#like I'm not even expressing the half of it. it's genuinely the worst experience on the planet. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gwemmieee · 6 months ago

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Wow, I would love to experience the growth in that 3rd paragraph. That sounds amazing. I guess I'm on my way there eventually.

I can't help but feel a sort of mirrored kinship with the experience that men who aren't a bad person have that you're describing. Because of something I'm honestly terrified to talk about at all outside of a private room.

So, I'm white. I'm so white that I had to disconnect from my entire biological family and extended family because their culture is so British in the worst ways, that it's impossible to survive as a whole person anywhere near them, if your whole person is trans, neurodivergent, disabled, feminine, loving, emotional, etc. And that's kind of the beginning of the point I want to convey.

I finally live somewhere that's not so white, where in fact over half the people I see on the street are not white. And some cis people--both men and women--go out of their way to treat me like a woman in the best ways, like complimenting me on my look, and just generally verbally sending genuine extreme positive energy my way. It's great! And most of the time a cis person does that, they're specifically black.

And as I've been learning more and more about how to exist, survive, and thrive as someone so marginalized, I've been learning SO much from slightly older marginalized folks who know a thing or two about all of that. And some of them are trans like me, occasionally even neurodivergent or disabled, but most of them are black, and usually cis.

It's starting to feel like out of all of the marginalized communities out there, the one that is pretty consistently doing better than me, but also consistently being really good to me in a way that says "I know exactly the hell you're in", is cis black folks. It feels like that community is like my community's parents in terms of support and freedom fighting. And I think I know why. Black people face so much oppression and marginalization, including in ways that I don't. That's real. But if they aren't also queer, then they often also have some sort of family and an entire community with some degree of support, a degree that I have never had. And so they generally have more access to prosperity than me, even though I'm white. Which is something that I feel terrified to admit out loud because of racists, the same way that men feel terrified to talk about being mistreated for who they are because of MRAs.

And as I type this, I guess it's also the same way that non-male victims of male abusers feel terrified to express our fears because of radfems. Maybe it's happening everywhere. This reminds me of when I was younger and more ignorant and I thought centrists were right when they said all extremism is wrong. But that's not it. When you're marginalized or conquered or colonialized, there's so much that falls under the word "extremism" that is definitely right, not wrong. But maybe there's one part of it that's wrong, the part where we focus too much on demographics and fail to accurately tell predator from prey on the individual basis that is actual reality.

We must not ignore structures and statistics when we're talking about how we organize and push for change, and sometimes also how we calculate risk (including where, whether, and when to walk alone outside). But on an individual level, the rules are so very different. As a white person it feels so very transgressive and controversial and dangerous to admit out loud that I am having a much harder time than most cis black folks, because of all of the ways I'm marginalized (trans, disabled, neurodivergent) and my unique life experience as a repeat victim of abandonment with no family ever until I found my first one very recently, and severely limited time and energy to find community because we're paycheck to paycheck.

And you might be wondering, isn't this just oppression olympics? Well, I'm not going to forget that most people who have all of my struggles AND also lack white skin probably usually have it even worse than me--it's quite clear from the fact that most everyone I meet who shares all my struggles is white, which implies that maybe everyone significantly worse off than us hasn't even survived this long. I'm obviously not going to throw this at people's faces or be a child about it. I'm not going to make any assumptions about individuals or stop supporting black liberation where I can and should. I'm not going to treat it as a competition. It's just, this is a matter of self-worth. It's important for me to understand this truth in order to stop beating myself up when I see so many cis black people doing so much better than me just because they also face marginalization. Part of me needs to remember that, statistically, they probably didn't have as hard a time as me. This is sort of just how abandonment victims have to think sometimes. We have just as much access as anyone else to the healthy choices that we make to be good to each other, but we have much less access to the most healthy thought patterns to make those choices easier, so we have to hack together what we've got. I'm probably still unlearning some sick sense of competition deep down from all that neglect I've had all my life.

Anyway, that's part of why I'm feeling a bit of sympathy for especially trans men these days. The unique struggle of "I have it hard in ways that it's very hard to voice without people assuming I'm a bigot" also applies to being white without having like 90% of the privileged experiences or culture that we just assume all white people have, if most of the ways you're having a hard time are invisible. My struggles as a woman certainly aren't invisible anymore, and trans struggles are starting to be visible in some spaces, but outside a tiny number of tiny online spaces, most neurodivergent struggles and most disabled struggles and most abandonment struggles are so very oppressive and so very invisible. Most of us are dead, still completely masking, or never find enough safety to grow up.

I didn't realize how much it would help with my fear of men to just, like entertain the idea that men are people too in a big public post and then see a bunch of men reblog it with big thank yous. There's a certain innocence and happiness I used to have that certain masculine people took away from me that's starting to come back now.

I always assumed I would have to wait until I have the chance to meet a really good person who goes out of their way to keep me comfortable and befriend me who happens to be a man. And that's still kinda true. But these small online interactions are helping a lot 😊

And I like that I can still mix this happy innocence with all the new and really good techniques I've learned under duress around how to avoid future situations with bad men like the ones I've had.

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lassieposting · 3 years ago

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I'm mad at myself for asking this but 💘 skug/alt!Serpine

WHEEZES

U CONVERTED

send me 💘 + A SHIP and i’ll tell you—

where they first met and how

KOTW.

Then, after Skug refuses to kill Serpine at the end of SOW, China spitefully makes him responsible for Serpine's behaviour while he's living in Roarhaven. "Parole officer" isn't part of Skug's job description but honestly he doesn't trust anyone else to make sure Serpine doesn't slip the leash, so

how long their ‘flirting’ phase was before feelings got involved

I mean, Serpine literally gets his dick out in their very first scene together, and he throws his towel over Val's head so it clearly wasn't for her benefit.

My headcanon is that he did have the hots for his own dimension's Skulduggery before he died. But Serpine has a very warped experience of emotions - he's not insane, and he's not a complete psychopath, but he has very low empathy, an obsessive personality, a considerable sadistic streak and a tendency to be jealous, narcissistic and manipulative. So his crush on Skug was more like an unhealthy fixation - hatred and lust and humiliation and the need to control, all tangled together.

On Skug's side...he has a few lines that read as flirty, in a D/S kind of way. But honestly I don't think this was deliberate. I get the impression he's actually imitating how Serpine spoke to him when he was the prisoner. Serpine's entire arc in SOW can be condensed down to "microdosing on what he put Skug through before killing him". He's surrounded by enemies who want him dead, he loses a body part, he's beaten up, he's humiliated, he's cut off from his magic - and he hates it. I get the vibe that this isn't lost on Skug, and he's repeating things Serpine once mockingly said to him just to rub it in.

who fell for who first ( if applicable )

Serpine.

I have him converting to the Church of the Faceless as a teenager, so he's spent his entire adult life surrounded by other selfish, scheming social climbers who'd sell him to Satan for a corn chip. His relationship history is chock full of psychopaths. He's used to betrayal and being used by his partners - such is life, as a bad guy.

So Skug protecting him during the Leibniz mission makes quite an impact. He even says himself that Skug has every reason to hate him and want to make him suffer - which is an attempt at empathy considerably deeper than anything we've seen from him before - but he's still shocked and devastated when Skug cuts his hand off. He genuinely expected Skug to decide to fight their way out rather than harm him. To me, that says he's come to rely on having Skug in his corner, which is a security net he is decidedly not used to having.

He doesn't necessarily express it very well? His feelings are complicated, and he doesn't understand most of them. A good part of him still hates Skug, just as a good part of Skug will always hate him. But his fixation on Skug shifts a bit - rather than obsessing over him as an enemy, he obsesses over him as an ally. He starts wanting Skug's approval and digging for praise, he gets sulky and jealous if Skug implies he doesn't trust him or goes to someone else for help or information instead, and he starts trying to insert himself into Skug's life.

Basically, he's gotten over that he spent the past 300 years as Skug's enemy, so Skug needs to be over it too. Right now. And it's unreasonable and unfair that he isn't over it.

where their first date was and what it was like

Skug is willing to acknowledge that if they were a couple, which they're not, because they're arch enemies, then maybe, if you really had to look at anything they do as "a date" then...perhaps the first time they went to the opera could in some way be considered their first date. But it wasn't. Because they're not together. He doesn't even like Serpine. Valkyrie just doesn't appreciate "yowling" and he had nobody else to go with because all his friends are dead.

Serpine will agree with this - but only because he knows that announcing that he lowkey considers their three day torture extravaganza to be their first date would go down like a lead balloon.

who asks who out and how ( with a sign? spelled out on a cake? just a simple ‘will you go out with me’? )

They never have a "going steady" discussion. It's just

if they keep / kept their relationship secret or let everyone know right away

They're adamant that there's nothing to let anyone know about. They spend a lot of time together, and sometimes Serpine helps with cases, and they angry fuck sometimes, and Skug keeps a few shirts and a toothbrush at Serpine's apartment, but they're not a couple.

who’s more dominant

Skug. Serpine will die mad about it. He complains constantly about how much he gets manhandled during the Leibniz mission, how undignified it is to be cut off from his magic, how everyone tells him to shut up every time he tries to join in a conversation, he hates you all, remember that time he killed people you all cared about?

Unfortunately, Serpine is a massively subby bottom, so dom!Skug makes him deeply horny and even more angry about it. He's the epitome of "Stop looking at my fucking boner when we fight."

where their first kiss was and what it was like

It's New Year's. Serpine is out at a bar with some of his student neighbours because, why not. Skug is at the same bar, questioning the staff about a grizzly murder. The usual. Serpine goes over to say hello and make fun of him for Always Working and tell him he should chill out on occasion because isn't it your fucking birthday and you're still at work??? They're still talking when the countdown finishes and everyone around them starts kissing, which is a completely new concept to Serpine because that tradition wasn't part of the Leibniz dimension's New Year's festivities, so he just sort of panics because everyone else is doing it, grabs Skug by the front of his coat and goes for it.

Skug freezes, because who would know how to react when the man who killed you once tries to go to town on your fake face, and then gets his shit together and promptly arrests Serpine for assaulting a Sanctuary official, because he's petty and he can and Nef needs to learn some fucking boundaries.

They end up lowkey working on the case together through the bars of the temporary holding cell, and although neither of them would admit it, they actually have a good time. At the end of the night Skug relents, lets him out for "good behaviour" and gives him a lift home.

how into pda they are

Serpine is hugely into PDA. He likes a possessive, jealous partner, he's got a bit of an exhibitionistic streak, and ultimately he wants to be wanted enough to be fought over.

Unfortunately for him, Skug is not a PDA fan in the slightest. Serpine finds this bitterly disappointing.

where their usual ‘date spot’ is ( if applicable )

A Roarhaven restaurant with a live jazz band. Serpine likes the food, Skug likes the music, and it's public - so neither of them feels wrongfooted and vulnerable in the other one's territory. Although, as Serpine likes to point out, it would be a bit difficult to torture and dismember a man in his student accommodation apartment. If he can hear Maddie-across-the-hall having muffled sex with her latest beau from the far side of his flat , he's pretty sure the entire building would hear Skug fighting his way out of whatever diabolical trap he seems to think has been set for him every time he comes over.

who’s more protective

Skug is more obviously protective - he protects Serpine almost the entire time in Leibniz, rows with China in defence of his freedom, and (however reluctantly) steps up to help him settle in Roarhaven. But Serpine is territorial, and he can be surprisingly proactive about it. If Skug comes home injured, he can always tell - no matter how much he tries to hide it - because he's seen Skug at his very worst, he knows what 'trying to mask pain' looks like in the set of that jaw and the grit in that voice. He doesn't like anyone else playing with his toys, so sometimes he'll get very angry and lash out at whoever damaged Skug in the first place.

