#like fuck off the ads on that app are vile

[endereies]

JUNCTION

Pairing: Matt x Reader

Contains: arguing, yelling, angst, kind of happy ending??

Requested?: no

Author's notes: i gotta stop posting and disappearing for a while, school has been a pain in my ass. thank fuck i only have a week left. I havent abandoned my matt series, i only obtained writers block instead. I promise another chapter will be out soon. ANYWAY, tumblr needs more angst so i must deliver. :)

Word Count: 1780

“Matt. You have to see where I’m coming from..” 

You had been arguing with Matt for the better part of two hours. Small fragments of pent-up opinions finally formed a full set that was being thrown back at you.  

“I don’t have that much time to throw in your face whenever you need it.” His voice was slightly raspy as he choked out words at you constantly. You weren’t sure if this was the first time he said these phrases, or the seventh. But it was getting to you. 

“You think that’s what I want. I don’t want time! I want you. But you aren’t here anymore.” Tears had brimmed and fallen your eyes long ago and now stained your cheeks with the pure begging from your tone. 

“You think this is easy? I want to be near you, but I have to film, to edit, to create. I’m so sorry I’m too busy for an extra five minutes with you.” At this point you were both exasperated. Empty. And worn out by each other. Your arms were crossed in a self-comfort stance but his were in self-defence, refusing to let up. 

“Matt. You have a schedule, but you spend so much extra time and it’s wearing us both thin! Surely you see that..” As much as you were pulling at your hair, he was pulling at your heart. Tugging on each string as his facial expressions softened. 

Neither of you wanted to stretch this out as much as you did. Several hours had gone by and you both hadn’t been able to access your points without the other interrupting. Pleading internally began, begging to speak to one other.  

Having two stubborn people force their views was always a hard situation to be in. Two passionate people always adding to a fire created something that wasn’t worn down for days. It gnawed at you both endlessly.  

After nearly two weeks of this same argument, it was hard to talk about anything new. The points kept repeating themselves as language grew vile. 

“All I see is you being needy and it’s overwhelming me so much. Don’t you see.” 

You stood stunned at his tone of voice, the words he used and the pure spite behind it all. The silence wrapped around you both, creating an instant tension that was sharp and stabbed you. Your chest felt heavy with the weight of burdening someone you care so much about. It wasn’t simple words being aimlessly thrown to stand by your choices. It was hatred that had slipped though. 

Were you really that needy. To the point that it was overbearing? Arrogant? Despotic? You didn’t know. 

You only wanted to spend time with him. The memory of an old DVD that was clutched in your hand, crashed on the floor with an open case. 

Your expression faltered quickly, lacking any patience that you had left. 

“Right..well. I’ll stay out of your way then” Even saying those words hurt you more than it should’ve because all you wanted to do was be around him. But if he felt like you had to back off, you were going to choose any option that may lead to resolving this. Neither of you wanted to back down, but neither of you also wanted to lose the other and so you caved. 

It wasn’t long after those words were muttered that you left, returning to the front room. It hurt when you saw the DVD player unloaded with the abandoned disc. You switched the box back to the normal programmes and clicked into the YouTube app. You shoved on a random commentary video that you had seen before. It was the quickest things you thought of to change your mood.  

Matt had gone in the other direction, upstairs to his own bedroom to lounge in his chair and play Fortnite. He had been obsessed with the new chapters and ever since his audience requested runs of it. He wasn’t going to turn that down as a distraction. 

- 

It had been a few hours of your YouTube series, and you were starting to get agitated. Every small argument from it made you flinch as your mind flashed back to the past two weeks between you and Matt. Call-backs of loud voices caused those remnants of hurt to spark inside your mind. That was when you had to turn it off.  

When the screen changed to black, your head did too, void of most thoughts. A strong exhale escapes your lips when you push yourself off the sofa. Your sweats slid up your legs and your shirt was a little twisted.  

Yet, the only thing that mattered to you was rest, especially once you saw how dark the sky was. You sought out the stars in the sky, but many clouds covered the brightest ones.  

Hesitation filled your body with each step towards the edge of the stairs, not as much due to the lack of energy as it was to nerves. Nerves that got worse each time you thought about passing Matt’s room. You knew you had to go there in order to get blankets, you just hoped to go unnoticed.  

In full honesty, you couldn’t ever bring yourself to make many first moves with Matt, no matter the circumstances, and this was no exception.  

It was like you were a child again, sneaking through the house when you know you should be asleep. Trouble wasn’t going to land in your lap, internally you knew that. If only your mind did.  

You were just paranoid that you’d be caught in conversation with him. Every ‘conversation’ between the pair if you had ended in some sort of a remark, if not a fight. 

Your body edged its way to the door of Matts room, and you were thankful to find his headset on. Without a stream watching. 

Curses fell from his lips as he fought off other players, and you just wanted to avoid that noise. One night. That’s all you wanted. You didn't want to be in his way again. 

A burden. 

With your arms full of a thick blanket, close to a duvet, you carried it through the door. The pillows that lined the couch, sufficed for your head as you laid them below your neck.  

This wasn’t as comfy as being in a bed, yet, knowing that Matt would soon follow seemed a bit more intimidating. The past two weeks had been hell for the both of you and with you both wearing thin, so did your patience. 

The duvet gave you some comfort against the chills of the night, but something was missing, as much as you didn’t want to admit it.  

You knew. 

- 

“UGH FUCKS SAKE” Matt threw his controller onto his desk and watched as it clattered across his things before falling to land just by your foot. He let an exasperated sigh slip past his lips while he rubbed his face. His headset had slowly become more knocked off with every movement of his neck. With a lack of care to fix it, he threw that the same way as his controller. Each games grew to be challenging to complete and get past a place of #50. 

