#like also I’m one of those people who isn’t enamored by the thought of having kids

[eternalpassions]

Like I get Hino probably want to focus on the new generation and she probably wants to avoid addressing the love triangle but why does she focus so much on Ai? Lol what reason do I have to care about her? Just because she’s the biological child of my fav isn’t enough to make me give a shit

[beneathstarryskies]

Word Count: 4k (and some change)

Summary: Reno is forced to go on vacation after getting pretty beat up on a mission. He takes advantage of his time off to visit the Honeybee Inn, where he becomes enamored by one of the waitresses.

Warnings: fem!reader, shinra counts as a warning, mentions of sex work (more implied than explicit i think), alcohol, kissing, over all pretty tame

A/N: This is part one! I know for sure there will be a second part, but I'm not sure if there will be more than two parts yet. I didn't even anticipate it being two parts, but it just kept getting longer!

Reno heard whispers about the Honeybee Inn for as long as he could remember. Especially once he started working for Shinra. Even the most button-down workers couldn’t resist heading down to Sector 6 to check out the shows. 

“It’s the perfect place for a guy to unwind,” he’d heard some middle manager say in the cafeteria one day. 

Pft. As if Turks have time for that kind of fun.

His luck changed when he found himself a little beat up after a mission, and Tseng had ordered him to take a vacation. There were many things for a young, scrappy guy like Reno to get into. He tossed around the option of heading to Costa Del Sol to hang out with the cute girls on the beach, or maybe even going to the Golden Saucer for some flashy fun. Then, he remembered the excited whispers surrounding the Honeybee Inn. He’d heard it can be hard to get into, but he was confident he could throw his status as a Turk around to get in, at least for a show. If it sucked, he figures he’d still have time to actually do something fun on his vacation. 

After a couple of days of mostly sleeping and ordering takeout, he headed down to Wall Market to see what all the fuss was about. He’d been here a few times for some missions, but he’d never been afforded the luxury of leisure time down there. 

There’s a crowd around the door, people trying to buy tickets or even just get a peek inside. Reno wonders if it’s truly that big of a deal or if people are just buying into the hype. He’s seen firsthand how easy it is for the masses to be swallowed up by something wrapped in shiny drapings and presented with the right flair. Hell, Shinra’s success depended on people succumbing to a bit of dazzle…Enough so that they’ll look the other way from the atrocities committed by the company. 

Now isn’t the time to get moral.

He pushes those thoughts aside and shoves through the crowd. He finds himself stopped by a security guard. If the guy up front wearing a bowtie with no shirt and an antenna headband could be called that. Reno was pretty sure he could take him in a fight, but he had to remind himself to calm down. 

“Come on, you wouldn’t say no to Shinra,” he says to the guard with a sly grin as he flashes his badge. The guard's eyes go wide and he swallows hard before moving aside. 

“Right this way sir,” the guard says and points him in the direction of the front desk. Reno is confident as he glides across the pristinely waxed floors to the desk. He leans on the desk and flashes a charming grin to the girl wearing a honeybee uniform. 

“One ticket to the show, please,” he says. 

“I’m sorry sir, we’re all full for the evening and…” 

“Uh, maybe we should talk to Andrea,” the guard butts in, and gives the girl a glance trying to indicate that Reno is someone who should get a ticket. 

“Andrea is getting ready for the show,” the girl persists. 

“I’m sure he’ll want to know who is here.” 

Reno realizes they think he’s here on business. It’s a little annoying that everyone assumes that just because he’s a Turk, but he also sees the benefit to it in this situation. The ticket girl nods slowly as the guard leans over to whisper something in her ear. 

“I’ll be right back, sir,” she says to Reno before going through a curtain. 

Reno looks around the lobby a little bit and peaks through the doors leading into the main bar. He sees the stage, vacant right now except for a couple of Honeybees practicing their steps for the performance tonight. He sees one girl wiping off tables. Her smile is bright and infectious when one of the girls on stage asks her what she thinks of their moves. He doesn’t have time to watch much longer before the ticket girl comes downstairs again. 

“Sir, follow me, please,” she says sweetly. 

Reno follows her upstairs. There are a few rooms closed off with ‘Do Not Disturb’ signs on the door. He imagined the illicit activities going on inside but did his best to seem disinterested. Then, she leads him up another flight of stairs into an opulently decorated dressing room. Some of the girls are gathered around getting ready, adjusting their costumes and applying makeup. A few of them coo at him flirtatiously, but before he can really enjoy the attention the ticket girl is leading him into a room off to the side with the nameplate “Andrea” on the door. 

She opens the door and ushers him inside. A man sits at a vanity, applying eyeliner meticulously. 

“Have a seat, Mr. Sinclair,” the man says. “I’ll be with you after I’ve made myself beautiful…Or should I say, more beautiful?” 

“Lookin’ pretty good to me,” Reno says with a cheeky grin before sitting down on the chaise lounge. 

“Ah, flattery. I didn’t know Turks carried that in their arsenal,” the man chuckles, then turns around in his chair. “I’m Andrea Rhodea, but I’m sure you knew that already.” 

“Yeah, I had a hint or two,” Reno confirms. “I’m Reno Sinclair, but I’m sure you knew that too.” 

“Mhm,” Andrea stands up and pulls on his waistcoat. “So, what does Turk want here?” 

“Nothing crazy. Just enjoying my vacation,” Reno shrugs. 

“I didn’t know Turks got those.” 

“Well, we don’t often. So you can see why I’d want to make the best of it.” 

“And the Honeybee Inn certainly is making the best of it,” Andrea boasts as he walks over to Reno. “You can sit in the VIP section. It has the best view, and is by invite only.” 

“And what do get from inviting me?” 

“Maybe a favor, if I ever need it,” Andrea smirks. Then, he snaps his fingers. A Honeybee runs in, the same one with the pretty smile he saw earlier. 

You smile up at Reno, “I’ll show you to your seat sir.” 

Reno’s smile widens, “Please do.” 

As you grab his arm, he feels his cheeks heat up a bit and he follows you obediently as you lead him out of Andrea’s dressing room. He keeps looking down at you, trying to figure you out. You seem so sweet and innocent, yet you work in a place like this. 

There’s no tragic backstory for how you ended up at the Honeybee Inn. However, sometimes you weave sad tales to interested customers to get better tips. You grew up in the Sector 5 slums, and had a relatively nice childhood despite living in poverty. The big dream was Loveless. 

Oh, how you longed to take the stage in a role within that masterpiece. 

But living costs gil, and one of the best ways to earn it in your opinion was at the Honeybee Inn. Andrea was a pretty kind boss compared to some other jobs you’d worked around the slums to save up for the move topside. If you fluttered your eyelashes and flirted just right, the people that came in here were willing to tip pretty nicely. Some of the girls were ambitious enough to offer further entertainment in one of the private rooms. While you respected their drive and ingenuity, you weren’t brave enough to go that far. 

As you guide Reno to the table at the very front, you put on your best carefree vibe. You have him sit down at the table and he leans back as you sit beside him. You caress his chest playfully. 

“The VIP section comes with your choice of a personal attendant for the evening, Mr. Sinclair,” you say sweetly. 

“Just call me Reno,” he blushes and bites his lip. “And uh…Are you one of the options, pretty girl?” 

“As it turns out I am!” you say cheerfully and lean closer. “Would you like for me to tend to you for the evening?” 

“Yeah, I think I’d like that a lot.” 

——

Despite his effort to play it cool, you can see a little nervousness in him. He’s different from most guys you’ve tended to in the VIP section. He likes the attention, but he’s not pushy about it. He’s not being as much of a pervert as most guys, even though his eyes do stay pretty well focused on your fishnet-clad legs. 

“Then, I’m all yours for the evening, Reno!” you say sweetly and lean against him. “Should I get you a drink?” 

“Yes please,” he purrs and watches as you stand up. His eyes are fixed on the graceful sway of your hips as you walk to the bar to get him a drink. He notices you don’t ask what he wants, but he trusts you to order something good. 

You talk to the bartender and one of the other girls comes up to you. 

“Got a VIP tonight?” she asks as she orders herself a shot to unwind before the show begins. Already people are starting to file in, and Honeybees are buzzing around to keep them entertained. 

“Yeah, he seems nice actually. I think it’ll be an easy night,” you smile. 

“Be careful, I heard he’s a Turk,” she whispers. 

“Oh?” you raise your brow. 

“Yeah, but I mean it just means he can afford to tip well,” she says before downing her shot. 

You watch her saunter away to deal with some of her tables. Before you have a chance to ruminate on what she’s said, your drink is placed on the bar. You try to shift back into work mode as you grab the drink. Reno’s eyes meet yours as he watches you come back, trying to play off the fact that he’d been staring at your ass while you were bent over the bar. You flash him a flirty smile as you slide into the booth beside him and set the drink on the table. You know this costume does wonders for your curves. It’s often been one of your greatest assets at this job, but has also been the cause of many issues too when creeps thought just because you were wearing the uniform that your body was for sale too. 

“So, how are you enjoying your visit?” you ask as you lean against his side. 

“It’s…Enticing, I suppose,” he smirks at you. 

Deep down, Reno finds the whole thing a little bit frivolous. Wall Market in general rubbed him the wrong way. This place was thriving with gil made off the backs of those in the surrounding sectors trying to escape the sadness and mundanity of their lives. Then, of course, he had to remind himself of his place in the world. Shinra was worse by far, and he was another cog in their machine. 

“Don’t worry, it gets better when the show starts,” you say and snuggle against his chest. 

Deep down you both know you’re buttering him up for a good tip, but Reno can’t help thinking how good it feels to have someone’s warmth against him. He almost feels like a shy teen when he drapes his arm around your shoulder. You keep him busy with light conversation, teasing him a little for how important he looks in his suit. 

Finally, the music starts playing. You sit up and clap your hands excitedly as you draw his attention to the stage. As the girl’s start dancing, preparing to introduce Andrea, he watches for just a bit before his eyes are back on you. The way your eyes light up and your body sways to the music he realizes how badly you want to be onstage. Your feet instinctively tap along with the steps of the dances being performed. 

You really come alive when the cue comes for you to jump on the table. As you do, Reno’s eyes are glued to you. He watches your body move to the music, but more than anything he notices how your eyes are lit up with pure happiness. When this portion of the performance ends, you sit back down beside him. You lean against his side and hold his hand as Andrea make his entrance and steals the show. Reno isn’t even intrested in what’s going on. He’s just completely enamored with you. For the first time in so long he wants to get to know someone, and maybe to be known in return. 

The music slowly comes to an end as the dancers perform their final steps and then take a bow. The curtain comes down, then rises a few minutes later to the house band playing atmospheric music. 

“Well, I suppose that’s that,” you say softly and kiss his cheek. 

“Can I walk you home?” he asks hopefully. 

“I’ve got to help clean up,” you explain as other honeybees start dutifully cleaning tables and sweeping the floors. 

“I can wait,” he insists. “I’ve got all the time in the world!” 

“Okay, I’ll be back in a jiff!” you smile before bouncing away from him. When you return, you’ve changed into a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. The difference to him is astounding. You look like one of those cute college girls he sees sometimes in the city. Innocent and sweet and eyes full of hope. 

You help clean up the rest of the tables before going to the bar to collect your tips for the night. He fishes some gil out of his pocket and doesn’t even bother to count it. He just hands it over to you as soon as you’re close to him. 

“Oh! Reno, this is way too much!” 

“No it isn’t,” he chuckles as he stands up. “It’s not enough.” 

He reaches down to take your hand as he leads you out of the inn. You’re still arguing about the tip he gave you until you head out the door, and then you go quiet mostly out of the necessity of your surroundings. 

“I’m this way,” you lead him toward the shabby apartment building you call home. 

For a while, the two of you stand outside talking. It’s just innocent conversation, trying to get to know one another better. He holds some back due to his job but tries to impress you with some hints that he sees a lot of adventure. Throughout the conversation, you feel him getting closer to you. His eyes dart to your lips, wondering if they taste as sweet and juicy as they look. He stops himself from kissing you because he’s unsure how you’d feel about him doing such a thing. He has a fear that maybe even now you’re just humoring him since he’d been so nice to you tonight. 

“Well, I better get some sleep,” you say sadly. Reno nods weakly. 

