#like bitch no patient did not
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s1ep13 merlin, believing he will be dead by morning, goes to say goodbye to arthur and he leans against the door of arthur’s chambers and watches the glow of the fire light his skin golden, full of color and life that it had been sorely lacking while the prince was injured. he stares at the softness of arthur’s features and pressed the line of his profile into memory for while he passes he will wish for nothing more than to see arthur one last time, his smile and blue eyes one last comfort before he passes on to the otherworld. arthur turns to stare at him and frowns at whatever expression merlin is making. the prince kicks a weak foot out at the chair next to him and motions for merlin to join him. merlin slowly shuffles over but ignores the chair completely. he stops in front of arthur who watches him with wary confusion. the tug of his lips and the furrow of his brow sickeningly endearing and merlin allows himself to be selfish and leans down to press his lips to arthur’s.
the prince is sat frozen under merlin’s touch but he can’t find himself to care much about that, not when he finally knows what it feels like to kiss arthur. he hopes that will be his last sensation before the ever consuming nothing, he hopes he will close his eyes one last time only to find arthur grinning at him and calling him an idiot before leading him into paradise where he can watch arthur smile, hear him laugh, and feel his touch for all eternity. he pulls away and leaves before arthur can gather himself to form a response, dropping the letter explaining everything on the table as he passes. so he allows himself to be selfish twice - to take from arthur and to give, to let himself know what is feels to kiss the man, to embrace his feelings for him, and to have the man know him for who he truly is. he wishes to pass peacefully with no regrets. somehow that revolves entirely around arthur.
only…he survives the whole ordeal and yeah has a gnarly scar on his chest but is otherwise fit to return to his duties. which include taking care of the prince. of arthur. who he kissed. and who most definitely know about his magic by now. yeesh.
#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#merthur#s01e13 le morte d’arthur#fanfiction#fanfic#fic ideas#prompts#magic reveal#yippeeeeee#angst potential with the letter#did merlin explain that he was going to give his life for arthur’s in the letter? perchance.#now arthur’s in his chambers with tingling lips and parchment held loosely between his fingers#apprently he was kissed by a traitor. a sorcerer. an evil and wicked man#arthur doesnt really believe that. nor does he care.#what hes focused on rn is the part that details how merlin is going to willingly give his life in an exchange#too bad he can’t really move as he’s still weak from his injury and there was no way in hell his father would allow him to leave#not for the serving boy. not again. especially not after his near death.#so he’s stuck in his room and going out of his mind with worry#he spots gaius and merlin reenter camelot from his window and his worry falls into despair as he watches gaius clamber off his horse#and call for guards to help him lift merlin’s limp form and carry him to his chambers#(merlin passed out after the fight from both the strength of magic used to kill a high priestess#and from the pain of her fireball catching up to him bc his skin is literally melting off him)#(not literally but third degree burns hurt like a bitch do he feels his description is accurate)#arthur hobbles toward gaius’s quarters and stumbles in to find merlin thrashing on the patient cot and screaming and wailing#while gaius tends to his burn
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Ok. I now understand what that one person here was saying about doctors treating their patients with a clinical consideration (or lack thereof) that seems to be particular to the profession — or I now understand it more... personally, I guess. So I'm at the dentist (or whatever the specific type of doctor, idk about doctor pokemon types dude they're all the same to me) bc they had to put something on a badly decayed/fucked up tooth (hello bilingualism, how I loathe not knowing how to communicate properly) and she starts cleaning it bc of my, admittedly, bad dental habits
This is where the fucked up thing comes in: she notices that I'm tensing up and clenching the armrests on my grasp real tightly; I have this thing where if I'm grabbing onto an armrest and I'm scared/in pain/deeply uncomfortable I'll dig my index and middle fingers into it, the others circling around it — kinda like how you'd measure someone's pulse on their wrist, but I'm instead trying to strangle the shit out of an inanimate object. So she decides to inject some anesthesia on the general area so she can work better and I'm calmer — situation resolved!
Except, it doesn't work.
I've had problems with dental-related anesthesia in the past — I had to get my wisdom teeth removed and let me tell you, even if I didn't feel the pain that didn't mean I wasn't feeling it; I can only assume what I felt was discomfort, some sort of sensibility or something like that, but trust me, that operation was hell on Earth and I hated every second of it. Coming back to the present, I felt. Every. Fucking. Time her shooty mc watergun thing came anywhere close to my fucked up tooth — she had to clean around it? I felt it. She had to clean within it? Yep, I felt it. She moved the instrument around and it just so happen to soot water into the tooth? BOOM I was clenching the armrests like they owed me money. It was SO. BAD I started shaking at some point like I had hypothermia, it was HORRIBLE
The worse part was whenever she asked me if it hurt. The repeated chant of "it hurts? No? Of course not, I gave you anesthesia!" Will forever haunt me, in just the same way that doctor who took out my wisdom teeth does whenever I remember the pain and his question of "you can still feel it?" Whenever I said that I still felt pain from the needle entering my gums. I can still hear the befuddlement in his voice every time I shaked my head one way or another, clearly in a manner that did not align with The Good Patient Manual he'd been taught to learn. I don't think I'll ever forget her sort of upbeat voice as she cleaned my tooth and I was made to lay as still as the tremors allowed me to be, clenching the armrests and getting my head manhandled by my top front teeth with her finger — I didn't even think someone would ever do that.
