#like brenda and Teresa will be rooting for Thomas and newt the whole time

[zer0brainc3lls]

Do I like brenderesa in the movies or books? Not rlly

But when I’m reading newtmas fanfiction if I don’t get my lesbian side plot I will RIOT.

[youngster-monster]

Yellow camellia/longing

Newt is good at hiding things. That’s part of why Alby made him his second in command, why Minho went to him first when he had bad news about the Maze he didn’t want to share with all of the Gladers. It’s always useful to have someone you can confide in who you know won’t let any information slip. In his darkest hours, he did it out of habit. He spent weeks at his lowest before he threw himself off a wall in the Maze, and no one ever suspected a thing. He’s a born secret keeper.

When he starts developing feelings for Thomas — the warm, gooey, overwhelming sort of feelings, the kind that starts with a capital L — covering it comes naturally to him. They don’t have the time for such things, and Thomas wouldn’t reciprocate, anyway. It’s best for everyone if he keeps it to himself, so it’s almost easy to do so. Almost.

He’s caught in Tommy’s orbit, unable to break away or to come any closer. All he can do is stay at his side and keep him safe. And he does. He sticks with Tommy through every reckless plan he thinks up, he guards his back, and he doesn’t say a thing. Sometimes his eyes linger a little too long, or a wistful sigh escapes him, but he’s good at this, and no one caught him yet. He likes to think he’s happy with what they have.

It’s a lie he tells himself, but he’s a good liar. You have to be, to keep secrets: it’s one big lie by omission. The thing with lies though is that they outgrow you. They start inconspicuous enough — so small no one thinks to question you on it. Of course Newt and Thomas are friends. Of course there’s nothing more to it.

But they rarely, if ever, stay that way. Lies, that is.

Newt can feel his secret growing inside of him at each foolish stunt Tommy pulls, every time he talks sadly about Teresa or shares a long, emotionally charged look with Brenda. It grows like wildflowers and ivy, reaching up for the light.

It takes roots.

The secret takes more place inside of him each day, choking out his words before they can stumble over his tongue and out his lips, curling around his ribs and squeezing them tightly, painfully. It was only a matter of time before it became literal.

The first time Newt coughs up petals, he ignores it. He tells himself he swallowed them on accident. The wind might have blown them in his food and he didn’t notice. No matter if there isn’t a single flower for miles around. It’s a stupid excuse but he’ll break without it. Call it a coping mechanism, call it ignorance; truth is, it’s just cowardice. If he doesn’t think about it it might go away, as if that’s worked for him before.

But it doesn’t stop. Why would it? Life has never been forgiving to him before. Tommy smiles at him, one of his rare real grins, and his chest seizes up, his lungs burn. He coughs in his hand and closes it tightly around the handful of yellow petals.

“Air’s dry,” he says, shrugging when Tommy levels him with a concerned look. “I think there’s more dust in my throat than in the whole Scorch. What were you saying about the train?”

Tommy drops it in favor of laying down the plan to rescue Minho. Newt smiles to himself and discreetly crushes the petals under his heels while Tommy isn’t looking.

It’ll pass. It always does.

Except when it doesn’t.

The coughing worsens. He does his best to hide it, but there’s only so much he can do before the others start to look at him with wariness and concern. It puts him on edge, the mix of pity and suspicion, and he snaps at them more often than he’d like to.

Today was a bad day. His chest has been hurting non-stop since he woke up and his throat itches, from coughing so much or from the flowers tickling his flesh he’s not sure yet. All of this for Tommy (because of Tommy).

So when he evidently hesitates to risk Teresa’s well-being — Teresa the traitor, Teresa who’s responsible for Minho’s capture, Teresa who’s been keeping Thomas away from him — he snaps. He blinks and suddenly he has Thomas pinned and his throat feels raw as if he’s been screaming.

He apologizes but it sounds brittle, as shaky as he feels. Later, when Thomas comes to sit right next to it, he considers telling him. Instead he says it’s the Flare. It’s easier to lie when you’ve been doing it for so long. That’s the thing about secrets: even when you want to share them, you can’t.