“Yeah, I gotta head home too.” 

You both hesitate for a moment before you finally take the plunge. You stand up on your tiptoes and kiss him quickly. It’s nothing more than a little peck on the lips, but it’s enough to make Reno feel tingly all over. His mind spins just enough for him to bravely lean back in for another, deeper kiss. You’re both blushing when he pulls away again. 

“Do you think maybe I could see you again?” he asks, rubbing the back of his neck to appear nonchalant. 

“You know where to find me,” you giggle before kissing his cheek. “Good night, Reno.” 

“G’night,” he says dreamily as he watches you unlock the door and slip into your apartment. He stares at the door for a moment before shaking off the sudden coldness of the night that didn’t seem so present before.

——

“Go on a trip or something,” Rude says over the phone. 

Reno is pacing his apartment, trying to work off his anxious energy. He can hear the humming of a helicopter on the other line, and he knows Rude is on his way somewhere exciting even as they speak. His body tingles with anticipation, but he knows there’s not a target for it. 

“Goin’ on a trip alone is boring,” Reno groans. “Why can’t I just come back to work?” 

“Because Tseng says so,” Rude reminds him. 

“Maybe I could talk to Rufus?” 

“And have Tseng set you on paperwork duty for a month as punishment?”

“Fuck,” Reno growls. “You’re right.” 

“Why don’t you head to Costa Del Sol? You love all the girls in bikinis!”

“Hmph, that’s true…But…” 

He doesn’t know how to express it to Rude. It sounds crazy even in his own mind. The longing that he’d locked away for so long suddenly came rushing back the second you’d pressed your glossy lips to his. He can still taste the cherry flavor of your lip gloss, and the smell tickles his nostrils. The next day he’d had to resist the urge to run right back to your apartment. 

“But?” Rude pulls him from his thoughts. 

“I dunno, I guess I just don’t want to be alone.” 

Rude is taken aback by Reno’s sudden vulnerablity. He knew it was there, but Reno hid it well. To hear him express the feelings was surprising even after all their time working together. 

“Listen, buddy, I—” Rude breaks out. “Oh shit, I gotta go.” 

Reno doesn’t even get to say goodbye the call cuts out. He continues pacing long after he’s tossed his phone to the side, and then he gets an idea. He checks the time and realizes he can probably catch you before your shift starts. He throws his suit on even more sloppily than usual before running out of the apartment. On the way, he makes all of the arrangements over the phone to get the two of you to Costa Del Sol, including borrowing a helicopter so the two of you could avoid all the ferry travel. 

——

He’s running up the stairs to your apartment, taking two at a time, just as you’re coming out the door. You’re still dressed casually, but your makeup and hair is all done up for work. He practically throws himself at you, grabbing your hands as he catches his breath. 

“Come to Costa Del Sol with me!” he practically yells. 

“Uh, is that a question or a demand?” you chuckle softly. 

“A request?” he tries, and seeing your frown he put on his puppy dog eyes. “A plea?” 

“Reno, I can’t just drift away to Costa Del Sol. I don’t have any money, I have to work…I just—” 

“I’ll pay you!” 

“Reno!” you gasp. 

“No, no! Not like that!” he waves his hands in front of his chest. “No, I just meant like…Don’t worry about the money! I’m paying for the trip, I’ll help pay your bills if you need me to because I know this is crazy.” 

“But we just met. I don’t understand.” 

Reno sighs and places his hands on your shoulders, “I know, I know. But I like you a lot, and it’s been so long since I met anyone like you.” 

“So you just want to scoop me away on a vacation?”

“Yes,” he sighs. “I just don’t want to go alone, and I want to get to know you better. I’m scared I won’t get the chance if I wait.” 

“Okay,” you concede. “But I swear if this is some horrible trick!” 

“It’s not! I promise! I’ll even book separate rooms if you want!” 

——

It’s a whirlwind, but you shouldn’t be surprised considering how he’d arrived at your apartment. After packing a suitcase and calling a surprisingly understanding Andrea to tell him the news, you’re whisked away top side. You could’ve spent the whole day just staring at the immaculately designed city. You find yourself fascinated by seeing how the other half lives, but Reno doesn’t give you much time to take it all in. 

“There’s better to come, I promise,” he tells you as he guides you to Shinra HQ. 

You’ve never felt so out of place in your life as you did walking on those pristine waxed floors. Reno keeps his hand protectively on your lower back as you make your way up to the helipad. He wants to sign out one of the helicopters so he can fly you there, but the worker kindly informs him he can’t do that since he’s off-duty. Instead, he’ll have to let a pilot fly the two of you there. He considers making a fuss and calling Tseng or Rufus for clearance, but seeing you holding his hand excitedly he doesn’t want to ruin the day. 

“Alright, alright, we’ll wait,” he concedes. He guides you to the nearby lounge to wait for a pilot to become available. 

“So, you work here?” 

“Oh, yeah.” 

“You must be pretty high up on the totem pole to be able to use a helicopter.” 

“I wouldn’t put it that way, but I do have some perks.” 

The way you’re looking at him with such awe in your eyes makes him worried about what you’d think if he told you the truth. Almost everyone is scared at the mention of his job title because of all the secrets Turks know and their reputation for doing things a little more brutally than the average soldier is allowed. Instead, he distracts you with flirty comments and a kiss on your cheek. At one point President Shinra himself comes to the lounge for a drink, and you’re shaking from the nerves because he must know you don’t belong here. Instead, the President nods curtly before leaving the lounge.

“Wow…I thought he’d be…” 

“Taller?” Reno jokes. 

“I mean I was going to say more handsome,” you giggle. “All of the photos and TV appearances…” 

“They’re doctored,” Reno shrugs. “Don’t tell anyone though.” 

“My lips are sealed,” you giggle. 

Somehow it feels like it takes simultaneously forever and an instant before you arrive at Costa Del Sol. The sun is bright and you’ve never seen such a blue sky before. The harsh metal of the plates was the only sky you’d ever seen before this day. 

“Wow! It’s beautiful!” you gasp as you look around. Many people are hovering about, enjoying their vacations. The waves crash on the shore as the smell of sea salt fills the air. 

“Yeah, it’s pretty nice,” he smiles, enjoying your reaction more than the sight of Costa Del Sol itself. 

“Come on, we can head to the hotel first and then check out whatever you want,” he promises before getting your suitcase from you. The two of you head towards the fanciest hotel.

Once inside, he approaches the desk and true to his earlier word he requests two rooms. 

“Oh, I apologize sir, but we only have one room available at this time,” the desk attendant says as he looks over his computer monitor. Reno looks at you shyly. 

“Want to try somewhere else?” he asks. “Or I can sleep on the sofa?” 

“There is a pull-out sofa bed available in the room, and it’s quite cozy!”

You consider your options for a moment, then you kiss Reno’s cheek softly. 

“I think one room will do just fine.” 

Reno is surprised by your answer but feels a warm rush of excitement in the pit of his stomach. He confirms you’ll take the room available. He tells you to go ahead and check things out while he signs the paperwork. Mostly just so you don’t hear the price of the room. Someone comes to get your bags and begins leading you towards the room. You skip along happily, obviously having the time of your life. 

“First couple vacation?” the desk attendant asks as he helps Reno through the paperwork. 

“Oh…Uh, yeah.” 

“I hope you have a pleasant time. Payment will be due at check-out.” 

“Thanks, man.” 

Reno takes the keys and trails along to where you’d disappeared to moments before. When he enters the room, he finds you scurrying about checking out every last detail of the room. 

“This is amazing,” you gasp as you skip over to the window and look outside at the ocean view. 

“Yeah, it’s pretty great,” he smiles as he sets his bag down on the floor. “So, what should we do first?”

[toutvatoujoursbien]

midnight thoughts (i hope i don't regret this)

Let me preface this by saying that these are just (very, very long) ramblings I’ve had in my head over the past few days and are MY opinions. I never post to Tumblr, but my level of emotional unhinged-ness right now needs an outlet so that I can process everything and feel, well, less unhinged.

I have never been this enamored with any celebrity or promo for a show like I have for this season of Bridgerton. Admittedly, I am a fan of the books and Penelope & Colin are my favorite couple. I’m going to age myself by saying that I read the series almost 20-ish years ago; past me could have never imagined I would actually get to see a Regency romance on my screen. Romances are for the girlies, and what the girlies like tends to be mocked, ridiculed, and not taken seriously - I’ve seen this time and time again across many different fandoms. I also really enjoy the tv series for being its own creative adaptation. I’ve liked many (though not all) of the changes they’ve made to the show; and I’ve liked all the little nods to the books that have been sprinkled in. Are the books or show perfect? Of course not, but that doesn’t mean I can’t love them for bringing me some entertainment and joy and escapism. I think that’s the beauty of it, I get to have the best of both worlds, so to speak. And for me personally, it’s been so fun to watch the press coverage over the past six or so months. As a fandom, I think we’ve been EXTREMELY well fed. 

Having Nicola and Luke as the leads has been a true blessing; I think/hope folks can tell how much they clearly love and understand their characters/roles. I know everyone has been talking nonstop about their chemistry and their close friendship, which I think is beautiful, truly unique and special. How can you not enjoy watching two people, who seem to genuinely like one other, talk endlessly about a project that they love and have poured so much into? And the way they have supported one another, not only during promo, but during their years of friendship? Astonishing, really. So while I am old enough to know better than to ship real people, I would’t blame anyone (myself included) if they got caught up in the whirlwind excitement and couldn’t help but wonder a sincere “What if?” (At least that was the case for me.) Isn’t that the beauty of hope and possibility and potential? Like, I knew rationally and intellectually that the likelihood of them being together was low, but damn if I didn’t feel giddy seeing their interviews, reading articles, and watching video after video.

“Oh, but it’s all PR!” they cry. Maybe, but like most of life, I don’t think it’s so simple or clear. I think there’s been a lot of nuance and perhaps some blurring of the lines during this promo tour. As long as we are respectful about it and realize that at the end of the day, the only opinions that matter in regards to their relationship are N & L’s, I don’t think some lighthearted dreaming is unheard of. We have to remember, though, that what we’re shown is only a fraction of their true selves, carefully and deliberately curated to accommodate their status as actors/celebrities/those in the public eye. 

(And yes, I know this is the internet and therefore everyone has an opinion - again, myself included. But I struggle to understand why some people think that their opinions should be deemed THE most important to the discussion or would have an impact on any type of outcome, especially in this particular scenario… I hope it’s obvious I’m referring to the very vocal people that chose to expend their energy in hateful, negative ways. Aren’t you exhausted?

However, as a longtime lurker, I have to admit it’s been absolutely fascinating reading all the different perspectives and takes on this too. I think reading other POVs and seeing people articulate points that challenge me and make me think is a good thing - again, as long as it’s all in a respectful manner. 

Also I have spent literal years curating and cultivating a social media bubble that doesn’t make me want to cry or give up on life. I don’t seek out negativity and hate - constructive criticism for a thing is a different matter. It may be “putting blinders up,” but honestly, real life can be a shitty enough place that I would like to spend my limited time online looking at cute things and learning or reading about stuff that makes me feel less alone in the world.)

Last week, I stayed off social media to avoid Bridgerton spoilers until I could watch Part 2. I did open Twitter on Thursday to check on something that was entirely unrelated, saw the absolute meltdown of a shitstorm brewing and quickly NOPED out of it. (I was also reminded of why Twitter scares me at times. And I'm not calling it X because that is stupid.) When I finally caught up over the weekend (both with Bridgerton and… all the other stuff 😅), I felt like I was experiencing mental and emotional whiplash.

Look, ultimately, I don’t know them personally and know even less about their private lives. As an outside observer (even though, yes, I have a vested interest in them), Nicola is fucking amazing and Luke seems to be a nice, sweet guy. I think they are each others support, and it has been mentioned many times that she has helped him deal with the intensity/anxiety of being in the spotlight this season. So here are some potentially hot takes: I just think, when they’re together, it’s like he’s a different, better person. When he soaks up even a little bit of her light (sorry, I had to), I can see all the qualities in him that she is constantly gushing about. But, and again this is my take on it, I also think he has a lot of growing up to do. I don’t know much about his supposed “hot/fuck boy summer,” but it seems to me that he’s perhaps going through his own Colin phase, which he can totally do. I genuinely want to see him and Nic succeed. However, I do think he’s got to get a better handling on his media image now (this whole thing reeks of a PR nightmare, but I need to take off my comms professional hat). The way this has all played out has been, imo, a clusterfuck. There are other issues that I’m also not going to get into at the moment. 

