#like even grabbed a notebook and wrote like 6+ pages of world and character building

[1captainjordan4]

Pb&J <3!!

[wuxian-vs-wangji]

Do you plan out the whole story before you start writing? I always have so much trouble with that kind of stuff I give up even writing before I start. What is your system like, if I can ask?

So I actually have two systems that I decide on based on how much of a plan I have. I’ll do a quick summary of them and then if you click “Keep Reading” I’ll go into more detail there (with pictures, so you’ll learn the plot of the first 2 chapters of the fic I guess).

Also, I have two planning sheets that can help people clarify their vision and plot if they have trouble with WORLD or CHARACTER building. 

If you would like a document version or printable PDF of either sheet, just DM me. I keep them in a dropbox folder and get about 20 requests for the files per week, so please do not be shy about asking if you need it!!!

System 1: Fill In As You Go

That is what this particular notebook is structured for. This is my default setting for longform fics just to help keep details clear. The “Chapters” tab lets me put a short summary of what happens in that chapter in case I need to reference something later and don’t remember which chapter to go to (This fic will probably end up being several hundred pages long typed out (it feels like a 40 chapter fic), so this is more important for longform than, say, a 6 chapter one.

I don’t fill out anything until a chapter is finished, wholly edited, and ready to be posted. I have a history of wiping out 20+ pages of my own writing because the flow doesn’t feel right, so holding back on filling stuff out until I’m ready to double-down on the material keeps me from getting confused. If you’re constantly writing and erasing large swaths you’ll forget who you’ve introduced when and what you deleted thinking you would put in later vs what has always been there.

System 2: Index Cards of DOOM

This is the most extreme system I use, and I only use it for the most complex of stories (and for Draft 2 of any originals) that must be planned extensively before writing. I first started using it for “Project Echo: Part 3″ because every even-numbered chapter takes place ### Days before a certain incident happens, and that incident in the flashback has to take place immediately before the “present” arc chapters reach the grand final battle. I had to balance the number of chapters between each arc and add details to one or the other as needed to keep the chapters dynamic. So a lot of preparation was needed.

Basically take index cards and cut them in half (or buy the small pre-cut ones). On each card write out a single detail. I highly recommend a color coding system, with different colors for ships, main story details, side story details, villain movements, and secondary characters. Do not double-up on any card, keep it to a single sentence even if you need to note multiple things happening in a single scene.

Lay out the cards and group them together by chapter. Then note at the bottom of each card which chapter you put them in, and keep them in order. Write in a notebook each bullet point (I use the same color coding system) in their new order, and keep the cards as backup in case I have to re-shuffle details.

Click “Keep Reading” for more details (and pics) of each method.

System 1: Fill In As You Go

So I posted the pic of my notebook with the tabs, but this is what it looks like when you actually open it--

For the green tabbed “Clan” sections, what is written in pink is canon details. I used the fandom wiki to fill these out so even if something is not referenced in the show, if it is mentioned in the novel it should be accurate. 

Anything written in black, meanwhile, are story details I add. Each clan has a handful of blank pages so I can add notes in black as needed.

Another area I’d like to highlight is the “Chapters” tab (I write “Details” because it is chapter details, the “Detail” tab off to the side is little worldbuilding notes like added clan capitols (also noted in each clan tab). Most details in the notebook are repeated 2-3 times so however I need to look it up later on, I will find it.

And finally, this list is cut-and-dirty. It is in whatever order the characters appear and is kind of a sloppy list before they are added to the “Chapters” or clan tabs later on (Note to self: Add Liqin to the Lan tab).

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System 2: Index Cards of DOOM

Really this is the one I thought you guys might need pictures to explain. I posted something about it a few years ago and got a TON of questions. I also want to warn you--- this looks and sounds super intimidating, but it’s actually crazy simple!!

I only keep my index cards until the series I am writing is done, so these are for my original (I mentioned “Project Echo: Part 3″ above, an Avengers fic I finished writing in 2016, so those cards were thrown out). 

Here is what the index cards look like when all the damage is done, but read the how-to before you panic!!!

OK, that looks complicated, but here is the key to reading it::

The 4 columns of marks correspond to 4 POV mains. Since the chapters rely on POVs, all the column means is that whatever the card says happened during a specific POV. The column has no other meaning.

Now for the colored markings themselves (which I know in this pic it is hard to distinguish colors but I also wrote on the card itself in that color, which is more useful than the markings at the top)::

Pink:: Aerynn POV, actions that directly move the plot along.

“Aerynn meets with Maya”

“Aerynn liaison with priestess”

Magenta:: Brionna POV

“Brionna introduced”

“Brionna slips out of labyrinth to meet someone”

Sky Blue:: Samena POV

“Samena revealed to be working for White Queen”

“Samena revealed to have Ouroborous”

Both of the above are revealed in her first chapter, so they aren’t spoilers.

Dark Blue:: Nereene POV

“Nereene receives hair combs from #########”

“Nereene attends meeting with ########”

Peach:: A character in a ship, even if what they are doing is not about the ship itself. It just means “love interest” and separates them from the secondary characters.

Pertains to Vivienne (Nereene), Emad (Nereene), and Colm (Samena)

“Colm goes to the Under Vault doors”

“Emad tortures Sorrese”

“Flashback: Vivienne and Nereene saying goodbye”

Black:: Someone planning on killing someone else (You’ll notice Column 1, Nereene, has a lot of black since she is an untouchable sociopath)

“Nereene announces plans to kill Turi”

“Caldair tries to kill Nereene”

Purple:: Secondary Character

“Sorrese introduced”

“Donia visits Nereene”

Red:: Actions against POV mains by others that impede the progress of the plot

“Caldair enacts slave purge” (forcing many of the slave characters into hiding)

“Army moved into capitol” (making missions of slave rebellion more delicate).

This is the simplest picture of all to explain::

Once you’ve got your cards figured out and in their piles, gather them together on a per-chapter basis, write the chapter number at the bottom of the card itself so you can put them in order if they’re dropped or something, and then use 2 alternating colors as you see above to unite cards of each individual chapter. 

Basically every time you see a wad of green, then a wad of pink those are cards pertaining to different chapters. Some chapters had more details noted so the wads of cards are thicker, some chapters early on especially (when they just say “introduce character” because I don’t have need-to-note plans) they are only 1-2 cards.

This is just so if you need to quickly grab the cards for, say, Chapter 10, you can count the alternating colors and pull out just the cards for Chapter 10 without having to flip through the fronts of them to the numbers you wrote.

So yeah, those are my systems. 

Usually I just write free-range. I only plan long-form fics. I don’t really have a specific cut off for what counts as a long form vs shorter fic. My longest short-form fic is 6 chapters and my shortest long-form fic is 35 (I think, I’ve rewritten the first 10 chapters of Project Echo: Part 1 a few times to adjust how it begins so I think it’s at 35 now).

Just decide for yourself if you need intense pre-planning (System 2) or if you want to let the story flows where it flows while still keeping track of details you may need to recall later on (System 1).

[backseat-negan]

|Long-Awaited Savior: Part Fourteen|

Check out previous chapters and the Masterlist

Characters: Negan (JDM) x female reader, Jovana (OC), Eugene, Daryl, Simon

Word Count: 6,368

HEADS UP: Smut, language, description of physical injuries & abuse

Chapter Summary: You learn the truth about why the Alexandrians want Negan dead. You also share an intimate night with Negan and have a painful conversation with Jovana.

Author’s note: The second-to-last chapter is finally here after a rough couple weeks for me. This has been one of the most agonizing chapters I’ve ever written. I’ll leave it at that.

