#like brain pls my man that literally would not help in the slightest could you stop and focus on anything else thank you

[heyitsyn]

Nekoma!Manager!Male!Reader

a/n: never written male reader before but this was a funny request and i really do see the irony in this

anon request:  

absolutely LOVED your seijoh hcs! you said you wanted to do the other schools so i thought, how about nekoma but with a MALE manager bc it would be so ironic to have a male god as their manager rather than a goddess that they always talked about!! thank youuuuuuu!!!!!!!

yall the nekoma fanchant is literally stuck in my head

hehe uwu lets step on the pedal

ong jesus take the wheel pls

so basically,,,

being the nekoma manager is a MESS

lets say youre a second year and was only the manager bc you were begged into taking the job

like wouldnt leave you alone and pestered you 25/8, screaming about needing their own god manager

also just because, you are fairly popular and you have your own fanclub of girls in nekoma and they thought it would give them more exposure and more chances w girls :’)

tora was actually the first who came up to you and begged you to be their manager during class one day bc they are in need of one but they arent allowed to have a girl manager so he turned to having a handsome male

‘I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY IT HAS TO BE A BOY’

‘so you wont be all over him abd be distracted w showing off’

‘WHO ARE YOU TO QUESTION MY SE-’

‘tora, please’

initially, you refused bc you just couldnt be bothered to be part of a club where you basically babysit a bunch of overgrown children

but kenma, your childhood friend, was the team’s last attempt to get you in since kuroo mentioned that he was the only one you listened to

‘kenma, babie, i love you, but i am your friend, not your nanny. so unless i am paid, i will not waste my time taking care of of all of you. especially that chicken head’

‘y/n, yaku is on his last leg here. we really need a manager and we need it fast’

‘you went for years without one so why do you need it?’

‘we’re scared that nekomata would just drop dead any minute now’

‘yanno? im surprised hes even still alive with yall’

‘....... ill show your fangirls that picture of you when we were 5 when-’

‘okay, kenma. rude about the blackmail but okay. dont expect me to be the maid or anything’

nope, you were actually the maid

and the cook

and the nanny

and the laundry person

the everything

it baffles you that kuroo is about to graduate next year yet he still doesnt know the difference between fabric softener and detergent

the amount of times you sent him to pick up more and only to send him back when he ended up buying 2 softeners or 2 detergents

‘they all look the same!’

‘kuroo tetsuro cAN yOu NoT rEAd?!’

ngl i still mix them up sometimes

during matches, youre basically their mother, their nanny, and nekomata’s notetaker, and their personal cheerleader

naoi, the other coach guy, and coach nekomata has adopted you as a son bc of how hard you work and the less the burden is on them

like your notes about their playing percentages really works and helps them and added with the chores you do for the team?

godsend

also, lets put your popularity in here

you dress with a white shirt and zip up your red nekoma jacket with your red sweatpants so you look like one of the players, right?

but how come every time they have practice, youre the only one with the fangirls in the bleachers?

youre literally wearing the same thing as them yet youre the only one who gets looked at?!

even kuroo, who was quite good looking, doesnt have that many girls pining after him yet you, resident anti-tryhard, seems to get the female population to fall for you just by doing the simplest things like breathing

youd be doing normal things like using your whistle as you hold a clipboard and girls would be screeching at you 

‘omg m/n is so hot!’

‘hes just !!!! uuggghhhh’

‘siri how to be a whistle?’

i am uncomfortable with the energy we have created in the gym today

tora complains about it all the time bc first, they cant have a beautiful manager, two, they have a pretty boy who’s taking the attention away

‘SO NOT FAIR! M/N, TURN UGLY!’

you bonk him on the head in anger and threaten to quit all the time

‘say that again and you’ll be filling your own water bottles tomorrow’

but in truth though, the guys really do appreciate you and everything you do

they know that you balance them with your personal life and classes and still make time to do their laundry and make them food

so they have started easing off the burden and weight off of your shoulders

at first, you were very suspicious when they told you that they already filled their water bottles

‘huh? i didnt think you even knew where the water fountain was’

‘wym weve been doing this for years’

-kuroo

then, you heard kuroo tell the others to put their sweaty jerseys in the basket in the corner of the room and for the last person to carry it to the laundromat

‘um, sir, we dont want to have another pink jersey disaster again’

you stopped inuoka from lugging the basket but he shook his head and gave you a wide grin

‘nope, m/n-senpai! i’ll carry it for you! i’m strong, see?’

he flexed his right arm muscle while holding the basket with one hand but it was too heavy so it fell to the ground, spilling out all the practice jerseys

you sighed before bending down to pick them up and babie inuoka’s eyes watered, thinking you were mad at him

‘gomen, senpai’

he whispered but you looked up at him from your position

his watery eyes made you frantically stand up and wipe his tears with the pads of your thumbs

‘inu-kun, why are you crying? you said you were strong right? dont cry over silly things, okay?’

he nodded and you were still confused as to why he was so emotional but you patted his fluffy hair 

‘now cmon, lets go take these to the shop’

unbeknownst to you, the team was actually seething from behind the wall

naturally, as a,,, manager,, you became their,,, energy?? 

like the slightest affections from you made their health bar increase tenfold and they didnt necessarily have any intentions towards you

you were like,,, their own,,,, happy drug?? like a human seratonin??

