#like at least that way it would've felt at the very least ambiguous which I know is how Joel prob sees it

[ericbttle]

also I don't think people who are frustrated by the fireflies insisting that this was the only way to a cure are necessarily "missing the point" of Joel's decision. I think you can absolutely understand and appreciate the gravity of his choice from his point of view (i.e. not giving a fuck about humanity if it means losing his daughter) while also pointing out that within the rules set by the narrative, the cure, and ~moral dilemma~ that makes Joel's actions so compelling falls short. and this really isn't a case of nitpicking the science, the show literally has an entire sequence with an expert in this fungus explaining that there is literally no solution whatsoever to manufacturing a cure. to be shown that and then have others insist that this cure was the guaranteed only way to save humanity with nothing to back it up is just...very dumb.

[moonfright]

jegulus soulmate au but the potters are cursed to only see colour once their soulmate tells them "i love you" and regulus saying it while james is trying to break up with him bc of the mark. im emo

notes: cata, kindly, what is wrong with you? also you're the only one who's requesting angst ily.

masterlist

introduction & explanation

“The Saddest Blue”

content: soulmate au with a twist, jegulus, angst, canon compliant-ish, ambiguous ending, hurt/no comfort

—————

Truthfully, James doesn't recall sitting down on the ledge of the fountain. The courtyard is empty, and it's almost curfew, but he's sitting outside. There's no explanation for it either, since he has no reason to be here. It's just pretty; the night sky gets reflected by the still water in the fountains. It's so bright here, now, that James feels a strange ache in his stomach. Like a knife twisting.

Soulmates.

Such a strange concept, right? James would believe in them, he wants to. They sound like something wonderful, like something he craves. A person who is destined to love him, someone he's destined to love. Something inevitable, written into the very fabric of the universe, unable to escape it. Considering that it's something good, James would've said he doesn't want to run. That was, at least, until he did meet the love of his life.

“James?” The Gryffindor raises his head at the sound of his name, turning around on the stone ledge to look at the small, slight frame covered in black robes, and a sickeningly dark tie. Much darker than his in hue.

It felt a little like a dream when, much to James' dismay, Regulus looked at him like this for the first time. Three years prior, under the starry nightsky, just like now. It was midnight, then, and they'd both been unable to sleep. James honestly remembers it like he dreams of it every night—he does. Of course he'd known Regulus before that, but he remembers the way that thirteen year old boy, wearing nothing but a thin button-up, and pajama shorts, turned his head to look at him with wide, grey eyes. They were beautiful, still are.

Now, however, they don't glow with the same sparkle. The moon isn't gifting them light.

James wishes he could see their colour. That the stupid, horrible curse would let him see Regulus' eyes just once. Even if he's not his soulmate, because evidently he's not, James just wants to see. Once. Then again, judging by the look on Regulus' face, that bitter expression... It's probably best if James doesn't see it after all.

“Reg, love. Hey,” he says, quietly, his voice a little raspy. “Are you okay?”

It's a stupid question, considering James knows his boyfriend. He knows him well, so well, in fact, that just by noticing the hand clutching that sleeve he has an idea of what is happening. Of what has already happened. “No,” is the simple answer that Regulus offers, tone bitter. It sounds like he's been crying, and James stands up. Right now, he doesn't know. Right now, he can be clueless, and loving, and act like he doesn't know what's happened. What's going to be the outcome of their possibly one-sided relationship. They've only been dating for a few months. James, chasing for love, has hoped dearly that maybe this would save Regulus.

Save him from loneliness, and perhaps even from his family. Clearly, James has thoughts wrong.

A tan hand caresses over Regulus' pale cheek. His skin looks nearly white in the light. To James, at least. “It's okay, love. Shh,” he whispers, knocking their foreheads together. His eyes close, but he can feel the wetness of a tear on his thumb, which he gently rubs over Regulus' cheekbone now. “I love you. I love you.”

It's for himself much more than it is for Regulus. He has to remind himself that he loves him more than he can handle. That it's unhealthy just how enamoured James is by him. It's not good for him. Not at all.

The motion that ends it all is surprising. Regulus' hand places on his chest, gently pushing him away. It's a painfully familiar rejection, because the Slytherin seems to be afraid of any affection James is willing to give him—Merlin, he'd give him the nightsky, if he could. Then, that same hand raises, over a tear-ridden face that's scrunched into a painful expression. The sleeve slips, and slips, and James feels a curl of anger, of fear settle in his stomach as the first glimpses of magical, black ink reveal themselves. It's ugly. The stark, painful contrast between beautiful, innocent, white skin, and disgusting, evil, black colour. Like the tattoo itself is mocking James by turning Regulus' arm into the impure reminder of his heritage. The family he hasn't left, even now.

James takes a deep, shaky breath.

“You took the Mark,” he says. This time, his voice is louder. He knew. He knew, but it still makes him want to scream. He expected it, so why does his heart hurt so badly?

Regulus doesn't open his eyes, nor does he lower his arm. He's shaking, and James is utterly disgusted by his urge to hold him close, and hug him tight. He cares. He cares so much about this boy, but he feels betrayed by the person he's loved so dearly. For so long.

