said "I'm only going to sign this agreement in which I won't say horrible things about you if you sleep with me." He says that's the arrangement she proposed to him. He says if he was interested in 16 year-olds why didn't he sleep with her when she was 16? Why did he tell her to get away from him and kick her out for being inappropriate with him 2 times? He called her names. She swore she was never groomed as an adult. She sexually extorted them, got what she wanted, got rejected when he freaked out, she apologizes, goes home, he makes a video about people with BPD, then she goes "ape" on him. He says she said in a live stream she never gave him a reason not to trust her, but now she can't do it anymore. He says this is why he knows this person isn't trustworthy because they would take something innocent and frame it a different way to fall in line with he obviously corrupt Chris Hansen.

He says during the call with Sarah, he asked if anyone was paid for the interviews and she said no. He asked if anyone made money because they were involved in the show and she said "uhh I can't legally answer that question." Billy laughs and says he got a contract from them. He says they were trying to fly out to sit down and interview him and he stopped responding because he could see the set up. He says they were struggling to keep the show together and they didn't have enough people to talk. He said he talked to the producer for an hour and a half of the phone and it didn't add up to him. He asks, what would he say anyway? James jokingly says he tried to fuck Billy so many times. Billy says he literally humped him on camera and everyone says he tried to rape him, but it was a joke.

Billy says they always joke and that's why he said the 16 thing. James says he was hitting him while he was down. Billy says James is always down. James says in the last 10 years he was the #67 most subscribed on Youtube, so he wouldn't say that was down. Billy says it's down when those videos of Shiloh come out and make him look like a psycho predator. James says actually everyone hated Shiloh for the longest time but they have selective memory.

The host asks if they could be friends again. Billy says he doesn't know if Onision wants to be friends with him and he doesn't know how they could go back with what happened. He says what happened with Sarah was why he had to step away from him. James interrupts him and says he became a white knight for women and didn't think if it was true. Billy said all he said was to listen to the girls. James asks why didn't he tell people to listen to evidence or to the person who has receipts? Billy says why not listen to all the people who want you in jail and you're not there? Billy says obviously James didn't do anything illegal.

Billy says the reason it was best to distance himself was because time and time again there were friends they had they James ghosted and made them feel worthless. James asks who? Billy says he's not going to name names. He says the last one had been at James' house for months, then James ghosted her when all this went down. James says the texts are on his website. Billy says he knows he posted them publicly and she felt like she was worthless. James says she publicly attacked them and acted like he and Kai should be in prison. James goes off about how great Kai is and keeps talking over Billy. James says apparently everyone is on good terms now and are friends again. He says they apologized because they threw Kai under the bus because they were ghosted. He said she was ghosted because the best friend Kai ever had just went public and tried to make them look awful so Kai was dealing with a trust complex. He just had his heart ripped out. Billy says that's why that person responded poorly, they had their heart ripped out by Kai's heart being ripped out. James says so Billy had one example and they have since resolved their differences and are on some of the best terms he's seen now.

Billy says there was another person who had a falling out with James who he heard went to lunch with James after. He says that was nice he made up with them.

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365days365movies · 4 years ago

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February 23, 2021: His Girl Friday (Review)

Should I have made more room for screwball comedies?

Because I really did enjoy this movie! His Girl Friday is the second Howard Hawks movie I’ve seen, but the first one I fully remember, and I like it quite a lot! Yeah, Walter was a slimeball, but an entertainingly slimy one. This is definitely a genre without a proper place in the modern day cinema landscape (cinemascape?), but it’s one that I’m happy to revisit at some point.

So, OK, I like the genre, but what did I think of the movie as a whole? Well, a few things. First of all, what’s with the title? My assumption is that it’s a reference to Friday from Robinson Crusoe, right?

It’s also a term used to refer to a personal assistant or loyal manservant, so I guess that makes sense. I mean, Walter and Hildy were technically equals, but Walter was also technically her boss. Plus, the loyalty thing definitely seems to be a factor in the end, so OK. Interesting choice.

Actually, I’m reading into this now, and...uh huh...uh huh...uh HUH...so, sexism? I mean, OK, it’s a movie from 1940, so I’m not terribly surprised. But, yeah, it’s about the duality of WO-man, as Hildy’s fighting between her urges as a woman to be a housewife, and her professional desires. Which, yeah, obviously got some sexism laced right in there, but I can see it. The ending where she cries in anger is supposedly representative of both emotional helplessness and inability to show how angry she is to a male authority figure. That’s according to an actual professional film critic, by the way.

OK, thing number 2. Walter being a dick is apparently intentional, and a common Howard Hawks trope to contrast his typically stubborn women. The movie’s pretty anti-marriage, and Walter obviously doesn’t change by the end of the film, meaning that their remarriage is FUCKT.

And third, I did want to point out a funny moment that I didn’t mention in the Recap, when Walter’s trying to describe Bruce. He refers to him as looking like Ralph Bellamy, the actor who’s actually portraying Bruce in the film. And apparently, that line was an ad-lib by Cary Grant! Neat! He also ad-libbed a line where he called Earl Williams a “mock turtle”. And I tell ya, I love few things more than a good Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland reference.

But OK, enough of that! Let’s get to the Review! Recap, by the way, can be found here and here if you’re curious!

Review

Cast and Acting: 10/10

Yeah, they’re perfect in their roles. Fact of the matter is, I may hate Walter, but Cary Grant is fantastic as the fast-talking sleazeball. Rosalind Russell, who I had never heard of until this movie, is also FUCKING AMAZING as Hildy, seriously. And together, their romantic chemistry takes a major backseat to their rivalry. You’re not supposed to be a fan of them getting together, and it goddamn WORKS.

And hey, Ralph Bellamy plays a nice guy real well, and John Qualen’s Earl Williams is a convincing stressed sad-sack. Other side characters, of which there are many, are also pretty goddamn fantastic. No complains here, this was basically flawless.

Plot and Writing: 10/10

And the WRITING! OH MY GOD, THE WRITING! Not only is the speed of the delivery amazing, but the flow of the writing is unparalleled. You hear much of the dialogue at lightning speed, and the lot is convoluted in its own varied ways, but not once did I ever feel lost during this movie. While the original play was written by Ben Hecht and Charles McArthur (with Hecht aiding in the film script development), Charles Lederer is also a goddamn CHAMPION, as he wrote the majority of the film’s script. Look...it’s good. It’s REALLY good. It was also an innovation of the script to make Hildy a woman, rather than the man that she was in the original play and first film adaptation (called The Front Page), AND IT WORKS SO FUCKING WELL. Goddamn.

Directing and Cinematography: 10/10

Direction by Howard Hawks is stellar, and the film has a lot of life packed into it, including in the well-directed quiet moments. Cinematography by Joseph Walker is similarly stellar. I, just...THIS IS A GOOD MOVIE, OK?

Production and Art Design: 9/10

Outside of Hildy’s wardrobe, there’s not much wardrobe variation. And that’s it. That’s my ONE complaint, because this film manages to be visually memorable WHILE STILL IN BLACK AND WHITE. HOW IN THE NINE FUCKS IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?

Music and Editing: 8/10

...Eh, editing was good, and music wasn’t very memorable. Some of the use of sound was still awesome, and sound editing was pretty goddamn spot-on, but the film editing as a whole and the score by Felix Mills and Sidney Cutner isn’t the best I’ve ever seen. So, yeah, there’s my problems with this movie.

Here’s the scoop: 94%! Exclusive and all that.

I genuinely loved this movie, real talk. And I 100% recommend it, and WILL watch it again, hopefully soon! But OK, that wasn’t as much of a romance movie as I thought it would be. How about this? Let’s move forward in the century a bit, stick with the rom-com angle, and go for another notorious name in the leading role. And directing role. And writing role. And...controversial figure role, while we’re at it.

February 24, 2021: Annie Hall (1977)

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sareyen · 4 years ago

Text

Let Me Whisper In Your Mind, Darling (Part 1/2)

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Sequel to [Let Me Whisper In Your Ear, Darling]: Charles is an audio porn star, Erik is a fan, they fall in love

Part 1

‘Charles just told me that you’re thinking about ditching my little gathering in favour of spending some quality time with him,’ Emma smirked into Erik’s mind, her cool telepathic touch amused. ‘I would usually force you to stay, but Sugar, I’d never stand in the way of you getting some, especially from Charles. Rumour has it that his mouth is the 8th wonder of the world.’

Erik shot Emma a glare, before turning back to Charles – who was ProfessorXXX, mein Gott. Erik was still trying to wrap his head around it, the voice that has been whispering in his ear swirling into a confusing mess with the seemingly angelic-looking Brit wearing a crisp white shirt. Charles looked entirely too… good. He did not look like the type of man that begged Erik to tie him up, to choke him with his cock, to fuck his mouth.

Erik’s mind lingered on these thoughts for a moment, and he would have grown embarrassed since the telepath had likely overheard them if the man’s obscenely red lips hadn’t quirked up at the risqué thoughts, his cheeks turning a little pinker. Charles gave Erik a sweet and slightly devilish smile before turning to Raven to quickly press a kiss to the back of her hand.

“I’m afraid I have to leave now, Raven,” Charles said to his sister, who narrowed her eyes at him, as if she were trying to be the telepath amongst the siblings. Erik wasn’t sure if they were conversing telepathically, but Raven then turned her natural yellow eyes to Erik, lingering there for a moment, before turning back to her brother. Then, understanding seemed to dawn on her, the girl bursting out into hysterics.

“Oh my God, you can’t be serious!” Raven cackled, doubling over and slapping her knee like a middle-aged man, almost wheezing. “That was him? That guy was Erik? Erik’s the guy who-”

Erik looked at Raven with confusion, and she must have felt her gaze on him because she only burst into another peal of hysterical laughter, now pointing a shaking finger at Erik’s confused and slightly annoyed face.

“What, Raven?” Erik grumbled, the girl only snorting between something that sounded like a laugh and a hiccup, tears coming to her yellow eyes as she tried to contain her laughter.

“Do calm down, Raven,” Charles sighed, cheeks red. His eyes narrowed a little, and Erik was sure he was saying something to Raven telepathically, the girl just rubbing away her tears and smiling, shoulders shaking a little with the remnants of her laughter. Charles turned to Erik to touch the inside of his wrist, nodding his head towards the exit. “Shall we?”

The little touch on his wrist made Erik forget about the amused expressions Raven and Emma were giving him, and he found his thinner lips curving up into a smile, nodding. Erik flicked his wrist, opening the door with his powers. Charles’s eyes widened a fraction, before a wide and mesmerised smile spread across his face.

