#like atp I’m genuinely like are you really that stupid?

[catofoldstones]

Saw a post right now that said that the affc outline talks about Baelish’s plot to marry Alayne to Harry Harding and then reveal that she is Sansa so that the vale army stands behind her taking the north and not what the stansas are saying. Babes, that is still Sansa taking back the north, keep talking to the wall.

[junglejim4322]

I’ve noticed that a bunch of media you’ll consistently see in DNIs and would get you accused of condoning xyz if you mention them in any context outside of vicious condemnation only started being treated that way on here after some user wrote an yfip-style callout over them that got a lot of attention.

Idk I’ll sometimes see, say for example, something get treated as irredeemable for having a clumsy oppression narrative or a few outdated jokes but then the same people will shill another thing with many unapologetic racial and LGBT stereotypes and it just leaves me confused.

Okay so I really don’t follow or interact with anyone with severe media purity mindset so I have not seen the media callouts but I’m morbidly curious for examples if you feel inclined. What I noticed for a while that made me lol was people who had some rpgmaker horror game about incest (?) in their “dni if you like this” section and yet claimed to like some of the most boundary pushing horror movies of all time. Either you’ve never seen these movies or you’re genuinely stupid atp. “Possession is great but a weird rpgmaker game is where I draw the line”. Good luck pushing purity politics if you’d still like to be able to see absolutely anythang that pushes boundaries tbh

[madge-nius]

this may be a weird ask but atp my meds have completely eliminated any and all self restraint of mine, so i was wondering if you have any tv shows you'd recommend??? i'm looking for some new ones to start, and i think u have really good taste, so

they can honestly be the worst shows ever as long as their entertaining tbh, and don't feel pressured to like answer this or whatever. because i'm probably going to regret sending it like 3.5 seconds later. that's all bye bye

Not weird at all lol I love askssss!!! Okay soo I have shows I like and that are good, and shows I like which are dreadful and I’m going to rec both because they’re all so funnn

Derry Girls: absolute masterpiece, incredibly funny and also moving at the same time. It’s set during the troubles in Ireland and follows a group of school children and their families, and all the stupid shenanigans they get up to

Arcane: stunning, genuinely my favourite show for visuals ever. Top tier character designs and arcs, fantasy/action vibes and really entertaining character arcs! S2 (the final season) came out last week!

Miraculous Ladybug: very comedic and shenanigan-y if you have the stomach for cringing a bit. Writing wise low-key dreadful but a really entertaining world and set of characters, once you’re into it you can’t get out

TDP: MAGIC. FANTASY. DRAGONS. I love so many things about it but esp the side wlw ship which will forever have my heart!

a man on the inside, Brooklyn 99, the good place: these are all by the same director and all epiccc! A man on the inside is about a lonely old guy who is hired by a PI to go undercover in a care home but ends up making friends there. The good place is a comedy with emotional moments set in the afterlife (if watching this be careful to avoid spoilers). All three are a vibe and I very much reccomend! Michael Schur makes masterpieces!

Never have I ever: the most entertaining and wildly aggravating show I have ever watched. You will hate Devi at times but also she is so endearing! I rewatch the few episodes I can manage to get thru whenever I can!

on my to watch list as well I have: Tokyo override, Atypical, ranma 1/2, trinkets, and Alexa and Katie

[cxhleel108]

LITG S8 Thots for this week: Girl PLEASEEEE😭😭😭

• Bae I kinda don’t care lolz let’s kiss please.

• Sienna Idgaf what you THINK I should be doing with Oakley! I THINK you should leave the villa and go to a salon cuz that hair ain’t doing you no type of favors😐

• Outfit time!

• This just oozes sex like yassss!

• BOY I JUST SAID I DONT CARE RIP THIS LINGERIE OFF MY BODY AND FUCK ME!!!

• Claudia is so done with everyone I’m cryingggg.

• First Liam and Kyle, now Liam and Hari christ almighty you niggas is GAY this season!

• Girl maybe cuz he ain’t wanna wake up to see yo ass in this damn floral nightgown from JCPenny?

• They got Shawn up in this mf talking bout some “mate” girl he is from ATLANTA. We don’t talk like that down South!

• Are you ready to die Liam?

• Everyone backing me up against this loser. See when you’re that girl!

• Claudia x Bea when?

• Luna your “default reaction” to avoid accountability being to throw your friends under the bus is not good niece…let’s unpack that.

• “Next time we kiss, I want us to be coupled up.” boy please!🤣🤣🤣

• So I also decided to marry Oak and use my pie on him…am I down bad? Yeah. Do I give a fuck? Nope! Also I’m not wasting my pie on Liam’s irrelevant ass.

• Oh no! Sienna kissed Shawn! She really got me with that one y’all!

• Ummmm���???

• Not even gonna question it. It’s gonna be some stupid shit anyway.

• Yeah so I lied. FUCK LIAM!

• All that shit Hari just told me I could’ve inferred on my own but aight.

• I didn’t know the definition was “Loser girl constantly pines after crush in a delusional and embarrassing manner.”

• Why is this tea that Jin and Luna are telling me being framed as happening last night but also after SMP? Where the fuck is the timeline going right now???

• Here they go tryna make me the mf couples therapist again🙄🙄🙄

• Oakley eating Shawn up in this argument and Shawn’s only rebuttal is the fact that he’s good at friendships…😭😭😭😭😭

• Uh uh l had to interrupt cuz Ion like how he tryna speak for me insinuating that my head turned in Casa.

• Yet she’s so focused on my nigga??? I hate this fugly ho.

• Outfit time!

• This Swan Lake ass dress help.

• They involving the public so much this season my god I hope them messy bitches are happy.

• Me lying and saying I think Jin and Luna are genuine just so I don’t have to agree with Sienna. I’m so petty😭

• Good thing you don’t get paid for thinking!

• Oak been around me too much cuz why is he so shady likendndjsjams.

• Us just flirting nonstop in the open like this…Shawn just leave atp babe😭😭😭

• Oops🤭

• Now Oakley only trusts me and nobody else yes all according to plan😈🙏🏽

• Oh great I can’t wait for them to try to spin the narrative that either Oakley or I cheated from a 3 second clip from Raunchy Races or some shit.

