#like damn dude! it's almost like men CAN get pregnant and there IS a lot of men who choose to get pregnant !

[dedusmuln]

yeah you support trans people but are you normal about trans men who choose to get pregnant

[rslashtriadmom]

HE'S Pregnant

NOTE: now THIS is where things get mildly complicated in our story. This is the beginning of Lover Boy (transgender man)'s pregnancy arc. I understand that pregnancy in the trans community is a ~complicated~ topic, so I want to warn those who have mixed feelings about the topic ahead of time so nobody's taken by surprise. Thank you, and I hope y'all enjoy!

Originally posted to r/breakingmom on November 11, 2024

emotional rollercoaster 🎢

UPDATE: Holy shit; THANK YOU ALL for your advice/support/etc! I'm on my lunch break so this is the first time I've had a chance to check in and y'all surprised the holy fuck out of me (in a fabulous way) :O I'll try and answer as many questions/reply to as many of y'all as I can whilst I still have the time. I promise I'll keep you updated regardless. Thank you all again <3

Polyamory is being Stinky and I need to get it off my chest, so I'm just posting this here, ugh.

WARNING; this got to be hella long, I apologize. TW for STI mention and transgender pregnancy (trans men carrying babies is a touchy topic to some so figured I'd cover that base just in case) and discussion of abortion.

For context, my fella (26M) myself (26F) and our (trans) lifelong best friend Lover Boy(25) (our goofy nickname for him as a joke to bust his chops) have had a FWB kind of situation off and for almost five years now. It started as a buzzed hookup between us, but we decided to make it a regular thing. We paused the arrangement when he met a guy he liked and wanted to pursue a monogamous relationship. A few months ago, after a real bastard of a breakup, Fella, myself and Lover Boy decided we'd attempt a triad Honestly, even before the FWB arrangement, we've always been tight, so other than changing Lover Boys's title from best friend to boyfriend, nothing's really changed. Three(?) months in, things are pretty damn good. We love each other and we make a good team.

The dude he was seeing before we became a triad had given Lover Boy crabs after cheating on him. He got put on meds for it, it cleared up no problemo, life was good.

From what we've been able to gather, one of them caused some kind of clash with his birth control (yes, it's possible to be on the pill and testosterone) that basically rendered it null.

Lover Boy'd had been feeling weird for a month-ish, but he thought it was 'pre-election panic' so he didn't really pay it mind. From what he says, he saw a blurb about Project 25 and Roe v Wade and it 'started messing with his head', and he did some poking around and realized a lot of what he's been feeling are semi-common signs of pregnancy. He was still kind of in denial/self-gaslighting, so he took a test to 'shut his stupid ass brain up.

Welp. It came back ~positive~. Lover Boy thought it it was a fuckup on the test's part, so he went to the Dr and got a blood and piss test. Both positive. If the math is correct, he and Fella probably conceived the first time we all had sex after we'd gotten (back?) together. Ironically, our daughter (biologically Fella's and mine) was conceived the first time we had sex. What are the odds, eh?

So Lover Boy's been sitting on this since then in a blind panic. He only just confessed Saturday night. He's a wreck, he doesn't know what to do, he's so fucking ashamed of himself. The last bit breaks my heart - Fella's feeling the same way because he's not a dipshit that pins the blame on the vagina person when he didn't use a condom.

Until a few months ago, Fella and I were unsure about having another kid together. We were kiiinda on the 'if it happens it happens' boat; I'm also on the pill, but shit happens. Daughter's always been a fairly easy kid compared to others, but she still had/has her own set of challenges (autism). That being said, if some kind of miracle happens and Fella and were to be given the opportunity to adopt, we'd probably be significantly more open to it.

Lover Boy? He would love to have a bio kid, but he didn't think it would be possible as a queer transgender man in a boondocky, rural-ish town (where he doesn't/didn't have a wide selection to choose from in terms of partners, ESPECIALLY a good partner that would also make a good parent). Before we got together, Lover Boy crowned himself our daughter's godfather (bless him). Before her, he was confident he'd be childfree; then, 'the little booger (affectionately) rolled up and altered my brain chemistry'. They're incredibly close. He's another parental figure to her. We were all in silent agreement that any bio kids of Lover Boy's would be daughter's siblings, haha.

That being said, again, we never thought we'd become a triad until months ago; thus, we'd never thought about/discussed possibly having a kid together. So this is what the cool kids would call a 'doozy'.

I'm not angry with Lover Boy or Fella. I love them both, and they're both taking responsibility for their roles. If anything, they're having a pissing match of sorts because they're both hell bent that they're the guilty party and not the other. They've also been falling all over themselves apologizing to ME. They're both insane.

Lover Boy's a mess. He admits he DOES want this baby, but he has it in his big dumb head that he's going to ruin Fella and I's relationship, destroy our family, etc etc etc. Fella and I have been telling him that the decision to keep the pregnancy is his choice and his choice alone. That we're standing by him no matter what, and that we're all going to be okay.

Me? I'm here for Lover Boy regardless. I accept whatever he chooses. I love him just as much as Fella and I want him to do what is best for him regardless. But...I'd be lying if I said the thought of us having a second child as a triad isn't growing on me. Maybe I'm foolish for being open to this, especially after this fucking mess of an election, but iI can't help myself. That being said, I'm not going to get fucked up if he chooses to abort. I'm not gonna be sad or resentful or take shit personally. Should he choose to keep the pregnancy, however, I'll be happy. Which is something I never would have imagined in a thousand years.

I'll keep folks posted if there's anyone interested. At the moment, Lover Boy's still unsure as to what to do, so if y'all could send him good vibes, that'd be lovely. Thanks for reading <3

[37-children-of-the-dreams]

I'm here at university at 3rd grade, and I feel so much discomfort from the fact that I dont work now, cause I'm too tired from my studying and everything, but dudes from my group working almost everyone, and no, it's not because they have no money, it's because they earn them to make drunk parties. And I feel a bit even ashamed of myself that I dont do same, but I dont want to, and have no time, but they have, and it looks unreal. Also, almost everyone are married and are 21 and under, like 19-21, and some even already have children. But more I look at it, more I'm like nope nope nope, better return to my toy collections. And there was situation with economy teacher, that one who's scammer, when two dudes were playing married couple cause he made them to, he didn't gave them max grades cause they didn't had children (it wasn't in task) and even if they didn't wanted one, woman will have child because otherwise husband will run away and child keeps husband with her. But damn, we all now it doesn't work... And then he said yeah, and said that men doesn't feel anything towards their family, and gave task to calculate how many money we own for our parents and so he said to have a lot of children and starve because they would suck all money out of you. And he didn't said it for us to understand what our parents did to us, but to understand that you need to save up money for children who we'll get even if we dont want to... I really mostly feel depressed from him that feel ok. And these girls who have no money and had children and ended up studying half way and wont graduate... Damn that feels off. Even one girl here looking at all this came to conclusion of founding someone for night only to get pregnant....

I also have a friend in medical college, they're in religious medical college where everything like in stories of evil catholical orphanages, like exacly same, maybe even worse. I mean, they arent paid, and coming to Asylums and deal with people who lost their minds and behaves like wild animals or something.

Anon, I am in my fifth year of college and I have spiraled a ton of times wonder if I can even have a purpose in life. It’s hard, but I want to see things end and watch myself actually graduate. I know it’s hard and you’re probably going to get jealous of people who are only wanting money to get drunk and throw parties, but funnel that jealousy into something else like you want your toys? Go find a way and a reason to make money to get the coolest toys that only you care about, it’s on your happiness that should mean thing to you. I know, I’m trying to find money to get some tickets to Europe one day and that’s what’s fueling me to try and graduate college.

As for having relationships and families that young? Not everyone is the same, some people are well off to get married and have a family at that age, I know because I’ve seen that before in my small town. There’s families who can make their own families because they’re well off, and they’re still in college or something because they want to get a degree or certificate to make more money. Also, remember, some people wait to get married because they’re not ready due to financial problems or other issues, so keep that thought of not having a family or marriage in your mind. No one should just get married because they think they’re clock is ticking. I mean, do you really wanna rush into a relationship that might end up souring and leaving you with a broken heart? No. You’re fine anon, just be single until you’re financially stable. That or something else that makes relationships easy for people.

Also, sorry about that professor, just wait for the police, it’s the best you can do for now. Like, I understand if a teacher was trying to help their students have a real world situation in marriage, families and finances, but that doesn’t sound like he was teaching them things. Sounds almost like he wants to project himself into a fantasy that he’d want to live in, but also make people feel powerless. Your class sounds like a downward spiral at this point, are you even okay? Like that ain’t normal.

As for your friend in the religious medical college, yeah, you two might want to just hang out with each other for one day to just rant about your problems, go places that are calming or fun, and eat some good food. Mostly because while that can be historically true in some areas, the fact is that your friend probably needs time away from them because they’re making their college life sound depressing. Like, I though insane asylums were abolished in many places around the world, but I guess someone missed a spot.

[nekropsii]

I return again! No takes come to mind for me to share in return that wouldn’t involve just sending the entire post in question, so… This will just be a lightning round of things I’ve received and responses to them!! Putting it under a cut because there’s a lot of text here.

Content Warning: Long. More Haterism, too.

Oh, wow, this sucks. I love how this totally skips over the Trolls’ abject confusion over the concept of Family, the fact that Troll/Troll Familial Relationships were considered novel due to being Beyond the Quadrants (Signless & Dolorosa are the biggest example of this), and the fact that we get Quadrants explained to us thoroughly and Moiraillegience is called “Pale ROMANCE”. Hahaha. This is pure, unfiltered illiteracy.

NAH... THIS IS DIABOLICAL. You CANNOT be diagnosing an ACTIVE CHILD PREDATOR with P-OCD!! That is SO not right!! That is NOT how that works!! That is EXPLICITLY not what that means!!

This is so egregiously mask off it's almost funny... You kinda have to laugh, because otherwise you'll cry. Who's gonna break it to them that Bi Men are MLM? Because "MLM" is a blanket term. It doesn't mean "Strictly Homosexual" - it's "Men Loving Men", not "Men Loving ONLY Men". If you're a man who loves men, then it doesn't matter if you're sex repulsed, or romance repulsed, or if you also like women, or computers, or if you yourself are a girl sometimes or whatever the fuck. you're included. It's a fucking blanket term. Attempting to exclude Bi people from "MLM" or "WLW" makes you look like a tool and a fool. LMFAO.

I was about to go off on a whole rant about how every damn label in "LGBTQIA+" is a blanket term, and how attempting to draw hard lines between who can and cannot use whatever label makes you kind of a cop, but that's not really the place for this, so... Just know it was there. Feel the specter of it.

Putting these two together because they seem to be about the same damn post. Man, the Homestuck fandom just really loves to victim blame, it seems. It is not a child's duty to fix up the act of their parents. It is the parents' job to not be abusive. I really hope the implication that Rose is the cause of Mom's Alcoholism is a fault of the simplification and not an actual fucking point they made. If so, then... Jesus Christ. Do people still think Bro was actually employing any irony in his actions? That man was dead serious. It's so explicit that Dave was calling Bro's horseshit "Ironic" as a Self Defense Mechanism, because he wasn't safe enough or ready to unpack the trauma he was going through yet. It is so explicit. And yet... And yet.

Man, they don't even get periods. I know "Genetic Material" is kind of vague, and implies they can use almost anything, but Trolls literally do not get periods, I'm pretty sure.

They are bugs, and they do not sexually reproduce in mammalian way. Why the hell would they be free-bleeding into a bucket to reproduce when the presence of that bleeding inherently implies that they can just, like, fuck a guy and get pregnant that way? Realistically, what would be the point of going through all these hoops of filling an entire, like, 3 gallon bucket full of bodily fluids with your partner, giving it to some big scary executioner dude who might kill you, and that big scary executioner dude then carting it off to some giant fucked up bug creature and shoveling it into her somehow, if Trolls could just conceive on their own?

Like, yeah, "Genetic Material" can be anything from the body that has genes in it. This is most bodily fluids. You could puke in that bucket. You could pee into it. You could slice your arm open and bleed into it. You could spit into it a lot, which people have already tried in real life. So, like... Why period blood specifically, when this species objectively would not menstruate? Why period blood specifically, when that would take A LOT of time? It doesn't just all come out at once like a shotgun blast. It's not like you can just turn a spigot and it'll all come flowing out in the span of 5 minutes. What?

Look, let's be realistic, I think we all know "Genetic Material" mostly just meant a whole lot of cum. That's how 99% of people took it. Get with the program.

?? Where are they getting their information, at the Lies Store? What comic did they read??

You literally do not have to make up lies to say Cronus sucks. There's already so much there. What were they muddying the waters like that for??

Hilarious to call Tavros "The Worst Character in Homestuck" when Cronus exists. And how the hell is she a chaser? BOOO.

UPDATE: It has come to my attention that the "Tavros is a Chaser" take was a joke made in response to Transmisogynistic Harassment via some very bigoted Tavros Fans. I have a post on it here. Give it a read!

No, trust me, it does. You had to be there. It was a very long post doing a, um... "Deep Analysis" of Eridan's character.

I hate to get so personal here, but it was terribly written. It was long, yes - impressively so - but "long" doesn't necessarily mean "good". It was full of such groundbreaking takes as "Eridan was the least Hemoloyal Highblood", "It's not bigoted to say slurs", "Eridan wasn't actually Genocidal", and "Eridan/EriKar is the most Thematically Relevant, Narratively Important Character/Relationship in the entire comic, and the only reason this isn't actually true is because Hussie sabotaged the comic and made it bad on purpose. The original plan for the comic - which I know for a fact somehow - revived Eridan and gave him a Redemption Arc and the only reason Hussie's ever said they hate Eridan is because they're playing coy and saving face. Source? Trust Me Bro."

There were incorrect citations, missing citations, a lot of very deeply conspiratorial thinking and very far reaches, there was a deliberate misquote in there to help bolster their point that had the page cited so you could SEE the misquote with your own eyes, and in this deep, thorough analysis of Eridan's entire character and how it relates to the comic, they, um... Threw out... Most of the later comic as being noncanonical for the aforementioned reasons of apparent "deliberate sabotage" despite there being Eridan appearances well past the point they set, and literally never once acknowledged the most important thing Eridan ever did. You know. Destroying the Matriorb. In a deep, thorough character analysis on Eridan and his plot relevance... They never once brought up the Matriorb. Not only was that him literally committing a Genocide, the thing the essay insists he'd never actually do, but it's an event in the comic that has one of the most clear, most thoroughly explored consequences. The destruction of the Matriorb was tragedy of fantastic fucking magnitude, and it's never even mentioned! How!! They never bring up the Matriorb in an essay directly concerned with Eridan's narrative and thematic relevance!! They don't even really bring up his age as a defending point for him! How!!!!!

Not good. Honestly, it all just seemed like mad cope. We're all prone to mad cope at times, but, like... This is crazy. The blatant disregard for text, and reality, and how bigotry operates, and tone, and time, and also the literal fucking Matriorb, I cannot stress enough how much the literal Matriorb didn't get mentioned even once... Man. What...

I am not linking the post, because that just feels like... Really bad form. I don't want this person to get harassed or anything, I don't even really want them to see all this, which is why I'm not fuckin' @'ing them or hitting up their DMs or anything, I'm just saying that I really do not agree with their takes and that the essay was super poorly constructed. It was kinda nuclear levels bad. Sorry not sorry.

Mituna doesn't have any memory loss. Like, point blank. We are never shown or told anything that could even point to the direction of Mituna suffering memory loss. The most there is is him not remembering if he's God Tiered, which, like... Doesn't really count for anything, to me at least. We've seen how the Dream Bubbles work, and how long they've been there, and the fact that none of them have had literally any use for their God Tier powers in the Bubbles. And the fact that Hussie likely just didn't know whether or not to confirm if he was God Tiered. Which, fair - it doesn't add much to his character either way, now, does it? He canonically remembers the Great Act of Heroism, for example, which everyone claims he doesn't even though we're told he does up front. He just struggles with communication.

If you believe Cronus to any extent, you will be killed by the stomping hooves of one million horses. Because the theory that Cronus and Mituna were "buddies" comes from Cronus saying that to Mituna, like, in the middle of assaulting him, to try to manipulate him. Because he does that. He's an abuser. Trying to minimize assault and harassment by pushing the idea that you're friends, or lovers, or spouses, or family, or whatever is a completely normal, very common abuse tactic. That's called manipulation. We see him transparently manipulating people on screen more than once. He even does it to Meenah! And it works!!

I love how this ignores the fact that Nepeta is very obviously the one who is the most in charge in that relationship. Yeah, the beginnings of it was kinda rocky and definitely more unhealthy, but that felt like Hussie ironing out what Moirallegience really meant and looked like to me. When their relationship was more solidified, Nepeta was the one who was reeling Equius in, not the other way around. She absolutely DID NOT lack autonomy.

What are the worst takes y'all have seen. I'm curious.

If I post 'em, I can anonymize them for you.

[meetmymouth]

ooh I think #7 and #17 from the blurb list would fit very well together! if you want!

THANK YOU LINDS <3<3

prompt list here, send a number!!

#7 If we both want to fit, we’ll have to cuddle

#17 Sleeping in the same bed for the first time

THIS IS 3K IM SORRY I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF SO PLEASE REBLOG LMAOOOOOO!!!!!

"This is my room," comes a gruff voice behind you as you keep looking out the window, taking in the greenery and the beautiful ocean.

See, you knew he would be here.

You knew, because Harry and Mitch were attached at the hip, and you didn't mind. You didn't mind seeing your ex every time you were invited to hang out with MitchandSarah & co, except when said ex decided to be an evil arsehole.

