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merakiaes · 5 years ago

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REQUEST GUIDELINES

Are you wondering why I haven’t answered your request? Or why it’s taking so long for me to post it? What kind of requests do I take, and which ones do I usually decline? You will get answers to those questions here!

MY ONLY RULE:

If you make a request, anonymous or not, you have to leave a comment on your fic. (Read more about why here.)

This means there should always be a minimum of one comment under every requested fic I post - if I see that this isn’t being followed, I’m going to stop writing requests. Simple as that.

With that said, don’t bother requesting if you’re not ready to make this exchange.

TO THINK ABOUT WHEN REQUESTING:

Don’t be too vague with your request. For example, a request asking for a fic where “the reader is a character x’s sister”, or "the reader is shy” or”short”, is not enough for me to go on. I need a scenario, a plot, an action, an endgame, or a dialogue prompt.

Contrary to the previous point; don’t make requests with too much detail or too long of a timeline, either. I don’t have the energy nor time to write requests that are spread out over eternity and that would end up being as long as a novel.

When requesting prompts from my prompt-lists, ALWAYS include the number and name of the list, not just the quote. The lists you can request for are the following:

Fluff Angst Smut Kiss Hug Common tropes

Don’t rush me if I’ve told you personally that I’m going to write your request, or if I’ve put your request on my WIP-post. I wouldn’t do that if I wasn’t planning on writing it, but it just might take some time seeing as I have other things going on in my life, as well, and I have to find a balance between everything.

Don’t get pissy if you request something and I kindly tell you that I don’t write that kind of thing, whatever it may be. I’ve had to deal with this a lot lately and it’s really annoying. All writers have their own, individual preferences, and that’s their right.

Keep in mind all that is written above, and feel free to send several requests if you want to guarantee that you get at least one of them done - some things are easier to write than others and I always appreciate having requests to pick from depending on my mood and current motivation.

WHY HAVEN’T I WRITTEN/REPLIED TO YOUR REQUEST YET?

You’ve rushed me too much. If you ask too many times “where your request is” or “when I’m going to write it”, I’ll probably lose interest completely and if that happens, the writing experience will not be fun for me, but rather a painful burden.

Your request is too big and/or would require a lot more time and work than the “smaller” requests and I don’t have that kind of time or energy. (If this is the case, it will probably be deleted.)

I’m not feeling inspired/motivated to write for this character and/or about this kind of situation at the moment. (If this is the case, it will be saved until later.)

Your request is too vague, or I’m simply not able to picture it in my head, and therefor can’t put it into words (If this is the case, it will be deleted.)

Your request is something that has already been done by someone else for this exact character, and I therefor don’t feel like putting time into writing it. (If this is the case, it will be deleted and if I can remember where I’ve seen this kind of content elsewhere, I will link it for you.)

Requests for the character or imagine-type (fluff, angst, smut etc.) is currently closed. (If this is the case, it will be saved until later.)

I’ve written something like this before. (If this is the case, I will answer the ask with a link to that particular one-shot.)

Your request is too detailed; so detailed that if I was to write it, it would just be like I copied your request and added some more words, which in my opinion is a huge waste of time. If you send requests that are too detailed, you’ve basically just written the entire thing yourself, and leave no reason for me to write it. (If this is the case, it will probably be deleted, on the rare occasion saved until later.)

(NOTE: I rarely delete requests, but rather save them until the time comes that I have the time and/or inspiration to write it. The only time I really delete them is on the rare occasion where the request is literally several asks long, aka too detailed, or if I just don’t feel it, but I almost always get some kind of idea.)

HAVE I PERSONALLY ANSWERED AND ACCEPTED YOUR REQUEST OR PUT YOUR REQUEST IN MY WIP-POST, BUT NOT YET WRITTEN IT?

Well, then, there’s a 99.9% certainty that I have simply forgotten it. If I answer your request but don’t post it within 2 weeks, send me a message or ask to remind me, because I’m a bit all over the place most of the time.

WHY DO I NOT ANSWER THE REQUESTS AT ONCE?

My mood and motivation changes in literally .0001 seconds. I might feel super-motivated to write for a certain character and/or idea when the request comes in, but by the time I actually have the time to write it, the motivation is often gone and has to be built back up in its own time.

When this (read above) happens, I feel really guilty for having said I’m going to write something, and then not doing it, which is why I choose to wait with answering the requests until I’m actually ready to write it.

It stresses me out really bad to know that people are waiting for several requests.

Sometimes I wholeheartedly think I’m going to be able to write a request, but then when it’s time, I don’t get any ideas whatsoever.

WHY DO I CHOSE TO DELETE THE REQUESTS I DON’T WANT TO WRITE RATHER THAN ANSWERING THEM AND SAYING THAT I WON’T DO THEM?

I don’t like disappointing people and get insanely guilty for even the smallest of things. I feel horrible every time I openly turn someone’s idea down.

Back when I read and requested fics rather than writing them, I felt super-embarrassed whenever someone would answer that they didn’t want to write my request, so I just avoid doing that in case someone else feels like that, too.