PART FOURTEEN: LOVE & PAIN

After two hours in the clinic, Dr. Carson was still nowhere near finished tending to Jovana’s wounds. You sat in silence, watching her grit her teeth with closed eyes as he scrubbed her burns clean and bandaged them. The shock still hadn’t worn off. You had to keep repeating the facts to yourself over and over, attempting to make them feel real.

 Jovana is alive.

 Dwight is dead.

 A war is starting.

She had been stabbed in the side – you assumed by Dwight – and Dr. Carson believed one of the ligaments in her knee to be torn. On one hand, you wanted to allow Jovana to rest and recover from everything she had been through, but you also wanted to know exactly what happened after that ceiling collapsed in the building.

 Be patient… you’ll know soon enough.

 After another hour, Jovana was finally bandaged enough to go back to your room and rest. You walked with her, supporting her weight as she limped painfully in spite of a knee brace from Dr. Carson. Thankfully, Simon had been anxiously patrolling the area outside the clinic, so he immediately offered to help you with the daunting task of getting Jovana up the three flights of stairs to your shared room.

 When all three of you finally reached the door, Simon lingered, lightly clinging to Jovana’s hand as his eyes darted nervously over to you and back to her. She giggled softly and turned Simon’s full attention to herself with just a single finger on his cheek. After another moment of awkward hesitation, he finally dipped his head and pressed his lips desperately to hers, his fingers trailing delicately down her neck and across her collarbone. You politely turned your gaze to the floor, trying (and failing) to stifle the grin that immediately spread across your face.

 Even with the world gone to shit, love still exists.

 Simon clearing his throat brought your eyes back up, and it was impossible to ignore the flush of pink in Jovana’s cheeks, even with the burns present. He patted you on the back and murmured quietly to you.

 “Thanks for keeping an eye out for her. You let me know if you need anything, understand?”

 You nodded with a smile and thanked him before pushing the door open and helping Jovana into the room, easing her down onto her bed as gently as you could. As soon as you let go, she motioned for paper and a pen. You hurriedly grabbed a notebook from under your bed and pulled out two pens – one for her, and one for yourself. She took the notebook and flipped to a clear page and began writing.

 Did you find the knife?

 You smiled and nodded, reaching across to write your response.

 YES! You’re brilliant. So what happened?

 Which part?

 After the ceiling fell, I couldn’t see you. When the Saviors got there, they could only find Dwight and he said there were no other survivors.

 Jovana growled in anger and began writing furiously. You sat down next to her, carefully making sure not to brush against her bandages and reading as she wrote.

 I’m glad he’s dead. The only way out was upstairs. Knew a lot of people were sleeping up there. Tried to save them, but everyone was already gone. I saw Dwight carrying wires and empty gas cans out to the balcony I needed to get to. When he saw me, he attacked me – stabbed me, threw me in one of the burning rooms and barricaded the door. I couldn’t get out. The door finally burned so much that it started to crumble. I crawled out over the barricade. That’s where the burns came from. I went to the balcony and saw him going into the forest. I jumped down – hurt my knee more – and followed him. He needed to think I was dead so I didn’t go after him. He ran back to the building when the trucks showed up and I looked at everything he left there. I knew he started the fire. I left my knife there - hoping you would find it and know I was alive, know what happened – and started walking back here. I didn’t know how bad my knee was, or the stab wound or the burns… that’s why it took me so long.

 Your eyes ran over her words again and again. Dwight had tried to kill her. Even worse, he had left her for dead. He was a coward, and it was a good thing he was dead now. Jovana’s pen moved again.

 What did Eugene do?

 You sighed and pulled the notebook to your lap.

 Set everything up. They both wanted Negan dead. Negan was supposed to visit the day before the fire happened, and Dwight had the idea for the fire. Eugene got the supplies and put it all together, probably said it was for the electrical team. When he found out Negan’s plans changed, he called the whole thing off, but Dwight was pissed and did it anyway – and killed as many people as he could. He deserved to die.

 Why did they want Negan dead?

 It was a valid question, and you still didn’t know the answer. You shrugged helplessly and Jovana reached across you to write one last thing.

 Go find out.

 -

 Three days after the incident, you were grateful to discover Arat had gone back to her post outside of Maggie’s room. Gripping a bottle of water, you boldly approached the Savior keeping watch over the cells.

 “Keys, please.”

 Joey stared at you with uncertainty, a half-eaten turkey sandwich in one hand and a can of beer in the other. Rolling your eyes, you motioned to the keyring hanging off his belt.

 “Can I just grab them? I’ve got water for the Alexandrian.”

 “Which one?” Joey mumbled through a mouthful of sandwich.

 Daryl must still be down here.

 “Uh… Eugene, obviously.”

 “Boss said no food.”

 “Does water fucking sound like food to you?” you sneered, hoping your boldness would get you what you wanted instead of getting you reported to Negan. You decided to continue with the charade. “With no food, he suffers. No water? He dies. We need him alive. I’m taking the keys now.”

 Eyeing you one more time, Joey finally nodded his head, taking another bite of his sandwich. You quickly snatched the keyring from him.

 “Which cell?”

 “The smart guy’s in Room 2, just down the hall and… no, wait… the other guy’s in Room 2, the one you want is in Room 7.”

 Dipping your head in thanks, you tried to control your breathing as you stepped briskly toward the end of the hall.

 Room 5, Room 6… Room 7.

 Shoving the key into the lock, the handle turned with a bit of effort and the door fell open with a clunk. As light from the hallway flooded the room, you bit your tongue. The Alexandrian lay shaking on the concrete floor, stripped of his clothes. Dried blood covered his face and dark bruises had already shown up on his stomach, back, arms, and cheekbones. You cleared your throat and turned your face away as he scrambled to a sitting position in the corner, whimpering quietly and covering his face with his hands. Pulling the door shut behind you, you clicked on a small flashlight and held the bottle out to him.

 “Here… drink some of this, you need it. Hey! Eugene. Look at me, goddammit.”

 You almost felt sorry for the man as he continued to tremble, unable to move his hands away from his face. He jumped when you gently grasped one of his hands and pulled it away, looking into his terrified eyes. You shook your head with a sigh.

 “Look, I get it… I’d be scared too. I’m not here to hurt you though. You give me the answers to some questions I have, and I’ll let you have some water.”

 Eugene continued to eye you fearfully, so you eased yourself onto the cold floor, crossing your legs and holding the bottle out to him once more.

 “Negan doesn’t know I’m here.”

 His hand was shaking violently as he reached out and took the bottle from you. He twisted the cap off frantically and began gulping the water, downing half the bottle in a matter of seconds.

 “Hey, hey… slow down… you’ll puke it all back up, take it easy.”

 He lowered the bottle, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and turning his gaze to the ground before finally speaking.

 “I w-will do my b-best to answer any questions you m-might have.”

 “Fair enough. Big one first: why? Why did you and Dwight want Negan dead? And I don’t want bullshit – please don’t give me bullshit. I honestly want to know. You don’t seem like the killing kind of man.”

 Sniffing quietly, Eugene swallowed hard before speaking, his eyes still glued to the concrete floor.

 “Dwight and I did indeed have very different morals and codes of conduct, but we both came to the conclusion that Negan needed to be taken out of the picture. It is my personal belief that Negan is evil in its purest form. He kills people to make a point, to establish power… to control. I can say with almost full certainty that he will not be killing me any time soon. No… it is most likely he will use my transgressions as a reason to kill my friends back home. That’s his MO, his modus operandi. He’d rather kill someone close to me than kill me. It’s more painful. Negan lives to control and instill fear.”