(He also tends to hover at the clinic like a particularly irritating bad smell. He insists it's because he just finds Skug's pain amusing. He's not concerned. Not in the slightest. He doesn't care at all. No, he will not go home.)

how long it is before they sleep together ( can be as in ‘had sex’ or as in ‘shared a bed’ )

They first hook up a few months after returning from Leibniz, but it's a half-dressed up-against-a-wall sort of thing and neither of them sticks around for pillow talk. They don't actually share a bed - as in, fall asleep together - until at least a year later. Technically, the first time they fall asleep together, they're on a stakeout and Serpine dozes off on Skug's shoulder, then wakes up with a cricked neck.

if they argue about anything

Literally everything, 90% of their interactions are arguing. Bickering and snark is the only way they know how to communicate.

who leaves more marks ( lipstick, hickeys, scratchmarks etc. )

Serpine loves leaving marks and doesn't mind getting them, either. He's territorial and has an exhibitionist streak, so he likes everyone knowing who he belongs to, and he's deeply thirsty over the idea of everyone knowing Skug belongs to him.

Unfortunately, Skug is not easy to leave marks on. Any hickies he gives the facade will disappear as soon as Skug turns it off. Some of his scars still show, though - the ones that scored his bones - so at least there's that.

who steals whose clothes and how often

They're not too different in size, so they could probably both get away with it, but everything Skug owns was tailored for him and Nef is narrower in the shoulders, so Skug's shirts don't look quite right on him. That doesn't stop him borrowing a couple to wear around the house, though. He has no stored wealth in this dimension, so he's wearing off the rack until he can get his feet under him again, and Skug's shirts are all obnoxiously fine fabric. It would be silly not to steal a few.

how they cuddle ( spooning? facing each other? )

They're not that cuddly. They do have occasional moments of softness, but it's more likely to be, like. A shoulder bump. Fixing each other's shirt collar. Tending an injury with a minimum of mockery. They do a fair bit of this when no one's watching, though.

what their favourite nonsexual activity is

Bickering.

They also both like working cases. The Sanctuary won't officially hire Serpine because he is who he is, but when Skug hits a dead end in a case or has something that's really frustrating him, they'll go over it together. 400 years of enmity aside, their minds work in similar ways, and they're both very good at that sort of thing - if they hadn't met on opposite sides of the battlefield, they probably would have gotten along very well.

how long they stay mad at each other

They've never actually not been mad at each other. They're just all each other has left because all their friends are dead.

what their usual coffee / tea orders are

Initially, both black - maximum stimulants for Skug, maximum edginess for Serpine. But then he discovers Starbucks, and all the fancy things mortals are doing with coffee these days, and starts branching out into what Skug calls "frilly froufrou nonsense". After that his drinks are like 95% sugar and syrup.

if they ever split up and / or get back together

They never officially split up. This is mostly because neither of them will admit being together in the first place. They absolutely go through phases of being far more enemies than fuckbuddies, and they know how to push each other's buttons and hurt each other like no one else. This ship is comedic and incredibly toxic in turns.

what their shared living space is like ( messy? clean? what kind of decor? )

They don't live together. Serpine has no idea where Skug lives, and Skug wants to keep it that way. Serpine's flat is technically student accommodation - he just needed somewhere the landlord was too young to remember him from the war - so when Skug crashes there it's usually cramped and noisy and there's a revolving door of neighbours knocking on to ask to borrow some milk/loo roll/"hey, you're old, help me with my history thesis?"/"Are you coming out tonight?"

All Serpine's neighbours think he's a sex worker - to them, he seems to have a different well-dressed sugar daddy staying over every week. They keep trying to set him up an OnlyFans. Skug finds all this very amusing.

what their first christmas / hanukkah / etc as a couple was like

Christmas was banned in Leibniz (as a religious holiday of a banned religion) so Nef hasn't celebrated since he converted in his teens, but he gets into it, because it's an excuse for a party and nobody is policing him. Skug is his usual grinchy grouchy self. Nef also celebrates several holidays that Skug isn't familiar with that were commonplace in Leibniz, but are only observed by strict Faceless worshippers in Roarhaven.

what their names are in each other’s phones

Skug is an old man about his contacts, so Nef is just "Nefarian Serpine".

Serpine, on the other hand, has recently discovered emojis, so Skug is "💀🍆".

who falls asleep first and who wakes up first

Who falls asleep first varies; Serpine is a night owl and likes to go to bed in the early hours of the morning, but Skug has some really fucked up working hours, so a lot of the time he's awake long after even the night owls have gone to bed. But it's always Skug who wakes up first - Serpine is Absolutely Not a morning person. He fits right in with the students in his building who have to be coaxed from under the quilt by the smell of frying bacon.

Skug, because he enjoys the odd opportunity to be an asshole, will sometimes wake him with a cup of coffee, and sometimes by holding a flame up to the fire alarm. Variety is the spice of life, Nefarian, didn't anyone ever tell you that?

who’s the big spoon / little spoon

Cuddling is fairly new to Serpine. He's always enjoyed sex, but he has a solid tendency to jump into bed with the enemy - as shown by his laundry list of Resistance conquests - so he's never really gone for relationships where cuddling is a thing. He's more into the "forbidden passion" sort of dynamic.

Skug is a cuddler, but not so much in this particular relationship, for obvious and understandable reasons. Serpine does figure out though that he can burrow under Skug's arm while he's half-asleep or in a postcoital fugue state and Skug will just sort of let him, so he's probably the little spoon.

who hogs the bathroom

Both of them.

Serpine lives in a tiny one bed flat in a student building. His bathroom is miniscule. And when Skug stays over, they're both crammed in there first thing, Serpine trying to shave and do his hair and Skug elbowing him out of the way to cycle through facades until he finds one that's handsome enough to leave the house in. They bicker horrendously the entire time. It's a logistical nightmare.

who kills the spiders / takes them outside

Nef kills them. Not because he knows Skug's not a fan, but because he's not allowed to torment humans anymore, so. Last time he checked, killing spiders wasn't an arrestable offence, Skulduggery, stop looking at him like that.

#skulduggery pleasant #sp headcanons #skulpine #this ship is GARBAGE but listen toxic ships are my jam #long post #yeets my crackships into the tag

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athena-is-a-chaotic-lil-shit · 4 years ago

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Of Ice and Blood

Part 7

Pairing: Tai'chi Kashharzol (Orc) x Pearl Blackbell (Fem!Human/Reader)

Word count: 2.9k

Warnings: Violence, brief mention of attempted rape (minor character)

Tai'chi gently lets go of your hand as the two of you approached the building entrance, students filing out of the rooms, chattering as they made their way to their next class.

As much as you want to feel the warmth of his hand as he held yours, both of you didn't want to risk any more brash acts, having enough of what had happened in less than a day.

You are tired.

One more jerk approaching you with a snide, insulting remark will send you off into a frenzy of kicking everybody's ass. Your father always scolded you for this, lecturing you about the importance of training your self-control, to not let your temper get the best of you.

Come to think of it, if Tai'chi hadn't stopped you earlier, you would've lashed out at David without a second thought, which will then put you in a bad position, making everything far more complicated.

Worst case, they would have expelled you right away.

Self-control, huh. Should've listened to Papa and worked more on it.

You weren't paying much attention to where you were going as you walked through the slightly crowded halls. You let out an "oomph" as you bumped into someone's...arm?

Your apology didn't make its way out of your mouth as a tall, blonde elf, snapped.

"Watch it, human."

The elf gave an irritant side glance as they passed, looking down at you, literally. Like most elven kind, they were slightly taller than the average human. You scented them, subtle, taking in a smell that confused you. The usual sourness is there, but mixed with something sweet? Perhaps the elf was not a bad person after all. Sweet scents from your experience were good.

Kind, even.

"I'm sorry!" You called out, with enough volume, so they could hear you. Your apology was genuine, with a small smile hidden behind your mask. All you got was a 'hmp' in return.

Hey, at least they heard you. You really didn't mean to bump into them, maybe they didn't see you, in regards of your height.

Which wasn't much.

You turned to Tai'chi, and as always, he was watching you, his gaze soft, his face neutral, but you caught a small tug of his lips before it goes back to his previous expression as you went to your class.

Once you stepped inside, you subconsciously looked for vacant seats in the back. Luckily, there were still a few students when you arrived, the pink pixie and the lizard person catching your attention first. You waved as you pass by where they sat. The pixie waved back, seemingly cheerful with your greeting. The lizard person beside her, however, only gave you a curious eye.

You took your seat, Tai'chi following suit and took his beside you, the chair slightly creaking under his weight. You held your breath, releasing it after a moment when the chair didn't break. Tai'chi hummed in amusement.

A moment later, an old, white-haired man entered, followed by a couple of students in your class. He wore a light grey undershirt, a black vest with a red tie, matching black slacks and shoes, along with square-rimmed glasses.

You didn't see him in the office earlier so you have no idea what he's like.

"Good afternoon, students." The teacher began as he wrote on the blackboard. The class responded to his greeting before he continued with his aged voice. "I am Professor Hurton Flemming. I will be the one teaching you your General Mathematics. We will be..."

You listened to Professor Flemming as he briefed the class on what you will be tackling in his subject for your freshmen year.

"Please raise your hand if your name is called. I would like to know the names and faces of my students under my care this year." He took out what looked like a journal and started calling your names.

Turns out, the girl who shoved you this morning was Tiffany Morai. She did sound and act like a Tiffany, like a bitch.

No offense to the other Tiffanies out there.

Lilia Fontaine, the pink pixie. Her name suits her cheerful and bright personality just from her scent when you passed by. She smelled like an assortment of flowers. You weren't good with figuring out their names but you could hint marigolds, which was abundant where you were from.

The lizardperson, Eznet Novak, you found out right after. You couldn't scent them much, just a whiff of some earthy mineral you didn't know.

You thought back on what Tai'chi had told you in regards of your ability.

I should ask him later.

Eznet seemed apprehensive of you, too. Maybe they don't like humans in particular? Or is it because of your mask? People who wore masks are usually deemed suspicious so it seems.

The blue tiefling and the dwarf from earlier weren't present, you noticed. Perhaps they skipped or went somewhere else, another class maybe.

You looked to your seatmate for help when you missed someone's name. Tai'chi felt your eyes on him and he leaned down for you to whisper.

"What's the elf's name again? I spaced out for a second there," you asked.

"Her name's Arlenre Vinela."

Tai'chi whispered back, tilting his head to your ear. You couldn't help but feel a little shiver run down your spine at his rich voice. You hoped he didn't notice it. You almost forgot the name again.

"T-Thanks."

He huffed out a reply as he sat back in his chair. He briefly gauged your reaction, quite proud when he saw that slight tinge of color on your ear.

The two of you raised your hands in attendance, being the last ones called.

Once the professor was done, he left everyone to use the time left for chit-chat and other things as long as we don't cause problems. He is caring and openminded, you wondered what he's like when teaching actual lessons in class.

Ligh chatter filled the room, some in hushed voices, others in a casual one. You glanced to your right at a group of humans halfway across the large room as you sensed their eyes on you. They grimaced when you saw them and went back to gossip amongst each other.

You try blocking out their scents, letting out a tired sigh when you couldn't, you shut your eyes and attempt to get some rest before anything else happens, resting your head on your arm and desk.

What are the chances that a ball of paper would be thrown in your direction right after?

Pretty high.

The orc saw it flying over and caught it in his fist before it hit you. He shot a glare in their direction, huffing when the students pretended to have nothing to do with the paper.

Tai'chi suspected some worded insult inside, so he chose not to uncrumple it, shoving it inside his pocket instead. He'll throw it once he sees a trash bin on the way out.

You weren't aware of what happened and even if you felt the air move, you wouldn't care much. The day's events were catching up to you slowly, you're pretty sure once you step inside your apartment you'd pass out.

For what seemed like half an eternity later, the bell rang for the last time today.

"...Pearl." You two walked out, Tai'chi slowing down his steps for you as he took notice of your drowsy state.

"Hm...?"

"You are tired."

"Mhm yeah...that I am." You replied, yawning behind your mask. Tai'chi chuckled at this, he found you cute everytime.

"Would you allow me to walk you home?" He offered once the two of you got out of the school building.

You perked up, blinking away rapidly.

"W-walk me home?"

"Yes...? But if you're not comfortable with I unders—"

"No! I mean yes!" you spluttered, "I mean— I-I would like that...you walking me home, Tai'chi." Your little outburst drew some attention, but you were pre-occupied to even bother.

