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the-demon-of-a-thousand-eyes · 6 months ago

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𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒟𝑒𝓂𝑜𝓃 𝑜𝒻 𝒶 𝒯𝒽𝑜𝓊𝓈𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐸𝓎𝑒𝓈 𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 18

Perpetuating the Pit and Spending Time with Lens

Pairing: Alastor x F!OC (Theia, The Demon of a Thousand Eyes)

Chapter Summary: You relay your story to Angel, Husk, and Sir Pentious about what you, Niffty, and Charlie found earlier. Then you take a look at Sir Pentious' laboratory, and eat lunch with Angel. He tells you about Fat Nuggets, and who you insist upon meeting.

Word Count: 4.5k

Warnings: Cannibalism, TW for DISCUSSIONS of: abuse, anorexia, Valentino being Valentino, threats to the life of Angel Dust and Fat Nuggets

Please be warned this chapter does touch on some tough subjects but we are talking about Angel here. He's got some shit he's gotta work through, and Theia is determined to be there for him through all of it.

Soon enough you’re relaying the entirety of the story a second time.

“Wait, so Niffty lives in a hole in the wall?” Angel laughs. “Of course she would.”

Sir Pentious looks alarmed. “Surely there are plenty of rooms in this establishment in which you could reside?”

Husk stays oddly silent. You raise one of the seven eyebrows on your face. “You knew.”

He shrugs. “Of course I knew. It’s Niff. She and I have known each other for years.”

You chuckle. He would.

“I like it! It’s called Hidey Hole!” Niffty supplies from where she’s still perched on your shoulder. “And next to it is a secret room that maybe even the baddest of boys hasn’t discovered!”

“Who is this ‘baddest of boys’ that the lady is mentioning?” Sir Pentious asks, puzzled.

Husk raises an eyebrow, surprised. “Niff, are you saying there’s a room in this hotel that maybe not even Lucifer knows about?”

Angel laughs again. “Didn’t he build this dump?”

“I don’t think so, not after looking at the blueprints, anyway. This building doesn’t make sense. Did you know that there’s a ballroom on the fourth floor and a swimming pool on the fifth, directly above it? Whoever designed this place had never made a thing in his life. A fallen archangel like Lucifer would have witnessed the dawn of creation itself. Surely he’d be better at architecture than this.” You chuckle. “So Niffty has been in this secret room before.”

“Uh, way tah bury the lead.” Angel rolls his eyes. “So, what’s in there, Niff?”

Niffty shrugs. “No idea.”

“I thought you said you’d been in there before!” Angel cries out, irritated. “So which is it!”

“Both.” Niffty replies. “I thought it was a boring closet. Why would I care about...” She looks at you and smirks. “Boring closet stuff?”

“Boring closet stuff?” Angel echoes, falling into her trap.

“Boring closet stuff.” You echo, mischievously.

“Boring closet stuff?” Sir Pentious asks, confused.

“Boring closet stuff.” Niffty cackles.

“Boring closet stuff?” Husk echoes too, and you sigh.

“You know, Vaggie was right. Hearing that phrase over and over really is annoying.”

Angel raises an eyebrow. “What, is that a call-back joke?”

“Is this just a bit to you?” Husk grunts as he puts the glass away he was just cleaning.

“If it is a joke, I am not privy as to why!” Sir Pentious declares, irritated.

You sigh. “Look, I’m going to have to tell this joke—I mean story, sorry—to Al to make it a third time, so can we please just move on from here?”

Niffty just giggles and says, “Boring closet stuff.” Again, much to everyone’s utter annoyance, admittedly including your own, even as you giggle. It’s still a little funny, okay?

“Fine, so, speakin’ o’ Smiles,” Angel cuts in, “Where is he and why don’t we go see this secret room fo’ ourselves right now?”

“Well first of all, none of us besides Niffty can get to it unless you can basically discorporate and incorporate yourself at will. It’s trapped behind the vents by itself. Niffty is tiny enough to fit back there as she is.” You shrug. “As for Al, we’ll need him anyway as Niffty made a promise to Charlie that she wouldn’t go back in without asking for his help first. His location…hell if I know. Probably hunting down some idiot who owes him something or another.”

Husk raises an eyebrow again. “I’m surprised he didn’t take me with him. Not that I’m not thrilled to not be included this go around.”

You shrug. “He’s hunting down someone for me to kill in front of him.”

Angel laughs uproariously. “Is this ‘nother one of you twos weird-ass matin’ rituals?”

You roll all of your eyes. “Of course not, Angel. He bought me this stunning knife,” You gesture to it at your hip, “and I promised him when he bought it for me that I’d tear apart its first victim in front of him.” You flush and your eyes flash red, eager for the kill again.

“Uh-huh, sure ‘cause that ain’t part of some weird-ass game you twos are playin’.” He smirks knowingly.

You swallow, and turn to Sir Pentious, desperate to change the subject. “So, Sir Pentious, any new inventions view’ve been working on lately, by glance?”

Sir Pentious, sweet, unassuming serpent that he is, happily provides for which you were hoping. “I am working on a few mind-boggling contraptions that may interest you! Would you like to see my laboratory?”

“I’d be delighted to see what you’re in the process of building! Lead the way.” You gesture towards the stairs.

Niffty pipes up from your shoulder, “I have some cleaning to do, Theia, so I should get going!” She gives you a hug and you hug her back. “Before you go, Niff, you’re not making coffee for me every morning because Al told you to, right?” You ask with a raised eyebrow. “I appreciate the coffee, but I want to make sure you’re not being forced to do it.” Niffty shakes her head vehemently. “Of course not. I like helping!” She declares, then says, “I’ll see you later!” She then scurries off to wherever she decided needs cleaning in particular.

You throw a smirk over your shoulder at Angel, who rolls his eyes but then raises an eyebrow pointedly. It was apparent to him that this conversation was long from over. You wave at both him and Husk as Sir Pentious leads you down the hallway. You expect him to lead you upstairs, but instead, he takes you out back of the hotel, where his crashed airship is sitting. The sides still have holes in them but you can see a few egg bois you hadn’t seen earlier working on repairs. “How many egg bois do you have, Sir Pentious?”

“It’s hard to keep track but it’s usually just over a hundred.” He replies easily as he leads you in through the door, offering his hand to help you inside.

You don’t need his help but you appreciate his kind offering, so you take his hand anyway, stepping into the war vehicle. It looks as you’d imagined for the most part. A large open space with a set of controls near the front and a large wheel to control it in the center. In the back, you see what he must have been referring to earlier—his laboratory.

“Over here we have a few projects of mine that are still in progress,” He gestures as you follow him into the back room. As you try to catch a glimpse of them, he says, “Ah, no peeking, though, they’re a surprise!” He leads you over to a tall object draped in a cloth. “Over here, we have my latest project, the Skin Flayer 11,000!” He declares as he whips the sheet off to reveal a large wheeled contraption with what appears to be a sort of canon on the front end.

“That’s quite the weapon you’ve built.” You decide as you inspect it. Looking into the top half, you notice that the inside isn’t finished. It’s hollow, as if it’s missing some pieces. “So when do the rest of the parts go in?”

“I see you’ve noticed that it’s not quite ready yet.” He looks a little embarrassed. “I’m expecting a delivery from Carmine industries. I hope it will arrive tomorrow.”

“Ooh, stepping it up with a little angelic steel as materials? Nice, nice. I love her work, personally. Good choice.”

“I’m hoping to have it ready to show off to Princess Morningstar tomorrow. I’m sure she’ll be pleased.” He boasts proudly.

“I didn’t think Charlie was into weaponry.” You raise an eyebrow.

“She isn’t, but she has taken an interest in me and this is what I am good at, building machines and ordering minions around.” He explains, as if it made perfect sense. “You have taken an interest in my work, however, so I figured you might like to see it, even if it’s not complete.”

“Of course, Pen. I like seeing you in your element like this, and while those who run this establishment might not necessarily see weapons as an ideal component of life here, I think it’s important to be on our guard. The exterminations are coming up again soon and we may as well be innovative! Who knows what kind of strides in weaponry you might make. You might even find out what could kill an exorcist!” He laughs, albeit a little sad. “If only.” He gives you a small smile. “You have been incredibly kind to me, Theia.” He narrows his eyes. “Too kind. Have I made a mistake allowing you in my space? Are you here to sabotage me?!” He looks around alarmed, petrified of the choice he’s made.

You shrug. “Of course not, not that I’d tell you outright if I were. Listen Pen, I like you, but you gotta relax, let your guard down. I’m gonna go now. You take some deep breaths, okay?”

He doesn’t say anything as you walk out of his laboratory, out of his airship, and back into the hotel. As you pass a clock on the wall, you notice the time.

It’s nearly one o’clock, and you’re starting to feel a little peckish. Some eyeballs might be in order. You think to yourself as you ascend the always-too-long journey to your suite.

When you arrive at your door, you unlock it and enter your kitchen. Placing your key on the counter, you walk to the fridge and consider your options.

In addition to eyeballs in many forms, you find a jar of unopened mayonnaise in the door. Perfect. You think to yourself. Did someone go shopping in my absence? I don’t remember seeing this earlier. You shrug. Maybe Niffty put it there, or maybe it was always there and I never noticed?

You get out a bowl and a fork. Opening up the cabinets, you’re surprised to also find a loaf of bread, as well as a few other non-refrigerated essentials. You smile. Okay surely someone has done some shopping for me.

You take the loaf of bread down from the shelf and take out two slices, toast them in the toaster you find in another cabinet, get out two green eyeballs, and add the mayo. Mixing them together, you add salt, pepper, and some of the thyme. Finally, you add the eyes salad to the toast, and putting away the mayo and rinsing your bowl and fork in the sink, you take a knife from the knife block to cut it in half, rinse it clean then return it to the block. Looking into the fridge, you find a jug of water. You pour yourself a glass and drop a pair of blue eyes inside.

Humming a tune you hadn’t heard in years and had nearly forgotten the words for, you take your plate and glass, debate on eating at the breakfast bar, but decide that you’d much rather eat downstairs. You set your plate down to grab your key and stick it in your non-subspace pocket, then pick up your plate again and walk through and close your door. Juggling your plate and glass in one hand, you somehow manage to keep the food and the water from spilling as you reach into your pocket and lock the door with the key, then return it to your pocket once more. Finally, you shift the plate back to your now free hand before you make the rather long descent down the stairs.

When you reach the lobby, you find that while there is no one nearby, but you hear noises coming from the kitchen. You decide to make your way to the dining room and take a seat at the empty table.

You choose a spot in the middle, far away from either end, set your plate and glass down, then take a seat. You grab one half of the sandwich and take a bite. Just as you close your eyes to enjoy the taste of the delicious sandwich you’ve made, you hear footsteps. As you open them again, you see Angel stride through the doorway and into the room. His plate is filled with a small salad, mostly leafy greens and a few radishes and carrots. There doesn’t appear to be any dressing on top of it. You chew and swallow then take a drink of your water before you say, “Hey, Angel.”

His face, which was looking a little contorted with what you hoped wasn’t irritation at Tino but probably was, upturned brightly at seeing you. “Hey, Occhi. Didn’t expect to see you here.”

You shrug. “Didn’t feel like eating lunch up in my suite. It’s better now that you’re here. It’s always better to eat with a friend than eating alone.”

“We’re friends?” Angel asks as he takes a seat at the table across from you on the other side.

“Well I’d like us to be, if we’re not already.” You say as you take another bite.

As you chew and swallow, he replies, “Besides Cherri and Fat Nuggets I don’t have many friends.” He picks up his fork and stabs at a bit of lettuce, puts it into his mouth and starts to chew.

“Cherri? Like Cherri Bomb, right? I think I’ve heard of her. I don’t think we’ve ever met, though. I know I’ve never heard of Fat Nuggets, however.” You reply after you take a drink of your water.

Angel chuckles. “Oh, you’d remember ‘er if you’d met ‘er. She’s a spitfire, bombs an’ the like. You’d like her, I think.” He stabs another bit of lettuce. Before he takes his next bite, he says, “Fat Nuggets is my pet pig.”

You have to choke back a screaming squeal. You love pets. You’ve tried not to get all excited about Vox’s sharks before because you have an image to maintain, but you wanna go make them all love you so badly, and they’re natural predators. A pig on the other hand might be a far less dangerous candidate, not that you couldn’t easily hold your own against a shark (or even several). The noise you make is still startlingly loud as you are so excited. You nearly knock over your water glass. “You have a pet pig? Lucifer’s left nut, that sounds adorable!”

“You wanna meet ‘im?” Angel asks after he chews and swallows another few bites, laughing at your choice of exclamation.

“Do I?!” You say excitedly as you polish off the first half of your sandwich. “Of fucking course I do! I love pets!”

He continues to laugh as he takes another bite. “We’ll go see him after lunch. It’s right about his feeding time anyway so he’ll be extra cuddly.”

You pick up the other half of your sandwich and take a bite, then sip your water. “He sounds adorable.” You smile with earnest interest.

“He’s the most precious thing in the world to me.” He says. The smile is genuine, but for some reason it’s a little sad.

Tino gave him that pig, didn’t he. You think to yourself as you take a bite and barely succeed in preventing your face from showing that you know that to be the case. “It’s always nice to have a pet. I’ve been thinking about getting one but you know, nothing really matches the motif.” You gesture to yourself with a half a laugh.

“I mean a pig don’t hardly go with a spider.” Angel quirks an eyebrow at you as he stabs another hunk of lettuce.

“Sure it does. Charlotte’s web, just in reverse a little kinda? It’s a stretch but I’m counting it.” You laugh. “Sad story, actually. Terrible ending, honestly. Good book, tragic though. Point is, without getting into the sad bits, the spider really cares for that pig, tries to help it out as best she can. So yeah, a pig and a spider do go together. This story will end a little happier for both though, if I have anything to say about it.” You take a drink, chew and swallow one of the eyeballs.

Silence falls between you for a moment besides the sounds of chewing and swallowing. Angel is thinking. Eventually, he speaks. “You really do wanna to be my friend, don’t yah?” It’s quiet, surprised, and definitely confused. It hurts you the way his voice cracks as he says it.

“Yeah, Angel, I do.” You reply not much louder. “Of course I do.” You say after you finish the rest of your sandwich.

He chews and swallows, finishing his plate before he finally asks, “Why?”

“Are you seriously asking me why I want to be your friend?” You feel yourself tearing up. This poor, broken man. You take a breath and prevent the tears from falling, regaining your composure. He only nods. You continue, “I want to be your friend because I like you. The real you, not some mask you put up while others are around. You’re funny, and you’re smart. You’re apparently a good cook, so I’m not sure why you’re eating a salad of all things, but I’ll leave that one alone for now.” You take a sip of your water. “You’re ambitious, you’re clever, and I bet you can handle yourself in a fight even though I’ve never seen it. You wouldn’t have made it this long in Hell without knowing a few tricks.”

“You’ve got no idea, Occhi.” He smirks, then sighs. “I ain’t 'xactly friend material.”

“I disagree.” You say as you take another sip. “You’ve all the makings of a friend, if you’ll let me be one. I know it’s hard, that you’ve been surviving in a cutthroat industry that you have no choice to work in, that you’ve been treated like shit for years on end because of what that bastard did to you after he convinced you to sign your soul away. You’re strong, Angel; even when you’re weak, you’re strong. As hard as it is for you to believe it, I’m not here with any ulterior motive when I tell you that I want to be your friend.” You let out a light chuckle. “You remind me of my uncle, actually. I think you’d get along with him very well.” You chew and swallow the last eyeball in your glass.

“Now, uncle, that I can do.” Angel laughs with a wink. “I used tah be dah cool uncle mahself.”

“I mean you can be that too, if you’d like, but you can be both. If you need someone to talk to about your bullshit with Tino, I’m here, and no one can compel me to spill what you deem worthy for me to know. I’m here if you want to do stupid shit like gossip about men or do our hair. I’m here if you wanna be serious and talk about the important stuff. You know. Like a friend.” You polish off the rest of your water.

Angel gives you a weak smile. “Alright, fine, Occhi. I’m your friend.” He rolls his eyes, but he’s still smiling.

You smile wider. “Good. Now that that’s settled, I wanna meet Fat Nuggets.”

He laughs. “I’m sure he’d love to meet you too.”

You stand, and you hear Niffty call out, “Leave your plates I’ll come get them in a minute!”

You call back, “Thanks, Niff, you’re a real sweetheart!”

Angel stands too, then, and the two of you head out into the lobby and then down the hallway. Angel’s room is not much farther. He unlocks and opens his door. A little pink blob comes barreling towards him at break-neck speed and Angel laughs as he wraps the four arms he has out around it. “This,” He says as he holds up the pig in his arms to you, “is Fat Nuggets. Say hello, Nuggs.”

Fat Nuggets oinks in response. You squeal, softer this time. “Hi, Fat Nuggets!” You say excitedly. “You’re so fucking cute!” You look up at Angel. “Can I hold him?”

“Yeah, sure, jus', uh, be careful, he might try tah nibble on yah dress.” He holds him out to you, and you take him carefully into your arms. “I’m gonna go get his kibble. You can um,” He takes a look around and as he steps inside the room itself, you realize how messy it is. It’s clear that not only does Niffty not clean in here, Angel doesn’t either. “Sorry ‘bout dah mess.” He scratches the back of his neck with one of his many arms. “Ain’t got visitors, usually. You can just, uh, sit on dah bed with Nuggs if you wanna.”

You cross the room to the bed, avoiding all the random things littered about. Angel’s room is about the size of the one you used to have before Al moved you into a suite, but Angel’s is differently decorated. He has a string light spiderweb put up above his bed, and it's covered in lots of pillows. The walls, you note, are covered in pictures of himself and Fat Nuggets, and himself and who you recognize is the aforementioned Cherri Bomb, as well as a few posters from some of his live performances. Plenty of eyes for you to look through, should you need to check in on him. You sit down on the bed, and set Fat Nuggets down next to you. You pet his head. “What a cute, sweet little piggy you are, aren’t you.” You coo to him. “Somebody makes his daddy very happy, doesn’t he? I don’t care if that bastard Tino did get you as a gift to him to use as a manipulative tool. I’ll tear that fucker apart and eat his eyes if he ever tries anything, especially if it has to do with you.”

Angel is standing in the doorway and the kibble spills out of the bowl and onto the floor as he hears your words. Nuggs jumps down from the bed and starts to nosh on the kibble on the floor, then moves to the bowl as Angel sets it down.

You don’t have to turn to look at him but do anyway. “You want some help cleaning that up?”

“Nah, Nuggs’ll eat it jus’ fine.” He says with a shrug. “He’s allowed to gain a few pounds.”

You narrow your eyes on your neck when you hear this. The words ring in your ears. He’s allowed to gain a few pounds. It hits you like a train wreck what that means, and you don’t dare share the realization out loud. Angel has anorexia. Tino fucking gave him anorexia, on top of all the other fucking bullshit he’s done to abuse this poor, broken man. He’s lucky I don’t go to Vee Tower and rip him limb from limb, tear out his eyes, eat them, and leave him to bleed out on Vox’s console. You swallow back any words you have, all your bitter and vengeful animosity. You have to choose your words carefully. “He doesn’t let you eat, does he.” It’s not a question, and you don’t expect an answer. “I’d tell you that I’m sorry but I know it wouldn’t make a difference.”