“I'm sorry.”

It's the only thing Regulus says as his body shakes with silent sobs. No explanation, no excuses. He doesn't try to talk himself out of it, doesn't say that his parents forced him. Ot hurts James even more. Doesn't he want to be forgiven? To be saved? Against his better judgement, James would forgive Regulus immediately, if he'd just... If he'd just wanted it. Why doesn't he ask for help? It rips a sob out of James, and he raises a hand to his mouth, closing his eyes.

Everything is a blur of grey.

Grey.

Grey. Grey. Grey.

Regulus doesn't love him. James loves him so much.

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,” the Slytherin repeats, like a prayer. Slowly, he sinks to the ground, kneeling, and James moves towards him. His arms wrap around him tightly, shaking similarly with copied sobs, and trembles. It's not fair. It's not fair that James is holding him, and comforting him. It's not fair.

With a long, deep sigh, and pushes himself away, and sits down, away from Regulus. He lets out a miserable laugh, and rubs a hand down his face, wiping away tears that were smeared by inky black hair. What's he to do? Fuck. He loves him so much. His hands are shaking, and he swears he can't breathe. Yet, his mind is screaming with that same urge again. Comfort. Comfort. Save. Help. Comfort. Hold. It makes him sick to the stomach.

Perhaps it's better to leave. James can still hear Regulus sobbing, and he would rather be under the Imperius curse. He'd rather feel the physical pain of being burned alive than hearing the boy he loves sob about betraying him.

“Please.” James whimpers, and he shakes his head like he's dizzy. He is. “Stop. Merlin, please stop. I can't take this, Reg, I—I really can't.” The Gryffindor's legs feel weak as he takes a step back, and he tries to balance himself. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. He just has to—He just has to—“Reg, I'm sorry. I have to—I can't be with you. I can't be with you anymore.”

Comically, James knows that this hurts him more than it hurts Regulus. It has to. He watches as the Slytherin freezes, stops breathing. Still, he doesn't look at him, and James wants to die. He wipes his eyes, and blinks away the blurriness. It's better this way. It's better this way. It's better this way. If James leaves him, he can find someone else to love. His true, true soulmate.

“James,” Regulus whispers, and the older boy hates how he immediately looks. Now, he can finally see the other's face. The air feels still, even though it's cold, and—“I love you.”

The words ring in James' head.

I love you.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Suddenly, James sees the most beautiful colour he's seen in his entire life. The first. It's the same as the dark ocean, or the stormy seas. Teary eyes that make James want to drown. It makes him dizzy, and he glances down at trembling lips that resemble the fragility of roses, the deep colour of blood. Bitten weak, and sore. James feels overwhelmed by the colours that are suddenly visible in the night sky, the grey splotches from before that suddenly seem alive. Tears build up once more in his eyes, and he glances down at rosy cheeks that looks a lot less like marble, or porcelain.

Regulus. It's Regulus after all.

Bitterly, James lets out a laugh. He feels more tears stream down his face, and he looks back at the love of his life, his soulmate. The boy is still kneeling there, crying along with him, like he knows. It hurts.

Oh, it hurts.

It hurts, and James can see the colour of Regulus' beautiful, tearful eyes—Just before the Slytherin stands up, and storms off, and James watches the colourful tie fall to the ground.

It looks a lot lighter like this.

[adobe-outdesign]

Would you be able to review the Magmar line, please?

Magby is a cute little thing. What kind of thing is impossible to say, as it's really one of those Pokemon that are just monsters with no real-world inspiration, but it works well as a pre-evo and is really the best out of the three in terms of overall design.

Visually, it looks like it goes with the rest of the line, but is still plenty distinct enough on its own instead of just looking like a smaller Magmar. I like how the weird lumpy head becomes less lumpy as it evolves, and how the underbelly marking does the opposite and becomes more complex. The noot-noot snoot and the perpetually worried expression are also charming.

My sole nitpick is that the shape of the underbelly marking is a bit weird with how angular it is—something more rounded or flame-like would've been better. Everything else is pretty enjoyable.

Magmar, much like its pre-evo, is an ambiguous lava monster with no specific inspiration, and I'm always a big fan of those. And there are a lot of things about Magmar I like, such as the duck beak and flame markings, which are mimicked by the flames on its head.

However, there are also a lot of things I don't like. I always felt like the egg-shaped body was too ill-defined, especially with the legs being completely separate (compare to Magby up there, which has a more organic body shape). The ruffled shapes on the hands are interesting, but they feel out of place when they're not used elsewhere in the design—they could've been on the tail or something for balance. The back spikes also feel very extranous. It's got the right idea overall, but those elements hold it back a bit.

Also, it has a butt head. I always saw it more as brows so it never bothered me, but I need to point it out or else someone else will.

And Magmortar is... okay. I like some parts of it more than Magmar but there's also parts of it I like a lot less. The canon theme with the arms is a good way to work off of Magmar's arm ruffles, and they've been simplified so they no longer look as out of place. It also no longer has a butt for a head, always a plus, and I really like the menacing expression.

