#like bowser and ralph having a drink at tappers

[gothiethefairy]

has anyone consider bowuigi but in the "wreck it ralph" universe?

i mean, bowser was in the support group for villains.

there's a lot to explore there lol

[bashfulgnome]

5 Years of Wrecking, Week 5, Day 6

5 Years of Wrecking Week 5 (Nov. 26 - Dec. 2): Free Week Friday: Fanworks  

Been busy this week, but here’s my final story for 5 Years of Wrecking! Since it’s a free week, I went with a dynamic I haven’t really written much before. Happy reading!

At first, Ralph hadn’t noticed the sergeant on his way into Tapper’s for a drink. It was a busy evening, and the establishment was filled nearly to capacity with revelers and brooders alike. She sat alone, staring into space, drumming her fingers against the side of her stein. He couldn’t tell if she was smoldering with anger or if that was just her resting expression. In the few days since the Sugar Rush incident they hadn’t really run into each other alone, and truth be told, he was still a little uneasy around her.

The wrecker turned away and attempted a discreet escape, assuming he was out-of-range of her peripheral vision, but of course he wasn’t so lucky.

“Hey.”

He froze, slowly turned back around, and forced a grin.

“Hey, uh…there!”

She patted the open seat next to her, still not averting her stare from whatever it was she had been threateningly squinting at. Not wanting to test her patience, he took the seat and waved down Tapper for a round.

A drawn-out silence followed between them. At a far table, Eggman drunkenly giggled at Bowser, who was unsuccessfully attempting to have his drink without wearing it. Ralph groaned. Not the best first impression of Bad Guys for her. He heard the familiar bloop-pssh of Tapper filling a stein, and reached out his hand to catch his root beer as it slid down the bar.

He noticed she had looked away, in the direction of her men. A group of four whooped and pounded the table in front of their booth seats as another two held an impromptu arm wrestling competition. A seventh Marine sat disengaged, inelegantly sobbing into his empty glass. All of them lowered the volume of their yelling and table-pounding when one noticed their sergeant staring.

“So, um, how’s it going?”

She turned and made eye contact with him for the first time during their meeting, appearing as though she had momentarily forgotten he was sitting there.

“Pretty sure we were never properly introduced. Sergeant Calhoun of Hero’s Duty.” She held out an armored hand.

“Ralph – Wreck-It Ralph, from the game Fix-It Felix Jr., ” he replied, returning the handshake. He had expected a first name, but figured he’d learn it eventually.

“Excuse the boys’ choir over there.” She jerked her head in her troops’ direction. “It’s been a pretty long day, so I took ‘em out for some R&R.”

“Oh, uh, no problem.” He laughed nervously and glanced at the motley crew of Bad Guys playing paper football with the complimentary bar peanuts.

“So how’s the kid doing?”

He suddenly beamed. “Vanellope? She’s doin’ great! Finally got to be in a real gameplay race the other day.” He shook his head and took a sip of his drink. “Man, you should see her go.”

Calhoun slightly recoiled at the sudden enthusiasm, but her expression softened a bit. “Good for her. She’s a spunky little thing.”

“Heh, yeah. I really owe her. Wasn’t expecting anyone to come back for me there, y'know?”

“She jumped right through a horde of cy-bugs to get to you. I should’ve made her a recruitment offer.” She chuckled to herself.

Ralph raised his eyebrows. “The little crumb-snatcher didn’t tell me that! I had a hard time fighting those things!”

“Yeah, they had us backed up to the exit. Ammo ran out, so after the kid took off, Fix-It and I were cornered until the beacon went up. Five more seconds and I would’ve had to fight them off with a standard-issue straight edge.” She took a long swig of her drink.

“Yeesh…Felix didn’t fill me in on that either.” He knew it must’ve been a close call, but he hadn’t heard their half of the story before.

“Dunno why. He was ready to go down fighting and all he had was that hammer. No idea what he was planning to do with it.”

He noticed she suddenly looked concerned, clenching her hands more tightly around the stein and furrowing her brow.

“If you don’t mind me askin’…how’s it going with Felix?”

Another long pause followed, and Calhoun slowly exhaled.