“Amazing,” Charles murmured as he wheeled through the open door. Erik preened at the genuinely intrigued glance Charles gave him, and twisted his wrist with a little more flourish, closing the door behind them again. Now, Charles let out a gleeful laugh, further impressed. “Simply amazing! You’ll have to tell me about what other things you can do with your power – metallokinesis, was it? I’m sure you can do far more than just open and close doors.”

A ripple of excitement ran its way up Erik’s spine at ProfessorXXX’s – Charles’s – voice. Hearing his voice now was both the same and different – the lilt of his posh English accent was the same, as was the timbre and tone. But, it was completely different than anything he had heard before. It sounded more real, but it was no less attractive than it was when Charles was whispering obscenities into his ear. If anything, hearing it in such a mundane setting was even more attractive to Erik.

‘Gott, I need to calm down.’

Trying not to sound like a fool already tripping over himself in his feelings, Erik fell back onto a slightly more suggestive route – far more familiar territory.

“I can show you all the other things I can do,” Erik said in response, smirking a little when Charles’s grin only seemed to widen, a little gleam to his eye.

“I look forward to it, my friend,” Charles mused as the two of them made their way down the street. “Considering we’ve just skipped out on brunch, how about getting a little something to eat? I’d like to get to know you more, Erik.”

“Sure. I know a little cafe that serves great coffee and food about two blocks from here,” Erik said, knowing that the café was wheelchair-accessible and spacious, before pausing. “Is that too far for you to…”

Charles waved away Erik’s concern before he could continue, biceps flexing as he effortlessly wheeled himself down the footpath. Erik gulped as he watched the man’s shirt stretch around the nicely sculpted muscles, wetting his lips.

‘Gott, all of those Idioten in the comments who said that Charles was ugly would probably have a stroke if they knew how attractive ProfessorXXX really was,’ Erik thought to himself, grinning a little at the idea that they would probably never know – but Erik knew. If Erik had his way, he would be the only person who knew that ProfessorXXX had brown hair that looked impossibly floppy and soft, blue eyes dipped in the colours of the ocean and plush lips seemingly made of red satin.

“Thank you, my friend,” Charles said suddenly, eyes alight as he smiled up at Erik revealing a row of pearly whites. “Your view of me is very flattering, but you are a rare sort of man. Most people, unfortunately, see the chair and not much else.”

Realising that Charles had picked up on Erik’s errant thoughts, Erik scrambled to try and think of something to say to persuade Charles that there was more in his brain than just lustful thoughts, Charles laughing softly, eyes looking down. He likely saw the flash of panic crossing Erik’s face, the warm finger-like touch brushing Erik’s mind disappearing quickly.

“Sorry, Erik. I don’t make it a habit to actively read people’s thoughts. I do try to block everything out, but strong surface thoughts, especially ones directed at me, are harder to block out. And your mind is, well, particularly vibrant. But I won’t peek if you don’t want me to,” Charles said, almost apologetically. His words seemed to rehearsed and practised that Erik realised he must have had to say this to so many people in the past.

While mutants with visible mutations usually garnered reactions of disgust from mutantphobic humans, psionics were regarded with fear, even amongst their fellow mutants. Erik, admittedly, used to be one of those people who were wary about telepaths getting into his head, but after befriending Emma he had realised that he was just perpetuating the vicious cycle of hate towards telepaths, who were mutants too. Erik would be terribly hypocritical if he harped on about mutant rights while shunning psionics for the same reasons humans hated mutants – fear and distrust.

“No, that’s not- I mean-” Erik started, before groaning and running his fingers through his hair. “You shouldn’t have to apologise for your power,” Erik finally settled on, Charles’s dark eyebrows going up, surprised.

Erik was spurred on to continue, voice picking up its usual gritty fire, taking on the tone he used when verbally addressing (or assaulting, Emma sometimes said) mutantphobic pricks who had the balls to spew their vitriol within Erik’s earshot.

“You should never have to be forced to suppress yourself just because other people are uncomfortable. Your power is a part of you, asking you to bury would be the same as asking a baseline to chop off their own hand just because it has the potential to touch you,” Erik growled, gesticulating wildly with his hands. “And it’s the same as some mutant powers too. Emma once equated her telepathy to how I sense all the metal around me – cutting it off is horrible, like losing your eyesight. It’s disorienting.”

Erik let out a disgusted grunt at the end of his spiel, before realising that Charles hadn’t replied. In fact, the man had stopped wheeling himself beside Erik, and sat a stride or two behind Erik on the footpath. Erik swallowed thickly, his momentary surge in anger dissipating into one of quiet apprehension. Erik’s tendency to get overly worked up about the small things had never gone well with previous partners – or just people in general. Erik tentatively glanced at Charles from the corner of his eye, only to find that the man was staring at him with his mouth slightly parted and head tilted to the side, eyes impossibly deep and looking at Erik like he was a marvel.

After a moment of slightly awkward silence, Charles spoke, wheeling to catch up to Erik.

“Oh, thank you for saying that, my friend,” Charles said, a softer smile tugging on his lips. Erik’s stomach flipped at the warm sensation that smile poured over him, not unlike the sunlight-steeped warmth of Charles’s mental touch. “It really does mean a lot to hear you say that. Again, you prove that you aren’t like other men. But, my words still stand – I won’t poke around inside your head, unless you give me your explicit permission. It’s lovely that you are alright with my powers, but they can still be invasive, more so than your metal-sense.”

Erik was about to say something again, but Charles just laughed, tapping the skin on the inside of his wrist when they neared the door of the café Erik had mentioned. Erik watched as Charles expertly manoeuvred himself into the café after Erik opened the door with his abilities, earning another delighted laugh from the telepath. Erik thought it was endearing the way Charles seemed so intrigued by something that was so commonplace for him.

‘Just you wait until you can see what else I can do with my powers,’ Erik thought to himself, smiling.

***

‘Good God, Erik is… amazing,’ Charles groaned in his head as he watched Erik lean with his elbow on their small table nestled in the corner of the café. They had been sitting there for almost two hours, their food and coffee (or tea, in Charles’s case) long gone.

Charles had momentarily been worried that they wouldn’t be able to talk as comfortably as they did as ProfessorXXX and magneto22 – because Christ, Charles was still half in disbelief that this was reality. That magneto22, whom he had fallen for, had turned out to be Erik – Raven’s definition of ‘Charles Xavier’s Type’. It was too good to be true, and Charles was just waiting for the hidden cameras to jump out.

But, they had settled into conversation easily, as if this wasn’t their first time meeting face to face. They talked (and argued) about many things; politics, mutant reforms, college and work, but had now slipped back in to conversation about their mutations, focusing mainly on Erik’s because Charles did not hide his fascination with the man’s powers. Metallokinesis was rare in itself, but the way Erik wielded it with such joy and control made Charles swoon in his chair.

Charles clapped a little as he watched Erik hover his spoon over his palm, and through Charles’s superficial telepathic brush against Erik’s mind, he could feel the addictive buzz radiating off it when Erik moulded the metal into a smooth sphere, then into a rotating double helix, before manipulating it back into its original shape and letting it rest back on his plate.

“Your control is amazing,” Charles said, Erik grinning at the praise, not shy in the slightest. Charles knew that Erik prided himself in his mutation, as he should – he had true mastery over it.

“I’ve had a lot of practise,” Erik replied easily, before licking his lips. Charles’s eyes followed the movement, and Erik picked up on it, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed thickly. Erik looked down at his plate, suddenly a little hesitant, before turning back to Charles with his hypnotic grey eyes. Though Charles was the telepath between the two, he couldn’t deny that Erik’s eyes – that Erik himself – had a hold over Charles.

The man was unfairly attractive, and the slightly grainy photo Raven had showed him on her phone all those weeks ago didn’t do the man justice. He was all sharp angles and lean muscle, and the camera had not captured the passion that always seemed to be thrumming beneath the surface of his skin, or the gleam in his eye that seemed to reach into the very depths of Charles’s soul.

“I still, uh, can’t believe that you’re…” Erik said, vaguely gesturing at the man sitting opposite him, and Charles didn’t need his telepathy to know what Erik was referencing. Letting out a little laugh, Charles’s cheeks grew rosy.

“Believe me, I’m also still processing the fact that you’re magneto22. A rather apt name, now that I know who you are,” Charles said, Erik letting out a short, amused laugh. “I hope you’re not… disappointed? I’m not really the person I am in my… you know. I mean, it’s not all an act, but I know you were probably expecting someone else. I suppose the illusion of my voice has been broken, now.”

“No!” Erik said quickly, eyebrows bunching together. “I’m not disappointed. I’m definitely not disappointed.” Charles had to force himself not to wriggle as Erik’s eyes appraised him slowly, from the crest of his hair down to where his muscled torso disappeared behind the café table. Charles could pick up on the dulled sense of attraction/giddiness/relief that radiated from Erik’s mind, and Charles smiled. “And if anything, you’re not… uncomfortable, are you?”

Charles tilted his head to the side in confusion at Erik’s question. Erik swallowed again, a little nervous and looking back at his plate again. The spoon on it seemed to vibrate a little, before Erik sighed and flicked his eyes back up to meet Charles’s, determined.

“I mean, I… Ugh, fuck. I’m just going to be honest here. We both know that I listened – listen – to your… porn,” Erik said bluntly, Charles almost choking a little. “I know you wanted to meet, but… you’re really not… weirded out by that?”

Charles almost laughed at how Erik genuinely looked worried that Charles thought that he was the weird one out of the two of them. Charles knew that the way they met was unconventional, but he had pushed that away the moment he finally met magneto22 in the flesh. He no longer saw magneto22 as a faceless person – he just saw Erik. Erik, whom he was already half in-love with.

“No, I find it more flattering, than anything,” Charles assured Erik, who relaxed a bit more in his seat, mouth beginning to curve back up in a smile now. Feeling a little bold, Charles leaned forward in his chair, cradling his chin in the palm of his hand. “But as a dedicated listener of mine, ah, maybe you could give me some feedback?”

Charles’s heart thumped when Erik’s breath hitched, his tongue flicking out to lick his lips.

“Feedback?” Erik echoed, voice a little rough.

“Yes,” Charles purred, reaching out to softly rest his hand atop Erik’s on the table, thumb running along the edge of his hand. “Which audio was your favourite? Which one…” Charles dropped his voice now, adopting that tone, one well-practised from making so many audio porn clips that it was almost second nature. “Which one did you listen to the most when you touched yourself?”