Perhaps, calling him an "ex" was weird, seeing how your time alone only consisted of you both getting high, mostly naked as he whispered the filthiest things in your ear and promised to make you feel good, be the best you've ever had. Other than that, though, he was an insufferable bastard. Since you never hung out with the man without your friends around–getting rat-arsed and high... and the activities that followed aside–, you didn't know if he was always this annoying.

He seemed to be getting along just fine with the others, especially Sarah and the other girls, so you had no problems scratching off the "women hater" off your list. And you can't ever recall him being this insufferable while you both were fucking which was, in his case, miserable. So, it was definitely annoying. You weren't that interested in him to think that he was being mean because he was secretly in love with you. That was a myth, a pathetic myth, wasn't it? No, you wouldn't steep that low. He was just an arse, full stop.

You turn around with an eye-roll, and within seeing his face, you nearly clench your fists like a ten-year-old. "Do you live here?" You ask, hoping the boring expression on your face is also detectable in your tone.

It's certainly not a surprise when Harry scoffs.

"I don't, but I picked this room first. Since, you know," he looks around, and walks further into the room, finally stopping at the feet of the bed. "You were late. As per."

"Oh fuck off. This isn't summer camp. Besides, I don't see any of your shit around. The room was empty when I arrived."

"If you bothered to look inside the wardrobe..."

Seriously, you find yourself thinking, how the fuck did you ever end up with this man. Naked.

There's a commotion downstairs, so you both turn to the door, but much to your dismay, there's no one coming to check up on you and hopefully, save you from Harry Styles' pathetic gob.

You turn towards the window again, eyes squinting briefly at the last bits of sunshine that's glinting from between the branches.

"Well. You shouldn't have left then. You weren't here when I arrived."

Harry shakes his head, and you swear you can see his nostrils flaring if you look carefully. Though, you just watch him with a smug smile on your face as he walks to the wardrobe and pulls open the white doors. True to his word, his clothes are there, perfectly folded, and for a moment you feel a pang of guilt before you look back up at his face and see the furrowed eyebrows.

"See. My clothes. I'm sure Sarah will sort it out for you, find you another room or summat."

"There's only three bedrooms. Can't sleep with a pregnant woman and her boyfriend, can I?"

"What about Rachel and David? Aren't you best friend's with her?"

"Harry, you're ridiculous. Just–" you wipe the sweat off of your forehead, feeling yourself grow hotter and hotter each passing minute. "–just sleep on the sofa. This is my first vacation this year. You go on holidays every week or so. Let us commoners have this."

"Oh, please. Didn't you have a girls weekend getaway or whatever the fuck in Soho Farmhouse two weeks ago?"

You can't help the scoff that leaves your mouth, and a raised eyebrow follows. "How do you know about that?"

"Because," he rolls his eyes, and slams the wardrobe shut. "You post seven hundred stories every day."

"You're a stalker."

"You sleep on the sofa."

You smirk, noticing how he avoided your previous statement.

To be fair, you hated posting on your story. Though, knowing Harry followed you on Instagram made posting on there fun, and seeing his username on the list of who watched your stories pop up at the very top every single time whenever you posted a story almost made you let out a mingy little laugh and rub your hands together, and scream "gotcha!".

"I won't."

"You're getting on my nerves."

"What a coincidence," you ignore the stare he's sending your way and walk towards your carry on, and start taking the contents out one by one, laying everything on the bed.

He watches with a scowl on his face, arms crossed across his chest, and a satisfied smile paints your features as you take out the toiletries bag next.

"Are you seriously unpacking right now?" Harry cranes his neck so he can see better. He looks ridiculous, standing in the middle of the room with arms crossed, but you refrain from saying anything.

In fact, you don't even answer him. Perhaps, you find yourself thinking, it was silly to unpack your underwear first. It wasn't as if you brought super "sexy" shit or lace everything. You can definitely feel his gaze watching your every movement as you take everything out carefully and place them on top of each other. With most of your underwear in hand, you get on one knee in front of the bedside table and open the drawer, placing everything inside and it's surprising how he hasn't claimed the bedside table yet.

"Look," he sighs. "I'll talk to Sarah, maybe you can sleep with her and Mitch–"

"–don't be stupid we're not making them sleep with other people because you can't be a gentleman and sleep on the sofa."

"Oh for fuck's sake," he growls, and you finally look at him, eyebrows raised in hopes of making him feel as stupid as he sounds right now. Unfortunately, though, he continues, "Okay, damn it, I'll sleep on the floor."

Fool.

"Common sense, Harry. Always pick sofa. No matter what."

"Were you born to make my life a living hell?"

"Look," you sit on the bed, and look around. "This is boring me to death. I'm sleeping on the bed. If you shut your gob, you can sleep with me on the bed."

Harry lets out an obnoxious laugh. "Just admit I was here first and you didn't bother checking the–"

"Yes, I didn't and what about it? I'm here now, aren't I? I'm on the bed, babes. Anyway," you get on your feet, and with one last look at him, you start walking towards the door. "I'll see you in a bit. I guess."

You both manage to avoid each other as much as you can throughout the day, and really, it wasn't that hard considering the good company of your friends, good food and good alcohol. You mainly helped Sarah and Rachel in the kitchen as the men lounged on the sun loungers, Mitch handling the grill and David helping you guys with the drinks that came in and out of the house pretty quickly with the way you lot consumed them like water.

You spend the night eating, laughing and drinking, sometimes singing along to whatever song played on David's fancy Bluetooth speaker, and everyone begins ushering inside with full bellies and most of them–except the very pregnant Sarah–with a tipsy smile on their faces.

You leave before Harry though, leaving him smoking his last cigarette by the pool while you run up the stairs and into the room, closing the door behind you. You quickly get rid of the romper and get your favourite pyjamas on, eyes searching for the orange makeup bag so you can take off the remaining makeup before bed. You knew it was silly not to do your night routine, but you still zip the bag closed with a sad expression on your face, not wanting to see your toner and night cream any more than you needed to as you throw it on the floor next to your bags. It's pathetic really, how determined you are to get in the bed before Harry can that you forego your whole routine and stick to some cotton pads. Though, plugging your charger and getting between the cool sheets make you forget all about it as you let out a sigh, and unlock your phone to do your nightly scroll before falling asleep.

As you double tap on a selfie, the door opens, and you hear him scoff, again. You keep scrolling though, and try to sneak a few glances at him as he makes a beeline for the wardrobe, and to your surprise, begins to undress. You try to stay calm, and not to think about how domestic this whole thing seems; being in the same room as him as he gets ready for bed.

Right, getting ready for bed.

You keep your eyes on your phone as his clothes hit the floor one by one, and when you look up briefly, he's got a pair of joggers on, and he's throwing the clothes he had on in the wardrobe.

He turns around, and find your gaze, and he rolls his eyes.

"I knew you'd be in bed, here, as soon as I heard someone running. Forgot you were a literal five-year-old," he mutters under his breath, loud enough so you can still hear him. "I'm not sleeping on the sofa."

"I love how you're basically arguing with yourself."

"Like I said, I'm not sleeping on the sofa. I didn't come all the way to sleep on a bloody sofa."

"Suit yourself. I guess we're sharing. Unless," you lock your phone, and place it on the bedside table. "You want to share," you shrug, adjusting your pillow and sigh at the cool fabric against your hot cheeks.

You can feel him thinking, the wheels turning in his head, and you finally hear the floorboards creek underneath his feet as he walks closer to the bed, and pushes the sheets off of you. The whole thing.

You blink in surprise. "Stop it, dude! What the fuck."

"I'm getting in! Fuck's sake, be quiet."

"You did that just to annoy me."

You're both quiet for a minute, Harry taking his rings off and then comes his socks, and he finally copies you, laying on his back on the bed. He covers the both of you, though you know it's not intentional since he couldn't do it without covering his own body with the duvet, and then he lets out a strangled sigh.

"The bed's too small."

"Are you calling me fat?"

"What?" He turns his face to you, and perhaps it's the first time he's looking at you– really looking.

His brows are furrowed, and lips turned downwards in a pout.

"I'm taking the piss, Harry. I know you're not calling me fat."

"Good," he says, though his voice isn't exactly soft. "I wouldn't."

"Good."

Silence.

It's unbearable.

Despite the hot weather, you feel yourself shiver, and you wish you were the only one in bed so you could do the whole burrito technique with the duvet. Alas... you stay where you are. You both do.

A dog barks in the distance, the high-pitched bark coming through the open window, and you can feel Harry breathing too fast beside you. You want to shout at him, tell him to fuck off and... not breathe too fast, though it sounds a bit too rude even for you, so you stay silent and wait for the dog to pipe the fuck down.

You try to turn on your side, because you could never see yourself fall asleep laying on your back like a vampire, but you almost fall, not anticipating the tiny space you've got going on. It's bad, and you know you're not going to get a good sleep. So, you find yourself contemplating about getting up and sleeping on the sofa because honestly, fuck him.

Harry shuffles next to you, presumably trying to find a good position to sleep in himself, but he lets out a groan and it startles you.

"What's wrong with you!"

"The bed's too fucking small."

"We've established that."

He sniffs, hands clenching the sheets around his body. "I don't sleep on my back. My back hurts."

You don't say anything, hoping for him to just get up and leave, go sleep on the sofa. He doesn't, though. It's another fifteen minutes before you let out another sigh, trying to get comfortable on the bed, and Harry copies you. You both turn on your sides, facing each other and Harry groans when your knee makes contact with his thigh, making you cringe in embarrassment. A quiet sorry leaves your mouth and he shakes his head, then turns the other way, facing the door.

"Fuck," he spits after a minute. "If we both want to fit, we'll have to cuddle."

"Cuddle? Fuck no."

"Just," he turns to you again, but the bed is too small for you both so his knees touch yours. "Just come closer. Either that, or go sleep on the sofa."

"Why don't you–"

"You're so stubborn! Come closer, I won't eat you or fall in love with you. Fuck."

You groan, but oblige for some reason, feeling your heart beginning to beat faster for some ridiculous reason.

It's been a long time, you find yourself trying to convince your heart. It's been a long, long time since you've been this close to a human being. Too long since you've cuddled with someone, so obviously you were going to feel a little excited, and weird. Yes, definitely weird.

You get closer and he lifts up his arm, you both sharing a look before you roll your eyes and place your hand on his wrist, placing it on your hip. He's quiet, eyes searching yours, and the crease between his brows are gone, and you want to laugh, because who knew it only took your skin against his to wipe that stupid grimace off of his face.

"I still think you're annoying," Harry mumbles, clearly sleepy. His hold on your hip becomes tighter as his thumb strokes your skin over the fabric.

"I know. Just shut up and sleep."

[the-fiction-witch]

Control P15

TV SHOW THE QUEENS GAMBIT COUPLE:BENNY X READER RATING: SWEET AF!!!!

I went and got the door as y/n went to make some coffee I opened the door letting Wisse and Luke into the apartment the three of us muttering about this and that as they headed inside "Hu, benny?" Wisse asks

"Yeah?"

"who's the fat old braud?"

instantly I smirked a little trying not to laugh as she turned around and looked like she was about to murder him "You have a will right Wisse?"

"Yeah why?"

"Becuase... she is gonna kill you" I smirked going to sort the chessboard up

"Come here you little!" she yelped going to try and grab him but I up an arm around her and lifted her off the floor enough she couldn't get out my grip "No benny let me at him!" she complained till I put her down

"Boys, Y/n y/l/n I'm sure you've met before" I told them

"Ohh yeah, Hi y/n" Luke smiled getting himself a seat at the table

"Hu, I didn't recognise you, sorry y/n" wisse smiled "What uhh... what is she doing here?"

"I live here" she argued

"lives here? Ooooooohhh Benny got a girlfriend" Luke laughs

"Yes. I did"

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"I... I don't have a response to a yes as an answer"

"so shut up"

"You guys actually a couple then?"

"Yep, very happily" Y/n smiled

"Extremely happily" I smiled giving her a kiss

"Lucky dick got the cute girlfriend" Luke sighed

"cute fience" I corrected

"Really? your gonna hitch yourself to him?" Wisse laughed

"Hey!" I complained

"Well, I suppose I have to" she giggled stroking her baby bump

"what!" Luke laughed excitedly

"can you guys not tell?" she laughed

"Awwwwww there's gonna be a tiny baby!" Luke smiled

"why!" wisse complained "why would you let him procreate? I thought we all collectively agreed to not let his genetics get anywhere else?"

".... when did you agree that?" I complained

"Like six Christmas' ago" luke shrugged

"well it's a bit late for that, he's due next month" she smiled

"she" I corrected

"He" she giggled

"Now we playing or not?" Luke asked

"Course, you rest up you need anything you ask okay," I told her so she nodded going to read her book on the chair

I sat playing with the guys a good while, y/n kept out of it mostly reading her chess books on the chair, she would bring drinks and food whenever we needed it even if all of us told her no she should rest baby but she did it anyways, it was getting late and she was getting tried I could tell as she was watching a game her little eyes would sometimes flutter shut, her head sometimes would droop but whenever I blew her a kiss she'd perk up again for a moment or two. "I think it's bed time for mummy. You boys have fun" she smiled as she slowly pushed herself up stroking her bump "Okay, we'll be quiet, you rest up alright" I told her taking her hand "I will" she smiled "Sleep well y/n" wisse smiled "Rest that tiny human growing in your person oven y/n" luke laughed She gave my head a kiss before she slowly walked into the bedroom getting ready for bed I focused on the game for a good while but I couldn't take my eyes off her, the door to our bedroom open just a crack just enough I could still see her, laid on our bed, her head on the pillow, the gentle orange light casgading across her, her hair all over the place, her face so peaceful and sireen, her little nightie holding her so tight where she was growing so much, her book open on her page it fallen on the duvet her hand still holding it the other on the pillow, I rested my head on my hand just watching her sleep so peacefully her bump rising and falling in the covers "Dude I think benny's broke I just checked him." Wisse says "Not broke. He's got a pregnant wifey it's gonna be a distraction. I mean look I can wave a hand in his Face and nothing" luke laughed "Benny? You in there man or have you shut up shop tonight?" "Hu? Ohh sorry guys" I sighed "I think I think I need to turn in too. And I can't leave her all alone she can't sleep without me" I smiled "well finish up another time maybe once baby comes" "Alright, see you around" wisse laughed we all said our goodbyes and they both left so I shut up and went climbing into bed with her "You didn't have to Benny, I could have waited till you-" "Shhhh. You where sleepy. I should have kicked them out hours ago so you could sleep." "But chess-" "Shhh, sleep. You and our baby are more important" "Nothing is more important then chess to you" "You are. And so's baby." I told her "I have to take care of my girls. Besides I was tried too and you know I can't sleep without you either" "Okay Benny if your sure" "Of course I'm sure little lady, now you rest that tummy shouldn't be long now till baby comes"

I woke up softly and gently "Uuummmm good morning little lady, and my sweet little baby" I smiled trying to cuddle her but something was wrong. The bed felt wet. Her body was shaking. Her hand in mine in a death like grip, "Benny! Something's wrong!" She yelled "What! What's wrong!" I asked quickly waking up seeing her she was panicked, sweaty, in alot of pain the sun not even up yet "I think baby's coming" "Baby's coming! Are uhh are you sure?" "I don't know, I couldn't sleep because of my tummy and then I had an accident and now it won't- aaahhhhhh!" "Okay... Okay... Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh pack the bag! I think right? Yes! Pack!" I said trying to remember what the hell I was gonna do getting out the bed and starting to pack her back "what was I meant to pack?" "BENNY!" "I'm sorry y/n I forget" "It's on the list in the fridge. Now hurry up!" She yelled turning to sit on the edge of the bed, I grabbed the list and packed he's a quick bag getting myself dress too "Right next uhh we need to get you to the hospital, but I don't think an ambulance is really worth it, then again I get stuck in traffic, what I'd the car breaka down I can't deliver a baby! What if the ambulance has to stop for baby to be born and then our kiss born in an ambulance? Do I have everything, did you want anything before we go little lady? A drink, some food? A shower? Do your hair maybe?" "Benny... There is currently what feels like a human being with a watermelon sized head trying to force its way out of my Virgina, Get your skinny ass in that car and take me to a fucking doctor now!" "Okay, okay." I nodded realizing how panicked I was I helped her up and out into the car with her bag, I quickly locked up and by the time I got back she was screaming "okay it's all gonna be okay, just try not to focus on the pain" I reassured her "Easy for you to say!" "Right let's get baby to the doctor" "Now!" She screamed putting my car into drive for me almost making us hit a lamppost "Y/n I understand your in-" "BENNY! DRIVE THE FUCKING CAR!" She screamed "Or I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL SHOVE EVER CHESS PIECE YOU OWN UP YOUR ASS!" "Yes dear" I gulped quickly getting the car going

