#like being struck with a bolt of lightning im not even kidding. i understand why salmon are like that

[narke]

being h*rny is literally so sick and twisted i was momentarily struck senseless upon seeing the suggestion of dick outline as he was doing a hip stretch

[jack-kellys]

it’s fizz, with another fic, another au. idea lowkey stolen from the lovely @vioislit, but she has input don’t worry :)

anyhow

———————

“super” broke

words: 1.2k

warnings: cursing, pain description, passing out...yes that’s all

—————

Jack

Jack didn’t actually like being late.

Crew was supposed to be at tech way before the actors, and yet here Jack was, earning a disappointed glare from his stage manager. Especially as her ASM, assistant stage manager, he should be ten minutes earlier.

Another thing Jack didn’t like- or understand, really: why was he, a design major, assigned to assistant manage again? He could’ve helped design this whole set instead of attending rehearsals and taking notes and all the damn reading he had to do and the organizing and piles of paperwork… Well. Maybe he was assigned this to reorganize himself, actually. God knew he’d been wildly caught up in...himself.

Jack had reason, of course. It wasn’t some self-absorbed thing (for once, Spot would say). He was genuinely busy outside of Shakespeare In Love—he had semester courses that were finishing up and finals were damn near literally creeping up his asshole, he swore. He had an entire art project to do that in actuality would have taken him two months...if he didn’t have only two weeks to do it.

Jack groaned inwardly as he set up his laptop backstage, nabbing his printed pre-show list to start checking things off around the area. He was used to burying himself, but lately the soil felt suffocating. The show—which had turned out to be much bigger than anticipated—his classes, upcoming finals, and...y’know.

The whole superpower thing.

Back in September, when Jack was working a play and running the lighting board, he’d been alone on headset and bored. He hadn’t learned much about sound design yet, so of course he was messing around. The spotlights weren’t up on the catwalk yet, their PSM wasn’t anywhere to be seen, and no one’s voice was crackling over the headset. Jack was idly turning dials on the soundboard as a result. Because Jack—and he knew this—was an idiot, he turned one of the many colored dials way up to one side. He’d done it before to a few different dials and nothing had happened, so he figured ...Wrong. He figured really fucking wrong.

A piercing sound struck horizontally in his skull, like it's lightning-bolt points were stabbing through his brain and out of his ears. His hands lost feeling and he tried to cry out, eyes squeezed shut, though he could only emit a small gasp of agony. Honestly, Jack couldn’t feel much of anything with the blinding pain at the forefront of his nerve endings. He knew his knees were to the ground now, he sure as hell wasn’t standing with his legs heavy as lead. It wouldn’t end, it seemed, the pain still as powerful as it was initially. If his hands decided to be useful, they could switch off the dial, or take off his headset, but for now, they were set on feebly attempting to protect himself. For some reason, he’d stuck his hands out and away, like the pain source was right in front of him.

Then, the brain-burning feeling dropped away, and Jack carefully opened his eyes to find a slightly opaque blue forcefield surrounding him like a bubble. He shifted to one side, and the blue moved with him. He sat up, and it adjusted. Jack broke out into an astonished grin. How the fuck had he gotten a forcefield from a sound board? Not like he cared how he got them—all that mattered was that he could make a forcefield with his fucking hands and that was the coolest shit he’d ever seen.

So that was the whole ‘superpowers thing.’

Since that day, Jack had been experimenting with himself, hence why everything else was becoming even more heavy on Jack’s back. He couldn’t help but dedicate real time to figuring out this random new ability. Homework kind of took a backseat to mysterious abilities.

Jack would find himself a private area in between classes—secluded enough not to simply be found but reasonable enough to not look sketchy—and just concentrate. Envision the blue around himself as he held up his hands, eyes scrunched closed. Picture its shade, a stark and royal blue, but still able to see right through it.

“Jack.”

The pulse of something so close to being emitted from his palms.

“Jack.”

Feel the zap of energy between his ears, somewhere deep in his brain-

“Jack FUCKING Kelly! You in there?”

His gaze finally focused back in with a gasp. Someone was whapping his cheek.

Oh, god. Right. Shakespeare. Shit. He was still standing backstage, and was apparently staring at nothing.

“Hi Sarah, um,” Jack chuckled sheepishly to his stage manager. “I, uh...dissociation’s a bitch, huh?”

Sarah Jacobs frowned. “Technically true,” she muttered. “Just get back to it. Actors are called in twenty, so make sure your side’s all set up.”

“Thank you, twenty,” Jack sighed with a smile as her boots padded away. Thank God he was on her good side. Sarah was one of the toughest seniors Jack had ever come across. Her glare could probably cut straight through a freshman’s heart.

