#like I went today to get some paper at the HR and I had flashbacks of the mental distress and passive aggressiveness of the environment

[ladychlo]

x

[ancientbooshartifacts]

Morbid & Decadent

Author: Crowson75

Year: 2009

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Moss/Richmond

It was Monday morning and Moss' birthday. He'd bought cake. Chocolate cake; something guaranteed that everyone would like. He quite liked a coconut sponge with raspberry jam in the middle, but they were a lot harder to find in Tesco. The only problem was that Roy hadn't turned up for work, having called in sick. He had Venezuelan Bat Flu. Roy never normally took days off, no matter how sick he was. Moss wanted to kick something good and proper. Whilst he was waiting for Jen, he had cut the cake, folded napkins, reconsidered and raided from plates from the canteen, then put napkins on plates and cake on each, then wondered why you did that? It made a perfectly good napkin filthy and you needed to use another to save your tie from icing. It was a waste. By the time Moss had sketched out a solution for a non-stick plate napkin, which could then be reversed to reveal a handy, absorbent side, he realised that Jen was late. Very late. That was when HR rang. It was Sophie, the girl with a curvy bum that made Moss blush and Roy talk about keeping your rubbish in the boot of your car. Or drug-snorting elephants. Moss wasn't sure which. The one time he'd asked, he'd passed out as soon as Roy started talking about Lady Parts. Sophie said that Jen was ill too. It was allegedly a bad curry, but Sophie suggested that Roy had been showing off his Venezuelan Bats. Moss did try to explain that whilst Roy had an illness that suggested he came into contact with Venezuelan Bats, it was a complete misnomer. It was just where the illness originated and did not, in fact, require actual physical contact with mammals of the Chiroptera order. Sophie didn't sound convinced. So, as extra reassurance, Moss pointed out that whilst it might seem that contracting an illness on the same day suggested weekend contact between Jen and Roy, the flu virus typically had a 2-5 day incubation period. As a result, it was likely they had both contracted the illness from a Venezuelan business man who had visited the IT department the week before. He'd got lost on the way to the Mr Renham's office. He did appear to have flu-like systems, from what Moss had observed when he passed him in reception on the morning of his visit. That was why Moss had taken the precaution of wearing a face mask all day. "Moss," Sophie said slowly after he'd stopped talking. "What about if Roy and Jen just went out last night and, well, they have... Monday morning sickness?" "How do you get that?" Moss asked, already Googling that particular illness. "There's no entry on Wikipedia. Hang on..." he paused as he read Suite 101. "Neither of them are horses." "You're a very strange man," Sophie declared just before she hung up on him. Moss sat back in his chair. He was in a funk. ** Monday morning was a rather gloomy time. In fact, it was rather more gloomy than other days, even behind the Red Door. Richmond watched the lights on the machines flash on and off and on again. He hummed a Cradle of Filth in time and then had a bit of a strop when one of them blinked out of time and ruined his soulful version of 'The Foetus of a New Day Kicking'. In actual fact, he completely trashed his chair. Which left him feeling even gloomier with nowhere to sit. It was no good, he'd have to venture out into the office. He popped his head around the door and found... Moss on his own looking at three plates of cake. "Morning," Richmond said as cheerily as possible. "Alright?" "Hello Richmond," Moss said sulkily. "Do you want some cake?" "What flavour is it?" Richmond asked, resisting the urge to pounce on it. "I only eat Black Forest Gateau." "Chocolate." "That'll do nicely, can I have a seat?" Richmond motioned to Roy's chair. "Yeah, why not. No one else going to use it," Moss sighed. He handed Richmond a piece of cake. "Cheers," Richmond said taking the plate and picking at the cake. "It's not like Roy to be off work." "He's ill." "Oh." "So's Jen." "Really?" "S'not Monday Morning Sickness!" Moss's frown grew. "I thought only horses got that?" Richmond got up and wandered into the kitchen. It was time to break out the tea, clearly. "They've probably got that flu think that South American blokey had anyway," he called back into the office. "Thank you Richmond," Moss said, walking to the kitchen door. He leaned against the door jam and began to shovel chocolate cake into his mouth. Richmond gave him a little smile and made tea. When he looked up again, he noticed Moss had blob of chocolate butter cream on his tie. "You've got stuff..." Richmond pointed at the tie. "Sorry, I'm allergic to... them, now." Moss looked down and, lifting his tie to his mouth, licked the chocolate off. Richmond watched the action intently. "Your tongue's very pink," Richmond said before he stopped himself. He blushed, thanked the Gods of Goth for white make-up and passed Moss a cup of tea. "What's the occasion anyway?" "S'my birthday," Moss said. "Have more cake." Richmond paused. "Got to watch my figure. You know... don't want to be a blob of darkness." "What's it all about anyway?" Moss asked, shaking his head and waving his hand at Richmond's outfit. "Life and... stuff. Do you live in a coffin?" "Not really," Richmond replied. "I've got a flat." "Has it got dead people in it?" Moss looked concerned. "S'a bit morbid isn't it?" "But you're a goth." "I've got a black fish called Agatha," Richmond replied. "She's meant to be a goldfish really, but she's all inky instead." "Is Agatha dead?" "No, she lives in a tank with a bit of plastic wood." "Right." Moss looked a little