He let the headphones fall to his neck and hang as he laid his head in his hands. The atmosphere was tense, and the air seemed colder than normal.  

With the game dimming in volume, he realised how quiet the house was. No fans were turned on, no quiet mumbling of your voice singing a song, no show in the background. 

Nothing. 

It was unlike you to not have any sound playing around the house and it made him question if you were even home. Neither choice seemed good. 

He pushed his weight away from his desk and stood up. The hours of playing were only a distraction from the argument and now it had started to seep back into his thoughts. As much as he hated to admit it, he had been such a dick today. The balance between two passionate people had shifted to hurtful words towards the other.  

In full honesty, you never overwhelmed him and now he was missing how you both felt two weeks ago. It felt cold and lacked remorse. He had fucked up.  

Once Matt collected his thoughts his body begrudgingly moved along the wooden floors. He needed to find you and talk to you.  

You heard Matt’s footsteps through the ceiling with each creaking floorboard he stepped on. The covers immediately went up to your face and you turned your body on the sofa.  

You sling an arm over your face when the light above you flicks on, your eyes used to the dark night. 

“Are you awake..?” his voice was timid, unlike the spiteful tones from a few hours ago. 

He stammers a bit before sighing heavily, not knowing how to relieve the situation. 

The shine in your eyes was barely visible against the minimal light from the moon. 

Even if you didn’t respond to him, he knew you were awake as you moved away from the bright light. 

You internally expect him to turn around and return to his own bed, but he only etched closer, examining my body. 

The light above is suddenly shielded by his shadow and the cushions around you move as he lays himself alongside you. Before you even register anything, he snakes an arm around your waist. 

Your throat tightened when he nudged his face into the crevasse of your neck. 

“Matt..?” you rotate your head and notice his exhausted expression that was etched in his eyes. Your heart clenched as he lay next to you, wondering if you were the reason for his distress or guilt. 

A quiet hum escapes his lips, vibrating against your skin. 

“I know.. can we just leave it for a night. I miss you.” 

You felt your stomach turn with one too many emotions for you to process. His words uttered a silent apology 

“Is this hurting you as much as it is me?” Matt takes in a sharp exhale once the damage of the past two weeks sits between you. Silent but deadly. 

“I mean maybe we shoul-” His lips pepper a few kisses to your cheek before silencing you with a kiss to your own lips. 

“I know..I’ve been thinking it too..but all I ask is if we can forget this for just one night.” A pause settles between us. 

“Can we just remember each other one more time?” 

You weakly sigh and turn yourself one last time to face him, your eyes slowly brimming with tears. 

“Okay, Matt. One night..” 

© ENDEREIES 2024

@melliflws @axolotllover225 @yuhayeee @st7rnioioss @sturn-bugz @bueckerslover @worldlxvlys @raysmayhem-72 @patscorner @y0urm4m @bernardsbendystraws @junnniiieee07 @luverboychris @sleepysturnss @jnkvivi

[dan-crimes]

Y'know Twitch ads wouldn't be so bad if they didn't BLAST MY FUCKIN EARDRUMS Twitch really said fuck poor ppl RUPTURED EARDRUMS BE UPON YE

[lasers-and-tea]

The trend of extremely loud music EVERYWHERE. On every instagram reel. Every tik tok. Every single twitter clip. Most of tumblr. It's fucking maddening. Every five seconds I have to make sure that my phone is muted. It doesn't matter if my volume is on low. It's always a fucking scream. Or a horrid music clip that is cranked up illegally loud. I tried to go to instagram to look at pictures after an awful comedy guy screech. I don't follow any awful comedy guys, but they keep fucking appearing!!! I follow alot of art stuff, but everyone everyday 24/7 is now just doing process videos with the most annoying background music. On purpose too, because stupid noise gets your attention for another quarter of a second. It is genuinely actually illegal for commercials on tv to crank up the volume past a certain level. It's not like that on social media. My ears actually hurt when I dare to scroll down any of my feeds. Instagram is especially bad now, but I can't delete it. That's the public cute picture account my family looks at. Why is everything on the internet getting worse?? I would love to surf the web like I used to, but I can't. There's only ads on the entire first and second page of google. It doesn't matter how often I tell these vile apps that I don't want their suggestions. Good hell. I do not WANT your suggestions. Get it through your head!!! Hey!!! Get over it!!! Fuck off!!! I don't want to know what the people I follow have liked. If I want to know their opinion I WILL LOOK AT THEIR PAGE. I feel like I'm being taken out of the equation. I constantly see cottagecore shit now, and not the good kind. The crazy kind. I like wildlife photography. That doesn't mean I wanna be a proud religious tradwife. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop shoving literal liquid shit down my motherfucking throat!!!!!!!!!!!!

[savnofilter]

TW: MENTIONS OF DISCOURSE, GR//MING, P/D/PHILIA, ASS//LT, C//NSENT, D//RK CONTENT.

- this isnt under a read more because i want people to read this, but please read past this/tread carefully if you cannot handle such topics. this is not meant to be interacted with.

I'm not sure how to really go about this. I've been overthinking if I should address this and bring up some stuff while I've been gone, so sorry the absence. I deleted the tumblr app a few days ago and I downloaded it again today so i could post this. I really don't like making posts like this because it cuts the vibe that I've been trying to portray that everything is okay and it makes me feel really disconnected to you guys. I am sorry for the abrupt absence and cutting off any source of communication between us. I knew if I left any form of direct line of talk to me that I would receive hate and I just mentally decided that I cant sit through being harassed right now.