“I’m thinking I’ll take a chance on the guy. Told him I’d get back to him about a meet-up when I was ready.” She stared into the glass as she spoke, as though it was her conversational partner.

“Ah, I thought you already did. He talks about you all the time, so I figured…” Ralph gestured to her and to the general direction of his home game, then shrugged.

She buried her face in her root beer for a moment before responding. “Don’t worry about it, I’m not gonna leave him hanging. I’m–my game’s the problem.” She paused. “Duty calls after-hours. Gotta make time when there’s nothing critical going on.”

He nodded, not acknowledging the hesitation. “I’m sure he’s gonna be fine with whenever.”

“Well, that’s a safe bet, then. You know him better than me.”

Ralph opened his mouth to respond, but stopped short. “Come to think of it…not really. I dunno, we didn’t ever actually…talk to each other until a few nights ago. From the time we were plugged in, I sorta wasn’t part of the game after-hours. The Nicelanders didn’t like me much so I did my own thing out in the brickpile or–” he swept out his arm, gesturing to their current hangout, “–wherever. Something kinda went down between them and me the other night, and that’s why all this happened. Felix came to apologize and let me know it’s not gonna be like that anymore.”

Her eyes widened in surprise.

“Huh. That explains a lot.” She looked up at him, then down at her hands, clenching and unclenching her fingers around the stein as she processed his story. “Sorry about your face, by the way,” she finally mumbled.

“Eh, that’s just how they programmed me. Can’t help it if the character designers thought it was funny or–”

“No, I mean–” she mimed punching herself in the jaw.

“Oh!” He brought one giant hand to his face in recollection and laughed. “You know, I’ve been thrown off that roof pretty much every day for thirty years, but I can’t remember the impact ever walloping me like that.”

She groaned and shook her head. “As brainless as your plan was, you weren’t as big of a fool as I thought you were. That volcano beacon took a lot of guts. Just don’t go spreading any more deadly viruses, or you won’t make it back next time.”

He smiled sheepishly. That must’ve been what compliments sounded like from her. “No problem. Sorry for screwing up your first game of the day.”

“Nah. That’s just another Tuesday with Markowski.”

“Hey, I picked the right disguise then.”

Calhoun snorted. “Yeah.”

For a time—whether a few minutes or half an hour, Ralph wasn’t aware—they finished their drinks in a friendlier silence than those before. The sergeant wasn’t as terrifying as he’d thought. Well, outside of her game, at least. Maybe it was the root beer, but he hadn’t expected her to be so…relaxed. It was nice to talk to someone like that once in a while.

As abruptly as she’d called him over, she stood to leave.

“Welp, time to round up the jarheads. Nice talkin’ to you, Wreck-It.”

“Same here. See you around.”

Ralph watched as Calhoun issued some sharp command of which he didn’t know the meaning, and her men followed her out with a grunt of affirmation. The one who’d been crying earlier snatched a few extra napkins off the table and stuffed them in the breastplate of his armor before leaving. Calhoun raised a hand in parting, and Ralph returned a salute.

He considered it the third friendship he’d established that week.

[itsdisneymydudes]

I’m Gonna Wreck It

Another movie I haven’t seen, another live blog! This week I’ll be checking out Wreck-It Ralph. Truth be told, idk why I haven’t seen this before: video game and arcade jokes? What’s not to love omg.

Oh my god, 8-bit Disney Animation logo with complimentary 8-bit music. It’s perfect.

Wait a minute...is Ralph really the bad guy if the bulldozer moved his stump first? I can kinda understand his aggression seeing as they hit first. He’s only responding...with fists...

Fastest way to get exposition is to have John C. Riley narrate over a video game lemme tell ya. And the premise makes a lot of sense. Ralph does his job. It just so happens that that job is to wreck everything. And get thrown off a roof. Into mud. Medal-less.

Lol @the-kid​-who-says-“This animation is so real.” I see you, Disney. I see you.

Whoa. Just whoa. The arcade time lapse is so full of old video game references, there is no way you could catch them all in one viewing. Damn, Disney really went all out with the royalties for this movie. Pac-man, Asteroids, Frogger, TMNT, this is beautiful.

And we’re still less than 3 minutes into this movie. Oh, this is gonna be good.

