#like dude let me breath i have zoom fatigue i am not in a state where i can have a meaningful discussion with you

[ankylosaurusthesaurus]

my brother’s falling down the alt right pipeline and i actually don’t know how to handle it. because i know responding with anger and disgust will just drive him further down that road, but it’s so hard to control my anger when out of nowhere, with no warning, he starts arguing with me over how women are not actually oppressed

[gryffindorcls]

Chat For a Day:  Chapter 2

I’m Gonna Kill Him

Adrien woke up thirty minutes before his alarm was set to go off.  He tried to go back to sleep, but the knowledge of what his day had in store made him vibrate with excitement.  He felt extremely awake.

Much to Plagg’s chagrin, Adrien sat up mulling over his plan.  Everything was ready.  Last night, Adrien spent hours looking up new puns and jokes.  Before going to bed, he had messed with his hair in the bathroom mirror to find the perfect balance between his usual style and Chat Noir’s.  Even his clothes were laid out on the couch.  He found it amazing (and a little sad) how effortless his personality shone through when he was transformed and how difficult it was to execute in his civilian form.  Nonetheless, he was ready.

“Kid,” Plagg grumbled, “go back to sleep.  It’s too early for all this nonsense.”

“I’m already up, Plagg,” Adrien responded, “Besides, you’re just going to sleep in my bag all day.”

“It’s not the same as the bed and you know it!” the Kwami shouted as Adrien shut the door to the bathroom.

As Adrien got ready for the day, he could feel a slowly building nervousness settling in his gut.  After showering, he pulled on a pair of black jeans, a white t-shirt, and a black overshirt.  He carefully styled his hair and sprayed it into place with plenty of product.  Once he was satisfied with his look, he slipped on a pair of bright green converses and sauntered out of the bathroom.

“So, how do I look?” Adrien asked hesitantly.

“You look like you should have already gotten me some cheese,” Plagg said crossing his arms.

Adrien glared at his Kwami.  “Plagg!”

The tiny being scoffed.  “Ugh, fine.  You look like you, Adrien.  I don’t know why you’re trying so hard.”

“I just want to get this right.”

“Isn’t the whole point of today for you to have fun?”

“I want to look the part.  I want to be authentic.”

Plagg threw his hands into the air.  “You are Chat Noir!”

“Yeah, but everyone else doesn’t know that,” Adrien responded with a snarky tone.

“Whatever, kid.  Just let loose and be yourself.”

“I’m trying!”

Plagg flew away and landed on Adrien’s desk.  “Today is definitely going to be an interesting day,” he grumbled.

Adrien walked over to his Kwami.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’ll see,” Plagg teased.

“Well, that’s annoyingly vague.” Adrien rolled his eyes.

“I am thousands of years old.  I don’t need to be clear.”

“It doesn’t matter.  We need to go.  Could you get in my bag?”

“Is there cheese in there?”

“Yes.”

Plagg zoomed into the bag without responding.  Adrien gathered his belongings and walked out the door.  He was ready for this.

***

Marinette was NOT ready for this.  She spent most of the previous night panicking amidst Tikki’s pleas for her to go to bed.  Sleep evaded her almost the entire night.  While laying under her comforter, she played out hundreds of scenarios in her mind.  After sleeping for about four hours, Marinette woke up frazzled, nervous, and bleary-eyed.

“Tikki,” she groaned, “I think I’m dying.”

“Oh, Marinette,” her Kwami sighed, “You’re not dying.  Just come home and take a nap during your lunch break.”

Marinette yawned.  “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”

Tikki flew over to her chosen and patted her comfortingly on the cheek.  Marinette’s eyes suddenly grew wide.

“Except I can’t come back here!” she exclaimed, “I have to talk to ADRIEN.  Why did I let Chat talk me into this?”

“You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do,” Tikki stated.

“No, that’s not it.  I WANT to do this.  Do you know how badly I just want to be normal around Adrien?  It’s going to take a miracle though.”

Tikki turned her head and mumbled, “Yeah, be careful what you wish for.”

Marinette gave her Kwami a confused look.  “What?”

“Nothing, Marinette,” Tikki brushed it off, “Let’s just try to have a good day.”

The teen squinted. “O...kay.”

Marinette walked over to her mirror and attempted to smooth out her bedhead.  She applied some eyeliner and a pop of lipgloss.

She then opened her closet and scanned her choices.  As an aspiring designer, Marinette knew how the right clothes could give you a much-needed confidence boost.  She decided to channel her inner Ladybug and put on a red, knee-length dress.  She paired it with black leggings and black flats.  She looked in the mirror and took a deep breath.

“You can do this,” she thought to herself, “You are Ladybug.  You just need to be YOURSELF.”

“You look great, Marinette,” Tikki broke through the silence, “but you should really get going because if you wait any longer…”

“You’re going to be late!  It’s time to go to school!” a distant third voice cut off the Kwami.

Marinette looked at the time on her phone and gasped.