He sits down beside you and leans back on his middle arms, his upper arms rest behind his head. You lay back on the bed, and look up at the ceiling with your main eye even as the ones on the side that’s next to Angel look at him. He lets out a small sigh. “Knowin’ you feel the sentiment is bettah than hearin’ it. Not that it changes nothin’.”

Fat Nuggets finishes his food and comes to curl up between the two of you on the bed. He rolls onto his side to cradle Nuggs, and you roll onto yours to face them both. “You know, even though I can’t change anything, I can still be your friend. It’s not much, but it’s mine to give.”

“That ain’t true, Theia.” He says easily as he wraps one of the arms that was once behind his head around you in a half-hug. “It’s more than I could evah ask fo’. Thanks fah bein’ mah friend. You’re right. I could use a few ah those.”

You smile, and wrap one of your arms around him in return, careful not to squish the ball of piglet between you. “Of course, Angel. I’m honored to call you my friend.”

In a few moments, you end the hug and snuggle Nuggs some more.

Angel turns his head to look at you, a wickedly sinful smirk on his face. “So, Occhi, since we’s such good friends an’ all…about Smiles,” He begins, and you swallow visibly. “When’re yous two gonna do the dirty, eh?”

You blush. “It’s not like he’s familiar with sex, Ange.” You roll your eyes and his smile seems to soften at the nickname. “I can’t very well expect to just jump his bones even if I want to bang him like a screen door in a tornado.”

He laughs, then raises an eyebrow. “Why not? Ya ain’ gettin’ any older, now are yah?”

“I need to take things at his pace, no matter what I might want or blink.” You nervous pun out as you respond. “He may be the big bad Radio Demon, but I’m worried that if I make the wrong move he’ll freeze like a deer in the headlights and bolt, or worse, lash out and do something he regrets. I can take care of myself, of course. I just don’t want my desires to hinder the possibility of something more.”

“Damn, Occhi, I know I said you got 'im whipped, but yous crazy for him too, ain’t yah?”

You blush a light shade of violet. “Of course I am.” You sigh. “I’ve had a thing for him for years if I’m being honest with myself, and I guess I am since I’m here with view.”

He ignores your pun and zeros in on what you just divulged. “Shit, years? I thought you met him like a week ago.”

You flush darker. “I did. I told you, I’ve been in Hell a long time. I was careful that he never saw me watching him, but you know, it gets to me.”

“Ya like watchin’ him fight that bad, huh.” He teases, a smirk on his face. “You two fuckin’ freaks were made for each otha. Ya got mah blessin’, not that yah need it.”

You chuckle. “Even still, Ange, it’s surprisingly comforting to hear.”

A thumping in the vents above startles you. “Hi, Angel! I’m just here to deliver a message! I won’t come in since you told me not to! Sir’s back and he’s looking for you, Theia!”

“Thanks, Niff!” You call back as she retreats back down the ventilation shaft she came in through. You look to Angel. “Well I suppose I should go and see what he wants.” You say calmly as you sit up.

Angel laughs. “Smiles probably found some poor sap for yah tah kill like yah been wantin’ fo’.”

Your eyes flash red and you grin wickedly. “He did promise me some fun.”

“Go get ‘im, Occhi! Jus’ don’ skimp on da details latah!”

You laugh as you surprise him with another hug, then stand. “For you, Ange, absolutely.”

You cross the room once more and open the door, eager to see what Al has waiting for you on the other side.

A/N: I hope you liked Theia's introduction to Fat Nuggets and thought she handled Angel's problems as well as she could! She knows she can't do much to help him right now, but she's more than willing to be his friend in the meantime! I'm very happy with this chapter and I love how genuine Angel feels to me here.

Chapter 19 will NOT be Stab Stab Murder Time, despite the fact that I had intended it to be. Chapter 19 is what I like to call, 'Oops Theia spoke French and it broke Alastor,' at least until I come up with a better set of eye puns for it.

First || Chapter 17 || Chapter 19

#the demon of a thousand eyes #theia #demon of a thousand eyes #hazbin hotel fanfiction #hazbin hotel oc #alastor x reader #eye #eyes #eye puns #eye puns as a coping mechanism

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kathyprior4200 · 2 years ago

Text

Meet the 2P characters of HH/HB

Property of Helluva Scribe/Kathy Prior 42

Reverse Locations:

Haven Hotel (Opposite Hazbin Hotel)

Holy Halo City (Opposite Pentagram City)

E.L.F. Headquarters (Opposite I.M.P. Headquarters)

Humility Halo (opposite Pride Ring)

Charity Halo (opposite Greed Ring)

Chasity Halo (opposite Lust Ring)

Kindness Halo (opposite Envy Ring)

Temperance Halo (opposite Gluttony Ring)

Patience Halo (opposite Wrath Ring)

Diligence Halo (Opposite Sloth Ring)

Woo-Hoo Land (opposite Loo-Loo Land)

Currency: souls (Hell) spirits (Heaven)

Haven Hotel:

2P Charlie Magne/Charlie Morningstar – Coercea Eveningstar (has a crush on Adam the Exorcist, teal suit, black hair, sharp fangs, violent, evil, prideful)

2P Angel Dust – Devil Grit (dark fur, hates sex, straight)

2P Alastor – Stalaro (blue and white, cowardly, sad, loves dubstep and sex, Techno Angel, loves sweets and tea)

2P Vaggie – Phalla (loves men and hates to fight)

2P Niffty – Klutzy (lazy, rude, gluttonous, lesbian, water/ice powers)

2P Husk – Core (white cat, friendly)

2P Valentino – Valentine

2P Vox – Nil

2P Velvet - Ashen

Lucius and Lilian – Coercea’s angel parents, counterparts of Lucifer and Lilith

2P Travis – Sivart

2P Egg Bois – Hatchlings

2P Baxter – Baker (the artist/animal lover, uses science for good)

2p Crymini – Joymaxi the Heavencat popstar

2P Mimzy (miserable and flimsy) – Jueva (joyful/strong)

2P Sir Pentious – Bold Egull (bald eagle angel) (originally Anguis/snake)

2P Cherri Bomb – Berri Blossom

2P Razzle and Dazzle – Pub and Chub (Coercea’s rocker cherub lackeys, creepy babies)

2P Katie Killjoy – Catie Carejoy

2P Tom Trench – Ron Wrench

2P Helsa von Eldritch – Seraphia (fiery angel princess bird)

2P Seviathan von Eldritch – Enochsera (fiery prince)

2P Rosie – Violeta

2P Roo – Moo (cow, instead of and kangaroo trash-loving, hungry, Australian demon) likes vegetables and being proper

2P Molly – Holly

2P Fat Nuggets – Thin Tenders (Devil Grit’s boar)

2P Adam and Lute – (Eva and Harp white anti-exorcists)

Heavenly Boss: (in order of appearance)

2P Blitzo – Docile

2P Moxxie – Tirred

2P Millie – Timmid

2P Loona – Sunna

2P Eddie – Ellie

0 0 0

“Savior Family”

Mrs. Mayberry (good alternate universe)

2P Jarold – James

2P Ralphie – Ralph

2P Martha – Mary

0 0 0

“Woo-Hoo Land”

2P Octavia – Quartet

2P Robo Fizz – Bio Rizz

2P Wally Wackford – Sully Serious

2P Fizzaroli – Rizzafoli

2P Queef - Feeuq

Additional characters: Azrael, Samael, Flora, Veronica (good Verosika) and Lord Menadel

0 0 0

“Autumn Intact”

2P Verosika - Veronica

Kiva Perdera

Kiva Perdera’s cherubs

2P Vortex – Portal

0 0 0

“D.I.A.B.L.O.”

2P Lyle Lipton – Kyle Kipton

2P Loopty Goopty – Straight Nate

2P Cletus (C.H.E.R.U.B.) – Erebos (D.I.A.B.L.O)

2P Collin (C.H.E.R.U.B.) – Devvin (D.I.A.B.L.O)

2P Keenie (C.H.E.R.U.B.) – Dammna (D.I.A.B.L.O)

2P Deerie – Doe-Doe

0 0 0

“Sowing Sun Festival”

2P Striker – Soother

2P Joe – Max

2P Lin – Min

2P Sallie May – Polly Pax (deaf, expert in sign language)

Lord Menadel

2P Billie May, Willie May, Tillie May, and Killie May (Millie’s siblings) – Polly Pax, Molly Pax, Holly Pax, Jolly Pax, Dolly Pax ( “Tolly” Timmid’s siblings)

0 0 0

“Lying Inductees”

2P Agent One (D.H.O.R.K.S.) – Agent Negative One (C.H.A.R.M.E.R.S.)

2P Agent Two (D.H.O.R.K.S.) – Agent Negative Two (C.H.A.R.M.E.R.S)

0 0 0

“Uri’s”

2P Asmodeus/Ozzie – Archangel Uriel-Uri

0 0 0

Future/other characters:

2P Barbie Wire – Holly Dove

2P Cash Buckzo/Blitzo’s Father – Deferent

2P Tilla/Blitzo’s Mother – Allie

2P Joe and Lin – Max and Min

2P Andrealphus – Damabiah (65th duck-like angel of the 72 angels, opposite of Andrealphus, representing sun and summer)

2P Crimson Knolastname - Turquoise

2P “Rosa” Knolastname/Moxxie’s Mother – Teal

2P Chaz Turman – Zach (letters mixed)

Additional characters: Azrael, Samael, Flora, Veronica (good Verosika), Jesus Christ, Mother Mary, Archangel Michael, Archangel Raphael, Archangel Gabriel, Archangel Uriel, Archangel Jophiel, Archangel Zadkiel, Archangel Metatron, Archangel Sandalphon, Archangel Chamuel, Adam, Eve, Cain, Abel, Lord Menadel etc.

#2phazbinhotel #2phelluvaboss

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bluewinnerangel · 3 years ago

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Was thinking about adding to this about fav 1D lyrics and somehow just kept going for Paul Simonny ones instead:

Remember the day we were giving up, when you told me I didn't give you enough and all of your friends were saying I'd be leaving you

Got these scars on the same ground. Remember how we used to kick around just wasting time?

Yesterday I went out to celebrate the birthday of a friend but as we raised our glasses up to make a toast I realised you were missing

She floats through the room on a big balloon

You will find me in places that we've never been for reasons we don't understand, walking in the wind

Stained coffee cup, just a fingerprint of lipstick's not enough

Yeah I see you at the bar, at the edge of my bed, backseat of my car, in the back of my head, I come alive when I hear your voice, it's a beautiful sound, it's a beautiful noise

When I'm fat and old and my kids think I'm a joke, 'cause I move a little slow when I dance

And these shades can hide us from the streets

Going out tonight, changes into something red, her mother doesn't like that kind of dress, everything she never had she's showing off

Her light is as loud as as many ambulances, As it takes to save a savior (I wouldn't say this is a fav lyric but it's just extremely paul jssjaj)

Shadows come with the pain that you're running from

Only half a blue sky, kind of there but not quite, I'm walking 'round with just one shoe

He's memorized every part of your face

If this room was burning, I wouldn't even notice

Oh, I would carry you over fire and water for your love, And I will hold you closer, hope your heart is strong enough, when the night is coming down on you we will find a way through the dark

And I remember you were laughing, So let's just laugh again

Said I had a dirty mouth (I got a dirty mouth) But she kissed me like she meant it

I speak a different language but I still hear your call.

And I know we'll be alright child, just close your eyes and see, I'll be by your side any time you're needing me

Little black dress just walked into the room

I hear voices singing songs in the street

Silence and sound, did they ever hold each other tight like us? Did they ever fight like us?

It's only been four months but you've fallen down so far. How could someone mislead you at all?

A week ago you said to me, "Do you believe I'll never be too far"? If you're lost just look for me, you'll find me in the region of the summer stars

@ialwaysknewyouwerepunk thanks

#i need to start myself a lil simon tag #paul simon that is i mean #maybe like #walking in the graceland wind #??#fat charlie the archangel floats through the room on a big balloon #oh ill carry you over like a bridge over troubled water #and you say your life is on fire I wouldnt even notice #a week ago you said to me do you believe were going to memphis tennessee #these are getting worse #if this posts hits anyones interest please do interact with me this is one hell of a niche

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writingtoforgetreality · 4 years ago

Text

Delicate - The Devil’s Daughter Chapter Nine (Lucifer Morningstar x Daughter!Reader)

[Lucifer-Masterlist], [The Devil’s Daughter-Masterlist]

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

Summary: Amenadiel did not trust you one bit. Why? Well, you were not sure yourself. But you would find out soon.

Words: 1,464

Warnings: language, angst, I think this chapter is good to go, (Y/E/C) = your eye color, (Y/A) = your age

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

Dinner was incredibly uncomfortable. Amenadiel had not stopped staring at you & you desperately wanted the floor to swallow you as a whole. The worst part was that Dan seemed oblivious to everything. You did not even bother engaging in their conversation. Mostly, your eyes trained on the little baby who you found out was named Charlie. He was really sweet. Not like his scary father with his stone cold stare.

“(Y/N)?” it was the first time Amenadiel directed his words at you. You almost choked on your food. Why were you thinking that he would not talk to you? It was bad enough that he made you queasy but him asking you something? Well, you were not necessarily prepared if you were honest.

“Um, yeah?” you had never sounded so ludicrous in your entire existence.

“Can we talk?” his eyes bore into yours. Dan kept eating like nothing was wrong about this situation.

“I guess.” an awkward chuckle left your mouth.

“I mean in private.” his voice was deep. You definitely did not want to mess with him. Eyeing Dan, you found him uninterested. He simply motioned for you guys to go ahead. Okay, what was going on? You had never met this guy before. And he just came waltzing in, demanding to talk to you. It was not really a demand. More like a question with a demanding undertone. Whatever it was, it left you uneasy. Getting up from the table, you gestured for him to follow you. He gave Dan some instructions how to deal with little Charlie & then entered your, or better said Trixie’s, bedroom behind you. The door fell closed & suddenly, you were alone with a stranger. Seemingly no way to escape whatsoever.

“So.” Amenadiel started.

“So.” you breathed out.

“Anything you wanna tell me?” his eyebrows raised questioningly.

“Should there be anything?” your head tilted, clearly showing that you had no clue what he wanted from you.

“What are you?”

“Usually, it’s “who” but-“

“No. What are you?” sounded like he was not in the mood for jokes. Truthfully, you were not either but you thought a little sarcasm would ease the tension between you two. When you did not give him an answer, he continued. “I know you aren’t human.” that made you stop in your tracks. (Y/E/C) eyes widened in fear.

“W-What?” you managed to stutter out.

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t play dumb.” Amenadiel walked over to where you were sitting on the bed. Placing himself beside you but not too close, so there still was a good amount of distance.

“I…I really don’t know what you’re talking about.” by now, your eyes trained on your lap where your hands fiddled to avoid eye contact. It was not like he was a bad person or anything, just the way he talked & about what he talked was not really what you expected from one of Dan’s friends.

“I think you do.” he sighed out. “And if you’re not telling me then I believe we’ll have a problem.”

“Why would there be a problem?” your heartrate picked up its pace & you had no control over it. Your legs bounced & if you did not clench your hands into fists, the trembles would be visible.

“Because I can’t tell if you’re a threat or not.” he was being serious but to you, his statement was hilarious. Hence why you could not hold in a little laughter. Regaining your composure, you locked your eyes with his again.

“Do I look threatening to you?” a little smirk was plastered on your face. Everyone who knew you knew how you would never hurt anyone. Clearly, he thought otherwise.

“Yes.” that caught you off guard. A man like him being afraid of you? You, out of everyone? Did not sound real but whatever. He started speaking again. “As an angel, you can see someone’s true form. I can detect another angel, a demon. But when I look at you…I don’t see anything.” you were too shocked after his revelation of being an angel. That had to be a coincidence, right? He could very well be lying. So why did you believe him when he told you that? Still, you would not let your guard down. Not that easily.

“Isn’t it good when you don’t see anything? Means I’m no demon, right?” whatever you said, it was the wrong thing. Because the man next to you looked amused.

“You kinda gave yourself away with your answer. You weren’t shocked when I said I was an angel.” oh, you were shocked but probably not like a human being would be. “So that brings me to my conclusion that you aren’t human. I’m asking you again…What are you?”

“You know my name, right?” you looked at him expectantly. After a nod from him, you kept going. “Then it should be an easy one for you to put two & two together.” now it was his turn to look confused. Rolling your eyes at him, you explained further. “(Y/N). The big, bad angel nobody wants to get too close to.” your hands gestured exaggeratedly but Ameandiel’s face was still full of confusion.

“I don’t know an angel named (Y/N).” he mumbled it more to himself. “Did father send you?”

“Father? You’re talking about the Big Guy?” your eyes rolled. Of course, if Amenadiel was an angel then it would make God his father. “Trust me, I’d still be up there if it weren’t for me leaving right away.”

“Right away as in you turned (Y/A)?”

“Bingo.” you smiled at him. “Look, Amenadiel…If God sent you to bring me back tell him to stop trying so hard. Because I won’t ever go back.” you grew more & more angry.

“Nobody sent me.” again, it sounded like the truth. “But I’m not lying when I say that I don’t know an angel named (Y/N).” that, on the other hand, sounded like a big fat lie.

“Sure thing.” you laughed. “You’re here to make fun of me then?”

“No, I’m-“ but you interrupted him.

“I can’t believe you…” you whispered while shaking your head. “For (Y/A) years, no other angel gave a single shit about me. I’m leaving heaven & all of a sudden the others care? Or make fun of me? Trust me when I say you’re too late.” you got up from the bed, approaching the door. Yet, you came to a halt the moment your hand touched the doorknob. Shoulders sunk down. If you were honest, you were kind of hurt right now. When Amenadiel started talking again, his voice was much softer.

“I didn’t know you existed. And by the way you’re talking about heaven…it doesn’t sound like you had the best experience.” you scoffed at that. “Though I can only believe you if you show me your wings. You could be a demon, after all.” it was weird for him to meet someone who claimed to be an angel. But only because he could not see your true form. Whatever was going on with you he had never seen before. He had not even known that something like that was possible. That was, of course, if you really were an angel. If not, you could be a threat still. And he would not let you get too close to Charlie if that were the case.

“Forget it.” turning around again, your arms crossed over your chest.

“Then it means you’re a threat.” he pointed out, slowly getting up to walk over to you. When you instinctively took a step back, your body pressing against the closed door, then he came to a halt. You were uncomfortable, he could tell.

“I’m not a threat.” you breathed out through gritted teeth. “It’s not like I don’t wanna show you my wings. It’s more like I can’t.” your head hung low, thinking about the bandage on your back that probably needed to be changed soon.

“And why is that?” you were drained entirely. Like your social battery was empty. Besides, it was probably easier to show him than to explain everything. Grabbing the edges of your shirt, you turned around & lifted it enough to show the bandages. Blood leaked through. Not a lot but still. You flinched when you felt him remove it. He was careful but it was a very vulnerable moment for you. After all, nobody but the archangels & God had seen your wounds & scars before. You heard Ameandiel letting out a shaky breath. How you wished you could see his face, his reaction, right now. It felt like hours before you heard him talking again. And you could only make out his voice because the room had gone entirely silent.