The thing that frustrated me the most is the timing of those “leaked” photos. You’re telling me that N&L went through SIX months of a - literal - worldwide promo tour, building up hype, doing countless interviews and appearances, etc., only to have these pap pictures “captured” on the night of the Pt. 2 London premiere??? And yes, while I’m aware there were rumblings of a gf being at various events/locations, I didn’t pay much attention to it (read: my curated social media bubble, lol). And I think the lack of confirmation up to that point from Luke and his team just mades things even more tricky/messy. So when the inevitable backlash played out online, piled on top of the hate Polin seems to get from many corners of the internet (Is it ship wars? Regular trolls just trolling? Polin and/or Lukola antis? People who, for whatever reason, don’t like the actors themselves or, worse, don’t like the creative choices/decisions made by the higher-ups and therefore deem it okay to spread hate online? All of the above, most likely.), I know I felt like I had been hit by a train.

Here’s my point: I think what should have been a moment of triumph and a joyous occasion for Nic, Luke, and Bridgerton season 3, was sadly overshadowed by the aforementioned shitstorm. And that’s a damn shame. Too many cast and crew put in a lot of time, effort, and blood sweat and tears, to pull this all together. I was happy with Season 3, which perhaps I will deep dive about in another post because this one has already spiraled out of control. Were there things I wished they had included or, rather, things that could have been left out? Yes, of course. But at the end of the day, I think we got a beautiful story led by two actors who love Polin as much as we do. And I cannot wait to see them back for Season 4. Plus, seriously, those viewing numbers alone should have been mostly what people are talking about. I hope all this doesn’t take away from the overall impact of the show and season.

I think it’s okay to be disappointed by all the stuff that has come out over the last few days. I think it’s perfectly human to want/need to process your thoughts and emotions. What is NOT OKAY is sending hate to anyone, period. And I hope you don’t let all that has happened sour your enjoyment of Season 3 and/or Polin.

Lastly, if you take anything away from this long ass post, it’s that Nicola is a GODDAMN QUEEN. Anyone who says otherwise is speaking slander and we do not stand for that in this house. She has carried herself during this time with grace, charm, and poise, consistently and constantly. And she is always ready for a mega fashion moment. She must be exhausted - already on to her next film/job but also perpetually online, and even stepping up to defend her costar. I may have to do a whole separate post just gushing about her and add to all the people already singing her praises. (And as a big fuck you to all the haters.)

Geez Louise, I clearly have a lot of feelings (more than I allowed myself to believe I did…). But I would love to hear what others think! Please, I need friends with whom I can have rational (okay, maybe slightly unhinged), spirited, deep analyses and discussion of this whole thing, or anything else we might have in common!

[dajaregambler]

indefinite hiatus

Howdy doody.

This may seem as a sudden notice, but it is not to me. It is a matter that I have thought about many times, over and over again. On the other hand, I have also tried to ignore it in the hopes of it going away. Obviously, that did not work out.

Back during my trip to Japan, I had rekindled my love for the Japanese language and it is still strong as ever. In fact I have decided to pursue it academically so that I can continue to work with it, ideally in localisation. After the struggle I had with school that felt like it lasted an eternity, I was quite proud of myself to pick up from where my attempt at university in 2018 to 2020 left me off. 

But that’s not what I’m here to talk about. It is actually a similar sort of situation I found myself in earlier this year.

What I’m doing right now… is it fun?

Helios Rising Heroes was a pick me up in 2020. I had lost my drive for Japanese after giving up on academics, and seeing how Keith and Brad interacted made me curious about their story. I went further in the world of HeliosR, and before I knew it I was enamored with it. So much so that I felt compelled to share this love, to let people know the charms of these characters. I started out with translating content of my favorite character, then to the whole sector, eventually other characters and so on. It was a challenge, and that challenge helped me grow in many ways.

However somewhere down this road, I kept battling this one question: who am I doing this for? I thought for myself, but it wasn’t. It became a responsibility to fill in the gaps. I did not care about North at all, yet seeing that one Halloween event stay untranslated the entire time bothered me, so I picked it up myself and hey, it worked out. North Sector is one of my fave sectors now, but that’s what became an issue. I started picking up too much to do, for the sole sake of it being translated. I didn’t limit myself because moderation is a word that didn’t exist to me back then. Even now it sort of doesn’t, but I like to think I’ve gotten better at it.

Another issue is that I love Helios, I really, really do. It means a lot to me, but translating it is actively ruining it for me at the same time. I feel the need to step away and enjoy it without feeling responsible, but I also feel guilty for thinking so. I have stuff I started and need to finish. And that’s where I found myself stuck at a stalemate, almost to the point of ignoring Helios and I don’t want that. I had fun earlier this year translating the new West sector event, and all of chapter two of SITD, but it was short lived. I went right back to that stalemate that had been haunting me.

The combination of biting off more than what I can chew, with halfhearted feelings behind it, is what leaves me dull. There is no “fun” to be had. 

I will say what I said earlier this year, about a different project I translated at the time: 

“Is it that serious? That I’m dropping a series that I have translated? No, probably not. Happens all the time, I’m sure there are others waiting in line to continue what I was doing, or maybe not. Who knows.

But to me, it is, and that’s why I wanted to convey it in a long hefty post.

As closure, I will share some words of one of my favourite manga. Something I live by, and will for as long as possible.

“The world is filled to the brim with nice things… and all of them are carrying someone’s intentions and feelings.

When those feelings get across and manage to make someone happy… I gain little pieces of confidence,

that I’ll gather together and carry with me as I move on.”

And I believe something like that, is only achievable when you do something that is fun, to you.”

This isn’t the end, it never is. However for me to move on, to find joy again, I have to say it like this. Perhaps one could say I am a fan of theatrics in this regard. 

For now, and the unforeseen future, I simply want to step back from translating Helios Rising Heroes. Focus on truly mastering Japanese (my conversational skills are as abhorrent as they could be) and perhaps even study abroad. Not only that, but find fun in Helios again, by simply enjoying it without feeling a responsibility nagging at me every single waking moment I think about this series. It’s a bit of a shame to leave things here when I haven’t finished chapter 3 of SITD, but I think this is the best choice for me, going forward.

Once again, thank you for reading this post and my translations. Thank you for being able to find enjoyment in Helios Rising Heroes through my translations. This blog will stay up as an archive and will not be going anywhere.

As I said, it is not the end of the road for me. I will perhaps be around on another ventures regarding translations, and we might cross paths once more. And hopefully said ventures do not include a repetition of past mistakes. I am positive it won't though.

One day, I may or may not come back to this either, but for now it is atleast a farewell. 

またね！

p.s (Imagine I said "farewell" with a wink, two sparkles, and rose being thrown in the air as I made my dramatic exit into the horizon while the amber sun sets.)

[pixies-and-poets]

Bramble’s Fanfic Collection

Hi friends!! I’ve been wanting to do this for a while: since I don’t, as of yet, post my work on AO3 or anywhere else besides here, I wanted to get together a collection of my writing. I will keep this post current, so if you are looking at this from a reblog, be aware that it might not be up to date unless you visit the original post!

This isn’t everything I’ve written in my life, of course, but it’s everything that lives here. I have much older stuff that I might port over here gradually if I decide I’m still happy with it. 

Nothing I write is too explicit, but it sometimes may deal with body horror, injury, death, and distressing themes such as depression and suicidal ideation. Content warnings are given on individual posts.

Fanfics are collected into general fandom categories below. Thanks to anyone who’s ever read, commented on and enjoyed my work!

Super Mario RPG

I first played SMRPG over half of my lifetime ago, but it never really captured my imagination until the remake came out. Being older, I felt like I was in a better spot to appreciate some of its more subtle themes, and became enamored with the Smithy Gang in particular. I haven't written all that much yet, but I'd like to do more.

The Forging - A Spear is born.

Smithy Gang Headcanons - My personal timeline and background from which I hope to eventually build more ideas.

Mack/Claymorton Headcanons

Mario + Rabbids

This is the fandom that brought me back to tumblr and got me to stick around, and also got me writing on my own again after ages of drought. Years ago I would have never believed that rabbids would get me to write so much, but here I am, and I’m grateful for it!

Most of these so far are about Woodrow and Palette Prime more generally, because that’s where my brain lives, and the catastrophe poet is very special to my heart. I’ll eventually branch out more though, I swear.

I write a bunch of Phandrow (Phantom x Woodrow) stuff specifically; it started out with me trying to justify a crackship to my own brain and then whoops! I became obsessed

Of Verses and Curses 

My magnum opus of fanfics, as of yet, and the longest work of fiction I have written independently in my life, this is a story of finding the person who loves you even if your passion in life seems to only bring failure and misfortune. It’s a deeply personal story built off a lot of my own feelings and struggles. It’s also a story about two gay rabbids who have never canonically met. [Phantom x Woodrow, also includes plenty of Dryad x Sweetlopek] 

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Epilogue

Music of the Night

The dark inverse to Of Verses and Curses, set in the Sparks of Despair AU created by @pastelprince18​, this is a far more upsetting tale of doomed love and unhappy endings. There is a monster at the end of this book.

(Body horror warning, especially at the end, so just be aware before you get invested.)

Chapter One - In Sleep He Sang to Me

Chapter Two - Do I Dream Again?

Chapter Three - Our Strange Duet

Chapter Four - To Glance Behind

Chapter Five - Those Who Have Seen Your Face

Chapter Six - Where Night is Blind

Chapter Seven - Angel of Music

Other Woodrow or Phandrow stuff

Bwahstrella’s Warning - an exploration of what might happen when you push the galaxy’s own disaster poet to the heights or the depths of his passion. [Phantom x Woodrow]

Poetry Slammed - Sweetlopek’s perspective of a certain boat incident. [Sweetlopek and Woodrow, platonic]

Happy Phandrow Things - not really a fanfic so much as a collection of thoughts/headcanons but they make me happy so they’re going here, gosh darnit!

The Eulogist - Woodrow necromancer AU. Not sure I need to say more than that. [character death and slight body horror warning]

Wolf of the Woods - An exploration of a Werewolf Woodrow AU! While not much in itself, people liked it; not only did it spearhead a lot of fun discussion/art, but it’s pretty much what got me writing again and therefore led to EVERYTHING above!

Unmerged - Not really a fic, but an exploration of an idea that makes me too sad to think about too much D:

An Appeal to the Heavens - In a time long past, a poor poet makes a desperate plea to the god he yearns to serve.

Pocket Poet, Part 1 | Part 2 - my one exploration of the Borrower AU: tiny Woodrow experiences the theatrical world of his lover, up close and personal.

Non-Woodrow Stuff (wtf, it DOES exist)

Something from Nothing - before we really knew what the Tower of Doooom was about, we had thoughts. Unhappy thoughts. [featuring Spawny and extra-evil Phantom]

M+R Timeline Analysis - Not a fic, but some background on how I view this universe.

Tools of the Traitors - A mini Super Paper Mario crossover between Kanya and Dimentio.

The High Seas AU

Sirens and Soliloquys - a pirate poet who bears a curse in secret is tempted by a siren's song, and gets more than he could have possibly imagined as a result.

Further worldbuilding and character background ideas for the AU!

Sea Legs - just a little more Phandrow silly sweetness

The Vampire [Phanpire?] AU

A Phandrow-centric AU that really speaks for itself, collaboratively created. Usually Phantom is the vampire and Woodrow his willing prey, but sometimes the roles are reversed, sometimes the ""victim"" is Prima Donna (Phantom's drag persona), sometimes they're both vampires- look, we like to have fun here.

As a general warning, pretty much anything in this collection will deal with blood and mild injury.

A Bite for Good Luck - my starting point for this AU, and its companion piece from Tom's perspective.

Burning Like The Sunrise - a little prequel to the above. A tale of passion at first bite.

One Paw in the Grave - Woodrow learns just how vulnerable a vampire can be.

Bat's Eye View - A vampire shows his beloved the world as he sees it.

Batsong - Lord Phan runs into misfortune; but thankfully, it's only of a rather amusing kind.

