#like I'm sorry TV show you TRIED to convince me that this man is cool now

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

I fucking love writing Dual POV because you get to write one section where the character laments deeply that he has fallen for such a suave cool effortlessly sexy guy who just kissed him senseless (for the undercover job, of course)...

And then you get to swap immediately to the other POV where the "suave" "cool" "effortlessly sexy" guy in question is panic-texting his ex-boss's wife begging her to tell him what to do because I fucked up Sarah I really like him Sarah I'm sorry I know it's 11pm Sarah I'm going to fling myself off the roof Sarah!!!!!

Anyway. None of you know what or who I'm talking about but that's okay, I'M having fun. And you all will too when I get you to read this fic and join me in rarepair hell.

[cantfuckbracket]

Can't Fuck Bracket - Group Stage. Group 8: The Mysterious Benedict Society (TV) Characters

LD Curtain versus Jeffers versus Dr Garrison

[ID: The unfuckable pride flag overlaid with the "no bitches" meme. Over it are pictures of the contestants. They are all tanned white people. Curtain has hair slicked to the side and is shown pursing his lips and throwing his hands back; Jeffers has a moustache and is grimacing; and Dr Garrison looks like she's about to sneeze. Over them are sparkles and a heart with a butt, and in between them are peach emojis crossed out with the word "vs" in them. End ID]

Propaganda:

LD Curtain: "He's both a cringefail loser (See: 1. repeatedly beaten by a group of literal children, at one point even saying "they have proven to be my only worthy adversaries" (<- man talking about a group of eleven year olds), 2. screaming at a child, while visibly tearing up, "I AM NOT SAD! I AM *FINE!*", 3. genuinely thinking he can simply say no to having narcolepsy, 4. keeps little painted figurines of his brother and co and does magic tricks with them to intimidate an eleven year old, sincerely thinks this is an extremely cool thing to do), a bad dad (terrible both in the sense that he's emotionally abusive and in the sense that he thinks he's doing suuuuuuuch a good job and he very much isn't), and just like. evil?? but not in the sexy way. and also he's in denial about it which makes it even LESS sexy. Negative sexy if you will. "I'm not bad. who thinks that" sir you are standing in your mind control machine. "Sticky! Friend! Evil is a bit harsh!" sir you psychologically tortured him. anyway he does stupid little magic tricks and is a complete failure but somehow manages to convince everyone that he's charming and actually very cool. while obviously like, starting a cult or being just visibly a cringefail maniac two seconds from flying off the handle. anywya this got out of hand the point is: UNFUCKABLE."

Jeffers: "he's just. a sad little man. the biggest loser i've ever seen. [shrek voice] he can't even secure a perimeter! no but seriously the way he just like. fails at literally everything he does? he even annoys CURTAIN with his incompetence/general loseritude. if he tried to have sex i think somehow the bed would end up on fire and he'd have to leave literally with his head hanging. somehow his dick would just fall off and bounce on the floor like a sad little worm on a string. i'm so sorry for giving you that mental image and if you want to kill me for it i understand"

Dr Garrison: "Dr. Garrison is *the* representation for unfuckable insane women in STEM we’ve all been waiting for. She spends the entirety of the show conducting unethical experiments. To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure if she’s ever heard of the concept of “relaxing” or “having fun.” She has the energy of “someone who should’ve had a girlboss villain arc and had a midlife crisis instead.” Actually, that is literally what happens. She was fired and framed by her boss and she *should’ve* had her hot girl divorcee revenge arc; instead, she’s hiding out in a root cellar paying off a gang of teenage lesbians to kidnap a 7 year old that she needs for further unethical experiments. The last time we see her on screen, she’s sobbing collapsed on a table as the 7-year old her lesbians kidnapped administers what I like to call “malicious therapy.” It is important to note that she is wearing what appears to be a potato sack throughout this entire encounter.