“What did they do to you?”

~to be continued~

Next Chapter

Published (04/12/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @fandomqueen2003, @natashaashleymarvelromanoff, @severewobblerlightdragon, @tenderlyunlikelyexpert, @zoseph, @suffering-canucks-fan, @dad-ee-drea, @xbarrjallenx, @marvelofwitch, @aceofspace95, @julessbrown, @thevelvetseries, @kotkaniemi-caufield-mom, @crumpets-are-better-with-jam, @strangewhovian-blog, @officialfictionalwreck, @peachescream06 (let me know if you wanna be tagged <3)

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ilikebeesandflowers · 4 years ago

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Finale? What finale?

That was just the Empty torturing a wayward gay angel... Here’s what really happened after Cas confessed his LOVE to Dean Winchester and was taken to Super Mega Hell...

Unedited, unproofread, unbeta’d- just pure, unadulterated, whiskey-and-rage-fueled fix-it fic. Ps, El Sol cerveza is the official beverage of fake-dream-worlds, and therefore the entire narrative of the finale is sus.

Love Lift Us Up (Where We Belong)

Cas slumbered, but fitfully. Oblivion plagued him with nightmares.

Some dreams replayed memories, even of memories that were not strictly his: one by one, everyone he loved torn apart at an atomic level, rent, poofed to dust. His sleeping self watched on a loop as Bobby, Charlie, Donna, nameless others fell, obliterated.

He saw Michael slay Lucifer, the foregone conclusion so many times delayed.

He saw Michael betray the Winchesters. But how? Why? Michael had changed, hadn’t he? Adam had changed him. Even asleep, Cas knew this to be true.

He watched Jack, his loving and beloved son, fulfilling the promise Kelly had known he held. Jack bringing peace to the world, restoring balance, returning all life on earth to its rightful places. Cas was certain that this dream was true. He felt Jack’s presence, unmistakable lightness and goodness and purity.

The Empty roiled violently, rippling the fabric of its realm.

The dreams changed again to nightmares.

Dean, alone. Sam, alone. Eileen, alone.

The hunters who had died were again whole and alive, walking the earth as if Chuck’s poisonous animosity had never snuffed them. And yet they were all isolated from one another. Oh, the younger children clung to their parents, but the parents drifted from one another.

Charlie, alone. Donna, alone. Claire, alone.

The loneliness of the hunters infected the denizens of the Empty, and the Empty smiled in its sleep.

Cas dreamed that he watched Dean dying, an ignominious death in a ramshackle barn. He felt a wave of revulsion, of jealousy, like he did in another barn, once upon a time, witnessing a kiss between Anna and Dean. What had he felt then, way back when, when feelings were still so new and frightening? Had he been in love then?

The scene repeated, again and again, a horrible parody of what should have been. A confession of love, two foreheads touching, hands held over Dean’s heart. The scene replayed a hundred, a thousand times, Cas viewing from the vantage of the beloved, but Cas never could see who received Dean’s love. He only knew it wasn’t him. He could only watch through someone else’s eyes, hearing and seeing and feeling with intense loathing what should have been his.

Then Dean was dead.

The scene faded again. Cas saw Sam, living on, without Dean, without Jack, without Eileen, without hunters or hunting. In the space of a human heartbeat, he was married, raising a human child, a son. In another heartbeat, he was old, then dying, then greeting his brother in heaven.

He felt again a tug as if Jack were near. A faint glow.

Cas woke. Two amber eyes shone above him.

“Castiel,” said Jack, “something is wrong. I need your help.”

Cas scrambled to his feet. “The dreams? They were real?”

Jack couldn’t know what Cas had seen, and yet he shook his head and assured him that, no, those were the Empty playing tricks. “But reality is in danger. Heaven and Hell are out of balance. Heaven’s brightest are all here, when they should be up there. We’ll have to wake them.”

The Empty howled somewhere far off, something that sounded like, “Let me sleep!”

Jack stepped briskly in the inky blackness, tapping here and there, naming sleeping entities. “Hannah, you are needed. Duma, awaken. Gabriel. Michael. Raphael, your services are humbly requested.”

Soon, the din of awakened angels, archangels, seraphs, and reapers had summoned a furious cosmic entity of entropy and oblivion. “KEEP. IT. DOWN,” it hissed.

“And what will you do if we don’t?” Castiel asked, raising an eyebrow to the Empty, who stood before them in the guise of Meg Masters, circa 2009.

The Empty stamped its foot. “I took you in. You all died the death of immortals, a death that cannot be rewarded nor punished, but I took you in! And all I ask for is quiet!”

“But why?” Cas continued. “You despise us. Why do you trap us here?”

The Empty hesitated. “They dream,” it replied. “They dream, and so I dream.”

“We suffer nightmares of your making.”

“No-oo. The dreams are yours.”

“You enjoy the nightmares?”

“No.” The Empty faltered. “They wake me up. You stir, I stir; I must sleep!”

Jack spoke softly to the Empty. “Then expel them.”

“Expel them? What, just set them all free to commit chaos?”

“Just the dreamers.”

The Empty seemed to calculate the price of granting the nephilim’s wish. “That would be almost all of the angels and a number of powerful demons. They might return, clomping into my haven and disturbing my sleep.”

“No,” Castiel put in, his eyes lit with a wry smile. “If you expel them, they will be forever banned from your realm. They become subject to Purgatory, not Oblivion.”

Jack smiled at his father. “Exactly!” He turned again to the Empty. “So you’ll do it?” he asked brightly.

The Empty scowled. It nodded once, as if making a decision.

The world went white, then faded to reveal a sunny meadow. Roly-poly bumblebees flitted between fat heads of purple clover. A nest of chickadees chirped. Cicadas droned. A red kite soared above them, the string held by someone a long way off. Cas’ face softened, as if recalling a long-lost memory.

It hardened again as he sensed something amiss. “Jack,” he frowned, “the walls between the human heavens are failing.”

Jack nodded. “Yes, which is why we need more angelic energy. But watch.” He drew a small window in the air with his index finger. He pushed the cut-out, revealing an adjoining heaven belonging to a woman. Cas recognized her as the mother of the man with the kite. Her heaven contained a meadow: the same meadow that surrounded them, rather than the manicured lawn Cas knew from the man’s original heaven.

“They can co-exist,” he breathed.

“Yes. We can break these barriers and open Heaven. It doesn’t need to be a prison. We can fix it.” Jack grinned again, that same old smile he’d worn in life, when he learned the taste of nougat or the softness of a bunny rabbit.

The sight warmed Cas. The summer sky glowed just a bit brighter. “Tell me what to do, my son.”

***

For six days, as Heaven measures time, the angels, the archangels, and the nephilim worked. First, negotiating a truce with Hell and its imperious but righteous Queen, and then building a Heaven for all. On the seventh day, they rested from their labors. They gathered to watch the humans on earth for a little while. Almost no time had passed: the humans had had just enough time to recollect that they had watched their loved ones vanish; those unfamiliar with the supernatural had quickly forgotten the phenomenon, as well. The hunters in the warded hideout had had just enough time to embrace their newly un-vanished friends.

Sam was texting Eileen, only to remember that he still had her phone, abandoned on the sidewalk mid-text. He laughed at himself. “We have to drive to Eileen’s house.”

Dean lay hunched over the table, carving a word into the polished wood alongside the Winchester family initials. Thus far, it read, “CAST,” and he was just starting on the I. “Pack us up- I wanna finish this, but I can be ready in twenty.” They watched as he finished his tribute to Castiel. He put two fingers to his lips, then pressed the finger pads against the grooves.

Cas itched to know how Dean meant the gesture.

Dean hastily scratched the name “JACK” into the table, too. “You done good, kid,” he murmured, patting the letters as he might once have patted Jack on the shoulder.

The angels drifted back to their tasks. Cas stayed, watching his friends. His family. He followed their movements towards Eileen. He witnessed the tearful reunion.

Sam started sniffling long before Dean pulled up behind Eileen’s little red car. He stepped over the sidewalk, where he had first absorbed her death, and a sob escaped him. In a few strides of his long legs, he was at the door. His hand shook as he reached for the doorbell. The second phone in his pocket vibrated: her doorbell notification. How would she know that he was there? He clapped the knocker, stamped his feet.

The door opened. Eileen. A vision, a sight for even Cas’ sore eyes. Sam was overwhelmed. He croaked her name, and she was in his arms. Where she belonged.

Back at the curb, Dean turned his face from the lovers. He fiddled with his phone, but who could he call?

Cas heard Dean think his name. He felt a pang of longing, but it wasn’t his own. Or rather, it matched his own. Echoed his, merged with his, swelling the aching feeling until he felt full to bursting with yearning for something he thought he could never have. Had thought he couldn’t have. Now, he wondered.

He called to his son.

Jack appeared beside him. He followed Cas’ gaze. “It’s time for you to return to him,” he mused.

“Yes, but,” Cas tripped over the words he wanted to say and couldn’t bear to say.

Fortunately, Jack understood. Without another word, he took Cas’ face in his hands. For a moment, their eyes glowed brightly, then Castiel’s dimmed to their customary shade of blue. When Jack’s golden aura had faded as well, he pulled away from Cas. He glanced down at the slim vial now slung around his neck by a black cord. The substance within sparkled, swirled, its hue a dazzling, electric blue-white. It looked like lightning in a bottle.

Cas swept his son into a crushing embrace. “Thank you,” he wept.

“You can always come home,” Jack told him.

Cas pulled back. “No. Where I’m going is home.” He smiled through the tears rushing down his cheek. “Goodbye, Jack. I love you.”

He rather felt than heard Jack’s reply, as he crossed from the celestial plane to the mortal realm. He stood now on that same sidewalk. Far to his right, Sam lifted Eileen, carrying her bridal-style into her home, letting the door slam behind them. To his left, a long black car. He gripped the passenger door handle, pulled it open. The hinges squeaked. He folded himself inside before turning to the driver.

Dean looked every bit as awed as Cas felt. This was right.

Before he could say anything, even so much as a simple “Hello, Dean,” he found himself in Dean’s arms. Where he belonged.

#destiel #saileen #Castiel #sam x eileen #supernatural debacle #spn fixit fic #15.20 #long post #sorry I’m on mobile

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boobdolan · 6 years ago

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a review of melodrama (2017) by lorde

hey what’s up it’s your boy b-dawg. the b is for boobs as in breasts. this post is a track-by-track review of melodrama, the grammy-nominated sophomore studio album by ella yelich-o’ connor (aka lorde), a new zealand singer-songwriter who likes to dance funny and eat onions. her first album was pure heroine which was pretty big bc i think people (angsty teens) related to her songs about being an angsty teen.

i’m gonna keep it real with you chief. when i first heard green light (the lead single from the album) i thought it was pretty ass. but you know what. i’m an ass man despite my username. so eventually by some karmic circumstance i was reintroduced to the album and i realised: “hey! this is pretty dope! 😎” and then i ended up writing a 4000-word extended essay on it for the IB. but that’s another story.

green light is also the first track on the album, and it’s a hella effective one. with its intro bringing listeners acapella ella™️ over sparse piano chords, it kicks open the door to the sound of melodrama and immediately subverts any expectations for a pure heroine 2.0. as the song progresses we get additional elements of new and old - the boom-bap drums recall the hip-hop influences that permeated pure heroine, while her high-pitched backing vocals in the chorus introduce listeners to new vocal stylings from a singer who was previously known for being a Cool Bean who was Too Cool for all that stuff.

as the maximalist bop green light ends, listeners are thrown even further away from the sound of pure heroine with sober. personal note: sober was the song i most liked on the album upon first listen. and I can see why. it’s because i’ve got good taste! from the spacey uber-processed backing vocals to the bongo beat to the horns in the chorus, the song’s really unlike much else in the pop scene today. i especially like the “night, midnight, lose my mind” intro because when i first heard it i was like “wtf???? cool 🤠” anyway, point is, ella and her bf did well on this track.

at this point one might think, “this girl has a thing for acapella intros to her songs”. and she does! homemade dynamite starts, like an action movie, in situ, with its musings about top gun and the house party that the album is conceptually based around. one thing i love about the song is its synths. the 80s inspiration is obvious, with the synth pad emulating the iconic Fairlight sound on kate bush’s running up that hill. however, the moodiness of the synth pad is contrasted with a sprightly riff that comes in every now and then, emphasising that Potent Teenage Mix of Emotions™️ that the album is focused around. lorde also uses contrast in her lyrics, pairing wordy, literary, stream-of-consciousness style verses with almost childish phrases like “know I think you’re awesome, right???” it’s things like this that really encapsulate the state of being teenaged to me - that uncertain transitional period between adolescence and adulthood.

the following song starts with a very indie-sounding guitar, which is an unconventional sound for a lorde song. but the louvre is so typically lordey in that it shows off one of her greatest skills - the ability to create memorable, quotable lines with unique phrasing. who else would think of stammering the line “i overthink your punctuation use”?? who else would think of using a spoken “broadcast the boom boom boom boom and make ‘em all dance to it” as a hook??? another thing of note in this song is its extended U2-esque instrumental outro, courtesy of jack antonoff. sometimes when i listen to it, i understand why ella is banging him.

jack then mumbles the intro to the next song and starts playing the piano. after a few bars, ella joins him and her voice basically has sex with his tinkling on the ivories. liability is objectively great. lyrically, she reaches mind-bending extremes that many of her contemporaries can only dream of achieving. there’s a verse where she goes “home, into the arms of the girl that [she] loves” which is very interestingly constructed - it hits listeners with the initial shock of “oh wait is ella coming out” and just Leaves It for a few lines. and theN BOOM!!!! she’s actually talking about herself. that’s pretty cool. one other thing is her rhyme scheme in the line “the truth is, i am a toy that people enjoy ‘til all of their tricks don’t work anymore” which has a devastating effect that always gets me, even though it greatly takes advantage of her bananies voice.

now the listener is halfway through the album, and at this point they’re likely as hard as the feelings in the title of the next song. hard feelings/loveless brings us back into the world of electronic drums and synths after the minimalism of liability, and it does so excellently, providing an ambient atmosphere with its muffled beat and echoey distorted guitar. this song used to be one of my least favourites on the album because I thought the L O V E L E S S chant in the second part sounded kinda dumb and edgy. but then i watched lorde’s performance of the song for VEVO and ?????? WtF????? it really shines with a small choir and a boombox. fantastic. i also appreciate the little paul simon sample that bridges the two parts together - it’s a rare example of lorde wearing her influences on her sleeve for this album. also paul simon is one cool mf. i pop my pussy to graceland 24/7. 😎👌

taking a note from jack antonoff’s albums, the next song is a reprise, which have been used by many artists after the beatles to say “hey look my album is cohesive!” even though the only reason why it’s cohesive is because it’s cohesively shit. that’s not the case with sober II (melodrama), which functions as a response to the first sober. the parent song’s repeated calls of “can you feel it?” are immediately countered in sober II’s first line: “you asked if i was feeling it, i’m psycho high”. that’s cool because it reinforces the house party concept of the album. however, while i think the strings and trap drums combo sounds cool on paper, this production choice is the album’s first misstep because it sounds like jack put together 2 apple loops on garageband that didn’t quite fit.

luckily, before lorde turns into one of the migos, we’re treated with another piano song - writer in the dark. a word about lorde’s vocal performance in this song: WOW!!!!!!!!!! 😃😃😃 good stuff! in the verses, her raspy, imperfect voice highlights the intimacy and personal nature of the lyrics. in the chorus, she double tracks her voice and sings with a more round tone, which gives the eerie effect of sounding a bit like kate bush. it’s ok. i’m a bush man too. jack does a little production trick in the outro where ella sings the hook progressively louder as he fades out her vocal and lets the song be overtaken by strings. while it’s cool, i feel like he quite obviously snagged it from the outro of david bowie’s “heroes”, where a similar trick was achieved by the production god brian eno. jack then did it again on the song slow disco by st. vincent later in the year. side note: i’m still kinda pissed about what he did to st. vincent’s masseduction. more on that another time.

the next song, which should’ve been a single, features the metaphor of a supercut. i’m not sure how i feel about that because, on one hand, the term feels very millennial, like a better-written version of katy perry’s save as draft. you know what i mean? like those songs that aged fast - crazy in love with its pager reference, and payphone with its..... payphone reference. on the other hand, a supercut is pretty timeless, as montages have been used in cinema since the french first figured out how to make moving pictures. and the word sounds cool, so it’s ok i guess. but that’s beside the point. the song’s really nice, with some very interesting moments. one notable instance is lorde’s phrasing and the instrumentation in the prechorus - “in your car, the radio on”. the instrumentation just stops for a beat after ella sings the line, in a genius move that makes the song Even More Boppable!!. another moment is how the beat changes during the final choruses - from mellow, with her voice sounding like it’s coming out of a cassette player, to full, regaining all the instrumentation of the original choruses. then the song ends with a weird echoey vocal outro that’s a fantastic moment for me, especially after the intensity of the final choruses. boner time!!!!! 😃 one last cool thing about the song is that i feel the line “so I fall into continents and cars” is an Excessively paul simon thing to say. it’s one of those abstract things that just sounds GREAT, like “fat charlie the archangel sloped into the room” from his song crazy love, part II.

speaking of part twos, the end of supercut transitions into the bassy, atmospheric synths of liability (reprise). unfortunately, i still haven’t gotten round to fully appreciating this song. to me, it’s the biggest misstep on melodrama. don’t get me wrong - it’s a nice enough song, it’s really chill, but it feels slight because of its association to the majestic, melodic liability. apart from their lyrics, there’s not much that links the two. i feel that liability needed no reprise; it’s a work that stands on its own. i felt the same way about yandhi when kanye west announced it. yeezus doesn’t need another album associated to it! it’s perfection by itself. also, someone pointed out that the drums on liability (reprise) are the same as those on taylor swift’s call it what you want, and the last time taylor and jack screwed up a great indie artist’s work was fast slow disco, which we don’t talk about in this house.

finally, we come to the end of lorde’s house party with perfect places. and what a brilliant ending it is. there’s something so stirring about the drum beat, with its crunchy, decisive snare. there’s something equally moving about the synths and chord progression in the chorus, which give me chills like loud organs echoing in a church. when put together, they sound industrial, menacing, as if they move into your soul and alienate you from your own body. but at the same time, they’re an emotional release, a source of comfort like bruce springsteen’s cathartic 70s and 80s albums. another cathartic element - the use of the word “fuck” in the chorus. i could write a whole essay on it tbh. to me, it represents an intensely freeing release of the bad vibes and negativity in one’s life - for lorde, perhaps, her failed relationship and the state of the world in 2016. you know how studies have shown that when you shout “FUCK!!!!😡😡” after hitting your toe on furniture, it helps ease the pain? it’s like that. so while saying something taboo on the record is such an edgy angsty teenage thing to do, but also reflects lorde’s release from her pain. or maybe i’m reading too much into it.

the album ends as it begins, with ella’s bare vocals, reminding us that she is once again the Queen of Indie Pop. overall, melodrama gets a

9/10

for being really cool. peace out bitches. 🤠

#lorde #melodrama #review #music #music review #album #album review

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kathyprior4200 · 4 years ago

Photo

Haven Hotel characters

Heaven’s Princess Coercia Egnam glanced down at her long list of meeting attendants and characters that she was about to address: (her handwritten notes included)

Princess Coerciona (2P Charlie) *Most important*

Phalla (2P Vaggie) *Hopeless romantic butterfly*

Devil Grit (2P Angel Dust) *Serious stiff spider*

Stalaro the Techno Angel (2P Alastor the Radio Demon) *Sob story sissy*

Klutzy (2P Niffty) *Lazy maid*

Core (2P Husk) *Hyper fool*

Cherubs Pub and Chub (2P Razzle and Dazzle) *My loyal guards*

Lucius (2P Lucifer) *Dad*

Lilian (2P Lilith) *Mom*

Sivart (2P Travis) *Some guy*

Sir Anguis (2P Sir Pentious) *Stuttering scaredy-snake toy maker*

Berri Blossom (2P Cherri Bomb) *Modest mundane dame*

Catie Carejoy (2P Katie Killjoy) *Soft bitch*

Ron Wrench (2P Tom Trench) *WW1 news guy*

Baker the puffer fish (2P Baxter the anglerfish) *Mad scientist fishy fish*

Jazzy (2P Mimzy) *Chubby singer lady*

Joygrand the Heaven-cat (2P Crymini the deviant hellhound) *Who the fuck are you?*

Raa the Koala angel (2P Roo the kangaroo trash Aussie demon) *Who the fuck are you?*

Iris (2P Rosie) *Day of the Dead Barbie*

Valentine (2P Valentino) *Blueberry pimp wimp*

Nil (2P Vox) *TV guy*

Ashen (2P Velvet) *Harley Doll angel*

Nestlings (2P Egg Bois) *Meh*

Nathan (2P Seviathan) *Old friend*

Elsa (2P Helsa) *Meh*

Beth (2P Bethasa) *Meh*

Fred (2P Fredrick) *Meh*

Holly (2p Molly) *Devil Grit’s spider sister*

Ragno (2P Arackniss) *Devil Grit’s spider brother*

Henry (2P Henroin) *Devil Grit’s father*

Alliv the blue tough tabby cat (2P Villa pink girly poodle) *Don’t even fucking know*

Thin Tenders (2P Fat Nuggets) *Potential snack*

Archangels (2P Archdemons)

Anti-Exorcists: White demon beings who convert angels into demons each year. Great source of entertainment.