Like. What the fuck
#to make it worse — i dont THINK she was doing it maliciously#as in: sounding upbeat and kinda cheery#i think that's just how she is#i think she GENUINELY THOUGHT that she was helping me feel calmer by repeating that “i gave you anesthesia!” thing#and all i could think of was BITCH YOU'RE NOT THE ONE GETTING AN ICICLE SHANKED INTO YOUR TOOTH. WHAT DO Y O U KNOW??#then she did something with a metal mold that she accidentally shoved RIGHT into my gums. ow#yet all of that and the fact i think it was GENUINELY an accident just. speaks VOLUMES of how used they are to go through the process#also to make an unfunny joke lose EVEN MORE points: i only felt the anesthesia take effect AFTER all was said and done#as in she cleaned my tooth told me to sit and wash my mouth with moutwash and then BOOM couldn't keep that shit in ny mouth#like. the right-upper side of my mouth was gone. couldn't feel it all that well#actually i still can't feel it fully#my lip pulls on the muscles weird lol#also she was just. discussing another random patient's situation regarding paperwork WITH MY DAD?????#lady wtf#patient confidentiality is like. A THING???????#it was mostly just to bitch about the process bc it IS a fucked up paperwork process so nothing major BUT STILL????????#idk it feels weird#anyway#demon rambles™
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every masterpiece has its cheap copy etc etc
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#like. tiers fraccion were BITCHES. but they knew how to work together when needed; did not underestimate themselves and most importantly had#a great patient and a kind leader that they all deeply respected. bambies were too preoccupied with petty fighting and showing off and#thats why ychwach killed them#bleach#why is bambietta like 7 ft tall when actually meninas is fucking gigantic
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the way I got better when I stopped going to therapy is insane
#Like…#I told this lady#so much disturbing shit#and she encouraged me#also she never followed that rule of breaking doctor patient confidentiality if she thought I’d hurt myself or others#I told her one time that there was this kid a few years younger than me that I was 100% sure I controlled#and that every time I did something bad he did the same thing and it made me feel so guilty and I felt like a terrible person#even though there was obviously no way that was possible I was convinced#THIS BITCH#TOLD ME I WAS PROBABLY RIGHT#way to fix my brain doc real helpful
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Feeling homicidal at work today ♡
#there's been major issues with wordpress for Weeks now and my beloved colleague told IT about it and added me#to the 'task' explicitly writing 'please talk to [my name] if you have any further questions or want to discuss things as i am on vacation'#today i come back to this task reading a lovely comment by that dude who's responsible for solving the problem going#'i think it's best if we make an appointment to discuss this when you're back :)' bitch ill kill you#my boy doesn't even Use wordpress it's not even his fucking problem. he just was nice enough to summarize my complaints#so i added a comment too because i honestly can't work like this and want this to be Fixed asap#and if he wants to talk to [beloved colleague] first it's gonna take another 2 fucking weeks until anyone even considers the problem again#and i have no patience for this left at this point. so of course that bitch calls me when i was marked as 'absent' on teams#(did he fucking do that on purpose?? so he wouldn't actually have to talk to me? also. just Text me you fucking bitch)#and when i come back to it HE was absent so i couldn't call him back and also i won't wait for him to come back online so i can talk to him#because my work hours are Over for this week and he could very well just send me a message or add another comment if he has anything to say#but alas he didn't#i honestly am usually quite patient and understanding when it comes to fixing issues but this has been going on forever#and i wouldn't even say anything if it hadn't been for that stupid ass comment on how he wants to talk to [colleague] first. bitch!#(i just mentioned what the main issue was in my own comment btw. i didn't say anything about hurrying or any of the million#passive aggressive things i WANTED to say. very proud of myself for that ♡#had i been with that dude in person i would have killed him on sight)#god things are gonna be so insufferable when my beloved colleague is gone forever ㅠㅠ#he's the only good thing about this fucking company and I'm sure everything's gonna go down in flames#once he's gone#void screams#work stuff
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that moment when internet dies every 2 minutes <3
#3rd world country issues#cant even google shit in here#I'm so annoyed like normally im a patient person but when technology fails?? im punching walls#why do i have to wait and reload the page 938347 times just to see a stupid ass web page like. shithole country#i know realistically this could and would probably happen all around the world but#i just cant ever make peace with living in an unserious ass country <3#so everything is His fault#oh u should see me when it rains heavily for example#i am always like m*lih g*kcek i hope u live a miserable life and die painfully im not even kidding#i say this everytime it rains and everywhere floods...#cant even have decent infrastructure because of these clowns#one time someone i knew went to germany and they jokingly said 'did you know it doesnt even flood after it rains heavily there?????' lmao#imagine that. no I mean. people literally die here after it rains i wish it was a joke#anyway. all this bitching wont bring back internet#mobile data sacrifice time ig#🗒#tr times
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today, i had a call with my psychiatrist office, and i threatened to file a complaint of patient endangerment with the department of public health. so. that was fucking intense. i did a great job tho. i am an articulate son of a bitch, even if i shouldn't have to be, and i am going to ensure the head doctor of that office calls me and explains herself or i will become A Problem.
#medical trauma#original#the context is that her office has failed to refill my meds in a timely fashion for like 7 months due to some error in their system#my meds keep me alive so this is not me being a karen this has the potential to kill her patients#but this is like. idk not hitting in the way it feels it should. the phonecall i mean.#maybe bc i am used to medical systems endangering my life so it just doesn't register as more heavy than usual#if anything i feel a little better than after an average doctor appointment bc i actually had an effect on those present.#i am a sweet fellow but i know how to speak very clearly and very intensely and how to back it up with at least some legal threat#it doesn't come up often outside of keeping myself alive#but i did a good job.#and maybe i will have saved someone else from pain or death or trauma. wouldn't be the first fucking time.#BECAUSE I FUCKING RULE. BITCHES.
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remember that you can (and should!) do the things you love even when they're not sparking joy
#dryad speaks#depression is a bitch but making things makes my brain feel less bad#i gotta be gentle when i do this because i have a harder time being patient with mistakes and hangups#but it feels better saying 'i did an okay job on this little bit even tho i felt like shit'#than it does to say 'i did nothing at all'#brains are weird but i will figure mine out istg
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Restaurants do this to themselves with their shitty scheduling tbh. It’s as simple as either having a posted “kitchen closes at” time that’s earlier than the time people actually need to be out, or scheduling employees’ shifts with time past closing to do all the cleaning. In the hospital kitchen I worked in, we were all scheduled 30 to 90 minutes past closing time depending on our duties. My easy pizza station that I could already have mostly closed by doing stuff throughout the night? 30 minutes. I got an hour for the coffee shop because that involved more. And the dishwashers as mentioned above got 90 minutes, so guess what? They just got scheduled later so they’d have 90 minutes of uninterrupted washing time after close.