However, it still has a few of the same problems that Magmar does, such as the egg-shaped body, which is now even more noticeable because the arms sit higher up on the torso. Same goes for the spikes, which are even more unnecessary here.

It also adds a few problems, such as shortening the beak and changing the color; before it had an interesting duck-like look, whereas now it just kind of looks like it has weird lips. The flames also look very plastic-y.

I also really dislike the random addition of pink into the design. Maybe they were trying to call back to Magby, but it's so low-contrast and similar to the red that it adds nothing yet somehow makes the palette more complex. All the pink areas could've been yellow and nothing would have been lost (the arms could've been red, if that change resulted in too much yellow). Like I said, I like the general idea here and the overall vibe, but the execution just doesn't quite do it for me.

Overall, a refreshingly abstract line of creatures with some interesting albeit sometimes questionable designs. Magby's the best of the bunch, but all three at least work together surprisingly coherently considering they were all designed for different gens.

[twilightbloom]

Bear with me I just need to yeet my thoughts into the void for a second

I have played HSR's 1.4 story quest a little while ago but having felt really conflicted about it I honestly didn't know what to think and needed some time to gather my thoughts, but... the quest was good, don't get me wrong, but my thoughts on Topaz are quite complicated

Like I've read around and I've seen people either being like "y'all are awful to Topaz this is why Hoyo doesn't do morally ambiguous women!!" or "Topaz is a horrible character and I hate her so much" and my take is that while I do enjoy Topaz's character AS A CONCEPT I just wish HYV would've decided her framing in the story

Like I get the first argument. Morally ambiguous women get either waifu'd like Raiden (and my opinion on her character is in line with most of the community that she was horribly mismanaged for all of her buildup, until the second character quest put a bandaid on her) or not that explored in the story (see Yae). Topaz is in a very awkward middle ground, with the complicating factor that she is a tax collector so she will rub some people in a very wrong way.

Still, my issue is that she jumps between being a cold "I'm just doing my job, no hard feelings" kinda gal and "oh my gosh animals are so cute and I'm so kind uwu" with almost no in between. I would really like to see HYV commit to one of the two in the framing, because while I can kinda see the "outside of work she's a sweetie" angle they were going for but given what kind of work she does, and WHO she is working for, it doesn't really work for me. And it ended up souring her as a character for me.

That's without covering the fact that we KNOW most people in the IPC are assholes after the Aurum Alley event, and Topaz doesn't really help their case. She's "one of the good ones", supposedly, but... Ehhh. I would've preferred she stayed an antagonist and they weren't this wishy-washy while treating her. It's a shame, because I feel like she would've been a really cool antagonist/villain had they not flip flopped around with her personality and tried to absolve her of the IPC's darker sides.

Idk basically I like her design A LOT and wish she was framed better by the narrative, like they either should've stuck to plushy waifu (which would've weakened the story though I feel) or antagonist/villain with OCCASIONAL hints of a softer side underneath.

Basically, 1.4's story was good but ironically enough Topaz was my least favorite part of it. Shame. Hope her story/companion quest makes her character feel more defined so I can decide my stance on her.

[ctl-yuejie]

agree with the confusion on what amount is intentional in the writing. while most characters are explicitely open for interpretation (hence me reading the wildest takes on some characters - to me), I am honestly unsure on what spectrum we are supposed to be able to interpret Top.

Other than Top's characterization, I actually enjoy their story (after not understanding them for at least 3 episodes). Two people playing stupid games, partially driven by seeking self-actualization and the want to curate their relationships, end up going on dates while at least one of them is playing a character he wants to be more than himself which leads to - imo - the fairly interesting base relationship where they both don't actually know each other, are constantly questioning what the other is doing and are suspicious of each other while also chosing to stick in what they imagine this relationship to be (they might not even be unnecessarily unhappy this way, which is a baffling thought to me).

The thing that I believe is a lot of fun about them is that they are the two characters we have seen on dates the most (especially dates that explicitely were called dates) and they both seemed to enjoy themselves (as well as the excellent surge in sexual want Mew felt during they dinner in the darkness) -> but in hindsight, the Top Mew went on dates with might not actually have been Top but the character he played to get into Mew's pants (and we can see that notion of insecurity already in how suspicious Mew is of other men interacting with Top during their dates). Fascinating stuff to me.

Mew reads fairly clear to me, he loves Top (or at least the version he went on dates with), feels betrayed (not only by Top, but by the whole notion that the universe would want him - the man who is nice and not giving it up to anyone - to suffer Top's infidelity) and annoyed at himself that he still wants to be in a relationship with Top (but also the notion that that would lessen his worth unless Top comes crawling back).

and Top doesn't come crawling back. He doesn't seek Mew's forgiveness in a way Mew's pride would easily allow him to do so, but the way Top imagines Mew wants to be apologized to and the way he gets Mew back the fastest and easiest - his way.