disappointed. "Do I amaze you?" Richmond asked. "No Richmond, I wouldn't say it was amazement. Let me think," Moss said seriously. He thought. "No, definitely not amazement. You confuse me. Every time I think I've got you licked, you come at me with something new." "I'm a complicated man," Richmond said. He turned and swirled his hands, beckoning a handy flashback. He swallowed. Moss was so... innocent. What he was saying shouldn't be filthy. And yet, it was. Little Richmond had tuned in straight away. The flashback was a good time to recover... Ever since the night with Denholm, Richmond was having to accept a whole new element of his sexuality which had been previously hidden. He'd recently attended the Gay, Bi and Lesbian Goth Support Group and discovered that he was hidden in more than one closet. To celebrate, he'd been sucked off by Tarquin, the group president. It was quite nice. He might have considered dating him, had it not been for the fact that Tarquin didn't like Cradle of Filth. Since then, he'd realised that what he wanted most, was love... Moss coughed as the flashback ended. "My my," he murmured. He shuffled behind his desk and sat down. "Being a gay goth must be quite difficult really. I mean, you can't really go all Graham Norton and still stick with a dark gothic aesthetic, can you?" "Depends how much leather you wear," Richmond said nodding his head. He unzipped his trousers to reveal leather y-fronts. "It chafes a bit though." When Richmond looked back at Moss, he could tell he was blushing. "That was a bit too much information," Moss said. He seemed to be very nearly swooning. "I need to rearrange my paper clips for a while." Richmond nodded, as if he understood. He sort of did. He walked to the sofa, sat down and read Heat for a bit and drank his tea. After not so very long, Moss joined him. "It's a strange thing," Moss said, looking at his knees. "But I feel a bit reckless today. It's just one of those things that happens when you reach my age. Roy has his women, Jen her men, and I, I am an island, Richmond. But no more. It's time for me to open my eyes and look at the world outside of this office. You're a man of the world, and, well, I think you can help me." Richmond realised that he was adopting an expression somewhat similar to Agatha's. He open his mouth to speak, and neither his voice box or brain engaged in the operation. Moss slapped him on the back. He squeezed Richmond's shoulder. It was the first time Richmond had been touched since Tarquin. "Don't get stiff on me now Richmond!" Moss said. "Oh!" Richmond exclaimed. That was a bit below the belt. "You're getting all shifty," Moss said, pouting a little. "Would you like some hot Ribena?" Moss's hand had lifted to Richmond's shoulder and was squeezing it. It felt quite nice, actually. "Um..." "More cake?" "Well, um..." "I've got a rhubarb fool in the fridge?" "...Thing... well, can I ask you something?" Richmond stammered. He gave Moss a piercing glare. The bespectacled man met it, blushed a little but returned it, just as strong. "Shall I take you out for a drink at lunchtime? To celebrate. Would that cheer you up? I'd like to." Moss grinned. The smile had faltered at cheer, but rallied at like to. Richmond smiled back in what he hoped was an encouraging manner. Life was simpler when he was alone in his cupboard. Not to mention not quite so bright. Lonelier though. "Flip it!" Moss said with forcefulness that Richmond was shocked he possessed. "Let's go now. Neither Jen or Roy can be bothered to come to work today. Why should we?" "Because we're already here?" Richmond suggested, a little tentatively. Then Moss was closer beside him, his beautiful brown eyes making demands that Richmond was fairly sure Moss' body could not only not keep, but also probably not know the names of. "We can't throw a sicky when we're already here." Richmond's voice sounded thin, even to him. "We mother-flipping can!" Moss said with a smile. He stood and crossed his arms. He was a man with a plan. *** To say things hadn't gone well, was a bit of an understatement. It was true that Moss and Richmond had been sent home "sick", they had also made the cleaner faint, a girl from the fourth floor vomit and used up all the chocolate cake. Moss had apparently had the idea from a date Roy had. That thought made Richmond feel a bit queasy. And he was the weird one. "Which pub shall we go to?" Moss said. He wiped the remnants of the 'plan' off his glasses. "Can we go to the Moon Under Water?" Richmond asked, expecting Moss to decline. "Why not?" Moss said, before dragging Richmond down the street. He paused after a few steps. "Will I have to pretend I know about football?" "Who to?" "Er..." "I don't want to talk about football." Richmond was starting to panic. "Me either." "Let's not then." "Okay." The pub was quiet and a bit murky. The girl at the bar had greeted Richmond like an old friend and served up his pint of Lager and Black. When Moss found out it had Ribena in it, he decided to have one too. They shuffled off to a corner and, because they were virtually the only customers, the barmaid kept an eye on their drinks and wandered over with refills at regular intervals. The conversation began in a stilted manner. Once the men were out of the office, they realised they didn't have a lot in common. However, as the drinks flowed, so too did the conversation. "Are you still with that girl?" Moss asked. He'd caught the barmaid giving Richmond a bit of a wink and was clearly suspicious. "The one from Jen's party?" "Er, no, not any more," Richmond said with a bit of a blush. In truth, Richmond's sex life, such as it was, had been a magical mystery tour since.  