[krmzyn]

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

~ Hii!! Welcome to my blog <3

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

I’m Salem, but feel free to call me any of my DRselves names!

This blog is mostly for me to focus on shifting, though LOA/manifesting and lucid dreaming have also been pretty high up there for me atm!

I’m completely fine with any questions from anyone (shifters, non-shifters, even antis), just please be respectful. This inculudes questions about my first shift, but I prefer not to talk about it, but I might answer some 💟 (please send asks i love answering questions /lh)

Note: I’m formatting this on mobile and am pretty new to tumblr so. i literally have no clue what im doing 😇

Double note: This is gonna be like. the only formatted post on my page. I absolutely cba and most of my posts r probably just gonna be like. shitposting 😚

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

About me!

Again, hi, I’m Salem, but you lot can call me any of my DR names <3

My pinterest is cvbereal!!

They/Them pronouns, I don’t care too much about them though

I’m chronically British 🧍‍♂️ Also genetically a little Irish 😇 (also bst/gmt timezone 😚)

I crawled here from Tiktok. I use wayyy too much tiktok slang 😚 I also rlly appreciate tone tags being used!

15, Scorpio & audhd!

Genuinely a little stupid. Just a lil bit.

I also do art!! Idk if I’ll really post it here but. yah 💟

I have pretty bad social anxiety and general anxiety issues, so I don’t really socialise online that much <3

Likes & Dislikes!

I LOVE cats with my entire soul <33 Also honestly animals in general.

I hate mint. Its just sososoo eww 😇

I like the sciences 😚 (biology >>> chemistry > physics. fight me /j)

I really don’t like step ladders 😭 I’m stood there wobbling like a dog on a cat tower I just can’t with them

I love candles n incense a lot!! I have this adorable little tea light holder that’s like a little tree with birds and these little cages for the tea lights and I just ADORE it smsmsmm <3

I hate walking around barefoot 😭 Like idm the idea of it but its just like. u never know whats been on those floors >:( Also carpets feel ew

I like rambling about my drs and random stuffs I like 😇

I don’t like bacon. The little fat bits are all stringy and its just sososo bleh

I love a bunch of the ‘cringe’ kid roblox games. Like adopt me (bc collecting just makes me feel mwah) and royale high (mostly for christmas atp bc. I have feelings abt it 😇) and pet sim, also others. I shiny hunt on pokemon ultra moon as well! (I have a grudge against shiny lugia but i love it /lh)

(I was trying to do a like-dislike kinda pattern but iii cant think of anymore dislikes shshh) I like doing legos and oragami occasionally! I just enjoy being able to do stuff with my hands 😚

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

My DRs (in order. maybe.)

Note: NONE of my DRs have traumatic or violent events. Any with that stuff as main plot points has either been altered or is some kind of AU. Made that mistake once, not making it again <3

- CoD (COD SHIFTERS PLEASE R U GUYS THERE?? 😭)

- Altered OR

- ATSV

- FNAF

- Demon Slayer / KNY

- Pokémon

- Rick & Morty

- SCP

- Backrooms

- MHA (mixed on it atm)

- Supernatural (considering & trynna figure out some kinda au 🧍‍♂️)

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

My current manifestations!

My shifting journal!!

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

That’s about it!! Ty for reading and I hope you guys enjoy my posts 😚

-Love, Sal <3

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

Last shift: ~2021 Shifted 1x

Last ‘minishift’: ? Minishifted ~3x

Last lucid dream: ? Lucid dreamed 1x

[wewebaggit]

How can you think that byler is endgame? I just lost all my faith in the duffers. I think bylr makes sense, but the writers are pussies and too stupid. If byler is endgame, the show will get a lot of bad ratings from homophobes, I don’t think the duffers are ready for that lol. Also I don’t think they care about lgbt that much. I wouldn't be surprised if Will will get a dumb continuation of his gay arc in season 5.

And they're also not that good at writing.

I’m not trying to be a jerk or smth lol I’m asking this genuinely. I want to be sure in byler endgame but it’s harddd bc of the fcking duffers

Agree on points of not good writing and a possible dumb gay arc. For a show that relies on romance HEAVILY it doesn't do it well at all. But also to be fair, it's a very byler Tumblr specific expectation that the romance will be or should be and even has been great. So I don't think it'll be all that disappointing "GA" wise. I think like it's adequate tho not really deep for a blockbuster superhero show.

If Byler is not endgame it's not just cowardice it's really bad writing atp. It's not some trailblazer in queer shows. We have plenty of unambiguously and unashamedly queer shows on our screens now. So simply boils down to being a bad narrative choice to not go the route of byler endgame while not giving Will a partner. So I am fairly certain that byler is happening. And hey maybe they'll do it right. Who knows?

[taylortruther]

sorry to vent but i honestly am just so damn tired atp of having to desperately cover everything in disclaimers and constantly perform outrage just to be allowed to exist in fandom spaces now as a black fan. like my original mindset was just that it’s disappointing but i don’t and can’t expect celebrities to perfectly mirror my values, and with all the actual problems in my life and the world - including racism that actually affects my real life AND things i have the ability to potentially do something about - i wasn’t going to spend my time and energy being furious that a pop star i’ll never meet is fucking an edgelord i’ll never meet either. like i’m sorry but i already compartmentalized all this YEARS ago and have zero expectations of celebrities so it’s just whatever to me. if taylor herself was spewing racist comments or if matty was actually some white supremacist nazi and not just an intentionally provocative edgy douchebag it would be different, but TO ME PERSONALLY the actual situation as it is is just not that serious and not worth my outrage.