He tries to convince himself it’s worth it, for Tommy. There’s nothing else to be done. No one can pull these out of him and Thomas— Teresa has his heart for now. After all of this is over, maybe Brenda will take better care of it. There’s no space of Newt there, so he can only do his best to bear through it. Fight til the end.

(It might come sooner than he’d like, but he’s ready for that too.)

The finality of it still weighs heavy on his mind, even as he just feels like giving fate a grim grin and opening his arms wide to accept his fate. Eventually there will be nothing left of him but bones overgrown with secrets and lies, and people passing by his final resting place will think they look very much like wild flowers.

There’s beauty in that. It’s almost comforting.

It gets exponentially worse as they make their way through the Last City. Adrenaline and adrenaline make his breath even shorter than usual. Teresa glances at him, maybe hearing him wheeze shallowly through his helmet, and he stubbornly refuses to look back.

He still watches Tommy’s back through it all. No matter that his sight is becoming hazy at the edges, that his head is swimming. He’ll see this to the end.

Not much further though.

Running does not help. Jumping a hundred feet into a shallow pool definitely doesn’t help. He breaks the surface of the water with a gasp, drenched to the bone, and his eyes meet Tommy’s through sodden locks of hair.

He’s beautiful. It takes Newt’s breath away. It’s minutes before he finds it again, and by the time he can breathe again and his vision clears he’s propped against a wall and there’s blood and flowers in his lap. He brushes the flower away before Tommy can see them, wipes his bloody mouth on his sleeve.

They have to help him walk after this. He’s not sure at what point they start carrying him. It’s all he can do to keep his feet from tripping against the uneven pavement, and eventually he loses even that ability. It’s so hard to breathe. He drags a lungful of air in and feels none of it as it’s swallowed by the vegetation stuck in his throat. Everything goes black for a moment. Then there’s fire. He can’t hear Minho and Gally anymore, but he can sort of make out Thomas in the blur. His voice sounds muffled and distant, but he can still hear the panic in it.

Blood trickles down his chin. He wets his lips and tries to tell Tommy— anything, at this point. Be strong, take care, think of me when I’m gone.

Thomas doesn’t listen. He never does when he has an idea in mind. Instead he hoists Newt up, slings his arm over his shoulders, and drags him along. Sometimes it feels like that’s all he ever does. But he’s warm and solid against Newt’s side, so he doesn’t find it in himself to complain about the pain. He even makes an effort to match his steps but his legs are heavy and numb, and he can only sort of bring his feet under him before his strength fails him.

When he goes down his weight drags Tommy down with him. He struggles to choke out words, manages to beg Kill me, Tommy— and can’t say anything more as he’s wracked by a cough. Tommy pushes to his side before he chokes.

Blood splatters on the ground, bright red in the artificial lights. The coughing doesn’t stop, and soon it’s joined by petals, then whole flowers, yellow stained with red. He feels like he’s going to throw up, like he’s doing to die. Again, he tries to speak, propping himself up on his forearms.

“Tommy—“

“C’mon, Newt, hold on, they’re getting the antidote—”

Thomas’ voice is shaking. He must be too stressed to notice that Newt’s symptoms have nothing to do with the Flare. Newt smiles sadly through the pain. His mouth tastes like copper and dirt.

“Tommy,” he repeats softly, unable to get in enough air to speak any louder. All the energy he has, he puts in his following words. “It hurts.”

What he wants to say is: I love you. I hope you miss me. But a secret is only a secret for as long as you keep it, and he won’t betray himself so close to the end. He just wishes Thomas would take pity on him. There’s no hope for him except in a quick death, but his fingers are shaking too much to get to his knife.

His arms give up under him and he crashes to the ground.

Through the ringing in his ear, he thinks he hears Thomas’ voice saying I love you. He’s heard it so many times in his dreams but it’s still as sweet as the first time. He holds this one reassurance from his feverish mind close to his heart, and sinks into the darkness.

He wakes up. At first all he hears is a persistent humming, like an engine, but soon it’s overtaken by soft voices. It reminds him of early mornings in the Glade, and the nostalgia is such a tangible thing it hurts.

It’s… the only thing that does.

