#like breathing in too much hurts :')

[sunlit-mess]

consumed by the inevitable

[claraoswalds]

The Girl Who Died // Hell Bent

[jokzs]

[moeblob]

You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)

[possamble]

I'm not allowed to be on social media for more than two seconds today but I just wanted to say that Laios will absolutely have his own reaction to all this as someone who would die for Falin but has also imprinted on Marcille as his Emotional Support Comphet White Girl Not-Girlfriend along the way

[skunkes]

not an ask, but I saw ur post and relate a lot to it.

anticipatory grief sucks. people will tell you not to think about it, not to let it steal from today, but some days are just so hard. sometimes it feels unavoidable, like it’s some goliath mountain in the distance or even the sky and you can’t not look at it. it’s like you have to keep trying to distract yourself not to think about it, and it’s exhausting, and you’re so fucking scared of the inevitable.

like how does anyone even function? the idea of the world continuing to spin when there’s this terrible, horrible thing that will happen some day is unfathomable but it does, and it’s horrible. Some day will mark the before and the after. nobody can ever be ready for it.

I hope the love you have keeps you strong. wishing you the best.

this is literally it. i know thinking about it Now wont make the actual day it happens any easier. but it's impossible to not think about it, especially since there's no tangible way to preserve memories or feelings or the like forever. i cry easily and get emotional over most anything and everything, which is another layer of difficulty wrt it because I spiral. I want to squeeze out of my body. im not meant for any of it

[bakaramia]

Vox no matter what the ppl on twitter do to you you will always be the overcompensating insecure tsundere baby I saw and fell in love with the first time I watched Hazbin.

[idk-bruh-20]

Irondad fic ideas #125

AU where Thanos never happened and the Rogues eventually return. They've been pardoned and they're supposed to get the team back together, but there's still tension. A lot has changed.

Tony has told them repeatedly to never call in Spider-Man for backup. Steve doesn't understand or approve. He assumes Tony is just holding a grudge, trying to keep this new, obviously powerful recruit on his own side. 

One day, Tony is caught up in SI business somewhere when a mission comes up, and they need extra hands. Steve decides to call in Spider-Man.

At first the mission goes smoothly, but then of course things take a turn. All hell breaks loose.

Tony taps into comms not long after to tell them he's on his way. He's left his meeting and is flying as fast as he can, though he's still a long way out. Somehow, Tony figures out that Peter is there. (Maybe he overhears Peter quipping, maybe Steve casually references Spider-Man.)

One way or another, he figures it out. He goes deadly quiet, then switches to a private comm with just Steve.

Tony is betrayed, aggravated, terrified and trying to bury it (and not doing a very good job), and honestly kind of bitter and insulted that Steve can't hear his obvious fear. Steve is annoyed at Tony's childish stubbornness, assumes the man is just mad at things not going his way. Still in the midst of battle, he dismisses Tony's concerns.

Then, Spider-Man gets hurt. Bad. Tony had already been frantically trying to get there faster when he heard the kid was there, but he still doesn't arrive in time.

At some point -- maybe there on the battlefield, maybe later in med bay when Steve arrives to chew Tony out for leaving with Spider-Man instead of staying to help -- at some point it becomes abundantly clear that Peter is Tony's son.

(Bio, adopted, emotional, doesn't matter)

It becomes clear that Tony wasn't making Spider-Man off-limits for selfish reasons. Steve, blinded by his own view of Tony, was unbelievably wrong. 

It turns out, he had just been trying to keep his son safe.

Bonus:

If the reveal does happen later in med bay, there could even be a moment after the battle where Steve, fuming about Tony's lack of help and general inability to be a team player, is intercepted by Rhodey.

Maybe Rhodey arrived just after Tony (flying from the same meeting, but Tony freaked out and raced ahead) and then stuck around to help finish the fight. His reaction to Steve's unempathetic and baseless reading of his best friend is stone cold.

Bonus 2:

Steve fails to notice or understand Rhodey's meaning. Then he gets to med bay and is faced with the image of Tony holding a sleeping Peter on the hospital bed, glaring right across the room at him.