Basically, her cringe fail swag combined with her “never heard of the concept of fun” energy as well as her impending midlife crisis combine to create an incredible aura of unfuckability. (However, I am a fool. I could fix her <3)"

[stationery-store]

watching tlc shows with the hq boys a purely self indulgent list.

characters: post timeskip!ushijima, tsukishima, and sakusa

warnings: tooth-rotting fluff! tlc shows and being domestic with these babies. (tsukishima hints about having kids in the future), one swear word in sakusa's

ushijima wakatoshi

⤿ after getting out of practice, he runs home to catch you watching extreme couponing.

⤿ my mans mr. ushijima wakatoshi is loaded, but because of said tlc show, he has actually taken up couponing.

⤿ on weekends he gets his brochures out to get to cutting. he doesn't do extreme couponing, but you're genuinely scared it might lead to that.

⤿ he's actually talked about couponing with some of his teammates; while they do laugh it off, some of them (nicolas, hoshiumi) tried it secretely after getting convinced.

ushijima quickly followed behind you, pushing a big cart of groceries as you walked towards an unoccupied counter. the clerk starts swiping the items you placed on the ramp, your boyfriend coming up beside you to check on the current total.

it was his turn to pay for groceries, so he takes his wallet out.

coupons were the last thing you expected coming out of his wallet. your eyebrows raise, mouth hanging wide open, and he just shows you his signature cool smile — the same smile he shows when you monitor his last game and he does extremely well.

he hands the stack of coupons over the counter, raising his chin as the clerk starts scanning them one by one, the total decreasing each time.

let's just say he made 75% savings on his first try and he was very proud of himself for pulling it off.

tsukishima kei

⤿ takes time out of his weekends to be couch buddies with you.

⤿ when you introduced him to the wonderous world of tlc shows, he almost immediately got invested. his favourite show is of course, toddles and tiaras.

⤿ he likes making fun of the overly controlling parents + feels very sorry that the children who aren’t willing to go onstage have to go through everything

⤿ he slipped once and this happened:

tsukishima’s arms were comfortably enveloping you in as you both rested on the living room sofa, paying full attention to a random episode of toddler’s and tiaras. the scene played the usual uptight pageant mom, frustratedly doing her child’s hair because the professional hairdresser ‘couldn’t do their job right’. you feel slow vibrations coming from tsukishima who’s chest you were resting on, now hearing silent giggles coming from him aswell. “kei, you seriously find it that funny? you’re so lame.” you say, gaze still focused on the tv. “because it is! when we get kids, i’m not letting you anywhere near pageant halls. you better do the same for me.”

after realizing what he’d just said, you felt his whole body tense up, a flustered tsukishima laying beneath you.

also taken aback from what he said, you stay in place, head shifting to look at the tall blond. his cheeks were now dusted with pink, ears carrying his specs even redder. 

you slowly rest your head back on his chest with a contented grin, hoping he wouldn’t feel the slight change of pace in your breathing. letting out a soft shaky sigh, his arms warm back to droop over your body.

sakusa kiyoomi

⤿ this man. he has a schedule for watching say yes to the dress: bridesmaids with you.

⤿ nobody can interrupt his most awaited activity all week.

⤿ it's chaotic; and he loves that. it's the best when the bride has an opinionated family member/friend and all the other bridesmaids are just.. there

⤿ let's face it, mr. sakusa kiyoomi LIVES for catfights.

walking home from a long day at work, sakusa feels his phone vibrating in his pocket. his eyes grow wide; hand stretching out to check his watch. shit, it's time.

the door opens, your eyes meeting a panting kiyoomi, his shoulders slumped, desperately trying to catch his breath. "did you run the ten fucking floors?"

"yes. shut up. fix the tv, get comfortable. i'm changing." he drops his bag to the floor, giving you a gentle peck to the neck as his arms wrap around your waist; pulling you into a quick hug. your hands come up to ruffle his hair, tapping lightly so he breaks off and get to changing.