but am i, one of those ‘poc fans’ everyone is constantly falling all over themselves to declare themselves supportive of and ‘safe’ for, allowed to feel that way as one of the people actually targeted by that idiot’s dumbass comments? NOPE! you best believe people were FURIOUS that i thought i could get away with not performing Angry Black Woman Rage for them every single time i want to simply engage in my hobby and discuss fun things, or analyze surprise songs, or express empathy for taylor in any circumstance, or just do anything that isn’t ranting 24/7 that she’s terrible and racist and irredeemable. so now every time i want to do any of those things i have to write 6000 disclaimers that yes taylor is awful and no i don’t like matty just so overwhelmingly white fans won’t yell at me that i’m not really black (an accusation i’ve now gotten three separate times), or that i’m hurting other poc by “condoning racism” (which i have not done), or that i’m so far up taylor’s ass i would still stan her even if she personally called me the n-word (the final straw that made me turn anon off probably for good) and idk it’s just…not fun being here anymore now that everyone is just going to treat me like a doll who’s only here for them to virtue signal with (and ‘virtue signaling’ is a terrible term but like that is truly, genuinely what a huge chunk of this fandom is doing rn), claiming to obsessively care about my feelings and fandom experience so they’ll look good but then berating and scolding me every single time i step a toe out of line and try to express my own opinion or commit the grave sin of Enjoying Taylor Swift On My Taylor Swift Blog. like sure taylor disappointed me but it’s other (again, overwhelmingly white) fans who have completely ruined being here and made it a miserable chore to be a black fan, not her. atp I just want her to drop him and everyone to forget not bc he sucks but bc i just want to be allowed to exist peacefully on my own blog again, without having to constantly walk on eggshells so the people who ~care about marginalized fans~ won’t come call me a stupid brainless bitch who lets taylor manipulate me because i’m a self-hating racist. i’m just so tired.

i am tired too and i am really grateful to you for writing all this out (i hope it felt a little cathartic) because i 100% AGREEEEEEEEEE. the way this fandom acts anytime they start talking about uplifting poc will never not be weird to me and i think you explained why perfectly.

[ovaruling]

negative self talk incoming for whoever needs that idek

regular daily update that i regret having my like 99999 cosmetic surgeries so much and i dont even want to put the exhaustive energy into accepting my face and body atp anymore bc they remain utter strangers who i hate

and despite all of the feminist theory i have read and comprehended and applied to the way i see the world i STILL cannot rid myself of this very specific form of self-hatred and im not even being defeatist when i say i truly know that i will never be at peace bc of the choices i have made. like how can i ever be ok with this. i’d have to be lobotomized to be cool with this

and even besides that the chronic physical pain and damage to my actual nervous system won’t allow me a moment of forgetfulness. like on an amazing day where i’m full of caffeine or xanax i can MAYBE forget what i look like for an hour but it’s impossible to forget that i literally cant physically feel my entire torso and abdomen and buttocks and my upper back and my inner thighs and upper arms and underarms and my jaw and cheeks

but also at the same time i can feel incredible levels of stabbing numb shocks of pain in all of them lmfao.

exercising helps for a bit and reminds me that i can at least move my body around but i always gotta come back to reality where i have to confront that i’m genuinely permanently ill and legitimately brain damaged. like neurologically

and bc of that i went from being a normal adult 10 years ago to now i cant hold a job, cant go back and attend school, cant drive a car anymore, need IV treatments weekly, no independence, no ability to even volunteer for longer than an hour at local animal shelters before i start having problems bc i cant explain to anyone why i need to lie down every 2 hours or else i legitimately go numb and pass out no matter how little exertion im doing, no future where i can help the world the way i want to. i cant even read 2 chapters of a fucking favorite book that i LOVE without getting dizzy for no fuckjng reason. i have to REST from reading a fucking BOOK

and doctors are just like “oh well that’s what happens when you fucking almost die two times from elective surgery lol kinda your fault tbh. you really should’ve just accepted how viciously hated by men your body was. but the human body is so mysterious huh!!! like this is crazy dude lmao. 🤪 so yeah here’s a pamphlet for a support group that doesn’t really fit your needs and some medication that won’t work bc we still don’t really know how to diagnose or treat plastic surgery victims like this bc technically you weren’t in a car crash or anything so we don’t really have enough research rn to fully apprehend what’s going on w your mysterious ass. also you had more surgeries than most ppl ever will be stupid enough to undertake so like we have no idea what to do w you lol!!!!!! there isn’t really data that fits your situation but maybe in 30 years 😌”

just in case anyone was wondering if i changed my mind on cosmetic surgery being true evil!!!!!! lol

ok sorry for the pity party i just really am feeling the weight of it all rn

[nrcnewspaperclub]

The day we’ve all been waiting for. Day seven of getting banned from every dorm

So Kalim is. Too nice. Far too nice for his own good. There is no fucking way that I am going to get banned from him

Also, I’ve been staying at Scarabia for a bit now since I got kicked out of Ignihyde already, One of my good friends is in Scarabia so I’ve been staying at his dorm, also I figured I’d consult him cuz he knows the housewarden better than I do

However I am in the basketball club, which means I do actually know Jamil fairly well, I’d even go so far as to consider him a friend. Me, him, Floyd, and Ace cause some anarchy a good bit

So we already knew we were targeting Jamil. My friends immediate suggestion was utilizing Jamil’s fear of bugs, but that’s too uncreative, and I wasn’t sure if I could rlly get banned for that. However I did note it as a last resort

My friends second solution was lighting something on fire, but that’s kind of his solution to everything? That or just dying his hair impulsively

That train of thought gave me the idea to try and mess w Jamil’s hair cuz I know how protective he is of it, but friend shot that down cuz Jamil is too protective of it and it’d be way too fuckin hard to pull that off

So my final thought: kalim can’t get me banned, but I can still use kalim to my advantage.

This is where friend clocks out, context my friend is painfully in love with Kalim so I knew he wasn’t gonna assist me with anything that would taint Kalim’s view of him. To which I say, fuckin coward, but whatever 🙄 (ack then again I wouldn’t do anything that would skew malleus’s view of me so I MEAN WHAT WHAY DID I SAY TJAY I DONT LIKE AMLLEUS)

So a lot of ppl think Kalim is dumb, he isn’t dumb, I know that for sure. But he is gullible, and very impulsive. So what I’m saying is he isn’t stupid, buuuuuuut……….