just the fact that they had someone like you to fall back on and give them love when they lost or something

it was comforting

usually it was just the team’s responsibility to throw away their own sadness and comfort each other

but with you,,,

they could easily cry with no fear and you would comfort them until they didnt need to be comforted anymore

eventually, they ended up straight out competing against each other on who would get the most affection

clearly, inuoka used his first year card and everyone knew you were soft for your kouhais

like you would just grab them and hug them because of how cute they were

uwu especially lev?! 

he may be a giant but hes just a really REALLY REALLY BIG CAT

;)

LEV LIVES TO HUG YOU

like the mans is beanstalk level of height and despite the age difference, he just picks you up and cuddles you and youre just like ‘okay, let it out babie’

DKSFJSLD ANYWAYS

you are always a hot topic w all the students in nekoma and even some in other schools

like during training camp, bro you making everyone question their sexuality

omg akaashi and you are probably the prettiest people there and can i just say how everyone cant focus on a practice match bc youd be laughing together or something and they havent heard anything so beautiful??

and the kitties get really defensive over you and hiss at anyone who even tries to approach you

hiss hiss

DKJFSLKDFJDWHAT IF EVERYONE IN THE TEAM IS BI

OMG WHAT

like the little touches from you make them so red and confident gays like kuroo and bokuto call you out on them and tease you 

while the quiet ones like akaashi and kenma are just blushing and stutter and you tease them instead?

*inhale* BOI *exhale*

the uke and seme dynamic is real on this one

however, there are times when the turned tables

there was that one day that you were seriously questioning if bokuto wore leggings or just really high knee pads and you cornered him after baths to just figure it out

like our poor confident boi turned to a shy babie and shrunk against the wall, covering his red face

‘y-y/n-kun’

‘bo-san, i just want to know’

DKFSJLKDFJFJSDKIM DYING OVER HERE LIKE PLEASE I DONT OWN Y/N

after seeing the smidge of skin at the top of the kneepad, you nodded and brushed your fingertips over the flesh

‘hmm~ so i was right~’

FROM THEN ON POOR BABIE OWL COULDNT LOOK AT YOU THE SAME!!!!!!

it worried everyone so much when bokuto would glance at you in the sidelines and he would competely miss akaashi’s set bc his eyes would focus on you rather than the ball

like he absolutely couldnt take his eyes off of you and when you do turn to meet his eyes, he shrinks back and looks away, completely missing your amused smirk

now, your kitties werent happy about that

theyre very protective of you and they felt that this owl could snatch you right up and fly away

and kuroo, being the captain and the head of the familia, took it upon himself and dragged you to the back of the gym while the others were practicing

kurat pushed you against the wall and basically kabedonned you

KUROO IS LIKE 6′2 OR 190 CM I CANT

‘you seem close with bokuto, l/n. almost, too,, close’

an amused smirk etched itself on your lips and you pressed a hand on his chest

‘oya~? captain-san, am i being punished?’

SFDKLFSJKLDFJL SIR Y/N IS SUPPOSED TO RADIATE SEME ENERGY BUT HE ISNT AND I CANNOT-

ofc he was taken aback by your flirty attitude but he smirked and softly brushed away your bangs that slightly covered your eyes

‘hmm~~ depends, y/n-kun. are you going to be a good kitty and stay with the clowder? or are you going to stay with those pesky chickens~?’

DKFLSJDKFJSL BRO DID YOU KNOW A GROUP OF CATS IS CALLED A CLOWDER?! I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT BUT I HAVE A FEELING KUROO WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT BC HE BIG BRAIN

you chuckled and gently wrapped your arms around his shoulders

but your hand grabbed the hair at the back of his head and harshly pulled him to be closer to you

your eyes blinked innocently but your sharp teeth were shown from your malicious grin

‘ive always been a bad kitty, captain. so i dont care what you say because you cant tell me what to do~’

👀👀👀👀

imagine what happens next bc i cant write something unholy

anyways

so you learned that tetsu CAN in fact tell you what to do and you avoided everyone else which caused them to wonder but one look at your neck

well,,,,,

you got attacked by a cat 

a cat named tetsu

SKDFLJSDKFJSLKUROO IS THE ONLY SEME YOU CLASH WITH

THE OTHERS ARE ALL UKE

EVEN BEEFY BUFF CAKE BOI BO

but you toned it down to not be attacked again

ngl the whole team was all jealous and they even whined to kuroo about it

‘thats not fair!!!!’

‘stop abusing your role as captain!!!!’

they hated the fact that kuroo got you first so they all rally over to keep you away from him

like baby kenma would nudge you over and bring him to sit next to you, saying he needs you to help him with a certain level

‘kenny, im not sure how to play this game’

‘hmm,,,, youre a quick learner, y/n, and youre really quick with your fingers so you could pass to the next level’

*insert lenny face*

‘oya? and you would know how, kenny?’

and baby kenny would fluster a little before glomping to your side and burying his face into your shoulder to hide away

OR

the first years would absolutely use their kouhai priviledges and bring you over to help them with ‘homework’

‘you guys realize i passed because kuroo would beat me into studying right?’

‘but senpai! you mustve learned a thing or two in your classes!’