If you want a 100% certain answer on whether or not I’m going to write your request, send me a private message.

If you notice I haven’t answered your request in a very long time, you can just assume I’m either not going to write it or that I’m saving it for later, and send another one. Chances are high I will feel more motivated to write that one.

A FINAL NOTE TO ALL FANFIC-READERS

Comments mean the absolute WORLD to us writers. Like, I literally can’t stress enough how happy it makes us to see that someone commented on our work. While it is true that writers should be writing for themselves in first hand, we DO have days where the only reason we write is to get lifted up by the positive feedback. If you’re to shy to comment, I get it. I really do. But if you’re not, make it a habit to leave comments on the things you like, because you could really make someone’s day. And if you ARE too shy to comment, send some positivity anonymously in the asks.

And this is even more important if YOU’RE the one who requested the piece of fanfiction. While we might feel proud of our work, there’s nothing as discouraging than taking the time out of our personal life to write something for you, and then receiving no feedback at all. Again, you can do it anonymously in the asks. Just, say SOMETHING.

If you read all the way to the bottom, THANK YOU! Happy requesting!💕

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howlingwind · 5 years ago

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01. what’s your name/alias you go by ??

my name is jeff !! lmfao (i don’t let memes die) it’s not my real name but i’ve gone by cody on tumblr for a long time

02. what’s your age ??

twenty. jfc i’m old. but also apparently a fetus??

03. what’s your zodiac sign ??

aries, which couldn’t feel further from correct lmfao

04. what’s your ethnicity ??

uhh mostly italian & sicilian, but you could probably point to any white place in europe and i’ll have a little bit of that in me. i’m also 1/16th native american but it’s such a small amount and sadly i don’t even know which tribe to learn more about them.

05. what’s your nationality ??

‘murican

06. what’s your favorite band and/or musical artist ??

i’m super indecisive about everything, so it’s difficult for me to pick faves (as you’ll see in a sec) but… mac miller, post malone, johnny cash, eminem, tenacious d, colter wall, kehlani, bruno mars, snoop dogg, elvis presley, justin timberlake, sublime, the rolling stones, etc etc there’s probably a lot i’m forgetting tho. i like most types of music except country. well, modern country anyway.

07. what’s your dream job ??

uh, i don’t have one? i mean yeah, i’d love to be a writer, or game dev, or a narrative director on a game, or direct, write, or act in movies or television, but like…i could live without any of that stuff. i just want to make a decent living, be able to own a house, not completely hate my job. yknow, not a glamorous life but a good one.

08. what’s one place you would love to visit ??

idk there’s a lot of places i’d like to go, but i’d most like to visit alpha centauri, even tho that’ll never happen lol

09. what’s your favorite tv show ??

i can’t pick that! but i love a lot of shows. general hospital, lucifer, the 100, supernatural, stranger things, izombie, south park, legends of tomorrow, once upon a time, arrow (at times), dragon ball, big brother, riverdale, chilling adventures of sabrina, that 70′s show, the ranch, umm… i could probably keep listing forever.

10. what’s your favorite movie ??

hmmmm, again i’ve got a list but… joe dirt, the new guy, why him, the waterboy, 50 first dates, all the spider-man movies, thor ragnarok, man of steel, 21 jump street, 22 jump street ,and a fuckton more lol

11. what’s your favorite song ??

constantly in flux, but the current faves are — creep by radiohead, stay by post malone, no below by speedy ortiz, unshaken by d’angelo, cruel cruel world by willie nelson, wanksta by 50 cent, shooter by lil wayne & robin thicke, stressed out by 21 pilots, self care by mac miller (along with practically everything on his final album), and i will always, un-ironically love only in america by riff raff. he’s not the greatest ever but that song is hilarious and always puts me in a good mood.

12. what’s your favorite sport ??

can i say rocket league? lol

13. what’s your favorite food ??

pizza, unquestionably. cereal is a damn close second tho. or pot stickers. damn, i’m hungry…

14. what’s your favorite face claim to use ??

typically, i’ve always really liked using paul wesley, chris wood, and matt daddario. i’m using lindsey morgan for the first time now though, and i really like her as an fc too.

15. what’s your least favorite face claim ??

to use?? um pretty much any singer or model just bc their resources aren’t too great. i really didn’t enjoy using pete davidson as much as i thought i would, either lol

to see… uh probs emma roberts or andy biersack. emma for obvs reasons but also bc i once had a really bad experience with people using those fcs. idm people using whoever they feel like using tho.

16. what’s your favorite character of yours to play ?? which do you think you’re most like ??

oh man, uhh i really enjoy writing chrissy & theo. they both speak to me. but tbh i’m not much like any of my characters? i’m boring af so i tend not to make any like me lol. i am kinda like theo in the sense that i’m quiet, and really just try to be a good person. other than that i’m most like jason solely based on the fact we’re both human lol

17. what’s your sexuality ??

danversexual. attracted only to fictional danvers women, examples including carol, kara, and alex danvers.

lmfao but nah i’m just a boring straight boy. well, like 99.9% straight. jensen ackles makes me question shit.