Tai'chi breathed out, "Good. That's good. I would like to talk to you about the, uh, courting, if that's okay with you? If you're exhausted we could talk tomorrow." There was no lie on how your eyes looked, you need to rest.

"Nah, I can pay attention for that," you insisted. "I'd like to know what these courting rituals are, today, so I'll know what to expect...and stuff. I seriously have no idea. I never ever, ever had any...suitors? Yeah, suitors."

Huh, now that you think about your past, you didn't find anyone you were attracted to, much to every other girl's convenience and annoyance when you wouldn't react like them when the "campus sweetheart" walks by, squealing and batting their eyelashes, puffing out their chests and raising their hips. They all acted the same way and you found it confusing why they'd do that, alienating you in the process.

"Not even one?" The orc was secretly baffled and relieved to hear that, but he'd never admit it out loud. Maybe.

"Before you? Hell, there are none. I don't think they know I exist, until I get into a fight with them or if they caught word about my reputation, I guess," you shrugged. "You see, uh, most people don't really like the thought of girls who are strong, and psh...capable of anything else other than being submissive, curvaceous and flirty with those skimpy skirts." You say to him, waving your hand in front of your face. You were out of the gate already, so you head right, Tai'chi an arm's length away to your left.

He grunts as he pondered about how those human men are blind and shallow in their choice of interest. Who would not want a strong woman? One capable of handling herself in undesired situations and protecting others?

The answer to that was obvious.

You remained silent for a while, the rush of vehicles and the buzzing of the city surrounded you as you got lost again in your own thoughts. You saw groups of high school students chatting along as they passed.

Tai'chi would glance at you from time to time, paying attention to your features, your tight braid swaying slightly behind you as you walked, and your hands hidden inside your hoodie. You took a left and crossed the street, and then a right after 8 minutes of walking straight, the area you were currently in was quite deserted in the early evening...

A scent.

You stood still, frozen as your nose caught something faint. Something familiarly bad.

"What's wrong?" Taichi asked, his brows furrowing, concerned as he watched you— why did you stop?

"Tai'chi, do you smell that?"

He inhaled the air around him, catching a whiff of something indecent and awful, he frowned, alarmed when he realized what it was.

Lust and fear.

A distant scream slit through the silence and you bolted.

It took a second for Tai'chi to follow, taking large hurried steps as you ran ahead of him towards the origin of the distress.

When you arrive in a dark dingy alley, you pulled out a pair of nunchucks from your bag, the red and black patterns barely visible in the shadows, your knuckle dusters on your left, fingers gripping them tightly. You saw a young girl, her uniform that of a high school student, similar to the ones earlier. She was held down against a wall by a brawny tattooed arm of a man, his hand slowly trailing up her skirt as the other people with him rummaged her school bag.

"P-Please let me go...!" She begged as she squirmed under his grasp.

"There now, little girl, you and I are gonna have so much fun tonight," he breathed at her neck, humming lustfully as he groped her thighs.

You didn't bother making a sound as you lunged, going for the first one as you whip your weapon and hit the back of his head. This startled him, letting go of the girl in the process as he stumbled back, she only sat there, shocked in place.

"What the fu—" You shut him up with a punch to his gut and another one to his jaw. He drops to the ground, unmoving, you hit him too hard, apparently. Not dead, at least.

You got to caught up on your front that you failed to notice the one behind you.

Shit.

Curse yourself for being such a reckless ass when you're lethargic. You braced yourself for whatever was coming, arms raising up to cover your head defensively.

A second passed but nothing happened, nothing hurt. You opened your eyes when you heard a strangled cry and saw a man, held at his neck against the wall by none other than your orc.

W-Wait he's not my orc!

Tai'chi disarms him and buries the knife into the wall just beside the their face, cracking the concrete in the process. He let out a low growl, reigning the urge to simply snap their neck for trying to hurt you. He glared down at them, the man shaking under his hold, terrified.

Your attention was quickly drawn away by a yell of someone heading for you, seeing a glint of another knife, you dodged as he repeatedly tries to stab. You wrapped the chains of your weapon around his wrist when he swiped, twisting it and making the man scream out in pain. You punched him square in the face, a tooth flying off as he spit blood. He falls down to the ground, just like the previous guy.

You attempt to chase the last one that scampered away. The quiet woosh sounded in the air made you hault. A small brick, you saw, flew over you and it hit the guy right on the head.

Anddd he's out. No, he's not dead. I think.

Tai'chi, (who else would've made that shot?) just saved you the trouble of running again. You doubt you could even reach the guy, you'd pass the fuck out within 50 meters.

You exhaled loudly, your hands on your hips as you let your body come down from another rush of adrenaline.

For like, five goddamn times now. You just can't catch a break today for fuck's sake!

While you were cursing every wicked thing out there, a whimper reached your ears, immediately silencing your thoughts.

Ah, right, the girl.

"P-Please don't h-hurt me." She cried out, her scent was heavy in fear, terrified as she stared at the orc who stood beside a man that lay unconscious at his feet. You ran to her, holding her face in your hands as you force her to look at you. The girl was trembling, her body flinching away when you touched her.

"Shh...shh... It's okay, it's alright, you're safe now. Calm down. Take deep breaths for me okay?" you assured. She nods and does what you say, breathing in and out in repeat until her scent changed slightly, though the fear was still there, her trembling turned into light shivers.

"He's a friend. He will not harm you."

You glanced at the orc, your eyes landing on Tai'chi smiled, which he returned with a small nod.

You helped her stand up and put back her things in the bag. Her phone was still in the area, luckily, the guy must've dropped it when he ran away.

Once that was done, the girl hugged you tight, taking you by surprise. You weren't used to this sort of physical contact, at least in a non-violent way.

"Thank you for saving me. H-How can I repay you, miss?"

"Oh no, no, no need to do that. I only did what was right. Just be careful next time when going home alone okay?"

"I insist, p-please let me repay you!" she pressed and you pulled back to look at her.

"No. Really. It's okay, you're okay now."

"But—"

"How about thanking my friend then?" You motioned to Tai'chi who was leaning his weight against the wall, watching you both silently.

"H-Him?"

"Yes, him. His name is Tai'chi and I'm PearI. I want you to thank him."

"But he's—"

"An orc. Is there a problem with that? No. Now listen here, girl, race doesn't fucking matter." You said as you took her hands and squeezed them. "Everything and everyone has a good and a bad side to them, no matter their kind. Do you remember who attacked you? Humans. Our own flesh and blood. Never judge anyone from what they look like, that and thanking him is enough as your payment."

She stared at you with wide eyes, nodding after a moment when she took in your words. She approached the orc, stopping a few feet away and thanked him, shyly peeking up at his face.

"You're welcome," Tai'chi smiled.

——

Part 8 will be out shortly! The day is not over— and I'm scolding myself for the pacing and I'm sorry...

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herzdieb · 5 years ago

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I have to bite the bullet and ask - how do you deal with being in a relationship with an introvert as an extrovert yourself? I feel all I do is argue with my girlfriend because she's an introvert and I'm an extrovert. :(

One thing you have to take into consideration here is that I’m talking purely based on my own experiences.

I’m also speaking from a POV of an eight years-long relationship filled with lots of talking, adjustments, arguments, miscommunication, trial and errors, and a lot of compromises.

Let’s dive into this, shall we?

The obvious thing is - your partner recharges by being away from people, while you recharge by being with and around people. That’s the first big thing that will drive a divide between you two. Because you don’t function okay if you are isolated for too long, and your partner doesn’t function okay if they don’t get the right amount of isolation from people and life in general.

We started dating when I was a bit on the wild side of life; lots of partying, staying out late, lots of all the fun things that you can imagine a college girl would be into. And she simply was not. Never, really.

I’m not sure at what point of life you guys are at, because at a certain point, life kinda winds down and it’s easier to settle into a routine that’s equally as comfortable for both parties. Other times, things are just too hectic and all over the place. Nevertheless, if this got me through my college years, it can get you through anything.

It used to drive me insane. I used to take it very personally. And I know it’s hard not to. I don’t think it’s easy for anyone to initially understand that someone needs a break from you and it’s not personal, it’s just how they recharge and cope with the world. Due to my nature, I was surrounded mainly by extroverts and dated them as well, so this was a huge learning curve for me.

She gave me space, but there were moments when I desperately wanted her to occupy that space as well. And I’m sure you feel the same way. It gets lonely after a while if you attend most of the social events on your own, or feel restrained, one way or another.

That’s life.

But here’s what helped me and helped our relationship in the end:

understand that their need to be left alone has little to nothing to do with you personally

social interactions of any kind, that you wouldn’t even register as a “big deal” can exhaust them to no end; acknowledge and learn to respect that

don’t guilt-trip them - that’s a given for anything really concerning a healthy relationship, but sometimes it gets far too easy to play the blame game - still, don’t fucking do it

learn to give them space - learn to register the signs and patterns, and don’t be afraid to ask “hey, do you need some alone time?”. it hurts to hear a ‘yes’ for the first few times but you’ll adjust to it, just keep yourself busy with something else in the meanwhile. us extroverts are good at that

learn to be patient and understanding - their social battery can go from 100% to 0% in a blink of an eye and sometimes you don’t see it coming. don’t make a big deal if you have to leave a party or a social event before everyone else. or if suddenly they don’t want to go anywhere. staying in isn’t the worst thing that could happen, now is it?

it took me years to realize that staying at home with her, in her little isolation bubble wasn’t her trying to keep me away from things I wanted to do, but was actually her way of showing and expressing love by including me instead of excluding me.

talk about things; ask them what makes them comfortable in social settings, how you can make things easier for them, etc. Usually what we do is that I stick by her side and it’s one of the best things really. you can still mingle as an extrovert, you can still have fun. these things are not mutually exclusive. you can and will have fun with an introvert.

last but not least, take it easy. make small, short-term plans. don’t overwhelm them. learn to accept a “no” from them if they genuinely don’t feel like doing or going somewhere. it doesn’t mean you have to go alone, it could simply be a matter of rescheduling things.

Look, it gets better. Talk about things. If you get hurt, explain why you got hurt. If you get frustrated, do the same. Give your partner a platform to discuss whatever is on their mind as well.

Trust me, nobody who loves you wants to hurt you and your partner is no exception to that rule. Also, keep in mind that escalating every little thing into an argument won’t bring you far. Don’t let things pile up and don’t be afraid of objectively expressing what’s weighing on you and what behavior affects you.

Finding a healthy balance takes time, but eventually, you’ll realize that instead of going to the 10th party that week, chillin’ at home with your s/o doesn’t sound half as bad. It took me years to realize all of that and for us to adjust because I came into this relationship convinced that the only way to spend quality time was by doing things. and doing things meant going places. and that’s simply not true; the sooner you realize and accept that all you really need for a good quality time is your s/o, the better for you guys.

But seriously, if you want someone who is far better at solving problems, you should go annoy @ifishouldvanish. Without her, I wouldn’t be half as insightful as I am right now regarding any of that.

#relationships #hope things work out for you anon and sorry for taking a while to reply #Anonymous

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mira-eyeteeth · 6 years ago

Note

Oh /man/; for the fic meme, if it's not bother: you said in your answer to my comment over the last chapter of your fic that Martin WAS dying a bit a bit inside at Jon's casual "they'll think we're sleeping together". I would love to have his POV of the scene??? Because i'm still not over that conversation at all. If you feel like doing any other scene from Martin's POV though, I'm game! your story is so amazing =)

It’s no bother at all, thank you for asking me! Let’s see if I can do Martin’s POV justice, shall we?

new fic meme: send me a scene with multiple characters from one of my fics , pick a character who isn’t the POV character, and i’ll rewrite the scene from their POV! This scene is from this chapter: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16951992/chapters/43953424

----------------

As Martin tried to get comfortable in the sleeping bag, he wondered if he should be trying to get used to this.

Martin wasn't under any illusions. Jon kept him around because Martin was useful, because he had no choice but to work with him.

And that was fine by Martin. He liked being helpful. If he could make Jon happy by being useful, then Martin was happy.