Jack had finished setting in only ten minutes, about to decide to help the other ASM when something blinked out above him and a loud “SHIIIIIT, Jesus…” called from the back of the house.

“Oh God, Spot, what happened?” Jack groaned, glancing up towards the lights as he came center stage. A whole line of them had gone out. Shit. “The hell did you do, man?”

“Whatever it is, you’re dealin’ with it!” Spot yelled back. “I’m going over cues in three minutes. You figure it out, Kelly.”

He was on Sarah’s good side. Not Spot’s, despite he and Jack being in the same grade and shared many classes together.

“Fucking….fine.” At least it would give him something to do.

Jack’s investigation led him outside, unfortunately. He shivered against the cold as he checked the power box, only understanding what about half of the switches meant. Conlon never gave him a damn break, did he.

A gust of wind blew through him, making him shake like a damn leaf in addition. Fuck Spot rights, Jack decided spitefully.

“Uh, hello- hi?”

Jack paused, turning around to see leaves swirling in the air still as well as a curly-haired kid staring at him with wide eyes. He looked freaked.

Jack’s lips pursed, hand coming up to gesture.

“Did you…” Jack pointed to the kid, then in the direction the leaves were blowing.

“Yeah,” the kid nodded hesitantly, “I was running-“

“You were running?” Jack scoffed, surprised. “And it created a damn windstorm?”

“Well, yeah, what’s it look like?” The kid shrugged, taking a few steps closer to Jack. “Maybe don’t...tell anyone, okay?”

He looked rather vulnerable, eyes shifting around their surroundings in search of other possible witnesses. A pang of sympathy struck Jack’s heart, he couldn’t help it.

“Sure thing, kiddo,” Jack smiled. “I’m Jack. You can trust me, I promise.”

Jack watched the guy breathe out a small sigh. “I’m Anthony,” he smiled slightly, sticking out his hand. “And thanks.”

Jack’s smile grew. “Nah, nah, I get it. Gotta keep your identity secret, and all’a that.” He shook the kid’s hand as Anthony let out a small laugh.

Something white and hot zig-zagged up Jack’s arm at the contact. He felt his whole body nearly vibrate, and then he blacked out. This really wasn’t Jack’s goddamn day. ——————

of course the first thing I write is gonna be a series, because I hate making life easy please tell me if you don’t wanna be on my tag list anymore! or if you wanna be on it! it’s been a few months heh :) just message me I don’t bite

TAG LIST:

@suddenly-im-respecsable @getchapapes @felix-loves-albert-and-ralbert @spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn @stopthe-presses @technically-whizzy @papesdontsellthemselves @starrysence @seasickdolphin @iamliterallyaghost @beep-beep-byler @the-newsies-justice-for-zas-blog @accidentalnewsiesblog @thebroadwayaesthetic @spot-me50-papes @i-got-no-clue-what-im-doing @kingofsantafe @we-dont-sell-papes @eveningpaper @sure-as-a-star @godhatesjordan @awkwardstranger98 @ireallyloveiainyoungwow @big-potato-asshole @have-we-got-news-for-you @bxnesof92 @backgroundensemble @orollyitsracetrackhiggins @a-most-auspicious-erster @modern-race-owns-airpods @asphodelnerd @albert-eats-cookie-cake @certified-kingofnewyork

[shyperfectioncollectionme-blog]

Hello, all! 

Now I write a letter to the world, 

High school is over and done with. These last 4 years have left an indelible influence on my life. In the end, I was actually grateful for quite a few things I experienced.   The biggest thing I walk away with is now my present sense of self-worth.

It's easy to feel insecure in high school if it wasn't thousands of books, tv shows, and musicals wouldn't exist today.  I bore you with going my sob story about being bullied in high school because in some way or another we all have that story.  We were all are treated less than kindly by other students and we all did the same to each other. Part of that has to do with growing maturity levels and it doesn't help that we millennials were brought up in the information age.

After all the wrong and good I did, I realized that NOBODY is a professional at being human, normal, or respected. Whether or not you're the cutting edge of your peer group or just a shy autistic kid drawing alone in the lunch room; you are not a professional.  For four years I did everything I could in order to undo my image of being less than a loser. I failed more and more I soured in and out of cliques and social groups and nothing truly satisfied me. I cried and cried for things to change and nothing ever did. 

My senior year in high school, I finally did manage to make a change that I felt would make me the cool dude of my dreams. I got a job. I was a Bagger at a locally owned grocery store in town. This is was it, time to become awesome! I lasted one month. In the end, I called into work with a tear rolling down my face and gave a shaky excuse for why I couldn't keep coming in anymore. This was it, this was the thing that finally shattered my pursuit. I was broken inside, so like a miss-fitt toy, I sailed off to an uncharted island where nobody could find me.  I called this island my room. I locked myself inside and I was determined to stay there until the hurt was gone. 