Anyway one sunny afternoon I tracked down Kalim, he was doing Kalim things, and I started making friendly conversation w him. He asked why I was here in the first place, to which I told him I got banned from Ignihyde but made up a whole sob story so he wouldnt wuestion the fact I intentionally pissed off idia lmao

He felt all bad for me and said I was always welcome at Scarabia, then asked why I chose Scarabia. I said bcuz my friend is here and also casually mentioned the fact I’m not welcome in any dorms

Kalim looks surprised and is like “wow, it’s kind of impressive you managed to get banned from all of them.” And questions how I achieved such glory

To which I tell him a short and abridged version of each tale that makes me sound better than I actually am and he’s in awe the whole time. He then starts rambling and is like “it’d be hard to get banned from Scarabia, I’ve never banned anyone, but Jamil has…” and I perked up and asked what the person did to get banned by Jamil

He said that Jamil had banned this person cuz they’d tried to poison Kalim’s food. Appearantly it was like a student plant all along or some blah blah shit, obviously I wasn’t gonna do that bcuz I’m not a fucking lunatic and I like kalim enough

I had the passing thought I could make Jamil think I was tryna poison kalim when I wasn’t but thatd also break Kalim’s trust in me and probably my whole friendship with the friend I’ve been staying with atp so

I was so out of ideas at this point I started reverting back to my friends suggestion of lighting something on fire, but then I had an idea.

The treasure room. I have the perfect signature spell for this, and I have genuinely no clue how this was not my immediate thought

So when Kalim was done rambling I made a comment abt how it was a really great day to go carpet flying, and tjat id ever been on a carpet before. Both statements here are true

And Kalim will famously take any excuse to go carpet flying so if you even mention it in passing he’ll over to take you so he immediately lit up

He leads me to the treasure room and the carpet apparently isn’t where he left it cuz he started digging around for it. Perfect opportunity for my plan!

My ultimate magic is called Hydra Heads, it allows me to make copies of one item, how ever the more copies I make the smaller they get. The original item gets shrunk down too, but it’ll be more durable than the other copies. This is irreversible. So as Kalim was head first in gold coins looking for that fuckass carpet I found a fairly sizeable vase, one thatd someone would notice if it was gone.

I immediately activated my spell, making about 30-ish tiny copies of this vase. I stuffed em all in my bag and acted like nothing happened

Obviously I still went on the carpet because DUH but now my friend is pissed at me cuz I went carpet flying with his crush or some fucking shit idk I tuned him out

Now begin the scheme

I was sitting in the lounge when Jamil stepped into the treasure room and quickly ran out and ran into Kalim’s room. He noticeeeeed anyway I started my paper trail, I placed a tiny vase in the hallway and one in the kitchen, then I tried to look as unassuming as possible

Jamil picked up one of the tiny vases and looked so fuckign confused it was PRICELESS. A few hours oater came basketball practice, id been leaving tiny vases around Scarabia throughout the day.

Anyway I’m at basketball and Jamil is yelling at Floyd because he’s Floyd and he probably did some shit, I took this opportunity to put a tiny vase in Jamil’s bag, as well as a few in the locker room.

I left practice early, telling the coach that my housewarden needed me for something, and Jamil STORMED out of the locker room as I was leaving and grabbed me by the jersey.

I realized he’d remembered my unique magic cuz of that one time me and Floyd pranked the team by using it on like half the basketballs. Jamil went on a whole borderline unhinged rant about how he’d so kindly let me stay at his dorm and I stole from him and had the audacity to taunt him with it, I gave him the remaining tiny vases and ran off

Did I technically actually commit a crime with this one? Yes! Do I feel bad? Nope!

So uh. Where the fuck do I go now.

-🐾

// should I make a blog for paw anon 👀

congratulations on getting banned from all seven dorms, 🐾. Your journey has been a wild ride.

hold on, what about Ramshackle? Not to get banned from there (unless you want to ig) but you could probably stay there.

//yes, absolutely.//

[tohokuu]

i just need to rant for a minute. also my tumblr is still glitching even after i deleted and redownloaded it.

i cant actually see any of the words i’m typing … i had to change the color to pink in order to see it bc the white just comes out as black… anyway. this is very boy oriented bc i’m talking about relationships so if you don’t care, fuck off and keep scrolling. honestly this feels a little pathetic bc i’m going to be honest about the mistakes i’ve made in the last 6 months and how you should completely avoid them LOL