‘bold of you to assume i was even awake in my classes’

but they still make you spend hours trying to help them which turn into just messing around 

KSDLFJSDKFJD MOVIE NIGHTS YOU GUYS THATS IT!!

there isnt really a single calm moment in your guys’ practice

poor you have already started seeing lot of gray hairs

you literally decline every single confession just because youre too busy for a date and you cant handle having to take care of another person

its like youre dating the whole team!!

soon the entire school have just accepted the fact that you are just simply not in the market anymore just because you joined the club

not because youre actually taken by a girlfriend but youre taken by a bunch of teenage males

imagine how that works out

anyways

youre not really the best volleyball player out there but you know a thing or two

well,,, its more like your stamina doesnt allow you to play long bc a single lap literally destroys your lungs

but you still know when yaku complains about having a shaky receive

‘oh, momo-senpai, youre bending your knees too low so gravity is pushing down on your-’

ugh chemistry i hate it

despite your lack of athletic or physical skills, they still appreciate you for your keen eyes, your caring nature, and your overall looks that give them motivation to play harder to impress you personality :)

all the boys love you

and tbh

you love your boys too

even though it was a blackmail caused event,

you still would’ve joined otherwise

this is kinda short but its going to be longer if i find some plots or somebody asks for a plotline that i can write about for a long time

anyways

byeeeee :)))))

a/n: this isnt exactly the best manager one ive written but ill probably find a good prompt for this or again as stated ^^ someone sends in an ask for it and ill write a story for our favorite male manager :’D

[youalexturnermeon]

Warm Beer and Cold Women (Johnny Lawrence x Reader)

Request: Hi! I absolutely love your work and I was wondering if I could get a Cobra Kai Johnny imagine where the reader is a bartender and starts crushing on him since he’s a regular and he flirts with her all the time and she pretends to hate it but she actually loves it? by Anon

A/N: Again, Johnny Lawrence x Reader and again it’s gonna be multiple parts (ONLY IF YOU WANT ME TO) because I just can’t keep it short

Warnings: badass reader, drinking, swearing

Wordcount: 1589

“Look, (Y/N), your boyfriend’s back.”

You heard that sentence almost every day during your late shift. Everyday, for about a month now. Jenny, your college at the half empty bar never held herself back. Just like right at the moment when she said that with a grin as you two stood behind the counter and polished glasses to look busy.

You rolled your eyes, “He’s not my boyfriend!” You insisted on it every night as well.

“Your loss, he’s kinda hot”. And Jenny’s answer was also the same every time. This conversation always felt like a déjà-vu, except that it literally happened to you every damn night you had to work. You let out a deep sigh trying to focus on the empty glass in one of your hands and the dirty cloth in the other. Yet you couldn’t help yourself to take a peek at the man who just arrived and took his regular seat at the end of the bar counter. He came here every day and he never made a secret out of doing it just because of his favourite barkeeper – you. He was indeed hot; you thought every time. Although he probably was in his late 40s or maybe even early 50s and looked like he’d seen some shit in his life, he was damn attractive, he had a full head of blonde hair, the bluest eyes you have ever witnessed on a person and he was more athletic than most men your age. You caught yourself hungrily eyeing his toned body, muscles almost popping through the tight black shirt he was wearing.

“Hey gorgeous,” he called over to you when he noticed your glance. And the biggest and brightest smile appeared on his lips. “Hi, Johnny.” you greeted him back, trying to sound the most disinterested and lazily walked over to him.

“Who do I have to screw to get a beer around here?”

You rolled your eyes again, supressing a stupid grin. You almost allowed your brain to picture an image of you two in the men’s bathroom. You pulled yourself together and shook this indecent thought off.

“Most certainly not me.”

“Well, that’s too bad.”

“But if you want me to,” you gestured with your thumb to the door, ‘staff’ written on it, behind you, “I can go fetch Kenny, he won’t say no to that. It’ll get you at least 2 free drinks, I think.”

Kenny was a big old biker, with long grey hair and a long grey beard, dressed in leather from head to toe, who owned the shabby bar you worked in. He also looked quite scary if one didn’t know him. Johnny’s smile twitched into a disgusted grimace. And you laughed from planting the thought of Johnny screwing Kenny inside his head. He didn’t like him very much.

“If you weren’t the hottest chick I have seen in my whole life, I would’ve called you a stupid bitch of a barkeeper and left you without any tip. But your pretty face and your great ass saves you all the time, huh?”

“Yes, Johnny,” you replied sarcastically “this has brought me very far in live, after all I’m a respectable barkeeper in not the shabbiest bar of Reseda but quite close to it, renting a luxury 1-bedroom apartment next to the most famous meth-head on the block for much more than it’s worth. Are you having the usual?” Johnny nodded, and you went off to get him his beer and whisky. Sometimes it was hard for you to be so mean to him, he was the only man on earth who showered you with complements all the time, not giving up flirting with you no matter what you said. But after all, he was still a local drunk hitting on a barkeeper. There was a lot of those, you had a few of them every night and Jenny even more. The only thing different about Johnny was that he was very good-looking and the most persistent of them all.

Jenny winked at you as you drew a beer from the tap system and poured the cheap brown liquid into a shot glass.

“How’s the love life going?”

“Fuck off, Jenny!”, you grunted and made your way back to the regular. You placed his order in front of him and stood still, arms crossed. To be fair, you didn’t have anything else to do, it was Tuesday night and only a few people sat in the dark corners of the bar getting drunk just by themselves. You might as well just let yourself entertain by the man who appreciated you.

“So, tell me,” Johnny started after he took the first sip of his beer, “How is live treating you, (Y/N), anything badass happened to you recently? You good?”

He always asked you how you were although you never really answered. You admired his endurance.

“Actually, quite the opposite?”

Johnny’s eyes widened a little and he stood his beer glass back on the counter. Surprised about a different answer today and curious for it being elaborated.