"is this the follow-up episode from sasha's last appointment?" he speaks from the bedroom, words slurred from his fast movement. "yeah. quick, it's starting!" he practically jumps to the sofa, now in his comfortable set of pajamas. sakusa's hands come up to his phone, eyes still glued to the tv as he switches it to silent mode.

it's going to be a long night.

[mywritingonlyfans]

anyway here is the actual thing :

(tw for self harm!!!!!!!!! and some blood) (also the uses of "love, darling, dear etc are purelly platonic!!!! im not shipping them!!!)

________

The longer it took Damiano to find Ethan the more he panicked. He let himself get distracted with the filming that was happening downstairs that he completely forgot it was a Sunday. What had his heart racing more was the cameramen walking around the house, trying to create 'fun' scenarios to broadcast on Tv almost everywhere. It wouldn't be ideal if they caught Ethan on the phone.

He finally reached the upstairs rooms, just in time as it seems, since a cameraman was about to open the only closed door of the corridor. He wasn't going to, not under Damiano's watch.

"What do you think you are doing?" he asks, rather aggressivelly. "Dude, chill, it's for the sketches" the man replies and Damiano takes his hand off the door handle. The man takes a few steps away from the door, and Damiano shields it with his body. "It's a private room. I'm pretty sure they told you to film only downstairs" he spat out and the man walked towards the stairs, hands in the air, quickly making a way down before Damiano got to say anything else.

He quietly opened the door, expecting Ethan to be asleep, or on the phone, carefully making way inside before even checking the rest of the room. He turned around, stumbling back in shock at the state of the younger. Damiano's fingers fumbled with the lock, sucessfully turning it before walking towards Ethan. He was shaking, a lot, and Damiano really didn't like the red smeared all over Ethan's thighs. Even worse, at the sight of the older, Ethan tried to back himself further into the room, pushing himself flat against the wall. His eyes were glossy and his cheeks red, and the way his chest seemed to flutter made it quite clear he was struggling to breathe.

"Hey, shh, come on, it's just me, it's Dami," Damiano tried, but Ethan's head fell on his knees, curling into himself more. It broke Damiano's heart to see the younger in pain, and he felt the overwhelming urge to fix it.

"Ethan, can I touch you? Can i hold your arms?" he asks, and Ethan gives reluctant permission by nodding his head, offering his arms out to the older. With a strong pull, Ethan is in Damiano's embrace, clinging on him for dear life.

"I'm sorry," he says, and Damiano can't decide between saying "It's okay," or "You have nothing to apologise for". He doesn't get the chance to choose, with Ethan's shiver running through him too ."You-," he attempts, but his sob cuts him off. ", you weren't supposed to find out," Ethan sniffles and Damiano freezes in the hug. He holds on Ethan's shoulders, pushing him back just enough to make eye contact. "Ethan, love, I'm not mad," he admits, being honest with the younger. Ethan doesn't seem too convinced, but nods anyway. He cringes when Ethan's face shows discomfort, and he's reminded that Ethan is currently, very much so, bleeding between his thighs.

"Come on, let's go to the bathroom, let's wash these out okay? You okay with that?" Damiano asks and Ethan mouths a "yeah," holding tight as Damiano leads them to the bath. Ethan is shaking, still, and the heaves for air seem to have not stopped yet, and even if Damiano tries to play cool, he's mentally freaking out, worried out of his mind.

He helps Ethan in the bath, sitting him down as the warm water runs, coating his legs. The crimson starts to wash off his thighs, only for new red to stain the draining water. He can't help but be a little concerned. He hadn't really any experience.

He lets the water fall, shifting attention to the still trembling boy. Ethan has rested his arms on the tiled wall separating the rest of the room from the shower, his head resting on them as he tries to calm himself. His eyes are still red and he keeps muttering incoherently, refusing to look at Damiano. As if out of shame.

"Ethan, darling, look at me," Damiano pleas, and Ethan ignores him, instead dropping his head between his arms, chest convulsing. Damiano's own chest was hurting, and tears were at his eyes.