Aw, Ralph wants to love his job but hates it at the same time. Is this gonna be a mid-life crisis told through video games? Please say yes.

Lolololol this is like a modern version of Toy Story. All the video games come to life once the people leave. Oh and Street Fighter II? That could not have been easy to get in this movie (and they only use it for a quick joke about grabbing a drink after work, too. Now that’s dedication to making your world believable).

I’m loving this translation of choppy 8-bit video game motions into a 3D animated world. It’s a subtle touch, but one that makes everything more realistic imo.

Also, loving the meta-humor where Ralph literally wrecks everything he touches. Even the bushes fall over after he brushes them.

Aw, Ralph’s true motivations are coming through... :(

Lol a Bad-Anon meeting? Idk what’s better: the fact that it’s a play on Alcohol Anonymous or the fact that they used Anon from Internet slang.

Nope, I change my mind. The best part about this is how many video game baddies they have here. Bowser, Kano, Dr. Robotnik, Blinky the Ghost, I just can’t believe it.

Aw, the bad guys are really trying to explain to Ralph why being bad isn’t necessarily a bad thing. That’s nice.

Oh my god, Kano just ripped Zombie’s heart out. That’s hilarious. Fatality (except Zombie is already dead...).

Lol. Thanks, Satan.

I like how everyone freaks out when Ralph says he doesn’t want to be the bad guy anymore. Society has rules, and if Ralph is trying to break them in the slightest (”go Turbo”), then everyone loses their minds. Even for bad guys, you still gotta follow the rules.

Whoa. Blinky is right. Don’t try and change who you are to be better, accept who you are to be a better you. Damn, deep stuff.

AHHH THE BAD-ANON MEETING WAS IN BLINKY’S RESPAWN BOX FOR PAC-MAN. THAT’S ABSOLUTE GOLD.

Oh my god Game Central Station is magnificent. The gates are outlet faces, and there are so many video game characters there. This is amazing.

Lol “All aboard the Soul Train, outlet 12.” Nice throwback.

Oooo a “random security check” always pulling aside Ralph. Not-so-subtle discrimination allegory. I like it. Also, Lara Croft name-dropping is always a good touch.

Sonic is in this movie too??? Marvelous. Simply marvelous.

Holy crap, Q*bert is homeless because their game got unplugged??? Snake too??? Oh my god that’s right in the feels. Aw and Ralph gives them his cherry. That’s so sweet. Gah this is gonna be an emotional roller coaster of a movie.

Lolololol is that supposed to be Skrillex?

Ralph and Felix’s conversation is so awkward. That makes me sad :(

Ah, Ralph is already breaking stuff. Ah and Felix’s respawn animation. Too cute.

Two things: 1) why are the apartment people so effing rude. Were they raised in a bar? Jfc. 2) I’m loving how anti-social Ralph is. Yea, you tell em buddy. Stick it to the man.

As sad as Ralph wrecking the cake is, you gotta appreciate the pixelated cake-splatter everywhere.

Oh my gosh how did I not see this before?! Tapper is an old video game too! Golly gee, references are everywhere!!!

Super mushrooms and Metal Gear exclamation points in the lost-and-found! Brilliant!

Oh, I get it. Hero’s Duty is supposed to be a cross between Halo and Call of Duty. Modern games are in this movie too. Smashing.

Is that Jane Lynch???? Oh heck yes!

“First Person Shooter coming through.” Niceeeeeeee.

This dubstep-space-robot-bug-thingy-shooter sequence is FUCKING AWESOME. HOLY NUTS WHY CAN’T ALL DISNEY MOVIES BE LIKE THIS.

Even in this chaotic shooting game, “formation” and social constructs are paramount. Damn, society. You scary.

Ralph and the “old video games” calling out the “new video games” for being scary. Got em.

Ha. A giant blue beam to zap all the bugs with. Cute.

Subway product placement? Huh. Interesting.

Also, the jerk guys who are clearly way older than the marketed arcade demographic are total jerks. Realistic arcade representation though. Every arcade has em.

Oh snap. Now I know why “sticking to the program” is so important. If games don’t, then they can be shut down for good. That’s so dark, Disney.

