#like I would absolutely take ‘my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard’ even if Louis gets so much more game | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jeemyjamz · 7 years

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27. “Please shut up. I can’t stand how appealing your voice is.”

Working at the Riverdale Register for the summer wouldn’t have been so bad for one Betty Cooper. However, since her parents own said paper where they, read her mother, can watch her like a hawk, the situation was less than ideal.

The perpetual funk that she’s been in since the beginning of the summer only worsened when she caught her boyfriend of two months sucking faces with Ginger Lopez behind Pop’s yesterday night.

Needless to say, she’s now newly single, and her ex-boyfriend was in dire need of some serious dry cleaning in order remove the stains of strawberry milkshake from his shirt.

“Screw him Betty. Nick St. Clair didn’t deserve you. He was, and always will be, a pig.” Veronica said matter-of-factly as she chewed on her fries.

“I was never gonna marry him V. So, I guess I’m not that heartbroken. I’m more angry...and defeated.” Betty finished off with a sigh.

“Don’t let one bad apple turn you away from the entire harvest B. You’ll find someone that’ll treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”

Betty shrugged her shoulders. “After multiple attempts of dating this past year, all ending with disastrous results, I think I’ll be swearing off men for the time being and just focus on myself.” She paused and took a quick sip of her milkshake. “And that means no matchmaking Veronica. Absolutely NONE.”

“But, but what if prince charming comes along and you’re not there to welcome him with open arms.” Veronica eyes grew wide at the possibility of her best friend shunning away from true love.

“No way, V. I mean it.” Betty looked pointedly at the brunette before standing up from the booth. “I’ve gotta go head back to the Register. I’ll text you later.” She bid her friend goodbye and headed out the door.

A few seconds after Betty left, Veronica heard someone call her name, “Hey, Ron!” She saw her ginger-haired boyfriend heading towards her and greeted him with a kiss. “Did we just miss Betty?”

“Yea, she just left. And ‘we’? who’s ‘we’?” Archie turned around, pointing his thumb in the direction of a boy around their age who was leaning over the counter talking to Pop Tate.

“My friend, Jughead, just moved back to town from Toledo.” Jughead, who finished placing his order, made his way to the couple.

Veronica took in his appearance and decided she liked what she saw. Tall, lean build, ebony hair, and eyes to die for. ‘He’s perfect for Betty!’

“Sorry, who’s Betty?” Jughead spoke up, confusion written on his face from what the dark-haired girl mumbled.

Veronica shook herself out from her mild stupor. “Never mind what I just said. Jughead, allow me to welcome you to Riverdale.” Clasping her hands together, she gave the newcomer a beaming smile. “You’re gonna love it here, I can already tell.”

---------------------------

Betty woke up the next morning to numerous texts from Veronica. Sensing that there was a theme in all of them, all revolving around a boy she just met whom she dubbed to be the Romeo to your Juliet, Betty.

*seriously, jughead’s got the whole brooding writer thing going on. and I know how much you love brooding writers*

*he’s a solid ten betty*

*betty, don’t let your shitty exes bring you down from getting to know him*

*you guys will have the cutest babies*

*I’m setting you guys up, when would you like to meet him?*

*betty? betty? B? helloooo????*

*BETTY ELIZABETH COOPER, ARE YOU IGNORING ME???*

Betty ignored the messages and set about getting ready for work. Once she arrived at the Register, her mother immediately pulled her aside and led her to one the conference rooms.

“Betty, I’d like you to meet Forsythe P. Jones the Third.” Betty shifted her attention away from her mother and set her eyes on the other occupant of the room. “He’s going to be an intern here for the summer. Forsythe, this is my daughter, Betty.” He held out his hand for Betty to shake and she couldn’t help the thrill she felt from feeling his hand wrap around hers.

After their brief meet and greet, Alice ushered the two teens back into Betty’s cubicle, instructing her daughter that Forsythe will be shadowing her for the day. As they walked, Betty couldn’t help but notice that he certainly wasn’t horrible looking. Ok, fine. The man was gorgeous. But she promised herself that she’d take a break from dating, and she won’t let a pair of incredibly blue eyes sway her from her promise dammit!

When the two teens got to Betty’s desk, Forsythe spoke up, “You don’t have to call me Forsythe you know. In fact, I’d prefer it if you didn’t.”

“Then what do you want me to call you?”

“Jughead.” Oh.