 As Eugene went silent, you mulled his words over in your head.

 “You didn’t answer the question.”

 His tear-filled eyes jerked up to meet yours in fear, gripping the water bottle tightly as he began trembling again.

 “C-can you please repeat the question?”

 “Why? Why did you want him dead?”

 “Because I want it to stop.”

 “Want what to stop?”

 “The death, the fear, the fighting… I want it all to stop.”

 “You want the death to stop so you went and killed a bunch of innocent people?”

 “That was not supposed to happen!” Eugene shouted, his voice cracking and his face beginning to redden. “Th-that was never part of the plan. The plan was to burn down the Saviors’ residential building while Negan was asleep. Take out the boss and a good percentage of his most dedicated followers in one fell swoop. I never wanted any innocent people to get hurt… I never wanted anyone dead except Negan and the Saviors. That is where Dwight and I differed. He had become more like Negan than he realized.”

 Your eyes bore into Eugene’s until he became uncomfortable and looked away, taking a cautious sip of the water.

 “Tell me what he did.”

 “I beg your pardon?”

 “Tell me what Negan did to your people.”

 You watched his eyes dart back and forth, clearly trying to choose his next words carefully. After an extended silence, you cleared your throat, prompting him to speak.

 "Negan's arrival directly resulted in some of the worst events our group has had to endure. He bludgeoned two of our people to death, one of them a soon-to-be father and the other a best friend to many, including myself. He took Daryl with him and... well, I'm sure your aware of that situation."

 "I'm actually not," you interrupted. "Why don't you enlighten me since you've spent so many shifts down here?"

 Eugene quickly averted his eyes and swallowed hard before continuing in a quiet and monotone voice.

 "Dog food sandwiches. Routine torture. Physical beatings. The severity and frequency have increased since the fire."

 "The fire you helped start."

 "I do indeed take responsibility for my actions," Eugene defended. "I will not argue for one second that I do not belong right here in this cell, because I believe I do. But Daryl is the one paying for my mistake and that's hardly what one would consider justice. It's Negan. He hurts the ones you care about instead of hurting you."

 "What else has he done?"

 "I helped fashion a bullet that was intended for Negan, but it did not find its mark. An innocent person was shot for that. Another man tried to befriend Negan to overthrow our leader, and Negan spilled his guts - quite literally. I've heard of other incidents. The Saviors leaving a near-indestructible vehicle blasting music at full volume inside the open gates at Hilltop. It drew an admittedly impressive herd of walkers before it could be disabled. His hot iron punishments here at the Sanctuary.”

 “Hot iron punishments?”

 “Reference the scarring on Dwight’s face, if Negan wants to call someone out for breaking the rules, they get a hot iron to the face. You missed the last one while you were at the outpost. Apart from that, there was the wiping out of the entire male population of a village near-"

 "Oceanside?"

 Eugene was silent for a moment before he responded.

 "Yes, ma'am, I do believe that was their title. May I ask you something personal?"

 You regarded the pitiful man with suspicion, then nodded your head.

 "Did everyone in your camp deserve to die?"

 His question caught you off guard, and for a split second your mind flashed back to the dark shed and the chains rattling against the door. You closed your eyes, forcing yourself to leave the memory behind and focus on the few minutes you had remaining with the Alexandrian.

 "A few of them did... well, at least one of them for sure... but there were some good people there."

 "How many of Negan's men did you kill, and how many of yours did he kill?"

 You furrowed your brow, trying to recall a time you had tried so desperately to forget.

 "I don't know," you muttered, shrugging your shoulders with uncertainty. "I don't think we killed any... he probably killed about twenty? Maybe twenty-five?"

 For the first time since you entered the cell, the Alexandrian locked his eyes to yours with an unnerving intensity and spoke with conviction.

 "Alexandria has killed more than our fair share of Negan's men, there is no denying that. However, I do believe that fact is purely because we are the only ones who have had the true means to fight back and win in some way. The numbers weigh heavily in our favor if you only consider our community... but with consideration of the big picture, Negan has hardly suffered the greater loss."

 The resulting silence felt deafening as Eugene’s words hung in your ears. You tried unsuccessfully to shake off the feeling that maybe you hadn’t been able to see full truth since joining Negan at the Sanctuary. Before your mind could question anything further, you snatched the half-empty water bottle from Eugene’s hands and stood up, turning towards the door.

 “Does Negan treat you well?”

 The Alexandrian’s question caused you to pause, thoughts racing through your head.

 Of course he does… he saved me, fed me, clothed me, gave me a place and a purpose in life… he’s cared for me, held me, loved me…

 “Yes,” you replied confidently. You could hear Eugene grunt in pain as he readjusted his position on the concrete floor before speaking sadly.

 “I hope for your sake it stays that way. He used to treat me well, too.”

 You had heard enough. You twisted the knob of the door and wrenched it open, stepping out into the hallway and pulling it shut behind you, once again plunging the Alexandrian into darkness. You stood there for a moment, listening to the sound of your own breathing before regarding the set of keys in your hand and remembering Joey’s words.

 “…the other guy’s in Room 2…”

 Despite every logical bone in your body telling you to leave, you peeked around the corner to see that Joey had moved his chair to the doorway of a nearby residential room and turned the TV on to play reruns of an old 90s sitcom. Fairly certain he wouldn’t miss the keys for another few minutes, you ran silently down the hall and jammed the key into the lock of Room 2. Shoving the heavy door open with your shoulder, you immediately gagged and turned away, taking a few moments to regain your composure before turning back to the horrible sight before you.

 The man named Daryl was laying naked in the fetal position in the corner, his back facing you. The stench of feces and urine was overpowering, and you observed a nearly full bucket in the opposite corner. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from his body, unsure if his constant shaking was due to pain or to cold… or fear. Dark purple bruises marred his body, along with both scars and deep, fresh cuts. His skin was caked with dried blood and dirt, and the floor of the cell was covered in the same. It was obvious he had been whipped and beaten repeatedly – and recently. Your chest felt tight and a lump gathered in your throat as you observed blatant evidence of Negan’s rage.

 “Daryl?”

 His body jerked at the sound of your whisper, and he turned his head slightly towards you without saying a word. You quickly shut the door and clicked on your flashlight again, kneeling at Daryl’s side and whispering to him again.

 “Negan doesn’t know I’m here… sit up, I have water… please, I don’t have much time.”

 Daryl slowly pushed himself into a sitting position, still huddled against the wall in fear. With his hands now visible, you could see deep cuts and heavy scars around his wrists, the obvious results of being restrained for long periods of time. It reminded you of your own wrists after Negan rescued you from Wesley. Setting the flashlight on the floor, you twisted the cap off the water bottle and brought it to his lips. His bloodshot eyes regarded you with fear for a moment before he brought his head forward and gulped down the water with desperation. A few drops trickled down his chin as the bottle was emptied, and he dipped his chin in gratitude. You couldn’t hold back the questions any longer.

 “Why is he doing this to you?”

 Daryl remained silent, eyes fixated on the floor as his body continued to tremble. You tried again, softer and with a more pleading tone.

 “What happened? Please, Daryl… I’m trying to understand.”

 Still refusing to look at you, his trembling lips parted and he finally spoke, his voice low and hoarse.

 “I hit him. Maggie ok?”

 This is his punishment just for taking a swing at Negan?

 You took a deep breath and hesitated before responding.

 “Mostly, yeah… the baby is fine. She’s fine. They… they haven’t been feeding her real well since the fire. She’s guarded all the time though, I can’t do anything about it.”