so back in october, i met this guy on campus that had been going to the same college as me for a while now but i just… never saw him. LOL. like he was so different looking last year and this year he’s all tall, muscular, beard etc. otherwise, i had no idea he even existed ?? ☠️ anyway, let’s call him uhhh gojo. so, i met gojo and i was like wow he’s really cute. btw, i can develop crushes on multiple guys but it’ll only be like … crushes where i find them hot and would be okay w dating them but i’m not like dying to date them and want them yk ? but this guy… i wanted him. like i couldn’t stop thinking abt this guy. we started talking and snapping back and forth for a good few weeks. we opened up about some stuff and idk it was really chill. we were gonna go to a party together and i was driving him and like… we smoked together in the car and nothing else. just talking and vibing and it was amazing. my crush obviously got stronger but the night of the party, he goes and leaves me alone at the party to hang out w other girls and i’m like … yo ??? then at the end of the night, we get into a fight over something extremely minuscule and he unadds me and i’m like yo ?… i was actually so upset and hurt. like i cried abt this in class LMAOFJSJ i never cry over guys bruh and i cried over this dumbass mf bc i genuinely really liked this guy. now… igotoveritmostlyafter a few weeks and suddenly, this guy i had on social media who i have mutuals with asks me on a date and i’m like … let’s see where it goes. we go out and it’s the first date. i pay for our starbucks. he pays for the fries and even now i’m thinking, why did i ever offer to pay so hard ?… ew. i’m not a 50/50 woman and if you disagree, idc smd. anyway, date goes well and obviously i’m still hung up over gojo just a bit but i really enjoyed my first date and i couldn’t stay hurt over a stupid talking stage yk ?.. like that’s not the way to go about life. so we ended up going on a second date. then a third, a fourth, a fifth and then it turned into a relationship that lasted just about 5 months. anyway… the first couple months of my relationship were very happy. my boyfriend was the best. the sweetest… the typical nice guy who did literally everything right. he wasn’t rich or bought me expensive gifts like gojo could have but he cared and he talked to me and loved me and that’s all that mattered. a few months later someone follows me on instagram… guess who ? gojo !!! follows me on ig and i had posted a note saying “guys i miss him :(“ and he texted me saying “who?” and i’m like “my boyfriend. why?” and he leads a conversation where it’s him accusing my boyfriend of cheating and me telling him to stfu. i obviously defend my boyfriend and i tell him about it ofc and my boyfriends outrageous ofc bc he’s got such a good character and he couldn’t stand anyone insulting that yk.. which is fine. anyway, gojo found a way to just insert himself into my life somehow. now you’re probably thinking that i could’ve just blocked him but atp, he was friends with my friends and i was like… it’s gonna be really awkward if i block him. so i kept him on social media and i’d just leave him on delivered for days and not answer. but this guys also a character bc he’d text me going. “respond. i know you’re on your phone. text me back” and i would… idk why i did. but it was always him talking about this one girl that he’s in love with and he’s always fucking talking about her and a part of me got jealous… then i was mad at myself for being jealous bc i had a whole man and i had no right to be jealous at all. i kept leaving him on delivered at later that and i would constantly tell myself “always choose your aman” which is like a bollywood movie and the lesson was to always pick the guy that will treat you good forever and not the guy who lost you and then realized what he lost and came back for you, bc she chose the dickhead in the film. anyway, i kept telling myself that it wasn’t worth it. now… when i was with my boyfriend or texting my boyfriend, i’d only ever think of him. gojo wasn’t even a

thought in my mind and that’s totally chill. that’s what i wanted in the very first place. but then i’d text gojo back sometimes and answer his texts faster than i’d answer my boyfriends … this is where i started feeling guilty. then i’d listen to songs like “moth to a flame” by the weeknd and i’d feel extremely guilty. i felt like i was emotionally cheating. i felt horrible bc i’m not the type of person who cheats or done anything that wrong bc that’s not me… but why was i feeling these emotions for gojo when i had my boyfriend ?… i’ve always been the sensible person in relationships that knows how to give perfect advice. my stance on cheating was always that if you want someone else, break up with your current significant other because they don’t deserve to feel like their heart is being played with. but here, now that i was stuck in that situation, it genuinely felt so so hard and i wanted to cry bc i kept seeing more movies, songs and references to this stupid love triangle and i was so so annoyed. also, disclaimer ! my boyfriend was never physically my type. i think he’s cute and good looking but wasn’t my type. i think i was just really ignoring everything else and going straight for the personality. then when i’d look at gojo… gojo was my dream man. he’s so cute to me and it made me mad how i was having these thoughts?? so like i came to the conclusion that i should break up with my man… so i did. i broke up with him 3 weeks ago and i was so so brutal with him bc i knew if i was any softer, i’d turn back on my word. he’s just that. fucking. kind. he’s so so amazing, even as of today. i couldn’t have left him if i wasn’t so harsh on him :/ anyway, broke up with him and this whole time i’m still friends with gojo. we never flirted or anything but the day i broke up with him, somehow i end up in his car. i was leaving campus after hours and he texted me while i’m at the light and he goes “is that you i just saw leaving?” i said “yeah. want me to come back?” and he goes “hmmm i’m bored. yes.” now you’re thinking… i’m a major red flag !!! yes… i am 😃 i go back and we park next to each other and i sit in his car with him in the passenger seat and ykw… it wasn’t awkward at all. it was natural, funny, sweet… we sat in his car and talked for hours. we talked about my breakup, we talked about the girl he loves, we talked about the bitches he’s busy with and so much other shit.

conversation with my boyfriend never flew as mindlessly as it did with him. i guess it makes more sense bc i rarely saw my boyfriend. i’d only see him every week or so but i saw gojo almost every single day, even if we didn’t talk to each other. but gojo and me had more in common… we related on more. i found him more attractive and there were things that i didn’t have in my first relationship that he had. i sound like such a piece of shit right now, i know. but i convinced myself for 5 months that i don’t need any of that stuff to be in a happy relationship. i kept my relationship going on the whole “always choose your aman” thing.. it was a sweet relationship but even as my friends said … there was no chemistry between us. and the sex ! my ex boyfriend used to be bi until a month ago, he’s straight now. he has a lot of bodies …. which i don’t care abt the number but they were literally all men, which i also don’t really care about. it’s just that he’s never had sex with a woman before and yk i was willing to be his first and it made me feel a bit insecure. it’s a shameful thing to be insecure abt and i know i shouldn’t be but i was. the making out was great, being in his lap was fun and he knew how to kiss me properly and everything. i asked him to choke me and he did it properly despite him being a pretty vanilla guy. but when we had sex… he just couldn’t do it right no matter how much i told him what to do. like i was so engrossed in teaching him bc he was fucking up so bad that it took me half an hour to cum… then when he put his dick in me, he hardly stretched me out and it hurt so bad and he wasn’t doing it properly and i was genuinely just mad at that point 😃 i told him to stop and i just sucked him off and called it a day. then there’s things like a bit of pda or etc that i wanted. we’re young, i think it’s normal to want a risky and more adrenaline rushed relationship, or at least it’s what i need… now asking him of that is unfair, i know. i asked and he said no and i was like “that’s all okay !!” but like lowkey i was starting to get bored bc there’s so many things i wanted to do and he didn’t. obviously i respected it but i don’t have to agree with it. still, i kept moving on and i think that’s why i started to think about gojo more bc gojo is someone who would’ve done all of those things… i wanted to make out in an empty elevator once and he pushed me off and said no and i was like “oh :(“ which is fine on his part !! he doesn’t have to do any of that stuff and it’s fine bc everyone has their reasons and boundaries. but i don’t find the fun in that. him and i had very opposite personalities and i know opposites attract but these were things that i didn’t like compromising on. i know you’re probably thinking that i fucked up and ruined my perfect picture and that’s exactly what gojo said to me when i told him about the breakup while i was sitting in his car. he told me “you had the perfect picture. the sweet boyfriend who knew how to treat you and you left him.” yeah left him bc i couldn’t stop thinking of you, you fucking idiot. i was emotionally cheating and my boyfriend was SO not deserving of that. he’s way too good of a man to have someone do that to him so i cut it off. i felt horrible but i had to do it. i didn’t deserve someone like him. he was really really sad and i felt bad bc i was so brutal over the call and yes… another dickhead move. i broke up with him over call and that was bc i wasn’t able to see him for another month cuz he was traveling. i had to be mean otherwise, i knew i would’ve caved in and just… ignored my feelings for gojo again. now if you’re wondering, did i get with gojo ? nope. did i try ? nope. ykw i did tho?… encourage him to better his relationship with the girl he likes, bc i really enjoy doing that to myself LMFAO i told him what to do on valentine’s day, i told him what to do on new years, i told him what to do for her birthday… cuz he’s a fucking idiot but he’s literally obsessed with her and i can’t help but just stay out of it even tho i like him so damn much. but he’s