“Oh.” There was a silent pause between them as Betty connected the dots.

“Umm.” Jughead shifted his feet and cleared his throat. “Yea. So, do you mind showing me what to do?”

“Oh! Yes, of course.” Betty cleared off some space on her desk and rolled a chair over for Jughead to sit on. “Sorry, just spaced out for a second.”

It had been three days since Jughead first started his internship, and to say that he’d been a handful would be putting it mildly. Veronica certainly wasn’t kidding when she said that Jughead was the brooding type. He gave off the vibe of a lone-wolf for the most part, shunning away from any help that Betty tried to give. He also just couldn’t stop critiquing her work and always seemed dismissive of her ideas.

“Betty, I don’t think that this is the type of material the residents of Riverdale would want to read.”

“Betty, this story won’t grab the attention of the readers.”

It wasn’t like she can do anything about it. They lived in Riverdale for chrissakes, nothing interesting ever happens here! And whenever she’d ask him about what type of news should they be covering, since he acts like he knows everything (she didn’t actually say that to him), Jughead would lose himself in his little world, close himself off, and type away on his computer.

What’s worse, however, was that he had Alice and Hal eating out of the palm of his hand. Her parents were praising Jughead left, right, and centre for his visionary ideas and the bastard was milking it.

---------------------------------

Betty couldn’t help but voice her frustrations to Veronica during one of their meet-ups at Pop’s. “I don’t know why you’d ever think I’d like the guy V. He’s a nightmare, honestly.”

“He seemed nice enough when I met him.” Veronica took a sip of her chocolate milkshake. “Just give him a chance. I can set up a date between you two if you’d like.”

Betty gave a Veronica a look of disbelief. “You haven’t been listening to a word I’ve said, haven’t you?”

“B, trust me when I say that there might be a reason why Jughead’s acting like a dick to you at work.” Veronica leaned in closer to her friend. “Archie’s told me some things about Jughead that I’ve had to pry out of him, and it sounds like Jughead doesn’t have the very best home life. There were some issues with his mom and he had to move back to Riverdale to live with his dad.”

Betty sighed. She cursed her sympathetic and caring nature as she automatically felt sorry for Jughead. A chime from Veronica’s phone distracted the two girls from their discussion. “It’s Archiekins. He’s outside waiting for me.” The brunette packed up her things and stood from the booth. “Are you sure you don’t need a ride home, B?”

“I’ll be fine, I need a break from the Jughead Jones fanclub that are my parents anyway.” Betty bid her friend goodbye as she pulled out her laptop from her bag.

“Might as well finish editing this piece before going home.” She said to herself. Betty had only been working for a few minutes when she felt a presence settle across from her.

“You’re never off, are you Cooper?” Jughead Jones, of course.

“Well, when the new intern seems to be gunning for your job, I can’t afford to slack off.” The bluntness of her reply threw Jughead off and he opened his mouth to reply, but closed it when he couldn’t find the words.

There was an awkward pause between the two of them. Betty could feel herself flush from embarrassment for having been rude and was about to apologize when Jughead spoke up.

“You don’t like me very much, do you?”

“Wait-what? D-don’t like you? Where did you hear that? I don’t...not like you.” Betty said flustered.

“Nice try, Cooper.” Jughead smiled and Betty couldn’t help but notice-- No. Stop, brain. Don’t go there. “As much as you like to pretend you’re being discreet. I’ve caught you rolling your eyes at me.” Jughead didn’t sound offended. Heck, he didn’t even seem mad about it.

“Oh.” Betty pulled the sleeves of her cardigan down, a sign that she was feeling uncomfortable with the situation. “I-uh...I don’t really know what to say to that except I’m sorry.” She felt sheepish and couldn’t bring herself to meet Jughead’s eyes.

“It’s alright. I realize that I probably may not have been the best person to work.” Raking a hand through his hair, Betty’s eyes followed the movement of his fingers as it moved through his luscious locks. “So how about a fresh start?” He said, startling Betty out her thoughts. She couldn’t resist when she saw a hint of vulnerability on his face and put her hand out for a shake.

“I’m Betty Cooper, and you are?” When he shook her hand, the thrill that passed through her body from when she first touched him came back at full force.

“Nice to meet you Betty. I’m Jughead, Jughead Jones.”

Betty and Jughead were walking home after leaving Pop’s and took the chance to better know each other.

“Wait, wait, wait, so you almost burned down your elementary school in Ohio?” Betty stared at him in shock from the story he just told her.