E.L.F. (2P I.M.P.) not to be confused with C.H.E.R.U.B. the sheep love spreaders and revivers

D.E.V.I.L. (2P C.H.E.R.U.B.) murderers, hate-spreading black rams

Docile (2P Blitzo) *Some childish leader*

Tirred (2P Moxxie) *Serious one*

Timmid (2P Millie) *Wallflower*

Sunna (2P Loona) *High pussy*

Mia and Tia (2P Tilla and Barbie Wire) *Circus twins?*

Samael *Punishing BDSM angel*

Menadel (2P Stolas) *Swan prince, Quartet’s father*

Flora (2P Stella) *Quartet’s mother*

Quartet (2P Octavia) * Swan princess, bubbly teen*

Mayberry/Juneberry (2P Mrs. Mayberry) (Former Human)

Mary (2P Martha) (Former Human)

Ralph (2P Ralphie) (Former Human)

Ollie (2P Eddie) *Brat kid*

Bio Wizz (2P Robo Fizz) *Circus conspiracy?*

Kiva (2P Verosika Mayday) *Zealot*

Woo-Hoo Land Mascot (2P Loo-Loo Land Mascot) *What a creep*

(More to be added)

(2P Zoophobia characters)

More characters to be added

“Alright my subjects, tell me something,” Coceria began as she filed her sharp claws with a knife in a tall leather chair framed by black wrought iron. Her black spiky crown was on her head as usual. An angelic spear rested by the throne. Below her was a large crowd seated in comfortable chairs, many of them in shades of blue and green. “How the flying fuck am I supposed to remember all your names?! I bet half of you guys are insignificant background characters. And the majority of you haven’t even been featured in the show yet!”

“You mean the Hazbin Hotel show? About our counterparts?” asked Stalaro, holding up a white rose for Coercia. Soft classical music played from his blue microphone staff. The pansexual blue man was occasionally stealing glances at Devil Grit’s fluff.

“That’s irrelevant right now, you sad sack of stag shit!” Coercia yelled. Stalaro’s rose wilted in his hands and the music scratched to a stop. Tears were forming in his large blue eyes and his fluffy ear tuffs were drooping. “B-but I’m talking about my show: The Hazbin Ho…”

“Haven Hotel,” Phalla corrected.

“Right, Haven Hotel! And there’s also that spinoff show Helluva Boss.”

“Heavenly Boss,” Docile corrected her. The elf sat with his colleagues next to a flyer which read, “Efficient Lifesaving Fellows: We revive and keep mortals alive! Sign up today, 33% off.”

“Whatever,”Coercia brushed them aside. “Anyway, normally I wouldn’t care much about you guys, but now that I have formed the Haven Hotel, Phalla figured it should be a good time for us to introduce ourselves. Or more precisely, me to talk to you all.”

“A practical first start,” Devil Grit mentioned with a nod. He was a dark gray faced spider with small green dots below his eyes. His suit was black with green stripes, along with a green bow tie. “Just make sure that everyone stays at least six feet away from me. Social distancing is a safe standard, and necessary precaution.”

“I do love making new friends!” Phalla smiled, fluffing her long black hair with teal ends. A glowing green X was over her right eye and a teal bow was perched don her head. “Don’t you, Klutzy?”

The small blue cyclops angel narrowed her large eye. “Friends. Oh joy.”

“I must say, Coerce dear,” said Lucius. “I don’t really approve of your hotel and your idea. If the council finds out about your attempt to promote rule-breaking activities…”

“Banishment to Hell? Or to my room?” Coercia asked, hands on her hips. “Not the end of the world. And my name is Princess Coerciona. I prefer my full title.”

Core, the friendly white cat, rolled his eyes. He shuffled a few cards in his furry paws. “She’s no fun.”

“I heard that, cat!” she called, making him flinch back a bit.

“We raised you better than this,” Lilian added.

“Oh really?” The black haired princess stood up and turned toward her mother. “You’d rather I be some bubbly musical loving princess who wants to spread “joy and redemption” far across the land? Ha! No. A true ruler commands fear and respect in their subjects. I’m sure Hell’s king Lucifer would agree.”

Pub and Chub, the naked flying babies grinned in agreement while fine tuning black electric guitars in the background.

“We do not mention that name,” Lucius began but Coercia was ignoring them again.

“Lucifer may be a traitor to Him but at least he had guts. If His teachings weren’t so flawed, I’d still be promoting them wholeheartedly. As for my position…maybe another princess may someday take my place, but that’s not gonna happen if I manage to be princess of both realms. But now I’m here, in this lovely, shiny…fake excuse of a paradise with wackos like you. Still, someone’s gotta keep you in line.”

Phalla giggled while Core pat a sobbing Stalaro on his blue back. He wiped his face as his monocle glinted in the sunlight under his left eye.

“Your uncle Metatron wouldn’t approve of your attitude,” Lucius added.

“He wouldn’t even notice, considering he’s too engrossed in his record-keeping,” countered Coercia.

Nearby on another part of the stage, the ocean-like angels Elsa and Nathan whispered to each other.

“I don’t understand it,” Nathan said. “Here I was, promoting goodness for everyone, but Coercia laughed at my ideas and pushed me around. And we even went to Heaven High school prom together.”

“Lucius wanted our two families united, so we could have a higher standing,” Elsa added. “You dating the princess would’ve helped. But sadly she broke up with you and now here we are, envious.”

“Don’t remind me,” Nathan sighed. “It’s not like I was the one abusing her and mocking her ideas. At least she didn’t run off with a sinner girlfriend to further tarnish her family reputation. Ugh…restraining societal standards affect us even here.”

“Or maybe…she’s not much of a romantic person to begin with,” Elsa suggested.

“Not all aromantic and asexual people are cold-hearted,” Nathan said. “She’s just one bad apple.”

Coercia seethed at them, briefly letting out her black feathery wings and white spiked halo over her head. She spoke in a high-pitched angelic language before retreating back to her regular form.

“I hate it when she swears,” Elsa muttered.

Coercia turned to the crowd. “Alright, let’s begin.”

#2P 2PHazbinHotel HazbinHotel

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kathyprior4200 · 4 years ago

Text

Haven Hotel: That’s Disengagement!

A princess with long black wavy hair walked out onto a high balcony. She wore a black undershirt with a white bow tie on top. A dark teal shirt, long white pants and white high heel shoes completed the look. Her face was pale white and teal blushes were present on her cheeks. Her eyes consisted of white pupils and dark blue sclera. Perched on her head was a black spiked crown. She was the inverted, antithesis of Charlie, the princess of Hell in a parallel world.

“For all my life, I’ve been taught that all angels have good inside them. But I know that to be a lie. Ever since Lucifer and Lilith, God’s closest angels betrayed Him… I don’t think I can believe in these flawed teachings anymore…”

The princess was Coerciona Egnam, Coercia for short. She was born and raised in Heaven…though she was not at all one would expect her to be in such a place. Self-entitled and pessimistic, nothing much could cheer her up except heavy metal music, rebelling against the rules and the occasional brawl.

“It makes sense that only a worthy few are able to be here in Heaven. Choosing them out of the sea of sinner scum. Yet ironically, even the saints and Heaven-born aren’t flawless all the time. It’s inevitable that all those imperfect beings will go to Hell. They deserve to deal with suffering and challenges. Best of all, they wouldn’t be bound by social expectations. Heck, I wouldn’t be too surprised if it were me. I do enjoy my comfortable life here, just not these restrictions.”

Her servants Pub and Chub were fat white naked cherubs with horns on their heads, small white feathery wings, and black eyes. One tested the strings on an electric guitar while the other shot out torpedoes from a small cannon.

Outside was a white clock tower standing tall against the blue sky. The numbers read 0 then changed to 365 days. Writing above the numbers read “Days until the next cleanse in Hell.”

The black Exorcists did their job in eliminating part of the demon population in 2P Hell like they did every year in the canon Hell. But at the same time each year, the Anti-Exorcists, risen white demons with white bat wings and horns, invaded 2P Heaven. They carried glowing black pitchforks and turned innocent denizens into demons. The Anti-Exorcists would carry books and tempt angels with their innermost desires. Sex, sin, self-expression, sorcery, whatever that need was. Then, once they were hooked, they were stabbed with the pitchforks, causing their wings to burn off and sending them plummeting down to Hell. Nearby families would grieve at their loss.

It was quite the entertaining show for Princess Coercia!

Coercia leaned against the marble balcony and began to sing in a low growl.

(“I’m Always Evading Shadows”)

“At the end of the journey, there’s suffering

Denying it, how often I’ve tried

But my life’s a disgrace

Just a slap in the face

And the harsh truths have all been denied”

“A sliver of despair in this world of light

I know this world’s not free of sin

I search for the good

But get misunderstood

And reality will always win”

“Why have I always been imperfect?

Lost in this brainwashed sea

I wonder if the world’s to blame

I wonder if it could be me”

“I’m always evading shadows

Trapped, drowning in the social flow

Free-will forbidden, my answers are hidden

Lying down below”

“Some people sugarcoat their speeches

I always blab out what I mean

I may be cruel but I am no fool

Things are never what they seem

Believe me”

“I’m always evading shadows

Waiting for people to awaken

In vain”

A nearby portal opened and out came the Exterminators, bloodstains over their wings and bodies and harpoons. They took off their creepy LED masks, their white angelic faces revealed. One by one, the citizens clapped and cheered. One of the Archangels with four black wings flew up to the front, his spiked halo glowing. He took off his mask, revealing a white stern face with yellow eyes and short black hair. In his utility belt were a few daggers, whips, chains and a bottle of emergency holy water.

“Another successful purge,” their leader Samael (Venom of God) praised. “You cleansed more sinners while still keeping the population in a good balance. Well done, all of you.” He cleared his throat and made a cross symbol over his heart. “For the greater good in the name of our Lord.”

The angels repeated the phrase.

“Until next year. Dismissed.” The Archangel soldiers saluted and then flew off separately to see their families. Several of the angels, having been brainwashed in their Exterminator states, shook their heads sadly at what they had done.

All around Coercia, Holy City was basked in a heavenly glow. The city was located up in the sky among the clouds, but no one had to worry about falling, even the ones without their wings out. A large church with the appearance of the Notre Dame Cathedral stood proudly in the city square, made of polished marble. Choirs and songs floated through the stained glass windows as the regular angels went in and out to pray and visit with their neighbors. A large fountain sprouted non-alcoholic wine of a golden color. It had a white statue of Mary and Jesus as a young boy at the top, both with welcoming faces.

The streets were spotless and clean. Roofs and roads were powered by the sun’s rays. The Cloud 9 supermarket had endless amounts of food for sale…no one ever had to worry about going hungry. Charity workers and volunteers worked by the dozens, passing out food and bestowing miracles for those who needed them in the lower levels of Heaven. Metatron, the highest ranking angel, was busy keeping records of human lives, deaths and the messages of God.

This version of Heaven was very similar to the Heaven in the realm next door, the one above the familiar Hell with the Hazbin Hotel. The architecture was almost the same. But unlike those angels with their blonde hair and red blushes, these angels most often had black hair and teal blushes on their pale cheeks. Like in the other Heaven, some of the bipedal angels displayed animal-like characteristics: some had heads of doves, others had swan wings and mannerisms. Many of them had fur, ears, and fluffy tails of dogs and wolves. It was the only place where dogs and cats could dance and prance together without conflict. Still a few others had faces of flowers or even objects like harps and musical instruments.

God’s Palace was the grandest place of all: it was settled at the highest point of Heaven like Mount Olympus. Only a few angels were allowed to visit there. God’s abode, the Empyrean, had an elite group of angels guarding it. Seraph angels with six fiery rainbow wings guarded the throne of God, chanting “Holy, holy, holy!” much to the annoyance to those nearby. There were rumors that in the palace gardens, the Tree of Life and the Tree of Knowledge were grown there, heavily protected.

Lucius and Lilian were Coercia’s parents, those who took the place of Lucifer and Lilith after they were banished. They were named the new king and queen of heaven (Under God and a few Archangels), thus Coercia became the princess.

Lucius had a white face, teal blushes on his cheeks and short dark hair. Lucius wore a gray suit with a dark blue bow tie and a black top hat with two white feathers attacked to the brim. Lilian’s hair was long and black, and she too had the teal blushes and typical angel features. She wore a golden halo crown and an elegant white sequined dress. Both had white wings which could turn black when they were angry or defensive.

In a nearby movie studio, Valentine the butterfly producer, Nil the TV angel and Ashen, the doll angel sat together playing a board game. Despite liking old fashioned shows and the like, they still controlled much of Heaven’s technology and media. Iris, owner of an emporium, cried as she crossed out the name of her former female colleague, Francesca.

Along the street, a red car stopped beside the sidewalk. A tall creature opened the car door and stepped out. The spider angel had a furry dark gray face and body, plus multiple slender arms: six in total. He wore tall boots, green gloves and a shirt with a teal bow-tie near the top. His shirt and sleeves had black and dark green stripes. Green dots resembling eyes were located under his eyes.

“Thank you for the ride,” said the spider angel.

“No problem, Devil Grit,” said the driver Sivart, a white furry owl guy wearing a top hat. He tipped his hat to him and drove away.

Devil Grit walked over to a vending machine and bought himself a granola bar. He then gave it to a homeless guy leaning against the wall.

He walked inside a building and onto a stage in an auditorium. His opponent was already standing nervously at his spot, a microphone rising from the ground and stopping in front of him.

Sir Anguis was the nervous white snake. He had a white face with large slightly teal eyes with white pupils. He wore a white bow tie with a blue circle in the center below his thin neck. Surrounding his face on a flap of skin were bright teal eyes against dark purple. His suit was light gray with dark purple vertical stripes. Finally, he wore a large light gray top hat with a large green moving eye in the center.

The crowd settled into their seats and the debate began.

“Those other brave do gooders will do great with helping me with my presentation. Anyone want to try?”

A couple of hands shot up. Mechanical eggs on robotic legs moved around to help out the white snake lord.

“Oh thank you, my Nestlings,” he said.

Air Anguis pushed a button and a presentation showed up on a screen titled “Heaven Economics and Invention Ideas.”

“I don’t like to fight,” Sir Anguis said, clearing his throat, “and I’m super nervous up here…”

The Nestlings rolled their eyes.

Devil Grit glared at his cowardly opponent who then yelped, “Don’t look at me like that!”

“Heaven doesn’t need any future technology,” Devil Grit argued as he stepped to his podium, “because we already have better things: friendships, food, and fun.”

Sir Anguis glanced down nervously at his note cards and read from them. “At this rate I will persuade the entire East end of Holy City by night’s beginning. Or was it day’s end? And nothing, not a single beauty in this paradise of bliss, will be able to change my mind or escape the constrictive grasp of persuasive argumentation.”

“Heaven will be ours, though it’s mine in my mind. And everybody will know the name of…”

“Scared Snake,” said a female voice.

“W-who said that?” Sir Anguis asked.

“You ready for a debate, old man?”

The voice belonged to Berri Blossom, the opposite of Cherri Bomb in Hell. She was a tall cyclops with black skin, with a single green eye with a black cross in the center. She wore a long dark green dress and white high heeled shoes. Her black skin was decorated in some areas near her shoulders with tiny teal specks. Her long hair was curly, blue at the top and black near the bottom. She pushed her thin dark rimmed glasses up to her face, looking at her organized set of notes in front of her.

She walked over beside her academic partner Devil Grit. “Why don’t you play with your tinker toys somewhere else while I go over the logistics of divine law school?” She looked professional and poised. “Seven Reasons Why Heavenly Traditions Never Fail.”

“You want to go, madam?” Sir Anguis asked, a spark of rebellion in him. He fiddled with a few gadgets before the well-dressed Nestling eggs…egged him on to continue. He flicked his hood back. “Well, let the battle for tenure and status begin!”

A neon logo appeared on the screen, saying “777 News” surrounded by a halo. The names of the news cast appeared on the bottom of the screen.

“Good afternoon, Holy City!” smiled a pale woman with short black hair, wearing a light blue dress. “I’m Catie Carejoy!”

“And I’m Ron Wrench!” said the man next to her, wearing a business suit and who had a wrench for a head.

After discussing the weather, various humane societies, and legends on Earth, Catie continued, “The debate battle is underway between inventor and coward Sir Anguis and professional economics expert Berri Blossom. Coming up next, we have an exclusive interview with the daughter of His Majesty Lucius, who’s here to discuss her brand new passion-project! All that and more after the break!”

Inside the break room, Phalla the romantic butterfly angel adjusted Coercia’s white bow tie. Nearby, a blue tinted sign read “No smoking.” Another sign read “In The Air” in large letters.