 Daryl’s eyebrows furrowed and he brought his reddened eyes up to lock with yours.

 “What fire?”

 “Eugene and Dwight rigged one of our new outposts to burn… it was supposed to kill Negan, but the plan got thrown off. Eugene tried to call it off but Dwight did it anyway. It killed a bunch of us… I thought it killed my best friend. Would’ve killed me too if she hadn’t helped me escape.”

 His eyes flashed with anger at the mention of Dwight’s name, and you could see his jaw clenching.

 “That sonuva bitch still alive?”

 “Dwight? No… we found out it was him and he tried to attack Negan… tried to attack me… my friend killed him. He’s dead. Negan had him thrown out to the walkers.”

 Daryl’s eyes returned to the floor as he nodded with silent acknowledgement. Knowing you had just mere moments left with him, you inhaled deeply and asked your last question.

 “Why does Negan need to die?”

 You could see Daryl’s jaw repeatedly clenching again, and he finally turned his head to you, a deep fire burning within his bloodshot eyes.

 “It’s gotta stop. We’re tired of dyin’… and we’re tired of killin’ people. We don’t wanna do it no more.”

 Upon hearing distant voices, you grabbed your flashlight and ran to the door, pulling it open and whispering as you left.

 “I’m sorry for what he’s done to you.”

 Daryl called out angrily just before the door latched shut.

 “If you’re sorry then do somethin’ about it!”

 Your ears seemed to be ringing as you hurried down the hall to where Joey had been, and upon turning the corner you found him exactly as you last saw him. Sauntering up with an air of confidence, you dropped the keys into his lap and snapped, “Keep the smart one in line. Wouldn’t stop talking my ear off with all sorts of conspiracy bullshit. He might be losing it.” Joey nodded hurriedly as you marched off down the hall, not realizing you were holding your breath until you reached the stairs and finally exhaled. Tossing the empty water bottle in the trash can of a nearby room, you headed up the stairs and out into the open yard.

 You couldn’t help but notice the pool of blood that had seeped into the dirt where Dwight had been before, illuminated by the light of the full moon hanging overhead. You felt a wave of satisfaction that he had been killed, but you couldn’t fight back the rest of the conflicting thoughts swirling in your head. You walked across the yard, stopping just a few feet from the fence, listening to the snarling of the walkers and watching them twist their necks and claw the air in a morbid and timeless dance. You heard the thudding of boots approaching behind you, but kept your gaze forward.

 “What’s keeping you up, sweetheart?”

 The low rumble of Negan’s voice was both comforting and unnerving. You shrugged and sighed deeply, trying to sort through your racing thoughts.

 “Just wondering what’s next.”

 Negan chuckled and draped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you close and kissing the top of your head gently.

 “Revenge, darling. In a few days we’ll be heading to Alexandria, and we’ll teach them a lesson they’ll never be able to forget.”

 You lifted your head to look at Negan and forced a smile as you tried to make your question appear eager instead of conflicted.

 “How are we going to teach them? Please… don’t spare any details. I want to know exactly how we’re going to make them suffer.”

 Negan laughed again and threw you a surprised look.

 “Well, babygirl, I must admit… your enthusiasm is hot as fuck. My dick’s getting hard just hearing you talk like that. Then again, it does tend to be very hard in general whenever I’m around you. But I digress… we’ll be taking all three of our lovely Alexandrians with us, and they’re going to help us with a little… ‘demonstration.’”

 His dark smile made you nervous, but the lust and dominance in his voice sent chills through your entire body. You could feel unexpected warmth beginning to pool between your legs. Forcing yourself to focus, you pushed past his seductive words to address the issue at hand.

 “Let me help.”

 Negan regarded you with both surprise and pride, pausing for a moment to consider your request.

 “And exactly how would you like to help?”

 “You’re going to hurt them… that much I know for sure. I want to help… I want to hurt them too. At least let me have a go at Eugene… he’s the reason Jovana is hurt, he’s the reason so many people are dead. Give me some sort of chance to make things even.”

 Negan was silent for another moment before he slowly nodded his head and grinned.

 “Fair enough… it’s hard to say no to you, doll. Tell me what you want to do.”

 You chewed on your bottom lip for a moment in contemplation.

 “I just need a knife, a gun, and two or three bullets. I’ll manage to have some fun with that.”

 Negan chuckled once again, grasping your hand and turning you to face him.

 “As you wish, sweetheart. I know you’ll make me proud. What do you say about spending a little time together tonight? You know you can say no.”

 The fluttering of your heart and the sparks of excitement all over your body gave away your desires. You blushed deeply and tipped your head up to his, tugging at his bottom lip with your teeth and drawing him into a deep kiss. He moaned and pulled you close, his hands traveling down your back to grip your ass before giving it a playfully hard smack.

 “I want you to take me completely,” you whispered breathlessly between kisses. Negan froze and pulled away from you, eyeing you with uncertainty.

 “I told you before, I don’t want you to do it before you’re ready. I can wait as long as it takes, sweetheart, we don’t have-“

 “I’m ready and I want it now,” you interrupted, gripping his jacket tightly with both hands and smashing your lips against his with urgency.

 “Fuck, baby…” he gasped eagerly. “You don’t have to fucking tell me twice.”

 He picked you up, forcing you to wrap your legs around his waist, and walked quickly to the residential building, nipping at your neck and ear the whole way. You tried to contain your noises of pleasure, but it was impossible. You were completely overcome with passion and desire. When you finally reached his room, he fumbled hurriedly with the door handle, eventually throwing the door open and immediately slamming it shut behind you. Your heart was pounding against your chest and you could feel wetness nearly pouring out of you in anticipation.

 Negan tossed you passionately onto his bed, immediately climbing on top of you. He braced himself with his hands next to your shoulders, your tongues dancing together as he began to grind his growing erection against you. Quiet moans escaped you as his lips traveled along your jaw to your neck, sucking and nibbling deep love marks along your collarbone. You frantically reached for the bottom of your shirt, pulling it up and over your head in one ragged motion. Negan paused for a moment, staring in awe at your exposed stomach and bra. You only felt self-conscious for half a second before he whispered breathlessly.

 “My god… you’re fucking perfect, every goddamn inch of you is fucking incredible.”

 He dipped his head down, trailing his tongue across your stomach as he reached behind your back and released the hooks of your bra. His breath hitched in his throat as your breasts became exposed. Groaning heavily with desire, he sat up to pull his own shirt over his head and unzip his pants before fumbling with the zipper on your jeans, hooking his fingers in the beltloops and tugging them down over your hips. The combination of the cold air hitting your legs and the feeling of his obvious erection pressing against you sent goosebumps across your skin.

 “Take me, Negan…” you whispered desperately. “Take me now.”

 He rolled onto his back next to you in order to tug his pants and boxers off, his firm cock immediately springing forth. He turned his head to lock eyes with you, his chest heaving with gasping breaths.

 “All you do is say ‘stop’ and it’s done – it won’t go on a second longer. You have to fucking promise me, baby… I need to be able to trust you. Tell me if you don’t want it anymore.”

 As you crawled on top of him and positioned yourself above his cock, you leaned down to whisper tenderly against his ear.

 “I promise.”

 You gripped his rock-hard member with your hand and lined it up with your dripping entrance, the room absolutely silent as you hovered at the breaking point, both of you holding your breath in anticipation before Negan whispered.

 “Only if you’re ready.”

 You dropped yourself onto his cock and cried out with a loud voice, your walls stretching to accommodate his size. You pulled in gasping breaths as Negan swore through deep moans of pleasure.