“It was an accident.” Jughead laughed. “I was only eight years old and I found a lighter just laying on the school yard. As a matter of fact, it was my friend who dared me to light a bunch of dried leaves to see what would happen.” He shrugged as his laughter tapered off.

Nudging his shoulder with hers, Betty said jokingly, “If my mother knew you were such a hoodlum, she wouldn’t have hired you on as an intern.”

When the quip she expected didn’t come, she glanced at the dark-haired boy and saw a hardened look on his face. He felt her looking at him and his stony expression dissipated. “Sorry, Betts. you just kinda hit a soft spot.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Betty asked, reaching for his left hand and clasping it with her right. ‘It’s for his comfort’ She told herself.

Jughead eyes briefly flashed down to their intertwined hands and let out a sigh. “This internship, it’s my only hope of being able to do something with my life.” Betty could feel his thumb rubbing against hers before he continued. “We’ll both be starting university in just a few weeks, and your parents hold the key to me receiving a full-ride scholarship to NYU for my writing program or not.”

Jughead stared at the road ahead of them, seemingly lost in thought. “The school said I needed to some experience before they can consider me eligible fro the scholarship. If I don’t get that, I wouldn’t be able to go. My dad can barely afford to put me through high-school, and I calculated the loans that I was already approved for and it’s not enough to put me through four years in order to get my degree.”

Feeling defeated, Jughead hung his head low and Betty could do nothing but hold him against her tighter in a form of solidarity. They continued their walk until they got to Betty’s house.

“Don’t worry, Juggie. I’ll make sure my parents give you a raving letter of recommendation. I’ll make it my mission to help you get to NYU.” Betty squeezed his hand that she was still holding as they made their way to her front porch. “

“Not to sound ungrateful, Betts, but I want to earn it through my own merit. I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself knowing I got in through pity.” Betty saw the look of determination on Jughead’s face and couldn’t help but smile.

“Well, they already love you more than they love me, so I don’t think they need much convincing anyway.” Betty regretfully pulled her hand free from his as she reached for her house keys.

“This is me. I guess”

“Oh, um, yea. So, I’ll see you tomorrow?” Jughead asked.

“Bright and early.” Betty unlocked her front door and was about to step inside when she felt Jughead grab her wrist. She turned around, not expecting what was going to happen, when she felt his lips land on her cheek.

“Thank you.” Jughead stepped back from her, his cheeks turning red. “For tonight, I mean.” She could do nothing but nod as Jughead walked further and further away from her house. Betty placed a hand on her cheek, still feeling the heat from his brief kiss.

Later that night, she quickly texted Veronica before falling asleep. When she woke up, she saw three messages from her friend which put a smile to her face.

*what do you mean I was right? right about what?*

*what are you talking about B???*

*is this about jughead??? betty answer me!!!*

Betty’s good mood didn’t last forever though. As soon as she got to the office, everything went wrong. Some files had gone missing, hence delaying the entire team from their duties. Her mom was yelling at everyone and everything, and Betty was not safe from her wrath.

So when Jughead came in and started telling her about possible ideas that he had for news coverage in the middle of her trying to concentrate, It pushed Betty to her limits. ‘I mean, does he not know how fucking attractive he sounds?!’ She thought frustratingly.

“Please shut up. I can’t stand how appealing your voice is.” Betty cut him off mid-explanation and Jughead looked at her with wide eyes, not fully comprehending if he heard her correctly.

She quickly turned to him, mouth open in shock from realizing what had just come out of her mouth. “I-uh...that’s not what I meant to say.” Her voice getting quieter.

“So you didn’t just tell me that I have an appealing voice?” Jughead asked as a smirk started to form on his face.

Her embarrassment flew out the window as she threw a pencil at him, which he quickly caught before it hit him on the throat.

Jughead couldn’t control himself any further and bursted out laughing “Hey, careful there Betts. If you damaged my voice box, how are you supposed to live without my appealing voice, hmm?”

“Then I guess I’ll just have to hurt you somewhere else.” Betty said as she aimed to slap him on his arm.

“Alright, alright. I give up.” His laughter starting to die off as he stopped her hand from trying to reach him. Seeing an irate Alice Cooper rounding the corner, however, made the two teens settle down quickly and got back to work.

As they were about to go on their lunch break, Jughead held Betty back. “About earlier, all joking aside here, I’m not reading the signs wrong, right?”