And now they decide to stick together despite not actually knowing each other that well

This interpretation sadly only works if Top really isn't simply very much in love and a bit of a lost sad puppy after sleeping with Boston. And while the series imo very much allows to see him that way (and also fairly lonely with absent parents and his ex of three months the only one he seemingly can turn to), Jojo's comments make it seem like there was more intention to give him a "classical" redemption arc and have these two have their happy ending (while talking about possible issue they might have to challenge). And this, to me, works against how I interpret ForceBooks acting....

The ambiguity in regards to most characters solely stems out of everyone judging their actions and motivations differently, but with TopMew most people don't even seem to agree what their actions and motivations are.

(as for Boston: ultimately the shittiness might not have been leading Nick on but not being honest with himself earlier that he was actively trying to keep Nick for more than just sex. At which point I have to say...I don't even think that he was that much of an asshole since Nick could've walked away. He would've acted extremely considerate if he'd cut ties with Nick, but I think it is understandable that he wanted to be selfish and keep Nick's company and continue to have fantastic sex. However, there is also the chance that Boston knew that Nick knew that he had figured out Nick's deeper feelings which would make him more of a dick but that's more on an incremental scale imo)

THE MORNING AFTER: ONLY FRIENDS, EPISODE 11 -- 1 OUTTA 3 AIN'T BAD

Preamble! I had a HELL of a day yesterday, woof. So if this comes out garbled, y'all will know why. I'll try to keep this short, but... I'm likely lying to myself, let's see.

TW: FORCEBOOK -- I'm going to say a few words about ForceBook below, so if words about ForceBook are not your thing, please move along!

I'm gonna start this post with thoughts on the three main pairs, and then get some last little thoughts out at the end.

a) I have a feeling that I don't need to write THAT much, because the lovelies @lurkingshan (here), @neuroticbookworm (here), and @chicademartinica (here) all covered the top points of this episode nicely: this episode was a BostonNick WIN. On Nick, dear Chica nailed it so hard that I will have to link AND screenshot her m'fucker:

And Boston, BOSTON, MY MAN! MY MAN! MY MAN!

(Nick says the first line below, with Boston saying the second:)

Fuckin' a. There are two reasons why I STANNED BostonNick in this episode.

1) First of all, as you see above, Nick still had to be a tiny bit of a shit. Nick was in Atom's shoes once. Nick remembers the feeling of having feelings for someone who didn't have feelings back for him. So Nick took a little passive aggressive dig at Boston by calling Boston's sex and predilections "terrible."

And Boston shot back at Atom -- and maybe indirectly at Nick -- with his perspective on sex: "[h]ow can you love me after sleeping together just once?"

I've written before (and forgive the foggy mom brain, but I believe @emotionallychargedtowel has also written on this), that the hormonal experience of sex can impact people in incredibly different ways. Some people, like Boston, feel no connection with the person he's slept with after sex; other people, like Nick and Atom, catch feelings. All of it is normal.

What happened in the dialogues that we were privy to earlier in the series vis à vis Nick and Atom was that WE, the audience, heard THEIR perspectives, and the narratives allowed US to contemplate sympathizing for them -- by playing off of a general assumption that an audience would JUDGE people like Boston for having casual sex. Boston's positions on sex (heh) pissed off people like Nick and Atom! So Boston got fuckin' wiretapped and smeared by these dudes.

However: BOSTON REMAINED CONSISTENT, CONSTANT, AND ACCOUNTABLE to his position, AT ALL TIMES, that he wasn't someone who caught feelings after casual sex. I am sure for many sectors of the Only Friends audience, that this may not have been easy to parse, especially considering the very early and popular judgements levied against Boston. (For the record, I never took Boston as a predator, and I established my thoughts early in the series run on this as rhetoric about Boston's "badness" around sex was flying around. I'm a Khai girlie. Boys, girls, and non-binary friends can be playas, too, and deserve to enjoy their sex lives without judgement.)

What I UTTERLY admire about the pace of this series vis à vis BostonNick is that it took its TIME in establishing Boston's AGENCY to be able to LEVY his position on sex SO STRONGLY and CLEARLY, with Nick's support. While much of the series allowed the popular and condemning rhetoric to swirl around Boston, this scene put a fuckin' NAIL in that coffin. I believe this scene said: you can't only listen to one side, the crying, sobbing side of a person who wants another person after a one-night stand. You HAVE to listen to both sides. The hormonal aspect of wanting to be close to your sex partner is valid, but also -- if the other side is talking, you MUST listen to what the other side is SAYING.

Boston was always clear about his position -- and Nick and Atom HAD to take responsibility for their unreasonable demands from Boston after their one-night stands with him; unreasonable, because Boston CLEARLY stated to the both of them that he wasn't a relationship guy, and would not be forced into it. And both of them ignored those statements, and all hell broke loose, TWICE.

2) HOWEVER! Boston realized, after spending more time with Nick than with any other sex partner, and after he lost his friends, that he HAD caught feelings for his fave, his Nick! Remember last week, when I got all mewdy that MONOGAMY might be the dramatic device that the show would use to "redeem" Boston? BLECH.

DAMN, did this episode SPIN THAT AROUND for me. GOD, I LOOOOOOOOOOVED THAT CONVO WITH NICK AND BOSTON ABOUT FIGURING OUT THEIR STATUS!!!!!