I dropped y/n off and the nurses happily took her, I went and got parked and rushed into the office they directed me to the little seating area where a few other men sat waiting "But I - I promised her I'd be with her" "Sorry we can't allow it she's a six thirteen" "Six thirteen what does that mean?" "I'm sure the doctor will explain later sir please take a seat" I sighed and went taking a seat waiting till one of the other men spoke up "Hey? First?" "Yeah." I answered "It never gets easier kid" he laughs coming to sit in the chair beside me "I just... I wanna be with her you know make sure she's okay" "Hey, she's a fucking lot stronger then you think she is" he laughs "this is our fourth. I always worry about her. At the end she always tells me not to worry" he laughs "Yeah, she's a strong one. I know she is" I smiled "do you know what a six thirteen is?" "Yeah," "Please. I just wanna know" "It means there's been a complication, and everyone non essential has to be kept out for safety" "Something's wrong?" "It could be something small, like breach, or backwards or anything like that" he shurgs "or a c section. They class that as a six thirteen" "Oh God." "Relax it's probably nothing" he says "my boy was a six thirteen. Came out backwards the stupid boy" "Well I guess it's just a waiting game" "Pretty much kid" We sat chatting about this and that for a few hours or so it was getting late now, or early. Not sure which to class or as but everyone would peek up whenever a nurse came around the corner and just as the sun began to peak over the windows a nurse came "Watts?" "Yes!" "Follow me please" she says I nodded and followed her to a little room but she didn't open the door, "baby is born. Happy and healthy. Mummy's doing fine if a little stressed we'll start getting sorted to get her home congratulations" she smiled before she headed off, I was excited happily opening the door to the little hospital room the blinds open letting the sweet purple, orange and gold of the sunrise flood the room, and there on the bed was y/n sat up a little shaken her hair a mess, a smile on her face with a job I'd never seen before, and in her arms wrapped up in a little yellow blanket was a tiny little baby only moments old. The baby was giggling ever so softly as y/n stroked the baby's skin I'd never seen something so beautiful I wanted to cry "Hello y/n" "Hello Benny" she smiled "come" she smiled patting the little chair beside the bed, I smiled going over and sitting with her both of them bathed in the rays of the sunrise "You okay?" "Ummmm. Tried" "I can guess so" I laughed "they wouldn't let me in" "They said because of things I forget what they said but she's happy and healthy" "She?" "She. Benny meet your daughter" she smiled letting me see the cute little squishy face of our little girl, she was so cute and beautiful I almost cried "A daughter. I have a daughter. Hi little one, uhh nice to meet you" I smiled shaking her tiny hand "God damn it Benny, you don't have to introduce yourself to her" "She doesn't know who I am yet, I'm just being a gentleman about it" I said giving her little head a kiss which made her giggle more "are you okay?" "Fine Benny" she laughed so I gave her a kiss too "she has her daddies." "She does. But I'm sure she'll grow up and be as beautiful as her mummy" "In sure she will. Thought if any names for her?" "I get to name her?" "Umm you won. You where right about it being a girl. You can name her" she smiled I looked at our little girl thinking of all the girls names I knew many of them I didn't want to use as I'd slept with girls named that and that would be a werid thing but the more I looked at her the more ideas went quickly though my mind until, I saw the sun just shimmer a little the rays of gold, purple and red across the room from the sun as it rose and it casgading across her little face "Aurora" I smiled "Aurora. I like it" she smiled "I think it suits her" "It does. Little aurora" "Little aurora watts" "Aurora y/l/n. Not your wife yet Benny" "You would be if someone would get the wedding sorted and let me marry her already" I laughed "I know, but maybe aurora watts so she gets used to it" "Good, she was like this close to being named scillian you know that right?" "I know I'm surprised it's not chess related or are you saving that for any boys" "Kinda, plus not alot of chessy girls names" "That and scillian is our sex safe word" "Yeah that too" I laughed "so you ready to get aurora home?" "Very ready Benny"

[redhawtriot]

Baby Boom (Bakugou x Reader)

Tip Jar ☕- Not expected but always appreciated💞

If you’re interested in the secret life of models or baby momma drama, you’re well fed tonight. 

This story actually means a lot to me bc it deals with a lot of issues that I hold very dear (I stayed up last night and wrote like three chapters lol). That being said, the content may be a little triggering to some people: (eating disorders, slight alcoholism, pregnancy, discrimination, overall angst) 

There is also a slight mention of nsfw (she’s gotta get pregnant somehow) to begin with but besides that, it should be pretty safe

Reader discretion is advised.

HnM 💕

Month 2, Month 3

--MONTH 1--

“Mmmm…” 

The dazed hum of your own low voice peeled back a layer of sleep from your mind.

The cloud of blankets underneath you swallowed your body, tempting your stirring form to stay asleep for just a little longer. As your mind teetered upon the steep edge of unconsciousness, a flurry of scenes played in your head.

You let yourself fall into the random, vivid dreams as you finally gave up in your struggle against the warm embrace of the bed. The film that performed in your mind was a choppy one at best; however, you still caught glimpses of the action:

The dark room... The dancing city lights outside of the window… the low screeching of the rocking mattress underneath you… the breathless moans… looking down to see the mingling of scorching sweat, illuminated by the red light peeking through the window… looking up to see the flash of his even redder, vermilion eyes for just a split second before your lips were captured… the lewd mewls that you didn’t even notice until they were gone, caught in his warm mouth.

The quick, dreamy waves of erotica left just as soon as they came, their sudden disappearance sending a jolt of consciousness your direction.

What. A fucking. Wakeup call.

The bed once again flutily attempted to grab you and hold you back in your sleeping state, but you forced yourself to roll over into awareness. As your body turned, your eyes finally painfully pried themselves open. Once the brief sting of light passed, you found yourself smirking at what you saw,

Holy shit. Dreams do come true after all.

The man in bed with you—you finally realized that it was indeed his bed—was turned over on his side facing away from you, but that didn’t stop you from admiring the view.

His arms, godsent and chiseled by Michelangelo himself, extended from under the blanket-- one used as an extra pillow under his head, and the other laid peacefully on his side. As peaceful as the display was, you could still see the rippling muscles layered underneath his airbrushed skin. You could only begin to imagine what they looked like when he was flexing.

Suddenly images from last night of his strong arms pressing your legs up toward the headboard infiltrated your mind, and you didn’t have to imagine anything anymore. You bit the bottom of your lip to keep from giggling like a schoolgirl with a crush.

Virtually immediately, your smile melted from your face and the sound of tires screeching blared within your head. What the fuck were you doing staring at this dude like some damn creep? What? Were you gonna wait for him to wake up to invite you to breakfast? Were you gonna go on a lunch date with some no-named dude you met at the “booty room.” As if.

God, ew.

You tried to ignore the fact that you had just been reduced to a soppy 16 year old all over again.

You gave one more passing glance over the top of his ash-blond hair before straightening your face with a with a quirk of an eyebrow and slowly pushing yourself out of his bed. You glanced out of the window and noticed only a thin stream of light peeking through the glass. Good. It was still early morning. Plenty of time to make it to work.

You would like to avoid Ainu’s bitching mouth today.

You fluffed your hair up, deciding to adopt the “after-sex hair” and make it your own as you scoured the bedroom floor for your dress from last night. You spotted it just a foot away from the door. Damn you really didn’t waste time, huh?

You fought the urge to laugh at yourself as you walked over and shimmied yourself back into the dress, some of the sparkles flying off as you shook your hips. You had found your panties just right next to the bed and your bra hanging off the lamp on the nightstand. You stifled a laugh at yourself as you slid the items on underneath your dress. What a fucking night.

Mostly everything at that point had been accounted for, but there was still one thing on your mental checklist that you couldn’t find—well, two things to be exact.

Okay…

Shoes... shoes… Where the fuck are your shoes?

As you continued searching for the shimmery heels, a sudden deep groan from the bed startled you a bit, causing you to freeze as you watched ‘good ol’ no-name’ stir in his sleep. You paused for a few long moments while he, thankfully, settled back into his slumber.

You let out a quiet breath of air that you hadn’t even known that you were holding and decided then and there that you could do without those shoes. If Cinderella could do it, why couldn’t you?

You quickly grabbed your handbag and phone from his nightstand and commenced your getaway.

I mean, you were obviously no virtuous princess and he was hardly prince charming from the foul mouth that you could remember from last night—insert blush here-- but still…

You turned the handle behind you as you softly shut the door so that it wouldn’t make much noise, only to turn around toward the hallway and be met with a pair of bright, crimson eyes. Caught red handed, You faltered a little bit as the built man in front of you became practically as scarlet as his hair,

“U-Uh-- Good morning!” Kirishima forced out as he obviously struggled to keep his eyes on your face. Try as he might, he couldn’t keep his eyes from wandering down the chains of silver that barely held your dress on your shoulders.

Or the open slits on your upper thighs that let your shapely hips spill out from underneath your shimmering dress.

Or your obviously messed up hair that had probably spent much of the night between Bakugou’s fingers. He felt his face become unbearably hot at the intrusive thought.

His eyes flickered back up to yours, but not before you could notice the way that they seemed to trail down your body.

You relaxed into your chest a bit, Okay, just a roommate. He seemed fairly harmless and ‘SIMP’ enough not to raise many red flags or dangerous pervert alerts. You breathed into something resembling a laugh as you smirked up at him, “G’ Morning.”

Kirishima’s breath was caught in his lungs at the song of your voice, “M-morning…” Shit, did he already say that? The man suddenly became very aware of what he was wearing. Or rather, what he wasn’t wearing as a draft flew in from the pants leg of his boxers.

His blush almost instantly intensified—and he thanked every lucky star that he didn’t have the hormonal “tell-all” body of a teenager anymore.

You only smiled, brushing past the red-head, toward the front door. As you made your way past the kitchen you noticed a bowl of fruit displayed on the bar. Your mind quickly fleeted to thoughts of ‘what a weird fucking thing to see in what was obviously a man cave—o-or a bachelor pad. Man pad? Bachelor Cave???’ Did you accidentally wonder into a Martha Stewart catalog without realizing it?

As you eyed the odd arrangement of fruit, you didn’t even notice the other two roommates already situated in the open living room—their eyes wide as they trailed your form.

“Are these real?” you spoke up suddenly, startling Kirishima who was at this point deciding whether or not to go back into his room and pretend he hadn’t seen you and lost half of his brain, or to go to the kitchen for breakfast as he had planned. “Can I have one?” you shamelessly asked.

“Yeah! Sure!” Kirishima answered maybe a bit too strongly. The poor man just wanted to compensate for his totally unmanly display earlier. He just… he’d never seen anyone like you before. Especially not in his ‘humble’ (that was being generous) apartment.

That’s when one of the men from the living room decided to speak up, “You can have all of them, sweetheart,” his voice immediately snapped your attention toward the rather spacious (empty--except for a couch, a TV and a... bench press?) living room, where you came into contact with the speaker’s golden eyes, “Go on. Take as much as you want,” the kind smile he wore contained just the slightest hint of ulterior motives, you noticed. You take back what you said earlier. The real SIMP was right here.

You furrowed your eyebrows at him, “Just one will do, thanks.” Your flat tone did nothing to disinterest Kaminari as he ogled at you grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl and shoving it in your mouth when you noticed a pair of heels haphazardly tossed by the front door. Aha! There are your fucking shoes!

The electric blond watched in utter fascination as you held the fruit between your teeth and began slipping your heels back on. Holy shit. He was glad he woke up early for once.

Kirishima approached two of his roommates, shaking his head at the giddy one currently drooling over Bakugou’s overnight visitor,

“Get a grip, dude. It’s not manly to stare like that,” he lowly warned so you couldn’t hear. He felt like a bit of a hypocrite, but at least he was trying to maintain some decency. It seemed like Kaminari had simply thrown all of his fucks to give out of the window as he shamelessly eyed you like an Englishman on safari. Come on, bro!

“Yeah. Didn’t you hear her with Bakugou last night?!”

“How could I not, Sero? I’m pretty sure the entire complex heard!” Kaminari resentfully whispered to his two roommates before sweeping a hand through his blond locks and snaking his way towards you, “So… what’s your name, gorgeous?”

You could hardly hold back the look of disgust that fell upon your expression as you looked up at this man. Read the fucking room, dude. You couldn’t make this situation more obvious if you were wearing a damn sign on your head that said “One Night Stand: Hit It and Quit It,” and sprinted out of the apartment.

You didn’t want to make friends.

You didn’t want to introduce yourself to someone’s roommates when you didn’t even know their damn name.

And you sure as hell didn’t want to be passed around to said stranger’s roommates like a fucking bottle of wine at communion, “First name: Not, last name: Interested,” you deadpanned.

A series of “OHHHH’s” and “She got you, Bro! She got you good!” sounded throughout the apartment. As you swung the front door open, looking back one final time to see the look of absolute disheartenment spread across the blonds face, “Ba-bye~ Oh! and Thanks for the fruit, Red,” you winked before shutting the door behind you, unknowingly causing Kirishima to dissolve into a blushing mess.

You heard a bit of commotion come from the other side of the door when you left but didn’t pay it much mind as you began your walk to the nearest train station—taking another bite from your bachelor pad apple.

Bakugou, however, couldn’t ignore the commotion you had left behind as his scowling form emerged from his bedroom, “Could you idiots be any fucking louder!?” The blond was already in a terrible mood. He had woken up to fucking ketchup, mustard, and mayo’s shouting only to realize that his bed was suddenly much colder than he remembered it had been when he fell sleep.

The frustrated man was instantly met with his other blond counterpart throwing himself at his knees, “Bakugou, buddy!” he cried out, clutching the fabric of the other man’s sleepers, “You’ve gotta teach me your ways!” he groveled at his feet as if Bakugou was the lord and savior of in-cels everywhere.

“The hell are you talking about?” his hands crackled furiously as he seriously prepared to blast the dunce-face off of him, “get the fuck off’a me!” he roared.

Kirishima reluctantly spoke up, gaining the two blond’s attention and probably saving Kaminari’s life, “Honestly… I gotta say even I’m surprised. She was… unreal,” Kirishima’s cheeks dusted over in a light shade of pink just at the memory of you.

Even Bakugou had to mask the sudden warmness that fled to his own face as your image suddenly popped into his mind. He shoved the butterflies down into his stomach so that he could shit them out later, “What’s that supposed to mean, shitty hair?!”

Sero, who had previously just been silently enjoying the wild spectacle before him, had finally decided to give his input on the situation, “What Kirishima is trying to say is ‘how the hell did a sack of anger issues wrapped in a mean mug like yours score a chick like that?’”

“WHAT DID YOU SAY, HORSE TEETH?!”

“Stop putting words in my mouth!” Kirishima whined before Kaminari finally asked the question that had been lingering in all of their minds,

“Did you get at least get her number?” The matter gave birth to a few beats of silence between all the roommates. Bakugou visibly stiffened at this question as his face shriveled up.

“I don’t know… She seemed to get out of here in quite a hurry,” Sero contemplated aloud, effectively breaking the silence.

A tinge of pain shot straight through Bakugou’s pride at his words. You had practically run out of there—away from him. Was last night really that bad? He seemed to have a much different memory than you of the event.

Tch. Whatever. It doesn’t fucking matter.

Shoving these thoughts out of his head, he scoffed, “Good. The hell do I need her number for?”

Silence once again befell the four—this time being disrupted by Kaminari, “You don’t know how good you have it,” he shook his head, “You don’t deserve half the things you get, man…”

Of course, this only caused the apartment to erupt into another fit of commotion—death threats and cheap insults being thrown in every space of the testosterone-filled home.

Meanwhile.

You tried to ignore the multitude of awkward stares you garnered as you made your way through the train station. They were probably—well, more than likely-- because of your racy evening wear, but shit. You didn’t exactly plan on getting dicked down last night. At least, maybe not on a conscious level.

You sighed before boarding the train and looking down to view the notifications on your phone. Oh crap, it was later in the day than you had originally thought.

Boss lady:

[7:42am]

Someone told me that you went to Club 52 last night.

You better not be hungover or wasted when you get here, Y/N

Inches! Y/N! I need you at your inches!

Ahhh. the old 35, 25, 35. The perfect body shape. Well, she can take all 85 of those inches and shove them up her ass for all you cared.

Boss Lady:

[8:03am]

I am serious.

Sick of  cleaning up your messes.

Don’t ever pull this shit again when we have such a big brand deal!

Remember. I have eyes everywhere, missy!

As the messages went on you only scanned them,

How could you do this to me Blah. Blah. Blah. I stuck my neck out for you Blah. Blah. Blah. Where else could someone like you find work as good as this Blah. Blah. Blah. Etcetera, etcetera.

Damn boss Lady was like a fucking broken record.

You closed your eyes on the train and tried to astral project your spirit to a better place. Somewhere where you didn’t have to take a shitty modeling job to pay your damn rent. Somewhere where you had an obtainable passion. Somewhere where you could do something meaningful with your life.

Somewhere where you weren’t just some damn pathetic quirkless girl whose only talent was looking good in front of a camera and taking bullshit.

“You’re late!” The bodies of women lit up by the hard lights on set seemed to all turn in your direction at your boss’s loud announcement. The aggressive clacking of her heels sounded in the air like gunshots as she stormed over to you, but you couldn’t be less impressed by her repetitive intimidation tactics,

“What are you talking about? It’s 9:00!”

“9:04! The shoot started at 9 and you don’t even have makeup on!” her nose crinkled in disgust as she neared you. The way that she dramatically gagged at your scent had your eyes rolling, “And you fucking smell like sex. Jesus fucking Christ Y/N! You. Intern! Get over here! Go hose her down!” she called your friend, Kimi, over, “You’re lucky I don’t ring your neck! The marketing agent will be here in less than an hour and he wants to see progress!” by this point Kimi had rushed over and began herding you away from the multitude of disapproving stares you had gathered from the other models.

But not before you heard whispers of your unprofessionalism.

“Now, go get your pretty ass presentable looking!” Boss lady shooed you off.

As your friend literally hosed you down in the bathroom with her hydropump quirk, she already had a bottle of body wash on hand-- completely desensitized to your naked body by this point. Neither of you said a word for a while, but you could tell that she was itching to speak up, “So…” a grin spread across her face as she rinsed the suds out of your hair, “Was he at least cute?”