Various Vampire Phandrow Ideas: A Duet | The Lord's Protection | Thoughts on Sleep | Something More Than Blood | Nothing Wasted | Paeans to Prima Donna | Sacred Anatomy

Donkey Kong/Banjo-Kazooie/Rare-Playtonic Universe

A Donkey Kong’s World - this is a narrative record of the homebrew D&D campaign I was in, and includes elements from all of the things mentioned above, as well as Sea of Thieves and the Mario series. I’m including it here because not only was I involved as one of the characters, but I actually novelized most of the whole story (taking over from our DM who did the first few chapters) based on our session recordings. It was an extremely special experience for me, and is quite a long read, but if you’re a big fan of any of these franchises I think you might enjoy coming along with us. [Link is external and goes to the forum where the story is hosted.]

Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga (+ Bowser’s Minions)

These are years old, from before my tumblr hiatus, so they may not be quite up to my current standards... but I still like them.

Anamnesis - While Popple and Rookie plan their biggest heist yet, Rookie tries to remember who he is... and almost does.

Wallflower - In the quiet moments, Captain Shy Guy realizes just how much he cares about that silly Goomba... [Captain Shy Guy x Captain Goomba]

The Stolen Birthday - a little headcanon for a Popple backstory.

That’s all for now!!

[babybubastis]

I’ve had people ask me before why I ship Shuri with anyone at all. ‘Why not just let her be her own person?’ And that’s such a loaded and disingenuous question to me, honestly, because how does being in love or being seen as a love interest diminish one’s personhood? I thought we had moved past the “strong, independent black woman who don’t need no man” trope. Black women in fandom (especially dark-skinned black women), are often either oversexualized/fetishized or completely denied any type of sexuality whatsoever under the assertion that “she’s too strong/smart/capable/etc. to be reduced to needing a love interest”.

Now of course women don’t need a romantic partner in order to be fulfilled or validated. But being desired, being loved, wanting to experience romantic love — none of these things make a woman less of a person. Especially when it comes to Shuri, some fans seem so adamant about not shipping her with anyone because she’s too strong/smart/capable/young* for that.

*Real quick, for those who keep insisting Shuri is still a teenager, she’s not. See here and here where Letitia confirms Shuri was 18 in the first BP (which is set in 2016), and here where her official MCU character Wiki states her birth year as 1998.

Ok back to the show. It’s very frustrating that some people continue to insist Shuri should not be shipped with anyone because it’s gross, reductive, whatever. Isn’t denying her even the possibility of being in love and experiencing normal human desires diminishing her as a well-rounded character? We’ve seen Shuri be strong. We know she’s brilliant, and hilarious, and independent, and kind, and resourceful, and badass. She’s a multi-dimensional character who has gotten even more dimension and complexity and development in BP2. And yet somehow, the one dimension fans seem to not want explored is her being romantically sought after or desired.

I’m not going to go into the obvious chemistry, tension and very clear parallels that were apparent onscreen between Shuri and another particular character. But what I will say is, I personally enjoy shipping Shuri with other characters because I think she deserves to be loved, cared for, desired, cherished, and even obsessed over. I don’t write Shuri x reader because it’s just not my forte. I enjoy reading it, but I’m no good at writing it. I prefer to use already existing characters because it’s fun to bend (or even break) canon and experiment with how these characters could possibly come together. I adore Shuri, and I feel like that really comes through in my writing. I enjoy writing her as playful and clever and sensual and soft and dominant (it’s my kink, sue me), and I also enjoy writing other characters being absolutely enamored with her beauty and charisma and intelligence.

Now I’m not saying everyone should ship Shuri with someone. If you don’t want to, don’t. Just don’t jump down my throat for doing so. Shuri deserves all the love, and I want to see her get it, so I write it. She deserves to have people fawning over her, obsessing over her, simping for her. She’s fine af and everybody should be falling at her fine ass feet 😅 Simple as that.

[fe-fictions]

Benny with a s/o who finds his appearance and build to be cute rather than intimidating. S/o can be a Oc, si, or just corrin I’m not picky)

(Let's GOOOO bc Benny IS so cute ;;; A ;;; Also I alternate between Benoit and Benny for his name; Benoit just sounds so much cooler, and I love the idea of Benny being his nickname ;;; )

He’d heard you describe him using that word once before. And he still wasn’t completely certain how he was supposed to take it. After all, he was notoriously one of the most fearsome and intimidating members of your army.

Where in the world did you get the idea he was anything other?

The latest time you said such an outlandish thing was during tea with your sister. Camilla had wondered aloud what had you so enamored with the man (who was currently hulking beside you, a towering presnece at the tea table.

“Well, I mean, where do you start?” You replied, looking your husband up and down and earning a bashful smile from him. “He’s just so cute!”

The term made Camilla giggle, and baffled Benoit.

“Er…you think I’m cute?” He repeated, a bit stunned by the statement, “You’re serious?”

“Of course I’m serious!” You huffed, as though offended he would suggest anything otherwise.

“But why?”

“Because! You’re- oh, I don’t know! It’s something about your face, and your hair, and how big you are…”

“Darling, those traits would make him look more intimidating than adorable. You seem to be confusing the two.” Camilla remarked, incapable of withholding her amusement.

“But he’s not fearsome!!” You countered, bordering on indignant. “I mean, look at him! He’s such a sweet and gentle person, how could anyone think him sometihng other than cute?”

“I-I think you’re referring more to my personality, not my appearance.” He corrected you as dour as ever. “I don’t exactly look ‘cute’. You look much cuter than I do.”

“Oh, stop it! Flatterer.” You laughed, failing to hide the blush on your cheeks behind your fingers. “That’s what makes you so cute! You look so rugged, and strong, but you’re such a gentle soul on the inside. I’ve never seen a man who can just hold out his hand and have a bird just fly over to you! It’s part of what makes you so special.”

“I feel like you’re describing an animal. Not a grown man.” Benny said shyly, the gushing praise of his wife making his heartbeat far too quick.

Camilla was smiling to herself, watching the two of you get into a competition over who might get more flustered first.

“When you explain it like that, darling, I’m beginning to understand your line of reasoning. Him being a big, gruff yet gentle spirit is quite charming.”

“Yes! You get it!” You cheered, grinning at your poor sweet husband. His eyes were fixed on the tea, a big part of him wanting to hide in a corner. “He’s just so adorable, isn’t he??”

“Indeed he is,” Camilla grinned behind her teacup. 

“Come on, now…this is a little much.” Benoit mumbled. You giggled as you wrapped your arms around his bicep, resting your head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Benny. I just love my big, sweet husband so much I want everyone to know it! And if they don’t understand why, it’s my marital duty to educate them.”

“How many more people are you going to ‘educate’?” He sounded mortified by the mere thought.

You shrugged, “Anyone who asks! Camilla was just the start.”

“You know, I wouldn’t mind if…if you didn’t educate anyone else.” He sighed, earning another laugh and a kiss on the cheek.

“Very well, my love. If you’d rather maintain that fearsome image, I won’t undermine you. Now let’s finish our tea. And maybe, if Camilla asks for more stories or has other curious questions…I might just oblige.”

“Oh, I don’t think she-”

“Actually, Benny dear, I have thousands of questions I’d simply love to ask my Corrin. Now, when did you first discover how cute he was?”

Benny was beyond a good sport when it came to being harassed by his wife, thankfully. And you were sure to apologize for embarrassing him with a litany of kisses; the only fair compensation for his troubles.

[missparker]

Hi! Can I ask for the, Perspective Flip: I’ll write a scene from [that fic] from another character’s point-of-view prompt? For The Devils in The Details, the scene being the few little lines after they have sex and Sharon is cleaning Brenda up in ch. 23? I’m mostly curious about Sharon’s thought process, is she like ‘Oh god. Who raised this woman who doesn’t pee after sex?!’ or is it more of ‘oh. look at this this woman who can barely take care of herself, it’s ok because she has me now.’ If that makes sense?? Thank you so much if you end up doing this! P.S. I absolutely love your fics and if i’m being honest they are my comfort fics so tysm.

ok i know this took a hot minute, but life got how life gets, you know? also this passage was a lot longer than i remembered!

Sharon doesn’t mind Brenda’s mattress, though she prefers her own linens. That’s what she’s thinking about, thread counts, when Brenda says, “You’re okay, right?”

“Me?”

“Yeah. Just sleeping and not… it’s no reflection on you, I just…”

Sharon’s heart always seems to be breaking in one way or another for Brenda. As tough as she seems: strong-willed and capable and intelligent, there’s always some uncertainty when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Like while everyone else was learning how to be a person who functioned in society, Brenda was learning how to catch murderers with her nose in a book.

“I think the expectation of sex every time we see each other is unsustainable,” Sharon says, trying to imbibe some warmth into her voice for reassurance. When Brenda doesn’t reply to that, she says, “Actually, I was starting to worry that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with your libido, over time. I’m old, you know.” The age difference usually doesn’t matter, but it occasionally rears its ugly head enough for Sharon to fret about it. It’s fine now, but what about in ten years? It’s fine now, when Sharon’s so enamored with Brenda that she wants her all the time, but she knows that no matter how attracted to someone at the start, those urges fade into something different with time. The urgency isn’t sustainable, though Sharon can’t imagine the desire will ever fade. 

“You’ve been keeping up with me just fine,” Brenda assures her. “And you may be older than me but you’re still the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

Sharon can’t let that sail by her so she props herself up enough to kiss Brenda. When she pulls away, she just wants more, but Brenda getting sleep is more important.

“I mean if you really wanted to.” 

Sharon rolls onto her back and says, “No, no.” She wants Brenda to have it all. To have her cake and eat it, too.  So she offers, “You want me to get you off? Just to put you to sleep?”

“No,” Brenda says, though Sharon thinks she’s probably lying.

She sighs as she considers her options, letting a whole array of scenarios play out swiftly in her mind. “Okay.” There’s nothing Sharon likes more than being observed, but she also likes to do the observing. “Want to do it yourself?”

“What?” 

“I could watch,” Sharon says.

“Is that—” She stops herself. “Would that be good for you?”

“I like to watch.” She exhales and then says, “Or be watched.” Something prickles up the back of her neck, like embarrassment, but in a different flavor. She feels shame, yes, but excitement and arousal and a certain sense of safety that she’s never felt before. She feels safe with Brenda. Safe enough to say her darkest desire aloud. 

In the moonlight, Brenda’s face shifts into understanding. “Oh my god, the stuff on the phone. And here, the first time we… you said we didn’t have to touch. We were just going to watch each other. That was your idea.”

“People like what they like.” Embarrassment now surges to the forefront, past the other things. 

“No, it’s good. It’s great. I just didn’t know you liked it so… so specifically.”

“It’s a difficult thing to ask for,” Sharon says. “You have to be so, um. Vulnerable, I guess.” She laughs nervously. “Forget it.”

“No.”

“You need to get some sleep.”

“Which do you prefer?” Brenda presses. “Watching or being watched? Or at the same time?”

“Brenda,” Sharon says. It’s difficult to be the one who keeps saying no. This is what she meant when she said she was worried about Brenda’s libido. The physical aspect eventually, sure, but having to be the responsible one holding the line late at night when they’re both tired and sleep deprived. “We weren’t going to do this.”

“Too late for that,” Brenda says. “We can be fast or you can keep dragging it out, but no turning back now.” And to illustrate how serious she is, she reaches for the hem of her white tank top and pulls it up over her head. “Which is it? Captain?”

Sharon groans. “Being watched.” Saying it outloud sweeps the embarrassment aside and replaces it with arousal so strong that her hands slide down into her own briefs and she whimpers at the contact. They’re her hands, but with Brenda’s eyes on her, they may as well be Brenda’s fingers working her so expertly. Sharon loses herself easily like this, slipping in and out of herself, lost in the sensation. 

Brenda pulls the blanket off of her and then carefully helps Sharon out of her bottoms. 

“Beautiful. Look how ready you are.”

And she is ready. She could pop off like a cork out of champagne at any moment, but she hovers instead, easing herself back from the edge and then running toward it again every time she sees Brenda’s dark eyes, her hips squirming on the mattress. 