also fucking stupid because why are you fucking other bitches while you like this girl ?? but she’s also confusing bc she doesn’t want a relationship while he does and when she says that she just wants to be friends, he treats her like a friend and then she gets mad that he doesn’t give her any romantic attention. i told my guy bestfriend, david, about this and even he agreed that she’s just using him for attention… and i kinda realized that a long time ago but he’s so blindly in love w her that idk what to tell him. i tried to tell him to focus on himself and get his shit together but nahhh, he told me to stfu and flicked my forehead instead. oh and then those two are just friends, he goes out and fucks other girls to curb the loneliness ig and then she gets mad at him for it… you aren’t in a relationship ??? 😀 anyway, gojo is honestly a dickhead. do i still want him ? yes. should i ? no, bc the red flags are obviously very much there and i cant help but be attracted to them and i hate it sm. fuck gojo tho.

back to my breakup, first week i was chilling. told myself i never needed him and that shit is better off this way bc he wasn’t even all that. second week, i was fine during the day but i would get lonely at night when all my friends were asleep and he would’ve stayed up to talk to me about some random video game or i’d tell him abt some interesting fic i read. this third week was hell tho… i thought abt him 24/7. i wanted to talk to him so bad . i texted him and just told him i was checking in and it was a nice conversation but it felt so plastic and i hated it. he has given away most of my stuff and i haven’t given away a single thing. also, if i’m regurgitating, it’s bc i wrote half of this rant last night while i was half asleep and now i’m writing the rest so idk what i wrote last night. moving on, he told his parents i was his girlfriend and not just a friend and that’s very awkward bc his mom actually works at my college and i’m like… yo… so i always duck whenever i see her, it’s embarrassing. now, i’m just missing him all the time. but i tell myself that i did this for a good reason and that it’s what was best for the both of us and i know what i did was the right thing but i still feel like such a horrible person… he said he’s fine now but i still feel his absence daily but then i tell myself that it’s me missing the attention, not him. i tell myself and i feel better and then i tell myself that i’m not wrong for what i did. it’s okay that our breakup had an impact bc he was someone i genuinely loved and had a relationship and it’s okay to wish things could have worked out and it’s okay to keep stepping up and doing yourself a favor. so now, i’m sitting here with uhhh no gojo and no boyfriend and ykw, it’s chill. it’s not that bad. are there momentary feelings of sadness ? ofc. but it’s fine. there’s like 15 guys in my dms rn and i have bitches !! so that’s cool but i don’t want any of them… so they’re never getting texted back ! but yeah. that was the rant. pls don’t do what i did. it’s such a mindfuck and honestly, i feel like the villain and ik i should bc what i did was super fucked up but uhm… yeah

[announzingforya]

uhhh unhappy rambling blblblbl

can’t believe my own mother told me that

you can control your emotions (HOW. WHEN. WHAT)

I can control my emotions just the same as I control starting an argument (that’s two different things)

I’m overreacting (im sorry maam but I am in a huge amount of pain due to the migraines I’ve been having. fym ‘overreacting’ I am reacting in a normal way

who the HELL can genuinely control their own emotions. who. please tell me

like ma’am I would not be crying and upset rn I could. I would be happy. I wouldn’t have even come into your room. since when could anybody control their emotions like that

god my mom doesn’t understand shit abt me and IM HER CHILD. I HAVE BEEN HER CHILD FOR MANY YEARS

oh yeah that and her refusing to get me an adhd diagnosis

like yeah it’s not affecting me in school much with like. focus n stuff but ITS AFFECTING ME

like I’m 100% sure I’m neurodivergent atp NO NEUROTYPICAL PERSON WOULD ACT LIKE THIS, 95% sure it’s hyperactive impulsive adhd. either that or I’m just a really unstable child

like……..things I’ve found to be symptoms list rq but

I can’t sit or stand still for long periods of time

I am CONSTANTLY active and hyper

I’m forgetful af

I am constantly fidgeting

My emotions are so unbearably unstable

My interests constantly shift and change

I’m impulsive. so impulsive

I act without thinking so much

I talk SO MUCH

Horribly disorganized tbh

and more prolly but likeeee that’s all that’s important

I’ve really wanted to get an adhd diagnosis but like.

she downplays it

please mom PLEASEEEEEEE I WANT TO KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME!!!!!!!

y’all idk if I like my parents much. like I love them but I lose a bit of love every time they do smth stupid like that

yelling at me and downplaying MY experiences is something too common for my mother and like

my dad’s js a whole essay of chaos and tears

I care for them and they care for me but I really like

don’t know if I love them as much as they do sometimes

[3-lavender]