“What is it?”

You leaned over the counter and lured him closer to you with your finger, so close that his face was right in front of yours and your breath tickled him. He smelled quite nice, you reckoned, you did not expect that.

“The thing is,” you started whispering into his ear, him excitedly leaning even closer to you, happy over the slightest contact “there’s this creep who keeps coming into the bar. Almost every day, I think he’s a high-functioning alcoholic. And he just can’t leave me alone for once, always hitting on me, always talking to me. He might as well be stalking me and he’s like 20 years older than I am. Should I be afraid of him?”

Even though all you said was a lie since you didn’t think of Johnny as a creepy stalker anymore, rather a lonely guy, your words weren’t intended to be so hurtful. As soon as they left your lips you bit your tongue. Was that too much this time? But you wanted to get rid of him, did you?

“I heard he’s a quite good-looking bastard, tough.” Johnny retorted immediately without even flinching as if none of what you said struck him in the slightest. And that’s what you liked about him, he still wanted to woo you.

“And maybe if you’d give him a chance, you’d realize what a good fucking guy he is.”

You let out a hateful laugh. That would break your one and only work-rule.

“Nah, I don’t fuck with regulars.”

“Who said something about fucking?”

You bit your lip, no one did, it was your brain picturing you and Johnny again.

“You look damn hot doing that,” he said with a smirk and you promptly released your lip from your teeth.

“I’ll cook dinner, we watch a movie on my couch – “

“Thank you very much but I can have stale pasta at home by myself.“ you interrupted him, the corners of your mouth twitching. To be honest, you would like to have that, but you already were too far into acting like you hated everything he said and did and above all just him as a person.

“C’mon, (Y/N), when do you finally let met buy you a drink”

“Maybe tomorrow.”

Johnny rolled his beautiful blue eyes, “You say that all the time”

“Because you ask me that all the damn time.”

“’Cause I like you.” “Seriously Johnny, fuck off, you’re boring me.”

“Why do you always have to be such a bitch to me?” he exclaimed and maybe you were imagining that but for the first time since for ever you could make frustration out in his tone. That was exactly what you wanted, right?

“Woah,” you held your hands up “Watch your filthy mouth. You’ll have to give me a big fucking tip tonight, Johnny or I really go fetch Kenny so he can kick your sorry ass out for good.”

“No, I’ll just screw him instead, then I’ll be fine” You snorted, that man was unbelievable. Johnny, clearly satisfied with himself and his joke smiled with triumph.

“See, I made you laugh”

“Yeah, whatever” you said waving. And in that moment the huge mountain of a man, Kenny, came out of his office and stared blankly into Johnny.

“You’re gonna do what!?”, his voice roared through the bar, and Johnny suddenly became all small in his seat. You burst out laughing and finally used that situation to remove yourself from that scene. After all, you had work to do, you couldn’t just spend all your hours with Johnny. Even if you liked to.

“Uh oh,” Jenny said mockingly when you leaned against the counter next to her with a big sigh, “Relationship troubles?”

You nodded with a grin and made yourself a shot of vodka ready. You threw your head back and poured it down your throat all at once, you groaned but it felt good.

“Wow, would it have killed you if you did that with that poor guy over there?” Jenny signed over to Johnny, now sitting all alone looking down his fourth beer.

You shrugged; you didn’t want to indulge him that much.

“C’mon, you clearly in love with him and you know that.” “I don’t!” “You do, you like him.” “I fucking don’t. Stop making shit up in your hollow head!”

But that was a lie. For you the sun shone out his ass, that’s how much you liked him.

**************************************************************************************

Would you guys like me to write a second or maybe a third part??? Pls let me know?

also, let me know if you want to be tagged in my one shots and stuff

PART 2

[caprina-mints]

CRACKER! PLEASE JUST GIVE ME JASON AND LJ (idc poly or not qwq) WITH AN S/O ROMANTIC HEADCANONS JUST RANDOM ONES PLS IM BEGGING YOU; MY ENGLISH FLEW AWAY KSCNODCNDKJC; - Fibby

Random and Fluff Headcanons :

Jason the Toy Maker :

◈ His Manipulative Nature granted him the power to swoon over anyone with the use of sugary words and that tactic is mostly used on you.

◈ He's attention Starved and has this unspeakable fear of you walking away from his Life and he never feared anything more until you came along.

◈ Because if that Fear expect him to Randomly appear in the same room as you and smother you with affection and if you ever try to push him away--

◈ He will whine and guilt trip you so much he could cripple your conscious with simple words you immediately apologize and shower him with attention .

◈ He knew he's got you wrapped around his fingers.

◈ One of His hobby with you is teaching you how to make Toys and he enjoys watching your eyes concentrated on your work and how your brain would furrow everytime you're annoyed.

◈ On Most Days when he's tired he'd throw himself on you. Literally. His hands lazily hugging your waist and his head resting on your shoulder while giving a few butterfly kisses on your neck while muttering ' I love you'.

◈ He's always occupied with Making his Toys he sometimes forgets to eat. That's where you come along. You set up a timetable for all his meals and he was a bit reluctant at first saying it's useless to eat human food when he's a powerful being who doesn't need the necessary essentials to survive.

◈ He was acting High and Mighty at that time but He actually fainted because of that so you made a deal with him. If he eats then he gets a 15 minute break to snuggle with you and he immediately agreed.