Sharon can hold herself off better than Brenda can. Brenda is a train going full speed toward a broken track. Brenda is on a suicide mission of pleasure, she always is. She has no patience for the hazy in-between hovering that Sharon has mastered after years of being her own source of pleasure. 

“Look at you,” Brenda says. “So fucking hot.”

Like Brenda has reached right into the haze and yanked her out, hard and fast. Sharon comes and comes and comes. 

When she finally floats back down to herself, she says, “Good. That was good.”

“Looked good,” Brenda says, strangled and sweating, her hands on her breasts.

“Lie back,” Sharon says, taking pity.

“I thought… just watching,” Brenda pants.

“Lie back.” It’s no longer a request. The only thing she likes more than her own orgasm, like floating on the ocean with her ears submerged, is getting Brenda off. It’s just that she enjoys it so much, she’s so shameless and hedonistic. She gives Sharon every part of herself, every cell. Sharon gets drunk on it.

Brenda groans and flops back, her head missing the pillow by an inch or two. Sharon yanks her underwear off. Brenda lifts her legs so Sharon can guide them off swiftly and then Sharon pushes her knees apart.

Brenda gasps when Sharon presses a finger in and then a second. She pumps in and out a few times and then pushes her hair over one shoulder and leans down to drag her tongue over Brenda’s clit. Carefully sucks it, adding more pressure with each pulsating slurp until Brenda is coming right against her tongue. 

It doesn’t happen every time but it’s happened more than once where Brenda comes so hard that she blacks out and Sharon allows herself to feel smug, looking down at Brenda’s still form, sweaty and breathing hard but clearly gone dark. 

Sharon will clean her up. A warm washcloth and a kiss on the forehead. It’s rare she sees Brenda helpless, anyway. And it’s rare that any woman feels safe enough to be this vulnerable with another person, so Sharon is honored to have gotten her Chief off so hard that she gets to provide affectionate aftercare now. 

Brenda tries to say Sharon’s name, but it’s mostly a mumble. 

“Shh,” Sharon says. “Go to sleep. I’ve got you.”

Brenda hums a happy sound and drifts away again.

[archivalexplorer]

Pentiment (2022)

She finished a game! I think I’ve finished two games this year Unpacked and now Pentiment. I am notorious for starting and never finishing games (Breath of the Wild stares up at me from the Switch menu every time I boot it up for another go at Dynasty Warriors or Fire Emblem as of late). But when I first saw a trailer for Obsidian’s 16th century side scrolling historical narrative I knew I had to see it through. If only to salvage my reputation to my boyfriend that I have a degree in history whose knowledge hadn’t completely languished over time. Granted I wasn’t in the History of Medieval Europe clique but I was happy to see medieval art and illuminated manuscripts be featured so prominently in a game.

Instead of trying to do a proper review as many have already been done. I just wanted to do a quick trip down memory lane playing this and hopefully persuade someone else to try it out.

First my history, archives, and research loving self is enamored with this blend of my favorite things. I know this isn’t the first game to mix historical topics with video games but most games have you tackling massive topics from a top down perspective. You are in charge of bringing up a civilization from cradle and the others to their graves (Civilization); running the military, political bodies, and economies of empires (Age of Empires, Crusader Kings 3); or something something secret society future tech DNA jumping?? (I apologize to Assassin’s Creed and its’ fans, I’ve only played a few hours of Black Flag and watched that movie with Michael Fassbender). This game has pieces of those larger events happening in the background and they do have impacts on the characters you meet and their situations but there's no amount of trees to chop or stone to mine to fight off the impending drumbeat of war or religious authority.

Besides the intriguing subject matter and art style the promise of narrative choice brought me in initially. Games that claim to have narrative choices seem to branch off into either complex branches of instant replays (Detroit Become Human) or games that give you the illusion of choice but then very obviously admit that your decisions had no impact on any outcomes (insert the picture of the trash can and recycle bin that is actually all just the trash). Pentiment sits in a nice middle ground where the largest pieces of the plot will be discovered no matter what you choose but how much you see your actions or inactions impact other details is yours to explore. What I found a bit frustrating is that the small detail of the ability to condemn a character to death could be based off my choice of who to dine with on any given night.

I also am very much a right fighter in the narrative choice games I play. There is a right and a wrong answer and I need the opportunity to immediately go back and fix my grave errors no matter how small they may seem (Clementine will remember that). This is probably a glimpse into a problem I should bring to therapy but the need to be liked by everyone is strong with me and Pentiment asks you to pick sides constantly and letting you know exactly who you may anger in the process. I related a lot to this review written by Joshua Wolens for PCGamer when he said, “Pentiment is a game about living in failure...not one big mistake but many little ones that built up.” So once I realized there were too many chapters in this story for me to restart at every twinge of guilt, I begrudgingly thought screw it I’ll just be a free spirit and play the game by first instinct. Over time the game rewarded me for following my gut and punished my attempts to people please and backpedal my opinion when I sensed pushback (authority figures are scary so throw in about 15 members of the clergy and I’m useless). 

My only issue really with the game was the pacing at times it felt very slow and tedious but again this may have been caused by my need to leave no stone unturned and try to prevent any bad outcome from happening to my new medieval friends (which in reality could have happened at anytime, you know one infected papercut would have done them all in back then.) 

I digress, this is a unique and impactful game with lots of talented individuals attached to it. I hope more studios will take chances on games like this.

All the images were taken from the Penitment fankit available on the games website here, also check out some footage from the development team talking about their process and inspiration here

[nightkitchentarot]

On Losing Friends As An Adult

From writer Patti Digh...

As I age, I think I’ve gotten better at recognizing my faults, owning up to them, and having conversations with myself and others about whether I am willing to change them—honest conversations about perceptions and realities and chronic misbeliefs about how the world works based on our childhoods—and perpetuated with every action and reaction throughout our lives, unless we do our own internal work to change them (or consciously decide not to).

And we get to decide whether to change them or not. Am I stubborn? I am. I recognize that and won’t be changing that anytime soon. Am I enamored of being right? Yes, that, too. I’m okay with that particular quirk of mine, but I do now open the door for others’ rightness, too. I have learned to say I was wrong. I have also learned to acknowledge that other people have a much more emotional response to life than I do, but it doesn’t mean I am joining them—because emotions are just thoughts to me—and those I can control and change. There is always a different story I can tell. Sometimes I choose not to tell a different story, but I will always ask, “What else might be true?” The answer is often empowering. I don’t believe life just happens to us, but if it does, we get to choose what we think, feel, and do about what happens in our lives. It’s the response, not the stimuli, that shows us who we are.

I have also grown much less tolerant of bullshit, of people not saying what needs saying, and of also not hearing what others need to say to me, but instead dancing around, masking the real statements we want to make as questions when there is no real curiosity, just a judgment. Judgments are fine—I know they are only your truth. Just say them. We’re out of time, people.

But when we are de-friended by people who ghost us rather than explain what is bothering them, there is a certain kind of limbo involved—and limbo is, perhaps, a younger person’s dance. Mostly, I might reach out a few times to ask what’s up, but if they don’t respond, I soon get the invisible and unspoken and unclear message, and I’m willing to go, perhaps leaving a door ajar but not waiting at home for them to reappear.

They’ll know where to find me. I’m easy to find if they want to find me. And I can’t spend my time searching for people who have decided to leave, consciously or unconsciously, but don’t have enough respect for themselves or me to tell me. There’s no meaning in that. There’s no connection or closure in that. Friends come, they go. We have friends for mere seasons, and some we have forever. It’s okay to recognize the difference and act on it. Better than okay, it is necessary. Just don’t be a coward—close the loop.

About seven years ago, two friends disappeared from my life. I still don’t know why. Maybe they think I know what was behind their sudden disappearance, but I don’t. Was it something I did or said? Maybe, but maybe not. I honestly can’t think of anything I did differently besides speaking up about things bothering me. Isn’t that what friends work through? The truth, as we both see it, to forge a shared truth and shared story. Or not.

Maybe they weren’t used to hearing any pushback from me. Maybe speaking it, finally, was fueled by the overabundance of Adderall a psychiatrist had prescribed for me that made me chatter at anyone near me like one of those little plastic wind-up toys of a monkey hitting his cymbals together. Whatever it was, there’s no learning in it for me because they didn’t offer the kind of information necessary for learning. Maybe they were just conflict-averse people. I really don’t know.

Just *poof.*

So, while I have wondered at times—far less frequently now and often never—I have too many other things happening in my life to spend time reaching out anymore. Or wondering anymore. They are just gone.

When people leave—a friendship, a relationship—there is some kind of ashy, sticky, unspoken residue on everyone you have known in common. One of the pair of you, most likely, will broadcast the story you have about what happened, and the other one will sit silent. You likely know which part you play. Both parts provide good information about how we process loss or anger, shock, disbelief, or ghosting.

I’m the silent one, just noticing what I notice about who gravitates toward their story and who checks in with me first for understanding or clarity from my perspective. That’s free data for me. I value that information. It tells me a lot about people. It tells me who I will move forward with in my life and who I will no longer walk beside.

So I watch. John and I have a running joke that if someone calls you a pig-fucker, you don’t start yelling out, “I’m NOT a pig-fucker” because you don’t need to, and it won’t do any good anyway. It will just cement the idea of “pig-fucker” with “you.” You can simply watch to see who believes—suddenly—that you are a pig fucker, when they’ve never even seen you near a pig. Or a farm, for that matter.

Sometimes, people do us a favor by leaving, and we can only recognize afterward that the friendship was not a nurturing one but one that drained us. Some friendships are toxic, and recognizing that without blame is important. You just don’t work together. Or it is the wrong time in your lives together.

During a very difficult time in my life, I ghosted a childhood friend. I was so clinically depressed that I wasn’t even showering, much less returning phone calls. There was too much to say—too much backstory—and not saying that felt like pretending everything was okay. So, instead, I said nothing. I deeply regret that lack of closure.

I wonder now: Is it so hard to talk honestly with other human beings? It evidently is, which makes me appreciate my small circle of friends in which truthiness is deeply held as a core value. We no longer have time for circling around things—let’s walk right into them and through them with grace, love, respect, and a purifying fire.

In 2011, I heard the stories being told about me by a close friend. Wild stories with no basis, but often believed; not questioned, but swallowed whole cloth. Why didn’t I speak out against what was essentially slander? Because the most powerful person in a tug of war is the person who doesn’t pick up his or her end of the rope. Because it was interesting to see who believed the stories.

And because I’m not a pig fucker.

Love,

Patti

[iamdotwav88]

The Legend, the Assassin and the creative visionary who helped change my perspective on life…

It was winter of 2022 and I was laying on my sofa, listening to 90’s hip-hop and other underground tunes, when I came across a Kool G Rap song titled “Real Life”. The song was incredibly catchy, sexy and reminded me of a summer night cruising through the city while looking at the skyline and smoking some good herb. New York hip-hop has been my top selection ever since I can remember when I first developed a love for underground rap and hip-hop. I’d put Nas, Kool G Rap, Wu Tang Clan, MF Doom, Mobb Deep among other artists on shuffle but lately, I’ve sparked curiosity for artists from the West Coast and the South- so that definitely enabled me to expand my horizons musically. I had OutKast and UGK incorporated into a random hip-hop playlist I compiled together, then PUTS, The Pharcyde, and Dilated Peoples were added along with other artists- Alchemist making an appearance and the playlist began to expand. I immediately delved into the song “Real Life” and decided to watch the music video and research who produced that song. I discovered two men in the video who looked very familiar to me and it began to click, Cypress Hill was in that music video with Kool G Rap and I looked up the group members of Cypress Hill soon after, seeing that the same producer of Real Life was a man named DJ Muggs. Sure this was a recent discovery for me but it was magical. There he was - he piqued my interest not only physically, but as soon as I kept on listening to more of Cypress Hill, I discovered that he produced a plethora of songs over the course of 30 + years and eventually, I became enamored by his music and persona. He created an entire musical Collective called Soul Assassins well outside of just his Cypress Hill fame. He has worked with artists from many different genres of music over the decades and has even scored music for several films. Incredible. He even acted in a Soul Assassins movie that is being released soon. I have never seen any other music producer really go beyond their own limits like Muggs. Coincidently, DJ Muggs is originally from Queens, exactly where Kool G is from so he decided to incorporate New York sound into some of his productions while switching back to Latino-influenced hip-hop fused with dark, hazy beats that he sampled from other genres that essentially was Cypress Hill’s identity. I noticed that Muggs has been currently working with another Queens-based rapper, Meyhem Lauren, who slightly reminds me of a cross between Biggy and Kool G Rap. It’s refreshing to see this creative dude tap back into his NY roots.