She'd been a welcome distraction from his bi-curiosity, until she joined in. "She's settled down with a girl from the Bi, Gay and Lesbian Goth group I go to. Did I say that out loud?" "Yes," Moss replied. "And y'know what, I'm pleased you've finally decided to come out of the closet." "But Jen came in.." "Not that closet, Richmond." "Oh, okay." "You're a fine piece of gothic ass, Richmond, if you don't mind me saying," Moss was grinning wildly as he said it. His glasses fell into his drink. He looked at it for a bit, then drained the glass, and, finally, fished them out of the bottom. He lay them on the table to dry. "What brand of Ribena do you think this is?" Moss asked, looking through his empty pint glass, one eye closed. "I don't know," Richmond admitted. "Did you just say you liked my arse?" Moss belched. " I need a wee," he announced loudly and stood up. Richmond watched his retreating form. Becky, the barmaid walked over. "I reckon he might have had a few too many love," she said softly. She picked up Moss' glasses, abandoned on the table, and wiped them with a towelling bar mat. Then she put two more full pint glasses onto the table and put her hand out for the money. "You've only been in 'ere an hour.  An' you know what? If you think he's going to be any good in the sack after all that he's had to drink you'll..." . "Who are you talking about?" Moss said. He had walked up behind Becky without anyone noticing. "You're not going to pull and leave me here are you?" He looked at Richmond with blind, big eyes and felt around in front of him for Richmond's face. Richmond picked up Moss' glasses and hooked them gently back over his ears. "Hello gorgeous," Moss said with a smile. "There was someone in the loo talking about people being rubbish in the sack and then I asked if you were going to... Was I in the loo? Are we in the toilet Richmond?" "No, we're still in the bar," Richmond was feeling slightly light-headed himself. "I won't leave you here on your own." "Why, do you need to go to the toilet as well?" Moss asked, thoroughly confused. Richmond blinked. "Come to mention it, I do need to go actually." "I'll take you," Moss said, standing and holding his hand out. Richmond grasped it and they walked to the toilets hand in hand. There were a lot of cubicles. Richmond had never noticed that before. He walked toward one, and, when he turned and locked the door, realised Moss had walked in with him. "What are you doing here?" Richmond asked, trying to shut the door and undo his trousers and not really knowing quite where he was. "I think I work here..." Moss said, helping Richmond to close the cubicle door behind them. "No, we work with computers." Richmond was having a rare moment of clarity. "We've come out for an executive lunch, I bet." "A legendary lunch!" Moss cackled with laughter. Outside the stall, the toilet entrance door slammed. "Someone's got a bloke in 'ere," a woman's voice said. Moss looked at Richmond. Richmond stopped what he had been doing and tucked himself back into his trousers. Moss watched... a little bit too closely. "Is there a bloke in here?" Moss asked. Richmond shook his head. "It's that one, look, you can see his shoes," another, female voice said. The owner of the voice kicked Moss' ankles. He stumbled forward and ended up pirouetting drunkenly, before slamming Richmond against the cubicle wall. "Fuck," the first female voice said. "They're well at it. Is he a good snog, love?" Moss' face got closer to Richmond's. Dimly, Richmond wondered if that made him the girl. Moss' lips were against his, tasting sweet and warm. Richmond opened his mouth a little, just to see what might happen. He wasn't expecting Moss' tongue to slip inside, but he didn't mind once it did. It was rather nice. He grasped the back of his workmates head and deepened the kiss. He murmured with pleasure. "Sounds like it," the second female voice said. Richmond had to agree. Moss was sucking his tongue like his life depended on it. His hands were inside Richmond's clothes, against his skin and, wanting to do the same, he tugged Moss' anorak from his shoulders and let it fall to the cubicle floor. "I reckon they might be up to something a bit more than that," the first female voice said. "Bloody 'ell." It was about the time that Moss' fingers, his cold fingers, wormed their way into Richmond's tight trousers that it all started to go a bit wibbly. And this time, it wasn't a flashback. "Oh," Moss said, breaking the kiss. His fingers had just met little Richmond. He looked up, his eyes growing wider as his fingers considered the girth. "That's quite a fella you've got in there." The women outside the cubicle door squealed. Footsteps were heard. "I think we might be in a bit of trouble," Richmond said. If Moss didn't stop saying hello to little Richmond soon, there was likely to be a sticky end. "Don't you like having your thingy touched?" Moss was puzzled, though he didn't stop researching Richmond's nether dimensions. "I think we might be in the ladies loo," Richmond replied. Finally he grasped Moss' wrist to stop him from doing what he had just started to do. "That's a problem," Moss agreed. "We'll just have to continue this somewhere else." "We will?" Richmond asked. Moss withdrew his hand and flung open the cubicle door. It set one of the hand driers off and he stood there for a moment, his tight Afro blowing... well, just a little bit. "You will," Becky the barmaid said, walking into the lavvy. "Richmond." "It's alright," Moss said. He straightened his glasses, retrieved his anorak and threw it over his shoulder, showering the floor with lose change. "Richmond, have you ever been debauched by an IT engineer?" Richmond shook his head. None of this was quite going the way he'd planned. "It's time you were." Moss took Richmond's hand. "Cheerio Betty," he said to the barmaid as he began walking out. "Have fun lads," Becky said with a grin. She reconsidered. "Oh, and next time, use the bloody gents."