"Dear, please, I want to see if you're okay, I want to just talk," he explains and Ethan picks his head up, looking at Damiano through blurry eyes. A tear drops with his next blink, the next shaky inhale, and Damiano reaches out to wipe it with his thumb. "Talk to me?" he asks and Ethan lets out another shaky breath, dropping his gaze.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to see that" Ethan starts, and Damiano wants to tut, to correct him, to assure him he doesn't have to be sorry. He doesn't, he lets Ethan finish instead.

"It's just- they were a bit more aggressive today, and I guess I wasn't that well myself either," Ethan explains, hands splashing the water around his thighs, seeing the dried blood mix with the water. "You know, the stress and all,".

"I know, I'm sorry. I was supposed to be there with you," Damiano says and Ethan's face twists up. "You don't need to be there, I can do it alone," he says, swallowing. He didn't want to, be he felt like he had to. Damiano notices the change in his eyes, the tears forming again.

"What did you mean 'I wasn't supposed to find out?'" Damiano asks, unable to contain his curiosity. Ethan sighs, sniffing.

"It isn't exactly my first time, um, doing, this-" he says, pointing at the cuts on his thighs. Damiano's heart aches, but he keeps his cool. "I didn't want you to find out this is, uh, happening" he says, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I wasn't sure if you'd be too cool about it,".

"Ethan, love, look at me," he says softly, and Ethan looks up into Damiano's eyes. "I would never, and I mean never, be mad at you. For nothing. It isn't something I'm happy about, I'll admit. It's not something 'good'. But I know you couldn't keep yourself from doing elsewise," he admits and Ethan smiles for a moment, before shutting it down with a cough.

"I'm sorry Damiano," he mutters and Damiano holds back from slamming his fist against the tile. "Don't be. You have nothing to apologise for,".

Damiano's gaze drops down to the water, now draining clean. He stops it, getting up from next to the bath. "Do you want me to leave you to take a shower?" he asks and Ethan shakes his head, tying his hair up with an elastic. Damiano brings a towel from the main room, placing it on the sink counter.

"Do you want privacy? I can go if you want," Damiano offers, but the younger replies "No", a bit too loud for his liking. "Please stay," he says, and Damiano helps him out of the bath, handing him the towel and pulling him to the room.

"There must be some gauze somewhere here," Damiano mutters, looking through cabinets, and Ethan stops his arm. "Dont worry, I can throw some shorts on its fine," he says but the older tuts, continuing his search.

"Dami, I'm serious,"

"Tell me why," he says. "And none of that 'it will be uncomfortable' bullshit. 'Cause if anything, it will be more uncomfortable to walk around with fresh cuts between your legs". Ethan swallows, mumbling something about the heat.

"And you think I'll leave you walk around with fresh cuts, open to all dangers?"

"Dami-"

"You might get an infection, especially if you sweat or something,"

"Damiano please-"

", not to mention they'll get itchy snd then what, you might make them blee-"

"I don't want anyone to see!" Ethan yells, grabbing Damiano's arm away from the cabinets. He freezes up at his words, holding Damiano's hand tight.

"No gauze," he says, lip trembling. "I don't-," he exhales, trying to find the words. "I don't have any long pants right now, I don't want anyone to notice from the gauze" he admits, gazed dropped like he was a kicked puppy. Damiano lets out a sigh.

"I can give you one of my pairs, idiot" he says and Ethan softens slightly, shoulders untensing. "Gods, you could have said so from the start," he says, finding the gauze and some medical tape, closing the cabinet door.

you guys need mental help god, i wanna friend like dami and i wanna hug ethan and make him better too 😭 why are u into hurting people like that??

[mynameisminhooooo]

They get to spend all of quarantine with their s/o (Monsta X)

Request : Hi!! Could you do an exo and/or Monsta x reaction to getting to spend all of quarantine with you?

Sorry I put in bullet points bc it's felt like it made more sense? Sorry if you didn't like that. I also included what y'all would do. Bc why not¿

Shownu :

Omg this precious little bear was beyond excited to spend quarantine

Like as soon as his manager said plans were cancelled until further notice he ran out of the practice room

"Y/n I'm staying with you during quarantine..."