I would get lost in some of his songs. His music touched me so significantly in unique ways that nobody’s music has ever had the same effect on me- not even some of the DJ’s I grew up listening to, such as DJ Shadow, Cut Chemist, Herbie Hancock and more. I began to watch his interviews and listen to more of his music. A few songs in particular, including General Principles featuring Wu Tang’s talented GZA the Genius, was on repeat and got me through some incredibly melancholy, dark and fucked up thoughts that made me reevaluate where I wanted to go with my life. Where I’ve been, isn’t it. Call it an outlet, it doesn’t matter. It helped me not want to throw myself out of a window. My apologies for anybody that is triggered seeing this, but I have to be sincere. I’m over those thoughts now, please rest assure.

Going back to the topic of Wu Tang Clan, seeing the game of chess incorporated into hiphop music especially how much of it is spoken about in Wu’s lyrics, was so refreshing to see. Reminded me of my childhood when I used to play chess, but I wasn’t any good. I even began to appreciate Cypress Hill more and discovered that B Real is also a chess player. I can honestly say that Cypress Hill is one of my all time favorite music groups aside from Muggs’ production. I love B Real and Sen Dog’s chemistry and lyrical flow. I like Eric Bobo’s drumming style. Where have I been all these years? Speaking of years, S/O to all of the other artists you’ve worked with throughout the years.

There is something about you that just draws me in. But I feel dejected that my efforts have lead me to nowhere. What entices me the most about you, is that raw energy that you bring to the table, your unapologetic and brash nature yet how subtle and humble you are. You always remain somewhat of a mystery to your audience and I can’t help but feel excited to listen to one of your songs.  You’re so versatile that you can work with any music genre besides hip-hop. You don’t necessarily like to conform but try to stick to maybe more of that and not really focusing on what your male listeners care about - half nude women in music videos. You’re much better than that with extraordinary talents in music and the visions you have. Who can forget your “Muggstep” phase back in 2011-2013? So incredibly cute. Trust me when I say, that’s the side of you that arouses me. You intimidated me but in a way, if I spent enough time with you, I’d feel comfortable around you. Your dark complexion, aqua colored eyes, rugged and distinctive features are only a small portion of what’s attractive about you. The way you spin around 180 degrees on the turntables, just like you did during the DMC competition during your youth, nothing changed and I love that about you. You’re full of life. You even hold up gang signs like it’s a fashion statement and look mellow yet assertive doing so — the confidence you exude, the way you effortlessly put together melodies in such a harmonious way. You even did backup rapping for Cypress Hill back in the day, I remember that. There is nothing you cannot do musically even if you took up a new instrument. Your talents are unparalleled. Your rebellious nature is unwavering.

Aside from your music, even though I don’t know you on a personal level, I tried to achieve that and failed because I was anxious and scared shitless. I don’t know if you realize that. I only know what I have seen on the surface level but I'm mostly a blank canvas to you. I think you may be genuine and you actually are loyal and care about your fan base. You have probably had an overwhelming amount of fans and groupies try to win your over attention but my goal hasn’t even been that. I care more about your life, upbringing and what made you continue being passionate about music. Your wealth, popularity and fame hasn’t been important to me. It’s just you as a person, but I don’t want to get into semantics and I’ll just leave it at that for now.

Either way, I would apologize because you didn’t do anything wrong - that was my bad. If I could take it back, I would. You’re someone who I value even if we don’t personally know one another. It’s not as though I can easily communicate with you, it’s not really feasible thus I’m going to try to once again— leave it alone for now. It’s too fresh. If you happen to see this, I hope you know that you are unique, you are a visionary, you are creative and you are someone I would probably never get bored speaking with. Unfortunately, my anxiety and nerves interfered and you did not see the positive sides of me when we did briefly meet. I hope that I’m not overstepping anything but if I could get another chance to see you and maybe speak to you, I’d do it in a heartbeat, under different circumstances that is. Thanks for making incredible beats and being generous to your fans. Thanks for pushing weed legalization and getting on the SNL stage 30 years ago, lighting that joint and not giving a damn. You made a statement. You’re bold, never afraid to push the envelope, are hardworking and unlike any music maker out there.

For any haters who don’t support you, they have poor taste and fail to understand you. You think I may one of those people but I wouldn’t be writing this entry in my blog if that was the case. I’ve always supported you until I became bitter and upset. So I want to try and know you better, not just on the surface level. I haven’t taken any of this lightly and I broke down because sometimes, I don’t know what I’m even doing truthfully and it’s an unsettling feeling. To meet someone important to me and have it backfire, was not my intention. My life isn’t at all where I want it to be but I won’t get further into that now. What I can say, is that you’ve indirectly inspired me to write more about music, create content and do different things that I never envisioned myself doing. I’m becoming more fearless now, am starting to take better care of myself mentally and physically and am finding ways to get out of my comfort zone. I’ve learned how to stand my ground and no longer put up with anybody’s shit thanks to you. I wish I could forget all of this and move on, but I don’t think I’ll be able to. In the interim, I don’t have much of a choice. I have to handle a lot of important matters but you’re definitely still on my mind. It’s unfortunate that I didn’t pursue your music or your life story sooner but you’ve indirectly done a lot for me through your music.

Our families are both European immigrants. We’re 20 years apart. Dali is one of my favorite artists and I was the Dali museum in Florida. Fell in love. There are many layers I want to peel away if you allow me to.

I’m giving credit where credit it due. Never forget how rare you are. You will influence so many other artists for years to come, however, nobody will be able to replicate you. It’s just a generational thing. The way you grew up listening to your uncle’s classic rock records and the street environment you grew up in — helped shape your music style. It’s simply engrained in you. So in general terms, someone either has it or they don’t. You were simply born to make music.

Take care of yourself. You have my respect.

Good times | Bad times

Till later.

-z xx

2000

1997

2021

2022

1987 -1988

1991

2005

1997

2009

1999 or 2000?

[cherylplus]

TW: discussions of death and mortality, sex, and mental health.

The one thing that people need to know about me is that I’m always writing. 

I scribble in notebooks. I paraphrase streams of consciousness in journals. I process the world in mini case notes, like a good psychologist. I jot down fragments of ideas on sticky notes -- one per sticky, like a good UXer. At 8, I became enamored with the smell of toner and the sound of my mom’s typewriter whirring at the same speed as the stories forming in my mind. At 35, my dip powdered nails clickety-clack against my laptop keys to Morse-code-transmit those same stories into the ether. Even when I’m not physically writing, I’m writing in my brain, the ultimate cloud. 

So it scares me a little to admit that I haven’t scribbled, journaled, noted, or typed anything new in nearly a year. 

At first, I thought there was something wrong with me. I was stuck with this image of my brain like a dried up well, roaches and rats skittering through the cracks in shit-caked brick. After nearly 2 years of prolific creation, I found myself uncomfortably still. And it has taken this past year to begin to understand some of the factors that led to this stillness.

My grandma slowly dying. Watching my dad processing her death. Aching as he now grapples with the idea of his own. Feeling chills when, during my grandma’s funeral, my younger brother turned to me and asked, “Do you ever think about who will show up at your funeral?”

A job promotion. The unsteady undertaking of a new role. The mourning of my old identity. Needing to take time to figure out how not to equate usefulness with worth.

Juggling relationships. Shifts in paradigms. Redirection of energy.

Pushing myself to stop using the pandemic as an excuse to hide.

Actually re-entering the world.

And figuring out how to make space for More.

New, profound, and beautiful.

I’ve always wanted More. The people I keep close, even people who are relatively new to me, have very quickly assessed that I am insatiable. My dad loves to tell this story about me as a baby. When he and my mom were starting to wean me off the bottle and feed me solid baby food, I would cry at the sound of the spoon hitting the bottom of the glass jar, a Pavlovian response quickly and hilariously connected.

So it isn’t surprising that I started craving More than my dusty old notes.

I realized that I had spent 2 years writing stories that had been pent up in me for 10 years, and now that they were all out, I needed to quiet my clickety-clacks and do some reflection. I needed to go back into research mode.

I crave More experiences. In the wake of death, I need to live more of my life.

I had written so many stories about representation and connection. I wanted to be out in the world actually representing myself. I wanted to connect past my keyboard.

I wanted to deepen amazing friendships that I had made online through my fanfic writing during the pandemic. I wanted to meet new people. I wanted to date. I wanted to fuck. And if I found someone who also wanted More of me, I wanted to test the waters of romantic relationship, something that I had not truly been open to until this time. 

Most of all, I wanted to make room for the full spectrum of experiences that I knew I had been pushing away. Being vulnerable. Being joyful. Being present.

To do that, I needed to stop writing. 

Now, I’m getting the itch to write again.

I think I’ve hit a point where I want to document what I’m feeling and thinking. Maybe to help with processing. Maybe just to make room for more new experiences. To help me stay present when I’m having those experiences.

So I think that’s what this blog will be. 

It’s not really well-defined. As an evolution from my fanfic blog (which is, if you’re curious, a BTS blog @bonvoyagenoona​), I am not writing fiction as metaphor for or commentary on the experiences I have had. I am processing somewhat in real-time the everyday experiences that I am opening myself up to.

It’s an experiment.

Feel free to join me if you’re interested in exploration. In discovery. In the tender interplay between loss, gain, and redefinition. Share your own experiences with me, whether you relate or not. Experiment with me. Design your life with me. Teach me. Learn with me. 

Cheryl Plus is open to it all.

[orangechickenpillow]

I need to say something about Ed wearing Stede’s clothes or I’ll simply die.

 Okay, so when the two first meet, obviously there’s that scene where Ed picks up one of Stede's silk dressing gowns (I think that’s what it is anyway) and rubs it on his cheek. And Stede asks him something along the lines of if he likes nice fabrics, or whatever, and Ed distractedly replies that he does. 

Then later, we find out that Ed kept a piece of red fabric that his mother gave him when she told him that they’ll “never be those kind of people” or whatever -- pretty much telling him that he’ll never be wealthy (or happy, really, since happiness/contentment is often linked to wealth). 

Ed purposefully held onto this fabric, possibly as a reminder of where he came from and maybe a reminder of who he’ll never be. 

But then he meets Stede, a fairly wealthy man with nice things and a big heart. And the first thing that Stede does is show him his closet (gay gay homosexual, etc) where all his fancy clothes are. Ed is completely enamored by this, and so what do they do? They literally swap wardrobes. 

So now, not only does Stede get to play the badass pirate roll that he so desperately desires, but Ed gets to dress up in the clothes of the people his mother told him he’d never get to be like. 

But this progresses further when he and Stede become friends and start to learn from each other. We see Ed get to dress up to go to a fancy party, and the infamous “you wear nice things well” line happens (kill me) where it is obvious that Ed’s feelings for Stede have progressed past “oh we’re just pirate bros" into something more. Then Ed even starts to wear things other than black leather (the purple shirt in episode 7, which I’m convinced he must have gotten from Stede). 

Ed is starting to let himself believe that maybe he can have the things that his mother told him he never would. Sure, he might not be rich, but maybe he can have happiness, love, a life that is soft, a relationship filled with mutual adoration and care. 

But these emotions are hard for Ed to hang onto, as we saw in episode 6 with the Kraken. Ed still feels like he isn’t worthy of nice things, even beyond the claim that God would have given it to him if is was meant to be, as his mother had said. Ed feels that he personally doesn’t deserve softness, love, care -- in a sense: nice fabrics.

So it is interesting to me that his first instinct when he is in so much pain is to find Stede’s dressing gown. We see him using it as a blanket when he’s hiding in the bathtub. 

So you’re telling me that this man found Stede’s dressing gown (a piece of clothing that Stede wore nearly every day, and is made of the “nice fabric” that Ed thinks he doesn’t deserve/will never have) when he was in emotional distress. Fuck. 

But it happens again at the end of the show. When Ed thinks Stede has left him, and is going through the inevitable heartbreak of dealing with that, what does Ed wear? You fucking guessed it -- another one of Stede’s dressing gown (namely, the one Stede used to replace the yellow one that Ed probably stole after the bathtub scene). 