[regretsdelusionstoughluck]

PART 3

WEDNESDAY MORNING

While Damon was online looking for odd jobs he noticed an add for dancers needed. He’s had a stripper license since he was 19 and used this as a means for extra money when not deployed. He sent this to Oliver in an email prior to calling him on his way to the pharmacy.

“Morning”

“Check out the email”

As he pulled out his iPad, he saw the email

“What the fuck is this?”

“Strippin....you already do way more,  plus a bachelorette party would get you a killing. I used to dance at a few of them when I was home”

“Got anything else?”

“Banquets, I know a lot of companies. I can send you a list of catering companies you could do work for. What you got going on right now?”

“Laying on the couch, going into the office”

[Really? That’s the best you got? What part of “I want out of this life do you not understand?]

While he wasn’t thrilled about it, he took some time to think about t and he realized that bachelorette parties are for the entertainment value and he did keep his body in shape. However, didn’t want his current situation to mirror that of “The Players Club”.

Oliver got up from the couch to fix himself an omelette while continuing to talk. “Yo, I got you on speaker phone, doing some stuff in the kitchen”

“Man, remember when we were young and we would see vacationers out here, we vowed that one day it would be us taking trips with our families?”

“I do, and when I look at where I’m at, I think to myself “What the actual fuck?”

[We were lied to. In 2008, when we were in high school, we were told to go to college. That it was the ticket to a successful life. What they didn’t tell us is that the economy would tank. They didn’t go cover any alternatives. They never went over the cost of living and the fact that people here are working three jobs. I should have seen this with my own parents. Dad worked for the state and then worked as a janitor in the evenings. Mom still works as a financial aid officer at a state college. The preparation sucked. What the fuck am I gonna use creative writing for? Why was that in school?]