(He'd taken the memory of Jon's genuine laughter at a joke Martin had made and wrapped it up tightly, stored it away to be revisited whenever he wanted. It didn't matter to Martin that it had mostly been Jon being giddy at the prospect of getting his hands on the tapes.)

But now, Jon had the tapes. And Martin's use was at an end. Jon wouldn't want him around any more, and Martin didn't really have anywhere else to go.

He was pretty sure he'd be able to take the sleeping bag, though, so it wasn't all bad. He should probably broach the topic now so that he'd know how much time he had to get things prepared.

"Jon?"

"You're supposed to be trying to sleep,” Jon said.

"I know, I will, I just… I was thinking, will I… Do you want me to find somewhere else to live? After we get out of here? I mean, you've got the tapes now, which is what you wanted my help for. I've kind of... kind of outlived my usefulness at this point. Should I start packing, when we get back?”

"...have you determined who murdered Gertrude in the last five minutes and merely neglected to inform me?" Jon asked.

"What? No."

"Then I can still use your help, can’t I?”

Ah, that was right; the tapes weren't the end of this mystery. And Jon thought Martin could still contribute to solving it. “...oh. Yeah, I suppose that makes sense,” he replied, feeling hope start to kindle in his chest.

“And besides, we still need to work together on the next phase. You wanted the police involved in this,” Jon added.

The police were a complication, though. “Right. That’s… that’s another reason why I thought you might want me to clear out. I mean, what if they come to your apartment and find me there?” Martin asked.

“Hmn. That seems unlikely. They would need a warrant to search my home, and then they would need to show up when you were present. And even if they do find out about you, it’s likely they would merely assume we’re sleeping together. Office romances may be scandalous, but they aren’t illegal.”

Martin wondered, sometimes, if he really had made Jon forget about his confession.

He'd certainly wanted to at the time, wanted to snatch those words back out of the air and stuff them back down his throat.

He'd wanted to when he looked at Jon with his head buried in his arms, hiding his expression from Martin. Disgust? Disdain? Something worse?

And then Martin had asked if they could forget about it, and Jon had agreed, and then Jon just went back to treating him like normal.

(Like normal for a person, even, and not for a monster.)

Martin couldn't be sure if he'd brainwashed Jon or not. And he couldn't ask; the best case scenario was that Jon had voluntarily decided to ignore Martin's feelings for the sake of their necessary cooperation, and bringing it up again would only result in more rejection and another kick to his unrequited affections. Worst case, he actually had used his powers on Jon again despite promising not to, and making Jon aware of that fact would make Jon hate him even more at the same time he told Jon about his feelings again.

And when Jon said things like that, it brought all those questions back up to the surface. Jon wouldn't casually talk about others thinking they were sleeping together if he could actually remember that Martin was in love with him, would he?

Martin didn't know. Jon's thought process was entirely a mystery to Martin, which was a nerve-wracking thing to have to worry about when half of the decisions it seemed to lead Jon to were incredibly dangerous. How was Martin supposed to keep Jon safe when he was entirely unable to predict what the man would do next?

Martin shoved away the intrusive thought that whispered he could always just make Jon keep himself safe.

“...yeah, I, I guess that would probably happen. But wouldn’t that... bother you?” Martin asked.

“People making stupid assumptions? I suppose it does, on principle, but it’s not as though I haven’t had plenty of experience dealing with people jumping to ludicrous conclusions in essentially every statement I come across. I’m not about to complain about it if it works in my favour for once. ...So long as Tim doesn’t find out about it.”

Martin couldn't help the brief burst of a laugh at the mental image of Tim's reaction to the rumor of an illicit relationship between Jon and Martin of all people. “God, can you imagine? He would never let us hear the end of that.”

"It would be a rough few weeks, at least," Jon drawled.

"Yeah," Martin said. He felt simultaneously guilty and pathetic for entertaining a brief fantasy of Jon and him needing to pretend to be a couple to maintain their cover. Guilty, because Jon would hate that, and pathetic because if Martin was going to be dreaming up fantastical scenarios, he could at least have enough self-respect to have a fantasy where his feelings were actually reciprocated.

"...okay. Just… wanted to make sure. Goodnight, Jon."

"Goodnight."

#somuchbetterthanthat #askmeme #don't mind me #patchwork #hopefully this was halfway decent #i'm much more comfortable writing jon's pov since i'm essentially jon but with martin's love of spiders #the dialogue isn't as tightly edited as i normally would like; i prefer to let the words stand on their own without internal monologue #but there's not really a more elegant way to get martin's pov in there in a meaningful way so fuckit #the magnus archives #fic #oh my god i forgot what a fucking pain it is to try to get a readmore on mobile

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themerc · 3 years ago

Text

My thoughts on NTTD

So... I saw the movie ten days ago, and I've been conflicted over it ever since. I'm still not sure if writing this post is a good idea or not. Those who have read my comments in Slack etc certainly already know. Don't be surprised if this post just disappears eventually - I need to get my thoughts out, but tomorrow I might feel like they're not anyone else's to see.

I hate negativity in fandom spaces and it's not the purpose of my posting this at all. But I'm not good at expressing my thoughts and feelings in a short, brief chat conversations so here I am again, trying to explain and rationalize even to myself. I'm genuinely very happy for anyone who completely enjoyed the movie after the long wait and I'm excited to see so many new people coming into the fandom.

But....

But. They killed James Bond.

James Bond, a character who is indestructible.

What has always made Bond an impossible kill for his enemies, and indeed for the scriptwriters, is his ability to endlessly regenerate and start fresh. He's not a nice guy, but he's efficient and resilient. He's dedicated and focused to his work and more importantly the cause behind that work, so that he isn't bound by the rule book - whatever gets the job done is fair game. He's portrayed as impossibly good at his work, to the point that it's ridiculous in some movies.

So - Bond is not a nice guy - on the contrary. He's flawed, an asshole really, and *knows* it. Craig!Bond especially. He feels and cares deeply and based on CR and Spectre, falls in love easily and quickly. Those are difficult traits for someone in his profession and he pays a high price emotionally for who and what he is. But it has never stopped him from doing his job. Coming back from the 'dead'. From being Bond.

Until NTTD. I went into the movie having read some spoilers but not too much - still enough to expect the major plot points and fear that seeing it would make me lose my interest in anything Bond-related for the foreseeable future. So... I sit there, fearing the worst and gradually start getting excited, thinking 'oh my god, they *actually* made a *spy movie* out of this, all the characters are SO good, they are not force-feeding me the Bond/Madeleine romance storyline I never bought in Specre.... The first half of the movie was superb, enjoyable, classic Bond action. Exceptional acting, breath-taking scenery, interesting start for a plot (after the non-sensical intro in Winter Wonderland....) It got my hopes up ridiculously fast. Only to serve a real slap in the face in the end.

James Bond was killed around halfway in, in Noway, by a five-year-old girl (and incidentally her mother). After that, it was just a matter of watching the inevitable trainwreck happen. Because when Bond is no longer *Bond* in all the essential character traits that define him, he is as good as dead. He WILL be dead. There is no other outcome for him.

I was, after all, force-fed the conventional family storyline that I feared would happen, and it was done in a boring way that made me consider my dad as a likely candidate to play the next "Bond" if they keep this characterization. If they so desperately wanted to include the child, why not have her actually NOT be Bond's, like Madeleine said at first? There was a brief moment of relief for me at that point, where I thought, *oh, excellent!!* until I realised they would not be doing like that for real. It could have been such a good way to show character development for Bond, being compassionate to someone else's kid and *still* care about Madeleine. They would have been able to establish a family of sorts out of what should really matter - shared experiences and actual history together. Rather than have it implied that the only meaningful legacy of everyone, even a phenomenal character like Bond, must be having a biological child? Never mind that he never even knew she existed, and the child's whole existence really is the choice of a woman he had a brief affair with - and suddenly after all that mistrust that lead to their breakup, seeing the child, he's magically in love with her again? Why, oh WHY is the world like this? In order to please the large audience, they just HAD to go for the butchered Disney ending that makes very little sense?

Other things that I count as negatives were...

- The villain treatment they gave Mallory. Just, NOPE. He was an ally in everything that came before, and suddenly out of the blue he's become an antagonist? Right, okayyyyy.... still trying to wrap my head around that.

- Safin and Blofeld were both so good, but so underdeveloped and wasted in their 'villain potential'. Blofeld is the ultimate arch-nemesis, DO SOMETHING with that concept when you have a brilliant actor like Christoph Waltz in the role. Safin had barely any interaction with Bond and while I think his characterization was good, his

motives were really vague to me??? I still don't know what he intended to DO with his nanobots or what his goals were? Also his age doesn't make any sense compared to Madeleine in the beginning.

-Moneypenny still didn't get much screentime and even fewer lines.

THERE WERE SO MANY GOOD BITS THOUGH. I can't say I hated the movie. I didn't hate it. I was just surprisingly deeply affected, and the good didn't quite manage to cancel out the bad for me. I will always love that movie for individual scenes and ideas that made especially the first half the absolute BEST the Bond franchise has ever given me. It gave us canon gay Q; brilliant, inspiring, empowering Nomi; sweet and sassy and adorably dorky Paloma who could *also* kick ass; and a really surprising, heart-wrenching, CR-mirroring death scene for Felix. It even *tried* to be an actual spy movie at some points. Every scene with Q in it was packed with stuff that made my 00Q shipper heart beat a little faster. Ben Whishaw is just a brilliant actor who can bring *so much character* into the tiniest of moments even without any dialogue. And I loved the depth of feeling Daniel Craig was able to convey. Even though I was not invested in the romance at all and could not relate to the family drama, that intensity is more *contagious* than the cursed nanobots.

I haven't lost my interest in all things Bond, like I feared, and I still want to participate in the fandom activities and read and write etc. But I don't feel like I can touch NTTD even with a long stick at this point, maybe never. The only fix-it I'm going to write is a way around NTTD canon existing at all. Usually I like to stick as close to canon as possible, so it won't be easy. ### Edit; I'm making this post public again for the fest because some headcanons I might post are heavily influenced by my NTTD experience.

#nttd spoilers

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ageofevermore · 4 years ago

Text

the full moon is coming videos here , here

other miscellaneous irl blurbs here

enjoy 6k+ words of me getting carried away, then abruptly ending this blurb

Emma was slightly uneasy, fueled with maternal anxieties as she sipped on a chilled water bottle. She had swiped it from Sprayberry's clutches minutes ago, and the poor boy had yet to realize it. They were all severely jet-lagged, hardly awake yet but managing with their ever growing excitement. Her hand was clutched in Ellery's, a grin on her face as the two of them chattered endlessly. They had caught the same flight over to France, but even spending so many hours in a confined space proved to do them no harm. Dylan had tuned them out hours ago, using the baby as an excuse to be distracted. Emma hadn't fought him much on that, thankful to have a few hours to herself while her best friend and Dylan fussed over the five month old.

To say that luxury was short lived was majorly overlooked. The minute they landed Dylan and Ellery were ushered off to another section of the airport, Emma and Logan being led to customs. The baby had been fussy for hours after that, and despite Logan tagging along to help out, nothing had calmed Everly besides her mothers attentive touch. Emma was officially running on four hours of sleep, and she wasn't sure how her eyelids even managed to stay open.

She had left Logan and Everly in the hotel room just a few blocks from the convention center earlier that morning, pre-ordering her friend a coffee as a gesture of thanks. Not every twenty-year-old jumped at the chance of taking a fifteen hour flight to France only to be a babysitter.

"Makeup did a good job." Ellery teased, laughing when Emma dug her fingertips into her sides, a taunting grin on her face that had them both in fits of delirious laughter. They pulled apart quickly after, rummaging through the pile of French candies and snacks.

When they got the two minute signal, both girls grabbed a handful of hard candy, letting it fall into their mouths without much care. Dylan had witnessed it occur, rolling his eyes at his sister and his best, maybe more then friend, friend.