Ah now I wanna learn Q*bert-ese. That sounds really fun.

Also, it’s funny to see how much the village people (pun intended) need Ralph now after they berated him for “wrecking everything.” Yea, karma bitch.

I like how smitten Felix is for high-definition characters. Lol innuendo.

Are the cybug eggs supposed to be a reference to the eggs from Aliens? If so, I approve.

Aw, Ralph just wants everyone’s approval. That’s so sad :( Poor Ralph.

The little cybug just jumped on Ralph’s face. Totally a reference to Aliens.

Hahahahaha. Sonic lost his rings!

Sugar Rush is a mix between Mario Kart and Candyland right? That’s sweet (yes, pun intended again).

Also, that’s a theme catchy song.

I can’t believe that’s Sarah Silverman!

Whoa was that a glitch...? Do they have those in this movie?

If cybugs are viruses, does that mean Hero’s Duty is like the Norton Antivirus of the arcade then? Lol that’d be a riveting game.

Pay-to-play for this racing competition seems like it guarantees the richest racers will always race…it’s almost like the top 1% of racers will always stay at the top…hey wait a minute, Disney…

I like how the coins dissolve in to 0’s and 1’s. It’s the little details that make this movie awesome.

Oh no, Ralph’s medal got dissolved…

So Vanellope is a glitch. Whoa.

Haha. The cops are donuts. Got em.

Is that Ralph or Shrek?

AH IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A REPRESENTATION OF POLICE BRUTALITY??? AH DISNEY I SEE YOU

Whoa, glitch discrimination. That’s some deep stuff yo.

THE OREOS ARE FROM THE WIZARD OF OZ I’M GONNA McFREAKIN’ LOSE IT

Children of the Candy Corn? There are so many references in this movie that I highly doubt younger audiences will recognize.

Lol. Fun-geon. Pun-geon. Aha, ok. I’m done-geon. Oh my god. It went full circle.

A Darth Vader breathing reference? What doesn’t this movie have???

Pixlexia? Is that a play on dyslexia?

Holy fuck, these racers are awful. They’re destroying Vanellope’s car just cuz she’s different? WTF.

Yay! Ralph to the rescue!

Haha. Ralph can break everything except a jawbreaker. Just like I remember them.

Oh snap. Nvm, he did.

Why would a creepy character like Turbo be the hero of a racing game? He sure doesn’t look like a hero…

Also, good exposition for the word “Turbo.”

Ahaha. Nesquik-sand. I love Nesquik. But I hate sand. It’s rough. And course. And it gets everywhere (lol, ok I’m done).

Aha Laffy Taffy that laugh. This movie is full of puns too? Oh I am in love.

Aaaaand insert obligatory Disney romance subplot here.

Lol. Gunshots are the fastest way to silence unwanted singing.

Oh my gosh. Candy-cybugs???

Is Vanellope calling Ralph “Knuckles” supposed to be a Sonic the Hedgehog reference? If so, I love it.

Lolololol did she just call him GLaDOS too??? Gold!!!

A game within a game. Game-ception? Nope, a mini-game!

Aw Vanellope and Ralph are bonding.

AW VANELLOPE LOVES THE CAR RALPH MADE FOR HER. THAT’S SO FUCKING PRECIOUS.

I get the vibe I’m not supposed to like King Candy, but his puns save me. Spiritually, ethically, psychologically. Everything.

Ahhhhh the ol’ Mentos and Diet Coke trick. Good one.

Whoa. The parallels between Vanellope and Ralph are striking, sure. But the fact that she can’t even leave her game because she’s a glitch? That’s hard stuff. At least Ralph can go where he pleases. Damn, Disney.

Lol, Vanellope learning to drive is exactly how I was in driver’s ed. “What do these pedals on the floor do?”

Vanellope has a chance to win if she can “get that glitch under control?” That totally undermines the entire message of the movie thus far! What the heck!

AAAAAAAHHHHH THE UP-UP-DOWN-DOWN-LEFT-RIGHT-LEFT-RIGHT-B-A-START CHEAT CODE!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!

Aw, even Vanellope’s code is alienated from the rest of the game…

Lol, come on Felix. Put a trigger warning on before you say “Dynamite gal.”

