#like aw cool that was a nice night out; now time for the obligatory ideation of ritual suicide to reset the karmic balance!!
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despite pretty much all of the evidence from like the entirety of this year so far, i am still choosing to believe that i will
EVENTUALLY
MAYBE
SOMEHOW
manage to brute-force-exposure-therapy myself back into being able to complete one (1) unit of Outside Human Socializing
without coming home afterward feeling like i have made the world some amount worse by having done so.
#(& like i therefore deserve to feel a proportional amount of guilt for not having Known Better & Done Better & just Been Born Better)#hi friends hope you're all alive & well; i continue to be Bad at Tumblr#stuff for me has actually objectively been going hella well & this post is not representative of the whole#my new house that i actually own (!!!) is amazing & i love it & FINALLY NO MORE MOVING IT'S ACTUALLY FINALLY DONE#but also i have gone outside and talked to people twice in the past 3 days & it continues to kinda make me feel like i should die?? (:#like aw cool that was a nice night out; now time for the obligatory ideation of ritual suicide to reset the karmic balance!!#b/c i existed outside & talked to people & definitely took up Too Much Space Too Loudly in the process#i am a tar pit my existence is a drain on everything good in this world how am i gonna make up for it#I FEEL LIKE IF I JUST KEEP POWERING THROUGH EVENTUALLY MY BRAIN WILL GET BORED OF THIS RIGHT??#I THINK THAT IS WHAT I DID BEFORE..?#KINDA THINK I PROBABLY DO REMEMBER SOME PARTS OF MY LIFE WHERE IT WASN'T EXACTLY LIKE THIS EVERY TIME?#tl;dr currently choosing to believe i'm just like#supernaturally rusty at All Of The Social Skills#maybe just one of those things where (re)learning it means sucking absolute ass every time you try UNTIL#someday suddenly you Get It.#and it Just Works.
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