Im talking to this really sweet guy I met on tinder. I realized I wasn’t over my ex and deleted tinder and told him that I realized I’m not over my ex and I know it’s stupid that I was on tinder but I’m not looking for anything anymore but totally happy being friends if he was down. Keep in mind, we had been talking for like a day or two atp. Again rly nice guy, like talking to him, but again again not over my ex or looking for anything. We’ve been texting and he’s been going through a really rough time and I think I’m really the only person he’s telling. I’m fine with his venting yk. He was saying how he’s not good at making friends or smthn and I told him I’d be happy to hang out with him as friends if he ever wanted. I made sure to put the as friends part bc I don’t wanna lead him on. But this guy, he has been flirting like crazy 😭😭 he called me his and says goodnight and always says “for you”. Soooo sweet but cmon man I’m not looking for anything and I’m rly trying to not lead you on 😭 idk what to do cuz he’s going through a hard time rn and I do like him as a friend and genuinely would love to hang out with him but I genuinely don’t want anything more than friends rn. I don’t wanna lead him on but I’m still initiating convo bc I don’t want him to feel like a burden so now I’m likeeee am I leading him on by doing that 😭 🙏

[femme-enby]

Dream talk & duking it out

I’ve never really been one to move too much in my sleep but according to my spouse I do be rollin.

But the biggest new thing is I’m also dukin it out.

Had a dream where someone was forcibly trying to kiss me, and my sleeping position was the position I was in (as it typically goes when I end up actually moving) and sure enough I woke up just after sending out the hardest kick. Woke up breathing heavy, head pressing away from the non-existent threat, kicking leg still fully extended and tensed.

Dozed off twice this morning, first dream I was driving in an empty parking lot, something went wrong with my car so it started slipping & I slammed the breaks (don’t do that. I know not to but also… I’m in a spacious empty lot. I ain’t worried about hitting anything or going into a ditch I just want to STOP) and my tires are screeching, so I jerk the wheel bc it’s the back tires catching on something and I start waking up bc my hand jerked like I was driving, and halfway awake I catch the back wheels screeching again… only to realize it’s my spouse aggressively brushing the back of his tongue and doing his oddly aggressive dry, coughing gag which my brain had translated to screeching tires. Which… not too far off tbh. Similar to how I’ve pushed a zombie away in my dreams only to wake up bc I’m definitely pushing something away… him. Snore-snarling in my FUCKIN FACE.

The second time I woke up this morning was bc I was dreaming I was trying to get somewhere, & people were pushing past on the narrow side (also the “wrong” side if we’re talking rules of the road) and one dude starts like… roughly slapping/batting at my elbow sayin some nonsense in a mocking tone??? So I immediate jerk my elbow with QUICKNESS- and wake up feeling my whole body bounce from the force and speed of actually elbowing back into open air (was on my stomach)

Like… god damn. Tf am I physically fighting for??? I only remember waking myself up as a kid 3x from actually moving, and yet it’s happened in some form at least 5x in the last MONTH’S time???

The times as a kid, btw bc I find all of this interesting-

1) petting puppy (woke up still feeling that phantom softness and warmth in my palm, only going away when I moved my hand again, despite absolutely nothing being in my hand but air)

2) getting beheaded guillotine style. This one was crazy- I had my hands back by my sides, the blade drops and at the piercing pain I jerked my hand to my neck (in dream and fr) and dead middle of consciousness and dreaming I saw the world spin as my head fell before swiftly jerking myself upright like a fuckin vampire still clenching my neck as I waited for the pain to pass. Remembering the soft puppy from years earlier I tried moving my neck but the pain still didn’t change at all for at least 30sec.

Warning- mentions of gore

I’ve also always had oddly… specific? Detailed in ways they shouldn’t be? Dreams.

Like a simple one is seeing a red glow in my (at the time) shared bedroom, at maybe… 6? Years old, and walking towards this hamper that held a bunch of my toys. (Going towards the danger is the norm for me, it’s an actual problem bc I’m genuinely stupid) and just as I peek into the hamper, a robotic toy jumps out at me, glowing red pinprick eyes and sharp teeth (think like… UF sans or the common fandom interpretation of FNAF Moon’s teeth. Which btw was how I drew teeth as a little kid. Dunno why!) flying at my face. Also, as much as I would love to be like “haha FNAF got you!” I’m 26. I had OG freddlings or whatever jumping me before FNAF was likely even a thought in bro’s head. My mom was also super careful about the media I consumed so like… who knows where my brain got that from.

A worse one is where I had already had a freaky dream that night, and I was now maybe… 10? 11? And I didn’t wanna bother my parents but atp my bed was in the middle of the room, so exposed sides, and I went to my lil bro’s room and clambered over him to have my back to the wall in his bed. I then dreamed he was with me in some fucked up Winnie the Pooh nightmare shit, w like Piglet being absolutely shredded at one point, and then some goofy old school Count Dracula ass bitch came up to us, flashed me some stupid can saying “back be gone”??? And then sprayed it on my lil bro’s back, and despite not ever seeing any real gore or anything I saw as the skin bubbled, dissolved, muscle going too, and eventually leaving bone where I could see the organs slowing and stopping through the ribs… then saw his absolutely horrifying facial expression…. Only to wake up to his eyes actually like half open and rolled back like they be when someone’s sleeping but their eyes are kinda open??? Freaky btw. And after that I just went back to my room, and absolutely never went back to his bc I be damned if I get freaky ass dream then jumpscared upon waking up.

But yeah! Love my overactive imagination! Dope! Totally has not caused me to have some of the freakiest dreams that have been seared into my brain for years, like the one that in description wasn’t actually that scary… but the skeleton literally CAUSED feelings of terror simply by proximity, which was actually years after that freaky back begone nightmare, and yet caused me to feel true terror.

I’m talking full on heart pounding a mile a minute and so hard my chest hurt, breathing so fast you would have thought I had sprinted a whole marathon, and sweating EVERYWHERE which was wildly uncommon for me up until recent years when I’ve been on testosterone.

I’ve experienced horrific things since then, horrifically traumatic things even, and yet I’ve still never felt that kind of fear in my life before or since then. I don’t even know what kind of situation I’d have to be in TO feel that fear bc I’ve had folks 2x my size get in my face and threaten to shoot/put hands on their gun at least 3x in my life and that only ever caused my heart rate to speed up so much, still nowhere near like I even ran at all tho.

