#like I'm petrified of being a selfish or evil or tone deaf or cocky person because of how much i get told that i am all that
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#my parents ability to make me question my moral worth and conclude “i should just die” in a million different ways is commendable#like I'm petrified of being a selfish or evil or tone deaf or cocky person because of how much i get told that i am all that#like dear mother ..me indulging in unhealthy habits is not a result of arrogance? like look at me hiding in tags instead of speaking freely#even in my own account#do you understand the amount of shame i carry#can you as a narcissist even visualise the size of the shame i am built of#there is nothing left in me other than shame and guilt#me telling you i wanna stop existing and kill myself is not a threat to get what i want from you#and honestly no amount of money or materialistic bullshit will ever be able to give me what i want from you#because you simply don't have it#you were built different#you were built only for yourself#you don't recognise what i need because you don't even understand it#if you did you'd see what a gaping hole of an existence is mine#life is actually so fucking beautiful#and i am not
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