Our chef gave me lasting PTSD but she knew how to write a schedule. 🤣
it was too much i had to make my own post
line cook here. ACCURATE
if you don't get the hate, here's what you don't understand.
it takes up to 2 hours to close down the kitchen.
The last 60-90 minutes before closing time you do almost no cooking because the restaurant doesn't have many people in it and you've already cooked most of their diners.
So if someone walks in during, like, the last hour, the cook is in the middle of an industrial deep clean of the kitchen.
(these numbers can vary quite a bit from place to place but i have worked several restaurants with these actual times and the concept remains the same)
Say the place closes at 10. If you wait til the restaurant is already closed to start all your cleaning duties, you'll be there until at least midnight.
More than that your boss knows that on an average night you can start your clean up as soon as the last rush ends and get out of there around 10:45, even 10:15 on a slow night if you get lucky. That means there are plenty of restaurants where if you do take until midnight the manager is going to come up to you at some point that week and ask you what went wrong that night, and you'd better have an answer.
So this example restaurant closes at 10 pm. The dinner rush ends around 8:30, and shortly after that the cook is going to start getting every single dish possible over to the dishwasher because the dishwasher always gets hit hard and late, and the machine runs for 2 full minutes and only holds so many dishes, so the way that works out is if you wait an extra 30 minutes to give the dishwasher all your stuff it can mean adding like 60 minutes to the end of his shift. And you're gonna KEEP finding shit to send to the dishpit right up until you leave probably.
all these little square and rectangle containers in this cold table have to be pulled out and changed over into new containers, replaced by new full ones, or in some cases filled from larger containers in the back, which can result in even more empty containers to send to the dishwasher.
while it's all pulled apart to do this, you have to clean up all the spilled food and sauce and juices and stuff from the joints and ledges and shelves and drip trays
Once you get your line changed over in this way, and fully stocked, anytime someone orders something that makes use of a bunch of that stuff, you have to restock and re-clean it some. It might already be covered in plastic. Some of it might already be stuck in the back to make room to take apart your cutting board counter to clean. To cook a dish isn't TOO much of a problem at this point, but you're really hoping for zero orders because you still have so much other cleaning to do.
Meanwhile the salad bar and appetizer section and server station and everybody are all doing the same thing. Even the bartenders are stocking olives and lemons and sending back whisks and stir spoons and shakers and empty 4quart storage containers that used to hold the back-up lemons and olives and things. Every section is dumping their must-be-cleaneds to the dishpit as fast as possible because early and fast is the only thing they can do to to help that dishpit not absolutely drown into overtime.
The poor dishwasher is always the last to clock out, soaking wet and exhausted.
Around this time you probably scrub the flat top, which has turned black from cooked on grease and is still about 500 degrees. Line cooks are divided in opinion on water-based or oil based cleaning methods for this, but they all involve scrubbing with (usually) a brick of pumice stone using every ounce of your strength while you try not to burn yourself
you scrub it from fully blackened to gleaming silver and now if somebody orders something that needs the flat top to cook, you can either fuck up your cleaning job or fake it in a couple frying pans and pass that tiny fuck you down to your dishwasher (who usually understands, especially if you help them take the garbage out or clean your own floor drain later)
If there's deep fried stuff on the menu then the fryers have to be cleaned out, which includes straining the oil out into enormous and super-heavy pots full of oil so hot that if you spill on yourself then it's probably a hospital visit and if you slip and fall face first into it it'll be the last thing you ever do.
Then you gotta scrub out the fryer. Like you gotta take the (hot) screen out and reach your arm down into the weird rounded pipes and curved areas (so hot, burn you if you brush against them hot) and scrub off whatever is down there
Depending on your kitchen you might have to do up to four of these. Then you'll have to pour the (dangerously hot) oil back in
oh, and if you didn't dry the pipes and get ALL the water out of the trap and tank?
water reacts with hot oil in a sort of mentos and coke way that can send a tidal wave of oil past the open flame of the pilot light ...HUGE dangerous mess and/or burn down the kitchen if the oil lights up.
Unless! If the oil has been used too hard and needs to be changed, it's time to carry those open topped super heavy pots full of will-kill-you-hot oil and dump them in the barrel outside by the dumpsters so you can put room temp fresh oil in the fryers. whew!
The clean up is not just some light wiping down that can be easily interrupted, is what i'm saying.
You might have to do some kind of walk-in duty (moving around 50lb cases of lettuce and 50lb bags of onions to get to the stacks of five gallon buckets full of salad dressings and sauces to move so you can reach the giant metal pots and bus tubs full of prep and get it all organized and make sure it's all labeled and i have to stop now i'm having flashbacks)
THE POINT IS
by 15 or however many minutes to close, the line cook is doing an intense deep clean and probably has the whole stove taken apart to detail.
For some industrial stoves this means lifting off large cast iron plates that weigh like 20 lbs each and are still quite hot. Whatever metal burners are on there, you gotta take off and clean, you can see here the lines that indicate the large thick cast iron rectangles that sit on top of the burners to allow heavy pots to rest on. Those five (each has one front burner hole and one back burner hole, see?) have to be lifted off and cleaned with soap and a wire brush usually, and then the underneath area also has to be cleaned because a lot of shit falls through the burner holes on a busy night.
if you didn't do it when you did the flat top you have to do the grease trap (which can be like a full five minutes and is always disgusting).. You gotta clean out all the little gas jets in each burner with a wire or something so the burners all flame evenly, and sometimes you have to remove some of the natural gas piping that connects the burners to access where you have to clean.
you gotta clean out the bottom of the oven and the wire racks, and, oh gods, you gotta take down the filter vents from the hood fans above the stove.
See all the lined parts along the top of the wall?
those are hood vents, and as they pull air up they also pull a lot of grease and they have to be taken down and cleaned, then you gotta climb up there and scrub where they go before you put them back...
And then there's the mopping and floor drains and...
Anyway, that's what the line cook is doing when you walk in fifteen minutes before closing and order something that needs to be cooked on that stove. They are doing an entire industrial cleaning of a professional kitchen.