 “Oh my fucking god… holy fuck, baby… do whatever the hell you want, you feel so fucking amazing…”

 As you continued to ease yourself down, his length pushing deeper and deeper inside of you, you began to slowly rock and swivel your hips. You had never heard such passionate and desperate noises come out of Negan, and both of your moans and shouts echoed against the walls of the room – and no doubt the walls of the hallway outside as well. Neither of you could be bothered to care though, and Negan’s hands slowly made their way from your ass, to your hips, to your clit. He slid his thumb against your wetness before dragging slow, clockwise circles around your swollen bud. The combination of his cock pushing deep inside you and his thumb on your clit caused you to start trembling uncontrollably.

 “That feel ok, baby?”

 “Fuck, god, yes,” you gasped breathlessly, leaning forward to plant your palms on his chest for balance. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from his lust-filled gaze. He began to lift his hips rhythmically below you, forcing his pulsing cock even deeper inside you and consequently forcing passionate moans from your lips.

 “Negan, please…” you stammered desperately.

 “Just say the word and I can stop,” he whispered through ragged breaths.

 “God no… please don’t stop. Negan… jesus fuck, don’t- goddamnit, don’t fucking stop. Holy fuck… shit… Negan, you’re gonna make-…”

 You couldn’t even finish your sentence before your orgasm hit you like a tidal wave and rushed over you, throwing sparks of electricity and mind-numbing pleasure throughout your entire body. Your hoarse screams echoed against the walls and Negan gripped your hips tightly with both hands, pushing and pulling you against his cock erratically as he groaned through clenched teeth.

 “Honey… goddamn…”

 He lifted you up and tossed you onto your back in one swift motion before straddling you and pumping his throbbing member frantically with his hand. Your screams paled in comparison to his primal roar of release as hot cum poured out of him, painting your stomach with blatant evidence of his climax. In an instant, the room was filled with nothing but the sound of your heaving breaths. Beads of sweat fell from Negan’s forehead, mingling with your own sweat already gathered on your stomach. He continued to straddle you for nearly a full minute, delicately holding his sensitive and softening member in his hand, eyes closed and chin lifted towards the ceiling.

 You hardly felt him crawl off the bed, his feet softly thudding against the floor as he made his way to the bathroom to retrieve a towel for you. The rush of adrenaline slowed, leaving you in a near-numb state of euphoria with eyelids that refused to stay open. Negan gently wiped his release from your stomach with the damp towel before wiping himself off as well. He collapsed onto the bed next to you, his hand finding yours and gripping it tight.

 “Baby, I need to talk to you about something.”

 “I’m not ready to be a wife,” you blurted out, immediately regretting your assumption that a proposal would be a part of the conversation. “I mean… every single second of this was amazing, I just don’t know if I can handle-…”

 “I love you.”

 Your entire body froze as the words spilled from his mouth. The room became uncomfortably silent and you eventually turned your head to make out the silhouette of Negan’s face staring up at the ceiling. He finally rolled onto his side to face you, tenderly stroking the back of your hand with his thumb as he pulled in a deep breath.

 “Before the fire, I… I wasn’t sure about it until your call came through on the radio for help, and all of a sudden I didn’t care if every other fucking person there was gone already, I needed you to be alive. I’d always imagined you’d be with me until we’re both old and wrinkled as fuck… I thought about that while we were driving over there, that I wanted you to be around for a damn long time and I knew if I lost you that day, it would destroy me. Life in this shitty world would suck ass without you… and I figured that has to be love, right? When just fucking thinking about living without someone makes you hurt?”

 You tried to formulate a proper sentence, even just a few words, but your mind was both blank and racing at the same time. Everything you had learned about Negan came crashing down on you, clashing with all of your feelings towards him… clashing with all the words coming out of his mouth. You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t notice Negan looking at you expectantly.

 “Sweetheart…?”

 “I didn’t have any flashbacks this time...” you stated emotionlessly. “I didn’t have any thoughts… about him… just you. You got rid of him, you…”

 “I didn’t do anything, baby,” he interrupted, pushing your hair off of your face with a gentle hand. “You’re the strong one, you’ve gotten rid of him all on your own. I mean… shit, I’m sorry… it’s just, I haven’t said those words to anyone since… for a long time. And I mean them.”

 Your ears were ringing, the weight of his words falling heavy upon you. You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to block out the images of Daryl and Eugene’s bruised and beaten bodies, of Maggie’s gaunt appearance, of Negan walking down a line of kneeling young men and shooting them at point-blank range. You could feel yourself beginning to hyperventilate as your mind tried to rectify the haunting images with the tenderness of the man currently professing his love for you.

 “Look, baby, I’m sorry I brought it up, I-…”

 “I think I love you too,” you blurted out, forcing your eyes open to lock your gaze with his. His initial look of surprise was quickly replaced by an amused grin and a soft chuckle.

 “Thank god, because this was about to get really fucking awkward.”

 You giggled before rolling over and sitting on the edge of the bed. Negan crawled behind you, tenderly massaging your shoulders while placing delicate kisses across the back of your neck. Moaning gratefully, you stretched your shoulders before standing and beginning the search for your clothes.

 “You know you can spend the night here, sweetheart, I’m not kicking you out…”

 “I know,” you sighed, “But I need to get back and check on Jovana. She hasn’t been sleeping very much and I don’t want her to have to be alone.”

 “But you’re ok with me being alone, I fucking see how it is…”

 You glanced back at Negan to see him grinning mischievously and running his tongue across his bottom lip. You couldn’t help but smile as you walked back to him, running your fingers through his hair and studying his handsome features.

 “The thought of living without you hurts me, too,” you whispered, dropping a soft kiss to his forehead and tasting the saltiness of his drying sweat on your lips. “And that’s how I know it’s love.”

 Negan planted a deep kiss on the back of your hand before smiling up at you.

 “Go get some rest, sweetheart… tomorrow we’re going to Alexandria.”

 -

 Your emotions hit you full-force on your walk back to your room. Tears poured relentlessly from your burning eyes as you tried to sort through your thoughts.

 I actually love him. Shit, shit, shit… everything is complicated now…

 Your bootsteps rang out on the metal stairs leading up to the fourth floor.

 But do I actually love him if I don’t love all of him? His gentle side is easy to love, but… how can I bring myself to love his brutal side too?

 Finally pushing your room door open with exhaustion, you saw Jovana gingerly sit up in bed and regard you with concern. You wiped the tears from your cheeks with the palm of your hand as Jovana motioned to her own cheek.

 Why are you crying?

 You couldn’t help but surrender to your emotions as you collapsed onto Jovana’s bed next to her, burying your face in her shoulder and letting ragged sobs pour forth as she wrapped her arms around you.

 “I can’t do it, but I know I have to… I have to do it, it’s the only way…” you cried against her, knowing she wouldn’t hear the words. It was more of a confession to yourself than anything else. Jovana finally reached for the nearby paper and pens and set the notebook on your lap.

 What happened?

 I slept with Negan.

 Did he hurt you??

 No no no… he said he loves me.

 Holy shit. Is that a good thing?

 Yes and no… I realized I love him too, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

 Doesn’t make what easier?

 I found out why everyone wants Negan dead.

 Jovana froze and looked at you, her brow deeply furrowed with concern. After a few moments of hesitation, she finally reached out to write.

 Why?

 Your tears flowed in rivers down your cheeks as you told her everything – how he was treating all the Alexandrians here, the people he had killed back at Alexandria, the dozens of men and boys he had murdered at Oceanside and your old camp, the iron punishments he carried out here at the Sanctuary. As you wrote, Jovana’s face became deeply etched with sadness and confliction. When you finished, she swallowed hard before responding.