◈ You never new he planned that from the start.... Manipulative Bastard. He absolutely loves how much you love him and being a twisted mind himself he couldn't help but take advantage of it.

◈ Another thing is his sleeping schedule. The man wouldn't sleep the whole day unless you say so but he's extremely stubborn especially when he's really interested in the new toy he's making.

◈ So what you usually do is to go inside his work shop and if he's sitting on his desk you'd crept towards him and squeeze yourself on his lap while he's working.

◈ He'd usually tell you to sleep without him but you didn't want him overworking himself so you continued to sit on his lap, your arms wrapped around his neck and your head resting on his chest.

◈ Just Don't make the mistake to kiss his neck. That is his weakness and he will fucking take you on his desk if you do. Well if you want him to fuck you into tomorrow then go ahead and kiss his neck ;).

◈ when you're snuggled into his chest while he's working it gives you a sense of comfort and when he notices you falling asleep he'd hum a soft tune that never fails to lure you to sleep.

◈ while humming he'd softly run his hand through your locks and give your head a few kisses.

◈ you're not aware of the smile on his lips seeing his adorable doll falling asleep in his arms because they want to be right next to him.

◈ He has a really nice voice. Like really nice. Deep mellow and velvety.

◈ Once you are asleep he'd carry you to your shared room with him and he'd tuck you in.

◈ Even when you're sleeping your still stubborn. You won't let go of him and he has no choice but to sleep right next to you because if he made the slightest attempt to push your hand away he'll notice the small pout in your lips and it'll have him giving up in a matter of seconds and lay right next to you holding you securely in his arms.

Laughing Jack :

✹ He is always Lurking in the Shadows where ever you go he goes. If he's not stalking you he'd turn himself into a little doll and stay in your bag.

✹ Honestly that freaks you out because one time you were talking to a male friend if yours and when you dipped your hand inside your bag your hand felt sharp claws dig into your skin and he was muttering something about killing the boy.

✹ You couldn't even gasp because it was really unexpected so every time that happens you'd excuse yourself away from the crowd.

✹ Once you two are alone he'd scoop you in his arms and he'd drag you into his dimension where there is a never ending carnival located.

✹ Being Abandoned for so long he felt this overwhelming emotion when he's with you. You made him feel like you'll never leave him and he's extremely psyched about that idea.

✹ He is still foreign to human emotions and usually does things that could scare the living crap out of you but your heart melts seeing that he's trying hard to make you smile.

✹ In his carnivals he'd perform shows for you for hours and the two of you would go on rides together.

✹ Let's be Real here, He's a hundred times taller than you so he'd always offer to carry you on his back which you'd always agree everytime he'd ask.

✹ While on his Back he'd talk about his carnival and how he built it with 'magic' and you'd listen to him speak while twirling and playing with his hair .

✹ He'd usually Have you around the Carnival as long as possible trying to keep you to himself.

✹ There's a thin line of him keeping you captive here for all eternity but somehow you managed to convince him to let you go back.

✹ Usually He'd have you sit in between his legs and his chin on top of your head. If not he's braiding your hair.

✹ He likes putting flowers around your hair for decorations and would usually have a flower crown ready for you at his carnival.

[ancient-bruises-ancient-moon]

ok SO I got an anon I wasn’t gunna respond to but I'm enjoying a vegan chocolate banana cookie dough thc/cbd infused smoothie I invented so fuck it, let’s do this

this isn’t gunna be eloquent at all and I hope what im intending to say comes off correctly. may not, my brain is mush- but here we go!

so last night/technically this morning I reblogged a lot from this brilliant intersexism blog. (highly recommend giving a follow!) which led to...a bizarre ass anon this morning (I'll make another post linking to her blog so ya’ll can follow. she doesn’t need to deal w/ this post after everything else she deals w/ on here- unless u want to ofc!! hi ur cool! ANYWAY...)

I don’t remember the exact wording but it was something like “so ud rather have sex w intersex ppl over trans ppl??”

ummm. I literally never said shit about sex w/ intersex ppl?? like, ever.

was that supposed to be some huge “gotcha!!” ??

‘cause it didn’t work, at all.

1. my body is not a democracy

2. why r ya’ll obsessed w sex as validation

3. ur rly gunna ask me, essentially, if I'd rather be intimate w a deranged narcissistic reality denying manic OR a person with an intersex disorder...and u rly think I'm gunna be like OH NO I’D RATHER HAVE SEX W A MANIAC???

like...it’s rly not ab sex at all but did u RLY think that was gunna work in ur favor somehow?? and if u did, why did u think so? could it be bc u use intersex ppl as pawns for ur arguments but then don’t actually consider them ppl that can be in loving and intimate relationships? do u rly think this is activism? do you feel no shame?? you should be fucking embarrassed. this is so embarrassing for you. 

something ya’ll don’t realize: I worked at a center that offered therapeutic services, std testing, & peer activity groups for lgbtiapqbdsmnlmnop folxxxx

I know how ya’ll speak to your therapists, to your peers when you think no one is listening, I watch ya’ll take credit for things u did NOTHING for, I've watched your violence against anyone who disagrees with you (INCLUDING about tv show characters...like, come on..) Adult trans women using fake IDs to try to get into youth events...and then get MAD AT ME when I have to kick A WHOLE ASS HALF DRESSED MAN GRINDING ON THE FLOOR out of an event for CHILDREN... this is beyond just Tumblr. you’re also like this irl. and often, somehow, even fucking worse.