“Super fucking attractive,” you gave a short laugh, “At least. I think so. I don’t really remember his face…”

Her loud laugh sounded through the bathroom before the space was once again covered within a thick sheet of silence. When the two of you were close to finished, she sighed at your idle, far off gaze before attempting to strike up a bit of conversation, “I really should be thanking you. You keep my job security, after all,” she joked.

She wasn’t exactly wrong.

She was pretty much hired to be your babysitter under the guise of “stylist intern” in Ainu’s modeling agency; however, when she was hired for this gig ‘frequently bathing a hungover, grown mess of a thot’ and ‘constant ginger ale, and Pepto Bismol runs’ were probably not in the job description.

“I keep my life a mess just for you,” you lazily smirked up at her.

“Your life is hardly a mess. You’re living the dream, supermodel girl.”

Your mind flashed back to girls around you eating cotton balls to satiate their hunger, to women working 10 hour long photo shoots in 6-inch heels, to being urged to give brand promoters “special attention” to secure the agency’s profits, to runway events that left you sleepless for days at a time, to your own fingers plunging down the back of your throat so that you could fit into the impossible dress sizes fitted by your designers, “Yeah...” you quietly trailed off.  

The shoot went fairly well, after your late start.

It was actually different than most others that you have participated in since the main focus was upon the red shoes that they wanted to promote. The photographer had decided—much to the dismay of the other models on set—that you would be a focal point in his artwork. Claiming that you had such a “sexy, sexy look” and were going to be huge one day.

Thanks creepy, middle-aged, French photographer. Now half of these girls are gonna cry themselves to sleep tonight and the other half are gonna create voodoo dolls of you to stick needles in.

Fairly well, or not, you couldn’t fight the urge to click your red sneaker soles together three times every now and then—internally chanting “there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home.”

Needless to say, it didn’t work.

It was about three weeks later when you found yourself at the official branding event of those stupid red sneakers. It was some kind of charity event/campaign/branding bullshit hybrid—or whatever.

Most of the models that were there the day of the original photo shoot weren’t even requested to go. Since you had been a focal point in that shoot, you were invited (forced) to attend by the brand marketer. Your uninvited colleagues of course, hated you even more after that, but you would trade places with any one of them in a heartbeat.

Your stomach bubbled a little bit—‘need vodka’ it cried.

You patted the poor organ in solidarity. You like to think that you are very in tune with your needs. You’d much rather be boozing it up in some sweaty booty club than be at… whatever the fuck this was.  

Everyone there was dressed up like it was some cocktail party or some christening or something. The large room was filled to the brim with tables with neatly folded napkins and different red and green finger foods on the centerpieces. There was a clearing in the middle, under the chandelier, for “dancing” but was really for people to socialize and network.

Hmmm. Not a red sneaker in sight except for the banners of photos from your shoot hanging from the ceiling, you noticed.

“Could you at least pretend to act interested?” boss lady whispered, “Smile a little, yeah?” Ainu completely rolled her eyes at the strained grimace of a smile you threw her—the glare she threw back saying ‘you little shit!’.

You couldn’t help but laugh as the two of you began to drift away from one another—with her sending you one more lingering glance that said ‘stay away from the alcohol and don’t do anything stupid!’

Of course, you nodded like the obedient little clothing rack you were, but as soon as her back was turned you found yourself snatching a glass or two of chardonnay from one of the passing waiter’s trays. As you took a long sip from the glass—careful not to smudge your lipstick—you found your eyes wondering across the unimpressive room.

They ended up settling in the corner of the place, on a man standing alone, nervously fidgeting with his suit cuffs.

Ah. Quality entertainment! You took another sip from one of your glasses.

You nonchalantly strolled toward the man before twisting yourself around next to him so that you were both facing the growing crowd of the room, “All this for some red sneakers?” you spoke up with a slight grin.

His eyes immediately shot up to one of the banners hanging above you before settling back to your smirk, “Y-Y-your one of the models form the poster!” his face darkened into a deep blush and you slightly lifted one of your drinks into the air with a quirk of your eyebrow as if to say, ‘guilty as charged.’

He seemed to get over his shocked state quickly, “Well… uh-- I guess it does seem a little silly when you put it that way, huh?”

“Is there really any other way to put it?”

He seemed to be lost in thought for a moment—his eyes trailing toward the ground in front of him, but you were patient. You took the time to take in his wild, green hair—it was dark, kinda like the seaweed that you wrap around sushi. Your mind flickered to what you remembered sushi tasting like, but it had been such a long time.  He finally spoke up “Well, they are giving half of the profits made to start a campaign to end the bullying of quirkless children,”

“Really?” your eyebrows shot up as the man looked back up to you. Your chest abruptly rose up as you gave a half chuckle, “That’s… well, that’s something. Apparently, this brand is being started by some up and coming hero. Deku? I haven’t really heard much about him, but he’s probably just using us quirkless folk as a stepping stool to celebrity,” he seemed to visibly stiffen at your words but it wasn’t every day that you got to talk about civil rights concerning the quirkless. You passionately continued, “It’s like saving kittens or walking an old lady across the street. I mean, what’s a big shot hero like that know about being quirkless? Tell me,” you leaned in close to him and nodded into the sea of people filing into the room, “Do you see a quirkless kid in sight, right now?”

You left him silent as he began pondering your statement. Hm! Good.

Satisfied with yourself, you took in the final sip from your remaining glass—tilting the curvy cup up into the sky to get every drop.

A tall man with glasses shuffled through the dense crowd to make his way towards the two of you “Midoriya, there he is! Excuse me, Miss,” he stiffly bowed to you at an awkwardly low angle before turning back toward the green haired man, “Come this way. Quickly. I would like to introduce you to…”

As he was pulled into the crowd by the weird tall man you found yourself curiously staring at where he had disappeared.

“Mmm. Isn’t he just as yummy as you thought he’d be?” the familiar voice snapped you straight out of your thoughts, startling you into a slight jump. You whipped your head behind you to see Kimi’s giggling face, “C’mon!! Ainu wants you to get some photos in at that set over there.”

“Ughhh, you know how I feel about red-carpet shoots, Kimi.” It was just a bunch of amateur photographers barking orders and questions at you like some glorified paparazzi. She ignored your whining as she dragged you to the literal red carpet in the far wall of the room, blocked off by a velvet rope and surrounded by a buzzing infestation of flashing cameras. You suddenly became very aware of the very chemical scent of her perfume—and the growing nausea twisting within your stomach.

“You can go find your hero boyfriend, later! I promise!” she practically shoved you onto the carpet, but you could only throw her a confused glance. Who was she talking about?

“Huh?”

“Don’t tell me you seriously didn’t know who that was! We are literally in a room of heroes right now!! That guy that you were with? He’s the entire reason we are here right now, Y/N!” you could hardly fight off the look of confusion that befell your face as you began posing for the flashes of photos being taken of you. Whatever. You probably just looked like the confused bimbo that they all thought you were anyway.

Kimi smacked her hand on her forehead—tossing you an exasperated glance, “Hello!? Red sneakers—the Deku! I can’t believe you. He’s projected to be the number one hero in a few years—that Deku!”

You felt your blood immediately run cold.

The Deku you had put on blast directly to his face. The one who was endorsing this entire brand that your agency had a deal with—that Deku, “Oh. Shit.”

You suddenly felt very sick.

Meanwhile, the three stooges had finally dragged their grouchy roommate out of the apartment and had made their way into the Red Sneakers Event, much to the dismay of said grouchy roommate. He would quite literally prefer to be anywhere else but here. Hell, he would rather stick his head in a vat of acid than be at some dumbass “quirkless sneaker” party for that shitty Deku. There couldn’t possibly be any good reason for him to be here right now.

“Oh, shit!” Kaminari’s grating voice snapped Bakugou out of his thoughts. He looked up to where the blond was pointing, and his heart skipped a beat.

The banners adorning the ceiling of the space sported a very familiar face.

“Isn’t that your hottie from last month, Bakugou?” the electric man practically giggled with amusement, “Over there, too! She’s at the red carpet!” Bakugou’s red eyes danced over to the succession of flashing lights on the far side of the room. Somehow, even with the herd of photographers clumped behind the red rope, he could still make out your gleaming form. It was as if you radiated light, blinding him to anyone else between you and him.

What the fuck? Where did those thoughts come from?

With a click of his tongue the blond instantly spat these feelings out of his head.

“Huh!” Kirishima tilted his head and gave a short, amazed laugh as well, “Look at that-- it totally is!”

Sero decided to chime in as well, completing the unholy trinity of pains on Bakugou’s ass, “Of course she’s a model. Dude, how did you trick that poor girl into your bed?” It took every ounce of willpower that the ash blond could muster not to blow ‘Elbow’s’ face off right then and there as he ground his teeth together.

Kirishima bravely leaned over to the seething man, “You should go say something to her.”

“Why the hell would I do that!?”

“Because if you don’t, I will,” Kaminari straightened his tie like he was grooming himself to approach you. Fucking as if!

“Like she’d be interested in your dumb ass!” Bakugou loudly snapped.

“That sounds pretty possessive Baku-bro,” Sero hardly ever called him this unless he wanted to get under the time-bomb of a man’s skin, “Almost like you have feelings~,” him and Kaminari began snickering to themselves as Bakugou neared the maximum capacity of his internal ‘pissed off-o-meter.’

The two men laid off of him a bit—knowing very well by this point what buttons to push and when to stop pushing them when it came to their feral friend.

“Looks like you’re missing your chance,” Kirishima spoke up—nodding his head to your fleeing figure. “I think she’s leaving.” Bakugou looked up to see your desperate form dash for the coat racks in the corner of the room.

As you made your way to the coat racks, you were completely oblivious to the lingering eyes that followed you—only focused on the furious ones that approached you and the rising, gurgling feeling in your stomach.

“And just where do you think you’re going?” your pissed off boss halted you right by the coat rack—Kimi, trailing not to behind you, was halted as well, “The event has hardly even started!”

“I don’t…” the bubbling in your stomach shot up your throat and was hardly caught in time as you slightly gagged, “I don’t feel too good, Ainu…”

She could only groan into her palm as she threw her head up toward the ceiling, “I told your ass not to—Ughhhh! Can’t you go one night without getting utterly shitfaced, Y/N!?”

Kimi reluctantly spoke up, “She hardly drank tonight. I think she really is sick,” her voice was very soft in the air as she defended you, and you realized that this is the first time you’d ever heard her talk to your boss directly.

Ainu’s eyes seemed to dance across yours and Kimi’s for a few beats—probably to gauge whether there was truth to Kimi’s words-- before she finally made up her mind, “Fine. Go on,”’ she tilted her head toward the direction of the exit with an irritated wave of her hand, “Take her home.”

“No,” you moved past Ainu toward the coat rack, “I think I can make it on my own,” you argued before shimming your fur on. After a mini dispute, your friend reluctantly agreed to let you make your way home alone.

Bakugou watched on as you gave the women that were with you tiny half-assed hugs before making your way toward the room’s exit—towards him. For the first time in practically forever, the man felt his heart drop down into his toes.

The four roommates all paused as you approached them. You were for sure going to see Bakugou and say something to him, right?

Wrong.

All three friends noticeably winced as you nonchalantly brushed pasted the four of him, not even sparing a passing glance at their shocked, blond comrade. “Oof. That’s gotta hurt,” Kaminari grimaced.

Sero’s lips stretched into an uncomfortable frown, “I don’t even think she recognized you, man.”

Kirishima could only remain silent as he watched a flurry of unfamiliar emotions flicker across his best friend’s face. Even if his buddy wasn’t clearly and uncharacteristically upset, he would still probably be at a loss of words from the secondhand embarrassment that was flooding into his cheeks.

“SHUT UP!” Bakugou snapped, pulling his face back into his trademark scowl, “What the hell do I care? I already slept with her. What else is there to do?” I don’t fucking care, I don’t fucking care. The man chanted to himself as he shoved his body into the crowd—anything to get away from those shitty dumbasses.

Sero gave a low whistle, “Wounded words, from a wounded man.”

When you made it back home that night, you spent the better part of the evening with your head glued to the toilet, and you really fucking didn’t understand why.

Two glasses were practically a baby bottle to you at this point. There is no way that you got sick off just that. So… food poisoning then? You fought a laugh at the amusing thought. You have to actually eat for that to happen.

Shit. And you were cramping like a mother fucker.

You instinctively opened you phone brushing past the ‘Are you okay?’ text from Kimi to make your way to your period tracker app. Maybe it was almost ‘that time of the month.’

A lot of girls that you knew had lost their periods from the severe “weight training” that they endured, but you had actually been regular with yours despite your everyday living.

The app opened—revealing a visually loud, bouncing notification that prompted a different breed of nausea to spin within your gut.

You were about two weeks late.

[urlocalbunny]

Headcanons of the boys with a pregnant mc??

Aaron:

1/3 that Knows What Might Be Happening Before You Do™ "Holy shit, you're pregnant?" he yelps out of nowhere. Truth is, you don't know wtf he's talking about.

Sniffs the air around you and then gets those dog zoomies in human form. He just runs around the house and comes back into the parlor, looking at you and saying "I'm going to be a fucking father!"

When he calms down and sits, you ask him wtf is going on and he says "I can smell your hormones and you're pregnant?"

You might pass out but no, not with the Super Dad™ looking out for you.

After you actually confirm with a very disgusted Ethan saying something like "ew you both fucked" and leaving, he's going to be overprotective of you.

No running down the stairs. No hard training, just jogs. Not too much. No swords, missy! No running in the hallways, no beer, no to staying in cold baths like you do, no getting sick, eating is a MUST and he's going to play with you in wolf form so you're never down, no stress too, if you want some space, your man's got you, he'll go do something. You're going to have to eat even if you're a chalice.

He will hunt more and eat animals to save your blood and just drink to complete his diet. He might even give you some of his blood once a month.

Gets super excited when the baby moves. Loves them because they kick Ivan's head when he tries to listen to your tummy.

When you're about to give birth he also senses first. Whimpers like a puppy and scoops you up, taking you to the room and doing as planned. Won't leave your side and when he sees your baby's first ever blink, he cries quietly. Will thank you so much.

He's also going to put up the cutest room of all of them. There will be some flowers, nice windows and many fur comfy sheets and the crib is bigger than him. No one knows why.

Raphael:

He is 2/3 that Knows What Might Be Happening Before You Do™. He was under the suspicion that something in your body was changing. He just couldn't put his finger on it.

But then in one night where you both were sleeping together he turned his face upwards and he started to think about how calm the last days had been. His hand caressed your waist lovingly to soothe you when you stirred a little in bed. Your shirt rode up and he was a little weirded out by how your skin seemed thin to the touch.

Almost as if your belly was growing. In fact, he noticed that it was, but it was so little...

He sat up with his back straight like the wall and gasped.

He decided to try and find out without alarming you, but his mind was already making scenarios where your baby would grow up to be an amazing adult and you'd love a great life together.

Is super careful with you, makes sure you're always lively and he chooses some of the softest fabrics for the baby. Sometimes he smiles to himself and closes his hand where the baby moved.

Gets scared when the baby makes weird shapes on your tummy and then giggles. They're so energetic and seem healthy!

When he sleeps, he is always looking forward to meeting his kid again and again, even if they still didn't make it to the world.

Will read you so much poetry and try to make you relax as much as you can.

Will be silent during the birth. Just whispering how proud he is, a wavering smile on his face and tears of pure joy staining his cheeks. When he feels the baby's face, he will gasp. They're so small and delicate. Even if he could see, he could never capture with him brushes how pretty his child was.

Beliath:

3/3 that Knows What Might Be Happening Before You Do.™ He's a demon, for God's sake! (ba doom tssss)

I headcanon that Beliath can feel people's life energy because if demons such as him and Leandra don't know which prey is worth all the power usage and time, life would turn dangerous. It's a basic power to a demon: feel how many people there are in a place by their energy. He will sense your mood swings and most importantly, he will sense a change in your energy.

He's going to be final about it when he gets in the kitchen after helping with the garden to find you sitting with a very creeped out Aaron in the kitchen, eating a beef bigger than your head like your life depended on it even if you had no urges to eat anymore.

He would try to feel for your energy and then he'd sense something like a second presence.

He'd frown deeply. "Aaron, come closer to me." He'd say looking at the floor. "I don't know what's happening to them. They just said to bring meat back home and forced me to make this stew." He said.

"I wash hoongry!" They snarled with their mouth full. Beliath, however, was paler than usual. When Aaron moved, the presence didn't fade. It was inside of his s/o.

You'll be the prettiest pregnant in the world. You'll get jewelry, healthy meals, massages, pedicure, hair care, pretty clothes and he'll even do your makeup when he senses you're close to give birth. He's always making sure you're treated like royalty and you'll never have to stretch your arm out fully.

He'll be very loving and protective. After you give birth he'll find you to be the prettiest person he's ever seen and that's final.

When you're giving birth he's going to be your biggest motivation. He will squeeze you hand and tell you to keep going. Someone like you can pull this off without any doubt.

He doesn't cry much, just a few tears. He's just too mesmerized to ever focus on crying. Your baby is the epitome of beauty. And they smile often. He laughs at their gums.

Vladimir:

Part 1/2 of the Clueless Until Something Weird and Fucking Scary Happens™ crew.

He'll only realize when your tummy is growing. He will think you're getting chubby and will blush: you'd look so cute and soft.

but then, in one of these nights where he rests his head on your tummy, it kicks his face!

The both of you will tell almost like the "Stop! I couldda dropped my croissant!" Dude. Now he thinks you're sick!