Have you guys ever paid attention to the same people who always have a statement to say or is always in discourse? It's very telling how everyone can post about me, but I shouldnt dare post about them. I'm tired of not being able to post about what I want without people vague posting about me, bringing me up every time they start another discourse with another writer or directly talking about me. My days on here are starting to feel the same. Its good then it goes bad. Good goes bad and bad goes good. It's not even tiring, annoying, or angering -- its repetitive. When I'm not saying anything people create fake stories about me, and when i speak about it im the one starting discourse. Don't get me wrong, I'm nowhere near perfect and I have made my own mistakes. But why the fuck am I always being told to be the mature one, why am I the one who should've done better, why do you people expect so much from me. It's the fact people are always quick to say, "no one cares about you, youre fishing for attention" when they're the ones who vague and interact with me while ive been minding my business for months now. Hm. The fact people have me proudly blocked but still harass me anyways shows a lot about themselves than it does for me. How its such an issue that im a minor until it comes to demonizing, tearing down my character, gaslighting, lying and bullying. I'm a literal example of how their friend group manipulates their followers and exiles people from fandoms for not kissing their ass. except now its in your face.

Consider this my last post about this discourse. I'm not going to waste my time on people who fail to digest other peoples thoughts and opinions time and time again because theyre weak narcissists. If I so choose to decide to shit post my opinions or argue with someone, none of you should be aggravated or moved by it because youre not even supposed to be on my page. If its not something serious i will not be wasting energy that i can be using to build on myself as a growing person than on miserable old ladies that have to use fanfiction to have excitement in their pity, depressing and lackluster lives. If people so do choose to create stories or vague about me, I do not care. So I ask respectfully to people who do lurk on my page to not attempt to message, post or vague about me please. This includes sending anons to yourself to make shit happen.

Past that, something got me thinking. My (older) friend had showed me screenshots of adult writers (no one i have spoken to) that were very excited to write underaged reader with adult characters. There are other instances where writers (that you have probably read from) on here openly made reader underage while aging characters up as adults/with adults. There are many more but there's really no point in listing them nor do I really care. But least to say, the same people who are gung-ho over these pedophilic themes/stories are the same people who support predatory people.

I've been thinking about whether or not i should continue writing for the students anymore. Granted, I still think they're attractive because one snap of the fingers cant stop that. I had been teetering on this thought for awhile because of how borderline pedophilic the people are here towards my age group. I enjoy writing but not to the point of willingly being in a straight line of sight where people who are well over 16 are harassing me and lurking on my page, especially to other minors solely because they are my friends. Backtracking to the statement before, I honestly dont know if I will either stop writing or just for the students as a whole. It shows that clearly some people are using their attraction to teens with the excuse that the characters are fake. The rapid normalization on dark problematic "kinks" is disgusting and vile, and the fact that its discourse now to shame said interests is appalling. Concluding that combined with my experiences here, i feel unsafe.

***(TRIGGER WARNING)*** I dont talk about my personal life on here that much cause I dont see the need too nor do i think its anyone's business. Paired with the fact that the people i have trusted personal information with have used it against me, I will be preventing myself from opening that door. Besides that for now, I have sparsely shared I've been assaulted before. This is my first time really opening up about this and i kind of find it necessary now. Coming from someone who has been a victim of assault and CP by people my age and well over, writing nsfw has been the only way where I could feel comfortable with sex in general. I won't get into details because mentioning this is triggering already and can make people uncomfortable. It feels like anywhere I go, I'm constantly putting myself in a position to be abused. The same people who told me I didn't have to worry about my age and be judged for it, exposed the minimum comfort of keeping myself private online to demonize, judge and hurt me. People call me "extra" for being distraught about my face and age being posted because they think im trying to be sneaky which isn't the case. Its the principle that they KNEW I wasnt ready to share said things, and coming from someone who is inherently a private and closed person, she knew damn well what she was doing when posting screenshots of me on Tumblr. There is no excuse for it. The same writers who write dub/non-con can BARELY understand basic consent and its fucking terrifying. This site was the only other place I could cope without being criticized. To see people who some i was close to proudly lie on my name, (adults) say that i sent them pornographic content without their consent is so very hurtful. To watch people supposedly be victims and then use their own trauma to invalidate my own was so fucking humiliating, disgusting and nerve wracking. Although I knew I made the terrible decision to interact with stories, I have never initiated any NSFW discussion with anyone in DMs unless they did it with me first and a few times -- and trust me raise your hand I'll show you the proof. I was sure that everyone I talked to regularly knew that I was a minor, and to my general consensus, people were under the impression I was 15/16 (which I was and am).***

Whether it be victim blaming from the grooming discourse, I've been met with racism, harassment towards my friends, people wanting me to harm myself and be assaulted. I fear what will happen when i will turn 18, if the harassment will escalate and what not. A big part of me is that I'm still here anyways because it pisses people off and I don't care when I receive hate. I can take it but I don't want it. A good conscious of me knows that I should be doing what's best for me but at the end I'm still attached to my ego-self with the added fact that I sincerely enjoy interacting with my followers and posting stories.

I just don't know how the options look. I'll probably be updating my blog rules as of right now. I've been writing more sfw lately because of this and it'd be nice if you guys supported those until I properly decide. I still have plenty of requests of a bunch of characters (mostly Bakugo and Dabi) and original stuff (all sfw & nsfw) that I really wanna share with you guys. But I just ask that what I do modify that you will respect it like you would to any other writer on here.

Stay safe, keep your mask on, and thank you.

[epicstuckyficrecs]

Post Endgame Fic Rec!