"Oh. Aight"

Your guy's quarantine consisted of laying in bed from the moment you woke up till 4 pm

As well as making a lot of food

And taking baths bc social distancing who?

Leads to other things 34% if the time, bc why not??

And of course singing together and him teaching you how to dance to all the songs

Cooking with this dude, where do I start

100% chance of making a mess

Would knock over bowls of side dishes while trying to grab a towel to wipe his hands

Just smiled at you when the food is all over the ground

Talking to the other members over the phone during dinner so it was like you guys were all eating together

Taking food to the other members and leaving it on the doorstep

One time they came outside before he was able to run back to the car and he was convinced he was contaminated

You had to spray him with Lysol to make him feel better

Him just being a whole lil bear the whole time

You guys would go on walks when you'd feel couped up too much

Y'all would be that extremely cute ass couple during quarantine

"I'm so glad I got to spend my quarantine with you" he'd say while kissing your forehead

"I love you y/n"

"I love me too, but your cool too"

"That's not funny" cue pout

Wonho :

Would literally be so happy to spend time with you

Hasn't seen you in like 2 weeks because of his rigorous schedule

When he finally gets to you're guy's apartment he'd just drop all his stuff and run to you, wrapping you in the biggest hug

You guys would eat until you couldn't breath

Ordering take out everyday sometimes for all 3 meals

You guys would take an online art class because why not

Video chatting his family and ofc the members to make sure everyone was well and healthy

Calling his mom 3 times a day

Would be the person who stocks up on toilet paper

Disinfecting everything every morning

Singing karaoke every day after dinner

Doing workouts in the living room because you guys gained weight and he wanted to watch his gorgeous figure

You'd help him write lyrics

You guys would try to be productive and do fun things like read at least once every other day

He'd be so happy to spend time with you like omg

Would literally cry when he looked at you sometimes bc he just loves you that much

Your guy's favorite things to do was lay in bed in each other's arms

"I wish we could stay like this forever, I love you so much y/n"

"I love you too, but can you let me go I have to pee really bad"

Your guy's quarantine would honestly be so fun

Minhyuk :

Would honestly act like he didn't want to spend time with you

"I guess I'm stuck with you"

\(-_-)/

"Your so lucky to have me, huh because I bought food"

Supports every small business and buys from all of them so they'd keep going

"I'll have 3 jars of kimchi, 2 bowls of kimchi jjigae, just give me half of everything"

"Minhyuk where are we gonna put all this the fridge is full"

Gives almost all the food to his family and the members

Buys like 2,264 board games

"Hey, you wanna play Monopoly I'll let you win"

Once again \(-_-)/

Fights about the dumbest thing

"I wanted to buy boardwalk!"

Throws your character off the board

Another person who stocks up, but he bought all the ramen

Your guy's quarantine would be so unproductive honestly

Like you guys just sit around playing board games

Listening to music all day everyday

Going for walks when the sun went down

If he sees an animal on the street he is bringing it home for "safety reasons"

"Look y/n this poor pigeon was left on the street"

Did I mention \(-_-)/

"Minhyuk... It's a pigeon"

Dancing throughout the house

He broke the TV while doing a twirl

Blames it on the pigeon, who you guys have name Piggy

Trying on each others clothes

But at the end of the day he'd be so happy he could spend his quarantine with you and Piggy

"I guess your ok to spend time with..."

Kihyun :

He would be so happy to spend time with you

Would be the most precatious person

"Put on gloves y/n"

"I'm changing the channel..."

Would 10/10 spray down everything before you guys touch it

You guys baked a lot during quarantine

Burning almost everything

Would try to make jokes the whole time

They were not good...

He would try to teach you how to hit the highest notes

Him almost breaking the window

Singing together while reading

Would call every member every day to see how they were doing

You guys would try gardening together because you guys got bored

10/10 the type of dude to telling everyone to buy from small business

If he saw anyone in the street outside the window, he'd yell at them

"Get inside!"