18. what’s the last movie you saw in a cinema/theater ??

captain marvel (thanks to dani lol). only two months late but it was worth the experience haha.

19. what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had ??

thankfully i’ve never really hurt myself too terribly except for a broken wrist, but between the ages of 10-17 i’d occasionally hurt my back by sitting weird, usually in an attempt to play video games without the glasses i desperately needed lol. once when i was like 11 i laid belly down on the couch with my elbows up on the arm of it for like three hours, which messed me up for days, then a few other times i hurt myself, but another bad one when i was 17, i had my back curved while sitting and propping my laptop up on my knee, tried to move and literally just cried, crawled on the floor, and laid there all night until i forced myself to move in the morning. lol luckily it hasn’t happened since i lost a little weight.

20. what’s a random or interesting fact about you ??

uhm, nothing? i literally can’t think of one, i’m dull af. i uh.. i replaced my own cpu cooler once? lmfao

21. do you listen to music while you write ??

sometimes. a lot of time i just like the silence or ambient background noise, but if i’ve got a fitting playlist for the vibe of what i’m trying to write, i’ll use it!

22. are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer ??

i’m a never writer, apparently v___v but lol ideally a night writer, my best work is between the hours of 12am & 4am, but my sleeping schedule is so inconsistent, and so is my dad’s who spends literally every waking moment of his telling me different stuff he wants done, so it’s tough to hit that sweet spot. i write whenever i get a chance tho.

23. have you ever roleplayed intoxicated ??

lol nah i’ve never even had a drink. like what teenager doesn’t have a drink at some point?? i told you i’m lame.

24. what language or languages do you speak ??

english, barely. and assassin’s creed 2 taught me some italian swears. and ac: odyssey has had me occasionally dropping “malaka” bombs since the day i first played it haha.

25. how long have you roleplayed ??

officially, about 9 years. i started at 11 on myspace, rping dragon ball z stuff. but basically about 12 years, if you count how from the ages of 8-11 i’d put an anime pic up on my myspace, pretend i was older, and talk to roleplayers i didn’t realize were roleplayers lmfao.

26. favorite roleplay genre ??

i like pretty much anything, tbh. as long as it’s well thought out, has an interesting plot, or whatever. sometimes it doesn’t even need that, it just needs to catch my eye or line up with something i’m looking for. but yeah, supernatural, multi-fandom, sci-fi, romance, town rps, high school/college rps, anime rp (well, pokemon mostly), harry potter… i’ve done it all tbh and don’t particularly have a favorite.

27. one sound you hate & one you love ??

the sound of cotton stretching is the absolute worst thing to me. or scratching cotton. idk, it just sends chills up and down my spine and makes my hands feel weak lmfao. i’m weird. i really love the sound of rain, or fire crackling, or like “ambient” harp or ukulele music.

28. do you believe in ghosts ??

short answer, yes. long answer… i’m pretty sure i was friends with a ghost girl as a kid?? like no joke, even looking back at it through rational “adult” eyes, i’m still convinced. my fam moved into a new apartment, and pretty much right after that i started having dreams about a girl my age at the time (11-12). i’d never seen her before but the dreams would be like just conversations, like i was visiting a friend or something. i don’t remember them much, but i do remember the feeling of someone else in my room all the time, like you know how if someone else is around you just know even if you’re not looking at them? like that. there was even one night i was getting in bed, laid there a minute, and then i could have absolutely sworn somebody came in the room and sat down next to me on the bed because i felt the bed sink a little under their weight, but i looked and no one was there. i had a really vivid conversation/dream/thing that night. then a few nights later, for the first time since moving there i didn’t have one. the next morning my dad was really freaked out and said he fell asleep in the chair, but woke up and couldn’t breathe, and felt cold little hands over his mouth. he rationalized it as just waking up from a nightmare but i didn’t think so, so that night when i went to sleep and saw her i got really upset, yelled at her for it, and woke up right after. then i never saw or heard anything even remotely similar again, like she left or disappeared or something. it’s so weird, and i know how crazy it sounds, but yeah. don’t get me started on the topic of ghosts lmfao. THEN AGAIN, like a year later we had a carbon monoxide scare, but i really doubt the two were related because that would mean there was an entire year that we were breathing it in and the monitor didn’t do anything lol

29. do you believe in aliens ??

no alien story, thankfully, but it just makes no sense not to believe in them to me. like, we probably don’t have them on earth, and we’ve probably never encountered any, but it’s as close as you can get to a mathematical certainty that there’s some other life out there in the universe.