“Well, I just don’t tell everyone that they have an appealing voice, so I guess you’re on the right track.” Betty could feel the burning in her cheeks and she desperately tried to calm herself down in order to avoid looking like a tomato.

“So Pop’s after work?” Jughead asked hopefully.

Betty nodded. “It’s a date.”

#riverdale #bughead #bughead fanfiction

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simplemlmsponsoring · 6 years

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New Post has been published on https://simplemlmsponsoring.com/attraction-marketing-formula/attraction-marketing/how-to-build-demand-around-your-brand/

How to Build Demand Around Your Brand

In any given week, how many sales emails do you get from companies you’ve never heard of, toting solutions to problems you may not even have? If you’re anything like me, it’s A LOT. (Praise be unto the spam folder.) The frustrating thing about sales pitches is that they’re often packed with catchy phrases and misleading statistics to convince you that you #NEED their product or service. But oftentimes, you aren’t even in the market for what they’re selling or aren’t yet in a position to buy. The result? A waste of two people’s time and a cluttered inbox. No bueno.

To quote the cheesiest sales line of all time:

There’s got to be a better way!

(Spoiler alert: There is.)

Rather than waste your efforts fruitlessly chasing random leads online, focus on attracting your ideal customers or clients to you. This seems like an obvious statement, but knowing where to start is easier said than done. Building a magnetic brand with a strong following takes time, but with these steps, you can position yourself in the market to attract your biggest brand fans without pushy sales tactics.

EXAMPLE A:

Remember how Kelis’s milkshake brought all the boys to the yard?

Notice how the lyrics DON’T say, “My cold email sequence brings all the boys to the yard.” or, “Door-to-door solicitation brings all the boys to the yard.” Nope. It was her milkshake that had them dropping by in droves. (Well, that and probably a few more sinister things… but you get the idea.) With a killer product or service and a strong brand identity, clients WILL come to you.

Let’s walk through the process together…

Set yourself apart.

It’s tempting to look at successful entrepreneurs in your space and mimic what they’re doing, but that isn’t how you build an authentic brand. The best brands are the ones with a strong identity – even if that identity isn’t for everyone. The same way that not every client is a good fit for you, you won’t be the right solution for some. THAT’S OKAY. By honing in on your most natural gifts, you can do your best work without sacrificing your sense of self. After all, your brand is a reflection of your unique personality and skills. So, show it off and attract the perfect clients for your individual biz style.

Be easy to find.

The internet is absolutely swarming with businesses selling their products and services. To convince people to buy yours instead of the thousands of other options out there, you’ll need to get in front of the right audience. Gaining visibility online may seem like a daunting task, but there are plenty of ways to increase brand awareness (many of which are totally free!). From blogging (to provide value and up your SEO ranking) to social media marketing, advertisements, community outreach, and more – your audience is just waiting to find you. Make it easier on them by using targeted content and advertisements to reach your desired clientele.

Get ’em in the feels.

Even if you’re spouting out super valuable intel, it won’t make the impact you’re hoping for unless it prompts an emotional response. Emotion is the #1 driver of brand loyalty, so make your audience feel something. Whether you’re exciting them, tugging at their heartstrings, or motivating them with powerful messaging, it’s crucial that your audience feels emotionally attached to your voice. Remember: behind every brand is a person or group of people. Don’t be afraid to show humanity in your business. The more YOU that can be seen and heard, the better results you’ll see.

Provide real value.

When it comes to creating valuable content, there’s more to it than providing great information and prompting an emotional response. The best content out there doesn’t stop at interesting or helpful; it positions you as an expert, someone your readers can trust and rely on. So if you’re planning to put out a blog on your go-to method for creating a content calendar, take it one step further and create a free downloadable template to walk your readers through the process step-by-step. Value comes in many forms, so don’t be afraid to do a little handholding whenever possible. Your audience will thank you!

Get known for something.

One of the biggest problems that many solo/entrepreneurs face is that they try to do too much or be too many things. It’s great to be a Jack-of-all-trades, but it’s better to kick booty and take names at what you do best. When you carve out your specific niche and build your biz around your greatest strengths, you’ll be most useful and get your highest praise from clients. By focusing on specific services that you rock the house at, you’ll hone your skills with every new project and position yourself as an industry pro in no time. And guess what that means? PREMIUM PRICING, BABY!

Create In-Demand products/packages.