“Oh, Gott,” Erik blurted out, eyes going wide as he seemed to lurch in his chair. Charles bit his lip as he watched Erik curse and cross his legs tightly, long legs bumping against the table, plates clattering. Erik glared at Charles a little at his forwardness, but Charles could tell that it wasn’t because he disliked it.

In fact, Erik seemed to enjoy it.

‘That’s not fair,’ Charles heard Erik push into his mind, and the telepath shivered at Erik’s uncoerced projection.

‘Oh, darling,’ Charles responded mentally, ‘I’m merely a professional. I’m always trying to improve my craft. And since you are here… I’d like to collect some… empirical data, if you know what I mean.’

A strong pulse of desire/shock/affection drifted across the tether binding Erik and Charles’s minds now, Erik’s eyes darkening with lust.

“I’ll get the check,” Erik gritted out, Charles laughing, anticipation swelling in his belly.

“Erik, we’ll go dutch. I’d hope that this is a relationship where we are both ready to… give? Though I do not mind receiving in the slightest.” Charles still hadn’t dropped the flirtatious tone in his voice, but it came naturally when someone like Erik was looking at him like he was contemplating just screwing the check and bending Charles over the table, plates and cutlery be damned.

“Gott,” Erik said again, shifting his legs to cross his legs the other way, glaring at Charles again. “Fine. I’m paying for the cab, though.”

‘Because damn if I’m going to wait for a fucking train now,’ Erik supplied afterwards, Charles giggling with glee.

‘I won’t say no to that, darling.’

***

They went to Charles’s apartment. Even though the café was right between both of their places, they knew that Raven would be stuck at Emma’s party for a long time while Erik’s roommate was probably hanging around his place. Also, Charles’s apartment was more accessible, and even though Erik was beginning to grow impatient, he still had enough of a mind to think about such things.

The two men sat in the back of a taxi now, Erik’s fingers tapping rapidly on his crossed knee while he tried to calm himself down by running his powers over the metal of the car. Charles was sitting far more poised in the seat beside him, his illegally red mouth seemingly stuck in its knowing grin.

Oh, Erik was sure that Charles knew exactly what he was doing to him. Charles had been right – he was a professional, a professional at being able to arouse Erik with nothing more than his words and his wit. It was one thing listening to a recording of Charles’s voice, still somewhat removed from reality. Now that the owner of the voice was speaking those things directly to Erik, and directly into his mind, well. Erik didn’t have a chance.

As he was thinking (loudly), Erik felt a warmth spreading across the back of his hand where it rested on the fabric seat between him and Charles. Erik looked down, Charles’s hand creeping closer and closer, calloused fingers drifting across his hand to rest on Erik’s thigh, which tensed under his touch. Charles continued to look straight ahead, though his hand came up to cover the grin growing on his face.

Charles’s hand stroked up and down his thigh languidly, squeezing every now and then, making Erik’s cock twitch. Charles was going to be the death of him, Erik knew it, and he welcomed it. Erik’s hand, which rested on his other thigh, drew itself into a tight fist.

‘We’re almost there, darling,’ Charles cooed in his mind when they turned a corner, now glancing sideways to look at Erik. ‘And don’t worry, you’re not the only impatient one. I’ve been wanting to put my mouth on your cock the moment you recognised my voice. I assure you, my mouth can do more than just articulate a pretty voice.”

Suddenly, Erik’s mind flashed with the image of Erik kneeling over Charles, whose red mouth was open and spread over Erik’s hard cock.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Erik choked out, covering his face with his hand. Erik unfurled his fist, reaching out with his powers to urge the taxi to go faster, Charles bursting out with a turned-on laugh while the taxi driver squeaked in confusion.

Erik was half-hard by the time the taxi pulled up to Charles’s apartment complex. It was a simple red-brick building with a poorly trimmed front lawn and peeling paint, not looking any more opulent than Erik’s own dingy apartment, but Erik didn’t care. In fact, he preferred that – it made Charles more relatable, somehow. The more he found out about Charles, the more he solidified the fact that ProfessorXXX was a real person, and not just some glorified voice that pulled orgasms from Erik with a single syllable.

Charles hummed in appreciation when Erik popped open the boot with his powers and levitated Charles’s chair to him. Erik, in turn, appreciated how Charles slid himself into the chair and swung his legs into position, arms flexing. Erik all but shoved a wad of cash into the taxi driver’s hand, tipping him a bit too much but thinking about nothing more than bringing the image Charles had teased him with into reality.

The two men were silent as they headed into Charles’s apartment, the air thick and electric between them. The spark had already been lit when they left the café, but it had fermented and built in the taxi ride over, and the moment Charles and Erik had passed the threshold of Charles’s apartment, Erik pounced on the man.

Charles moaned when Erik sealed his mouth over his, leaning over Charles with his knee resting on his chair between his unmoving legs. One of Charles’s hands immediately fisted itself in Erik’s short hair while the other gripped onto the fabric of Erik’s shirt, tugging the man closer. Erik had to brace himself with one hand on the chair’s armrest, the other against the backrest, almost smothering the smaller man in his arms.

Even that didn’t seem close enough for Charles, who arched up into Erik’s touch, slanting their lips together to deepen the kiss which was furious and messy, a clash of slick tongues, teeth and moans.

They only pulled back to breathe, both of their chests heaving. Charles’s pupils were wide and dark, naturally coloured lips now even redder, kiss-bruised and glossy. The freckles on the telepath’s cheeks blended into the flushed redness there, and Erik moved his hand from the chair’s backrest to cup Charles’s cheek, the touch tender in contrast to their hard and frenzied kiss.

Erik’s thumb brushed across the freckles, then down to the corner of Charles’s lips. The man smirked a little, turning his head slightly and parting his mouth, letting Erik push his finger between his lips and into the wet heat.

Erik groaned when Charles’s mouth wrapped around his digit, tongue flattening against the pad of his thumb, showing Erik that yes, that mouth can do much more than whisper filthy things in Erik’s ear.

‘I’d really like to suck your cock now, darling,’ Charles pushed mentally at the same time as he moaned around Erik’s thumb. Erik’s cock was definitely hard now, straining against his pants uncomfortably.

“Fuck, Charles,” Erik breathed out, Charles pulling his lips from Erik’s thumb with a smile that was far too pretty for someone who had just said that he wanted to suck Erik’s dick.

Charles just chuckled breathily, craning his neck up to meet Erik for another sloppy, wet kiss, which Erik obliged. Charles’s hands slid down his waist, brushing over Erik’s harness, making Erik groan into their kiss.

“In my audio, I’d be talking about how hard you are for me right about now. Knowing how you listen to my voice to get yourself off, I think you’d like to hear me talk to you about how much I want to taste your dripping cock,” Charles murmured against Erik’s mouth, Erik’s breath catching as his eyes closed, Charles’s voice echoing around him. Though Charles’s voice was steady, his hands were fumbling at Erik’s button and zipper, his desperation to get his hands and mouth on Erik’s cock clear.

Erik helped Charles out, using his powers to undo his button and tug down his zip, knowing that it would turn Charles on. It did, Charles shuddering and licking his lips, peering up at Erik like he had hung the moon instead of simply undoing his fly.

Charles then tugged down Erik’s pants, letting out an impressed “Mm,” as he laid his eyes on Erik’s hardness tenting in his briefs; the white fabric was damp around Erik’s leaking head, turning a little transparent.

“You’re already so hard for me, and I haven’t properly touched you yet,” Charles breathed, mouth hovering over Erik’s straining bulge. Erik sucked in a breath, Charles’s hands reaching around his legs to rest on the curve of his ass, squeezing and pulling his crotch forwards. “You know, one thing I’m grateful for with this chair is that it’s the perfect height for me to get my mouth on your cock.”

With that, Charles pressed his open mouth against Erik’s clothed erection, Erik swallowing down a long moan. Charles mouthed at his cock, the fabric of Erik’s briefs becoming wetter and wetter. Charles wasn’t as restrained with his moans, not holding back the drawn-out mewl as his lips moved against Erik’s clothed cock.

“I can taste you through your briefs,” Charles breathed against his erection, inhaling deeply through his nose and humming at the heady scent. “Darling, I want to taste more of you. Pull down your pants and briefs, fully.”

Erik’s cock twitched at the order, quickly shimmying down his pants and briefs, the fabric pooling around his ankles. Erik’s cock now hung free from its confines, jutting out hard and stiff towards Charles’s mouth, that smiled hungrily.

Charles gripped the base of Erik’s cock, squeezing as he looked up at Erik through his dark lashes, blue eyes drawing Erik in. The metallokinetic gasped as Charles stroked him up and down once, thumb brushing over his leaking slit and spreading his pre-cum down his shaft. Erik’s cock was big, and Charles said as much, voice reverent.

“I knew your cock would be perfect, darling,” Charles chuckled as he stroked again, coaxing another bead of pre-cum to bead at Erik’s cut head.

“Charles, stop teasing,” Erik grumbled, trying to push as much frustration into his voice, but only managing to sound desperate.

“I’m not teasing, darling,” Charles sang, breath fanning across Erik’s cock. “I’m just appreciating your cock. It really is quite beautiful. But if you insist…”

Charles licked a stripe up the underside of Erik’s cock, and once his tongue reached Erik’s head, he wrapped his lips around it.

“Oh, shit,” Erik groaned, Charles’s mouth wet and warm. Charles hummed around his cock, tongue flattening against his underside before curling around his length, drawing him further and further into his mouth.

‘You taste delicious, Erik,’ Charles moaned into Erik’s mind, and Erik almost came there and then. It was really unfair, really, really unfair; Charles’s voice was Erik’s weakness, they both knew it, and the fact that Charles could use his telepathy to feed his voice into Erik’s mind while his mouth was busy sucking him off was just too much.

‘He’s perfect, he’s perfect, mein Gott,’ Erik’s mind chanted as he gasped when Charles’s cheeks hollowed, before he pulled back, beginning to bob his head up and down Erik’s length.

‘You’re so big, Erik. The biggest, most delicious cock I’ve ever tasted. Perfect,’ Charles praised, bobbing his head forwards and taking in more and more of Erik. Charles moaned as his hands on Erik’s ass tightened, closed eyes squeezing shut even tighter as he felt Erik’s head brush against his throat. Charles choked a little, and Erik’s eyes widened, hand immediately flying to Charles’s hair as he began to pull out of Charles’s mouth.