That is until Ethan, with his eyes bigger than saucers bc he was deceived with the story that you have a strange illness comes to check up on you and then he just rolls his eyes and deadpans, "So, you've knocked MC up and now you want to say they're sick?"

After that, he is even more worried. Looks at himself in the mirror every day for the next nine months thinking that he is going to be a god-damned father. But doesn't let up. Your kid will have a room ready in five days. Seeing him and Beliath putting a crib together is priceless. Bel gets his head smacked with his part of the wood pieces often.

"love, there's paint on your hair. Over here." He's never going to be composed. He's blushing and rushing to the bathroom to clean it.

When the baby is about to come into the world, he's going to ball his eyes out. More than the baby. The baby might give him a stank face for stealing his moment.

Ethan:

Sole member of the group "I Knew From The Start But I Just Denied It Because How Tf Will A Crazy Bastard Like Me Help My Pregnant Partner Raise a Whole Entirety Of a Child?"

He's trying his best to brace himself to be a father. But he just can't imagine not making it harder for you. How was he supposed to teach a kid how to live if he wasn't prepared to go on after 80 years himself?

One day after lost sleep, he will look at himself in the mirror thinking he's just that war doctor that isn't mentality stable. But then it will click: he IS the war doctor. He had made many difficult choices and saw life fade in front of him. He always made the difficult choices. Always chose who was going to live. And he was going to do it again. His child would fucking live. And he was going to make sure of that.

Getting exercise just the right amount, eating right, waking up early and resting early under Ethan's supportive and determined gaze, that's how it would be. Even if he was always taking care of you, he was bracing himself for the possibilities, for be your doctor when you gave birth, for watching over the baby. That's all he could do as he didn't know how to be more than a friend to your baby. If your baby ever loved him.

But as the months ran long and short at the same time, he watched your every gesture. The way you talked to the baby. The way you'd caress and poke your tummy lightly creating little rhythms when you sang. The way you'd mock him when you didn't realize he was there and say he was such a worried and careful father. Saying things the baby would love about him.

Was it possible that even without him seeing a good father on himself, you were actually... Excited?

After that, he went softer still. He'd be mesmerized when the baby moved, when he imagined their tiny hands closed in fists as they ran through the house. Would they be a troublemaker? They could definitely get along. He found himself closer to you, earning and waiting to see what they could do. How they'd change his perception of things even more.

He might not know what he wants for your baby, but he knows what he doesn't want for them and you're definitely with him in this. That's a start, right?

The kind of dad to say the kid's tummy looks like a watermelon. Scares you saying he's giving him some ugly name. Laughs a lot at you and says he's so happy.

Ivan:

Part 2/2 of Clueless Until Something Weird and Fucking Scary Happens™ crew.

You see, you know when there are these pregnant women that have really small tummies and then the baby suddenly punches some room for themselves out of nOWHERE and grow? That was it.

He was like "aww look at ur tummy hehehe kiss kiss cute!"

But then in one of these days, he rests his head on your tummy and the baby is like "oof get off of me I'm sWEATING" and then they jAB HIS HEAD.

He jumps up so high and out the bed that you would mistake him for a long ass frog. He points at your tummy and yells "ETHAAAAAAN"

Ethan isn't even rude seeing how terrified he is. Aaron barges in and then suddenly is full of grow ass men watching your man-kicking tummy. Turns out you were just pregnant. Maybe he'll try yahoo answers? Goooosh, this is hard.

When he collects his thoughts, will be more responsible, shy and clingy. He planned this once in his life before, so he's very happy that this happened now that he's sure of you. You put up with him this whole time, he is sure you're gonna be a good mommy too.

With every single piece of clothing the others bring, he gets more and more excited. Confides in Aaron a lot and when he tells the wolf that he can be the godfather, he literally howls and lifts him up. They might cry in the woods.

He is very soft and he will give you support when it's time for the birth. He just won't cry like Vlad bc after the baby cries and Ethan sighs blissfully he passes out in relief. Ethan groans. But takes care of him anyways. He suddenly got softer after the announcement. He seemed to bond with Ivan... But dONT TELL HIM THAT.

He's also going to make u listen to classical music for your child to be born Smart™ and a Person Of Culture™.

Actually very serious and emotional. Vladimir could never with all his crying.

Your kid is gonna grow up very sweet, but not the type to sit down and be bullied or dismissed bc they'll only know that from their father honestly. I stan your baby

[365days365movies]

February 22, 2021: Pillow Talk (1959)(Part 1)

Y’know, I actually do like Doris Day.

She’s funny, she’s talented, and she’s a timeless beauty that I remember very well. TOO well. You guys ever have that one thing that your parents crammed down your throat SO MUCH that you got sick of it? Well, that’s what my Mom did with The Thrill of it All.

Which is, for the record, a cute movie, and one worth watching again at some point. But I’m gonna ease my way into that with Doris Day and Rock Hudson’s first movie, 1959′s Pillow Talk. 

However, while I’m not stranger to Doris Day, I’m afraid that I don’t know too much about Rock Hudson from experience. Well, there is one interesting tidbit about him: Hudson was one of the biggest stars of the ‘50s and ‘60s, and his career continued up until his death in 1985...from AIDS-related complications.

Yeah, Rock Hudson was one of the biggest gay celebrities in Hollywood, although he never publicly came out. However, it was somewhat of an open secret in the community at large, and basically all of his female co-stars know about it. 

And said secret was revealed posthumously, after his tragic death during the height of the AIDS crisis. He was by far one of the most high-profile deaths during this time period, and you’d think that would’ve caused more waves about the AIDS-crisis, considering that he was good friends with...well...another actor.

Yeaaaaaaaaah, not gonna get into Reagan and ALL OF THAT SHIT here. This here is a movie blog, not a political blog! But, uh, yeah, a LOT of fucked-up shit about Reagan and the AIDS crisis, obviously, and part of it was Rock Hudson. So, yeah, it’s something that I wanted to address before we got into this whole shindig.

Because, again, I’ve never seen a Rock Hudson movie, but dude was a pretty huge deal, and this was a part of his life that I felt it unfair not to at least acknowledge. SO, with that out of the way, let’s have a little Pillow Talk. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

We start with that might be one of my favorite opening sequences so far this month, which you can see above. From there, Jan Morrow (Doris Day) wakes up, humming the theme song from the credits, which is clever, considering that she sang it! Talented lady, seriously.

Jan wakes up and goes to the phone, intending to make a call. However, this is where we get a pretty stark cultural difference, and a needed history lesson for some of us, me included. See, Jan’s phone line is actually a party line, seen through this neat little visual edit.

See, this is what’s called a “party line”. From the 1870s onwards, there was a shortage of available phone lines. By the time you get to the ‘60s, more and more people had personal phones in their households, but without enough lines to go around. And so, some people were forced to share their phone lines with others, hence the party line system!

Here’s the thing, though: if somebody was on the line already, anyone else on that line could hear the conversation of other people. Which is exactly what’s pissing of Jan right now, as she needs to make a call, but the line is being used by her party line partner, songwriter Brad Allen, who’s serenading his girlfriend (?) Eileen (Valerie Allen). Not sure that they’re actually dating, but Eileen definitely wants to.

After Jan’s insistence, they get off the phone, and Jan’s able to begin her busy morning at last. Well...almost. Brad’s now talking to Yvette (Jacqueline Beer), and she wants him to sing HER song to her, which is LITERALLY just the Eileen song with a different name and in French! Which is...hilarious. It’s very funny, not gonna lie.

Once again, Jan tells him to get off the party line, and hangs up angrily. She leaves just as her cleaner woman, Alma (Thelma Ritter) arrives, fresh off of a hangover. Jan goes to try and get a line of her own, and the manager, Mr. Conrad (Hayden Rorke) makes a WEIRDLY sexist comment about jumping to the top of the list if she were pregnant. Which, yeah...weird.

Anyway, Jan, in her frustration, tells Mr. Conrad that she’s hired of sharing the line by a “sex maniac.” Mr. Conrad asks for specifics, and is AGAIN WEIRDLY SEXIST ABOUT IT. He asks if his dalliances with other women disturb her in particular. But yeah, he also says that if he is indeed a “sex maniac,” they may need to disconnect him altogether. Which has...uncomfortable undertones all on its own, but whatever, moving on.

On her way to work, Jan’s friend Jonathan Forbes (Tony Randall) shows up to bring her a STRAIGHT-UP CAR, holy shit! He’s doing so to thank her for decorating his offices (she’s an interior decorator, he’s a car dealership owner, so...fair exchange?). She insists that it’s too personal, which confuses him, as it isn’t perfume or lingerie.

But, uh, dude? IT’S A WHOLE-ASS CAR!!! Look, I’m with her on this one, don’t just give me a fuckin’ car out of the blue! I don’t care what the reason is, tell me that shit first! And Jonathan is CLEARLY trying to make it just a little more personal, if you get my meaning.

Jan finally arrives at her office, owned by Mr. Pierot (Marcel Dalio), and she tells him that an inspector has been sent to look after Mr. Allen. This inspector is Miss Dickenson (Karen Norris), and being of the wimmins, is immediately entranced by the apparently irresistible Mr. Allen, sabotaging any attempt at inspection.

The next morning, the inspector’s report comes through, and Miss Dickinson has of course cleared him of all charges. He calls her, and the two clash in a way that definitely means they’ll never, ever, ever fall in love, no sir, not these two, not a CHANCE IN HELL

They agree to make a schedule for using the phone, and Brad accuses Jan of being jealous of his free-wheeling, bed-hopping lifestyle, which she takes great offese to. But after they hang up, she thinks on the idea of having bedroom problems. Looks like Jonathan wants to fix that, on account of being the THIRSTIEST MAN ALIVE.

Dude has three three ex-wives, all of which were revolts against his mother, for which he’s seeing a psychiatrist.

...CHRIST, the man’s a walking-talking red flag. Jan also says that she doesn’t love him, like...AT THE FUCK ALL, and the man just straight-up says, “How do you know, we’ve never even kissed.” Ai which point, any normal person would see the phantom neckbeard and whip out the fuckin’ bear mace, but Jan just lets him lean in for the goddamn kiss!!!

Jan...standards, Jan. My God. Anyway, she still turns him down, he asks her to get married again, and she leaves. For God’s sakes, man. Anyway, she goes home, where Alma’s listening to Brad serenade a girl over the party line. Jan notes the time, and tells him to get off the line. He calls back, and tells her off.

Brad gets a visitor: his old college friend FUCKIN’ JONATHAN AGAIN. He bemoans being a millionaire (po’ babyyyyy), then reveals that he’s pining over Jan, whom he doesn’t know is the person on the party line with Brad. He hears a good amount of information about Jan from Jonathan.

After the conversation, Brad tries to somewhat reconcile with Jan, but she doesn’t have any interest in doing so. That night, the two have separate affairs. Brad meets up with a woman named Marie, and  serenades her with the same goddamn song from earlier, that suave motherfucker. Dude flips a switch, and the door fuckin’ LOCKS! Jesus, state-of-the-art hook-up tech of 1959.

Meanwhile Jan is attending a dinner held by an extremely client, Mrs. Walters (Lee Patrick). Needing to get home, she has her son Tony (Nick Adams) give her a ride. But on the way home, they stop and WHAT THE FUCK TONY??? I actually can’t find a clip or GIF of this, so I’ll tell you...he is ALL THE FUCK OVER HER, and it’s GROSS. CAN WE PLEASE STOP SEMI-RAPING DORIS DAY? WHAT THE FUCK, IN NO WAY IS WHAT I JUST WATCHED OK, HOLY SHIT!!!!!

Like...wow, that was the most uncomfortable I’ve felt watching a movie in a WHILE. And it’s not even because of the act itself, it’s because of how...OK it feels in the context of the film. Jan is BARELY upset by this slimy little weasely-faced rapey CREEP LITERALLY ASSAULTING HER IN THE FUCKING CAR. And in case you were wondering, yes! This film was written by FOUR MEN.

This is gross. Sorry, but this whole sequence is gross, and it gets even LONGER, because she AGREES TO GO GET A DRINK WITH HIM. WHY, JAN? STOP ENCOURAGING THIS BEHAVIOR. He tries to get her drunk (but ends up drunk himself), but she tries to leave. However, who should be sitting one table but Brad, who realizes who this is. Jan tries to leave, but Tony tries to get her to dance with him, AND SHE ONCE AGAIN AGREES, JAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!

And its during this time of distress for Brad that, OF COURSE, he finds himself extremely attracted to her. And since he knows who she is, but she doesn’t know him, he decides to fake his identity. And there we go, we’ve got a creepy-ass one-sided relationship set-up.

Meanwhile, lightweight Tony passes out on the floor, drunk as shit. Brad goes into help, putting on a take Texas accent and calling himself Rex Stetson. And OF FUCKING COURSE, she’s lost in his fuckin’ eyes. Damn those eyes, and his suave bullshit.

They shove Tony into a cab, then take his car, which appears to be too small for Brad, which makes sense, given the fact that Hudson was 6′4″, goddamn! The two take a cab, and the two reveal their mutual attraction to the audience, through their inner thoughts. Looks like all Jan needed for a relationship was handsome-ass Rock Hudson.

In her thoughts, she thinks on how honest and down-to-earth Rex Stetson seems, unlike “monsters” like Tony and Brad Allen. And OF COURSE this is how we get this started. OF GODDAMN COURSE this is how we start this relationship. Liar revealed, LIAR REVEALED, I FUCKIN’ HATE THAT GODDAMN TROPE SO MUCH

Soon after “Rex” takes her home, he goes home herself, and gives her a call, inviting her to dinner the following night. She accepts. Then, in the middle of the call, Brad pretends to pick up the line as himself, in order to set up the two identities as being separate...this is reverse You’ve Got Mail, isn’t it?

Think about it. Two people that hate each other, and they’ve never seen one another, but also love each other after meeting in person. IT’S THE OPPOSITE OF YOU’VE GOT MAIL. Ugh. Fine. Even down to the fact that he has a sizeable advantage over her, due to his full knowledge of the situation. He even tries to use his identity as Brad Allen to set-up their date the next night for success.

And it works, goddamn. A clever yet manipulative asshole, this dude is. They get on a horse and carriage, and we hear the inner thoughts of Jan, Brad, and the dude who owns the horse. And, yeah...it’s funny. The two go to dinner, where Jonathan shortly arrives. Brad gets him out of there with...mildly fatphobic means, but it is the 1950s, so things were just kinda...entirely that.

But in any case, Brad gets away with it, and he and Jan spend a hell of a lot of time together going all around the city. And the whole time, he’s playing the role of “Rex.” Ugh. This is a good halfway point, so let’s go to Part 2 here! See you there!

[rebelcap]

We are not just friends — Part 15

Chris Evans x bi!latina!character (Sofia is a people of color, she's brown.)

Chris and Sofia meet when their best friends started dating, it all started at friends with loads of bumps on the road.  

Warnings: drinking, smoking, drug use (weed), assault, Chris being Steve Rogers, commitment issues, my girl Sofia kinda messy, lots of fucking (eventually) 

This is slow burn at its best, at least emotionally. 

Series masterlist

She was already drunk but still managed to get her shit together witch she was kind of surprised too.

"Baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't know he was going to come with her and I already give her a piece of my mind because he's being an asshole," Amanda said as Sofia was downing her six beer.

"Whatever Mandy, he can't do whatever" She shrugged and then shrugged again. "She's fucking gorgeous, did you see her?"

"She's another generic brunette white girl, you're gorgeous," Amanda said and Sofia smile.

"Thanks, I'm in need of a little ego boost lately,"

"It wasn't an ego boost, just stating the facts girl." Amanda laughed and give her a strong hug. "I love you, idiot."

"Me too, darling." She bit her lip, trying not to cry. "You ready to cut that damn cake?"

"Oh my fucking God yes. Also, I'm seeing your dress, it's that—

"I just like pink, Mandy," She laughed. "Besides it's a color, you know I'm not very into gender norms."

"Yeah, tell that to my whole ass catholic family," Amanda laughed and Sofia joined her.

~~

Sofía went in the little stage, winking at the girl that was singing a few tunes and she gave her the microphone.

"Hello, hola, everyone," She said awkwardly and everyone on the floor looked at her and a few of them starting whistle at her. "Yeah, yeah. I know," She pointed at herself and everyone laughed. "This isn't my time to shine, yet but everyone knows our dear Amanda is pregnant with my Godchild, she didn't ask me but I already know,"

"Of course you know!" Amanda shouted and Sofia pointed at her.

"And we are officially opening bets, Amanda's family already know the drill, let's explain all the white people over there," She pointed at Luke's family making them laugh. "Basically, the lowest bet starts at 20 bucks and you don't win nothing more than bragging rights for the rest of your life. All the money it's going to the kid college tuition."

The crowd cheered and someone shouted. "What about a date with you!?" and some dudes cheered. It was Hernando, one of Mandy's tíos.

"I prefer to date your wife, tío. Ya, preocúpese por el sobrino," She said and everyone laughs. "So, bets. Please, everyone put money on the jar and write your name and preferred gender and we are also accepting Venmo, because of technology." Sofia said pointing out at the little table that they set up, where people could write their bets. "don't be cheap I know you'll get money," They laughed again. "Amanda, please come over here so people can see you and guess," She called her friend and Amanda walked up to the stage and grabbed the microphone.