With such fierce competition out there on the world wide web, it isn’t enough to offer a run-of-the-mill service. Take me for example… Rather than market myself as a regular ol’ brand strategist, I took it a step further and found an unmet niche. I asked myself, how can I provide the most value? What can I do to give my clients the best possible understanding of their brand moving forward? From there, I developed my Brand Archetype Quiz and labeled myself a Psychology-Driven Brand Strategist. My point is: don’t stop at ordinary. Find or create demand around your services by thinking outside the box and offering a product or service unlike anyone else’s. (I know you got this, you trendsetter, you!)

Give it away!

I’ve found that one of the very best ways to attract your ideal clients is by giving away freebies that spark their interest. Whether it’s a downloadable eBook or PDF in exchange for an email opt-in, a sponsored contest on social media, or just stellar advice on a regular, reliable schedule – give your audience something to remember you by. Free downloads and contests are an excellent way to build your email list with relevant leads without spending too much of your hard-earned cash. When it comes to building trust, you’ll need to give your time away rather than throw around money. Develop relationships with your clients (and prospective clients) online. Engage with them on social media. Send them emails. Show them some love! The more they learn about you and your expertise, the more likely they are to think of you when their next project comes up, refer you to a friend, or reach out to YOU for help instead of Google.

Automate your hustle.

We just talked about giving away your time… and if you were thinking, “GIRL, what are you, crazy? I don’t have any time to give!” I hear you. I know how difficult it is to juggle all of the various tasks involved in running a business and still manage to maintain a relationship with your audience (or the other humans in your household, for that matter). But the good news is, there are SO many systems out there to make your work life easier and clear up time in that hectic schedule of yours. A while back, I wrote about 5 systems I use that make it look like I’m on a 24/7 grind, but there are thousands more where these came from.

In addition to saving you an insane amount of time, automated systems also boost your credibility by making you look like a total pro. Think about it… would you rather have to email someone to schedule an appointment or just book a timeslot online? Would you rather manually onboard your clients in an hour-long Skype call or get the basic questions out of the way with an interactive form? Customized automations create a better experience for both you and your client. Plus, let’s be honest. NOBODY wants to log into Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, etc. a million times a day to post when they could throw the content into an auto-scheduler and hit the beach instead! Give yourself the gift of time.

Generate leads on autopilot.

Those automated systems I was telling you about? They’ll be your new BFF when it comes to attracting and nurturing leads. By releasing targeted content out there into the web, you’re enticing readers to click, read, download, or share… but the funnel doesn’t stop there! Let’s say you just published a new blog on managing invoices and expenses. Rather than post it and call it a day, you create a free downloadable finance worksheet and boost the post on Facebook to a select audience. Someone clicks. They read. When they go to download your free worksheet, that’s your chance to capture their email address. They opt-in, and BOOM! Immediately, you’re emailing them a warm welcome! Once they’ve subscribed to your emails, you can enter them into an entire sequence to educate them on your services and convince them to buy… and you won’t have to lift a finger!

(Pin for later!)

Selling isn’t about chasing, it’s about being found.

While you may have had to chase down clients at the very beginning of your business, it isn’t a sustainable process for acquiring customers. It’s too much time, money, and effort that could be better spent on other things. Frankly, it can be exhausting and lead to a pretty severe burnout. It may seem difficult now and it won’t happen overnight, but by giving your audience the best possible experience and GIVING AWAY value, you’ll become more and more visible each day.

Whew, that was a lot.

Let’s recap, shall we?

Distinguish your brand with your unique personality. Don’t be afraid to stand out! Your individual strengths and style will guide you to your perfect audience. Come out, come out, wherever you are! Don’t hide away in the shadows of the ‘net. Put yourself out there with regular content, targeted advertising, and community/industry involvement. Take an emotional approach. Share stories. Foster a meaningful company culture. Show your clients that you can take them to that place they’re dreaming of. Offer more value than the next guy. While you may be writing about the same things or touting the same services, you can up your value with helpful guides, videos, and worksheets. Carve out YOUR spot in the game. Choose a few of your favorite services; the ones that give you the most joy and that you’re best at, and focus on those. With expertise comes moolah and praise. (And who doesn’t love money and kind words?) Meet a special need. Your business is no place to be vague. Find a way to include a unique niche or solution into your services. Your perfect clients will be THRILLED to see that you specialize in exactly what they’ve been looking for. Spend time ON and WITH your audience. Offer free goodies to generate leads and add value for your prospective clients… but don’t stop there. Foster a meaningful relationship by engaging with your audience regularly. Leave some things to the robots. There’s a reason why robots are stealing our jobs (only half kidding) – there just aren’t enough hours in the day to manually do all of the things we need to do to scale and maintain our businesses. Get by with a little help from your electronic friends. Trust me, you’ll be happy you did. Nurture the heck out of your leads. With automated systems in place, it’s easy to keep the conversation going and offer real-time solutions, even as you sleep. #WIN