Both of them completely aware of what Steve had assumed, all these years, about the kind of person Tony was

[wearecrowley]

[kelin-is-writing]

Oh no… OH NO… I AM SO NOT READY—

[madamescarlette]

don't you love when you're like, okay now I'm going to leave this sorrow in the old year so I don't turn into a crotchety bitter person over it, and then you walk on feeling all refreshed and bright no longer carrying it on your shoulders, but then the sorrow wanders after you like a child who was lost in the supermarket weeping its eyes out and it says to you where did you GO I was lost! I was lost and I missed you!!! and you can only sigh and take it by its hand and say to it very well. here's your seat. I'm sorry I left you behind, I promise it was with the best of intentions, but I want to do my best by you, so let's sit together and try to figure out what you're saying to me.

[gdn7-dollopole]

Arthur’s talking about Merlin in this scene (02x03, “The Nightmare Begins”)

Let me break down this scene, not real quick, because, oh my Lord.

1) The choice of words, especially Arthur’s (and I’m not adding how tender they are spoken):

A) Arthur starts his reproach by saying that, “this has to stop.” Merlin’s first reaction could hint that he’s worried Arthur found out about his magic, but I don’t think that’s the reason. “There’s no point denying it.” Arthur has no idea Merlin had been the one to help Morgana in this episode; he couldn’t have known about Merlin guiding her to the Druids’ camp; he couldn’t have known Merlin had helped her get back, because no one had seen him. And Merlin knows this, so he shouldn’t be afraid of the magic, yet he freezes. He’s not scared that Arthur believes he and Morgana are a thing, since Merlin has never showed any interest in her, especially in the second season. Merlin stops, because he thought that Arthur figured out his silly, little crush on him. So, Merlin’s response, “denying what?”, around a gulp, makes much more sense. He knows Arthur could get angry if he finds out about Merlin’s true feelings. We can see Merlin is nervous but, the moment Arthur says, “the affections for the Lady Morgana”, Merlin’s second reaction is to smile. He knows he’s safe again. The love Merlin has for Arthur is as dangerous as the secret of his magic. But Arthur is also afraid, and we know why.

B) “Take some bit of advice from someone… Who—knows about women.” First of all, Arthur’s pause before deciding to use the word “knows”? It was intentional. Oh, please, this is too easy. Knows? Not, “has been with”, or “has talked to”, but knows? What, exactly, do you know, Arthur? (Barely nothing. Like I explained in my post here about why I believe Arthur isn’t attracted to women, he can’t even say “hello” to Gwen, without giggling like an imbecile, and you mean to tell me this same man knows about women? Sure). In retrospect, Merlin’s response is hilarious, since, after Arthur’s interactions with Gwen, and the failure of said interactions, Merlin definitely knows Arthur is just a laying liar who lies, (he also knows about what he’s actually lying about) and this is the best part of the scene. They’re both on common ground. Merlin is hiding his magic, and Arthur is hiding his own feelings, much like his manservant, except that Merlin believes Arthur wouldn’t reciprocate. It’s like they both know what they are actually telling each other, but can’t really say it out loud. Meanwhile, Arthur is hoping his words would make Merlin stick by his side, rather than by someone else’s.

D) “The king would have your head, if he found out.” Uther would have Arthur’s head, if he finds out about his son’s affections for Merlin, a man, in the same way Uther would have Merlin’s head, if he finds out about his magic (or his feelings for Arthur, for this matter). Therefore, Arthur is projecting everything he’s saying onto Merlin. It’s a warning to himself. Arthur’s refraining himself from doing or saying something he knows it’s impossible for him to have.

C) “Stick to girls who are more… How can I put it… On your level.” Arthur isn’t on Merlin’s level, and Merlin isn’t on Arthur’s. And they could never be. Not in this case. Arthur cannot be in a relationship with him, so they will never be on the same level as partners.

D) “She can’t be your friend… Let alone anything else.” If Arthur is really referring to Gwen here, instead of Merlin, then why does this phrase make no sense? Arthur is friend with Gwen. He knows that they truly love each other, and that one day, when he is crowned king, he will marry her. That’s the only thing Arthur has always been sure about, and maybe has doubted only once or twice. But if Arthur was, theoretically, to marry a man, who is also his friend, then his phrase makes total sense. And it changes meaning. Merlin can’t be even a close friend, let alone Arthur’s lover. In a world where queerness has to be hidden much like magic needs to be, Arthur cannot be seen being that friendly with Merlin, who, ops, happens to be a man. “I can’t really be seen buying my servant a drink.” As he says in season one, Arthur is very aware of the situation he and Merlin have been put in. So, no, she can’t be anything else, but Arthur isn’t afraid of telling Gwen of this, especially when he realises what he feels for her, so why should he feel differently now that he saw Merlin might have affections for Morgana? Arthur wants Merlin to stay alone just a bit more, much like he is alone, in a world that’s against who he actually is. He wants an ally in his loneliness and isolation.