 So now what? What do we do?

 Your hand trembled violently as your brought the tip of the pen to the paper, the room beginning to blur and spin around you as you admitted what you had been trying to deny for days.

 We have to end it.

 I have to kill Negan.

Previous Chapter

Fuck. Now do you see why this chapter has taken me so long to write?? Typing that last line was so painful.

Tagging those who have requested to be and those who have inspired me to write. If you would like to be added OR removed, just shoot me a message. Love you all more than you can possibly fathom. Tumblr is sucking ass with tags today so I’m hoping these work....

@livetoseetheworld  @theonethatgotaway213   @thefelinemedia78  @genevievedarcygranger  @genevievedarcygrangerwriting  @ali-pennell  @blumenkind72  @jmackie1983  @jenn0755  @beltz2016  @ibelongtonegan  @xandythelazyunicorn  @negans-network  @negans-dirty-girl  @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash  @ladylorelitany  @wickednerdery  @vizhi0n  @death2thevirgin  @autumnjade22  @womderland-fandom @thedeadwalks  @monicapernas  @my-achilles--heel @ericuhlorain  @marvelmaximoff  @hellainternet  @totallysupernaturaloneshots @alisajo5576  @isayweallgetdrunk @babystarwitch  @jasoncrouse  @wadeyourebarelyalive  @negan--is--god @small-town-wayward-daughter  @malmaldude  @haleyea  @ohmyneganimagination-twd  @ilovemistahj  @kerij77  @evansrogerskitten  @clinicalkayla @odetteviolet  @deepsouth @miiraal  @negandarylsatisfaction  @prettyepiic  @baked-potatoes  @you-just-got-jacknifed @jessie-cake1994-blog  @batjoker12  @riisten  @jdmfanfiction  @nothin-after-79  @neganfictions  @blondielovesr5-blog  @magical-spit  @warriorqueen1991  @court666  @opportunisticlullaby @almostinwonderland  @harry-titss  @cass-xxo @kazosa @jackythemoo @missnegandixon @mwesterfeld1985 @kaitlynnratliff02 @londoncapsule @i-am-negan-trash @kellyn1604 @alyisdead @stress-and-obsess  @collette04  @elinyaes @toomuchpaintocome @badsongwinchester @neganswinchesters

[lovingnikiforov]

Trying this again (evidently I discovered a keyboard shortcut for posting earlier...fun). Tagged by @bandaged-chessmaster, thanks Annie!!

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

Ahh, I’m super melodramatic and I had a different AO3 account that some people (read as, my parents) found so I went: “no one will find this because I’m…..writing from the shadows.”

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos)

Bookmarks-  Equivalent Exchange (144) Subscriptions- Equivalent Exchange (303) Hits-  Illustrations of Lying (6560) Kudos-  don’t you ever tame your demons (511)

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

I wanted something that had a degree of personalization without actually being me in the icon so this is great because I’m also a black woman (and she’s hiding her face so it fits the melodrama I got going on).

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

!!! I have so many amazing commenters who I see on most of my fics (and yes I do remember your usernames). I’m actually working on an appreciation list for @ficwritersweek next week so stay posted!

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

My all-time favorite fic is a HP fic called Cunning and Ambition. The writers went through and rewrote the first five HP books with Harry in Slytherin house. It’s technically unfinished because they didn’t write all seven books but….it’s so fucking good.

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

So many jfc. Can’t believe I have to count this and AO3 won’t tell me….I’m subscribed to 48 stories. I have 434 bookmarked.

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

Mafia Boss!Dazai…but is it really an AU or am I just predicting the future?

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

Subscriptions: 113 Bookmarked: 816

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

🤔🤔 nope. 10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

Replying to comments!! I generally don’t reply because I never know what to say and then I feel bad bc people are so nice to me rip

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

Popular ships. Across the…6 or 7 (?) fandoms I’ve written for I think I’ve only ended up writing for a rarepair once. No that’s a lie, I just remembered I decided to pick up every single rarepair in one fandom and write for them all but that’s a long story.

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

Across 2 AO3 accounts and fics I’ve orphaned….probably somewhere around 50.

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

In general...idk somewhere in the hundreds. In just my fic folder 56.

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

Write them down. I have story ideas just floating between so many notebooks it’s a mess.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

Once upon a time in an old fandom like 3 years ago.

16. How did you discover AO3?

I actually joined when it was first getting popular and the waiting list was intense. The buzz tugged me over there.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

In an old fandom, yes. In all the others, lol no. In yoi, no. In bsd......popular.

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

Ahh, I just say ‘my readers’.

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

No. I started writing fic before I had any idea what was going on.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

Find a support group! Or a support person. Someone (or a group of someones) who you can bounce your ideas off of or can beta your fic and generally be encouraging. Writing is intimidating so finding people to help you get through it is key!

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

Depends on the story. IoL and dyetyd were originally plotted out to the chapter but dyetyd decided it didn’t like that so I was changing things constantly. For Equivalent Exchange, I have a basic outline of ‘intro, rising action, climax, resolution’. And where your loyalties lie is just doing whatever the fuck it wants.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

Way back in the day. I probably cried. 

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

Fluff. My brain is hardwired to make my character suffer. Also smut is hard for me, it takes like 6x longer than the rest of the story to write.

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

Equivalent Exchange- viktuuri magic/fantasy!au where your loyalties lie- soukoku yakuza/arranged marriage!au Rent a (boy)Friend- phichuuri fake dating!au

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

Sometimes. If an idea just grabs my by my face and says ‘you have to write me’ I might start planning immediately.

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

1k a day! 

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

Absolutely. The difference between my first fics and what I’ve written for bsd are night and day. Even within my bsd fics the difference between my earlier ones and newest ones are fairly stark.

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

on cliff’s edge- It was fun! I wrote it as a stress reliever whenever I got stuck on dyetyd and I’m pleased with how it turned out.

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

Hmmm, I have stories I think I could have done better with but I won’t call anyone of them least favorites.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

Hopefully my novel will be done by then.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

Building intrigue. I’m really good at holding back information to the point where I have to go back and write in reveals sometimes because I’ll just instinctively skip them lol.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Pacing. Making sure the plot and the characters are developing at a natural speed and that nothing feels rushed unnecessarily and nothing drags.

33. Why do you write?

Writing is 100% my passion, I could go on and on for days about how much I love to write. Being able to create people and their motivations and then weave an entire world around them is just so....mind-blowing, I can’t even articulate it.

Tagging: @aizawashoutah @goddamnitdazai @itsclowreedsfault and @fy-soukoku. Apologies if you’ve already been tagged! Unless you didn’t do it, in which case I take back my apology.

[horrorhouse]

Because @sarcasmsuitsme posted it, I had to grab...