"While you all place bets, imma be watching you!" Amanda shouted as they started placing bets. Sofia was policing and busting everyone chops when they put little money, it was all on good light.

~~~

Of course, he couldn't stop looking at her, he was more invested to just staring at Sofia from afar than the girl he was with. It wasn't fair for her and he should feel bad, but he didn't.

Chris wanted to approach her, wanted to just talk with her more than anything after what Mandy had told him. He obviously was still into her, those months apart just make him miss her, longing for her. Feelings were still raw, he just needed her on his life all the time. He's trying to stop those feelings, he knows it's not healthy—he doesn't want one of those guys that can't get over their exes. He never was but he never loved someone as he loved her. He was in love before but the intensity it's nothing compared what he feels for her.

It was absolutely crazy.

"You could at least tone it down a bit," Scott elbow him and Chris sighed deeply and looked at him.

"Should I talk with her?"

"I don't know, should you?"

"I'm asking you, because my brain it's just noise and her," He said downing a fifth of whiskey in one go.

"You think it's the right time?"

"Is there a right time to talk to her? my body fucking hurts, man." Chris said and leave the glass on the little table. "It's fucking crazy, I've never felt this way before."

"I don't know what to tell you, Chris." Scott sighed, he didn't want to be a mediator. Obviously, his brother is always a priority as well his family but he's a big boy, he's almost forty, and he should know how to navigate this.

And he also cared a lot about that girl in pink, that had been maintaining her distance and being all adult about he pulling the shit he was pulling.

That didn't mean that Sofia wasn't discreetly looking at him and the girl he came with actually dancing with one of Luke's friends, obviously, she didn't give a fuck about whatever Chris was doing.

"I wish I was like her," She pointed out. "She doesn't give a fuck," Sofia laughed and looked at Mandy.

"Stop comparing, I know what are you doing."

"I'm trying, okay, okay," She sighed and grabbed her drink again. "I'm getting sober, I can't be sober."

"Let's cut my baby's cake and you can get fucked up and dance with my cousin." and looked at her phone and made a face. "Damn Chris, he isn't cheap."

"What?"

"He just Venmo ten k for my kid, you know what bless his heart, he ain't that bad," Amanda said smiling and Sofia laughed.

"You're an idiot," She shakes her head and pushed her carefully towards the stage. "go and cut the cake,"

So the cake got cut, everyone cried and Amanda's father was the most excited jumping up from his seat when it was revealed that it was a boy.

Luke was over the moon, so was Amanda because she wanted to have a little boy, men. This was so right now, so right.

Sofia sigh and walked out for a moment, she needed some air after all that. Just to get her shit together and keep going because the party just started.

She lights up a cigarette, nasty habit that she was into lately and leans on the wall, listening to the music and moving her hips lightly to keep herself warm.

"Hey," She heard behind her and shut her eyes, feeling her heart jumping out of her chest.

~~~~~

I can't even,

Tag list:

@smediumsmeatbae

@lunaticbarnes

@firstangeldragonranch

@lovepeacefood

@thegirlwithpaperheart

[catharrington]

12 and 128 with billy and Steve?

Y’all really really do be trying me with this domestic stuff. I’m so sorry but I just don’t write mpreg so I’m changing it up a little. I was playing around with tags on this post and @thinger-strang asked where’s the meat?? Here it is bae!! Dedicated to U ;)

***

12- “I’m pregnant.” && 128- “Don’t touch me. We’re fighting.”

Steve has never been to a gym before, really never wanted to. He has always played sports. Outside! In the sunlight and fresh air, not inside a stuffy box crammed with sweating dude bros who didn’t seem to like using the showers for their functions. He’s here, at Robin’s request, with an overpriced membership to Planet Fitness Gym, only because he’s a good friend.

“Okay! I am so, so done,” Robin huffs out as she throws the exercise ball she was using, it bounces against the mirrored wall and almost comes crashing back into her. She turns to Steve with a grimace. “I’m going to use the last bit of time just running. You coming?”

And of course Steve was joining her, she’s the only reason he’s suffering in this place. “Sounds fantastic.”

So Steve slips back on his loose hanging tank top while Robin cleans up their area. Then she’s leading out to a slightly raised running track that winds around the whole gym floor. It takes the runner past each area and room then loops back around to make a lap. Robin’s pushing her headphones on her fluffed up hair, the grimace still on her face.

“How much longer, exactly?” Steve asks innocently, but she’s already started off without him.

Steve has to run to catch up then settles into a soft jog next to her. He didn’t bring his headphones, why didn’t he bring his headphones. He could be zoning out as much as Robin is now. Instead he’s submitted himself to the entertainment of the gym around him.

And sure, it’s interesting. Lots of girls with ill fitting training bras bouncing, lots of tshirts with funny inspirational sayings. Lots of people struggling through their workouts with even funnier faces.

It’s especially interesting when they get to the weight lifting area. The equipment set up around the clean white floors and walls look like torture devices, Steve couldn’t bring himself to image how they worked. Jogging past he noticed one that you moved like wings and one that you kicked out, all with wires and huge metal weights, all with jacked out super serious people working them.

One guy is slinging two lengths ropes up and down, then stops to take his shirt off to wipe his forehead. An oh, Steve doesn’t mind that so much.

Then he jogs past to the last room before a curve and it’s a simple one, Mostly empty, except for a few standard lifting benches. And there’s only one guy occupying it. He’s looking at himself in the mirror and God, Steve is looking at him too.

This guy could be Adonis turned rock star, with his long curled blond hair pushed back with a folded bandana in replacement of a sweatband. He’s shirtless with only the smallest of small cotton shorts on and he’s flexing in long languid sweeps of his arms. Poses, moves, poses, Steve’s glued.

Then the guy flexes one bicep, just the one closest to Steve of course, and happens to turn over his shoulder to admire himself. And their eyes meet. And Steve’s still glued, still looking, his mouth must be hanging open he’s so embarrassingly staring.

And this guy, this Greek god, a total babe, keeps his eyes locked with Steve while he leans down to plant a wet, open mouthed kiss on his taught, sun-kissed muscles.

Steve’s heart stops, full stops, but his feet do not. They twist and collide one after the other like a car crash, and he sends himself tumbling to the ground with a squeak.

In a weak attempt to stop, Steve stretches out his arms. But he only manages to grip the back of Robin’s baggy shirt and bring her down with him.

“You are a complete dingus!” She screeches as she shoves Steve’s lanky limbs off her.

“I’m sorry,” he whimpers softly, scrambling to his knees. He pushes his hands through his sweaty hair. And yeah, he can feel how flushed his skin is. He knows he is blushing tomato red. Steve doesn’t, he can’t, look back over at the guy who caused all this by being so amazingly distracting.

“I’m sorry,” Steve mutters again. Robin throws her hands up. Then she’s stomping off towards the ladies’ locker room. Steve has nothing to do but trudge off towards the men’s locker room, his tail between his legs.

By some grace Steve is saved meeting eyes with anyone else, and the locker room is empty. He rips into his locker to collect his towel. Steve pushes his sweaty face into the material and just screams.

“So smooth, so smooth you idiot!” He scolds himself.

There’s no way that guy is going to see Steve as anything other than a joke, a weirdo who tripped over his own feet. Maybe Steve will even have to quit the gym membership after only one day. Maybe he’ll just tuck himself in bed and never come back out.

Sitting on the benches, Steve’s hanging his head in defeat. His towel around his neck and hair in a messy curtain over his face.

He doesn’t see the door to the locker room open up. “Hey,” some guy calls.

Steve is seized with fear, yeah he’s really about to get kicked out of this gym for being a bisexual disaster. He brings his head up slowly.

“Oh,” he gapes as he sees the same Adonis as before, now standing only feet in front of him. Still shirtless, Steve notices. He’s even better looking up close.

“Wanted to say sorry about that,” the guy is smiling and Steve wants to die, “I didn’t mean to distract you or make you fall down. I was just being an asshole.”

“Nah it’s okay,” Steve stutters out. Then he notices how this guy has thick eyebrows; just as thick as his thighs glistening on display. His brows have a cut down one. And the other is currently raised a little in question.

“Oh- oh no! I don’t mean you being an asshole is okay! It’s just ah,” Steve feels his face flush red again. “I’m just a clutz naturally, I likely would have eaten shit on that track with or without a seriously hot guy with great muscles- oh. I didn’t mean to say that. Shit.” Steve has to stop talking too fast. He sounds so dumb sometimes, he scolds himself more as he buries his face back into his towel.

“It’s okay,” the guy is laughing now, laughing at him. But he keeps talking. “You were really... cute.”

That has Steve lifting his face from his towel. Scoffing a little chuckle himself, he pushes his hair back out of his face and sits up straighter. “How rude of me,” he stands up to hold out a hand, “I’m Steve Harrington.”

“Billy,” the guy, Billy, slides forward easy to take his hand in his. It’s big, warm, rough in lots of spots, and his fingers are thick just like every other damn thing on him.

“Hello Billy,” Steve says. The shake is quick, don’t make it awkward, but Steve misses his hand as soon as it’s gone.

“Sorry, again, I made you take a tumble back there, Bambi.” Billy stops Steve’s heart for a second time, but the wide hungry grin he’s wearing starts it right back up. Shocks Steve to his core with the electric power he has.

Steve doesn’t want to look away from Billy’s bright blue eyes crinkling in the corners with the force of his smile, his smile for Steve, oh wow. But he does glance down when Billy sips a piece of paper out of his shorts pocket to offer him.

“If you want those pretty doe legs worked out a bit, I’d be happy to help with some tips in exchange.”

What Steve wants is to scream. Wants to spin in a circle. Instead, he casually takes the paper. Glances it over. Nods. Internally faints. It’s a folded paper with information printed out for a beginners lifting class, ‘any size & any age’ it reads. And under the slogan, in the margin between room number and time, is a hand drawn cartoon of Billy lifting a barbell with one arm. His bicep curvy and huge, and one of his cute little cartoon eyes closed in a wink.

Under the drawing is a hastily scribbled phone number. Billy’s phone number. Steve is shaking with effort.

“Give me a call, Bambi. I’ll reserve a spot for you,” Billy calls over his shoulder as he walks back out of the locker room.

Steve has to close his eyes to remember to breath after Billy walks out. He goes to spin around to his locker again, already dreaming about all the nicknames and emojis he’s going to put next to Billy’s contact name, when his shin cracks against the wood of the bench. He goes crashing to the floor. Second time in one day. At least Billy isn’t here to see it this time.

After Steve showered and nursed his bruised ego enough, he slips out of the locker room. Phone in hand as he looks fondly down at his new contact.

Billy God of Hot Bod 👅💦💪🏻

“Robin, guess what?”

“Don’t touch me. We’re fighting.” Robin shoves off his thin finger jabbing into her side.

He shrugs. “Oh so you don’t want to know?”

She shoots him a hateful glare over her shoulder. They walk out to the parking lot and stop at Steve’s car, standing flush up on the doors and talking over the roof. “Know what?” She finally bites.

“The good news?” He wiggles his phone for her to see.

Robin furrows her brows as she tries to read the phone. “Good news?” She mimics.

“I’m pregnant.”

Robin almost screams at his terrible joke. She slams the door as she climbs in the car and orders Steve to take her home now. While they drove Steve might have talked the whole time about how Billy’s fingers felt, but who could blame him.

[stonerbughead]

Maria watches friday night lights (#35)

5x12 baby, helpppp how are we already at the penultimate episode (already, i say, after dragging this first-ever watch out basically as long as humanly possible L O L why am i like this)

my reactions / recap / flailing under the cut

I see that Tyra is literally the preview photo so I’m already like OH SHITTTT

Tami coming home from the airport with potentially life-altering news...and Eric is asleep in front of the TV on the couch, clearly trying to wait up for her, my heart.

AHHH Julie’s home??? A surprise? This is so fucking cute! The ending vibes are definitely here.

Omg Tim are you good, baby? Is he throwing his bed out of the trailer? Damn he clearly has so much trauma from prison.

Damn NBC 8 is pulling up, that’s how you know it’s State. “It’s State, Levi, get used to it.” “No, I’ll NEVER get used to it!” Lmao i love Levi.

WOW look at Luke trying to set up childcare so moms can participate in a hearing about school funding! GO OFF KING

Omg i almost forgot Mindy was pregnant again. Billy’s so excited...oh fuck, TWINS? They’re gonna be so broke forever. Mindy is as horrified as I would be lmao

Oh shit, here we go...Tami’s finally telling Eric about the job offer...and admitting she wants it!!! AHH

“We’d have to move to Philadelphia.” “We live in Texas. Honey, Texas...is where our friends and family are. Texas is where I work, Texas is where I have my job.” Weren’t y’all just thinking about moving to Florida like two episodes ago? I smell a double standard, sir!

Ugh Eric is shutting down. “I can’t talk about this right now.” BISH

“How many times have we moved before for your job?” MMHMM that’s right, Eric! You look shell-shocked but you need to take that in, sit with it!

Tim Riggins behind the bar is hot. Just an observation.

Ugh, the tension between poor Tim and Billy. Tim’s gonna go to Alaska?! WOW did not see that plan coming!

“What the hell are you gonna do, sleep with a bunch of woodchucks?” BILLY WHAT LMAO

“You’re gonna leave Texas?” “YES.” I love the drama in both these back to back conversations about the thought of Leaving Texas.

Broken dryer, Jess, I’ve been there. Like right now, we have a broken dryer in our apartment. Ooh, Vince coming and finding her and being gentle!

Aw poor Jess. “I finally found a coach who was open-minded enough to let me in and not laugh at me. He lets me shadow him and teach me how to be a coach, and now they’re gonna take it all away.” These poor kids.

VINCE: “We won’t let that happen.” MY HEART. I love them.

Wow, Luke’s being sold a low-tier football program, isn’t he? “We just got a Costco, and a brand new movie theater in the town.” yikes.

How is a reporter asking Eric “are you worried he’s taking on too much?” about a teenage boy. Like, how do they know this much about Vince’s life? Texas football culture will forever amaze me, even after watching almost the entire series.

“We haven’t even scratched the surface of what Vince Howard can do.” AWWW my heart! Eric is such a good coach.

Oh wow, the East Dillon Lions vs. Dillon Panthers funding debate!!! Did they send a Booster Club representative here to Buddy’s door to shake him down? “There’s gonna be a lot of changes.” Like what IS THIS?

“Vince Howard is gonna be a Panther.” This is... A Lot. “That chair at the head of the table is waiting on you.”

Oh nooooo Tim getting physical with a customer.

“I’ve been waiting five minutes for my drink.” FAMILIAR VOICE IN THE CORNER??? “Hey there, jailbird.” It’s Tyra, and she has long brown hair! I dig it! I dig this reunion!

Aw, Eric coming home and immediately apologizing to Tami for earlier.

Tami’s being realistic that if the Lions lose, their economic situation is in jeopardy—so a good job offer on the table is something to consider!

“So you’re routing against us?” OMG and there’s a moment when Tami thinks he’s referring to them but then realizes he’s referring to “oh, the team?” jfc “You and I, or us the Lions. Of course.”

“You know what, I’ve been a coach’s wife for 18 years. Every decision we’ve made has been based on your coaching career.” LIFE BEYOND FOOTBALL OH SHIT

Oh God Eric’s getting up with the keys???? Come on, dude! This is not cool! There are so many colleges and high schools in Pennsylvania! I promise they play football there!

Omg did Tyra just tell Tim about the twins since he refused to really talk to Billy?

Aw Tyra wrote to him in prison? That’s sweet.

Awww Mindy’s literally having a breakdown about not having enough space, and not being able to handle three kids. These poor babes. And the football team’s fate hinges on this because of the assistant coach’s salary...fucking crazy

Ooh now Buddy’s trying to hype Eric up on the Panther-Lions Superteam they’re gonna create.

Aw the whole fam at Billy and Mindy’s—Tyra, Becky, even Mama Collette.

“He’s got some stupid idea he’s gonna go to Alaska and work on a pipeline.” Well, when someone comes to prison and tells you they’ll actually let someone who has to check the felony box work a job with decent wages, yeah. God, the prison industrial complex sucks. Feeds the most vulnerable people into the shittiest jobs.

Julie outside of the Saracen home? Awww. Has she seen him since that romantic Chicago good-bye?

Luke, listen to Becky!! “I’d really appreciate if you put down the wrench and listen to me.” YES GURL

“That’s not real. You are! And I just think there’s been a lot of misunderstandings.” “Well, that’s really pretty you should put it in a love poem.” “Are you kidding me? Go to hell!” yeah, correct answer, Becky! These teens are under so much STRESS! The DRAMA!

Omg all these grown men screaming at the town hall meeting about football i cannot

Ewww these classist fucks. “Some of us on this side of town happen to own our houses.” Eat the rich.

Why the fuck is Billy writing a fucking speech while driving? And he’s surprised he swerved? Sir…

Aw poor Eric with pain in his eyes telling Billy he can’t be definitive about his job security...I mean, yeah.

Aw, Luke coming into the bar while Tim is working after...that talk with Becky…

“You and Becky...are you in love with her?” Tim looks so amused. “Are you serious?” “...Yeah. “No, I’m not in love with Becky. I care about her.” THANK YOU BOYS AND GIRLS CAN BE FRIENDS. Is this not what Becky tried to tell you last night? “I’ve been there a few times when nobody else was, but that’s about it.”

Aw Luke is so similar to Tim rn! Not “feeling it” from the school that wants him, even tho he loves football!

“You’re going to state, yeah? Nothing’s gonna beat that.” “Play it that way. Play it like it’s the last time you’re ever gonna lace up.” Some iconic Tim Riggins lines here!

“We were at the meeting last night, but we don’t want to argue or yell, we just want to give you our thoughts.” MY HEART i love Vince and Jess. “Well, that’ll be refreshing.” LOL after all these grown ass men were screaming over each other

“Was it really that bad?” “If you’re asking if I was raped in prison, Tyra, the answer’s no.” LOSING IT at this exchange lmao

“Tim Riggins, what the hell is going on with you?” that’s the question!