In some restaurants maybe one or two of these jobs will be every other night or even only twice a week, but in many, possibly most kitchens, ALL of these things happen EVERY night. You don't want to leave any food mess that might attract insects or rodents for one thing, so a really good kitchen is as close to brand new as you can get it every night.
IF YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO ORDER SOMETHING ANYWAY, HERE IS WHAT TO DO
open with an apology and ask the server to go ask what the cook would prefer you to order.
Any good server will already know what the cook is hoping for and what will make their line cook go into the walk in and scream. If it's significantly less than an hour to close and they say some variant of "oh anything is fine" they are either telling the lie their boss wants them to say, or they actually do not know what their line cook wants, and you can either use human connection and a conspiratorial just-between-us tone to get them to drop the customer-is-always-right act, or get them to actually go ask the cook.
It might be as specific as "the lasagna is easiest on the kitchen" or it might be a simple guideline like "nothing that requires the flat top" or "any of the sautés are easy" but a good line cook will probably have a system for if they have to make a couple of the most popular items after they start their close, so the answer is likely to include something most people like and you should be good to order that.
but for the love of all that's holy, please only do so at great need. Leave that last 30-60 minutes to the truly desperate and the crew's duties.
#the runners would still bitch when patients ordered food right at close though#like stfu#food line closed at 7 and they were scheduled until 9 🙄#and each runner did ONE (1) cleaning task#maybe 2 if someone called out#they had the cush job easily
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my eye is twitching and i am ready to Throw Hands
#dear doctors. when u page a specialty for a CONSULT#the patient is still YOUR patient. you are simply asking the specialty's OPINION.#following up with the patient and handling the specialty's suggestion is YOUR job#and what a surprise! THIS ALSO APPLIES TO THE ER.#im gonna bitch slap the whole department into oblivion#i went to see a patient who no one talked to the family with#took two hours to handle the case then went to give my recommendations to the er doc#only for the doc to raise a brow and say 'well im done with it its your case'#and i did my best not to yell but firmly said. we are in the ER. YOU ARE THE ER DOCTOR. THIS IS YOUR PATIENT NOT MINE#bad enough they insisted i come see her an hour!! before my shift ends even tho they couldve called me hours earlier#i tell the doctor 'hey i tried calling the patients relative and they didnt answer maybe try talking to them too'#and she says and i quote 'there's no way im doing that#and im like. 😐 do you WANT me to report you? i will gladly report you for not doing your job#yesterday they asked us to evaluate a patient who hadn't even had blood tests done yet#im done. i quit i am exhausted and mad and sleepless#rant over fuck the er all specialties hate the er end of discussion#burrito talks medicine#burrito talks#delete later
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the next doctor to put passive-aggressive quotations in my notes is on sight
#minxiety#if you suspect a patient isn’t being honest say something. don’t be a little bitch#because i read doctor’s notes OBSESSIVELY. it is the best tea#but then i see the doctor put quotes on something and it’s like..#especially the time they did it when i was being FULLY HONEST#and the description i gave was MEDICALLY CONCERNING#but they thought i was bullshitting and put their idea of what happened#doctors need to fucking listen because i swear they always do this whenever i’m in for anything worse than a cold
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i told him not to put his dirty plate in the dishwasher full of clean dishes
he completely ignored me and did it anyway
julie reiterated that the dishes in the dishwasher were clean
he bitches about it "how was i supposed to know"
i say "i told you 10 seconds ago"
and he rounds on me at screams "well i don't listen to anything you say you fucking cunt"
so we're off to a fantastic sunday
#so i scurry off like a spineless fuck to hide until he settles on the couch to get stoned#where he'll be until late into the evening#and i say to julie “your husband is being a bit of a dick today”#to which i get told “no you're just a raging bitch this morning because you're on your period”#despite barely interacting with them today because they spent all morning fucking#while i did laundry#and cleaned#and cooked breakfast for everyone#and i know this is just identified patient bullshit#but putting a fucking name on it doesn't fix it#it's been getting worse#i think the inspection yesterday made things worse#and that just proved i'm never getting out of here#i can't keep on keeping on in a space like this#it's not living#there's no point in it
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People online: "being an afab transwoman (the absence of space is important, do notice) is good and everyone can be whatever they want 🥰"
My therapist when I was 17: "Given your physiognomy taking testosterone wouldn't make you inherently more masculine more than it would make you look like a transexual than a man, do you want to be a transexual or a man? You already look androgynous enough, you don't need more."
"Is this a trick?"
#in context i'm intersex and it was not received as a compliment and it definitely did not make me more accepting of anything#actually I think I tried to kill myself that night because actually the conversation went way worse and I didn't wanted to live in a society#that allows that kind of asshole to be over paid to sit down and drive kids to suicide to make them conform to shit they don't want#i mean say that shit in the streets and i promise that bitch would have gotten the decking of all time#so yes i always laugh when those cunty medical practitioners go like “hm a patient got aggressive 🥺” great tell me more i like that#it's not that I didn't want to look like a transexual simply the irony of it given that person clearly had a specific idea of it#and by definition transexual would have been a way to describe the means to the purpose of what i was looking for#so to get straight up verbally lacerated by an old creep who didn't even knew who Lou Sullivan was which is quite the exemplar example#of that person's clear incompetence i mean i think i should have bitten him on the hand until every teeth touch just to cope
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kinda think studying psychology and then deciding to become a therapist was the worst decision of my life. i wouldnt do anything differently if i could have another go at it i think but still.
#im burned out and now the worst most stressful part is starting like how am i gonna do this idek#the training will be rough I'll have 7 day weeks with work+studies for a couple years with shitty pay + the training itself costs a fortune#and THEN I'll have to get a huge loan to get a seat as therapist who can work with ppl on health insurance. otherwise I'll have to open a+#private practice and hustle to win patients and most ppl say they have a 60 hour work week bitch i cant do that#literally losing my mind why did i decide to do this#idk where to go from here i rly dont
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big dick!caleb thoughts
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Thinking about big dick!Caleb training your pussy to take every inch of him when the time you’re ready finally comes.