30. do you believe in true love ??

like, people who are just meant for each other, like romantic soulmates? nah not really. but i believe that two people can grow to truly love one another. whether it’s based off an initial attraction/infatuation, or a friendship, or both. i’d actually argue that’s a simple explanation of the biological science behind the feeling of love, but that’s an essay i’m not gonna write lol. but there’s apparently a lot of different types of love, so i guess “true love” is suggestive?

also slightly unrelated but i don’t-quite-believe-in-but-am-open-to-the-idea-of soulmates, not necessarily as two souls who are just meant for each other romantically and always end up together, but more as two or more souls that gravitate toward each other to make up the important people in each other’s lives, like family members, lovers, or close friends. but that’s more of a theoretical idea/possibility than an actual belief of mine.

31. do you hold grudges ??

um, yes. lol i try not to, and i really do want everyone to be their best/happiest selves, but some people man… some people can take a long walk off a short pier lmao

32. do you have any obsessions right now ??

PO KE MON GOTTA CATCH EM ALLLLL. also… life is strange (thanks dani lol). supernatural. stranger things (thanks dani & steph) the 100 / clexa / becho (thanks steph). lucifer. captain marvel (thanks dani). the song “creep” by radiohead and all its covers (tom ellis, haley reinhart, etc). cyberpunk 2077 (thanks dani). as you can see, i’m easily influenced lmfao.

33. do you drive & if so, have you ever been in a crash ??

nope i don’t drive, precisely because i’d definitely end up in a crash lol

34. do you like the smell of gasoline ??

uh that’s a big fat no from me, chief

35. do you prefer writing fluff, angst, or smut ??

i like it all equally, i think. i just really like writing & rp in general. i did run a smut rp once in the past tho. it gets old quick tbh and is the one of the three i can live without lol

36. are you in a relationship ??

bahahahahahahaha no.

37. grab the nearest book to you and turn to page 23, what is the 17the line ??

❝ “and why would that be?” kronos’s golden eyes glittered. ❞

— the last olympian by rick riordan.

38. put your playlist on shuffle and list the first four songs that pop up:

1. season of the witch – donovan 2. riot van – arctic monkeys 3. busta rhymes – qveen herby 4. der kommissar – after the fire

also i gotta cheat because it’s too perfect that the next two are

5. stay – mac miller (one of my favorites ever that i forgot to mention above) 6. only in america – riff raff (i just love this ok. the video is hilarious but tw james franco for those that don’t like him)

#pandemonium: task #// i’m always last 😔 lmfao #// also this is like a mile long idek why so if you actually read this?? you’re a saint lol #→ por queue

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reaganyouth · 5 years ago

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Merry Easter bitches and Passover alike. Now go say your lords prayer about forgiving your debtors as you get ready to pay your rent, cuz it sure ain’t a Happy one

It's Easter and no ones at church, sacrilegious ! Maybe now people can finally grow up and realize religion is useless today. Priests are more pedophile then they're clerical. They used to be "clerics" in the sense they told you what day it was, church bells gave the hour of day because no one had a watch or read your mail because few could read and write, let alone count. We're told to expect a new "normal". Trump promised us deaths would be down to zero and we'd be allowed out for Easter. Instead only promise he delivered on was handing out hard working taxpayers money to corporate interests,none to individuals expressing their individuality. Only Rothchilds and Hapsburgs are allowed that while Senator Loeffler

and her husband, who runs the NYSE insider trade away on our misery. Think those fucks have cabin fever stuck inside their cities like some bird locked in a cage,only able to be let out and fly around the room, but never really free. This shit is, was and doesn't have to be the new normal. There are pyramids in Egypt, the Bible tells the "greatest story ever told" and it's so good it's still going on now. Wage slavery and incarceration, just like being an indentured servant is plain ole slavery, and slavery is murder. The White House has it's Pyramid just like there's a pyramid in Trafalgar Square or the front yard of the Vatican. Yes that Vatican that's not doing mass 'live" but on line, so you can't eat Christ's body or even drink his blood. Go out because you're covered in Jesus' blood and that protects you? What does that Bible belter identify with,the centurion that stabs Jesus' side? Now to get us used to being traced. Greenbacks are gonna disappear and your dealer is gonna have your info in their app. Out of town? Then download the app steering you to your closet local drug dealing spot. but until then y om the rich and give to the poor, the last mafioso not state sanctioned, no not Kevin Costner or even Robin Hood, but Salvatore Guiliano.

Go watch Francis Ford Coppola's "The Sicilian" if you want to watch a really crappy movie about Guiliano with no mention of that fact. My source, a Sicilian who drove me all around Germany so he schooled me on that. Fuck google search. But rent is going to be due. So what's you gonna do? I know some landlords are smoking crack and drinking while their beautiful daughter stays with them because they're out of work. You can't model now. Thanks landlord of my band mate, for doing that and not asking her for rent. But self medicating ain't gonna help. 99% of Landlords shouldn't die but they shouldn't get paid either. they are not our Lord and it ain’t their land. PROPERTY IS THEFT !. I'm talking about motherfuckers who would charge every human to breath if the could control the air around us. And what to do with them ? I’d suggest the Yugoslavian communist model of having the children of the 1% kill their parents if they want to live in a just society as opposed to Pence wanting U.S. to follow the Italian model of stop counting the dead. Now some will say “But now's not the time! To talk about this”. Too busy in isolation ? Or “We got to come together in this tragedy” By not having enough time to think of an alternative to the new normal ? Or by respecting the dead by ignoring them ? One NYC cop dies it's a big deal and all over the news. When 25 die they're a statistic. As for my view of the police I align myself in the same train of thought as Pier Pasolini. Now today Anarchists have someone like Cody Rutledge Wilson

but where are the Leon Czolgosz's ? He treated McKinley presidential the same way Lincoln and JFK were treated presidential. If it wasn't for Leon then we never would have had the only president with the balls to threaten to sic the U. S Army on the Coal Barron's and not striking miners.