When that would happen was anyone's guess, but graduation was fast approaching and I felt an urge that I gotta do something with my life. So I was prescribed some new medication and started attending a weekly therapy session. I figured since I'm such a screw-up I should do what all screw ups do, get help! In the beginning, I saw myself as the borderline mental patient, who was just reaching out for dear life.  But, I began to change in the most un-excepted ways!   

When I spoke to these doctors I felt something I never really had before self-worth. When I talked about my past traumas, my present insecurities, and my future hopes, they treated them like they had value. Like I have value. I would leave therapy sessions with an odd mixture of confusion and acceptance. Suddenly, I was just like everybody else made in the image of God beautiful, earnest, and just as capable of following my dreams as anyone else. But sooner or later a storm cloud would blow over my head again and I was right back to square one. Sh*t! 

This back and forth went on and on, until after graduation. When I finally held my diploma in hand a sort of invisible lightning bolt struck me on the side of the head and I finally realized what I had to do to be a happy person. Not a COOL person, but a HAPPY person. I had to marry myself. I was done dating me and decided to make an honest man out of myself and tye the knot. (I mean this figuratively!)    

For better or for worse I am who I am. As long as I try my best, I have no need to feel guilt or shame very long. I know I am a good person because of my actions and that doesn't change if I mess up because I said: "I DO." That means after every mess up, I dust myself off and keep going because I'm ok and I know the love I have for myself is not going to waiver. Because I can't lose my own being, can I? When I'm healthy I'm going to cheer myself on to keep going. When I'm sick, I'll play doctor until I'm back to health. I'll ask for help and doesn't make me less of a person, I'll talk openly and honestly about my autism as it is just a part of that makes more beautiful in the eyes of God. For better or for worse. I committed to myself until I meet my natural end! 

I know what your thinking. Another loser who is just proclaiming self-help as a way to fix all issues. We've all walked down the isle of self-help books and been confused by the jargon these people throw out. I am saying this as a human being. All things are transient, the world is cruel, and it goes by much too fast. So with these cruel facts of life as they are and not changing anytime soon. I say that if you lose everything else at one point or another if you stare up into the night sky and feel a void( as we all do) then making a commitment of love to the one thing you can't lose and the only thing you take into eternity: YOURSELF. 

Whether you believe you are worth it or not, you've all you got in the end. So take care of yourself. Love yourself as much as you can and do everyone else a favor by treating them as you like to be treated. You can't sacrifice others to yourself. If you do then your back on the road to self-destruction. Do the best you can, but the world is cruel. But as long as you love yourself you'll strive to the horizon. You'll get knocked down and know it's not always your fault then get back up.  You'll make personal changes to be a better person and it's not because of your a bad person. It's because you're a human being and you can attach a greater meaning to your life than just trying to pull yourself up by your boot straps and not mess up again(you will).  In short, you'll survive. 

Go to doctors and ask for help! They'll help you know and understand yourself and then you'll take care of yourself. Once you start taking care of yourself then you'll know truly at heart you are not a bad person. That you have the power to make decisions and decisions change your life and once you've changed your life you realize it can be almost anything you want it to be. You can be a happy person and you have the power to see the silver lining of any situattion.  This isn't permission to do others wrong, this is permission to give yourself the right you've all desired in life. The answer is YES to the question of can I survive as long as I love myself. But, you'll see as you change that now that you're married to yourself you know how to treat and care for others as human beings made in the image of God. So you'll reach out(at your own pace and find people that eventually suit you and help you grow. But in the end you only can rely on yourself, so make sure you've said: "I DO." 

SORRY, THIS IS SO LONG, I JUST GOT ON AN TANGENT AND THIS IS THE RESULT. IM NOT SAYING ALL OF THIS IS IS A PERFECT INTERPRETATION OF MY LIFE OR YOURS IT'S JUST THE BEST I GOT. I THINK MY FIRST POST SHOULD STATE MY CURRENT REFECTIONS ON HUMANITY. THIS POST IS ACTUALLY SHORT COMPARED TO ALL THE THINGS I COULD WRITE ABOUT BEING MARRIED TO SELF, BUT YOU REALLY WOULDN'T READ IT.  I AM NOT EVEN SO SURE HOW MANY PEOPLE WILL READ ALL OF THIS.  

Thank you all, you read this all the way through. I'll write again soon, about things probably not so personal.  I don't like being this candid so much. 

ByeBye!