#like deep down i am still catholic I've left behind what the church preaches and internalized what believing in god is for me
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#am i in the wrong for feeling uncomfortable when talking to my very christian friends about how devoted they are to their religion#when i feel like all the christian religion has done to me is hurt me?#like arguments here and there that were birthed by christianity that directly harm my existence#I've been told by my own father that christianity calls all queer people abominations of life that's it not fucking natural#I've been told by priests that i should behave a certain way otherwise it would be my ruination#all my fucking life christianity has been used to make me submit to this ideal woman i should be#and it's made me hate it so fucking deeply#like deep down i am still catholic I've left behind what the church preaches and internalized what believing in god is for me#but i do not want to know what the christian church be that whatever christian church wants to say#i don't have to enjoy the fact that my friend goes to practice her faith at a place that wants be dead should i?#am i just projecting my anger? my hurt?#i feel angry when she tells me what she did at church and then i feel. guilty bc why am i like that#but then i try to convince myself that it's okay that it's valid for me to feel mad bc of how much pain the church has cost me#but I'm still so unsure idk how to feel and it upsets me when i feel things that i shouldn't when i should be happy for her#i wish i could talk to anyone about this ngl
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