Paraphrasing! "I want to spend the next few months loving on you," or whatever Boston says?! FUCK, YES! Nick, all OVER this, setting boundaries, allowing himself TIME and SPACE to figure out what's best for him, with both Dan and Boston! SHIT, MARK PAKIN SHOWED UP! Omg, BostonNick for the win.

My head's spinning, because that was seriously one of the BEST conversations I've seen written in a drama about the consideration of a relationship and a status check. That impressed me as much as Pharm asking Dean for a break in UWMA -- and then Pharm straight up LIVING HIS LIFE, BBQ pork grills and all, without Dean for a few months.

And. Boston was cool with Nick's boundaries and thoughtfulness. Boston knows what he wants, but he's not gonna push Nick into anything. Boston knows time is ticking, but will wait for Nick's answer.

It was so cool to see. My heart was full.

So that pairing, the NeoMark/BostonNick pairing -- SOLID.

b) Moving on! Thanks to @lurkingshan, I got clarity on what the fuq was happening with Sand and Boeing. At first, I thought Boeing was a little SHIT for showing up to Sand and stirring unnecessary drama in his ex's life after getting rejected by Mew. (Mond, though. 🤤)

But, as Shan pointed out to me in my insane day yesterday: Sand has a problem saying no to dudes. (Homey, RELATE.) So like, then they all go back to Ray's place, and Ray KNOWS that Sand has trouble setting boundaries and saying no, because that's what Sand's mom said to Ray, but also, that's the way Sand's been engaging with Ray himself, and Ray will DEF know what will be up if Sand gets closer to Boeing again, and Ray's like, uh, come into my pool so we can nip this in the bud?, but no, we know what Jojo's thinking, so.

I mean, have sex already, you three, chop chop. I see the FirstKhao gworls on my dash not happy about not having a complete episode of SandRay peace, which I get, but also, this continues to reiterate my bleh on Sand, which like -- get a backbone, Sand. You have a literal boyfriend now, and you're still not saying no to dudes? What if Mild strolled in for a foursome? (NO, DON'T TURN THAT DOWN, SAND, DON'T.) But I'm just saying -- maybe listen to a person in your life, like your mom, to set some boundaries, like your roommate. I'm throwing my hands up in the air on this one, but at least we may get our threesome, and, Mond.

c) Okay, last pair! TopMew. For a hot second, I was impressed with Top.

I liked this, ::waves index finger in a circle::, this worked.

But I have decided. I'm done with ForceBook. I just -- please remember the TW, FB girls. I'll get back to TopMew in a second as characters, but this was my first ForceBook show, and it might be my last. Watching them is as exciting to me as breaking down Amazon boxes.

We have seen Mew waffle this whole dang series. (WELCOME BACK, THE ONLY FRIENDS VENGEFUL WAFFLE! HEART YOU, @starryalpacasstuff!)

And there was more Mew waffling, more talking to moms, and Top is just like, I'm gonna peace out, DEUCES, and then, OF COURSE, HE COMES BACK INTO THE KITCHEN, LIKE HE NEVER LEFT THE HOUSE AFTER SAYING HE WOULD (I cackled), and then they're together in bed. And now they'll move in together.

This was a BIT of a storyline ride. But -- and I HAVE TO ADMIT, part of this is my tiredness talking -- I'm just kinda bored of ForceBook at this point. Do I actually get the sense that Top is *excited* about Mew moving in? Do I get the sense that Top and Mew *love* each other? I.... don't! Is it the chemistry between ForceBook? I.... I think so? I think so!

And, so... Mew will try to convince Ray to accept Top in the next episode? I dunno. (Episode 12 previews, we've learned to distrust them.) As much as I want to try to sit here to analyze TopMew at this point, I kinda just wanna throw my hands up in the air and be like, I'll leave these characters to fiction. And I think it's because I was unfortunately spoiled by the FANTASTIC chemistry emanating out of Neo, Papang, Mark, First, and Mond in this episode (MARK! MONNND. PAPANGGGG.).

I have to admit it, and I'm sorry to admit it. ForceBook do nothing for me, acting-wise and chemistry-wise, and I am done struggling with analyzing TopMew. I'll let 'em be.

d) Last thoughts! Bye, Cheum. We haven't had enough of Nonnie in this series, and I wanna see Nonnie as April dump Cheum's ass and break shit in episode 12, the way Nonnie's real-life brother goes and breaks shit on social media. Way to hold no one, including yourself, truthfully accountable, Cheum.

(What in the. I would love a Soonvijarn episode on Jojo's thoughts on Cheum one day.)

Anyway, bye, B.

THAT'S ALMOST IT! Ephemerality? I hope Boston makes a whole bunch of righteous new homies in NYC. This whole series has made me sick and tired of proximate friends, lol. We'd better see Mond suck face with Khao and First. Andddd, bleep, bloop, that's all I got!

HOME BASE NEXT WEEK, FAM!