But that president spoke softly and carried a big stick while today our president talks shit and thought it okay for America to get sick. Sicker then any other country out there today. China sure knew how to play Trump like a fiddle and all they needed was the best chocolate cake Trump ever ate. Don’t snicker at communism, it’s still going strong in China where they didn’t have to renounce religion because they don’t believe in God. God is dead and if you don’t know now you know. Where is our Nestor Makhnov?

Allowing prosperity for all while repulsing the 1% and greedy neighbors like Russia and Germany. Was Nestor Maknov the leader? No, just the head amongst equals. And what happened after a president last wielded power like Teddy Rooselvelt,

Americas most popular president of all time, well by 99% of it’s citizens at his time? Betrayed by Taft which opened the door for the KKK's Woodrow Wilson to be president. He instituted the banking system, The Fed, that insures the rich get richer and the poor get murdered as he presided over WWI plus the Spanish Flu and got rid of many unwanteds. Kinda like what’s going on today. Now History ain’t as big as religion here in Amerikkka so I’ll offer up a sermon or two;

If I were asked to answer the following question: What is slavery? and I should answer in one word, It is murder!, my meaning would be understood at once. No extended argument would be required to show that the power to remove a man's mind, will, and personality, is the power of life and death, and that it makes a man a slave. It is murder. Why, then, to this other question: What is property? may I not likewise answer, It is robbery!, without the certainty of being misunderstood; the second proposition being no other than a transformation of the first?

— Pierre-Joseph Proudhon, What is Property?[I]

That was some new testimonial for y’all

Ending it a real creation story

The first man who, having enclosed a piece of ground, bethought himself of saying 'This is mine', and found people simple enough to believe him, was the real founder of civil society. From how many crimes, wars, and murders, from how many horrors and misfortunes might not any one have saved mankind, by pulling up the stakes, or filling up the ditch, and crying to his fellows: Beware of listening to this impostor; you are undone if you once forget that the fruits of the earth belong to us all, and the earth itself to nobody."

DO THEY OWE US A LIVING ?

OF COURSE THEY FUCKING DO !

Peace Unto Us All,.... well 99.9% of us that is ;-)

#reaganyouth #easter #religion #pierre joseph proudhon

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mirajens · 7 years ago

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sweet as cherry wine

rating: m pairing: mirajane/laxus, mirajane/erza, erza/jellal found: ff.n and ao3 note: this is 99.9% angst dedicated to mE

Mirajane

Erza comes to me when her life is in shambles.

Perhaps it’s leftover habit from when we were young and there was nothing for childhood trauma and teenage plight except for temporary warmth in each other’s arms. I used to not mind it so much. I’d thought it was just a necessity. Over time, it nurtured my fascination into something much more gripping. I see it in other people, how they see red hair and go glossy-eyed. Of course, I am different. I don’t think about how she doesn’t really have much of a selection. Or rather, a pleasant selection. Aside from me, there are men who are more muscle than brain, used to satisfy passing lust.

I want to believe that Erza likes me best.

Often I find myself wishing misery on her. When the nights are lonely, my imagination is most vivid. I dream of men breaking Erza so she will seek out relief in me. I think of them grabbing her beautiful scarlet hair and telling her cruel things so when they leave her with a broken spirit, I will be there and she will love me. She will climb into bed with me and shed tears over all that hurts. She will touch me and kiss me and try to find on my skin and flesh what those men can’t give her. I will be everything she needs.

Erza Scarlet will love me that night. She will love me until she finds someone else to love and I will spiral back into depraved thought, wishing wickedness on her until it comes true and she finds her way back to me again.

When Erza weeps in my arms, I inspect myself for remorse for wanting that unkindness on her, or even depending on the inevitability of it. Yet, I find none. I tell myself, Erza is where she belongs. It’s regrettable that she has to suffer to get here, but the end is all the same. I have to be content with that. I have to accept the certainty of such; even if she cries so hard my pillows are damp until the next evening.

I imagine this is how thieves don’t think about which poor creature they’re stealing from just so the bills get paid. When I see Erza cry, my relief is greater than my pity.

She looks up to me, her arms circled around my stomach, her tears wet on my chest. “Mira,” she says, hoarse and pitiful. “You’re good to me. You never hurt me. I love you.”