E) “You can’t hide anything from me, Merlin.” Arthur says it in hope that his message is clear, satisfied that Merlin is going to be his just for a little longer (this man cannot, for the love of him, communicate feelings, let’s all forgive him). And Merlin responds with, “wouldn’t dream of it”, because he longs to be the only one by Arthur’s side too, but he also knows that it’s not going to be like that forever, and that his dream is going to shatter, once he’ll realise he could never be with Arthur romantically, and he has to give up his feelings for the greater good (like always).

2) The facial expressions:

These speak louder than words. Merlin’s eyes, as soon as he realises what Arthur’s talking about, flicker closed and open so many times, disbelief painting his features at how Arthur could even think that Merlin, of all people, would want to be with Morgana, when he has already sacrificed everything he is and had for Arthur and his sake. It’s almost as if Merlin’s grumpy that Arthur could think that, and Arthur watches in the distance while he speaks, as if melancholic over something that hasn’t happened yet. And before parting ways, we can see Arthur’s eyes linger over Merlin’s face, his neck, as he squeezes and pats his palm over Merlin’s shoulder, testing to see if he can actually be true to his words and not do anything else. It’s almost like Arthur is telling Merlin that they could part ways together, if only he was more courageous. But they don’t, and things stay the same. And when Arthur actually goes away, Merlin’s smile fades so quickly, we can see he wants to follow Arthur like always. It’s a metaphor of how, in this case, they would always have to keep apart.

3) Last, but not least, Arthur’s touches:

He can’t seem to let go. He watches Merlin entirely, scanning him up and down, before deciding to go with his plan and placing his palm on Merlin’s shoulder. And he does not just place it, oh no. He guides Merlin the entire time he speaks. And Merlin doesn’t move a muscle (I swear the pat on the shoulder is their mating dance). Homeboy’s touch starved, so Arthur makes sure Merlin watches him while he lingers his caress, and listens to him, and Arthur has the bit of freedom to touch him. Merlin’s body automatically turns into Arthur’s grip, without complaint, because that’s where he belongs, and the both of them are aware. Arthur crushes Merlin’s shoulder, and let himself be vulnerable, even if only for a small fraction of time, before going away with everything he has stored for so long already: Merlin, and what he harbours for him on a daily.

I think the real meaning behind the scene has been hidden like in so many other ones. Gwen could be described in the same way Merlin is often described, so that no one would question the scene further, except that I did, and I made it much more homosexual. I believe Arthur’s words were meant for Merlin and Merlin alone. And deep down, Merlin knew all along too, but didn’t act on it, on none of his feelings, incapacitated after Arthur’s so many warnings.

If Merlin’s secret to hide is his magic, then for Arthur, it’s his queerness.

Two side of the same coin and all that. *angrily shakes fist in the air*

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

So I was reading articles about John Hurt (as I do when I procrastinate on life in general lol) and I saw a still shot of a movie I’ve never seen still shots of before; so I looked it up. It’s a play. I was worried I wouldn’t find it in full online; but I did, so here it is in all its glory:

He’s just… ugh I want to gently hold his face in my hands he’s just so sad and lonely with his weepy voice and eye bags. I couldn’t process half of what he said but I think this is a warning about always speed-running through life to get to the next good thing. We should appreciate the moment; because in the end, we’ll have nothing at all but our memories. If we rush through life, we won’t have any memories to keep us warm at night when the chill of death creeps up on us in our old age.

Also, spool, spooooooooooollll…….

spoooooooooooooooooooooolllllll [cackles in mentally unstable]

@kaleidoscopr @theindo @possessedbydevils @randomtwospirit

[moeblob]

I literally ate One Thing today and my stomach has decided to rebel.

[mo-ok]

As long as Gozma exists I'll be brave and fight

[skunkes]

if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.