"Do you want to die?!"

You guys would people watch

You guys tried everything possible to pass boredom

Yoga, Singing, Staring Contests

If you got sick would literally call an ambulance

"They want to know if you have a fever, are experiencing lethargy, or have a cough?"

"Kihyun I just have a stomach ache"

Would be so relieved when he just found out it was just gas

He would not let you leave the house

"I really care about you, I cant risk you getting sick"

"You do knows there is a 3% chance of death right"

"But I wouldn't be able to see you"

Wow, whatta man

Hyungwon :

He honestly would be one of those ppl who didn't take it very very serious

"You wanna go to the park?"

"We can barely leave our house to get food?!"

"Ok, loser"

Was happy to spend time with you, but he wanted to actually do things with you like go to dinner

He just wanted to spend quality time with you

You guys would just lay in each other's arms everyday watching TV

Blinds closed letting no light in

The members would call you guys because after 3 days of nothing they were worried

"Oh we're fine, we've just been eating, sleeping and watching TV"

You guys would watch watch every variety show they have been on

You guys would try dying your hair by yourselves

"Wow y/n this blue is really nice"

"Blue it was supposed to be lilac"

How???

Shopping online for everything, food, clothes, furniture

"Y/n we need a new couch I just bought one"

\(-_-)/

You guys got erasable markers and literally drew on the wall

But they did not come off...

He would be kind of sad that he couldn't take you anywhere

But being the cutie he is he'd find ways to do cute date ideas at home

Jooheon :

"Guess what I'm coming home for quarantine!!!!"

Literally couldn't wait to hold you in his arms

Would cry when he came home, because he gets to spend time with you for who knows how long

You guys just hold each other and cry

Would follow you everywhere

If you went to get the mail he'd go with, if you needed to run to the store to get food, he's right by you

"Why is the door locked??? Y/n, you alive? Did corona get you???"

"Don't break the door down! I'm taking a bath"

"Ohhh, let me in!"

This little jerk picked the lock

You guys just sat in the tub for like 3 hours talking about what you should do during quarantine

Things you would do together during quarantine include sitting in the tub for 3 hours everyday

Calling his sister every day so he could talk to his cute niece

He would teach you all his rap parts from every song he could

You guys would send the members a goodie package every week with food and toiletries

Because he worried about them

You guys would take online dance class

Because why not???

Tango, Rumba, Foxtrot, Meringue

He would enjoy every minute with you

You're guys little vacation came to a halt when he fractured his fibula after falling down the stairs

He felt bad that you had to take care of him

But he was so grateful to have you by his side to help him

"Y/n you don't have to get up I can go to the kitchen to get a fork"

Could barely get off the couch

"Just please sit hear"

"So like you wanna bang?"

"No, I want you to get better"

After he got injured he just got so sad that he couldn't do anything with you really anymore

"I love you y/n"

"I love you too"

I.M :

He already was used to seeing you basically everyday

The only difference was you guys got to stay home

You guys didn't even have to change your schedule

He was grateful that he was able to wake up to you every morning tho

"Good morning, cutie"

"Why are you so close??"

Would be so nice the entire quarantine

Need him to wash your hair, just yell for him

Need something off the top shelf

He got it covered

There would be days where you guys just laid in bed the whole day though

You had online school throughout this time

"Y/n hang out with me!¡!¡"

"I'm doing homework for my English class"

"But I'm cuter than English class"

*insert pouty face*

Would try to get in your pants every other hour

You'd let him because ofc

"No, not now Changkyunnie..."

"Yes, now... Pleaseeeeee"

All the members would worry about you because you guys were the youngest and they thought you wouldn't take this seriously

Y'all did though, you only left the house for food

"Y/n am I cute?"

"No, now go to sleep"

"But I love you and I miss you"

"I'm right next to you and it's 3 am"

Bro. Idk why but this drained me I'm gonna write the exo one different bc I literally ran out of ideas of what to do doing quarantine.