[EPHEMERALITY SQUAD, second-to-last weekend meta for ya! @slayerkitty (SK... I am so tired, lol), @ranchthoughts, @chickenstrangers, @twig-tea, @neuroticbookworm, @lurkingshan, @distant-screaming, @clara-maybe-ontheroad, @thatgirl4815]

[readingrobin]

#TBRBusterChallenge October Pick: What Big Teeth by Rose Szabo

Boy did I come into this book with high hopes. It's got everything I usually love: werewolves, monster families, morally gray characters, a genuinely eerie atmosphere at times. But, unfortunately, a good chunk of the book felt hollow. While some of the characters are interesting and receive a passable bit of characterization, some are left as thin cutouts, Luma and Rhys in particular. It's not until the end that we see more characters somewhat fleshed out other than Eleanor, so it leaves a healthy middle of the book where it just seems like we're just waiting for the next interesting thing to happen. Then, by the end, we're bombarded with so much information. There's one particular chapter where there's two big character introspections/reveals back to back and it was so difficult to absorb it all at once. And Eleanor, I don't think I've come across a more oblivious character. There's stretching out the mystery of your book for narrative or atmospheric reasons, and then there's making the character not question anything around her just to pad out the page length. I think if Eleanor took the time to actually see what's happening around her and what she's capable of, this book probably would've been much shorter, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Now I didn't entirely despise the character. I empathized with her trauma and feeling out of place within her own family. I even recognize how those things could contribute to her being in denial about the things going on in her house. It just gets very frustrating when you figure out the obvious answer to a mystery that the character doesn't get around to realizing for another 5 chapters. To be a little bit more positive about the book, I did like how certain things are left ambiguous, whether that's character histories or what kind of monsters they actually are. It reminded me a bit of how Neil Gaiman develops his more monstrous, ethereal characters, though Szabo's monsters come off as way less cryptic. They just sort of resonate on a similar vibe. While I think I went into this book with maybe too many expectations, it was worth at least the one read.

[snowydaffodils]

Exhilarating

1741 words | 3rd Person POV

Another short fluff - this time with Seventeen's Josh!

Synopsis: Everything was dull and boring, but when she entered the room, she was like a breath of fresh air.

---

Despite the well designed interior and the fancy vases that decorated the room, it didn't push away the feeling of unfamiliarity and solitude that Joshua had felt since he arrived - or at the very least became aware of his surroundings. He didn't feel the isolation as much when he first came, because his vision (and memory) was blurry. He remembered people talking around him, and he remembered being taken from one place to another, but he didn't remember what they were saying exactly, or where they brought him to. When he came to, they told him he collapsed on pre-recording, and they had to immediately bring him to the hospital.

Joshua sighed. While the room was probably one of the most luxurious ones he'd been in, there was an odd unsettling feeling that disturbed him as he lay there, alone. It didn't help that he was wearing hospital clothes instead of his own and also that he was stuck to an IV drip. Just in between the door and floor, he saw shadows that stood tensely beyond his room, and he could guess them as the assigned security for him - just in case one of those sasaengs reached him somehow.

With the window shutters being closed down, it further elongated his feeling of being boxed in, as Vernon would've phrased it. His members were off to another schedule that he later would have to make up for, so nobody would be on the group chat. He would've called his mom to push away the loneliness, but it would have been barely dawn in Los Angeles.

The ceiling, once a comfortable target to place his sights on, slowly grew dull and boring, so he moved to lay sideways instead, facing the door. It was then when he heard noises and steps coming towards his direction, and the shadows under the door moved around for the first time.

His eyes perked up to see who was coming, hoping it would be his manager, or one of the members who finished their schedules early and came to see him. Instead of them, a white coat caught his eyes, the person in it fiddling with the notes she was holding as she entered the room.

"Mr. Hong, right?" she smiled, pulling up her glasses as she approached him. "Hong Jisoo."

The way she called him was cheerful and perky, and it brought a different light to enter the room. It suddenly didn't seem so sullen, and for that, Joshua was happy she entered, whoever she may be.

"Yes?" he managed, as he pulled himself up to sit straight and look at her properly.

"Good morning," she cheered, and he noticed that she was looking directly into his eyes. While he was used to direct eye-contact in America, Koreans tend to deem that action impolite, so he didn't really expected it. Even so, he had always thought of eye contact as an important element in communicating - it shows just how much attention you were getting from the other person. Her eyes seemed bright as he returned the contact, and the mere fact that they were looking into each other's eyes played a huge part in lightening up the room.

"Morning," Joshua replied, trying to smile back as politely as he could, despite the heaviness of his head while keeping his body upright.

"Oh, you shouldn't move too much!" she said upon seeing him. "You were running a high fever, on top of that you were dehydrated and overworked, too. Your temperature went down slightly, but you're still in a feverish range," she said quickly, adjusting the small tube that was connected to his arm.

"I feel better, though," Joshua reasoned, giving the girl a small smile to support his subjective argument. She puffed and blew the little bangs annoying her eyes away and placed her hands on her hips.

"Better doesn't equal good enough," she said, the look in her eyes clearly opposing his attempts to be let go. "Besides, take this opportunity to actually rest, okay? Its a big fancy room with fancy lighting, a TV and good speakers, and we'll get you food in a moment. You can't argue that this is not heaven," she rambled, pointing at his surroundings.