They had a steady thing going since well before Everly's birth, but only after did Dylan truly prove he wasn't just in it for the chase. He had stayed over on nights when Emma had begged him to just go home and be a normal kid on her behalf. He had changed diapers at three in the morning, and sat through breastfeeding's at four without complaint. He had been her rock for months now, and steadily both of them were craving more.

"How are you late?" Emma asked Holland around a mouthful of pastel candy, "Isn't your hotel the closest?" Holland wrinkled her nose at the sight, painfully accustomed to Emma's delirious habits.

"We got lost." Holland exclaimed, "Took a left when we should have went straight, and then when we should have made a right we went straight."

Emma rolled her eyes, swallowing the mouthful of candy before bringing Holland in for a tight hug. She hadn't seen much of the redhead in recent months, being cooped up in her apartment with Dylan and occasionally her friends from back in Jersey. She was taking her time settling into the whole parenting routine, but she would never miss an opportunity for fan interaction.

When they were lined up to start heading out, Sprayberry had finally noticed Emma clutching his water bottle, the sharpie painted cap rubbing off on her fingertips as she fiddled with it. He snatched it back, taking a swig, before handing it back.

"Could've just asked." He teased.

"That wouldn't have been as fun. Besides, you're oblivious when your tired." Emma concluded, cheekily taking another sip of the water and finishing it off. She threw it out, having just enough time to smooth down her shirt before they were being called out on stage.

Ryan went out first, then Dylan, Ellery, Megan, Emma, Crystal, Holland, and Shelley. It was a line-up of one badass women after another, which didn't happen very often in the land of teen wolf conventions. The show wasn't totally male dominated, but the numbers were slightly uneven when it came to promotion.

Emma took her seat between Crystal and Megan, smiling widely at the two. Crystal gave her hands a few squeezes before dropping them and grabbing the water bottle given to her by a stagehand.

Emma pulled out her phone, sending Logan a text as the moderator asked Crystal, Megan, and Ellery about their experience and exposure to France. She was answered immediately with a picture of her munchkin. The bright blue eyes of her baby were slowly earning speckles of darker blue and brown, but her large gummy grin was still the same even behind a pacifier. Her tan onesie decorated with skin tone colored rainbows was undone at the bottom, a recent habit Everly was getting into.

Crystal had leaned over just in time to see the picture, cooing in Emma's ear as she typed out a response before putting her phone away, giving the fans her undivided attention. She looked up at Crystal with a grin, glad to be reunited with the girl.

It wasn't long before they were getting into fan questions, and the interpreter was listening intently. "She wants to know what you miss the most."

"The long hours of work. I miss that, seriously." Dylan exclaimed after a moment of his drawn out um, "I miss having purpose." He joked, Emma couldn't help but roll her eyes at him, although she did miss the long nights. Anytime you created relationships on set and then put them to the test during fraturdays or fifteen hour shoots was always exhilarating.

"People." Holland sang, "I think you miss the people, I miss JR and Ian acting like they're an old married couple." Holland paused when the crowd erupted into screams, a smile breaking her lips. "Right, you know what I'm taking about? I genuinely actually miss that."

Emma grinned, nodding her head at the many memories of JR and Ian's bickering.

"I miss school. During night shots, taking math tests at three in the morning. It sounds like absolute torture, and it was, many tears were shed in that room, but it was always unofficial crackhead shit. I think I gave Spray a concussion one time." Emma grinned, biting down on her bottom lip when laughter arose at her answer. Sprayberry didn't miss a beat though, having been waiting for this moment for at least three years.

It was nearly four in the morning during season six, the both of then were slowly finishing up their senior year, and through delirium they'd decided yoga would be a good idea. They had gotten half way through the first pose before Emma slipped off of his shoulders and the both of them tumbled to the ground. Jeff hadn't let them in the room together for nearly a month after that.

"You did! I was out of choreo for a week." He fed into the microphone.

"It wasn't a life threatening injury, you're fine." She rolled her eyes, before looking at the crowd who. The majority was teenage girls, and they were all collectively giggling at the banter. "He's fine."

Emma turned her head, sticking her tongue out at Sprayberry before she fell back in her seat laughing. Their dynamic had never changed, though being surrounded by old friends had brought out a spark that had been slowly fading with time and adulthood.

"Shelley, would you like to say something?" The moderator questioned, taking Shelley's elaborate hand gestures as her wanting to say something. Emma grinned at the shocked expression on her face before she covered it up.

"The people." She mused, "I miss the people, I miss catching up with them. I miss you guys." Shelley smiled earning cheers to go around the room.

Emma looked down at her phone, seeing the screen light up beneath her leg. From the way it was positioned she could see that it was Logan sending her pictures, she could only assume Everly was being a little shit and using her time away from Emma to meet new milestones.

"Hi, um, what was your favorite scene to film?" A fan asked. Emma had missed this, it hadn't been too long since she'd had this kind of exposure, but it wasn't as painfully frequent as it once was. Emma could never find a medium she liked, always bending more towards a side then a middle.

"My favorite scenes to film were also the worst scenes to film, whenever we had huge ensemble because they would take forever. But it was also fun because everyone was in the scene, so there was a lot of goofing off and having fun. But you would shoot certain scenes for weeks, it felt like, at least days, but your at least having fun with the same people, just like up here. We can all have fun when we're not being professional."

Dylan leaned over the look in his blue eyes gleaming as he knew his voice wouldn't be carried far into the audience because he didn't have a mic, "Do you know how to be professional?"

It was a joke from years ago, one that hadn't been brought up in at least a few months. Emma grinned leaning forward just the same, the glint in her eyes dangerous with energy, "I'll cut your balls off."

The both of them laughed as they leaned back. They weren't sure why that had been so funny, but filming season four had lead to it's creation one morning between Tuesday and Wednesday. Emma was pretty she had been nearly asleep with her head in Sprayberry's lap when he made the joke, and her groggy response had been a tad violent.

Megan was still laughing when she started explaining her answer, being handed a microphone from Holland so the audience could hear her. Crystal glanced over at Emma, sharing a meaningful look with the girl. She was always very put together during panels, the least likely of the cast to go off on wild rants of what happened behind the scenes.

"Yeah that being said, I love to do all my own stunts. Although, that being said, I don't do all my own stunts, my stunt double was amazing, but I kind of love being physical especially because most of those scenes are at night, so it wakes you up it makes you be very aware. But, yeah, those were my favorite scenes. The stunt work, and also, so this question comes up a lot and were asked a lot, and every single time that I'm asked I feel like my scenes always change, and I just thought about the scene in the pilot Holland with you and Emma, at the lacrosse game?" Crystal smiled, at the memory that resurfaced. The pilot was so long ago, filmed nearly nine years ago, but memories were still so vivid.

"Oh yeah." Holland grinned, Emma smiled at the memory.

"You were so brilliant in that scene." Crystal grinned, "But it was the first time that we got to hang out as like normal people. I don't know, it was a great scene with you guys." She grinned, making heart pumping motions with her hands when the crowd awed.

"During that scene about lacrosse I was just talking about getting fired before i had basically even been hired, like, i just hope i make it for a second season, you don't understand, you don't understand. So that's what we were -- that's what I was complaining to Crystal and Em about in the bleachers during that scene." Holland laughed, "But yeah that was a fun scene."

"It was cold too!" Emma added, "Holland and I were in mini skirts and booty shorts."

"It was so cold." Holland agreed, "And, this is a zinger, Atlanta hadn't had a lot of production at that point so there's certain tricks when your filming in cold weather to wear like under lays, and we didn't have those under layers. So we were so bitterly cold during our pilot." Holland looked over at Crystal who was nodding along to her story, a smile breaking her lips when another memory struck Holland, "And our trailer caught on fire, hair and makeup, so we had to get the hell out of dodge."

Shelley grabbed the microphone from Holland a blank gleam in her eyes, "Shit, I was listening to you guys I haven't been thinking. I really enjoy, I'll say since it's who I basically started working with, Dylan O'Brien--" The crowd went up into cheers at just the mention of his name and Emma grinned, "Yeah, that was really my first taste of Teen Wolf and he was just a great scene partner, and obviously we had so much fun, to much fun. I think we laughed, you know, mostly when you're not supposed to. But you know, our scenes always turned out different then I think either of us expected, and there was always some cool, weird thing that would happen, I don't know." Shelley waved off her answer, clearly having initially pulled it from her ass with being on the spot.

"Ellery, Emma, do you have anything?" The moderator asked so she knew if she could begin translating what what already been said.

"I like the scene in Motel California with Ro, Posey," Emma stressed, she had referred to him as Ro, or Rosie multiple times before, but it wasn't an obvious give away that she was referring to Tyler and that often slipped her mind. "When Ellie says she loves him, that was a sweet moment. I don't know that's the only one I can remember, I blocked the first three seasons out and then season six was overrun with spiders."

Ellery had started talking before she was even offered a microphone, her soft voice picking up when Dylan shoved on into her hands. "We had to do a scene in my episode, where we were like fighting. We had to like, get in each others face, I don't think you got it, but it was like really funny."

"Like real life." Shelley interjected.

"Yeah. Exactly! Cause we don't really fight," Sprayberry shrugged his shoulders, and Ellery rolled her eyes in annoyance, "Maybe a little bit, maybe sometimes. It was fun though, cause we actually felt like real siblings."

Dylan grabbed the microphone from Ellery, his lips pinching upwards in a smirk. "We never feel like we're siblings unless we're on a TV show." Emma rolled his words, knowing full well that Dylan adored his little sister more then anything else in the world, although she had an itching suspicion that her baby was beginning to take Ellery's place. "Yeah that was fun because they let us improve a lot which was cool. Um, my favorite scenes are the easy ones. No, uh, the i fell in a hole scene is really popular, I guess. That's one of my favorite scenes that i did film because that started a whole new part of my character, and that opened up the comedic side of my character because before that I was just playing angry, and emotional all the time, and it got kind of tiring, and if by doing that it allowed people to see my character in a different light..."

Emma had tried to follow Spray's words, but she drifted off in thought when he phone buzzed again. Was it Everly? She was sure Logan would have called or gotten into contact with her PA for the day, but she couldn't help but worry. She had taken Everly all over, but never had they been separated in a foreign country. Mom guilt was beginning to eat her up inside, but she forced a smile onto he lips and took a peak down at her phone. She breathed out a sigh, seeing that it was just a picture of Everly, her hands and knees pressed to the floor as she mastered the art of crawling.

"If there had been a season seven, would you have wanted to be in it?" The moderator translated. It was a unanimous answer instantly, heads bobbing and yes's being mumbled into the microphones.

"Do you have any new projects?"

Dylan looked around, seeing that everyone was busy in their own little side conversation so he began to mumble before finding an answer, "Do you guys know Hulu?"

"Light as a feather!" A girl yelled from the audience, attempting to do an American accent but sounding overly southern. Emma giggled, pushing a few strands of hair from her eyes before looking over towards Dylan.

He went over what it was, looking between Ellery and Ryan every few words. He never was good at press, which made Emma wonder why he ranted and raved about it after every convention.

"Anybody else?"

Emma accepted the microphone from Shelley, "I have a movie called After out next year. That's all I can say."

The stage went silent once more, the remaining actors around Emma all either happily our of work or actively looking. "Anyone else have new projects they would like to talk about?"

"No." Shelley exclaimed, "We're retired."

The moderator began to translate when Emma pinched her eyebrows together, turning towards Megan with a small frown, "You have a project." She nudged her gently, her lips turning upwards into a smirk when Megan began to fiddle with her fingers.

Megan had collected a rainstorm of applause for her new gig on Charmed, and Emma smiled, poking at the girl with a taunting grin. Megan laughed and the two fell into each other, whispering about nonsense while the panel moderator directed attention to Shelley.

"Ryan just reminded me about a role I've been on hold for, um, but it's to play a former beauty queen and former addict, so fingers crossed."

"True life story." He mumbled into the mic, watching Shelley's cheeks heat up.

"Miss Teen USA 2004." Emma projected, grinning widely when Shelley flipped her off. That had been a constantly running joke between them for years, she couldn't help but break away into little giggles and grins.