‘Don’t you dare,’ Charles said warningly, squeezing Erik’s ass again, shoving his head back down on Erik’s cock and whimpering around it. ‘I’m sure you’ve heard my blow job audios, darling. I may not have had a real cock in my mouth then, but I never lied. I want to choke on your cock, I want you to fuck my face, pull my hair, make me gag. I want all of it,” Charles said, almost pleading. ‘Please, Erik. Give it all to me.’

Give everything to me.

“Fuck, fuck, you’re just-” Erik cursed, not as eloquent as Charles, his words lost as all the blood rushed from his head and down to his cock. Erik’s hand tightened in Charles’s floppy hair, the man humming in appreciation.

‘Yes, yes, yes,’ Charles moaned into Erik’s mind when Erik began to move his hips, tentatively thrusting into Charles’s mouth. ‘More, Erik. More.’

With Charles’s devilish voice spurring him on, Erik gritted his teeth and began thrusting into his mouth in earnest, earning a moan from Charles, which in turn wrenched a curse from Erik’s mouth.

“Your voice, Charles. Your voice and your fucking mouth,” Erik growled, Charles opening his eyes, which were a little glossy as he swallowed Erik down enthusiastically. Charles looked up at Erik, and their lustful blueness coupled with the visual of Charles sucking him down made Erik’s ball tighten. “Fuck, Charles, I’m gonna-”

‘Come in my mouth,’ Charles ordered, his mental voice strained with arousal. ‘Like I said, I want you to give me everything. I want to choke on your hard cock as you come, taste you on my tongue, suck out every last drop of your cum and not waste a bit.’

“Oh, fuck,” Erik pushed out between his teeth as he came hard with a choked grunt, Charles’s words pulling him over the edge like they always did. Erik’s mind blanked out as he came, body tensing as he felt himself release, still fucking Charles’s face with jerky, undone movements as he spilled himself down Charles’s throat.

Charles, the unbelievable, perfect man, swallowed everything and continued to lap at Erik’s cock as it began to soften, making Erik moan at the over-sensitive feeling. Charles eventually pulled his reddened and bruised mouth from Erik’s cock, licking at the head to make sure he didn’t miss anything, throat bobbing as he swallowed.

“Mm, thank you for that,” Charles drawled while licking his lips, voice a little rough after having been wrecked by Erik’s solid fucking. That quality to his voice was something he hadn’t been able to fake fully in his audios, and the raw sound made Erik groan, leaning down to capture Charles’s mouth with his. He could taste the salty and bitter flavour of his cum on Charles’s tongue, and the taste of him mixing with Charles was the most erotic thing he had experienced in his life.

“I need to take care of you,” Erik mumbled against Charles’s mouth, the man chuckling slightly, pulling back to cup Erik’s face, his smile almost a little wistful.

“I’m fine, darling,” Charles said gently, pressing a short and soft kiss against Erik’s mouth, which turned down a little.

‘Oh no, no, no, did Charles not enjoy that? He was the one doing all the things I like, oh Gott, he doesn’t think that I only want him to get me off, does he? Is this because I like his porn? Because Charles is more than that, so much more and-”

“Oh, don’t worry. It’s not you, darling. Definitely not you, you’re amazing,” Charles interrupted, kissing Erik again, before pulling back. “Come and sit down on the couch, I should probably talk to you first… I probably should have talked to you about this before I got my mouth on your cock, but I was a little desperate, not sure if you could tell.” Charles had an amused grin on his mouth now, and Erik relaxed, just a little.

Erik didn’t know what he would do if Charles wanted to stop this… thing they had, because even though this thing was so new it was barely a something, to Erik it had the potential to become everything.

After quickly tucking himself back into his pants, Erik followed Charles as he wheeled himself across the small open living room towards a slightly ugly orange couch. It was only now that Erik really took in his surroundings, previously too occupied by the thought of Charles blowing him to think about anything else.

Charles’s apartment was small and a little cluttered, with just enough floor space for him to move around in his chair. There was a threadbare but well-loved blanket draped over the back of the couch alongside and a few mismatched pillows. A dark wood vintage coffee table sat in front of it over a soft print rug that clashed with the orange couch. There was no TV in the room, the space usually reserved for one housing a packed bookshelf, its shelves curving downwards slightly with the sheer weight of the books on it. There were a few more stacks of books around it on the floor nestled amongst some potted plants and a curved metal floor lap that Erik ran his powers across.

The living room was connected directly to the kitchen, which had been fitted with low counters, the dining table also made lower to be accessible for Charles. It was a small but cosy apartment, and though things were mismatched, it was obvious that everything inside it was treasured. It also smelled like Charles, a mixture of paper and books, but also with a hint of spice and sunlight.

“Sorry, it’s a bit of a mess. Raven and I tend to let things go around exam time…” Charles apologised, and Erik shook his head, planting himself on the span of couch Charles patted with his hand. Charles himself then smoothly transferred himself to the couch beside Erik, before turning to him.

“Charles?” Erik asked, growing a little more nervous when Charles bit his lip, like he was trying to find the words.

“Sorry,” Charles said quickly, patting Erik’s knee. “It’s not often that I have to explain this, since most people usually see the chair and then want nothing more to do with me.” Charles’s voice was bleak as he spoke, and Erik’s lips pulled back in a sour snarl.

“Well, those people didn’t deserve your time in the first place,” Erik huffed out, anger flaring at the idea that people could look at Charles and have that sort of reaction, hurting him. Charles’s hand on his knee squeezed it thankfully, eyes crinkling in the corners when he smiled adoringly at Erik.

“God, you’re amazing,” Charles sighed happily, leaning forward to kiss Erik again, aiming for a short peck but couldn’t help but give in to the way Erik coaxed his mouth open, dragging his arm around the smaller man to draw him in closer. They kissed for a short while, until Charles drew back with a wiggle of his dark brow. “And you’re distracting.”

“That doesn’t sound like a complaint to me,” Erik replied, earning a chuckle and the shake of Charles’s hair, the man shuffling closer towards Erik to lean into his side, Erik’s arms finding their rightful place around his shoulders.

“Not at all, but it isn’t conducive to meaningful conversation,” Charles said with a smile, before continuing. “As I was saying, I never really have to talk about this often, so bear with me.” Erik nodded, rubbing his hand up and down Charles’s bicep, the man melting into his embrace.

‘Distracting,’ Charles chimed in Erik’s mind, rolling his eyes teasingly.

Verbally, Charles sucked in a breath before speaking. “I’m sure Raven or Emma have told you about my condition, or at least enough for you to know that I don’t have use of my legs.”

“Mhmm, they mentioned it, briefly. I just know that you had a car accident a few years ago,” Erik said, Charles nodding.

“Yes. The accident left me… broken. But hey, you should’ve seen the other guy. And by the other guy, I mean the Mercedes van,” Charles said, attempting to joke, earning a small snort from Erik. “Anyway, to put things simply, the accident didn’t only affect my legs, but also my…” Charles sighed, gesturing to his crotch.

“Oh,” Erik said, blinking as he stared at Charles’s cock hidden beneath his pants, before realising that he was staring and forced himself to look back up into Charles’s eyes. “Can you feel anything there at all? Can you…” Charles shrugged.

“I can feel sensations, but they’re muted, so to get any real stimulation things need to be more intense,” Charles explained, looking at Erik tentatively to gauge his reaction. When Erik only nodded while looking thoughtful, not judging him in the slightest but just listening intently, Charles loosened up and continued. “And I can get an erection, but it’s harder – no pun intended – and not as predictable. Sometimes it can last for a while, other times I can’t get it any more than half-hard. But, medication can help.”

“Even if you don’t get hard, can you still feel things?” Erik asked, Charles laughing softly, pressing his cheek to Erik’s shoulder.

“If you’re asking if I can still have an orgasm without an erection or ejaculating, then yes, I can,” Charles said, Erik’s mouth quirking up.

“Then I believe I owe you one orgasm,” Erik said, leaning forward to nudge his nose with Charles’s, grey-blue eyes heated. Charles let out a bubbling laugh, letting Erik push him back against the couch to hover over him, his laughter only stopping when Erik smothered him in a kiss.

‘It’s going to be harder than what you’re accustomed to, darling. You’ll have to do much more than sweet-talk me to get me off,” Charles teased, Erik snorting, nostrils flaring.

“I enjoy a good challenge,” Erik replied after detaching his mouth from Charles’s to suck and nibble on his earlobe, eliciting a delicious gasp from the man beneath him. Erik smirked as he worked his mouth down to work at Charles’s neck, then down and down and down until he reached Charles’s soft cock, looking up to meet blue eyes that looked at him with something much more than just lust.

Erik was sure he was looking back the exact same way as Charles reached down to knot his hands with Erik’s, squeezing.

‘You are really something else, Erik Lehnsherr.’

***

Charles found out that afternoon that yes, Erik really did enjoy a challenge. Charles also found out that Erik’s mouth was extremely talented, and though he didn’t talk as much during sex as Charles did, that did not mean he didn’t know how to use his mouth. Erik’s mouth, tongue and jaw had worked tirelessly and passionately, not disheartened in the slightest as they lavished Charles’s soft cock with so much attention. Any other man would have come twice and then some with how good Erik’s touch was.

It had taken longer than normal, but Charles was already more aroused in Erik’s presence than he had ever been alone, and he almost cried out in joy when his cock began to come to life, swelling under Erik’s rough palm that twisted and rubbed up and down Charles’s length.

Charles wasn’t as big as Erik, but he was thick and uncut, Charles moaning loudly when he caught Erik’s runaway thoughts of ‘Gott, Charles is so beautiful, so hot, so perfect, I want this to be good for him, I want to make him feel good’. Erik was a focused and determined man as he sucked Charles down, the man’s cock hardening slowly in Erik’s mouth.

“You’re doing so good, darling, it feels so good,” Charles mumbled, letting his head drop back on the couch, eyes closing as he focused on the dulled sensations lower down on his body, hands idly reaching under his rumpled shirt to twist and rub his sensitive nipples. Since Charles’s lower body had minimal sensation, his upper body had become much more responsive, and Erik moaned around Charles’s length when he saw Charles’s hands disappear beneath his shirt.

Charles’s pants were just pulled down enough to expose his cock, the telepath still a little hesitant to reveal his thin and atrophied legs to Erik. Erik had ensured him that he didn’t mind, and his mind screamed that he thought Charles was the most gorgeous thing he’d ever seen, but Charles had years of a broken self-esteem to overcome.

Charles thought that, maybe with Erik – understanding, straightforward and accepting Erik – that he could begin to overcome all of those barriers. Charles knew that it was still too early to really know, that even though he felt a connection, they still barely knew each other.