So at the time I’m making this post, I haven’t seen Endgame yet (but it’s out in certain parts of the world), but I imagine that what everybody will want after watching it is either 1) to pretend it never happened, or 2) some fluff (I tried to keep it to fics posted in the last year since I already did a fluff fic rec after IW). So here goes! Enjoy!

(* besides the ones I’ve read)

Infinity War fix-it

*still here by wearing_tearing (1,8K): Steve wipes the dust off his face.

*To Never Have Loved At All by hitlikehammers (3K): Steve will say they had work to do, and a universe to put to rights. They had people to find and hearts to unbreak. They had a mission. There was no time for any of them to mourn. Steve, as it turns out, says a lot of things that are mostly bullshit.

Beyond the Burn by eyres (7K): Steve saves the universe - but it takes him awhile to be okay again.

This is the Perfect Time to Panic by Brokenpitchpipe, emij1s (8K): Finding the infinity stones and restoring half the universe is the boring part. The fun part comes next.

*watch them rolling back by napricot (17K): Bucky was just here, he was right here. This can’t be all that’s left. Well, it’s not all that’s left, not quite. There, in the pile of ash that used to be Bucky Barnes, already drifting to scatter across the soil of Wakanda, to dissipate in the air, to be nothing but dust on Steve’s hands and in his gasping mouth and in his lungs—left there, in that ash and dirt, are his gun, and his left arm, gleaming dully in the sunshine.

Realignment by amethystkrystal (24K): After assembling their own Infinity Gauntlet, the Avengers defeated Thanos and brought back everyone who disappeared. But their victory came at a great cost: in order to take the Soul Stone, Steve had to sacrifice the Captain America mantle and all the super-soldier strength that came with it. Small and sickly again, Steve’s poor health soon reaches a breaking point and his last option is a difficult surgery only Shuri and her team can perform. But not all hurts can be fixed with medicine, and the real healing begins after the operation -- when Bucky asks Steve to stay in Wakanda with him.

*Endless War by Nonymos (27K): There is always something more to lose. (Which means all is not lost.)

At Times I Almost Dream by LadyC (29K): When Thanos snapped his fingers, he split the universe into two – one where half the population had been erased from existence, another where the other half had. As both sets of Avengers will learn, the divide between the worlds is thinner for those who share a particular type of connection…

*might never be normal again (but who cares) bynapricot (WIP, 3/4, 36K): All things considered, Steve thought he’d handled the whole Thanos killing half the universe thing and the ensuing bitter, desperate quest to defeat him pretty well. Sacrificing his super soldier serum to use one of the Infinity Stones wasn't a problem either, not when it meant getting back the half of the universe they'd lost, and especially not when it meant getting Bucky back. But retirement and finally confessing his feelings for Bucky? Those were proving to be more challenging.

Dismantle The Sun by hitlikehammers (WIP, 19/20, 56K): This is the way the world ends: with a bang, and a whimper, plus a snap. And yet—between realities and quantum vagaries and heartbreak and that foolish not-just-human penchant toward hope—even that wasn't the end of their stories. Not even close.

Fluff

*I [Heart] You by writeonclara (1,1K): “Steve’s been hit with a curse,” Natasha said. She said it calmly, so Bucky didn’t immediately go flying out of the apartment to tear apart the Tower in search of Steve. “Of course he has,” he said. He felt, abruptly, exhausted. “What is it?” “It might be easier just to show you.”

*Boeuf Mystère by galwednesday (1,2K): “Quick question,” Bucky said. Steve looked up, but didn’t stop moving passports and stacks of cash into a nondescript blue duffel, his mind busily ticking through logistics. He’d grab the glock taped behind the hidden drawer in the desk on their way out, and they could buy new clothes once they got across the border into neutral territory, so they didn’t need much else, apart from whatever Bucky wanted to bring. One duffle should be enough. “Yeah, honey?” “What the fuck.”

*Blank and Silent by Kellyscams (1,6K): Without any words on his wrist, Steve Rogers is sure he'll never find his soulmate. But fate might have some different plans for him.

*Check, Mate? by talkplaylove-art (talkplaylove), wearing_tearing (2K): A notification from Check, Mate? blinks back at him. Steve’s heart speeds up when he opens the app and then his face breaks into a blinding grin when sees what’s waiting for him. James likes him back.

*Just About Half-Past Ten by rohkeutta (2K): But as he reaches Madison Avenue, Stark Tower a mere block away, the skies open with a whoosh, and he barely manages to duck under the construction scaffolding perched over the sidewalk. Thunder rumbles overhead, and Bucky frantically checks every compartment of his bag for an umbrella he knows is there. It’s not. He does find some loose glitter, though, and a lipstick he wore for Pride and had thought he’d lost, plus a spare Metro Card he can’t remember buying. He also gets a crystal clear flashback of leaving the umbrella under his desk to dry yesterday morning, and never picking it up again.

*One for Fiction by thepinupchemist (6K): In the heart of a modern library, children's librarian Bucky Barnes meets his match in the form of the new barista: Steve Rogers. He doesn't think there's any way his crush could be requited -- but sometimes librarians don't know everything.

*A Little Sparkle by roe87 (7K): "What about that guy in accounting?" Natasha mused. "Billy, Buddy, or...?" "Bucky," Steve said, knowing who she meant. "Lip piercing, right?" "Yeah! He's cute." "Yeah," Steve agreed hesitantly, then added, "but I'm not ready for that."

*A World That Makes Such Wonderful Things by stevergrsno (noxlunate) (8K): In which Steve is a mermaid, Bucky's a werewolf, and as always, they fall for each other.