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up. (Spotify; no iTunes) "America's Sweetheart" by Elle King; "Babe" by Lily Rose Depp & Harley Quinn Smith; "I Can't Go For That" by the bird and the bee; "Written In The Water" by Gin Wigmore; "I Don't Like Mondays" by The Boomtown Rats; "When We Were Young" by Adele 2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Mel Brooks - I think he's a comedy genius. 3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. "if he were grabbing for a fly in the air. Harper knew that one." 4) What do you think about most? The future. 5) Ever had a poem or song written about you? I don't know if it was written about me specifically, but I Googled my name and found a Harry Potter fanfic where one of the characters had my name and seemed strangely like me but I don't know who wrote it. 6) Do you have any strange phobias? I'm arachnaphobic. Pretty common. 7) What's your religion? I was baptised Methodist but I don't go to any specific church. I believe in God, I pray, I read my Bible. I consider myself a Christian but I think organized religion is too corrupt and greedy. I'm an ordained Dudeist priest also, but that's something more social and therapeutic to me. 8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Trying to get from point A to point B. 9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? The Beatles 10) What was the last lie you told? Telling someone I felt fine when I wasn't. 11) Do you believe in karma? Absolutely. 12) What does your URL mean? pennydreadful was already taken so I use dreadfulpenny as a play on words. Penny dreadful is a reference to British Victorian horror/suspense literature. 13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? I think my greatest weakness and my greatest strength are the same - I'm blunt. Sometimes that can be a good thing, sometimes that comes back to bite me in the butt. 14) Who is your celebrity crush? Jared Padalecki. 15) How do you vent your anger? I write. I listen to music. Sometimes I vent to my boyfriend if he's not the reason I'm angry. 16) Do you have a collection of anything? Funko Pop figures. 17) Are you happy with the person you've become? There are some things I'd like to change but overall, I'm satisfied with who I am. 18) What's a sound you hate; sound you love? The sound of fingers scraping against a balloon; the sound of my boyfriend's voice. 19) What's your biggest "what if"? What if I never cross everything off my bucket list? 20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I definitely believe in ghosts but I don't believe in aliens. 21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. Right arm - Fidget cube. Left arm - Cell phone. 22) Smell the air. What do you smell? A little smoke and clean cotton scent. I'm burning a candle. 23) What's the worst place you have ever been to? I went camping with my boyfriend once. When he goes camping, it's a mild step above "roughing it". There was a porta-bathroom and there was a building with showers (with spiders and centipedes - uck!) but other than that, I spent the weekend in unbearable heat, in an uncomfortable tent. When I was outside, I was bitten by mosquitos AND horse flies. It was the worst! 24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender? Adam Levine from Maroon 5 25) To you, what is the meaning of life? To try to make every generation of humanity better than the last. We've had some advancements and some slip-ups, but I think we're thriving. 26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? I've driven before and come close to crashing but thankfully, no. 27) What was the last movie you saw? "National Lampoon's European Vacation" - I watched it on TV last night. As far as new movies, "Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2". 28) What's the worst injury you've ever had? I guess having my gallbladder removed through emergency surgery since that's the only time I've ever needed surgery. 29) Do you have any obsessions right now? It's back-to-school time and that means all the school supplies are out. I usually buy a lot of pens, markers, notebooks, pencils because I prefer to have physical copies of anything I write rather than typing it out on a computer (at least until I need to submit something). 30) Ever had a rumor spread about you? Yeah. That's all I'll say about it. 31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Depends on how deeply they hurt me. 32) What is your astrological sign? Pisces 33) What's the last thing you purchased? I just bought a t-shirt for someone for Christmas (I started my shopping early this year.) 34) Love or lust? Love. 35) In a relationship? Yep. Have been for 11 years. 36) How many relationships have you had? I've had tons of relationships. If we're talking romantic relationships, I've had at least 30 or 35 guys who've been my "boyfriend" at some point in my life. I've only been intimate with maybe 10 of them. 37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? There really isn't a secret weapon. Just be yourself. 38) Where is your best friend? I have more than 1 best friend. My best male friend is at work. My best female friend is in Indiana. 39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Usually talking with my boyfriend. 40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Yeah, I'd say so. 41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? I keep walking to work and call someone who might be able to help. 42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? a) I would tell certain people, yes. b) I'd just live my life without any regrets. c) Of course I'd be afraid. 43) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? "9 to 5 (Morning Train)" by Sheena Easton - It's an inside joke thing. 44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Trust, honesty, being with someone who makes you laugh who you have a lot of common interests. 45) How can I win your heart? I fell in love with John because he's smart and funny, but he doesn't talk down to me just because he might know something that I don't. I once dated a guy who said I wasn't smart enough for him because I couldn't read Sanskrit and he could. 46) Can insanity bring on more creativity? In some cases it does. 47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? I quit my job because it was affecting my sanity. I'm not happy with our financial situation right now, but I'm in a better place mentally and my boyfriend is incredibly understanding. 48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? Obviously my full name, date of birth, date of death and then maybe something - I could be a smartass and put the line from "Ghostbusters 2" - "Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I'll be back." 49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "heart." What about love? 50) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors? TARDIS blue (Pantone 2955 C) 51) What is your current desktop picture? It’s the house sigils from Game of Thrones forming the word COEXIST. 52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? Kathy Griffin 53) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on? I'm an honest person so I don't know what circumstance that would come up. 54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Telekinesis 55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? My first date with John. 56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? The years of abused I faced as a child. 57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? Brad Mates from Emerson Drive. 58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Dublin, Ireland. 59) Ever been on a plane? Yes. 60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities. Jared Padalecki; Mark Ryder; Jason Momoa; Jeffrey Dean Morgan; Brock O'Hurn

[tanmath3-blog]

I’m going to start this interview off a little differently by using an excerpt from his new book. Please welcome R. Patrick Gates to Roadie Notes…..

  One fine day in the middle of the night,

Two dead boys got up to fight.

Back to back they faced each other,

Drew their swords and shot each other.

A deaf policeman heard the noise,

And came and killed the two dead boys.…

The empty airwaves of the mind…

Welcome to TunnelVision – the premium channel streaming from the imagination of R. Patrick Gates to you!

What happens when you lose sight of the forest for the trees?

TunnelVision!

Wilbur Clayton has a personal connection with Jesus – Murder! Abused for most of his life, Wilbur and Jesus are out to make amends and take revenge. With Grandma in his head and Jesus on the TunnelVision, Wilbur knows what must be done and who must be made to pay for the sins of the father…

The only thing standing in his way are a cop with a gift for details and deduction, and a young genius whose reenactments of his favorite books are about to become all too real.

TunnelVision – streaming seven days a week, 24 hours a day!

On the air and in your nightmares!

      1. How old were you when you wrote your first story?

I was seven years old. Every Monday afternoon I had to go to catechism class after school. Leading up to Christmas that year, catechism had a story writing contest. The story had to be about Christmas and its true meaning. I wrote a story about a drug addict who’s addicted to LSD (shows how much I knew about drugs at seven years old) who takes acid and experiences the Nativity and sees God, basically. Afterwards, he finds out that the pusher who sold him the acid was really selling placebos – just sugar pills. I won first place, and the prize was, I think, my very own rosary.

2. How many books have you written?

At present count, I have written 10 adult horror novels (FEAR, GRIMM MEMORIALS, GRIMM REAPINGS, TUNNELVISION, DEATHWALKER,JUMPERS,THE PRISON, ‘VADERS, NOWHERETOHIDE, and SAVAGE), seven young adult horror/mystery novels, of which four (MYSTERY HILL, GUARDIANS, GHOSTLAND and CANDY STRIPES) have been published so far in the U.S.– all were originally published only in Germany and in the German language; the rest will be coming out this year and next in the U.S. In the works is a collection of my poetry and short stories (called DARK STREETS & FUNNY BONES) plus sequels to at least four of my novels. I’m also working on a very long fantasy novel, THE SECRET WAR, you know, the kind that appeals to children ages 8 to 80. I have also produced two children’s picture books. The first, ROLLERCOASTER WORLD, I wrote with my son when he was seven years old (he’s 27 now). We had gone to an amusement park and afterwards riding home he had mused aloud, “I wonder what it would be like if the whole world was made up of roller coasters.” It was just such a great idea I couldn’t forget it. We created the book and self-published it, and gave it as Christmas presents for several years to my son’s cousins. Then a couple of years ago, around Halloween, I was talking with my step-grandkids about how much they loved Halloween, and we came up with the idea of, HALLOWEEN WORLD, and created a book which we self-published and gave as gifts. We are now working on anotherWORLD book entitled, NINJA WORLD. All of my books, including the children’s picture books, are available as Kindle editions at Amazon. The original paperback editions of all my adult novels (except SAVAGE) are available from Amazon and most on-line bookstores, and everything else is exclusively on Amazon Kindle. Handmade editions of the children’s books are available, and can be ordered through my Facebook page by leaving me a post or a personal message at Facebook/R. Patrick Gates.