But he knew enough about Erik to begin to dream.

Erik was so patient, often asking Charles what felt good, where he was getting the most sensation, if he needed to grip him harder or suck tighter, and Charles began to understand his fans – hearing Erik talk about what he was doing and asking him about what he wanted him to do was turning him on in itself.

Erik followed Charles’s instructions to the letter, stroking Charles’s cock with more force than usual, his altered nerves meaning that Erik needed to have a heavier hand for Charles to feel something. And he did, God, Charles felt so much.

Even so, part way through, Charles’s erection waned and Charles was about to apologise, but was cut off when Erik just continued to lick at his head and knead his balls. Erik didn’t stop, he didn’t comment on it, his mind just focused on the thought of ‘want to make Charles moan, want to hear that voice, want to know how he really sounds when he’s about to come’.

It had taken a while, much longer than it had taken Erik to come from Charles’s own mouth, but Erik did manage to make Charles come. Even though he wasn’t hard, and even if he hadn’t spilled anything into Erik’s eager mouth, Charles had come.

And he came hard.

Charles was always loud, but he had never been like this. Erik’s expert hands had reached in deep and drawn out the most mind-shattering orgasm Charles had ever had in his life; his mind blanked out with white static, and he was sure he was shaking as the orgasm washed over him. He had dug the fingers of one hand into the back of the couch, the other above his head and clawing at the armrest. He had screamed Erik’s name, a broken, desperate sound, one that Erik drank up like he would have with his throat if Charles had ejaculated into his mouth.

Charles had lay boneless as Erik tenderly tucked him back into his pants, doing them back up with his powers and crawling on all fours to lay himself on top of Charles. He kissed Charles slowly, Charles still shaking and crying with the force of his orgasm, wobbly arms looping around Erik’s neck to hold him tightly.

“Where have you been hiding this whole time?” Charles eventually whispered, slowly climbing down from his post-coital daze. Erik barked out a laugh, burying his face in Charles’s shoulder, breathing him in. There was the smell of sex lingering in the air, thick and heady in the small confines of the apartment.

“In my room, jerking off to your voice,” Erik murmured against the man’s skin, Charles laughing. “The real thing is much, much better though.”

“I’m glad,” Charles said honestly, running his fingers through Erik’s hair as they just lay there, blissed out and content.

They only removed themselves from each other a long time after when they heard the front door open, revealing Raven with her hands over her eyes.

“Are you decent?” Raven called out as she morphed into her loungewear, still covering her eyes as Charles and Erik rolled their eyes, sitting on the couch beside each other in a non-compromising position. Erik just had his arm draped over Charles’s shoulder and the telepath rested his hand on Erik’s knee.

“Yes, we’re decent, Raven,” Charles sighed, his sister asking the question again, to make sure, not wanting her eyes to be burned with the scarring image of her brother and friend playing whack-a-mole with their dicks.

Raven ended up dropping her hand, only to dramatically gag at the sight of the two men snuggled up on the couch.

“God, I never thought I’d see you look like this, Erik,” Raven said, Erik narrowing his eyes and flipping her off discreetly.

“You were the one trying to set us up in the first place, Raven,” Charles reminded her, the girl snorting.

“Yeah, I was, but I never thought that you two would be so gross so soon,” Raven said, before her blue mouth curved upwards, amusement flickering in her eyes. “But, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, not when Erik had the hots for you after listening to your porn.” Saying the words out loud seemed to amuse Raven to no end, beginning to dissolves into hysterics, reminiscent of how she was at Emma’s party.

Erik’s eyes widened, staring at Raven, a little mortified.

‘How does she know that I-’

‘I apologise, Erik,’ Charles sent telepathically, turning to the man with a slight frown. ‘I had told her that I was actually planning on meeting you – well, magneto22 – and that I wasn’t interested in you – as in Erik – anymore… but considering I ditched Emma’s brunch with you, Raven put two and two together,’ Charles said silently, squeezing Erik’s knee. ‘I’m sorry…’

Erik was silent for a moment, before he started to grin, showing too many teeth in a way that Charles found ridiculously attractive.

‘You were going to give me up for magneto22? What, was I not good-looking enough for you?’ Erik responded, face scrunching up as he pretended to be miffed, Charles giggling.

‘What can I say? Magneto22 was very charming,’ Charles said, hand beginning to stroke up Erik’s thigh. ‘And no, you know full well how attractive I think you are, but that’s really just a bonus.’

‘Charmer,’ Erik shot back, leaning down to kiss Charles, Raven groaning.

“You’re flirting telepathically right now, aren’t you? God, you two are going to be the worst,” Raven whined, covering her eyes again as she rushed towards her bedroom. “I only came here to pick up some things because I’m going to stay at Angel’s. I don’t want to be here if you two are going to hump on the couch all night.”

“Not sure that Charles has it in him to go again just yet,” Erik called out, Charles squeaking as Raven screeched in her room, yelling something like “I need brain bleach, images, images!”

“Do you really need to traumatise my sister?” Charles asked, Erik just grinning widely.

“I don’t need to,” Erik said, waiting for Raven to pop back out of her room to snog Charles messily just to rile her up. Raven screamed again as Erik snickered, pushing his thoughts to Charles, who just sighed against his lips. ‘But it is fun.’

Next part (2/2) →

#cherik #charles xavier #erik lehnsherr #xmen #xmen fic #x-men #smut #modern au #audioporn #raven darkholme #emma frost #professor x #magneto

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harry-lloyd · 4 years ago

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In many ways, the horrible wig was the best thing to happen to Harry Lloyd.

The shock of platinum blonde hair, slashed to a sensible bob at his shoulders like a high-fashion Legolas, was the coif that tied Lloyd’s indelible, insufferable Game of Thrones character together: Viserys Targaryen, the petulant narcissist whose play for the Iron Throne melts along with the rest of him under a pot of molten metal poured over his head, one of the show’s first and most iconic gruesome death scenes.

The splashy HBO production was the biggest job the young actor had ever landed, and as a character with an unmistakable, unforgettable look, to boot— the better to sear into TV fans’ consciousness.

Blessedly, that unmistakable, unforgettable look in no way actually resembled him, a then-27-year-old rising star with short, dark brown hair and alabaster complexion. He played one of the most memorable characters in recent TV history on possibly the last truly massive global TV phenomenon, yet, by the grace of a wig, he was still unrecognizable.

“I kind of loved that,” Lloyd tells The Daily Beast over Zoom from the loft study in his North London home. “And I kind of loved that he died. He had this lovely arc, and he still has his place in this enormous and infamous canon.”

Given how vivid that arc is in Thrones lore, it’s almost startling to remember that he was only on five episodes of the show.

“I had my go,” he says. “I got in early and I got out early. And he didn’t look like me, which, number one, is good because he is a little shit. And so I was happy to not have people throwing stuff at me in the streets. But number two, and I didn’t notice at the time, but it has since become the biggest show on TV. It doesn’t make me worry about being typecast so much.”

In the years since becoming a scalded puddle of boiling jewels and flesh, Lloyd has been able to shapeshift through an impressive résumé of prestige TV series and award-nominated films—Manhattan, Wolf Hall, Counterpart, Legion, The Theory of Everything—relieved of the kind of limitations actors who play little shits in garish white wigs on TV’s biggest show typically shoulder.

The occasion for our conversation is yet another transformation, as Bernard Marx in Brave New World, the splashy adaptation of Aldous Huxley’s 1932 dystopian sci-fi novel. The series is the marquee original offering for Wednesday’s launch of the new Peacock streaming service, casting Downton Abbey alum Jessica Brown Findlay and Han Solo himself, Alden Ehrenreich, alongside Lloyd in an updated take on the classic work.

Brave New World thwarts the idea of a restrictive, Orwellian dystopia with one in which society is instead forced into surrendering their inhibitions. “Welcome to New London,” a prologue explains. “We have three rules. No privacy. No family. No monogamy. Everyone is very happy.”

The new series boasts modernized flourishes when it comes to style—if there had been this much sex in Huxley’s book, we would have paid far more attention to it in high school—and sensibility; some of the problematically racist and misogynistic themes and plot points have been corrected.

Lloyd’s Bernard is an upper echelon member of society, called an Alpha-Plus, whose job is to maintain social order. Throughout the series, he experiences a crisis of conscience, an existential awakening at odds with the blissful stasis he’s meant to both control and enjoy.

If a narrow escape from typecasting and a career playing snooty, megalomaniacal manchildren has meant a diverse array of opportunity for Lloyd, then Brave New World marks more new territory: It’s his first outright leading role.

Lloyd had never read Huxley’s book before being cast, but was impressed by the ambition of the script, “almost like a mega tentpole movie in scale” but esoteric and satirical at the same time. “I was like, this has the whole package if they can shoot this, but I don’t think they can.”

It took one day on set for him to catch wise to the technical prowess at play. “I was like, wow, this really is a brave new world,” he says.

Don’t worry. He promptly scoffed at himself and rolled his eyes.

It is one of the best opening lines to a profile that I’ve read, from a 2011 feature on Lloyd that ran in Britain’s The Independent: “There was a time when Harry Lloyd worried that he was forever going to be typecast—as a woman.”

It was in reference to Lloyd’s days as a student at Eton College, where the young teen’s voice had not yet broken and he was cast as women in a slew of all-male Shakespeare productions.

Here we were prepping to engage with Lloyd about the perils of typecasting following his Thrones stint, ignorant of the fact that he had already confronted the issue decades earlier.

Lloyd laughs good-naturedly when the era of fake bras and bonnets is brought up.

“I hated it,” he says. Just when he had vowed never to agree to it again, in his last year at school he was asked to play Rosalind in As You Like It, by all counts a fantastic leading part. He nailed it, and earned raves. “At an all-boys boarding school, it took balls to put on tights, as it was.” A perfectly-earned smirk at his own joke follows.

The truth is that being typecast or pigeon-holed is a stressor that followed Lloyd, who grew up in London with parents who worked in the book industry. “Sometimes it’s just the face you have at a certain age…” he says.

His first major role came at age 15 in the BBC’s 1999 adaptation of David Copperfield, opposite Daniel Radcliffe. (Adding another fascinating layer to the trivia: Lloyd himself is the great-great-great grandson of Charles Dickens.) One of his first jobs after that was playing a bullying prefect in the series Goodbye, Mr. Chips.

“I guess that’s what I looked like, and I did that a couple of times,” he says. “Then I was like, I don’t really want to just be that guy. He’s a bit of a dick. And then I think next up I played the murderer in some procedural police thing, some young kid that’s gone sideways.”