His chest is free of the acute pain he’s been living with for months. He takes a tentative breath through his nose and feels nothing blocking it. There’s a bone-deep ache in its place, but it feels more like the soreness he’d get from overexerting himself. It’s as if the roots are gone — maybe death isn’t so bad, in the end.

It’s warm and painless. He’s so grateful for it he feels like he might cry.

When he cracks his eyes open, he finds that the Other Side looks a lot like a Berg. He definitely recognizes that ceiling.

That’s when it dawns on him that he might have survived, in the end. The humming must actually be the Berg’s engine, the hard surface he’s laying on its cold metal floor. His head is pillowed on something soft though, and he frowns slightly, trying to tell what it may be.

“Newt?” Someone whispers. His pillow shifts slightly, and Thomas’ head appears above him. He’s covered in blood and grime, and his eyes are red like he’s been crying.

That won’t do. Newt hasn’t survived this far for Thomas to be crying. He wishes he could touch his face, wipes away some of the blood, but his arms feel heavy and numb. Instead he opens his eyes fully and cracks something resembling a smile, hoping to comfort his friend.

“Everyone made it out?” He rasps.

Thomas’ eyes tighten and he swallows dry. “Teresa didn’t.”

“Oh.”

“But you did. You did.” Tommy sounds like he’s about to cry again. “Shit, Newt, you scared me to death.”

Fingers card through his hair. He lets his eyes fall half-closed again and hums comfortingly, although at the moment it feels more like Tommy is comforting him. Which doesn’t make any sense. He’s alive. He doesn’t need more.

Well, there’s one thing.

“Did Minho and Gally get the serum in time?”

“No. But it doesn’t matter. You didn’t have the Flare.”

Newt freezes, opens his eyes again. The hand in his hair stills. Thomas is looking at him, looking more tired than accusing.

“You lied.”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“You should have told me.”

Newt wants to say it wouldn’t have made a difference. But he remembers a faint voice as he was drifting into unconsciousness, begging, stay with me. I love you.

Maybe he’s not the only one here who’s good at hiding things.

“I thought you loved Teresa,” he says instead. Not quite an apology, but an explanation.

“I did. And then I loved you.”

This time it’s not flowers that take his breath away. It’s just Tommy’s painfully earnest stare, the gentleness with which he brushes Newt’s hair off his face. There’s something growing in his chest.

He thinks it might be joy.

[peppermint003]

okay, here we go...

a girls night never fails and i am happy that they were supporting each other and just had a good time!! 😌

her and brenda’s friendship is thriving and i love to see it!!

so i see thomas was waiting for her....i don’t like the unsettling feeling lingering between them ☹️

haha omg, brenda is loud but lively!!

she’s late! has she ever been late ?!....i don’t think so, right ?

well looks like that talk is gonna have to wait...i don’t like seeing thomas like that though...so nervous and with this uneasy feeling

she is so mature and wise and understanding with this thomas situation and when i really think about it....she is right! she is handling this very well and being level headed...i admire that!!

i think it’s amazing that brenda wants to ask out minho! she is fabulous and i love how bold and confident she is! i love that s h e is making the first move and asking him out!! 😁🙌🏼

“well, y’know, you have to ask. otherwise, you’re always going to wonder what could have happened, and you’re so hung up in the bad that you’re not seeing how awesome things could be”.....”it seems ironic to hear you saying that, with how you used to be” 🙌🏼 we have all noticed and seen just how much development she has made and how things have changed between then and now! “the ‘best’ i referred to is finding a family and a home with you all, and finding best friends like you and newt, and a place to stay for however long i can. i don’t want to move anywhere, and it’s been a long time since i’ve been happy where i was, but i am here, thanks to you all. even if things never go any further between me and thomas, we’ll still be friends” this, this sentence says it all!!! 🥺💞

what! newt and derek are arguing....whhhyyyyyy?!

ooooooohhhhhhh

geez....did all relationships sync up and decided to just kinda suck at the same time

i adore her and newt and i won’t get tired of saying it! they just know each other so well and can just read each other and they both know that they can count on each other always!! that is a beautiful and real friendship 💙

it’s so calming to read about her and newt working and doing simple tasks! it’s pleasant to read about how they work in sync! 😌