"It's based on my life." She admitted, "I'm not a former addict though." Shelley mimicked downing a glass of alcohol and Emma laughed loudly, mumbling an apology as she giggled into her knees.

The next question was about their preferred favorite season, and the audience had gone into a fit of sadness after Crystal answer 3b. Emma frowned as well, recalling the hardships they had all went through while filming and bringing to life such a traumatic event. Her own character, Ellie, had been a wreck for nearly an entire season to follow. It was an arc Emma loved playing out, having been in that position one to many times before facing the death of a multiple loved ones, but it had also put a pause on the independent women her character was becoming.

She had answered with season four, for that exact reasoning, and than handed the microphone off to Megan. She laughed when Megan answered with season 3b and 4, and then went on about how those seasons were the tipping point when the fandom hated her for taking Derek away.

Dylan grabbed the microphone from Ellery after she answered season 6b by default. "I swear to god, if you don't say season five!" She warned.

"I liked doing 6A and 6B." Emma gasped at his answer, leaning forward to grab at the the small multi-colored hard candies, pelting them towards him aggressively. They showered down on him and Ellery, and the latter of the pair laughed loudly.

Dylan threw the candy back at Emma, his smile wide and taunting as the girl flipped him off with a playful glare. "Why season six?" She demanded to know. "It was literally full of spiders."

DAY 2

Emma had gotten more sleep tonight, thankfully. She hadn't gone to the party with the rest of the cast, instead turning in for a quiet night in her hotel room with her baby and best friend. Logan had been more then happy to have Emma with her as the two of them watched Disney movies, hardly caring that although their excuse for watching children's movies was the baby in the room, Everly was more interested in her feet then she was Tinkerbell and Elsa.

She was in between Holland and Sprayberry for the group panel that morning, sipping on a Starbucks refresher while the moderator asked about the party. Logan had gotten up with Everly just before six thirty, surprising Emma with a few extra minutes of sleep and a refreshing wakeup call.

Dylan reached for the cup, eyeing the light pink liquid. He had ordered for Emma many times before, usually supplying the younger girl with a strawberry lemonade but her drink was evolving by the month it seemed. Emma rolled her eyes playfully, handing the cup to Dylan and watching as her quizfully took a sip. He scrunched his nose up at first, but went in for another gulp and decided it wasn't as bad as he initially thought.

When asked what their favorite line was, the answers were immediate without any need to think, "Deer." Shelley exclaimed.

"A girls gotta eat."

"I fell in a hole."

Emma couldn't help but giggle at the memory, grabbing the microphone from Dylan's hand, "Always." She turned to give the microphone to Holland, sending the redhead a wink considering that line was almost always directed towards her.

"What the hell is a Stiles."

"We protect those who cannot protect themselves."

Ellery's answer was lame, but in the blondes defense she had only made an appearance in one episode. Emma just grinned, to busy making weird faces at Dylan through her impressive fit of energy. She had slept great considering the three am feeding, as well as being in an entirely different country and a hotel bed.

The two of them weren't paying as much attention as they should've been, breaking out into grins when they finally pulled their attention from their moment of weird expressions to listen to the moderator.

Froy had answered the question first, not missing a beat when he lifted the microphone to his mouth and claimed that in his free time he liked to do auditions for other projects. Shelley praised his efforts, her and Emma sharing a mutual distaste for the audition process. Most actors hated auditioning, feeling unnatural and like a ridiculed prop, but it was a necessary evil most times. Emma was convinced there was no better news then when her agent calls and tells her about a role she would only have to chemistry read for.

"What we like to do?" Ryan asked, "I like to get drunk and play with cats." He easily shrugged at the answer and Emma had to hide her grin. She had witnessed a hungover Ryan playing with animals on many occasions, and the sight never failed to be adorable.

It was no shock to Emma when Ellery answered wrestling and Crystal answered cooking. It had been a few weeks since she'd managed to take the drive to Crystal's place, but almost every night she was sent a new recipe that she said she would try and almost never did. Crystal knew this of course, but she also knew although Emma lied through her teeth about commitment, she enjoyed the texts and thought of somebody having her on their mind.

"Reading, hiking, I like the outdoors, the mountains in particular. So, I'll do a lot of audio books when I hike, and I camp. I love camping, so that's usually where I am." Holland grinned before handing the microphone off to Emma.

"I love sleeping." She exclaimed, a goofy grin on her face at the idea. "Usually, I'm hanging out with my baby, or this goon. Sometimes I'll take a random dance class." She nudged a thumb at Dylan, the two of them practically roommates. It wasn't often that Emma spent the night alone with Everly, having to force Dylan back to his own house so there was at least a small reason for him to be paying monthly bills and utilities.

She handed the microphone to Dylan, smiling softly at him before taking another sip of her drink. The way Dylan was sitting looked either genius level comfortable or completely horrible for his joints. She wouldn't be surprise if in a few minutes he'd start complaining about his tailbone or his back, but for the moment he was completely spaced out thinking of an answer.

"Um, I like doing Muay Thai, and wrestling, and I like reading. And um, spending time with this goon." He returned the favor, his grin sheepish when he snapped his gaze to Emma who was playfully rolling her eyes and kicking at his leg with her vans covered foot. Neither one of them missed the way Shelley excitedly gasped at their answers. The pair couldn't go a day without Shelley asking if they'd made it official yet.

Emma was sure she wouldn't say no if Dylan asked, but the guilt of tying him down with a kid at twenty-years-old was a lot of process. She was still only nineteen, they had so much life to live.

Megan took the microphone from Dylan, "Exercising. I just got into yoga, I also just got into Barry's bootcamp which is some intense stuff, and I also just also, also just also, I'm really tired, um, I got into cooking as well, I got into hors d'oeuvres, just getting all into that. And yeah, auditioning. I hate it, but it's what I do in my free time."

"Lucky." Shelley exclaimed when she grabbed the microphone, Emma laughed, shaking her head at the girl. They'd spent many nights curled up on Shelley's bed, or in Emma's, just talking about what the future held for them creatively. It wasn't like their opportunities were limited, rather the work offered way dry. It was either to far fetched from themselves, to boringly similar, or a role to close to one they'd played before. "I love to dance, and uh, I mean, Spanish, duolingo my app."

Emma and Dylan were once again in their own world. They were energized on sleep, Dylan getting an extra boost from the coffee he sipped tenderly. Emma had never really gotten into drinking it, though Holland had tried on multiple occasions to pass her an americano while on set. Kicking at him a little to hard, Emma flinched when she missed his leg and instead rammed her foot into the leg of his chair.

Sprayberry doubled over in laughter whilst Emma pouted, attempting to nurse the ache in her toes but distracting herself with the Starbucks refresher in her hands. She hadn't been kicking him all that hard, just little taps that would become annoying, which was her goal, but apparently the chair had other opinions of her pestering.

The next question was about what era they'd like the live in. Emma's answer hadn't changed since she was seven years old, the nineties being a time she would have liked to experience, or at least remember, because she couldn't deny that she did technically live during them, although it was as an infant.

"The sixties." Shelley answered.

"Considering my ancestry, right now. For free." Megan exclaimed and Emma couldn't help but giggle, though the weight of her statement weighed true and was something Emma thought about too frequently. She was a person of color living in America, but despite her mixed heritage she wasn't called out as often as her dark-skinned colleges and friends, but that didn't mean she was free of any racist interactions.

"Now might be the best time." Dylan agreed, "Um, I would say the nineties, what no! Like the early nineties, when nirvana was a big thing. Like I wish I lived in Seattle when those bands were all around because they were all friends and I would have liked to be apart of a band like that. Now all music is shit. Let me know how it was, yeah." He laughed.

"Is it cool if I say the nineties too? I don't have good reasoning, I just want to know what the hype was about Blockbuster."

"Did you never go to a blockbuster?" Ryan asked, leaning forward in his chair so his voice traveled to Emma.

"No, it was a, here's Netflix, kind of thing."

"When were you born?" His eyes were wide in shock now, clearly interested in the upbringing Emma had considering she hadn't even visited a blockbuster.

"End of ninety-eight." Emma grinned at his exasperated face, "So I have probably been to a blockbuster, but not that I can remember."

Holland had a blissfully teasing glint in her green eyes when Emma turned towards her and offered her the microphone. It was a given to be picked at because of her age. Being twelve and working with twenty and thirty-year-olds just came with the teasing territory. She didn't mind though, usually because Holland always came to set the next day with random products from the nineties, claiming it was to further educate Emma, when really it was just to give her an excuse to buy them on amazon at two am.

The next question wasn't as light hearted, a girl standing up and asking what advice they had for somebody that's sad. Emma had figured out from personal experience that when a question like that is asked it's never for somebody else or conspired out of the blue, it's somebody that's going through a hard time and needs to hear something other then their own internal monologue.

Froy and Ryan had given inklings of advice whilst Emma was in her own head, trying to find words that could soothe. She had faced depressive episodes that lasted weeks and months, and she had felt sadness that lasted days. The two wore different faces, but often they were confused and shoved into the same category. It was a category that not many social outlets or people liked to touch upon.

"I think it is important to realize it is completely fine to feel sad, it's not a bad thing, in fact it only feels really bad when we try to actively push it away. Some of the most beautiful literature, and poetry, and art, and exploration has come from people feeling sad, and in fact if we didn't feel sad we wouldn't know what it would be to feel happiness. If we didn't have heartbreak we wouldn't know what extreme love would feel like, sadness is apart of our human experience and it's something we need to experience, and I think that when you accept okay, I feel sad today, and you don't try to actively push against it lightens it. I think it's just important to realize we actually need it, and it can provide great perspective if you let it, and learn from it." Crystal spoke, her words hitting Emma deeply. She knew the feeling of denial all to well, and pushing aside what she was actually feeling had been a default reflex since before she could remember. It had gotten so bad at one point, there had been a time when she couldn't even name what happiness was. She had pushed everything away to the point where she felt numb.

Emma accepted the microphone from Holland after the girl shared, her heart heavy at the topic they were touching at, "I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder when I was eleven and depression when I was thirteen. I think what helped me the most was looking at it from the perspective that shit happens. I think it's so ignorant when people assume you're incapable of functioning with a mental illness, or being medicated is the only way to deal with it. Letting yourself feel anything that's not happiness has such a negative stigma in society, and you're fed bullshit by so many outlets. I just take a step back from it all. When I have the time to stay home, I stay home. Sometimes I sit in silence for days, and I don't talk to anybody. It's just about finding what works for you."

Emma didn't think twice about handing the microphone off to Dylan. She had never been opposed to talking about her own struggles, but it was a conversation controversial to some, and her emotions were so heavily guarded it was hard to express them at times. Sprayberry offered Emma a genuine smile before he tried to find his own remedies at the tip of his tongue.

She didn't really listen to much to what her other former cast-mates said, busy picking at the skin around her nails and starring off into the audience. Miniscule details were catching her attention, her heart beating in her ears. She wasn't good at being vulnerable, or listening to other people being vulnerable. She had gotten better at it, but it was still able to make her antsy.

That was the last question of the panel, and happily Emma accepted Dylan's hand when he helped her down the stage stairs. His touch had brought her out of the distracted daze she'd fallen into, but the topic still weighed heavily on her. She pulled her phone from the waistband of her pants, frowning curiously when she noticed that Logan hadn't sent her any messages.

When they rounded the corner to a green room, Emma was slightly taken aback to see Logan smiling sheepishly. Her baby was wide away, suckling on a pacifier and playing with her fingers, no sign of a nap in her wide blue eyes.

"You left with my phone." Logan held up the phone in her hands, proving to Emma that the phone she'd been checking all morning hadn't been her own. She hadn't even realized that the case and background was different, to caught up with everything else going on. "And I couldn't get into yours, because you changed the password, again."

Ellery and Dylan both made an advance for the baby at the same time, glaring at each other childishly. Everly didn't mind the attention though, soft coos falling from around her pacifier.

"Did she nap at all?" Emma sighed, switching Logan's phone for her own when she came close enough to the blonde. "I swear if you leave me with an overtired baby later, I'll have your head."