*Found: One Bicycle by gracie137 (8,7K): Bucky Barnes posted in Overheard at Middlebury College: Hello fellow students! Basically in my drunken stupor last night I came across a bicycle. Being rather intoxicated and far from home I decided the logical thing to do was ride it back. I can assure you all that both me and the bike survived this adventure and are in perfect condition!! I now however have no use for for said vehicle and have realised that someone is probably pretty upset about having lost it. Anyway, if you can correctly identify the bike’s make and colour, slide into my DMs and I promise to return it to you!! Thanks for the ride xoxo

*Kiss me and take off your clothes by steveandbucky (10K): Steve Rogers is dared to send a dick pic to a blog which critiques dick pics (run by none other than Bucky Barnes). Hilarity ensues.

*before we can breathe easy by belovedmuerto (22K): No one touches Steve. Bucky sets out to do something about that.

*Roll Out the Red Carpet by Lorien, Quarra, talkplaylove-art (talkplaylove) (29K): The premiere for Steve Rogers' newest Captain America movie was just around the corner, and Steve knew it was going to be a hit. The big downside was that he had to have a date. The last several times he'd brought someone to an event like this, things had ranged from unpleasant to disastrous. In a last ditch effort to get out of taking someone that might make his night hell, Steve went on Twitter and invited the Winter Soldier to be his plus one. The Soldier was an international fugitive, and currently wanted for a series of high profile attacks on corrupt businessmen. Since every person the Soldier attacked was involved in some truly vile criminal activity, the public loved him, despite his crimes. Inviting him to the premiere was the perfect cop out. There was no way he was ever going to show. Right?

*The Twilight Bark (And Other Things Bucky Has To Deal With On A Daily Basis) by spacebuck (36K): Steve Rogers: I couldn’t say no to this little guy, so I guess he’s coming home with me! The picture below it is an overexcited looking dog, barely older than six months, shoving its nose through the bars of a shelter gate. The tweet already has twenty thousand retweets, a few thousand more likes, and nearly three thousand comments. Bucky can’t help himself, leads in hand, and he leans a shoulder against the doorjamb and taps the comment field. bbarnes: if you’re ever in need of a walker I’d be happy to take the lil guy on, nyc based and rescues are my thing!

[buzzworddotie]

The Vixen Bites Back

This is going to be an overview / opinion on all the goings on across Episode 2,3 and Untucked!!

To start I've officially gotten over my lack of remembering names and continue to be 100% in love with this season, because even if the challenges are a bit Wah-Wah the fucking Queens are everything!!

First off, I'm just going straight there. The Vixen. I thought initially she was going to bug me because she was seeking drama for dramas sake. However, as I think Cracker rightly says, this girl is SMART. If you didn't catch episode 3 and specifically Untucked for that one, well you've missed out on a Queen telling it exactly how it is, pulling no bullshit and finally speaking all the truth!

Yes The Vixen, Yes! This Queen and Aquaria have been going in on each other and it has not been one sided. Aquaria was giving it all that on her high horse about Cracker stealing from her. She wasn't afraid to mouth off when she felt safe and hidden from her "foe". However The Vixen had zero issue in calling bullshit once Aquaria decided to dodge the opportunity to confront Cracker back in the workroom, which was weird since she did say that it was her intention to do so...

Yet for some reason as episodes pass, Aquaria decided to go ahead and poke the bear some more. When she called out The Vixen for that wig swap what was she expecting exactly? To not get bitten back?

The genius of The Vixen is that she is prepared and able to argue back. And not in a bitchy way, she is able to have her bullet points lined up and completely call out anyone's shit. She's clever and I imagine she would happily go toe to toe with anyone in a debate. Where it all fell down for Aquaria however is that she is unable to bring the debate back to her.

Aquaria is like the embodiment of social media culture. She is happy to say something that may cause some controversy or be a bit bitchy so long as she feels safe, like any keyboard warrior. But there is nowhere to hide here so once she suddenly has to take a rebuttle, she immediately feels "attacked". And she's not, she's not attacked, she's not being bullied, she is simply getting her comeuppance for the things she says. But since she doesn't have the wit to stand behind what she says, she feels hurt.

Look I'm all for empathy, to my detriment at times, but it is hard to feel sorry for Aquaria in these confrontations with The Vixen. And I don't think that means Aquaria deserves to be attacked or have her character assassinated but I also don't think that The Vixen should have to monitor what she says to her.

The Vixen made it clear that she is ready to stand her ground, she doesn't scream or threaten, she simply provides a logical argument. Take the wig scenario, Aquaria mentions that clearly the runway doesn't matter in her view, so The Vixen can obviously rebutte that that statement makes her poking about the wig redundant. And she's right.

In Untucked we see the whole situation get brought up again only now even Dusty gets to comment on her feelings of Aquaria being cold outside of the show. This all results in Aquaria "crying".

Aquaria's emotions came from being called out and it was an instant defence mechanism. It wasn't because of any one thing hurting her, it was embarrassment. Jesus, we've all been there, done or said something to look dumb or make a mistake and once we get caught or called out sometimes it can be easier just to play the victim a bit. Or is that just me?! It's not right, but it happens. And it doesn't make Aquaria a bad person, it just makes her a bit immature.

The Vixen does an incredible job of pointing out the facts here with a level of fourth wall breaking that would put Deadpool to shame as she highlights the fact that to the viewer she will be painted as the "angry black woman". I'm not even going to pretend I can relate to that, I'm whiter than Casper the ghost, but there are some Drag "fans" out there who spew some of the most vile and racist shit you can imagine. It's something I can't wrap my head around to be honest and I don't think the scumbags who do that are actual fans.

From what I can see, the black community has been historically ground breaking in terms of Drag. The very show they are watching was created by a black Drag Queen. It is one of the most diverse shows that there is on TV.