I had far less intersex clients BUT ya know who wasn’t throwing tantrums, being violent, trying to take credit for things they didn’t do, starting fights, sneaking into events to get near minors?? my intersex clients! NOT ONCE. AND  let’s be real...my intersex clients had good fucking reason to be furious and there were absolutely times that I would not have blamed them in the slightest for slapping tf out of someone...but they didn’t. not once. (ngl tho if they did I would have “not seen” what happened tbh bc I am a very responsible adult lmao- I can say this now bc I left the field so it matters not at all for my career)

ya know who would stay after hours, silently crying in rage bc of the shit trans clients said to them? my intersex clients (the big one was trans ppl telling them they’re lucky they get to ~~choose~~ their sex)

ya know who took the time to use open activist hour to build presentations to teach the LARGELY ENTIRELY INEPT staff (myself included, more below) about intersex issues so the people who come after them can get better help than they were able to receive?? I'll give you one guess. 

I left academia and working in the field w/ ppl bc of my experiences at this place & the direction this tender gender trender shit is taking academia. Intersex people deserve so much fucking better than even having to HEAR this bullshit. I would only go back into the field to work with women & intersex individuals. Probably as a volunteer though, but I digress

I worked there when all these new words were coming out too like demisexual android identified diaper baby or whatever the fuck lmao and the trans clients would be FURIOUS when anyone didn’t know wtf it meant

and in contrast our intersex clients were constantly explaining shit to staff/interns/volunteers about their conditions that they should never have had to explain TO THE PROFESSIONALS WHO WERE THERE TO HELP THEM. and I can’t even lie and pretend I fucking knew much, I didn’t. I was hired without even knowing i’d be working w intersex clients- I just needed to show I knew some trans buzzwords. but I put in the time to learn, I read every book any client recommended, any article they emailed me- but honestly that STILL ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH!!!! I should NOT have been hired!!! MY BOSS should not have been hired!!! Actually, the only staff members that actually deserved their job was an gay intersex man. OT but he was so cool and smart and hilarious and like FUN ANGRY like idk how to explain that better lol he was good at getting u pumped up ab shit & good at getting ppl worked up enough to DO something. The only other staff member who actually cared and knew anything was a lesbian woman (of course) but she had recently had a baby and became so afraid for the welfare of her wife and daughter that she went along w trans shit that she KNEW was delusional and unhealthy bc we SAW these trans clients being violent on the Regular. we were legally obligated to call the cops several times. she wasn’t wrong to be afraid but I do think she should have tried to work elsewhere if she could no longer do her job with integrity but that’s a conversation for another day.

agh im just gunna end this post now bc I can rly go on and on but I'll leave the post with this question that I'd very much like an answer to:

how can we as activists be of better service to our intersex sisters? this issue is becoming more and more pressing and I can’t sit back and do nothing for them anymore. does anyone know of intersex only orgs that need volunteers or have suggestions?? PLS LET ME KNOW. I won’t go back to where I was but there’s GOTTA be SOMETHING I can do for the intersex community. let’s figure it out <3 this issue very seriously needs the attention of radical feminists tbh so...let’s do something.

[notorious-fiction]

Closure (A James Rodríguez One-Shot)

masterlist here!

      If there was one thing Lorena González hated - besides big flying insects, mixing tequila with champagne and people talking about her like she wasn't even there -, one thing she had promised to never, ever take part in it again were... 

      Damn, only thinking about it already made her blood run cold.

      Secret Santas.

      A.K.A. The Social Situation In Which She Racked Her Brains Trying To Come Up With A Cool Original Awesome Gift And Got A Soap Bar Instead.       Or a pair of flipflops on the wrong number. Or an awful t-shirt that had obviously been a secret santa gift a few years back. Or a new set of frying pans what would be kinda useful if she knew how to cook.

      You got the drill.

      And the worst part was: James knew it. 

(No, if she looked at the big picture, the worst part was that James knew her.)

(All of it, what was equal parts good and bad because sometimes she wondered if she'd ever find anyone patient enough to learn her tastes, quirks, ways and persistent enough to stick with her besides all that.)

(Damn him.)

      No, seriously, damn him, because knowing she hated secret santas and being her roomate-boyfriend-ex-fiance-almost-husband-doctor-best-friend-apparently-worst-enemy-now he had to find an excuse to not include her on the Rodriguez Family Secret Santa.

      He hadn't.

      James, you had one job, she thought bitterly, her mother-in-law babbling all about how excited she was that Lorena would take part in such a "huge family tradition".

      Of course she had to be living with slash dating a guy whose main family thing was one that she hated.

      Just her luck, right?

      "Don't tell James who you got okay? He'll probably convince you and everyone else to tell him and then he'll ruin all the fun."

      Lucky for her, when she opened the e-mail that held the name of the person whom she'd probably buy something super cool and over the top - weren't secret santas modern nowadays? websites and apps all designed for it? - there it was, all upper case and bold letters, as if it'd be hard for her to comprehend:

                                    JAMES DAVID RODRIGUEZ.       Fuck.

--

      She had honestly tried her best to keep it cool. 

      She dodged every single question he shot her ("Is it my bald uncle Emilio? He loves wine. I can get the name of his favorite if you want. Or is it my mama? Aw man. That one you can't screw up. Want some tips?") whilst at the same time trying to figure out what the hell to give someone who had freaking everything.

(Hoverboards? He had three.)

(Shirt signed by his favorite player? Check.)