HOLY FUCK VANELLOPE WILL DIE IF SHE WINS THE RACE. OH MY GOD KING CANDY’S LOGIC MAKES SENSE BUT HOLY FUCK THAT’S AWFUL. JESUS DISNEY WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME.

AAAAHHH VANELLOPE MADE RALPH A MEDAL OH MY GOD THIS IS TOO MUCH

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH RALPH NO NOT THE CAR OH MY FUCKING GOD NO NO NO NO NO

This movie is really sending mixed signals about being bad. Is it good to be bad? Is it bad to be bad? Are bad guys just alone no matter which way they try to be?

Waaaaaiiiit a minute. Why is Vanellope on the side of the arcade game if she’s a glitch? Game makers wouldn’t do that…what’s going on…

Lol, I literally just thought of that Ralph. No fair.

Haha. Candy-coated Heart of Darkness. The horror. The horror.

Jesus, eating Sour Bill is like dunking him in acid. Ralph is twisted, wow oh wow.

Whoa. Jeez how omnipotent is King Candy? He forcibly made Vanellope a glitch, then locked up everyone’s memories of her? Whoa.

The game will reset if Vanellope crosses the finish line? Hm….

Also, nice “stick around” pun, Ralph.

Lol. Felix making the bars stronger is great.

So is Ralph returning to being bad…by doing something good? Again, what is this movie trying to say! Be good or be bad??? Be bad with good intentions??? Jeez, I’ve never had such an identity crisis over a movie before!

Haha. The assorted fans with nuts are the Cameron Crazies. Nice touch.

Ooooooo I love the camera pan-around for the racecars! Just like in Mario Kart!

Ah someone even spun out before the start! Didn’t get the timing right, eh?

Now that’s what I call pod-racing!

Ayyy nice. Vanellope’s glitch moved her ahead of those Mean-Girl-esque candy racers!

Damn, Vanellope is 2 fast 2 furious for King Candy (with a little Tokyo Drift thrown in there for good measure).

Oh my god. It all makes sense now. King Candy is Turbo. He passed his glitch on to Vanellope so she’d be the outcast and not him. But Vanellope inadvertently passed it back to him and exposed him. Whoa.

Oh nice, another literary reference. On the “Come back soon” sign, it says “Parting is such sweet sorrow…” from Romeo and Juliet. Nice one (and a good pun too).

Oh god, Vanellope still can’t leave the game.

No no no she can’t die. No no no don’t do it, Disney.

Oh I see. Ralph is using his bad wrecking powers for good. Ohhhhhh.

Ohhhh snap. Now Turbo is game-hopping virus. Shit.

OH NO. NO NO NO. IS RALPH GONNA DIE???

Oh. He didn’t. Good.

Wait, is Vanellope getting a dress? Aw come on, Disney. I thought we were done with gender stereotyping.

Whoa, what??? Princess Vanellope??? Yo way to go!!!

Yea, Vanellope, yea! Execute those suckers! Fuck em up!!!

Aw, she was just kidding. Darn it.

Lol, constitutional democracy? President Vanellope? Yea, I’d vote for her.

Jesus, even with a happy ending, Disney has to play with my heart. Why does Ralph have to say goodbye. Why why why.

Aw a nice sweet happy ending where everybody wins. Good ol’ Disney.

HOLY CRAP RALPH CAN SEE VANELLOPE RACING WHEN HE GETS THROWN OFF THE BUILDING THAT IS SO FREAKING CUTE OH MY GOSH

AHHHHH WHAT A PERFECT ENDING. WHAT A PERFECT LAST LINE. AHHHHH THIS MOVIE IS SO PERFECT. I CAN’T HANDLE THIS RIGHT NOW GAAAAAHHHHHH

OH MY GOODNESS JUST WHEN I THOUGHT THIS MOVIE COULDN’T GET ANY BETTER. THE PAC-MAN ENDGAME GLITCH IS AT THE END OF THE CREDITS DURING THE DISNEY LOGO. HOW PERFECT IS THAT!?!?!? AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

This movie is beautiful. Just simply beautiful.

[gushingaboutgames]

Favorite Game Over Screens (Part 1)

(Obligatory spoiler warning, just as a precaution.)