Oh shit is Tyra just finding out that Tim took the fall for Billy now...fuck

“He had a wife, a family. I had the chance to give him something, to give Stevie something we never had. To give him his father.” Damn, the look on Tyra’s face. She knows all too well why he did what he did even tho it fucked him up :( THE EMOTION. THE PAIN!

Damn they’re announcing the decision on the Dillon teams *before* state?

“What are you hoping for?” loaded question, Julie! “I hope that the Lions get to stay put, and I hope that I get to be Dean of Admissions at Braemore College.” awww yeah you do deserve it all, Tami.

Oh wow all these people from both teams standing in the street, drinking and talking and waiting for the decision with “i was living in a devil’s town” playing??? THIS SHOW.

I feel for the dude who has to address this town about this decision.

Anddd there it is, they eliminated the East Dillon program. The rich kids cheering for their victory in front of the poor kids mourning the end of the program they fought to make better is so fucking tacky.

And omg now they have to play state?

“Let me tell you something, you’re gonna be the star quarterback of the Dillon panthers next year, and you’re gonna shine.” OH this hug between Eric and Vince! “See you at practice tomorrow.” Again, the reminder that these people gotta play a *state championship*! wild

“We need to talk.” BUDDY WHAT?

Aw Julie and Tyra hanging out and there are Panthers screaming out of cars. “Welcome back to Dillon.” “No place like it.” Oh, this warms my heart.

I love this exchange: “You know, it’s kind of like this drug. When you get outside of it, you see it for what it really is. But when you’re in it, it seems like there’s no other possible reality.” “It’s a hard place to shake.” “Yeah...I didn’t see that one coming.”

“Whatever happened with you and Matty?” SAME, TYRA, SAME. “We’re good. I mean, we still talk every now and then. He went to Chicago. I went to visit him awhile back, and...I don’t really know what we are or aren’t or…” INTRIGUE. “I kind of just really miss him.” “Life’s harder when you really love someone.” Awwww. I loved that scene so much.

Wow, Buddy and Eric are talking at the Panthers field?

Oh, Buddy’s trying to sell him on winning the championship and then going to the Panthers to coach along with Vince….

“I can never come back to this school and coach. Never.” I mean, FAIR.

“Three rings in six years. That’s history. No one’s ever done that. You’ve got everything you want.” Yeah, Buddy, but does Tami get what she wants in that scenario?

Lol i love all the East Dillon Lions drunk on the field, like seasons’ past with teams past…

“Alright I’m taking a piece of grass home.” LOL TINK

To State and to Coach Taylor, huh? Sounds familiar. And Buddy Jr. is puking. Lmao.

“Just make sure you’re really okay with losing him.” YES Tyra! As much as Billy has majorly fucked up, i agree with her that the idea of the Riggins brothers losing each other when they ONLY had each other for so long...it makes my heart sad.

Oh shit are Tim and Tyra about to kiss? I almost forgot they were together back when this whole show started! “Please don’t go.” DAMNNN

Wow what a scene. Eric comes home with his news that he could have “everything” and Tami replies, “I’ll say to you what you haven’t had the grace to say to me: congratulations, Eric.

“I want you to take me someplace.” “Where?” “I’ll tell you when we’re on the way.” This is really cute! Also Tyra is so hot damn gurl i see you!

Aw Vince shooting his shot, yes! “What about you and me?” “I was really proud of how hard you tried. Thank you.”

“You already have two strikes against you.” “Jess, I was born with two strikes against me.” LOL SO TRUE. and aw what a hug!

Tyra took him to his land, didn’t she??? “Alaska, Tim?” He’s SMILING. Is that Texas Forever vibes i’m seeing here?

AH, Matt is home with a Christmas tree to see his grandma!!! She’s so excited!!

Aw she forgot his dad’s dead? “Did you say it was Christmas?” Oh this is so sad.

Why are Buddy and the Panthers coach standing at the Taylors’ front door like fucking cops late at night? This football program is sinister at times.

“Eighteen years.” Yeah, Tami. And then she turns it back on: “Can I get you two anything? Iced tea, water?” and FADE TO BLACK.

Damn!! What an amazing set-up for a series finale I’ve heard only good things about!!! AHHHH

[gccdnews]

Did you see JESSICA DREW from MARVEL walking around Limbo? The CISFEMALE looks like ALICIA VIKANDER, and is NINETY SEVEN years old. I’ve heard she can be VIRTUOUS & WITTY but also COCKSURE & REACTIVE. When I think of them I think of HELPING THE INNOCENT BY HOSPITALIZING THE GUILTY, RAISING SPIDER-BABY, THE GREATEST QUIPS OF ALL TIME BITCHCAKES. They’ve been here WITHOUT their memories as an PI & FIGHTER at BAKER STREET INVESTIGATIONS & UNDERGROUND FIGHT CLUB for SIX MONTHS. I heard they’re seeking a sanctum.

// whew. jess has a history™. it's long af and spans nearly a century so im not gonna go into crazy detail, but it's still lengthy. and i'm also gonna modify just a bit to fit in with the mcu for plotting reasons and stuff. if you don’t really care about her full history then there’s some bullet points toward the bottom.

she was born in england in 1924 and brought as a small child to the transia (it's a small, fictional slavic country) where her father was conducting research. unfortunately due to her being a small child, she contracted uranium poisoning from her father's work and had to be placed in a cryogenic chamber and treated with radiation and a highly experimental serum derived from the blood/genes of various species of spider.

she spent decades in stasis, educated subliminally with special tapes. when she was finally awakened she had only aged into her early teens, but she'd developed superhuman abilities.

grew up, moved away, met a dude, fell in love, then accidentally killed him with her powers. so yeah that kinda torments her still to this day. well, when she still remembered it anyway.

got recruited into hydra who she was led to believe were the good guys, had her memories suppressed, was told the high evolutionary basically a "god" figure, idek evolved her from a spider into a human woman, had an agent pretend to fall in love with her, etc etc. basically got gaslit and brainwashed into becoming a high ranking member until she was put out on a field assignment and told to assassinate nick fury. during the mission he told her what hydra really was and she dropped their asses.

got her memories back from mordred the mystic, then lived in a shitty apartment in london for a while. ended up breaking into a convenience store across the street at one point to get some food, but got noticed by shield agent jerry hunt who pretty much hounded her until she dyed her hair and created a secret identity to hide from him

did the hero thing for a while, moved to l.a., dated jerry, became a bounty hunter, moved to san francisco, became a p.i., superhero'd some more, met carol danvers 😍

went on a mission to finally take down longtime archenemy morgan le fay, and did so, but not before some morgan did some magic shit and separated her soul from her body ?? so she goes to the sorcerer magnus and has him cast a spell to make everyone who ever met her forget she existed.

not long later she was found and revived by two hero pals, breaking the spell, but she was left comatose. dr strange gets involved, abra cadabra, jess ain't a cadava'. but she is however, powerless.

continued working as a p.i. until an encounter with the new spider-woman mattie franklin somehow restored her powers, which came back slowly and were very unstable. meets jessica jones, accidentally zaps tf out of her, then works with her to save the new spider-woman.

eventually struck a deal with hydra to spy within shield so she could get her powers back but the skrull queen veranke was behind it and manipulating her so she could learn to perfectly impersonate jessica. jess ended up held captive for two years aboard a skrull spaceship while veranke took her place.

she and the rest of the captives got saved but because of the havoc veranke wreaked, she didn't exactly receive a warm welcome back.

spent some time rebuilding her reputation until she was invited to join the avengers (for avengers 1 in the mcu, let's say). they did some good work and she eventually fell for clint/hawkeye. they dated a while but things went sideways when he cheated on her (but obvs that's subject to change depending on who picks him up, just leaving that in for now bc it seems kinda noteworthy).

skipping comic spider-verse stuff bc how does that work with the rp, idek.

left the avengers after that and mostly stayed out of their business so she wasn't around for ultron or civil war and instead got back to her roots with some good ol fashioned p.i. work. may have crossed paths with the defenders and other street level heroes during this period.  

then of course, came the snap. jess was one of the ones that vanished. using this instead of her death during secret wars in the comics. when everyone came back she joined all the others to fight thanos and damn right she was part of that moment with all the female heroes like she should have fucking been irl.

when things settled down after y'know, dying, she realized that she wanted to be a mother and raise a child, and almost never got that chance. instead of waiting, she got herself artificially inseminated. which was good too tbh because like, look at her luck with men and imagine getting stuck in one of those relationships she'd been in so far. way better off doing it on her own smh

got invited to an alpha flight maternity ward by her captain marvel but when she went there it ended up getting overrun by skrulls and being super fucking pregnant she called carol for help, but the maternity ward was apparently in a black hole?? bc ofc it was lol. so jess protected all the women there, had an emergency c-section to give birth to her son gerry, then popped right off the table to finish kicking skrull ass. carol got there just in time for jess to collapse into her arms after the fight. headcanon — there was always a crush there but this was the moment jess fell hard.

had a liiittle teensy falling out with carol tho so she ended up kissing roger gocking/porcupine right in front of her during a battle that ended up repairing their friendship. then she went on to have a party announcing she and roger were dating but lbr she did most of this sub/consciously hoping to get a rise out of carol. but her spider-baby ended up crawling out a window and roger was the one to find and save him and there were some actual feelings there too, so. complicated. she kind of distanced herself from everything else to focus on p.i. work and raising her son.

not much later, jess realized her radiation immunity was gone and her powers were killing her, so she had roger take gerry to an upstate farm in case her condition could potentially harm her son, then set out on the search for a cure. that search of course, leading her to limbo city, nevada.

upon her arrival however, her memories quickly started to fade and by the time she woke up the next morning she had no specific recollection of memories. just innate and instinctive knowledge like her emotions toward people she was familiar with, emotional trauma that manifests mostly in her dreams, maternal instincts/yearning, her abilities both physical and learned, her interests and likes/dislikes, etc. things that come naturally to her, for the most part.

interestingly though, the town’s magic seems to have cured her??

gonna say she speaks english, romanian, german, hungarian, symkarian, russian, bulgarian, polish and spanish fluently, and knows a bit about a number of other languages.

incredibly intelligent, she is after all the daughter of a genius, raised among scientists conducting research, and her knowledge/intelligence was only maximized by her stasis education tapes.

exudes a high concentration of pheromones that can attract or repulse people, to put it simply. and ignore the original heteronormative connotations bc women aren't typically the ones she wants to repulse, and men arent always the ones she wants to attract. it's difficult to control but she learned over the years. even now without her memories she has innate control over it, but if she manages to work up a sweat (which isn't all that easy for her tbh) or misses a shower or two, well… it's gonna kick in.

she probably can't do it anymore in limbo because she can't remember how, but with her pheromones she learned to control them so well she was able to elicit fear, anxiety, attraction, hatred, pleasure, etc. and even used them to convince the hulk to make her a sandwich once.

fucking loves butter. she's been known to eat the stuff straight up. and a lot of it. lucky thing she has a spider-metabolism.

hc: she loves making puns, especially spider related ones. she also likes to annoy her spider-friends by spider-throwing the word spider in front of everything though it's obviously a joke, unlike in her cartoon where im pretty sure she was dead serious lol

hates rats. so much. she will tear down a whole skrull army but if one shapeshifts into a rat it's over okay, she already lost.

allergic to flerkens. which is great for visiting her bestie/crush, and her pet flerken chewie.

still has her suit but hasn’t worn it yet in limbo. she found it under her bed a couple days after “waking up” in limbo but put it right back because she figured it was probably some weird sex thing and maybe wasn’t even hers so, gross, yknow?

[bbrandy2002]

High Times in Cordonia

Wacky Drabble Prompt #12: You know that's not what I meant.

A/N: I haven't written anything from my Two Men and a Baby crew in...well...I don't know when. I kinda miss the old bunch and their shenanigans, so, I thought I would give it another go for old times sake. If I write anymore from this series, and Im sure I will, the new name will be "The Royals". Sorry if this is a bit rusty.

Summary: Liam and Drake find some pot and contemplate the options for getting rid of it, obviously by smoking it.

Warning: Drug usage and cursing.

Word Count: 1280 (not too much over the limit)

Liam and Drake had spent the better portion of the day putting away gifts from Riley's baby shower. The second largest bedroom in their quarters just happened to be Leo's old room and this was the one chosen for the nursery.

The most the housekeepers and the decorators found while transforming the former prince's room into the baby's was a few used condoms, a couple nude pics and a crusty cigar. The Queen, herself, at 8 months pregnant, had scrubbed and sanitized the room for two days, ridding it of any last lingering remnants of her brother in law. Riley was insistant that the essence of Leo be purged from that room before her innocent baby enter it.

"What do you think this is?", Liam asks while holding a small, baggie in front of himself that he found hidden in the back of the nursery closet.

Drake yanked the baggie from Liam's hand and opened it with a sly smirk before sniffing its contents, "I think...I THINK..it's pot".

Liam rips the bag back from Drake's hands with an annoyed expression, "Back off Cooch, I found it first", he said as he shuffled past him to the other side of the room, holding his stash closely to his chest.

"Cooch?", Drake raised a brow attempting to stifle a laugh, "Did you just call me...Cooch?, he asked with a chuckle.

Liam continued sniffing the contents, passively listening to Drake, "You know... that guy from that show you and Riley watched the other day, you sound like the sarcastic, sweater vest wearing one...Cooch".

"I think you mean Chandler and, my god, how are you the leader of this country.......fucking Cooch", he laughed heartily, continuing his mockery.

Liam rolled his eyes then grabbed a stuffed bear from the dresser, throwing it at Drake, who swerved out of the way at the last second. "Okay, so you've had your laugh, are we doing this or what?".

Drake's eyes widened with surprise, "Whatdya mean...like, smoke it?"

"No, I thought we could paint our toe nails with it, of course, smoke it".

'Who's being...Cooch, now, Your Highness...besides, we both know you won't do it. Maxwell begged you for years to try it with him and you were always...", Drake stiffens his posture and deepens his voice, " that stuff is a gateway drug mister and I will not succumb to peer pressure, heh heh heh".

Liam lets out a loud sigh, rubbing a hand over his face, "Well...it is you know and I don't sound like that". He walks over to the rocking chair and slumps down into it, still clutching the baggie. "Its just....I'm getting ready to be a father.."

"Experts claim that is the best time to start a drug habit", Drake interrupts as he sits on the floor in front of Liam.

"You know thats not what I meant", he replies as he sits up in the chair. "Its just that the most daring thing I've ever done is sneak out of the palace on a cronut run, I just want to do one last crazy thing before, you know, my baby gets here".

Drake scratches the back of his neck, shaking his head, waiting for Liam to come up with some logical plan for getting rid of it, just as they did when servants found other Leo stashes around the palace. He looked up at Liam, who seemed to almost be asking him for permission with those sad blue eyes. He certainly didn't appear to be changing his mind, nor, unsure of his decision.

"Fuck it", Drake groaned, "I'll see if Maxwell left any papers in his guest room".

20 minutes later.....

Both men are sitting criss cross applesauce on the floor of the nursery, each with a lengthy joint between their thumb and forefinger. The room was filled with billowy smoke that reflected off the light from the small giraffe lamp on the dresser.

Liam looked down at his joint, disappointment written on his face, "Do you feel anything yet? I don't feel anything".

"Maybe this stuff is too old", Drake took another hit, coughed, then paused for a moment, "maybe this stuff is too old".

Liam laid back on the floor flat, taking in a deeper draw this time before blowing, albeit- unsuccessfully, smoke rings. "You know what Drake, your name sounds like ssssssnake...did you ever think that a snake is really just a tail with a face on it".

"Yeah...yeah...tail is a snake...I've thought about it....a lot", he replies while trying to touch his nose with his tongue.

"Hey Drake?"

"Hmm".

"I wonder if the Japanese flag is really a pie graph of just how Japanese, Japan is?"

Drake runs his fingers down his chin, contemplating Liam's wise observation before snapping his fingers and pointing at him, "OR! Its a giant pepperoni, you know how the Japanese are with their pizza's and shit".

Liam nods, eyes having not blinked in over 20 seconds, "True that".

The guys spend a a few more minutes, waiting for the effects of their marijuana to start. Both deciding it was futile, they felt completely, normal.

10 minutes later....

"Drake, get the hell down from there!", Bastien yells up at Drake who is in the palace ballroom, perched on a chandalier.

Liam stumbles out of the kitchen entrance into the ballroom, a rare commerative edition bottle of Cordonia's finest bourbon that was given to Constantine 25 years ago in one hand and a triple cheeseburger stuffed with cheese doodles in the other. He suddenly stops when he notices Bastien looking up at the ceiling. He then walks casually over to him, taking a loud crunchy bite from his burger, smacks his lips a few times, "Wha dup?"

Bastien glances over at Liam, then does a double take, "Geezus, Your Majesty, are you feeling okay?".

"LIAM..watch this!!", Drake yells down as he starts swinging back and forth, small pieces of the ceiling falling like dust to the floor. He starts singing, "IIIIIII, wanna swing..from the chandalier...from the chandalier-IER!", his voice raising 5 octaves higher.

Liam gasps, "Oooooo, I wanna do that too", he tosses the bottle over his shoulder, shattering it, and thrusts his cheeseburger into Bastien's hand, "hold my burger dude". As he starts to climb the large metal ladder, Bas grips his feet, not allowing him to move any further up.

Liam cocks his head to look at his head guard, his face and shoulders lowering, "Awwww Bas, you dropped my cheeseburger...not cool man"

"Your Majesty, please come down and I will take you to the kitchen and get you a new one", Bastien pleaded.