Joshua laughed, he had never met a doctor like this one. "You have a point," he said. "But, do you think you can move me to another room? Preferably with people?"

She blinked. "You want to switch rooms?"

Joshua looked around, there was a nurse standing right behind this doctor girl, and his security guard had stepped inside since the girl entered. They all looked at him weird and obviously against the idea, so he just nodded timidly and sighed.

"Its just that," the girl waited for his response patiently, her hands back on her the edge of his bed and the other on her notes. Joshua continued, unsure of himself as well. "It gets too quiet, and uh, silence gets pretty uncomfortable for me."

She gave him one look and spared a few seconds for her thoughts before she returned him with a reply. "Well, your manager told me its best you're not even seen by anyone at all, for your safety."

Of course he did. Joshua didn't doubt that, and he understood those orders completely, so he just nodded, accepting defeat. Worth a try though.

But she wasn't quite finished. She pulled her phone out of her coat pocket, checked her screen for a while before coming back to him. "I can stay with you and chat if it helps," she grinned. "People call me a chatterbox, so why not put it to good use, right?"

"Are you not busy?" Joshua asked, pretty set aback by her suggestion, but was not against it.

She shook her head, swaying her bangs left and right before giving him a reassuring smile. "Not if nobody's calling for me. You're actually free to go after this drip," she points at the hanging liquid with the notes on her hand, "All you have to do is wait for your manager to pick you up. After all, your fever did go down, and we'll give you acetaminophens to take. What you really need is food and rest."

While the rest of the people in the room looked at her weirdly at her offer to be a chatterbox, she paid no mind to it and grabbed herself a chair to sit on by Joshua's bed. Joshua, on the other hand, just nodded numbly, unsure of what kind of reaction he should give, or what words to say. He had no reason to refuse, though, so he said nothing.

"You guys can go," she dismissed the nurses who followed immediately, and the security guard simply eyed her for a few seconds before returning to his post. She was the assigned doctor, after all, he couldn't (and shouldn't) restrict her from her patient.

Once they all left, Joshua blurted the question that had been sitting on the tip of his tongue. "So, do you stay to chat with all the patients you meet?"

She settled in her seat and gave him an ambiguous smile - one Joshua understood to not be completely genuine, but wasn't fake either. "Just the ones that seem particularly lonely."

"And," Joshua paused, picking his words carefully. "You don't have other lonely patients?"

She chuckled. Pressing her fist on her cheeks, she rephrased his question for him, "You mean why aren't I busy treating other patients?" The question stunned him for a while. He didn't expect her to be that direct, especially to her patient; but to be honest, he didn't mind it one bit.

Usually, when this kind of situation happened - where a conversation turned too straightforward for him to handle, Joshua would've chuckled awkwardly and politely, and just nodded or something to move on from the discomfort. But this time, he didn't know if it was because his head was still revolving, or if it was because he'd spent too much time with Jeonghan, but he didn't take the polite route and just directly returned her question with another one. He simply nodded. "Yeah, sure, if you care to tell?"

The response wasn't one she was used to receiving, so she was a bit flustered at the blunt exchange for a few seconds. "Huh," she huffed, but smiled. "I guess I'm assigned to do the extra stuff. Nobody wants to talk to patients and their guardians if its nothing medical related. Doctors are awkward that way. They prefer to research, write papers, and explore surgeries. And so they pushed me here," she gestured to the room around her. "To the VIP wards."

Before Joshua could take offense into her words, she disclaimed, "Not that you're 'extra stuff', but you must understand that some VIP patients can be," she gave him an awry grin, one that was indicating something negative, as she searched for the right word. She didn't seem to find one, but eventually settled with the description: "Exhilarating," which she worded with a shoulder shrug, indicating that it wasn't the correct word at all.

Joshua just laughed at her antics, wondering if the medical dramas about VIP patients actually happen in real life that she would describe them that way. "Would you say I'm - well - exhilarating, then?"

At this point, her smile was no longer ambiguous. Looking like she was in deep thought, she answered, "You're a different kind of exhilarating." Her dimples further accentuated the honesty in her smile. "I mean, obviously, you're well aware that you have got the looks," she reasoned, not at all embarrassed to compliment him, which was different for a change - but a good different.

"That I do," Joshua grinned. He was an idol, after all, he should be confident in his visuals.

"And you're young - not many VIPs are as young," she continued, still thinking of more answers. "And most people would've reprimanded me for speaking so casually and bluntly to a patient about her work. They'd say I was rude."

Joshua snickered. "Should I, then? Reprimand you, I mean?"

Her eyes rounded at his statement, and then she suddenly clasped her hands together and bowed her head. "I would reaaally, reaaaally appreciate it if you don't."

He laughed. This girl is really something.

"What was your name, again? Can I call you by name?" Joshua asked, visibly more comfortable.

And she returned him with another ambiguous smile.

---

[adobe-outdesign]

cool to take a look at the Scyther line~?