Each time he felt a box starting to close its sides around him, he actively sought out something different. Having Great Expectations, in which he played Herbert Pocket, “the loveliest, most benign chap you’d ever meet,” air months after his Thrones debut was key. But he can’t refute that, with or without a platinum wig, there’s something about the way he looks that telegraphs a certain kind of sinister character.

“If I turn up in a murder thing, it’s often me who’s done it,” he says, grinning. “I don’t want to give anything away from the stuff I’ve been in. But I don’t know, there’s something about my face that is like, ‘He could do it.’”

After he had finished filming his part on Thrones and the series was about to come out, he was cast in the buzzy West End production of the Tony-winning play The Little Dog Laughed.

If you’re familiar with the work, a satire about Hollywood illusion (and delusion) in which an acerbic, big-wig agent crisis manages her rising-star client’s pesky “recurring case of homosexuality,” you understand why it’s a fairly hilarious, if sobering, project to be involved in just as an actor’s own fame and industry profile is about to skyrocket.

“Because I was about to be on Game of Thrones, I thought, this is the time for me to get an American agent,” he recalls. “And so the American agents, when they were in London, would come and see me in this play, which basically looks at agenting and their ways with quite a big, angry magnifying glass. They would come backstage and say, ‘Look, I am not like that…’” He laughs. “It was always quite a funny way to start the proceedings.”

Having starred in episodes of Dr. Who and played Charles Xavier in Legion, not to mention his connection to Thrones, Lloyd has had his taste of the particular brand of rabid, Comic-Con fandom. Though he prefers to classify himself as “adjacent-adjacent” to that world.

While there are certainly those who will know right away that he was a Targaryen, what he gets more of is a “Wait, how do I know you?” awkward conversation. “Genuinely, people are like, ‘Hey, did I go to school with you?’ I’m at that level of renown. You can’t quite place why you might recognize me.”

Asked how life under the coronavirus shutdown has been, Lloyd is very British about the months spent with his wife and their almost-2-year-old. “We’ve done alright,” he says. “We learned how to finally kind of plan our fridge. And now we know how to do our shopping tactically. We cooked some good stuff.”

For fear of sounding “solipsistic,” to use a word employed often in Brave New World, he identifies the extended time home with typical feelings actors have throughout their career.

“You have accelerated times in your life when things happen like a dream,” he says. “Things are so fast and our whole world’s rebuilt entirely every time you get a job. And then is the come-down and the fallout.”

He remembers that feeling from when he was doing plays: the energy and pace of putting on the show, and then a few weeks after it ends there’s a massive crash.

“It feels a bit like you’re in lockdown. You stare around on a Tuesday afternoon. You don’t want to watch anything. You don’t know what to do or who to call, and you kind of lose your style. There’s been a bit of that.”

Just when things got to the point that he felt like he might lose his mind, he was contracted to record an audiobook. So for a couple of days a week, he would sit up in his “sweatbox made out of duvets” and read Great Expectations aloud for Penguin. “That saved me for sure.”

On the subject of works by his great-great-great grandfather, Lloyd used to be at a loss for what to do when people brought it up. Often they would say, “Congratulations!” on the relation, as if he had accomplished something himself by being born into Charles Dickens’ lineage. “But these days, I’ll take it, I’ve decided. ‘Yeah, thank you so much.’ It’s a nice thing to celebrate.”

The 150th anniversary of Dickens’ death was in June. There had been plans for a commemoration ceremony at Westminster Abbey that, because of the shutdown, became a Zoom event instead.

“I don’t know how many people’s deaths get a 150th anniversary,” he says. “The fact that I have any kind of personal connection with that is very much secondary. But something that I’m very proud of.”

At risk of belaboring the point, we ask if working on any of the Dickens adaptations he’s starred in on TV or recording this audiobook makes Lloyd feel any sort of profound or poignant connection to him.

He laughs. “I can’t point to a physical sensation like hairs in the back of my neck standing. ‘I feel him. It’s me and Chucky D in the room right now.’”

#harry lloyd #interview

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joyofcrime-elinorhigh · 6 years ago

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Frosty Returns REVIEW:

Hello there, everybody. My name is JoyofCrimeArt and welcome to the second review in my month long "Deviant-cember" special event. Christmas time is right around the corner and I don't know about you, but I'm loving it. Christmas is awesome! (No offence to any non Christian or non practicing readers out there. I'm sure your holidays are awesome to, I guess have no personal experience in that department.) The music, the decorations, the food, and the festive feeling of kindness towards your fellow man are all things that make this time of year so wonderful! But one of my favorite parts of the Christmas season is all of the Christmas specials. I love Christmas specials. Every year I make it my personal mission to watch as many as I can, from classics like "Rudolph" and "Charlie Brown", to the more contemporary specials like "Olive the Other Reindeer" and "Yes, Virginia." And that's not even counting the really frickin' out there Christmas specials, like "T.I and Tiny's Holiday Hustle." an animated special about hip hop artist T.I. and his family having to team up with an elf in order to save Christmas. Yes, this exist! But that's a review for another day...

(THIS EXISTS!) Today, I want to talk about a different holiday special. A holiday special that features significantly less hip hop and also significantly less holiday. That special would be the 1992 animated tv special "Frosty Returns."

"Frosty Returns" is the a um....sequel?.....Reboot?.....Cash grab? -Of the original Rankin-Bass Frosty special from 1969. This special, however, was not created by Rankin-Bass, but rather Broadway Video's and directed by Bill Melendez. Bill Melendez is most well known for his work on the four theatrical Charlie Brown movies, and this special shares a similar art style to those old Peanuts cartoons. I'm going to be honest here, while I do like the original Frosty the Snowman special, it was always one of the lesser Rankin-Bass holiday specials in my opinion. Like it's not bad or anything, and I use to like it a lot more when I was younger, but it just seems kinda bland compared to some of the other specials. In the original special Frosty was never a super interesting character, and Karen had even less personality then Frosty. The overall story, at least in my opinion, was never super enticing. I guess I've just always been more of a "Santa Claus is comin' to Town." type of guy. Now I don't hate the special by any means, I watch it ever year, and there are stuff in it worth watching. Professor Hinkle is a fun villain, the scene with Frosty melting is genuinely sad, and it's really fun seeing the original crew just go completely bonkers with the sound effects. (Though that part I don't think was intentional.) Sorry if I piss off any die hard Frosty fans out there, (I'm looking at you, little brother!) but I just felt like I needed to show my background with the original Frosty the Snowman special before I start talking about this special. Does this special hold up to the original, or is it just a pale imitation of a true holiday classic? Let's find out together, shall we. The special begins with our weird uncanny valley narrator. A weird uncanny valley narrator is a Frosty the Snowman tradition at this point, and is usually some kind of celebrity who was popular at the time of the specials release. The original Frosty has Jimmy Durante, "Frosty's Winter Wonderland" had Andy Griffith, and this special has Johnathan Winters. Just like director of the Amazing Spider-man films Marc Webb, I'm pretty sure he was only chosen because of his name. Now while all of the Frosty narrator's (with exception of the one from "Legends of Frosty the Snowman.") have fallen into the uncanny valley, the narrator in this special takes the fricking cake! While the other narrators looks a least a little human, Johnathan Winter's in this special looks like an actual gremlin! He's only a few inches tall, and floats around on snowflakes like some kinda sprite. And there's no explanation at all for his existence. He just happens to be like this and where suppose to just nod our heads and go along with it! Also he likes hot coco. This is very important.

Anyway he introduces us to the town of Beansboro, a small town that has just gotten covered with seven inches of snow. We get a brief musical number where all the kids sing about how much the love the snow, and all the adults sing about how much they hate it. The kids love the snow because of all of the fun they get to have in it, while the adults don't like the snow because they have to shovel it, it raises heating bills, makes it harder to drive around, ect. The song is rather good, and but we'll get into this specials music a bit later. After the song is finished we meet our main character Holly DeCarlo and her best friend, Charles. Holly is a shy girl who dreams of becoming a magician, while Charles is a the stereotypical nerd archetype, and kinda looks like a genderbent Marcy from the Peanuts specials. Holly is sad because she was not "invited" to go play in the snow. Now living in the south, I'm far from an expert on snow, but is snow the type of thing you need to get "invited" to? If all the tv specials I've seen has taught me anything I think you just kinda...go out there. All kidding aside though, I get it. She's sad because she has nobody asked to go play with her. I'm just saying, they phrasing is kinda strange. Then Charles asks Holly if she wants to go outside and build a...fertility goddess? Um...as I just stated, I'm far from an expert on snow, but is that something kids do on snow days that I was just blissfully unaware of? Also Is Charles a Pagan? Not the belief system I would expect from somebody who, as the special is going to continually bring up, is a man of logic and does not believe in anything that he cannot solve with logic. Well I for one appreciate the religious diversity this special presents. Bout' time we get a Pagan character in children's media without society making a big deal about it! That's what I say!

pictured Demeter, our Holy Jolly Fertility Goddess.) Anyway, Holly decides that instead of doing...that, she'd rather practice her magic for the magic act because Holly is going to be preforming her magic act during the annual winter carnival in front of the entire town. Holly tells Charles to get into a box and then she gets out the saw. Oh geez, I think this specials about to get a bit dark. Holly doesn't even have another box attached to the box that Charles is in. And the box isn't even closed! Holly clearly has no idea what she's doing and Charles is going to pay the ultimate price for it. This is about to become a very red Christmas. But luckily before Charles goes off to meet Persephone, he asks Holly to open a window because it's hot inside the box. Then a giant gust of wind blows in the room and Holly loses her magic hat. And by giant gust I mean, I pretty sure there's a class five hurricane going on outside and those kids really need to get inside. I mean the wind is strong enough to spin Charles' box around at ridiculous speeds. So then Holly decides to chase after her hat and-HEY WAIT HOLLY, WHAT ABOUT CHARLES?! You're just going to leave him spinning in that box until he vomits, just to go get your stupid hat? It's called priorities Holly, Jesus Christ!

