#like codeswitching itself is a trauma response

[giftedpoison]

i started school again recently after taking a really long break to figure my shit out.

and my first assignment literally has me emailing the teacher because it feels like she's asking us to divulge trauma on a discussion board post for our peers to consume.

and that feels weird. and i'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt by emailing her to get more explanation about the assignment. but am excruciatingly terrified i'm gonna make an enemy out of her by mistake during my first week.

(also for context I'm taking an Intro to Literature course. No idea how that connects)

[lacefuneral]

this came up during trekwatch yesterday and i figured it was worth making a post about.

sometimes fic authors broach the topic of characters having PTSD, and they do so by having the character experience nightmares. this is good, but it's also kind of reductive. PTSD affects a person deepily, and in many different ways - some of which may be surprising to you. Here are a few additional things to consider. Remember to do your own additional research.

identity issues (not knowing what defines you as a person, compartmentalizing your interests into descrete personas [not codeswitching - I'm talking about being unable to reconcile the self as a multifaceted person], or rapidly fluctuating through phases of style/speech patterns)

dissociation/depersonalization (or: feeling as if the world around you is not real vs feeling that you yourself are not real), these are not mutually exclusive and can occur at the same time.

impulsive decision making that has the potential to cause bodily harm (usually /because/ of depersonalization and the need to break through the numbness OR due to a false sense of invulnerability/lack of normal fear response), this can range from thrill seeking (like bungee jumping) to recklessly spending money to self harm.

hypersexuality (this often connects with the previous point - seeking out risky sex with strangers, being careless with one's self to the point of injury, or otherwise trying to drown one's feelings by using sex as a coping mechanism)

Intrusive thoughts, usually violent in nature and may or may not relate to the trauma itself. Often related to the three points above.

Mania - where a person is irritable and has excessive energy. Often couples with intrusive thoughts and reckless behavior. May also cause the person to work obsessively and have a lesser need for sleep. (May last a shorter duration than clinically defined mania or hypomania, as described in bipolar disorder.)

Other unhealthy coping mechanisms: alcohol, drugs, disordered eating.

flashbacks (which are not always the Fully Immersive Experience portrayed in movies where you disconnect from reality. It can simply be remembering your trauma at a random time, with nothing to prompt it, leaving you further traumatized and drained.)

Having triggers that remind you of trauma and cause you to have a flashback and/or panic attack and/or to dissociate/depersonalize. Not all triggers are blatantly "scary" or violent. Sometimes it can be something that would be innocuous to others, like an article of clothing or a name or a smell.

Not experiencing an emotional response during a crisis. This is because the brain is attempting to protect itself. The person might appear to be "eerily calm" and "levelheaded."

Trouble forming/maintaining interpersonal relationships, as well as a confusion about boundaries. (This does /not/ mean confusion of consent - it means that the person is unsure if they experience platonic feelings or romantic feelings or sexual feelings towards another person and, as such, how they should behave around that person. To flirt or not to flirt? To be distant or not to be distant? To be formal or to be casual?) They may keep a close friend of many years at an arms length and use extremely formal language with them, but then turn to someone they just met and propose marriage.

This isn't an exhaustive list, obviously, but it's what came to mind. Also: Everyone experiences PTSD differently. Some people handle it better than others.