“Okay, you remember what to say?” Phalla asked Coercia.

“Yes, I’m ready,” Coercia stated.

Phalla brushed her long black hair from her face, the ends of her black hair teal. Like Vaggie in Hell, Phalla’s thick hair extended down to her legs, giving her hair the appearance of moth wings. She had a glowing green cross over her right eye and her left eye was purple with a white pupil. A teal bow was perched on top of her head. Her skin was light gray and she wore a dark gray crop top with white Xs over her breasts. She also wore leggings, her right legging striped dark green and light gray, her left legging light gray.

“Oh this is gonna be great!” Phalla squealed happily. “How about you make your speech sound more exciting?”

“Come on, Phalla, I know what I’m going to say,” Coercia answered, crossing her arms.

Phalla walked over to the pitcher of ambrosia punch on the table. Pub and Chub ate bagels from the table. Phalla got an idea. “Oh! What if you…”

“Sing a song about it?” Coercia asked, with a roll of her eyes. “I’m not going to. This is serious!” She curled her hand into a fist and brought it down on the palm of her other hand. “They won’t take me serious if I start belting out some random song. Life isn’t a musical.”

��“But neither is it an emo tragedy,” Phalla pointed out. “Life is great, especially with all the cute guys around.” Her single purple eye shinned.

“Romance, bleh,” Coercia made a face and Phalla giggled.

“Hey,” Phalla brightened, pulling out a piece of paper. “I have some ideas about what you could say.” She bounced up and down. “The highlighted bits are the best parts!”

“They’re all highlighted,” Coercia replied, scanning the paper. “You call your childish drawing your ideas for me?”

“Sure!” Phalla said. “Look here.” It showed a list of different terms “sinners = winners” “Misunderstood are still good” and “demons and angels party between worlds!” Skulls were lined up at the bottom of the page: “we’re all connected by death.”

“Say, that’s actually pretty good!” Coercia said with a smile of sharp teeth.

“Thanks!” Phalla beamed.

Coercia snatched the piece of paper from her friend and tore it in half, much to her shock. “But you should know my ideas are always better.” She tossed the pieces of paper aside, gave a salute and walked out the door.

Catie waved with a smile. “Hi. I’m Catie Carejoy.” She held out her hand but Coercia didn’t take it, instead remarking, “You can put that away. I don’t touch commoners, I have standards.” Catie, looked stunned, pulling her hand back. “So this project of yours, when did you come up with this idea of creating a hotel in order to…break the law as the rumors say?”

The angel crew murmured nervously.

“I’m gonna keep this short,” Coercia said as she walked over to the desk. “You might think my idea doesn’t hold water, but that doesn’t matter to me. I’m too influential to give a flying feather about what some stuffy old news lady thinks of my proposal.”

The crowd gasped. Ron shook his head.

“Well, if you can’t take constructive criticism and be polite…”

“…and we’re live!” called a voice as a buzzer sounded.

“And we’re back!” Catie said, rushing over into her seat. “So, Carrie…”

“It’s Princess Coerciona Egnam,” said Coercia, sitting in a chair beside her and Ron Wrench.

“Sorry. So tell us about your project.”

Coercia took a deep breath. “As most of you know, I was born here in Heaven, and growing up, I’ve always tried to see the good in everything around me. But recently, I don’t believe that’s always the case. We just completed another Extermination. So many sinful souls lost but for what reason? God said in the Commandments “thou shall not kill,” yet killing random people is okay? If we can’t even trust ourselves with our actions and thoughts, is Heaven truly paradise? Not to mention that ever since Lucifer and Lilith betrayed Him, we don’t know who to really trust. Some people are given too many chances!” She pounded her fist on the desk, startling Catie.

Coercia stood up and made her way forward. “No one is truly flawless. Mistakes are made, but we get blamed for doing things we sometimes enjoy. Sex, drugs, partying, swearing, even violence. All because we don’t live up to impossible standards imposed upon us, both here and on Earth! I can’t stand idly by while the place I live is subjected to such lies and propaganda! So, I’ve been thinking…isn’t there a more liberating way to hinder forced compliance here in Heaven? Perhaps we can create an alternative way to express change through…recreation?”

The angels talked quietly amongst themselves. Phalla nodded in appreciation.

“Well I think yes,” Coercia continued. “So that’s what this project aims to achieve.” She walked back to the desk and sat down. “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m opening the first of its kind, a hotel that encourages moderate amounts of so-called sin!” She spread out her arms.

The audience stared in stunned silence. Many of the adults were shaking their heads.

“Who is that girl?” asked a dragon watching from inside a soup kitchen. “What’s her deal with trying to cause more trouble for this world?”

“She’s nuts!” added another angel with an eagle’s head and wings, wearing a suit.

Coercia added nervously while still trying to keep a glare, “I figure it would serve a purpose…a place to work toward self-expression. Yay.”

Among the crowd of angels watching the news outside, a tall man with a thin pale face stood toward the back. He wore a light blue dress suit, had blue and white hair, fluffy deer-like ears, and large blue eyes. His white wings were folded behind him. He watched the program with a look of worry. A deer creature made of light appeared beside him. A sign posted on the wall showing the same man as a DJ read: “Counseling and good times with the Techno Angel!”

A camera man shook his head at Coercia. Phalla walked up to him and pleaded, “Please give her a chance.”

Coercia sighed. “Look, I know every single one of you has insecurities and issues that need not be bottled up. If you could just embrace those sides of yourselves…”

Coercia then smirked. “Maybe I’m not getting through to you.”

Phalla clapped her hands and “ooohed” in excitement as Rub and Chub got the electric guitar ready.

Coercia showed a pair of sharp white teeth and black curved horns emerged from her head. Black feathery wings sprouted from her back and an X appeared over her right eye. A harpoon appeared in her right hand and a spiked halo appeared over her head. She was in her dark angelic Exorcist form. She posed over the desk and began.

(“Inside of Every Angel is a Sinner”)

“I have a dream

I’m here to tell

About a fantastic mind-blowing hotel

One of a kind, go and yell

A great place to dwell

Catering to specific clientele”

*Guitar starts and scream vocals*

“Inside of every angel is a sinner

Inside of every do-gooder is a beast

Inside of every jolly go-lucky mentality

Is a subconscious portion we know the least”

“Resist all the rules

You’re not passive fools!

With just a little time

Down at the Hazbin Hotel!”

“So all you rescuers, priests, and heroes

Gifted athletes, jocks, and cheerios

And the sheep citizens, relief is here!

All of you angels, leaders, and stars

Traditionalists with fancy cars

And the activists on Mars

Show no fear

No taboos, no laws

Embrace your flaws

You’ll be truly free

Check in with me

It’s the right path, you’ll see”

“There’ll be no more pressure

And no more status quo

Just friendship, fun, and endless bags of dough

Establishment put to rest

You’ll be like, “Yes!”

In the tunnel of darkness you’ll go!”

“So all your hierarchies, GMOs, politics, and isms

Lectures, labor standards, and diamond studded prisms

Ancient Indian elitisms

All must die”

“All you fantasizers, artists, servers, and lords

Spoiled children, winners of awards

Imposers of chores

Face your fear!”

“Be who you are

And you’ll go so far

Our service will raise the bar

You’ll be the star

Come from near or afar at the Hazbin Hotel!

Yeah!”

“Wow,” said an angel in a top hat. “That was…alright.”

The crowd clapped half-heartedly.

Catie shook her head. “What in the Nine Levels makes you think a single denizen of Heaven would give two feathers about becoming a sinful person? You have no proof that your little experiment even works! You want people to disobey God and the rules just…because?!”

Coercia lifted up her head. “Well, we have a patron already who believes in our cause.”

“And who might that be?” Catie asked.

“Oh just someone named…Devil Grit.”

“The grumpy old spider?” asked Ron Wrench.

“He’s not old,” argued Catie. “He just acts older than he is.”

“Anyway,” said Catie to Coercia. “You couldn’t even get that guy to do something bad, even if a gun was pointed at his head.”

“Oh I beg to differ,” Coercia argued. “He’s been troubled, dirty, and having conflicted thoughts for two weeks now.”

“Breaking news!” called a voice as the screen changed to a recent debate shown in a building.

The news came on, detailing Devil Grit and his recent TED talk about the 7 Heavenly Virtues.

“Well, it looks like the one discussing the Heavenly Virtues is none other than…conservative Devil Grit! What a coincidence!”

She and Ron did a “ratings!” and jazz hands.

Corceria rolled her eyes.

“I’m sorry to say, but it looks like your plan’s departed on arrival,” said Catie. “I hope you learned a good lesson here.”

Coercia’s eyes twitched, her teeth barred. “Lesson?! I’ll teach you a lesson, bitch!” The princess and Catie fought fist and claw on the desk. Ron called for security.

After Coercia was kicked out, Phalla followed her wordlessly to the white limo. Devil Grit, Phalla, and Coercia rode back to the hotel.

Devil Grit lounged in the far seat, wearing an outfit of black with green stripes and green gloves on his four hands.

“Devil,” said Phalla with concern. “I know you were trying to do good by doing your professional speech. But could you please try not to help society in public? Now people won’t believe us when Coercia says that people are free to express their earthly desires.”

“I’m sorry Phalla,” said Devil from the other seat, “But I have a reputation to keep up. Helping the greater good is His plan for all of us. Besides, a good professional debate is a reasonable form of self-expression right?”

“Not to everyone,” said Phalla. “What about the hotel? People are thinking that you don’t care about Coercia’s project at all.”

“I do care, senorita,” said Devil. “I just don’t think it’s going to be easy to accomplish in such a short time. So many angels are fixated on tradition, myself included.”

“I do appreciate all of your help,” said Coercia, still fuming after the interview, arms crossed. “But I will make this project work, even if I have to do it myself.”

The white limo pulled up in front of the hotel, a pristine building made of glass and marble. The group got out of the car and stepped inside.

White wings made of rainbow scales posed as part of the structure on the roof. The stained glass windows by the door were decorated with apples, a tree of life, and many shades of blue and green. The sign above read “Hazbin Hotel” in big letters on the roof. Inside the lobby, a painting of Adam reaching toward God was displayed on the high ceiling. The hotel had seven floors with seven rooms on each floor. There was even a lab down in the basement which belonged to a man named Baker, the opposite of the demon fish scientist Baxter from Hell. A bowl of blue berries and blue raspberries sat on a table below a welcome banner. Phalla rested on a couch while Devil Grit munched on a granola bar.

“It’s probably a good idea to stock up some more food in this place,” said Devil Grit. “Good or bad, people always seem to be greedy when they’re hungry.”

Devil Grit pulled out a chart and went over probabilities and graphs regarding the hotel and the potential number of visitors. Coercia just sighed and walked away toward the door. She went outside and took out her cell phone, calling her mom.

“Carol cakes!” called her mother through the phone. Coercia cringed.

“Mom, I told you not to call me that! I’m not a little kid anymore.”

“Sorry, I can’t help it,” said Lilian with a giggle. “How was the interview?”

“Meh. It was alright. I proposed my idea, but nobody seemed to buy it.”

Lilian’s tone turned more serious. “Coercia, why do you insist that everyone must go down to that horrible place? Why can’t you just see the good in people?”

“Because,” Coercia said, “Everyone has flaws and they don’t realize it.”

“Yes, but that also applies to you, too. Before you get involved with the lives of others, you need to look inside and critique yourself.”

“I’m a princess. Everyone else has more flaws than I do.”

Lilian let out a long sigh. “Young lady, we’ve been through this I don’t know how many times. You have to push your selfish thoughts aside and just accept the way things are. It’s part of a higher purpose.”

“And what is this “higher purpose” anyway? To be His flock of dazed sheep, dancing around without any care in the world? To not experience ecstasy and adventure, even for just a moment?”

“That stuff is dangerous and forbidden. Thousands of souls would do anything to get up to this level of Heaven. And you just want to throw your life away?”

Coercia paused in thought. “If it means proving myself and serving Him in a way I see fit, then so be it.”

“You have delusions of what entertainment and happiness is, Carol. Sometimes, you need to take the time and appreciate the beauty that’s in front of you.”

“Other than my own refection, I don’t really see beauty in many other things. Well, heavy metal and watching battles…oh and watching sinners beg for their last breaths…”

“You have a lot to learn, dear daughter,” Lilian replied. “I’ll leave you alone to think about it.”

“Whatever.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too. Bye.”

Coercia hung up and went back inside, shutting the door behind her. She leaned against the door frame, closing her eyes in frustration…trying to hold back a stream of tears from the stress.

Just then, there was a knock on the door. Two knocks, four ones, then a last one. Coercia turned around with a sigh to answer it. She swung the stained glass door open. From outside stood a tall slender man with a pale light gray face, wearing a light blue pinstriped dress coat. A white upward cross was part of the design on his light blue undershirt. He was carrying a modern microphone atop a staff in his left hand. His small antlers were white and his hair and deer ears were blue with white tips. A monocle rested under his left eye. Coercia narrowed her eyes.

“Hi, excuse me…” he spoke quietly. “Is this…”

Coercia angrily slammed the door in his face.

She opened it again.

“…the right address?” finished the man.

“No!” she shouted, slamming it again.

“Hey Phalla!” called Coercia.

“What?” her friend asked.

“The crybaby Deer Man is at the door!”

“What?!” she asked, blushes appearing on her cheeks.

“Who?” asked Devil Grit.

“What should I do?”

“Well…let him in!” Phalla cried, eye shining.

Coercia rolled her eyes and scoffed. She sighed and opened the door again.

“May I talk now?” the man asked in a radio voice.

“Sure, whatever,” Coercia said.

The man held out a white gloved four-fingered hand. “Rotsala, it’s a pleasure to meet you, miss.” He walked in. Worry was etched on his face. “I saw your interview on the picture show and I was worried sick! I was afraid you were never coming back after your argument. Why I haven’t been that upset since the 1929 Stock Market Crash!” He sniffed, “So many poor orphans…”

“Hello there!” Phalla called with a smile, staring up and walking in front of him. She greeted in Spanish. “I’m so glad you’re here to help out my friend with this new hotel! I’m a big fan of yours and just being in your presence is just…” She swooned. “Oh just take me already you cute, pompous, talk show, blueberry pimp lord!”

She embraced him and he stood stunned, his face blushing. “I do love hugs,” he whispered as she stepped back. “I bet all of you would be so nice and soft after we get to know each other for a while…”

Phalla blushed while Devil Grit and Coercia made disgusted faces. “Not gonna happen, creep,” Devil Grit said.

Rotsala gave a nervous laugh, and popped a strawberry and blueberry into his mouth.

“You’re not gonna cling to us are you?” Phallas asked. “Or, you know…”

“Dear, if I wanted to screw anyone here…I would’ve done so already.”

Rotsala tilted his head. His blue eyes briefly glowed with blue upside down radio dials in them. Electricity sparked around cyan colored voodoo symbols in the air. His eyes filled with tears, tears spilling down his pale gray cheeks.

Phalla watched in bliss, while Devil and Coercia rolled their eyes at the show-off.

Rotsala shook his head and his eyes returned to normal blue.

“No, I’m here because I want to relax and help out.”

“Say what?” Coercia asked, eyebrow raised.

Rotsala held up his staff which glowed blue. He said with a sad crack in his voice, “Goodbye, is this thing off?”

He tapped it. A blue sad looking eye appeared in the center of the microphone. It spoke in a mechanical voice. “You’re silent, quiet and unclear!”

“That’s your motivation motto every day?” Devil Grit asked, crossing his four arms. “Pathetic!”

“Tragic and mysterious, I love it!” Phalla squealed. “It’s like the opposite of announcing. It’s…denouncing.”

Devil Grit elbowed her. “Hun, could you not get attracted to every other man you see? I’m your boyfriend.”

“I can’t help it, love!” she cried. “I just get so distracted easily.”

“Um…you want to help?” Coercia asked.

Rotsala appeared behind them after morphing into light.

“With…” he spoke in her growl then his normal shy sounding voice, “…this random thing you’re trying to do. This hotel. I want to help you run it, if that’s okay.”

“Uh…why?”

Rotsala choked a bit on his words. “Why doesn’t anyone do anything? Sheer absolute lethargy! I’ve been partying around and keeping busy for decades. I would like to do something more relaxing and easier.”

“My work became overwhelming, lacking focus. I’ve come to crave a new form of disengagement!”

Coercia rolled her eyes. “Does getting into a fist fight with a reporter count as disengagement?”

“No,” Rotsala said. “It’s violent and messy, not really my thing. Life is truly strange…reality, fantasy, true tragedy. After all the world is a grave, and the grave is a world of disengagement!”

Coercia brightened a bit. “So, does this mean you think it’s possible to taint an angel? That life is meaningless without your own self to temporarily control it.”

Rotsala sniffed and held up a hand. “Who knows? Anything’s possible. Sinning, oh the vice of humanity! I think there’s plenty left that can change such marvelous saints. But then again, the chance that was given to them was the life they lived before. The reward is this!” He spread out his arms. “According to God, there’s no undoing what is done…or at least that’s the way it should be.”

“So then, why do you want to help me if you don’t fully believe in my cause?” Coercia asked.

Rotsala turned around to look at her. “Consider it an investment in ongoing knowledge for myself and others.” He let out a small smile. “I want to watch the blessed of this world struggle to give into temptation, only to repeatedly realize and raise themselves up the golden ladder of success!” His eyes glowed blue.

“Right…” Coercia began.

“Yes indeed,” Rotsala said, both of them walking off to the side. “I see you taking risks and who better to keep you grounded than I.”

“Ah, so what’s the deal with Mr. Frown over there?” Devil Grit asked.

“Wait, you’ve never heard of him before?” Phalla asked. “You’ve been here longer than me!”

Devil shrugged his shoulders.

“The Techno Angel, one of the most complex beings Heaven as ever seen?”

“Eh, I’m not too big on people.”

Phalla sighed and leaned in close to explain.

“Decades ago, Rotsala manifested in Heaven, seemingly in one day. He began to catch the attention of overlords and archangels who had kept to themselves for centuries. That kind of attraction and magic power had never been harnessed by a mortal soul before. Then, he broadcast his adventures all throughout Heaven just so everyone could experience some joy, tragedy and emotions. Saints starting calling him the Techno Angel, (as unoriginal as that is). Many have speculated what unimaginable force enabled him to rival our world’s most ancient and constructive heroes. But one thing’s for sure: he’s an unpredictable source of silliness, a depressed spirit of mystery and a loving being of order…or disorder, the likes of which we can get involved in, especially if we want to end up aroused!”

“You done?” Devil asked. “He looks like a blueberry businessman. Or a shady con-man. Either way, you’re delusional.”

“Well, I trust him completely!”

“Do you blindly trust any man? All men?”

Phalla skipped over to Coercia. Rotsala examined a family portrait of Lucius, Lilian and a young Coercia in the center. Young Coercia wore a white dress with a turquoise top to it. Her hair was jet black, braided in black barbed wire, her cheeks had teal blushes. Her mother had long black hair and wore a fancy white dress and a round gold crown. Her father was dressed in a dress suit of white and blue, with blue and black stripes in the center below a white bow tie. He wore a large light gray top hat with a dove and a green apple on it. His cane also had a green apple on the top. Both of them were smiling, showing rows of sharp teeth, white wings folded behind them.