(Bye Charles, thanks for letting me nearly saw you in half!) Holly chases after the hat, and for one brief close up shot we see that Johnathan Winter's is riding the hat. I do not get this. What is the point? Is he guiding the hat to Frosty, or is he just riding it just cause? Holly trails behind the hat, (as it seems this wind managed to blow the hat not only out of Holly's room, but out of Holly's house somehow and down the block. Can the hat open doors?) She bumps into her school teacher, and the teacher talks about how much she hates the snow. There's not much to this scene other then driving the point home that the adults hate snow. After that scene Holly finds the hat it's on the head of a snowman, who just happens to be alive. This is Frosty, this time played by John Goodman, who honestly I really like in this role. He has a very kind and welcoming voice, and it's a lot less "bumbling" sounding then the other Frosty voice actors. Not that I'm trying to knock those voice actors or anything, I'm just saying. Holly tries to introduce herself to Frosty, but Frosty already knows who she is because in Frosty's own words she's a "famous" magician. While yes, this doesn't actually make any sense as an answer I actually really like this scene. Frosty in this special is a lot wiser then he was in the previous Frosty specials, and that's something I really like. Like for example, Holly mentions that she doesn't have any friends other then Charles, and Frosty tells her "Having one friend is a lot more than having no friends." It's a really nice sentiment and a good message for the kids, and to anybody really. Holly's mom walks in and Frosty goes all Toy Story and stops talking or moving because...Well look, if "Toy Story didn't have to explain it then why should this special have to? Oh, there's also a funny joke where Holly's mom calls Holly out for abandoning Charles, saying that he's going to end up "needing to join a support group." Holly's mom talks about how she just bought this brand new product called "Summer Wheeze." the least marketable name for the product ever devised. This product is like a can of aerosol spray that can make snow disappear in seconds! Holly's mom's friend shows up and they start talking like there in an infomercial for the spray. Holly's mom's friend ends up spraying Frosty a bit, causing him to yell. And conveniently nobody seems to hear or acknowledge the snowman's screams of pain. We then transition to the board room of the company that makes Summer Wheeze, and here we meet our villain, Mr. Twitchell and his pet cat, Bones. Mr. Twitchell is a crotchety old curmudgeon played by Brian Doyle-Murray. He's best known for playing Captain K'nuckles in "The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack" and The Flying Dutchman in "Spongebob." He's also the older brother of actor Bill Murray! I know, it's crazy! He gives a great performance in this special. Now let me lay out Mr. Twitchell's evil plan in this special. It's a pretty complex plan, so try to follow along. Step 1) Make the town love him by getting rid of all of the snow. Step 2) Get rid of all the snow. Step 3) Have the town make him their King out of gratitude. Um......

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgxYUxqcg1Q

I swear to high heaven, Mr. Twitchell makes this special. He's so over the top and ridiculous that it's near impossible not to love it. Then, when one of his employees points out the environmental concerns he has his James Bond style cat press a button that activates a trap door under that employees' desk! This villain, man, this villain! He then has his cat, Bones, release an army of trucks to spray the entire town with Summer Wheeze! Let the snowman genocide begin!

By the way, this Summer Wheeze thing must really be a labor of love from Mr. Twitchell. I mean as far as I can tell he's releasing these cars for free. All that Wheeze there using is coming out of his bottom line, unless the town is paying him to use these trucks or something. Then again, I don't think this guy has really thinks through most of the stuff he does. I mean why would anybody buy Summer Wheeze if the company is spraying peoples yard's for free. The next day, Holly decides to keep Frosty in her Freezer until after she comes home from school. What I want to know is what would happen if Holly's mom needed to open the freezer at any point during the day and just saw a talking snowman in there, but that's a question this special doesn't want to answer for us! Also there's a bit where she has to take some turkey out of her freezer to make room for Frosty, then she put's the turkey into her backpack in her rush to get to school on time. Then during class the teachers ask why she has turkey in her desk and she says its for lunch. The teacher tells her to put it away unless she wants to present it as a science project. Holly then, really sincerely sounding, says that she does intend to use the turkey as a science project. It's hard to explain in post form but it's a really confusing bit. Did she intend to bring the turkey or not? Was she intending to use the turkey for her science project or was that just a lie for the teacher? She didn't sound like she was lying. I don't get it. This is another question the special doesn't want to answer for us! Charles is giving a science report about snow, and the environmental importance snow has on the world. Well, it was the nineties, so it was really a matter of time before we got some kind of environmental message. One of the kids interrupts Charles, saying that snow isn't important and his dad says that it gives you heart attacks. (Charles remarks that the kids dad may be confusing snow with chili dogs, another funny joke.) And all the kids start talking about how happy they are that all the snow is melting, so they can do more summer time stuff, like having picnics and volleyball games all year round. Charles points out how snow is important to the environment but none of the kids listen. There are a lot of logical problems with this scene. One, why do all the kids suddenly hate the snow. I know kids can be fickle but earlier in the special the kids love the snow, and that scene took place, like, the day before this scene takes place. Second, I don't get why Charles is so concerned about the environmental aspect of the Wheeze. I mean yeah, it's an aerosol spray so in that regard it's bad for the environment, but if it's just melting the ice it shouldn't be that big a deal right? Again, I'm no snow expert, but snow melts naturally anyway, and this spray is just speeding up the process. One of the environmental benefits of snow that Charles brings up is a source of fresh water, but if the spray is melting the snow it's still making the fresh water, unless the spray itself is contaminating the water. Or unless the snow isn't melting and it's just disappearing, in which case Mr. Twitchell found a way to destroy matter itself, which I think is the much bigger deal here. This special makes a big deal about how important snow is, and while I know different parts of the world are different and have different environmental needs, there are tonnes of places all over the world where it doesn't snow and those places are fine. As long as the snow is still melting things should be fine. And again, maybe there's something in the spray that is bad for the environment, but the special really treats it like it's the absence of snow that's the problem, not the contaminated water supply. Also third, just because the snow is melting doesn't mean that it'll suddenly be a year long summer! The spray isn't actually increasing the temperature of the air! (Well, I mean it is slowly, because of the aerosol, but you'd need to spray a lot of that stuff to make a hole in the ozone layer big enough to create an endless summer.) I mean I've only seen snow twice in my life, but I've still experienced winters! (Though last year it was over eighty degrees on Christmas. That sucked.) Anyway, Holly goes to talk to Frosty, who has left the freezer and is now staying at the winter carnival's ice castle. She tells him about how everybody wants to get rid of all the snow, and how she was to scared to speak out against them. Frosty tells her that it's okay, and gives her some advice on how to be less shy and timid....in the form of a song! The song is actually really good, and one of the most memorable part of the special. I mean, yeah, it does continue to shoe horn in the whole "snow is the most important thing, snow is love snow is life" theme the special has been doing this whole time, and the moral of "when your to scared to talk to someone just sing" is a pretty weird lesson, but dang it the song is really darn catchy! I really feel this is underappreciated Christmas/winter song that really deserves more appreciation! At least until we get to the part where Mr. Twitchell get's his dark reprise verse, and it's basically a weird....rap....I think? That's amazing for completely different reasons!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6PnTmyYT6w

(Also this is unrelated but why does Frosty have a human nose? He says early in the special that once some kid stole his nose to play hacky sack so is it suppose to be a hacky sack? Why does it look so human-ish?) Anyway after the song Charles meets up with Holly and Frosty. At first Charles believes that Frosty is some kind of robot, but Frosty (rather quickly I may add) convinces him that he is a real talking snowman. But then Mr. Twitchell shows up in him limousine and see's Frosty. Naturally, Mr. Twitchell is not at all phased by the talking and walking snowman, and is more concerned with Frosty spreading snow onto his sidewalks. So he does the "logical" thing and sends his pet CAT out to destroy Frosty with a can of Summer Wheeze. SURPRISINGLY this does not end up working. This is what happens when your cat is your elite henchman. Though the cat is able to spray frosty enough to make a massive hole in his chest. Holly is concerned, because there's barely enough snow on the ground to fix Frosty....except for the fact that that isn't true, at all! There is still plenty of snow, just look around you!

But despite the fact that there is still snow all over the place Charles decides to go get some snow that he was saying and pack it all into Frosty. Then they decide to finally do something about mean old Mr. Twitchell. Mr. Twitchell decides to attend the Winter Carnival, and melt all of the snow, cementing himself as the towns hero and future king. Sure, why not. Mr. Twitchell goes on stage so he can be crowned king of the Winter Carnival, when Holly goes on stage to call him out. She talks about how important snow is but Mr. Twitchell is unfazed and unrepentant. So Holly decides to unveil Frosty in front of the whole town and, Hey wait a minute!

Frosty is alive without the hat! That's not allowed! Unless this takes place after "Frosty's Winter Wonderland." Is this a reboot or a sequel?! HAX! I call HAX! So anyway, Frosty decides to sing a reprise of his song to the towns people and everybody in the town immediately decides that they love snow again. No wonder Mr. Twitchell thought he could become this towns king, this is the most easily swayed town in the world! Everybody in town rejoices at the magical talking snowman that nobody questions the existence of. Mr. Twitchell decides to get into one of his weird Summer Wheeze spraying vans and, because he's Mr. Twitchell, decides to let the cat drive. This goes about as well as you'd expect.

FRICKIN' REK'D SON!