One of the many, many reasons I like Kadabra so much is that it's kind of a mammal/bug hybrid if you squint, so unsurprisingly, I really like Scyther's combo praying mantis (though it looks a bit more like a mantidfly) and ambiguous-not-mantis aesthetic a lot. Interestingly, we actually have Scyther's beta sprite, and it looks hilarious:

This actually clarifies that Scyther is half mantid and half dragon, and that those three prongs on the head used to once be horns. Unsurprisingly, the final design looks a lot better, but it's fun to see where those design elements come from. You can also see that the head in its first sprite was still semi dragon-ish:

In addition to the sort of half-dragon-half-bug aesthetic, I really like the giant blades; they have a cool shape to them, and are a solid, monster-y way of playing with a praying mantis' forelegs. Likewise, the exoskeleton look and the fierce expression are always winners in my book.

Though one weird thing I have to point out is that, logically, the points on the side of its head should be exoskeleton too, right? Because according to the anime, they're fur, which raises a lot of questions:

Textures aside, I only have two minor nitpicks. First, the way the green wraps around the cream on the upper legs is... weird. It feels like they should just be all green and one solid orb with the pointy bits coming off of them. Also, the feet always looked clunky to me, with their undefined shape and tacked-on claws. Note how in the first final sprite shown above, there's a defined foot; this would've looked a lot better than the clunky blobs we got. That's it, though; otherwise, this is a very cool mantis.

I have kind of mixed feelings on Scizor. It's not that it doesn't look cool—it does—nor is it that it looks bad. In fact, it's very nicely designed; I love the striking red color, how the black parts give the body some extra definition, and the almost robotic look to the wings. While I ultimately prefer Scyther's more organic appearance, Scizor's slick and streamlined body is excellent, and appropriate for a steel-type.

Also, I LOVE those eyespots on the claws, which it uses to confuse its opponents by making them think it has three heads. This is true of many IRL species of insects, including some kinds of mantids:

However, as excellently designed as Scizor is, for some reason it just never felt right to me as a Scyther evo despite obviously looking like it. It look me a while to place why, but I think it's because of this:

Normally when a Pokemon evolves, it keeps the same themes and elements as the originals and just expands upon them, along with giving the Pokemon a more powerful appearance. But Scyther doesn't keep Scyther's blades, instead using clamps that seem a lot less threatening. It looks different than Scyther, but not really more powerful, and even its stats aren't really higher than Scyther's, just distributed differently.

Basically, when I'm getting at is that Scizor, to me, feels more like a regional than an evolution. It has parallel, but ultimately different, themes to the original appearance, and looks similar to the original while not really looking stronger. It's not that it's bad as an evo per say, but I think this is why it's never quite felt right to me despite the great design.

Mega Scizor... exists. I don't hate it, but it doesn't really enhance or improve the design, nor is it doing something fun or conceptual with it. It at least gives Scizor the higher stats you'd expect from an evo, but visually, it's just There.

The pincers feel appropriately expanded upon, at least, and the black parts of the body are... fine, but also kind of ruin Scizor's sleekness. The legs are weirdly angular compared to the rest of the body, and the second set of ridges on the white parts of the claws aren't needed. Also, why did the accent color change from yellow to blue? I don't mind the blue, but why, exactly...?

I think that if I was designing a Scizor evo, I'd maybe expand the wings and give it another set of eyespots there, and then add some teeth-like blades to the claws. The claws are already mimicking heads, so expanding the mimicry idea while referencing Scyther's blades would at least give it more of a clear direction.

The line feels a bit more balanced with the addition of Kleavor here; at least now we have a trio of three mantids with three different types of weapons, making Scizor feel a little less out of place. It also makes for a nice contrast with Scizor, having a very angular and bulky appearance instead of Scizor's sleek minimalism.

With that said, I'm not huge on Kleavor. The design is just really hard to read at first; I couldn't figure out what I was looking at when we first saw it in that one PLA trailer. I think some of this is due to unnecessary clutter; having the beard and topknot combo feels unneeded (not like any of the rest of the line has a theme), but combined with those giant spikes around the shoulders and it's really over-detailed and crowded in that spot. Meanwhile, the face is weirdly pointed and elongated in a way that doesn't look natural, and the upper legs are really cubic while the rest of the tan parts of the body are smoother. There are also those random white things coming out of the back—maybe the remains of its wings?—that don't accomplish much.

Those giant axes also look odd to me. Scyther's blades are based off of mantises, Scizor's are lobster claw-esq, but the axes are just very inorganic and unnatural. Not helped is the very long and skinny arms that look like they should snap when it swings those things, and the way the arm goes through (??) the axe handle.

What I can say, however, is that I like how the axes feel like a continuation of Scyther's blades, more so than Scizor's clamps. It still feels a bit like a Hisuian Scizor, but it has that much going for it at least.

Overall: Scyther is a pretty cool bug-dragon creature. Scizor is super streamlined and nicely designed, even if it ultimately feels a little more like a regional than an evolution. Mega Scizor Exists, and Kleavor has a good concept but is a bit too messy visually for the design to work.

Also, side note: Why did XY give this line blue wings for five minutes before they were immediately changed back in subsequent gens?