“Coercia, listen to me, you can believe this dreamer. He isn’t just a sad face. He’s a miracle maker, pure good! But… don’t count on him to believe in your cause. He could be tainted and rebel, but we don’t know that. He could very well side with God and your parents. And he’s most likely looking for a way to hinder everything we’re trying to do if it means following God’s rules. But still, give him a chance. He’s really sweet.”

“I…” Coercia began. “…we don’t know that. Look, he’s a crying bitch, and he probably doesn’t want to change.”

Phalla put her hands on her friend’s shoulders.

“The whole point of your hotel is to give people a chance! To have faith things will be better and people can embrace their flaws, their true selves! How can you turn someone away? You can’t. It goes against everything you’re trying to do. Everything you believe in.”

Coercia looked downcast. Her friend had a good point. She hated when people made good arguments against her. But it also gave her a chance to consider her thoughts. Phalla kept her grounded and added some cheer to her overall fake afterlife. Coercia smiled at her.

“You take care of yourself,” she said to Phalla.

“Coercia,” warned Phalla, “Unless you are serious about responsibility, do not make a promise with him!”

Demons often made deals with each other that often resulted in gaining power at the cost of one’s soul or freedom. Usually the one who initiated the deal would gain advantage. A demonic deal was bad in and of itself. Breaking an angelic promise could result in rejection, eternal torture and damnation.

“Don’t worry,” said Coercia. “I learned one thing from my dad.” She mimicked his low voice, “Ya don’t break trust with other angels!”

Coercia marched over to the Techno Angel.

“Ok Mr. Rot... You’re prissy as fuck, and you clearly see what I’m trying to do here is a too-dangerous risk. But I don’t.”

Glowing blue symbols briefly appeared around a concerned Rotsala, then vanished.

Coercia continued. “I think everyone deserves a chance to prove they can be themselves. After all, it’s in their nature and the sooner they realize it, the better. So, I’m taking your offer to help. On the condition there be no lessons or lovey-dovey speeches made.”

Rotsala twirled his cane and held out his smallest finger from his right hand.

“So, it’s a promise, then?”

The room was surrounded by a pink aura as light spirits roamed around the walls. The wind blew against Phalla’s and Devil’s faces.

“Nope!” Coercia yelled, holding out her hands. The energy stopped. “No shaking, no promises! I…hmmm…”

She paused in thought.

“As Princess of Heaven and heir to the throne, I hereby order that you help out with this hotel for as long as you desire.”

A moment of pause…

“Sound fair?”

“Fair enough,” Rotsala said with a slump of his shoulders and walked on. His cane vanished.

Rotsala stopped and spotted Phalla to the side.

Phalla went up and tickled him under the chin, much to his shock.

“Smile, deer man!” she said.

Rotsala walked on, speechless.

“So…where is your hotel staff?” Rotsala asked Coercia.

“Uh well,” Coercia began. Rotsala peered at Phalla through his monocle below his left eye.

He stuttered. “You’re going to n-need more than that.”

Rotsala walked over to Devil Grit, who was sitting on a stool.

“And what can I do, my business fellow?” asked Rotsala walking over to the dark furred spider, blushing.

“You can suck a dick,” Devil retorted in a grumpy tone.

“AH! Ok,” said Rotsala, blushing and stepping back. “Can it be yours?”

“Fuck off,” Devil added, pulling out a long knife from his belt.

Rotsala summoned his cane. “Well this just won’t do. You want others to cause trouble, yes? I suppose I can cash in a few favors to deaden things up!”

He snapped his fingers and the wall beside the fireplace cracked. The circle went dark, the fire going out. Ice cold water appeared to fill in the circle and a shadowy figure solely formed inside. Rotsala walked over and removed the dripping figure from the water. A large single purple eye was revealed.

Devil Grit, Phalla and Coercia peered at the creature. With a balloon deflating sound and a puff of white smoke, the figure was revealed.

“This little rascal is Klutzy!” Rotsala announced with a worried smile, dropping the figure.

A black-skinned short cyclops female landed on her face on the floor. She stood up with a grumpy look on her face. She wore a dark green skirt with a white stray cat off to the left side. Her arms and legs were white and stick-shaped. Several blue dots stood out from the lighter green color of her skirt. Her shirt was black with cyan paint spots off to the right. Her large eye took up much of her pale white face; it was dark blue with a white pupil. Her short hair was teal with a dark blue spot off to the left.

“I’m Klutzy,” she grumbled, clenching her fists. “It’s a waste of time to meet you. It’s been a while since I’ve seen strangers.”

Her pupil narrowed from side to side.

“Why are you all men?” she asked. “Have any women here? Or video games? Screw this place.”

She briefly picked up Coercia, then let go.

“Oh man, this place is boring!” she exclaimed. She ran over to a vase and proceeded to knock it over with her elbow. It shattered to pieces on the floor. She tossed couch cushions aside.

“It really needs a more manly touch, disorganized clutter’s more fun.” She grinned as she poured dirt from a flower pot onto the rug.

“Yes, yes, yep, yeah!” she yelled as she proceeded to break windows and knock down more stuff. Then she plopped down on a couch once the room was messy. “I’m bored. Make me some food or something.”

Phalla, Devil, and Coercia looked on in worry, Rotsala just stared off into space. “She has quite the temper sometimes.”

A cat angel was working on a Rubik’s cube with colleagues. His furry face was black, framed by white fur. His little top hat was white with a blue band across it. A big teal bow tie was under his neck, over his black furry chest framed by white fur. His wings were a brilliant blue, with black and red mathematical symbols on either side: the pi symbol, E = mc squared, signs for addition, subtraction, multiplication and division, among others. More symbols were visible within his two pointed ears. His teeth were sharp and purple and his long eyebrows were teal. His eyes were purple and sclera white. The angel placed a Rubik’s cube in front of him. “Ha!” he declared in triumph. Read ‘em and weep, boys! Full…whoa…”

He felt himself being transported in a flash of light to the hotel. Part of the science room that the cat had been in was merged with the hotel lobby…posters of the elements, the solar system and Biblical works of art.

“What in Heaven’s name is going on?

Then he brightened when he saw Rotsala. “You!”

“Ah, Core, my old friend,” Stalaro sniffed, his head briefly looking like it was in between antlers from a stuffed deer head on the wall. “You made it.”

“Glad to see you, you son of the sun!” Core said. “I just completed my Rubik’s cube after just an hour.”

The cube vanished as Rotsala looked on.

Core raced over to Rotsala and embraced him in a side hug. The deer-like man blushed. “So, what can I help you with this time?”

Rotsala blinked nervously. “C-Can we snuggle?”

Core laughed. “I mean, seriously, why’d you bring me here?”

“My friend, I’m doing some dirty work, so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services. If that’s okay?”

“You must be joking,” Core said, laughing nervously.

“I don’t think so,” he replied.

“You thought it’d be a great idea just to pull me out of nowhere? You think I’m some kind of tragic boy?”

“Maybe,” Rotsala sighed, as crying sounds came from his microphone.

“I ain’t doing no dirty work.”

Rotsala appeared behind him. “Well I figured you would be the perfect face to greet and critique the guests at this fine establishment.”

He pointed his staff off toward a stand with vegetable drinks as claps and boos sounded from his staff.

“With your grumpy cat face and love of solitude…”

Core lifted up the corners of Rotsala mouth with his paws. “Aw come on, Al, Don’t forget to smile once in a while!”

His mouth frowned once he let go.

Rotsala walked over to the stand. “Don’t worry, my friend. I can make this more interesting…if you wish.”

He conjured up a bottle of catnip with his finger.

Core stared with wide happy eyes. “What, you think you can buy me with sad eyes and some cheap catnip? Well, you can!” He purred and took the bottle with him.

Coercia, Devil, and Phalla arrived.

“Yes, yes, yes!” Phalla squealed. “Brilliant idea to have healthy drinks!”

“No!” Coercia protested. “This is supposed to be a place that encourages sin! Not some kind of, frilly, Zen, child’s play…”

Core noticed Devil Grit and slid up to him. “Hey cutie,” he flirted.

“Go screw yourself,” muttered Devil Grit.

“Only if you watch me,” Core joked. “Or more likely, Rotsala will watch you.”

Coercia leaned in close to Core. “Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel! You are going to go insane here!” She grinned, her teeth sharp.

“We’re all mad here,” Core replied, sniffing the catnip.

Rotsala walked in, an ever-present frown on his face. “S-so, what do you think?”

Rotsala ran over to him. “This is horrible!” she spat.

“It’s amazing!” Phalla beamed.

Phalla leaned in close between Coercia and Rotsala, embracing them in a hug.

“This is going to be very disengaging,” Rotsala exclaimed. Dubstep sounds emitted from his mouth as he stared around with worry. He stepped away from Phalla. “Coercia, I can’t lose you. We can’t lose you.”

Rotsala changed his light blue suit into a dark blue funeral outfit with a matching top hat. He did the same with Coercia, Devil Grit, Core, Klutzy, and Phalla, who were all wearing black clothing from the early 1900s. Coercia wore a short tan flapper dress and a round matching ladies’ hat. She and Klutzy stared at their outfits in disgust, while Devil Grit, Core and Phalla smiled as they stared at theirs. The room changed, the walls now covered with Voodoo symbols, Christian crosses and deer antlers.

“Take it boys,” Rotsala said. Light spirits appeared and played violins, a piano, and a flute in a sad symphony.

Rotsala sang his reprise to Coercia as they did a slow dance. Coercia looked annoyed but Rotsala smiled.

(“Stalaro’s lament Reprise”)

“You’re on a mission

Your innocence fell

And it’s so dangerous but hey, I wish you well

Yes your blunt protests

Will send you straight to Hell

And I can’t bear to see you banished, or your soul up to sell”

“Don’t bring your life to an end

No matter what you say, I’m still your friend

We all have our wounds to mend

And you’re vulnerable feelings are real, don’t pretend”

“Inside of every angel is love and emotion

They have values and lasting devotion (devotion to God)

While you recruit those around

Don’t be swallowed by the ground

The authorities can retrieve you tight and bound (no turning around)”

“Here above the sky

Spread your wings and fly

They’ll spend a little time

Down at this Haven Ho…”

An explosion rattled the windows. Klutzy saw a door flying toward her face and she broke it in half with a karate chop.

The room and everyone’s clothing returned to normal.

Everyone looked outside and saw a podium in the air, held up by flying metallic eggs. A familiar snake debater appeared.

“Look who it is harboring the striped annoying opponent! We meet again, Rotsala!”

“Do I know you?” Rotsala asked.

Tears came to Anguis’ eyes. “Oh yes, you do! Watch this presentation!”

The eggs danced in the air, singing a song about Sir Anguis trying his best to rule Heaven. He read from notecards. “You all can’t compete with me. Your hotel sucks. I…shall…destroy it…with… my…”

Rotsala giggled and blushed. “Your baby weiner havor?”

Anguis looked up from his cards in anger. “Not like that, pervert!”

Rotsala snapped his fingers. A portal appeared and white tentacles shot out, knocking the podium off balance. The metal eggs knocked into Sir Anguis and he yelled, “Ow that hurt! Show mercy!”

Rotsala used a drop of his blood and the podium exploded in green smoke.

Sir Anguis emerged from the crater, arm shaking, fangs shattered. Rotsala waved a hand and the snake was healed.

“Shoot me with your ray gun,” said a metal egg beside him. Sir Anguis face-planted on the ground.

Rotsala looked on, sadly while everyone else stared, stunned.

“Anyone hungry?” Rotsala asked turning around. “Please don’t make me cook jambalaya. It’s way too spicy and it nearly killed me! I much prefer tea and sugared strawberries, oh the way they melt in my mouth… but anyway, you could say the kick brought me straight into Heaven.”

Rotsala lead the way back to the hotel, the group following him.

“Yes sir, new changes are about to take place. Now…”

Rotsala waved his finger at the lit up sign above the glass, gem-encrusted building on the roof.

The sign changed from “Hazbin Hotel” to “Haven Hotel.”

“Stay tuned.” He finished with low whimpers.

#2PHazbinHotel #heavenhotel #havenhotel #2p

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kathyprior4200 · 5 years ago

Text

Haven Hotel: That’s Disengagement!

A princess with long black hair walked out from a balcony. She wore a black undershirt with a white bow tie on top. A dark teal shirt, long white pants and white high heel shoes completed the look. Her face was white and teal blushes were present on her cheeks. She was the inverted, antithesis of Charlie, the princess of Hell in a parallel world.

The princess was Caroline Egnam, born and raised in Heaven…though she was not at all one would expect her to be in such a place. Self-entitled and pessimistic, nothing much could cheer her up except heavy metal music, rebelling against the rules and the occasional brawl.

“It’s inevitable that all those imperfect angels will go to Hell. They deserve to deal with suffering and challenges. Best of all, they wouldn’t be bound by social expectations. Heck, I wouldn’t be too surprised if it were me. I do enjoy my comfortable life here, just not these restrictions.”

Her servants Pub and Chub were fat white cherub angels with horns on their heads, black wings, and black eyes. One held an electric guitar while the other shot out torpedoes from a small cannon.

Outside was a white clock tower standing tall against the blue sky. The numbers read 0 then changed to 365 days. Writing above the numbers read “days until the next cleanse in Hell.”

Caroline leaned against the marble balcony and began to sing in a low growl.

(“I’m Always Evading Shadows”)

“At the end of the journey, there’s suffering

Denying it, how often I’ve tried

But my life’s a disgrace

Just a slap in the face

And the harsh truths have all been denied”

“A sliver of despair in this world of light

I know this world’s not free of sin

I search for the good

But get misunderstood

And reality will always win”

“Why have I always been so imperfect?

Lost in this brainwashed sea

I wonder if the world’s to blame

I wonder if it could be me”

“I’m always evading shadows

Trapped, drowning in the social flow

Free-will forbidden, my answers are hidden

Lying down below”

“Some people sugarcoat their speeches

I always blab out what I mean

I may be cruel but I am no fool

Things are never what they seem

Believe me”

“I’m always evading shadows

Waiting for people to awaken

In vain”

“Another successful purge,” their leader Samael praised. “You cleansed more sinners while still keeping the population in a good balance. Well done, all of you.” He cleared his throat and made a cross symbol over his heart. “For the greater good in the name of our Lord.”

The angels repeated the phrase.

“Until next year. Dismissed.” The Archangel soldiers saluted and then flew off separately to see their families.

All around Caroline, Holy City was basked in a heavenly glow. The city was located up in the sky among the clouds, but no one had to worry about falling, even the ones without their wings out. A large church with the appearance of the Notre Dame Cathedral stood proudly in the city square, made of polished marble. Choirs and songs floated through the stained glass windows as the regular angels went in and out to pray and visit with their neighbors. A large fountain sprouted non-alcoholic wine of a golden color. It had a white statue of Mary and Jesus as a young boy at the top, both with welcoming faces.

This version of Heaven was very similar to the Heaven in the realm next door, the one above the familiar Hell with the Hazbin Hotel. Unlike those angels with their blonde hair and red blushes, these angels most often had black hair and teal blushes on their cheeks. Like in the other Heaven, some of the bipedal angels displayed animal-like characteristics: some had heads of doves, others had swan wings and mannerisms. Many of them had fur, ears, and fluffy tails of dogs and wolves. It was the only place where dogs and cats could dance and prance together without conflict. Still a few others had faces of flowers or even objects like harps and musical instruments.

God’s Palace was the grandest place of all: it was settled at the highest point of Heaven like Mount Olympus. Only a few angels were allowed to visit there. Seraph angels with six rainbow wings guarded the throne of God as well as the outside of the palace. There were rumors that in the palace gardens, the Tree of Life and the Tree of Knowledge were grown there, heavily protected.

Lucius and Lilian were Caroline’s parents, those who took the place of Lucifer and Lilith after they were banished. They were named the new king and queen of heaven, thus Caroline became the princess.

Lucius had a white face, teal blushes on his cheeks and short dark hair. Lucius wore a gray suit with a dark blue bow tie and a black top hat with two white features attacked to the brim. Lilian’s hair was long and black, and she, too had the teal blushes and typical angel features. She wore a golden halo crown and an elegant white dress. Both had white wings which could turn black when they were angry or defensive.

Along the street, a red car stopped beside the sidewalk. A tall creature opened the car door and stepped out. The spider angel had a furry dark gray face and body, plus multiple slender arms: six in total. He wore tall boots, green gloves and a shirt with a white bow-tie near the top. His shirt and sleeves had black and dark green stripes. Green dots resembling eyes were located under his eyes.

“Thank you for the ride,” said the spider angel.

“No problem, Devil Grit,” said the driver Travis, a white furry guy wearing a top hat.

Devil walked over to a vending machine and bought himself a granola bar. He then gave it to a homeless guy leaning against the wall.

He walked inside a building and onto a stage in an auditorium. His opponent was already standing nervously at his spot, a microphone rising from the ground and stopping in front of him.

Pentious Senor was the nervous white snake. He had a white face with large slightly teal eyes with white pupils. He wore a white bow tie with a blue circle in the center below his thin neck. Surrounding his face on a flap of skin were bright teal eyes against dark purple. His suit was light gray with dark purple vertical stripes. Finally, he wore a large light gray top hat with a large green eye moving eye in the center.

The crowd settled into their seats and the debate began.

“Those other brave do gooders will do great with helping me with my presentation. Anyone want to try?”

A couple of hands shot up. Mechanical eggs on robotic legs moved around to help out the white snake lord.

Senor pushed a button and a presentation showed up on a screen titled “Heaven Economics and Invention Ideas.”

“I don’t like to fight,” Senor said, “and I’m super nervous up here…”

Devil Grit glared at his cowardly opponent who then yelped, “Don’t look at me like that!”

“Heaven doesn’t need any future technology,” Grit argued, “because we already have better things: friendships, food, and fun.”

Pentious Senor glanced down nervously at his note cards and read from them. “At this rate I will persuade the entire East end of Holy City by night’s beginning. And nothing, not a single beauty in this paradise of bliss, will be able to change my mind or escape the constrictive grasp of persuasive argumentation.”

“Heaven will be ours, though it’s mine in my mind. And everybody will know the name of…”

“Scared Snake,” said a female voice.

“W-who said that?” Senor asked.

“You ready for a debate, old man?”

“You want to go, madam?” Pentious Senor asked. He flicked his hood back. “Well, let the battle for tenure and status begin!”

A neon logo appeared on the screen, saying “Divine News” surrounded by a halo. The names of the news cast appeared on the bottom of the screen.

“Good afternoon, Holy City!” said a woman with short black hair, wearing a light blue dress. “I’m Catie Carejoy.”

“And I’m Ron Wrench,” said the man next to her, wearing a business suit and who had a wrench for a head.

After discussing the weather, various humane societies, and legends on Earth, Catie continued, “The debate battle is underway between inventor and conservative coward Pentious Senor and professional economics expert Berri Blossom. Coming up next, we have an exclusive interview with the daughter of His Majesty Lucius, who’s here to discuss her brand new passion-project! All that and more after the break!”