Him painstakingly stretching your pussy out every other day with his thick fingers, toying your clit so he can easily insert two or three of his fingers when he’s feeling generous enough.
Big dick!Caleb refuses to use any toys because he wants you to feel him and only him, but it was clear to him that you need more stimulation other than his digits (much to his dismay).
The whirring of the vibrator against your clit makes him feel irrationally angry because it should be only him that’s making you feel good. The sinful noises released from your lips should be because of his cock and not some stupid toy.
Big dick!Caleb who developed jealousy towards the dildo he purchased just to train your pussy to take him so well. The silicone head disappearing into your entrance makes him feel dizzy, wishing it was his cock inside of you.
You feel his dick twitching from your behind as you settle on his lap as you moan his name, “quit squirming baby, fuuuck, you’re killing me here,” he says as he tries to look for some sort of friction to take care of his raging boner.
Big dick!Caleb who resorted to eating you out while his fingers do their job inside of you, making you come multiple times a night just so he can give you the pleasure you seek while he suffers with his hard-on.
Big dick!Caleb who almost crumbles when you beg him to suck his dick, trying to reciprocate the pleasure he has been giving you for the past few weeks since he can’t possibly imagine how he could fit his whole cock inside of you for the time being.
For your sake, he practices his self-control, saying no to your adorable face because he knows you couldn’t fit him in your mouth anyway.
Big dick!Caleb who resorted to jacking himself off every after session for release, for every pump of his fists he wished it was your pussy clenching around his cock, eager to milk him dry. The stolen panties pressed against his nose doing little to his imagination as he savors the remnants of your smell from the piece of lacy cloth.
His moans ringing against the bathroom walls as he fantasizes putting you in different positions, your walls feeling every vein on his cock while you babble like a bitch in heat, all in his mercy, pumping you full with his seed and leaving no drop behind.
Big dick!Caleb’s patience is running thin, he might have practiced self-control the whole time, upstanding discipline and determination courtesy of his secret training from the fleet coming in handy when it comes to you, but his cock buried deep into your pussy is one thing really needs and he doesn’t know until when he can last.
But when the time finally comes, he’s a goner. He sees your eyes pleading for him to finally fuck you. Caleb hesitates for a bit but when he sees the determination in your eyes, he agrees.
You exhale as you silently encourage yourself to sink on his cock, Caleb’s large hands digging into the fat of your hips, guiding you along his.
Big dick!Caleb feels pathetic, the moment the head of his dick comes in contact with your hole already makes him weak, his breath becomes uneven as he feels himself stretching you out.
You cry out as you feel the dull ache spreading in your core, you know yourself that Caleb has been very patient in helping you prep for him, you wince as you feel like you already want to tap out when half of him isn’t inside you yet.
Sensing your frustration and the tears that start to well in your eyes, Caleb starts to coax you and your worries away.
“Shh, take it slowly sweetheart, we all have the time in the world, yeah?” He states, a large hand soothing the top of your head and glides along your face. The pads of his fingers find their way on your cheekbones, “it’s okay, you still have me,” Caleb’s voice was comforting, but did little to ease your worries away.
“I just want to make you feel good, you’ve been good and patient with me,” your eyes stare into his depths, keen to get the favor back to him.
A soft smile spread against Caleb’s lips contrary to the swirl of arousal brewing within him, “I know baby, and I know you’ll do great,” he places a wet kiss against the corner of your mouth, “you can do it, yeah?”
A slow yet determined nod meets his encouragement, and Caleb thinks you’re the most adorable this way.
“Maybe you just need a little bit of guidance, how’s that sound?” His low voice trembles against his chest as you feel his free hand dance towards your pussy.
“What do you mean— ah!” your question is cut short when you feel his calloused hands pinch the bundle of nerves in your pussy.
“Ah look at you go, baby, already doing so good just f’me, yeah?” You feel his rough pads brush and circle against your clit. You take a sharp breath as you close your eyes, the familiar sensation spreads in your body like clockwork, your head is thrown back as your back arches, chasing his digits.
“See how wet you are, sweet girl? Can’t believe this is all just for me,” His sultry voice echoes against your ears as your hips voluntarily grind against his hands.
You take this as your chance to sink lower into his cock, taking a deep breath as you suck into every inch of his length. Caleb fights every fiber of his being from slamming himself into you, letting you take your sweet time claiming him. “Shiiiit baby, stop teasing me,” you can feel his nails dig into the flesh of your thighs, restraining himself as he waits for your next move.
“‘M not, a-ah, s’too much!” You stop halfway, feeling his cock pulsating inside of you. The lines blurring between pain and pleasure floods your whole being, your mind hazy but still determined to make everything work.
“I knooow, baby, ‘m sorry, but you’re a big girl, yeah? You can do it for me, sweets,” his assurance leaves the tip of his tongue but it’s partially for himself as well. The chains of control making it hard for him to just take the reign and finally get every inch of himself into you but he doesn’t want to hurt you and so he relents, letting you do your thing, at your own pace.
Clutching on his shoulders, you force yourself further down his cock, the delicious ache stretching against your hole prominent but a welcomed feeling nonetheless, you take a sharp breath every time you sink in while feeling Caleb’s hands on the globes of your ass guiding you down.
Your thighs burn as you keep yourself balanced on top of him until you finally meet his.
You stop on your tracks as you feel yourself settled on his thighs. Wide eyed, you look at him with enthusiasm. “Caleb, I think I did it,” you say in a whisper. But when your eyes met his, it was shut tight, it was obvious that every restraint that he put on himself is working overtime.
Oh how he badly wants to slam himself into you.
Swallowing down and taking a deep breath, he looks at you proudly, “see, knew you could do it, baby.” Caleb hides his face in the crook of your neck, taking your scent in as he controls himself from going berserk.
You meet him in an embrace, hands exploring his nape as you bask in each other’s presence.
“Baby,” you hear Caleb breathe against you.
“Yeah?”
You can hear him gulp before he says his next words, “can I… move now? Please?”
To the untrained ear, it might sound like a simple request but to you, it was obvious that it was laced in some level of desperation. You swallow down your nervousness, “o-okay.”