I want to tell her yes, of course, I’m the only one who loves you, Erza. I’ll wait until your flights of fancy expire and come crawling back like a kicked dog that never learns. Erza will never know that in my mind, it’s dark for her and I intend to be the only light.

Instead of answering, I kiss the crown of her head and stroke the red silk of her hair, thinking she might love me, but she loves a lot of people, too. We’re not nice people, yet that only affirms my belief that we belong to each other.

Laxus

I know a pattern when I see one.

I know that when Erza leaves, Mira is at her most vulnerable. It’s not something I can stomach most days. Mirajane, that pretty little thing, comes to my door with bloodshot eyes that look more livid than sad. Even when I feel badly for her, I want to close the door on her. Because every time I let her in, we end up fucking and it makes me feel crude.

I know I’m being used when I see it.

Mira asks if she can come in and I let her. She knows her way to the cabinet that houses liquor that have been there since before I was born, collected by my grandfather’s father, passed down to mine, then all left to me when my family ceased to consist of gravestones. Mira shows me a bottle that I don’t think she knows how to drink and asks me if we can help ourselves. She looks like a girl who’s trying to be more mature than she is. I almost tell her this, and this isn’t the first almost. This game she plays with Erza is foolish and long-running; something children do when they can find nothing more meaningful in their lives. And it’s funny, isn’t it, how I’m playing right into it? Like Mira, don’t I wait for the inevitable, too, and benefit a cheap, meaningless fuck out of it?

I hold my tongue. I’m not sure I even want to deal with Mira when she gets even more worked up by me saying so.

I tell her to bring it to the living room and I go make sandwiches. The whole thing is kind of funny, objectively. My palms are damp while I build bread, ham and cheese. I know we won’t eat it same as I know that she’ll only wait the polite ten minutes before insinuating what she really came here for. Something nauseating roils in my gut and I imagine its dread. For what? Guilt for taking advantage of a confused girl? Unease at the notion that I am equally being taken advantage of and that when the lust passes, I’ll be left with debasing sentiments?

I join her and give her half a sandwich, anyway.

“I take it Erza left again? Jellal’s back in town. Must be why.” I don’t say this to rile Mirajane up. I just don’t know what else to share with her these days. It’s been so long since we had anything substantial between us. Things haven’t been the same since Lisanna died.

Gramps always said I had a stupid mouth. That I didn’t think of the shit I said or about the people I upset. I guess he was right because Mirajane looks mad. She looks mad before she looks cold and then she’s kissing me. It’s never been the sweet kind. Mira kisses like I am responsible for every shitty thing that’s ever happened to her. Sometimes, she kisses so hard she leaves blood in my mouth. Maybe I like it because she’s still here, isn’t she? I keep opening the damn door to her.

She’s already crawled onto my lap, foregoing the polite ten minutes that has been customary up until this night. I push her off so she looks twice as pissed as she is, and grab at the whisky she opened but didn’t touch. There aren’t any glasses so I drink right from the bottle, as if this scenario can afford to look any more gauche than it already does. It burns down my throat but settles warmly into my stomach, enough for me to face Mira again, though nothing leaves me prepared for the look on her face.

I get on top of her and kiss her so I don’t have to look at her anymore. Falling back into old habits feels natural when I don’t see how life has hollowed out her eyes. It’s easy now that I convinced myself enough that she wants this more than I do, and she wouldn’t be here if she didn’t need this so much. We’re all creatures of comfort. Maybe hers is cathartic sex with me, and mine is just her in particular.

I don’t even dare say it. I don’t even dare think it. That I love Mirajane, who only ever violently obsesses over Erza Scarlet.

Jellal

Maybe I am sick.

Something swims in my blood and it makes me tireless and agitated. I can’t settle down. There is always something to chase, some ghost to put to rest, an evil to be eliminated, a war to end. Or maybe I am just making excuses. Maybe I’m terrified of what planting roots will mean for me.

I don’t belong in Magnolia. I’m not built to bask in open sunlight or accept what life has to offer. I try to visualize being surrounded by friendly people but all I can see is how disappointed they will be when they find nothing good in me; everything in here is damaged, after all. I belong in the shadows where my only companions are wretch like me. After years of madness, I don’t know how to embrace normal. It will never have me, or I it.

I imagine life with Erza and it makes my ulcer boil, for how can I subject her to spending her days loving a wild thing? One would think repugnance of self gets tedious after puberty but I know how dangerous I am. How pathetic, how deranged, how obscure. Sometimes I feel like the only good I’ve done was staying away, keeping her safe on a pedestal.

But when she comes to me, I cannot stop her. I can make meteors bend to my will but I’m too weak to turn a girl away.

Just one more time, I promise myself. Maybe I say it out loud because Erza tightens her hold on me and I let her.

It’s not like I’m not already suffocated by her.

Erza

I feel all sensation boil down to a single instinct when Laxus tells me Jellal is in town. Laxus is a big man, but he looks like he’s trying to fold into himself, back against the bar, eyes shifting, sotto voce, giving me the location of a safe house Master Makarov keeps just west of the woods. His surreptitious nature eludes me; my mind is too busy figuring out the most efficient route to that cottage by the dead oaks.