He cut the conversation short to eat his breakfast and get a shower in before work. Afterwards, he ironed a pair of pants and a golf shirt and heaved to the office where the direction informed him and Claudia:

“I have a project for the two of you. Our event is coming up at the mall. You two are going to be drawing outlines to these animal pieces on the construction poet right there. We’re expecting about 200 kids”

“No problem” Oliver said looking at the green construction paper in front of him

“It’ll be a breeze” Claudia assured him as she took a pair of scissors and the elephant trunk and demonstrated. 

“So it’s like build a bear type of think but with other animals but they’re decorating their bags with them. That’s cute”

“Yeah, so are you gonna go to the career fair next week”

“The one at the convention center?”

“Yea, I heard there’s going to be several companies there.”

[Resume-FEMA, fucking, and non-profit]

“I plan on it. Do you know if any government agencies are gonna be there? I couldn’t find a roster anywhere”

“Not sure”

They continued working while talking about goals and aspirations when he noticed an alert on her phone. Knowing the conference due to getting the same alert an hour earlier, he asked her how she knew about it? Somewhat embarrassed, she snapped “What are you doing looking at my phone?!”

“I merely glanced over!” he exclaimed before taking her aside and confessing to being involved in the worlds oldest profession “I hate it. One would think attractive people and pleasure but there’s no real live and frankly it feels like a modern version of slavery. I can’t get a decent date to save my life”

After a moment of silence, she admitted that she was a phone sex operator and that she worked in evenings. “I have a friend who also is in high class escorting”

“High class?”

“Let’s talk about it later? How about we meet for a drink after work? We need to get a bit more of this done.”

Meanwhile, Damon was scouting on the web when his eye caught the attention of a webcam modeling website.

 He though about his current life and how he’d mange to file his taxes. He normally got a 1090 at the end of the year. He also though about the repercussions of this and the thought that the clientele could  be from his local area. He had a flashback to being deployed in Germany where he and some buds where in a night club, partying surrounded by beautiful women. “We are like royalty!”  He thought about a conversation he had with his peer about wanting to serve for eight years and then retire and start college. Little did he know that half way though that time frame that he’d suffer a back injury along w/ PTSD from witnessing the death of a friend at the hands of a grenade.

He applied for work with multiple agencies and thought about how he could sporadically work vs checking in daily. With webcam modeling he could set his own schedule. With that in mind he decided to text Oliver.

“Who was that?”

“My friend Damon”

“So about how long have you with with this company?”

“About six months. I’m trying to start grad school”

They chatted while filing paperwork. They talked about politics, racial issues, economic issues, and the like. Claudia made for good company. She graduated with two degrees. She majored in English Education and Journalism and worked as a teacher’s aide for a period. She was tired of the work with virtually no pay. She responded to an add. Currently she works for a phone sex. One has seen the commercials late at night. She’s one of them. Definitely more conventional than Oliver’s current job. 

As he was getting ready to eat lunch, she Claudia asked him if he wanted to eat while they worked. “Sure” he said as he went to grab his lunch out of his bag. 

“We work with several schools in their special ed departments”

“What do y’all do?”

”We will be finalizing contracts for events mainly. But we do outreach and after school programs on social etiquette and speech practices our goal is to  help those with autism be as integrated into society as possible” Noticing Oliver’s garden salad, she asked him “you health conscious?”

“Yep. Grew up like that. My parent’s rarely fried anything, but they didn’t ban them from the house. My mom was always big on vitamins and drinking plenty of water. I practice that today, to keep things under control. Being a diabetic, I have to watch it.”

Shocked at the revelation she asked him when he was diagnosed. He was diagnosed at 6 years old.

“I’m trying to lose weight, but I find myself emotionally eating more than I should”

Trying to avoid saying anything that could be interpreted as offensive, he simply said that he had his days too, hence the reason he goes to the gym six days/week, doing a combination of cardio and weights. After they finished eating lunch, they cut more construction paper and bagged it. They filed folders away for about an hour when Oliver signed out.”See you tomorrow?”

“You’ll see me in a couple of hours.”

The sun was beaming as Oliver drove home. He rolled down his window and plugged his phone in to have some music playing. He checked the mail and saw the electric bill was in. “Shouldn’t be this much” he said “I’m never home”

He checked his email as well as his escorting profile receiving three request including one overnight stay. Booking these trips back to back, he thought about his weekly check at $8.75/hr at 25 hrs per week along w/ the money from the three client’s that he’d earn. He’d have enough to pay his final payment on his only student loan and to pay his car note.

He kicked off his shoes to give his feet some air and called his mom.