“did you know he cried when tony stark died? sobbed like a toddler who got their toys taken away” 🥺😭😭 i did too!!!

oh shit, that is a serious question.

hmmm, why didn’t or hasn’t thomas told her about teresa ?

i guess newt is right! her and thomas’s relationship is a lot different than thomas and teresa’s...can’t and shouldn’t compare!

newt is so well advised, he is right and she should talk to thomas!

i’m glad she opened up to newt and that he was able to provide some sort of comfort and relief toward this whole thomas situation

oh. my. god. derek went there!!!!!!! he went to newt with flowers!!!!!! ahhhhhhhh!!!! 🥰

oh no no, don’t fight!

that’s kinda awkward...she is just kinda there 😅

“i was trying to ask if you wanted to go away with me for the weekend” gasp!!!!!! aaaaaaawwwwwwww 🥰 yyaaaaaaayyyyy!!!!

ohhh tommy 🥺 he is so patiently waiting to talk with her...my hearts breaks for him....for them both

ayyyeee so newt and derek are okay now and i think are going away for the weekend !!! 🙌🏼🥰

newt is awesome! always there for his friends and rooting for her and tommy!!

she is so encouraging towards tommy

tommy has got to clear his mind and say what he feels.........actually that can be kinda hard sometimes...so i get it

dude, another interruption....

oh. my. god. aaron!!!!!!

“yeah. yeah, of course. i’ll just, y’know, wait here” 🥺 i feel like the longer he waits the angstier he is feeling

sis, i am delighted that aaron is doing so well and that he has worked so hard for a better life style and that he wants to be a fireman!!!! he went to thank the person that saved his life!!!! oh my god, i am so proud!!! that kid has a special place in my heart!!!! 🥺😭 tears of joy!!!

oh tommy, if there was unfinished business...i hope it’s finished now

ugh teresa came and fucked things up 😡

“i think a little part of you must have known. i mean, i get it. it was sudden, and you were invested, and there was no build up. but, you still had pictures of her up in your living room, and you still had her number, and even after all this time, you were still willing to ‘catch up’ with her when she stepped back into your life. somewhere, deep down, you knew, you just didn’t want to think about it” i kinda think she is right, teresa hurt him, and maybe he buried it deep down because bringing it up again hurt him and opened that wound again that he didn’t want to open anymore, and so he didn’t really have a choice when she showed up at his door, but maybe it was good because that way he was able to really get that closure and move on...........or maybe he wasn’t ready to let go before but now he is

i feel like thomas’s thoughts are all over the place right now and a mess

another interruption ?!?!?!

what now.

oh. my. god. gally !!!!!!!!!

oh thank god gally is okay!!!!! 😌

no, no buts, please

oh, gally 🥺 he is okay and alive, that’s what matters!

scooter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh what a good boy, i’m so glad he is healthy 😁

nope, tommy got no time for puppy tricks right now

no brenda, not now!

“why are you the most popular person on the surface of the fucking planet today” sweet fuck, i don’t know either tommy

damn teresa did hurt him deep huh 🥺

teresa 🤛🏼 😡

he is brave for opening up such a painful wound to her but she is right....she isn’t a second choice and she deserves to know if he wants her as part of his future or not

another interruption.....geez they cannot catch a fucking break 😩

i can see and feel that he wants her, and only her but he has to be clear, sure and confident in his heart and mind that he does want her and only her

i love that she is patient and understanding! he is very vulnerable right now and she is being gentle but honest with him and that seems to be reassuring to him because he knows she wants him!!

“....the idea of him picking an option that wasn’t you cutting deeper than you cared to admit...” 😭 she is vulnerable right now too but i love the non verbal support that newt offered her...no words needed just his company to comfort her 💛

i think ima need a new pillow...😭 🤜🏼

smoke and fire (16)

word count; 9744

summary; thomas does his best to explain and make amends for the interruption of the night before, but things always seem to get in the way.

notes; again, this part ended up getting too long so it was split up, the finale of this became the next part.

warnings; reference to drug use, reference to injury.

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