It sucks losing at video games, and being greeted with those two dreaded four-letter words: “Game Over”. At least, most of the time. Sometimes, the result of your failure is fun to watch in and of itself. Sometimes, the manner in which you fail, while not very enjoyable, is memorable. Either way, they deserve their due.

So, without further ado, and in no particular order, here’s my list of some of my favorite Game Overs.

Friday the 13th (NES): The Dreaded “D” Word

Nintendo of America, back in the 80s through mid-90s, would have you believe that no one dies in video games. Destroyed, maybe. Defeated, most likely. But died? Heaven forbid! You didn’t kill Bowser by dropping him into a pit of lava in Super Mario Bros., you just defeated him! You didn’t kill Ganon in Legend of Zelda, you just destroyed him!

This presents a bit of difficulty with games based on ultraviolent films that are questionably marketed to children, but most of them found a workaround. The Terminator? Terminated. RoboCop? Sent in for repairs. Nightmare on Elm Street? Doomed to an eternity of listening to Freddy Kreuger rap...I think...I never saw the films.

With Friday the 13th, however, there was practically no room for ambiguity, not when you have a hockey mask-wearing revenant burying his machete in your brain. Once you lose your last character, the game spells it out for you clear as day: “YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS ARE DEAD.” Not “destroyed”, not “defeated”, dead dead fucking dead. How this got past NoA’s censors is a mystery, but considering how bad the game was (it was an LJN game, so duh!), at least they got this much right.

Ninja Gaiden (Arcade): Welcome to hell, Ryu!

For a moment, let’s forget about the fact that Ryu Hayabusa is tied down and freaking out as a rotary saw is threatening to turn the contents of his chest cavity into chunky salsa. I wanna draw attention to the surroundings. Specifically, what the fuck, Koei. The walls have faces and look like flesh, and there are all kinds of nightmarish creatures watching as Ryu is about to be ripped apart.

Did the thugs Ryu was fighting haul him off to get sawed up? Is this hell? Did Ryu die and go to hell, and the only thing standing between him and eternal damnation is out ability to put a quarter into the slot and hit start before the countdown reach zero?

I’m guessing it’s exactly that. Ryu went to hell.

Sonic CD: Sonic’s patience has limits.

Sonic set himself apart from other platforming heroes when he was introduced. He seemed to know he was in a video game and that you control him. He has shit to do, but he can’t act under his own power, so if you don’t move him around for a few seconds, he gets annoyed, and he damn well lets you know, glaring at you and tapping his foot impatiently while undoubtedly thinking in Jaleel White’s voice: “I’m waiting!”

In most Genesis-era games, Sonic was plenty content to just stare at you until the level’s ten-minute time limit expired. In Sonic CD, however, he has no time to waste, because Eggman is trying to mess with time. If you let Sonic stand idly for about three minutes, he’ll finally decide he’s had enough. He’ll declare “I’m outta here”, then leap off the screen, glaring at you the entire time before you get hit with an instant “Game Over”, regardless of how many lives you may still have.

So what exactly is he doing? Is he killing himself? I doubt it. I’m more willing to bet he’s just going out for a drink at Root Beer Tapper. Yes, Wreck-It Ralph is canon, and you cannot convince me otherwise.

Death Duel: The Earth is doomed, and it’s all your fault!

Death Duel is a rather underrated game on the Genesis about fighting for the future of Earth in a deadly tournament. Just you and a huge mech against a bunch of giant aliens, monsters, and robots. Succeed, and the Earth’s future is secure. Run out of lives on the other hand, and you will get the mother of all chewings-out.

This can be seen as an evolution of the Friday the 13th Game Over, but whereas that game was short, to-the-point, and couldn’t afford to show much violence because of Nintendo’s censors, Death Duel made sure you knew just how badly you fucked up. First, an image of a Grim Reaper-esque figure standing over your corpse in a graveyard because, unlike Nintendo at the time, Sega didn’t give a fuck. Then a highly detailed description of how the Earth is doomed humanity, your family will become pariahs bearing your sins, the Federation collapses, and your defeat doomed not only all of the puppies in the universe to extinction, but all of the kitties as well.

FOR SHAME!