[I’m being nice. This place is a shithole, in fact the only reason my unit isn’t laden with roaches is because I frequently buy those foggers and then I have to open the damn windows and door risking my shit being stolen. Also, Bengal and Boric Acid along the cracks and corners have done wonders.]

He looked up and realized that it was time to meet Claudia. He traded in his work outfit for a pair or black cargo shorts, a zero-nineteen tank top from K-Mart, and a pair of flip-flops and headed out. He got in the truck, turned the air on and arrived to the bar 20 minutes later. Locating Claudia at a table in the bar area we walked in to meet her when the waiter took their drink order.

[She’s a pharmacy tech and she still needs to be a lady of the evening by night? I’m fucked-literally and figuratively]

She advised him to update his profile to include massages and casual dates at a lower rate. While they were talking, A woman walks up, dark skin, about 5′9, in her mid 20s. She spotted Claudia and walked in the sit next to her.

“Hey chick!”

“Hey!”

“Hello, I’m Aya, how are your doing?” she said as she reached out to shake Oliver’s hand

“Oliver, I’m good. How about you?”

“So this is the guy? He’s cute”

“He’s taken”

“Actually I’m very available”

After ordering a drink, she begin to explain to Oliver how she got into her current part time job.  “I started off escorting however a client of mine introduced me to a coworker of his that owned a matchmaking service. I showed up to a mixer I went out on one date. I never saw the guy again afterwards. That said, he did mention to me that he had utilized services where one would rent a dates for events. I eventually branched off and begin advertising on craigslist and the like.”

“So do you still...….you  know?”

“Sporadically, but that’ll cost extra.”

Later that night, he decided to update his profile w/ additional services offered. He decided to try out a couple of speed dating events himself. He might even snap a client or two.  Perhaps, he’d been looking in the wrong places, maybe it was time for more upscale social functions. His current evening work was not a glamorous job and frankly it was quite dangerous. 

[Prostitution can be traced back as far as biblical times. Not a new profession and it’s a profession that’s always been available for the money. Sometimes, we use it to pay off a loan or some sort of debt. For others, it’s the love of sex. Some just like the temporary luxury that comes with being one’s bitch. Me? I’d like nothing more than to settle down. I know there’s a way. It may take a while to find it, but I refuse to have THIS be my stop.]

STORY SYNOPSIS

CHARACTERS

PART 4 TO FOLLOW

[illustratedbydae]