Like… I fear that damn skeleton nightmare was an example of my body putting pedal to the metal and flicking on every single fear receptor in my brain or whatever. Probably burnt half of them out XD

[giveme-allofthat-ultraviolence]

Okay I’m being deadass when I say that like after that stupid fucking ordeal (that only happened cuz I couldn’t keep my fucking mouth shut) I just gave up on everyone and like ik that sounds corny as hell but it was something about sobbing my fucking eyes out at 2 am, not falling asleep til 3, only getting like an 1 hour and 30 mins of sleep, and then waking up the happiest I had been in a weirdly long time. I have like no idea if that shit correlates but I think it was something about how like “if he is gonna break up with you at least try to not beg him to leave and just wake up and be as happy and as productive as you can to just like lie about however you’re feeling” soooooooo yeahhhh

Aside from that tho, me just giving up on everyone is like honestly whatever. Idk if this makes sense but after that whole ass ordeal thing I just sorta got back into old habits n like I started having those bad mood swings again and I have actually been starting to get more violent. Ikkkk that shit isn’t something to flex about or whatever and I’m not trying to, but I kinda just feel like me going back to my old self is sorta like a consequence of my own actions or some shit that makes sense. I wanna say that like because I’m going back to old habits I’m like genuinely loosing myself again because now I just feel like I’m in too deep and there’s nothing anyone can really do except for walk away and atp I wouldn’t even stop them. I mean yeah maybe anytime someone wanted to walk away I would let them because I don’t wanna seem like some annoying ass bitch who begs and is just like that uptight about her relationships but I always felt like if Mari were to ever leave me I would actually beg him not to. After all that shit I don’t know why but I feel like now if he ever wanted to leave I should just let him. Not saying that like we should break up or anything it’s just I feel like that was already a big mistake I made so I wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted to end things. Oh also a super small detail that like idk if I should mention or not but I will is that like after I knew I fucked up I started like spamming him with messages and shit trying to apologize (which ik doesn’t change anything) . Keep in mind that I like never ever spam messages like that to anyone ever. Anyways I find it funny that like I had never ever sent those types of messages before - ig like in a way it was me kinda begging him not to leave bc I wouldn’t know what to do then. At the end I sorta just was like fuck if he wants to leave he can I can’t control him so uhh

Anyways that’s all I can really think about now if I come up with other shit I’ll like add it on later or something idk yet

[spinobsessed]

I can’t stand bi/pan “lesbians” or any type of boy “lesbian”. I just really can’t. Gay and lesbian are the ONLY TWO SEXUALITIES THAT HAVE CONDITIONS TO BE MET, only two! You could identify as any other mainstream sexuality, any other more “online” sexuality (like how I’m an aquoigender girl), or even- idk, MAKE A NEW ONE?? There is no reason to try and invade a non-man space when you can make your own space, none at all. Pretending to be a lesbian of any “kind” (as if there are actual different types, not the ones made for fun btw) is just such an ick, why do lesbians always have to be involved in this drama?? I genuinely have never, in the past year of seeing this nonsense on the internet grow in popularity, seen a woman try to fit in with being gay (the sexuality). That tells me a LOT and words can’t describe how happy I am that this is just stupid online discourse and not an actual real life problem

I just had to get that out of my system

add on: honestly this is probably the turning point where society slowly becomes unlabeled, I’m not against having an unlabeled society but we have to collectively agree on that. I don’t want to be present for all these nonsensical changes, let all this stuff happen once homophobia and transphobia are completely gone. I’d be long gone atp. I would tag this under lesbian but I don’t want to remind my fellow lesbians of this stupid online discourse 🩷

[thewingedwolf]

i think i don’t like my friends anymore and i feel really bad about it. like i want them to stop messaging me atp bc every time i try to get something together or say something in the chat it just gets shut down or ignored and i’m so over feeling hurt over stupid shit constantly. i kept saying quitting wouldn’t change our relationship but apparently it changed their relationship to me.

and me and q had already gotten into this huge fucking fight while she was interim manager bc she was a shit manager (i never said that to her tho or to any of our friends) & kept taking her frustration out on me & when i had one (1) bad day bc of how flared up i was she gave me the silent treatment for TWO WEEKS so i told her to stop acting like a child, and she said she was mad bc i put my pain on her like it was her responsibility and then i lost my temper and screamed at her that not everything is about her and i felt bad for screaming but we have not been the same since bc i know she feels like i was overreacting (she told our friend this) and i do not feel like i was in the wrong for being upset even if i know i shouldn’t have yelled (which i told our friend). and then i quit a few months later and she said she didn’t want me to, kept telling me to think about money and health insurance but i said straight up i thought i was going to hurt myself if i stayed any longer and apparently that was crossing some boundary which is INFURIATING bc she’s told me MULTIPLE TIMES about wanting to kill or hurt herself. and sometimes she’d get judgy when i opened up about wanting to hurt myself bc my thoughts are so much more violent than hers bc she has gad and that’s it and meanwhile i’ve got fucking ptsd & bpd & whatever the fuck else, and apparently it’s fine to want to kill yourself if it’s in a pretty dainty way like swallowing pills but when i say “i think about stabbing myself in the gut a lot” oh THATS TOO SCARY AND VIOLENT.

i’m just so over all this. i understand that my thoughts are scary, i’m very aware of it actually, and i understand that i have a temper and that it’s not easy accommodating my mobility issues but at a certain point, if you’re expecting me to accommodate all of your issues and you can’t even pretend to accommodate mine. and then actively hang out without me, explicitly tell me you’re not reading what i say in the chat, plan all this get well soon & birthday surprise shit for every single other fucking friend we have and it’s crickets for me like genuinely what am i supposed to think except you don’t want to be friends with me because i’m Too Much?

not to overrelate to that “to know me more is to love me less” line from bojack but sometimes it’s exhausting when you have a personality where that happens so often. yeah yeah one day people will love me but i don’t want to wait forty years for that to happen and get my heart broken thirty times before.