"Don't listen to him Li, he's just trying to keep you from getting hurt, BUZZKILLER!!!!". Drake's own voice startles himself and he loses his grip and crashes onto a table below, "IM THE FLYING NUN....ouch".

Bastien releases Liam's feet and dashes to Drake, who landed onto the table next to him.

"Drake! Drake!, can you hear me son?", Bastien asks frantically as he looks over him, searching for blood or broken bones.

"Bas?", he asks weakly, his red eyes seaching Bastien's.

"What is it Drake?"

He smirks, "You gotta a wittle boogie in your nose".

Liam hops off the ladder, scoops up some random cheese doodles, before reassembling his cheeseburger and biting into it, "Mmm...T to the A to the S T E Y..girl, you tasty!".

The loud sound of the palace smoke alarm system blares, emergency lights strobing near the exits, illuminating the ball room with flashes. Bastien gets a call over his walkie talkie, "Sir, the Queen reported a small fire in her quarters, located within the nursery. She is safe and being escorted out by Mara, however, she says she thinks there is also a skunk in there".

Bastien rolls his eyes, "Its not a damn skunk, just, get everyone out and I'll meet you outside with His Majesty, over". He turns to Liam who is sitting in a chair, lapping up cheese and grease from the sleeve of his hoodie, then at Drake, who is trying to look at his own eyes. "Alright, Cheech and Chong, let's continue this little party outside". He carefully hoists Drake over his shoulder and pulls Liam up by his hoodie, dragging him to the exits.

"I'm the Cheech, huh, Bas?", Drake asks while hanging limply over his shoulder".

"King Liam Chong", Liam nods, "I like it!...hey wait...my cheese doodles...Bas go back...my cheese doodle...cheese doodles Bastien...cheese doodles.... Bas...IN THE NAME OF GODDAMN CROWN, MY FUCKING CHEESE DOODLES!!!"

Wacky Drabblers: @emceesynonymroll @burnsoslow @dcbbw @sirbeepsalot @janezillow @katedrakeohd @jessiembruno @pedudley @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @romanticatheart-posts

Permatags not listed above: @drakesensworld @ao719 @hopefulmoonobject @eileendannie @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore

Im still missing a ton of people from my perm list, I don't know where I saved the list, so so sorry about that. If you want removed or added just let me know.

[tellywoodtrash]

What is HAPPENING on Sanjeevani, girl?! I saw some clips on my Insta and it had a wild!Gaurav Chopra?! A nervous wreck masquerading as Dr Ishani?? And she's MARRIED to GChops?! Ded!Dr Shashank?? Mysterious son and Dr Anjali in Germany??? What.

Hiiiiiiiiii friend! 😘😘😘

Loooooooong time! How have you beeeeeeeen?! 🤗🤗🤗

Lmao I can’t even beginnnnnnn to describe the clusterfuck that has been Sanjivani since like…. October, but lemme try and break it down in bullet points (if you know all of this already, just skip down to the “three years later” bit!):

Sid who was flirting it up and sexy dancing at a wedding with Ishani till 8 pm, suddenly at 8:01 pm remembers that he has a dead fiancee in his past (plus najaayaz issues) and suddenly starts calling himself a panauti, properly balls-to-the-wall believing in the phenomenon (y’know, as educated, scientifically-minded surgical residents/general medical wunderkinds tend to do! blaming things like their mother’s premarital pregnancy and an older family members’ developmental disorder on themselves!) and being passive-aggressive in trying to ward off Ishani to “protect her” from him.

Passive-aggressive has to be notched up to AGGRESSIVE-AGGRESSIVE coz Ishani’s a dheent who won’t take no for an answer; so he GOES AND MARRIES ISHANI’S BEST FRIEND ASHA, who has gotten knocked up by Aman (who tata-bye-byed outta the whole sitch. Props to him for being the smartest person in this show. He’s probably living an unfulfilled life somewhere, but seemed to come from wealth, so how sad can you really be when you have so much money????)

This whole SidAsha marriage was engineered behind the scenes by Vardhan - who found out that Asha was pregnant and threatened to set her Khap Panchayat from Haryana on her or some shit. He coerced Asha to take advantage of Sid’s “achchaai” by playing on his najaayaz kid feels and take responsibility for her.

Lots of angst and drama as Ishani and Sid struggle with their feels about each other while he’s married to a pregnant Asha, whom he’s pledged his support and name to.

Asha’s pregnancy hormones seem to make her batshit crazy and unable to make any reasonable decisions, and she keeps messing with Sid’s career; drugging him and making him fuck up important surgeries and what not.

All this, again, coz Vardhan. Vardhan wants revenge from Sid. Why? Because dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnn, Sid is Shashank’s son! Vardhan wants to ruin Shashank’s life and thinks the best way to do it is by torturing his kids, and thus is fucking with Sid’s career, and is fucking with Anjali (like, literally. 👉🏽👌🏽👉🏽👌🏽👉🏽👌🏽 Coz sis has daddy issues and reallllllll bad judgement when it comes to men.)

But why does Vardhan want revenge from Shashank???? Damned if we (including the writers) know. Something to do with Vardhan’s Dearly Departed Didi, whose photo he keeps staring at while gritting his teeth. I’m guessing Shashank’s stuck his pen in that inkwell too?

Oh btw, Shashank also confessed his feelings for Juhi, who seemed HORRIFIED at the prospect, but like 5 minutes later is cool with it and reciprocates with her own crushy-wushy feelings? Idk man, idk. It’s all very unclear what that whole plot point was exactly, beyond some vague conversations and ambiguous coy smiles.

Daddy Shashank is disappointed in his known/unknown kid(s) for their various missteps in personal/professional lives. Saare milke inhe paagal banaa rahein hai, yeh chutiya bachchein.

Lots of other miscellaneous fuckery is going on between Sid/Ishani which……. honestly, is exhausting and not worth getting into. Anyway, it’s finally found out that Asha is the culprit behind this dhai mahine ka dukh-dard-chutiyaapa.

Ishani takes a bullet for pregnant Asha, and goes into a coma. Guilt-ridden Asha tells Vardhan to fuck off, signs annulment papers, and finally gtfo, but not before giving Sid a clue about who’s really behind all this kaand.

Vardhan is like lmao, I didn’t need her anyway and goes about paying randomass people to frame Sid for medical malpractice. Ishani literally comes out of the coma and hightails it straight to the police station to save her man. (For the record: I wouldn’t even let a man interrupt an afternoon nap of mine.)

Oh btw, by this point Anjali was like bohut ho gaya and fucked off to go play a Naagin on Colors. Good for her. 🐍🐍🐍

Sid and Ishani start working on exposing Vardhan. Coz appropriate R&R after getting up from a goddamn coma, what’s that!?!??!? JUST SHAKE IT OFF!!!!!!!!! PFFFFFFFT, TAKE A CROCIN OR TWO!!!!

Lo and behold, Dr. Shashank is killed in an accident. (We haven’t really seen him for the last………………………………… like 20 episodes or so? So…. do we really care at this point? Not really. Mohnish didn’t even show up to shoot the dead body waale shots. For the longest time I was like PAKKA SHASHANK NAHI HOGA, FACE NAHI DIKHA RAHEIN, KOI AUR HAI YAAR!!!!!!!!!!! But nope, all the characters identify him by face……… So yeah, egg on MY face.)

Sid’s mummy drops the bomb at the cremation that Sid is Shashank’s son and should light the funeral pyre. A very cool fun appropriate time for Anjali AND SID to find that out!!!!!

Sid and Ishani channel their sads into exposing Vardhan. Hallelujah, finally a win for the unluckiest people in this show. FFS even the little child who got impaled on a rod and Nurse Philo’s daughter with terminal brain cancer have had better lives.

Sid proposes to Ishani. He says he’s been accepted into some program in America and wants her to come with to start a new life there. Ishani is like nope, YEH MERA INDIA SANJIVANI, I LOVE MY INDIA SANJIVANI.

Ishani’s Mama/Mami come for rishta talks and catch the two almost making out in an on-call room and are all hawwwwwwwwww cheeeeeeee sanskaaaaaaar, etc. They turn out to dislike Sid coz najaayaz. And are rudeass snobby assholes to him and his family. Sid is understandably quite mad.

INSTEAD OF TALKING THAT SHIT THROUGH WITH HER, HE DITCHES ISHANI AT THE FUCKING MANDAP VIA TEXT AND FLIES OFF TO AMERICA. VIA TEXT. VIA TEXTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. We are all reminded once again, that Tellywood Men Ain’t Shit.

Except for Drs. Rahil and Neil who have categorically maintained their Very Good Boy crowns 👑👑👑👑 throughout the run of this show. Gold stars to them for achieving the impossible. 🌟🌟🌟

Sanjivani is on fire. Like, metaphorically it was always on fire, but this time literally. Unhinged Ishani runs riiiiiiight into the burning building.

3 years later………..

Sanjivani has been rebuilt. By Gaurav Chopra whose name is Navratna Singh, lololololol. An appropriate name because he does seem to be quite thanda thanda cool cool. He reopens and invites all the old staff back to pitch in and restore the place back to its old glory.

Anjali is a guest lecturer in Germany and may or may not come back to Sanjivani soon, depending on her Naagin transformation schedule.

Rishabh now seems to be a semi-decent human being????? Still a bit of a self-obsessed idiot, but definitely seems to be not as much of an asshole.

Rahil is super-serious and also bitter that his best friend just fucked off to America and hasn’t bothered keeping in touch. No one knows where Ishani is.

Ishani is now some kinda nervous wreck who spends her time doing pottery, but not the sexy Ghost kind. Just very sad and jittery and constantly popping anxiety pills (which looked like green Cadbury Gems to me???????) She can’t seem to help a person who sustains a semi-serious injury near her, completely freezing up in the moment.

Mr. Thanda Thanda Cool Cool finds her at the pottery studio, seems quite familiar with her, and tries to gently persuade her to come back to her first love: medicine.

But ofc heterosexuality rears its ugly head and sis can only think of the trash boy that ditched her.

Mr. TTCC brings her to Sanjivani but she behaves exactly like a toddler on the first day of school. There’s having to be coaxed out of the vehicle, reluctant dragging of feet, weeping, the works.

Precap shows her yelling at TTCC and saying he’s the boss of Sanjivani, not her, and kis haq se pakda hai, chodo mera haath!!!!!!!!!! And he gently reminds her of the wedding vows he took, to never let go of her.

Looks like the poor dude may have invested and rebuilt all this just for her and……………… in the end he’s gonna have to let her go to Dr. FuckBoi, mirroring the end of DMG, which……………… *prolonged, defeated sigh*

AND THAT’S WHAT YOU MISSED ON GLEE SANJIVANI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[queenkeeleyhawes]

REPOST: queenkeeleyhawes’s official ranking of keeley’s male character counterparts

**reposting because i added theo (i forgot him the first time), added martin (mutual friends) because i recently watched it. removed david from top tier after i revisited some things. moved sven to top tier because it’s what he deserves. and moved gene hunt lower because let’s be honest, he’s the worst.**

this list includes: husbands, boyfriends, bosses, and other male coworkers. there is some of her work that i left off because her part was too small. i started this list originally at 5 am a couple of weeks ago. these are my personal opinions. please don’t come for me. most are pretty self-explanatory too but i did list reasons anyway. if you happen to disagree with me, that’s fine, but i’m pretty set in my ways so even if we have a nice conversation, you’re unlikely to change my mind. ** SEMI(?) SPOILERS AHEAD**

Top Tier 

Spiros - hello he literally did everything for her and her family. took such good care of them from day one. literally found them a house when they got on the island. and furniture. and a maid. he got her ring back when she sold it to bribe those thugs in series 1. attempted to tutor gerry when she couldn’t find anyone else. held her when she needed a good cry after hugh nearly died and after florence could have died delivering her baby. watched her children while she went back home briefly. built gerry his zoo. the list goes on and on.

Caspar -  saw her for who she was. was impressed by her mind. “you’re beautiful as well as good. one of those things i can't change. the other i never will.” that is all. 

Fabian - *crying emojis* he literally cared so much for her. always wanted to be with her. literally put her aunt into a home and paid for it when it was not cheap. pretty much disowned his eldest daughter for her. after everything still adored her.

Samuel P. - hoo boy it’s a lot. clearly they made a connection. but he respected her and her marriage to not pursue it further when she put an end to it. was so happy for her when she found her son.

Jarvis - he just loved her so much. the lil hotel kissing scene. the way they looked at each other. ugh. we’re not even going to talk about them singing together in rehearsal. i don’t have it in me.

Dick Dewey - i mean hello. good on the eyes. sweetheart. loved her so much. the hand washing scene. the lake scene. saved her father from the bear trap and let some other dude take the credit.  made all the boys apologize to her via song after they humiliated her in church. 

Danny - let her move in with him when he saw how terrible her living arrangements were. so much more. i really wanted them to end up together.

Theo  - obviously, he belongs in Top Tier because he was always just absolutely wonderful to louisa and to gerry (duh) and he always gave her the best advice. like I truly believe they were best friends and though he didn’t include himself, he was definitely part of the “men she loved the most on the island.” also he’s an “honorary woman.” the end.

Sven - literally saved her son from dying. brought her nets for her olives. let gerry borrow a goat. eventually i liked them together and i think they could have worked...but...you know.

Good Tier

Harry - cool dad. loved their relationship. he took care of her.

Tom - they were very good friends and he treated her so well. he genuinely cared for her as an employee. obviously the real chemistry was there but i'm honestly glad they didn’t go in that direction.

Ray - listen i know he’s an ass but he’s the ass that you actually love. and she changed him for the better. i loved the dynamic between him and alex and as they grew as friends. plus dean and keeley just played off each other so nicely.

Daniel - she just wanted him to call about that damn flat but he finally had his little break through by the end so he can stay and obviously matthew and keeley working together is *heart eyes.*

Richard Shaw - he had his issues but he really did love kathleen and even though he was basically in denial about their son and did some things she didn’t like...he was a good man who took care of her.

David - i mean it was literally his job to save her and he did try (we’re not gonna talk about the end of episode 3). i believe he really put her at ease and was making her change her opinions and views on so many things. but there were issues...we can’t deny that.

Mr Morley - we didn’t see them interact much...but he’s fine.

Chris - he’s fine as co-workers go. i think he definitely respected alex eventually but he wasn’t my favorite.

Will (MI-5) - he was fine. a little boring but fine and he literally was not even cute. really zoe??? he did love her. and she did end up having a good life with him.

Bad Tier

Martin Grantham - almost cheated on his wife for revenge. told her potential boss she had mental health problems just to keep her from getting the job. believed a rumor that she had hired a solicitor so he hired one out of spite. umm the bar scene with their son. everything he did with peter. enough said.

Rob Graham - he almost cheated on his wife. he was in slight denial about their son. didn’t want to get a dog. loved her and he clearly fought to stay with her. a few points for that.

Joe M*cb*th - was just kinda there? not horrible but not great.

Steve A - do i really even need to explain? he’s just so infuriating. you’re probably wondering why he’s not lower on this list...but...well just wait until you see the rest.

Mr Royal - he just generally sucks and also he ruined her dessert in that one lil scene and was just horrible. and he fucking slapped her, knocking her to the ground???? no sir.

Peter - the jealousy i mean come on and he terrorized her. nearly killed her best friend. not to mention i’m about 99.8% sure he stole her cat.

Hugh - ugh he was with her to make vasillia jealous. i don’t care what he tried to say. and i hate that he called her angel when that’s what her husband called her. also i think she just liked the idea of them and then realized how quickly it wasn’t going to work out, especially when he wanted her to go back to england when they hadn’t even been there that long and clearly corfu made her happy?!?!? purposefully hurt spiros.

Miles Mollison - it literally took him hearing his mother calling his wife a failure for him to grow a spine?!?!? and dude your wife looked like that *long sigh*

Trash Tier 

Billy - how many times did she have to ask him about getting a job. the jealousy. he didn’t do anything???? he took care of jake so he gets points for that. but he made her feel like crap for it so….bye. and he told tina even though angela didn’t want to tell anyone.

Michael - literally tried to murder her.

Othello - actually murdered her.

Dennis Hamilton  - crazy, jealous. possessive. made her get an abortion. spent all of her money. just gross.

Alec Wilson - hello he literally had another wife and two other children that she knew of. and he only gave her 5 measly fucking pounds….rude. 

Terry Leather - had an affair with another woman. kinda redeemed himself in the end but not really. 

Hallam - literally had an affair with her sister. forced her to take in lotte when she was terrified she’d lose their baby. was trash to his little sister after making a big deal about getting her out of the asylum. was horrible to blanche. was fine (?) with the staff but not really?? 

Sam Webster - had an affair. got another woman pregnant when that’s something his wife wanted again. literally never believed her about anything. blamed her for alice’s death and then later tried to tell her not to blame herself when she was depressed. horrible to their son. just an all around shitty person.

Roger - jealous of j’s power. racist remark about david. tells her something she specifically said she doesn’t care to hear. and let’s be honest he was probably bopping some blonde 20 year old.

Dryden - wouldn’t leave his wife. forced her to get an abortion. literally picked up a 15 year old at some gathering for a bj. gross gross gross.

Gene - grade A asshole. i literally do not understand why people love them together??? he was the one who saved her as a child??? but then almost hooked up with her in the afterlife??? creepy. no matter how many times i re-watch, i cannot find any redeeming qualities in him or any reason why they should be together. also he was a sexist, homophobic, RACIST pig. i don't care it was the 80s...gross. this one you definitely will not be able to fight me on.