Not only is this probably an attempt to feel closer to Stede (it smells like him, folks. It smells like him), but I feel like it’s also Ed’s way of desperately trying to hold onto the life he thought he could have with Stede. The life that was filled with all those things he didn’t have as a child. Love, compassion, gentleness, and nice fabric. 

I may be reading into this too much. I may be lost in left field. I may be losing my mind about these fucking gay pirates. I really don’t know, but there is something so intimate about wearing someone else’s clothes, and I really feel that Ed did it because he so truly loves and desires Stede and the life that they could have lead together. 

[astrolo-t]

Safe and Sound

Pairing: Ellie x Reader

Word Count: 2.2 k

Warnings: Cursing, Description of a Panic Attack, Reader has The Anxiety, I proofread but there's always the potential for typos

A/N: Hey hey. I’m writing again and it’s fun except for the part where a drabble becomes 2k. The prompt was ‘B finds A having a panic attack on the floor of a public bathroom and shows them various breathing exercises to help calm them down.’ Also, I listened to ‘Personal Cathedrals’ by Aly & AJ while writing this so check that out if you want the vibes. The exercises described are some that I actually use and they can help! And uhhh yea? Hope someone enjoys.

Most times, when Dina asked you to come out, you’d say no. Well, never just no because that was healthy and part of setting boundaries and all that. Instead, what you did was perfect the art of coming up with excuses.

Oh, I have homework to do, sorry.

I promised my brother I’d babysit.

My cat isn’t doing well right now.

You didn’t even have a fucking cat. You just didn’t want to go out. This time around, it also happened to be a particularly bad week for your mental health and your anxiety was being more problematic than usual. You were overwhelmed with work, family, friends, and just life in general. Just the thought of the entire process you’d need to go through in order to go out, made you feel that much worse.

There would be the part where you spent hours psyching yourself up to interact with people you didn’t know, nor like, and even people you did. There would be the whole ordeal of finding a cute outfit, then hating how it fits and wishing sweatpants were acceptable to wear on a night out. Even now, amongst all the vibrating bodies of the bar, you wondered if it was too late to text Dina and tell her your Lyft driver suddenly got a flat.

You hated that you couldn’t be like them. Enjoying the music, the energy, the colors, and lights. All you wanted to do was head home and finish reading your latest book recommendation. Enemies to lovers. Sapphic. AND it was getting spicy. With a sigh you remembered where you were, standing at the entrance searching for your wavy-haired friend.

You eventually spot her seated on a stool at the bar where she was waving you down to join her. Heading over to her, you realize she has 4 shots in front of her, all a very familiar caramel color. Frowning, you say, “Now Dina, you know I don’t mess with dark liquor.”

She rolls her eyes, “It’s one shot babe. Also,” those same eyes travel up and down your figure, nodding in approval. “You look fucking hot, which is perfect because I wanted you to meet my friend tonight. Super nerdy. Huge asshole. Just how you like 'em. Her name is El-”

“Dina!” Stopping mid-sentence she sees Jesse over your shoulder and he greets her with a kiss to the forehead. “Hey you.” She smiles and before you know it, they start doing that thing they do where they forget anyone else is there. You admire the easy smile Dina wears and the way Jesse looks absolutely enamored with the girl in front of him.

Inwardly you deflate a little more because eventually, you’d like to have something like that with someone. Someone caring and loyal, that understands your sense of humor and doesn’t think it’s weird that you name your plants after your favorite characters. Someone who doesn’t need you or complete you, but rather they choose to be with you because life is just that much better with you in it. Someone who cuts out all the noise and makes you forget everything else but how safe and sound they make you feel. Shaking your head you look around the room and back to Dina and Jesse. You suddenly feel…out of place and maybe a little lonely.

Though you’ve just arrived, you want to leave. But that’s not an option you’ll give yourself, no. Instead, you tell Dina you have to use the restroom, racing toward the secluded space before she can ask if you want her to go with you.

Once safely inside the restroom, you head to the sink, clutching the counter and taking a deep breath, shutting your eyes tightly in the process. Get it together. It’s just a few hours and then you can leave. Be a good friend. You will the knot in your chest blocking air to just disappear because you cannot fall apart in a public restroom. Absolutely not. Unfortunately, your body and mind do not sync and you feel the familiar burn of tears welling in your eyes.

“Fuck!” you yell to no one in particular, angry at no one but yourself at this moment. Opening your eyes causes the tears you’d been holding in to drip over your hands, the drops drawing your attention to your knuckles which have gone white from how hard you were gripping the porcelain. Letting go, you take a step back to drop down against the wall perpendicular to the sink and curl in on yourself, lacing your fingers over your knees.

You’re ok. You're ok.

Repeating this to yourself, you ignore the familiar feeling of your throat closing up. You’ll get through this. It’s just one night. Dina will be happy and you won’t have to feel guilty later on. You’re ok. You’re ok. You’re ok.

But I’m not. I’m not ok.

Just then, you hear someone step into the restroom. You keep your head down on your knees, hoping they’ll just ignore you. Nothing to see here. Just me, your local fucking trainwreck. However, instead of ignoring you they immediately stop their stride, noticing you there on the ground.

“Hey…” the voice starts hesitantly, “are you ok? Do you need help?”

You open your mouth to answer but all that comes out is a choked sob.

“Woah woah hey ok-”

You hear the sound of someone quickly stepping in front of you. Opening your eyes you’re met with a pair of worn black and white converse. Slowly you raise your head, your eyes trailing up a pair of jean clad legs until they meet green ones. Such eyes belong to a girl with auburn hair pulled into a bun, a few strands framing the left side of her face. With a furrowed brow, she looks concerned and maybe a little unsure.

“I-I c-can’t.” You shake your head, “I can’t” is all you can get out before your breathing starts to quicken even more.

The girl immediately drops down to sit cross legged in front of you.

“Shh, alright, ok. Listen, can I see your hand?” She asks in a voice so low and feather-light, almost as if she was afraid to scare you.

You hesitate, your lips turned into a frown before shakily unlacing your fingers to offer your right one to her. She takes your hand, turning it palm side up. Then, she begins drawing on your hand with the tip of her right index finger; it’s a shape you recognize as a rectangle.

“So basically, you inhale on the shorter lines and exhale on the longer ones. Try this with me?”

You try to follow, taking a few shaky breaths before becoming frustrated when you’re unable to match hers. You move to take your hand away, but she holds onto it.

“Hey, just…look at me? Please?”

Your tear filled eyes meet green again, noticing the sprinkle of freckles that fall like snow all the way down to her lips. You watch her mouth as she breathes in and out, and slowly you find your breathing matching hers; the finger on your hand keeping time. After each breath, a little more doubt and fear is released. Time slows, and finally, your heart rate begins to ease and that huge lump becomes smaller and smaller.

“See? There you go. You’re doing perfect...” She says with a soft smile on those lips as she continues to draw while you breathe.

“My therapist she uhh- she calls this rectangle breathing, which sounded really stupid to me at first….” She shrugs before continuing. “but it works. For me, most times I try just playing my guitar or describing things in the room. You know…until I can breathe again. For example,” Her eyes wander up, looking just past your face. “Your earrings are gold and shaped like stars. ” She visibly swallows and licks her lips before continuing. “Your eyes are…” Fucking beautiful, is what she wants to say. Because even with tears in them she is startled in the best way by your gaze.

“Anyways,” She says suddenly clearing her throat. “you can describe things in detail like that or just point out random things like-” She scans the room before her brows scrunch together in disgust and she shakes her head, those few rebellious strands of hair shaking with it. “how these bathrooms smell like ass and there’s definitely a used condom on the floor in the first stall.”

Your eyebrows raise up, eyes following hers over to the stall, and there it was. A condom that was most certainly…used.

Now that’s fucking gross.

She laughs and it’s then you realize you’d said that out loud. “Can’t say I’m surprised. Every time I let my friends choose the bar it’s always a little suspect honestly. I have much better taste.” She says with a grin.

“Where-” you clear your throat, voice gravely from crying, “Where would you have picked?”

“Dunno, but definitely somewhere more….” she closes her eyes and feigns being in deep thought “fuck, what’s the word I’m looking for?”

“Fun? Clean? Gay?”

“Yes that's the one-” she says without missing a beat and you actually let out a giggle and she joins you laughing. “While I would definitely feel more comfortable at a gay bar - right now I’d much rather be at home. At least tonight.”

“That’s fair. I mean…who says you have to stay? You’re under no obligation to.”

“This is true, but I always feel like I’m letting people down because of my inability to just…be a person.”

The girl nods thoughtfully, “Hey I get it - but the lady I’m paying to make sure I don’t lose my shit says you can’t pour from an empty cup. Gotta take care of yourself and all that, which includes not coming to shitty bars when you’re not up to it.”

You nod your head slowly, feeling somewhat scolded. But she was right, unfortunately. “You always this blunt with strangers?”

She chuckles a bit before lifting her gaze from your interlocked hands to meet yours, “Just the pretty ones who I happen to meet on the restroom floor.”

“Charming.”

“My name is Ellie but hey, I’ll take it. ”

You look at her horrified, using your free hand to wipe any leftover tears in your eyes, “I actually can’t believe you just said that.”

“Oh come on, you liked it. You smiled. You’re smiling now.”

And she was right. You were smiling. She’d stopped drawing on your hand a while ago. But there it was still clasped in hers, her thumb rubbing against your palm absentmindedly. It felt warm, and safe. And yea ok, maybe you did like it. Maybe you did like this girl who had been so sweet and attentive with you just moments ago and yet now flirted with you so brazenly. “Hey…you wanna get out of here….?” She trails off, waiting for you to finish her sentence.

“Y/N.”

Ellie smiles at that and says again, “You wanna get out of here, Y/N?”

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Jesse and Dina had drunk all four shots and maybe a bit more by the time you and Ellie find them again. Dina is laughing at something Jesse said - probably not that funny without the influence of alcohol - when she sees you two approach. She seems confused and then even more so when her eyes come to rest in between the two of you, where Ellie’s fingers lay laced through your own.

“Y/N,” Dina starts slowly, almost questioningly. “this is who I wanted you to meet. This is Ellie. But I see you’ve already made acquaintances.” She said pointing an accusatory finger directly at your laced lands. You move to unlace them, embarrassed, but Ellie just holds on and gives them a squeeze still staring at Dina. “We’re gonna head out Dina.”

Dina looks shocked sharing an incredulous look with Jesse before turning back to you. “Well, damn that was easy.”

“To talk, D. Somewhere where we can actually hear one another.”

“Yea go ahead and talk. Jesse and I love talking, don't we?” She smirks up at Jesse who just shakes his head and chuckles.

Ellie simply rolls her eyes at your mutual friends, tugging on your hand and when your eyes meet her own she says, “You with me?”

And you were. You didn’t know it then, and you wouldn’t know it for a long time but, you always would be. Ellie had come into your life and grounded you with her soft whispers and careful touches. She came and stayed despite seeing you at your lowest, because she chose you. And you chose her and always would, again and again.

She was your solace. Your stillness. Your safe and sound.

[luimagines]

Hi! This is my first time making a request, so I’m a bit nervous lol. Anyway I wanted to ask if you could do the chain’s reaction to reader being able to do magic? like scarlet witch (from marvel) kind of magic? if you can’t or are uncomfortable, that’s ok! it could also be just reader being able to do magic in general? or just ignore this ask hahaha

Masterlist

I hope you don't mind but this seemed to lend itself well to a headcanon post.

I don't know much about Wanda's power only that it's on some degree a form of telekinesis. But I'll do some research to try and be as accurate as possible to what you have in mind.

That being said, content under the cut!