But the fact is most, if not all, of the Black Queens who have been on Drag Race get horrid, racially driven abuse and it is disgusting. It's as if they like the white girls who try to act like black girls but not the actual black girls.

So to see The Vixen put it out there plainly as she did was a champion moment for her. And even her response when Aquaria mentioned that she understood, and I believe she did, was simply to tell her to act like it. That was brilliant. She didn't go after her, she didn't row with her she simply asked her to prove herself by her actions, not just her words.

I mean, clearly this was back then and I imagine we will see growth from Aquaria in this sense but in the larger scheme of things and the social media culture around Drag Race I think The Vixen has done an incredible job of speaking up and fighting for something that I believe she really came to the competition to fight against. The Vixen could prove to be one of the more important contestants to come on this show in terms of calling out the bullshit behaviour that happens online and I am here for it.

And while the race issue is one that does not deserve to be diluted, I think her points even go beyond race. This ability to say whatever to someone and not to be prepared for an argument back is 140 character behaviour. To play the victim, to pull the "bullied" card is done so readily at times and I am so happy to see an intelligent and strong person who is ready and able to reach through the screen and confront the keyboard warrior.

And on with the show...

With my thoughts on The Vixen out there I'll move on!

The Pharmarusical episode featured Andy Cohen who I am not here for ever since that moment where he insulted Trixie while she was RIGHT THERE but he showed up anyway for the mini challenge and for that weird cameo during the performance.

I thought Monique Heart got it a bit rough during critiques because I thought she was pretty good during her performance but then what do I know? Really love her though, a stunnah in drag and seems so lovely and sweet, I hope her momentum starts to take off. She was hilarious during the Ep3 mini challenge as well, I cannot wait to see what she's got planned for Snatch Game!!

I'm keeping an eye on Blair as well, I get the feeling this could be that Queen that does a Dela/Jinx in Snatch Game should she make it that far.

Cracker continues to shine for me, I don't know what it is there is just something about how she carries herself or her delivery or something that is so endearing. She puts the C in C.U.N.T.

I don't think Cracker has had a chance to peak yet but I feel like she's on a steady rise.

Asia is another one that I just love, her sense of humour seems so great and I said it in my first post and I'll say it again as a Queen, beautiful, as a boy gorgeous. As soon as she blew up her fringe during that runway I was sold, it was beyond cute it was fucking extra. Yes the gag of her face was funny during during the App challenge but I felt like the runway really won that for her and I was so happy to see her with a win. I'd love to see Asia go all the way.

This isn't even a review anymore, it's not linear at all but I need to interject and just throw Mayhem Miller's lip sync in here right now because WOW! I knew she'd be an incredible lip syncer and I was proven right.

This also leads me to wishing we saw more of a genre mix with LSFYL songs because there is something so badass seeing ladies who rock celebrated on that stage and I think that grungy rock music makes for a really exciting battle. Don't get me wrong, I adore me some pop and I live for soul and disco but my heart beats to a good drum and bass line so I do hope we see a bit more rock tunes added to the mix.

I mean Aja doing Alanis Morisette Ironic is flipping awesome! YouTube that shit.

Mayhem landing in the bottom this early on is probably exactly what she needed and a chance to see her perform was welcomed.

Eureka was fucking annoying as hell episode 2, Asia has the patience of a saint! I enjoyed Eureka during her stint on S09 but so far on 10 she's not doing anything to win me over and feels kind of out of place to me.

Monet was great during the Ep3 mini challenge, as an Irish girl I just loved her weird Irish thing that just came out of nowhere but when she did the "Erin go brea" singing I was in stitches, way to not just attempt some Paddy whackery SNL nonsense and just be funny and irreverent with it girl.

Also these fucking sponges turning up in every episode is getting ridiculous and I hope it never ends, I hope they don't even point them out they just keep using them like Monique during Untucked.

Poor Yuhua sashayed away Ep3 after a brutal challenge performance and too much air guitar. And by too much I mean any. I really liked her but I feel like she gets that the hard work starts after the show so I think we will get more from her.

Kalorie of course went Ep2, again a sweet queen but I don't think she was going to bring much more to this competition, the standard is so strong this year. She's a beautiful queen though.

I covered alot around Aquaria and The Vixen above but I will say that Aquaria has the potential to turn shit around for herself and I think she has the ability too. If she can accept her mistakes and learn from them she will do well, she's not afraid to act a fool in challenges and her runway is great.

I am afraid The Vixen might falter on challenges particularly when it boils down to acting or comedy in comparison to some of the others, I just get that vibe from her but she was funny in the Ep2 and 3 performances so hopefully I'm wrong because I really like her at the moment.

Dusty Ray Bottoms and Kameron Michaels are 2 I always forget until last. Which is weird because I don't dislike them, I thought both performed great on Ep2 and Dusty on Ep3. I adored Kamerons runway, someone on Reddit made a Final Fantasy VIII connection and I fucking loved it even more, I don't care if she never even heard of the game in terms of costume I lived for it.

Dusty's story of how he was treated when his parents found out he was gay was heart breaking. It's hard to imagine anyone getting treated like that just because of their sexuality, it would be amazing to see that situation get resolved for him but i think he's obviously done an incredible job of not letting it hamper his own life.

Unfortunately, Dusty on the runway Ep3 was a let down for me and i think she needs to win over the judges big time because should she land in the bottom, I don't think she'll stay.

Am i missing anyone? I don't think so.

Oh wait, I am. Alyssa Edwards was the choreographer on Ep2 and all I can say is the producers better find every opportunity they can to get her back, back, back again.