Sacrifice | Caitlin Snow

Watching the love of your life die in front of you is never easy, especially if that happens twice. Caitlin Snow went through this with her love, Ronnie Raymond. She knew how painful it was to see the person that's basically your world to be killed right in front of your eyes while the shock paralyzed you so ...you couldn't do a damn thing. Caitlin wouldn't want for anyone to experience this type of trauma, so she made up her mind about how to save Barry's fiancé life. They all knew the day Savitar, their enemy, was going to kill her; Caitlin made Cisco vibe her to that exact scene so she would know every detail. Of course, her best friend didn't know her reasons, she wouldn't explain them. But he was always willing to help Caitlin. After making every detail of her ingenious plan, Caitlin decided to make a video, some tribute , to her friends in which she would explain her actions. It wasn't easy to sacrifice yourself for another, but the thought that Barry will be finally happy, made her sure that she'd do this no matter what; the guy mentioned above was the one who inspired her to be a hero, to be better; she was doing everything for him now. Caitlin was always sure that Barry Allen deserved nothing but happiness. So when the day came, she went to get the thing that was essential in her plan. " H.R? Are you here?" " Caitlin Snow! How can I help?" he said with a goofy smile " When you came here you showed us some kind of technology from your earth, the stick that can change your appearance for the others ? " " Oh, yes yes! Do you want to see it?" " Yes, please. Can I borrow it for today? I want to make some studies, you know. " " Of course , Caitlin. Here. " "Thanks. " she smiled Caitlin turned around and made her way to the exit; holding the stick in her hand she knew that there was only one other factor she needed to take care of. Iris. So she took out her phone and sent a message to her friend to come at S.T.A.R Labs because she found something that would help them defeat Savitar. In less than half an hour, Iris made her entrance. " Iris." " Caitlin. What is it? What did you want to show me ? " " It's the the other part of the building, shall we go? " " Sure, but first can I get some water?" " Here. " the doctor said giving her a glass of water she had already prepared; the thing Iris didn't know was that in the water were sleeping pills; so this way Caitlin would be sure that Iris would sleep for the rest of the day. After Iris drank her water they started to walk to "the place Caitlin wanted to show her" but not after half the way Iris felt sleepy and she fell in Caitlin's arms. " Maybe I should've put her in a bed first. " she complained as she searched for a empty room to let her friend sleep in peace. After making sure Iris was comfortable Caitlin locked the door and took the stick from her pocket; using it just like how HR taught her; she simply made herself look ...just like Iris West. The one who was supposed to die tonight. The tragic scene was supposed to happen in less than 45 minutes, so Caitlin, disguised as Iris, went in the main cortex and she left a letter for her friends and a video camera where she filmed herself telling exactly why she did what...she did. Sighing she left S.T.A.R Labs and went in the park where Savitar would show to kill her. She knew that on top of the building would be HR and Cisco , trying to shoot Savitar, and behind some cars would be Joe with Wally, but she also knew that their efforts would be in vain; Savitar would stab her for sure, there's no way to really change that. Caitlin was only able to save Iris because she put her friend's lover above herself. After this night she would never be the same; she would have to let her alter ego, Killer Frost, take over her body in order to survive, after all being a metahuman could be useful. Seconds passed by , but soon she felt a gust of wind around her and someone holding her back. " Don't!" she heard Barry's voice echoing around her " Please! Don't do this! " Barry tried to beg Savitar to stop killing Iris, or in this Situarion disguised Caitlin. " Now I'm finally free of you." Savitar said with a creepy magnetic voice Caitlin knew exactly what Iris was supposed to say in this scenario, so she said every word, but she meant them as well. " I love you. " she said scared A flashback of memories with her and Barry developed fast in front of her eyes; since the say they've met until this sad moment. " Hey, don't say that. You're gonna be alright. I'm begging you just stop!" " Barry..." " You Lose, Barry." Savitar said with an evil voice In that second, HR and Cisco started to shoot at the God of speed, same as Joe, while Both Barry and Wally started to run towards Savitar. But no one was fast enough. Savitar disappeared as a badly injured 'Iris' fell in Barry's arms. " No!" the scarlet speedster yelled in pain Everyone came to where they thought Iris was staying lifeless, mourning her death. " Guys.." " Iris?!" Wally asked shocked, she should've been dead by now. " Iris's safe, at STAR Labs. So will I." with all the strength left Caitlin took the stick from her pocket and she used it to change back to herself. " No,no,no. Caitlin what did you do! " Cisco cried " I'm so sorry , Cisco, I know this hurts you, but don't worry, you'll find a way to bring me back." she said, soon her eyes changed to bright blue and her hair to white, Killer Frost taking over. Using her ice powers she made fog all around them so she could, elegantly, leave them. " Where did she go?!" Cisco yelled desperately " Cisco..." " Don't you dare say anything, Barry! She sacrificed herself for you and your stupid happiness. Leave me alone. " with those words said he went back to STAR Labs, followed in silence by everyone else. * Where Caitlin's desk Was Barry noticed something else: a piece of paper and a camera. " Guys?" he said, moving straight to where these things were " What's that?" Joe asked " Something Caitlin left behind, let me read the letter first. " Barry answered ,still shocked by his friend's actions. Dear friends, When you'll read this I'd be probably long gone, after using HR's stick to pretend I'm Iris; Why I did that it's explained on the camera I left, open it. Cisco ran to where Barry was standing and took the camera from his hands, opening they all could hear Caitlin's voice. Barry Allen suffered enough, I think, so this time I should do what's best for him - save the love of his life, right ? Well, this is what I'm going to do, I know my decision would hurt someone ...Cisco, I'm so sorry for this, but you saved me once, you can save me again, I trust you with my life, okay? Don't cry over me being...frosty. Too soon? Sorry, I just want to say that you can bring me back because, as Barry once said, underneath all this cold I'm still me. And Caitlin will always come back at the sound of her friend's voice, especially yours Cisco. So don't worry, things will be fine. Barry I hope you'll be happy, since you have Iris now, she's probably in some room at STAR Labs , sleeping, don't worry you'll find her easily. I hope you'll be happy, Barry, this is all I could wish for. As soon as the tape stopped Cisco started crying. " Damn you, mate. This is only because of you. " he said coldly looking at Barry. " We lost her again to darkness because of you." " We'll bring her back. " " We? I think I will, since you'll be so busy kissing Iris all the time. You're not who you used to be when we met. I don't recognize you anymore. Now, excuse me , I'll go and try to bring MY best friend back, since you all are so happy Iris's still alive go celebrate. " Cisco took the letter as well and he went to the exit; followed be HR, he would help him to find Caitlin; and one day they'll find her, Cisco was sure, she was still his Caitlin and he needed her. Barry looked at his friends slowly disappearing into the dark hallway ; he felt guilty but he couldn't say that now. Not when both Wally and Joe were so happy for Iris's safety. Barry knew that he'll be forever thankful for having someone like Caitlin, but he wasn't completely sure he could be 100% happy without her in his life. Sometimes, life wasn't fair for him, was it ? Now he could only hope that Caitlin's sacrifice won't be in vain.