I am a noisy traveler. My armor creaks and my booted feet stomp, yet all I can hear is the pounding of my pulse against my eardrums like a war beat preluding fateful demise. The cottage is easy enough to find. The thin trail of smoke coming out of the chimney makes my heart beat faster. He’s here. I know he is.

I knock on the door before cowardice eats me alive. I don’t know why it stuns me when the door opens and I see his face, the dark marks on his face, the shock of his hair, the disappointment in his eyes. He’s here and my chest decompresses. What did I expect? Not this, surely. It always feels too good to be true when I catch up to him.

I don’t know what to say. It’s been so long and this time is entirely different from every other time fate has bought him back to me. There are no more wars, no more great monsters, no more excuses between us. And what can I tell him? Won’t you stay? I’ve been trying to fill the hole you left behind but nothing fits quite right. I’m already begging. I’d throw everything away for you.

He already knows that. I’ve already said it too many times to mean anything now. Instead of forcing my mind to find something to say, I step into the small house. Jellal never turns me away but I imagine it’s just a small mercy before he disappears.

I wrap my arms around him and it’s a peaceful start to what will be a storm.

Much later, when we’re undressed, lounging on a hard pallet, with my hands roaming as if to memorize the shape of him in the dark, I try not to think about how sunrise will take him away yet again.

#Mirajane Strauss #Laxus Dreyar #erza scarlet #Jellal Fernandes #miraxus #miraza #erzajane #(what is the official shipname of mira and erza even????)#jerza #there was an earthquake and i had no internet for almost 2 weeks??? so i wrote a lot

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sunshineweb · 6 years ago

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Seven Big Ideas from Fooled by Randomness

I have been re-reading Nassim Taleb’s Fooled by Randomness. The book is about “luck disguised and perceived as non-luck (that is, skills) and, more generally, randomness disguised and perceived as non-randomness (that is, determinism).”

It’s an enlightening read in its entirety, but here are seven key ideas I have picked up from the book.

1. Beware the Hindsight Bias

Things are always obvious after the fact … When you look at the past, the past will always be deterministic, since only one single observation took place. Our mind will interpret most events not with the preceding ones in mind, but the following ones. Imagine taking a test knowing the answer. While we know that history flows forward, it is difficult to realize that we envision it backward. Why is it so?

…here is a possible explanation: Our minds are not quite designed to understand how the world works, but, rather, to get out of trouble rapidly and have progeny. If they were made for us to understand things, then we would have a machine in it that would run the past history as in a VCR, with a correct chronology, and it would slow us down so much that we would have trouble operating. Psychologists call this overestimation of what one knew at the time of the event due to subsequent information the hindsight bias, the “I knew it all along” effect.

The main culprit for our inability to acknowledge randomness is hindsight bias. When we look back at things that have happened, we see them as less random than they were. As they say, the hindsight vision is 20/20. Once we know the outcome of an event, we find it hard to imagine the other possible ways in which things could have happened. And that often causes us grave problems as we start expecting certainties in a highly uncertain world.

2. Don’t Mistake Luck for Skill

There is one world in which I believe the habit of mistaking luck for skill is most prevalent – and most conspicuous – and that is the world of markets … we often have the mistaken impression that a strategy is an excellent strategy, or an entrepreneur a person endowed with “vision, ” or a trader a talented trader, only to realize that 99.9% of their past performance is attributable to chance, and chance alone. Ask a profitable investor to explain the reasons for his success; he will offer some deep and convincing interpretation of the results. Frequently, these delusions are intentional and deserve to bear the name “charlatanism.”

A consequence of confusing being skillful for being lucky is that we tend to think it’s easy to be a successful investor. The ultra-successful, even though they are few, have an outsized effect on us. We believe we can succeed because they did.

The world of investing, like most things in life, produces success stories and failures. It’s human nature to wish to copy success. However, an ironic truth is this: To accept success, and especially quick success at face value without acknowledging the role of luck is a strategy for failure.

3. Do Your Work, Then Let Randomness Do Its Own

…risk-conscious hard work and discipline can lead someone to achieve a comfortable life with a very high probability. Beyond that, it is all randomness: either by taking enormous (and unconscious) risks, or by being extraordinarily lucky. Mild success can be explainable by skills and labor. Wild success is attributable to variance.

In general, the world is a disorderly place, full of random events. And the irresistible urge to seek patterns can get us into serious trouble when we take this tendency to the field of finance and investing. As investors, it’s important to know that we’re dealing with something where randomness and chance can distort the expected outcome in the short term.

Time and again it has been proved that majority of stock price changes are nothing more than random jitters in the system for which no explanation is ever required — yet you can find people obsessing over every minuscule movement and explaining them like kids spotting animal shapes in the clouds.

