#like eg. yedams

[cersworld]

scene ¹⁹

y/n has had just about enough with the general public and their inability to keep their thoughts and opinions to themselves. park jisung likes to think he's living his best life, which he kind of is. park sunghoon likes to portray himself as someone calm and collected, someone who has their life together; he likes to pretend he’s everything he's not. luckily, sim jaeyun seems to be with him every step of the way.

WARNINGS: swearing, mild violence, stereotyping, queer characters, emotional vacancy (she can't express her emotions well, outwardly), jay is definitely presented as the bad guy so be warned, a lot of feels, identity crises (not really?), inappropriate jokes (sexual and worrying *cough* eg. ED/binging, alexithymia *cough*), etc.

taglist: @prettysung @polarisjisung

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it seems it wasn’t meant to be. and so, another chapter of life comes to an end.

life goes on and winter turns to spring and then summer. snow melts and the wind changes along with the people they know.

while you and jisung hadn’t really ended on good terms – with you walking away without an explanation and him staring on. you were still kind of sad, even though you wished he had just been honest with you. because everyone’s always a little scared, aren’t they? so maybe you kind of wished he called or texted or something, even though you had him, and his friends, blocked on every platform. and maybe you wanted him to approach you, even though you turned your back to him every time you caught a glimpse of his figure. but everyone craved for something he couldn’t have so maybe you hoped that you’d meet him sometime in the future and reconnect.

without even realising it, you had kept your friends in the dark about what had gone down, so you had come back to find that during the peak and epic downfall of your relationship, isa and hyeongjun had managed to create a whole fashion brand from scratch – one that you had ended up agreeing to model for after a lot of coercion (why they wanted you, you will never know). yedam dropped a new single (a sappy love song), sat his finals months early and went on tour. (of course, yedam doesn’t count because he’s always been like that, the overachiever.) erika pursued her education career as soon as she was able to, making her way to teacher status at record speed and in turn become insanely busy.

but benjamin stayed the same. and maybe you take comfort in that fact. there’s comfort in the way he always styles his hair the same, always takes the seat in front of you at the table and never talks. sometimes you think you should be worried for him. for the way he cautiously looks around himself wherever he goes, the way he refuses to go out and the way he just looks away whenever anyone tries to get him to speak.

you have thought about it a few times; what if he’s mute? maybe he doesn���t speak english. but his name’s benjamin… and then you think, oh well, because, does it really matter? because he still interlaces his fingers with yours whenever you space out, and he still shares his food with hyeongjun when the boy forgets his own, and he (occasionally) even smiles or laughs along with the group. and maybe he even goes on midnight snack runs with you, but no one needs to know that except the two of you.

and you’re not really sure why you’ve let the new kid in on something that you’re childhood friends don’t even know of but you like to think it’s because you’ve changed too, because everyone does. you put yourself out there and auditioned for a show you found interesting, you put yourself out there and started modelling for your friends, you put yourself out there because why not?

and so, the seasons changed and so did everything else. as summer hit its peak, graduation came and went along with the people. You had unblocked jisung’s number, hoping that he would try to call again and he did, but when the time came to pick up, your body wouldn’t move. but it listened. your heart listened as the boy left a message, starting off by congratulating you for getting into your dream university – how he had remembered that was beyond you because you had only spoken of your dreams when the boy had been high on sleep, leaning on your shoulder on the bus ride home – and ending it with the three cursed words that made your heart drop and eyes dampen because you knew he didn’t mean it the way you would.

so maybe you cried on graduation day. and maybe you cried again when you heard a ding and picked up your phone to find a long message from benjamin. benjamin, who had only bothered to send one or two word replies to you, had suddenly sent you a paragraph’s worth of words. a small part of you warmed at that – well, until you read the text.

you had tried to call the boy only five minutes after he’d sent the message but were met with the dial tone and an automated voice that wasn’t sunghoon’s telling you he couldn’t come to the phone and telling you to. so yes, you admit to crying over that.

and so, you lost two important people that day. not jisung, but yourself, knowing that he would probably pick up if you ever called – and sunghoon, because you knew he wouldn’t.

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[yedumb]

My url is a lie~🍒

:otbh mine is also a lie if u think about it cuz bang yedam is a whole Intellectual™