To finish up, despite some piss poor challenges this season really is all about the Queens. If you follow the show, make sure you get behind them on social media and all the rest. And leave all that bullshit racism and threats to the side, it's ugly and pathetic.

Looking forward to Ep4 which is the End of the World Ball. Love that they are getting another design challenge so soon!!

[digressfromreality]

The Day The Tables Turned

Synopsis: This was PERSONAL. That much was obvious. What does one clown do when a mobster doesn’t learn his place in Gotham’s new criminal hierarchy? Of course, kidnap their life blood, the one that literally means more than the filthy air they breathe. First he isolates her, second manipulates her, third the mutual companionship was completely unexpected. Revenge at its finest.

Original Inspiration: Heath Ledger’s Joker     Part 2 of 6

Warning: SMUT, DEATH, my terrible grammar lol

THE AFTERMATH

One. Two. Three. The body slumped on the second shot, she just put another dose of metal into the sap for good measure. Rose took a deep breath and handed the warm pistol to Darius's expecting hand. She quietly watched him slip the gun into the loose waistband of his designer jeans. With a slight of adjustment of his fitted shirt the outline of the weapon was virtually hidden. Rose wasn't stupid, it was one of many he would kept on his person always. Her cheeks flushed when she realized she had been caught staring, of course she would be connected to ogling her intimating client.

"See something you like Miss Codwell?" Her embarrassment furthered, even her chest was blotchy from her humiliating actions.

"Have I proven my loyalty Mr. Dodson?" He extended his hand waiting for hers to accept the invitation. She eyed him wearily, but took a firm hold of his hand.

"Exceedingly so." He took a possessive arm around her waist and walked back out to the main street. They passed many people wandering the Gotham streets, busying themselves with all of city's night life had to offer. No one had paid them any mind or any extra attention. A fit black male escorted a tall, leggy blonde to a night on the town, nobody thought twice about the blatant stereotype. 

They had turned the corner of the final block, stopping in front of upscale bar. From what Rose could quickly deduce was it was an upscale mob affiliated bar. "Rose, would you like a drink?" She turned her attention from the curious eyes to the bartender that Darius had called over in front of them.

"Do you have a Riesling?"

"Right up Miss," the bartender looked to her companion, "Boss?"

"The usual." Darius leaned in towards Rose, "I thought tonight would be more of a champagne kind of night." Darius backed away only to move back in handing Rose her drink. She took a small sip, trying to regain her voice in the room full of stares.

"I do have to work in the morning." Darius chuckled, flashing his handsome smile at Rose's sincerity.

"Of course, Ms. Codwell, business as usual." He snaked his arm around her shoulder directing her to the closest VIP booth. "Everyone I would like you to meet, Rose Codwell, our new accountant."

Rose slowly rubbed her eyes, trying to fey away her drowsiness. She almost wanted to kick out her feet and stretch but there was something tight wrapped around her middle. She let out a shaky breath as she realized it was a strong-arm tracing shapes along her abdomen.

"So, what were you dreaming bout sweet cheeks?" She let out another shaky breath, what happen last night was indeed reality.

"I..." Joker pressed his body closer to hers, she could feel his lips and scars tickle the cusp of her neck.

"I don't like liars." She forced out another shaky breath, he giggled softly.

"I dreamt about my first night working with the mob."

"And-da?" He asked almost impatiently. Her anxiety intensified.

"It was the first time of many times shooting someone." Her body went rigidly stiff when she heard the click of switch blade being opened. He traced the tip of the knife down the side of her body.

"There is a lot of firsts to think about. First time I haven't killed a hostage in a weeks' time and you..." She felt the knife paused, slightly digging into her hip. "Letting a clown defiled Maroni's precious daughter. Couldn't let this hidden gem be locked away forever." Rose whimpered, the knife was cutting down into her skin putting unwanted pressure on her hip. Of course, it didn't sound much like she was scared, no, no it gave Joker the opposite idea.

"Ah-yes. Fond memories huh?" He shoved her down on her back, she struggled hard against his hold, trying to buck her hips, and kick her legs now the knife was nowhere to be seen or felt. "Ah-ta-ta-ah," he chastised, "look at me Rose." She refused, he wrapped his hand tightly around her chin, "I said LOOK AT ME."

Her eyes stared straight at his dark ones which were boring into hers. He grinned down at her lovely, terrified face, he treated her to a wet sloppy kiss. He laughed again. He dropped his hold and quickly jumped up, "Come on Rose, we have places to go and people to see," he plucked his coat from her warm grasped. She pulled her knees close to her upper body, trying to shield her naked form from the cold and his wandering eyes.

"Where are my clothes?"

"Feeling a bit nippy?" She held her chest tight giving him a miffed glare.

"You were going to leave me this way." He grinned, licking his lips in excitement. She was comfortable accusing him of thoughts that he did have, but he couldn't let her know it. What was the fun if she knew all the answers?

"Maybe." He giggled as he 'gently' boxed the side of her face.

"I'll catch my death."

"You'll catch more than that if you go out there." Her eyes widened, there was no way that, "bathroom to the right, um 5 minutes. Then across the hall, down the steps third door to the left." He walked out the room only to pop his head back in, "every minute extra will cost a scream. Ha ha ha hah." She quickly made her way towards the bathroom, she really didn't want to find out if his threat was because of a knife or his other tool.

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"Turn that vile smut off." Sal stared hard at the drink in his hand. What he had just witnessed had disgusted him to his core. If he had half a mind he would skin that clown alive for this. To think it hadn't cross his mind that his simpering, petulant daughter wasn't dodging his calls but missing and was being manipulated by the clown. 

How did he find out about her? Not even the closest family knew about her direct relationship to him other than his organization. "How many have seen this?"