With these steps as your guiding priorities, you’ll see a more genuine interest in your brand, better-suited leads, and boundless growth potential. The most important thing is that you remember who you are, what you’re worth, and how you can help. With the right combination of confidence and clarity, you can finally stop chasing leads and let your clients do the discovering.

Get the workbook to start building demand around *YOUR* brand today!

Download the workbook now!

The post How to Build Demand Around Your Brand appeared first on Kaye Putnam | Psychology Driven Brand Strategist.

Read more: kayeputnam.com

#brandfluency #ideal client #ATTRACTION MARKETING

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sueboohscorner · 8 years

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Jane the Hot Mess Mama: Chapter 58 #JaneTheVirgin

Jane the Hot Mess Mama Chapter 58

Rating: 6.5

Can we stop and praise the goddess that is Yael Grobglas? More and more, Grobglas’s Petra does the heavy lifting on JTV, breaking our hearts with her vulnerability and blowing our minds with her bad but hella entertaining choices. Even when the Solano-Villanueva clan seems like the most chill extended family ever, Petra and Jane are in a tug-o-war for our affections and Chapter 58 was a win for Petra, imho.

Jane and Rafael drop Mateo off with his new aide, Alex, who doesn’t want to know anything about Mateo’s history lest he have preconceived notions about the causes for Mateo’s behavior. Jane stops by the bulletin board to sign up for Room Mom, because the night before, Mateo stopped being DAMIEN FROM THE OMEN long enough to ask his mom to spend more time with him. Petra (my heart cheers whenever she is on screen!), who has been the BEST ROOM MOTHER IN THE HISTORY OF SCHOOLS for the past two years, assures Jane she doesn’t need any help. The head of the school suggests Jane and Petra be Co-Room Moms. Stevie Wonder can see this is not going to work, but they try.

On her way back to the Marbella, Petra stops at the Fairwick to see if Chuck’s forgiven her for pushing Scott’s bones on his property. He hasn’t.

Alex tells Jane that Mateo craves attention and the key to correcting his behavioral issues is rewarding his positive behaviors and ignoring the negative ones. He also tells Jane there’s a lice outbreak at the school. That night after Jane finishes checking Mateo for nits (ew, is that a thing you have to do when you have kids? I would literally shave my children bald to avoid that) Mateo grabs the scissors and cuts a huge chunk of Jane’s hair, so that Jane’s bob matches the undercut Gina Rodriguez is growing out in real life. (When did Jane cut her long hair? I want to see that story.) Jane screams on the inside, but she doesn’t reward Mateo’s negative behavior.

The next day at school the Seed of Rafael draw pictures of their moms. Mateo draws the lopsided hair cut he gave his mom, while the twins draw a dragon. Petra is stung.

Dennis the Cute Cop and his new partner who interrogates like Pee Wee Herman (Petra: Do I need a lawyer? Detective: I don’t know, do you? Gahhh!) confront Petra with Scott’s Burn Book. Petra manages to not incriminate herself, but the book is a missing page. Petra swears she doesn’t have it.

Xiomara seems to be having second thoughts about her engagement to Bruce and I really don’t care. Ok, Xiomara figures she’s never been in a stable relationship long enough to get to the boring part and that must be the case since she and Bruce are a healthy, boring couple. She invites Bruce out to play drunk pool, and even though they stay in to have drunk sex, Xiomara is still not happy. In fact, she looks like she has a bad case of gas for most of the episode. Remember when Petra’s mother threw Alba down the stairs and Xo promised God she wouldn’t have sex if Alba recovered and then every time Xo was in bed with Rogelio she saw Alba’s face? I want Xo to have that kind of madcap fun again! It’s like they’ve gotten rid of the superfluous characters—Darci, Magda, Anezka and Scott, and, now Bruce—but the ball’s still not rolling.