“Oh, no!  Not again!” she exclaimed.

Tikki zoomed into her purse.  She then picked up her belongings and bounded down the stairs.  Finally, she grabbed a pastry without stopping and ran through the door.

***

Adrien opened the car door and stepped out.  He took a deep breath, stood up straight, and walked up the stairs leading into the school’s courtyard.  He saw Alya and Nino engrossed in conversation.  They didn’t notice him...yet.

“Here goes nothing,” he thought.

Adrien quietly padded up behind them and said, “Good morning, fantastic friends!  I hope you two are feline good today.”

Alya squealed and Nino jumped almost a foot into the air.

“What the freak, dude!” Nino glared at his best friend, “Where did you come from!  And, bro, we talked about the puns!”

After taking a moment to compose herself, Alya cocked her head to the side and asked, “Are you method acting right now?”

“Am I what?” It was Adrien’s turn to be confused.

She squinted at him.  “Is there another Ladybug and Chat Noir movie coming out or something?”

“No,” he replied.

“Then what’s with the getup and the puns?  Are you trying to channel your inner Chat Noir today, Agreste?”

“No, I’m just trying to be myself.”

“What are you talking about?  You’re never like this.”  Alya gestured to all of Adrien.

“Actually, babe,” Nino said clearing his throat, “He does this sometimes.  I’ve heard him attempt probably some of the worst puns on the planet.  Seriously, sometimes I question whether he’s Chat Noir’s long lost twin brother or something.”

Adrien chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.  He offered Alya a toothy smile.

“Uh huh,” Alya scrutinized, “That still doesn’t explain the outfit, sunshine.  Do you have a photo shoot today?”

“No,” Adrien grinned, “I wanted to try something mew.  I for one think it looks paw-sitively purrrr-fect.”

“Dude.” Nino’s hands rested on his temples as he shook his head.

“You know what,” Alya put her hand on Adrien’s shoulder, “Whatever makes you happy.  I think this is one of the first times I’ve seen you with a genuine smile.”

“Really?” Adrien asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, bro,” Nino chimed in, “The puns may make me groan, but it is nice to see you looking happy.”

Adrien beamed and put his arms around Nino and Alya’s shoulders.

“Thanks, you guys,” he said with joyful tears prickling the corners of his eyes.

Suddenly, Adrien felt himself being ripped away from the tender moment with his friends and into the tight grasp of something unwanted.  He looked up and saw Chole dragging him across the courtyard.

“Adrikins!” she shouted in his ear causing him to wince, “What an interesting look today!  Ugh...I just had to get you away from those losers.”

Adrien planted his feet firmly on the ground causing the snobby blonde to stop in her tracks.  He then proceeded to remove her hands from his arm and take a step away from her.

Once he deemed there was a healthy distance between them, he stated, “Actually, Chloe.  Alya and Nino are my friends, and I would appreciate it if you stopped saying hurtful things to them.”

Chloe looked stunned.  She tried to speak, but the only sound she made was an offended huff.

“Also,” Adrien continued, “I really don’t want you hanging on me like that anymore.  It kind of makes me uncomfortable.”

“Adrikins,” Chloe choked out while shaking her head, “I don’t understand.”

“Okay,” Adrien rolled his eyes, “Allow me to clarify.  Please respect my personal space and my friends.  Being polite and considerate never goes out of style.”

Before letting her respond, he bowed, turned on his heel, and walked away.  Upon returning to Alya and Nino, he was met with disbelieving stares and gaping mouths.

“What?” Adrien questioned.

“Dude,” Nino responded, “that was...wow.”

“Wow is right, sunshine!” Alya noted, “I didn’t know you had it in you!”

Not wanting to dwell on the past few minutes, Adrien quickly changed the subject.  “Come on.  Let’s get to class.”

Nino and Alya looked at each other and shrugged.  The trio then walked up the stairs and into their first classroom for the day.

***

Marinette ran into the classroom with five minutes to spare.  She rushed to her seat without greeting anyone, flopped facedown onto the desk, and groaned loudly.  She was exhausted.

“Girl, what happened?” Alya asked with concern lacing her voice.

Without lifting her head, Marinette mumbled into the desk, “I barely slept last night.”

“Is something bothering you, Princess?” she heard a voice say through her fatigued haze.

It took a moment for her brain to process what was happening.  

“There is only one person in Paris who’s called me ‘Princess’ before,” she thought.

Marinette looked up and squinted.  Her eyes hadn’t yet adjusted to the bright lights of the classroom.  The sight before her was still a little blurry.  She could just make out a mop of blond hair and a glint of green.

“No…” she whispered, “it’s too early for this.”

The blond mop turned it’s head to the side.  “Too early for what?”

She rubbed her eyes and focused on the person in front of her.  Her eyes turned into saucers when she realized who she was talking to.

“ADRIEN!” she panicked, “Morning is good...I mean...it’s morning...I MEAN YOU’RE MORNING….I MEAN...ugh nevermind.”