Inside the break room, Agatha adjusted Caroline’s white bow tie. Nearby, a blue tinted sign read “No smoking.” Another sign read “In The Air” in large letters.

“Okay, you remember what to say?” Agatha asked Caroline.

“Yes, I’m ready,” Caroline stated.

Agatha brushed her long black hair from her face. Like Vaggie in Hell, Agatha’s thick hair extended down to her legs, giving her hair the appearance of moth wings. She had a green cross over her right eye and her left eye was purple with a white pupil. A teal bow was perched on top of her head. Her skin was dark gray and she wore a dark gray crop top with white xs over her breasts. She also wore leggings, her right legging striped dark green and light gray, her left legging light gray.

“Oh this is gonna be great!” Agatha said happily. “How about you make your speech sound more exciting?”

“Come on, Agatha, I know what I’m going to say,” Caroline answered, crossing her arms.

Agatha walked over to the pitcher of ambrosia punch on the table. Pub and Chub ate bagels from the table. Agatha got an idea. “Oh! What if you…”

“Sing a song about it?” Caroline asked, with a roll of her eyes. “I’m not going to. This is serious!” She curled her hand into a fist and brought it down on the palm of her other hand. “They won’t take me serious if I start belting out some random song. Life isn’t a musical.”

“But neither is it an emo tragedy,” Agatha pointed out. “Life is great, especially with all the cute guys around.” Her single purple eye shinned.

“Romance, bleh,” Caroline made a face and Agatha giggled.

“Hey,” Agatha brightened, pulling out a piece of paper. “I have some ideas about what you could say.” She bounced up and down. “The highlighted bits are the best parts!”

“They’re all highlighted,” Caroline replied, scanning the paper. “You call your childish drawing your ideas for me?”

“Sure!” Agatha said. “Look here.” It showed a list of different terms “sinners = winners” “Misunderstood are still good” and “demons and angels party between worlds!” Skulls were lined up at the bottom of the page: “we’re all connected by death.”

“Say, that’s actually pretty good!” Caroline said with a smile of sharp teeth.

“Thanks!” Agatha beamed.

Caroline snatched the piece of paper from her friend and tore it in half, much to her shock. “But you should know my ideas are always better.” She tossed the pieces of paper aside, gave a salute and walked out the door.

Catie waved with a smile. “Hello, Caroline. I’m Catie Carejoy.” She held out her hand but Caroline didn’t take it. Catie continued, pulling her hand back. “So this project of yours, when did you come up with this idea of creating a hotel in order to…break the law as the rumors say?”

The angel crew murmured nervously.

“I’m gonna keep this short,” Caroline said. “You might think my idea doesn’t hold water, but that doesn’t matter to me. I’m too influential to give a flying feather about what some news lady thinks of my proposal.”

The crowd gasped. Ron shook his head.

“Well, if you can’t take constructive criticism and be polite…”

“…and we’re live!” called a voice as a buzzer sounded.

“And we’re back!” Catie said, rushing over into her seat. “So, Carrie…”

“It’s Princess Caroline Egnam,” said Caroline, sitting in a chair beside her and Ron Wrench.

“Sorry. So tell us about your project.”

Caroline took a deep breath. “As most of you know, I was born here in Heaven, and growing up, I’ve always tried to see the good in everything around me. But recently, I don’t believe that’s always the case. We just completed another Extermination. So many sinful souls lost but for what reason? God said in the Commandments “thou shall not kill,” yet killing random people is okay? If we can’t even trust ourselves with our actions and thoughts, is Heaven truly paradise? Not to mention that ever since Lucifer and Lilith betrayed Him, we don’t know who to really trust. Some people are given too many chances!” She pounded her fist on the desk, startling Catie.

Caroline stood up and made her way forward. “No one is truly flawless. Mistakes are made, but we get blamed for doing things we sometimes enjoy. Sex, drugs, partying, swearing, even violence. All because we don’t live up to standards imposed upon us, both here and on Earth! I can’t stand idly by while the place I live is subjected to such lies and propaganda! So, I’ve been thinking…isn’t there a more liberating way to hinder forced compliance here in Heaven? Perhaps we can create an alternative way to express change through…recreation?”

The angels talked quietly amongst themselves. Aggy nodded in appreciation.

“Well I think yes,” Caroline continued. “So that’s what this project aims to achieve.” She walked back to the desk and sat down. “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m opening the first of its kind, a hotel that encourages moderate amounts of so-called sin!” She spread out her arms.

The audience stared in stunned silence. Many of the adults were shaking their heads.

“Who is that girl?” asked a dragon watching from inside a soup kitchen. “What’s her deal with trying to cause more trouble for this world?”

“She’s nuts!” added another angel with an eagle’s head and wings, wearing a suit.

Caroline added nervously, “I figure it would serve a purpose…a place to work toward self-expression. Yay.”

Among the crowd of angels watching the news outside, a tall man with a thin pale brownish face stood toward the back. He wore a light blue dress suit, had blue and white hair, fluffy deer-like ears, and large blue eyes. He watched the program with a look of worry. A deer creature made of light appeared beside him. A sign posted on the wall showing the same man as a DJ read: “Counseling and good times with the Techno Angel!”

A camera man shook his head at Caroline. Agatha walked up to him and said, “Please give her a chance.”

Caroline sighed. “Look, I know every single one of you has insecurities and issues that need not be bottled up. If you could just embrace those sides of yourselves…”

Caroline then smirked. “Maybe I’m not getting through to you.”

Agatha clapped her hands and “ooohed” in excitement as Rub and Chub got the electric guitar ready.

Caroline showed a pair of sharp white teeth and black horns emerged from her head. Black feathery wings sprouted from her back and an X appeared over her right eye. A harpoon appeared in her right hand and blue curved horns emerged from her wavy black hair. She posed over the desk and began.

(“Inside of Every Angel is a Monster”)

“I have a dream

I’m here to tell

About a fantastic mind-blowing hotel

One of a kind, go and yell

A great place to dwell

Catering to specific clientele”

*Guitar starts and scream vocals*

“Inside of every angel is a monster

Inside of every do-gooder is a sinner

Inside of every jolly go-lucky mentality

Is a subconscious portion that’s always dimmer”

“Resist all the rules

You’re not passive fools!

With just a little time

Down at the Hazbin Hotel!”

“So all you rescuers, priests, and heroes

Gifted athletes, jocks, and cheerios

And the sheep citizens, relief is here!

All of you angels, leaders, and stars

Traditionalists with fancy cars

And the activists on Mars

Show no fear

No taboos, no laws

Embrace your flaws

You’ll be truly free

Check in with me

It’s the right path, you’ll see”

“There’ll be no more pressure

And no more status quo

Just friendship, fun, and endless bags of dough

Establishment put to rest

You’ll be like, “Yes!”

Once you check in with me!

“So all your hierarchies, GMOs, politics, and isms

Lectures, labor standards, and diamond studded prisms

Ancient Indian elitisms

All must die”

“All you fantasizers, artists, servers, and lords

Spoiled children, winners of awards

Imposers of chores

Face your fear!”

“Be who you are

And you’ll go so far

Our service will raise the bar

You’ll be the star

Come from near or afar at the Hazbin Hotel!

Yeah!”

“Wow,” said an angel in a top hat. “That was…alright.”

The crowd clapped half-heartedly.

Catie shook her head. “What in the Nine Circles makes you think a single denizen of Heaven would give two feathers about becoming a bad person? You have no proof that your little experiment even works! You want people to disobey God and the rules just…because?!”

Caroline lifted up her head. “Well, we have a patron already who believes in our cause.”

“And who might that be?” Catie asked.

“Oh just someone named…Devil Grit.”

“The grumpy old spider?” asked Ron Wrench.

“He’s not old,” argued Catie. “He just acts older than he is.”

“Anyway,” said Catie to Caroline. “You couldn’t even get that guy to do something bad, even if a gun was pointed at his head.”

“Oh I beg to differ,” Caroline argued. “He’s been troubled, dirty, and having conflicted thoughts for two weeks, now.”

“Breaking news!” called a voice as the screen changed to a recent debate shown in a building.

The news came on, detailing Devil Grit and his recent TED talk about the 7 Heavenly Virtues.

“Well, it looks like the one discussing the Heavenly Virtues is none other than…conservative Devil Grit! What a coincidence!”

She and Ron did a “ratings!” and jazz hands.

“Don’t look at this!” yelled Caroline, waving her arms from behind the screen.

“I’m sorry to say, but it looks like your plan’s departed on arrival,” said Catie. “I hope you learned a good lesson here.”

Caroline’s eyes twitched, her teeth barred. “Lesson?! I’ll teach you a lesson, bitch!” The princess and Catie fought fist and claw on the desk. Ron called for security.

After Caroline was kicked out, Agatha followed her wordlessly to the white limo. Devil Grit, Agatha, and Caroline rode back to the hotel.

Devil Grit lounged in the far seat, wearing an outfit of black with green stripes and green gloves on his four hands.

“Devil,” said Agatha with concern. “I know you were trying to do good by doing your professional speech. But could you please try not to help society in public? Now people won’t believe us when Caroline says that people are free to express their earthly desires.”

“I’m sorry Aggy,” said Devil from the other seat, “But I have a reputation to keep up. Helping the greater good is His plan for all of us. Besides, a good professional debate is a reasonable form of self-expression right?”

“Not to everyone,” said Agatha. “What about the hotel? People are thinking that you don’t care about Caroline’s project at all.”

“I do care, senorita,” said Devil. “I just don’t think it’s going to be easy to accomplish in such a short time. So many angels are fixated on tradition, myself included.”

“I do appreciate all of your help,” said Caroline, still fuming after the interview, arms crossed. “But I will make this project work, even if I have to do it myself.”

The white limo pulled up in front of the hotel, a pristine building made of glass and marble. The group got out of the car and stepped inside.

White wings made of rainbow scales posed as part of the structure on the roof. The stained glass windows by the door were decorated with apples, a tree of life, and many shades of blue and green. The sign above read “Hazbin Hotel” in big letters on the roof. Inside the lobby, a painting of Adam reaching toward God was displayed on the high ceiling. The hotel had seven floors with seven rooms on each floor. There was even a lab down in the basement which belonged to a frog man named Terry, the opposite of the demon fish scientist Baxter from Hell. A bowl of blue berries and blue raspberries sat on a table below a welcome banner. Aggy rested on a couch while Devil Grit munched on a granola bar.

“It’s probably a good idea to stock up some more food in this place,” said Devil Grit. “Good or bad, people always seem to be greedy when they’re hungry.”

Devil Grit pulled out a chart and went over probabilities and graphs regarding the hotel and the potential number of visitors. Caroline just sighed and walked away toward the door. She went outside and took out her cell phone, calling her mom.

“Carol cakes!” called her mother through the phone. Caroline cringed.

“Mom, I told you not to call me that! I’m not a little kid anymore.”

“Sorry, I can’t help it,” said Lilian with a giggle. “How was the interview?”

“Meh. It was alright. I proposed my idea, but nobody seemed to buy it.”

Lilian’s tone turned more serious. “Caroline, why do you insist that everyone must go down to that horrible place? Why can’t you just see the good in people?”

“Because,” Caroline said, “Everyone has flaws and they don’t realize it.”

“Yes, but that also applies to you, too. Before you get involved with the lives of others, you need to look inside and critique yourself.”

“I’m a princess. Everyone else has more flaws than I do.”

“And what is this “higher purpose” anyway? To be His flock of dazed sheep, dancing around without any care in the world? To not experience ecstasy and adventure, even for just a moment?”

“That stuff is dangerous and forbidden. Thousands of souls would do anything to get up to this highest level of Heaven. And you just want to throw your afterlife away?”

Caroline paused in thought. “If it means proving myself and serving Him in a way I see fit, then so be it.”

“You have delusions of what entertainment and happiness is, Carol. Sometimes, you need to take the time and appreciate the beauty that’s in front of you.”

“Other than my own refection, I don’t really see beauty in many other things. Well, metal and watching battles…oh and tragic poetry…”

“You have a lot to learn, dear daughter,” Lilian replied. “I’ll leave you alone to think about it.”

“Whatever.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too. Bye.”

Caroline hung up and went back inside, shutting the door behind her. She leaned against the door frame, closing her eyes in frustration…trying to hold back a stream of tears.

Just then, there was a knock on the door. Two knocks, followed by five fast ones. Caroline got up and turned around to answer it. She swung the stained glass door open. From outside stood a man with a pale face, wearing a light blue pinstriped dress coat. A white upward cross was part of the design on his blue undershirt. He was carrying a modern microphone atop a staff in his left hand. His small antlers were white and his hair and deer ears were blue with white tips. He wore glasses as well. Caroline narrowed her eyes.

“Hi, excuse me…” he spoke quietly. “Is this…”

“Fuck off!” Caroline spat, slamming the door in his face.

She opened it again.

“…the right address?” finished the man.

“No!” she shouted, slamming it again.

“Hey Aggy!” called Caroline.

“What?” her friend asked.

“The crybaby Deer Man is at the door!”

“What?!” she asked, blushes appearing on her cheeks.

“Who?” asked Devil Grit.

“What should I do?”

“Well…let him in!” Aggy said, eye shining.

Caroline rolled her eyes and scoffed. She sighed and opened the door again.

“May I talk now?” the man asked.

“Sure, whatever,” Caroline said.

The man held out his white gloved four-fingered hand and smiled. “Stalaro, it’s a pleasure to meet you, miss.” He walked in. Worry was etched on his face. “I saw your interview on the picture show and I was worried sick! I was afraid you were never coming back after your argument. I haven’t been that upset since the 1929 Stock Market Crash!” He sniffed, “So many orphans…”

“Hello there!” Aggy called with a smile, staring up at him and walking in front of him. “I’m so glad you’re here to help out my friend with this new hotel! I’m a big fan of yours and just being in your presence is just…” She swooned. “Oh just take me already you cute, pompous, talk show, blueberry pimp lord!”

Stalaro gave a nervous laugh, “Dear, I’m mostly into guys but I appreciate the sentiment.” He conjured up a strawberry in his hand and popped it into his mouth.

Aggy deflated a little.

“But if I wanted to take anyone away…they would be gone already.”

Stalaro tilted his head. His blue eyes briefly glowed with blue upside down radio dials in them. Electricity sparked around cyan colored voodoo symbols in the air. His eyes filled with tears, tears spilling down his pale brown cheeks.

Aggy watched in bliss, while Devil and Caroline rolled their eyes at the show-off.

Stalaro shook his head and his eyes returned to normal blue.

“No, I’m here because I want to relax and help out.”

“Say what?” Caroline asked, eyebrow raised.

Stalaro held up his staff which glowed blue. He said with a sad crack in his voice, “Goodbye, is this thing off?”

He tapped it. A blue sad looking eye appeared in the center of the microphone. It spoke in a mechanical voice. “You’re silent, quiet and unclear!”

“That’s your motivation motto every day?” Devil Grit asked, crossing his four arms. “Pathetic!”

“Tragic and mysterious, I love it!” Aggy squealed. “It’s like the opposite of announcing. It’s denouncing.”

“Um…you want to help?” Caroline asked.

Stalaro appeared behind them after morphing into light.

“With…” he spoke in her growl then his normal shy sounding voice, “…this random thing you’re trying to do. This hotel. I want to help you run it, if that’s okay.”

“Uh…why?”

Stalaro choked a bit on his words. “Why doesn’t anyone do anything? Sheer absolute lethargy! I’ve been partying around and keeping busy for decades. I would like to do something more relaxing and easier.”

Aggy wrapped her arms around him in a hug. Stalaro blushed uncomfortably. “Please don’t hurt me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it!”

He gently pulled her off him. “My work became overwhelming, lacking focus. I’ve come to crave a new form of disengagement!”

Caroline rolled her eyes. “Does getting into a fist fight with a reporter count as disengagement?”

“No,” Stalaro said. “It’s violent and messy, not really my thing. Life is truly strange…reality, fantasy, true tragedy. After all the world is a grave, and the grave is a world of disengagement!”

Caroline brightened a bit. “So, does this mean you think it’s possible to taint an angel?”

Stalaro sniffed and held up a hand. “Who knows? Anything’s possible. Sinning, oh the vice of humanity! I think there’s plenty left that can change such do -gooders. But then again, the chance that was given to them was the life they lived before. The reward is this!” He spread out his arms. “According to God, there’s no undoing what is done…or at least that’s the way it should be.”

“So then, why do you want to help me if you don’t fully believe in my cause?” Caroline asked.

Stalaro turned around to look at her. “Consider it an investment in ongoing knowledge for myself and others.” He let out a small smile. “I want to watch the blessed of this world struggle to give into temptation, only to repeatedly realize and raise themselves toward the golden ladder of success!” His eyes glowed blue.

“Right…” Caroline began.

“Yes indeed,” Stalaro said, both of them walking off to the side. “I see you taking risks and who better to keep you grounded than I.”

“Ah, so what’s the deal with Mr. Frown over there?” Devil Grit asked.

“Wait, you’ve never heard of him before?” Aggy asked, blushing. “You’ve been here longer than me!”

Devil shrugged his shoulders.

“The Techno Angel, one of the most complex beings Heaven as ever seen?”

“Eh, not big on certain politics and the arts.”

Aggy sighed and leaned in close to explain.

“Decades ago, Stalaro manifested in Heaven, seemingly in one day. He began to catch the attention of overlords who had kept to themselves for centuries. That kind of attraction and magic power had never been harnessed by a mortal soul before. Then, he broadcast his adventures all throughout heaven just so everyone could experience some joy, tragedy and emotions. Do gooders starting calling him the Techno Angel, (as unoriginal as that is). Many have speculated what unimaginable force enabled him to rival our world’s most ancient and constructive heroes. But one thing’s for sure: he’s an unpredictable source of silliness, a depressed spirit of mystery and a loving being of order…or disorder, the likes of which we can get involved in, especially if we want to end up aroused!”

“You done?” Devil asked. “He looks like a blueberry businessman. Or a shady con-man.”

“Well, I trust him completely!”

“Do you blindly trust any man? All men?”

Aggy skipped over to Caroline. Stalaro examined a family portrait of Lucius, Lilian and a young Caroline in the center. Young Caroline wore a white dress with a turquoise top to it. Her hair was jet black, braided in black barbed wire, her cheeks had teal blushes. Her mother had long black hair and wore a fancy white dress and a round gold crown. Her father was dressed in a dress suit of white and blue, with blue and black stripes in the center below a white bow tie. He wore a large light gray top hat with a dove and a green apple on it. His cane also had a green apple on the top. Both of them were smiling, showing rows of sharp teeth, white wings folded behind them.

“Caroline, listen to me, you can believe this dreamer. He isn’t just a sad face. He’s a miracle maker, pure good! But… don’t count on him to believe in your cause. He could be tainted and rebel, but we don’t know that. He could very well side with God and your parents. And he’s most likely looking for a way to hinder everything we’re trying to do if it means following God’s rules. But still, give him a chance. He’s really sweet.”

“I…” Caroline began. “…we don’t know that. Look, he’s a crying bitch, and he probably doesn’t want to change.”

Aggy put her hands on her friend’s shoulders.