Rogelio takes Mateo out for matching Thai-silk lined bespoke suits for Ro’s defamation suit testimony. Ro asks Mateo if Xo is happy with Bruce, because, you know, four-year-olds know these things.

Jorge, the previously nameless guy at the Marbella gift shop that Alba has the hots for, is newly single. Xo helps Alba get her milkshake ready to bring all the boys to the yard. Ivonne Coll, who plays Alba, is a former Miss Puerto Rico and has legs for days, and I love that JTV gussied her up and let us see how beautiful she is. Alba pours herself into a skintight blue dress and is giving sultry realness when she walks into the Marbella gift shop to “pick up her check.” She’s slo-mo slinking in the place, but her false eyelash becomes unglued and she slips on spilled coffee and it’s hilarious! Alba’s humiliated and angry at Xo, but it works, Jorge asks her out.

Jane and Petra try Co-Room Momming, but it’s really Petra giving orders and Jane doing the grunt work. They have fundamental differences: Petra wants to hire help (like the Hair Bears to keep lice in check—Hair Bears, get it? hahah) and Jane wants more down to earth solutions. They tell the head of the school the Co-Room Mom idea is a bust, and suggest a run-off to teach the children about the democratic process, only “without Russian interference” Jane says. (I laughed, but, child, that ain’t funny. You know I’m right.)

Xo finds out Ro asked Matelio if she was happy with Bruce and chews Ro out. Oh, but there’s nothing to worry about. When Xo practices her testimony, it’s clear to Bruce and Rogelio she still in love with Ro. Xo and Bruce break up and, boom, reset.

Jane catches Petra plying the moms with chardonnay to win their votes. Petra and Jane begin picking at each other—Jane says if Petra weren’t such a perfectionist her daughters wouldn’t draw her as a dragon and Petra, WHO IS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, tells Jane if she disciplined Mateo for five minutes he wouldn’t be such a holy terror. They have a debate fantasy, Jane’s sand vs Petra’s rubber mulch (#teamRubberMulch) and wine-guzzling mothers stare.

Ro assures Jane that Mateo could not care less if she’s room mom and a REALLY THRISTY RAFAEL tells Petra the whole dragon lady thing is a good because she protects everybody she loves. Jane and Petra realize they only wanted to be Room Mom because of their insecurities about parenting. They withdraw from the race and let Rafael be Room Dad. It’s not like he has anything else to do.

Jane works her new haircut (men like lopsided haircuts, trust me) and flirts with a barista. She doesn’t think she’s ready to date though because her grief group says she won’t be done grieving until she can tell the story of Michael’s death without crying. At a parent conference meeting with Alex, when she’s giving Alex the background on Mateo he didn’t want earlier, Jane TELLS THE STORY OF MICHAEL’S DEATH WITHOUT CRYING. How could you Jane? How. Could. You. Raf also tells Alex that he went to jail and Alex assures both of them that Mateo is in no way damaged by trauma, he’s just A BAD-ASS CHILD WHO NEEDS A SPANKING. (Ok, Alex said “normal childhood hyperactivity,” but you know what I mean.) Sooo, I guess Jane is ready to date.

I hope she finds somebody new because RAFAEL IS BUSY BONING PETRA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Petra had indeed ripped out the missing page from Scott’s burn book because it had some hurtful things Rafael’s dad said about him. Rafael gets misty-eyed at Petra’s thoughtfulness and then THEY GET NAKED!

I GIVE THIS EPISODE A 6.5. The .5 is for Ivonne Coll in that blue dress and then her eyelash-slapstick-pratfall. That was the zaniness I was looking for. The episode was also above average because PETRA AND RAFAEL BONED. I like how the JTV writers crushed #TeamRafael’s hopes. What kept this eppy from being great is NOTHING HAPPENED. The story didn’t move forward. Yeah, Jane is in a position to date, and Ro and Xo are free and clear to get together, but it still feel s like a set up and not a journey.

How many episodes are left? I take Salsa dancing lessons on Monday nights and I have to leave early to see JTV. Remember when Jane took Salsa lessons? Remember when…I won’t give up on JTV, but I miss the umph and zing I remember. Who is J.P.? WHY IS MATEO SO BAD? And can we have more Rogelio, please?

#Jane The Virgin #Gina Rodriguez #Yael Grobglas #Justin Baldoni #Christopher Allen #Ivonne Coll #Andrea Navedo #Richard Chavira #the cw #JaneTheVirgin

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