#like everything is imbued with this inherent ephemerality so I can’t get attached or feel anything too strongly | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tcotmc · 1 month

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I need to be more understanding in that it is totally normal and reasonable to really care about someone and their well-being without it being weird or like something I need to really read into and analyze and find a reason why that is evil in some way. like reading this out is crazy because that doesn’t even make sense point a to point b but it’s what I feel so viscerally if things aren’t super casual or I have feelings invested in other people that somehow is something weird or obsessive or manipulative or evil in some way. How did I even get here. No wonder I feel so strange and disconnected so often.

#I notice that many other people are way more ummm. free emotionally in relation to others. and that I have these weird locks or walls up so #much #like I think I’m pleasant enough to have a lot of friends and know a lot of people in different circles #but I also feel this sense of not belonging anywhere or like an alien among humans still #like I can’t be fully human and ensouled like others because something is off #and I think part of that is this weird refusal I have to invest feelings. if that makes any sense #but I think I feel that because I am so acutely aware of how fleeting other people’s presences feel so it almost feels kind of futile in a #way #like everything is imbued with this inherent ephemerality so I can’t get attached or feel anything too strongly #and I also always feel like I’m on some kind of precipice of inevitable rejection because well. obviously #hate 2 sound like this but when people look behind the curtain they really see nothing but a strange tangled mess of constant dysfunction #and like. yeah I kind of don’t want to expose anyone to that again. 🫶

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