#like angssssstttt

[spilledinkstories]

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Rebecca?

Spoiler-free review! in which I make no effort to sound intellectual I just really enjoyed the book lol.

Okay. I have been meaning to get around to reading Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier for some time now. 

As legend informs us, nothing inspires bookworms to read like the impending release of the movie version of a story, so I finally read the thing. 

Gurl. 

When I tell you it was not what I expected....

Maxim de Winter was quite something to contend with. I will say some of the ideas of how a woman should love her husband were very “of the 1930s” or whatever, but I’ll just leave that there. Ya just shake your head and roll with it while you enjoy the story, and try to forget about it later. 

Like really though...when he asks her if she loves him, she being 21 and he being 42, she says “you are my father, brother, and son...” 

My dude a simple yes would have sufficed, but alas.

That said...

There was something really refreshing about reading a classic novel where the leading lady is so painfully aware of her youth and ignorance. Like, it is constantly referred to and abhorred. She’s always like “it would be great if I didn’t feel like crying at any given moment,” and like she’ll hear people come into the house that she is the mistress of, and she legit hides behind doors and skedaddles into other rooms. Like what a mood, this is me in my day to day life tryna avoid feeling embarrassed in very simple circumstances lol. So yeah that was a lighthearted touch to an otherwise fairly dark novel. 

Also, it was hilarious and relatable and weirdly comforting to have a main character in a stylish sort of period drama where she’s constantly inventing little realities in her head, and being massively relieved when they don’t come to pass. It’ll be in the middle of a situation or plot point or whatever, and suddenly you’ll just have this page-long inner monologue where she’s predicting all the ways the thing is going to ruin her entire life, and then it....doesn’t???? and she’s like...??? Okay. And then rinse and repeat for every situation literally lol.

One of the best quotes I’ve come across in a long time was “I became a martyr to my own inferiority complex”, which is such a huge thread throughout this book! In the story she is so convinced that everyone is talking shit about her behind her back, that without actually having proof that they’re doing so, she teaches herself not only to believe it, but that she deserves it. She says something like she takes everything as a personal blow, when the comments to a mature ear would have landed lightly. I couldn't help but think how many times I’ve decided to be oversensitive and misinterpret what people are saying/meaning, and how many people I know who do the same.

And then the WAY that the plot twist hits mid-way through boiiiii I should have seen it coming but I simply didn’t. 

Like I really don’t wanna give anything away, but assumption and made-up versions of reality are such a thiiiinnnggg in this booooook my gooodddd its good. Okay? It’s good. 

Also...the movie looks like it wants to be really stylish and serious and aesthetically pleasing, which is great I love a good pretty movie, but I really hope it manages to capture her character as this shy, slightly ridiculous young girl who’s desperately trying to please/do right, without wanting to be noticed sorta thing. wishing she was perfect but also invisible. That made no sense. But I hope the movie captures her. :)

honourable mentions: 

adorable puppers Jasper

Angssssstttt

gothic setting - castle by the sea, in England? absofreakinlutely my man

great garden moments

creepy house keeper lady

actual tense moments and dark moments like yikes sometimes

ridiculous upperclassmen and people who wish to be them

the prose are you kidding me as soon as I finished it I wanted to start right over again

is it a ghost story? A thriller? Procedural drama? A romance?

In conclusion, yaaassssssss.

It’s a book that made me think long and hard about how I look at the world as a young anxious person. But in a non-confrontational, non annoying way. Like, not in a John Green kinda way (and I love John Green). Its in a “walk with me, be scared with me, cry with me” way. You don’t have to relate to her, but like chances are at least some past version of yourself probably will.  

You think you know what people think of you? You don’t. They’re probably not so bad, most people. 

You think you know who someone else is, based on the countless scenarios you’ve spun out in your mind and then reacted to, and maybe even based your own worth on? You’re wrong. 

You think you know who you’re going to be next week, or a month from now? Something or someone could come and shake your life by its shoulders, and you’d never have seen it coming. 

So...idk lol be open minded, be kind to yourself, gentle, courageous, and read Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier. 

[dreamin-of-somewhere-else]

Prompts 17 & 25? Sam and Dean younger (winchester) sister. I lovee youre work :)

Thank you so much! Also, warning: angssssstttt

Dean was dealing with the Mark of Cain that was slowly but surely twisting, re-molding, him to another person. Sam was still healing up from the trials, still broken inside. 

You were worried about them. Sure, they were your older brothers, who were convinced they always, always, always, had to protect you, take care of you. What they had a harder time understanding, was that you wanted them to be safe and happy and comfortable. You tried talking to them as much as you could, ‘take it all out on me, if you need to. I’ll be here.’ But, it was hard to get through, although that didn’t mean you would stop trying.

Because, right now, things weren’t all that great. Neither of them were in good shape and that’s why you thought this hunt was a really bad idea. 

And it was. Because mid-way through things went very, horribly bad. 

But, you weren’t angry at them. You didn’t feel betrayed even though it was sort of their fault that the demon got to you. You weren’t bitter even though you probably hadn’t been stabbed by the sharp angel blade if they had been paying closer attention. Because, it wasn’t their fault they weren’t in their game, and you would never blame them for that. It wasn’t their fault they were so, quite frankly, messed up right now.

Instead, you tried to smile at them, to tell them - without words - that you weren’t disappointed nor angry at them, as they came crashing down by your side. 

“It’s okay.” You told them, although your words were noticeably laced with indescribable pain that you just wanted to go away. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry, I-… W-we’re so, so sorry.” Sam told you, his tone thick with sadness and tears spilling from his hazel eyes.

Dean on the other hand looked pale, in denial. “Oh god.”

“I-it’s going to be okay.” You repeated yourself, feeling more and more exhausted, because well, your life was quite literally pumping out of you. “J-just, don’t you forget about me…”

“I promise we won’t,” came Sam’s immediate response, right before he let out another choked sob.

“Never.” Dean said quietly as tears formed in his eyes too.

“Good.” You murmured, and whether it was to your brothers or more to yourself, you didn’t know. 

Around you, the world started to fade, losing its colors, getting darker and darker. But, you were ready to let go. Sure, you would have like more time, but you knew this day would come sooner or later. It would be okay. Right before you closed your eyes, you heard them calling your name frantically, giving you a shake, but you couldn’t answer them anymore, you were too far gone.