“The whole point of your hotel is to give people a chance! To have faith things will be better and people can embrace their flaws! How can you turn someone away? You can’t. It goes against everything you’re trying to do. Everything you believe in.”

Caroline looked downcast. Her friend had a good point. She hated when people made good arguments against her. But it also gave her a chance to consider her thoughts. Aggy kept her grounded and added some cheer to her overall fake afterlife. Caroline smiled at her.

“You take care of yourself,” she said to Aggy.

“Caroline,” warned Aggy, “Unless you are serious about responsibility, do not make a promise with him!”

“Don’t worry,” said Caroline. “I learned one thing from my dad.” She mimicked his low voice, “Ya don’t break trust with other angels!”

Caroline marched over to the Techno Angel.

“Ok…so Stal... You’re prissy as fuck, and you clearly see what I’m trying to do here is a too-dangerous risk. But I don’t.”

Glowing blue symbols briefly appeared around a concerned Stalaro, then vanished.

Caroline continued. “I think everyone deserves a chance to prove they can be flawed. After all, it’s in their nature and the sooner they realize it, the better. So, I’m taking your offer to help. On the condition there be no lessons or lovey-dovey speeches made.”

Stalaro twirled his cane and held out his smallest finger from his right hand.

“So, it’s a promise, then?”

The room was surrounded by a pink aura as light spirits roamed around the walls. The wind blew against Aggy’s and Devil’s faces.

“Nope!” Caroline yelled, holding out her hands. The energy stopped. “No shaking, no promises! I…hmmm…”

She paused in thought.

“As Princess of Heaven and heir to the throne, I hereby order that you help out with this hotel for as long as you desire.”

A moment of pause…

“Sound fair?”

“Fair enough,” Stalaro said with a slump of his shoulders and walked on. His cane vanished. Caroline did a thumbs up.

Stalaro stopped and spotted Aggy to the side.

Aggy went up and tickled him under the chin, much to his dislike.

He pushed her arm gently away. “Frown, my dear. You’d be too fully dressed if you were a man.”

He walked on, Aggy perplexed at being rejected. “Why does he have to be gay?” she mused, sadly. “Liking nude men…oh I could just swear right now…darn.”

“So…where is your hotel staff?” Stalaro asked Caroline.

“Uh well,” Caroline began. Stalaro peered at Aggy through his monocle below his left eye.

He stuttered. “You’re going to n-need more than that.”

Stalaro walked over to Devil Grit, who was sitting on a stool.

“And what can I do, my business fellow?” asked Stalaro walking over to the dark furred spider, blushing.

“You can suck a dick,” Devil retorted in a grumpy tone.

“AH! Ok,” said Stalaro, blushing and stepping back. “Can it be yours?”

“Fuck off,” Devil added, pulling out a long knife from his belt.

Stalaro summoned his cane. “Well this just won’t do. You want others to cause trouble, yes? I suppose I can cash in a few favors to deaden things up!”

He snapped his fingers and the wall beside the fireplace cracked. The circle went dark, the fire going out. Ice cold water appeared to fill in the circle and a shadowy figure solely formed inside. Stalaro walked over and removed the dripping figure from the water. A large single purple eye was revealed.

Devil, Aggy and Caroline peered at the creature. With a balloon deflating sound and a puff of white smoke, the figure was revealed.

“This little sinner is Klutzy!” Stalaro announced with a worried smile, dropping the figure.

A black-skinned short cyclops female landed on her face on the floor. She stood up with a grumpy look on her face. She wore a dark green skirt with a white stray cat off to the left side. Her arms and legs were white and stick-shaped. Several blue dots stood out from the lighter green color of her skirt. Her shirt was black with cyan paint spots off to the right. Her large eye took up much of her face; it was purple with a white pupil. Her sharp teeth were black. Her short hair was teal with a dark blue spot off to the left.

“I’m Klutzy,” she grumbled, clenching her fists. “It’s a waste of time to meet you fools. It’s been a while since I made new rivals.”

Her pupil narrowed from side to side.

“Why are you all men?” she asked. “Have any women here? Or video games? Screw this place.”

She briefly picked up Caroline, then let go.

“Oh man, this place is boring!” she exclaimed. She ran over to a vase and proceeded to knock it over with her elbow. It shattered to pieces on the floor. She tossed couch cushions aside.

“It really needs a more manly touch, disorganized clutter’s more fun.” She grinned as she poured dirt from a flower pot onto the rug.

Aggy, Devil, and Caroline looked on in worry, Stalaro just stared off into space.

“What in Heaven’s name is going on?

Then he brightened when he saw Stalaro. “You!”

“Ah, Core, my old friend,” Stalaro sniffed, his head briefly looking like it was in between antlers from a stuffed deer head on the wall. “You made it.”

“Glad to see you, you son of the sun!” Core said. “I just completed my Rubik’s cube after just an hour.”

The cube vanished as Stalaro looked on.

Core raced over to Stalaro and embraced him in a side hug. The deer-like man blushed. “So, what can I help you with this time?”

Stalaro blinked nervously. “C-Can we snuggle?”

Core laughed. “I mean, seriously, why’d you bring me here?”

“My friend, I’m doing some dirty work, so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services. If that’s okay?”

“You must be joking,” Core said, laughing nervously.

“I don’t think so, motherfucker!” Stalaro replied.

“You thought it’d be a great idea just to pull me out of nowhere? You think I’m some kind of tragic boy?”

“Maybe,” Stalaro sighed, as crying sounds came from his microphone.

“I ain’t doing no dirty work.”

Stalaro appeared behind him. “Well I figured you would be the perfect face to greet and critique the guests at this fine establishment.”

He pointed his staff off toward a stand with vegetable drinks as claps and boos sounded from his staff.

“With your grumpy cat face and love of solitude…”

Core lifted up the corners of Stalaro’s mouth with his paws. “Aw come on, Stal. Don’t forget to smile once in a while!”

His mouth frowned once he let go.

Stalaro walked over to the stand. “Don’t worry, my friend. I can make this more interesting…if you wish.”

He conjured up a bottle of catnip with his finger.

Core stared with wide happy eyes. “What, you think you can buy me with sad eyes and some cheap catnip? Well, you can!” He purred and took the bottle with him.

Caroline, Devil, and Aggy arrived.

“Yes, yes, yes!” Aggy squealed. “Brilliant idea to have healthy drinks!”

“No!” Caroline protested. “This is supposed to be a place that encourages sin! No some kind of, frilly, Zen, child’s play…”

Devil rammed into Caroline. “Shut up! Shut up! We are keeping this!” He pointed all his fingers toward Core and the stand.

Core noticed Devil Grit and slid up to him. “Hey cutie,” he flirted.

“Go screw yourself,” muttered Devil Grit.

“Only if you watch me,” Core joked. “Or more likely, Stalaro will watch you.”

Caroline leaned in close to Core. “Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel. You are going to go insane here!” She grinned, her teeth sharp.

“I lost the ability to go crazy years ago,” Core replied, sniffing the catnip.

Stalaro walked in, an ever-present frown on his face. “S-so, what do you think?”

Caroline ran over to him. “This is horrible!” she spat.

“It’s amazing!” Aggy beamed.

Aggy leaned in close between Caroline and Stalaro, embracing them in a hug.

“This is going to be very disengaging,” Stalaro exclaimed. Dubstep sounds emitted from his mouth as he stared around with worry. He stepped away from Aggy. “Caroline, I can’t lose you. We can’t lose you.”

Stalaro changed his light blue suit into a black funeral outfit. He did the same with Caroline, Devil, Husk, Klutzy, and Aggy, who were all wearing black clothing from the early 1900s. The room changed, the walls now covered with Voodoo symbols, Christian crosses and deer antlers.

“Take it boys,” Stalaro said. Light spirits appeared and played violins, a piano, and a flute in a sad symphony.

Stalaro sang his reprise to Caroline.

(“Stalaro’s lament Reprise”)

“You’re on a mission

Your innocence fell

And it’s so dangerous but hey, I wish you well

Yes your blunt protests

Will send you straight to Hell

And I can’t bear to see you banished, or your soul up to sell”

“Don’t bring your afterlife to an end

No matter what you say, I’m still your friend

We all have our wounds to mend

And you’re vulnerable feelings are real, don’t pretend”

“Inside of every angel is love and emotion

They have values and lasting devotion (devotion to God)

While you recruit those around

Don’t be swallowed by the ground

The authorities can retrieve you tight and bound (no turning around)”

“Here above the sky

Spread your wings and fly

They’ll spend a little time

Down at this Haven Ho…”

An explosion rattled the windows. Klutzy saw a door flying toward her face and she broke it in half with a karate chop.

The room and everyone’s clothing returned to normal.

Everyone looked outside and saw a podium in the air, held up by flying metallic eggs. A familiar snake debater appeared.

“Look who it is harboring the striped annoying opponent! We meet again, Stalaro!”

“Do I know you?” Stalaro asked.

Tears came to Senor’s eyes. “Oh yes, you do! Watch this presentation!”

The eggs danced in the air, singing a song about Senor trying his best to rule Heaven. He read from notecards. “You all can’t compete with me. Your hotel sucks. I…shall…destroy it…with… my…”

Stalaro giggled and blushed.

Senor looked up from his cards in anger. “Not like that, pervert!”

Stalaro snapped his fingers. A portal appeared and white tentacles shot out, knocking the podium off balance. The metal eggs knocked into Pentious Senor and he yelled, “Ow that hurt! Show mercy!”

Stalaro used a drop of his blood and the podium exploded in green smoke.

Senor emerged from the crater, arm shaking, fangs shattered.

“Shoot me with your ray gun,” said a metal egg beside him. Senor face-planted on the ground.

Stalaro looked on, sadly while everyone else stared, stunned.

“Anyone hungry?” Stalaro asked turning around. “Please don’t make me cook jambalaya. It’s way too spicy and it nearly killed me! I much prefer tea and sugared strawberries, oh the way they melt in my mouth… but anyway, you could say the kick brought me straight into Heaven.”

Stalaro lead the way back to the hotel, the group following him.

“Yes sir, new changes are about to take place. Now…”

Stalaro waved his finger at the lit up sign above the glass, gem-encrusted building on the roof.

The sign changed from “Hazbin Hotel” to “Haven Hotel.”

“Stay tuned.” He finished with low whimpers.

#haven hotel #hazbin hotel #heavenuva boss #helliva boss #2p #2p characters #alternate universe

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kathyprior4200 · 5 years ago

Text

AU: Alastor’s Victory

Art by Kathy Prior 42

“AU Alastor’s Victory” chapters:

“Calm before the fall”

Many months after the first episode, Charlie succeeds with the hotel at first. Vaggie and Angel are able to go to Heaven. Vaggie is able to go due to her helping Charlie make demons better people, and her slowly trusting men and learning to negotiate with them instead of being violent. However, she does resort to it in self-defense and the protect Charlie and her friends. Angel stays clean for several months and demonstrates his redemption by caring for his family.

“Two unfortunate souls”

Husk and Niffty and how they got their souls bound to Alastor

“Battle of overlords”

Alastor, Husk and Niffty vs Vox, Valentino, and Velvet. Alastor uses his radio powers to free citizens from TV and brainwashing by Vox. Husk encourages people to gamble instead of being influenced by porn, which wasn’t what Charlie had in mind but it helped. Niffty speeds around Velvet, dodging her taking pictures and having a rolling on the floor catfight.

Katie and Tom report this on the news and still remark that Charlie is a failure. Her TV ratings skyrocket and she declares herself queen of media (until she is defeated by an angry Vox)

“Archangels attack”

Heaven gets mad that Charlie wants to stop the Exterminations and let sinners into Heaven. Lucifer and Michael battle again. God sends the Archangels to kill off one fourth of the population to teach Hell citizens to stay in their place. Alastor helps Vaggie, Charlie and the heroes fight the Archangels and overlords. At this point, Charlie thinks Alastor has redeemed himself and they share a dance among the battle.

“No win for sin”

Soon, enough energy was gathered for a portal to be opened to Heaven via Lucifer’s Morning Star weapon. Lucifer was surprised that Charlie had succeeded in redeeming several souls but decided to accept it, to make her happy. The demons entering Heaven get rejected and slaughtered by the angels. Vaggie, Charlie, and Angel plead to go to Heaven but are rejected as well, and barely escape with their lives. Lucifer then shakes his head and tells Charlie he was right all along, that demons don’t deserve to be redeemed. Charlie later feels doubt and despair but then Alastor encourages her to keep trying. Feeling inspired, Charlie stands up to her parents and tells them that her friends will be there to help her and that “there’s a rainbow after every storm.” She wasn’t going to give up.

“You’ve got a friend in me”

Meanwhile, Angel and Vaggie get distracted thanks to Husk and Niffty (who were influenced by Alastor). Husk encourages Angel to drink and relax, which leads to Angel flirting with him and Husk playing along in disgust. At Angel’s request, Husk pretends to be Alastor to his utter embarrassment. As Angel prepares to eagerly f*ck, he feels weak. Husk had given him a spiked strawberry. Husk knocks out Angel, his eyes red, and drags Angel off to be taken by dark tentacles into a portal.

Niffty talks to Vaggie about men and relationships. They find they have some things in common, such as wanting to keep things (Niffty) and situations (Vaggie) in order. Vaggie then tells her that Charlie will also help Husk and Niffty be candidates for redemption like Angel and herself once she negotiates with Heaven and God. Niffty’s eye suddenly turns red as she states that “(she’s) beyond help now.”) She picks up Vaggie, steals her weapon and tosses her into a flaming portal, leading to an empty room in the void. The hellhounds are tossed into fiery kennels (as Alastor doesn’t like dogs). They are eventually freed by Charlie.

“Start of the show”

It is later revealed that Alastor was glad that the demons got rejected from Heaven…not because of keeping up status and proving oneself right like Lucifer…but the fact that Charlie’s dreams came crashing down in a twist of fate. Now that Charlie’s plan had failed and he was entertained because of that, he began the next part of his plan. Getting Charlie to side with him was easy, since he was charming and persuaded her to keep trying and to not listen to her parents.

It was by this method that Alastor gave Charlie ideas on how to keep the hotel going. Charlie enters an old music studio, and falls into Alastor’s portal trap! She tries to fight off the dark spirits and tentacles surrounding her but is outnumbered. Charlie is treated as a “guest” there (no sex involved, she’s just a prisoner.) Charlie cries and realizes that he was never meant to be trusted. Alastor briefly feels bad for what he did, but the shadow windigo keeps him focused on his plan.

“Surreal deal”

An enraged Lucifer finds Charlie and Alastor once they return to Hell. Lucifer threatens to destroy Alastor but the sinister trickster holds her at harpoon-point. (Lilith was busy fighting Mimzy, Rosie, two demons on Alastor’s side whom he had sent to distract them in exchange for three hundred souls and both their businesses expanded.) Alastor makes a deal with Lucifer and Lilith to protect Charlie and keep the hotel intact in exchange for the throne and their powers.

“Nuggets, anyone?”

Alastor makes Angel eat his Fat Nuggets. Charlie wonders why Alastor didn’t kill them or her in the first place. Alastor visits Vaggie and assaults her (but doesn’t rape or kill her). Angel Dust gets tickle-tortured by black tentacles in the void, not his idea of hentai. Katie is thrown into a room with lesbian dragons while Tom is thrown into a trench. Alastor couldn’t bring himself to kill Charlie nor her friends and family…1 because they were entertaining to him and 2 Alastor was fighting against his evil shadow and briefly succeeded.

Alastor starts eating demons, killing and enjoying himself when he meets his mother. She tells him to look deep inside himself to see what he really wants in his afterlife. Alastor hugs his mother and cries.

“Search and rescue”

Charlie rescues Vaggie at the hotel first, then Angel. Niffty and Husk are also rescued after a battle, one Vaggie stabs each of them between the eyes (Alastor’s weak spot) but not too deep, reversing the spell. This leads Charlie to conclude that stabbing Alastor would either kill him or free him from his shadow.

But there was a dark price for Husk and Niffty’s total freedom, and the king and queen of hell now powerless: the dark spirits and voodoo imps could now roam free in Hell and feast on souls…just like Alastor’s shadow wanted.

“Invasion from the other side”

Alastor prepares to enter Heaven. However, Charlie manages to free Angel, Husk, Vaggie, and Niffty. With the help of Baxter and Sir. Pentious, (in exchange for a hefty portion of Hell and a new underground lab for Baxter) Egg Bois infiltrate the palace and distract Alastor long enough for Charlie and the gang to reunite with her family and close it. She fights Alastor, Mimzy and Rosie (who all sided with Alastor).

Alastor had gotten what he wanted (or more like what his shadow wanted) complete chaos and endless entertainment. But now it was up to Alastor to choose a side: save his friends and redeem himself, or give into his sadistic shadow and be a lone ruler of Hell.

Alastor frees himself from the evil windigo and becomes a temporary hero, restoring the souls to the demons and banishing the spirits away. He also apologizes to Charlie, willing to take punishment provided he has free time and doesn’t get bored. Enraged, Alastor’s shadow flings its former owner aside, preparing to merge with him and take over his mind.

Knowing the risks she would face, Charlie opens the portal to Heaven, the light causing the shadow to shrink back. To everyone’s surprise, an army of Archangels stand waiting for them! Just in time, Charlie frees her parents and transfers their powers from Alastor’s staff back to them. An intense battle begins in Heaven. With a blast of power from Alastor and an angel’s spear, the shadow is vanquished for good.

Angel is killed by the leader of the Archangels. In response, Charlie blasts the leader down to Hell. At this point, Charlie learns that not everyone can be saved…but she could do good for those who could be saved…and she would fight for the happiness of her family and all of Heaven and Hell. Angel is either reborn, turns into a human, or goes to the void.

“The end?”

God and the angels arrive and threaten to destroy all of hell. Lucifer reunites with Michael, Samael, etc. after a battle. Charlie negotiates with the angels: sinners will stay in Hell for good until they truly prove themselves. Lucifer offers to sacrifice himself to save Charlie…the ultimate punishment of going to the void. God decides that Lucifer and Lilith would be allowed to return to Heaven after suffering and making it through the other eight/nine circles of Hell to prove themselves (like Hercules). They both say “screw you” and decide to continue to rule Hell.

Alastor saves Charlie and her friends from God’s power and the remaining Archangels, since he was free from his shadow/windigo influence. (Kind of like Majin Vegeta’s sacrifice) He gives Charlie a deep kiss before dying/vanishing. He is either reborn, turns into a human, or goes to the void.

“Epilogue?”

Charlie succeeds with the hotel and she and Vaggie go to Heaven, married. Lucifer and Lilith stay in Hell to rule it, but Charlie is allowed to visit them for half the year. Charlie uses her demon and angel powers to spread cheer to both realms…and someday hopes to extend good influence to Earth and/or other worlds (which would be Vaggie’s job). Charlie becomes a gatekeeper for both worlds, teaching lessons about kindness and not judging others to both realms. Husk, Niffty, Baxter, and the others stay in Hell (doing their own thing but staying friends) for a while and once they redeemed themselves, they go to Heaven in their human forms with new memories.

#hazbin hotel theory #hazbin hotel #alastor

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