(A car worth her entire college tuition? Check.)

(Socks? Check. Cristiano Ronaldo underwear? Check. A smile able to melt the heart of hundreds of teenage girls? Check. The best cuddles when she was feeling stressed? Check. Her heart on his fucking sleeve? Check check check a billion times over.)

      She was this close to getting him a Nike gift-card...

      Then she remembered he was sponsored by Adidas.

      Oops.

      Lorena had tried to fish for a few hints but weirdly it seemed like everyone had worst ideas than hers and or seemed to not know James at all.

      Her brother had suggested cooking classes, his mother, a new fancy sneaker, his sister, a car freshner, bald uncle Emilio a pair of pajamas...

      Those were all lame gifts.

      And Lorena Maria Gonzáles was not known for being a lame Secret Santa.

      Nope, if she was going to take part in that shit, then she was going to fucking kill it.

      But when the deadline was closing in, and her attempts to lure James into telling her what the hell he wanted had backfired ("Why are you so interested huh? Ooh do you know who my Secret Santa is?! Tellmetellmetell me c'mon, I'll tell you mine! Please? Please please please?") Lorena felt that dreaded feeling in her heart.

      The feeling that she'd be the Here's A Handsoap Secret Santa to someone's Oh Hey I Came Up With The Best Gift Ever!

      And as everyone entered their home, prettily decorated for Christmas, she could almost feel the excitement buzz that roamed around the room, as James entire family - and hers - seemed to fucking love Secret Santas, a few of his relatives even asking if she was excited about it.

(Oh yeah sure she was fucking thrilled wo-doppy-hoo.)

      After a few glasses of wine, before she could even get tipsy enough to endure the whole thing and promise James she would get him something better than the Good-Luck-When-You're-Playing-Away-Kit she made (which included his favorite sleeping mask, a pair of underwear the same brand of his lucky ones and a few naughty pictures of her - y'know, sometimes the timezones made it hard to Skype) Lorena heard her brother cry out:

      "Shall we get started with The Best Secret Santa In The Universe?" Andrés had his crazy eyes going on, what meant he was insanely pumped for whatever was going to happen and dammit, Lori never knew he was so fond of forcibly exchanging gifts "I think we should let the house owners first." He added, sending her a wink which she replied with a simple glare, as he knew pretty damn well how much she felt about the whole situation.

      Like James also was supposed to, yet he had a weird smile on his lips, Lori hushing to his side and begging in a whisper "Please go first, you know I hate this, let me inhale another glass of wine first?"

      "I know you hate Secret Santas, Lori..." He replied, biting his lower lip and giving a small shrug, and if he didn't look so adorable she would kill him because damn, there he was, reassuring her again that he knew her better than anyone yet threw her in the Secret Santa Pit "That's why you're not taking part in one."

      "I'm not...? But...”

      "I'm your secret santa, right?" 

      She froze.

      Had she really been that obvious?

      Then with the cheekiest of smirks he added "And you're mine."

      The chorus of "awws" that echoed around the room didn't help with the whole I'm Confused What The Hell Is Going On and her heart was beating fast and she was so fucking confused and when James got to one knee, she was pretty sure she'd been the only one who gasped in surprise, the looks of excitement and expectation coming from their entire family not matching hers of "oh is this really happening oh my God???", then the eyes tearing up situation happened - god damn, she'd spent a decent ammount of time on that make-up - and then it clicked.

      They all knew it. Everyone knew it. There was no secret santa. They were all messing with her.

(The crappy gifts suggestion. The fact she had drawn James although there were 20+ people in their family. The constant questioning if she was ready or excited for it. Andrés boasting around that she had to go first because she'd have the best gift of all times.)

      Fuck.

      "I know you hate secret santas." James repeated, clearing his throat at the end, hands shaking just the slightest as he patted his pockets "And that even though you hate it you still try to be the best secret santa anyone could have. Even if you'll get a hand soap in return."

      "You didn't get me hand soap did you?" Her eyes were teary and her voice was cracking and she had the biggest smile on her lips, getting even bigger as she heard chuckles from around the room, James tsking and shaking his head slowly.

      "You told me you got the hardest secret santa of all. Because what could you possibly give to someone who has everything right? And nope Lori, you're not subtle at all when trying to question me into telling what I want for Christmas. And as cheesy as it may sound, here it goes."

      Oh man.

        “All I want for Christmas is you."

      It'd be a cute moment if the entire family hadn't mockingly awed so loud Lorena was sure Santa would hear it all the way to the North Pole.

      Not that she minded though.

      She was a fan of all things cheesy and cliché because of one single reason: they worked.

      She was laughing and crying when the ring box was opened, laughing and crying even harder as she nodded and half-sobbed half-yelled a yes, and the only time she stopped her weird mix of laughing and crying was when James jumped on his feet to hold her in his arms, all of that because she was too busy kissing him to do anything else.

(That's true love, kids.)

(Someone who'll still want to kiss you even though your mascara makes you look like a panda bear and you have snot all over your face.)

      Burying her face on his neck, feeling his heart beating against his chest and onto hers, it turned out that, for the first time in her entire life, Lorena González was the one getting a better gift than the one she was giving.

      "I love you more than I hate secret santas."

      And that was a whole lot of love.

(That was good, in the end.)

(The fact that she loved him more than secret santas.)

(Because those were kind of a big deal in the Rodriguez family.)

(Or should she say... Her family?)