That was the only thing Caleb needed before he lifted your hips up and his thighs started to meet yours.
“Ah!” the sting of his thrust was masked with the pleasure of your pussy hugging his dick. Your back arching from the sheer force and ecstasy his dick is giving you.
Slap! Slap! Slap!
The constant clapping of your thighs echoes through the whole room, every vein on his dick felt in every inch of your walls, the mixture of your moans harmonizing as he indulges himself in every thrust.
“My sweet, sweet, girl, taking my cock like it was hers to claim, you’re so good to me,” his thrusts became more and more violent, the tip of his length kissing your cervix just right. Every in and out feels like he’s hitting every right spot in your body.
“C-caleb! ‘M sooooo close, nghh ha-ah!” incoherent noises started to leave your mouth, your mind fogged with ultimate lust with the man inside of you.
“Shh, wait for me sweetheart, hold on for me just a sec, ‘kay? You can do it for me,” his encouragement sends shivers down your spine. You could only nod as you were unable to find the words to reply, mind in the gutter as you feel yourself get stretched deliciously, pussy molding every vein in his pounding cock.
Your senses heightened, you feel yourself get closer to your climax, like hanging on a piece of thread, you find it hard to stop, surge of emotions filled within you as Caleb claims you. His fingerprints danced against your skin as he fought everything within him to go rougher.
You soon feel your back hit against the cold and soft sheets of your bed, laying down as Caleb places your ankles on his shoulders, “patience, baby, we’ll get there soon enough,” he says as you feel his lips gently placed on your forehead, a silent praise for how you’re taking him well so far.
Caleb slowly pulls his dick out and as you were about to protest, you feel him slam against you, harsher than his thrusts from earlier. You feel yourself gasp, his fat girth slowly fitting just right into you, “mngh, such tight fucking pussy, glad I trained it to be mine,” your fingers grip the sheets beneath you, knuckles forming white as you let out a mixture of whines and moans, begging him to take more of you.
“Caleb, s’good, hng— moreee!” Your begging does not fall on deaf ears as he rams his cock into you, force harsher than it was and pleasure begins to intensify.
“Hah, look at you and your cunt getting greedy, sucking me in like a bitch in heat, yeah?” Caleb let out grunts as he lets himself get lost into you. “Fuuuuck, should fuck you like this everyday, get your womb full of my seed and have my babies grow inside of you, yeah?”
“Yes! God ha-ah, fill me up please, ngh—”
“Wan’me to make you a momma so bad, glad I’m treating your pussy like the whore that it is for my cock, yeah?”
“Mh-hmm! Want it— hah— so bad,” your words become incoherent as you get drunk with his cock stuffing you full, you can feel him pulsating as he continuously bullies himself into your tight cunt.
The whole thing feels like sin, but you couldn’t get yourself to stop, feeling every inch of his mean dick brings you ecstasy, your eyes rolling at the back of your head, bringing you higher than any drug ever could.
“‘M close, baby, meet me there, yeah?”
“Uh-huh! Inside p-pleaseee,” you whine, feeling yourself clench against his dick.
“Shiiit, baby, can’t hold any longer when you’re squeezin’ me like this, mngh—” his grunts filled the cool air, jaw clenched as he got closer, dick twitching while feeling your hole hugging every inch.
Caleb gives it a few more thrusts before letting himself go inside of you. White ropes of cum painting your insides as his cock pulsates itself inside, filling your womb full of his seed. Your feet curl at the weird but welcomed sensation, moaning in delight at the satisfying feeling rushing in your body.
Both of you were panting as Caleb fucks his cum into you, “let’s not waste anydrop, yeah, sweets?”
“Ngh, mh-hm,” your whine draws on as he slowly gets all of his seed in your cunt, swiping his tip on the trickling release against your thighs and ass.
Caleb collects himself before cradling your face in his hands, fixing your hair away from your sweat sheened face. He drinks the sight before him, your cockdrunk face and hazy eyes looking at him, exhausted but beyond relieved.
“You did it baby, ‘m so proud of you, I love you,” he says before kissing your forehead, a gentle and sincere gesture contrary to the intense lovemaking he just did with you.
Dazed and worn out, you decide to reply with a small smile, “love ya, too,” were the last words you said before slowly drifting to sleep.
He lets out a boyish smile and places another chaste kiss on your lips. He never felt this content until now.
Big dick!Caleb swears that from now on, he will make a mold of every inch of him with your tight cunt, like it was made for him to dote and love, fitting right in just like a glove.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/991e9104189d46efafdfc7158d3321f5/12afd636acad09f5-9e/s540x810/582ae5016c59660ca36826f47f5a7987deaa37b8.webp)
note: this was supposed to be a short ramble but i got carried away, my bad lol.
dividers by @/cafekitsune
#caleb smut#caleb x reader#lnds smut#love and deepspace smut#love and deepspace x reader#caleb x y/n#caleb x you#lnds#lads smut#xia yizhou#xia yizhou smut#caleb love and deepspace
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Tw. Bimbo reader, dark content, noncon, dubcon, corruption kink, coercion, creampie, size kink, magic sex toy/onahole/fleshlight, loss of virginity, not proof read
***
Thinking about being a childhood friend of a yandere duo.
You were just so friendly and cute, approaching them with candies in your tiny hands and offering it to them. So kind as you always play with them, and sometimes they would argue who'd be your husband when playing house. They often fought whenever they wanted to play with you but in the end, it always results to sharing you.
Middle school was a little different than Kindergarten. They get more protective when boys try to get close to you, painting them as insufferable brats that only want clout. Being neighbors with the wealthy kids, got you too much attention much to their liking, often getting bullied whenever you finally have some alone time, but this didn't get unnoticed as you wonder why that kid who pushed you on your locker, suddenly have bandage wrapped around his head and his reputation down.
Highschool is where the shift started. You wanted to explore more, finding new friends, and hanging out with other people, and they did not like that. You were just too dumb, they said. Too dumb to realize people manipulating you so that they can get close to them. Do you even realize that the girl from your class only talks to you about them? Dumb girl.