Warrior

Warrior is at a cross roads

He’s seen many incredible people use magic but he’s also seen those same people use it against him

He doesn’t want to project his paranoia onto anyone

But that’s easier said that done if he had to be honest with himself

Hyrule’s magic is one thing, he knows that it’s limited and that he only has a few spells at his disposal, and Hyrule is also a Link, a hero

The Traveler is like him, he can be trusted, he knows this in his soul

But you’re not a hero, you’re just a person with an extraordinary person, with magic that isn’t commonly known within Hyrule as a country

The only other person he can compare to magic that somewhat comes close to your power was Cia... and she had a staff

He wants to calm down- to give you the benefit of the doubt

Warrior, however, has learned to leave as little unexpected variables as possible

He doesn’t like not knowing the possibilities- being unable to plan ahead

He has a plan on the off chance he’d have to fight any one in the group even if he’d hate to do it, but he doesn’t know what angle to go about taking you down with as little harm as possible

It’s... a thought he doesn’t entertain often

Still, he doesn’t want you to know just how paranoid he is

He’s just going to try and be a good friend and ignore it the best that he can

Time

Impressed but glosses over it very quickly

You’re not the first and he doubts you’ll be the last magic user he meets.

He’s impressed in the sense that telekinesis is not only a rare form of magic but even harder to master

You’re a natural

Still, he as much as he can see that the other boys are entranced by it, he doesn’t want you to over do it

Even less so for their sakes

He’s making sure that you don’t use your power for longer than necessary

He’s also making sure that you keep your energy up, on the off chance that your magic power works a similar manner to Hyrule’s (he doesn’t ask if it does)

Meaning, that there’s only so much you can use in a day so you have to ration it for whatever may happen 

Time knows that the need to impress and provide can do to a person and he doesn’t want you to fall into that

Not to mention that he knows you’re more than your powers and gifts

As someone who grew up surrounded by magic and extraordinary people, he takes a moment to the unique challenges that you have to face on your own

He is curious about the extent of your abilities though and he wants to know just how far it can go

But he’ll never ask you to push yourself

He takes it in stride and watches over what you do just as much as he’d watch over the rest of the boys - if he tells them to lay off about your powers then that’s just between themselves

Hyrule

He’d be enamored on sight

Magic isn’t something a lot of people can do even if it’s prolific in Hyrule as a whole

He doesn’t see you recite spells and use components to get your magic to work, you just... do it

He wants to know everything you can do 

He wants to compare notes

He wants to see if he can copy some of your abilities (He can’t but that won’t stop him trying)

Like a little kid, he wants to see you use it in the most mundane scenarios

Hyrule doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable but to his eyes, it looks passive and it’s a form of magic he’s not accustomed to

He’s absolutely fascinated by it

For a long time he was the only magic user that he knew of, he had to learn a lot of things on his own

While you may not be able to heal the group or summon lighting from your finger tips, he learns very quickly that you’re just a good in a fight as he is- better even- in terms of only using magic to fight back

The Traveler has seen a lot but there’s a beauty in your magic that isn’t used to seeing

Like a trance, he’s pulled in and he can only hope that it has nothing to do with your using a spell on him

Even if you did, he doesn’t think he’d mind all that much to be honest

If he had to fall under anyone’s spell, he’d gladly fall under yours

Wind

It’s the quickest way to get him to calm down

Not by holding him down or anything like that of course, it does not mean use your power on him

But he falls into a trance like state really easily, just watching you in action

If he’s being a bit hyper, or if he’s being a bit rowdy, don’t pay attention to him

Just take a few miscellaneous objects and start floating them around 

He’ll calm down and join your side

Like a snake charmer

But without the snake and the music

Wind is the kind of boy that would pretend to copy your powers when he thinks you’re not looking

If you catch him in the act, don’t call attention to it

He’ll get flustered and embarrassed and never do it again

And honestly, it’s adorable that he’s trying, even he knows he can’t do the same

All that being said, he’s the first to jump to your aid if you find yourself in over your head

Magic and powers and are cool and all but you’re only human and there’s only so much you can account for

He may not know a lot about how magic works or how people like you even come across those abilities, but that won’t stop him from letting you take on the world on your own 

Wild

He’s going want to compare it to the Sheikah Slate

Unfortunately, he can only compare it to magnesis if he’s being honest with himself

The changing of thoughts and dreams though....

He wonders if you can read minds

He wonders is you can help him to unlock his memories 

He wouldn’t want to bring it up though unless he’s absolutely certain that it’s within the realm of your capabilities

But the thought is always in the back of his mind

He thinks it’s useful as well but he’ll treat with the same respect as Hyrule gets with his magic

It’s all they really have to compare to so they’re always trying to see which one of you can do what and how

It’s completely different but not even Hyrule has shown everything he can do as of yet so Wild has to admit that he’s curious

If Wild was to be completely honest with himself, he forgets that you can even do magic to begin with

So every time you do something unexpected or just whip out your power to clear the road, he’s stuck staring at you like you’ve grown a second head

If you’re particularly cheeky in nature, you can wink at him and send a little bit of your power his way just to tease him

This works without fail to fluster him because he’s never on guard

Wild would bite hip in his attempt to keep the impressed look off of his face because he already knew you could it, he knew this, why is he acting like this?

Legend

Unfazed

Well.... at least what it looks like to anyone looking in

He wants to say he’s surprised, but that would be a lie

He wants to say he’s impressed but he also doesn’t want to seem weird

He is the epitome of that John Mulaney meme, “This might as well happen”

He doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it, even if he’s a bit curious as to why your powers are so different

He would just casually ask you to help with problems, using your powers like “Can you get that thing please? “Can you blow that up?” “What’s the quickest way you have to go and get rid of that monster?”

If you’re using it as a tool at your disposal to fight the good fight, Legend is not above also counting it within his plans of attack.

That being said, he loves watching you

Even if you use it as a form of play, or you’re trying to get sharper attack time, or get harder hits

He’ll never find himself bored of just watching people in their natural, unbothered environment

Sometimes, when he’s also bored, he’ll ask to spar with you

On the off chance that he’ll ever meet someone else like you with less than trust worthy motives, he wants to be prepared

He doesn’t like that idea in the back of his head

Something tells him that it’ll remind him too much of you if it comes to that but he knows it’s better to be prepared than flying blind

Four

Four would have expected it to be more like Zelda’s magic

If not, then maybe closer to Hyrule’s, or Fairy Magic

So he’s surprised when it’s couldn’t be farther from the truth

He likes to spar with you for fun, just to test out weapon after weapon, how they all reflect different enchantments against your magic

It’s easier for you to just pick him up and fling him away

But that would be mean

.....you do it at least once, and instantly regret it

He wants you to do it all the time now

“Throw me up onto the ledge”

“If you throw me, I can get it down from the tree”

“How far do you think you can throw me without either of us getting hurt or in trouble?”

It’s a monster of your own making

Granted it’s still your choice if you decide to go through with it or not, he’ll eventually back down from it if you deny him enough

But let’s face it, it’s fun, he’ll always want to do it again, deep in his heart

He’s completely lost all sense of responsibility toward it and toward the power, he just wants to play at this point

Twilight

Twilight isn’t big on magic to begin with

He doesn’t intend to judge but he does try to keep his distance when you’re using it

That being said, he does watch from the corner of his eyes

He’s seen you fight

It’s both impressive and terrifying

A lot of magic he’s seen is loud and brash and explosive

Yours is a quiet kill

Deadly in motion but undetectable to even to his sensitive ears

Twilight finds himself wondering if your magic was bestowed on you as a gift, or if it was something you’ve been inclined to do your entire life

He knows you’re a good person, but he’s seen some of your... methods when dealing with monsters.. or villains

He doesn’t plan on pissing you off or becoming your enemy anytime soon- or at all, if he can help it

That being said, he is half tempted to make a game out of it, just to see if you’d be interested

Like an intense game of catch that quickly turns onto and one-on-one think fast dodging spree

He knows that it’s not smart

And he’s almost guaranteed to lose.... but he’s never backed down from a challenge before

Sky

Amazed

He’s had a few close calls with other magic individuals- mostly Ghirahim if he’s being honest so he doesn’t count

But he’s never seen someone like him have such power before.

Zelda is awakening her powers and is still getting used to all the things she can do but you already seem to know what you’re doing?

How long have you has this power?

Did you have teachers?

Are there others like you?

Other than that, he’s not going to think too much of it

Despite his questions, he actually keeps them to himself on the off chance it would bother you

He knows that Hyrule can do it too, so he supposed it’s more common than his experiences led him to believe.

If someone else asks though, you can bet your bottom dollar he’ll be paying close attention

He won’t ever ask you to use your power for his own amusement even if he’s curious 

He does pay attention to the little things you do when you’re bored though

He thinks it’s an amazing talent

A gift, truly

[smallestapplin]

Hey may I ask for some headcanons on how yandere Melli, Adaman, And submas twins would react to a S/O who has some body piercings?

I’m just curious cause I rarely ever see headcanons involving an S/O having piercings and I have quite a few that I take a lot of pride in them( I have one on my right nostril, one on my left ear, two on the right, and some tibby piercings which surprisingly didn’t hurt all that bad going in)

And if possible can I be called Pierced anon?

Sorry if I sound awkward I’m always really nervous at first…. Love your writing have a good day/night, make sure to eat, drink water, and sleep!

Haven’t had many yandere asks, so hopefully I can pull this off! Also that’s so fucking cool! I want so many piercings but I have too many fears at once.

🔞18+Only!🔞

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🪞Melli🪞

- he found all your piercings beautiful, so pretty, and they matched you perfectly! Only someone so great to match his greatness, obviously!

- Though just the thought of someone else touching his sweet gem makes his skin crawl, but at least you’re safe and happy! That’s all that matters.

- Until he saw your nipple piercings.

- Melli found himself in a mix of emotions but mainly fury. Someone else had seen you, had touched you to get those on there.

- He felt betrayed.

- The piercings are lovely and look great on you. And obviously you had gotten them long before ending up in Hisui and with him.

- Yet he still acts like you cheated on him.

- He’ll keep saying things like “it’s okay, I forgive you, I’m certainly better for you anyways.”

- Which leave you confused, but Melli has always been an odd one.

-

⌛️Adaman⏳

- you’ve had to talk him out of getting a few piercings himself, he wants to match you!

- But this is Hisui, and the aftercare for piercings isn’t great here, and you don’t really have the antibiotics or any form of cleaning solutions, you don’t have much faith in them.

- Especially for a tongue piercing that he was so adamant on getting, it was a struggle to talk him out of it.

- Granted he would look great with a few of his own, but he doesn’t want them for himself, he just wants to match you.

- Adores your piercings. He finds himself fiddling with your earrings more often than not.

- But then he saw the nipple piercings and he was enamored.

- He asks so many questions about them. The clan leader gets heated when he realizes someone else had seen you shirtless for them.

- But if you play your words right you’ll be able to talk him out of his rage. And by that I mean tell him you got them for him.

- Yes you had them before Hisui but in his possessive mind it works.

- “Ah of course! You are my splendid spouse after all! Mm I wonder how they feel.”

- Adaman adores you and your piercings, he finds them quite pretty and enjoyable.

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🔲Ingo🔲

- He’s a very clean cut man, most (nosey) people are shock to find he picked a partner with many piercings.

- But he adores it, you are happy with them so that’s all that matters, and you look very good with them too!

- He gifts you personalized ones for you to wear, as a subtle way to claim you. Though it’s not like you can leave the house much or without him anyways.

- Ingo gets so panicked when you two are out. He just wants to keep you safe, and the world is too dangerous for that!

- Bright red when he sees your other more intimate piercings, as he puts it.

- You’re the love of his life, he loves you more than words can describe.

- But the nipple piercings are what do him in.

- The older subway boss finds them so pretty, the shiny metal always catches his attention. He wants nothing more than to latch onto them.

- You’d let him, won’t you?

- “Your jewelry decorated your body so perfectly, my love, just stay with me forever and let me give you more.”

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🔳Emmet🔳

- with how his job is he can’t really have many piercings himself, so he gets ear piercings and buys you two matching earrings.

- You’re his darling and he will match you!

- Buys you any that he thinks you’ll like, from sailor moon themed naval jewelry, to a chain to attach to your nose piercings.

- Emmet goes feral for your nipple piercings though, he finds them so hot and irresistible. If he sees them poking through your shirt it’s over, you’re getting taken right then and there.

- Partly because he finds them so attractive on you, and also because it’s a good way of reminding himself that you are with him and not the person who pierced you.

- Your shirtless form is for his eyes only!

- You’ll have to stop him from furiously googling how to do piercings. Only he should see you in any state of undress!

- “You’re my darling! My beloved! And I’ll let the world know you’re mine.”