"The box said 2 of 3." Maroni slammed his drink down so hard that it shattered. His lieutenant winced.

"Who else would that sick freak send this too?"

His men began to scramble. "We're trying to find out now."

"I'll kill him."

-------------------------------------

Rose kept pulling on the hem of the dress, it was too tight and too short. Besides she had no undergarments to shield her underneath. She probably would have been warmer and more comfortable wrapped in a sheet if there had been one. She stopped, a hand had blocked her path forward.

"Looks like you don't disappoint." Joker tsked, licking the corner of his scarred lips. He was examining the black dress that he had left for her. He tapped his wrist as if gesturing to a watch, "From my calculations Rosey you are 2 and a half minutes late, which would equal to 2 and a half screams."

"How do you get half a..." Rose paused hearing the click of knife opening again. He flipped her around, shoving her stomach hard into the wall. She tried to thrash against him, only for him to force his weight against hers. He began to rub her shoulder hard as if to prep the skin for about what he was going to carve into her now.

"You know how to get a guy going, don't ya?" She could feel his arousal. "How about this?" He dove the knife's tip into a healing cut. She screeched in pain. "One." He pulled away only to slam the knife farther into the cut, twisting it back and forth. She damn near dropped at how terrible the pain was. "Two." He giggled.

"Please, please stop Joker." She desperately pleaded.

"Too bad we can't get to three." He leaned into close, she could feel his hot breath through her disheveled hair. "And let me lick to the center of your tootsy pop?"

"No, I wouldn't let..." She yelped, feeling his two fingers jam up inside of her.

"Ha ha, three it is." She stumbled in shock, no sure what to do with her body. His fingers weren't moving and she wasn’t keen on welcoming it. She waited until he released his hold. She turned around slapping his hand away from his mouth. 

"Now the world may never know." He slammed his lips on hers, and pushed her down into a chair. Letting go after he could taste the blood from her bitten lip. He began to drum his fingers dramatically as other clowns began quickly setting up a laptop up for the both. Rose could feel her shoulder throbbing, but tried to ignore it. She was too interested in what he had planned next. She observed it being switched into DVD app.

"Are we going to watch a movie?"

"Ah yes, snookum." He clutched her hands in one of his bigger ones, "since we decided to skip ahead straight to killing and fucking, we're now going to do a movie and dinner." She flinched, he made it sound like she wanted this one-sided relationship. Maybe in his demented mind he did. "And you'll be quite familiar with its content. Of course, you're the star of the show."

She went to interject, only to be cut off. "Shhh... Sshh... Wait for it." She looked away ashamed, she could see he had recorded his encounter with her last night. Her pleasured face could rival any porn stars, she was truly enjoying the way the Joker was touching her. She was sickened by her behavior. "You're going to miss the best part!" He exclaimed, she peered back at the screen only to be more horrified. He had added credits to the damn thing as if it was a movie! She watched as her name and the Jokers came up as starring in Maroni's Little Flower.

----------------------------------------

"Was this really necessary?" Maroni sounded bored and annoyed but Gordon knew better. He could see the man's knuckles turn white from clenching rage.

"Judging from your reaction this isn't the first time viewing it."

"No, unfortunately it is not." He stated through gritted teeth. 

"Who is she to you?" Maroni pointed a lazy tan finger accusingly at the commissioner.

"Who is she to you?" Gordon shook his head, obviously this woman meant more than mobster wanted to share.

"I do not want a turf war waged over this. Let us handle this." Maroni let out of bitter laugh, fixing his tie in the process.

"Let the GCPD handle the clown? Haven't you let him escape before?"

"You let him…" Maroni interrupted Gordon's rant.

"You leave the clown to me, this is personal." The mobster turned towards the door waiting for the lock to unhinge. "Stay out of my way if you know what is good for you."

"Who is she?" Gordon pleaded. Maroni shook his head unwilling to admit to anything.

---------------------------------

Gordon turned towards the dark corner, "What do you think?" Batman had been studying Maroni and his response to the video. He was livid. Guilt gnawed at Bruce, he had almost gotten to her previously in the week but had failed to do so. The long cut tracing down her spine was a result of her attempted escape.

"She works for him that is known." Gordon flipped through the file Batman had just handed him.

"Looks like they got a replacement accountant since Lau and his competitors were taken out." Almost all the letterhead was from her corporation. Marks from the forensic accountant showed very little of how she reclassified the mob’s assets and finances. Most of the documents seemed to corroborate a legitimate source or standing. 

"She has been doing their books for more than 2 years, had legit standings. Perfect place to front a clean image. No one would suspect mob affiliation unless they did some digging. But she gave no reason too." Batman deduced. The girl treated disadvantage youth to free meals and volunteered for the disabled. Largely contributed to her late mother, whom had a vision impairment since birth. 

"She means more than that.” Bruce was debating through the evidence once more. This was all connected. “Maroni is out for blood." 

"Blood for blood? I've never met a shallower man. Not his usual type." Gordon said doubtful.

"A daughter or niece possibly?" Batman ruffed out.

"There's no record of family other than the wife he repeated cheats on." He flipped through his own blotter, he had nothing to confirm for him. 

Bruce’s face became severe through his cowl as he pieced together the Joker’s thoughts. "Well the clever pun should be the indicator, Maroni's little flower. Her name is Rose."

"A secret daughter? No one knew about and he had her right under everyone's noses." Gordon was flabbergasted. How had the GCPD not linked this before?

"Yes, but how did the Joker find that out?" Batman wondered out loud.

"Why hasn't he killed her yet? What is the point of this?" He asked, still unclear to the Joker’s true motive. 

"As he said it's personal." As now it was too for Batman.