Logan rolled her eyes, "Princess here decided she wanted to sleep until ten this morning." Emma gaped at the news, looking over at her baby with a betrayed gleam. Dylan had her cuddled up into his chest, hands softly caressing's her thin and fragile hair.

"Ten?" Emma whined. She was lucky if Everly slept in past seven. She had quickly learned how to do basic house chores with a baby on in her embrace. "You going to head back to the hotel?"

Logan had mentioned a trip to the shops yesterday, so Emma wouldn't be surprised if she came back to the hotel later and her daughter had an entirely new wardrobe. Logan didn't even need to answer for Emma to roll her eyes. "Don't buy all of France, please." She bargained.

"I'll try not to babes." Logan reached for Everly, hardly bothered by the teary gleam she received. "Say bye to Mommy." Emma pressed a kiss to the babies head before Logan and Evie were gone again, off to spend too much money on tiny shoes and clothes.

Her mood had improved greatly, turning to give Dylan a wide grin and pull him over to the large stack of sweets. Shelley was already rummaging through them with Froy, extending a chocolate covered wafer to Emma the second she approached.

This was exactly the place she wanted to be.

#teen wolf #emma james #give me your all miscellaneous blurbs #give me your all #ellie mccall #emeline james #emma sprayberry #everly james

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ernmark · 7 years ago

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is it possible for me to request a jupeter fic with a very jealous juno?? ❤️ i'm in love with the way you write and yr penumbra fics always make my day

If it’s jealous Juno you’re after, we’ve got two fics that might please you:

Juno and Peter reunite while Peter’s seducing somebody else

Where Juno isn’t Peter’s soulmate

Jealous Juno is actually surprisingly hard to write, because the poor babe genuinely believes that he doesn’t deserve someone like Peter, so it’s just a matter of time until he’s tossed aside.

God if that doesn’t break my heart.

I’ve got a whole lot more jealous Peter, because the guy is a whole lot more proactive about knowing what he wants and going for it (and he’s got a quasi-canonical track record for being possessive about Juno.)

Peter gets jealous over Alessandra

Peter gets jealous over one of the Vixens

Peter gets jealous over Julian DiMaggio

Peter is a dragon and gets jealous over other dragons

Juno is hit on by a creep at a club

Juno is hit on by multiple creeps at a club

Peter is working at a hotel when Juno comes in with a celebrity friend

If you recognize the other person in this fic, it’s because he’s from this fic over here.

Juno instantly knows something’s wrong. He isn’t sure what– just that Peter suddenly goes stiff beside him and plucks Juno’s hand off his hip.

And his request isn’t making Juno any more comfortable.

“Love, I’m going to need you to trust me.”

And Juno does. Of course he does. But the fact that it needs to be asked for? That’s not a good sign. “What is it?”

“I promise I’ll explain later. But right now, I need you to go home.”

“Listen, if there’s trouble–”

“I can handle it on my own.” The anxiety in his eyes sends a chill down Juno’s spine. ��Juno, please, there’s no time. Go.” And before Juno can ask him again, Peter grabs him by the shoulders and shoves him back with so much force it’s nearly violent. Juno crashes into the next table over, sending several drinks to the floor. He turns around just in time to see a broad hand slide around Peter’s shoulders and pull him close.

“Is this guy bothering you, Rhodri?”

Juno watches the emotions wash visibly over Peter’s face: he’s startled at the touch, but as he looks at the man holding him his expression lights up with something between fear and awe. “Okul,” he breathes.

The other man is a big guy– broad and even taller than Peter, with the kind of glare that says mobster, the kind of muscles that say bruiser, and the kind of shoes that say he’s a few dozen rungs higher on the ladder. The posse of grease-haired gangsters supports that idea. He gestures at Juno. “Boys, take–”

He doesn’t get the chance to finish the sentence before his mouth is otherwise occupied. Peter’s in his arms, kissing him like the world is ending, like he needs this man to breathe, like there’s nothing else he could possibly want more than him.

Juno feels it like a punch in the gut.

He should have known. Goddammit, he should have–

No. No, that doesn’t make sense. Peter’s not like that. Sure, he could do better than Juno Steel, but this guy over here? This half-rate mobster? He’s beneath Peter’s dignity. Besides, Peter’s too good a con to pull something like this right in front of Juno– not if he had any intention of deceiving him.

No. He trusts Peter. He trusts Peter.

Juno drags himself to his feet, grabbing a napkin from the frantic waitress to sop up the beer all over his jacket and disappears into the darkest corners of the bar while he cleans himself up.

He trusts Peter. This Okul guy, not so much. It’s not that he’s worried about him making a move– that spaceship has sailed– but mobsters like this aren’t exactly known for being level-headed and peaceful. If he gets violent, Juno wants to make sure Peter isn’t alone.

Even if that means he’s got to sit through this nightmare.

“I thought I’d never see you again,” Peter says, pulling away just enough to look the mobster in the eye. His arms are around the other man’s neck; the mobster’s hands are a whole lot lower. “Okul, I thought you were dead.”

Okul’s grin makes Juno’s teeth grind. “Don’t be ridiculous. Nobody can kill me. I’m invincible!”

Wanna test that theory?

Peter steps back, but he doesn’t get far before Okul’s arm settles around his waist, looking about as comfortable as a manacle. Peter could slip out in a heartbeat– instead he leans into it and drapes himself around a bicep as big around as his waist.

Juno can’t hear what they’re saying, but he can see Peter’s long fingers tracing patterns over Okul’s skin, the glances half-hidden under long eyelashes, the words whispered too slowly into the mobster’s ear. And then Okul turns his head and kisses him again, tugging him onto the dance floor.

The beer-soaked napkin turns to pulp in Juno’s hand.

He trusts Peter. He trusts Peter. He trusts Peter.

But it’s hard to feel comfortable when the two of them are that close, sliding and grinding against each other like they’re goddamn fucking with their clothes on. Okul is too rough with him, holding Peter’s hands too tight and changing directions half a beat before the music does just so he can catch him off guard. If for a second it looked like he was hurting him, Juno would put a laser between his eyes, but Peter’s face is flushed and his eyes are bright and he’s leaning even harder into him–

Does Peter like it like that? Is what he’s got with Juno just not– not enough for him?

Dammit, if he wanted something rougher he only had to say so. Juno could do better, he could be better, just give him the chance–

And now Okul is shepherding him toward the door with a grin that makes Juno’s skin crawl. No. No, that can’t happen. Juno jumps to his feet and starts after them. He doesn’t know if he’s being rational or overprotective or just plain pathetic, but his mind is flashing visions of all the things that could happen to Peter if he’s alone with that man and Juno likes none of them. He needs to stop this.

The club is crowded; by the time he wades through the throng of people and gets out the door, Peter and the mobster have a several-minute head start.

Unfortunately, that’s not the worst of his problems.

The moment he steps through the door, a pair of enormous mitts grab him by the collar and almost yank him off his feet. The next thing he knows, one of Okul’s lackeys is in his space. “Why, if it ain’t the dame who can’t take a hint.”

“Nah, hints give me indigestion. More of a wine-and-chocolates guy.”

Three more close in, dragging him into the alley. “You think you’re real funny, don’t you?”

“Usually I am, but it’s been kind of an off night for me,” Juno says.

The lackey sneers. “I bet it was. The boss said he saw you skulking after his side piece.”

“You call that skulking?” Juno asks.

The gangsters don’t indulge his bit. “He wants us to teach you a lesson.”

“Yeah?” Juno’s fist collides with the lackey’s jaw, and the other man goes staggering back. “Let’s start with how to throw a right hook.”

Four gangsters isn’t the worst Juno’s had to deal with-- especially not when he gets his hands on one of their blasters.

He calls in an anonymous tip that there’s been an attempted mugging, and he makes a break for it before the cops can show up and pin it on him.

That leaves him alone, with Peter who-even-knows where, having who-knows-what done to him by some a guy who looks like he could have been one of the guinea pigs for super soldier experiments back in the war.

He trusts Peter.

But if Peter needs his help--

Goddammit.

After too much pacing in back alleys, he comes to a compromise and he pulls out his comms.

Are you okay? A call might blow Peter’s... whatever this is, but a text should be unobtrusive enough not to be a problem.

For several long, grueling minutes, there’s no response. Juno’s already thinking about ways to convince Rita to track Peter’s comms when he finally gets his reply.

I have it handled.

And then another:

Go home.

Juno stares at his comms in dismay.

That’s... good. If Peter isn’t in danger, that’s good. Great. He’s got nothing to worry about.

Nothing at all.

He does go home, like Peter told him to. He sinks into his chair. Watches the clock and the comms.

Thinks about pouring himself a drink, but decides against it. If Peter does need him later, he’ll want to be sober.

Tries not to think about what Peter’s doing right now. What’s being done to him. How he feels about it.

Reminds himself that he trusts Peter to take care of himself. To come back in one piece. To come back at all.

The clock strikes midnight, and then keeps going.

Two.

Three.

He should sleep. He doesn’t.

He wants to text again. His fingers keep tracing the message and then deleting it again.

Are you having fun?

Are you okay?

Are you alive?

Please don’t be dead

Leave if you want to but please don’t be dead

Each message is erased before he can give into temptation to send it.

He trusts Peter.

It’s a little past four when the apartment door clicks open. Peter makes it two steps into the apartment before he stops.

“Juno?” The door shuts behind him carefully. “You didn’t have to wait up for me.”

Wearily Juno rises from his chair. Maybe at a more reasonable hour, he would have come back with something witty, but he’s too tired-- at least until he gets a good look at Peter.

Peter’s shirt is damp and wrinkled; it looks like he spent some time scrubbing it in a sink, but he couldn’t get out that last hint of red. His hands are clean, except for little crescents of gore that have gotten lodged under his fingernails. There are bruises, too, and not all of them look like the friendly variety.

”Are you alright?” Juno demands, getting close. “Did he hurt you?”

It doesn’t help that Peter's expression is guarded and distant. “You don’t have to worry, Juno. I took care of it.”

Why won’t he answer the question? “Did he hurt you?” Juno repeats, trying not to sound as frantic as he feels and failing miserably. “I swear, I’ll kill him--”

“There’s no need for that.” Peter retreats until his back is almost pressed against the door. “He’s already dead.” He unbuttons the cuffs of his sleeves, just to give himself something to look at. Juno knows the gesture well by now. “I paid off a few rabbits to get rid of the body. The evidence should point to a rival gang, assuming the police bothers to investigate at all. There shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Peter,” Juno starts, but he doesn’t know what else to say.

Peter takes a long breath. “It’s something I probably should have done years ago.Okul was a dangerous man even before he acquired a following.” Finally he looks Juno in the eye, resolute in just one thing. “I wasn’t going to let him come after you.”

#romeojuliets #the penumbra podcast #writing prompt #fanfiction #do you ever get halfway through writing something and suddenly go #aha I see you two have picked a setting for this little shindig #so kind of you to inform me #maybe try doing that at the beginning of the story next time

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tamiddyinyourcity · 5 years ago

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12:36am.

My uterus hurts, I haven't eaten all day, and the universe wants me to kill myself.

Sunday, February 23rd of 2020.

This is my version of Friday.

Due to working weekends, Fridays feel like Mondays. Saturdays feel like.... Tuesdays. Sundays feel like Fridays. And a Monday is a more depressing Friday. Then the rest of the week is a confusing blur, until eventually I get back to day one at work.

Life is a blur, to say the least.

Today was..... a mess.

What's happening....

Patrick accused me of keying his car and stealing his license plate. I think he mentioned something about trying acid with his friends before, so I wouldn't be shocked if it was a classic Friday night with his stupid ass friends, and whatever weird shit he imagined seeming like it was his reality. All he really said was that he "heard noises outside last night" and banging sounds...... Sounds like the acid talking. Or was it shrooms? Who cares. I gotta stop dating men that experiment with drugs. They're funny, but usually the most escapist and defeatist people I know. As well as thinking with their dicks.... Hell, Marco had fucked me up, and that guy...... yuck. :/ I shall find better eventually.