4. Don’t Be Blind to Alternative Histories

…one cannot judge a performance in any given field (war, politics, medicine, investments) by the results, but by the costs of the alternative (i.e., if history played out in a different way). Such substitute courses of events are called alternative histories. Clearly, the quality of a decision cannot be solely judged based on its outcome, but such a point seems to be voiced only by people who fail (those who succeed attribute their success to the quality of their decision).

We are blind to alternative histories – those silent events that could have happened but didn’t. In the language of behavioural finance this irrationality is known as Survivorship Bias. The outcome which is visible, ‘survived’ and the ones which didn’t survive are hidden. As Taleb writes –

Imagine an eccentric (and bored) tycoon offering you $10 million to play Russian roulette, i.e., to put a revolver containing one bullet in the six available chambers to your head and pull the trigger. Each realization would count as one history, for a total of six possible histories of equal probabilities. Five out of these six histories would lead to enrichment; one would lead to a statistic, that is, an obituary with an embarrassing (but certainly original) cause of death.

The problem is that only one of the histories is observed in reality; and the winner of $10 million would elicit the admiration and praise of some fatuous journalist (the very same ones who unconditionally admire the Forbes 500 billionaires).

Like almost every executive I have encountered during an eighteen-year career on Wall Street (the role of such executives in my view being no more than a judge of results delivered in a random manner), the public observes the external signs of wealth without even having a glimpse at the source. Consider the possibility that the Russian roulette winner would be used as a role model by his family, friends, and neighbors.

In effect, the general belief is that if the outcome is good, the process and decisions made to arrive at that outcome must have been sound. Alas, life doesn’t follow such straight patterns. The randomness and ‘external factors’ play a defining role in life and investing.

5. It Will Happen to You

…problem called denigration of history, as gamblers, investors, and decision-makers feel that the sorts of things that happen to others would not necessarily happen to them.

“It will never happen to me!” is a widely held but dangerous notion. Surely take some risks in life and investing, but only the ones that will not cause you permanent loss. Because sooner or later, it will happen to you.

6. Focus on Process over Outcome

Heroes won and lost battles in a manner that was totally independent of their own valor; their fate depended upon totally external forces, generally the explicit agency of the scheming god (not devoid of nepotism). Heroes are heroes because they are heroic in behavior, not because they won or lost.

As investors, we often struggle with judging whether a decision was good or not, even in hindsight, because we often only look at the outcome and not the process. The truth, however, is that a good process is the only thing that could help us bring the odds of success in our favour. It’s only with a good process that we stand a chance to do well in investing over the long run.

With respect to the investment process, Michael Mauboussin writes in The Success Equation –

…in activities where luck plays a strong role, the focus must be on process. Where skill dominates, performance is a dependable barometer of progress. But where luck is a stronger force, the link between process and outcome is broken. A good process can lead to a bad outcome some percentage of the time, and a bad process can lead to a good outcome. Since a good process offers the highest probability of a good outcome over time, the emphasis has to be on process.

7. Know Thyself

It certainly takes bravery to remain skeptical; it takes inordinate courage to introspect, to confront oneself, to accept one’s limitations – scientists are seeing more and more evidence that we are specifically designed by mother nature to fool ourselves.

One of the most underrated but among the most valuable skills required to succeed in stock market investing is resilience i.e., the ability to properly adapt to stress and adversity – either in the market or in the businesses one is owning.

How easily can you bounce back from a market crash? What would be your reaction to a sharp decline in your stocks’ prices? How many ‘surprises’ can you withstand in quick succession? How safe are your overall finances in light of extreme stress on the equity component of your portfolio?

See, as Taleb says, we are anyways designed by mother nature to fool ourselves. But don’t forget what the noted financial writer George J.W. Goodman – who used the pen name of Adam Smith – wrote in his wonderful book, The Money Game – “If you don’t know who you are, this is an expensive place to find out.”

It’s a wonderful book, Fooled by Randomness. Read it certainly, and slowly.

The post Seven Big Ideas from Fooled by Randomness appeared first on Safal Niveshak.

Seven Big Ideas from Fooled by Randomness published first on https://mbploans.tumblr.com/

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sunshineweb · 6 years ago

Text

Seven Big Ideas from Fooled by Randomness

It’s an enlightening read in its entirety, but here are seven key ideas I have picked up from the book.

1. Beware the Hindsight Bias

2. Don’t Mistake Luck for Skill

3. Do Your Work, Then Let Randomness Do Its Own

4. Don’t Be Blind to Alternative Histories

5. It Will Happen to You

…problem called denigration of history, as gamblers, investors, and decision-makers feel that the sorts of things that happen to others would not necessarily happen to them.

6. Focus on Process over Outcome

With respect to the investment process, Michael Mauboussin writes in The Success Equation –

7. Know Thyself

It’s a wonderful book, Fooled by Randomness. Read it certainly, and slowly.

The post Seven Big Ideas from Fooled by Randomness appeared first on Safal Niveshak.

Seven Big Ideas from Fooled by Randomness published first on https://mbploans.tumblr.com/

0 notes