3. Is there anything you won’t write about?

No, I don’t think there is. I’ve written in just about every genre there is (I’ve been working on a romance novel for several years) and there is no subject that I would find taboo. Of course I would never glorify despicable behavior even while I try to make such a character sympathetic.

4.Tell me about you.

I have been a published author since 1989; and have been writing since I was a boy. Very early on I was labeled a ‘splatter-punk’ writer which is a style of horror generally credited to Clive Barker. I took great offense at that because I was writing what they called ‘splatter’ (graphic horror) long before Barker ever came along. If I’m not mistaken I was one the very first to push the limits of horror by injecting ultra-realistic gore, sex, and violence into my stories. Now, I am 62 years old. I was a middle school language arts teacher for 20 years, and a college Creative Writing Professor for 11 years. I presently work part-time as a Standardized Patient Examiner at UMASS Medical School, which entails teaching medical students how to communicate better with patients. I’m also a Bob Dylan tribute performer on guitar and harmonica. I’ve been in numerous musical groups since I was a teenager, and I’ve written close to one hundred songs that have never seen publication or recording, but hopefully that will change in the near future.

5. What’s your favorite book that you have written?

My favorite book is my most recent one, SAVAGE. It was the hardest book I ever wrote because it reflected a personal tragedy in my life, and was very cathartic for me. A very close second, however, are, GRIMM MEMORIALS, and its sequel, GRIMM REAPINGS, and my novel, THE PRISON.

6. Who or what inspired you to write?

So many people and books/writers. My mom, my sister, Mary; a teacher, Mrs. Risley, and just about every writer I’ve ever read, but most of all Edgar Allen Poe. My mom was probably my biggest inspiration, and the biggest reason I ended up writing horror. I grew up in a haunted house, my mother was psychic and discovered the place was haunted, like the second day after we moved in. She personally exorcised the house and got rid of the ghost, or at least got it to stop scaring her. I grew up hearing this story many, many times. I also had many experiences – ghostly experiences – in that house, as did my son. Also, when I was a boy I was an avid reader, and I was in the habit of acting out the books I read. When I was 12, I was very much into the books of Mark Twain, and after reading Tom Sawyer and then Huckleberry Finn, I convinced my little brother and his best friend to sneak out of the house at midnight to go dig for buried treasure in a cemetery. Then we were going to build a raft and sail it down the polluted Nashua River and have adventures. My mother caught us trying to sneak out (she thought I was the ghost come back) and when I told her what I was doing she suggested that instead of acting out my fantasies I write them down like the authors that I loved to read. I had been dabbling in writing before that (like with the short story for catechism class) but I’d never really considered writing something as substantial as a novel. That same year, the day after Christmas, I was in a terrible sledding accident and suffered a severe head injury/concussion. I had partial amnesia for three days, but the event changed me—made me more creative and, I think, smarter. It also gave me an extraordinary memory.Early on in my life my sister, Mary, inspired me by buying me my first book when I was, I believe, five years old. She was 10 years older than I was and when I was born she became like my second mother. She taught me to read when I was three years old. By the time I was starting school I was reading books at the fifth, sixth grade level. She bought me the collected works of Edgar Allen Poe, a large tome that I still have. I read that book voraciously. I remember now I hardly understood half of what I read, and had to have a dictionary nearby at all times, but it was the style and the tone and the mood that grabbed me. Then when I was in high school I had a teacher, Mrs. Risley, who inspired me further. Every Friday she would display a surrealistic or abstract painting at the front of the room, put on some weird electronic or Indian music, and tell us to write about what we saw in the painting. Man, I just ate that up! It was the greatest writing exercise I have ever had!

7. What do you like to do for fun?

My wife and I like to hike, play tennis, dance, ski, and hang out with our grandkids. I play the guitar and perform as a Dylan tribute artist, and also paint and sculpt. I love movies and going to the movies.

8. Any traditions you do when you finish a book?

No.

9. Where do you write?

I generally write in my home office, but I usually take a notebook with me, like to work, or if I’m going out and I think I might have free time on a long drive, say. I write in the notebook whenever I can. I’m a constant and prolific note writer, and I write all my stuff in longhand to start with, and then transcribe it into the computer. I like to have the tv on in the background—creates a white noise effect—and usually only listen to music when I’m painting.

10. Is there anything you would change about your writing?

Yes, I would make it more lucrative and popular! I’m rewriting nearly all of my novels as they are being republished – some more so than others. I find that with some of my earlier works, they need editing, so I’m glad that I have the chance to do that. Like with, TUNNELVISION, I did a lot of polishing and editing. Most of my novels were written before the advent of cell phones and smart phones and handheld devices so I’ve tried to update and work those things in to make them more current.

11. What is your dream? Famous writer?

I’ve never had a desire to be famous, though I have always wanted to be able to make enough money from my writing to support myself. My dream is to work with my son, who is a director trained at Cal Arts, to turn all of my novels into movies or TV miniseries. We are presently in the screenplay writing stage for a couple. All we need is financial backing.

12. Where do you live?

I live in Massachusetts.

13. Pets?

Two dogs, Polly and Sad-Eyed Sadie of the Low Lands.

14. What’s your favorite thing about writing?

My first love, and first choice for a career, was acting. Second was music, third was art, and fourth was writing. As I got older, in high school and college,I realized that if you really want to be successful as an actor, you have to live in either New York or Los Angeles – or at least a major city, not the sticks of north-central Massachusetts where I lived and still do. I didn’t have the confidence, or the courage I guess, to move and pursue acting. But then, I realized that a writer IS an actor because you have to become your characters in order to make them believable. I generally act out all of the scenes and dialogue in my books, even if only in my head. I think the best way to describe how I feel about writing is that I agree with what Dorothy Parker once said: “I hate writing, but I love having written.” I love the idea that someone I don’t know and have never met is reading a story that I created. I think that’s pretty cool.

15. What is coming next?

I presently have many irons in the fire. I’m rewriting the second book in the TUNNELVISION trilogy, DEATHWALKER, getting it ready for republication from Bloodshot Books, and writing the third, a new one,AND LITTLE LAMBS EAT IVY. I’m also working on the third book in my, GRIMM MEMROIALSsaga and working on readying all my other novels for reprint as I mentioned earlier. I’m working on a rewrite and sequel of my first novel,FEAR (to be renamed QUARRY), a sequel to my science fiction novel. ‘VADERS, and something new for me, a strictly fantasy novel entitled, THE SECRET WAR and a comedic romance called, HEY TEACH! I’ve also been working on a mainstream, slice of life novel entitled, GROWING OLD.

    You can connect with R. Patrick Gates here: 

website/pages, rpatrickgates.com,

Amazon/R. Patrick Gates,

Facebook/R. Patrick Gates.

    Some of R. Patrick Gates books: 

  Getting personal with R. Patrick Gates I'm going to start this interview off a little differently by using an excerpt from his new book.