I kid of course, Mr. Twitchell survives the crash Holly and Frosty shows him some kindness by giving him the Winter Carnival crown and taking him on a sled ride. Frosty then tells Holly that it's time for him to leave, as he wants to go to another town to help another kid. Holly hugs Frosty and wishes him goodbye and the special ends with weird Johnathan Winters/Mr. Mxyzptlk hybrid telling us that Mr. Twitchell decided to change his ways and go into the sled making business. This change of heart lasted a total of four days until, at the age of one hundred and ten, Mr. Twitchell died in his home and his body was eaten by his cat, Bones. The End. So in conclusion, is the special good? Well that depends on your perspective. On a technical aspect the special is not very well made. The animation isn't very good, with the exception of one scene early on in the special where Johnathan Winter's is actually animated very fluidly. But other then that you can see that this special doesn't have much of a budget. There are a lot of plot points in the special that either don't make sense or only make sense because the characters are so stupid. Also, while the environmental/"snow is totes awesome" moral isn't as heavy handed as I remembered them being, there still pretty heavy handed. Also, this isn't flaw or anything, the background music has a real "Rugrats" vibe to it. I'm not knocking it, but I really wonder if that show and this special had the same music director or something. All that being said the special isn't awful either. There's a lot of stuff to like. It has an excellent voice cast, not just in John Goodman and Brian Doyle-Murray, but also Holly's voice actress, Elisabeth Moss. She was only ten at the time this special was made, but her voice really adds a good level of sincerity to the role. Also while Holly is still a fairly generic character she's still more interesting then Karen. I don't know if the Frosty purist will agree with me on this, but that's really how I feel. Holly has an arc, she starts of timid and shy, but in the end ends up standing up to the villain head on. Also I like how Frosty is characterized. He's a lot wiser, and much more comforting. This probably has a lot to do with John Goodman's performance, but I think the writing had a bit to do with it to. This special has a really catchy song and a really hammy villain in the form of Mr. Twitchell. The other Frosty specials don't have Mr. Frickin' Twichell. So that's a plus in this specials favor. Overall, while I'm not sure if this is an objectively better special than the original, I know I definitely enjoy it more. Sure, it's was most likely made as a cash in on the Frosty brand, but it's an enjoyable cash in! While this special probably has higher highs and lower lows that the original special, at least it's not boring. If your looking for a more well made holiday special with good animation, interesting characters, and a good holiday lesson this special is probably not for you. But if you want a weird, so bad it's good type of special that does have some legitimately good parts in it, even if the special as a whole isn't the greatest, then I highly recommend it! Check it out if you haven't seen it, and come to your own conclusion. So that's my review of "Frosty Returns." But if you think where done with Frosty the Snowman, oh how wrong you are. Join me next Friday, as I tackle the other Frosty sequel that wasn't make by Rankin-Bass, "Legend of Frosty the Snowman." Because, to quote Notorious rapper Biggie Smalls "Mo' Frosty, Mo Problems." Have you seen Frosty Returns, and what do you think of it? I'd love to hear your opinion, even if it's completely different from mine. I'd love to start a conversation. What's your favorite Frosty special, or just holiday special in general. If you have any suggestions for stuff for me to review in the future leave it in a comment down bellow, and I might look into it. Please fav, follow, and comment if you liked the review, and have a great day. (I do not own any of the images or videos in this review all credit goes to there original owners.)

https://www.deviantart.com/joyofcrimeart/journal/Frosty-Returns-REVIEW-651578677 DA Link

#Frosty the Snowman #Christmas #Christmas Special #review #Frosty Returns

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deanmiles13 · 6 years ago

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I WANNA’ BE ELECTED

“THE TIME I CADDIED FOR ALICE COOPER AND LIVED TO TELL ABOUT IT!!!”

I Wanna Be Elected! Well not really. You see.... I was working at a shop that had been bought by Neil Lomax. He was a Portland native, who had graduated from P.S.U. and had a career in the NFL. The Cardinals to be specific. Which, had relocated to Phoenix Arizona in 88.

Home of J.F.A., The Meat Puppets and the great Mighty Sphincter. Oh and George Lynch, and Rob Halford. And the one and only Alice Cooper.

Now, almost everyone knows that Alice is a serious golfer. And that’s where we are going with this story. Not really a Rock and Roll story except for when I hound him with trivia questions, later. So, back to Neil. Super sweet man and excellent human being. He was heading to play a golf event that Alice would be at, in Phoenix one weekend, and he said, “Hey Dean, going to see your buddy Vince Fernier. See, Neil actually thought his name was ALICE COOPER. I corrected him one day and he loved VINCENT. He even came back from this event with a framed Hatch Show Print poster of the event. He let us display it in the shop when he got back. I was hoping he didn’t care for it and would part with it. But alas, my reward was yet to come. He actually had another golf tournament and I sent him down with a copy of Killer.

It came back signed and I was stoked. But there would be more....

So, then Its Neil’s turn to have his big golf event “The Quarterback Shootout”.

It’s an annual charity event he is really known for in Portland. A meet and greet with NFL legends and local celebs. The big ones I can recall are Drew Bledsoe, Marcus Allen, Charles Barkley, Jim Plunkett.

Having worked with Neil for a while, he had events and people would help and volunteer from work. The big event was this golf thing. Everyone fought over caddying for Charles Barkley. He was big tipper. The real cool thing was, this year Alice was coming up for it as a favor to Neil. No one at work was stepping up to caddy for him. What I knew about golf fit into a golf tee.

I imagined me out there fumbling around and dropping clubs to the sound of all that iron clanging and people laughing. So I was petrified, to say the least, when it was decided that I was going be Alice Cooper’s caddy. They demanded that the “residential rocker” at work, handle this rock royalty on the links.

Well the thought of me on a golf course was as foreign to my mind as being a surgeon, so I spent the morning getting ferociously stoned at home. The event was held at Heron Lakes Golf course and I lived pretty close. I got to the golf course and met up with everyone from work and just kinda waited.

Some people were already on the part where you tee off and practice. The driving range?!?!? You can see I’m out of my element here!

Anyway, we are kinda waiting for our assigned celebs to show up when a car pulls up, out comes this really petite person. All in black with their back to me. I was unable to make out who it was. They turn around and it’s Alice. People cheer and they hand me his clubs. This is the first time I have EVER held golf clubs. I used a golf bag for my drum stands to carry to many clubs, but this was the first time the had actual clubs in it.

He signs some stuff and is escorted my way, and I’m on the driving range. The first thing I tell him after we are introduced is “Alice, there is NOTHING I can tell you today to help you in any way on the course today!!!” He smiled and said “ I think I got it.”

That put me at ease right away.

We made our way to a practice area of sorts and already, people were coming up for autographs. I got the impression I would be doing a little security work today as well.

That was no problem actually since I had done set security on movie sets and all sorts of events. And he was approached by all sorts of people. Old, young, and everything in between. The first person I remember to approach held out a cassette and said “I took your music to Vietnam with me!” Alice stopped on a dime and just talked right to the guy. Not to/at him, but TO HIM!!!.

I could tell right away that this dude was genuine. Little kids with Todd McFarlane/Alice Cooper dolls would come up and he would sign the smallest signature. Taking time with everyone he took a photo with. He had a line for everything. After the photo was snapped he would say “Now, I may not show up in the picture when you get it developed.” He was, in a word “PROFESSIONAL”

This is a guy who hung out with Harry Nelson, Keith Moon, Salvador Dali.

I mean, he was on the Muppets for cryin’ out loud!!!

I know we were paired up with Jim Plunkett and played against Drew Bledsoe and Rick Mirer. Jim was an old school NFL dude and was here to have a good time. Drew Bledsoe did some things that day that I thought really were uncool. For someone being asked to a charity event, to sign autographs and take pictures, he was acting like he was being put out. It was interrupting his game. That was the whole point of this thing. You could saddle up next to the celebs and say hi and a bit more. It’s what they paid for, quite frankly. He was taking his golf game a little too serious if you ask me. Jim and Alice had wagers going as to who could drive the ball the farthest and stuff like that. Alice was a petite guy and Jim was a bigger dude.

Alice won the drive contest. The main thing that I took a way that day was answers to a load of questions that I had. Some prepared and most just off the top of my head.

As I relate some of these, just realize, that I’m paraphrasing what was said. He was so totally open and honest with me, it was quite staggering to be honest. I would feel horrible if anything was misinterpreted.

I started by asking about Johnny Rotten doing the liner notes on a Rhino Box set and he said “Johnny hates EVERYONE.... EVERYONE! Except ME! I can’t believe it.

I guess him and Sid used to play Dead Babies on acoustic guitars to make pocket money.”

I was like, Oh, it’s on! We proceeded to hole one, and I started chronologically with his career and headed back to Detroit. I asked about Ted Nugent, Bob Seger, MC5 and Iggy. He said “I’ll open for anyone! The Stones! The Who! But not Iggy! He just wipes the crowd out. Uses them up and wrings em’ out, and I can’t come on after that.”

I asked about his song “Only Women Bleed” and he said that was a number one multiple times, multiple countries, for multiple people.Tina Turner had a hit with it and he was proud of that.

I asked if he was a WHO guy or a STONES guy. He said “Listen to the opening of Elected.” DUH!!!

There were some interesting crowd interactions. From, two young dudes that wanted to have him sign a joint they had, to the McFarlane dolls and everything else. I told kids with the joint, there was no way... Then I mentioning it to Alice and he said “Yeah, it’s like right when you quit smoking weed and your friend comes over with 8 ounces and says “Hey, I’m leaving town for a few months, can you hold onto this for me?!?!”

This one women came up to us and was yelling to get his attention. Frankly, I was a little sketched about having to “deal” with her. We go over, she says “Can you sign something for me?” He says “Of course, what do you want signed?” She starts pulling scarp pieces of paper out of her pocket and I mean like a match book, a receipt, and just whatever. So he signs whatever it was and we walked away. He is being real silent, like in his head and he said “Man, that was 40 miles of rough road!!! I often wonder what I would be like if I had kept drinking and what not ?!?!”

That was probably one of the most profound things he said that day. I asked him when he quit drinking and he said, when his daughter was born. I too had recently quit with drinking and found this to be sort of a bonding moment for us. I remember that I had brought some items to have him sign. A postcard and an album etc. But the cool thing was I asked him at the last minute if I could have the ball he had used for the whole game. That was awesome, and I still have THAT.

I had all the stuff I wanted to asked and had kinda prepared the questions in my head, but it was the interaction with his fans that was really neat to see. The two young women who came up and started to bow and say “We’re not worthy, we’re not worthy.” I had kind of spaced the whole Waynes World thing, and when I told him “Oh man, I kinda forgot about that!” He replied “ I didn’t!!”

I asked if he gets that from people all the time, seeing as it was a whole new generation of exposure sorta thing. He said “No! It’s just that, when you get a movie script and you just see your scene, it’s not like you get to see the whole movie. It’s just me, backstage, Mila-wa-kay- and then we split.”

I’m still not really picking up what he’s putting down... “So when they asked us what we wanted, we just took my day fee for the movie and didn’t worry about any “back end” so to speak. So what happens? The movie goes on to make 18 million opening weekend.” He was not kidding... you could see that this one hurt.

I had mentioned a quote from him in Rolling Stone, I had recently read in which he commented on Marylin Manson. He said “Yeah... Real original. Call your self a girl name and put makeup on. Where have I heard that one before?”

Not in a rude or snide way, but in a kinda joking way. With a smile... I guess that’s what it all came down to that day. Here was a man who had done it all, seen it all, drank it all, and snorted it all. And in the end, he was alive, enjoying something that kept him sane (golf). Now, he’s out the other side, meeting people, saying HELLO - HOORAY!!! Let the show begin!!!

He was so at ease with it all and it was a true pleasure to watch him “work”. When anyone ask, what was he like?

I just say... “In a word - KILLER”

He was a man who seemed very content where he was. I mean if you weathered a storm like he did and lived to crawl from the shipwreck and right yourself for a second, third career?!?!?

Man... that’s it!!! That’s a success.

Telephone is ringing......

#alice cooper #golf #rockandroll

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