Safe to say, you never had a genuine friend in high school, not like you even had chance to form a deep level of friendship (by people who genuinely wanna be friends with you) by the way they hog all your attention and time.
College is where it gets difficult for them to spend time with you. Different schedules, classes, course. They even insisted you go to the same university as them. It's frustrating how little time you spend together, always with your stupid excuse of "working on an assignment".
Without you around, they definitely have a hard time relieving some tension. They couldn't just walt into your room and steal some panties scoot free without getting into trouble, even though they were star students and had plenty influence over the school. No, no, they won't put their reputation to ruin, they're your perfect best friends.
Despite them being a duo, they were quite different in terms of personality. One is patient and mature, thinking logical and more on the rational side. While the other is playful, outgoing and rash. Both have their charms that got everyone around their fingers. However, they wouldn't sleep with just anyone, no. It's hard to get their dick hard, always imagining your cute face whenever they try to fuck a desperate bitch to finally release some tension.
But your impatient friend had enough of some random girl, high pitch moans that's not yours annoying his ears. It's miserable to even hump his own hand, so hard and cold, different to what he imagine your tight warm cunt to be. This just won't cut it. He needs more, to finally feel your wet insides without you knowing.
So what's a good way to relieve tension?
Some good ol' fleshlight.
The moment it arrived at his doorstep, he straight up bolted to his door. Slamming the door close as he finally gets his hands on the toy after days of waiting. Fuck, he can't wait to use this thing.
It's like the half body sex toy he used to watch in porns. He was quite impressed by the details it had, he gotta give props for that, but that's not what he's after for. After reading the instructions, more like skimming and skipping most of the words. He use lubricant, using plenty of it and spreading it around the artificial pussy lips. Rubbing and feeling the flaps, like how he usually does. It's kinda weird that he's doing this for a toy, but he could just imagine it being your cunt, practicing his moves. After a few moments did he slide his thick finger inside the walls of the toy... How weird, the texture was oddly real, like it was alive. Well, that's probably some mechanic shit that the factory put there or something. This is his first time using a fleshlight and it cost a fortune through some sketchy website so it better be worth it.
***
You jolted in your sit in class, listening to your professor's discussion about physics until you suddenly feel something brushing on your thighs. Your head panning around the room before looking ahead, brushing it off. It was probably the wind.
You yelp when something began rubbing your cunt, earning a few concern looks for you and your professor glancing at you before going back to his discussion. You shrink in your sit, head hanging low as you pressed your lips together. Confused and scared by the phantom touch assaulting your nether region. Clutching your skirt, you try to maintain confused whimpers as the touches didn't stop.
You're scared.
The moment something pushed inside you, you stand up and excuse yourself, running to the nearest restroom. Your feet quick as you open a random stall and sit on the toilet. Your breathing heavy as you shakily lifts your skirt, looking at the wet patch on your panty.
What's happening? Why are you wet? How can something touching you there? You're not imagining this, right?
Your mind raced as you become more terrified. Is a ghost haunting you? Tears pool on your eyes, sniffling as the assault become more aggressive.
***
Fuck, this fleshlight was the best thing he ever bought. How was this even made? Whatever. He continues to pump his thick finger, inserting another one and he jump a bit as he felt the walls suck on his fingers. Damn, it can even do that? Just how realistic can this toy be? He's not complaining though.
He decided to touch the clit earning another tight squeeze. What a sensitive toy. He continues to play, eventually adding another finger. It was weird how the warm walls didn't run out of lube, if this were any normal toy it'd need to be lubricated after few minutes but this toy seems to produce it on its on.
He pulls out his fingers as he inspects the inside, it's undeniable that it's fake but the way it pulsates around nothing makes it a bit questionable on how it works.
Would your cunt also look like that? He could imagine your wrecked heaving face after fingering you. Poor little you never had something inside, let alone this thick fingers. He couldn't wait for the moment he'll ruin you.
***
You're straight up crying as an additional thick sensation pumped your insides. Squeezing your thighs shut, like it's gonna do something to stop the phantom. Everything inside you screams to remove the intrusion but you didn't know how. Opening your legs slightly, your shaky fingers removing your panty to see what's happening inside your cunt... but nothing was there. Only a gape.
Your fingers shifts towards the gape, gasping as the invincible touch was able to touch you yet you couldn't even see or feel it. Squirming uncomfortably, as you open your legs more to try and get "it" out with your fingers. Uselessly grabbing air, whimpering and sobbing as you fail to interrupt with its continuous pumping. Your stomach twisting and an unfamiliar coil was starting to unravel, your breath hitching and legs shaking.
But it's abruptly stop as the phantom pulled away.
Finally, relief and a little bit of disappointment fills your chest. Slumping on the toilet, panting like you run a marathon. You shift a bit as you sit upright, freezing as something thick pokes your entrance.
No way...
Your brain panics, your gaze staring at the way your hole widens and your legs subconsciously spreading more to prepare yourself for the inevitable. You clutch the wall of the stall, each hand gripping the surface. Tears streaming down your face and your cheeks getting hot.
This can't be happening.
You felt the thick thing stretch you open.
***
Something about fucking a fleshlight should embarrass him. But nah, with you in his mind there's nothing to be ashamed. This is just practice to him after all, he'll do this things eventually.
With his heavy cock around his fingers, he taps the opening of the fleshlight. His other hand grips the hip. Rubbing along the slit, he collects lube running on the head of his cock, catching the clit in the process. He lets out a breath, as he finally starts pushing his cock inside.
He's quite big, so he's a bit worried if he'll fit in some shady toy but he's sure he'll fit in you just right, even if he had to force himself in your tiny cunt.
But there's no need for consideration when it comes to a toy.
He sheath inside in one thrust.
Hissing at the way the walls clings to him, tightly wrapping around his cock and pulsating as if rejecting a foreign object. Shit, why does it feel like a virgin?
Warm, wet, and tight. The perfect toy pussy for him, this could even rival a real pussy if he were being honest. No time for adjusting as he starts to thrust. Pounding the onahole, roughly gripping the hips and fucking hard. Shit shit shit why does this feel so good? This stupid toy feels a whole lot better compare to a random slut.
