#like I'm pretty confident at this point but i still feel like that gnarly rotting deer from yellowjackets half the time

[clergynonman]

I am the way I am because I was born a dykey faggy loud mess and was raised to be a prim a proper straight As stand straight dont speak unless spoken to good little girl and I can't be either of these things in peace because I still feel I need to be ashamed of everything that I am naturally but am also not able to be what I was groomed to be and also not wanting to be that but also living in constant fear that when people find out the trashy loser fuck that I am inside they're going to run away in fear and disgust while also not being able to be freely who I naturally am because I am only now in my twenties slowly letting myself be that and be who i am when i love myself but i feel so incompetent at it because i havent let myself be that dykey mess since I was like 7 and at this point i don't even know how to be myself properly and just imitate others like me but thats not being myself -because i was thoroughly obsessed with the blue mermaid from Barbie Mermaidia.