[booksbroadwaybbc]

The Epiphany That Fixed My Mid-Life Crisis via /r/selfimprovement

The Epiphany That Fixed My Mid-Life Crisis

Yesterday, I said I would expand on what I meant by challenge everything but I figured some of you are wondering what happened before everything "clicked"?

I thought it important to share that experience with you before moving on to challenging things. Theories don't make sense unless there's a good why behind it.

Hang on tight.

<hr/> I am by the far corner of the office break room, sitting on a stool staring out the window. My face shows my emotions and concern.

I'm worried. I'm stressed. I'm doubting my capacity to keep going. I have been pushed out of my managing role and on the verge of getting fired.

What the hell happened?

Where did it go wrong?

What could I have done better?

If only I have gotten support from others.

If only I could have gotten people to understand what I was saying.

The weight of failure, loneliness, and defeat could be felt if you were to walk in.

After a few minutes that felt like an eternity, I snap out of the trance and simply decide to take a notepad and write.

Reflect.

As I started writing, I only have one question to answer: what went wrong?

As soon as I write that question on the top left corner of the page, I experienced three flashbacks to my past.

Flashback #1

The first thing I see is a poorly maintained baseball field. At a distance, I see my 11-year-old self walking beside my dad.

It's my first time at a baseball field. My dad has been pushing me for years to plays a sport. I started with karate a few years before but I didn't like the physicality of it.

Today, it was baseball.

It turned out I had talent. I played well that day. Actually, I did so well that a several months later I ended up representing my country in the Latin American Little League Tournament.

For 9 years straight, I played and represented my country a couple more times. An experience that culminated with me getting an offer to play professional baseball.

Flashback #2

I now see myself in the back of a car. It's a white BMW and we are driving along downtown heading back home.

My mom is driving. She seems in a good mood.

I'm on the passenger's seat, probably thinking about what I was going to get for Christmas while I people watch those by the bus stop on the other side of the road.

As we got to the intersection, the light turns red.

When the cars stopped. My mom turned to her right and said, "so...what are you going to study in college?"

I simply shrugged and responded, "I don't know, maybe I'll do some type of engineering."

I was just going with the flow and wasn't giving it much thought.

A few seconds later, my mom said, "since you are good at math, a couple friends of mine said you should study actuarial science."

Almost immediately, I said, "Sure! Why not."

Flashback #3

I'm out of college. My mom wants me to stay in the U.S. and get some experience before coming back home.

It took a few months, but after dozens of rejections, I found a job. I was excited. I was eager to learn and make a difference.

Like every rookie, I jumped in to do anything I was asked. And for the first 4 months, my office was the copy room.

That's all I did. Print, make copies, get signatures, change ink, fix paper jams, etc.

Over time, I was given more responsibilities. I started gaining credibility and influence. I climbed the ladder of success.

I did what I was asked to do. I kept operating based on what my managers thought was a professional.

The climb kept going until one day I broke down mentally and allowed my frustration to alienate others around me and getting kicked out of my role.

Back to the Break Room

Why these three memories? What do they have in common?

Those three memories represent major achievements in my life. Yet, they all started with someone else dictating what I did.

Yes, I had fallen from the ladder of success. I was doubting my ability to succeed again. But, it was based on an identity based on a history directed by someone other than me.

That's how I got to the insight I shared yesterday. And that's the moment, I decided if I am ever going to make it back up the ladder, it better be with something that I decided for myself and represents my essence.

And the first step of my plan was to challenge everything.

  If you have read this far, I must have done something right. Nevertheless, now I can begin talking about my 5-Step Blueprint to becoming the architect of the life you always wanted.

Talk to you tomorrow.

Be well,

~Juan

Submitted October 26, 2018 at 07:12PM by juanononecoaching via reddit https://ift.tt/2Jkv8Xh