Marinette slammed her head back on the table and groaned.

Adrien chuckled, “Cat got your tongue, Princess?”

She slowly raised her head again and looked at the boy in front of her.

Without a hint of nervousness in her voice, she stated, “That’s what I thought you called me.”

“Well, at the risk of sounding too fur-ward, it only seems proper to address someone as paw-sitively purr-ty as you with a fitting title,” Adrien remarked with a smirk.

“Holy…” Alya murmured.

“Dude,” Nino bumped Adrien’s shoulder.

Marinette squinted...hard.  She knew her mouth was agape, but she didn’t bother to close it.  She was too busy trying to solve the jumbled Rubix Cube in her brain.  Surely she was hallucinating.  It was just a trick her sleepless brain was playing on her...right?  

Then, it hit her like a wrecking ball on drywall.

“Oh my God,” she said breathlessly.

“Marinette,” Adrien gasped with worry starting to pool in his eyes, “are you okay?  You look a little pale.”

She took a deep breath and looked at Alya...who was recording with her phone.  Her best friend had documented the entire thing.  Marinette decided that she couldn’t deal with this right now.  She needed a moment.

“If you’ll excuse me,” she said to her friends with the steadiest voice she could muster, “I’m not feeling very good.  I’ll be right back.”

As Marinette stood to leave, Adrien got up, as well.  

“Please, let me help you,” he offered.

Marinette held up her hand to stop him.  “No, no.  You stay here.  Please, you need to stay here.  I just need a second.  I’ll be right back.”

“Are you sure?” he asked gently.

She nodded her head quickly.  “Yes, I’ll be back.”  

She turned on her heel and walked briskly out the door.  She passed Miss Bustier as she walked through the threshold.

“Marinette!” her teacher exclaimed worriedly, “Class is about to start.  Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry, Miss Bustier,” Marinette responded, “I’m not feeling too well at the moment.  I was just going to go to the restroom for a minute.  I’ll be right back.”

“Okay, but let me know if you need to go to the nurse.”

“I will!  Thank you!”

Marinette sprinted to the bathroom.  She slammed the door behind her and scooted into a stall.

“Tikki,” she whispered loudly once the door was locked, “I know something I don’t think I’m supposed to know.”

“Oh, Marinette,” her Kwami said with remorseful eyes.

“Did you know?” she asked hurriedly, “Did you know that Adrien is Chat Noir?”

Tikki hung her head low.  “Yes, I did.  I’m sorry, Marinette.”

“So it’s true.”

“Yes, Adrien is Chat Noir.”

“Adrien is Chat Noir,” Marinette repeated.

Tikki flew up to her chosen’s face.  “Yes, I believe we’ve already established that.”

“No, Tikki,” Marinette stared blankly at the stall door, “Adrien isn’t just Chat Noir.  No, no, no.  This means that Chat Noir is Adrien.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

“No, it’s not.  Because now this means that Adrien is one of my best friends and my trusted partner.  And this also means that...oh God...I’m in love with Chat Noir.”

“That is technically true.”

“That stupid cat is never going to let me live this down.  He knows I have a crush on him.  I told him last night!  One day when we have a house and three kids he’s going to look at me and say, ‘See, didn’t I tell you that one day you would wake up and realize that it’s me you’ve been in love with all along.  Look how great everything turned out’.”

“I’m sure he’ll treat you nicely once he knows.”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong.  I know he’ll treat me like royalty.  I mean, did you see that set up he had on that roof?  There were candles and rose petals...BUT that doesn’t mean he’s not going to tease me for the rest of my life.  And...OHMYGOD, TIKKI.  DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?”

“Marinette, you’re spiraling.”

She ignored her Kwami and continued.  “This means that freaking ally cat ACTUALLY voiced his own alter-ego in a movie.  Was he even trying to keep this a secret?”

Tikki put her paw on her chosen’s cheek.  “Marinette, calm down.  It’s okay.”

“I’m gonna kill him, Tikki.”

“No, Marinette!”

Marinette turned her head to the side and pursed her lips.  “You’re right.  I can’t do that.”

The red Kwami tapped Marinette on the nose in an attempt to get her attention.  The red-faced teen finally looked up.

“Are you going to tell him the truth?” Tikki asked firmly.

Marinette rolled her eyes.  “Yeah, of course, I’m going to tell him.”

“You won’t have trouble talking to him about it?”

“It’s Chat Noir.  Why would I have trouble talking to him?”

“Because it’s Adrien.”

“Who just so happens to be Chat Noir.  

Her Kwami offered her a sympathetic look.

Marinette huffed.  “Look, I’m compartmentalizing right now.  You should be proud.  I’ll freak out about it being Adrien later.”

Tikki smiled.  “So, you’re going to tell him?”

“Oh, yeah.  I’ll tell him today,” Marinette shot Tikki a mischevious grin, “but I’m gonna mess with him first.”

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