A dumbass at my job thought he could shoulder-slam himself against a door, that could only open the opposite direction.... instead of using his KEY CARD. He's so fucking annoying. A lot of the people at my job do drugs, to an extent. Gosh. :/

My period started... explains a lot. I was a little salty to a sweet old lady at work because of it. I'm sorry, Voo. Please forgive me. :( Ur very sweet, have a nice night please.

The time I finally order food from PostMates, I think "I genuinely want to have a meal that comes to me in decent condition. Even if the food is spilled or arrives cold, i will just be happy to receive it and not make a single complaint". And when it arrived, two hours late.... The burger was missing at least half of its key ingredients. And upon trying to report my fucked up food, PostMates noticed I had a problem with almost all of my food before, and refused to give a refund..... I wouldn't have a problem if you just had restaurants that MADE FOOD CORRECTLY. How does one make a bacon lardon burger and forget the bacon lardons? Where the hell are the onion rings, if its an onion ring and bacon lardon sandwich? Maybe if PostMates didnt respond to even the smallest of problems with "Let's comp your entire meal!", then, maybe they'd know when a big problem is a big problem.... God, that had me more upset than my ex contacting me at work today. I already knew this man was an idiot, but the worst you can do is remove the potential of thick bacon slices frlm me when already having no food for the whole fucking day..... It's 1:03am, and I still haven't eaten anything. Even the smell of my fucked up sandwich, which also arrived ice cold, smells disgusting to me.

A post where I successfully vented about getting over my ex was never posted. Tumblr is a terrible app. :) It sucks, none of my actual good writing ever posts....

My entire sense of smell is heightened. Bad breathe went from slightly unpleasant, to vomit worthy. The smell of my own blood makes me want to puke. I can tell when a person smokes weed nowadays. Even the uber ride or anywhere I've been smells rancid, even my own food.... It's disgusting. I was truly lucky, being gifted with a lack of smell senses. (Unless you're my ex, and you sit next to me without showering in dark movie theaters.)

And, my good things.

A sweet lady at work gave me some spare candles, since she had too many. Girl, I love candles. I WAS SO HAPPY! And I didn't wanna express too much joy, or else she'd know to expect a favor from me in return or something. Or, I'd seem sus if I describe my specific excitement for colored and scented candles related to my personal beliefs, BUUUUUT THANK YOU BEAUTIFUL SISSSSS. YAAAAAAS. :D

My sweater is nice and thick, and oversized. Oversized sweaters are the best, since you can't get them dirty if they never touch your armpits. Its been keeping me warm, thankfully its still clean. I've had chills, shakes, and sweats all day. Not amazing, but, thats how periods be like.....

Voo forgave me for being salty, and told another person that I was very nice. Thanks, Voo. I love you. I would die for you. Bless you. You deserve wonderful things in life and I sincerely want that so much for you.

And now I'm at home, watching John Wolfe play the new Lovecraftian Junji Ito Horror Game Release. I'm so happy. :)

.....

Side note: I knew I'd never leave Patrick, if I didn't leave him in reckless ways.

Its a coping mechanism. If I can tell something is bad for me, or a person is so toxic that I still cant help but feel engulfed by them.... I do whatever it takes to end it. Even if I regret it, or it hurts me.

Like that scene in IT, where the older brother shoots Georgie, since he knew Georgie, his sweet armless brother, was actually Pennywise in disguise. And to avoid succumbing to something that would ruin him, all due to a fantasy of what he wished in his head, he had to kill the Pennywise amalgation of Georgie.

So everything I've done to Patrick was to end things. To be a game over.

Since I don't like holding too much affection for people. Relationships scare me for good reasons. I never know what a person will do. Or what I might do. And....... I prefer to never be in them. Trusting someone is hard to tell, and you never know what type of person the one you fall for is.

He was not what I expected.

And I hate what he's become.

A guy that used to never think twice about kissing me and holding me for hours at a time, now struggles for so much as eye contact or sitting close to one another.

He lies. He gaslights. And he's paranoid, constantly. I wish he never changed.

But, he had to. Since the huge red flags I saw that night I first left him? Were too big.

And all that has happened is the flag has been growing bigger and bigger the more that I know him.

Sometimes, I think he's less afraid of me. And moreso afraid of what he will do to me next.

Not comforting. But he clearly knows he will never change, with his stubborn ass.

I hate him so much, but, if not for Valentine's Day, I would have painfully stayed and tried to convince him.

Not my fault I dated yet another coward.

So tired of this shit. God bless and amen. Gonna head to sleep soon. Rest up, loves. Be safe and rest well.

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dxmedstudent · 7 years ago

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So, I'm a med student and I'm currently living and in the same rotation with this absolute GUNNER (Who is also genuinely smart (top of the grade) and hardworking, but is also a snake) and I cannot STAND HER. It's really affecting my mental health negatively. Any tips on how to focus on myself/ stop comparing/ stop letting her take all the opportunities? The doctors LOVE her since she's so sweet, smart and... tall blonde white girl. It sucks for all of us in her rotation and she doesn't care

My commiserations. Placements sometimes have limited possibilities, and it can suck when things aren’t shared equally. And although your seniors probably aren’t judging you half as much as you think, it still feels like you’re being compared. I used to hate placements when it was just the two of us the absolute most, because it felt too much like it would always be ‘the eager one’ and ‘the one who isn’t putting in as much effort’. I’ve been both, and it sucks etiher way. To answer your actual question, it’s hard to completely avoid people, but you can manage how you all interact with the Ms Snakes in your lives. I do hope you’re not in the same house or flat (hospital accommodation, right?), because that sounds like no fun. I’d suggest planning group-wide social events (that way she may be around, but Snakey’s never the only person you’re stuck with. Remember that you have other colleagues. You have friends. And whilst I’d say it’s probably uncalled for to badmouth Snakey to your clinical group (bitching can backfire, and it doesn’t build a nice working environment for anyone, so I’d really advise against it. If you have to say anything about Snakey to your peers, try to keep it to making neutral observations. Observations that perhaps some people are getting more exposure than others, or whatever. You don’t want to make the entire group descend into infighting, and you don’t want to come across as the one obsessed with Snakey to the point that people assume you are rivals in a cartoon series. But when it comes to talking to your friends? Knock yourself out. Blow off as much steam as you want. Let them know how much it’s really bugging you. Naming someone isn’t even relevant, it’s the sheer act of just expressing your frustration that can keep you sane. And don’t forget to give yourself alone time where you don’t need to deal with them. Remember that you have lots of great features, perhaps they just aren’t the same ones as Snakey. It’s easy for all of us to fear that we’re the worst student. That everyone knows more, does better, and is generally destined to be amazing whilst we’re left behind and undeserving of even being there. It’s a common feeling; impostor syndrome is almost ubiquitous in medicine. The secret is that all of us, at some point, feel like we’re not good enough to be here. But like a protagonist in a shonen anime, we keep on taking the punishment and keep fighting through the self-doubt. So trying to limit your exposure to people who rub you up the wrong way can be a really good idea. But there will be times when you have to deal with them, or at the very least have to ensure you don’t totally lose out. But you also don’t want to be rude or confrontational, because that doesn’t usually help things very much. So here are some of my tips for devious niceness: In terms of work, the thing about Ms (or Mr) Snakes is this; most people are OK, but a small minority try to sabotage others. So don’t give them the chance. Your consultants/seniors/FY1s will usually want one peson to be the ‘contact’ for the group; don’t let that be Mr Snakey, if you can avoid it. I’ve had friends being told completely the wrong time/venue for teaching by the snakes in their group. So instead of letting them have all the power, or hog information, kindly suggest that it might spare Snakey (or the docs) the effort of contacting you all individually if the senior or FY1 just puts all of you in a whatsapp group (or you could even make it, if you wish) so that relevant info like teaching times etc can be shared. On the plus side this also makes it a bit easier to let people know if things are cancelled, running late etc. This prevents them from telling you one time/date etc and telling everyone else another. Or keeping things to themselves. This important because the junior docs supervising you don’t really want to be remembering who’s done what; they have more important things to worry about, like patients not dying. They don’t really care if one student took slightly more opportunities than the others. It’s not that we don’t hate unfairness (everyone hates Snakes), but unless something major is going on, we’re usually too distracted for it to trigger our radar. So work with what you have. Anything that makes their life more easy will be readily accepted. Make their life easy. A little bit of planning and chatting with your peers can go a long way. It sounds like your placement doesn’t have rigid timetables. I’ve noticed they usually work better when people know where they should be, and if I have been on a placement which sort of says ‘well, just turn up to clinic or ward, IDC, you can be the one to add structure. If there’s a problem with making sure that you all get to clinic, or clerking etc because she (or someone else) is always hogging clinic, because they are always there first, politely draw out a timetable (Microsoft excel is a wonderful thing) and suggest to the group (perhaps even in front of the seniors responsible for you) that everyone gets a chance. I find this quite useful even when there isn’t a problem with specific people, just because there are often more students than opportunities, so if you don’t plan out where you will all be, then you’ll forever be turning up to find 5 people at the same clinic, etc. If you’re worried about a little snakey sabotage, you can always be sneaky and mention your idea to the rest of the group first, so that by the time it has to be mentioned to Ms Snake. You can’t really draw up a timetable for cannulas or procedures. They just sort of happen when they happen. But you can ask the juniors for more opportunities. You can try to put yourself forward whenever an opportunity arises. Snakey can’t take them all! It might mean asking around more, but your seniors will respond you your making an extra effort. It’s pretty difficult to put yourself forward for things, but it gets easier with time. And sometimes it really is the best way to get opportunities. Another thing is a bit of team work. Some of your colleagues will be really shy. But you can speak up for them, even if it’s hard to speak up for yourself. Sometimes it’s easier to say “Um, Charlotte hasn’t had a chance to do a cannula/take a history yet, I wonder if she’d like to try” might help. Or a loud “Ah, Kiranpreet, weren’t you saying you really need to get an ABG signed off?” can be great. Within a group, you pretty much all know how well you are all doing on getting your competencies signed off, and actually a bit of team spirit rather than ‘me me me’ helps. By working with the group, you in turn encourage others to work with you, and anyone who doesn’t play along in the spirit of friendship would start to look much more odd. Mos people do this just because they are nice; you’ll probably have helped your colleagues lots of times without really having an ulterior motive. But here you’ve got an added extra; if everyone plays nice, then putting yourself forward for everything begins to look a lot less… acceptable. And that’s what you all want; playing fair to be the done thing. If you were feeling really bold, you could even go a step further and just say “Ah, Snakey McSnake, I think you picked up last cannula?” when they offer to do their umpteenth procedure in a row whilst the rest of you are twiddling your fingers. That’s a bit riskier (and cattier) but it might be all in the delivery. Say it innocently enough, like it’s a statement, not an accusation. After all, part of the problem is that you and your colleagues are a bit too polite to put yourselfves forward. The aim here isn’t to pick a fight, so it’s only something you can really do if you can keep your cool. It needs to be effortlessly casual, almost as if you don’t really care. Of course, most of us aren’t Oscar winning actors who can pull something off like that. If you really thought that the person would be receptive to it, you might even consider something radical like having a chat with them. Perhaps they don’t even realise they are grabbing all the opportunities, and perhaps they don’t realise they are a bit too overeager to answer all the questions. Not everyone who is irritating is necessarily out to make others look bad; I’ve known people who pretty much look and act like gunners (perhaps they are really socially inept), but when you speak to them as individuals, they end up being a lot less… nasty than you expected. In fact, they were nicer than plenty of other students. I just don’t think they’d really realised how their keeness came off. Sometimes talking helps, sometimes it doesn’t. But I don’t feel any answer would be complete without the suggestion that you try to deal with it like grownups. Unfortunately, sometimes handling it the grownup way isn’t possible.I hope this helps! Finally, there’s one thing to remember. This too shall pass. You really won’t be stuck with them forever, or even for very long. You’ll get plenty of chances to work alongside people who understand the meaning of teamwork. I really hope this doesn’t ruin the med school experience for you. Most people aren’t Snakes after all. Hope it works out for the better!

#askdx #ask dx #snakes #gunners #people who are mean #play nice everyone

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