--

HELLO I KNOW IT’S BEEN AGES (literally) BUT HERE I AM WOULD YOU GUYS PLS TAKE ME BACK?????

I missed y’all SO FREAKIN’ MUCH and i cannot put into words how overwhelmed i am with all the messages i’ve received whilst i was away - i swear i’ll answer to all of them!!!

pls let me know your thoughts on this one - aaaand maybe on my comeback? - on my askbox and you can find my masterlist here!

[roxiera]

chemistry paper // newt scamander

Chapter/ One-shot : One-shot

Words: 900 (exactly, yay!!)

Pairing: Newt x Reader

Modern College AU

Request by anonymous: ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh headcannon with newt PLS, like you having a bad day and he cheers you uP liKE fuCk maN

a/n: I literally suddenly got up from my book, walked straight to my charging laptop and started writing. I had no plan for this; I had no idea that I would write so much. I just felt sudden inspiration to write this scenario stuck in my head for so long, and it came out as a 900 word one-shot. 

Please, for anyone drowning of homework or exams right now, enjoy the imagination of Newt encouraging you in his own way in this modern college AU !!

~kiera

p.s. now i shall go sleep, because i’m exhausted writing this and its nighttime already !!

You sighed despairingly at the hopeless piece of paper before you. It fluttered now and then in the slight wind as you stared at it mutely, wishing that its words would finally make sense to you.

Your chemistry paper danced in the breeze again, teasing you annoyingly, an unfinished challenge printed on it. You had one freaking question left - just one, for the love of Pete, but it was long, complicated, and disgustingly difficult. You wanted to bang your head on your study table and pass out there and then, but even that was not a wise choice. Professor Snape would never let you go if you did not hand it in.

(a/n: I TOLD KIERA SNAPE WASN’T BORN IN NEWT’S TIME BAHAHAHAHAH)

It was already past 2am. You had procrastinated as much as you could, putting off the only paper you needed to do until the very last minute when you absolutely had to. You regretted it so much - it was clearly a bad idea. Now your eyes were drooping and your head was throbbing - it would be a homework hangover tomorrow morning, that was for sure.

Vaguely, your ears processed the sounds of footsteps outside your tiny apartment, before the loud jostling of keys and the creaking of the door. He was back, you would have thought if you had been more awake, but while your ears received the sounds, but they were all but significant to you. Your brain wasn’t working in the slightest; jammed by slight, vague recollections of that formula slipping through your memory frustratingly.

Time passed after he entered - the white noise of him showering in the bathroom you shared pained your exhausted mind, and the long, faded sighs were barely audible over the dull buzzing in your ears. The dreary footsteps that arrived home turned more light-hearted as the same man hummed a soft tune. In your peripheral vision, a white towel wearing a man around its waist - no, a man with a white towel wrapped around his waist... God, you could hardly think, let alone acknowledge that your boyfriend had returned home, and was making his way towards you.

You felt the presence of the warmth of his body heat right behind your chair, and you knew him well enough to know that the corner of his lips were probably turned up with amusement. Warm water from his tousled hair fell onto you, but you loved it too much to mind. His hard abdominal muscles were against your hair, and you could feel the after-effects of his hot bath radiate through your scalp.

You finally felt safe enough to let go of your struggling thoughts; with an exhausted groan that even you could hardly hear, you let your head fall backwards until it hit his stomach. Then you groaned even louder -- the droplets hanging on his bare skin fell into your messed-up hair, and he dared to laugh at you, his shaking body raining even more water from his wet locks into your eyes, which drove the sleepiness away almost immediately.

Newt bent down to bury his face into your scalp; breathing deeply, he wrapped his arms around you tiredly. As you leaned into him, you heard him muttered in your ear, “Hey, baby.”

“Hey,” you breathed back. He must have been much more overworked than you were - you knew his work as a new biological scientist couldn’t be easy, especially since he was working on a side project - writing a book on rare animals, or fantastic beasts, as he called them. Still, you couldn’t help but selfishly capture his lips in a slow but passionate kiss. You needed his encouragement so much, but you doubted he would have the energy to wait while you finished your stupid paper.

Newt pulled away. His eyes sparkled as he stared back into your own tired ones. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you wondered how he was able to look so good even when overtaxed. His wet hair pressed against your forehead as he buried his head into your shoulder briefly.

Times like these were your favourite; unplanned, unideal, but sweet and special nonetheless.

You sighed for the umpteenth time that night; nudging him away, you turned back to your paper. “I have to finish this,” you muttered distractedly.

Unexpectedly, he pulled up a chair; wringing his long-ish hair in a hair towel, he leaned against you, even going to the extent of making himself comfortable against your side.

You kinda tried to laugh, or maybe even chuckle, but all you could manage at your frame of mind at this hour was to let out a disbelieving eh as you stared at his closed eyes and small, content smile. Newt peered up at you from under his long lashes you loved so dearly. “I’ll wait with you,” he said simply.

Your mind scrambled to form words to show him how much you appreciated him - and even if you could form a comprehensible phrase, no words would do your feelings justice. You laced your fingers into his, giving him a quick peck on the cheek before turning back to your paper. The feeling of his bare torso against your clothed one lingered for moments, and even when it faded eventually, it planted itself into your memory.

With Newt against your shoulder, his fingers laced against yours, you breathed in deep and reread the question, determined to finish it.

a/n: *sighs lovingly and wishes I could have such a boyfriend* I still have to finish reading Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet for literature arghh.

~kiera

Tags:

@lazycasserole