His hips going hard and the way he feels the inside pulsating, sucking all his worth making him groan. Such a tight fake cunt.
He wonder if he can break the toy.
***
With a silent scream, your head jerk up as the big stretch was too sudden for your body to take. Legs wide open as you try to create space for the large object. You sob as quiet as possible, as the phantom starts pounding hard at your sensitive cunt. You want to scream but held back, tears blurring your vision as you pray for it to end.
Whimpering and sobbing was the only thing you can do. Waiting for the thrusting to stop, you teeth bite your lip to stop noise from escaping. It doesn't sound like you at all, it's weird, you're scared and confused.
Your mind tries to think of a distraction, to think of anything but the mysterious assault. How is this even happening? What did you do to deserve this? Why you?
Your breath hitched as you feel the tight coil in your stomach again. Moaning a little as you feel pleasure rising though you. Your hands clasp over your mouth, muffling your noise. You shake your head as the coil gets tighter and tighter, your legs shaking as you stutter words of apology to whoever's doing this.
And it snaps.
Your vision going white, body stiffening and eyes going into the back of your head.
Ah. You never felt this... good before.
It takes you a few minutes to recover. Your limbs feel like jelly, your chest rising up and down in a slow manner, and you greedily gulp air.
You were tired and exhausted but you were glad the assault has stop after that. You groggily starts to lift you panty's up however you felt something dripping down your hole.
... you wonder what it was.
***
After that day, the mysterious phantom would touch you at random times, when you're showering, classes, or even in bed late at night. It was torturous, you were becoming paranoid and it didn't go unnoticed by one of your best friend.
He's helping you study in the library as you'd ask him for his guidance in physics. You would've asked your other friend, but you can just imagine him play with your hair or something along of not really helping you study.
You're breathe hitch as you feel the phantom ghost rubbing your cunt. Shrinking on your sit, uncomfortably rubbing your legs.
"Something bothering you?" He ask, looking a bit concern of your shiftiness.
"O-oh, it's nothing. Just a little tired lately," You reassured, smiling as you pretend to be fine.
His sharp gaze examined your face before dropping the subject, deciding to just help you study.
"If you need something to talk to. I'm right here, ok?"
You smiled forcefully, "I-I will... Thank you."
***
You could never bring yourself to tell someone about it. No one would ever believe you.
You're laying in bed waiting for the phantom, already memorizing the way it'll touch you. You brace for the touch as you can't help but feel helpless. Are you going to live like this your entire life? You don't want to...
But would someone be willing to listen to you? To believe you? You don't wanna bother your best friend, you knew how busy he's gotten the recent days and you're doubtful that he'll even listen to your story when he's the rational one. That means...
Your thoughts were interrupted by the intrusion as you clutch your pillow and close your eyes. You're panting as the phantom starts its routine.
You're scared... You're scared that it's starting to feel good.
No. You don't want to be alone anymore on this.
You need help. Badly.
You shakily gets up from bed, putting some jacket on as you heads towards someone who can help you... At least you believe who will do.
***
"Oh? What's my little darling doing here at this late of night?" He grins as he opened the door with the sight of you.
You fidget with your jacket as you feel small under his gaze, "P-Please help me."
He raised his eyebrow, his grin replacing with a thin line. Yeah, he's playful but he'll never joke around when you're having a problem, "Come inside, we'll talk there, sweetie."
Sitting on his couch, you took a deep breath as you prepare to tell someone about this problem of yours. He won't make fun of you right? He won't be weirded out, right? He's a reliable person and your best friend.
He sits beside you, a serious and concerned expression on his face. It was rare to see him like this, which encourage you to finally tell him.
By the end, you were crying and hiccuping in your hands about the experiences you encounter with that phantom. Feeling his hand rub your back, cooing at you in comfort. He pulls your head to rest on his chest, telling you that everything's going to be fine.
You sob out a thank you, finding relief to finally get it out of your chest.
Unbeknownst to you, the man was smiling.
***
He didn't know if God was on his side. But, he didn't expect this would happen.
Who would've thought that the toy he was playing with was connected with cute lil you?
He didn't believe it at first but the way you described the timing was too much of a coincidence. Sweet little thing, don't worry you won't experience any scary thing from now on.
"Sweetie, do you want me to chase that scary invisible phantom away?" He cups your cheeks in his hands, locking gaze with you.
You sniffle before nodding, "Y-Yes, please..."
He gave you a toothy smile before gently pushing you down on his couch. His fingers swiping away your tears, "Listen to me, ok? I need you to trust me on this." His nose touching with yours as he leans close.
"O-ok... I trust you."
Dumb little girl.
You shouldn't have said that.
Now you've sealed your fate.
***
He wonders what was going on with you back when he helped you study in the library. Something was very off about you, and you were clearly uncomfortable to brought it up.
He thinks of you very often even when he's busy and swarmed with school works. Sometimes, getting frustrated to even continue and wants to just go to your place. He massages his aching temple, resting on his chair before a box caught his attention.
Oh yeah, that stupid guy gave him that a few weeks ago.
He recalls their conversation about it, saying that it'll help him release some stress. Well, he's plenty stressed now so why don't he test it out now?
He saunters to the box, sitting on the floor to unravel it. Only to be surprised by the object inside it.
An onahole...
If he was his usual self he would've flung this across the room and throw it to the garbage bin. But sometimes he needs to be relieve as well, plus he's a man too,
He's not that picky too.
This'll do for him.
A temporary replacement while thinking of your cunt.
#gojo satoru x reader#lovesick#dark content#yandere x y/n#yandere x reader#yandere genshin x reader#yandere genshin#yandere genshin impact#yandere honkai star rail#yandere hsr#yandere jjk#yandere jujutsu kaisen#yandere x darling#yandere x female reader#yandere suguru geto#yandere suguru#yandere megumi#yandere yuji#yandere kaveh#yandere alhaitham#yandere cyno#yandere tighnari#yandere childe#yandere zhongli#yandere gojo#gojo satoru#gojo x reader#gojo smut#hsr smut#jjk smut
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